Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous with Lee Mack and Sally Bretton

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

On this week's Please Keep Me Anonymous, Chris and Rosie are joined by the brilliant Lee Mack (Would I lie to You, The 1% Club, Not Going Out) and Sally Bretton (Not Going Out, Beyond Paradise). The on-screen couple chat about the new series of Not Going Out as well as a documentary, celebrating 20 years of the show. Of course the conversation goes in all kinds of directions including practical jokes, the etiquette of acting, chastity belts and Chris shares a story from the first time he met Lee. All of this plus a fabulous dilemma from one of our listeners! The new Series of Not Going Out starts tonight (23rd September) on BBC One at 9.30pm and you can watch 20 Years of Not Going Out before, at 9pm. Both will be available on BBC iplayer. If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch!  📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, you are listening to Shagmarginoid. Please keep me anonymous. And this week we are joined by the fantastic Sally Breton and Lee Mack from Not Going Out. Among other things, Not Going Out returns for a new series on the BBC from Wednesday, the 23rd of September, which is tonight. God damn it. And it's been going for 20 years. Crazy. Can you believe it? Fifteen series, 20 years. Incredible, absolute powerhouse. We had a lovely chat with the pair of them. It was fantastic. It was really, really nice. And I think you guys are going to love it. Sally's first ever podcast, by the way, world exclusive.

Not only is it its 20 year anniversary. There's also a documentary celebrating 20 years of not going out, and we've seen it, and it's very funny and very interesting. It's really interesting. There's loads of stuff that I didn't have a clue about, to be honest with you. Yeah, really, really good documentary. So make sure you catch that on BBC One and on IPlayer as well. So this is the jingo

Jingo We hope you like the jingo Bhabo do babadoo babadoo babadu babadu bao Jingo Yeah, you've got to think of a band now With a number, five You two, that's an F. There's no, there's no bounds with just a number is there?

That's five star? Is that a number? Is that a number? Is that in your jukebox? No, there's no five star. So you've got a jukebox? Yeah. Are you happy to talk about your jukebox? Because I want to know about your jukebox.

Yeah, go on there. I'll talk about our jup books. We're talking about it now. It's on. Are we on? We're going. We're going. We're going.

We do the American start where we just start already. I'll listen to American podcast once where they just start. And I was like, I just want to do that. And I'm obsessed with this new way of doing any sort of documentary. Yeah. You can't just go and we're here now. It always has to be the bit where they come down. I saw you.

And then they walk off and all that. A little bit of a vehicle. And it's amazing how everyone latches onto that, doesn't they? And say, oh, we better do that as well. Yeah. We better do that as well. what everyone else is doing. Standard specials did it.

The stop, now, standard special, there's not really any music, there's not really any buildup. They're just literally, the mic, the MC will just see their name. Yeah, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Lee Mack. And then they just walk out.

I'm old school though, I prefer the, I know, I like to know when I'm chatting and then when show business started. Right, you know what, the show business started. I think that, I think, I can do a proper, I'll do it, I'd like to see a bit of,

I'd like to see a bit of, yeah, just tell what. I mean, it's very casual, because he's, you're just talking off camera. She's just telling about the clock. She's telling me about the clock. There's no clock.

She's just going to tell when we need to stop to-old. And that's it. Okay, I'll look for that. Listen, we'll do it proper. Are you ready? Yes. I want to say proper. I'm more old school than you.

You're just giving me a big build-up. I want to band. Oh, there's no band. I want to walk down some stairs. Okay, are ready? I want to walk down some stairs. This is just chatting. Right, okay, we're going to do it, right?

Now, if you're old school, you'd now go, sorry about that. Yeah, you've got to do it proper. If you're going to make those noises, at least to have the decency to do the fart joke. I can't believe if you did it. I can't believe if a long it went on for. I did go on, I have to admit. I'm not done yet.

I'm not done yet. I'm not done yet. I'm not starting to think a band would have been more casual. Hello, you are listening to Shagmardinoy. Please keep me anonymous. On today's show, we have got the gorgeous Sally Breton and Lee Mack. I'm not sure about, I'm happy with that, Billing. The gorgeous celebrant and Leymah.

Okay, can I just redo it? The gorgeous celebrating and that honestly, looks good for his age, Lehmach. Do you know what, talking of age? A couple of days ago, I texted my cousin who's a dermatologist. Or she understands that world anyway. He says not quite knowing what her title is.

And I said, I've got this little skin thing. I just worried about, you know, you worry when you get to a certain age. We're texted her and said, you think that's all right? I think I should get it checked out. Well, we'll always get it checked out. But just so you know, it's almost definitely

and then gave a fancy name. and then said what we used to call, and two words you never want to hear at any age, but particularly my age, they're probably just what we used to call senile warts. Oh my God. Senile and warts. I'll show you later.

Seenile wards. Just on my head, just a little abrasion on my head. But apparently just called senile warts. Senile warts. I thought you were going to say age spot, which would have been upsetting. But senile is much worse than age and wot is much worse than spots.

Just when you thought the word, Cynale couldn't get it. any worse, you stick a waltz on the ends. Well, that's like if you, when I had a baby at 34. Wow, that's quite old for a baby. Oh, God. For what it's worth, I can't help myself.

I don't want to do this. I will let you off. It's like passing wind. I don't do it for a fact. You know I'm going to lap this up. This is going to be the best woman in my life. This is the kind of life that Chris tries to lead at home doing all of the jokes and it doesn't go down well.

That's fine. I literally got told to go back on too. I didn't know this. I got to, it was literally like, you need to go back around to that. Rosie, the kids, everyone. Been men, cleaners, everything, didn't they? Our dad joke would you be like, you know that thing where you walk and then you kick the back of your heel and pretend you're falling over?

Yeah. I realise now that not only do I do that to try and make the kids laugh and they don't laugh. Yeah. I do it when I'm on my own. That's mad, isn't it? I walk along, oh. Who am I doing it for? The man has got a joke for everything.

You know what I was eating a banana as he came in and he took the banana off us and showed us That's how I have to do a prank on people with bananas. That's great, pran. Have you done a pre-sliced banana thing? No. What you do is you get a banana, right? And you say to someone, have you seen these new pre-sliced bananas? And they think, what are you on about?

They go, yeah, they grow pre-sliced. And then the person you give the banana who peels it, and the banana is beautifully sliced already. And the way you do it is that you get a needle and thread. And you know, like a banana is sort of like a hexagonal shape. It's got lots of little straight edges. You put the needle and thread through one side, then pack through the hole, then the other little side,

and go all the way around, then pull it through the hole. You can't see the hole, but it's sliced the banana. Okay, yeah. That makes sense. Do that about eight times. Give them the banana. Let them peel it, but you never tell them. And what you hope is that they then go to Marks and Spancers and go,

so I'm looking for these pre-slice bananas. So they go, there's no such thing. No, I've seen it. You peel it, and it's already sliced. It's like, you know, you never see the outcome. If you do it 10 times, I guarantee one person will go and try and buy pre-slice bananas. Yeah, I think you're right. I think we need to do that to Robin.

Right, my 10-year-old would absolutely eat that up. He would love that so much. Yeah, he would love it. But then he'd want them, or the five-year-old would want them every time and it sounds like a right pain in the ass. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you wouldn't tell your kid either

that it was a trick. You'd let him believe. Well, I'd have to be, I'd have to get up in the middle of the night and pre-slice all the bananas, wouldn't I'd be sick of me life. We'd be like a new job. It'd be like a fucking elf. How much work are you willing to do for the laugh? This is what you've got to ask you.

You know what is? I'd stay up all night for one small giggle. I totally believe that. So Sally, you must be fully, you've been working together now for how long, nearly 20 years, it must be, 19 years? Well, we've done the show for 20 years and Sal joined in the second series. So you must be, I mean, impervious to this now?

Yeah, just used to it. This is it, this is Sally's first podcast. I know. You are joking. Is my first podcast. Oh my God. Yeah, stop. No, no more of that.

Sorry about that. Sorry about that. Sorry about. To do it the second day. Oh, what? Do you listen to podcasts? Yeah. I do listen to podcasts.

You are going to keep it. Yeah, you'll often tell me, oh, I listen to this thing. I do. I like listening to things more than I like watching things. I understand. So I'll listen to stuff more than watching. You put those days. Gone, aren't they?

Look at this. I know. It's all. I know, but I wouldn't watch something. I just. Wouldn't watch a podcast. I wouldn't watch a podcast. Yeah.

Full. on deadestown. But you have to know. But you have to know. Everyone else. We were the last sort of mainstream podcast to do the film and we held off. Rosie sitting there used to sit here. Tann on.

An old chagmaryd annoyed wansy. I would be in our pajamas. That was the joy of it. I left radio because they started recording it. The morning show the one of like we're going to record it. I was like I'm done. I'm out. You knew today was filmed? I didn't. Did you not?

Really? Oh, shut up. Just, oh, whatever. You're not, Sally, you're not impervious to it. You're not. It's because it comes such big and fast. I believe everything he says. She sounds beautifully gullible. I mean, she would, really, if I'd have,

I wish I'd have done the banana to her. Oh, she would still be asking them for now, 19 years later. I still can't find these pre-slice banana. Try little. Try little. I'm a bit gullible. Oh, yeah.

But I think it's a nice tree. It's just a, I like to think the best of the world. Yeah. And I always try, I try it to be positive. And then when people tell me things, I'm like, I would like to, no, I would like to write. Because you think everyone's going to fucking murder her. Well, yes, that is obviously going to happen.

We sit in a taxi. We sit in a cab in London, right? And the cab driver will go like, oh, oh, they used to fly over shut. I'm going to have to go through here. And I'll get a text on my phone and it'll be from Rosie. And it'll say, he's taking the pissy. He's just trying to rip off.

It's fucking, it's not shut. He's lying. And I'm like, what? And she's like, loudly. tells people or like she'll loudly go to a cab driver oh yeah Chris we work around here don't we don't but she wants them and think that she knows where she is yeah yeah you're the most suspicious and you think it's just to get the extra fee yes definitely happened yesterday did it yeah with who with the cab when I wasn't in that car is this is this is this just annoyed or do you

do shagda marries as well you seem to be complaining a lot about things married we used to do the shag part. You don't do the shagged and the marries. Now just be called married and annoyed. I think the way things are going it's just going to be called annoyed, isn't it? Just annoyed. I'm just annoyed, full stop.

Listen, anyway, you're here to talk about not going out. Yes. It is the 20th anniversary. Tonight. Congratulations. Tonight. Yeah, because this is live, isn't it? Yeah, this is live. This is film now.

This is going out live, isn't it? This is it. And our podcast work. And we watched a little bit of the documentary this morning. She's not, in it, she's in it. It's really good. It's really lovely. Yeah, it's really, really lovely. It's very sweet.

It's very hard felt. Massively interesting because I didn't, I didn't realise, after series three, I didn't realise you had a sitcom. It's nearly as Lee Matt was in it. It got cancelled after series three and there was a petition. Yeah. That never happens. I know.

I think we just, if you're going to get cancelled, we got cancelled at the perfect time were having a petition was a new thing. Really? Yeah, this sort of online world was still a little bit newer 20 years ago, so they had a bit more, nowadays, there's a petition every week for something. At the time, it was, I don't know of any other shows that were sort of like trying to get a show back on. It was the perfect storm of we've been cancelled and the internet is started to really kick off. It was pretty sort of social media.

It wasn't a social media petition, but it was like just some online thing, you know. So it was great. I love that, though. I don't think it was only because of that as well. I think that, you know, I like to think that they just deeply regretted our brilliance. Well, do you know what it is though? Can I just say that was a joke? You acted like I was very serious about.

I'm going to do it with all your jokes now because it's just relentless. If you don't laugh, then I think, oh my God, that's good. That's, they'll use that as the trailer. No, they brought us back because of our brilliance. Sitch coffee looks into the distance. A single tier just rolling down Sally's cheek.

I'm just trapped with this guy. Yeah, yeah. No, I love that though, that they'll listen to the public. Maybe we should do it for hours. I don't think they do that anymore. We got cancelled after too. Two series of a match. Can we see?

Your TV show? It didn't come back after two series maybe. It didn't come back. Nobody did us a petition, didn't we? You missed the petition peak. The window. It probably was a petition. But you probably didn't see it.

Never saw it. It must have been quite sort of flattering though. To get like so much... I mean, I don't think the word public outcry or misused in this scenario. I think it was public outcry. I remember bringing you and saying, we've been cancelled.

And I remember you giggling. No, she didn't. You were shocked. I was shocked. We were like, it seems to be doing all right. It's like it was after the third series and the third series, something happened where we thought, oh, people are paying interest in this.

I'd be recognised for the sitcom in the street whereas I wasn't for the first couple of series. Yeah. But I remember saying to you, I don't you remember this, but I remember in you, I've just got a feeling that that's not it though. That we might, I don't know, I just had this feeling that we might still

do something with it, whether take it to a different channel or whatever, you know. But it was probably just to try and be blindly optimistic. I don't know. You were pretty, you sound sort of pretty sure. You sound, I just didn't want you to be upset. Yeah. But I'd be honest. Well, you just sound like to say. That's nice.

Again, because obviously we're a married couple and we are a real married couple, but you're a we're a pretend married couple. Yeah. It's much easier and better, let me tell you. Yeah. Because when you're the right. I say everything he wants. wants me to say.

And as the writer, I can create how good I am in bed with my own imagination. I'm in force you, Rosie, you're, you know, you have to have the reality of it. We are shackled by the constraints of reality. Yeah, yeah.

I can be anything I want to be. And in the show, I am a fantastic lover. Fantastic. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, babadu, babadu, ba. It's on the 15th series, is that right? Fifteen series? It's been 20 years, but we've not.

we've just said we were not on for a couple of years and then we've we've not done every we might have done every i don't know sometimes 18 months so it's stretched into 20 years you know yeah so that's how to do you do you still yeah yeah why do i don't know you did a bit of like an intake of breath i want to say but i realized you weren't committed to the yes well yeah i'm just trying to help you you're exactly like a married couple is create yeah it was a bit like in the show when you do Love it. Can we see? We love it.

Tell the nice people how much you love. I phoned you that's not about this. Remember about your attitude? You should try and look a bit more positive on this one. We do love it. I'm not going to love. I do three main shows. I do my quiz show, One percent club I do.

Would I lie to. And of which you, of course, have been guests. You're a one man out on deck with a big three. And then we do this. sitcom and if you compare the easiest one which is probably would I lie to you to not going out which is the most tricky of the three in terms of hours involved it would take about six to eight weeks if you add up everything six to eight weeks per rep good god as opposed to three hours for would I lie to you yes so obviously one is just pure fun and one is a bit of everything

bit of fun but also hard of work and yeah I'm under no illusions people watching this we're going no it's hard work is it doing a sitcom you want to try working don't mind's me No, we watched the documentary and Chris's words were, fuck that. Yeah, fuck that. We don't want to watch the rest. No, no.

Fuck that, we'll just pretend we've watched it all. Just tell him we've watched it. No, it's so much. So I did a sitcom back in the day called Heaven and it was a single cam so it wasn't in front of the studio audience which I think would be more fun than single cam because obviously you're getting the laughs.

But all of the... Oh yeah, you're getting the laughs that would keep you going. Yeah, but all of the right... the test and then you do that thing, what is it, the read-through in front of the crowd, and then you do the block through. You did do the read-through in front of the crowd, so you're saying we do that. I'm saying you do it. Oh yeah, yeah, you don't do. Yeah, well, I've never understood what, particularly from a stand-up background, why you wouldn't be drawn? And trust me, that's virtually everybody and not drawn to it. Testing it out front of a live audience, because

you, if you, I don't know, if you do live at the Apollo, nobody would go on live at the Apollo with brand new material, wouldn't it? It would be the collection of all the stuff you've used that's working well, of course. And so I've never understood how people can go on having not tested it. But I also understand that nowadays sitcoms are more about the comedy of awkwardness and the comedy of awkwardness

and it's very hard to test out awkwardness, isn't it? Yes. We read a line, you look out and they're feeling awkward. Right back to the script, you know what I mean? You can't use canned awkwardness, can you? No, you can't. But if you know it works in front of a live audience, you know it's going to work in front of the studio audience

and then you know it's going to work on telly. Now that's not to say everyone's going to like it by any means, but the people that do like it, you know that joke will work or that moment will work. Yes. But despite all that, no one is making them anymore. Yeah, it's like a dying breed. It really is.

And obviously, beyond paradise is single cam. Yeah. Yeah. Do you prefer performing in front of a crowd or just and cut and go and pick your coffee up and come back in, we'll do it from a different angle? I like the, I like when we do the whole, Sometimes we do the whole episode as a play.

And we start it at the beginning, yeah, not going out, and we start it at the beginning and we run it to the end. Love that. And that's mad and that's sort of fun. So you're a little bit like at the top of the roller coaster and you're off.

And we quite like that, don't we? Yeah, it's quite, it has an energy to it. You can feel that when you're watching it. And it builds a bit. I like the audience, like if we do a slight mistake and the audience laugh at the wrong, I like keeping all those moments in so you're like,

I just burped. I did you hear that. We did hear that, that's done. Do you want that out or do you want to leave it in? Keep it in, okay. Do you mean the burt don't want to keep it in? It's too late for that. Do you want that out?

Do you want to keep it in? It's already out. You can keep it in, I'm not. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's funny that we're talking about making mistakes and wanting to keep the middle, and then immediately I burt, you know.

But the, if you go to the theater and there's a slight mistake, and they say a gag and everyone laughs and they'll better, I better wait from, you know, I like all that because you're filming a live event. Yes. And that's what I like about doing the live ones. Having said that, we once not only,

because it's like doing a live show, even though it's not going out on tele-live, but we did do a live episode as well once. So it was actually live. Jesus, like on the TV live. Live, I'm not talking about even with like a 20-second delay. Live. That's stressful.

Yeah. That's really stressful. Ask you messed up. No, really. Well, I did. Oh, no. Well, yes. But you know.

No, I said one of the lines was, but what if I forget my lines, it will be a complete disaster. Because in the show, we were doing a show within a show. So we were saying we were performing at the local art centre. Nice. So we sort of acknowledged that we were doing a live show. So Sal had to deliver that. But disaster's quite hard to say when you're nervous. It is.

So I said, what if I forget my lines? It will be a complete disaster. He's straight on me. Yeah, of course. Like a ton of bricks. Yeah. Burping all over you. And then.

We moved into the kitchen, didn't we? And he's looking at me and he is boring his eyes into my soul. I'm thinking, because I thought the next 30 seconds is vital. Because we were only a minute in at this point. We've got 28 minutes left of live television. And I'm looking at her and I'm thinking the next 60 seconds is so vital because if she makes another mistake, she could crumble. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But please don't make another mistake. Yeah, yeah. We shouldn't have absolute daggers at you. And I was thinking, I'm barely, I'm barely holding on here. So I was trying not to look at him, trying to remember, trying to ignore. It was terrifying. I would not enjoy that. I did like it.

And I wanted to, when we finished it, everyone was, like everyone, from the exec producers to the runners were all going, oh, God, it's over. And I immediately went, right, I've got an idea for the next series. They're all live. Every episode is long. No. Couldn't get anyone interested in.

Of course not, you're ill. That's disgusting. I know. I like the fact you can mess up and make it part of it. Yeah. You know. Oh, God. No. I agree.

So when you see you on, when he was on your streetway, was it just daggers and you kept going or did you like reference it? To be fair, it wasn't daggers like, you better not mess this up. No, no. I just know him. So, you know, he's. You know the look. Yeah, I know the looks. Yeah, I know the looks.

And we're doing the lines. But he's doing the lines like, please don't mess up. Don't mess up. Don't mess up for your benefit. I meant don't mess up for your back. So, Sally seems to think your eyes were saying that. So I'm obsessed with this. So the rehearsal time for that,

compared to the rehearsal time for a normal one, what was the difference? An extra week. One more extra week. And I can't remember where it was in the run. I think it was, I think, I don't know. It's not like we, if it was the first one, we could have had six months learning the lines.

But if it's not the first one, your mind gets full of the other episode you're then doing. I've got a feeling it wasn't the first one. But the whole show was full of high-stakes stuff, wasn't it? Well, I've just worked again, Rosie. Jesus, it's only, what time is it? What have you had to eat? Well, nothing to eat.

Oh, is that what it is? Sometimes you're a podcast and you're presented with food. Yeah. Like the pre-slice banana. But on this show, all it's been. I have a packet of pre-oche with four left in, if you would like one. Whilst we're doing this? You can't do it.

I think, listen to one might and eat them. I don't want to be too snobby in middle class, but the phrase that got me there was packet. I got a packet of them. That's not, I'm not getting a whiff of fresh bakery from that. They are pre-parksies. They were brought from home two days ago. I'm picturing a lot of sound problems.

Open in the plastic. See, it weird till after. But thank you. I don't want to sound. Well, thank you. I'll take one on with me. Oh, we can get your croissant. I reckon Csies, I reckon not going out Csiebys 1,

Lee Mark would have inhaled a brioch, but I think it's changed him. After that life. I've got to watch now I've got me see an al warts I've got to watch what I'm eating a lot of butter and a briarosh please keep the first bit in by the way I don't want that just to be left yeah no reference to see now

and how does briosh affect it we just turned 40 this year did you? You both look great you both look a lot younger than 40 have you had really easy lives wow no no because you look fresh face though people are saying that a lot of reason

I think we're happy you think that's what it is I think so I think if you're stressed and down, you look like shit. Well, I'm 21. That's all you need to know, isn't it? South 14. That's what happens when you work with me.

That's happened to be. So you've had so many guest stars as well. Obviously, Chris McCoresland, made of ours. You've had loads over the years. Who's been your favourite? It was been your favourite sort. I can. I can.

Well, do we love Bobby. Of course. But he's not really a guest. He was a regular. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you mean there's a one-off guest. Oh. It's hard to pick a favourite.

I want to say hard, of course we've got one, but we're not going to say. I'll tell you the least favourite. No, I'm not. Sure. I'm so excited. Well, this year for the new series. Oh, yes, please.

Oh, yeah. So we had an episode called Superfan where I'm in a restaurant and somebody that I know that's famous comes in and I harassed them because I want a selfie and I want to talk to them and all that. And we wanted to use a real person. We thought we don't. I don't want just a fictional famous person.

We want an actual famous person. It's super like an actual famous person. I thought who do I want? I'll get someone from my childhood and I thought who did I watch as a kid and probably the biggest show for me to make me want to be a comedian was the young ones. Oh yeah.

So we got Nigel Plainer in, playing himself. Brilliant. Which was a real thrill. I'm going, I'm in an episode with somebody that was in the young ones. That's amazing. And I said the first thing I said to me, sat down literally I just said hello and I went,

how long do I have to leave it, the rehearsal thing before I can ask you about the young ones. Oh. How long did he say it? Well, he was very good at promoting himself because he just went, well, you don't have to ask me anything. It's all in the book if you want to get the book.

Which is a good answer. But yeah, no, he was brilliant, Nigel. So that was a thrill. And also quite intimidating because I have to, you know, it is my thing. So I do have to say, I think you're brilliant. Oh my God, you're one of my comedy heroes. It's great.

Don't think you're delivering that line how I want it. Someone you have to have that conversation, don't you? And it's hard. Yeah. I did one on Bobby, didn't I? So Bobby Ball was, you know, he played my dad for years. Yeah, yeah.

And we did what we thought was going to be the final ever episode. The wedding. The wedding. At that point, the way it was commissioned and all that, that could have been it, right? So we said, let's go out with a bang, let's get married and blah, blah, blah. So we broke the rule of breaking the fourth wall slightly. And I said to Bobby, I want you in the wedding. I'm going to turn around to you and go, how are you keeping those trousers up?

Because the story was there were too big for him. How are you keeping those trousers up? And I want you to get the red braces out. And are you too young to remember? No, I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, the Bobby Ball. No, no, Bobby's Bobby Balls act. I know you know what braces are.

But I've realised, I'm late 50s now. So you... No, Bobby Ball. Was he part of the... Cannon and Ball. Canon and Ball, yeah, yeah. Well, he had red braces. It was part of his... Like a catchphrase, you say,

rock on Tommy and get the red brace and stretch them out. And it was... He was known for it. It's iconic. So I said, I want you to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, say to how are you keeping the trousers up and I won't you to go

do the look and give it the red brace a nod to the real Bobby ball and we won't say anything about it so he did it and I had to I'm known for being a bit of a control freak on the show and I said I had to have the awkward conversation going I don't think you're doing that correctly it's not how I remember you used to do them Norway he's still doing it because he's still talls live it on me and he went

You what? I'm just saying I don't think. He turned to everybody. We had a congregation of supporting artists playing the wedding part, you know, in the church. He went, I've been pinging these braces for 50 years and this fuck has just told me I'm doing it wrong. Wow.

And of course, as you can imagine, I was right. Oh, no. And he did it slightly differently. Really? Just proving that however awkward it is, just always listen to me. Wow. That was my interpretation of what then happened. Wow.

I had to say, I don't remember you doing it back in the ages. Literally, he's doing it for 50 years. You could have just said it's different on telly. Like you've got to do a different angle or something, you know what I mean? To get it more in there. Maybe. I don't do all that diplomacy stuff. I just do an outright day.

Sounds very good. You're like, yeah, yeah. He says, don't get, I don't want to do a part on not going out. Well, Sally will always say to me, and she's very good at this, because Sally's from an acting background. So sometimes the actors are quite... You know, I'll say,

can you stand over there for this bit? And they'll go, why? Oh, because the cameras. No, no, no, I don't mean why. I mean, why would the character do it? Yeah. And I always go, well, because we just sort of need you over there. No, but why would the character do it?

Does it matter? You're not even in shot. It's on me, and I need you to join the shot. So they can't see the journey of why you've stood up. Just appear. but Sal always goes, you know, do you like, I remember you once said to me about one of the actors, do you like what they're doing?

I said, yeah, they're brilliant. Well, then just go along with it. That's how they get there. That's how they get there by doing all that. Yeah, method, isn't it? You've got you in it from the beginning. And I've learned to play that. Yeah, just as, yeah.

Play that game now. I'm gonna say game, I mean bullshit. I've learned to do it the proper way. And I'll say, I think she wants to have a look at the orange in the fruit bowl because she sees the orange as a representative. Oh, I like that. Yeah, we'll do that, you know.

So, like... So, yeah, but you know what it is? This is a comedian thing because I was the same when I did the sitcom heaven and another, it was when someone would go, I think my character would react to you.

I'd go, oh, you want a fucking extra line, do you? Is that what you're saying? What you're saying is, you want to say more in this bit. That's fine, because I don't give a fuck. Apparently also, it's very bad manners to tell an act of their line. Oh, how to do it?

Give a line reading. No, to give it. If they're, if they're, if they're, get the line to go this is your line by the way. Oh yeah. I got a lot of shit on that. I knew everyone's line. So I was I'm all, I mean Lee, I'm also ill. Can you remember the first, just as a side note, can you remember the first time we met?

Do you know until you said that, I didn't know, nobody'd even met me before. Before when I came in and you said, Remember the banana thing? No, you, you, you supported me. Cambridge Junction. Back in the day, I mean, nowadays, I'll probably be supported you. But back in the day, you were supposed. You supported me on some gigs. That's not the first time we met, what was it? I think it was, yeah, Cambridge Junction.

Didn't I do, never mind the Buzzcocks with you years ago? Am I imagining that? Did you do it with Professor Green? Yes. And I was the guest host. Oh, yes, you were. Was that maybe the first time we met? Or maybe we met before?

Cambridge Junction, but basically, we were back, you got there a little bit late and I was already waiting there, and you were iron in your shirt, and you were trying to talk to us while ironing in your shirt, and you couldn't do both things once. And I went, can I have the eye, and I went, I'll eye on your shirt,

and you went, oh my god no you can't aim your shirt i went i'd rather iron your shirt and listen to you than what you're trying to do both of these things at once and you ironed my shirt i and you stood and told us whatever story you were telling us and i literally ironed your shirt for you and i literally ironed your shirt for you and give you a shirt right i don't remember that but thank you that's very because it's very me yeah i can't multitask right so i can't which ones you want i i recently because i love snooker right and when we were doing the sort of promotion for this they told us about the ones you know the best ones to do including this one right

but i said look there's one i've no idea and what effect it would have but can i do stephen hendry's cue tips which is which i could go on and he could teach me how to be a better pool or snooker player and that's why i'll do it i mean i've no idea how many people watch three listeners but i know it might be millions who knows but in our world it's not a normal thing to do so i go on uh i beat him at pool whatever it's not about that but i did have a look no but whatever and but i was like i was i wanted to play stephen hendry we've played pool and snooker i was never going to beat him at snooker but i knew i had a bit of a chance and he's small

at beating him at pool because it's not his game right and I'm taking the shot and of course it's a bit of a light entertainment show so Lee I believe you've been doing knock going out for 20 years yeah yeah I've been

yeah and what's it like writing and I can't multitask you can either have the shot or you can have the chat so can I just take the shot and then we'll chat thank you now ask you question that's not what we're here for Lee

no one's interested in whether you can beat me at but that's all I care of them. I would rather have not spoke to him at all. Just played the game. We did it on darts. Me and Tim Vine did comic relief darts and we are obsessed with darts. We're quite competitive with each other. Because it's comment relief does darts,

we had the little mic because they thought, oh, these guys will be funny, they'll be throwing the darts and having some banter. Nothing. Literally nothing. It's like, come on, mate. I'm not interested in the comedy now. It's about the darts. you. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, ba. You're riding in my shirt.

You're eyeing. So I'm a little bit ill, like yourself. You know, we're comedians, where brains work in certain ways. And I would go on to the set, and I would have the, what are they called, the little sides, what they call, the little, sides. It's got the script, it's just a little sides. I'd have my little thing of sides and would do a block through, and I'd be reading it off the thing, and the director I would go, first couple of days, the director, I was like, you don't know, you're not, learn these, if you're not, and I'll be all right. and I would read it off the thing

and then we'd go out and get all the cameras in by the time of cameras were in I knew all of mine and all of everyone else's lines So you're photographic? I knew it's written it? No, no, I didn't write it.

Jason Cook? Our mutual friend Jason Coop wrote it. And I just think and I went right It's got a really amazing And the fucking hated us for it right? And I'll come out and we'll be talking and I would forget the line in the quarter and I'll go oh it's da da da

And the looks I was getting And someone said, you know what's like Just let them like It's rude It's rude. Yeah, but that's because in their profession, because what they're saying is, in our profession, it's very rude to do that.

But you could say, yeah, but in my profession, it's very rude for you to tell me I'm being rude for telling you. So what can I do? Where were you then? Yeah, yeah. Unbelievable. No, you were a different person then. I was.

You were quite arrogant. Yeah, you learn to play the game a little bit more. I mean, I know I'm not. Sally's a much better actor than me. I know that, but I'm still having a go, right? Couldn't say that about any other art form, could you? Yeah. I had to go at the ballet last night.

I had a go. It wasn't great, but I had a go, it was all right. People go, no, you weren't. You couldn't have had a go. I had to go at the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. I'd never played the violin, but I gave it a back. But acting, I mean, anyone could have a go. You might not be great, but still have a decent stab at it.

You know what I mean? You work with him for 19 years, what the actual fuck? No, listen, you've got a story, I think. Who's got the story? Sally, you've got it. You've got the story. Let's hear your best acting. Yeah.

Oh, hello. All right. This is the dilemma. I'm not sure we don't... There's an arm missing off your glasses. I know it got... Oh no! Oh no! You do not leave.

You don't pay them enough. Wow. This is tragic. One arm missing. Hang on, honestly. It's like getting the cast of last of the summer wine, on it. It's like things missing.

Why do you hold it like an old school, like a muscle? Oh, lovely. And I'm glad they can see this time as well. I just want to clarify one more time. You definitely knew this was filmed. Right. Oh my God. Wow.

Apologies, anyone listening to just the audio, you have to go on YouTube and check what's going on here. That is hilarious. The arm's missing. Of the glasses, I mean. She hasn't forgot her arm. Okay, so I just read it. Yeah, we do know what it is.

It's from our listeners. We've got no idea what this is. They send us in some... Okay. Wacking, wonderful things. All right. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Please keep me anonymous.

On the 30th of September, a few years ago, I was at work in the city centre, and after work, I was due to meet my family for a meal to celebrate my mum's birthday. I realised I'd forgotten to pick up my mum's present when running out of the house that morning, and I wouldn't have time to go home and then get back to the city in time for the meal. No problem, though. I asked my brother to call at my place and grab it, as he only lived a couple of streets away and had a spare key. The evening went Well, mum loved her present, but my brother kept giving me and my husband funny looks. When I asked if everything was okay, he just said, sure, and changed the subject.

At 11 o'clock, my husband and I made our excuses and headed home. When we arrived, I noticed something on the table that my brother must have seen when he collected the gift earlier, explaining why he had been giving me funny looks. I can't take your situation. I'm so sorry. Is there anything else? Well, there is, but it's another page. So I thought we might like to think about that.

Oh, before we move to the next thing. So we're going to work out what it is. This is a fun part of it. Oh, I see. So there was something in that house, wasn't there? This could be a not going out sketch. This could be a, I went to pick up the thing and what was on your table.

What was on the table? What was on the table? Don't want to talk about? What was on the table? What was on that house? I mean, I'm straight away going to sex toy. There we go. You're going sex toy?

We know we're listeners. Coffee table. Oh, okay. Maybe the coffee table is the sex toy. I think you know what I'm saying Yeah You know what I mean Matt

Is there any information about What the coffee table was made from It's glass I think you know what I'm saying Yeah Mirrored glass No mirror glass wouldn't work would it I did let me just picture that

Oh no mirrored As long as the mirrors on the top Not the bottom Yeah I did So then they both enjoying them I did never mind the Buzzcox Christmas special With Greg Davies

Hosted now on Sky Oh you remember that one do you Cheers Yeah Yeah Oh shortly You'll be upset about that all day. I'll text you about this late. I said,

I'll be like, I'm going to talk, good, blam it. It's a big day for me, that. I remember thinking it was bonded. Oh, you did. Very one-sided, very one-sided bonden. And there's a story of an old pop star who used to do that for money. The coffee table.

Yeah, the coffee table. For money? Yeah, the, the, the pooing on top of a coffee table. What point is with me? Yeah, just to be clear, the person that's getting paid there, are they the poo-the-poe? The poo. I heard the story years ago, and I went to see it, and

someone said, I think it was Greg or someone who went, every Christmas special, we try and tell that story and every year we have to take it out. It was a famous person who sung a Christmas song who said they'd done it in the past and got paid for it. Paid, that's the bit that's getting to me. I would say, I mean,

I remember once doing a gig in Hong Kong and they had these alien heads and I bought some off the market and I was with Ed Byrne, the comedian Ed Byrne. Yeah, yeah. I said, I love those alien heads and I suddenly got chatting to them. They're so good. I reckon I could go back, make a cast of these, and sell at boot sales and Ed went is the comedy not working out for you but I'd say

that what you just told us has taken up to a new level yeah they take old school only fans though isn't it yeah for shit last yeah yeah so what do you think it is what do you think it is Lee well now you got me thinking it must be some sort of sex toy yeah that's the I'd rather something more disd my brain immediately goes to something like dead cat that they haven't bothered clearing up yeah or something like um like a you know and yeah and a Sorry? An ear.

An eerie. An obituary for the brother who isn't dead yet. Wow. He's went to pick the thing up and there's a, you know, or they've mocked up a headstone for him or something like that, maybe. That would be dark. And he's not dead. Would you send that story into a podcast, do you think?

If we're going to keep you anonymous, you would. Go on. I'm trying to know. What is it? Well, my husband and I have a relationship where he is dominant. You're right. And I'm submissive. We love it.

and it works for us. My husband and I had decided that I was going to take part in Loctober with him holding the key. He had left a chastity cage. Cage. Cage?

Cage? Cage. Cage. Well, you get in the cage? You put the cage on. It's October! The cage goes round your nether regions or you get in the cage.

Or maybe it's just caged vagina. I should point out at no point in this thing have we heard whether it's two men. It's had husband. It could well be. But the man could be a man telling about his husband. It could be a woman talking about her husband. Caged vagina is actually Rosie's new band, Nym.

Album out next month. Let my pussy scream. It's so different to do with Parkinson's. There's similarities. We're trying our hardest to be. All right. He had left a chastity cage on the table when he had left for work

to remind me that he would be putting it on me. at the stroke of midnight ready for a month without release. If it's on the table, it must go around the nether regions. Right, so let's first go on. Google Chastain. Anyway, go on, what's the rest of the... Well, now I understand my brother strange looks. I've never made it.

Oh, you mean you're still doing the thing, or you're just chatting down? I've never mentioned it, and neither has he. I've never told my husband what my brother saw either. Do you think I should confess to my husband or let sleeping dogs lie? Let's just, no, never mention it again. Wow. Well, let's, before we even move on to whether he should tell, what is a chastity cage?

I need to know. It's like a chastity belt, like an old-fashioned. Yeah, but you say like a chastity belt, like we've all got them in our course. I know what a chastity belt is, but I've always been slightly fascinated by them as well. We need to know, to try and picture it. Are we talking about a man or a woman? But this says, ready for a month without release. But what, how are you strapped?

Let's say it's, how you put claws on on top of that? A month. Month. But if it's around, I'm picturing, right, that it must go on like some sort of, if it's a cage. Oh, I'm going on. You're being handed a... Oh, we've got a picture of it. No, let's see it, please.

Oh, is it a... They're fellas. They're both fellas and it's a... How do you know they both fellas? Because a chastity cage is a... That's two fellas. Wow. You know what?

I'm really into my gardening at the moment. That would be a lovely cage for some marrows. You know what I mean? We love our case. If you wanted your marrows to grow in a certain shape. Right, so that's going on. Oh, and there's the... And then there's the belt.

So that's going tight. I'll say it. going tightly around the shaft. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's going tightly around the shaft. Are the testicles sort of being pushed through, do you think? Or are they on the... I mean, I hope they're not going on holiday.

Through the metal scanner? Yeah, you've got no chance. Yeah, yeah. That's awful. So that's a month without any sexual activity? Not yourself, not someone else, nothing. Because also that, it's metal, but it's metal, I don't know if you're going to be showing this picture, but should I describe it in case you don't?

Definitely. For the audio book. It's the shape of a cage, but in the shape of a flaccid penis. Yes. So if you were to get a rouse, you could cause yourself an injury. Yes.

Or it would look like a ball man trying to escape from prison. Sally, are you enjoying your first podcast? Sorry, Sally. It's just a highly successful actor. So that goes on. Now, I'm assuming that if it stays on for a month, when you go to the loo, you have to sort of weave through the cage.

Well, I imagine I'd try to cage. We threw the cage rather than a, solid closed device otherwise. All right. So it is two fellas. Definitely two fellas. You never know. It might be a woman with...

I've all let ourselves go, haven't we? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, thank you. So they've seen that. And the thing about that device is, it's so specific in its shape. Yeah.

What you can't say is, oh no, I keep the gerbil in that. Because you're very good point. Yeah, it's not a budge kid, is it? You know what? If it had been a female trusty belt, you could have got away with, Do you know what is a female basketball look like? Is it what I'm imagining, which is something that goes around the waist and then goes underneath?

Yeah. It could be a hangar basket. No, that's definitely. I've any ever seen a female chastity belt in films? Yeah, yeah. You can carry-on films. So I'm imagining that's just been made as a prop and they're not really like that. Because when I saw one on a carry-on, I think it was a carry-on film.

I remember thinking, yeah, but you could still get in through the side. That's what I thought, if I'm going to be honest, because I thought it was quite narrow at the bottom. Don't mean. You could still, do you know what I mean? I don't understand the kink with that. I'm going to have to make some phone calls. Understand the what? The kink.

Oh, I mean the pleasure? Yeah, well, you've opened a can of worms there, haven't you? I mean, I spend my life saying things like that. I just go, why? I just, every time I hear about anything like this, I just assume I'm the most boring human being who's ever lived. What's wrong with once a year at Christmas and keep it simple? You know what I mean?

I just don't understand. The one I've learned not to do anymore is the amount of times I've had a conversation in the past or I've been in a social situation where I've said it's usually in the news that some of the someone's been released, a tape, a sex tape or something. And I've always gone, who's filming themselves? Who's doing that? Because to me, if you film yourselves, the only people that are going to watch it, unless it's been deliberately released. Some of these people have done.

But if it's just the Pamela Anderson one, which was stolen or whatever. Who is watching that? It can only be you. Are you getting aroused by yourself? Yes. It's narcissistic. It's so much narcissistic. I don't even like an accidental reflection in the mirror.

No. Puts me right off. We're at full light out. Completely. Who's going? Do you want to watch what? We're watching tonight. Toy Story 3.

Oh no, what about that sex tape we made? Oh yeah, let's watch that. It's such an unusual thing to what to do. I love that the other. Option was Toy Story 3. I think I went sex toy in my head. I think that's where I was going. That would be great on Toy Story,

wouldn't it if they used a sex toy as one of the animated animals. Animated things. My six would be great, wouldn't it? You know, Woody, which is an ironic name, given what we're talking about. To infinity and beyond, Woody. And then in the corner, you'd hear this, the little eyebrows shaking on the face of it.

But when I've told that story in the past, I've always felt in social situations, there's a slight uncomfortable silence of people going, oh no, no, no, we do that. Really? Yeah, yeah, oh yeah. I've always felt that, or you get that person who will go, yeah, but, you know, each to their own.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah, they've got that on, they're sitting there with one of them. No, we guarantee there'll be people listening to this going, what's wrong with that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And again, as we all say, people say, don't kink shame,

I reserve the right to shame you. You will kink shame. I reserve the right to do it. Oh, great. each of the round. Oh, that's awkward, because that's awkward. You're saying you don't film yourself having sex, but you do. Maybe I do.

So how does that work? Films just her, cuts me out. Yeah, yeah. That's not the version I was thinking of. Putting a modi over you say. We've got to go. It's been a pleasure. I've got you excited now.

You need to go somewhere. We need to listen to this. All right. We're losing this chest of your belt. We need to use these cameras for something else. You know what that chest and I are doing actually doing our chestnutty belt is actually really good for. keeping your banana still while you're sewn through it that's good yeah you make it through the rectangle that would be a hard song you have to keep the banana fit in

you mentioned 16 days a call back 15 now 59 we've got a call thank you so much and best of look with the new series thank you guys and long may continue cheers