Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous with Mel Giedroyc

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

On this week's podcast Chris and Rosie are joined by the wonderful Mel Giedroyc. Mel joins the pair the day after The BAFTAS and has a brilliant reveal about her outfit. They discuss award ceremonies, talking Italian and Mel shares her TMJ problem post Last One Laughing... We hear a story from a SMA and there's even some Strictly chat! As well as this Mel talks about her brilliant podcast, Where There's a Will There's a Wake which is available every week, wherever you get your podcasts! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can working at your local Tims take you further? Sure, you can level up your teamwork skills. You also get a chance to receive a Tim Hortons Scholarship Award. Ready for what's next? Apply today at careers.timhorins.ca. Hello, you are listening to and watching Shagmarinaud. Please keep me anonymous. Hello, yes.

And this week's phenomenal guest is the brilliant. Do you know what? I'm going to say it, National Treasure. Oh, yeah. National Treasure? For sure. The brilliant Mel Gideroich. Mel is on promoting.

her podcast, where there's a will, there's a wake. Which sounds fantastic. She's on talking about all kinds of stuff. She's just such a nice woman and also super talented. Incredibly funny. So listen and enjoy. And if you're watching on YouTube, subscribe. Thanks.

Let that subscribe. Smash that subscriber. Man. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the Jingle.

We hope you like the jingo do do do jingo Babadoo babado do babadoo babadoo babadoo bahadu bago Jingo Clostes wasn't you and me have I been told this story so many times that we were in a soft player once and a child went down with a full nappy

and just left a big... Oh did someone wrote in. Massive streak. Big streak of shit down. Oh no, that was me! Oh, was that you? That was me. All right, yeah, yeah.

They went down the slide and there was just a streak of shit after them because they just had a napy on and it was one the most disgusting things I've ever seen. I've pulled Robin out of that softwa. We are nearly out of soft-plated. We are nearly out of soft-ball. Oh, guys, you've not got long to go.

No, not long. I tell you what it is. It's the noise as well. It's that very particular sort of, I mean, it's, I don't know what, you can't even call it a tone. Tinny, like, yeah, it's just like, it's, oh my God, it's so intense.

I used to work in a nursery in the two to three room. Oh, and that was the same. Oh, wow. I'm lucky now because me and my, mates take our youngest to the soft play because my two mates have got kids

exactly the same age so there go so we've just past the age the stage of I won't go in with them so I'm not

yeah they're safe I don't crawl around anywhere now that can play on their own that's fine so I'm nearly out of going there

at all but I just love that moment where one kid starts trying and you see every single dad and ma'am

on the tables just do the me a cat where they're like is that Mike you hear a cry you're like is it mine

not mine sit back down back on your phone I took a niece actually to a climbing wall I sort of thought I'm going to be fun auntie and I said yeah I'll take her and her five mates to a climbing wall this was a couple of weeks ago what do you drive a boss?

We did it in two cars right right two cars and my God that was a throwback to dark times that it was so a wider did I ever say? But that's a dangerous. Dangerous. And really fallhardy. And it's also somebody with a massive midlife crisis on the go, thinking I can still climb up on the world.

Oh, so you had to go with it. Well, I sort of thought, you know, fun auntie had to. And then by the end, hatchet faced, totally humorless, sort of shouting, do you what I mean? Sort of shouting everybody. Just really awful. They'd be like, she's actually on the telly and she's quite funny. She's horrible She's horrible in real life

She's and really humiless Really humiless Yes That's it always so embarrassing Talking about embarrassing Go on I've just heard I haven't actually spoke to you about this

Yes I just heard out there Last night you were at the bathtubas last night Yes Did you leave your backpack on Yes I did To go and give the award to Maryberry Yes I did

What do you mean? I've got a very light little, it's like a, you know, like a school gym bag. So it's like a GD sports drawstring bag. Yes, you get your trainers in, yeah. Yeah. So my niece made it for me. I love my niece.

Another niece, not the climbing wall knees. Yeah, fuck her. You never seen her again. Dead to all of us. Yeah, carry on. Sorry. This niece, Rosie, is her name. Oh, nice.

Lovely. She's super talented. She made that bag for me when she was 14 years. Oh, that's lovely. That's sweet. She's brilliant with a sewing machine. She's not I mean. She's just got that talent. Love that.

Anyway, so I always wear the backpack. It's just part of life every day. Gorgeous. Anyway, you've been to these awards dues and they're delightful. They can be absolutely great. But it's like it's mayhem, isn't it? Yeah, it's horrible. Thousands of people backstage.

Chaos. And I get a bit funny if I leave my stuff. I kind of think, will I find it again? Yeah. I mean, it'll get moved. It'll get moved. When I get home, I've got my keys in there. And there's actually something I'm trying to learn.

There was just a piece of paper. And I had to learn some words. And I thought, well, I need, you know, anyway. Yeah, of course, of course. So I kept it with me at all times. And then I just popped it on the back, forgot about it. Went from, you know, pillar to post. And blow me down.

Literally, Greg Davis went, and Mel and Sue. Two steps onto the stage. And I thought, the backpacks on. I thought, yeah, it's too late. A white suit. with feather trim. And I just thought, let's just, let's get on with this. Did you mention it at all? Yes, I did.

Okay. I got to the lectern and I thought it's going to look really odd because there are two bits of quite dirty rope. Just, um, sort of. I need a one. I've watched it yet. Across the pristine. We'll get the pictures up here as you're watching now on YouTube.

We'll get this up. We'll get the images up. That's brilliant. Oh, you're keeping it real. You're keeping it menopausal, I would say, Rosie. It's just that anyway. Sometimes you've just got to go with it, haven't you? Yeah.

Do you know what? Humanise. Everyone's a human. Like, sometimes these things, they become where people aren't. And it's all sort of like... Gets a bit sanitised. Yeah. And I love that.

I love that. You just left your bag on. So what? You know? Yeah. I sort of did think. I think Sue made a quip about a security alert or something.

I can't remember. I was just, it's all a bit, it's all a bit fudgy. Anyway, the phone was on, everything. Phone was on. Wow. Anyway, all good. Was it a good night or than that? Do you know, I feel, because I said a couple of days before,

I'm going to the BAFTAs and my friend was like, oh, my God, oh, you're going to see blah, blah, blah. And I was, I felt really old and jaded and miserable and hatchet-faced by going, yeah, because it sounds really. spoiled when you say Yes. Because it's a privilege to be able to go. It's such a bloody privilege.

I think maybe the first time you go but then I say Jada by saying oh darling you know I have to go to the Brafters. You know, I just think I don't want to sound like a twat but you know what I mean? I understand me because it's a thing

that not a lot of people will get to go to and you sound like a sort of first world problems like I don't realize how lucky I am but I'll say hands up we don't do well at these kinds of things. Why not guys? I don't do well but you're ushered around.

Yeah. I don't do well-being or shut around. I don't do well-being handed like a drinks voucher and going, by the way, you've got two drinks on this voucher. Yeah. Not these ones, you know, like, you know, when you're going like a, you know when you're going like a shitty air, a shitty all-inclusiveness, like local beer only.

Yes. I can get a bottle of corner, no, it's the local beer only in a plastic cup. And I don't like how, I think I was let down by how amazing the look and how everyone looks so important and so free and so glamorous. And it's actually not. It's just a cue. It's a cue from the second you get in. it's a cue.

You get there, it's a queue, wait there, you say all these people that photos at Instagram on the red carpet. I hear it's hell. It's hell on it. You're about to want to be. We swerved it actually. Oh, did you?

Oh, good. It's like a Catherine wheel. It's like a Catherine wheel going off in front of you. The flashing, you are not prepared for what the flashing's like when all of them photographers are doing the flat. It's horrendous. It almost knocks it on your ass.

And then there's that thing of where you're about, I want to sound like right, Dick, yeah, but when you're about to go on and they go, oh, two seconds, someone much more famous has just turned up. They're just going to get their foot taken first and you go, okay. And you wait while like Killian Murphy or someone gets his foot, which actually did happen. But he was more mortified than us to be fair. He hated it so much.

He was very apologetic. I mean, he's still pushing. Still went ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get him. His deal come, Rosie. We'll get them. No, he was.

The great thing about last night was, no, there was some lovely things about it. A, always hanging out with my comedy partner, Susan Perkins is a. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's the best. Ruddy Joy. And we always have a good time together, which is great. And also, we weren't there for us. We were there to celebrate 91-year-old.

Iconic, legendary, beautiful Merry Berry. So actually, we had a ball. Good. We had a ruddy ball. Well done. You've won it back. Won it back. Chris really put a dampener.

I know. And I was thinking in my head, I was thinking, let Chris take the fact for this. I'm going to come up smelling a rose again. My thing is, because I just want, like, when people look at Instagram, No, no, because when people look at Instagram and they say celebrity's going on these things and you're all done up and I want to go, look, don't ever feel bad that you're not doing them things

because they are essentially just at a big school prom. All that was was a school prom. That was a school prom and they're going on Instagram they're on the red carpet and it looks great. They've queued for 45 minutes to get the photo taken and then they're only allowed certain wine, they're not allowed different wine. Please don't feel bad.

Don't watch it and go, don't look at it and go, why aren't our celebrity and fit? It's not that good. All I'm saying is it's not that good. It's a networking night, but we're not good at networking because we get pissed. We get so close. We just, every time we go out, we just want to have a night. It's like we don't get out very often because we've got little kids.

So for us, those nights. But nobody else is that drunk. Yeah. I think that's real. But do you, are you the sort of drunks? That sounds awful. The drunks. Yes, we are.

Continue. No, that's the wrong way. But when you get giddy on the booze at those affairs, will you stay out the last? Will you be the last people standing? We have. We have. Impressive.

That's impressive. We have. But then you watch everybody go home and you think, should we go? Is it uncool to stay? But we stay. We're usually there pretty late. That's good, man.

So you bring the party. Just the drink. That's quite late. And just maintain. Yeah. That you see, that's good. Because we're doing very rare, you see. Because we're normally go home as.

We normally have a meal and go home. But at them things, you don't need to know if you drink too much and you just forget yourself. You haven't got the kids. We haven't got work the next day. Yeah. And you dance together. Do now and then.

Sometimes. You're not a big dancer. I'm not a big dancer. Both and six. Strictly is the last thing I'm going to do. Oh, God. Oh, yes. You came fourth, then fucking strictly.

It was mainly, personally. Four? Insane, isn't it? Oh, I was seeing. Because that is really good. I'd forgotten that. Fourth is like, it was all 14 weeks. It was ridiculous.

It was ridiculous. It got silly by the end. But do you know that? Because, Rosie, did you do the Christmas? I did Christmas. Okay, let's discuss. Yes. So that's like a three week.

Yeah, isn't it? You've got three weeks. Yeah. But I found. And my family said I turned even in that three weeks. Oh really? You did it with Neil, didn't you? I did it with Neil.

Oh, isn't he great? Of course. Neil did my tattoos. Ah, yes. He did. Oh, my God. Yeah, he's a really good tattooist. Oh, they're really good.

Oh, I've got a lot of time for Neil. He's so nice. If I ever had have done it, I would have wanted Neil as a partner. He was a really good part. But I even in that three weeks. Can I just say three weeks to learn one dance? It's pathetic. I know.

There was other dances. There was like a group dance. I was like, oh, it was that good part. dance as well. Four days you're doing a main dance for me. You know, Charleston, four days. But I have to say, though, yes, it was a 90-second dance and it took three weeks. It was a street dance.

And I thought, when I got the gig, I thought, brilliant. 20 seconds of that 90 seconds will be dressing the Christmas tree. Then you come down off the ladder and then you sort of shimmy over. That's another 20 seconds. Then it'll be about 20 seconds of actual dance material. Yeah. With Neil. Not with Neil.

90 seconds. Yeah, no, no, Neil does not mess about. He was so intense. We did the, um... I was frightened. What did you do again? Jive. Oh, good for you, Rosie.

The kicky one. Yeah, it was the kicky one. But he made me fully learn how to properly do the kicks. Well, yes, because the problem was with you, he learned, he looked and he went, ah, she can do this. Yeah. They're incredible. The pros, they teach it to your level.

If they, they suss, yeah, I agree with that. I have to say, the day. The dip, the Christmas dip into the strictly world was lovely. But I don't know if I could hack the full bloody thing. Could you? Not after watching Chris do it. No. I've been asked a few times, but then I always get wrong off my agent for saying publicly,

no, I wouldn't do it. So maybe I would. Visit BetMDMDM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Sorry, can I just say it? I don't ever read notes. But you've got a degree in French and Italian from Cambridge. When the fuck did that happen?

How is more a question. How did that happen? Was that a young person degree or an older person degree? I wouldn't get in now. It was a young. It was a young and. Nice. I don't know how it happened, but I did get in.

No, listen, I don't want to be all kind of, you know, self-deprecate, self-deprecate. I was all right at languages. Yeah. I really bloody like speaking languages. My dad was really good at languages. He spoke about six. Really? Wow.

Oh, I'm so impressed by languages. I'm going to Verona in a couple weeks. Come on. Italian is one I know. Literally, hardly any. French I'm all right with, but what? What do you want to, why are you going to Verona? What do you want to do?

It's my 40th this year. 40? 40. So I'll say to them, 40. I'll say to them, 40. I'm 40 years. It's a my compilion. And I want to be a lot of things.

See, Rosa. Gabishi. That's unbelievable. That could have been pigeon Italian. What did you say? It was quite weak. It was quite... That was lovely.

Come on. What did you say? I said, I'm 40 years old. I can't remember what I said. I then said I want to really drink a whole load. Yes. Well, that's exactly why I'm born with my mom and my sister. So there we go.

To Verona. Just take the clip of this and just play it to the waiters. All right. You don't even need a learner. No, just how do I ask for... I tell you what? Rather than drink, my mom drinks red, we drink white. How do I ask for three black Americanos?

Alora, that's weird actually. When you say in Italy, a cafe Americano, it doesn't necessarily mean you're not going to get a black coffee. You say a cafe, because a coffee in Italy is not a coffee with milk. Okay, so a cafe. Tre cafe. Look at that. You see, there's all that going on.

I'm so pretentious. Wow. Three coffee. I lived in Greece for two years and I literally... How's the Greek? Not as good as it should be. But Greek's quite true. It's really hard. It's really hard. I've never had a crack at Greek.

It's nice though. Ticanis. Cala. Calais. Polyligo, do you say polyvigo? Paracalore. You speak Greek and you go, you go ligo, peri ligo. So very little. Per Ligo. Per Ligo. Yeah, I would say, I mean, do you want a strongest, no, you want an Americano? Well, I'd just say trecafe.

Three coffees. But they'll probably give you little. That's fine. We love it. Shorties. That's fine. Oh, I love it. My kids get so embarrassed.

We've been to Italy a couple of times with the kids. I think only once, actually, you know, maybe twice. And when I start speaking, they just, they're just like. Norway. Oh, come on. No, because I give it real. I give it real. I show off.

Do you? Go for you? Are you stroking a cat and telling someone you can't, you have to do them, do them a favor on your daughter's wedding, do you? Are you telling them that Luca Brutzi sleeps with the fishes? Yeah. Okay. I get really, yes, and all this and all. They get so. She's busy watching the Sopranos again.

Oh, that's why. I read the Godfather the other day. You read it? I read it in Italian. What? Oh, come on. Sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.

No, because I thought, look, I did a bloody degree in Italian. I should be able to read a book. And I picked it up. It was in Italy, actually. I picked it up. It was in a book swap thing. And I thought, I'm going to read this. Wow.

So good. Really? I should read it you now because I love the movie. Try and read it in Italian. Don't be ridiculous. Hey, Mario Boso. Is it Mario? Is it Mario? It's Mario Pucci, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was quite a character, wasn't he?

Yeah. What we've got, we've got a list, we've got a list of old films that I hadn't seen, which is shameful. Which ones, which ones? We just did Casino on Goodfellas. I'd never seen them. I'd never seen them. Isn't that terrible? Where was it?

When did they come out? Because I was not. I believe you are. Was I little, little? Little, little, yeah. And were you alive even when Goodfellas came out? Oh, maybe not. I don't know.

They just passed us by. And then if my dad was watching them, I just was like, what the first thing? Well, they were automatically uncool because your dad was sitting watching them. Yeah, probably. Looked old fashioned. Yeah. Oh, that's the thing, is it? That's the thing.

You don't want to be... What we've got next? We've got usual suspects you want to watch. Yes, I haven't seen that. Never seen that. Never seen that. So many untouchables. Never seen that. I've never seen that.

What? Hang on. Is that the one? one when they're all in the police line up. No, that's usual suspects. Untouchables is Kevin Costner, Sean Connery, Andy Garcia and Robert De Niro plays Al Capone.

You've never seen it. Robert DeNo played Al Capone. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. You need to watch it. It's about how they got Al Capone. It's how Elliot Ness, played by Kevin Costner, gets Al Capone. Costner was Robin Hood, wasn't he? Wow. I like him. Yes. You just did a pinball. You did a rosy style.

Pinball, yeah. He was Robin Hood, but not in the film I'm talking about. And was he also a bodyguard? Yes. Love that. Also half-man horse fish in Waterworld, but, you know, not that way. Oh, yes. Was that he the fish? Was the guy with gills behind his ears in Water World? Oh, I'm thinking of sheep of water. Right. Oh, God. No. Didn't see that.

It's really good, actually. We've gone pinball. Right, we've gone pinball. Anyone listening? What a lot of us? Kind of Keyball. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Waterworld. God, that was good. That was at the time, the most expensive. film ever made. You self-funded it and lost a lot of money on that.

Costed it? Yeah. Yeah. I think it was a huge flop. I think I'm sure I'm 99%. That might be a false. I'm sure he self-funded it. And I'm going to pluck this out of the ether.

I think it cost 90 million pounds. Which at the time was the most expensive film ever made. That's probably not a lot for films now. No. That's an independent film now. Is it? That's an independent film now. They said in the paper today, I don't know if this is true,

that each episode of Saturday Night Live, U.K. costs 2 million quid. Really? Each episode. That's crazy. How could that be for a telly show? Is that right?

Or is that rubbish? I don't know if that's a lot or not a lot. I don't listen a lot in meetings. Is that a lot? Is it? It seemed like a hell of a lot. Two million for an episode? That's a lot.

That's a lot. But is that not just the fee of the president? That might just be because they're getting big, big guys to do it. You never know. Tina Faye did the first one. And it's a big cast, isn't it? It is a big cast. Well, I just hope the cast are getting good money

because they're all brilliant. You're all the pediums, that man. Oh, don't tell me about pediums. No. We were on tour. We were on tour and our tour managers were talking about how they get pediums or they get like 20 quid or whatever

for sandwiches and stuff. And Rosie went, Pityams, what? I don't get a pedium. I want a pidium. And when the tour managers went, yeah, no, you just keep all the other money. Listen, this is really, really tickle my pickle.

Once at the Edinburgh Festival, you did a way, a bucket backstage after the performance was over, then you ended up being covered in your own way by the next performer who used the bucket for their show. She was a performance artist. What? Yeah, she was a performance artist. And Sue and I had shared a dressing room with her.

I think her name is Penny Solomon. Penny, if you're listening slash watching, I apologise from the bottom of my heart. So we were in that tiny venue in the Pleasance. I mean, there's loads of venues in the Pleasance now. Yeah, yeah. Was it a hut or was it inside? Yeah, they've got those kind of like little garage things, haven't they? Like portable hood things.

Yeah. So you were inside. And it was blooming miles away from the nearest loo, like literally miles away. And we were on, you know, in 10 minutes and I thought, I'm not going to make it back for curtain up. I am freaking desperate. Desperate. Desperate. So I spotted out the corner of my eye a fire bucket.

I thought, brilliant. Let's let's just do the business. Yeah. I'll sort it out. No one will know. I'll put a cloth over it. I'll put a little cloth over it. Sort that out when I finish.

I said to Perks, this is what I'm doing, you know, anyway. Did the biz, did the gig. We did that. We had promised Penny Solomon, as you do in Edinburgh. Yeah. To all your fellow performers. Right. I'll definitely catch your show.

Oh, okay. I'll come and see your show, don't you? Why, when you actually went? That's really not. You're all the good ones. I've said that so many times and never went. No. And this was our luck.

This is a nice. This was our last opportunity to go. It might even have been her last Perth. So I said to Perth, look, we've got to go and see Penny's show. It's quite heavy. It's performance art we've got to go and see. So we were in the front row, a couple of our mates as well, literally strapping in. It was heavy.

It was not a comedy show. It was a brave, poignant piece of performance art. So we were very much just in the zone. And she's in a white shift, I seem to remember, some sort of long white muslin thing. going on and doing lots of stuff, you know, anyway. I think she was calling out for her mother, possibly injecting herself. I don't know. Then she whipped off stage and she brought on the fire bucket.

Then she reached for an enormous brush and started blessing the audience. Dip, bless, dip. We were covered with my piss. The entirety of the ten rows covered. Oh, no. And we were, Sue and I, I don't think we've ever laughed so much. It was genius. That is.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It was genius. I'd, of course, forgotten about it, you know, in the kind of, oh, darling, oh, thank you so. Oh, thank you so. But, you know, all that stuff. Totally forgot about it. Well, luckily I didn't take it away because that was one.

of her key props. Yeah. It was. Oh, that is fantastic. Oh, I love stuff like that. I love that so much. And that's like,

oh, it's four in the afternoon. You're watching a performance artist and you're being covered with your own piss. That's a minute. And Sue knew. Sue knew. She knew.

You know that? You know when you laugh and you can't actually make any noise? You can't breathe. Yeah. Best laughing. It was one of those. It's a detention laugh or a funeral laugh. Yeah.

Best ever. Can't laugh, not allowed to laugh, have to hold it in, comment, it's just, unbelievable. That's like, it's stuff that would be in a sitcom. Yeah. When real life happens stuff, yeah. That should be in a sitcom. It's just my favourite thing ever.

You've got the greatest note in the history of notes. Favorite thing ever. But Penny, I feel for Penny though, because I don't, you know, Penny, I don't want, you know. Penny didn't know, she didn't realize. But she, I mean, she was slightly, you know, she was slightly doing that because there was, there was a lot of motion in the front row. She was laughing so much, yeah. Oh my God.

But it was the size of the brush. You know like a, you know, when you're wall, you know, you're not, you're all papering and you use a, a girthy, yeah. A girthy wide brush. It was one of those. It was just, woof, what? Like a one where, if you did like that on the ground, it would go like, like a whack and of, yeah. Oh, God.

Just beautiful. The volume of water in that brush. It wasn't like a piddly, it was like a proper. It wasn't water though. That's the best bit. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. There's a story there. Yes.

We'd love you to read out if you don't mind. Yes. Thank you so much. Oh. Oh, I love reading out a story. I mean, in English, please. No in our listeners, it might not be that, you know, grim. It will be grim.

It will be grim. It will be great, but it'll be grim. It'll be grim. The grim or the better. The grim. It might be grim, but it just be nice. Let's see. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous.

We'll do. Recently on the podcast, Rosie, Rosie mentioned she'd started Pilates. Oh yeah. And it reminded me of my very first reformer, not reform. Reformer Pilates class. I walked in as a complete beginner to one of those classes where everyone else clearly knew exactly what they were doing.

Determined not to look clueless, I lay flat on my back as instructed and avoided constantly popping my head up to copy everyone else. I like that. Instead, I decided to just listen carefully and follow the instructor's directions. The problem was, she kept referring to your carriage. Oh, no. Put your hands flat on your carriage.

Move your feet onto your carriage. Now, knowing Pilates is meant to be good for your pelvic floor, I naturally assumed carriage was just some cutesy Pilates term for your fanny. You know, you're undercarriage. Oh, God. Oh, God. So good. Oh, that's gorgeous.

So for the first 20 minutes of the class, I was basically just touching myself. I did feel slightly self-conscious when the instructor said things like, grab your carriage and pull yourself along. But I assumed everyone else was simply far more experience with this technique than I was. For me, right? for me what we're not thinking about here is there are people, including the instructor

who could see everyone else doing it, and this other lady just literally just grabbing herself. Like she came in, she didn't do any of the stuff, she just touched her fanny for like an hour, then she left, like what the fuck? That's great. And then she pulled herself a lot. Like a dog with worms on a carpet.

You didn't know what the carriage was at there, did you? It's the slightly thing. You're on the bed. You're on the carriage, yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes on. It was only when she announced, now put your tippy toes on your carriage that I finally thought, hang on, this feels excessive. So I sat up to look around and discovered everyone else had their tippy toes perched on the moving bench with wheels that they were lying on also known as the carriage. Wonderful.

Absolutely genius. Gorgeous. Oh, I love that. God love that. I mean, I've never done Pilates, so I didn't even know that the carriage existed. It's a skateboard. It's hard. Is it good, though, Pilates?

It's good. Apparently, it's very good for it. It's like strength training. But you kind of like work. So what I got told just recently, which I didn't realize, they're on springs. And they are equivalent to sort of like weights. And the courage is like you move.

So it's right resistance. It's really good. It's good for when you get a bit older. Oh, well, I've got to start doing a bit of this. I've been down the road where I live. I got sort of suckered in by a little blackboard outside. Blast fitness. Oh.

Sounds very aggressive. Sounds very. It sounds bad for it. your knees. I don't like the sound of that. Oh, there's going to be a lot of burpees. Blast fitness. Do you like burbies?

No. I've signed up then. Oh God, that I don't know. Signs up. I always do that. I'll say it again. There's a reason that burpees rhymes with herbies. They burn.

Burpees is hot. Burpees is the one where you can't do them. You're down on the ground and then you flip out the back legs and then you come back up. And then you jump. Horrid. No. Horridous. I've got my set.

Walk on an incline. Yeah. Bit of running. A bit of light jog and some reformer palates. But go and let us know what it's like. So I can understand, sorry, I can understand weights for strength. I can understand running, cycling, all of that. If I'm getting chased by a fucking wolf, I'm not doing burpees.

That is so true. They are not applicable to the real world. I didn't want to say Bay because Bay sounds too much like burpees and, you know, comedy-wise, you know. But yeah, if I'm getting chased by a wolf or a murderer, I'm not burp being way out of there. No, but that was a question that was on the internet a lot recently. wasn't it? The man or the bear? Oh, that was, yeah.

I know, you didn't enjoy that, did you? What was that? Oh, it was whether, would you rather be chased in a wood by a man? A man or a bear? Is the man with weapon or is the man without weapon? You don't know. The whole point was about the toxicity of men of where so many women So many women chose the bear?

I was upset. I was upset. I think I, I think how, is it a brown bear or a black bear? Ooh. What is, no one is more vicious, isn't it? I think black bears are more. Vicious. Yeah, one is bigger and more vicious.

Is that right? I don't actually know. I don't know. I called a polar bear of snow panda recently, so I've got nothing to... She did call it. She did call a polar bear of snow panda. You did with Snow Panda, is that what you said, a snow panda? It's fucking bang on to be fair.

I think I'm losing my mind. Get laid to that bay. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babo. So, Mel, your podcast, where there's a will, there's a will. A wake. Lovely title. Will you come on? Will you come on, guys?

We've never done it. You would be my dream. Really? Let's get it sorted. So what's the... It's so fun. What's the hook? It's about death.

Love it. I always talk about death. But it's so fascinating. A lot of comics come on it, which is just brilliant. And we just go to all the mad places. So basically the people, premise is it's what do you want for your funeral? Who do you want to be there?

What's your last supper? What's your last supper? What are your last words? Do you want to be buried or cremated? It's all the detail around death. And it is, it's really, really fun. Yeah. I know all mine already. We need to do, we need to get this.

Please come on. Yeah. I'm Catholic. We talk about death all the time. Same. Yeah. We love death. It's full circle.

I've been to so many funerals of late. Have you? Been to so many. Yeah. What, as research? Yeah, yeah. It's a really good thought, actually. Can I what a sales of a business expense?

This black hat. This veil. Yeah. It's grim. Everyone dies. Everyone dies. It's the only certainty of life. It is.

It is. now. Really? Yes. And actually it makes you, yeah, it makes you feel the... Talk and can make you feel better about it. Yeah, yeah. Crackle of life.

Yeah. Okay, that's exciting. You've also got rid of your notes here, which I'm fascinated by. You got jaw ache from last one laughing. This is the absolute truth. I'm not just doing this as a kind of showbiz, showbiz. Right. And I feel embarrassed about it.

Right. Because it is very, very first world and also showbiz asshole. Yeah. I'm going to share with you. Okay, no, go for it. Tomorrow afternoon. Uh-huh. At 3 o'clock,

I'm, so embarrassing. I'm going to see a jaw massage. You're going to get the hands in your mouth. Hands in mouth. Have you done? No, but we were just talking about it recently. Yeah. You got TMG?

I've got TMJ. Oh, no. This is ag. Oh, that's not nice. Since last one laughing. Because you were hauling it in so much. Because for some bloody reason, I was going like that. Because it was, it really did stop.

Stop the laughing. It was a clench of the buttock. Good for Pilates. Yes, it is. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Plus this. On the case.

Really? Really? Get that massage. No way. I think a lot of singers have it done. I thought I had it a few years ago. Well, but I had an obsess. Oh.

Because my first port of call was the dentist. Yeah. And did they see it? He said, TMJ, off you go. That's amazing. I mean, what a heck of an advert for the show. You were trying so hard to not laugh on last one laugh and that you literally gave yourself.

TMJ. Well, I'll tell you for why. So we're all sitting on the sofa before we start and Jimmy Carr's giving out the housekeeping notes. This is how the show works. This is what happens. And then banter, banter, banter, laughter. And then he looked to me and went,

well, you'll be out in 10 seconds. And then I was laughing. I was kind of going like that. But inside I was like... No, I will not. Okay. Yeah, I'm very, I'm a bit like that. Competitive. I just feel my ancestors on my shoulders.

Nice. I feel the family. The family way. No, I do. I feel them all going, you will not let this man tell you what to do. They're Polish. Terrible impression. You will not let this man tell you what to do.

No, honestly, I feel my granddad, my great granddad, my great grandmother. And I just thought, Jeff you, Jimmy Carr. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to try him at down this. Are you in? 20 seconds. No.

No, you're in? It was quite a long time. You were quite a while, yeah. You had to be to give yourself TMD, yeah. Oh, my God. But this side of the jaw, I'm telling you. Oh, bless you. Well, I hope we get sorted.

I'll report back. The go right in, I've seen videos. Like, massage all and say, might be quite nice. Is it like sicky bringing up the own work? I don't like a latex glove, like the smell or the taste of a latex glove. She's French. She's been in touch.

And I kind of think. You'd chat to her. Oh, man, Jean-Bondon. Jambon. Oh, no. What's it? Jamalala, jaum la, what's this?

Joe. Meshwar. Jamal-a-Mashua. Wow. The father you just knew Joe. I was Norway. I did agree, though, Chris. Why don't press the hand or I have a bard?

Yes. Why did that go at nothing? That was good. You get, but you see, Jaws really specific Yeah, I have a bad, don de est, whatever, Jamapel Malarate. Yeah, but you, so what you did there was you did a little bit of tourist French, I have a bad, you know, where is the whatever, what time is the thing.

I don't think that's true French. It is part tourist French, right? I think that's a good. But you whipped out jaw out of no, jaw is a very specific word. But I did do a degree, gang, come on. I bloody should be able to do Joe for me's sake. Fair enough. So is Joe's the film? So was Jaws called Jaws in French or is it called? Do you know, I mean, I'd love it if it were.

I don't think it is though, is it? It would be Jaws, would it? Meshwar. I don't know. Meshwheres. My mom's watching a Welsh drama at the minute and she says it's the weirdest thing because they speak in fluent Welsh but then all of a sudden they go and then they'll go, a glass of red wines.

I love it. Yeah, it's wild. I hear what she said is really good. It's called. Oh, my God. God, I'm going to get wrong. It's called 94 or something. It's on I TV.

I think my meds. Does the floor managing on that? Oh, really? Her mother and you are obsessed, but they say, they're just speaking fluent. Well, so you read the subtitle. And then all of a sudden, yeah, like, and down at the shop.

It's just random little things. They're doing some good stuff in Welsh, actually, are I? Oh, yeah. I need to watch it. They've said it's really good. I did it. I don't know if I told you this. I went and played golf the other week when I was on tour

and I was on me own and I got paid with a team and it was two young lads, brothers, both live over here, but from France. and the ma'am was visiting them. She was full French and I went round the full golf course, full 18 holes, four hours with these and they were talking to me quite a lot

but a lot of the time they were just talking to each other in French. It was, and as not a very good golfer, it was really fucking uncomfortable. That's my worst nightmare, just sharing a golf game. I went for a walk. I basically went realistically, if you take the golf out of it, I went for a walk in the field for four hours with two French lads and their mom.

And I was ignored for quite a lot of the time. And I kept going, what's French for three put? And they would tell us. And I would go, what's French for Gimmie? What's French for Gimmie? What is Gimmie? Gimmy, it's like, if it's within a certain, you don't have to take the next put, you go out of a Gimmie.

I know you'll get that in. So if it's within a couple of feet, you go out to Gimmy. That's out the degree realm I would see, isn't it? But yeah, so I asked a few French reasons, but then most of the time we're just talking to each other. I can't give you Gimmy. I'm sorry. But then I would talk to one of them.

for a while and then he would go alright yeah and then he would turn and he would talk his brother and then they'd both start taught

in French and I'd be like what you're saying what you're saying what you're saying it's lying pig well it's been lovely thank you so much

so lovely I love it here I love it here I love you panelling I love whenever you want I'm sorry will you feel the heat one put that fire

on look all the one in there but please I'm telling you please come to where there's a will is awake let's get a toy honestly you will

brilliant you'll be We love talking about it. We love talking about it. I do as well. Yeah. I do as well.