Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous with Mo Gilligan

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

On this week's podcast Chris and Rosie are joined by comedian, presenter, and cultural icon, Mo Gilligan! From viral sketches to sold-out tours Mo joins the podcast to talk about his days in retail a...nd he shares how he became so knowledgeable of the Jo Malone archive! Chris and Mo reminiscence about an incident on a train, their shared love of gadgets and what the weirdest thing Mo ever received in the post was. All of this plus a brilliant PKMA! Mo is a busy guy but you can catch him on tour with his new show The Mo You Know visit mogilligan.com/mo-live for tickets Mo's brand new stand up special Mo Gilligan: In The Moment is available to watch on Netflix now!. You can listen to Mo's podcast Man Like You with Eddie Kadi and Babatunde Aléshé wherever you get your podcasts. If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: shaggedmarriedannoyed@gmail.com 📱: 07874 406650 Enjoy all these episodes on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Today, get Huel’s full Lite & Lean Starter Kit online with our code SMA30 for 30% off at https://huel.com/SMA30. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:34 This week's episode, we are joined by the disgustingly cool, handsome, smelt nice, lovely guy. Mo Gilligan. Mo Gilligan. Just a lovely fella. We had a good chat. I have never met someone with such Joe Malone knowledge. Oh yeah. The Joe Malone knowledge will blow. The man's an onion. The man's an onion. Peel him. He's got layers. It's fantastic. Really, really good chat.
Starting point is 00:01:00 Most two are The Moe You Know is on sale now. The tour will see him. I meet Rosie. He's going. United States. Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Norway, Sweden, Ireland, Finland, Netherlands, France, Belgium, Estonia, Latvia, Germany and Portugal. Wow. As well as UK dates.
Starting point is 00:01:16 All of these places? Mm-hmm. I really want to go. Right? Like, this is, I could just, I might take this home. Do you want to carry his bags? No. Is it?
Starting point is 00:01:26 Looking for a nanny. No, but Jen, I might take this home. put it on my mood board and just take them off as I go. Where is this mood board? Maybe it. Great.
Starting point is 00:01:34 So you'll need a mood board for water. More Gilligan.com for tickets to his tour that is hitting the UK and all of those countries that are just, but could you be asked?
Starting point is 00:01:45 Portugal, that's nice in it. You have a lovely time. In September last year, he launched a podcast with Babatundi LESHA and Eddie Caddy. Man like you, it's called The Three
Starting point is 00:01:54 Come Together to have unfiltered conversations where nothing is off limits. Three, very funny fellas Hell of a podcast to listen to you, but listen to this one first. Enjoy. And subscribe. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle.
Starting point is 00:02:08 We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle-Ding-Gong. So this is the jingle, Jingle, Jing-Gong. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle, bab-do, babo-do-bab-do-ba-do-ba-doo-ba-doo-ha. Jingle! So nine times out of ten I get there, I'm like, can I...
Starting point is 00:02:27 Can I... I'm like, can I press these clothes? and they're like, yeah, sure, give it to us. I'm like, it's these ones on me. I'm going to give you these. You're just giving back in like 10. But don't come in, in it, because I'll be in my boxing shorts. It's always the one show.
Starting point is 00:02:44 Yeah. Whenever I do the one show, I never have like the outfit. Sometimes I bring it for nine times out of ten. I'm like, it's just this, isn't it? That's fantastic. But it's a bit dusty. So I'm like, yeah, if you can just press them and have you got it? I'm like, it's these, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:02:56 They're like lifting up your top and like steam and like steam and one. You've got it on. I'm surprised you. Don't do that actually. That's fucking I am going to now. That is absolutely my life. When you leave, because if I ever do the one show,
Starting point is 00:03:09 I leave and I'm in Central. So I might just like go and grab some food. And I've got like a full face of makeup. I've got some press clothes. Go back up. It's fantastic. Yeah, man. Fantastic.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Oh, that's great. No, I've got like now, which is mad, which I never had. I've got like a certain part of my wardrobe that's like just telly in my shoes. They're like, they don't, these shoes will now not see outside until I've worn them a few times and then I'll go right, okay, now you can go out. Because I once did the spin-off show for Strictly, what's that called?
Starting point is 00:03:42 It takes two. It takes two. I did that and me and my sister and my mom, we combined it with a London trip. And I went on and my boots were disgusting to the, like the zip was broken. So I had to sit like this the whole time during the interview. And my mom was like, this is really. really, really bad, Rosie. Like, you need some different, like, so now I've had to have different stuff for different things,
Starting point is 00:04:04 which is very sad times. I'm very surprised that you just threw on whatever, mate. You're always immaculately turned out. I do have a ton of clothes. Yeah. Yeah, I've got a lot of clothes. Like, I do, I donate. So probably that every two, three months, I donate a lot of clothes.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Yeah. Or, like, last year, I done like a little pop-up shop where I just sold loads of the stuff that I didn't want to give to charity. And in my head, I was like... The expensive stuff. The Stone Island I'm going to get some money back then Yeah Gucci Prada
Starting point is 00:04:34 Yeah Yeah Yeah so I've done a little pop-up shop Which is quite fun Because I'm normally I used to give the stuff to my friends And there's some of it It's so new that I've not worn it before
Starting point is 00:04:43 Sometimes you might get some stuff Like that's brand new That a brand sends to you And then I started to give it to my friends But they started getting a bit snobby It was like Oh this is nice I might take it
Starting point is 00:04:52 I'm like what do you mean you might take it You're even taking it or you're not So then I've done the pop-up shop, which was quite cool. That's good. Yeah, yeah, I really enjoyed that. I give loads of my old clothes to my best friend, Angela.
Starting point is 00:05:03 And we've stopped, what I've noticed is whenever we go out, she had my skirt on that I gave her, not long ago, and I kind of wanted it back. She had it on, and I was like, oh, I actually, Rosie's brother? I actually really would have been making it. Remember, I used to give your brother all my clothes
Starting point is 00:05:17 and I'd be like, oh, this bit of there, just a bag of stuff, there you go. And he would somehow, like, get them and combine them together to make the fucking freshest outfit. And then you turn up and I'll be like, I didn't think to put them with that. I'd be fucking furious. I'd be like, I want them back.
Starting point is 00:05:31 You look shit hot? Yeah. Well, there's a question. Do you think in another life would you like to do like styling or? Do you think you could do something like that? No, I don't think I could do it full time properly as a job. I didn't mind doing it. I was in retail.
Starting point is 00:05:45 That was fine. Where did you work? Oh, where didn't I work? Oh, my God, I was. So I had worked in Thomas Pink, the shirt shop. I think they're not. I don't think they exist anymore, but I've got a couple of ties. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pink.
Starting point is 00:06:00 I've got a couple of pink ties, yeah. So I worked there. Joe Malone is the one that most people know before. I mentioned it and I stand up a few times. There's perfume store? Yeah, that was at my first job. Candles. All the stuff you've done in your career, I knew Joe Malone would be.
Starting point is 00:06:15 Look at how fucking face. Look at how exciting. I can talk Joe Malone, you know. Oh, my God. What's the Basel and? Lime Baselanderism. Signature scent. Come on, man.
Starting point is 00:06:25 That was the first one she ever invented. I know so much about it, you know? Listen, when I went to, they've got this GQ Man of the Year award thing, right? I got invited last year. And Joe Miloam were one of the sponsors. So when I sat on the table, it was like everyone from head office was there.
Starting point is 00:06:44 And it's like, oh, Mo, like the big fans, we've seen your stuff. And I was, you've seen it. It's like, yeah, yeah. Because we know you talk about the brand and stuff. And I was like, yeah. And then I met like someone who's that really high head up, like one of the CEOs. and she was like, oh my God, I know there's loads people here,
Starting point is 00:06:58 but I was so excited to meet you. And I heard you worked at the store, and I was like, yeah. I was like, what's going on with that archive collection? Are you bringing? Because I know all of them, in it? So there's one of my favorites is Blue Garvin Cacao. It's like a sweet one. So I was like, you bring about the archive.
Starting point is 00:07:14 There's like, you know about the archive? And in my head, I was like, Mo, come, let's get a branded deal out of this. Yeah, well, come on that. I'm not being funny. Do that parties. Oh, yeah, yeah. As a corporate gig. Listen, I've been trying, you know.
Starting point is 00:07:28 I mentioned them for no. I've mentioned them right now. Well, here they are. Do they not do like a specific men's? So their stuff is unisex actually. Oh, okay. Yeah. Purely blush?
Starting point is 00:07:37 I would say purely blush, but 154. 154. Because it's a mixture of both, do you know what? Pomergan and noir. Oh, yes. When you fragrance combine it with, yeah, this one, I mean, I know all this stuff. More, I did not expect this. Bro, like, so when I worked there, so I worked, that was like my first job.
Starting point is 00:07:54 and I was that time when I was at uni so I was only ever really working like weekends. I've done the Christmas tent period and I worked on the shop floor and you've got to do your training. That's how I knew so much about it and they tell you so much because it does help you with the customers because the customers really know I worked in their store in Sloan Street
Starting point is 00:08:11 and a lot of customers have got money in there they'll come in and be like, hi, I need six candles what have you got that can combine with a pomegranate noir and a eucalyptus? And you're like, oh English paying for you? Frisia?
Starting point is 00:08:25 What kind of sense will I get from that? It's very fresh. Really liven up and change your Christmas scent. Great. Give me four of them. And you're like, four. Okay, you think four the small ones. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:35 And the big ones, the big ones, the big ones. Three wickets. When I worked there, the big ones, they were 260 at the time. I don't know what they are now. But they're probably a little bit more than that now. But that has a sale. For them on the belt. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:47 Four them. That's a fucking bonfire. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot. A good smelling one And then they've got the creams as well So the creams you'd have We'd have to do these hand and arm massages
Starting point is 00:09:01 Oh my God The little six Yeah Yes With the balls And did you do all of those I did and I hated every minute of that Oh my gosh
Starting point is 00:09:09 I remember I've done one And I was like I think I want to go in the stock room now Because basically people would come So when we worked at Sloan Street We'd get people that will come And they'd come into London And they'd be like
Starting point is 00:09:19 Oh it's a day out Want to get hand and arm massage. You might buy some stuff. Nine times out of ten, people bought the stuff. And then the store opened up in Westfield and when Westfield first opened. So where Joe Malone was is in that place in Westfield in Shepard's Bush. It's called the village.
Starting point is 00:09:35 So you've got a lot of the high-end shops. We've been in. We've been. So you had people just going into Westfield because it's this new shopping centre that everyone's talking about. And I worked in there. And you get people that have never heard of the brand before.
Starting point is 00:09:48 And they'd be like, what's all this about? This is not. I've never heard of this. Never seen this in a, never seen this in body shop. Oh, this is Joe Malone. And, you know, I had this one man.
Starting point is 00:09:57 She's like, yeah, offer them a hand-in-arm massage. I'm like, this man does not want a hand-and-arm massage, especially from me. So then I had, because, you know, you're a sales assistant.
Starting point is 00:10:09 So you do what they say. You'd be like, yeah, if you want to try anything, you can get a hand-in-arm massage. And I'm thinking he's going to say, and he's like, yeah, oh, cool, then I have one of them. And he'd get his hand out.
Starting point is 00:10:18 You have to wipe their hand. And what was about, fragrance combining. So we might use one of the body creams, yeah? The body cream is much thicker, yeah? So we'd have to use maybe the salt scrub. Yeah, so he's got it. It was sitting there.
Starting point is 00:10:29 It was in a little ball of water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like scrubbing his own with the salt and then you take it off. And I'm like, what do you think about that? Was there any eye contact doing this? No, so he's sitting there having a full on conversation. I'm like, bro, I don't want to do this.
Starting point is 00:10:47 Why are you enjoying the process? Do you know what I mean? Fantastic. Who's your favorite football team? Bro, come on. Let's just wrap this up, man. I know you're not buying nothing. You know I don't want to do it.
Starting point is 00:10:58 So I would rub his arm, then put on the cream, and then you get like a scent that he likes, hoping that he buys something. I'm like, what do you think? He's like, well, I'll go, I'll go a walk around. I'll come back. I'm like, he's not coming back.
Starting point is 00:11:10 I've just scrubbed this man's hairy arm. Prison tax. Disgusting. It was horrible. So then I worked in the stock room. and I love the stock crew because I used to work with a guy called Stuart proper lad, proper geyser
Starting point is 00:11:26 and we had our own little vibe in the stock room and it's always fun because sometimes you get that odd celebrity that would come in and it's mad because now I've met these celebrities but they don't know that I serve them in Joan Malone. Nice. Yeah, so I met oh what's that singer? Ellie Golding.
Starting point is 00:11:43 And I remember everyone in the store was like oh my God's Eddie Golding. And you get the manager and like, Hi, Madden, would you, would you want me to serve you? And she was so cool. She's like, no, I'm okay. This guy's cool. Yeah, yeah. But she was lovely. There was another actor who came in once Ian Wright came in.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Nice. Yeah, and that's my childhood, like Ida when it comes to football. Yeah. And Stuart, the guy I worked with was like, hey, mate, you know, because she was upstairs. So who's that? Is that Ian Wright's up there? Said, no way. And I went upstairs just to refill the candles.
Starting point is 00:12:12 We didn't need candles. And it was just me going like this looking at Ian Wright. And then he looked at me and I was like, You're right, right, and then he was like, yeah, what's up, man, you're right? And I went down to the stock who and I sent to the shoot. I was like, oh my God, he didn't right, you said hi to me. And then fast forward, I remember meeting in one time at like an Arsenal game. So there's some nice like 360 moments.
Starting point is 00:12:33 And the brand sometimes often will send me like the odd like candle or clone and stuff. But I'm available for Christmas adverts if you're listening. I think you should do like a full front thing. God, who can you? Like, sorry, so as comedians, Rosie, we've done them a couple of times. We did Jet 2 Christmas party. We did the corporate gigs. We did the call it Christmas.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Yeah, I've done a couple of corporate ones. Yeah. So they call it, if anybody listening or watching, it doesn't understand what I mean. It's like a corporate gig is basically a big company will boot you as a comedian to either host an award ceremony or just do it like an after dinner. I've done dreams beds recently. Dreams.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Oh, God. I've done, in the past, I've done home bargains. Ooh. Chris gets the quite like, like. They're on brand. They're on brand for me. They're very on brand for me. Have you done dominoes?
Starting point is 00:13:18 Have you done dominoes? I've done Domino's pizza, that was quite fun. Fuck me, I got pizza on a train with Domino's. I should have done the Domino's one. The Domino's one I'd done was really fun, but they're very like, they're very like rivalry. Yeah, love doing the corporate mess. Well, my point is, I mean, talk about specific,
Starting point is 00:13:36 you would tear the fucking roof. I know, you're a Joe Malone corporate. You would? I would stand at the back and watch you, and I wouldn't get a single gag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you would be sent specific. It would be the most tear, like, the miss is a trick.
Starting point is 00:13:50 John Malorn, if anyone at the other Christmas party, oh my God, you would kill. You'd kill. Because they're owned by Esther Lorder now. So when... It's fucking not you all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Joe sold it.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Joe sold it. Yeah. And now it's home by Estée Lauder. But when I used to work there, they used to have like a staff shop that you could go to and you can get all this Estre Lauder stuff. So they own brands like Tom Ford and stuff. So you can get the Tom Ford cosmetics. I'll get my sister and like some Bobby Brown makeup
Starting point is 00:14:20 and stuff like this so yeah like working there was was quite cool like some of the perks and stuff but yeah listen I told them I was like listen man I'm here for Christmas adverts I've even got the vision for the advert yeah I'm really I'm creating director yeah I've got the vision so it's me working in the shop
Starting point is 00:14:36 and it's you know it's gift wrapping and someone's like do you want help with that and I'm like no no it's all right and then I imagine Christmas in my house what I wonder it's the most and it's me like lighting my big mansion. And then it's like,
Starting point is 00:14:49 oh, sorry, madam. And yeah, that's the advert. Can Ian Wright be in it, though? Written there. I've got it. Yeah, Ian Wright's got to be in it. Getting a massage, getting a hand massage. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo.
Starting point is 00:15:01 Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. We worked in me too, as kids, didn't I? Everywhere I've worked, now I've gone into liquidation. Same. Where did you work? Gadget shop? Gadget shop. Do you remember a gadget shop?
Starting point is 00:15:11 Do you remember it? You know, man, you could go in the hands in the nail things. In the nail things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's just to stand outside in the inflatable sumo suit. I left college. Didn't finish me ES levels. Like the first year of college.
Starting point is 00:15:25 I got a full-time job at the catcher job. Really? Like, yeah, I loved it though. It was meant like I dressed in a sumo suit. Yeah, yeah. It was class. And then Dorothy Bergens, that's gone. Dorothy Perkins.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Dorothy Perkins, yeah. Tammy girl, no, because Tammy girl turned it in Dorothy Perkins. River Island's actually still going. I work to River Island. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. All sports I work at. All sports. All sports.
Starting point is 00:15:49 I think it teaches you a lot working in retail. Like you've really got your people's skills. I was on £2.75 an hour. £2.75? £2.75 an hour. What year is this then? This was 1901. I know.
Starting point is 00:16:05 2001. No, we left school 2002. So 2003. I must have been 2000. I got it. I remember being a college and I got the job there. And I remember everyone said, how are you £2.75, that's illegal.
Starting point is 00:16:18 And it was because we were on a commission basis, so you could get commission. But this was South Shields High Street, all sports. And when you got commission, if the store hit its target, it never hit its targets. Is it? Never hit its targets.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Isn't that crazy now? Because you know, like, if that was the case now, you'd be straight on TikTok. Yeah, yeah. I feel like now I'm seeing secrets of people that work in retail, and they tell you what happens behind the scenes.
Starting point is 00:16:44 But I just feel like, I get it, but I'm like, I don't know, man. I don't want to see the secrets. You don't want to know. Yeah. I know what I'm the same. I get it to being underpaid though. Yeah, oh, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:16:53 But I've seen one where someone got dismissed and is that, what I got dismissed? I'm going to tell you how we cook chicken. I said, oh, come on. Oh, I know. That really upsets me actually. Don't do that. Yeah, like fast food restaurants, especially.
Starting point is 00:17:04 I like, I like to live in a world where I don't know what goes on. I don't know what happens. I don't want to know how you make your burgers or who's spitting in them or whatever. Don't want to know. What was it? Was it a Domino's or was it a burger? It was a McDonald's. Someone posted a photo.
Starting point is 00:17:17 No, no, no. They got him. A guy put a photo on social media of him standing barefoot in the trays of lettuce. And he was like, this is your lettuce. That's going in your burgers. And he put it on Reddit or something. And the fucking found him and the sacked him. Good.
Starting point is 00:17:31 It was amazing. They literally sleuthed them online. Boom, it's there, it's that. It's this. And the timons and all this. And they found exactly who it was. The branch it was and who the guy was in the sacked him. I don't miss me Reddit, though.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Reddit is crazy. Reddit is serious stuff. I've never. Do you go on it? I've delved on to it. You know what? I tried to find out they've got these cameras when you drive. And for the life of me, I would see them on a lamp post.
Starting point is 00:17:53 And I'm like, what is that? And I thought it was a camera. And I didn't know what it was. And it was just bugging my brain because I was like, I don't know what it is a camera. And then I went on Reddit and then they said it's not, it's basically to judge how much traffic is coming in the air whether they're going to put speed bumps.
Starting point is 00:18:07 But you'll see them on a lamp post and it's a camera. And I was sitting there just like, what's that? I need to know what that thing is. We're being watched. Oh yeah, yeah, we're always being watched. We're always being watched. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think the sooner we come to terms with the fact that we are constantly monitored and watched,
Starting point is 00:18:22 then it's just easier. Do you ever have that thing where, like, you go on social media and you see the thing that you've been thinking about instead of it pops up? Yeah. Yeah. Thinking is a scary one. Thinking is scary. I know.
Starting point is 00:18:37 Yeah. So, during the dreaded COVID, can remember that bike ride I went on? and I bumped into a guy I used to box with and I came back and I was a shell of me for myself. Is this the conspiracy theorist man? Dude, this guy, I bumped into him, right? I was on my bike ride and I just randomly bumped into one and I was like, hi-ya, and it was all, you know,
Starting point is 00:18:58 elbows and high-fires were your feet time and he just grabs us and hugs us and he was like, oh, and he was like, all of this. And I'm not kidding, he went from zero to 100 and he said there's something like, there's metal, there's metal falling down from the sky and it can read to her brain and he said he was on his phone
Starting point is 00:19:13 and he needed to get something cat food or something and he was going and I didn't write it in my phone I thought it and I'm thinking it was and I used to go another from where I met him
Starting point is 00:19:23 I used to go another couple of miles and I just took a shortcut straight at home and I was just like fucking killed does remember he took years off my life that fella years off but he said the thinking it
Starting point is 00:19:32 apparently you can think something and your phone will pick it up I don't know about that like no come on nah what do you remember You reckon you can? I do in a weird way of, not a weird,
Starting point is 00:19:45 I do in a positive way. If I think, if I want something and it happens, I've done that a few times. I'm very big into things that are not of a traction. Yeah, me too. Definitely. Very, very huge in that. But I do think with,
Starting point is 00:19:57 I think social media knows us better than we know ourselves. It knows your algorithm. It knows what you're watching. Right. What I like, what I want to buy. What I don't want to buy. What I might put in the bar, because I'm a big fan of putting stuff in the basket,
Starting point is 00:20:09 not buying it. Oh my God. I do that. I do that all the time. All the time. All the time. What is that? Is that just the thrill of going,
Starting point is 00:20:15 I might buy that? Is it like shopping, but then you don't have to pay anything? A little bit. I swear to God, it's all I do. Do you know what's different? I think what's even for me now is knowing
Starting point is 00:20:24 I can afford the thing, but do I need it? So that's why I keep it in there and I'm like, if I go back to in a week, I know if I really need it. And then if it's sold out, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:20:33 I didn't really want it. Or maybe I did really want it. But I do that a lot in the basket. But I heard that now what they do, They know when you put things in your basket, so they send you specialised offers because they're like, right, you've put this in your box for a week.
Starting point is 00:20:47 So let's send her 15% and she's more likely to buy that. Oh, my God. And it works because I'll get any, oh, no, I hate this though. I'll get an email going, did you forget some ink? Oh, I saw passive aggressive.
Starting point is 00:21:01 I'm like, no, I know I didn't buy it. Fuck off. I hate that. We saw you looking. I hate, I'm really irritated. And then I read it and I'm like, No. My Amazon, I buy so much on Amazon.
Starting point is 00:21:18 It's crazy. I was on the train yesterday and I showed you what getting, so for the actual podcast, we wear the big, the big massive things, but you can get the little, I saw John Robbins and Ellis James wearing the little in-eas that go around the back,
Starting point is 00:21:29 but they're like studio monitor headphones. So I ordered them. I ordered some like cables for them and some other, all podcast stuff. And I'm like, go to checkout. And then it pops off with a like, what about the other stuff you normally buy? The fucking range of shit
Starting point is 00:21:42 it offered us. I swear to God, right? Water filters for the coffee machine. Dishwash our discs. Print a paper and multivitamins. It was like, do you know what these? You're always getting these? I was like, what the fuck is my life? Don't you find it's mad with Amazon
Starting point is 00:21:57 when you can't get it the next day? Like I bought something for the bread and it took a week and I was like, what's you mean? It's coming in a week. It should be here. Wait, I'm so privileged. Because I want it tonight.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Yeah. They should be here tomorrow. You know, I used to buy a lot of electricals on Amazon. Yeah. Especially during the pandemic, I buy like a memory card. So I wanted this camera, right? It was like a little DGI. So I was like, I'm going to get his camera.
Starting point is 00:22:19 I was going away. And when it came, I opened it. And someone had clearly put their hand in and took the camera out. So, and what they replaced it with was two bottles of lube. I swear on my life. I swear on my life. I was raging. So I've called up, I'm called up at Amazon.
Starting point is 00:22:41 I said, excuse me, my camera is in here. They said, oh, we're so sorry of that. I said, they've replaced me with something. I said, what are they replaced with? I said, two balls of loop. And then I swear on my life. So then I was like, so there's like, okay, so we're going to investigate it. But can you send it back?
Starting point is 00:22:59 So at this point, I was like, well, I don't want to send back. Sorry, I've already used it. Two balls. Sorry, it's got. So I was so embarrassed. I just said, look, I'll take the hit, and I just had two bottles of lube. Was that sort of weird thing? Yes, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:15 I was for human. Hey, Siri, how many bottles of lube wears the same as a Canon 4D? Because you know, like, with Amazon, they'll put, like, you know, the boxes that the camera comes in. It's only, like, it's very small, it's not very big. So I think at the time, I might have bought two. So sometimes when I buy electronics, I'll buy the one that might keep a home, and buy the one that I travel with. Especially if it's like something I can use. use remotely.
Starting point is 00:23:39 And it's small, but Amazon do that thing where they give you so much packaging and huge box for something so small. So I think someone's just being like, hang on, let's have it. Because I needed to give them the code. So once I give them the code, because then it's like, well, it's my word against theirs, do you know what I mean? Amazon have got such a good business model and the fact that I've never sent anything back.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Never. I couldn't even tell you how. I actually got an eye cream recently right. And I swear to God, it had been opened, right? and the box was so mangled and the eye cream and there was no seal and every time I still use it
Starting point is 00:24:12 but every time I put this eye cream on I'm like She gets an eye infection every week I do it's nearly run out now now thank God but every time I put it on I'm going
Starting point is 00:24:21 what is this somebody could be anything it could be dog jes it could be loo could be loo could be doggers I don't know
Starting point is 00:24:29 but I just I didn't know how to send something back they used to have this thing called Amazon I think it was like Amazon fresh so you can order your food
Starting point is 00:24:38 and it'll come straight to you so when I first moved out it was great because I could order electricals so I'd order a load of food and because I was bored at home I was like oh got sonos speakers oops just add it to the order but yeah my problem is I like to buy
Starting point is 00:24:55 I'm a gadget person I was going to see you sound very gadgety yeah but I buy gadgets that I'm like I don't know if I need this but it's good to tell people about okay so I went to Germany and to me my girlfriend and the baby went to Germany and it was like minus seven. So I knew it was going to be cold. So I was like, all right, let's get I've got the heated g-lay. So I go
Starting point is 00:25:13 and then it heats up at the front and the back. Then I've seen you can get heated gloves. I've seen them, yeah. They are terrible. Absolutely terrible. Too hot. But it's not too hot. It's like that you've got connected to the wire, but the wire's got to go all up here. Like a pair of mittens that are connected. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:25:34 Dangling like you're in your So annoying. And then you move and in a while pops out. But it's so cold because you can't pull up your coat to plug it in. And I was like, this is bad at the time, I'm telling my, I'm like, look, look, feel, pull my hands. Pull my hands. I bet you wish you had a meridian.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Didn't get me his girlfriend. Don't get me his girlfriend. But I'm a baby, freedom. Yeah, I'm a, I'm a big gadget person, man. Yeah. That's like any, anytime I can find a thing, even when we travel, the first time we travel with a baby and we had this, it was like a portable cot and you just kind of pull it open and then it goes pop pop and then you put the thing in and then you put the bed in and then
Starting point is 00:26:14 you put the baby in and I was like, wow, look at that. Travel cut. Yeah, but it's like you can put it in your bed as opposed to the ones you've got to build it and put the Alan keys in and where this one, you just kind of pull it, put the thing over and the bed. Yeah, and it's done. Yeah, I thought like I was in the future. I know what you mean. It's like I'm in the future. It's the one. It's like, looks like that from the top and then you pull each corner out, you push the bottom in, you put the, yeah, that is, honestly
Starting point is 00:26:39 you just class yourself as a gadget man, that is a standard fucking, dude, the fucking travel lodge will give you them. What are you talking about? You're going to be so embarrassed when you're going to watch out.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Because you've been buying too much lube. You've lost touch with reality. Everything's so new to me in this world, isn't it? So especially the baby stuff. So when I'm looking everywhere else, I'm not only got it in moms and poppers, they haven't got it there.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Amazon. And then I told my friend, it's like, bro, you want to get on this, man? It's like, you don't need to build this one. Pull it open and bow, you, there is. There's so many things we've got. And then I realise I'm like, I don't think I'm the first to discover this. You could go mad on gadgets in the baby world. Oh, my goodness.
Starting point is 00:27:20 It's so good. You must have the thing that makes the bottle like a baby espresso machine. You must have that. Yes, we've got one of those. Yeah, they're amazing. I've seen the thing, that rocket thing that you put on the buggy and it like shakes it. Yeah, so we've got that one. We've got the bottle.
Starting point is 00:27:35 But the bottle, what I, my thing is, it's like, when I'm counting the scoops, I'm counting the scoops and I'm doing a seven ounce and it's so, I'm sitting in like, have I done five or I've done six? Oh, yeah, you forget. Five is at six. Put it back in. And he put it back in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:49 And every part of me sits there and I'm putting these scoops of powder. And I was like, I could never be a drug dealer because I would be so awful at this because I'm like, da, let's give me two minutes. Just give me a kilo. You're back. On the house. Oh my God, it's so confusing. He's a good customer.
Starting point is 00:28:11 He does keep coming back for more. It is Moorish. It is Moorish. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, ba. Are you doing night feeds and stuff? Are you taking turns or what? Yeah, so when she was a newborn, I was very, like, we kind of was, like, rotating the times
Starting point is 00:28:29 where once you get to that place and you're like, she just sleeps now. So now we was just like, oh my God, we've got five hours. Yeah. Like at once. It's mad how you appreciate. Like you're literally like, I had four and a half, five hours uninterrupted sleep. And it's like, what if I used to sleep 10 hours before I had kids?
Starting point is 00:28:47 Yeah. 10 hours. You worked very hard at the gadget shop in your defence. But then it's hard as a dad because I think I'm trying to see where what I can do. Like how can I help out what you want me to do? and it's hard because then I'm asking what do you want me to do? And she's like, I just want you to do it and I'm like, well I don't know what. We think
Starting point is 00:29:06 that you should know. How old is your child now? We've got two. We've got ten and five. So when I first met you, your 10-year-old must have been newborn. Yeah. Because I think I've done your show when you, the Chris Ramsey show. You know, you're the first TV show I've ever been on, man. Yeah. I'd never been on a television show before. No way.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Or been on a set. That was the first show I was ever on. You were fantastic. Yeah. Thank you so much for that, by the way. Oh, dude. Yeah, no, I'd never forget that. But I was like my first time, I'm like, wow, I'm on a TV scene. I'll never forget how incredibly successful you got just after being on my show. That was annoying. That was a fucking right kick in the day.
Starting point is 00:29:40 My God, he's at household name. Chris is really angry. He lost my way at him. It wasn't my way at him. Chris, you know if there was an award for a person who's held people in their career and not got there himself, you would win that? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:29:53 My show had no impact on his career. It was like a day. It was like a night off. I think for me it was the first time being on TV, but also it was like, oh, I get to see how it works. And because I remember you was hosting your show and seeing how, like, you would talk to the audience before the show. I think it was myself and someone else from Made in Chelsea.
Starting point is 00:30:11 I'm not too sure whose name was. Spencer? Spencer. And then there was someone else who was on, from Tawi on the show. Yeah, you were on a very odd mix of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the way you was like talking to the audience and stuff, I was like, wow, this is so cool, man.
Starting point is 00:30:26 I'm on an actual show. Yeah. And I was like, oh, man. Yeah, I'll never forget that. And I never forget the time. Do you remember when we was on the train coming back from Leeds? Reading or Leeds Festival. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:37 And I remember at this stage, like, it was still new. Everything was quite new to me. And I remember you was the person that got me into watches. Because I never, I never bought a watch at this point. So you was a person that was like, yeah, like, yeah, yeah, I've got this watch. And I was like, wow, I want to get one. And you gave me all the details without being like, because sometimes you can meet people. Like, I've met a few footballers in that, yeah,
Starting point is 00:30:57 what you got? And I'm like, oh, I just got this Rolex. It's not a pet tech, is it? No, it's not a limited edition. And I'm like, no, it's not. I do corporates for Domino's, bro. But I remember you got me into watches, but I never forget that day when he was on the train.
Starting point is 00:31:13 And this guy came up to us. He was having a conversation. And this guy was like, Mo, man, Mo, big fan, man, big fan. And he was like, I just came from the writers. What are you doing it? I said, I just had a comedy show. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, mate, any chance you can FaceTime.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark. My fiancé, she's going to go mad. It was mad. I remember every bit of this. I don't know this. So I was like, yeah, sure. So he's on the train and he's FaceTime. His fiancee.
Starting point is 00:31:36 He was a little bit drunk. And it was the most underwhelming response. Oh, stop. I wanted to die. So cringe. I felt embarrassed. I think he felt embarrassed. I think you felt embarrassed for me.
Starting point is 00:31:50 If there was a window, I would have climbed out with that train. It was horrible. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. It was so awkward. Was she just not bothered at all? He was fucking. hooked off he's not, right?
Starting point is 00:31:58 He had a big, big, fucking expensive watch on, big watch, and he was a trader. He was like, he was a bit of a trader, money, man, money, and he got you to FaceTime. It was like she'd just woke up, she was just not, I was so upset. And then he spent the rest of the thing, tell him how he's an investor and he can double one money and stuff,
Starting point is 00:32:14 and I'll never, I'll let you went, so if you give me 50 bags, yeah? And I'm literally, you're like nodding and we're both not, and I'm sure he went, I'm sure we were both like, what the fuck's 50 bags? I think it meant 50,000 pounds. Oh, here. But he gets in bags? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:28 What is this guy going on about? One of my top five awkward interactions ever. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. Because it was the whole, I'm going to FaceTime this person. He's so excited. And I think now I know my boundaries where I'll be like, oh, not right now. Yeah. I'm sitting with a friend just having a chat.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Whereas at this stage, you just say. We were both quite new though, weren't we? Yeah, yeah. You just say yes to everything. Yeah, yeah, sure. And it was like, oh, look, I'm with. And she was like, oh, who's that? That was like, who's that?
Starting point is 00:32:51 It's more the comedian. Yeah, it's so awkward, man. I know. I was. Oh, so awkward. Someone got a picture with us once and she was like, and they were like,
Starting point is 00:33:03 they're desperate for a picture with you and she was stood there and she was like, I don't know who you are, just everyone seems to know you and you know, and you want the world to swallow you off
Starting point is 00:33:08 and die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who are you then? Yeah. What do you do? Sorry, why's everyone talking? That's the thing, right?
Starting point is 00:33:18 It's the person who is there who is annoyed that everyone else is excited, does know who you are. They're the fucking hand grenade. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:27 Why is everyone talking to you? Who? Eh? I don't know who he is. But me being recognised, I'm not fucking attacking you by being recognised. It's not my fault that I'm being recognised. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:33:38 I'm sorry. It's mad because at that time, you're just giving people time who have just been like, oh man, what are you doing? Which is brilliant. And it's the best thing ever. You know, you're giving a conversation,
Starting point is 00:33:47 you're talking. And it's like, so what do you do then? What do you do then? You're like, oh, I don't know, like, do comedy. Where? Where can I find it? Where do you find it?
Starting point is 00:33:56 find your comment. I don't know. This is such a weird interaction because your friend wants a picture but then you're questioning what I do, this is so awkward now. Oh, okay,
Starting point is 00:34:05 well, I look you up then. It's weird that the fact that their friend wants a photo doesn't validate the point. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:34:12 They go, well, this person wants a thought, so it's obviously it's fine. I mean, most people are 99.9% of people are fucking awesome. Yeah. What I get, well, I don't get as much anymore,
Starting point is 00:34:19 but I used to get what I used to love was, um, I know you, where I know you from? I go, I don't know. I go, I'm a comedian. It's not that.
Starting point is 00:34:30 It's fucking is that. I guarantee it's that. Because I've never been to this town before and I've never met you or anyone who knows you. I would put my fucking house on that. It's that. I had a girl one time walked past me and she's like, we're kind of walking through this door.
Starting point is 00:34:43 So I've held the door open for her. And she's walking and she goes, are you? And I was like, uh. And then she's like, no, it's not you. And she walked off. Ah, I wanted to run back. It was me. It was me.
Starting point is 00:34:56 We're going to do the question in a minute, but what's happened to me recently is when someone says, well, what, what, what you've been on the telly? Because then you have to end up saying, oh, I sometimes do something on the TV. It's when you have to give them your CV.
Starting point is 00:35:07 And then you stood there in Sainsbury's telling some random woman all of the TV shows you've done. And then they're still to roll over here. And I'm like, I can't watch that one. Yeah, I don't have never seen that one. And I'm like, well, okay, lovely to meet you. It's odd because this whole job, this whole job is begging for validation.
Starting point is 00:35:23 But then when you've got to do it on your big shop, it's a bit much like. Yeah, but then. Sometimes I say all the things and I go, actually it's not that much as it. I probably should really, I probably should work a bit more. Lovely, lovely. Right, we're going to do this story. Yes, okay, so more you have got to please keep me anonymous to read out for us.
Starting point is 00:35:41 All right. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me anonymous, as I'm sure if the heaving this is about listens, he will know it's from me. Oh my God. Unless his actions weren't a one-off. Oh. Oh, this is juicy.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Juicy! I feel like I'm on loose women. This is fantastic, man. This is like, you know them shitty magazines? Oh, the column sections. Yeah, this is what this is. Yeah, they're not as bad thing anymore, is it? Not as much now.
Starting point is 00:36:10 I think they are. All them stuff, like stuck six cream eggs at me ass and all that shit. Like, this is what this is. This part of our podcast is this, and I love it. Why do you always mention the story you sent in? No. What was the best one? It was like, um, something like,
Starting point is 00:36:24 Went to the shop for Quavers ended up selling sex. Like, it's just quite... Oh, wild. Wild. Yeah. Hope it never dies. It's a part of our culture
Starting point is 00:36:35 that I really enjoy. Before on the podcast, you talked about nicknames that people have given good or bad dates. Yeah. In brackets, for example, nice coatly. Nice way.
Starting point is 00:36:46 I wanted to share a nickname me and my friends have for a man I once went on a date with. Okay. It was a standard date. Nothing too wild. just went out for some food and to get to know each other. It was all going well.
Starting point is 00:36:59 We weren't clicking much, but nothing too offensive until the food arrived and he ate the entire thing with his hands. You're not going to see what I think you're about to see. He had mashed. He had mashed with his hands. It mashed with his hands on a first date. That is so wild.
Starting point is 00:37:21 That's horrible. Of all the things you can eat, chips, pizza, but mash. That's crazy, man. Like, I keep picturing me if I had to eat mash with my hands. I'd be devastating. Like, I went to this one restaurant and you have to eat this food with your hands, but that's the premise.
Starting point is 00:37:39 Everyone's doing it, so you get the kind of pancake with the rice and do all it. But mash in a place, weatherspoons cinnamon. It's the worst one. She said things did not work out with him, but he will forever be known as a mashman. And for that reason, I've never been able to eat it since. Now, that's fucking crazy.
Starting point is 00:38:08 Mashman! I was so excited for hearing him. Mashman. That is wonderful. Oh, you know what his theme tune is? We do the mash. We do the monster mash. We do the mash.
Starting point is 00:38:21 More to be an awesome chat on you, man. I can't believe you remember that guy from the train, I'm blown away. Never forget that. Yeah, it was awful. Every time I'm going to train, I sit there and I'm like, please don't talk to me, man. And if you do, please don't FaceTime your partner. I will never forget the genuine relief.
Starting point is 00:38:35 Because when you're with another comedian, you're another famous person and someone comes up and only loves one of you, you always take it a little bit personally. But when the FaceTime happened, I thanked the Lord that that guy had no idea who I was. Do you ever have this thing where you're with someone and, like, they're like, oh my God, it's you. Can I get a picture? and then you're like, oh, and then, you know, I remember once I was with Russell Howard
Starting point is 00:38:56 and the car, he said, Russell, mate, can I have a picture? And he's like, yeah, I'll take it for you. And I took the picture. But then, you know some people who don't like attention? And Russell was like, oh, yeah, sure, mate, yeah, yeah. And then he tried to pass it back to me. He's like, do you know who this is, though? I was like, they don't know who I ever.
Starting point is 00:39:12 That's Russell. I appreciate the sentiment. Yeah. But this person don't know me like that, man. Thank you so much for joining me. No, no, right. It's back to happen to be on. I really appreciate that, man.
Starting point is 00:39:21 It's always great to see you as well, so I appreciate that. Thank you. Brilliant. Thank you. Thank you.

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