Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous With Phil Ellis

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week, Rosie and Chris are joined by comedian and Taskmaster troublemaker Phil Ellis! They chat all things Taskmaster as well as reminiscing about lock down zoom nights, Edinburgh Festival and why Phil decided to do a kids show. Expect chaos, laughter, and more oversharing than anyone asked for. As always, there’s Please Keep Me Anonymous story that Phil shares with Chris and Rosie plus some silver service and seafood chat! You can catch Phil on tour with his new show Bath Mat find tickets at philelliscomedy.com You can also watch Phil on Taskmaster every Thursday at 9pm on Channel 4 or catch up on the series at channel4.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week on Please Keep Me Anonymous, we are joined by the hilariously funny Phil Ellis. Yes, Phil is a stand-up community. He's been a friend of mine for a long, long time. We both start at the same time, actually. And he's currently, he's on the latest series of Taskmaster, which you can catch Thursdays on Channel 4. You can also catch up on all the episode on Channel 4.com. Awesome lining up. Phil's doing very, very well. Yeah, you've been friends with them for don't you? We do chat about that a little bit, don't we? We do, and we chat a lot about, irritantly, we chat a lot about his kids show, funds and games, which you're can't say at the moment because he did it at the Edema Fringe, possibly for the last time this year, but if it ever goes again,

go and see it. At the time that we recorded this back in July, he hadn't actually named his tour. But we can let you know now. He has named it, and it is called Bathmat. Worth the wait. Worth the weight for that name. Classic Phil Ellis turns up to do PR about his tour without a tour name.

Unbelievable. He's doing five shows in December at the Soul Theatre, starting on the 9th of December. He is then taking Bath Matt, that's the name of the tour, all across the UK. Shocking. Man's a maniac. From February 2026,

visit phil Elliscom for tickets. Lovely bloke. We had a good chat. He's one of the good ones and he's a funny fucker. Mm-hmm. We had a fight about the jingle, Jingle, Jingle.

We couldn't settle on a Jingle, Jingle. So this is the Jingle, Jingle, Jingle. We hope you like the jingle, Jingle. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, BA. Hello, you're listening to Shagmardinoyd. Please keep me anonymous with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, and we've got a very special guest again today. He is an award-winning comedian.

He's a very good friend of mine from back in the day. He's Taskmaster Series 20 contestant. It's Phil Ellis, everyone. Hello. Wow, great to be here, everyone. I don't know how many of these cameras are working. They're all on, I think. like you had an auto queue but it's just a blank wall

but it really freak me out when you're going to say. Hello, I'm a... That's just a thousand yards stay. That's fine. I don't know what to do anymore though because it is first and foremost a listening medium.

Christ, audio medium. Audio medium. How many times do we have to go to this? Fuck off. But now we're filming it and I'm like going to TV mode and I do it in the middle of that. I know what.

Stop fighting. Stop fighting. Is it because I was born? Did I ruin your relationship? God, PTSD in the podcast. So listen, she have just finished Filman Taskmaster Series 20. Yes.

It's amazing. It was really, really good. Oh, good. Yeah. Because you worry, like, obviously, you guys have done it. And I've watched both your series. Excellent work. I was just saying earlier, Rosie,

that I'm a little bit annoyed. Your series has been so well received because I was really hoping it would be dodging. And I thought, we can, like, go, well, we're coming back. Yeah, we're now, like, kind of like, at a gig, at a stand-up gig, going on after someone who's just,

died on their ass. It's always the easiest gig. Oh, a guy with the ukulele. Give me that. Yum, yum, yum, yum. But now... No, but they're different. So I was just...

I was just saying, our gang, there wasn't... Who's a stand-up? Stevie's a stand-up, but she's more kind of comedy sketch, isn't it? Fatty's more. Fattier stand-up. Yeah. But the rest of us are just sort of like acting, actor-y podcasting people.

So it was very... It was very... E-Tweee, nice, nice. Whereas you're hard-hitting comedians. Oh, it's funny, that. Full set. So it was... And genuine bona fide, I would see national treasures as well.

Two national treasures. Yeah, yeah, thank you very much. I appreciate it. Me and Sandra, yeah. Sandia and Reese. No, it was good. It was a good dynamic. It was really good.

It's, what I found funny was, Stevie, who's amazing. Like, she messaged me when she found out I was on. So I'd gone to see Adam and John Kearns. Oh, yeah. And Paul and Boatner, Adam Riches. Yeah. Adam Riches and Bo. Oh, my God.

It's so funny. Like the ball and bell. They're doing the lesser swear theatre to go and get tickets. It was the most fun of her out of the show. But I saw Stevie just before, like she came in with the dog or whatever. She was like, well, actually, it was quite fun. I went into the dressing room and John Kearns had his shirt open. And he went, if you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

And I went, you thought I was Adam, didn't you? He went, yeah, I did, but I had to carry up with it. So then we both took our shirts off when Adam came in and he did not appreciate it at all. He just went, it's too hot for this. It's too hot for this. Then the next day she went, oh, I didn't realize you're on Taskmaster. And she sent me really nice tips of how to deal with it.

Yeah. Because the records, as you know, are so different. Like you do the tasks in the house. And it's the most funny you ever had as an adult. And then you go, oh, no, but I need to sell it. Yeah. But it's such an interesting show where you kind of give each other space and it's just fantastic.

But there's a live audience as well. So if you're like us, puppies, as soon as this live audience, I'm like, turned on. Of course, yeah. But you've got to rein it in because you've got to seem normal. Yeah, well, you don't want to step on any toes, do you? But what's quite nice about this? I think it's like unlike any other show, that you, one, you've already,

you know they're going to edit you, that the team are amazing, aren't there? Oh, yeah. I say it so much. I say it in every interview I do, and it's almost getting a bit, it sounds a bit sort of trite now, but I'm telling you it's the best team in telly. Yeah, it is. It really is. And they're just fantastic.

Like my mum and dad came to one of the records. And the first night, my mum, my mum's in two episodes for some reason, right? But the first night I went, and I came off and I was like, going, this the fourth episode. We all got in the swing of it. We're going, this is great. And what I was trying to say was, like, you give everyone space, don't you? Like, whereas most panel shows you're trying to jump in.

Yeah. But that one, you know, give everyone space. We can all find. And mum, Karen, I went, I can't wait to see. Like, this is the big, I can't wait to see. Like, when she comes off and tells me how great it was. And she went, oh, my knees are killing me. Big fat bloke in front of me.

pushing back on his chair. And I went, right, all right, Mom. He's straight, oh, God, can you order as an Uber? I went on a little bit, a little bit busy to be on this, Mom. I just done the show. And I went, oh, my God. And my friends were sat next to her going, she just winged all the way through. She was going, oh, my God, he's so fat.

I couldn't see around his head. So the next day, the timers are amazing. Vicki went, I'm going to give them the VIP treatment. and they took my mum and dad around. They gave him a tour, introduce them to everyone, pick your seat. So they got to pick the chair for the next day for the morning.

And they were so fantastic. And they had the best day. The next day was fantastic. And they loved it. But that's how good the team are. They went, we'll look after it. Phil's a bit busy.

Because my mum was sick at one point going, can you get Phil to get me an Uber? And she went, I think Phil's a bit, I'll get you a new one. So they got him a car. We'll get you a car. And it was like, they're so fantastic. Back down to worse.

Yeah, so anyway. But what an experience. I loved it. What was your tactic with Greg? Did you argue with the decisions? No, I didn't personally. We all are. So weirdly, we all argue every day for the last task.

Because they're all like, we just go, this is like bullshit. It makes no sense. So we all argue to the point that it actually gets a bit irritating for Alex and Greg. Right. It goes on for like, we do about 20 minutes before the last task. Like, basically go, This makes no sense then, an year ago, but this is like, so can you, and then I'll go, can you just recap the rules again?

I'm going to tell you right now, none of that shit's going to be in. I know, I know. So that was a thing. So what was interesting was, Rhys, and Reese is like a hero of mine. Like, I went to the Taskmaster Experience, the live. Have you done the live experience? No. No, did the TV show me.

Yeah, I know, yeah. We do one of the fucking tourist attraction. How much, did you do it before or after? Before, yeah. Oh, cheating. Free wine. I didn't go Oh, when it opened

Did you go as a guest? Or did you just close a punter? I went as a guest. I love the idea. I love the idea that you did the experience and you were so good. They went, get them on the show. Oh, so for me, you did not even better.

We thought he was just a punter. Genuinely a master of tasks. But I was in a team with Steve Pemberton. And Steve Pemberton brought his kids to, so he knows me from the Funs and Games show. Yes. We put a pin in that. We need to hear about the Tasmasters.

The best thing I've ever seen. Yeah, me too. So Steve brought his kids. And then so we're in the team and afterwards he was going, you're not allowed to tell it. It's so secretive, isn't it? You're not allowed to tell anyone. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So I was really sick. And I told Jason, weird, because you know Jason's. Friends of a podcast. Jason is just so like, just tell me something weird. And I went, right, it's this. And I thought he would have told you, but he didn't. No. Yeah, no.

He didn't tell me you. When did we find out? I found it. I was in the taskmaster house after I'd done the podcast with Ed gamble and I looked on the wall at all of the previous contestants and I knew, I recognised your, but your series was little effigies of rubber ducks. Yeah, yeah. And I went, what series is this?

And they went, that's the one that's filming now. And I felt, I'm not joking, right? I saw the rubber duck dressed as you. It was the hair cut. I gave it away. And I went, that's not who I think it is. Is it? And I didn't want to, I think I told you on the phone.

Yeah. I was so excited that he was doing it. I didn't want to see his name out loud. Like in case I was wrong. And Andy, the director, he went, he went, you know him. And I went, do what? You know him, Northern. I went, tall.

You went, yeah, tall. I went, tall. I went, from Preston. You went, yeah, I went, it's not. You went, it is. I went, it's Phil Ellis. You went, I went, running. I was, mate.

Like, Gamble was like, I can calm down, mate. I was so excited that you were. I know you were your message, me. It was a really sweet message. I loved it. That sounds like you had given a description to like a guy like. So what is he? Northern? Preston, tall.

Receding hair, like? Yeah, yeah. Took both my suitcases. I saw him running away from the train. Got a beak. But I wanted to get hair plugs. I nearly got hair plugs. Is that a transplant?

A transplant? Yeah. Because, like, I want to keep this hairline. I'm not that bothered about my hairline. But I don't want this ball, but I'm getting quite sad. And this little hair eye. I'm not happy about that. But you can't.

There's not shaming that if you want to get them. Well, I wanted to do it. But I was going to do it after Edinburgh. because I was filming the tasks so I couldn't be like in the tasks like this and then all of a sudden scabby full head of hair in the studio

I'm sure I'm sure I'm sure Joe Wilkinson between the tasks and going to the studio I'm sure he fully like he fully cut his hair shaved his beard he looked at a different bloke who's madness

really I thought you were going to say he got hair plugs he's got a world who needs I know if anything he's got too much yeah I love a bit of that I'm triggered. Sorry, sorry. So you've got Taskmaster coming out.

You've got a tour? Yes. Yes. No title for the tour yet. He hasn't named it yet. Yeah. Fine. It's pathetic, isn't it?

I don't know. It's hard to think of a title. I actually looked at your titles to try and get an idea of what to do. Oh God, don't look at mine, mate. I had a nightmare. The first time I said I don't want to do, I don't want to use a title.

Let's just name it after the year. It was 2020. I didn't do the bastard until 21. It was a nightmare. I remember that and changed all the tickets. Oh, shit. I thought you went in 2020 vision. Well, that's what, thankfully, I put a thing in it for some reason.

And people thought about cricket or something. I thought it was, but then it was so triggering to people. I was like, me, 22. Everyone was like, don't mention 2020. I was like, oh, Christ, I finished it in 2022. It's a nightmare. Have you got any ideas? I thought my favourite one at the moment is no refunds.

That's good. That's nice. Very old. Yeah. Or any requests. I wanted to call it the farewell tour. What? That's the farewell to us career.

It's quite funny in it, like the first ever. I like any request. That's good. That's all right, isn't it? I like that. I think that's quite nice. Why don't you write in? Put a little link there.

Right in. Sorry, we're not doing your admin. Sorry, all right. Did you need me a point? Can I just see as well? Go fund me. Buy me a coffee. You didn't see this.

What was the show that I saw in Edinburgh? Yes, yeah. We'll get the funds and games I mean. but what was the show where you were in the, it was, you were, in the beginning, it was the, it was the flute from Titanic playing over and over again as your endless music. The Titanic, my heart will go on on the panpires.

That was the walk in, so as the crowd come and sit in, I'm sitting there, and I was like, oh, Taita, and it was just on a loop. It was just the flute on a loop. There's just enough of a pause. Yeah, and it comes straight and again. And you have the best, in my opinion, it's the greatest opening gag I've ever.

seen. You walked in, you walk in, you've walked in with two massive suitcases. Oh, you've told me this story so many saying. I love it too much.

I remember that. You walk him to a massive suitcases and you make a big thing are coming through the crown and you're all right. And you put them in the corner and the first thing you say down the mic is,

sorry, sorry everyone, that's got nothing to do with the show. I just don't trust the people at the hostel. Oh yeah. Without a doubt,

that was my first show. Yeah. The best opening gag I've ever heard in my life. Oh, I appreciate. Yeah, because you came Like, my first show, it didn't get a lot of traction until very late on. But like you, obviously, always been a really good supporter.

And like, we started on the circuit in Manchester together, which is, you know, you mean Carl. Yeah. So I always appreciate his support. But then we had, but that, I think Bell Burnham came towards the end and Josh Whittaker. But then, and so what that's kind of set, luckily, that set the president for funds and games because he got, no one cared for it at all. I had Mel Brown doing PR who's great.

Like I like Mel Brown. I was younger, quite know where it worked. So I said to her, we're going to get loads of bad reviews. It'll be brilliant. And she was like, no,

it's terrible. You can keep getting two-star reviews. I went, yeah, it's brilliant. Because they didn't, they just thought the show was rubbish. But I was going, no, but it's purposely rubbish.

They don't realize. So one of the, my favorite review was, Paul Ellis's show is a series of errors. Paul Ellis. Two stars. And I had. And as you know, like in Edinburgh.

On brand review. So years ago in Edinburgh, like, because I don't know, Rose, if you went up years, but the loft bar, it's not really a thing anymore, is it? Not really, but it was all the bars of the board-losses. Yeah, yeah. So it's like the gilded balloon. Yeah.

So my poster, weirdly. You've came up with me as me gag-hack. Excuse me. You've been me gag-hag. Oh, my God. Oh, is that what I've been doing the fridge. Oh, is that what they call them. Oh, so you weren't actually married or nothing then.

Gag-hags. What do you mean? You shouldn't shame to yourself. A boyfriend. A comedian's girlfriend. Gagagag. Gagag. That's disgusting.

It is horrible. It's as if like the only thing that attracted you to him was his humour. Absolutely not. If anything, my humour is on a daily basis, pushing our further away from me. It's what's going to break us up. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo babadoo babadu babadu babu babu babu babu. So I was very lucky that when I, my poster was right outside the front. Yeah.

So you come out the steps. drunk at 3am and my poster was the main one. Oh, nice. And I just put two star reviews on it big. Like there's a big poster and they put like two star reviews. And I think people started going, he's this weird. What the fuck is this? I think Michael Legger, that was quite funny.

He went, oh, look at this prick. And because I put star of YouTube.com. And he went, look at this prick. And then so I went, no, it's a joke. And he went, oh, God, I feel bad now. So he can watch it. He went, oh, no, I get it now. So then, so when I do Funs and Games, the kids show,

he kind of fed into it because people went, he's not going to do a kid's show. That's meant, because I kept walking past all these kid show posters that year, and I want to be funny if this same idiot, he's got the suitcases who doesn't trust the hostel, does a kid show just to earn money. So that's why I did the kids show.

We saw it. We saw it. Was that the first one? We saw the first one. Honestly. Oh God, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely class. It was me, Rosie and Rosie's mom. Yeah, my mom still talks about it.

Oh, really? My mom came up to see you live. Oh, really? To her, yeah, yeah. I think when you did the stand, when you did she. Oh, did she? Just like you're a mega fan.

You don't know this. Oh my God, I've never told him this. I'm going to tell him live on the podcast. When we had our first son, we had his christening. I always say it wrong. We had his christening. And we were working out what to do afterwards.

We genuinely considered trying to get you all to come and do funds and games. Yeah. We genuinely considered trying to book it. We need to explain it for people who are listening who haven't seen it. well yeah well Phil do you want to explain it? Phil do you want us to explain it? Yeah well I've re-ramped it now

so it's a new cast we've diversified it we needed that it was just white it was just white northern men it was very white northern blobs but also I just think it needed a bit of like a new energy to it but it's basically like a kid show

that's not really for kids yeah it's for the adults so the adults but the kids enjoy it and they don't get all the darker jokes that go over the heads. But they just enjoy the game. And I love kids. I do genuinely like really like kids.

I'm not getting any other things, as you know. But I did that show one year when I pretend had kids and you got really emotional thinking I actually had kids. I was like, I haven't spoke to Phil for so long. I had no idea I had kids. Like, I'm a really bad friend. And at the end, the whole thing was bullshit. Phil, I was angry.

Yeah, you were. I was genuinely quite angry. I was like, you fucking asshole. The way I would describe funds and games is, you know, if you're watching like a Pixar movie, And there's two levels. There's the main body of the movie and the jokes and everything is for the children. And then there is always a level on top of the odd little bit that the parents can get and laugh at,

which keeps the parents entertained. Flip it upside down. That's fun and games. The kids are playing a game and they're getting involved in a game. But the main level of the comedy that's happening, they're not in on, they're not getting upset by, because they're not spotting all the stuff that's going over their head. But then how would you describe? How would you describe the moment when one of the cast members came in with a trolley that still had the pound in and you all fought to get the pound out?

That was good. That was your second one? That was the second one. That was the second one that I've seen then. We went up, Rosie, we went up specifically the next year to watch the second one. That was in the tent. Yeah. Yes.

All right. So Mick Fahua were coming with the trolley and go, what are you doing with the trolley? It was just like hit it for about two, three minutes. All of you just dropped everything. It was short. She was off. And then he goes, right,

nice one. I just walk off. That's brilliant. But, yeah, it was funny. It's, I think the new show's got

the same kind of energy, but it's got, we're bringing back some old bits, but we're doing, it's all new games, all new stuff, really.

Nice. But we've got the, like, I love the clown, that's my favourite bit. Oh, yeah. When the clown would come in,

I'd go, I've had a clown. And then after about 30 seconds, the kids are loving the clown. But I realize, I've actually, accidentally hide a stripper and he just starts stripping. And he puts cream on his time, goes at one of the mumps and he rips his shirt open.

It goes at that. And I go, get him out, get him out. But the kids don't get it. So afterwards, always used to love it because we kicked the stripper out. And I go, oh, my God. What magazine did you find him in? And I go, I wonder why he's in the back of that one. But I don't.

But the kids have been like, where's the clown? Because they don't understand what's happened. I'm like, don't know. You brought Funza Games back last year. And I took our son. He was eight times right now. Yeah. Yeah.

You got one stage and everything. And he, again, it was just that perfect thing of me and Daniel Sloss was sitting next to me and Daniel Sloss's kid. He was loving it. My son's getting up and getting involved. It's just like fun for all the family, but not in the way you expect it to be fun for all the family.

Do you enjoy Edinburgh? I do, yeah. I love it. Because it's like, I remember a comedian years ago? Before I did Funs and Games, me and Liam Williams were doing this gig in Harrogate and this other comedian. a bit of an old-school comedian who's going,

what's the point? Why are you going up to Edinburgh? And I was like, well, I said, and I was doing funds of games at you. And I just went, well, I said, it's just an opportunity to do something you don't get to do. I, am I living from comedy. So I have to do all the clubs.

And you've not got a lot of leeway to just experiment because you've got to hit the, you know, get the acts on, I'm seeing most. And he just went, I'll be earning loads of money whilst you're up in Edinburgh. So then me and Liam, that year, we both got nominated. Well, I got the panel prize.

He got the newcomers. So there's that weird thing of like going, oh, he reminded me of it years later and I forgot about it. He went, do you remember that? I went, God, yeah, remember. We had to like defend ourselves why we wanted to go to Edinburgh. So there's a lot of that on the circuit. There's a lot of what I call it. It's how I describe it.

I don't know if you'll agree here, but it's exactly the same vibe and energy as the kids outside of the exam at school going, have you revised for this? I haven't revised for this. Yeah, yeah. Oh, well done, mate. You're feeling like a legend, are you? Fuck off. We used to have our wonderful lockdown chats.

We did. Oh yeah. Friday nights, weren't there? Yeah, I know. I don't know what you're up to do it then, but I'm sure you haven't. I think I was a... Less bleak time than it was.

Our lockdown stuff was, I mean, sorry to mention lockdown, anyone listening or watching. I know what's horrible, but it was you, me, Scott Bennett, Jason Cook, Carl Hutchinson, on a Zoom every Friday night. Suiting and booted would get dressed. Yeah, I'd dress up.

Yeah? Although you were in... I mean, you're in the worst flat imaginable. Oh, no. It was a... It was a terrorist house. Yeah. But it was awful.

Like, sometimes I'd have to fight a rat off trying to get in to the door. Because I didn't have Wi-Fi. It had like a really bad pixel-a-d-d-old. Oh, I remember. Oh, I remember. I used to put my phone on the bin, didn't I? Yeah, I was horrible. It was horrible.

People were like, probably horrible people next door who were, like, fighting and playing music really loud. I had to, yeah, I had to keep calling social stuff. This sounds like a, I'm right, snitch, but I had to contact social services because I was worried about the child living there. Really bad. And we're having our little chat. And I'm going, yeah, oh, she's calling a child a horrible thing.

Right, I'll be back in a minute. I'm going to record this for the social service. I'm back in a minute. Genuinely true. And then, and I was like, pain. No word of a lie. This is. Oh, paint was peeling off the wall.

I was sat next to a washing machine. So I found, I'd just got off strictly. I'd just written a tour. I was about to go on to her. And then we got locked down. We had a podcast tour. Arena's on sale. That all got stopped.

I was feeling really down and bad. And your situation made me feel so much better about mine. And can you remember once? I remember once for having a chat. I'm going, it's not as bad as you think. I don't need Wi-Fi. I've got like, I've got 80 gig. Like, it sees me for the month.

And then this rat tried to get in. I went, oh, no, no, a rap's trying to get in. I went, I went. You remember? Because I was a chain smoker about then, so I'd have the door open and I'd be sat there. And then eventually, on our Friday nights, he used to have to put a big piece of wood

so the rat couldn't get it. This is so bad. Rosie, it was horrible, man, but we loved it. Were you renting it? Were you renting there? It was the house I grew up in. Like the first day of lockdown, I'll tell you this. It's a cleans a lot, doesn't it?

I'm quite, I'm proper. I'm like a Ken Louchfield, mate. I think people genuinely don't think. I looked at, do you know, there's like an actual criteria to be working class? And I absolutely nail every point. What your mum and dad do when you're nine years old, apparently. All right, okay. And I was like, forklift driver, cashier at ASDA.

I'm in. Yeah. Tick, tick, tick. Still not got a burstery. Buy me a coffee. But, um... Did you not get full whack at college? I did.

I got an extra, I got an extra, um, a bit of money for uni. Do you know what? Yeah, I got fuck all. But my pay,

well, because my mom and dad, they, they didn't work. My dad went back to uni when I was at school. So we got free dinners and everything. My mom and dad were on income support.

My dad was washing dishes in the local Italian restaurant and all that kind of. and stuff. But then when I went to college, they both got, my dad finished uni, got quite a good job. So they were earning together, like literally probably about £400 over the threshold of the EMA. So I got nothing. And it's a real bono contention that I've carried round for years. You should wear that on your shoulder. I do. And I left. Anyway. I love that. He's just talking about being fighting a rat out of the house as an adult and you're like, when I was in college, I didn't get money for beer.

I didn't get free chips. Sorry, speaking of a bone of contention, can you remember when we did the Zoom, right? I don't think I've told you this for, so I mean Jason Cooked talked about this all the time. When you got Wi-Fi in the house, finally, and you are on the Zoom on the computer. Oh, no, what I do was I increased my limit,

so I didn't have Wi-Fi, I just got 100-gkin. Well, you had something that he spent the full day once, this is January 2, he spent the full day, doctor in his background on Zoom. Oh, God, yeah. And he made, he took a photo,

of his background and he made his background the house that he was in, but with him peering around the doorway at the back. Oh yeah, Jason brought this up to the death. We all saw it and all silently collectively agreed not to mention it. And about half an hour into the Zoom,

he spat his dummy out, he was like, you haven't even fucking mentioned me background, he stormed off. He started, he was in a rain off. He went outside for a cigarette. He wouldn't speak to him. You went to see the rat? I remember once, do you remember once I came on? like a big, like heavy metal jacket with like studs on and a pirate hat

and no one mentioned it. And I was like, you fucking, someone better fucking mention this pirate. I've got to try it on. Come on. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. On game day, pain can hit hard and fast, like the headache you get when your favorite team and your

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Always read and follow the label. You are here for please keep me anonymous. You are here to read out one of our emails that we get from our phenomenal listeners who literally will share anything with us as long as we keep them anonymous, which we always do. Yeah. So this is to Katie. Stop it.

80 race. Stop it. 32 years old. PR2 1 3B is the postcode. No one from Preston. I'm only joking. Here's a national insurance number. Very cool.

I remember, sorry, I'll do this. But I remember once trying to get a drink when I was about 15 years old in Preston and I had my national insurance card. I thought that would do. And they went, have you got any ID to prove your AT? I went, my national insurance card. The guy just went, this just proves you exist.

And I went, can I please have a drink? And he went, right, I have one. He said, stay in the corner and then leave after this. I went, thank you. I said, let's leave. It's boring in there. Sorry, let's crack on. Anyway, dear anonymous.

So, dear Chris. I know my national shooting's removed by heart. Really weird. Come on. Jay hate. Can they steal her identity? Yeah, I'm happy with that. Yeah.

You might give him a little. I got a driving license. It's a car crash. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking enjoy my identity. Christ, I've had a terrible time with it for 43 years. You enjoy it. Come on. Dear Chris, I love that about Chris.

Come on. Come on, Phil. We've got you on. Just do the, do the bit. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. While studying at uni, I worked as a waitress at a local pub. Whilst working there, the chefs would always tell us stories of past customers. they sound like quite the laugh

one I hate chefs as well do you know what chefs like if you want to shout at teenagers would be out work at CX fucking hell chefs can fuck off I don't get away of it

I remember once been my dad that's the chef he went he's not even wearing a hat he got really angry where's his hat sorry one chef

come on paragraph two one chef used to work in a seafood restaurant when I see food I eat it Oh God What One chef used to work in a seafood

You are so wishing that was whiskey I saw you go Fucking this was a terrible idea I knew he wouldn't do it I'm going to do it properly My apologies One chef used to work in a seafood restaurant It was great quality food

But with a price tag One regular was an old man in his 80s Who would come A couple of times a week on his own Of course he did sad old get he would come a couple of times to work him himself

and sit at the same table in the corner and order a seafood platter of course he's what else he's going to order at the seafood ratter and order a seafood platter which included a very large bowl of muscles the whole plate of fish would be polished off

but he never touched his muscles well when this delicious bowl of muscles returned untouched to the kitchen each time the waiters would always eat the leftovers oh fuck I know it's disgusting in it. A new waitress started

and she soon befriended the old man. That's been creepy, don't it? Someone smelt money. And would often chat to him as he ate. One day, she went to collect his plate and asked, can I just ask, why'd you order the seafood platter with mussels when you don't eat them?

The old man laughed. And said, well, with muscles, as much as I love the taste, they don't agree with me too well, so I suck on them for the flavour. Oh no That's horrible Oh no

So the staff The staff are eating Muscles that he's sucked all the flavour I know That is a good turnaround Because I was genuinely bored But that Really

That's like the twist in the sixth sense That in it She took me by surprise All I think is that They could have put them back in the sauce And they would have regained a bit of Yeah but they've got his sawbar all over them man Are they insult?

Like a white wine kind of sauce. Like a white wine gardening sauce. I love muscles. Love muscles. I think I like them. But when I taste the grit and I go, oh, what am I doing? Oh, I love them.

She eats bottom dwelling, awful, disgusting stuff. You love bottom dwellers. Anything in a clam? In a clam? In a shell. I went to a seafood restaurant and it was like the prawns. You have to take the heads off. And I was so excited.

And I won't like it. And the lobster. it was the most harrowing experience. Because we got this, like, weekend away in this really nice hotel. And they gave you vouchers. And I went, how was it? I went, I went, I won't lie to. I went, it's the most harrowing experience.

I had to take the head off and all of the brown stuff came out. Oh, yeah, that's really good. Really? Oh, you eat that? Oh, my gosh, yes. Oh, God. It was horrible. I feel like totally great.

I'm not foraging. I'm not foraging on my own played for food. Exactly. I'm not like, like, I'm pulling scraps out of a bin. I'm not, I've played money to be here. I'm not doing it. That's the brown store. I think it's their brains.

But it's like, that's like stock. Like you would dip your bread in that and it's like pure. You dip your bread in it? Oh my God. Awful. She's awful. Oh, God. What is it to say anything else?

So, yeah, it does go on a bit. So it took up the flavor. The waitress was left in shock as she too had been joining in the feast in the kitchen. Oh, it is. Right. Okay. I've never worked in a restaurant. I've worked in cafes.

But do people eat stuff? off people. Like putting us plates. Yeah. When I was a waiter in a, I was a silver service waiter at the stadium of light. So I'd walk around with a big sheafing dish. Oh,

I said, do you know I'll have Sunday tonight. You know, he'll sometimes do like silver service with the fork and I want a dad. Oh, it's disgusting. Just imagine the spoon's in there, Phil. It's horrible.

The fork's in there. Do you know what's the worst thing though? We've got young boys, right? And sometimes the kids, sometimes they're really ached out by a crisp. But sometimes they're like impressed. and so now he literally served yeah my eldest loves it he's like dad do the do the spoon thing

so Chris is like chicken son I had a full night of training and do that so I'd walk around a big chafing dish and a chafing dish oh my god you are so common I'd walk around a big chafing dish and I would put stuff down I would regularly on Christmas on a Christmas night I would regularly leave

a couple of little pigs and blankets just in the corner there where they couldn't see as they were sitting down on my way back in Yeah, but that's not being on their plate. Would you ever have ate something off of those plates as well? If someone didn't touch a pig and blanket, I'd eat it off the plate as well on the way. Would you eat off someone's plate? I'd eat off someone's shoe.

I'm a real piece of shit. He did score very high on the working class. Exactly. I had to fucking bat a rat off. Can I just say? You sat in your jacuzzi. I didn't know. How did I not know the rat story?

Because that is one of the saddest things I've ever heard. I got so blind drunk every single one of the ones. them zooms just to cover up the pain of the whole thing that I did forget a lot of it. We had to bring Barry Dodds in eventually because it was just too bleak. We needed some new meat. It was a Barry getting about. Just to finish though, the house with the rat, that was your childhood home because we didn't actually touch on that.

You skirt over it and I would like to know more about it. So I grew up in... That rat's his brother. Yeah, the rat, yeah. The rat. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good kid. He carries a lot of disease.

I grew up around. So I grew up, moved around press on it, but I grew up in. So this part, this was a house that we lived in when I was like late teens. So I was the first person to go to university for my family. And also the last. There's only two. Me and my cousin from Kirby, Liverpool, quite a rough estate in Liverpool. Kirby, wonderful place.

I love my cousins very much. Yeah, Kirby's a good game. Great game. That's a working class game. Yeah, Kirby. Boo-ya. Yeah. She went to Oxford.

She got a math, what do you call that when you get a scholarship? A scholarship to Oxford. Nice. And I went to Staffs Union and got a third in media. That's the thing about Taskmaster. They do your Wikipedia page, don't they? The fans are obsessed. And the great fans, that's what's really nice about it.

But they go on your Wikipedia. And mine is the bleakest thing. It does sound like a plot to like a Ken Loach film. It just goes, Phil went to Staff's Union and got a third in media and then worked to their bank's factory for four years. This is fucking bleak when we found this. Come on, let's finish this story though. So it turned out, he used to whip them out of the shells,

suck out the flavour and pop them back in to be collected. The debate in the kitchen then was if this was deliberate to trick the waiters because if the man really just wanted to have the flavour the muscles, why did he feel the need to tuck them so neatly back in their shells? Oh, that is interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's done it deliberately. Sick.

Get his kicks, goes on, whacks them off, guarantee it. I bet he fucking tuck. himself behind a curtain and his shoes just pop out and he's absolutely ripping the end of it behind. Right. I'm so sorry. What an amazing visual end on.

Thank you so much for listening or watching. Phil Ellis everyone. Thanks Phil. That was great. Yay. Like and subscribe. Click. Follow the link.

There'll be a link there, yeah. No, probably. Yeah, follow that link.