Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous with Rosie Jones

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

On this week’s podcast Chris and Rosie are joined by the brilliant writer, actor and comedian Rosie Jones! Rosie is on to talk about her Edinburgh show that is running for the whole of the fringe! They also discuss eating and drinking habits during the festival and why Rosie is down to one drink per week. They discuss what Rosie would have done if she wasn’t a comedian and what it felt like hearing Jimmy Carr tell a joke she’d written! All of this plus a Please Keep Me Anonymous story that sparks a debate in the studio! To book tickets to Rosie’s Edinburgh run visit rosiejonescomedy.com If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! : [e-mail] : 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now streaming on Disney Plus, the Hulu original series Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black, played by Emmy Rossum, on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer. Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur. New episodes week over week. Watch the Hulu original series Furious, now streaming only on Hulu on Disney Plus. Hi, you're listening to Shagmagnoyd, please keep me anonymous. Part of the Shag Magninoid extended universe. We are joined this week by the fantastically funny Rosie Jones. Had a hell of chat, didn't we?

Genuinely, so nice to actually get annoyed because I've never had a proper conversation with her. I've watched that on every television program under the sun. Yeah, oh yeah, every way. That girl is booked and blessed. Booked and blessed. So funny. So funny. And she's going back to the Edinburgh Fringe this year for the first.

I'm in seven years with a show called I Can't Tell What She's Seeing, which is a phenomenal title, she'll be at Pleasance Courtyard Cabaret Bar from the 5th of August to the 30th of August, not the 17th. That's the day off. Back of my day, he didn't have a day off, lazy, rosy, but whatever. At 4pm, rosy Jonescom.com for tickets. Just had a great chat.

She's so funny, so lovely. Had a lovely time. Me too. Enjoy. We had a fight about the jingle, jinggo. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle Jingo

We hope you like the Jingo Jinnog Babadoo Babadoo Babadu Babadu Bhabo Jingo What are you doing the full run Oh my God I didn't think you were I thought you were

Oh wow alright So you're not doing a now I'm famous limited run Oh see it And Ed Gamble work in progress No No I'm a poor

Oh, do you know what it is? You're like, yeah. Cetia's the real deal. Because you could have, you could have just gone and done six nights. And done eating. Yeah, I know. A little bit. Oh, nice.

I don't think, I haven't done it for you. God, I think my last year was probably, gosh, 20, 2013 maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, actually. And that was a limited room. Robin was born.

We got married 2014. been wrong. I've never done it since. No, I never did it when I had kids. Are you sure? Never done the head of my friends when I had kids.

No. But didn't you do one of them really horrible sort of just like I'm famous now I'm just doing two nights? Yeah, I wasn't even famous. It was fucking empty. No, you did.

You did. What are you doing? Rosie, hang on. Pleasant's Courtyard. Nice. Which one? Is that what it's called? The cabaret back

which I've really loved in the centre bit. But I love it that. I feel so creative. And I make sure that I see three or four other shows every day. No, like a fucking reviewer. My God. No one's saying that's like a reviewer schedule.

Three or four shows a day. That's crazy. I love it though. Yeah. I just. think they've got their best job in the world. Yeah. Just to make people laugh.

Yeah. But then I love watching other people and going, oh, yeah, you can do it that way. Yeah. Is there anyone who you're really looking forward to seeing? They're one of my very good. friends is Helen Bauer. Helen Bauer.

And if you don't know it at look her up, she's got their biggest personality out there and she's doing a working progress. And that always excites me to see a comic working it out on stage. So you were going to go and see at the beginning of the work in progress run and then at the end of the progress run and see how we go.

That would be my worst nightmare doing a work in progress run and thinking comics could have come at the beginning and the end. And the worst bit being them going at the end. You didn't fucking change it thing. This is the same as day one. It's not progress. If anything you've gone back This is worse on the far.

That will be such as... Are you going to party? Or are you going to take it easy? How are you feeling? Well, I did my first full run in 2017. And my show was 3pm to 4. Nice. And that 4pm.

I would have a triple room every day. It's all wrong. Straight or with straight? Straight. It's straight. It's the only thing I enjoy straight. And then I will carry on drinking all night. That year, I don't go smoking.

I'm not surprised. You got to have a tab with the rum. Got to take the taste of the rum out of your mouth. But a lot has changed in 10 years. I still like a drink. But at the moment, I'm only drinking one alcoholic drink. a week and I

love it and use it it's an occasion so I think I'll carry that on at the French Was it a pint of rum?

Yeah just every week I think you should treat yourself and I think you should have two a week Maybe. Maybe. There is, as a comedian who's done the fringe numerous times, and I know you, and I know who you hang around with,

and I know you like a drink, there's no way on this fucking earth. So you're telling me you're going to have four drinks at the fringe. No chance. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No. No. It's just no way. No.

I'm going to, you know, I always. Sit on the train to Edinburgh and I go, I'm not going to drink. I'm going to join the gym. I'm going to eat fruit every day. No. Everyone does. I know.

You'll be at that burger van. Oh, have you ever been to Palmyra? Yes. In Edinburgh, a cabab shop. Oh, okay. Nice. I might not be drinking alcohol, but back to be sure that I'm having my daily cabats.

Chicken swarms. Like, prop a kebab, me. Yeah, like chicken swarmer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to be done. Treat yourself. I've got a revelation for you. I don't think it's going to be.

nice when you're sober. Oh no. A kebab is very much of four rooms and on right food. Oh, no. You're going to, see? Oh, I'm sorry. You're going to be devastated.

Oh, God. Last year, I went one further and I had a don't a kebab pizza. Oh, nice. Well, I was drunk. So, I think it was. I'm not a big Kabab fan.

No. I know. I know. Gosh. Why? Get out. I just, no, and it's not because I'm not, like, I love shitty food. I'm not trying to be you'd snobbyer.

I'm not like, oh, no. It's just not my cup of tea. Leaves of funny taste in your mouth, I think. Do you not find after you like? I think. I think Rosie think that's the best bit. Okay, fair enough. But also it is all about the sauces.

Well, I mean, yeah, okay, I'm a sucker for garlic. You just need to soak it and garlic. Right, fair enough, fair enough. But do you know what I had for the first time last year? What? I had a chicken teakia pizza. Oh. It was set.

It was like the curry, do you know, the chicken tequila you get? the curry. Bright red. It was on top of the pizza. I didn't stop thinking about it for about six months. Really? I swear, I haven't had it since, but it was... Oh my God.

Yeah, I remember when you had it, you went on about forever. It was so good. Yeah. See, I'm not sure about chicken on a pizza. Really? What do you could have on a pizza? Oh, I don't know about a bit of a bit of a little bit of chicken, but I'll just have a plate while I go.

Something about the kebab meat, the fact that they've got to shave it off the initial bit that it's on really always makes us feel a bit weird. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't even want to know how it gets on there. No, I know. And you don't know what it is, really.

But it's fine. No, people love kebab. Let's not. Yeah, it sounds like kebabs off. I don't want to ruin it. We all know. Bye. Let's not cabab shay.

Exactly. This isn't the place to be doing it. What time is you show this? Oh, four o'clock. Oh, rum o'clock? Yeah. You've shifted it one hour. You know what?

This says a lot about where I am in my career. That I was like, I will do the full run. I love it. I'll enjoy it, but wait, I don't want my show to get in the way of my enjoyment. So I'll get it done and then from 5pm party time. No, good fight and do you know what though? You are at a place in your career.

I was reading your notes just while I was. getting ready and you've done so much stuff. So you are at that point in your career where you can rightfully say, no. I'll do the 4pm stop. I'm not doing it at all. I wish I could do 4pm on tour. Yeah.

I wish venues would let you do 4pm. Oh my God. It's so good. I know. You know what? It's interesting you say that because I've now been doing comedy for... And I still feel guilty when I take a day off of a book a holiday.

Because when you work for yourself, you feel guilty. You feel lucky to be able to work. Can I love what I do? But yet in Edinburgh, I thought, Go in there early, get them when they're bad to one or two drinks. And before they get on the Yeager, fuck up. You've got it bang on. I think time shifts in Edinburgh slightly.

Yeah. I think, like, at 8 o'clock, like some people will book 8 o'clock. clock. You know, your big acts will go. I remember when I first started, the big guys were going and we're doing, right? Oh, he's on at 8 o'clock. Oh, he's on at 8 o'clock.

8 o'clock in Edinburgh. It's about 11 o'clock, realistically. Yeah. Yeah. You're 8 o'clock audience. They've had a few drinks through the day. They've been walking around loads. They've seen a few shows.

Time shifts. That's like catching up at home audience at 11 o'clock at night. They're drowsy. They're pissed. Four, for me, four o'clock is perfect. Babadoo, babo, babo, babo. Car shopping this civic holiday weekend, most car dealerships are closed

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Babadoo, babado, babadoo, babo, babo, bab. I feel like we need to take a minute to talk about the fringe, because I'd never been. Bearing of mind we live up north. She's been since. Until I met Chris, I'd never been. And I know so many people who haven't been. And I think that you're genuinely, like, if you've not been, you're really missing out.

It is such a good experience. If you were a fan of comedy and say now, everyone should be a fan of comedy. I dismay people who go, I don't like comedy because it's like, what, you don't like being happy. If you want a good, happy positive time,

get yourself to their things. because you're not only see some of your favourite comedians. I just love the fact that every street you go down is full of performers. I love taking the punt and just walking into a venue. and watching their show and sure sometimes it is

do shit sometimes you'll see a wonderful comic at the start of their career and even now when they go up there people stop me

and they go, I came to see you when you were on at the three fringe at Calgate and it feels like a secret quote. Yeah. Yeah. It's so exciting.

Oh, there's no, but oh my God, that feeling, when you've seen like a band or a comedian or an actor when they first started and then they get massive and you're literally like, I saw you. I did it with loads of it. You get very smog with it.

You know the smash, do you remember smash hits the magazine? Yeah. Well, I went to like a smash hit concert right near where we live. And there was like before they all got massive. It was 9-1-1 and like all the so, not honestly, but they were. But me and my friend went. We had no idea who there were.

They didn't know the songs. But then they got massive and we were like, we saw them at smash hits. And I've never met them. But if I did, I'd go, I saw you. At Metroland where we live They used to all go to Metroland Yeah It's a shopping centre in the north-east

It's gone now with Metroland It was a theme park inside of the shop centre What? See, it was fucking class It was so good They've got rid of it And to the point where Now that we've got kids

Who hate going shopping I would love that to be back Because I could go around the metro centre Chris could take them to the metro land And it doesn't exist Why doesn't exist anymore? Can we be open? It was amazing.

Come on. Imagine. Can let it. I forgot a note of money. Do you think? To really open that's right. My worries. It probably wasn't making much money.

So let's reopen it. But let's go bankrupt. Oh, no. Because actually, when the kids are at school, what's it doing? That's probably it, yeah. So it was probably, you know, you're talking during the week and stuff. It was probably a nightmare. That's it.

We need to lure more kids out of school. Stop it. That's a hell of a business. Rosie Jones said, fuck school. Imagine your own Dragon's Den. So what I want to do is I'm going to lure kids out of school to this theme part that I've put in in a shopping centre. I'm out.

Hey, Ted Jones will be in. Rosie, if you hadn't have done comedy, what do you think you'd be doing now? What career? Prison. I always say, hopefully I'll never get banged up. But if I did find myself in prison, I would thrive. What do you mean? I can see it

You're really charismatic They'd fall for you What do you think Give me a day I'd be daddy And be top dog And I'm a day Give me a day

And I'd be top dog What are you in for? What are you in for in this scenario? Fing cheek. Vest. You know, there's a bit of robberies. But maybe removing bats from your house. Yeah.

Something cheeky. Something cheeky. A bit of a fraud. Yeah, just a cheeky. Not to any, not the old and the vulnerable. Like, so on mid-age, yeah. A billionaire. Yeah.

Yeah. Nothing with a direct victim. No, no. Okay, amazing. And I'd have about four or five girlfriends. Of course. It would be lovely. Why the fuck not?

Can I just, please, can I just for a moment point out, especially the phrase four or five girlfriends, how much different this would be if I was seeing this. How much worse it would be if I, can't be honest with you. Don't think I can pull that joke off. Don't think I'll pull that joke off. And that is why I love being disabled.

You know. Honestly, I can sit here and go, I would be amazing in prison. And I guarantee you. They got a load of listeners going at all. Isn't she cute? Really? They don't really not.

Do you feel like you can get away with a lot more? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I love it. Really? I think that's why a static comedy in the first place. Because even now, people feel awkward around disability. And I want to go out there and be like,

yeah, I'm disabled, but look at me. I'm funny, confident. I love my life. And if you, let me get away with shit, that's on you. You'll fucking rob them place. And look, that is class, by the way. That's fucking mint. I'm not saying that being from the North East is also a disability,

but we can get away with a lot more with the accent. Yeah. Not that it's, I am not saying it to say. So I needed to say that because I feel like you or you would have got in with it. So I had to preload that because I know

what I'm fucking dealing with but I feel like I get away I've been able to get away with a lot more in my career

just because of a bit of charm bit of cheek bit of a smile so gosh I get a fucking Christmas day for you

isn't it's so good it's great nice so good but what do you think you'd be doing though you did work

behind the scenes didn't you worked behind the scenes for a writing so I worked on loads comedy

shows and I started writing jokes for comedians. And I remember the first time Jimmy Carter said the joke that I had written. And my first thought was, yay, people are laughing. Nice. And my second thought was, wait a minute, people are laughing at Jimmy.

I want to get that price. So I thought, wait a minute. Comedians get paid more for less work. I'll do that. Can you remember the joke? No. No. Was it on cats?

Yeah, yeah. Wow. That's great. I love that, though. But then also, even 10 years ago, you didn't really get disabled comedians. So for ages, I thought, I can't be a stand-up because I speak slowly,

people will get to their punchline before I do. You too, you know what I'm. But then I thought, wait a minute. I just structure of it so that every single joke I say people cannot guess where it's going to go. As you've done a great example,

like when you said, what would you be doing? You could not have guests. Yeah. Like I would say prison. Yeah. Until I, with the control, said prison.

Yeah. And because I had the control and it surprised you. That's where they come. comes from. Wow, yes. You just constantly pull them in the other direction. Yeah. And so you've,

that's something systematic that you think, right, I can't go for the obvious punchline here. I have to pull this in a moment. Yeah. Yeah. Brilliant. And for me, every syllable matters. So I got to write a joke.

I type it out. And then I literally go, oh, it will take me too long to say fantastic. Right. Because as soon as I say fantastic, people will go, oh, she's saying fantastic. I never thought about that, you know. So I go, oh, I'll say. great. So it's just the one.

Yeah. Oh, never asked about that. I really think every comic regardless of how quit their talk should do that

because I watch a lot of comedians and they go they're awfully now. They've got to to the joke and then they've added one more sentence

that they didn't need so it's such a good way to trim their fact that's really good idea you used to waffle horrendously do you remember sorry no just like I used to work in radio

for capital and you had 13 seconds to talk it was like so when we started doing the podcast. She was like me producer. She was like your producer and my co-host. It was like, get the point. I've stopped doing it now. I used to do this. And you go, stop it. There's no, we're not in a hurry and I go, you're just, you're taking too long to get to the end of the joke. Yeah. But I think that's a comedian's thing and especially

in this, when there's no laughter. Yeah. He used to really struggle when, because it was just us too doing it. No laughter. He'd be like, but not, and I'm going, I've laughed a little bit. Like they are laughing it. It's fine. I'll stop doing that thankfully we'll film it now so she can't fucking sit there and doing that anyone listening who's just listening on an audio by the way she would do like

almost like a helicopter as helicopter has rotor like wind it up wind it up God it was there nothing really kills the confidence in a story you're saying then your wife looking at you spinning a hand round going fucking are you man come on but comedians I think just want

to just get to the funniest joke and funniest sometimes it can actually yeah I think we always think we always think there's a bigger laugh. And I think sometimes the way of just talked about how you structure right and I think it's a perfect way

of just going, no, no, bang. If there is a bigger laugh, we're not going to fucking look for it. We're going to finish a joke there. That's it there. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Visit betmgm casino and check out the newest exclusive.

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please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, ba. I can't claim it. It's actually a Guardian article, Britain, by Emma Thompson. but she compared writing jokes to having sex and she found that a lot of male comedians

did they build up, build up, build up, big joke and they leave it, big joke and they leave it, And that's okay. But what I do and what I found a lot of female comments do is you build it slowly. You have a little joke, a bigger joke, even bigger joke. You have your pinnacle or go. I had to make puncher, and then I always just adding a little one. A little bit extra. But they're rolling over already in bed.

Yeah, there's gone. We're still going for more. We always want more. We always want more. I love it. You've got a story to read out for us if you don't mind. Please, Rosie. I don't meet many of their rosies, do you?

No, also, is that your full name? No, I'm Rosemary. Oh, and just Rosie. Just Rosie. My mum and I gave me a dog's name. I like it, though. I like being a Rosie. Also, you don't meet a bad Rosie.

Never, never. Not yet. No. Does Rose count? Rose I don't know my nose He has a question What

What She's not a man She can't join our club She knew exactly When I was getting at this She is not She's not a rose She's not a rose

She's a bitch Yeah I'm like She's a bit More than the bitch. Although, actually, can I tell you? No, she's at Durham Prison. And loads of people who are not know,

but know people know other people, women. They say she's lovely. Rose West, they say she's really nice. Fuck me, Rosie. First of all, I love a bitch. If Rose West, if you're listening, you're a nasty pasty. Oh, you're a fucking bitch. You're a tinker and you shouldn't have done that.

And bad, bad Rose West. That was naughty. You can't faint with us. do better. I feel like, you cannot kill a lot of them. And then say if you play some hankies, and then be like, oh, she's so right. She's so right.

I know, but I'm not saying she's redeemed that cell for anything. She was like, hey, our cell's all. was clean. No bother her. Don't know what the fuss was about. It's all I don't it? Okay, hell, man, Rosie. All right.

We are not advocating on Shagmarinoid in any way that Rose West is a nice person. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sick. Read your fucking story. Oh, I'm so nice person. Just never. People have said that she gets.

Stop saying. Don't double down on it. Don't double down on it. I'm not saying it. Just she keeps her head down, right? Right, yeah. She's doing her time. Yeah.

If this is about prison or murder as I'm going to die. Incredible. Right. Dear Chris and Rosie, and Rosie. Oh, yes. Please. me anonymous.

I don't want my sister-in-law to be judged by anyone. I can't promise. All right, okay. My sister-in-law puts her teenage boys' toilet seat in their dishwasher. What? God. They are 19 and 16, and they have their own bathroom. I have been there and it's just the boys' bathroom.

However, absolutely not. Next time we go, we are taking our own cut libel place. We are all very upset by it. That's really good. Thoughts from you and your guest. I feel like Chris might have something to say about this. I have got so many things to say. One, it's not an easy job to get a toilet seat off.

I think it's the most ridiculous thing of her hood. It's not an easy thing. So she's either gone, right, right, here's me first thing. She's done it a few times and gone, we need some different toilet seats. These are too hard to get on and off. That's ridiculous behaviour. And again, yeah.

Are you washing the dishwasher after this? Because we've got toilet water, we've got piss, we've got spunk, let's be honest here, the teenage boys, we've got shit. All going in your dishwasher. How often you're cleaning the filters? How often you're cleaning that dishwasher? I'm angry. You just wash the toilet.

Just a bit of flash, a bit of flash, other cleaners are available, a bit of debt all or whatever. Wipe it. I don't know what a dishwasher does that a bit. Exactly. But I would. Yeah. And how clean do these little princes need their fucking toilet seats?

I know. Do you not think some people love like using their stuff? Does that sound really? He's looking at it. What do you mean? So like I think some people go, when someone has got something, like when air friars got really popular, people were like, I'm going to do me full Christmas dinner in the air friar.

Like leaving the oven redundant. This person might have just got a dishwasher and they're like, Like, I'm washing, I'm never washing a dish or a toilet seat ever again. And they've just thought I'm going to put, do you know what I mean when people love their stuff? Yeah. And they use their stuff. Soil. That's crazy.

That's crazy. That's crazy. That's what I'm saying. I don't you secretly. Yeah. Every time. Every time. They're going to have to, aren't they?

No. Oh, mine. Like, having, we've got two little boys. And sometimes. we've got like more than usual toilets in our house. It's quite a big house. Live in the north. Living the north.

Sometimes they will wee in a toilet and forget to flush it. I'll go in there a couple of days later. It fucking stinks. It's not like, it smells like fish. Yeah, it's horrible. One of them weeding the toilet in the loft and I'm not kidding. It must have been there a week.

It's disgusting. I made the mistake of weeing into it and I broke the film on the top. Oh my God. It's so upset. It was so bad. It was like cat food. It's like cat food.

I know. And if it's the older one who like, like he sometimes loves a little diet, coke and that and he's diet's not great. It's just not good. Oh, I know. But I'm still not, I'm still not dishwashing. I'm not putting in the dishwash. It's ridiculous. No.

Stop me. If you're listening and you put your children's dishwood, your toilet seat in the dishwasher, you're a maniac. Just spray it with some. Yeah. How much water in electricity are you wasting as well? Just spray it with some flash and be done with it. Oh, there might be TikTokers. Oh.

Oh, yeah. I'm going. say something that I feel like my upset Chris. Yeah, go ahead. So I'm very anti it because of how long it will take to unscgrue it. But that I do rob a toilet seat in with her plate and cutler me. doesn't bother me. No.

What? It's all getting clean. And nobody's peace? But it's being cleaned off. Rosie, I can't. And if there's him would be clean by the end of it. Yeah. So, here's me, here's me a shoe.

You go. Here's me a show with it, right? You have them. Rosie, New Jersey. TV show, right? Me and you. You have a dishwasher. You just clean toilet seats in it. Teenage boys' toilet seats in it for a year. I'll have a dishwasher. I'll just clean. This show's going to run for a year. Every day. I'll just clean plates and dishes in it. At the end of the year, we'll take the filters out of the dishwasher. We'll test them. No, you've got to drink one. Okay. Which one you're drinking? All right, yeah. We'll fill one up with water. End of the year, we'll fill one up with water. End of the year, we'll fill one up with

water, you've got to drink a pint of water out of it. Are you drinking it out of the one that's got the toilet seats for a year or the one that's had the plates for a year? What I'm hoping it's a place? Obviously. Obviously. Obviously. You're full of shit.

Just like that fucking dishwasher. Oh, Matt. We've got to go. We've got to go. I know. This has been so lovely. Thank you for coming on. You've been amazing.

It's been really nice to get to know you better as well because I've only met you once and it's, yeah, really nice. Once, it was backstage at the Comedy Awards. We literally said hello to you're passing by. Yeah. You said congratulations and that was it. I saw you later on, but you were a mortal drunk on the floor in your dress.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I love it. Oh, but you have always loved to you about. Thank you, thank you, so. Thank you, so great to that. Thank you, darling. Take care. Bye.

Oh, that was a lot.