Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Please Keep Me Anonymous with Tom Davis

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

On this week's PKMA Chris and Rosie are joined by comedian, actor and podcaster Tom Davis! As well as reading one of your weird and wonderful stories, Tom discusses why he loves Newcastle, the legendry Nando's black card, what it's like being a girl Dad AND he reveals who he was a body double for before he made it big time! 🎧You can listen to Tom on his podcast Wolf and Owl with Romesh Ranganathan. 🎙️You can catch Tom on his tour 'Spudgun'. For tickets go to bigtomdavis.com 📺Look out for The Reluctant Vampire coming soon to the BBC! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 Enjoy all these episodes on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, this is Shagmardinoid. Please keep me anonymous. Hello, and we are joined this week by a friend of mine, comedian, actor. It's Tom Davis. Yeah. He's fantastic. Such a fun chat. I'd never met him. This is the first time that I've met him.

It's first time I'm meeting a lot of them. Yeah. And it's just so nice with chat about your old comedy days. Yes, because you hear something really lovely doing it, which is like all this generation that I did comedy with are doing so well now when we're getting them on here and you'll meet them for the first time and everyone's flying. You'll have seen, if you've never seen him do stand up, he's a fantastic standup. He's a 2026 to a spud.

Gun is on sale now. Tickets at Big Tom Davis.com and he is big. He is tall. He's a tall lad. How tall is he? He's got to be 6-5, 6-4-6-5, maybe even bigger. Carries it very well. Very stylish guy. You loved his trainers, didn't you? Very nice trainers. He's, you've seen him popping up in loads of stuff. He's in Paddington. He's in Wonka.

He's in loads of things. And he's currently, well, he's just filmed The Relupin Vampire, which is going to hit BBC later this year. And that's got Lenny Rush in as well. I know. I love Lenny. Love Lenny. It sounds really good actually. It's about a young vampire who finds out he's actually not a vampire at all. Love it. I love the concept of that. You said it like a vampire incantle. Yeah. Vampire Encanto.

Wonderful. I think you're going to like this one. Yeah. Funny bloke. Good chat. Get a brew. Pull up a chair. And press subscribe. Then watch and listen. Hit the subscriber. If you're on YouTube, subscribe. Sick of asking you, but I'm going to keep doing it until you do it.

But even when you do it, you'll still hear us saying it because I'll be asking everyone else. Love you. Love you. But she touches my hand, I stop talking. That's the cue. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle-Dong. We couldn't settle on a jingle.

Jing-go. So this is the jingle. Jing-go. We hope you like the jingle. Jing-go. Bab-do-bab-do-ba-do-ba-doo-ba-doo-ba-d-d-jingo. They are some of the nicest shoes I've ever seen in my entire life. Oh, thank you.

Do you know what? I noticed because a lot of times you do podcasts and your feet are under a desk and then I was watching yours and I was like Time to get the shoes out. The shoes have to a big important place. Oh my gosh. She had gold trainers on, gold Adidasquez out.

Can I touch them? No, are they like... I've got the silver ones at Vogue ads. Yeah, yeah. Like a cross house getting a vibe. Wow, good for you. Look at them. What are your trainer, dude?

I'm quite like, I'm not really a massive train. You know that thing where you talk about, are you this or you that? Yeah. And then you chat someone like, you're clearly a trainer. No, no, I'm not. I'm not. Okay, yeah, because this is a thing.

I get accused of being a trainer dude sometimes. So I like trainers. I think we probably come from a similar background where I didn't quite much money. So as soon as I had a little bit, I spend it on trainers and the normal guff that we spend money on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you get in conversation with someone who is a trainer dude and they start, it's like you're in a maths club again. And they start throwing algebra.

Yeah. Oh, is that a 1057 and you're like, I'm fucking that. My cousins? James. I was a trainer guy. Total trainer guy. He loves trainers. He used to work in a trainer shop in Newcastle, her cousin.

I think I went in there when I was in Newcastle. Did you? Yeah. Newcastle is like, Newcastle's incredible for shopping. Isn't that good? I think Newcastle is, we have an unruly joke or more for now about when I did Newcastle. I did two nights at the opera house. Oh yeah.

You have to do gigs. And Ramesh has obviously taught a lot more than me. He was like, yeah, I know Newcastle's amazing. It was like someone at Newcastle was sort of. of like tourism were gone Tom can you try and get more people I talked about for about four episodes What did you like then?

I love the people for stuff I think it's just It's a bit like Glasgow Liverpool it's just got that feeling of like A very working class here But the first night I did a Saturday and Sunday and the first night was great

it was just a lot of fun of Saturday night in Newcast It was a Sunday night and I was like yeah I don't want this will be like A Newcast will smash someone like 6-1 or something and it was everyone turned up And the air of jubilance in the room And it was just lovely.

And just hanging out in the city for sort of three days. It was just a lot of fun. And we shot King Gary, actually. We shot the last series of King Gary. We shot all the wedding stuff in Newcastle. For real? Yeah, we managed to shoot in Ireland and then COVID kicked him. Right.

We had to find somewhere else that was as pretty and could almost look like Ireland. So we spent two and a half weeks up in Newcastle. Well, it would be in Northumberland in the countryside. No, we're in Newcastle. We shot a lot in Northumberland. I can't remember where the place is. It's terrible of me where it's like this old castle that's just, outside Newcastle.

It's just beautiful. It's just sort of overlooking the sea. Bambra Castle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what we shot there. And we have Fabio and Groove Ryder and, yeah. So Newcastle, I love it. Oh, nice.

Nice. We still live there, don't we? We still live in the northeast. Yeah. Yeah. Just outside, yeah. Just outside Newcastle. Love it, don't we?

Love it. Yeah. Yeah. Come down here, yeah, come down here, do the pod, go back. Come on here, do the podcast. Deschum, bed, train home, done. The Dishume cookbook. Yeah.

I mean, you're never making it. like De Shoehm, but incredible. Well, now, now you've got a slight advantage here because you did partially train as a chef. Yes. Oh, someone's read the notes. I read the notes. Not only, so first of all, I didn't know if I was going to say this or not. Not only,

so we first met me and you. Can you remember? I've known you as long as pretty much of being doing stuff. Do you know what I've mad thing about you? One of my first ever dates with my wife was going to watch you do stand up. Stop it. I text you, and she was a really big fan of Chris Ramsey.

and I text you and you gave me two tickets and I took her to watch you come do our Oh my God Yeah it's a mad thing When was that? 13 or 14 years ago

in London Wow So we went Yeah So you I text as Chris Can you sort me out I need a good

My missus is a big Chris Ramsey fan And I sorted your tour manager Out tickets for Yeah Yeah Yeah A lot of taken in this relationship As soon as I'm in the game

It's yours Chris I asked you for anything You're fucking And also, the thing I've always felt immense guilt for. Right. The Nando's flat card. Yes. I basically got your Nando's flat card.

Yes. So there was a gig for Nando's. That's the first time we'd properly gig together, so I was going to get it. Yeah. And somehow I got it. I don't know how. Yeah. Were you at that gig? Yeah. The lady gave me it at that gig. I thought you pulled out of the gig. Oh, you were there.

Because I ended up going out afterwards with Carl Hutchinson. Yeah. And having a big night. Oh, no, that was the gig after. Yeah. That was the gig after. Yeah. You were men to do it with us.

Yes. And then I ended up getting bumped up to a headliner that night. Nice. And then from there I got the black card. Oh, get it. Oh, how long did you? I'm sure you were, like 25 minutes. I'm sure you were in a headline.

And then you got something else happen or you couldn't do it. So I've always felt immense guilt. But then it did feed me for. Yeah. No, you got one. Did you have? You had one. So you were there the night I got mine.

Yeah. I remember. The lady giving is it. She's such a lovely lady. I don't want to name her in case she doesn't want me name. But she got down her name and presented it like she was nighting us. There was always this weird joke about it for a long time because you were meant to do that gig

and then I'd stepped in and you got it, that's what I could. I had it for like, and I remember we were drunk one night in Edinburgh and we were joking about it and you were literally, he was like he was crushed. Honestly, Rosie.

Yeah. He was absolutely crushed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can imagine. I remember just sitting at a table with his head and his hands. Fuck up. I love hearing like old circuit stories about you for some because I just

because you've changed a lot I think but deep down I think you are still that that guy that lad. That's what? That twat. A lot more of a lad than I am. I'm really not. I'm really a lot more than rude. I think as soon as you sort of level up and you get married you have that bit of you go

and also it's like an argument it's a weird thing that ladishness in comedy because I think none of us really lad lads. We like even like what's coming from building sites. I was never the lad lad. I just was like, everyone had that idea that would be that. But I wasn't really. I just think by nature to be a comedian and a good one, I mean, you kind of got to be a bit of a sort of geek, a bit of an outsider. Yeah.

To find that thing. And then I think you, you know, you're through the door and it gives you a confidence. It's that, it's that age old thing of every time people see you doing stand-up and they're going to go, I'd fuck, I'd love to go for a pine with him. He'll be good for him. Most nights, no. Probably got his your ears. The odd night, I could be a laugh, but most nights I won't be. be fun. I won't be fucking fun at all, pal. I'll be literally going when are we going for the curry. Yeah, yeah. I love a curry. I love a curry. Would you rather go out for food? Yes.

I've stopped drinking it. I have you? I assumed my daughter was born. Wow. Nice. I was like, I'm done. Wow. I'm checking out here. Like fully blown tea total. Kind of like now and again, if like me and my wife go out and my, it's not like I, it wasn't a situation because it's a misconception of going, oh, oh God, was it? It was literally just, I'd started stand up again and I've gone back into it and was enjoying it. But then also hangovers were killing me, the acting, the right and everything. And also I was just like, I don't want to be. I'd seen a lot of guys that have grown up with necessarily.

Alcoholism and being with the lads has almost become more important than being a dad. And actually I was like, I don't want to go down. And for a lot to have, like, Grace, we went through like seven years. It was a lot to have her. Oh, gosh. That was like, this is the most important job I can ever have. And I don't want to miss that up by just sitting on a sofa

for a Saturday morning just being hungover. And we do a job where that could happen like three or four times a week. God, yeah. It's easy to slip into it, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

It comes with the job if you just have a drink after work. Yeah. And my big thing, I just couldn't have hangovers with a killer. I hate hangovers. But I love, yeah, I just. But I love drinking more.

Yeah. I used to, I was great at drinking. Were you? Yeah. You know, you know, when someone. I'm aware. You know when.

I'm aware. I was good to be around. But it could go on. for a while. Right, okay. Yeah. But it was like a, you know, like when a football

retires and you go, you've probably got a couple more seasons after him. It felt like that. I felt like, you know, but I thought, I've got to what else more I can do.

I've done Vegas for like six months when I went for a week's holiday and ended up getting drunk and spent it. So I've done mad stuff and I thought, you know what, that's it. Yeah. And also I just,

yeah, I think it was a big deal for me and wanting to try to be the best version. And by the way, like, that's not. and knock anyone else who drink. Because just for me, it was that alcohol has just become...

I think it's such a personal thing. Yeah. I love drinking. And I'm not... I don't get upset. I don't get mad. I'm quite... We're quite lucky.

We're just sort of like... You're a lovely drunk. Yeah, we're quite... We're nice drunks. We're a good drunk. We don't get angry. We don't like have mad fights. And then I know when to stop as well.

Yeah. But I know people who don't... I know people who don't know when to stop. That's it. And you stop long term. He knew when to stop long term. Yeah. So I think it's a really personal relationship.

pre-hanging with anxiety. Yes. I get, if I'm, I could be in a pub, and I get a little thought of how I'm going to feel the next day, and I go, a pint of water, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I can go over, curry. Me and my mates have a few pints, play with a pool,

and then curry house, and then the guy's standing there with the order, and he's like, and what drinks, and we're like, two bottles are still water. Yeah. And the guy's like, sorry, and we're like, two bottles are still water. Curry, water, home, bed, done. Your home, I like, half, ten. Oh, wait, I'm an old man.

Yeah, but I'm at a time now, even like, Even Traitors, right, Traitors is going out at 8 o'clock and me and Catherine are like, oh, nine o'clock didn't have been in the best. That's a late night, isn't it? We watched telly the other night until about half past ten. I remember I was seething. We had a lovely night, but I was going,

it's half the turn. And I haven't even washed my face yet. Like, I should be in my bed. Have you got that? By the way, can I just say, that ritual is, so she's got like seven different masks, it seems now. She's got these different masks that do different things. So the room lights up and red,

or blue. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fucking Tron. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what? I find myself going to play FIFA for like half an hour.

I'm just like, I can't sit. I can't relax until you're both relaxed in the same perspective. And also this is, Grace is now like we're in a hangover of quick. Like she, over Christmas she sort of moved the mattress into our room to stay just like on the floor. Oh, mate. Yeah.

We are just recently sleeping in the same bed again. I was in a hotel last night and I got to stay in the same bed for the entire sleep. Yeah. And it was like, it was like an unbelievable gift that I'd been given. I was like, I can't believe this. I didn't have to fucking gather me ways and move beds in the middle of the house. You're charging, your water. All of it, the shit I've got to take through.

Yeah, you're right. Me water, me charger. Me pillow. You're taking it for the team because if I got, I couldn't move beds at 4glam in the morning. I won't. I'm like, absolutely not. She's it, but breaks her on the foot. And then she does a thing where she doesn't like to wet caffeine up.

But she's like, dad. Dad. And I'm like, like that. I need a way. And she's so we're still now, we've got to coax her back to her. She's sleeping so well in her room. Right, yeah. But I kind of, we both kind of like it.

It's a nice thing. But then you're in a house and I was like, we could essentially just being like, we don't need the room, yeah. What do I see? We live in two rooms. Yeah, yeah. We live in like the kitchen sitting room and the bedroom. Exactly, same.

And we do not need our house is too big and it's just silly. And I'm sorry. All the head and wait, Russ. I was really entitled. It's just too big. No, I'm sorry. I take it back. No, no, but, but if you do think she's entitled,

as a show enough, always remember, we live in the north. Yes, yeah, that's the difference. You can have a bigger house in the north. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, easy. Yeah, London is insane for that. It's mad. But we, like, yeah, it is a weird thing because I think, yeah,

you do have that part of you that, where I look like, it was very weird. On the way here, I was doing, you know, this 2016 thing. Oh, yeah, I've seen it. Mate, I was five stone heavier. I'm not posting a picture of 2016. I was looking at it. at me and I'm like, what was my wife thinking?

I, for a long time, I thought genuinely like was this, still to this day, it's like a bet that she's done that she can't get out of. Like it was a dare. That it's like, 40 years in that she can't go, oh, you know what? We're married with a kid now.

I'm sort of grown accustomed to you. For me, I didn't think it would be so quick. Like when you're younger, you see like old, old photos of people in your family. You're like, oh, what was I thinking? And you think, yeah, that was like ages ago. It's like, A couple of years after our wedding,

I was looking at me wedding for it was going, look the fucking state of that prick. Yeah, yeah. It was so quick. But weirdly, like, I look at it now and go, I'm what, like, I look better now than I did 10 years ago. Then it's very annoying how well you's age, like.

Yeah, I think you do. You've, you've, born. You have the floppy hair and the... Oh, yeah. I was the floppy hair, Edinburgh stand-up comedian T-shirt gang. Yeah, you were.

The hair and T-shirt comedian gang. I'm so wanted in, but I didn't have hair or a t-shirt. Too tall. Can I remember outside the door, we had that thing. And if you're too tall. you couldn't come in like old, like Old Towneowers. We weren't allowed in.

Sorry, Tom, hair and t-shirt can't be your thing because tallest is your thing. I'm also trying to squeeze in a large t-shirt. You're got hanging out of the problem of it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docks, your permits, your moves.

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Learn more at Adobe.com slash do that with Acrobat Here's something About like old comedy days Is it really nice Seeing how well everyone's doing Yeah I think your generation

of the comedy When you're on the circuit I think every Well The vast majority Are doing really well I think is right It was an interesting time, an interesting generation.

Because I think we all came in after like the, I suppose, the big names, Bishop and Mickey and Kevin. You guys were the ones. We were the generation just after then. But actually, it was sort of easier but harder, I suppose, in the same time. But there was a, you know, me and you did panel shows together. There was a lot there for us to get. But also you sort of knew the people that you could, you know,

like Chris and like Catherine Ryan, I always think of, Ramesh, Beckett, You could look at the people, Pasco, and go, oh, they're going to fly. You know, but I never, do you know what? It never felt like, certainly for my, I never felt like an aggressive competition or, the weirdest one was Greg Davies. I remember doing a kick with Greg and he was one of my favorite people and I was a big Greg fan. And I was doing like an open spot and turned up. And I think it was something called Fat Tuesdays, Tiena Durb used to run it in Islington.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Greg was headlining. Sounds wonderful. I turned up and Greg was there. and he just did this whole bit about, oh my God, two tall comedians on the same night. And he was being really serious, I thought, being serious and I was going, because I was such a big cricket. I was going, no, no, no, I don't think we did the same material.

I know, like, and then he gave me this, sort of put his arm at me, he was, I'm joking, and why do you know, just where I've never said, I was, I played Greg's shoulder in something. What? One of my first acting roles was like, he did a show called Cuckoo. And he was doing a show called Cuckoo. and he was doing a show called what's the one he used to do with Rachine and Mike

Wosniak, the brilliant show. It was amazing. Oh, man, was it man down? Man down. So I think he was doing those at the same time and basically they're like, so they sort of shot him out of what I think of won and I get his call as like we've got a there's a role for you in this BBC

I swear a BBC three sitcom and I'm like, wow, like massive. Like shaking with like nerves and you're like, can you come down and I turn up and the guy's like, so basically, like, Greg, you're the only person, Greg mentioned you, but obviously the director knew who you were. So you're the only person who's the same height exactly as Greg, Simmer Build. So we can basically use your back of you to shoot out Greg through people.

No way. Oh, cool. Yeah, that's so fun. But also, you also then have to learn all his lines because you can't hold a script and you're doing Greg. Oh, my. So people were doing their lines to you from the obviously camera under. You were dirty shot, Greg. Yeah.

Yeah, that was dirty shot. I wish I'd call my tour that. Oh my God. So what is a Greg Davy's dirty shot? Anyone listening or watching who doesn't know what dirty shot means, it's when you see a movie and the shot is the conversation from behind the pit and dirty means a bit of them is in the shot. The person who's not in focus, a bit of them is in the shot.

So I'll be wearing Greg's costume. That's hilarious. But during this, I think we got a pilot of murder and successful. And I was quite happy. So we were filming this scene and the news had come through. And I was like, and it was like Helen Blacksendale, Esther Smith, who's brilliant and a friend. And that Taylor Lawner, I don't remember. Oh, yeah.

Of them, Twilight? Yes. Yeah. He was in it. And I turned around and was like, oh man, I've got this pilot for this show that I'm developing. And he was like, what? What do you do proper acting? And I was like, yeah, no, I'm a comedian actor.

And he went, oh, right. I thought you were just like a shoulder guy. And I was like, what? He was like, I just thought you were a shoulder guy. You're Greg's shoulder guy, no. And I'm like, no, no, I'm a comedian as well. I hope that delivering these lines in the way I have that this would be a... Yeah, and then literally heard him walk around to people going,

hey, you heard about Greg's shoulder guy? Thanks he's an actor. He thinks he's a somebody. He's a bit above his fucking station. Somebody fucking reminded his guy. He's talking about a pilot. God, I don't know if he's right. Does someone check him with him?

Can we get them to stop talking? We are so lucky to work in this industry and it's so fun and it's great and I don't want to sound like weird here or like too privileged or whatever but I don't know many of that industry that is such a fucking offensive thing to be booked for.

They get you down for the day, they get your costume. No, no, no, it was like a week. Well, you're fucking hell. But you know, a job's a job. Yeah, jobs a job, but I can't understand any. Am I being a naivier? But it's such a fucking, You know what it is just where?

It's a weird thing of like when I look at like, and I've done subsequently done other jobs now and people are standings and what I've heard. You've ever asked Greg? No. I was hoping Greg. That's the level. So that's the aim.

You know, people have a mood board and the stuff and they go, I've visualised it and I've put out the universe. What's it? I've manifested. You need a manifest a career where you are so fucking huge

that you can get Greg in. But the difference is, but you're in the room. You're in the room. Do you know the difference? The difference is Greg is so, and our daughter, like, he's... He's amazing. But he's also so high status in his way, low but high.

Yeah. It kind of suited me. But also it's like one of those weird things, even when it was happening, and like, you have this. It's like, yeah, and you're very good at like, you know, being self-derogatory. I think it's like, something's happening and you're like, yeah, this is kind of indignant. But also, I'd never really been on a set before. And you're watching stuff.

And so you're getting an idea of, and it's sort of later in life. Like later as it sort of continues your guy, actually, that's how lucky you were. And it was one of those things as well that you couldn't really get out of once it sort of developed into what it was. You couldn't then just go, actually, fuck this. Because you're always in the back of your head thinking,

you know, if I'm nice, I get on with people. Do you know what it is? Or sometimes that it's jobs that you might have met somebody on that job. Yeah. That could have got you something. It's like, that's how it works. Well, I was hoping to become Taylor Lawner's shoulder. I can stoop, Taylor.

I can sloop, I can squat. I mean, I don't think he's worked since. but who's laver now eh too big man when you get something like that when you get something so iconic no I think he's got a really successful podcast with his wife I think he really

stupid idea never work what an idiot I know my wife is because I'm fascinated and it is you two are so great together when you watch the podcast but is it like

because it is a beautiful thing that you do I mean you're so open about it and like you know it's a nice thing it just you because it's almost like I talk about stand up being like therapy

having had therapy. I think it's like, but what you two do is that you have to be quite open with each other. It is, it is like therapy. Yeah. It's been really good. Yeah. It's been really like cathartic. And we don't, there's no grudges. There's no, there's nothing hanging over that nobody said. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I know people in my life where they're like, and he does this. And I'm like, well, have you said anything? They're like, no. And I'm like, so you are stewing about that thing. Whereas we, every week, we'll just tell each other straight out. I've fucking. hate that you do this and it's worked.

Well, I think we're quite happily married. What's really weird about it is, like, when we did the TV show or when we did the, like, the arena, doing and stuff, I know she's got me back. Yeah, yeah. Above everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And she knows I've got hers above everyone. Do you know what I mean? It's a nice thing. It's good, man. And it is like that weird. And I do think it's like, I think that's a, when you're in a couple, your relationship, you're married, that thing of telling each other, talking about problems. So many people that you get to sort of, how long do you guys be married?

11? 11 years? Like 12 this year? Yeah. So it's like that thing where you speak to people and like when people are getting divorced as problems you realise oh God, sometimes that is just a lack of communication.

Yeah, it can be. Yeah. But then you leave it too long. But don't you, I think a marriage is more than like, I think when you first meet each other, it's going to get really deep here, right? I think when you first meet each other, it's like lust and it's like that.

You have to have, if you don't have that at the beginning then I don't know how, I don't think it would work. No, of course. Has to be that. And then I think it becomes. more like a I don't want to say friendship because then that sounds awful

and that sounds like you don't have any love there but I think it becomes like a bond like a companion A team? Yeah And you know when people say like oh we're just we're just companions

and just whatever I'm like I know but that's what I am I really boring and sad that actually that's my most that's what I want in life It's a weird thing isn't it It's like you look at like we all use that example of an old couple sitting at like a seat

like a seaside eating fish and chips looking out of sea. I want that. Yeah, that's what we want. Right. That's the thing. But then that is, that's the thing we're all working towards. I always think it's something that you look at and you,

and it takes work. You think of generationally, like years ago, people had to work at stuff. Like people, you know, rightly or wrongly, people, people were like,

okay, we're going to stick with this thing. We're in together and we're going to get through it. And it would be naive to think like your parents had never been through struggles. And I think actually, that's the thing I'm put, like you go,

oh, that's the thing I'm proud of it's like, It's like me and my wife have been through so many different ups and downs, things that haven't gone right. And it's how we've developed our relationship and move forward and show strength together. That is the thing that's, yeah. Agreed. So actually, yeah, I quite like this sort of phase of it all. It's a bit, I find it tricky with kids.

Yeah. I find like, so we come here for today, but we came last night, had a lovely night in the hotel, got room service watch a telly, and then we're staying over. Then we're staying over tonight because we could go home tonight. But we're like, should we just have a bit of breathing, 10 and 5, two boys. Yeah. Yeah. And you've got, how old are your girl?

She's four. She's four in December. Okay. So this is our 10 year anniversary and great. And Catherine's 40th this year. So we've got this thing of like, okay, we're going to try and have a few, like a few more times away just a two of us. We've done a bit. It's important.

Yeah. It's so important. It's interesting in it as well of like what it takes to the dynamic shift and how things work to make it work. And it's, you know, but it's like anything, isn't it? You've got to put that graft in and you've got to try and... And I think I look at my life film sometimes, you look at it and go, like, you get so obsessed with work. Work is like everything, you know, coming from the, I think, again,

talking about the background, I come through and a lot, you know, and it requires to get to a point to then go, right, how do you maintain that and keep that? But then also make sure that, you know, Matthew McConaugh does this amazing thing where he talks about, you've got to keep everything water, in your garden. You got to keep your job, your work,

which is then you've got to keep your marriage, your partnership, and you've got to keep your kids and everything. And then you've also got to keep your health. That's hard of that. And then your kids, you've got to keep all of that. And if you let one go in your garden

and that sort of starts dying off, eventually the annoyance of that will sort of like hit everything else. And before you know it, you got a lot of garden for a weeds. Dead, literally, being dead really just should have probably seen that. How do you think about AstroTurf?

I love the idea of you meeting Matthew McConae and try to up selling that show. Honestly, mate, after a couple of pots and a sprinkler, what's your fucking problem? A carcher and that show. Yes, all you need. Even if you've got pets.

I feel like now to our youngest is five and I feel like we're finally getting life back. Yeah, life back. Well, what problem was with the oldest, he had five, we started to get my life back. We've got to be too much of a life back. Bang, one, another kid. Yeah, and boys are different

Boys and girls are different Colnage dude Saying that my little girl is like The mini me She's my wife is like Oh my gosh Right So she's conage

Sass And that's mad And like also just like Does impressions of people She's four And she's just already Got this little way about her She's very popular

But all her best little mates Her little boys at the moment Right okay But then she's got like Sides of her like You know Which is a very like Little girl

But then sides were at Christmas she got every tissue out of every box and threw it all over the floor and then unwound every toilet paper in the house. Shut up. And I was like trying to talk to her and tell her off. And she was just like laughing and writing it, write to Ness. And I'm like...

See, that's the difference. I think girls are. But our lads, they're like, they're quite malleable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you could prop a gaslight hour kids and they're doing quite a lot of stuff. No, you could thought. No, but they're little boys, man.

They're just like... Yeah. No, okay. All right. I don't gas like my children. Sorry. But they are, but they can be quite like, I've never parented a girl, but I can imagine a girl going, no, ma'am.

Whereas my boys are like, oh, all right, okay. You know, like, she's like, I've got a mean girl in her. So if it's like, if I'm doing something like wacky dad, like Phil Dumphy, stupid, like doing a, like doing a dance or something, she'll look at my wife. And I said, Dad, is your look. She'll go, oh, are you icking her out. Yeah. Imagine giving your daughter the ick.

He has a milestone for you. Who's that guy who lives with us? He's so gross. Get rid of him. Give him off. He stinks. Well, he has a milestone for you. The first time, but he's 10 now,

but when our eldest was about six, was the first time I farted and he was like, the first time your kid really gets fully offended by your fart, heartbreak. But now they fart on you. You've taught them they've fought on you. Four-year-old, not bothered. Four-year-old, you can fart all day.

He doesn't care. You can fart right next to him, doesn't care. Oh, really? So you'd, oh, wow. The 10-year-old, he walked into a room that I'd fart in the idea and ran back out. Dad. We got downstairs this morning, and, like, we were, uh, we got down, I was making breakfast and stuff, and I let one go.

And, uh, I thought. Yeah, and then, um, my wife came in and went, oh, it's a cat, like, you know, stinks in here. And Grace just went, Daddy farted. And I was, no, I didn't. I tried to sort of deny it. And she said. Yes, you did. You did.

It's disgusting. I see. I think you've actually got it a bit worse. I think the problem is, yeah. I think the problem is for dads, girls get the measure of you quite early on. I think that'll be the issue. Oh, yeah, my dad, I remember. I'm scarred for life.

And so you need to remember this because you've got a daughter right. I don't think you'll be all right. I want to remember my dad running from his bedroom into the bathroom with just a towel over the front and running and being like, oh, God, man. And I was literally like, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen my entire life. And I was so traumatised by it. And that's why we weren't a naked house.

Poor bloke was just walking to his own bathroom. I don't get naked houses. I don't get when people, when you turn around to people instead, everyone in the house is naked. Yeah. I'm not, I don't, I've never heard this phrase, naked house. Yeah, either. Like, yeah, people have naked. It's like, we none of us put on clothes.

We all walk around naked. What do you fucking he, he'd be like, why don't understand? He can feel. I just think also it's like, where's your call? How much confidence. I just think it's gross. I was when they were younger, I wouldn't mind, because they didn't really know.

But now my eldest is getting a bit older. I don't want to. Mine's not even about the kids. Mine's about me walking past a mirror and going, no one needs to see this. This is awful. Oh yeah, I don't like being naked. This looks, I'm not sure.

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Advil, the official pain relief partner of the NFL. Ask your pharmacist at this product's rate for you. read and follow the label. Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, back. We're going to do this story. Can I just tell you now, I just wanted to drop this in.

Do you know that I remember your old Twitter biogoth by heart? Oh my good, really? That is the weirdest thing. Big, big hands, big feet, tiny cock gutted. Wow. How do you remember that for her? I don't know. It just stays in my head.

Something's stay in me head. I was devastated to have to change that. Why did you have to change it? So as soon as you got baffed a rise and start. It changed. Oh, no. I hear he fucking goes. It was all Hollywood dear.

He's taking his cock joke off his Twitter biog. He's fucking jinjured. Still very much keeping him in his ass. It's all he's got. Wow. I forgot about that. Do you know my original Instagram was Ratscock? And then I don't know why.

I didn't know what it was. So I called myself Ratscock. Was this in your shoulder days? Your dirty shoulder days. It was just a shoulder. I was just a shoulder. I don't think anyone cared about the shoulder guys. Instagram handle.

Just me and loads of different things with shoulders in. Born automatum. If you watch a born-o-automatic, Jason Wood breaks into there's a shoulder quite clearly that a shirt dirty. Oh, fun. Right, let's do this story. Please get me none of us for you to read out. I think it's across two cards there, me.

It's quite a long one. We've never heard this. Did Rolmish speak to you about my reading? This is, my reading's terrible. Everyone says it a bad reader. Just take your time and talk about it. Don't worry about. Do you want me to do this in sort of dramatic voice?

Whatever you want. You're a terrible reader as well. I'm a really bad reader. Oh, yeah. So, sore. You got nice voice though. Have you both done the C.B.B.'s thing? Yeah.

Yeah, we did C.B.' So you've got nice voices for it. That's what. I read them books quite quick. Yeah. We had a thing. I don't know if I should say. We and my wife found it really funny.

We can't do it now. But when she was younger, we used to, I just used to think it's fun to call them the gruffalo, the muffalo. It's a stupid joke. The muffalo. The muffalo. The muffalo? The buffalo.

So he just sat there reading the book and whenever he had said the gruffalo, you said the muffler. For some reason, you know, like when your kids were really young and they're like sitting in your arms, you're reading them a bedtime. Oh yeah, they've got no idea. Stop, oh no, it's the muffler.

You know what I'm going to have to say that. I love that. Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. I'm in a relatively new relationship with a guy who for once is absolutely great. Oh, nice. That's good. That's a nice surprise.

Yeah, it's good. Even though we don't know the person. Oh, yeah. It's just nice to get us someone's other nice time. Yeah. Yeah. He's sweet, caring, funny and all in all, and all in all round, a great boyfriend.

I think that's her, not me. Nice guy. Yeah. So far. I feel a magnificent butt coming here. Yes. And also so far, that's also like, my heart actually goes out to this person.

Yeah. I've been through some hurt. Do you think? Yeah, yeah, I get you. When we started seeing each other, I found out that he owned a dog with his ex. And when the dog died, it sent him into a very dark patch.

Oh, all very sad. God. Jesus. Losing pets is awful. I've never touched it. We haven't had a dog, so I've never had to lose a dog. It's on the horizon,

like, I can tell me, my algorithm has shown us a lot of dogs. Really? A lot of dogs. We're talking about it. We're being asked by the kids. A lot of dogs going on. We're near there.

I haven't got it. in May. I've got the weather all to talk about it right now. Oh, bless you. She just shreds. Oh, gosh. On one side of the bed, the side I sleep on, he keeps a collection of the dogs' things.

Oh, fucking hell. I knew it. Yeah. We're talking a collar, handkerchief. Anchor chief. How posh was this dog? Blue his fucking nose.

I wiped his ass. I'm guessing it was around. It was around. It was around. I'm guessing it was around the neck, like a fucking train robber. Yeah, but then why would he have a collar and a handkerchief, right, isn't it? Do you know?

He's accessorising this stuff. He is accessible as well. Maybe the handkerchief is to cover the collar, so it's like, I'm not just a dog, I'm a fashionista. Or not a lady. An envelope with a dog's name, won't it? I don't know what's in there. Sorry, what? Jeez.

An envelope with a dog's name on it, and I don't know what's in there. That's like a letter maybe to the dog. Just never opened it? Yeah. I would not be, I'm so glad. How would you sleep next to somebody who's got a dog's collar on the save of bed? It's on her side of the bed. Come on her side of the bed.

If it was just a dog's collar, you could just think he was a bit freaking. Well, fair enough. Then the handkerchief, you're like, okay. Tidy. White went off the belly. Sorry. I was just about a going there,

yeah. An envelope of the dog's name, yeah. And a mould of the dog's paw print. Oh, no. What the fuck? She sleeps extra, I'm sorry. She sleeps extra shrine to the dead dog.

No, I'm not okay with this. And also, can I say a mold of the dog's porpent? you go look let's just call this guy Jack Jack I know what Jack feels like Jack Russell We know some good Russell

We know some bad Russell The Russell barometer in comedy is Yeah there's a big Russell barometer Yeah yeah Really good Russells Yeah Really bad Russell Very much like Star Wars

And Russell's in No comment They're all working for the Jedi At one point but they're the dogs. Surely meant the fucking dog, Jack Russell. Surely meant Jack Russell. He was sorry, you're going to talk about Russell,

you missed the fucking joke. Great joke, by the way. Thank you. Thank you. A bit weird to that. But it's a closed box, so I can live with it. It's everything in the closed box. So it's a closed box by the bed with all that stuff in.

I thought they were just out on the bedside table. Right, okay. The inner box. Still weird. In the bedroom is a green jar. I never question what was in the jar, because part of me didn't want to know, but I don't think I could have been prepared

for how I found out. Some people just breeze through life, don't they? Never asking any fucking questions. I'd be like, what's in this jar? Probably the second time I went, I'd go, what's this in this jar? I'd have opened the jar the first time I went there. Yeah, you would have.

I'd immediately open the job. Green jar. Is it painted? What, a painted jar? Is it a painted jar? Is it a paint or is it like a glass, like a beer bottle green? Yeah, yeah.

We might not know. Hineigna. The three of us turning up going, hello, no, we did manage a trek, you don't even know this was anonymous. We just need to look at this jar. These, my issue, and all the listeners know this, my issue is these emails always just leave us with more questions

than the answer. But I just always say so specific, a green jar. Yeah. Green jar. I think Heineken colour. Remember Heineken? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

What sort of jar would be like a, yeah. He doesn't drink anymore. Oh, right. I thought Heinrich. Also, by the way, I was never a Heineken guy. I'm sorry. What did you used to drink just really quickly? Peroni, Stella.

Nice. There he is. Classicist. Nice. Fucking big to me. Big, fucking piranha. Big, big, big, bag. Inside a cop got it, boy, say.

Yeah, boy. Take a guy. Great, Jamie's fucking shoulder, boy. I was actually brought my best work at that time. That was my chaucer. For us, we were to a couple of weeks ago, and we're out for drinks. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. I was laughing about a situation, a mate of mine had had had when he broke up with his ex, and she prepared a spring. and she prepared a spreadsheet which set out each item they owned together and a percentage by which he had appreciated the value of the item. Oh, wow. That's a whole other email in itself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a new email. Weird, right. But what's that, like a sofa you sat on and farted on? Oh, my God, yeah, you've actually, like, you've took it down by 30%. Yeah, and like nice of force. You use that nailbrush more than me. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. That razor you shaved your ass with. Keep up. That's yours. That's actually weirdly worth quite a lot now. My new boyfriend proceeded to tell me that he had a similar situation with his ex. They had broken up shortly after their dog died

and had quite a few rows deciding how to split the items relating to the dog. Oh my God. So she's in a place where she's got... How many more things did a dog have, though? Yeah. The bowl, I guess. That was a big one.

And also he's got the collar, the accessories. She's got the top hat, the shoes, the waistcoat. The Christmas outfit. You had a Christmas outfit with the front legs turned in. The box is a kind of box. I've never celebrated Christmas again. Oh my God. It's ridiculous. She's got the dog's pipe, smoking jacket.

Fucking else. His books. DVD collection. Molly and me. Oh, so ironic. The worst argument was the decision over what to do with the dog's ashes Ashes as they could not decide on who should take them They measured them out and kept half feet

So yes, I'm sleeping in a bedroom There's a shrine to a dog ashes include almost Half is in the green jar Yes, but also They measured them out Like on scales So I'm guessing two green jars like the green jargos and the scales

and it's by the way have you ever baited how annoying it is just to get it in a you've got a spoon by the way that spoon's not worth four quid now that's got a dog's ashes how much do you fucking inhale flour when you're baking

and they've inhaled some of that dog's ashes just accidentally I thought you and they're opening the fucking hoover into the bin it all comes back up spread them together what I don't do you know how much

like have you ever carried a person's dead ashes like have you been weight We should ask every guest this. The way of it's right. That's one thing I'm like, I'm genuinely worried about. I think quite a lot about my poor bearers.

That's one of the reasons I've lost a lot of timber. Stop, you think if you're going to die, who's going to carry you? I have too many times where I think about dying. And I think like who's getting for that. You think specifically about your poor bearers and how the not lift you.

No, I'm thinking it's a 10 minutes. It's like, they'll be rolling subs. I can't wait down the aisle and time and go, okay, then if you want. You're gassing, Lee. Paul Leah out. Don't get Dino. Dino, go back.

Go send him back. You're going to come in with wheels. Yours is going to have wheels. You know when Ed Sheeran's doing a gig in the middle and they take him in a flight case and no one knows he's in it? That's going to be yours. There's fucking nowhere in the afternoon.

We actually cremated them first because we just couldn't fucking get him in. It's a massive green jar. Yeah, yeah. We've got to wrap this up. We've got to wrap this up. Right. It's been a lot of fun.

We've got to wrap this up. What else can I say? I'm sorry. I know, yeah. It's been awesome chatting to you. But your tour, Spud Gun. It's on Cyan now. It's going to be found

at big Tom Davis.com. And you also, we didn't even get a chance to mention it, you're going to be in the Rulctin Vampire. That looks so fun. We didn't even get a chance to mention that. Incredible cast. Yeah.

The cast, so Lenny announced it. And then on Instagram, I kept seeing more people get announced. It's ridiculous cast. It's great. Yeah, the best, I'd say, like, yeah, it feels like we'll coming together. It's an amazing thing.

And yeah. And are you, your actual self or you someone's shoulder? I do my, I weirdly am stepping in for Joe Wilkinson's shoulder because he's got very big now. My actual self and I'm doing a little bit of my shoulder work in there as well. I've got shoulder working a couple of things coming out this year. It would just be such a shame to drop something you're so good at.

So I'm glad you're keeping your shoulder in. That's what the sort of thing your dad gives you as advice. Stick to the action you're right, but don't ever, ever give up the shoulder stuff. That's what you were born to do. It's your bread and butter. Showed her for Ray Winston. Oh, gosh. Thank you so much.

Thank you for a pleasure. Thank you, Dom.