Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ruthless Zodiac Signs

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

On this week's podcast Chris and Rosie discuss Zodiac signs (who IS the most ruthless?), gilets, and the stone skimming scandal! Rosie reveals what she signed up to whilst drunk and the pair ponder over the identity of Banksy. The beefs are bed themed and QFTP involve a cat, shopping lists and an uninspiring history teacher. All of this plus some exciting news! Additional episodes featuring special guests will be in your podcast feeds from Wednesday 24th September! Send your weird and wonderful stories to: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shad Mary Knight. Oh, wow, was that supposed to feel like this summer? Yeah, but Jordie. But a Jordie one, very good. Coming up on Bike of Growth. Yes. Fantastic. We, it is the season, Rosie.

It's autumnal. We discuss Gilles. Oh, yeah, I do enjoy Gile, but we'll find out why I don't wear them myself. You specifically can't wear them. We'll find out all about that. Look forward to that. We have got a hot announcement about some brand new, extra special podcast episodes. we're going to be doing alongside this one.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You've been loving it, hadn't you? Really enjoying it. Bought a bit of spice back to real marriage, if I can see that. Offensive. We've got our beefs, as always. We talk about pets and sex. Oh.

Again. In the same story. No, definitely separated, but same story, but kind of. Similar. You'll see what happens. And we have a question from the public, a letter from the public, which as I would call it, vintage Shagmarion-Noyd question from the public.

it's about history class it's phenomenal look forward to that you enjoyed it very much loved it so much could still laugh at moment stop recording loved it

enjoy guys enjoy hello you're listening to Shagmione with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband Christopher Ramsey Hello

some of you are also watching it so hello to you as well specifically thank you for watching we hate getting film but we're getting used to it so there we're going to go It's getting easier it does piss me off

though I'm not going to lie if got to turn them on that would have been fun That would have not been fun because I had to do it all again. Yeah. I'm just running out with stuff to wear. Right. It's not happening.

Well, like, it isn't. Because I feel like anything I weigh on here, I don't want to wear in real life. You get it. Like, when you've worn something on TV. I've had a photo sent me, I commented on before. Was it on Twitter? I wore a photo on a holiday, I think. I wore a photo.

I wore a top on holiday and I took a photo. I put a photo of me and a new one. And someone found a still of me wearing that on a TV show because they must have remembered the shirt and comment back on Twitter with the still of it and went, is that the only shirt you've got?

It was painful, like, like, they were, in reality, they're the loser because they've done that but I was like, it was game set and match, like,

it was checked me. I know, you're not got any more clothes. It was just like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. But that tells me, no, no,

that tells me that they like that shirt because they remembered it. Well, I win. Yeah. No, but you know, that's not why

that would be, that's hilarious. Like, you wear your clothes more than once. I just mean you become sort of like a bit more recognisable. Does that make sense? If you're wearing your station, your stage, get up. If you wear this thing that you wore on here outside,

I feel like, I mean, that's probably a silly thing, isn't it? I think it's more in your head than anything else, but like I say, the odd person will go, you want that and you're, you want that before? And I had to hold my hands up and go, look, good, good sleuthing,

very good investigating, congratulations. Love to have that kind of time on me. But I feel like you should wear your clothes more than twice. This is wild. I do believe that if you, you know, if you've... So when I first started, my old, older fans will know this. When I first started, when I did my first ever Edinburgh and my first appearance on TV, which was Russell Howard's Good News, I wore a yellow Pittsburgh Steelers T-shirt.

Oh, I remember that take. God, you wore that t-shirt all the time. Well, I did this take, we're back at the beginning of what they. See? I wore that all the time. Did you or did you not? I didn't wait all the time. But I feel like you had that when we met. No.

Oh, I might have wore for bed. There's levels, you see? There's levels. It's a league table. I know you a bit more intimately. Listen, it goes, and I don't know much about football. It goes Champions League, the Premiership of Premier League,

and then all the others underneath, right? All the way down to Local League. And you get your new top, you get your brand new thing, you wait on here, you wait on Graham Norton Show or something. Bang, Champions League. Then gets relegated.

Get relegated. Pretty soon, you know, you're driving along, your car window steams up, you're whipping it out the glove box, and you wiping your window down with that blouse that you once loved. I've got a new system though. What I've been doing is I've been wearing a lot of...

Sorry, sorry to interrupt, I know your system. It's hang all of your clothes on the rail as long as possible till the rail rips off the wall and falls down and then I have to fix it because I fixed one the other day. That's your system. That's happened one time.

Twice. Listen, I'm... What? I've lost my... weight my clothes were a little bit heavier. Fat shaman. Congratulations. Fat shaming. That's what you've just done to me.

You have. Fat shaming me. What? It wasn't for the size of the clothes. It was the amount of the clothes. Right. What they're made of? Denim and fucking valua.

Wet. Hanging them up, sop and wet. I'm making no excuses. I've got too many clothes. No, what I've started doing and I don't know if you've even noticed this is on the pod

I've been wearing a lot of the old clothes. You've said, yes. That I'm ready to put in the charity. So I got rid of loads of stuff yesterday. Put it in the charity. Isn't one of our friends currently circling like a vulture

ready to vinted everything we own? I need to text her actually. She might find out on here. I ended up just giving them to my mom who then give them to our friend's daughter. And then the rest of them I'm just given to charity because I know. She's going to kill you.

Honestly, can I just say right though? I actually don't think any of them but they're worth selling. Right. You'd be surprised. Well. But then again, you've done a better thing though. You've done a charity for no profit whatsoever.

No profit. So I think that's a good thing. going to keep some of the money well I'll buy a nice bottom line sorry Vicky it's gone to charity oh sorry

you wanted some money while you were getting another extension are you've done up you've gone down you've gone back you've gone out where you're building

a fucking basement love in joke I think they put in a helicopter up I don't know I'm fucking not surprised listen listen thank you so much for listening

including our friend Vicky who now can't do stuff I've been there but hardlines we're just lazy thank you so much for watching

thank you so much for being here my family are vultures. That's because my mom seen the pile of clothes and I said, oh, I think Vicki's going to sell them on vintage for us. And she was like, well, you know, such and such would really benefit from these. And I thought, right, okay. And as well, it was very much a, I just want them gone. Yeah. So they've gone. Because the moment took you. Because we sometimes fill up a charity bag, I go to take to the charity. One of your family members will catch me

doing it. They'll stop us. They'll go, someone will have that. Sit in our porch for fucking six weeks. Well, the moment, she put it in our cooch. She put it in our coochies. She's put it in her koochie. No, she put it in her car boots. Car boots a good one actually. What? It'll be a flippant car boot. You've talked about my mother, yeah, you know.

You just said koochie? About my mother? My mother's koochie. Great. Guys, thank you for being here. Thank you for watching. Thank you for being part of it. Thank you for subscribing on YouTube,

which I know you're all going to do, and all of that stuff. I don't actually, don't think many more people have done it. I don't know. I get an email. So I've stopped getting, you don't need to look now, but I've stopped getting the threatening emails

of YouTube telling us that all of the videos are unadvertisable because they're foul. They've stopped, so I think they're just can't now. No, we can now. I get them now saying, oh, you can advertise on this because I think I've... They've bleep them out? The bleep the swore words out. Yeah, they've bleep the ones out. So I think it's something weird

like the first seven seconds. If there's a swear word, they're like, nope. Oh, I definitely said the F word really quite early in this. Yeah. Shut your fucking face, Uncle fucker. Brilliant. You're the ones of Jurgle, Uncleker.

You are cutting in to... You're an uncle fucker less is true. Nobody's a cultural Thank you. Shut your fucking face. Uncle fuck. You're the one that fuck your uncle, Uncle,

you know the next bit? No. You don't eat or sleep or mow the law. You just fuck your uncle all day long. Diddl it, diddle it, diddle it.

How do you know that? When have you watched the South Park movie? Just seems off brand for you. Oh no shit. Sorry, it's a musical. You must have loved it. Was it a musical?

Yeah, big a longer and uncuts of South Park musical. Yeah, there was parts of South Park I used to really enjoy. I mean, not like you. But yeah, there was part of it that were quite good. And I think Robin, when he's old enough, is going to die. He's desperate. He's desperate for South Park and family guy.

He's desperate. Can't happen now. Can't happen yet. He's nine. Yeah, yeah. No chance. Ridiculous. Absolutely no chance. But he's going to love it. Listen. Yes. Tis the season. It's happening.

It's lucrative. It's a lucrative, lucrative seasonal sponsor. This week's lucrative, lucrative seasonal sponsor is, and I can't believe you have never done it before. Gilles. Hey there cool dude You got a freezing cold tum-tum but really warm arms You've had Gile before Haven't you know Haven't you know haven't

Don't think I have don't think I have Don't think I have no Do you like vests but wish I had a zip on the front Do you wish life jackets were an acceptable form of fashion Then you need to get yourself a Gile Put it on, zip it up Hey hey hey hey hey hey look how free your arms are

look how warm your back and stomach and chest is hmm hey you can get some with the hood look weird I've tried jiliers I've tried them all the time honestly I'm gonna tell you right now I'm gonna tell you exactly right now I'll tell you what it didn't like after three let's both see the problem

one two three tits are too big there it is you'll have a big big tits on the front puff and oh jili and you will look like you've got tiny little arms.

You know when the, you know, when the wetter dog, you know, I think I look like a pregnant cat. You know when they get a big, big middle bit. Right. But you never seen like a dog, a fluffy dog when a dog goes like just legs deep in the sea. And then it comes out and they're just like, do-l-d-l-d-l-d-l-d-d-litt. Just look stupid. And then I always have to get them bigger because they never have zip up properly. So...

Well, the reason I talk about Jili is and I haven't told you this story. So a friend of the pod and my good friend, Carl Hutchinson. Yes. He's got this Jilia that he wears. Does Carl listen to this podcast? I think Carl's wife still listens. I don't think Carl does, but I think Carl is,

our listeners are very good at inform and call when something's happened. Well, will you tell Carl? Stop ringing Chris all the time. I was on the phone just before this, right? Because I had the phone and ask if the story was okay. So I think he told this story. I think he's going to run away together.

No, I think he told the story in his podcast, but he told us it the other night. I had to tell you, right? So basically, he's got the jile. We did a gig the other night in Yarm. Thanks to everyone. Carl's got a julee. Carl's got the julee.

I couldn't say Carl in a julee. it's got a photo of the Gile that he sent us right so I'll hold it up with the camera as well sorry for the people listening Rosie actually you can you can describe the Gile so it's it's the worst Gile I've ever seen in your life you had it on Sunday night and I was like

what that fuck is that right oh that's not too bad no come on no okay no I like it he's a dad of two right it's like a mustard yellow he's wearing a bright yellow yellow Gilles looks like a north face I don't I think he suits that I thought it was going to be horrendous. Because this is Carl...

You haven't seen it in real life. It's horrible. It's absolutely horrible. Why is it horrible? It looks like a fucking life jacket, right? Okay, but we're talking about Carl, who back in the day used to wear tracks who bottoms, that big, like,

the panicking bay coat. Yeah, he just always had carry our bags. So he's look, yeah, so he's looked, genuinely coming on tour with me. We're in quite a nice tour of car. And I remember one day, you're completely right. He had just like trainers on, just like running trainers.

That was like, and he used to do this thing. Like running trainers. Yeah, but he can... Not, not, no, no, no, not at all. But, like, does anyone out there have a friend who can make... The tie their fucking lace is so tight. Like, you can barely see the lace, the front's just together. So there's loads of lace out.

So you've got these, like, Aladdin's shoes, right? So he would tie these laces so tight. Then he'd have monkey fucking tracks suit pants on with, like, marks on them where he'd, like, rubbed, like, tiny cheese Doritos fingers on them. And then he would have, like, a t-shirt. And then, yeah, like, a panicking bear coat with, like, the little bits of fucking, like, shark tooth that you tie them on the front of it. Like, what me bring up?

brother had on his first day of school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like one of them. And I remember this is genuinely true. I've I told you this, that I had to have a word with him and one, what on tour? No. And it was when I first started getting recognised and I was on telling you and stuff like that

and I was on, and we're going into service stations and he's walking with all that with a carrier bag. And I'm like, it looks like I've fucking picked up me mate. And he's on day release from some kind of fucking centre. Like, it's really bad. But we talk, okay, we talk about call on here. And then everyone expects him to be in absolute mingat. He's not, he's a handsome ride.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a handsome. He's a lovely. lovely bloke by my best friends of the world dead funny but sometimes he doesn't always dress like that he dresses lovely on stage he dresses really smart yeah yeah yeah but so he told me the story about the jili right i didn't know this so it was when he's uh his wife was pregnant with the kid that they've got now their baby so it was a couple of years ago right um so his daughter had been three or four which hadn't been talking much like she'd only hadn't been talking much i hadn't been talking very long so he said there were away that went

to bambra for the weekend and uh they were getting ready to go for a lovely walk along the beach and that being in that buggy and then they're going to go for some you know restaurant or something like and he went so he knows how much his wife hates the Gile so he's like hey don't worry everyone I've got me Gile

like just to piss her off so yeah yeah she hated so apparently she's standing in the little porch of this like Airbnb that they've got and just going I'm not going out if you're wearing that I'm not walking up down the beach with you wearing that you look absolutely ridiculous you look terrible I'm not going out

and apparently his daughter went in and went hey hey that's just what he looks like leave him alone he can't help him Oh, Carl's life, man. It's great. A bugger.

He's got it. Two daughters and a wife. The difference is. Great. We've got two boys. But you're really sort of like, you don't let them be nasty to us or anything. Nah, they're not like to raise their voice to you.

No, no chance. But I think a dad with two daughters, I don't know. It's just... It's a different dynamic, you know? Yeah. So my dad, my dad just... We brought all over my dad,

I'm honest with you. Like, you just didn't have any say. Do you know when it's like, Like, my mom never, this was just our family dynamic. And I know it's always different for everyone, but I never had to ask my dad. Right. You know how people are like, well, you'll have to ask your dad. Yeah.

Mom's, well, you'll have to ask your dad. Sorry, so, ma'am, who? What, the man who lives here? The man who sometimes helps us with my shoelies in the morning. You don't want him? I have to ask him. Wait, he's got any sway at all. Oh, sorry.

His opinion carries weight. My dad used to just stand there. My mom going, well, that's just what your mom says. So, yeah, yeah, what are your mom? My mom bought our first house. All right. And my dad hadn't even seen it. Wow.

My mom just rang him and said, oh, there's this house on such and such. And my dad went, well, if you like it, get it. And my mom was like, all right. Wow. Just very easy going, bloke. Nice. That's what I love about me. Someone's got to take charge.

That's it. Someone's got to take charge. Yeah. But I wish you, oh, yeah. You don't. You don't. You don't. You don't wish I would take charge. You don't. Because you don't.

Oh, no. Are you actually fucking... Do you think I would actually say... Oh, I thought you about to say you wish I would take charge. I wish you would chill the fuck out. I wish you would have less actually. I sometimes feel like you want to do too much. No deal. No deal.

No deal. No deal. Good luck with that. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. You like the jingo.

Jinggo. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Jingo! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Marriedenoid. Hello, hello. Did a silly thing. You did a silly thing? What was the thing?

Did a silly thing when I was drunk at the weekend. Oh. Me and my friends were meant to go to Bongo Bingo. Yes. But then realise that we are too old and none of work could actually really be asked. So you had a younger friend who booked it for everyone and then everyone else who are and just had like a first week back at school all bottled it. Very funny to see.

As an outsider, watching that unfold during the week, it's very, very funny. I know, I felt terrible, but I just... It started with, oh, fucking hell,

I got bongo bingo at the weekend. That'll be a heavy night. And then, oh, I can't be arse of bongubing at the weekend. And then, well, she's not going now. Well, she's not going now.

Oh, we're going to have a house party instead. Everyone's coming! Everyone came! People who had said no to bongo bingo. It had lasted longer than bongo bongo bingo, may I had. Oh yeah. But you can sit down and you can hear each other.

Anyway, we had a lovely time. Got really drunk and six of us signed up for the Great North Run. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I heard about this. But we didn't get in. Right.

So I haven't got a place. Yeah. So devastated. But we might do it for charity. Right. But we're going to see. But something funny happened. Which I haven't spoken to you about.

And it was one of them things where, I don't know, I never think that I'm competitive. Right. So we're both the same like this. Okay. Compatim until it's something pathetic and then we're both over it. So we were chatting about it and everyone who was signing up for it, right? And even, my best friend, Angela, she got really bad asthma, right? And she's signed up for it.

And I was like, you'll be absolutely fine. She was like, well, we'll just stick together, we're all together. I was like, yeah. And then in my head I was going, oh. But actually, I've been running for like a while now. And then we were all chatting and we were all chatting. We're like, right, well, we'll all train, but we'll all, we'll run together. And then, you know, whoever slowest will, and I was literally, I was, I was, me as well

though, I was going, whoever slowest will stick with them, right? Even if, and I was like, even if it takes before I was. And then in back my head, I'm going, fuck me, I could do that, no, because I could actually, I could do it. And then I thought, I'm a horrible person. And what actually made us realize this is, is the same friend, Angela, shared something on Instagram about the month that you're born of the year, and hers was like, bang on. and then Steph, my other friend,

found hers and she was like, oh my God, have you seen this? It was bang on for her. And then mine was bang on for me, but mine was horrible. That you're a horrible person? August, man, Virgos? We're not nice, Chris.

I'm Leo and I'm August. And I, and I, hands up, it means fuck all. No, it doesn't. Leo's on great either. No, Virgos are pretty, so there's only 12 types of people in the whole world. Yeah.

Great. So, so, okay. Why are we going to, Don't get into horoscopes with us because... Don't you get into horoscopes with me because I'm the virgo and mity mint you me... So, all right, if we look up famous serial killers

and murder us throughout history, any of who are virgos, they're the same as you? No. No, but they are a glitch in the makdricks. The makdricks? The make dricks. I love the makericks. And they're just, you know, you've got to have

the bad eggs, go have the rotten eggs. But actually, would Virgo be murderers? Well, have a look. All right, then go on. How many mass murderers are virgos? How would I write this? Most, what's it?

Most like, most common, most common star sign of mass murderers. You know what they like? I'm going to say Gemini. Right. what are the big three signs I don't want three signs See so now and then

What is the ruthless zodiac sign Now and then we ask Google something So like niche that it just goes Look, what? You want hotels where? Oh hang on Reddit Most common zodiacs among serial killers Oh there it is

Yeah You know there was a killer called the Zodiac Killer So we'll probably just end up The Zodiac Killer here Oh oh Right least number of serial killers Taurus My brother's a Taurus

makes sense. Yeah, he's never killed anyone. Hang on. That works. December-born Sagittarius and April-born Ares were slightly more common. Right. Immutable signs were common than fixed in cardinal signs.

Does that mean ones that are on the cusp? I don't know what that means. That's just one? Scorpio. Oh, Scorpio. Okay. Mosting you. Oh, Moira Henry was a Leo.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Definitely. Definitely. So I googled Which star sign is most likely to be a serial killer? Ooh Scorpio

Gemini Capricorn Four signs Cancer, Pisces, Sagittarius and Scorpio account for almost 40% of serial killers So I know quite a lot of them though But what the person

The killers What I've done here Which is really upsetting I've almost I've proved You know that thing where A load of flat earth has set up a load of lasers To try and see

To prove that the earth was flat and they actually proved that it was round. I've done the same thing here by going, this is only 12 kind of people. So what if you're the same as it? And it's said that 40% of serial killers are of them, of them star signs, which weirdly is a pattern,

which proves my initial point wrong. Yeah, which I'm upset about. And I'm going to be honest for you, makes us want to kill. Well, you're not in there though. Well, I will be. What I was going to say, though, is don't take it as like a horrible thing

because there's some, there's some like what's the word some parts of being Virgo that are awful and it's probably like it's like ruthless but then at the same time

you get shit done and there's part of it like there's part of them what I'm saying is I'm sorry if you're listening and yet any of them those are sorry what you're saying is

what you're saying is sometimes you're a massive bitch and you blame it on when you were born yeah but then I get shit done and you know we'll get shit done

I'm a dickhead and I don't blame it when I was born much, blame on being a dick. Sorry, I'm living my dream. Right. I'm living my dream. My job is sat here talking

into this microphone and this is what I want to do as kids. I think we can all agree your dream job would be sitting there eating crisps. Well, obviously, but that's the job that was taking. They always keep saying that there's jobs going for people just to eat crisps, don't they? But then I never see the person who gets the job. I never see the person who gets the job.

Who says this job's going to eat crisps? Oh my God, all the time. It seems like a large Bible post. Yeah, online. You can win four grand a day by fucking dipping your balls in Nutella. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God.

Yeah. But you never see the outcome of it. And when they're like, oh, do you want to look after this island as your job? Like, care take out of the island. Like, yeah, of course. But then you never see like, oh, there's the bloke that got that job. Or woman. Oh.

Oh, sexist. Oh. Hate that. I said that. Attack. Oh, God. Yeah. Listen.

Anyway, no, listen. Mm-hmm. Oh, is Virgo trusted? Virgoes are great at keeping their word and following through on commitments. Their analytic mindset means they think things through carefully, ensuring that they are reliable and dependable in all situations. Absolute bollocks. Chris, I'll get the kids today, don't you worry? You do this, this and this.

All right, no bother. I'm literally halfway through the gym. Phone call. Can you get the kids? I'm actually going to do something. But that's because I think I've got ADHD. No, that's because you're spoiled. So what are vehicles like with ADHD? Oh, God. Oh, a Virgo with ADHD is more like a cat recall.

fucking shut up man Hang on I slagged off Gemini's quite a lot there Just very quickly Oh this is just Oh I understand there's people Listening to this Who read the things all the time

And people were finishing I was so wrong Yeah Gemini's are the nice ones Yeah Curio Gemini traits include Curiosity

Adaptability Communication skills They are often described As witty fun And quick-minded Right Oh I'm so sorry Gemini I had you's wrong

And none of them in there They're not in the I've just checked again they're not in the murder a pile. No, German eyes are fine. I'm sorry. Great. Yeah.

And if you're offended on mass by anything we've said about your star sign, I'll grow the fuck up. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Got some serious news for you, Rosie. Serious news. Okay. It's, uh, it's going to rock your world. Is it podcastable?

Is it about our family? Yes, it's podcastable. It's about, uh, it's about, it's about the darker side of elite sports. Someone being caught taking drugs. Worse. The world stone skimming championships has been hit by a cheating scandal. How?

Weighted stones? Close. Several competitors have been disqualified. This is generally true. Shut. Right. Seriously? Yeah.

100% true. There's several competitors have been disqualified for making their stones rounder. Bastards? That's sad, though, in it? What have they done sanded the edges are? No. They put the hell the hands up in the middle.

So I sort of popped up on Instagram and I was fascinated. Hang on, they can take their own stones. Well, it's mine, isn't it? Sure you could get them giving off the beat? Where is this competition? No, to be fair, if you had to find them on the beach, it's in Scotland. If you had to find them, if you had to find them, that would be the most boring bit. Although then again, it could be part of it, because the skill could be finding the best stone and thrown it.

But then how do you get the same stone? Well, you don't. 3D image printing? There'd be some fighting, wasn't they? Be like Tommy Few at the end of the Great North Run, everyone'd be fucking ragging each other out of the way. Can I just say, I think that was a mistake. I think he tripped.

I don't think you pushed that guy out of the way. I think I said it on the podcast. I think he was just fucking up. Rosie, yesterday I was a jit-su, and I was on the side, corner of the mat, having to drink me water, and I went to topple, I nearly toppled off the mat.

You're not allowed to stand off the mat without choose on. It's like a rule. I literally fucking grabbed a hold of someone to get us back on. And he was like, what you did? And I was like, I literally, so I get it. But I'm sure you could have, no, and tally.

No, you're not allowed. It's bad. It's like floors lava, but shoes aren't allowed on the mat and bare feet aren't allowed off the mat. That's the rules. But if you fell, Chris, that's fine. I should have had a bit of balances. You take things, right? What did you do the other day in the house?

You take things so literally. Yeah, yeah. I think it was last night when I ragged Rief's juice off of money, tried to have some juice before bed. You said no juice before bed and you went to finish a bit of juice, and I literally ragged it off. I was ready to put them through the wall. Rules is rules!

No. What I mean is, like, I like to make the last drink of the day, either like water or milk, like, just before bed. But the brain hadn't finished his juice from his tea. So he went and picked up and you were like, get that juice! I was like, Chris, there's three. That's what you meant about? You wish I'd be a bit more chilled out? Yes. I didn't. I don't say any correlation between this. Listen, I'm a Leo. Leos don't like people drinking juice before bed. A lot of Leo's a dentist. The way your brain works is diabolical. It's horrible. Back to the stone skimming. So they literally said they were like, hey, fucking hell, these are perfectly around these.

Have you been sanding these down? And apparently, they're very honest people to be fair when they're not cheating. They all went, yeah, we've been doing it. They all got disqualified. Good? Shame. Absolutely shame. I hope they got took... Ban them from all beaches.

Bring back hanging. Honestly. That's a bit intense. It's like, people throw it around all the time. That's quite like saying that. That's really, like, that's sad. Sad. It's just hilarious.

Well, it's just hilarious that people are even cheating at that level. Do you know what I mean? I can't believe it's competition if I'm honest. You're kidding us. You've never skim to school. You've never lived. I can't do it. I got about 10 once,

I couldn't believe it. So my mate who was with us, I sent him that. I sent him that as soon as I came up. I was like, look at this. Bastards, I could have been, I could have been a millionaire. Could have been professional.

Please don't add another stupid, ridiculous hobby to you. Too late, just being added. Stone skimming guy. I'm going to go and angle grinder. Angle grinder. Oh. Babadoo, babadoo, babo, babo, babo.

To our news. Guys, I've added two dates. to Rosie's delight. Look at her face. Look at a little face. Look how excited she is. I've added two dates to my 2026. Two of these are the last two dates that are getting added.

It is Manchester Opera House. They are. Manchester Opera House, Saturday the 14th of March. And Stockton Globe, Thursday the 26th of Feb. I didn't know about the Manchester one. Yes, you did. I did not. I did not.

I did not. You shared something on Instagram about Stockton. Yeah. Not Manchester. It literally said Manchester. Same post says Manchester right next to the word Stockton. Right next to. to it.

Just read the first one. Right next to it. Fair enough. I've got some of exciting news. Oh, what? So we have chosen

to spice things up a little bit. We've been doing the podcast for five years, almost six years. It's six years? Genuinely are six years. I think it's six years, yeah.

We're 20-19, yeah. And we have decided that we're going to start interviewing people. Woo! In fact, we've already done a few. We have. We've been down to London.

It's not the studio. Yeah, it's our We have to travel everybody else. And we've done a few so far. And dare I say, I've had a brilliant time. So it's going to be extra to this podcast. Yeah. It's going to be available on YouTube and on all podcast platforms

where you get this podcast. It's going to come out Wednesdays. The first one comes out Wednesday, the 24th of September. We've had some lovely chats with some lovely people, but we can reveal that the first one is none of other than Jordan Stevens of Rizzle Kick's fame. Such a lovely guy. What a dude.

Oh, man. We had such a laugh. I'd never met. him before. You'd met him loads. I'd never met him and he was just so lovely. As he talks about when we're chatting to him, I'd met a different version of him. Yes. So I'd met

pop star, young, famous, full of drugs. Now we have met sober, Jordan. We just had such a funny chat. Nice soul, I think. He's just a good dude. We had a really, really good chat. And yeah, so what happens is we interview them, we chat to them and then they read one

of your, please get me anonymous letters. Each person's going to do that. They're going to come out every week from Wednesday the 24th of September and we've had really good fun doing them. We're going to record some more. It's been brilliant. It's been really fun.

But this one's not going to change. The one you listen to now is not going to change. There was no chance any other bastards getting in this room. It's already crowded. I'm all right. I think we could put somebody there if they wanted to. I haven't got another plug.

I'm not putting another mic there because I have another, but I have to turn another camera on. I can't. I do enough. Listen, we'll keep it justice. I don't know. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babo.

It's time for. Beef. Beef, beef, beef. I have been a delight as of late, so I can't imagine you've got a beef with me. You're not, but this is fine. This is actually... You know what?

You were a little compliment for you. You never give me compliments, by the way, but I'm going to compliment you. Not on camera or an only one. No, but in real life, can we just clarify, in real life, you are so far up my backside, it's actually gross. Yeah, but I've got, you know, I've got a reputation.

I'm a podcast, bad boy. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. You're obviously thinking there's something else in your head laughing. You know what it is? No, you probably are a podcast bad boy because podcasts nowadays are very... I doubt it very much. Tell me all of your feelings

and all of your wars and trauma. I'm definitely a podcast bad boy. Don't say that because some crossover YouTuber boxer will get in touch with us and go, you're claiming your podcast bad boy. Don't any of that noise. Unless you're just a boxer in which case I'll take you down. I'll talk you.

Now listen, podcast bad boy. No, I do. I told you the day you look beautiful. Well, we haven't even told everyone about the fact that just over in the corner there, before we started, you had to get down on your knees and against the white wall. I'm like, no, don't be getting dirty faces. Down on the knees against the white wall, because there's a wall light there, obviously. And I was taking a photo for your passport.

I kept telling you you, you look beautiful. No, I look, I look, Stuart. I can't, why am I like this? It's weird, because you look absolutely gorgeous. And when you smile and when you laugh, you light up a room. But when you try and pull... I've got a wrestling bitch face, man. Yeah, when you try and pull a normal face for a passport,

It honestly looked like a criminal smug shot It's not good If I was past more control And at all right I'll go She is coming at this country To cause bother, get her out She's got drugs She's got her in and down and all over

She's got a right face on her Yeah What's something Imagine like smuggling drugs or What the fuck Must be the worst Like I just Must be the worst

No I'm not for me My compliment Yes I forgot my keys My house keys The other night And you let me in at half two In the morning

And you didn't even kick I didn't kick off. So well done. Came downstairs like you. But me beef with you. My beef. Can I go first? Absolutely. Right. I love my bed. Yeah.

And you hate, you hate the relationship that I have with my bed. Yeah. You hate that I just get lots of enjoyment by being horizontal. And not even in a slaggy way. Just I love lying down. I love being in bed. You must lie. I reckon you go and lie down at about 7 o'clock at night.

Oh. And then you don't get out of bed until at least half past 7 in the morning. On a weekend, it's later than that. It's about nine. You spend more than half of your life horizontal. Yeah. Yeah. I don't say the problem.

I say to Raph, every night when he's just having his little supper and we're watching tell you in my bed, I say, Rave, this is my favourite time of day. I say the same to Robin. When he comes and he comes and reads his little book in my bed, then he goes after his own bed and I say, Robin, this is my favourite time of day. I just love it.

I just love. Nothing to do with the kids. It's just that you're lying horizontal. No, it's everything to do with the kids. You're eating crisps and nuts. It's just me horizontal little bedtime. and I love that they come in and out and we'll have that lovely little time

at the end of the day and I hope that they'll look back in years to come and they'll go My mom's a lazy cow No They'll say my mom was really well rested In night She wasn't stressed

And she was really well rested And they'll say Love that little time In my mom's bed Yeah Yeah So what's your beef with me But it just upsets as how much

You literally like You look at his with disgust Whenever I'm like I'm just going up to line bed Do you not have a little game myself so I'll go down I'll go out in a morning I'll make like I make the bairns omelets and stuff like and I come up with a cup of coffee for you and I'm like well I know she'll still be in bed she's just she will still be in bed because I bring her a coffee

in bed and I'll give you a coffee and I'm like there she is and I go down then I'll do loads of stuff I'll have my coffee I'll have me athletic greens I'll do all my different things and I come up and get ready and as I'm walking up the stairs I always think because as we walk up our stairs if the if our bedroom doors won't we can see you on your side of the bed and I just think it's just still going to be lying in that fucking bed and I get up and I'm My head pops over the crest of the stairs and I go, yeah, thought so. But what's wrong?

Yeah, Jess, I'm not hurting anyone. No, it's absolutely not. So what's the difference with me just lying in bed and you sat on this over? What's the difference? I'm not sat on that sofa. Yes, you are? I'm not.

You are, you're sat in the chair, which by the way, you never, would you start plumping them chairs when you get up for the fucking deal. I'm sick of them chairs, you fat pig. No, listen, no. Them chairs, I have my arse print in them.

Because obviously I'm a catastrophizer and I've got anxiety and every day I think could be me last. Every time I leave the house, I think this might not get back yet a day. So you want to haul my Simpson army chairs and I've got to leave them? I want to ask print that you can worship when I'm gone. No, I'm sorry. Because you know what would happen?

The priest would come. Right. For his tea and biscuits and to talk about how we're going to, what we're going to do. And I'd plump them cushions before he came or she. Very disrespectful. Very disrespectful. You'd be gone before even know. So don't bother with that.

Great. And I'd be in bed so it doesn't really matter. Of course. My beef with you. Yes. And I don't know if I've had this before, but it's something you've been doing for a long time. And it's not even that you do it.

It's the way you act afterwards. So when we have a conversation on the phone, you don't hang up. When the conversation's over, you let me hang up. You never hang up. Do I not? Never.

So on the off chance that I'm doing something. If I very rarely talk on speaker, I hate it. I hate having people on speaker, but you must have people on speaker quite a lot. I'm always doing it. something. Right. So at the moment, the very rare moment that I'm doing something while I'm on the phone, like I was

putting some pictures and stuff up yesterday. I was doing a bit of DIY. And I'll have it on. I'll have the phone on and I go, okay, bye. And you're right, bye. And then I'm like, she hasn't hung up. And I hear you doing stuff. And I'm like, my hands are full by the way, I can't hang up. And you're like, oh God! Like you absolutely, like, something in the past has happened. And you're like, well, hang up then! And I'm like, you fucking hang up. You never hang up. You never, you just let, you I have to hang up every time. You call us for bullshit reasons.

I hate her when you ring us. You're just like, hi-ye! I'm like, hello. Then you're like, just on my way back. Just coming back now. And I'm like, I'll see when you get home. Just checking that you're not stood in fucking bed.

Can we just clarify that? I do get up out of bed. I just like, I just really enjoy. Straight in bed after this. As soon as we're doing. I wish. There's a bed just off the camera there. She jumps in that bed.

I really just enjoy being in bed. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I've thought you what your favourite job would be. Can you remember on the Big Breakfast when they used to interview the stars in bed? Oh my God. That's your favourite job. Yeah. We did the Michael McIntyre thing.

In bed? In bed. We came out on a bed. Yeah, yeah. That was nice. Yeah, okay. Lazy bye. Nazy bye.

It's time for questions from the public. What's on the public? As always, if you'd like to touch it, chagged, Maudenoy. At gmail.com. I'm going to start off nice and easy here. Yes. It's just lovely and sweet. And I want to get your opinion on it.

Okay, because I know what mine is. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hello. My partner told me he likes it when he finds a shopping list in the trolley because he likes to say what other people are buying. I love that. I do. I love that.

So something now and then if I find a receipt in the trolley, I'll have a quick read. Oh, a receipt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, okay. I've never looked at a receipt book. Yeah, but it's not as persons. I do. I love looking at a shopping list.

Because I might erode things like, you know, like pickles, brackets, you know the ones I like clothes, but yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's cute. I like that. I just said, cannot tell if I feel. find this funny because he's a bit of a nosy bastard or if it's just a big fat ick let me know what you think I would yeah I would enjoy that

I like it I'm unboiled I like anything that's like personal like I love sitting in a toilet and then you close the door and there's like graffiti on the door right do you not love that I haven't seen toilet graffiti for a long time oh yeah there's loads and they well I don't sit on toilets I'll never see the back of a toilet door oh no you what this is this a female thing or is it sitting down having a shit thing it's because I don't

have a shit in public. So I've never seen the back of a toilet door unless I'm just quickly shutting it and then turning around. I've never looked at it. You've never lived. So it's just, it's just something like it'll be a poster or something and someone will disagree and they'll like,

they'll slag it off and they'll put their opinion and you know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. It's always just interesting. Enjoy a bit of graffiti. I just enjoy a bit of graffiti. Like it's just something, it's a dying art, I think.

Art? Well, it's just fun, in it. Yeah. Probably not fun for the people who own the establishment. Did you see the new banks he won. I haven't know There was a new Banksy one Outside the

God House of Lords or something in London Okay what is it It's a judge with a gavel Beating a protest at a death And they covered it instantly They covered a bankruptcy Yeah They cover loads of them

Do they? Yeah yeah But they covered it like instantly It was gone in a few hours But they weirdly couldn't get it all off So it's like the shadow of it now And it looks even more haunting But then the most recent photo I saw

there's like big metal boards in front of it and two policemen standing there. Completely cordoned it off. Because when a bankruptcy gets revealed, it's like fucking huge, like loads of people go there. Yeah. All right, okay.

So there you go. So there's got people working for him or is it, actually still him? Don't know, still haven't seen his face, no one's seen his face. He's only done like one interview. I know people who write for him. What?

I know people who write from. Yeah, when he did like, because he did a book and stuff and... Ah, yeah. Like comedy writers? Yeah, some comedians, some comedians write from it. Funny, God, go a tense humor.

Oh my God, what would you do? Oh my God. Imagine if it was like someone everyone knows. What do you mean? Like that would just, that would be delicious. Dermit-O-Eary. Imagine it was Dermit O'Leary. Just, you don't know, do it?

Just start a rumour that, Bansy's Dermott. No. Or Joel Dommet. Just someone who's like really wholesome in every way and you would never expect it. It's fucking Mr. Tumble. It's Justin What's, it's Justin Fletcher. It's Justin Fletcher.

Justin Fletcher's Bansy. I just feel, no, I feel like I was thinking more like E-List or. Oh, like someone massive. Like. Tom Hardy. Something like that. I don't believe it being Tom Hardy.

Yeah, okay, but edgy. Tom Hanks. No, I think it's Judy Denge. Like, that's what I'm, I'm thinking it's just someone who you absolutely be like, no way. Yeah, very good.

Oh, this is interesting. I still think it's a tumble me like. Well, we'll go with that. Yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, babadu, babu, ba. Babadu babadu bao. Hi, lovely Ramseys. Just listening to your latest podcast

about the board of terrier and the knickers. Yes. Dog away the knickers. I told him a veterinary nurse and had a similar situation. Oh. We had a lady call up saying she just saw her cat eat something erroneous. Yeah. What does that mean?

Like it's suspicious? Yeah, well that's a really weird. So if something's erroneous, it's like a mistake. It's like wrong. Error. Erroneous. Error. It's of the nature of being an error.

Okay. Saying your cat ate something erroneous sounds like something that chat GPT would write or an alien pretended to be a human. Okay. So me cat eat something erroneous. Maybe this is, yeah. It's just a really weird thing to put in the sentence, erroneous.

But it's like an error. It means a mistake. All right. Well, something, they've had something wrong. If you're saying, I can't imagine a way where you're putting an erroneous into a sentence without sounding like a dick. All right, well, they're trying to sound clever.

They're trying to sound clever other than what they are. Cat is something erroneous. But it might just be a thing that they say, erroneous. Okay. erroneous sounds like coronia and she needed it out

before her husband came home why I'll tell you she didn't say what it was but insisted we open up the cat

to retrieve the item God fucking hell open up the cat it's a bum bag like yeah how awful is that just like get them in the operating theatre

start erroneous something erroneous which they shouldn't have God don't have animals love yeah um can I just say we borrowed your sister's dog the other day yeah and he was yeah he was lush I had a lovely little day with yeah but he was chewing on

something in the garden and I didn't know what it was getting something out of a dog's mouth that they want to chew when you'd want them to chew is one of the most stressful things especially when it's not your dog yeah he was literally I was like in the no the no they're chewing it and you go hey and they're like fuck he doesn't want me to chew this but I'm chewing the shit over this it was like looking after someone's baby because we didn't take my eyes off of him because I was like this is Kate's baby so we're just, I followed him

around that garden, it was ridiculous. He was lush, I loved having for the day. But it was it was a, it was a crown from the bluey advent calendar we had last year. The problem is we've got a little kid toys everywhere, yeah, yeah, we need there. But he knew he was like, hey, what this do you, fuck you? And I was like, mate! He's so cute.

Okay, she didn't say what it was, but insisted we open up the cat to retrieve the item. Open up the cat. Off the x-rays, we went to confirm a foreign body. We decided to scope the patient as it was still in the stomach. What we pulled out made me gag for a good two minutes. Do you want to?

I think you'll guess. What they pulled out. It's a condom. It was a condom. It was a condom. Oh. Listen, used condom. This is vile.

This is vile. The brim. The brim. The brim? I don't know who's brim in a condom these days. The brim? Yeah. They're a catty big like?

I know. To the brim. It's always a basic water bomb. Why is the cat had that? What? part of the cats gone, what is fucking lush, I'll have a bit of that.

I'm not trying to be awful against animals here. I love animals. I think they're very gorgeous, but they'll fucking eat anything. They will eat anything. Dogs eat their own vomit and shit and cats like,

oh my God, somebody put on Instagram the other day, right? No, what? I'm sorry. What? Jordan, my friend Jordan,

he's got a little dog called Ralph. Yeah, yeah, what he ate? When I, Jordan and Sean came to me gig with us on Sunday and I picked Jordan up and he was like, fucking dog fucking dogs just had a full pack of soaring a pack of a cake

the saurian loaf he left him he left them by accident and he says he remembered like I need to put them away and then he went the other room he came back out of it and the dog had fucking savaged them

he's only a little dog but he made him ill and he was like the dog's fucking highing up and he goes I'm standing there going well exactly you're not going they're not meant have reasons you know

he's got reasons he's fine the dog's fine the dog's fine but he goes every time he goes every time I put his dinner out for him he looks at his after going to go fucking this again and you're like why that again because everything else you eat you can shit your back in

and you'd be sick everywhere of course you gotta just eat your dinner I realised when I had baffled the one day if we had a dog it would be so overweight because I just fed him all day just because I just just ridiculous I'm a feeder but the won't stop

I know well I give him back and I said okay don't give him any tea he's had sweet corn he's had ham he's had chicken he was bloody oh god love I thought like a champion that night this is what I was going to say so on Instagram someone put like

a video on their stories and they were like oh gosh with their cat finally come home with being worried sick just fucked off for four days oh they do they do four days some cats see after but they said that they were dead skinny so they were like they've probably been trapped somewhere rather than like you know

chilling out and I was getting I couldn't deal with that I couldn't imagine but like where are you yeah where like where are you pussy cat and then they just come walking through the door I'd be like where the bloody hell have you been Yeah, and it goes,

I'm not having this, turns around, walks straight back out. It's like, yeah, I've found new parents. Ah, that's why I can't get a cat. There's a very famous... The lack of loyalty.

I'm a Virgo. It would really upset. Oh, God, yeah. Well, cats are cats of Pisces. Oh, water sign. Oh, wishy-washy. Oh, God. Yeah.

Honestly, they are. Whishy-washy. Um, there's a very famous Billy Connoe joke where he says he doesn't trust cats because any animal that stays when you move house is a little bastard.

Yeah, so true. So true. Yeah, the last. I haven't moved. I'm here and I'm staying here. So this used kind of filled it to the brim. To the brim. Right, okay, a lot of spunk.

Not fill at the brim because I reckon it again. I reckon if you fill one up with, like, from the tap. If you put a condom around the tap in your bath and let it go all the way to the bottom filled up, I reckon you get six or seven pines in one of them bad lads before it pops. So it wasn't filled with them. Well, no, I just think she means in like, in terms of... In terms of jizz, there was a healthy amount of jizz.

Good amount of jizz. Yeah, great. Oh, God. So it was tied up then. So none of the jizz went into the cat. Slopily tied. Yeah. It was pulled from the cat's stomach.

Oh, God. Pregnant? Oh, no, don't. A few things. You can't get pregnant when it goes into your stomach. You should know this. This was the first ever sex education lesson you had. And secondly, if it was tied up,

the cat didn't get any people. I don't think I ever got told, in my Catholic school, I really don't think I ever got told that if you just swallow salmon, you'll not get pregnant. I don't think I was on in the curriculum for any schools,

but I think you were told where, So you, through process of elimination, you knew that if it went in your fucking Eaz's eyes, nose or mouth, you wouldn't get pregnant. Well, they definitely didn't tell word of enough because I heard a rumor of a girl in another year who had sex in the semas using a bag of, empty bag of crisps.

So she didn't listen. Inside out or? I don't know. I'm not believing that that would be so sharp. The bag of crisps. No chance. No chance. Right. Right, listen.

So. Sloply tired. Pulled out of the cat's tummy. From that moment, we knew why they were. woman wanted it out. She confessed she had slept with someone at her house, not her husband. Why you're telling a vet that? He doesn't have that

much come. And the cat... He's got so much more come than you! Imagine that! Imagine that in the heat of an argument on the way out. Yeah, well, good. You're like, well, he's got loads more than you. Oh, well, good. And it says, hang on.

The cat walked up to the condom and down the hatch, Bob's your uncle. In it went. Oh, God. We were advised not to write what the foreign body was on the note and only to contact her regarding the cat's recovery. This is funny because I've worked with children before.

You wouldn't be able to be like, don't write that down. But obviously, if you own an animal, you're like to just keep stuff from the notes. Well, what if... Dodge. He has a bad thing. What if he has to take the cat to the vet

for the next time something's wrong with the cat, and everyone there's like, oh. Foreign body. We all know. No, no, they're just like looking at them. You'll not know, but they'll look now. We know about your wife's cheating on you and you don't know, but we know.

Oh, there you go. That's just Dodge City, in it? There you go. Happy Christmas. That's it, honestly. Like, adultery told from the... So you know there's a horror film coming out called Good Boy.

I think there's a film, there's another film... There's two films coming out at the same time called Good Boy, which is upsetting. But one of them is a horror movie told from... the point of view of the dog. I hate it already. As the words left me mouth, I knew you were going to say that. What, bloody, look who's talking to?

No, thank you. It's just from point of view of a dog. No? So the whole horror film's from the dog's point of view. Apparently, it's really good. It's won awards and stuff. I don't know if it's won awards, but it's apparently really good. Again, I've said this before on here.

I watch trailers of horror movies, but I can't watch actual horror movies, so I'll just watch trailers. I'm really like... I don't understand how that can be. a good film. It's from the dog's point of view? Yeah? Hurro-ro-ro-ro.

Well, it's not talking, doesn't you take? No, through the dog's eyes. The dog's just watching it. Is it ghosts? We know when dogs are like barking at the corn room

and you don't know why. Will you see what the dog's seeing? So the house is haunted and it's trying to tell its owner that the house is haunted by barking and stuff, but you don't, you, the owner doesn't know

I think it's fucking intriguing and I think it sounds amazing. Will I watch it? No, get too scared. What kind of dog is it? Howie? It's obvious what kind of dog it is. Come on.

You make the horror film from the point of view of a dog. What dog are you picking? German Shetard. No. Close. Next one. What's a Labradoro Gorn retriever,

isn't it? Why would you pick any other? Why would, why? Well, you're not going to pick a fucking cockapoo, are you? It's going to get him to act. You're just going to pick an extremely trainable dog with a really good nature.

I was thinking more like what they look like. Okay, so that is right, okay, just got to be a good dog. It's one of them looking dogs. Yeah, yeah. Well, hey, Annie? that was a dog.

That was a good dog. Very good dog. dog. Does it talk? No, but they used it and all the stuff. Dom dog, why are you following me? In the stage show it's a dog, I don't know what it is. Probably a few dogs. They're lovely dogs. I love poor our terriers. They're nice dogs.

Great, okay. Pinball brain kicking off again. Yeah, so a story of adultery, a steamy sexual drama told from the point of view of a dog. Copyright, Chris Ramsey. We're going to make that. No. It sounds shit. It sounds like... Borrow Kate's dog. put a GoPro on his head

me and you get pissed have sex let a dog watch millionaires awful it sounds like one of them films that you know when people when like big actors

are talking about their careers that have gone by it's like one of the films that they do at the beginning right I was about this dog that I'd

eat a condom you were gonna all right if I did that one yeah all right but the horror one I think you're gonna eat your words I might well listen I might watch it

I'm not watching I'm too scared great I can't watch them Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo bao babadu bah Hi Rosie and Chris Hope you're good Yes

I'm listening in episode 217 when you're talking about Someone's head teacher dressing it was Jesus Sorry what Do I remember that The headmaster dressed up as Jesus For the English Easter assembly No it was just really full on You like came down the centre of the thing

Like carrying the cross and that And everyone was like I love this podcast The stuff I forgot that we've talked about in here is crazy. That was a while ago. That was 270. What were you on now? 337.

337. Yeah, that was that. Fucking hell. 120. Wow. Oh, one, before you go, shout out. I met two fans at the gig in Yarm the other night that I did because the new the promoter.

I forgot the names. I'm shit we're names. All the lady, younger lady. 17 year old, younger lady. She's like on our third or fourth run around the podcast. Listener now. And I was like, you're 17. and you're listening.

She was like, yeah, I love it. It's my favourite. I was like, oh, we thought, like, you know, I just think the age range is amazing. Yeah. We can have, like, she hasn't got kids. She hasn't, you know, she probably quite enjoys life still, but she's listening to us.

She's not tainted like us. Yeah. We're in that horrible part of life. It's fine, though. It's not horrible. It's just, it's busy. It's like a traffic jam. It's a lot.

Yeah, yeah. It's intense. This is the most intense part of your life. But we'll get it back. Yeah. It's fine unless we're dying. But, and then, no, fuck. Okay, this unlocked a memory

of when I was in secondary school, not me, this person, yes. We had a grumpy old teacher that everyone used to take the piss out of because kids are dicks, who taught us history. I always dreaded her lessons because she would just make us sit in

complete silence the whole hour and would kick anyone out of class who made a peep. That's a... It's not very good, is it? Hung over lady. Hung over? She just sounds hungover.

Do you never think back to... I was thinking about this year day? Do you ever just think back to some teachers that were just... You just miserable. Yeah, you just think you shouldn't be doing. Like, all right, I'm a comedian,

and I've presented, and I'm, I can talk in front of people, and I know how to play a room. But I also, in a, how would I put this? In a public, like, social interaction, I understand how to work and talk to people and how to sort of, like, come across, and, you know, some teachers, it was like they're just being fucking dropped on the planet straight away, and the water in,

and the kids were like, and they go, all they were like, and they had no fucking contract. and you go, how can you be this shit? How, like, I mean, it might be different now. I imagine teachers are a lot better now, but fuck some teachers. I was like, really?

One of ours used to get locked in the cupboard. Sorry? Yeah. By the way, when I went to school, and now that we talked, my friends are all teachers now. When I was at school, I don't think they have this anymore,

but there was like the upas and the lowers, which is awful. Loaz is, that's just, terrible, isn't it? So you're talking about like sets. Sets, like ability. The uppas and the Loas, like,

Tined up and we're lower time, Lois, like if, so I was in the uppers. Yeah. Clarra Galera. Obviously, copied a lot. My brother was in the lowers. Yeah. And like, it's just, yeah, it's like, it's classified.

Like, it's awful. That's a lovely shot in the arm of sort of, um, what's the word, confidence that you need in your academic skills when you're a kid. It's actually not okay. By the way, dickhead, you're in laws. Yeah. It's not okay. It's not all right.

Put that pen down. Where's the crayons? Where's the, don't put that, don't touch them scissors. You'll look at yourself. Like, what's a fork? Didn't really realise it at the time. So we don't have that now? I don't think so.

Right. I'll have to ask. So there was Loaz, there was up as in yours. Yeah. And I was an extended. Is that higher? Oh, it's higher than the highest. Oh, is it now?

Good for you. It's the, it's the top, top the shop. All right. It's, you know, there's business class, this first class and there's, yeah. But all the girls fancied you? No. Clever clogged.

None of them. I'd already firmly established my personality by year 10. Good. So. The Loire boys used to just lock this French teacher in the cupboard all the time. And you know when you just think, what the fuck? You should not be here. So that's an English teacher who taught French, not a French teacher.

No, she wasn't French. She just taught French. Just in case of thoughts. Just in case you thought some kind of racist attack. No, and then some teachers, one of them used to just, he was known for it. There was like loads of stains on his back wall. And he used to just do tea bags off, like with a spoon and just hide them at people's heads. Wow.

Say I respect him more than the one who got locked in the cupboard. Yeah. But I just don't think you should have been working with kids. How do you walk into the staff room with your head held eye when another teacher's had to let you out of the cupboard for the fourth or fifth time now week? It's not good, is it? It's really not good. Back to our story.

Yes. One time at the end of a lesson, she told us that we had a really exciting visit at coming to our class in a month and we should all be on our best behaviour or she would cancel their visit. How exciting. This is better than a dog in the yard. All of us 13 slash 14 year olds were buzzing and trying to find out who the mystery guest could be.

I already know what it is. I know what it is. I know what it is. I want our guests later on, but I want to know what it is. And every single lesson of hers we went to, she would remind us that the guest was coming soon and she even did a countdown for the guest's arrival.

So, the day arrived and we all get to the class with nervous energy, wondering who will be visiting year nine, set one, history, and how famous they? Set one. Set one. And how famous are they? She arrives in class and announces that the guest has just arrived and she's going to collect them. who do you think it is then?

I think she comes back dressed as someone from history. I'm all right? She comes back in the room and she's dressed as a fucking Catherine Cooxon or a Roman fucking Roman thing or Cleopatra something and she comes in dressed as a person and everyone's

rightly, rightly, everyone is rightly fucking livid. Listen, a few moments later the teacher arrives back in wearing a Burger King crown. Zero effort! Zero effort! This is Queen Elizabeth or Queen Victoria.

Announcing, hello everyone. I am King Henry the East. Oh my God. The whole class erupted in laughter and she carried on saying, Stop this left hour and I will have to be executed until she couldn't take it anymore, took the crown off and told us we all had detention. Oh, no.

I don't think she was well. I don't think she was well. My initial thing was, my initial thought was some tosser from some local reenactment society or an Amdram person's going to come in as Henry the 8th or Roman, fair enough. Special visit there. Herself, that she's built up with a burga king crown on.

So what our thing's happened, okay, this is just coming to me right now. I think she's got a burga king, right? Someone's birthday or something, or she's gone to, she's got a crown given to her and she's sought, Do you know what it is? Year 9. They're doing to do about Henry the 8th. I'm going to dress up and I've got this crown.

And I think she's just built it up so much in her head and she's got them excited. I just thought, I'm going to go and get them from the foyer. They're coming now. Fucking hell. Yeah. That. That.

Hey. Lovely that. Fucking fair play to everyone involved in that story. Because she was trying to put a bit of effort. She was trying to make it different from the kids. She was really trying. She misfired. She failed massively.

She misfired. She failed hugely. But she tried. And, you know, That's a teacher. You're trying new things. You know, you're trying to inspire them. I think she's had a final warning.

And she's been in with the head head teacher. And they said, listen, you need to up your game. Engage to these children. Such and such in whatever geography, they dress up. You know, when I was at school, we had the Greek day when we all wore the togas and that and made Greek food and that was really, and I remember that.

I don't remember anything else, but I remember that. Robin did it in his school recently. and he probably I actually emailed his teacher and I was like he's the first time he's ever told us about his day so I just suggest that you make food in class more often because he's loved it anyway that's what she's trying to do and it's failed

and I think she's been sacked after this rightfully so because these children they deserve better although they'll always remember actually they remember Henry the 8th yeah yeah you know

I bet every single time they go to Burger King they tell whoever they're with that story everyone in that class. Just give them a memory fellow. She has. Babadoo Babadu Babadu Babadu Ba-Bah do. Do-do-do-da-do-do. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode

of Shagged Marriedenoid. Thank you very very much. As always, if you like at G-N-Noyd at g-mail.com, send literally anything you like. If things we've said, if things we've done recently or stories that have come up recently

have sparked off little memories, send it in. Like I've just said to you when we weren't recording there, the beauty is when people get reminded of stuff in the sending it. We can't. you enough for all of the stuff you've sent in and have sent

all the years to this podcast. It just makes it that extra bit special. So thank you so, so much. I've had a laugh now to do this. It's made me. I feel good. You've been sitting in the comedian for most of the time with some letter from some fucking idiot.

Brilliant. That's good. Yeah, excellent. I'm joking. My show, my two extra dates, Saturday the 14th, Saturday the 14th of March 26th at Manchester and Thursday the 26th of 3rd, 26 at Stockton.

And we'll be back in your ears and you're disgusting little eyeballs. Street. Bye. Bye.