Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Soft play beef, a public apology and some sibling trolling

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

On this week SMA, Chris has some Soft Play beef, he makes a public apology to friend of the pod, Carl Hutchinson and he reveals why he begrudges Nana Bridget the leftovers! Rosie hears from Kev with some low level (unintentional) trolling and she explains her love of clingfilm. All of this plus some fantastic WhatsApp messages 💨 and questions from the public...mint anyone?? If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 Enjoy all these episodes on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Today, get Huel’s full Lite & Lean Starter Kit online with our code SMA30 for 30% off at https://huel.com/SMA30. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagmary and Aoyd. We talk soft play. You love a soft play. I spend most of my life there. I make a public apology to Carl Hutchinson. I explain why trolls cannot hurt me. They really can't. No, they can't.

I've got a brand new toxic trait that I want everyone to know about. Of course, yeah. Because you could never have enough. No. Obviously we've got the beefs. We've got the WhatsApp voice notes. Loving this, by the way. Loving it.

And we've obviously always got emails from you, lovely lot. An awkward flight story that asks the most important question ever. How do you offer someone a mint? Oh, find out. Enjoy! At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds.

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Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Hello, you are listening to Shagmoudinoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, my husband, Chris Ramsey, and now our new headphones. Brandoamu. So you might be watching, you might be watching Shag Maddenoid on YouTube,

if so, thank you very much, and please subscribe. But yeah, you can see our ears. Mad, I didn't even know you had them. You are, well, that's because I wear the headphones all the time. I swear the card, I've never seen them before me life. And for years you said, please stop wearing your headphones in bed. And I've said, And not until I've got some in E.R ones.

I need them. And here we are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was my husband-berding. Anyway, welcome to the show. What a great reference. Wow, straight in there. And I got it immediately.

You know, it's one of the most beautiful moments in any romantic comedy ever at the end where Ben Stiller at the end lifts off Warren's headphone and says, bye, bye, Warren. And then puts the thing back down. And he says, bye, Ted. And you know that he's the one. for her because not only he's obsessed with her like the rest of them, but he's gained

the trust of her brother. Oh, that good. It's a beautiful film. It's a beautiful film. My favourite is when she gets a spunk in her hair and does that with it. So great, but listen, we don't want to talk about 90s films. It was the 90s or 2000? I think it was 2000. Early 90s, must be early. Please God. Please God, it was early. I mean, for me, it came out a couple of year ago. I'm going to be honest with it. I think it was early 90s.

But the human was very different. Sorry, we are totally going off piece to But we put, what's it called again? Anker Man. And we thought, you know what it is? Our Robin, like he watches the marvels. And we thought, right, he might be okay. I think it was a 12. It was a 12.

Yeah. And Robin's 10. Two years. And he's not stupid. He knows bad words and stuff like that. Because it's modern day life. And he goes to a school where, anyway. Jesus, we're to turn off after 10 minutes.

Do you remember the moment we turned it off? the exact moment we turned it off because we're... I actually don't. I was so on edge watching it. It was horrible. We were worried that it was like watching it on a plane during intense turbulence. That's the best way I'd describe how I felt when I was watching it. In the moment we both decided to turn off because I was like,

I don't, he's not going to get the irony here. He might just take it as a sexist joke and run with it. Oh, got right. Okay, yeah. It was when Steve Carell's character in a brick when they're talking about the woman, the female anchor. And he goes, I heard their menstruation. can attract bears.

I was going to have to turn this off because he's not going to understand that. Yeah, it was just... And mainly I didn't want to explain that. I didn't want to have to explain gold, but it's son it's just a joke and this is what? No, no, no, no, no. But here's something.

Did you, as a young lad, understand the irony of when you watched it when you were younger? Because, like, I don't know, do they still make films like that? Yes. Or was it very tongue-in-cheek? I loved it when I was younger.

Extremely tongue-in-cheek. Like such a, like a piss-take of itself. Do you know what I mean? Like sex patterns and all that. But like... But it's a dangerous world we're living now with all of this. Well, it's not, yeah, you know, all you sort of... Andrew Tatee and that.

Uh-huh. I love it. I can't always call him Andrew Tate. Andrew T-I-I-I-I-like of the ilk. But yeah, fair enough. Andrew T-T-Eat-E. But yeah, you just think, I don't want to have to... I don't want to have to, in the worst-case scenario,

go to the school and explain. why he told a girl who just started a period that a bear was going to come. And he would and he would. He 100% would. Because he lives with us and that's the crack. The kids have got our sense of humour

which, you know, is a bit upsetting right now but I think in the future we're going to have some lush dinner. It's got like some dinners and that. It's going to pay off in the future. It's going to pay dividends. It's going to pay dividends. But for now, for now, this is Shagmarion. This is this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor.

You know what he's still peddling out. Listen to this. This week's sponsor something very close to my heart something. I feel very, very, very strongly about, so I was dead glad when they got in touch. This week sponsor is people who make gigantic full family, multiple adult trips to the soft play. Fuck you.

What do you mean? Me and I mate. Is it the same as the ones who go to the supermarket together? Worse. So full families are walking on the supermarket together. Hate you, absolutely hate you, get in the bin, to do it at the soft play as well. Me and my mate were sitting in the soft play the other day

and he turned to me and he went, have you seen that family behind me? I'm Rosie, three fucking tables they had. Three tables, right? So what we're talking here? We're talking grandparents. We're talking. Aunties uncles? One kid of soft play age.

Right. Seven adults, two babies in arms. I was fucking raging. I was like, what, you couldn't get to the counter? What are you doing? What are you doing? So, okay. Anties, uncles, sisters.

Two babies. full, like a fucking Christmas dinner. There was loads of them, just sitting there. Here is out. No, listen.

We only, we only don't relate with that because every time that we socialise with family, it's very much a drinking atmosphere and like celebratory sort of thing. Right. That's when we see families.

Some families genuinely live in each other's pockets, right? And they see each other every day. I'm like extended families as well. Right. And like, don't get me wrong, bit odd, but at the same time, that's quite nice. That's quite nice.

That they've just got a, like, a tribe. I've fallen on the wrong. I'm sorry, I disagree. One, why are we so different? Why are drifting apart? This is never going to last. Two, why you're trying to make us feel feelings? Right, okay.

I don't know, because they probably had a nice day, and they've all got together. And, you know, the Ben's had a nice time. They're saying. They sat there, like, human fucking clutter. They didn't move, right? I mean, it's expect, like, Did they all have to pay?

Oh, no, no, you pay for the kid. The kid gets paid for. Oh, okay. Seven quid they're in there all day. Oh, well, well, well. I'm not, listen, I'm not, I didn't see anything, but I'm not surprised if they brought a pack lunch as well, which you're not allowed to do.

Well, you're not meant to. I didn't say anything. Hope they got wrong. But honestly. I've had my kids eat a cheese string under that table. So, it better go. When you bring your own juice in. When you bring your own juice in, there's fucking hell on.

It's mad. Just that, yeah, well, I filled it up from your toilet. I'm not tap. I bought these raisins from here the last time I was here. Spill them up. No, take them on the slide. So, yeah. All right.

Just run there's loads of people everywhere. Just cluttering and stuff. I'm like, oh, fuck off, man. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. And I'm probably wrong and I'm a miserable prick, but still. No, it is a bit odd, but at the same time, the, you know, family is... I've missed, sorry, I just...

One thing that I think we don't have, I read an article about it. It's millennial parents. actually read this. It was an article. Listen, it was on my phone, but it was an article. I read that it wasn't a video. You watched a still video with words on it. Yeah. I'm sorry, but can we just clarify. My mom, why are you like me, ma'am? Well, I used to read the newspaper. I do, I do read the news. It's just not on a paper. It's not called an article anymore. It's called a still video with words. Well, I watched a still video with words, nerds. You're a jerk. And it said, millennials have got the hardest,

Throughout the whole of history, we are the first generation who do not have like a village at all. I get you. It's just disappeared. Yeah. So you know what? As in it takes a village. Not a village. Like there are still villages.

You're not saying villages don't exist. You see, we don't have that support. Yeah, yeah. You know, don't get me wrong. Pop the neighbors and drop the kid off kind of thing. I think there is still people who do. I've got friends who live in cul-de-sacks and they kind of like have good things in that. Oh, lush.

Lush. Like we don't necessarily do that as much anymore. Like the neighbour. can help with the kids or whatever, bloody, blah, blah. So I just think it's hard. So I'm actually,

I think that's a really lovely thing. That they're doing that. Yeah. Oh, well, good. Do you want to come with us next time? The soft player will go. Me, you, your mom, Kate,

everyone will all go down. Oh, they would not come. No, no. No, they are fully, my Kate is, she will never step in a soft play ever again. I think she'd burn. Like a vampire going to church.

Like a vampire going to church. Like I think she'd just be like, oh, God! No, she will. If I set to Kate, Kate, I'm taking Rave down to the soft player. vomit into her hands and she'd go I don't know what's wrong I mean I don't want to come but I've just vomited everywhere because she'd be so ill at the thought as I'm not

we're nearly done soft play's nearly done it's nearly done it's nearly done but yeah big up though because you know they've saved our life at times and also do you know how you have I told you this you know how you went to you had you said a few weeks ago you went to Costa the new year usual yeah there's only one place on this earth I've got a usual don't is it jumbo jimbo jims That's grim. There's jumbo gyms and chills. We go, me, Jordan, Sean, we go there, we sit down.

First order, three sausage sandwiches, one with no butter. They know that. If it's just being shown, still three sausage sandwiches, one and a half without butter, because we're being pigs. Right, you're sharing. Then we wait. There was no butter? Sean.

And then we wait, I don't understand him. I don't understand him. No butter? No, he's got the maddest palate in the world. Like, literally it's like a five-year-old. It's dry sticks? Do you have sauce? Yeah, he has ketchup.

Oh, thank God. But sausage sandwiches are amazing. But then second round We have tea and muffins One chocolate muffin Two blueberry muffins Right, great, thank you But they know

And I'm like, you know the usual And everyone else in the queue is like Ugh Everyone else in the queue Is going on their podcast And slagging off Dad Dads who have their usual order

At the Soffley What a fucking prick It is awesome that he's Started doing that though Long may that continue When you on a Saturday morning See me the lads are taking The kids, the youngest

to the, and I'm like, one child. Just one child for the day. Oh, you don't know you're born. You don't know you're born. Who can, wife his own ass in that? God, it's fucking mint. It's honestly saved my life. Save my sanity.

Right, we're going to crack on because this is just the end of reduction. Bye. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jinggo

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba Jingo Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmary and Oide. Lovely to have you back. It's lovely to have you here. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for watching.

We do appreciate it. Now, listen, before I go any further, I've got an apology to issue. Who to? A public apology to Carl Hutchinson. Oh. Public apology to Carl Hutchinson. So, Carl, as you know...

Do I know about this? No. Well, you might know. You might have heard about it, but this is something... So I saw a video. recently that answered a question from years previous that I've always had a go at call about and I had to send him it I sent in the video and I said I can only

apologise right but this is my real apology so years ago as people may know call me and call best mates Carl is godfather to Robin um our first son and then uh our second son we just gave up and didn't get me no because I still get a notification of 12 o'clock every day saying get rave christened 12 o'clock every day let's get him christened then all Also, if you needed any more proof, I lost his birth certificate as well. Not the other ones. It's like the kid doesn't exist. 12 o'clock.

Get rave christened. Every day. Every day. Every day. Every day. Every day. I live with this guilt. Catholic guilt. Why don't we get, can you remember COVID?

Can you remember COVID when they used the super soak out? Why don't we just get the priest to come around with the super soak and just spray on the water? You could have to do something. Because it was during COVID. That's why we didn't. Yeah. Because it was just too much of a nightmare. And then we moved and then we moved back.

Love a piss. And it's just being. Love a piss up, let's do it. Oh, I was just going to do it on the download. Okay, then. Can I go out after? Yeah. Cool.

Let's do it. Right. So, should we have a christening? Yeah. Shall we? Right, we'll see. Sorry, do you mean christenin? I mean christening.

I mean christening. No, not christening. Because that makes my vagina dry off. Oh, and a normal one gets you going, does it? Sick. Right, listen. So. I do enjoy a christening.

It's a hell of a day out. So, listen. Sorry, right. Probably a apology. We were talking about this idea. So Carl, when, Carl didn't have kids

when Robin was little and me, Carl and Robin, Uncle Carl, he had his own theme tune for a fuck sake. I'm sure I'm going on here. I mean, he brought his ankle,

but that's fine. Let's not forget about that. But that's because we played on trampolines together so much. Yeah. Anyway, he bought him,

I don't know if you remember this, but he bought for one of Robin's birthdays or Christmas, I think was his birthday. He bought Robin, a toy story, Woody. Right?

Yeah. It had the pulstring on the back. And I remember pulling it and it was just like uh there's a snake in my boot yeah you gotta get this wagon train and moving i remember thinking this sounds fucking what the fuck and i i was like mate i was like i'm not tete the piss yeah but where did you get this woody because it sounds like a sounds like a knockoff like it doesn't sound like woody it didn't sound like um it didn't sound like tom hanks it didn't sound like tom hanks at all so i'll be like oh well you got this from fucking jara market i kept

saying he got it from jara market because he's from jaro and i kept saying uh it's just some it's like a a Spanish knockoff. I kept saying, oh, you got Robin L. Wuddeo, right? So I just kept saying that for years,

El Wudio, just all the time. And anytime he saves money on anything, I'll say, oh, L. Woodyo and I'll bring it up. Not like him.

I saw a video of Tom Hanks on Graham Norton years ago, and I know how this has passed us by, his brother does all of the voiceover. Shut up.

His brother, Tom Hanks' brother does the voiceover for the toys and the computer games. Stop it. Why? I'm telling you.

Merch, Woody merchandise, toys, computer games, a fucking, a little toy story sound box where anything that isn't the movie, it's his brother doing the voice. Stop.

So that's why it sounds, everyone watching, on any toy story story you've got, if the voice sounds slightly off, it's Tom Hanks' brother doing Woody. Why? Is it to help his brother out? Um,

or is it because he's so busy? Or is it to help his brother out? Three options you've got here. One, he helps, I didn't see the video cut off. Um, he's, either far too busy.

He either can't be asked or it's to give his brother a help out. My brother can do it and help me brother out. I think it's the third. And I think that's lush. Really nice. Yeah. Oh my God. Isn't that incredible?

I literally, I sent him video. I'm so sorry. I've fucking rinsed him. Where? I've never seen this video. Nine years. I've rins them. I've got it.

I'll saw you. Sends it. Yeah. Wow. Imagine my brother doing any merch for me. You could have done the Barry Beef one. Barry Beef was basically... There's a snake in me,

well, I... Sorry. What? What? It's Kev. So the sororamu you've just given it is Kev doing Tom Hanks' I know. All right, okay.

Sorry, I'm not having done 15 minutes at the Edinburgh Fringe. You can't do 15 minutes. It's an hour slot. By the way, I need to tell you something about Kev. Very quickly. About your brother Kevin? About my brother Kevin. Love him, by the way.

Love him. Yeah, I mean, I love him. I got a text of him the other day. Sorry, does everyone know that for Christmas? He got me a cap with his plaster room. Logo on. I don't know. I got us a cap for Christmas wrapped up.

I mean, can you remember the wrapper? Did you put the wrapping online? It was just, it was disgusting. Imagine a cap made out of wrapping paper. That's how we'd wrapped it. More sell a tape than I've ever seen on anything in my life. Yeah. Fucking laminated it.

And it just says redhead property services on it. Redhead plaster and property services on the side. So he's just, he just give us. Pretty merch. Just merch. And Merry Christmas. Amazing. So he sent us this.

So this is, do you know if people trollers and that? Like, you can't penetrate us because. I nearly covered the fucking... You can't penetrate us? Right, hurters. Not penetrators, you could penetrate us if you want, just depends. She's that I was on a beauty.

What you look like. And how I feel at the time. What you mean is the people who anyone who trolls here or anyone's nasty that can't hurt you because... Because I have a brother who sent me this text. And it's lovely, but at the same time, is he fucking actually for real right yeah

yeah spelled h a A A that's how it's fine just watching your vid you put up is that a Guinness World Record certificate in the background in your podcast studio what you break like

just out of interest I'm honoured impressive that like so my brother did not know that we have got a Guinness World record for the biggest podcast audience at the time of the world

and he didn't know how did he not know how did he not know that he's watched a video he's seen it in the background and so I put biggest audience at a live podcast fucking hell

well done you too a lot I don't know about you sis well done proud brother now that's a record in itself I would give that etched on my what I would get that etched on my gravestone class

and I put ha ha ha I can't believe you didn't know love you a kid Wow. So there you go. So honestly, try it to come for me. But...

My brother doesn't know I exist. No, I'm joking. I'm totally joking. But actually, I just thought it was quite... Are you... Oh, sorry. Am I done talking? No, no, sorry.

I just get ready to... Wow. Wow. Sorry. Wow, guys. Chris is just going to cut us off. I just went to click the mouse. I'm sorry.

Why? So you can't get a camera on us. I just can't have your leg off. I don't. I love it again. I need a, I need your ring curve. I nearly rang up the day. Your mother,

love at the bits, but she has bought our son for Christmas. She got him. Actually, it's my beef with Sandra. Right. She got our son, Robin, for Christmas. A hammock for his bedroom. Sensory thing.

No, it's a hammock. No, it's a sensory sock. It's like a, it's like, it's like, it's like, what do you, it's a hammer? I've got a, I've got a, well, it's not hammock, because a hammock goes from two things and you lie in the middle.

This is from, The ceiling. Oh, fuck mate. It only goes on one. It's just one. Oh, God. And it's just doubled me problems, right? Because I thought it was a hammock.

I thought it was a hammock that has to be put on the ceiling on both, like, drilled into the ceiling. So now there's not two points of anchorage. Now there's only one point of angerage. I have got no fucking clue how I'm going to fix something to the ceiling strong enough for our son to hang off. Because you know his mates are going to come down and two of them going to jump in it. They're going to swing up and down on it. So I'm going to have to ring you.

Your Kev. Just sounds like a you problem. I'm honest with you. I actually bought that for him, but then my mum couldn't think of something to get him, so I'll give her that to give him. I hate you. Which I think it's a common thing that happens.

I hear you. I'm going to have to somehow find a joist. It's going to be a nightmare. Of a beam. But I can't see the beams because the plasterboard ceiling's there, so I have to cut a fucking massive holes. Well, no, that's ridiculous.

But your Kev could plaster it back in as me point. Right, okay, fair enough. Oh, God. But good luck having the world record conversation. Hey, what's this about he's having a word? I don't even know. Massive giggled, you're too. That.

Oh, my, that like, mad. Love you, Kev. Love you, Kev. Eat you, Sandra. Hate you for that swing. Oh, no, it was Rosie. I hate Rosie. Great.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. So I am currently injured again. Oh, you've hurt your hip, haven't you? He hurt me hip flexer. Hip flexer. Hip flexer at a. club, brackets of jihih Tzu.

You're going to, you're going to, like, end up wheelchair bound? Well, yes. As you don't, be careful. Basically, it's a injury I haven't had since strictly.

Your hip flexors on the front, it's something that you never move unless you're dancing on certain points in jih Tzu, but I actually stretched it beforehand. It must have overstretched it and then went an injurer during the class. That's not the point.

The point is, I wrote down a few days previous to, injuring myself. I wrote down and I was going to tell you about your brand new toxic trait because I'm always after a new one. Okay, great. Love it. No, no, I may, I've got loads. I was trying to gather more. All right. So we knew. Well, I might not have noticed it. So this is, you definitely won't have noticed it because it's all in my head. Okay. Um, well, listen, come on. But it's, right. So basically, um, I, uh, sorry, it was that a horrible hand, we're holding hands,

but, no, I don't want to. Uh, that's weird. Um, you know, I'll take Robin the scooter in. Uh, her. I take him the scooter club. And, uh, uh, I take him the scooter club and, uh, I will take over soon, by the way. It's so cold. It's freezing. Once it gets warmer. It's so cold. Yeah.

I wear me like leggings, me like skin tight jihitsu leggings under jeans when I'm in there. Yeah, once it gets warmer, I will swap. Anyway. So he does the lessons as well. So like the teacher, it's a fucking great little skate park indoor and the teacher them all the stuff.

And basically I used to roller blade back in the day. And there's a thing when you come down the ramp, when you come down like a half pipe. As you get like the bottom to the moment where it goes from like vertical to flat, that little, that little thing, you've got to kind of pump your knees a bit to take some of the pressure from it and not lose speed. Basically, I was telling them that.

And then as I was telling them, I was like, one, I should just let the instructors tell them that. Yeah. Two, I realized I fully believe I could take that scooter off him and just do it. No, there's fucking no way. I fully, I fully, there's a part of me great.

I know now, sitting in reality, sitting at work, talking to you with a bad hip flexer off stretching, right? I know that I couldn't

but I'm standing there in my big jacket, fucking, I can see my breath in front of us on the little balcony watching them and I think,

I could just fucking let me have a turn out, I could tear that scooter off here. I could fly straight down these ramps, back flips. I see the kids doing backflips, I go,

piece of pace. Absolutely. I'm ill. No, Chris, can I tell you right now? Sometimes. You know how I used to swim when I was younger? I sometimes watch the Olympics.

Sorry, the Olympics! I'm talking about I can do what a 10-year-old does on a scooter. No, but you couldn't, though, because it's really hard and you haven't done anything like that for years. I sometimes watch the Olympics and I go, I don't. Smash him like. No, not, I couldn't beat them, but I'm like,

oh, I'll do it. Yeah. Like, I know how to dive off the bone that. Can you do the dive where they go like a little dolphin thing in the air? Yeah, yeah, I can do the spinny, the turn at the end and like kick back off. Indeed all. I mean, I would, I'd be 10 minutes behind them. I think, well, yeah, so what they should do is they should let you do it.

One, just, there's been fears about this for years, but they should always, people have said this for years. They should always have a normal person in there, try. To sure. By the way, just in case you think that this guy being 11 seconds, look at this fucking idiot at the back. This is a normal person. You should have you do it as well. I think you would have to be like picture and picture. There would have to be another little screen with you in the bottom right-hand corner

because you're so far away from them. Like the sign language person. Just a little image of you in the bottom corner, just on your running there. And don't forget everyone there. She is six laps behind there. Oh, fuck, she's drowned. She's drowning.

Oh, the life gods have coming. There she is. Oh, they've just handed her bag of crisps. There we go. She's just eating some crisps on the side. There we are. I know, no, but it is. It's toxic.

You could not do that scooter. I'm sorry. You couldn't. A guy came, a YouTuber. A YouTube. What's his name? A guy called Spanner. Spanner.

Came and did a show at the skate park. kids went wild for him. And at B-Fair, he's an young lad. He was mint with the kids and stuff. But it was one of the moments when I realized, oh, yeah, I actually couldn't do this. He did this massive jump and he fucked it up to B-Fair. And he landed on his knees and just skidded down the ramp.

And me and this other dad next to each other, just looked at each other. I went, and the guy went, his knees are going to be fucked when he's 30. And I was like, ah, yeah, we could. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I don't want to do stuff like that. No, but I need to, I need to just remind myself. because Robin goes, do want to turn, Dad?

And I go, nah, but I need to remind myself that. You know, it'll be summer. It'll be a summer's night. It'll not be that skate park. It'll be a summer's night in a quiet outdoor skate park somewhere. And he'll go, Dad, do you want to turn? And I'll go, yeah, maybe I'll have a beer. And I'll have a turn.

And we'll phone you it and we'll go, we're going straight A&E. Dad's not all his front teeth out. No, I can't. My cortisol, I can't. I've just started to calm down. Because the kids are just old enough now. They're not at, like, kill themselves level when they do stuff. So what you're saying is, you've got a bit of experience.

No, you cannot start. I can't. What you're saying is now is the perfect time. No, what I'm saying is, what you're saying is there's a gap in your diary for this time? No. No?

No. Okay. You broke your ankle 10 days after I had a C-section. That's, with the second child during lockdown. That's a matter of opinion. You're still on thin ice after that. I got away,

Scott free with that, you know. I know. Scott free. What do you mean? You got away, Scott Free? Like, I should have been, that's divorce territory. And I just, I just cracked on.

Because you were in pain as well. I'm not that, God, and I would joke. on and that but it was sad it was you know but you were you've already sat and you got one of them bloody cuff things to try and make it better quicker it was oh I did feel sorry for you but I was literally like I've been cut open with a big baby I can't it

yours was deliberate though mine was a complete accident you did you did want that and did plan for that and you know what I forgive you great just don't just don't do a scooter because you just know I would I would all right how way Babadoo Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for what's your beef. What's your beef?

What's your beef, what's your beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Oh, I tried beef jerky for the first time the other day. I can't believe that was the first time you've had it. First time I've ever tried it. Oh, I love beef jerky. Slight, slight feeling of a dog treat. But once you get over that, it is quite nice. And it's good for you?

High protein for the gains for the lads. It is. I mean, I was a bit, I don't want to... I was upset that it was Mr. Beasts, Beef Jerky. I didn't know was Mr Beasts until I got it back in the car. Which, don't get me wrong. I imagine there's probably better ones than that. Well, I don't know.

Maybe he's not. I don't want to, I don't want to, like, slag the guy off. I don't know him, but I don't think he's like a food connoisseur guy. Well, I just imagine this. There'll be like all natural ones and all these things. His are very much, you know, marketed to kids. There'll be stuff in them. Again, allegedly, I don't want to get sued by the guy.

But yeah, yeah, it was... I'll look at the back of the packet next time, because I tell you what? They were delicious. Well, it was bloody lovely. Protein for the games. Right, come on. What's your beef? What's your doing?

My beef with you is... What's your beef, joking. It was lovely. Two words. Yeah? Kling film. I hate it. I'm having a fucking mad time

with Kling film at the minute, like. It's bad. I don't know what's going on. Watching you, Kling Film. What was it? You were Kling Film on the other day. Well, I stamped your feet. You stamped your feet.

Like a toddler. And it was the iggyest thing. I can only apologise. I literally went, I can only apologise. Don't even do it again because it was that vile. I know.

I'm really sorry. But then I had to do something later as well. I don't know what's going. First of all, the Kling film we've got, it's fucking bizarre. It's a new one. And I'm not a big fan of it.

It's what, it's trying, it's too try hard. Right. So it's got like, I don't even think it was posh. It's got a fucking guillotine on it. And when I say guillotine,

I mean. A plastic. Like one at school where you'd say the teacher, I put a big pile of A3 paper and it goes, yeah. Oh my God. They are so good as an adult. As an adult, you know,

when I used to work in schools. They are lovely. I used to use them. I was a teaching assistant. Well, it's got one on the fucking thing. So you pull the cling film out for how far you wanted. And it always, the role always tries to jump out of the box as you're pulling it out. It pisses us off. And then, yeah, you've got to line the thing up and then you move it to the side.

It's not wide enough, by the way. The little bit doesn't go far enough. And then you're guillotine it across. And then you take off this perfect bit of cling film. You hold it in the air. And it just goes and it sucks in on itself. You're already wrong. You don't ever hold the cling film up in the air.

You get the thing that you want to cut. you put the cling film over the thing you want to cover so it's touching and it's tucked under and then you cut it you're bloody carrying the fucking cling film around like a so the issue the issue is where I'm transporting the cling film round the kitchen can't you carry it from one end of the bloody sink to the other what I find annoying about it is it clings it clings to it clings to it clings to itself that's the genius of cling film it's meant to if it didn't it'll be shit no no it clings to it clings to it clings to it unless there's something in there. If you want it to cling to itself, it's fucking clings all day. But if you want it to clink to itself after you've put it over a packet of fucking chicken nuggets, it doesn't want to know.

It's like, oh, no, because you can't touch that bit. Right. You have to wrap it round on itself. You have to use more than what you think. That's bullshit. I hate it. Right. Well, you're ridiculous.

So imagine this. Sorry, I've got me handout. Everybody listening. Imagine this is a ball, right? You get the cling film. You put the cling film under and then you wrap the cling film round once and then you put it on top.

and then you took it round the sides. I've just realised what's happening here. You're a moron. I've come Carl Hutchinson. Why? These are the kind of conversations I have to have when I live with Carl. Do you know you want to put a bowl of chili

in the fridge? A bowl of chili, cereal bowl full of chili. He put it in the fridge and what he'd done is he put kitchen roll underneath it and just pushed it up so it just basically looked like a kitchen roll flour with an exposed chili centre.

Oh. The fridge fucking stunk. But that doesn't work? Well, yeah, but this is, I've gone back. I need to be better how I do. First time ever, I wholeheartedly apologise. You're completely right with your beef.

I'll be better with the Klingfield. Because this is like, I've just had a flash of when I had to tell them how to use the alarm and stuff. It was awful. It's been a while you've done it now, though. And it was the stomping the feet that really tipped it over the edge. If you want, I now would be down for this. Because honestly, I know it's not great for the environment and that, right? But I love Klingfielm.

I really do. So if you want, we can get one of the massive industrial ones from. Costco and like you like put over that and then like yeah there it is I've seen what I used to when I used to have them used to wrap up these big mass and shafing dishes with it right we're good and you've got an electric car

boozy we're recycle we recycle everything within an inch of our life we are going industrial cling film and there's nothing you've got to have some ink you've got to have some ink yep you know offset we'll offset it we're offsetting it and you know what it is with food will that's what fucking is exactly so there'll be less food waste offset

hashtag offset. Not how it works, but don't email in. Listen, my beef with you. Great. Oh, this is on brand, actually. I currently can't eat any leftovers. Oh, don't you, dear. I currently in this house,

I am not allowed to finish a meal or eat leftovers because everything is getting boxed up and sent to Nana Bridget. And I am sick of it. That is... That is one of the nastiest, horriblest things you've ever said. started making real war time food as well. It's all one pot,

one pot meat and veg that makes you fart so that Nana Bridget can have out. All of our teas are just, you make it for Nana Bridget and you box it up and I'm not allowed, I'm not allowed to eat everything inside and I'm sick of it. Well, that's an awful thing because

my Nana, God lover, is just, and I get it, right? I feel like that now, I feel like this now and I'm 40. She lives on our... She's... Oh, fuck me, I'm nearly 40. I think she's just sick of cooking for herself, and I totally get it.

And so I just said to her, well, I've just said, like, I've always got leftover bits, and I'll just box them up and give you them. And I didn't always affect me so much, but you know what it is? She's not what's going to happen now. She's done so much for me. I'm not to apologise for your beef and my beef. This hasn't happened before.

I'm going to go back over. I was, it was tongue-in-cheek. You know, I'm just a fat pig, and I love eating all the leftover. I think it's actually good for her. I'm actually quite glad of it because that taking away that extra portion, right? Because we always make, I always make far too much. Yeah.

It's watching me mom cook for five people. That's, I just, I still make that much. Yeah. Does that make sense? See, I don't eat much during the day. I eat all my stuff on a night, which is probably bad. Well, that's really bad because you're horrible during the day and you're just hungry, so just eat more.

And I eat all that and I get really sleepy. Well, anyway. I've got a groove. I think, I think you've got a look. after your grandparents. I think it all comes around. Same with your parents, doesn't it? It all comes around.

And she's done so much for me and all my family for our entire lives. So there you go. God, you are. A horrible piece of shit. Okay. Cool. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo ba.

So it's time to listen to the WhatsApp messages that you beautiful people have sent in. We have just been discussing the fact that we don't have a jingle or any kind of slogan for it at all. Well, I've just thought, right? Because we're just trying to sing little things and it didn't work. No, it was awful.

Why don't we just steal the... You know what I'm going to say? No, no, I don't. Do you not remember the Budweiser advert? What's that? Ah! Are we going to get sued? Oh, we're going to get sued?

We might get sued. Really? We're going to get sued? But we're seeing WhatsApp, not WhatsApp. Oh, fucking so clever. So clever. Was that? Is that what WhatsApp?

Oh, WhatsApp, what's up? Are you? That's what it means? WhatsApp. What's up? Shut up, does it? That's why it's called WhatsApp. Is it actually?

It must be. I don't think we'll get sued because it is. WhatsApp. All right. Honestly, I think we should just start listening to them because this is... Okay. Do you want it? So, um...

It's time for WhatsApp messages. WhatsApp messages. WhatsApp! WhatsApp! What's up! Right. Right. Um.

obviously we'll start with the most important ones it's a bit sad oh there was that wasn't me laughing they were well done I hope I hope the fucking reviewers

who came to watch our lives short the Palladium and said it was fucking hack and rude. I hope they're listening now. We are now at the level where people are just sending farce in. Mate, I love it. I love it. I'm going to hear that again. I'm going to hear that again.

That is, I am, I would put serious money on that. They shut their pants there. The second one, the second one is like a bee. Ready? I'm sorry? I'm sorry Listen to the joy at the end of that

It's just two people having a lovely The fact that they managed to have Is he doing multiple fart Or are they farting in stereo? No, they're three or four separate ones of the same person no they're all from different people it's a compilation

Daisy has put them together oh right sorry do you think of all our listeners would just get sent one blow thought are you having a laugh but at the end

at the end there that laugh that is just a man and a woman in love and joying each other's bodily functions and sending it to be listening to by millions of people that is what I know

that's what technology was invented for that's what all this has being about. Yeah. That's what you forgot about the reviewers, comments, what he wrote was,

I don't know why everybody was stood up, cheering and laughing. Yeah. What a mad thing to say? It really fucking pisses on your own review when you say, I don't know why this got a standard ovation by everyone in the room.

Okay. You're the anomaly. But it's like being at a restaurant and going, I don't know why everyone's saying this is delicious. And I don't know why I'm the only one here of vomiting. But then I guess it's everything. I mean, we did walk around Disney going, why is everyone queuing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is what is. It's, you know, it's personal opinion. There's something for everyone, and that wasn't for them. Yeah. And do you know what? At the end of the day,

it is one of this. And at least your brother knows that we have a world. It was probably them. Okay, do you want to hear another one? Yes, please. Is this an actual voice note? Is this just more thoughts?

No, no, these are voice notes. Right, yeah, you can keep me anonymous. Just in case this is, like, highly illegal. I guess. So went to Tim Hortons and they have those amazing like timbits. You know like the the middles of donuts. They're incredible. So I was going there just for some breakfast on the way to do the job.

And they said, oh, if you give us a review, we'll give you a free box of timbits. Well, yeah, bang in. I'll have that. So I'll do the review. Get me timbits. Happiest day in the world. A couple of weeks later, I'm going there with my. partner and they say it again.

If you do a review, we'll give you timbits. I was like, well, I've already done a review. I can't put two. So what I'd done was go on to my original review, add a full stop at the end so it updates and they can see the date is today. And they gave me more. So one review, 20 timbits. Bang him.

First of all, fucking genius. Second of all, didn't know about 10 bits. Timbits. I'm very interested. Timbitt. I've never heard them called tin bits. It's the middle of doughnuts. Oh, that's that matter. I'm Polo.

There's one next to us. We should try it. No, it's shut. Oh, no. Yeah, shut down. But they're all overplace. But that's like when Polos do, did Polo holes. Oh, that was a good time to be alive.

Thirdly, the fact that he said, keep me anonymous in case this is illegal, is fucking hilarious. Like, the fact that he thinks that he might say his name and this might go out. And like, the SWAT team will repeat. Pell down his house and smash through his windows and be like, oh, the fucking floor! Too many dead!

This is why, though, this is, I don't believe reviews anymore. Right. Because people people just review stuff to get free stuff. My friend does it all the time. On Amazon, she leaves reviews for things to get free stuff. Yeah. Hotels for me. Hotels for me are the main one. If it's a massive fucking hotel and there's loads of five star reviews

and the hotel's shit, that's the staff. They have literally said to the staff go and review the hotel. Notting's like... Hotels are the biggest... I've said it the other week. I'm say it one more time. Hotels are the biggest fucking catfish

clickbait in the world at the net. Unbelievable. Massively. Oh. You should somehow be able to smell the room through the computer or the phone before you book it. Agreed. What does it smell like?

It's worth the same as taxis. If you are paying to do something... I don't want it to smell. It should be nicer than you... Like your gooch, mate. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God.

So upset. Right. What else we got to? Yeah. Hi, guys. I've got to be really quick saying this because I'm currently hiding in a cupboard in work. But just listening to this week's episode where you're talking about the price of dares where somebody necked to kidney stones for a tenor. I just had to tell you about the time that we got a guy to stick his dick in a mousetrap for the grand total sum of 50p and an orange.

And you're orange! Fuck off! Fuck off. 50 pence and an orange. 50 pence and an orange. Where was this? Fucking beamish. This is the thing that's not...

We need more. No, it's fine. No, I like that because the stuff gives you stuff to talk about. I know I complain, but you know when there's some questions left over, but... Put his dick in a mousetrap.

Was it soft or erect or what? High five, you are, that is... You're asking... Oh. Sorry. Sorry, I'm... athlete you're asking the don't know your strength sorry

I was that a bad uncle um I yeah sorry no what just that's so icky when like men like give you a high five or something or shake your hand and they're like ugh like so hard and you're like all right

all that happened there was sorry we'll do it again what happened there was just lightly yeah so we ended up my like the heel of my hand hit yours and it sent a judder down your arm and I'm so sorry um you're asking the real questions was it

Is it erect or flaccid? As a man who owns a penis, I'm trying to think, oh, I'm certain size you see, so I'm not going anywhere anywhere. If I had a foreskin, maybe, a bit of armour, I'd go for it. No, I wouldn't go for it.

I think it would hurt more erect. No, sorry, flaccid. Yeah, I was going to say, I think flaccid would be. I mean, it could have took it off. It could have literally fucking tuck it off. Yeah, could have circumcised. no, decapitated

the head. I did get them mixed up in medieval times and you're here for circumcision at dawn yeah, yeah, circumcision at dawn, yeah, yeah. It could have though.

I think, but if it was erect, it would have like a like a barrier, do you know what I mean? And it wouldn't like chop it as much. It still would. But if it would be a very, very, very, very real bruise

across that. But my thing is like, so it's got a bit, like, I've used a mouse trap in the past just for me balls, not my cock.

We had a mouse remember, I think. I do remember. We've had rodents at every house. I can't put that. The common

rat queen, obviously. Yeah, they're following you around. I told you to stop playing that flute. We're on one the day.

Raising with Nutella on is what they love apparently. No, don't publicly say that you kill them because then you'll just

get shit. Oh, what does a mousetrap do? fucking cuddle them and just it whips them. But my point is, it sends them to sleep but it chops the fuck as in half essentially. And my point is, this is the point and it is a point. I had to put

that Nutella soaked raisin on, it's like a little spike. Oh God. For me that's worse. Oh God, my knees, I mean got a penis and your knees. So you immediately think of, when you think of a mousetrap, you think of the bit that comes over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was thinking of.

Underneath that, Oh God. There's a spike. I don't know if I can talk about this anymore without being sick. And you don't eat oranges, so 50 pence. Fuck me. Bad. Bad.

Bad times. I tell you what, it better have been an easy peeler. Imagine that. Imagine going through all that for one of them ones where you peel it and all the piths left on. It's just like a fucking white apple. I can't get away with oranges, me, you know. Horrible. Love fresh orange juice.

I just find them. If it's not easy peeler, get it out of my face. And I'm very, not interested. I'm very impressed that they know what's an easy peeler and what's not. I don't know how that is a thing that they do. Oh my God, right? So I've got a theory about this. Do you know the ones that are easy peelers?

Yeah. I think they've just shook them. Sorry. Like, I think they've shook them. Like give them a shake so that they sort of come away from the side a little bit inside. Like when you're rolling egg.

Yeah. Or rolled them. That would be better than shaking them. I think they've just slightly rolled them. I believe this is something we're going to have to quickly Google. I think, I don't know what we do. Sharks in.

Oh, no. No, you're completely full of shit. Easy Peel oranges are typically Mandarin varieties like Clementines and Satsuma's bred for their loose, thin skin and dry pith that separates easily from the sweet flesh making them convenient for snarining on like thicker-skinned oranges where the peels stick tight.

It's all genetics, or the genetics of the orange. Yeah, fair enough. So, in my mind, a lot of people have lost some jobs. Little Timmy, What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be an orange roller. That's wrong. It's an urban myth.

You're going down the mines. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, bah. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public? Public. Public. As always, if you'd like you get in touch, it is shagmarydunod at gmail.com.

If you want to send a bodily function or indeed a story or a confession or a question to the WhatsApp via a voice note, which will be played out on the podcast once he's sent it. It is 0-7874-40-60-6-6-5-0. No dickpicks, please, no dick-picks. No, Dick-Oh, no, Daisy's got to go through them. But I would like some dick-picks. Daisy has to go through enough.

I don't get any dick-pick. I think I could handle a dick-pick now that I'm older. I'm not sending you a dick-pick. I don't want your dick all the time. That is the most offensive thing. I want some new dicks. That is the most offensive thing. I don't want your old dick.

Has been dick Some fresh new young dick Oh God Not too young Great Thanks for doing that up Send beefs as well There don't have to be stories

I think we should Send your beefs through your partner How's your partner Definitely get some beef Yeah We'll weigh in on it We'll help Like the tour

Do you remember the tour? Yeah on the two I used to do them Yeah yeah yeah Right listen I've got an ick for you now And I have seen this In the flesh Right

And I can Agree Confer What's it called Conquer. Concur. That it is awful. I agree.

It is awful, right. Agree. Confer. Concur. Brilliant. Concussion. Listen. Dear Rosie and Chris,

I overheard this ick a few years ago and I think about it almost daily. Wow. Wow. I am an optician and once overheard a customer telling their friend that she had just had a side test and been massively turned off by the optician, my colleague. Right. She described. He described him wheeling about his testing room by pulling himself forward with his feet.

You've seen them. You've seen them. Seen they're doing. Heels dug in, right down to toe. You're around the room? Like literally just like... Yeah. But like that way. So not pushing.

So this way coming back in. Yeah, coming back in. Yeah, great. You've seen them do it. Hang on. Putting your shawl back on. Yeah. She described him wheeling about his seat.

testing room by pulling himself towards with his feet. I could swear she shouldered while describing him. I think about this every day, years later, as I force myself to walk rather than roll around my room. Pictureing my old colleague leaning forward slightly in his office chair

doing those tiny little steps dragging himself around the place, like a child or a goblin. Brilliant. So first of all... That's from Adam. Thank you, Adam. First of all, I had an epiphany about X recently. Right. So you can't be icked out unless you have some kind of attraction to the person.

Yeah. You can't. If you see someone who you find completely, this isn't, like, repulsive personally. I'm not saying someone, I'm not saying someone is repulsive. No, some people are repulsive. That's fine. To you. Yeah.

My point is, if you see someone who you have literally, there's not one little spark or ounce in your head of, oh, fuck them. Yeah. They can't kick you out because they're not. Because you don't fancy them. Yeah. So an ick has to basically take points off you fancying them. You can't be icked out by someone you don't fancy in any way.

So that optician must have been fit. Yes. He must have thought, he's quite fit. And then he's fucking healing himself around the room. Yeah, definitely. So you don't know. So in Jiu-Jitsu, there's a thing called a shrimp, right? Which is where we lie on the floor.

You're going to put me off prawns? No. All I said is, there's a thing called a shrimp where you lie on the deck, you put your hips in the air. and then you push off with your feet and you pull your bum out the way so you end up looking like a little prone on the floor, little shrimp.

It's awesome. There's a thing called a reverse shrimp where you do it the other way and you pull yourself along the mat with your heels. Awesome. You would literally die if you saw it and this person who sent that in would die if they saw it.

It's gross. We all do it to warm up so imagine loads of grown men lying on their back and just pulling themselves along the mat like that but with the feet on the floor flat on the mat lying down there's not even a chair there you would honestly

I suppose it's not as bad you're doing like a martial art it's like it's Rosie I'm not joking right sometimes people cut through our gym to go to the other gym through right and sometimes it's like either

young like lads or it's like like fit women going to the gym and I always say to be made why do they always have to walk through with that bit why I caught the walk through where we're doing fucking flying

arm bars or triangles or re-enaked chokes no no they walk through while we're and now forward shrimp and now forward shrimp now forward roll Now bear crawls

Like a bunch of dogs Were worms Fucking hell man Oh Bad crap Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo Hi Rosie and Chris Big fan of the podcast

I live in Australia But I'm from the UK And whilst I have a wonderful Aussie partner He just doesn't understand British humour Okay I think Aussies are quite similar In British humour

Yeah well I think Aussie's Aussie and British humour Yeah travels quite well There's a lot of British people Two are in Australia And there's a lot of Aussie acts Come over here Do very very well

But who knows. Yeah. And that's just... Maybe you're on a personal level in a house when you're with the 24-7. Possibly.

Listening to you makes me feel at home, which is lovely. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you. I was listening to Please Keep Me Anonymous episode with the story about the woman in white

who shot herself on the plane. I can't remember that. I can't remember who read that. Neither do I. But it's happened. It's there. It's there. And it triggered an embarrassing memory

of a situation that I found myself in on a plane about 10 years ago. I was in my late 20s, so still very much full of nervous enthusiasm for life. I remember. I remember her. I was travelling on a flight from Melbourne to Hobart. It's not a long flight, only an hour for work,

and ended up sat in the middle seat between two men in suits. I had a tin of mince and was feeling chipper. Sorry? A tin of mince. A tin of mint. Or mints. Sorry, I thought he said mince. Sorry, so I just immediately went there.

I just immediately went, I'm on a plane, I'm in my suit. There's someone in the middle not in a suit and there's another guy in a suit so she hasn't got the vibe, I'm annoyed, here or she, and now they've just opened a tin of mince. Is it raw, cooked in your head? I don't know, it was just like, Bollonese, they just opened a tin of like minced meat.

Oh, you'd be so sad. And they just started eating mince. You would be so upset. I got, I... Oh, it's just got mints. Mint's tin of mints. I think I'd punch someone on the face if I had a tin of mince on the plane.

I'd be like, are you fernsey. I love smelling. I love smelling people's food, mate. Never, never upset me. Oh, I can't bear it. Right. Well. Can't bear it.

You're not just like, what you got? No, no. I'm like, what you got? Put it in the fucking bin. I'll put the lid back on. It stinks. It's disgusting. No, it's not mince.

It's mint. Good. Mint, right? She's feeling chipper. A nice person would offer these people a mint, I thought. So I turned to aisle. Imagine I hadn't cut in. And I still said,

a nice person would offer these. people some mince. Not some mince. You want a bit of mince? Yeah? I don't get it. Like imagine offering people mince. Oh, mint.

Yeah, yeah. Great. I turned to aisle seat man and offered him one. Yes, please, he replied. I hadn't thought about how I was going to distribute my mints. I didn't want to pluck one out for him, nor did I want him to finger the rest of my mints. I get it.

Well, in brackets, yeah, and she's absolutely right, because men are disgusted and probably have way all over the hands. hands all the time. That is a sweeping sexist statement. That is such a sweeping sexist statement and I'm furious about that. Men are disgusting and probably have wee all over the hands. All right, well you all, you've all got period blood all over your hands all the time. You dirty horrors.

Oh. Did you hear it this morning? No. And I've seen him do it. When sometimes I'm like, since COVID in that, right, I'm mad on hand washing because I just, anyway, you know, I can't be asked for poorly and whatever. In touch with, the kids have been

great over Christmas. What? What? What? Well, fucking, whatever. Rave sometimes goes to the toilet and he comes back, I'm like, did you wash your hands?

He's like, I didn't touch anything. This morning I was like, fine, so I knew he would do them before we went or whatever. And I've just seen him do it. Yeah. And he'll just go in the toilet. And the seat will obviously be up because nobody puts it down.

And he's just like that. Yeah, yeah. Like, sorry, he's just stretched out. Tidla in front, just wheeze into the toilet. No one-handed way. It doesn't touch anything. And I'm like, well, actually, you haven't. That's the beauty of pajama pants.

Pajama pants, just, hands on the hip flexers. Pull them down. No hands. No hands. And he's right. He didn't touch anything. Legend in the making, right. So, yeah.

But other than that, sweetened statement. First of all, yeah, men don't have weight on the hands. So sometimes we don't touch. We don't piss all over our hands. Like, you want. your hands after you've been in the toilet because you've been in a toilet and you've touched all different things and you've touched your, you know, your penis, you've touched your penis, you've touched your genitals, you've touched your zip and stuff like that.

But I'm not pissing, we're not pissing all over our hands. All right, man, she's just joking. It's not funny and it's offensive and I'm triggered. God. I'll see you in court. Why you're so sensitive? Because I've got to piss all of my hands. Listen, let's leave this in the past.

Okay. All right, we're not, men are lovely. Great. A lot of men are cleaning the women. Okay. That's just wherever. I don't want to get into the fucking sexism and all. We didn't have to.

I was just doing it as a joke. I was just doing it as a joke. You've gone all weird. You brought period blood into it. Yeah, no, you did. It's on your hands. Listen. Yeah.

I decided to go for the tipping method. Right. Right? Of the mince. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, I used far too much gusto, and I filled his hands with mints. Without even thinking,

I cackled and said in a voice much louder than was necessary, half 20! Ha! Ha! ha! Brackets, don't fucking put them back in here I don't know why I did this or why I didn't just apologise I think of the time trying to make a joke out of it

seemed like the best thing to do the poor man just mumbled his thanks and sat clutching a handful of mints So he's got three options here you put them in your pocket and look like that nut or a mint in your pocket you just hold them in your hand or you put an absolute shitload of mince

straight in your mouth and you have basically You don't know how strong these are Oh like I can't even have a tree ball extra strong means It's just gonna blows my fucking head off Same Do you remember I have one then as a kid

Oh god Like if your dad had them in the car And then you'd have one You'd be like Oh my God Kill you steam out your ears and that Yeah You fucking smell people's thoughts

So true I was now in a panic That I was being weird And thought if I didn't offer The Window Seat Man and Mint too He would think And I was rude I turned and offered

What was left of my mints He gently held Up a hand gesture No thanks and I stated, again, too loudly because I was in a panic, no mints for you. We all sat silently staring ahead for the entire flight with mint man number one clutching a full hand of mince

after eating only one of them. I spent the next hour, I stuck between them replaying what had happened and thinking about how to pull it back, but I came up with nothing. So I just sat there and waited until it was over. Oh, God. When I'm really hung over, or I wake up in the night, I'm still haunted by this.

Fantastic. Yeah, love it. Absolutely love it. Been there a million times. Love you. Question. Oh, God. My question, do you both, is, what is the best way to give someone a mint from a tin? Do you know what it is? I've been running that over my head while you've been saying that. And if someone offered me... I've got a solution.

Come on, then you go first. Okay. So, I know I've always got clean hands. Right. Because... Stranger doesn't know that, but carry on. Well, fair enough. They don't have to take it.

I would sly, on the sly, I would get a mint. Before I offer it, I'd get a mint out, and I'd put it on the lid. And I'd say, would you like this mint? Do you like a mint? No, that's... That's dicking a mouse trap. All right, then listen, I'd get a mint. I'd open their mouth and I'd say, mint.

Put it in their mouth. I'd be, if someone said to me, would you like a mint? And I went, yeah, and they opened the tin and they'd just got a... fingers and they've got it out. I don't want one anymore. You've got, no, okay. You have, if you're, I was taught as a kid, if you're offering someone, you have to let them take it. You have to let them take it. But I get why you don't want, especially on a plane and stuff. He might have been, she's right. He might have been, you know, oh, boarding gate four or whatever.

I've been having a piss. I can't wash my hands. I've got to run on and then he hasn't had a chance. So we've lived through a pandemic. We are all massively affected by cleanliness of hands now. I think I've got the solution, but I don't think you're going to like it. Did you put it on the end of your dick. It's down the end. down the end, fire it in. Come on, what's you? Um, uh, a little pair of auxiliary mint tongs.

No. Where you go, would you like a mint? And they go, yes. Much like they, if you want to, if you happen to be on like a posh flight or a posh hotel and they go with a little, when they're giving you a hot towel. Yeah. It's a little mint, little mint tongs and just go here. Just get that and just, would you like a little mint and give it in the little tweezers?

But then again. That's really weird because all I would think is they're going to stab me with them tongs on this flight. Plastic and rounders. You wouldn't think that at all. Really. We'll see me preliminary designs. Your sushi. Your sushi children's...

Too big. Need to be smaller. My preliminary designs, I'm going to go up after this. They're going to be great. Listen, every idea is a good idea. This is the one.

This is the one. This is billionaire. This is billionaire. Do you want to? No. Little tongs to offer food with. I think that's a good idea. I don't think it is.

I think it's a very, very small portion. I would eat that up. They've probably would have got them. Yeah, they've got everything. Yeah, yeah. Mints from a tin, you have to just offer the person, let them take their own. You could say, don't touch the others.

Only touch the one you're taking. You know what it is? I've got the solution. Guys, guys, listen. Get rave christened. Oh, does it just come off? Get our rave christened. The alarms just come on.

Yeah, you're going to, honestly, don't offer anyone a mint. That's my thing, unless they fucking stink, in which case, take the hip. Yeah. It's a bloody mindfield, isn't it? It is. It's a tricky one. I'll be thinking about it all day. That's it.

Sanitize all your mints? No. I do love it. Have you had a tin and mint? Oh, posh mint. The Maltese ones? Oh, really lovely. With the paper in?

Oh. Just like... What year is it? What year is it? Where are these from? It's the 20s. Yeah. It's a many 20s.

Yeah. It's beautiful in it. Unbelievable. I don't know if they do them anymore. No, I think they do. I think they do. Did they? I've not seen them for a long time.

It's like them balsamic nut. I think I've just sorted it. Smints where you just click the top, but a lot of plastic waste in a pack of the smants, in it? Click. We're already using too much cling film. Listen, wind in there.

We'll you see. We'll you see tomorrow's cling film consumption. Oh God. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, ba. Thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagmarninoid. I'm just going to tell you all. We've got this week's episode of Please Keep Me Anonymous

with Joel Domit and it was mint. Yes. If you fancy listening to that as well. They're all on there. We've had some, they're all on YouTube. They're on the podcast app. We've had some crap and chats with people. It'd have a really, really lovely time.

We're really, really enjoying doing it. And we're getting so many lovely comments that you guys are all enjoying this as well. So thank you very, very much. As always, if you don't get touched, it's shagmarinord at gmail.com. And the number for the WhatsApp for the voice messages is 07874-40-60.

Back in the years next week. Big love. Bye. Bye.