Sh**ged Married Annoyed - The communal nut bowl, trust issues and Celebrity Gladiators!

Episode Date: July 31, 2026

On Shagged Married Annoyed this week Chris and Rosie are back from their holidays and are celebrating their 12 year wedding anniversary! They discuss trust issues, true crime, communal food and kids making friends on holiday! There's also some air con wars, an unfortunate game of cornhole, Stuart Little 2 chat and Rosie announces that it's National Lip Stick Day! All of this plus Beefs, a fabulous voice note and some great Questions from the Public! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married anoyd. It's the summer holidays and we're complaining about them. Roll on September. I'm kidding. It's okay. It's fine, I'm sure. We've been on actual holiday. We've got updates about that. Rosie's been very poorly abroad. Poorly. It was horrible. It was horrible. Apparently I don't trust anybody. Especially me. Well, no. No, you're a very suspicious, suspicious little squirrel these days.

Gotta be. You've got to be. You listen to too many true crimes. Maybe. We've got holiday beefs. And also we've got questions from you gorgeous lot listening. so thank you so much. Enjoy! Now streaming on Disney Plus, the Hulu original series Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black,

played by Emmy Rossum, on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer. Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur. New episodes week over week.

Watch the Hulu original series Furious, now streaming only on Hulu on Disney. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if.

Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Hello, you are listening and possibly watching Chagmarnoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, hello. Which, we have just celebrated our 12-year wedding anniversary. We have indeed.

Isn't that mad? 12 years is silly. Like, I was thinking the other day, if we stayed married. Great. Fingers crossed. We're not that far off. You know, when people are like, 25 years. That'll be crazy.

Well, I mean, we are. We're not even halfway to 25 years. We're not. We're close. 12 years, that's the longest I've ever done anything in my entire life. That is the longest, you, other than like, my mom and my sister, my brother and my dad and that. Yeah, yeah.

That's the longest commitment I have ever had. Well, I'm honoured. you. You're welcome. Thank you very, very much. It's a big deal. Yeah, it's pretty good. I'm buzzing. And like, we're happy. Yeah.

Which is nice. And we're still, and we'll do this as well, which is crazy. Crazy. But you know, we'll get to a point. I think if we're both live long enough

and we're both still together. Yeah. I love what we don't want to jinx it. It was all like touching wood and fucking all kinds of stuff. We'll get to a point where we've been together longer than we've not been. Yeah, I was thinking that.

But my math sparing didn't work. Ah, yeah, I can't work out either. We will will, though, won't we? Yeah, so we got together one more, 26, 26, 27. So we have to have been together for 28 years, 27 years for that. And then we can say, we've known each other longer than me. Being together longer than we've not been, yeah, all that shit. Oh, that's nice.

I'm looking forward to being oldest fucking talking about that. Congrats. Congrats. 12 years, very well done. Everyone out there, hope you're all happy. Hope you're all well. If you're in a relationship and it's more than 12 years, bloody well done. If it's less than 12 years, still well done.

If you're single and happy, still well done you. exactly and um just let you all know sorry another just gonna get really professional rattle straight and everything there but go on go on fuck go on waffle on I've just had an email and I didn't know it congratulations it's national lipstick day today as in when a dog gets excited or no the one you actually the makeup that you applied to your lips

but how's what national lipstick day who made that up a lipstick companies a hundred percent a hundred percent lipstick companies well I've been asked if I want to buy some on my email so Have you bought any? I might, you know. Well, there we go.

And that's what they've done. It's sparked. Yeah. Do you know, hold on. I've just, what's my, I've got my calendar here. Hold on. What? It is.

What? Tomorrow is international by your husband, a Scotty Cameron putter day. Is this what you've sent us for your birthday? Yeah. But it's all, but it's tomorrow, the day, it's international by Scottie Cameron, but tomorrow. So you'd have to think of something else from birthday. You have to get the Scottish Cameron's tomorrow.

Just really upsetting about that. I've already bought you quite a lot of stuff already Wow Wow the big four oh Put a cap Put a cap on the big four oh Maybe Listen I'll go and get it myself

No I'll get it myself I have already bought you stuff I'll get myself I get to go and I get to talk to the guys In the golf shop It's quite fun It's okay I might need fitted for it

You never know If they fit it for you It'll come up It'll be like a little little match stick Here's yeah He has the putter from Stuart Little 2 That's a bloody good film

Is there a two Yeah. Is there? Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. I'm not thinking a mouse hunt. There's no mouse hunt too. No.

I'm sure there's a little too. I'm sure there's a little too. I love sure a little. Did you? I don't think I've ever seen it. Oh God. A bit far fetched for me. What are you?

What are you mean? I wore clothes in that, didn't he? You got adopted? What the fuck? Imagine. You need a sibling that's adopt a mouse. Jesus Christ. Mammie and daddy have given up.

And he was like a grown man. I mean it's wild, the stuff we used to watch. Yeah. Very weird. I didn't because it sounded like bollocks. Listen, guys, if you are here and you are listening now, thank you so, so much. No matter how long you've been here, if you're brand new, if you've been here for some time or if you're watching or if you're just listening, thank you, thank you.

Thank you. We don't take it for granted at all. Please subscribe. That will be amazing if you're on YouTube especially. And without further ado, it is time for this week's a lucrative, a lucid sponsor. Short, sharp, snappy one this week. Rosie, that's how you get people's attention. Little Two is a thing.

You just Google Stu at Little Two. Is Stuart a little two better than one? I doubt it very much. Depends on if you prefer tighter pace, pacing and higher stakes actions are the foundational charm of the first film. So, little mouse. There it is. Yeah, 2002. There's only actually a few, a few, very, very few sequels in the world that are better than the first.

Yeah. Too, awful. Terminator 2 being one of them, Godfather 2 being one of them. And I don't know if I can't think of any other stuff on the top of me head. Okay. What were you going to say? I was going to say a shortstop shop, but you've completely fucking re-rolled that, but it's absolutely fine this week.

Sponsor is scratching your foot. Oh, it's itchy, but when I scratch it, it tickles. That's it. What do you mean? You never get an itchy foot? And you go, oh, no, my foot's itchy. But then you scratch it, and you go, oh, no, I'm tickling myself. I'm not that ticklish.

I am on my feet. Oh, yeah? I've told you before. I've said it before on the podcast. Sometimes on the very rare occasion that I go for a massage, if I'm in a nice hotel or whatever, and there goes anything we need to avoid. I go, no, it's fine.

And then the minute they touch me feet, and I really kick their fucking teeth out. I go, I forgot to tell you, don't touch me feet. Right. My root guy went, you know, and it'll come back again. It went and came back. It went and it's come back again. I know why that is.

What? I bought it off you for 10 pens, didn't I? You never give us the money? Yeah, I did. I transferred it at your bank. Okay. But then, um, I think you bought a meal the other night for us.

You know? So the money went back. So it's like, I got a refund. You owe me that money? You're talking about. It's our money. It's our money until you have to pay for something on your card, then it's your money.

It's our money. Right. I don't want to get into this publicly. Okay. Okay. Mike, I didn't do it. My card declined it immediately.

Why did your card decline? Because I wasn't past the property because I didn't want to pay for it. I want to do it pay for it. Yeah, but with joint account, this is actually my fault. Yeah. We're joint account, which I have cards for, I haven't set them up.

Yeah. And I don't know how to use them. Good. Don't. You're not to be trusted. But I've got my own account as well, ladies, because don't, trust anyone, especially a man.

That's what I'm going to say about it. If you're in a marriage or you're in a relationship where you are leaving everything to your other half, stop. Stop now. Get involved with your finances and find out what's going on. Okay? There's just me warning. And remember to set up the cards.

I don't need to set up the cards because I know exactly what's going on. I have access to it all. I know what's going on. I know what's happening. Do you know what I mean? I know what the bills are I know all of that shit But I just

I don't need to have I just like you to send me money To my account Oh so we went from feminism That was a flip That was a flip and a half That was gone That was sisters

Power of power to you know No power to the people Choose on my feet of God Whatever we do together Get paid into our joint account Whatever I do separately gets paid into my account Whatever you do separately

gets paid into our joint account Because I'm clever And that's a true story. There it is. There it is. Do you know about how an itchy foot and you scratch it? No, I don't get itchy of you.

I don't think it's something else then. We had to fight about the jingle. Jingle-Ding-Gong. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jing-go. So this is the jingle. Jing-do. We hope you like the jingle.

Jing-Doo. Babadoo, babado, babo-doo. Jingle! Jingle! Hello, and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagmoyne. While I was looking up, Stuart Little there, doing a bit of research. There was a third one. Doing a bit of research!

No, but it said... You were Googling Stuart Little, too. There's a third Stuart Little? Yes. But it wasn't a live action movie that just did it all, like animation, apparently. Okay. But then I typed in what... And then on Google, you know, when it comes up with other stuff,

what is the most cringe film ever? It said the room. but I thought it said room because room, the film room where the man and the kid crazy. Brilliant.

I was like, that's not cringe at all but the room is the one where that guy made it himself. Oh, I did not hit her. I did not. Yeah,

and then who... Mary Mark. Yeah, yeah. Who did like a piss take of it? James Franco and then did a remake of the making of the movie. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, so that is a cringe. Oh yeah, he was the direct. direct there, the right there. And he's starred in it as well. Yeah. I think I'm sure. Tommy Whistle? Yeah, I'm sure, yeah. I'm sure there's something of like,

no one knew where you got the money for it from. Like no one knows how he financed it and all. He's a really odd dude. That's a lot of money. There's videos out there as well of him. What did he audition for? Was it fucking Superman or Spider-Man? He sent audition tapes in for stuff and they're fucking wild. Personally, I don't think you should be able to make people's audition tapes public. No, me neither. I see them now. And then it's like, oh he has these people audition for this and I'm like that's a bit fucking shitty that's a bit like intrusive isn't it

oh look at these twats who didn't get this part and they're like they're quite successful now but you like ah look at you you didn't get robocop you have useless. It just proves as well though they all go for the same parts yeah all the big Hollywood movies all the big Hollywood movies they've all tried like they've all done it

I couldn't think of anything worse than being I couldn't like God being a successful actor and being an actor itself I mean I'm sure it's very fulfilling it's very you know and obviously if you get to the top of the league it's fucking big money. I couldn't, the anxiety. Just the have I won.

You're basically in a competition every week. Have I won. I've gone for the auditions. You hear them talk about it. Yeah. And they're like, oh, I still go for auditing. You go, ah, obviously your De Niro's and that.

They're just ringing them go, Bobby, are you free? Boom. This leads us gorgeously on a topic, which I've wrote down. Oh. Obviously, oh, sorry about that. That was just a...

You know what you sounded like? You remember them rubber things that are like little domes and you turn them around. you put them and you're waiting and then they went bonk and the flick, God, what a fucking

shit childhood we had. Remember that being a toy you play with for hours? I'm gonna get one of them. I'm a tiddly wings. God, I'm not easily pleased. I never did tiddy wings because I wasn't live during the war

but I did do that. Tiddly Wings! I didn't do Tiddly Wings. We used to play Tiddly Wings all the time with me grander. There it is. Fair enough. I was on TikTok.

No. I loved. Well, do you know we put our videos on TikTok, right? And they don't get very good views on TikTok because apparently you have to be like really active on there.

Fuck that. Because if not, they think you're just a bot. So I'm just like posting stuff out thinking, well, you know, whatever. These are the videos. So now I've actively had to be like active on there and I'm liking stuff and I'm commenting on stuff. It's almost like these algorithms and these apps will only reward you if you spend your whole fucking life on them and pour your heart and soul into them. That's odd.

Why would they do that? How strange? But anyway, I've been watching a lot of videos and when I watch a video of someone on doing a job. I'm arrogant, right? And I don't know if it's an ADHD thing. And I go, I could do that. Honestly, most of the stuff on there, I'm like, private chef, yeah, I can do that.

You know, like running this, doing that. Yeah, I could do that. One job, honestly, and this is no disrespect to anyone who's got that job or anyone who runs this business. This is me literally. Oh, you're doffin. I'm kind of like, yeah, that what you said. Yeah.

I could not run a bakery. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Have you seen people make a croissant? Have you seen a quasson being made? It's not even that, Chris. It's fucking madness.

They're literally like, come, come spend the day with me at my bakery. It's like 4 o'clock in the afternoon and they're there till like 6 o'clock in the morning. Just making fucking bread and that. And then it's just so exhausting. Just a lot. It's intense. And then they make all these batches of stuff, but actually when they cook it all, it's not really that much. Then they'll wait for it all to cool down.

It's just very time-consuming. Well, they're going at like 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock in the morning Well, some of them do overnight. So some of them will do overnight and then leave it for the people who come in the morning. Or they'll start at 4 o'clock in the morning until... I never understood how the guy, the dad of 22 children in counting or whatever it's called. Well... I'd never understood how he had a bakery.

21 kids in counting. Yeah. How did he run a bakery as well? I know why he... If I had 22 kids in the house... That's the only time I'd have a bakery. Yeah, I'd be like, sorry, can't do any of the night. Feeds, got to go make them pies.

Oh, he was loving it. Are you joking? Quasants aren't going to fold themselves in. I think he slept there. Rave asked, was it Ray, or Robin who asked about that yesterday? Robin.

Me and Robin used to watch it together. He was fascinated. He doesn't believe that they're all their kids. He's like, Mark, no, he said it in the car yesterday. He went, you know, 21 kids in camera. Out of nowhere, by the way.

Out of nowhere. And he literally went, that's not all their kids who is it. I was like, it is fully, because they want a sibling, don't they? Robin and Ray, our children,

our children currently want a brother or sister. Fuck! Fuck off. Do you know if I'm nicer, I would have another one. Oh, just up to you, is it? Just your choice. I've done it again.

That's a new thing. Oh, God. Will you stop clacking? Jesus. Okay. So, if I really want another kid, would you say no? You didn't really want kids anyway?

Fair enough, you've won there. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Hand on hot? Still don't want them. No, I could. I'm joking. It's the summer holidays talking.

Yeah, I know, we're just a bit overwhelmed. We're being on holiday, guys? Been on holiday? Bloody lovely, wasn't it? It was lovely. And I've written a couple of things down, right? Because I've worked out, these are just little notes that I wrote while I was on holiday. Okay.

And I've worked out. Because you were in a great mood. Oh, that was horrible. And I'll tell you why it's horrible. I've worked out why on holiday, why it's so tough on holiday when you go on holiday with your kids, right? Because we're in a family resort, when you go to a family resort, obviously I'm not, Christ, if you listen to this and you go on, you know, the two of you, go, a way to some kind of retreat in the hills of Italy and there's a spa and there's just you and your partner, I'm not talking about that holiday. That holiday is amazing. I'm talking about a holiday when

you go with kids to the pool, to the resort and all of that. One of the main problems was I'm sitting on the pool and not only are my kids being a pair of dickheads, but I have to watch other people's kids being a pair of dick, being a collection of dickheads as well. And it's like all of the adults and all of the kids are on the pool. I'm lying there. And as soon as you settle your kids down, some of the kid fucking start screaming and shouting around the thing and I'm just like,

and now and then I like, when you're a parent you figure yourself parent and other people's kids you see like a little four year old walking around the side of the pool and you're like, who's watching this kid? It's not a holiday?

It's like being a fucking lifeguard for a week. Yeah. It's awful. My mate the other day was telling us that they went on holiday and there was, you know how we told about the little girl who nearly drowned? Yeah, yeah.

They also were in a similar situation. Brilliant. Just parents sat on their phone and their kids just lit and leg drowning. Like what the fuck? And another thing, what, the buffet breakfast on holiday what is going on with that kids table.

I've said this before. Right. Again, our kids would go up to breakfast. They'd come back with a fucking waffle, a donut, a fucking marshmallow. No, they never had a donut. I would not have let them get a donut. They were there, though.

They were there. They were there. I've never given four marshmallows one day. I was like, I think they're for decoration. I got them out of a jar. I think they've been there every morning. No one eats them. They're just like, that's just a, yeah,

that's an ornament that you're eating there. Come out of a fucking down full of poor puerie. But like, that's a fucking down full of poor puerie. But, like, that's a little. another thing as well. So all the kids are having, I'm watching and all these kids, everyone around the tables, pancakes, syrup, Nutella, cereal, and then guess what? In an hour

and a half, that all on the pool, sugar crash being a bunch of twats. Yeah. Yeah. God! Also, I came up with the theory as well. So if you're on holiday, so because of our age gap, it's almost like we've got two only children. Yeah, because we won't play with the same kids that Robin

plays with him, right? So it's like trying to find friends for two different age groups of kids. And everyone who listens to the podcast Reguline who's read the book that we did, you'll know my, my system for making kids, making friends with kids on holiday when I was an only child was pretty fucking foodproof, but pretty pathetic. I think, round the pool, because perverts, swingers and all these perverts, they've all got different signals that I do, you know, to go at these parties and they stick these stickers on themselves, you know, there should be a really wholesome, simple

one that you do round the pool where you're on your sunbeds, it should be something like hang a towel over your umbrella or do something. if you've got a child who wants to make friends. Right. It should be. You know what it is? There should be a little flag. Just a little flag.

Do you know in schools, they've got a little bench. They have a bench. Like you make a friend bench. If you're feeling a bit lonely and you need to talk to someone, you go sit on the bench. And hopefully another child will come up and play with you. They need to have a sunbed. And make your friend sunbed.

They lose their sunbed. Yeah. But I've got no mate's sunbed. You know, like you've got your little, sometimes, I don't know, you've got like a little, I don't know, on the table next to the thing. You've got maybe an ashtray or a little thing with a QR code for the menu or whatever.

Little flag. Just a little red flag. And you put a little red flag in the bonnet of your sunbed. Oh, oh look, there's a summit over there. They've got a child.

Oh, how old's that child? Oh, eight. Oh, go and play with them. Yeah. God, watching him roam around the pool to make friends brought back full on trauma for me. Me and my mom were so upset.

Like, not upset. You're so tense. It ruined one of me days on holiday because we'd got to day three or four, I think, were there for a week. And he hadn't made a friend. And we were like, oh, bless God, love him.

Because everybody else goes to the kids club. They won't go to Kids Club And I kept saying to him I went, they've all met each other, Kids Club, if you went for, if only, you went for two hours You'd meet them all. If only there was some kind of group

or dare I say at a club where all the kids went to, riddle me this. Anyway, so this one day there was a group of kids playing together and I said to him, I went, Robin, I went. And do you know what? I'm so proud of them actually.

I'm so proud of him. I went to him, I went, Robin. I went, now and ever. You've got three days left, son. You know, four, and whatever it was. I went, go over there and just say, can I play with you? And I went, and he went, well, what if they say no? I went, if they say no.

I went, I will pack up our sunbeds and we'll go to the beach. I was literally like, I will pack all of our stuff up. What a walk of shame that is. Don't care. I said to them, I was like, I don't care. If they say no, if they say no, then they're horrible, for one. But also... This is awkward because I said them if they say, no, I'll fight all their dads.

well obviously that's your parent and this is mine but I said and he went right and he did and that watching him tried to aggratiate himself in that group for the rest of the afternoon I mean he stalked them children around the pool for a couple hours first but then then then then he had a big group of friends in a lovely time then he had then he was buzzing and didn't want to do any of the things we had planned because my friends around the pool I don't want to leave and then I had to stay everywhere but after tea they're going to the park they're not man they're not oh yeah that's the only thing Robin makes a friend on holiday then our holiday become him stalking the friend and we have to just not run with that friend constantly yeah yeah yeah

it's almost like we can't enjoy nice things when you've got kids yeah you can't but i absolutely adore them and uh this holidays i'm trying to be really positive and actually like not be daunted every day with like what we're going to do and just enjoy their company because when we're not with them we miss them exactly so if you're listening now and you're currently um surviving the summer holidays, hang in there. I know. Hang in there. I know. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, babadu, babadu, babadu, babadu back. Now when the summer holidays are over, when the kids were back to school.

We're only a week in and we're already like, get them back. When they go back to school, I will be going back to school as well, slash work, slash on tour. So it's literally a month away, guys. So if you like, there's still some tickets available. Probably for the fact that I did say the last time that I would never extend it, and never add any more dates, which I have. So I just wanted to say I go out on September the 10th, and I'm going all over the UK.

Where, Chris, I'll tell you. Norwich, Ipswich, Stoke, Liverpool, Sunderland, Hull, Derby, Stockton into October. This is, I'm channeling Steve Wright, legend, rest in peace for the video too, who used to read all your dates. Bradford, Manchester, Sconthorpe, Red and Stevenage, Guilford, Plymouth, Turo for Cornwall. Mm-hmm. It's warm down there. Cardiff, Bath, Blackpool, Glasgow, Peterborough, Coventry, Leicester, South End, Grimsby, York, Nottingham, Canterbury, Milton Keynes, Darlington,

Darlington, Two of them, Tumberge Wells, Aylesbury, Birmingham, Lincoln, Sheffield, Leeds, Buxton, while running a red light and speeding! Oh, is that, Jim Carrey. Well done. And you know what? I've seen it. Oh. It's a very good show.

Thank you. It is. It's your best one I think you've ever done. Chris Ramseycom for tickets. Yeah, I think you'll thoroughly enjoy it. Is it selling well? Yeah, really well. There's always some available. There's always some.

some just put me Stanley on the floor there's always some tickets available it's good I could go out and play them all now and there'd be nice gigs but I'd like them to be packed with the rafters and if they're not shame on everyone list I'm joking I would like them to be back there and where will the money from the tour

which account will I be going on? A new account that I've set up just for me don't you date I'll find out I'll have a meeting with the accountant it's called what's Chris updo different account different one don't because people do this don't you fucking day because people do this

behind people's backs he's based on the moon I will I will Fuck your life up. Oh, I've read a comment you that day and somebody said, I think it was on TikTok,

they were like, why is she so horrible to him about me? Oh, thank you. And I was, get lost. No, quite right. See?

The people are, the people are saying you knew for what you really are. I'm due on. You're always fucking... Exactly. My periods ruin my life. Why am I horrible to him?

Because my periods? But I'm quite, like, I take the piss out you quite a lot on this podcast. Like, behind closed doors. We're not horrible to church at. The clips. The clips.

The clips. The clips. The clips. Just make us. look a bit worse but I don't give a shit what you're gonna do do you love it you love it but don't hide money from us listen don't know don't no people do it it's called

it's got a name now money hiding no it's like you know how you've got like in a relationship there's like abuse like domestic abuse and there's like emotional abuse I think it's just financial abuse financial abuse yeah it's a genuine thing it's a proper fully blown thing so if you day try to hide money from me

maybe I should hide money from me I should have money from you. Good luck with that. I'm like a fucking, like a sniff I talk, nothing happening about me, no. I could.

I could. Tell you. Easy. Nah. Good luck. Like, you've got no chance. But I don't trust any. I don't trust you, you know.

You watch too many documentaries. I don't listen to too many things. I've told you, man. It's a massive red flag in a relationship to someone who just watches loads of, you watch the most outrageous, outrageous things and you watch so many of them that you're like,

well, everyone buries their fucking partner in the garden. No, they don't. Less than no point, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1% of people do these things, and they're so fantastical. That's why they make TV shows and podcasts about them. Yeah, but also, I live a life. Right. And I've got friends who go,

oh, my mate, such and such, this happened, as such and such, it's not just all about programmes. Yeah. People are rotten. People are rotten, on the whole. And I don't trust anybody. Yes, but I'm not rotten and you should trust me. I don't trust you.

There's certain cup ads and mattresses that you can't look under in this house. I've got good reasons for that, which I will divulge it later. I don't think... Do you fully trust me? Um... With money and the safety of our children and our future and me heart,

yes. Um, if there's crisps in the cupboard... No. No. No. With my money and my future and my health. Yes, with a pattern of fucking salt. I don't get pringles.

Absolutely not. I wouldn't take my eyes off you. Let's stop buying them. But the bairns got packed lunches for his little summer camps. All right. Okay. And they're there.

I know that I had a pack of French fries this morning. Worst crisps in the world, I'm sorry. Wow. Oh, I love them, me. Or like polystyrene packing. Vile. I can't. I can't touch them.

I mean, have they even got potatoes in? Look, yes, I will eat me words when French fries try and sponsor the podcast and I have to go back on all of this because, you know, fuck it. But I can't bear them.

Right. They are, like, if you do them tears that you see on the internet, fucking Z. Tia crisp French fries. Oh, I love them. They're like, I. Yeah, I love them, me. Really?

Yeah. By the way, I'm sorry, I do trust you to an extent. I just don't think you should ever fully, fully trust anyone. Okay. So I don't fully trust us. No, I don't fully, I don't honestly really fully trust anyone, I think. Do you fully trust yourself? Yeah.

Oh, do I? It's a big mistake. No. I just, I don't know. Maybe I'm just a bit, I'm a bit like, Scott. No, I don't know. I don't know.

I think there'll be people listening to this who sort of agree. I think it's just. Well, me to be fair, even just on this podcast, and we're not like a crime podcast. We've had some horrible ones where people... This is what I'm seeing. Yeah. But I do, but genuinely, I live with you, I share my life with you.

I do trust you. I do trust you. But the minute, if you ever... It'll be your down. Exactly. This is what I'm... No, don't. Don't. If you fucking ever, screw me over.

Yeah. You will live to regret it. Yeah. You'll never find us. I'll be gone. Be on a little island somewhere. Just me and the kids... I'm not...

I wouldn't do the kids. I was going to say, that's one thing I would never worry about. You know, when people... Well, there's horrible stories of people who split up and the husband's want full custody. That's something that I will never have to worry about. What your head looking at? You want your head looking at me.

Are you mad? Yeah, but you know why they do it? Just as an attack. Just to punish them. Punish their wives. I know, do you know what it is? It's not even documentary. It's real housewives.

I watch too much stuff. Yeah, they're not on this planet. We're busy watching a documentary, but we're halfway through. What's that one? Yeah. The Netflix one, it's a, what's it called? Toxic. Yeah, we've only watched a whole.

of it, yeah. I'm telling you, man, you need to get... Nearly stayed up past 11 watching that. It nearly... Well, no, we did. We stayed up past 11. Nearly did a midnight one and then we rained ourselves in.

You need to get on the documentary train. I've just watched a great one on iPlayer. Mother of all cons. Brilliant. Brilliant. Wow. Imagine what that's about. And mother con on people?

Well, yeah. Brain tumour. Oh, pretend and chat. Honestly. Kid. Honestly. Sick. Honestly.

People who pretend they're ill. the mom's basically I don't want to ruin it It's really good If you like documentaries It's a three-porter On Airplayer It's mint

I like a three-parter Yeah I like a three-parter I don't like a He has 10 hours 10 episodes by the way We don't really know what happened Oh no you find out everything In this staircase

Again to mention the staircase I'll never forgive the people who made that More so for that scene Where they're all eating takeaway I just watched a documentary The other week as well which I have put off watching because the cover photo of it looked so bad.

You judged a book by its cover? I did and I've never watched it and I was like, this is class. Nice. The Fox Hollow, Fox Hollow murders. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got a daft, stupid mannequin on the front, and I just thought, what is this?

Yeah. What, what, mannickens? Never, what, it's got nothing to do with mannequins. Right. It's absolutely class. It had a picture of a fox, to be honest. It had nothing to do with foxes. Would you have watched it about a picture of a fox?

I'd watched it, if it had a picture of the man that was apparently doing it and like at the swimming pool, a swimming pool, I'd watch that. I've seen, yeah, I've seen bits of that, yeah. Have you seen Dirty John? Yeah. Guys, my favourite thing, and Rosie doesn't react it anymore,

but my favourite thing when anyone tells either like crime podcasts or documentaries, just ask them if they're seen Dirty John. It fucking drives people insane. It drives people wild. Because it's the first ever most popular ones. Yeah. That's literally going, I'm such a foodie.

I'm going, do you like, have you tried bread? Bread's fucking lush. Have you tried bread? Have you ever dipped bread in olive oil? You can do bread. You put butter on bread.

They do brown and white. Mad. Honestly, go to the shopperous avenue and they do brown and have you heard of eggs. That's your fucking whine's beer right up. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babo. I've just done a sniff up and it really hurt me nose.

My left nostil, I don't know what I've done. I think I've deviated something. This is it. This is the end. Deviated a septum. Devinate at the septum. It's the least gladiator I think I've ever heard.

Behind the scenes, we're just about to drop in the podcast that Chris is doing Celebrity Gladiators while he complains that he sniffed and he's thinking... I sniffed up too hard and I've hurt me left nostril. Jesus Christ. But it's clear. It hurt, but... Is this... Fuck me, I'm cute. This is weird.

Sorry, everyone. You just haven't listened to a sniffing a bit. Listen, I'm doing Celebrity Gladiators. Yay! It's been announced today. Yes. Very exciting. Watch it when I was a kid.

My God. I can't get to do the travel here and that? I know. Just don't hurt yourself. I'll 100% hurt myself. I will 100% be hurt. I will be limping or in pain somehow when I get home.

We've got nothing booked for when you're... So, okay, fair enough. All right, great. I'll just tell them... Have a lovely time. I think you'll do well. I genuinely think you'll do really well. You're much fitter now than you ever used to be.

Well, famous last words. No, you do. There's no nostril-based games, so I should be okay. I show my mate's a picture of you. When on holiday and you had no top on? My friend was like, hey, when did Chris get abs? And I went, actually, he's just recently got them. No, they've always been there.

It's more defined. Well done, congratulations. I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be fun. Babadoo, babado, babadoo, babadoo, babo. It's time for, what's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef?

I've got a few. No way. Because we've spent so much time together. That guy on TikTok's going to love this. Yeah, yeah. Why is she so nasty, though? Come on then. No, I don't know.

I think, can I just say as well on that, on the, on the, on the, on the point of why it's just so nasty. I think we talk quite frankly to each other. Oh, massively. And I think sometimes the funniest clips is when you're having to go at me. I think if it was the other way around, if we just put, because the clips are the clips are the clips are the clips. But obviously people are listening to this loads and know we'll have a go. I think we'll fight. We'll hold her own quite well.

Yeah, absolutely. But if mainly the clips that went out were just me berating you on the internet. I don't think that would go that well. No. And also, I don't know, I like to think that I'm a modern woman who lives in the world. I've got a lot of friends who are in similar situations.

And this is how we talk. This is like, and I'm sure you do with your friends. I just think we both give us good as we get. Yeah. And, you know, in modern life, like, this is the crap. And, you know, it's a podcast where we get together once a week. We're sitting down.

We don't talk to each other like this in normal life. We're not sitting going, And oh, well, yeah, like, how wait? Sometimes I do. Well, maybe. Every now and again. It depends. Oh, I love that wine last night.

I might have some, I just, I was going to lay off the drink for a bit, but I just don't want him. Is there summer holidays? I don't give a shit. What pair it lays off the drink in the summer holidays? Well, I just pile the weight on that's all, but also, don't give a shit. Oh, by the way, you're going to be really proud of us, everyone. I almost ruined a day on holiday because of how I looked at me costume, didn't I? Right.

We took a picture. and we're hired a boat, didn't we? We had a lovely to see out on a boat because we're both 40 this year and we thought we'd treat ourselves. It was gorgeous. We're such a good day. But then we've got a picture taken together

and I look, I didn't like how I looked in my costume. I'm not going to say I looked a certain way, but I didn't like how I looked. Anyway, I had about an hour. I did in that way I was just like gutted and I just felt disgusted and blah-y-blot and then I went down to the little cabin downstairs I looked in the mirror and I went, pack it in.

I literally, I did I tell you this? You pointed yourself in the mirror? I pointed myself in the mirror and I went, pack it in. I'm not ruining a lush day because I think that I look overweight in my costume because at the end of the day I can't click my fingers and lose

two stone. You know what I mean? I'm not going to not have a drink because I'm like oh so I just and I had a mint holiday in a mint time because I just thought this is how I look right now and shut up. Sorry, we've done a holiday update. We've told everyone about little bits of the holiday. We haven't touched

on the fact that one night you basically lost half a stone in the middle of the night. Oh yeah. Oh don't because I'm so embarrassed. God it was awful. I know but I'm really embarrassed. Right. So like listen right set the scene everyone. This is this is okay because I'm a greedy fat pig. Listen, listen. There was two little bits of the room. There was the bit with a sofa bed outside. You all know. We all stayed in these things, these places. There's a, there's a sofa bed in the main bit and then there's the main bed. And Robin was, Robin was staying in a room with me, ma'am. With Sandra. So I was in the big bed on my own and

Rafe wanted to sleep on the sofa bed with you for some weird reason so I got the big bed on me own which is amazing I'm off asleep rosy comes in middle of the night guys oh Chris I don't because you know she's a fainter which is fun um oh Chris I don't know if I'm going to faint or I'm going to be sick I went right bear in mind I've been awake for hours just sort of like in bed couldn't move because I just felt up to here like your stomach was full and bloated and I just felt disgusted right and she came in guys right and she goes um I don't know whether I'm going to be sick or or pass out. You lay down on the bed. I was like, right, lie down the bed. I was like, do you need anything? You're like, no. And then you went, no, I'm going to be sick. You need to get us a bucket.

I didn't have a bucket. Luckily, there was a like a waste paper bin in the corner of the bedroom. And it was, I mean, I'm not, it was probably the size of a large popcorn bucket from the cinema. Yeah. And it had, thankfully, it had a plastic bag in it. And I hadn't used it. It had been changed before I went to bed. And I brought, I saw it. I picked it up. I walked to you. the instant I put it in your hands whack

the most sick sorry everyone the most sick I have ever seen come out of a human head the exorcist guys she filled the bin

filled the bin I'm talking large popcorn bucket yeah middle of that took me I was to get back to sleep I was scarred well weirdly

that's why I think I'm a bit weird because as soon as I was sick I was like just came out out. Oh, I'm fine. Like Little Britain.

Remember a little Britain where it used to fire. Yeah. Unbelievable. I know. Tell everyone, tell everyone how we think you got it. Well, I had prones, right? So I was like, I was like, is it the prones? I had some of them prones.

You had some of the prones. But also, I was fine. As soon as I vomited. That was weird. I was sick and you were sick and yeah, it was like the reset button had been pressed. But I did ship myself the day before. Great. Yeah.

I mean, but that was the eggs. She's the right laughter going on holding with by the way. I'm not well. Like, there's something. with us like genuinely that was the eggs the funny bit is that you keep eating these things but carry on can you tell everyone okay so we've narrowed it down to we narrowed it down to something that no one in their right mind ever eats but this greedy fucker so it was nearing dinner time on a night time and i was being really good on holiday i was only having Greek salads for lunch without

the fetter which isn't it without the fetter so it's just just a salad cucumber and vinegar so i was really hungry and we went to a different pool at the hotel, there's loads of pools. And there, and we got a glass of wine, and the lady brought a little tree of nuts. Yep. And I ate the tray. I didn't have that many. From the communal nutball. I had a handful of the communal nutball.

At the five-star hotel, though. But the communal nutball. I know. My mom was so disappointed. People go to the toilet. They have a piss. They pick their ass. And I know all of this. They put cream on their children. They put cream on their feet.

They put like, they go for a wank. They put their hands in the bowl. these bowls have been tested. And then they just put them back in the... I know all of this. Yeah, they put them all around all the sunbeds and they will just put them back in the communal thing. But these bowls have been tested in country,

in, you know, in bars and in countries where people aren't walking around in their fucking underpants. I know. All right. I've learned my lesson. I will never, ever, ever, I might. Don't you fucking lie to me! Don't you lie to me!

I've learned me like, because they've got three nuts. What about crisps? What about when they put crisps down? I eat them? I always do? Maybe not as bad with the crisps. So the crisps will dry out and go a bit, like, you know, when they go a bit there.

So they'll probably bin them. But the nuts that are, I'm telling you, they'll just put them back in it. A big vat of nuts. So do you think that's what it was? Oh, someone's picked his ass. He's fucking had a wank. He's picked his nose. It's all the men.

I see how you're saying bloke, see? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. He's got a big hand, but he's done that thing where he got the old like that, and he's held it and opened it and he, oh, put them all in, put them all in, put them up, he's mouth. I don't like that one. He spat it back in his hand.

he's put it back in the thing. These kids sneezed on it and then they put it back in the community and you've went whew! Free nuts! And they were like dry roasted. Mm.

Oh God. Anyway, well I vomited and then I was fine. Sorry, can I just say you said dry roasted there with like oh. Honestly? We've just talked about how they made you

violently sick and be like I'm not the word were roasted. You've got to remember eggs make a shit myself I haven't stopped eating them. You had naked day. I did because On holiday, the first day I ship myself, I had to literally go at the toilets and clean the gusset of my costume.

It's the worst creative song ever. When on holiday a Monday, shop herself on Tuesday, eat the fucking nuts on Wednesday. And on that, dang it, out, ding it, ah, dizzing at the bin. Fucking. On the first. On the first day. Money can't buy your class.

Money can't buy your class. Fax for a resort, just shit yourself and fill up the bins was sick. I know, I was so upset. But do you know what it is? I'm not even embarrassed. I know when you have shit yourselves, do we get them all the time? I wasn't even embarrassed. I was just more annoyed where I was like,

these fucking eggs are ruining me goddamn life. But they're bloody good for you. But they're so good for you. And I'm not, like, there's nothing else in the morning that I want other than crumpets and toast. Yeah. Side nor sorry, by the way. Yeah, we, we emptied that bin, we emptied that bin liner. We've been, like, the, the maids had no idea that that,

But if I was literally a millisecond later at a hand I knew that bin I'd have bombed all over the curtains Worst, worst, worst thing ever. It would have been one of them It'd have gone through my fingers. It would have been like, you know, when a hip-holders a shit and it flicks its little tail

and it goes, whee-mind? I get all of our stuff really quickly though, don't I? Like, I was absolutely fine. There's like someone had put a little paper clip in the back of a Tamagotchi reset. You were really, you get quite impressed at how good I am at just dealing. I said you, you were up and about the next day

at the pool. I said that'd been better two days after that. Well, I was very poor. and I thought this is not going to ruin me holiday. Very well. Yeah, man. I had food poisoning in Paris and I walked 20,000 steps.

Nice. This was years ago. I fainted in the park. But I was like, I'm here. I'm not ruining me holiday. I drank and everything. I was so ill. Wow.

I lost five pound. Wow. Oh, mate, I was so ill. £1. £1. Yeah? Yeah? Listen, what's your beef, man?

You're big. What's your beef? Oh, I don't even go. No, I've got loads. why have I got why have I wrote in my notes my Scott mosquito a plane

why have I wrote that I don't know anyway um mosquito water plane it's a norm torn about all right

my only beef with you right now and we aren't even we don't get heat wave weather you are constantly boiling I'm the dad from I'm the dad from it's so upsetting every fucking window's open

every door's open guys on a night time I've got me slip of stuff on and a dressing gown. Yeah. It's so, our house is so cold.

It's not, it's fucking hotter than hell. It's so hot. We are, we have not gone above 24 degrees during this heat wave. I'm boiling, I've got loads,

like, and I'm always having to do stuff. I'm sick of this. I sit in a room with all the windows open watching the tent and you come in claim you're cold. How you fucking blanket

and the thing and you shut all the wind? I'm dying. I could put the fire on it's that cold. That's ridiculous. You're ill. You're ill. You're ridiculous. I'm ill,

but you're ill. Are you warm now? I'm really, warm now. I am absolutely just lovely. Absolutely just lovely. Extra medium. I'm just so lovely.

Lovely. No, I'm fine. This is perfect. Are you hot now? A little bit hot, yeah. My feet are really hot. I'm going to get more than hot. That was one thing on holiday.

You had that air condo. Oh. Oh, I changed the air cond. I'll tell another. You've never seen anything like it. Oh, you want to trust the people you live with. When we were in London, working, Chris said to me, how's this aircon for you?

And I went, it's absolutely perfect. I was like, this is fine. I can deal with this. It was fucking freezing, by the way. And I thought, he loves it cold, so leave it. Guess what this little, this little fuck I did. Turn it down without telling us. That is deceit.

That's how it happens. Do you know how perverts start upskirts? Do you know how deceit in a relationship? Right. Deceit in a relationship is that. Right, so you're telling me. You lie. You were like,

haven't. You're telling me, changing the aircon, just slightly, because we'd only just arrived in the room, and I knew would be getting ready and stuff in the room. So I knew that, and our body temperature was going to raise the temperature of the room. So I said, how do you feel this now? How is it feeling now? You're like, this is perfect. I thought, okay, to maintain it at this level, I probably have to knock it down a couple of degrees because our body heat and a hair dryer and why didn't you say that though? Why didn't you say Rosie? Actually, I'm going to, no, we were not busy. You're telling me that changing the

ACON a couple of degrees is a gateway drug to deceit, hiding money, hiding money, murdering you, running away, that's secret fact, great, great, there it is. Well, well, I've done step one of that 12 step program. It is deceitful though. It is deceitful. I don't like that crack.

Because I'd have said to you, right, well, I'm absolutely boiling, can I turn it down a couple? Rather than you just went, yeah, no bother. To yourself. I'm going to turn this down and then I found out in that because I find out. So what the fuck was your beef?

Oh, I'm too hot. Do you say you're always too hot? Okay. Just like you lie to us? My beef with you is you have levels of concern about the children's safety. And the main level of concern

you ever have about the children's safely is, is, is, no, no, no. Your main level of concern you are about the children's safety is, Chris, can you go and check on the kids? They might be unsafe or hurt. You're never concerned enough to move off your own fucking ass and check them yourself.

Your level of concern is, Chris, go and check on them. I think they're fine. Well, I don't think they are. Well, if you don't think they are, Rosie, why don't you go and check on them? Oh, no, I don't think they're that un-fined. And they're a level of, I'm being a level of fanny where I won't get up, but I want you to go and check. and I never really have to go over and check on the kid

who's absolutely fine. You did it on the holiday. Where's Rafe in the pool, Chris? Chris, he could be drowning. Oh, he could be drowning. You obviously don't think he's drowning because you haven't got up to go and check if he's drowning,

but I have. What's it you always say to me? We've got with jobs. Right. I tell you what, next holiday, like I've said before, no, I'm not buying a fucking thing. You can do everything.

You can buy all of the new clothes that they need because none of the last year swimming stuff or anything fits them. You can make sure that they've got all their creams, they've got their calpoles, they've got their, whatever they need, pack for everybody, including yourself,

all right, and then you can say to me on holiday, go and check if they're all right, and you know what, if I haven't had to do all of that, and everything that gets with, oh, I tell you what, as well, you can book it, you can renew the passport, you can make sure everything's up to date, you can book it, you can also book the parking,

which is what I did, you can book the transfers, you can with the hotel and you can book all of the transfers to and from the airport and you can just turn up and go what airport we're going now what do I look for on the board and the minute you do that you can say to me on holiday are they all right now get up off my lounge at and I'll go check but until you do all that I'm not fucking doing anything I'll buy all the clothes mm-hmm I think do everything I get them now on Amazon Chris you do nothing for our holidays you do nothing and then when I get there and I say can you go and check the kids are all right you complain how do you feel about the children weighing what I'd like to call a holiday uniform which is just seven of the same outfit

why not why not let them be the weird kid around the pool like Peter Glyfin yeah Homer Simpson yeah just the same thing am I right yeah you're right backfired massively that

well upset about that and it actually got hotter I think you had some it got hotter in here when you did that did it do or why don't you just light yourself and turn it wrong and got it back babadoo babadoo babadoo baboo baboo baboo bah

Summer heats up in FX's The Shards. Set in 80s, Los Angeles, The Shards follows a group of beautiful, privileged prep school students who are preyed on by The Trawler, a serial killer targeting teenagers across the city. This fever dream of youth, beauty, sex, and mystery is a must see. FX's The Shards, streaming August 5th on Hulu on Disney Plus. Sign up now at Disneyplus.com.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Questions from the public? Questions from the public? Public! As always, if you like to get in touch, it is shagged, myridaunoid at gmail.com to send a big, lovely, fancy email, or 07874-40-60-6650 to send a voice note. Oh, voice note?

I haven't listened to them? I've got a voice note. Have you? Yeah. I've actually got a voice note that I got sent off to a friend. You haven't heard this. So our friend... Well, I'll save them for next time.

Yeah, yeah. Our friend, Vicky, friend of the podcast, one of me mates' wives. Yeah. She got in touch with me, sent me a voice note while we're on holiday. And I've asked it for our permission to play it on here and just said, I can.

Oh. So it is... Is it slagging me off? No, no, no, not at all. It's a dog. Another reason why we shouldn't get a dog that's someone with a dog is sent with. Yeah, yeah, hold on.

Okay. I'm just sitting with my neighbours who are podcast people and they're like older, generation podcast. I'll be able to have said that. She's called Lynn and she absolutely loves you. So she'll text us when your new podcast comes out.

Have you heard this? Have you heard that? She's another one of those who's like, oh, you Botox Vicky because Rosie keeps telling everyone about me seat with Botox. Yes, this is Porto Coo. She's just saying she's got another, she was going to email in, but she never gets around with.

And she was like, I've got another story why Chris should never ever get a dog. She won't speak to you, so I'll just tell you. So was it your dog, Lynn? Yeah, yeah. They had a dog called George and he once was swinging a pair of kids shit-filled underpants. They were in a park, so a kid had shit himself and someone had just throwing the pants down.

And the dog had found them, was ragging them around, swinging around and ate them. And they took them to the vets and they were like, oh, they'll just have to work the way out. So they were having to drive him around in a car over speed bumps to try and make them sick or have poo. And he didn't. But then two weeks later, I was wretching. the garden and vomited up two week old shit stained on the pants. Any had a diary for two weeks? What was the other one you said?

Oh, garden, there's another one. Oh, I was one in the dead cat. Oh, there was one to find a dead cat and was swinging around in the garden, so... No, in my garden. Not in my garden. Not in here, garden. You want to make that care. But yeah, just, if you want to fight your no dog argument, there's a couple of caucus for you.

Wow. Wow. George's a minute. Oh, yeah, I know. I know. That's the thing. I know all of these things, but I think you love them like a child.

So it's, you're right. It's like, you got kids. It's like having kids. Yeah. It's like you love them. Yeah.

But, oh, that's so bad. So grim. I particularly love would drove him around in the car over speed bumps to try and make him sick.

I'm making him. Well, I just imagine him in a little dog chair. Like, you know, like a booster seat. It's just like, he's like,

fucking ragging it over speed bump. Is he being sick yet? No, no. He's actually quite, enjoying it. God, how'd you even

make a dog sick? Oh, Jesus Christ. Imagine what that was like when he bombed that up. A two week old. Also, who's leaving them kids in monkey pants,

man? People rotten. Your mate left someone our doorstep. That was an accident. Don't talk about that just mortified by that, you know,

don't. That was an accident. Yeah. I get it. Well, if you're in the, if you're having a big long day in the park and you've got, you know,

you put them in a bin, though. Yeah. These were clearly just left. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, put them in a bit.

Of course what my thinking. Put them in a bin. I was thinking more on the point of leaving them, but yeah, of course, put them in a bit. Just swinging shit. What's wrong with this dog? Just swinging shit in kegs around. And how do, what part of the dog

that will beg for food off you and you know what eat fucking chips or bits of meat that you give them or whatever and they eat actual dog food dry or wet away? What part goes, oh, cotton, cake? Oh, scrand these, yeah, these are great. Yeah, I've never understood.

I'll just swallow it as quick as I can. And certain dogs as well, just eat shoes and shit. Like, there's so many things on Instagram I see where people are like, they just knacker, their designer shoes and stuff. Oh, no.

I know. Once you have kids, though, you know you can't have anything nice. It was the same with the dog. We'd have to go down another level. Cars would all get shitter. Yeah. Clothes that you wore day to day would all get shitter.

Yeah. Because his dogs is going to jump up on you. Yeah. But listen, I'm still not saying, never, never, never say never. Oh yeah?

I think I've gone. You were the one who wanted one? I know, but it's just too, I don't think I'd have a, I don't think I'd emotionally recover from... You would love it though. You would love it so much.

Yeah. You would. Oh no. Come on, you caught my sick. I did catch you sick. You did catch me sick. You were so good. No, your lovers.

You are great. You are really good. I did have to ask for a hug though. Because... What, you told? Sometimes I go for a hug and you tell us to fuck off. You don't want a hug. I didn't expect you to want a hug.

I did I wanted a hug. I had to say, can I please have a hug? And I was like, I've caught him always up for a hug. But sometimes I ask for a hug and you're like, no. I'm nearly due on. I'm overstimulated. Don't touch it. No, that's because

what am I going to do when I'm perimenopausal? Oh, don't. I'm so, I'm really apprehensive about it. You know, apparently, you just have no, like, estrogen,

like estrogen just goes. And so, women, so this is what I've read. Is it, this when, no, perimenopausal, this is where all estrogen goes and it's like, you crave, like,

spicy chicken and stuff. Oh, no, that's peri, peri menopausal. If you fucking clip that up, I will lose my mind. That is not the clip that we're using for social media.

Ooh, oh, he's back on oh, back in the gym. Back on two out. Thankfully, though, that tour's already written. I don't have to put that shit in it. You are never coming on me period,

podcast, by the way, if you're going to make jokes like that. No, but honestly, I'm really worried about perimenopause and menopause because they've said what happens

and actually I've never been much of a sort of push over woman, but a lot of women have just sort of been very kind of happy, very easy going and then all of a sudden they hit perimenopause and they lose all of like the happy hormones

so then they just start telling everyone exactly what they think about them but I've kind of already there so what do you do? Do you go worse like the exorcist or do you go the other way and get nice? Is it possible to get nice? No I think that happens with like dementia and stuff Alzheimer's. Sometimes people who have been horrible their whole life get it and they're like lovely when I work in the nursing home

there was a woman I told it in there a daughter-in-law's came in and I was like oh my, I loved her. I loved her. She gave us some sweets and her. I was like, she's such a lovely woman. It's all it takes. Yeah, she told us I was pretty.

Every day she's like, you are pretty, you're pretty, you give you a fucking word of us. She's the nicest woman ever. Loved her. A daughter-in-law's came in. They were like,

she has made our life an absolute living hell. Wow. And I was like, well, I love her. Anyway, so I'm not looking forward of it. Great, neither are we.

Anyway, do some questions, how we? Yeah. Do your fucking job. No, you're just going to have to be patient with us. Because then you come back. Disappear.

What do you mean disappear? Just disappear. I'm busy. I've told you, I'm busy wheezzling a bit money away with my accountant. My new accountant, too, you don't know. You know, I'm planning for this. I'm planning for this. I'll be in the wind.

I'm joking. You're here you bear, I don't need much anyway. No. Come on. Read your questions. It's getting dark. Hello. It's a time.

It's absolutely not. I meant the humor. I didn't mean it's getting, late. No, I will, I will always, I will always, I will always drag this down. Yeah, I know, because that's what we do. It's just what, I think that's a woman thing. That's what we do. You know, anyway, hello Ramsey's. We're down all right. Come on. We drag us, we drag ourselves down. Made me friends, the bar close the night. We got with wine and a takeaway cup and sat on the beach, crying. It's great. It's not a fucking night out. It's not a night out. It's not absolutely class.

Honestly, that's the one thing that I don't understand. You and your friends will sit around, glasses of wine at the end of the night, crying, and talking and crying, and the next morning I'm like, hey, God, what happened last night? I was mint. We had such a good chat. You were all fucking crying.

Yeah, but none of what, pay for therapy. I don't have to do. So, there you go. I just remember when we had people around here where I had all were friends, well, me and me two friends, and we like played on the golf sim, and it was a really late night, and me and the lads were sat,

we'd done it, we did 18, fucking holes three on a golf scene which takes a good few hours and then we sat in the other room and we all had a pipe in my hands and you and you and they're in the other room and you're gach-c-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac and one of me mates i'll never he looked like a fucking broken man as well three in the morning he was standing you're sitting sorry with it with a glass of beer and he just looked at me and he went oh would they still talk and he just drank his beer and i was like that's a broken man we were sitting in silence we sat in silence oh yeah we could we could just talk for days man oh oh oh

A weekend away. Oh! A weekend away, if you plan a night out, I'm not going, because I just want to sit and talk. I don't want to go on a night out. Listen. Hello, Ramsey's. I'm one of those long-time listeners.

Never have anything to send in email us until now. Oh, well, thank you. And we're glad you found something. Thanks. Like yourselves, I timed my recent trip to London on a crazy heat wave week. Ah, yes. London has not cooled down. Godspeed, everyone in London.

You're trying to sleep through that. It's just not cooled down. I have a look all the time. Bless you, man. fucking violent. I went to visit a rock climbing centre that I've been wanting to go to for a while now. As you can imagine, any form of exercise. What? London, like, what the hell?

Oh, I don't think they've got any kids. Right. This is the life. Yeah. Oh, I've been desperate to try that rock pool. We're going to London? What you got booked in? London Eye.

Anything like that? Tower of London, you know, a boat tour, you know, St. Paul's or whatever. That rock, that rock climbing, indoor rock climbing wall during the heat wave that I've been desperate to go to. Fuck, I hope you took your fucking talc, chalk or whatever they use. Well, he says, oh, hey, it was a hay, I think. Yeah, it was a hay. As you can imagine, any form of exercise in a sweaty climbing gym during a heat wave would be pretty brutal,

but I was determined as I'd planned this for a long time. And it says as well, I'm from Yorkshire, so you can imagine I'd want to get my money's worth. There it is. There you go. As I was slowly dying and sweat trimming from every crevice, I could see a member of staff from a distance, carrying a tray full of cold, refreshing ice lollies.

I couldn't believe it. Wow, this is London, and they are just giving away free ice lollies. How thoughtful, so I thought. As I approached the lady working there, my hand reaching out to grab one, I then realised they were not ice lollies at all, they were in fact tampons. How! You thought they were fucking mini milks. They've got the red one, they've got the green one, they've got the orange one.

tray of tam on she must have been taking them to the bathroom or something yeah yeah but yeah I'm a guy so I couldn't get away with claiming one really maybe I should have said I'd take one for my wife oh what did he do well I think he's got there and thought I'm not gonna get it he literally went like that what did he say what did he do in his defense they do look a bit like ice lollies well I would have went I'm so sorry I thought they were ice lollies I think I'm delirious with the heat I genuinely thought they were his lollies but if he didn't see if he just went and then stopped and walked off that's worse anyway Oh, fair play.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. This is really old one. Just listening to an episode where you were talking about going the doctors in brackets, Chris going all the time when he was young, Rosie only if she's dying. No, no, that was recent.

That's a recent. Was it recent? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I come on, the last time I went the doctors, you know, I was trying to think the last time I went to the doctors. I genuinely think the actual fully blown sitting with the doctor's appointment,

I've got this wrong with us. I think it was me six-week check-up after I had, right? Wow. Good for you. You're not straining the NHS at all. Well done. No, it's not that. Like I said, pharmacy.

Love the pharmacy. I just don't think I've had anything wrong with this, have I? Maybe I haven't. What you've got wrong when you can't be fixed at the doctors? Lushness. Well, of course. Ah! Thought you got us there, didn't you?

You little fucking prick. He's so horrible to her. How are then? No, I'm due on. Sorry. Right. I'm not one for going to the doctors either, but a few years ago,

I had a phone for an appointment and had to wait a couple of weeks to get one. On the day of my appointment, I was sat in the waiting room for ages as they were running behind. There were several older slash elderly people who all seemed to know each other and they were chatting away and discussing their ailments and why they were waiting to see the doctor. One woman piped up, I can't actually remember why I made the appointment, but I thought I'm not doing anything today, so I'll just know. Fucking hell. Wow. That's annoying.

No wonder it takes weeks to get an appointment when elderly people are. But actually, do you know what it is? If she's paid her taxes her entire life, then she's totally, well, why not? She's kind of bit time. Yeah. Why cancel it? I'm just sorry, I'm not ages here,

but I'm still reeling from something that happened yesterday with members of the older generation. That's really fucked me off. We were ages yet. Yeah, they were. I wasn't ages, right. So we went to like, why do we go, Anac Castle yesterday.

Annick Gardens, Annette Castle, there's a play area called Lillodory. If you're looking for something to do in the holidays for your kids, it is an amazing thing to do. It's got a big play area, and Annick Gardens is gorgeous,

and we were there. And within the Anik Gardens, some of Harry Potter's films, some of the external scenes, within Anak Gardens, there was the different little lawn games and stuff. There's a bit of croquet. And then there was that cornhole

where it's two bits of wood on a slight angle with a hole in, you throw the beanbags in. and we waited for ages while a family was playing we waited nicely away from where it was so we weren't like over them waiting for a term with our kids and we had my nephew with us well

and we're about to have a game of it and a group of four 60 somethings older a bit older maybe 70 somethings stood there and were like oh okay they were much older than your mom septuagenarians

um they were like oh we wanted to play and the woman went oh okay so she split the game in half so we couldn't play the full game with my kids, we just like to play the half game and then she was like, oh, you just need to make sure you got the right colour bean bags.

Well, this is what pissed me off. Luckily, sorry, I didn't mean in real- but I was thinking about this this morning. Luckily, Rath is not like a properly overly possessive child of stuff because I've tried to bring him up that way and he's really good of chair and his toys and stuff, bloody, bloody, blah. But then when that blow came over and was like,

oh we we need that colour beanbag because they all wanted the same colour beanbag and Rave had the odd colour so Rave had to swap this 75 year old man colour beanbag our five year old son he took that coloured bean bag off him and give him his and I just thought

what are you doing? He was like yeah we need to swap that thanks and the four of them in their 70s stood and played this fucking game while we sort of stood and played half of the game and I was like but imagine if right But imagine, like, and, you know, because he's five,

what if he'd have gone, that's mine? Yeah, but he didn't, thankfully. Thankfully, he didn't. Luckily for that man, because, to be honest with you, if he had, I'd just let him grow up. Oh, I'd have been like, you're not getting it. But again, it smacks of when we're in Disney. It's just privilege, though, isn't it?

But it's just adults who do kids stuff at kids' things. Yeah. So the kids, like, if I was doing a thing, if I'm at there playing cornhole with me mates with her, and there's some children waiting, I'm like, we're going to fucking cut the show, because I'm going to fucking cut the show, because this is a children's game

and a children's fucking place where families come. Like, it was when Disney and Rafe said, why is Mickey Mouse now coming from a photo with me? Oh, because there's a table of fucking eight adults getting a photo taken with them. But then you've got to be, they have paid for it.

I'm not having it. I just, I find it annoying. Well, yeah, I know. I totally agree with you. But we've been brought up like that. We've been brought up in a world where our families have always put kids first. Yeah.

That's how we live. Like, we put, our kids first before anything. Everyone we know is put their kids first. Maybe not the Disney adults. Maybe not the Disney. Maybe not the adults. Maybe not the adults.

They paid for their holiday. They were there. Obviously buzz off it when their kids. Disney's been around for fucking year. It was the 70-odd-year-old man coming and taking a fucking bean bag off of race. And I looked at the woman. I was like, we're just playing half the game.

She was like, well, it's still kind of the full game. I was like, well, it's not. Could they not just waited until we'd finished? We couldn't have gone into two teams. I was like, oh, no, these guys want to do this now. Oh, I was fucking, I was fuming. Listen, some people are just. vile.

He's vials a bit much. I think they're just dicks. They're just, it's them people. It's not elderly people because my nana would never have took a foot. Oh yeah, my nana would never have swapped a bean bag

for a different colour with a five-year-old child. Not in a million. We're playing this now, so. Would my nana have gone up to a five-year-old child and went, my beanbag doesn't match

my friend's beanbags, can I swap with you? Not a fucking chance. Should I went, well, he's five years old. I'm not asking him to swap the bloody colour beanbag. Yeah.

No, he's a tosser. Yeah, it was a tosser. It's got nothing to do with age. They were just a bunch of tossers. There were just a bunch of tossers. Yeah, a bunch of tossers. So at the end of the day, it's got nothing to do with them being a certain age at all.

Most old people who I know are bloody glorious, including that woman at the call the care home. I'm not having a bad word against Joyce. Because you were pretty and she gave you some sweets. She's lovely. If that guy, he has a question, if that guy, while taking the bean bag off and half in the game so he could play with his friends,

so our children couldn't play the game properly, if while doing it, he looked over and he went, Oh, your wife's dead, pretty. Would you have been okay with their actions? I just look at them off. That was a horrible response. I don't mean it, I'm sorry. That was awful.

No. No, I wouldn't have thought better of him. He's here tonight. You were bringing this podcast into the gutter. I look quite pretty. No, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have sucked them off at all. I won't even suck you off.

I'm not sucking off. I'm not sucking off. I'm not sucking off. I'm not sucking off. Babadoo, babadoo, babo, babo. Thank you so much for listening this week's episode of Shagmarynged. I am June on, so that will...

That's my excuse for any negativity. There it is. Good. Well done. Thank you. Congratulations. Literally, literally tomorrow or the day after. It's coming. There it is.

Put on your calendars, guys. As always, if you'd like you get in touch, it's shagmarydnoid at gmail.com, the WhatsApp number for voice notes. I said it earlier on. Just go back. I've got them already for next week. Great. And we'll be back in your ears next week. Bye.

So cards on the table, guys. This, what you're hearing now is a little bit of audio that I've recorded after the main podcast because we forgot to do it because it's the summer holidays and it's mental and the kids are always here. I'm doing it on my own because Rosie's with the kids because it's a summer holidays and it's mental and the kids are always here. Just to let you know that we've done 45 episodes of Please Keep Me Anonymous since September last year and we've had some amazing guests. We've had Greg Davies, Joan McNally, Sam Rider, Oliamers, Joanna Page, Jordan and William. from help I sexted my boss, the list goes on. So from Wednesday, as a little summer treat, what we're going to do is we're going to put out some of the best bits from all of our favourite chats,

like Greg Davies, tell them with that the audition for Chucklevision, or Sam Ryder and me doing a rap from Some 41, which I'm sure we all can't wait to hear again. Well, anyway, you can hear all that and more. We'll be back with more. Please keep me anonymous and brand new guests in September. So have a lovely summer and enjoy those every single. Wednesday and don't forget to like and subscribe and thank you so much. Bye.