Sh**ged Married Annoyed - The Oscars, the Return of the Motorhome and an Incident in the Shower

Episode Date: March 27, 2026

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris and Rosie Ramsey discuss The Oscars, Rosie's ongoing want of a Motorhome, Cuppa Soups and the correct amount of times you should change your underwear! They are beefs, some brilliant WhatsApp messages, and QFTP's that cover a passive aggressive mother in law and a self inflicted show injury. If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

E, coming up on this week's episode of Shackmradinoid. Oh, Vera. Vera won that, very good. We chat about the Oscars. We're talking about motorhomes again. Fromm, frum, brum! We're always talking about more at homes. Quick discussion about prom night.

Beefs, as always. Fantastic voice notes and brilliant questions from you, lovely lot. And I get genuinely chastised just for being a bit competitive at a Rosie's Mystery. Give the listener as a chance. You'll find out.

You've got to be as quick as me. You want to play Rosie's Mysteries. you've got to be as quick as me. I don't get them all right, but when I do, it's a goddamn slam dunk and joy. Because I bloody did. This episode is brought to you by FedEx.

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Level up your business with FedEx, the new power move. Hello, you are listening, and if you're on YouTube, you are watching. Shagmarnoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, sorry, I cut in on you there because I was so excited to wave at the cameras

and I don't know why. The cameras are on every week, but I just got excited. I feel weird I'm going commando today. Sorry, what? I've got no trainers on. Oh, I was going to say I can smell your cock for me. Jesus Christ. It's nipping clean, I'll have you, no.

You just don't have any... I just realised, I felt weird and I didn't know why I felt weird. I know, so I've got like work... You know how I've got house shoes? I've also got like work shoes. So I've got... Stop, stop. Stop. We have to have sex.

Stop. Stop. Don't have to. Well, well... Whoa, what? No, come on. You've got work shoes. You've got little work shoes. I just think something...

If I'm sitting in my desk or if I'm sitting in here doing the podcast or something or recording something, I just feel like, you're not fully dressed if you haven't got your shoes on as well. So I've just got to pick up. hair trainers that are just for in the house. But they're not my house shoes because they're me chilling out like slippers.

I've got like me work shoes as well. I've got slippers. I've got work slippers. Say I can't take you seriously now. You're working your slippers. I'm mortified. It's like doing the school running. Your pyjamas or your wansy.

I mean, I would love that. Why are the band that? Just as we were getting to the age where it was acceptable to do that. No, but you know, I can tell you right now, mom still sort of do that. Yeah. By just wearing like active way. It's active way now.

Yeah. I mean, I've got the knickers that I had on the debut. before. Great. And the socks probably. Brilliant. I do sometimes just save them for the school run

and come back and go shower. Right. Say, I go new me. I go new ones. Not my favourite ones. But you're putting it on your dirty body. One, how dare you?

It's not a dirty body. It's a bloody clean body. Unless you're in the mood, in which case, it's a dirty about it. Still fun. Yeah, good. So I've got a hierarchy

of underpants, I'll be honest with you. I've got my normal ones that I wear. My wife on briefs. My briefs. love them, a bit of support. Yeah. But then I've got... Take ages to dry.

Yeah. That's fine. Good. Thick. They're thick them. Yeah. That's all just... They're really thick.

They're really thick. They're really thick. They're really. And then I've got me old boxer briefs. And I don't wear any more, but I've still got them just for occasions like, oh, I'll not waste a pair of Wifference here. Because, you know... But as a person who does the washing, me, hello, nice to meet you.

I do all of the family's washing. Hello. You tell me, you put a pair of... Thanks for that. You telling me you put a pair of clean boxers on to take the kids to school. Yeah. And then what happens to them? Take them off.

And where'd you put them? And the dirty? Is this some sort of sick fucking joke? Are you telling me that you wear, you wear a clean pair of boxer shorts on your dirty body to go and drop the kids off at school and you come back and then they go in the dirty wash? Yes, because, eh, eh, because, listen. You better pocketing in!

Listen, because I can't put the ones that, I can't wear the ones that I've slept in. Why? Because they're my bed kegs, so I've worn my bed kegs to sleep in, but they're really big underpants, like, they're extra large, like, underpants, like, almost like shorts. What about the underpants that you wore the previous day? Already in the dirty, mate. Just don't put them in the dirty and then put them in the dirty when you got, pack it in.

I can't keep track it in. I've already, you know that this has been a beef years ago, that you have more washing than anybody in this house. And bearing in mind, the kids wear a uniform every day. It's because, and I think I was talking about this idea, I get like, what's it called? What's it called? Paralysis. Paralysis. Decision paralysis.

Oh God, are you really impressed that? I knew that. I know I didn't know the word fully, but you know what I meant. You went, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you went Paula. Yeah, you started the word and I finished it. Well done. You get half a point. She's such a break. Yeah, so I kind of, yeah, it's weird. I just, I don't know. Well, they are not dirty enough to put in the wash. So stop it, please.

How do you know? Well, unless you shit, yourself on the weight of school and back I do all me I'll do all me so upsetting and you this is this is mental because you have your washing pile can I retract all my previous statement your washing pile is so much bigger than everyone else's and it's so upsetting your stupid gym clothes your stupid jiu jitzu clothes your stupid golf clothes your stupid clothes clothes Work clothes. And now, just your school run boxer.

And I guarantee there's a pair of socks here now. No, so I put gym socks. Oh, I'll take all this back. I put the school run boxers on and gym socks. And then I got back and I went in the gym and then I put them in the wash. So you can take all of that back. I'll have my apology now. There's no apology because I would go in the gym in dirty day old kegs.

Right. I'm starting to think the smell in here is not my cock. It's you. Oh, I'm really pissed off now. Good. What a way to start. Guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you something for watching.

If you are, please like and rate and subscribe and all that stuff. Especially on YouTube, it would be brilliant if you're subscribed. Thank you very much. But without further ado, this time for this week's lucrative sponsor. Rosie, this has happened to me multiple times this sponsor. And it happened to you the other day. And I saw your face and I thought, I'm so glad this sponsor got in touch because I knew it had just happened to you.

This week's sponsor is taking a massive sweep. wig of water than realizing it's sparkling. Oh, awful. So what happened to the idea? It's devastating. Upsetting. Yeah, I just can't.

And you went, oh, I'll have this. Yeah. And you know what was really more upsetting about that? That was hung over thirst. Oh. I chug that. I chugged that sparkling water. I'd love to know the international sales figures

for Sparklin versus Still, because I guarantee it's got to be less than 10% of the sales is Sparklin. I don't know, you know. There's a lot of people who are go out for lunches sometimes and they get a sparkling water. Foggling, Dick. Fucking disgusting.

Cate does. My tour manager, I had a sparkling water the other day by accident and he finished it because he was dead thirsty and he didn't have another water and he looked like he was going to cry. It's just, you're drinking pop with no flavour.

It's awful. It's not even that. It's not even pop enough. I don't know what it is. It's like a Selta. Again, I saw a tweet, a viral tweet years ago that said it tastes like TV static, which I mean, the new generation

won't understand what TV static is, but yeah, it does it taste like, it's just the piss. though you can't like honestly it was upsetting have you ever seen the movie the tuxedo with Jackie Chan I have not where there's like a water where if you drink it it sucks all the sucks all the moisture out of your body and turns in like a crisp

and you die it's like that I always thought that that film was about a boat the tuxedo oh it's about a tuxedo right I do believe he puts it on and it gives them I haven't seen it all I've only seen the beginning where someone has a load of this water and it like it's like water why did I think it was about a boat like Ocean's 11 like some sort of gangster thing it's not

Ocean's 11th is not about a boat. It's not. Well, no, I didn't say it was about a boat. I just used it as a reference. It's about a casino. No, it's about a casino. That's why I said. It's like a casino heist.

And you thought the tuxedo with Jackie Chan was about. A boat. Why? Is it because there used to be a boat on the river time that was a nightclub called the Tuxedo Princess? Probably. That's where my brain goes. It's a ping pong machine. Yes.

Is that what they called? No. what they're called I don't know pinball machine great there it is welcome to the show it's gonna be a lot

it's gonna be a long old day guys it's exhausting listening to it as it is being it because being it is fucking I'd putting ears on me this like it's fucking really putting some miles on the fucking clock oh god

oh no this is this lower as my cortisol it's a little bit well I still honestly honestly at the same as stand up obviously I'm on two at the minute and I can't believe how much I'm loving stand up and I still love doing this. I love it.

And I love what interviews on, please keep me anonymous as well. If you're not listening, please keep me anonymous every Wednesday. We've had some amazing guests and we've got some even more amazing guests coming up. So yeah, a little plug for that. All right, then.

Let's get the jingle on and let's crack on in the next bit. So shut your stupid face. I just need you go and put me jingle box or shorts on. I swear. You talk, honestly, guys, I'm not even joking. You're talking the weekly wash. There's probably about 20 pairs of underpants. Yep.

Pack it in. I stand by it. I stand by it. Three a day. If you're not through your day, your bomb smells. Wash your bum? Sure, but I think this is.

We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Married and Hoyes. Hello, hello. An exasperated. An exasperated Shag Married and A nod. Yes, how are you? You're good?

Do you know what? I'm really good. Tail ending me period. Brilliant. Feeling much better. I've been to Pilates this morning. Yes. So that's good.

I definitely comfort eight two kickats one after the other. But that's fine. You walk into this room and you said to me, I've just stress eight was the idea. I guess I've just stress eight in a row two kickers. Kidcats without even... Didn't even think about it. After I had a full-on stir fry, like a really healthy lunch. Two-fingered Kit-Kats?

Two-fingered Kit-Kat. That's only one big Kit-Kat. Yeah, it is. It's only one four-finger Kit-Kat. I know we've been sponsored recently by the new sharing bars of Kit-Kat. Yeah. But we're genuine like Kit-Kat's fans in this house. Yeah.

And we downed one of them bars, didn't we? We were, we were influenced by our own advert to go and buy one. Dare I see, that was fucking raging and I had to share it with you. Absolutely raging and I had to share that. Yeah, I was like, it says it on the packet, I'm fucking, my hands are tied. Well, it was the salt and caramel one, but do they do, just,

I would just eat the normal one, like a massive one. There was only the flavoured ones in the shop that I saw, but I was very excited. But that shop that I go to, it's only a premiere just down the road. And the set of like...

Oh my God. Is this the premiere that Robin is obsessed with? He's obsessed with it. It's... Well, driving past it, right? And he was just like, oh God, there's a new premiere opening. Like, it was a fucking nightclub.

Like, there was a red rope outside and loads of people in, like, a dormant and then like a VIP and I was like I didn't understand what he meant when he said it yeah you knew obviously

because you took them but I was like what's he talking about it was a flag it was like opening soon and he was like there's a new premiere opening soon

and I was like okay so we went in like oh like on my holidays to check it out this isn't a northern thing or not

premiere is it's like an off license show yeah yeah it's like a corner shop yeah and it but it does little individual cheese cakes

from a local from a I was like, who makes these? What's the crack with these? He was like, oh, it's just a local person or whatever, just makes them. I don't know. We sell them a liner or they're baking.

It was like a cream egg one. There was, oh, God, there was a white chocolate one the other day. It's like, imagine the sides of like a large yogurt. Oh, danger. Like when he won't, well, I love it, but when he wants to go, I'm like, no, because I'll get one. I will get one and I will. He will, he didn't.

You will allow to get one if you want one. Yeah, but not as mad. I'd have them every day, man. I've got a really sore. On this tour, I've, I'm not eating after, hardly ever after gigs. I've had so far, I've been on two for two months, I've had one, we've had one pizza. Wow. And we used to do

a couple of pizzas a week after gigs. We've done it once. That's impressive. Yeah. And he's all going to gym and stuff and you're looking after yourselves. Good gym, playing golf. Well done. A couple of boring bastards. It is. It really is. I read a thing about, I read Jimmy Carr once said that when he lost all his weight, when he first, like, lost the first time he like slimmed down, he said he was like, oh, just stop eating after gigs.

But sometimes he gets you get off stage and you're just fucking ravenous. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Well, because it's that double-edged sort of like you don't want to eat too much before you do the gig. But then you're starving when you come off. And what's it called? Adrenaline? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a constant juggle of like, I don't eat too much of my nagra, but I actually need to have energy. Do you need? A cup of soups. Ugh. Oh, I love a cup of soup. Do you know, I've got a J&S, you know, J&S that I go out, a little singing thing? They're now, it's Juanne, who buys all, like, the teas in that, she stocks a cup of soups as well. Wow. She's brought a cup of soup for her.

Because I was taking them in. I was taking them in, like a box, and then my Kate would have one, like Steph would have one. A couple of people would have them. And so everyone would be like, what's that smell? Because everyone comes from work

and they're all starving. I'd be like, cut of soup. And then Joanne was like, should I get them for that? And I was like, yeah. I bet that community centre, fucking stinks. I bet it smells like a hot packet of a fucking Doritos.

Honestly, 15, 15 women having cup of soups. The noise and the smell just, yeah, yeah. La la la la. It's getting on the floor now as well, so it's it's a ramping up a level. Oh, that's a fucking teenage boy's bedroom.

Awful. No, it does not. Everyone's cleaners out. I'll come in, right. What time do you start? Half seven. What time do you's finish? Half nine.

What time do you cut my soup? Half eight break. Right. I'm coming at nine o'clock on Wednesday. I'm just going to pop my head in. Yeah, it'll stink. It'll be minging. No, it's lush.

Well, breaks are getting longer. Right. I mean I did suggest Come we just Like not do the show on that Can we just meet up And have cup of soups and sing So your Nana goes for a coffee evening

Which is actually just drinking Yeah So you can just actually have a cup of soup evening Which is actually just cup of soups Yeah I love cup I won't have a bad word against cup of soup We're not sponsored by a cup By the way this isn't an ad that you need to skip

Fuck I think we've said about 16 times Well I love them They're just it's just soup in a cup Yeah Yeah well done Hey Fantastic extrapolation Hey I've been working in advertising

for a while now. Don't get a start on mug shots. Hey, that's pasta in a cup. It's a lot. It's hilarious because it could be the slogan and it could also be like a tear down of the product. Cup of soup, it's just soup in a cup.

Cup of soup, it's just soup in a cup. It can be negative or positive. Isn't that life though? Isn't it life? That's life. You know, you can put a good spin on anything. You can indeed. Well done.

All publicity is good publicity. It's not. Except if you're being good. It's not. It's not. I think modern times of... I'll pass that now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. See, Chamalay didn't win any of these awards. Timothy is Chamalais. Yeah. Because he slagged off them... Ballet. Yeah. Timothy Shabalaya Sagel off Ballet. So that, for me, shows that,

if you didn't already know this, every single award, apart from the ones where he won from Pure Talent, every other award... I'm going to an award ceremony tomorrow as well. all absolute fucking bullets. Yeah, total bullshit. So it's like, oh, what's you up for?

Is you up for best actor? Oh, how do you measure that? Oh, well, it is the person who acted the best. Okay, then, so it's fully based on talent. Nothing taken away from Michael B. Jordan. Sinners was phenomenally played two people. You got away when you play two people. I mean, I haven't seen the shamany.

When you play the twins, you know, you got to... By the way, guys, if you haven't seen Sinners, and probably you have, we'll probably talk... It's so good. That's one of the best films I've ever seen. And where was Jack O'Connell? Where was his nomination? I don't think he was in the Oscars.

He turned up on the Red Carper with his fangs in. And I don't think he went... Oh, he turned up. With his fangs on. And I'm sure he didn't even get in the building. I didn't thought he was a real vampire. I think you've got to invite them in. You've gone full method.

Full method. Yeah, yeah. I love Jack O'clock. You know I've always loved him. You have. Since skins. He's cool as fuck. I hope he's nice in real life.

But can I just say, it absolutely bollocks. It's everything is chosen by a committee. Yes. You still told my Jack? I was. Everything's chose my committee. Because Chamolay is supposed to be the next big shit and he's supposed to be,

oh, he's going to win everything. He goes, oh, I don't like opera, ballet and they go, oh, he'll not win then. You're dead to us! Also, it's not on acting then. It's who's in favour. Yeah. Like the same as everything else.

Absolute bollets. Silly sausage. Yeah. You can't be in the... No, but you can't... I know, but you know what it is. Actually, he's learnt a really hard fucking lesson in the public eye of like...

Oh, we learnt that a while ago. Oh, God, yeah. It's like anything off. Someone... Thankfully. before social media. Why do you think we don't read the emails until they've been vetted?

No, but at the same time, don't shit where you eat. The performing all arts. We are in the performing arts industry. You can't be slagging off everybody's shit. Yeah. Like, silly, silly sausage. I mean, we can because no one's like,

you know, no one of that level is listening and cares. But I just, he's in his early 20s, in his shit hot actor and he's going out with, you know, one of the, the Jenazzo Kardashians with you just, you can't expect them like ballet and opera.

I'm not surprised that a young lad doesn't like ballet and opera. I know. I know. Well, I think in 10 years in his future, I wouldn't have said it because actually you really start to appreciate shit when you get older. Yeah, I suppose.

I can meditate now. Yeah. Fucking get me to meditate when I was 24. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's my point, sorry, what? Yeah. Like, you learn to, life slows down,

you learn to appreciate things. Yeah. Like, probably years ago I might not have enjoyed the opera, but now I think I would literally, sob and love it and ballets and it. But yeah, he's just a night away from the kids. When he sees opera as a night away from the kids, he'll be

fucking a lot of the opera. Yeah, I know. Isn't it, but isn't it sad though, how much? Why can't people say that? Why can't people go, oh, he's just young and foolish? I'm sure some people have, but you don't tear that. Well, I know, but I think, sadly, online, everyone goes, how dare you?

And I just sometimes think, oh, God. But, you know, whatever, honestly, better media training. That's all he needed. I think he just got carried away. I mean, he said it straight afterwards. He was like, oh, I've made it.

Was it live, the thing that they were doing? I don't know. Because I'm like, what? Did somebody not have got that snipped out? Maybe. Matthew McCona here, though. He's just, well, he knows. He's just completely stony face.

He's like, I'm not even going to react to that. If I even laugh, I'm done. But he's 30 years, he's senior. Yeah. He's done all that shit. It's tough, man. Anyway, I think the right person won the Oscar at the end of the day because Michael Lee Jordan.

I am. talking about this. So I just quickly, by the way, anyone who like, I just, I was going to say this last week as a joke, but we talked about it this morning. I don't know jokes. Wow. Um, I, if you are listening to this now, right, and you ever look at Instagram and look at Facebook or look at other people's lives and you like, you compare yourself and you feel bad about yourself. I do it all the time. Yeah. And it's easy to say try not do and don't, right? But maybe not even say that. Maybe say everyone does that to the point of way I told you this this morning. and last week when Michael Vee, and I know I'm wrong and I know I'm stupid, but last week when Michael B. Jordan won the Oscar, he was all over my Instagram. I was legit,

like, depressed for an afternoon because I felt like a failure because I hadn't won an Oscar. That's... I'm not even a fucking, but I was like, oh. You're not, right, okay, you're not an actor,

but you've also actively said that you hate acting because you hate the waiting around. It's the waiting round. Yeah, it's the waiting round. So... But it's not about that. It's not like,

I was, it's not like I'm up against them for the Oscar. All I'm saying is, I get it. If you watch anyone, if someone's on holiday, if someone's got a fucking nicer car than you, if it seems like they're on a nice weekend with their kids and you're just sitting in the house where your kids playing on the switch or whatever,

try not to let it affect you because... Comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah. Because even like all the stuff we've achieved and done and this brilliant... You know, I've got a fucking great life. I'm on two hour. I've got my kids.

I've got it's brilliant. But I'm looking at the bloke as one on Oscar that I'm not even in the same. say a ballpark has and literally shitting on myself for like a full day going where you're a fucking piece of shit. I watched a video this morning,

literally this morning, of a family who've like quit the UK and they're traveling around Thailand like they're in New Zealand, Australia, everything. And she's like seeing how amazing is. She's got three little kids. It looks incredible.

And I was like, oh my God, why am I not doing that? But then I realized I was like, I do not want to do that. And I don't think I could stand the questions and all the dangers and the elements of all

that kind of shit. And I just think they are just a lot more chilled out than what we are. But yeah, but for a good 10 minutes, I was like, well, my life shit, because I haven't, we all do it. Yeah, so I think the point I'm trying to make it is we all do it. Oh, I've got to me to tell you. Oh, don't, man. No.

What is it? It's a bad. No, I've just, I've made a decision without you. That's all your decisions. Oh, okay. I'm getting a motor home again. Me and Robin decided. I'll pay out of my money because I am an independent lady and I'll make my own sausage.

but you will need to transfer it to me from our joint bank account because I'm not allowed to have access to that but that's another story for another day no of me and Robin have decided that we actually really enjoyed it you hated it yeah we really enjoyed it and we think that Raif would really enjoy it so we're going to go without you so just needed to let you know unreal yeah I'm fully on board of that I'm fully on board of that

because I've said a million times but can you get insured and stuff? No, no, no, no, no. No, in fact, I will. In fact, I will. I'll help you get it. I'll pay for it. I'll get it.

I'll insure it. I'll do all that. And I'll stand on the drive and I'll wave as away. Because do you know what I've realised recently? If I get a day off on tour and I'm away, like I was in Dublin the other week, I don't know, like another day somewhere.

I know what you're going to say? I would rather be at home. I'd rather be at home. So if someone said to me, what's your perfect weekend away? Where would you go on a weekend break? Oh, I wouldn't go to a weekend break. I'd send me wife and kids on a weekend break

and I'd stay in the house on my own because I really like my house and all it's going to cost us is a motorhome fan fucking tastic No I'll get it out of my money because when we're split up it'll be my motor home and you're not getting it

I don't want it I hate motorhomes Good good But well done you What? Just yeah go for it Can't wait It's not staying on the drive You made us get rid of the last one

You made me get rid of the last one I'll put it in storage somewhere Good I know a guy You made me get rid of that motorhome And I cried for weeks She didn't cry. I didn't like the table in it so I was quite happy to say it on

but I'm going to get a brand new one and the kids are older now so they can get bunk beds and stuff and I'm very excited wonderful and mum all probably come and you're saying now that you're going to be jealous

I'm not I'm not hated every second of it no no you're going to be jealous standing on a morning emptying my family's feces next to a stranger who was emptying his family's feces into a receptacle

that has all of the feces of all of the families in is not something I'm ever wanting to relive again and I can't wait to when you once you've done that no shit's allowed kids

I try that they're older now I try to remember no shit's allowed yes all right but the kids are older now the kids are older now it's gonna be easier

and we'll all go for our shits together I actually know have you been to the public toilets on a camping side yet Chris the ones and I was booking

well lovely we were part of the caravan clubs who don't you even day and they only send you the good ones okay Chatsworth Park amazing

Rudin Park was absolutely lush Long lead where we went, that was gorgeous as well. Don't you? Don't you? Enjoy. Can't wait. I'm going to look.

Oh, get in. I'm going to look into it tonight. I'm going to ring the lads. Weekend in here. Got me beer pump. Got my pool table. Woo-woo. Good for you.

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Marvel television's Daredevil, Born Again, now streaming only on Disney Plus. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, ba. Do you know recently, we've been chatting about Robin playing out next year? Yes. We are very, very, like, not strict. We strongly don't want him to have a smartphone yet. Yeah.

because I just don't think, I don't think children need smartphones. They don't need the internet. Not a 10 years old. In their hand. And so we're just like, no, but you know, no judgment, whatever. Do what you want to do for your kid.

If your kids, whatever, everyone's kids are different. Our kids cannot be trusted with the internet outside of our home. So. Rosie's being very careful to not offend anyone or get our self-canceled in the way of Timothy Chamalier.

But what just trying to say is if you give them a smartphone, they will watch opera and ballet on it and fuck that shit that's what you're saying stop it out of context this is going to sound really bad if you want that Oscar

I wanted so much you are literally fucking this up hey you might win an Oscar you know you've got to put a positive thinking that's so funny that you watched the Oscars thinking I didn't even watch it as much thinking I'm going to get one no isn't that funny I watch it thinking you piece of shit

you're not as successful as these people and then a bit of me brain went, why do you do some auditions? I don't like, I don't want to act. No, I want to. I want to get one. Yeah. All right, then let's get you with Oscar.

Robin. It's Oscar or Motor Home you're going to have to pick. Which one do you want? Oh, Moat Home. Oh, no, don't see it. Oscar. So, we've been looking. I mean, I got the biggest blowback ever when I said to Robin.

You can't have a phone. I want you to play out. You can't have a phone, but we'll get you like a pay as you go. Like, you're not, oh, he calls it Nokia, which is disgust. by the way. I was like, it's not, yeah, shoot your face. So, for the first morning, I got, oh my God, it's so cringe, why are you so embarrassing?

Oh, what? So I'm just gonna, I'll be the only one with his phone. I was like, yeah, basically. I want, like, a Star Trek flip, like a beat, me up, Scotty flip home. Do you know, this is the first thing. He chose one, right? And this all happened? You haven't been here? Sorry, I've been long-raging, low, I can't speak.

I've been parenting on my own, making decisions that are best for our children because I know better than you, and you don't really need to be here. It's fine. But, you know, it's nice. We'll have a nice time. You took them a park yesterday. It's fine.

You're a lovely dad. Thank you. I'm trying to say things to be funny, but I love you. Right, okay. Anyway, listen. So, this is the most tragic thing ever. He's decided which one he wants,

and do you know how he knows? He's seen it in the flesh. Right. Do you know where he's seen it? Where? So, Robbins in Year 5, and every week they go into the kindergarten, the nursery,

to, like, help with the kids and, like, read to them and all this kind of stuff. He's seen it. in the play basket of the kindergarten. So the kindergarten, kids obviously have old phones that they play with. And he literally was like, I've seen this Nokia.

Yeah. No, I was like, no, I was like, not here. He's seen this phone and he's like, and then we'll Google the make of it and he's found it and that's the one he wants. And I was like, that is the saddest story I've heard. And anyway, what I'm trying to get to is I said to him, I was like, look, I just want you to be able to ring with it

and text to it. I was like, you can put in all the, like aunties and uncles and, you know, mammas and all that, wherever you are, if you ever need anyone, you can ring them and you know where everyone lives and stuff like that. And I was like, and you can text and he was like, Mom, how the hell am I going to text? There's no letters. It's just numbers.

Oh shit. Oh shit. And I was like, Robin. The forgotten art. You're going to, ABC. Kee bad at them. Yeah. 2-2.

Yeah. And I said to him, I said, if you want to say hi to someone, you're going to have to for G-H, G-H-I. Wow. And what number is that? One, two, three, four. Yeah. Four, four, four, four, four, four, four.

Like, we're gonna have to teach him how to text. Or we could just get him a smartphone that doesn't have any access to any of their stuff and block all the stuff on it. No. He'd find a way around it, wouldn't he? Just, no. And not just that. How many, he's lost two jumpers in the last week.

Yeah, he lost one yesterday. And he lost his court. He's left his coat somewhere. Yeah, yeah. Just fucking no idea where his court is. So, no, don't buy him expensive clothes. Nah. And I'm not buying.

an expensive phone from play out and leave at the park. So, and he's all right with it now. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there we go. I'm looking forward to playing snake on that phone. I'm really excited about that. And you know what? I think it builds resilience because my mates, all my mates got their belly buttons pierced and that yes pierced and I was not allowed. And literally, I would beg every weekend to be like, please can I get me ESPS? And I had to wait till I was 15. Yeah. Can I just say as a young boy and a red-blooded male, belly button piercing,

one of the most fucking revolting things in the world. Oh, really? I can't even... I remember I must have been 12, 11, 13 when all the girls started getting them done and all the lads were like, ugh! And I was like, no. No.

I pretended and I was like, oh yeah, great. Like, belly tops with your fucking belly button pierce. This is why we're made for each other? Because I was naked of the navel. Oh, yes. Naked of the navel. And I haven't got one now. Horrible.

Oh, God, I was desperate to get my own done. Heck, you know that pit, you know that, your body that gets all that fluff and shit coating? Do you want to put some kind of metal contraption in there to collect more shit? Oh yeah, definitely, yeah, yeah. Can't imagine how bad that must have smelled. The did stink, I think. Fucking wild.

Infected and not. But I don't know. I think back in the day, that sex is out. No, they weren't like... Oh, God, I wanted to have done so bad. Do you want to? Yeah, I'll get a hot needle. I'll do it for you now, no.

Nobody is saying my belly button. No. No, thank you. Not today. Same. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bab. It's time. Oh, what's your beef.

What's your beef, what a beef, what a beef. Beef, beef, beef. Mine is on the top, I'm going to go first. Mine, what are you doing? Practicing me Pilates. Mine is on the topic of beef, actually. I'm going to go first. I'm going to barrel straight in with this.

Is this about the mint I put in the freezer? No. No. Oh, you'll never know what that is, listener. Oh, God, they mentioned mince in the freezer and they never addressed it again. No, because, oh, it was Steph. It was Steph, it was there. And I went, oh, this mince goes out a day at the day.

And we're eating something else for tea and I'll put it in the freezer and I went and I will never say it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll throw that out in five years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Just can't defrost meat. My beef with you is I go to the shops, go and do the shopping sometimes. I drop kids off then. I'll pop the supermarket on the way back or I'll just pop out, whatever, do the shopping? Because you're a person. Because you're a person. Yeah, I'm not all I'm saying, I don't exclusively doing it, but sometimes I do. And when I do, I say it to you, do you need anything. And your new thing now to say it to us, we're just doing me fucking tits in so much. Do you know what it is?

You now look at me and you go, can you get me some protein? Can you get me some protein? Like, and she doesn't mean protein powder. So what was it? You went on chat chivity and you asked about like, you just Google. You just asked about your metabolism

and what has your age and everything and your weight and all that, what you should be doing to eat better and it was like more protein, meaning eat more protein. So now I say, what do you want from the shops? And you go, can you get us some protein?

it's fucking infuriating. I'll tell you why. Because you know what I mean, though? No. Right, gun to your head. Go unto your head. Get me some protein. You have to answer, I'm going to shoot you.

What are you going to buy us from the shop? Right. What are you going to buy us? I'll tell you right now. What are you going to buy us? What protein foods can you buy me from the shop? Tell me now. I'm going to fucking shoot you and you're going to die.

Tell us. Fish. Brilliant. Right. Come on. What else? Listen. No?

Because you put the gun now. She's got a gun now. You've got a gun. Guys, just got a gun. You're kicking off. Tell us now. What are you going to buy? Can I just say...

What are you going to buy? What are you going to buy? It's so vague. It's not vague. It's vague as fuck. Protein. Chicken. Eggs are in there.

Spinach is in there. Fuck me. I thought it only meant meat. Protein? Protein? Google protein first. Why am I googling stuff when you could just tell us

you could just be more specific? My point is, saying protein, listen to us, saying protein, it's one below, saying food, just go to some food. What, like, what is it, is it meat?

It's clearly not meat. You're going to about nuts and fucking spinach and all kinds of crap. Is it going to be already cooked? I need me protein. Yeah, but is it already, is it going to be already cooked? Has it got some kind of flavor on it? This is so upsetting. Because if you said to me, oh, I need more protein in my diet,

you know, when you're looking around the shops of here, could you just get some stuff? And I go, yeah, no worries. And I would get you, beef jerky. Right. I'd get you some tins of tuna. I'd probably get you some cooked chicken. all so different. That's all so different.

It's food. So you asked me this morning, you said, get some protein. What did you if I came back in with a whole chicken? What do you mean? To roast? Yeah. I'd go, amazing. I'll roast that chicken.

What did you if I came in with a packet of sandwiches? What would you if I came in with a packet of mackerel? I'd go, thank you very much. I'll add that to me protein diet. You know what food that I like. What if I bought a pack of tofu? That's not protein. There's protein and tofu.

Well, I'm not a vegetarian. I don't like tofu. A block of Hulumi. I like a loomie. I'd have it. I'd probably go, oh, amazing, I'll have that for me lunch

with some sweet chili sauce. Right. So what you genuinely do just mean anything? I just mean... I'm astounded, do you like? I just mean that I haven't been to the shops.

Tin of sardines? I love sardines. Preferably get us them with tomato sourcing. Beacon? Bag of beaum. Medallions. A gammon? Love gammon.

A leg of beef. Thank you very much. Lamb's head. I'll suck the brains out Protein I don't it is I stand down Alright it was vague

But it seems like you're all right with everything Okay look forward to Look forward to the protein shop Just want to be protein topped up Pigsfeed Yeah Okay You know I eat anything

You know what I like And you know what I don't like Okay Honestly didn't think it was that hard I'm I'm astounded I'm astounded Because I thought I'd cut in you going

No not that I just thought you'd be more specific with it, but the fact that you're actually okay with anything of protein in, I'm going to have some fun with this, okay. I mean, not too much, no, not too much because I don't need, like, forever, just for the next few days, for lunches.

I don't like protein bars very much. They're all right, but, they do the hules now, which is a bit more protein, but... Anyway, my beef with you. Yeah. I'm addressing this. Okay.

Because... Sounds serious. Well, this is... It's come up many, many times. And people are going to know. I need to hydrate for this. People are going to know. All right.

But you keep doing it. You're away on tour. And I actually spoke to my best friend, Steph. And her husband who works away quite often. He does the same. And it infuriates her. So when you're not here, it's mad, right?

It's crazy. Because our life keeps, like, living. So even though you're not here for six days or whatever, we are and it's like, stuff gets moved. and like we're living the space and you know like everything loads of stuff happens that doesn't sound realistic i'm under the impression that when i'm not there people are just waiting for us to get back we're just stood still yeah yeah yeah but well i hate to tell you i hate to tell you mr truman

but we are actually living and doing stuff okay so when you come home yeah and you see stuff around the house and you go why is this here yeah or what's this doing here just stop because it's there because I've put it there and it's there because we carry on living in the space when you're not here and you going around complaining about stuff

not being where it should be asking, asking, not complaining well asking, it really pisses us off so just understand that when you're not here life carries on and stuff gets moved all right keys and that don't just stay in the same place letters and stuff that gets move around

all right so but there is a place for them no it's not even stuff, I wish I'd wrote down more specific. It's not stuff that, because we have got places where we put things and they always go there. This is

just random stuff that you'll just be like, why is this book here? And I'm like, because I fucking put it there. Why are you back? Actually, because life carries on quite nicely without your miserable loaf.

Not miserable. Lothing around. Stuff is in odd places and I'll just go right specifically, why is this? No, I feel like you just do it to wind me. Why is this umbrella open and on the shared roof? That's... Oh, because it just is.

Ridiculous. It's not that bad. But you know what I mean? I'm just picking something off the top of my head. I can't think either. There's a pair of socks on a shelf at one point. I didn't know why they were there. But what?

Obviously there because I put them there. Or somebody in the house, two of their people live there. So, on the way to someone's feet? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Oh, well, I know. That's the thing.

No, I know. I'm just asking you? I know. I'm just asking you. Why? Because I'll get to them in my own sweet time. They're not in your way. They're not causing you any harm.

I will get to them. They're there for a reason. They're actually in front of a wine glass that I wanted. Well, the reason they're probably there is because I have to actually see things because if I don't see them, I forget they exist. So that's why they'll be there. And I need to write a note. Okay.

What's your note? Jetwash. Okay. Because I want to jet wash the patio. Right. Good. Yeah. I don't write it down

I'll forget chaos when I'm not there just so you know Did you lose your virginity on prom night Because that's what we were talking about before we started the podcast And whether people actually do I think it's a good topic

So what I did was we're putting these new headphones in And you put them in You literally have to penetrate your ears with them So as I was putting them in I said prom night Prom night's actually something I say quite a lot of Jiu Why? Because sometimes if someone's doing a takedown Right but we're obviously just drilling

and we're not like picking each other up and slamming each other into the floor. Sexual innuendos. Yeah, no, well, I mean, I do it. I make a lot more jokes than most people later do, obviously, because it's in the nature of me. But if you're like double-legged someone or you're picking someone up or sweeping them

and slamming them in the deck, because you're all friends and you're training it together, yes, you'll choke each other and do the submissions hard, but you're not just going to drop someone on the floor to be an asshole. So sometimes someone will pick you up and they'll just slow it down and they'll put you down quite slowly.

And I always go, oh, prom night. And it makes everyone genuinely really uncomfortable. Well, good. And that's what I enjoy. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for questions from the public. Yes, for the big.

Popa, ba, ba, ba, pop, public. As always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmary annoyed at gmail.com. If you want to send a voice note, send it to the WhatsApp on 07874-40-6650. Hi, Chris and Rosie. It's back here in Surrey.

I just want to let you know. Rosie has actually been helping diffuse tension or arguments in our marriage for quite some time now when my husband is just chatting shit or winding me up I will look him dead in the eyes when I'm no longer able to deal with it and just go eh? Eh? It's just the best expression. Yeah, rate my Rosie impression. Love you guys.

Does she mean eh? Eh? So you, your mom, your sister and your auntie all have exactly the same. And sometimes if I'm in a room with all of you and I can make you all do it at the same time, it's like a genuinely quite a large personal victory for me. Normally it's obviously just you and your mom. Sometimes your auntie as well if I can get all three. On a very rare occasion, I can get all for you.

It's like a fucking comet. It's like saying a comet. I love that. Yeah. You see this? Oh, got this. Yeah, this was a, sometimes I'll do it for a laugh. I'll be like, oh, this t-shirt.

Yeah. reduced you know it's supposed to be like uh it's supposed to be 600 back out of a 200 pound like I'm totally full of shit but just to hear your mom go eh six I love it I'm joking it was 14 quid babadoo babadoo bab do babadu bab do bab do ba at medcan we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health from the big milestones to the quiet winds that's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led full body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more

moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. At Desjardin, our business is helping yours. We are here to support your business through every stage of growth, from your first pitch to your first acquisition. Whether it's improving cash flow or exploring investment banking solutions, Desjardin business, it's all under one roof. So join the more than 400,000 Canadian entrepreneurs who already count on us. And contact Desjardin today. We'd love to talk.

Business. When WestJat first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere. And two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes. you on board. Here's to Westjetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at Westjet.com slash 30 years.

I would like to give you a beef that I have with Chris and Rosie Ramsey. So I've been listening to the show for many, many years. I came to see you in Glasgow the last time you were up and I cried when you walked on the stage because I was so happy. I feel like it's such a community that you've got a followers here. But anyway, I've got a beef with you guys. Ever since you've started the voice notes, my 15-year-old son has laughed every time he's for her someone sending in a fart. So I now receive fart voice notes from him,

but he always is talking through it and telling me that I'm not allowed to send it to the podcast, and he will know if he's been on it. So technically my beef's with you guys. It's with my son. And it's also with me because I let him hear that. And now my inbox is filled with him sending me farts. Amazing. Do you know what it is?

It's the mother of sons. Yeah, you've got to do what you've got to do to keep that connection. Brilliant. If I've got to get farts off the kids, then I'll do that, you know. Do it. Yeah. Good morning. I was listening to your podcast about when the nan grew the rose bushes for the guy who stole them out of the garden with the prank. Just wanted to remind me of a story. When I was at university, I was talking to this guy and he found out where I lived.

And he decided that he was just going to send me flowers from Moon Pig. However, with Moon Pig, if they don't have that product, in stock, they will send you a different product. Instead of getting the flowers that he'd ordered me, I was sent to rose bush. I lived in student accommodation with no garden. So me and my friend decided to put this plant into a Chinese tupperware dish. And then when we finished university,

we both looked at each other like, what are we going to do with it? So I gifted it to her mum. And her mum currently has this bush growing in her garden that was bought for me by this garden. who stopped talking to me two weeks after he'd had them delivered. Fuck, mate. That's a crazy story.

I went everywhere that. Oh, a roller coaster of emotions. I'm glad the bush saw it through, though. That's nice, isn't it? You said, they fucking, there's no flowers. They'll send you a rose bush. Mad, in it? Good grief.

Them add on bit, isn't it? It's like, get the card. Do you want to send, like, a bottle of beer? Substitution upsets me a lot. Substitution's in supermarkets. If you're getting something delivered. Don't substitute. Just don't get, just tell us you how to got it.

You can say whether you do or not. Yeah, that's why I turn it off all the time. I turn off substitutions. We're different. We're different. I'm not having that. I'm quite, honestly,

if it's not, if they haven't got the thing and it's a substitute, I'm like, what have you got? As long as it's protein. No. It's like a lucky dip.

I quite like it. I can't bear it. Like if I'm in a supermarket and I haven't got the thing I want, I don't go all to buy something else instead. That kind of fucking psychopath does that. It's you, it's not.

I just sometimes like it when I get a delivery and it's not the thing. And I go, oh, okay, yeah, that's a rogue decision. But maybe that's all right. It's usually just with something. The quick ink is very quick. You ready? Really quick ick. I was at a northeast soft play with my son and I seen a grown man crawling on all fours.

Just ick. He's fucking being a good dad. He's being a good dad. He's playing. He's playing with the kids. Honestly. With those days, I've gone for us now, though.

I'm never, I am never getting in a soft play ever again. I'm sitting on them plastic chairs. So I go with my mates and their kids and their kids all the same age as Rave and they're all little best mates. So it's perfect. Me and the lads just sit there.

I haven't had to go into a soft play physically. For a while. For a while. A couple of year for me. No, it's only been a few months for me. But I... Yeah, yeah. We're just like, eh?

No, it's five, though. He's fine. Yeah, but we went in one of a while ago when I had to go in. I can't remember why I had to go in. Oh, I don't vote the ones I don't know. The big ones in the middle, no, no, thank you. I had to go in one of the, but the normal ones I haven't been in for ages. Yeah.

So I'm thinking, yeah, I might never have to go in one again. That'll be exciting. Until we'll have grandchildren, if there's still a thing by then. What, grandchildren? Sorry. By then, you know, you'll just hire your VR on them. You be like, yeah. the soft play

you haven't fun oh god don't we'll just hit them with balls of them and that's make it a bit more realistic nah soft plays

I never die soft plays I never die long live the soft play long live the soft play saved war saved war all many a time hasn't it oh god

and still is babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadu bye hi guys just remembered something my boyfriend's mum did for context she hates me

in the usual you stole my little boy my baby boy from me kind of way weird Anyway, I've got a few funny stories about her. One being, as I used to be a smoker, I was having a smoke in her garden one time.

She was supposedly fined with this. But one time she was in a strop with us because my boyfriend, who worked from home on his laptop, was working in bed rather than at his desk. So, this made me laugh. So first of all, she's just like, she's just got to be in a bonnet about that. You should be at a desk if you were. You should have your shoes on. Your work shoes and be at the desk.

She's the same man. my couple of my mates when I was grown up their parents would be like get out of bed yeah and I'd be like why is your mom a dick yeah like my mom was pretty chill when we were younger we had part-time jobs we made money and when we weren't working or if we weren't a college she'd be like do what you fucking want I actually think my mom was like stay in bed yeah let me have the downstairs to myself so my mom never dragged me out of bed I can't wait at the point where we can go downstairs on a weekend the boys stay in bed and we can just sit and have a fucking coffee and have And I read, I saw an Instagram video recently, that says that teenagers really need loads of sleep.

Loads asleep. Yeah, the body's like the nuclear reactor. The shitloads gone. Like, I also go to bed really late, but they need sleep. So just let them sleep. Yeah. It's the only time they're ever going to relax in their lives. Like, let them chill. Right. Anyway, so she sounds like a dickhead mom. Yes. Why are you in your bedroom working? You should be at your desk. Oh, God. I hate her. Anyway, um, so whilst I was smoking in the back yard. by the way. Yeah. She opened the door

and sprayed Fabrice. Outside? Outside. In the open air. Ah, that's a funny. Oh, she is awful. She hates you.

That might be the most passive, aggressive thing in the world. Spraying air freshener outside while someone's smoking. I'm just going to freshen the outside air because you're ruining it. That's amazing. So Fabriz, I'm sure they've got air freshener.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my... Yeah, but the free... Fabric, what you get is for the... Fabric, yeah. It'll not be the fabric one, it'll be the air freshen, no one. Do you think? That's hilarious.

I know, I feel like it is the fabric one. I feel like it's just a couple of water sprays. In the air. Do a nothing. Do a nothing. What a dick. I hate that. I hate that.

That's like blown on a bonfire. Brilliant. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Hey, Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. I was just listening to this week's episode where Chris was washed his face so vigorously he stabbed his brain with his little finger. Yes, still bleeding. Still bleeds.

There's really, yeah, it's still not good. There's still an injury there. A lot of people have done the same. A lot of agreeing comments. Yeah, a lot of people, you're not alone. So there you go. I feel, I feel, guys, I feel seen. You specifically said that it wasn't relatable,

but loads of people have done it as well. Ali, not words. Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was when I did it? I was in the shower on me own and it was just so embarrassed. I was right, but everybody understands. I had to go out in Dublin afterwards, it was more, but I felt like everyone knew. It's fine. It's fine.

Why am I crying? Are you actually crying? Oh, God. I'm on a period. Right. I'm actually nearly finished. You know, you're on the dribs and drabs, aren't you? Just the drives and drabs.

I'm just ringing that last little bit. I'm on the regulars. Great. Regular t-mpons. Actually, forgot I had one in yesterday, so that's great. That's how dry it is. You may think dry. Disgusting.

It's just disgusting. You may think drawing blood in the shower is not relatable, but I have a shower injury story that will make your toes curl and probably make Chris the rope. This would be a great Rosie's mysteries. Oh, okay. Let's do it. I miss Rosie's mysteries.

In uni. We have them now. In unit. I'm going to fraser when we go outside. Right. In uni. Yeah. I love.

lived in halls for my master's year. In brackets, awful decision, I was placed with a group of freshers and the party never stopped. Oh, for a masters. Yeah. For the masters that lived in,

oh my God. That's like further on, isn't it? Yeah, so you've got typical, typical uni's three years, and then your master's is the year after, then your PhDs year after that. So yeah, their fourth year. I think it depends.

I mean, it depends. I'm sure like, you know, medical and some engineering ones are longer, but normally the university has ended, and then the master's is the add-on. so yes they are easily four years older than these people I never went to uni yeah um my first boyfriend we know carry on

didn't try nah no I would never what would I've got in how many GCSs you got three how many air levels you got non just just want to come up in the halls and join Virgin active what do you mean John Virgin active

oh so my first boyfriend went to Leeds uni and everyone went to virgin. It was brand new Virgin Active. Remember when Virgin Active opened the gym? Oh God, everyone joined and I was like this is, we don't have this yet. It was mint.

So anyway, I just lived on his expugent. But if I close my eyes and I really think, I can smell it. The halls. Oh, not great. Oh, horrible. Not great. Horrible.

So I used to, I felt like I was really missing out. I felt like I was really missing out, not going to holes, but they're now thinking back. You wouldn't have survived. I wouldn't have, I would. So I'm the person, that gets annoyed at a thing straight away and then everyone keeps doing that thing

that wind us up. I would not have survived. You wouldn't have survived. No. It's just, do you know what it's meant like? 24-7 in that kitchen? A bin. Yeah.

Just a bin. Just a bin. Nobody emptied a bin. Okay, so she's in the halls doing her masters. Right. If you know anything about halls, we've just had a 500 conversation.

We do. You'll know the shower cubicle you get in your room is absolutely tiny. I mean, that's pretty... Shower in your room. Langeria. La-di-da, where did you go?

Bloody... Eden, butter. University of Buckingham Palace? Huh? One evening I was having an everything shower. It says Rosie you can educate Christia but I think you know what in everything shower is.

Crack, back, hair, all hair, inside Fanny, outside Fanny, a bum, in nose, softly, all of that. I'm nodding, yes. It's you shave everywhere. Oh, shaving, right.

You shave everywhere, you wash everywhere, your condition, you shower. Okay, oh, Jesus. Everything shower. I've already gone all weird. I don't like shaving in the shower. It upsets us right. Come on then.

She's already because she said this blood. She said there's going to be injury. She's cut something. Okay. After washing my hair and popping a hair mask on, she's really, she's doing everything. A hair mask? I decided to tackle the shaving part of the shower.

What's a hair mask? A hair mask is just, it's a like a really intensive conditioner. A leave in? Like a leave in. Okay. Yeah, but sometimes you've got like just five minutes. Okay. And just on the, just on the roots.

Okay. No, not roots. Tips. The tips. There it is. I was in a hurry, so started to shave my armpits, but during the process, I lost my balance in my haste. I felt the sharp pain, and when I recovered from my little fall,

I looked down to see the shower tree absolutely covered in blood. It was then that I realized what I'd done. Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, mystery. What's she done? Excuse me. The first thing I popped my head, she took a nibble off. Have I done it? You've ruined, you've ruined this podcast.

Right, okay Just to break the fourth wall, right? Do you know what it is though? No, can I break the fourth wall with our listeners and we'll watch us? Before going further, I was really, really happy that I got it right which for a moment took me, took me mind off

what it actually done and now I'm sad. Okay, but to break the fourth wall, we work in television. Yeah? Like, yeah, sometimes you have to pretend you don't know what it is to keep it a lot, like, like, this is like, no, no, no, this, right, what you're doing now is you're doing,

exactly what they did to me on catchphrase, right? Everyone listening, I don't have even told this story, but I'm going to tell it anyway. I was on catchphrase, absolutely fucking smashing it. Literally, bum, bum, bum. What's the name of M people and Kelvin Fletcher? Kelvin had wiped the floor with me on Strictly,

so I'm on catchphrase, fucking bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Everything, Mullhern can't even finish the question and I'm fucking zapping in, I'm bang, I'm bang, me and Mr. Chips are absolute bum chums. Producer comes in, oh, by the way, Chris, You're answering 40 many questions. Kelvin and... Heather...

Heather Small. Kelvin and Heather Small aren't getting any... I don't even getting a look in here. Can you just give them a chance and maybe not buzz in for the next ones? Okay, I don't buzz in. Kelvin gets the next one, then gets the bonus question.

Right. And he overtakes us by like 500 quid or something. Fucking next round. Absolute gloves off. I don't think they spoke again. So don't you ever? In the words of Monica, I don't understand what you just said.

when Chandler wants once that go easy when they're playing tennis I've got one speed I've got that right immediately That's fine Okay so right Brilliant

Thank you Yeah you have She's chopped round of love Should I finish Should I bother Should I finish in the story? Sorry am I am I supposed To deliver

To get the Rosie's mystery's She's wrong Yes Go fuck yourself We're on the seventh The Year Please let the listeners Guess for themselves

What can they not pause it like right listen when I slipped the handholding the rear's right so need to break my fault do it properly do a problem

and in the commotion I'd shape the end of mine if I love no everyone knows now you've ruined the element of surprise good luck getting that job after Claudia doing traitors you fucking tell them all

tell them oh you're traitor your traitor you're faithful I'm playing the game I'm not hosting this I'm playing the game better and just pretend that you don't know what the answer is every time that I do it

I don't get it. I don't get them all right. I do get some of them right. No, listen. Listen. She'll shave the end of a nipple off. No way. Babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, ba. Thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagmardinoy. I love you. I love you. Do you love me or then?

Love the listeners. I do love you. Oh, okay. Good. I'll happy to come second. Thank you so much for listening and watching. Obviously, if you want to get in touch, Shagmarnedanoid. gmail.com and if you want to send a voice note I say I slowed that down so I could read it out

and it would have been seamless but then I told everyone if you want to send a voice note it is 07874 406650 and we'll be back in your ears next week. Bye!

Bye!