Sh**ged Married Annoyed - The World Cup, Rosie's First Tattoo and is there a Priest Listening?

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

World Cup Fever has reached The Ramsey Household! The couple discuss The Mexico game and how they feel about Erling Haaland! Rosie has had her eyebrows done, Chris witnessed a man in need of a car, and the pair go down a True Crim rabbit hole!. There's beefs, religion, an embarrassing moment at a Baby Shower and Rosie shares a story from the public... but it sounds quite familiar! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shagmrand annoyed. We are both struck with England fever and we both firmly believe that it's coming home. So you've got that to deal with. You've just wrote down here eyebrows. I've had my eyebrows done, we're talking about it. Oh, God, I mean, what a saga. It's literally a full episode about eyebrows.

God, kill me now. Rosie's baby bump. This is cruel. This is not fun. So it's not a baby bump, but you'll say you all about that. Rosie injects a true crime element into the podcast. Love it. And yeah, yeah.

Long may it continue. It's a big part of me personally. And we've got beefs and we've got questions and we've got voice notes from you, lovely lot. Enjoy. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows.

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Visit Scotiabank.com slash h-I-SA to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. Hello, you are listening and watching Shagmoud with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, hello. Hiya, Mr. I'd only watch the World Cup.

I only watch the World Cup. I've got my retro football top on, my retro England football top, which I only wear when they get past the group stages. Very nice. That kind of guy. Yeah, all good, very excited. I didn't, so as we recall this,

it's Monday after they've beat Mexico. Yeah. We didn't, I didn't stay up for it. because I knew we had this today. No. And I kind of, I actually, listen, whatever, I slagged everyone off who stayed up for it. But guess what time I woke up with insomnia?

You had period insomnia, which ironically woke you up at exactly the time when they... Five to one. Yeah, you might as well have just watched it. I kept an eye on the scores while it was happening. But then it was delayed and did you know it was delayed an hour? Yeah, because there was... Because of the weather. So it was delayed an hour.

So then I saw it when it started. And then, Mike, this is hilarious. So I just typed in England in the Google. Yeah. And it came up with the football. Not like, you would think it would say England is a country. Like, it just have the same thing about the sun. You type in the sun into Google and the newspaper, the sun comes up.

Not the thing that gives us life. It didn't make any sense. I was like, surely it should just tell you about England, not the football scores. It goes on trends and stuff done it. So obviously, if England, if you're typed in in February, it's going to give you England as an hour. Yeah, okay. Oh, because it was happening there and then.

Fair enough. But I went to sleep. I didn't see that they'd won. Let's put that way. Right. I fell asleep by then. But yeah, so I could have watched it. That's really funny that you could have watched it.

Yeah. So I could have walked up to the pub. Again, I can tell that I'm getting older because all of my mates are in the group chat going like, right, we're going to go to the pub for 8 o'clock. When it gets stotting, then we're going to go back to Billy's house and we're going to watch it. Because Billy's got like a big screen in this like pool room that he's got. We're going to watch a big, going to watch a big screen. And Billy's, and then like, throughout the day, it just fell by the wayside. By the way.

Like, how pathetic are we? Why can't people just, like, get up in the night? Do you remember when we had babies? Mm-hmm. I think people did. I sported people on the school run this morning who went to bed at like 9 o'clock, then woke up and watched the match and then went back to the day. Like, I don't know, for some reason.

Everyone was like, oh, I thought, well, what about people who work night shift? Yeah, yeah. Oh, night shift. Well, so, yeah, Carl Hutchinson put a thing on the internet on the internet where he was like, everyone's freaking out about it, but I've been watching WWA on American time since I was nine years old, so I'm fine. He's so I'm so used to it. I'm so I'm so.

fucking used to it. Yeah. We've done it on two or loads of times. We've tried to watch like the UFC and stuff like at me and Carl

and he's always fresh as a daisy and I'm in a hotel lobby like, just passing out. You know what? Like you were explaining it was because I was like why don't people

just get up and then you know You said record it didn't you? Well record it don't look at your phone don't look at the scores and then watch it at like half five in the morning

get up half five much get up let the kids watch it and then but you were like people want to be in it I mean listen Want to be in the moment I get it I think it's great

yeah It is. It is great. And yeah, we're not going to go on about the whole episode, but obviously it's just a massive thing. And so, so everyone who's, I hope you're all out there enjoying it. Everyone who's tuning in now and listening and watching. I hope you're having a lovely time. Thank you so much for tuning in and being part of this, this little world that we have. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucid of sponsor. I think we all know what this week sponsor is. This week's sponsor. I think it's coming home. It's the actual fucking hell. I think it's coming home. It's the actual fucking hell. It's coming home. It's the actual fucking hell. It's coming home. It's the actual. It's the genuine fact that it might be coming home. So this is me, right? Everyone who listens to this. I don't think it is coming home. Hey! What? Listen to this. A couple of things, right?

First of all, I'm a giant hypocrite. Throughout the year, don't watch club football at all. Literally not bothered about it in this light. Like, you know, if I got my mates' houses, if I'm with mates who are supporting a certain team, I'll get into it and I'll watch it. And, you know, I understand it. I know the things.

I think I've told the story many a time when I was in the pub with it, watching it with all the lads. And I got offside before everyone else did. And one of the lads genuinely made drop these pint. And I was like, oh no, I fully get it. I'm not a moron. I think you've got some sort of football trauma that we don't know about.

Maybe I have football trauma from when I was a kid. Maybe, yeah, seeing fights in pubs and stuff. There's rival teams where we live and I think you're just a bit of a scary cat. Maybe, but the England thing brings us all together, right? You cried this morning. I cried watching the highlights this morning. I cried on Wednesday watching the actual match. Yeah.

But that was mainly because I was in the living room watching it and you, apropos of nothing, you brought me a pint in. I thought you deserved a little drink. Just brought some pint in. See, I am nice sometimes. She's lovely, honestly, 10, 20% at the time, she's bare. Thank you. I say that, that's enough for me.

And this is one thing I've been here to tell you as well. I watched, obviously I watched the match on Wednesday and I'm getting bang into it. I'm on Instagram, watching loads of England stuff. So you like a few England things. And then it's like, oh, you like that. That sends you all the highlights and sends you all the football stuff. And then it's like, well, we've sent them all that. What's next?

So I found a new thing I cry out on the internet now. Okay. It's England football players given time to the first. fans. Yeah. So they're walking out and there's like a little boy waving or whatever and they'll take their shirt and they give the little boy his shirt and the little boy hugs them and he like won't leave loose and I'm like...

Who's the tall blonde one? It's not English. Erling Harland. I think he plays for a British team from whatever... He plays for Man City but he plays for Norway. He's got the Viking ponytail. I watched a full like three minute video on just how lovely he is to all of his fans compared to anyone else.

Crying my eyes out. And it was just the yeah, the sweetest thing ever. I don't know if it's compared to everyone else because a lot of them do... No, it showed other players. and really rude. Like, he'll, like, take his towel over to, like, the people who are collecting it in, not just chuck it at them.

I saw the same video. I saw the same video. He puts the ball in the bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, everybody, just to let his all know, new eyebrows, who dis? I've got new, I've had me eyebrows done this morning. Like, um, hype, it's called,

hi, not hieroglyphics, I don't know. I can't remember what it's called. So you had your eyebrows tattooed on. Tattooed. But not. Itchy as fuck. And I can't actually move that much. So I thought they were going to get shaved off.

Chris thought they were going to come and look like fucking Ming the Merciless. I was well excited me. Like, so excited for you coming in. I was so... In what world? So you shit your pants this morning and I was like, I better go in. And you were like, oh, hang on. Are you shaving them off and just getting them drew on?

Yeah. It's not how it was. I was expecting a big old black McDonald's M. I was buzzing me. Great. But yeah. It hurt a bit like, I'm not going to lie. But now I can't really move and they're really itchy.

She said, don't touch them. and lots of rules. You're not allowed to sweat. Not allowed to sweat. What amazing rule. I know. I mean, it's good.

Hey, don't sweat. No problem. The week of the heat wave. Yeah. How long? So how long you're not allowed to sweat for? Like a week.

You, I think you can sweat. Just don't get sweat on them. You're not allowed to sweat for a week. I can't get them wet. Can't get water on them. You're going to have to wash me here. Well, I've already had a horrible,

do you know, God, listen to this. Sorry, when did eyebrows become the fucking bee all and and all. Why? Eyebrows have always been quite important with women.

Yes, they have. You just never notice because you're a stupid man. Listen. Wow. So, had me appointment this morning. It was Shannon's baby shower yesterday

that I hosted and it was lovely. Very, very, oh God, I've got something really awful to tell you. Wow. Set us back a little bit. Right. So listen,

I'll tell you what, right? Let's... Should we go? Write it down. But first of all, I just write it down. Get ready to tell us that. We'll do all of that after we've done

the intro theme tune. but just before we continue on the theme of it's coming home guys I told Rosie just before we started recording this and it hit like a ton of bricks do you know the Frank Skinner David Badele and Lightning Steed song It's Coming Home Three lines

It's coming home 30 years of hurt It's now 60 That was 9096 That was 1996 That is 1996 It's now 60 years of it So everyone

You sung that when you were a kid. You sung 30 years I've heard. You're the same as us. You're a millennial. You think you're still young. You've been singing that fucker for 30 years. I had a really upsetting one. We left school like 25, 26 years ago.

Something like that. Maybe it's even more. I was a class of 2001, so 25 years ago. That was upset. Quarter of a century. Yeah, it's grim. I just feel so young still. Oh.

Well, you know what it is? You're looking at with them new eyebrows. Thank you. My tits don't. oh god I tried a dress on the other day and I always thought my booze were all right but they just looked like a couple of little sacks

in a dress udders like udders there was no support moving on although when we go on holiday there's a couple of outfits where I'm not wearing a bra and do you know what is I don't care

don't care I'm sick just don't care I'm 40 this year and I've got saggy tith so can you get the tis tattooed one maybe. You can Oh God Chris me

eyebrows are so fucking in jeez stupid stupid thing to get done I've got a more simple thing to get done. Great, let's do it Babadubba and all that

We had a fight about the jingle Jing-Doo-Dong We couldn't set alone a jingle jing-gong so this is the jingle

jing-go we hope you like the jingo jing-gong Bab-doo-Bab-doo-Bah-doo-Bah-doo-Bah Jingo Hello and welcome back Yeah

So yesterday Today even Got me eyebrows done Yep She did tell us when I booked the appointment But it was weeks ago And I totally forgot You're not meant to drink alcohol

24 hours before your appointment Which I don't understand Because people get pissed in In Faleraki And get tattoos on their face It's just like to cover I don't know This is probably because

You went to a reputable place Well yeah It was really lovely I think it's called Peaches Peachy Brow East Bolden Great

Peaches It's just called Peaches who did it. She was lovely. She was destined to do that as a job. Peaches. Peaches. She was never going to have a...

You're called Peaches. You're not going to be... You're not going to be... You're not going to be... Oh, me accountant. Peaches. Never going to happen. Speak to the person who tattoos me eyebrows on.

It's a... She is called Peaches. Peaches and creed. So many songs. So many songs. Good. Listen. So I drank.

So I was shit my pants. That's part of the reason why I woke up the night before. Because I was literally just like, what the fuck. Did me... Did my little thing... of all the question A

and you had to put on what vitamins and supplements you take and I wrote it all down and she was like, have you took any of them today? I was like, no, no, I haven't took any of them she was like, okay, good because some of the stuff in it can have like a reaction I was like, oh my God, shit my pants.

Anyway, she'd literally done one eyebrow and in my brain I was like, I had an electrolyte. I had an electrolyte. Stop the plane. I had an electrolyte. Get up. I just didn't say anything.

Really? That'll be why. It's itching then. Is it? That'll be why it's itchy. They are going quite red. No, they're not. They are around the sides.

Are they supposed to, are they supposed to like be... She said I had really good skin. She had said I had really good, thick skin. So I was like, ooh, all right.

You've got thick skin, you're fat bitch. Did that? I bet I didn't upset you because you got thick skin. But you could have because this is something, this is really upset.

Sorry, by the way, I didn't mean that that means you're fat. I meant, You've got thick skin, so she's starting and slag it off. Just in case anyone thinks the thick skin means that you. You want to know what thick skin really feels like, right? You want to know, I'm telling you right now, baby shower yesterday. Shannon is beautiful, very sveled lady.

Yeah. Absolutely 31 weeks per. No. How far are she? Nearly. She's due in August. She's nearly. She's nearly there.

She's literally, but she's got a tiny bum. Tiny bum, she's just a very petite lady, right? Gorgeous. They did the game of measure a bump. Right. So everyone measured it. Yeah. And it measured 89 centimeters, right?

Vicky won. Great. Right. And for a laugh, me and Vicki thought, oh, what do we? What are we? Yeah. Do you want to know what I am? Do you want to know what I am without child?

What? 91. I wanted to die. How am I? She's growing a child? How am I? A big ass of conference than her? What the fuck?

It took a lot. I mean, listen, I got back on it, it's fine. Of course he did. Had in the clay, popped in the clay. Hey, fuck me. Any of that was funny. Baby showers sound boring and awful. Let's all measure, let's measure the bump.

What fucking hell? Unless you're getting pissed. They are. Oh, God. It was a lovely one though. It was really nice. Measure and guess the bump. Does everyone enjoy, is that?

Do you just pretend you enjoy that? Or did you actually enjoy that? No, because some people do. Some people like, I don't really enjoy games and stuff though. That's just me. But I definitely hadn't done it because I avoided the games table,

like the actual plague. People were colouring in blocks. And I was like, I'd rather fucking... Children kept coming around with blocks. I didn't know what was happening. Anyway, but that's fine. People enjoyed it. People got really into that.

But I'm not art. I'm not hearty or anything. I hadn't measured. And everyone was like, Ruthie, you haven't done it, and I was like, right. Right, okay. And what did I measure?

How many other people were bigger than Shannon? What do you mean? Did everyone measure that? No. Just you? I feel like I did it, and then everyone went, oh, I'm not doing that. Fair enough.

She's very, very, very small. She's a very, very, very small. I mean, she's very small, but also heavily pregnant. Yeah. Oh, it was, um, it was interesting. That's so fucking, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadoo. do back.

So while this baby shower was happening yesterday, I made a strong contender for Father of the Year. You had your own crush next door. I had my own crush. Basically, everyone, all the lads would come and drop their, well, some of the ladies came and dropped their selves off at the baby shower, and then I got the child dropped off with me. And then the dads were also there with some of the kids,

so all the kids were playing around together. Strong content of my father of the year, what happened was, and I phoned Carl Hutchinson this morning. tell him this and he won up it right when I say father of you I'm being heavily sarcastic here so my mate jordan we made shawma there our kids all play it together robin and another kid was dropped off so rob was playing outside so it's like you know I had about between the three or we had about six kids to look after nice nice uh was sitting in the front room I fell asleep you fell asleep I fell asleep um so me jordan and shone were watching the Formula One

which I'm not a huge fan on the Formula One but it was something to do with the who was watching the kids they don't know they were sort of milling around oh well done I fell asleep good for you why not

the sofa zonked out right when I finally woke up Sean and Jordan said you've been asleep about 45 minutes Robbins came in three times he wants you have something but we told him to keep going away so I had to go and say what Robin wanted

I just don't know I just wanted to see when another kid was coming so I phone call today and I was like mate like because we always slag off people like you know at moments we slag each other off at moments when you're being a shit dad or whatever

and I was like mate yesterday I was like all my mates were around looking after the kids I just fell asleep for 45 minutes he was like he's laughing he was laughing so much and I went I was like I didn't ask why he was laughing when I was like why is he laughing so much and he just went he went he went mate he went I can beat that I went really he went yeah so he dropped his daughter he took his daughter his elder's daughter who's like five four five he took out of gymnastics and then he went and waited in the bit where there's the know, they've all got the bit of glass where you can look through and watch.

And his parents sitting there, some on their phones, someone's sitting there, someone even bring a laptop and then sit and do some work, or they're sitting and chatting. He sat on the sofa and he fell asleep. He fell asleep on the sofa in the communal parent waiting area while all the other parents were there, and he woke himself up, snoring. Oh, Jesus says he just said.

She's lying out. And he went, oh, shit, I've been asleep. And he was getting a few funny looks off all the rest of the parents. and he just then it was over and he had to take her but I was like now when can I tell that the podcast because I know so he's wife listens and he went yeah absolutely did she did he miss the finishing time or no no he was just there he fell asleep during it he walked up and then he and then it was done and you

that is my worst fucking nightmare I couldn't how would you fall asleep there when you know you're only there for a certain amount of time by the way here's something right obviously he got me tattoos the day yeah nearly fell asleep when she was doing it how exactly What's wrong with this? No, the first bit hurt But then after that you couldn't really feel it But I think it was the pressure on me head

And the fact that I was really tired And also quite on over Probably shouldn't have them done She's like how many glasses when you hide I was like, two? Jesus. When I was on the golf trip when we made There was these, I kept falling asleep

around the pool after we'd finish golf And there was just these like lawn chairs That was asleep on I've seen a video It's awful. They're not, they're not flattering. No. How do you fall asleep in a lawn chair?

I was literally, they were all like, how's he fall asleep? It looks like a torture rack, but I was like sort of slid down sitting and the back of the chair was under the like bump on the back of my head and it was something new with the pressure there. It's like a fucking,

you know when you used to put a paper clip in the back of a Tamagotchi to reset it? Yeah. It is the pressure on the head. Do you know I used to do, I used to work in an autistic unit for a little while. Oh, they have the pressure thing.

And it was called tick. I'm sure I've talked about it around here. It was called like, tack or something. Anyways, like you would just put pressure on the kids at certain parts on their body and the head was like a really good

and sometimes I do it with the kids if they're a bit stressed when they were little especially I would just kind of grab. It's a lot of come here. Let us grab your head. I don't know you want. At the back I'll not touch your hair

at the front. Well, I've got to come around there. Yeah. It just feels... Can you do it over the desk? Yeah. It just feels lush, ready? Ready?

Isn't it nice? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Oh. Isn't it nice? So she was doing that to me this morning, like grabbing my head and kind of like pressure.

I forgot I had an eyeball at one point, I think, because she just... Put a finger in your eyes. She was just like, oh, my eye. But I think they have to do that to get it right. But isn't it clear? It's so clever. Yeah.

It's, yeah. I'm buzzing with me new eyebrows. What a fucking sentence. I'm not looking forward. I haven't to look after them because I really... I'm just going to... I'm freaking out. Freaking out of it.

I'm freaking out of it. Look after them. them water them, take them for water them. You're not allowed water them and this is full of maintenance. I've got like saline and cream and everything and I can't remember what odors she said. Someone has to Google it.

It is intense and then she was like don't sweat but I'm like going to London tomorrow. I think she was just saying bye which is quite cool. Hey don't sweat. Later. Later, dude. Don't sweat.

Oh sorry. I'm thinking about getting a sweat band. Like a head sweat band? Yeah. Definitely. So it's still like to go in the gym. Right. Okay.

I mean... It's a lot of time, isn't it? How do people do this all the time? It's crazy. What? They don't look that different. I don't understand. Oh my God, he's actually said...

Like, what the fuck? They do look to... I haven't got any makeup on. So you, but you normally put stuff in them. So this is them without the stuff in. Yes. So you don't have to put stuff in them now. But you have to do five fucking days of...

So on holiday, I'm going to wake up and you're going to be like, oh, you got makeup on. And I'll be like, no, Chris. I haven't. It's just me. My tats. I've... I've had me first time out.

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Obviously, you know, I love a bit of true crime. Yes. And I thought, hey, why not add a bit of it to this, sort of? Oh. I watch all the documentaries, and then usually what happens is me and Chris talk about them, and you're genuinely really interested, on you? Because it is interesting stories. I know what your problem is.

What? I don't like the way true crime podcasts are set up. I don't like the, um, I don't like the, um, I don't like the, um, I don't like way they speak. I don't like the music in the background. I love it, me. I don't like the... Do you get a bit bored? Because sometimes, if they don't have enough people at interview, they just use the same photos over and over again with voiceovers. So, right, no, true, frankly, two crime documentaries, okay, fine.

True crime podcasts, can't bear them. They have a sense of smugness. The hosts have a sense of smugness. Like, they're solving the crime themselves. They're like, and he was there. They got to, though? I'm Chris Ramsey. And this is... getting in here and then it's like

oh no no and then again that one that Adnan Syed one what was that one called? Serial. Serial. That's years ago. Fucking 10 hours of my life that I'll not get back I'll listen to the whole thing going mint what happened then. We don't know if he did it or not. Right. Well anyway. Oh the release of a new one I've been to the new

trial. All right I'll listen to that one. Did he do? Don't know. Can I tell you? I didn't just say I didn't know before it. I've earned I've got nothing, I've heard nothing. Okay. Well, can I just tell you one that was on? Yes.

So I was watching one in the second series. It's called Betrayal. I'd listen to the podcast, but these are like new ones all the time. It's just like people who've been betrayed by their partners who they were like, never thought they could do any wrong. You're not going to believe this, right?

One guy who was married for years, became a bit of a dickhead. The wife left him. Yeah. Didn't want to be with them anymore. You couldn't face it. Bloddy, blah, blah. She went out one night,

and then she had a, an intruder come into her house, fully blown, beat her up, horrendous, attacked her over her head, like zip tied, bloody, bloody blah, right? And then she was like outside crying and everything. And then guess who turned up 10 minutes later? Him? Mm-hmm. Or what?

He said like, oh, something like I was just thinking about you, blah-blah, like turned up to rescue her. Brilliant. Guess who it was? Who did it? His brother. It was him. Oh my God, so he did it all. He did it all.

And then turned up and was like, oh, what's happening here? And then turned up and tried to like rescue her. What the hell? That is bold. Try to like turn up and rescue her and be like, I'm your knight and shining armor. I'm here to save you. It was him who did it?

That's mental. Say this is better. I don't need to listen to them. You just give me a little bit. Just tell me the bit. I'll do one a week. Just tell us a one, yeah? A dead quick one.

Okay. Dirty John. I know that one. on that one. There's so many. So yeah, can you believe that? Wow. I know.

Cheeky bastard. There's another one I've just been watching as well. Same series, British bloke. Just kept meeting women telling them that he had cancer and that he had a vasectomy. He just kept getting everyone pregnant. He's got like loads of kids everywhere. What was the cancer bit?

It was like testicular cancer. And then he'd had a vasectomy as well. And he was like, I absolutely. cannot get you pregnant. Don't worry about condoms. Don't worry about contraception. All of them ended up pregnant. He's got like 13 kids.

But he's just violent. One's nothing to do with them. What the fuck? Mad. Can they not sue them? I think they are. I think there's stuff going on. They wanted to get him for,

but I think the law had changed. It was something like, I don't want to say the word, but it was like a deceit, a deceit, a deceit, like, you know. Right. Anyway, madness. But don't you have to, don't you have to agree to a paternity test?

You can't force someone to do a DNA test, I think, if I remember rightly. Oh, can you not? I don't think you can force. So he can just go out of mine. And then they go out, we'll do this test to prove it. And you're not going to do this. I'll do, I'll get you another one next week. Guess where it always is, though?

Tedlads. Always the tidelads. I saw the weirdest thing in the world the other day. What? Driving along a dual carriageway and me and Robin were in the car, driving along, in front of it had overtake it because we're going really slow. Picture this. Motorbike

To miss Tra la la la la la motorbike With a side car Haven't seen one for a while Retro Two people in the side car Squished

Two sitting there Looking goddamn fucking terrified I'll be honest with you Awful yeah Also torn a trailer With loads of stuff in the trailer Get a car Bro

They like the feel of the open road Your life is not suited to a motorbike I'm telling you now. I'm telling you your life isn't suited to a motorbike. You need a car. How old are the people in the side car? I couldn't tell, but they looked very scared. They had little helmets and goggles on.

Two of them sitting next to each other. And then like I say, a full fucking trailer with all he's gear in. Bro, you need a car which's got extra seat and it's got a boot. Your life is not suited to a motorbike. Stop it. The dream is over. Stop it. Well, no, because he's got his motorbike.

You've got belongings. You've got responsibilities. He's got his motorbike. and he can just attach his mates to it, can't he? I'd be devastated. Dual carriageway as well. Northumberland, A-69, long old fucking road.

They're on that for a good 20 minutes. Oh, no, no, no, thank you. Horrible. Wow. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for watch your beef. What's your beef? Be gentle with me,

because I haven't got much facial movements. Okay, ladies first then. All right, okay. Mine's very tame, but there's a certain thing. that I like to say and I feel like I am sort of right in a way you know what I'm saying

but you're always you're like always what's the word correcters notice I didn't correct you there while you couldn't look for the word correcting that held back

well done when it's windy in the house I hate it I can't I'm sorry I will I will correct this till the day I fucking die

it's awful and I hate it when you see it when it's hot in the house sorry, and when you want to get a bit of airing, I say let's open two windows so we can get a bit of a thoroughfare. Which I hate. It's through draft.

What's wrong with thoroughfare? It's the wrong word. But it's the same thing, the A is thoroughfairing through the house. I don't think that's the... But I've done it too many times now. I don't want to say through draft. What about crosswind?

I like, okay, crosswind. There we go. Get a bit of a crosswind. Yeah, I don't like through. draft. I don't know what it is. Right. It's just, but you know what? When I say thoroughfare.

It's just upset. Well, yeah, but you might as well say, you know, let's open two windows. Get a bit of a bonanza going. It's not the fucking right word. It's just a fucking, you know what I mean? It just doesn't make any sense. You might say, oh, don't that window. Get a bit of a meheem-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-

happening. It means nothing. In fact, me-o-m, makes more than a, makes more sense than thoroughfair. But it is a thorough-it. It's not a thorough-thra-th. So what's a thoroughfair? It's like a path. When people are walking?

Yeah, it's like a path, like a thoroughfare. The A is on a thoroughfair. I've chopped down a load of them hedges in the garden from back to front and make a bit of a thoroughfare so we can get through the back of the garden. That's where the year is going. It's not. Goor you down. Just stop it. The problem is it's not huge.

It's just wrong enough. It's just wrong enough and I get upset. You do it all. Because you keep saying the wrong word. Listen, I will. I will just keep correcting you. Fine. Well, I will just keep saying it.

Great. Or bonanza. Brilliant. My beef with you. Yes. You haven't done this for a while, which is good. So I'm enjoying the podcast again. But your pre-podcast ritual, I'm sure I've mentioned it in the past,

used to be walking me around the house, explaining what you would change, what was you would knock down, what you would paint, where you would move toilet and doors to. Where does this come from? How many thoroughfares you would happen and make happen. And it makes us want to die. Yeah. But the last time you did it, you actually did it with your mum. your mom was here looking after the kids and you walked around with your mom and explained all the

DIY shit you would do if you want if you had the time and then we sat down and did the podcast where's this come from I haven't done that for ages it's just it's written to me notes look I'll be honest with you you haven't been a bit of it you haven't been a pain in the ass for a while so sometimes I've got to go back and take it back now y'all get one from the oh right okay great so there great well I haven't done it because I knew it used to stress you out so much horrible horrible and then we'll do this and we'll do that we'll knock this down we'll get there and we'll change it cleanses me weirdly it just cleanses me makes me want to burn the house down makes me want to burn the house down.

It's just for someone with anxiety, planning a load of possible DIY. You don't have anxiety. You are having a bloody thoroughfare around here, aren't you? Oh, funny, okay. But I have stopped. You have, and thank you. Like, you were going to stifle that,

Yard, and then you just went full on and screamed it at us. Great. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. It's time for questions from the public. From the public. It's our questions from the public. From the public. They've been in touch

They want to get back on the Dutch What's the Dutch? It's terrible So one, me going Public and you're not doing it with us Just fucks the entire thing I am starting to do Little songs in that now

Right Questions from the public Yeah Uh huh And There's nothing around to public Does it? Public

Nothing wrongs with public Public You're putting us on the spot here Chub Dick Oh for fuck sake Lubb-tit. Nothing rhymes with public? God!

How are you? I think Eminem would disagree with you. Well, what rhymes with public? Rub it? No. No. Chub-dick might be the only one actually. Chub-tick?

Questions from the public. Read it. Colprite? Colbert? Corporate? Colbert? Questions from the public? Are you our latest culprit?

No. Well, sort of a lap to do. Listen. Anyway, shut up. Shut up. No, you should have. You shut up. You can shut your...

I just want to tell them how to get in touch. If you weren't thinking something rhymes with public, get in touch. Shagmarionautitggymail.com. If you want to send it a long form email or a letter, and if you want to send it a voice note, the WhatsApp number is 07-874-40-60-60-6-50. That's 07-874-40-66-50.

Listen, right, I don't know which you want to choose. Or Daisy message and said, she's got 50 voice notes, approximately 50 voice notes about varugas fantastic I remember years ago on this podcast I said whatever happened to varucas and now they're fucking making a comeback man

Is mine even a varroca because none of you have got them Right And I'm walking around barefoot Great Nice to know Nice to know Yeah

But none of yous have caught them So I don't even know if mine's a vurukkah Am I dying? It's normally a foot that dies first Then it just spreads up throughout your body If I remember right from stuff I've watched So yeah probably Oh, right, varuga and divorce.

Oh. This sounds exciting. Oh, is this going to be fucking... The witch doctor said, see, you divorce and your varuka and have a full thing where you divorce it and then the varroca leaves because it knows it's not wanted or some fucking...

I'm not having all of this. People bought them off them and I'm not having it. I just think it's coincidence. Have I told you before? I used to have a... When I was younger, I had like a... One of them... Chub dick.

I had one of them little... Skin tag. Yeah, I had a skin tag under my armpit and it used to hurt. I was it? Because I've got one. It was under my armpit. And I went to the doctor's and they said, oh, fucking hell, I'm going to... What? I'm annoyingly going to prove everyone right in this.

But again, I think it's coincidence. I had it and I remember going to the doctor's and I was like, what the hell is going to happen? And he went right, we'll freeze it and scrape it off. We'll boot you back in to get it done. And I left and it fell off that night. On its own. Stop it. I swear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, fuck this. And it just jumped. Yeah. I want to get rid of mine. I accidentally shave mine all the time and it bleeds for days. Yeah. Okay. So what have I just got to be, have I got to go to the toilet?

I pretend to get rid of it and it'll just fuck off. It honestly did. It was literally like jump-up forward pushed. It was like, oh, you can't, literally, it said, you can't fire me because I quit. That's so. 100% true. I remember it the idea and I forgot to say. You know the brain is a really clever bit of kit.

Some people's are, yeah. Intricate, clever. Like, you've pushed that off yourself. Wow. That's amazing. Crazy. All right. My friend was trying for a baby for three years,

had a IVF appointment, got pregnant that weekend. Like, just because I think she was like, all right, okay, it's getting sorted. Oh, now it's getting sorted. I'll just get pregnant. Mad, madness. Anyway, I don't think that's fully how it works. All right.

Varuka and divorce. Yeah. Hiya, I have been listening to you since you very first started. I never really felt I had anything to say. But after hearing about the warts and people paying, pretending to pay for them to disappear, it reminded me about my Faruka. So when I was getting married back in 2007, I had a pedicure and a furriacure. And a for a furor. She's saying Faruka, and I'm getting upset. She's saying Varuka. She's saying Faruka. She's not saying Faruga. She knows it's Varuga.

Is she saying Feruga? Well, listen, I don't think she's saying Faruga. I think it's just her accent. You all know she's saying Farooca. I think it's like free. Do you know this morning, Rief was putting a key ring on his bag, and he went in front of Robin and me, and he went, oh, look at that. And he put his third key ring on his bag.

and he went, I've got three king rings on me bag now. And Robin went, what other? And he went, key rings. And he went, see a key ring? And he went, key ring. And then he went, then Robin went, see, I've got three key rings on me bag? And he went, I've got three king rings on me bag.

And Rob went, he's doing it on purpose. Right, listen. Yeah. Well, see, if she's just let her pass. She's a long time fan. Okay. Don't be a dick. She's been for a pedicuer,

and she's come up with a barruca. Couldn't get rid of it. Throughout the years, I tried absolutely everything. Tried to have it frozen, would not budge. Anyway, fast forward about nine and a half years. Unfortunately, me and my husband divorced. About a couple of weeks after my divorce, my Faruka completely disappeared.

Didn't do anything to it? It just disappeared. So I don't know about paying the Farukas and Warts to be vanished. That's mental. I think it's a sign of your life if you have a Faruka or Wart and then something needs to change in your life. Are we getting divorced? I think he got it in the divorce.

I think he was like, fuck you, love. I'm taking that varucca with us. Is this a sign? I'll take a shirt off your back. I'll take that varucca with us. Are you my varucca? you're my Varuga's heel Is that instead of the Bacilli's heel?

Awful That's crazy. That's really weird. We should just not stress? Am I stressed? Is Varuga stress? Everything's fucking stressing. Yeah.

That's mad. That's funny though, isn't it? Got rid of the husband and the Varuga. And the Varuga. Shit. Wow. Well, I'm not... I don't want nine years.

I've got to have this for nine years. Yeah. It's silky smooth at the minute though, actually. Because I've been doing the stuff and then I file it. I got you the stone and the thing, I've got you the shame, I've been doing it all.

I've got you the full kit. It's like something smooth and I think, well, just leave it. Yeah. Oh, God, nine and a half of you. Yeah. You've got to go and get a cut out, man. That's the crack.

I don't want to get it cut out. I'll do it for you. I'd rather get divorced. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Quick voice note. Got a leak for you. I'm not into men, but I saw a man running.

Rosie, I think you might get this. Running with his hands in his pockets. It would be equally being an ache if it were a woman running with her hands in her pockets but just, no, don't run with your hands in your pockets. Please, go. I can't completely get it. I completely get it.

I love that. I'm not attracted to men. I've seen a one. Seen a one. Running with his hands and his pocket. That's so funny. Yeah, Vero. What's people doing?

Just doing that. So the shoulders are just going, da, da, da. Also, really stupid. Running with your hands in your pockets, fucking the stupidest thing you need your arms for balance that's what they're therefore. If you fall and you can't break your fall

you're just smashing your face off the ball. I think that's part of the reason why we've got arms. Is it? For balance? Like for doing stuff obviously but is it for balance? Explain? Like, no. What do you think?

Don't know. No, because some people are born without arms and they can stand up and be balanced. And it's your toes, isn't it? On your feet, that give you the balance. Is it? How are we all just not fall in flat with faces? How does it work?

Yeah, running with your arms in your pockets is just weird. Regular listeners will know that when Rosie attempts a train of thought like this, I like to just stay quiet and just let her tie herself in knots. All that thing about toes and everything was insane. But no, no, arms are not just for us to balance. Yes.

were, I mean, I'd imagine not to get all, you know... Do it. Why not? It's your podcast. We came out of the sea. We'll have came out with the sea. So what's that look for? God created the earth in seven days. Day seven, we jumped out of the sea. No, it came out of the sea. So I'd imagine it would, you know, then we're sort of,

they'll have been, will have walked on them initially. So there will have been legs. And then when we, you know, there have been flippers, then there'll have been legs. And then when we started to walk upright, that have been used less for walking on and more for doing stuff with. Were we not apes?

We share a common ancestry with apes. We weren't apes. Us and apes have evolved from the same thing. Say this is where, I've told you, no, it's Catholicism. It's like, I don't know, I don't know what to believe. The pure science I've just told you. Okay. Yeah.

But Adam and Eve. Yeah. I don't know. they were fully formed pretty fit yeah or they could grab apples of trees here the lot they were talking and doing everything so you're telling me yeah i don't know okay i don't know see this is what i mean also apologies because i probably was taught this stuff at school i've just forgotten most of it if your old teachers do have listened to this there's been some screaming and some nosebleeds and some you know some phones not me r a re teacher she'd have been buzzing oh yeah yeah she'd be oh yeah absolutely great yeah you've been You took all that shied in. Oh, part of me, part of my dream last night was about getting rea christened as well. Right, yeah.

Alarm, still on? No, I've scrapped it. Right. But I asked him, I said, to him the other day, I said, do you know who God is? And he went, no. Right. And I went, what about Jesus?

He says, oh my God, all the time. Yeah, he doesn't know what he's saying. He doesn't know who it is. Right, okay. So I try to explain, it's a person, it can be male, but then you go, is it male or female? I don't know.

It's really, honestly, you've got no idea. because you weren't brought up with a religion. It's really hard because I really want him to have it but at the same time, I don't know what I believe anymore. Well, I'm trying to be religious at the minute. I'm reading that book called Case Christianity.

Very slowly reading it. Got to be honest. Do like a narrative. I don't just like a textbook. It is very much a textbook. Texty. Yeah. But, yeah, man, I mean,

I would love, honestly, I would love to find out it was real. Well, you got my dad. gave it to you to read because my dad told us about it and I bought it oh sorry okay well my dad wasn't brought up Catholic yeah but obviously he just loves to research stuff and yeah proper clever fuck and he's now fully believes that like Jesus was real yeah and all of that sort of stuff because he's done research into it and not in like uh not in a bias way not not in a Catholic I'm gonna prove his all wrong way yeah so I'm busy reading the

but you know I'm gonna take the book on holiday I'm taking on holiday I cover it up well no no what you embarrassed embarrass that I'm trying to find faith No, I'm not, I think it's great Sounds like you are I'm sorry Will you take it upon yourself To get Rayf prison because

I'll tell it at the end of the book I'll tell you what Once I've read that book I might be so Like empowered by it I might just do it right there in the pool Okay I'll just christen them in the pool

You've got enough to worry about As a parent in this day and age Other than that Don't worry about Okay, right well if something happens You and Rayf Will at least speak together God I could cry

Because he won't get in To heaven I got christened either day I just went and did it on the slide There's a place you can go They do eyebrows next door And the christeners

The next door to it What's it called? The bloke does it's called Satsuma Why Satsuma? Because his wife's called Peach And she does the eyebrows In the next building He does the chrisoning

It's good It's really good Christening If I can't say it through Therophie you can't say Crizzan Cuisin Cricing

There's a tit in there Oh well look I'll tell you what If we can do the real way, not christening. Please stop taking our lord out of it. Let's call it christening. I'm rather that.

Pronounce his name. You fucking heathen. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Look, now's not the tant. Is there any priests listening? I fucking hope not. Oh my God.

If you're listening, could you recommend a mate of yours who doesn't listen to tell me what to do? Is there any priest listening? Get in touch. Genuinely because I'm really confused. of what to do. Catholic priests,

not Church of England, not Protestant. Oh yeah, yeah, they're the ones who are you and go fuck yourself. If I'm going to do it. That was nice.

That was nice, on it? Unbelievable. Just Catholic ones. The rest of you, you know, fucking burning hell, as you will.

Right? No, listen, councillors, they're all the same. Yeah? You go to a Church of England church and you go to a mass

and you go, why you're all say the same thing? It's all the same. You think just because you've been Christened, let's call it the real way, that you're going to get into heaven, even though you're saying stuff like this on a public medium. I think we're both going to be in the thing and then going, oh, Chris, oh, well, she said that. You didn't have water dabble on your head, but she's giving it large, aren't you?

Do you know how forgiven God is? You can do anything. Oh, okay. As long as you worship him, he forgives you. That's what I got told. I'll be honest with it. I run exactly the same. Okay.

I'll do exactly how I run my household. Right. Do what you want. Worship me. do what you want. You forgive anything as long as a worship. Say it over with her as many times as you want

just worship me. Okay. Worship in the door. Can you please start now? Yeah. All right. Good. Babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, ba.

Across Canada in a Volvo. Destination, Vancouver, turn left to leave. Travel west through approaching. Continue toward. You've arrived. Adventure and Comfort with Volvo.

Whether you prefer gas, plug-in hybrid, or fully electric, there's a Volvo for everyone. Learn more at VolvoCars.ca. Here we go. Someone's already claiming this is our year. Someone else said that last year, too. A round of James and ginger and lime arrives at a table. Smooth enough for kickoff, smooth enough for extra time.

New friends pulling up a stool. Debates about whether that was a handball. Cheers rise. like a roar around the room. Because match days are about the shared moments. How did Jameson to your match day lineup? Jameson, it's what you bring. Please enjoy our products responsibly.

This episode is brought to you by L'Oreal Group. Beauty is a powerful force that moves us. That's why L'Oreal Group has built a business that is inclusive at its heart with 100% of its brands, championing diversity. With 25,000 professional opportunities for people under 30 worldwide, and 54% of leading positions held by women.

Diversity is a strength that helps Loreal Group create the best beauty products for all people. Visit Loreal.com to learn more. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hello, Chris and Rosie. Hiya. I hope you both doing well, considering summer is kicking off soon.

I think it's already here. Alive and kicking heat wave motherfuckers! We're in London this week doing, please keep me anonymous. What? I just want... I love the heat. Yeah, but we're in London this week doing

and please keep me anonymous. and as anyone knows, we'll do four in one day and we're in that studio for the full day and it's going to be 31 degrees outside. He's got ACON? Yeah, but you're not allowed to have it on when we're talking. Why? Because you're able to hear it.

It has to turn off so the mics don't pick it up. Oh, but I can't sweat for me eyebrows. Maybe you should have thought of that point. We haven't got your fucking eyebrows done. When else would I've got them done? There's always something. There's always something going on. Same reason I don't go to do jihitsu competitions.

I've always got something to not be injured for. Yeah, same reason I'm growing out, we blonde here? Yeah? I'm sick of getting me, I'm literally going back to my natural hair color. I'm gonna look like a plain little twat because I'm sick of get my hair done. I'm gonna be, you're literally gonna be like,

who's this plain bitch with the lush eyebrows? So I'm sick of getting my hair died so I'm going back to my natural color. Okay. I'm taking the back to my roots. Go on then. Yeah. Why'd you hear us?

I just, the eyebrow thing, I just don't know it became just such a huge thing. Eyebrows. I've heard women go, oh, yeah, I love your eyebrows. I'm like, fucking hell. Like, it's just so odd.

It's like, if you got nice teeth. No, it's not. It's like, hello, mate. Fucking hair, your earlobes are looking good. Hey, Gary, you're fucking, mate. Your philtrums bang on the day like me. What's a filterum. It's that little bit in between your top lip and your nose.

Yeah, but you look at it though, don't you? Yeah, but if someone's got a shit one, you'd be like, fucking what a kid. So. Yeah, who invited shit, filter him, Terry? exactly so I'm sorry you do notice it yeah okay

why'd you put why'd you put product on your hair the hair's a big thing why you get your hair cut the hair's a big thing I just again I've just never about 10 year ago eyebrows became the main thing in the world

now it's all anyone talks about you go to the fucking shops and people like get them off with bits of string and that looking like they're playing a fucking violin on your face I don't know what's going on man

threading that awful I don't know how it works crazy I've watched so many videos of that I don't know what's going on it's so clever it's just the bits of string

and then trap the trap the hair Why the two tweezers? Because you get more off in the threading. It's quicker. Listen, shut up. I've just broken up with my boyfriend of one year and I created a list of X about the things that he did which ranges from.

That's just weird to that's really sad. Wow. Okay. Amazing. God, it's like we've said... It's not really a list. It's just one thing. But Cycle's set them out on a mission and they've come back.

You know, they've been stationed for a year somewhere and they've come back and this is their report at the end. Okay. There's just one thing. It must be the main one. It's just one thing. I read this list out of my sister, my cousin and both their partners, and the one that got

the most reaction. There it is. There you go. I would like to share with you today. He sleeps with his shoes on. No, fuck. No, he does not. No. Too lazy to come in and change out of his work clothes, he will fall asleep without changing

or take any smelly shoes. Yes, the shoes are on the duvet and pillows. No. I'm keen to know both your opinions, but especially Chris's. Awful. Oh, so he just, no. Right. First of all, we need the full list.

Stop this. I need more information. So he comes in... Just can't be ours to take your shoes off. So he's always got shoes on. He's got athletes' foot. Do you understand what I'm saying here? It's ridiculous.

I'm not on board with this. He leaves him on in the house. Goes to bed. Yeah. What's his job? With his shoes on. Imagine if he works in a farm. When does he take them off?

I don't know. Because if you're not taking them off, I don't feel like you're ever taking them off. Just in the shower with these fucking shoes on. I don't, we need more, we need more information. This is not enough context. I can't believe it.

Why would you sleep in a bed though with someone who's got their fucking shoes on? And they're not mortal drunk. Horrible. I saw a thing recently. It was like, do you wear your shoes in the house and it showed to the bottom of the soul

and it just had loads of like different stuff at like tab ends and like obviously it was just like an, you know, artists. Impression. Impression or whatever you call it. But it was like tab ends and like, and like, used condoms.

It was like, this is all the stuff you could be walking on in the street. Oh, urine's, they're given. Yeah. Yeah. So I try not that if I wear mine in the house anymore. No, we're doing, we do quite well with that. But then at the same time...

I've even started to take my socks off at the door as well. I just walk around bare and... Why is that? I think it's hot. Two reasons. It's hot and me white socks get really scruffy sometimes on the floor. Okay, well, listen. Welcome to Varuga Land. Right.

I think I'm immune to Varugas. Okay. I think so. Just like that time when I went back for an eye test and they said your eyes have healed

you don't need glasses anymore. I think I'm a moment of the root of us. Do that actually happen? Yeah. Don't tell Robin. Well, no.

You have, haven't you? Yeah. Oh, you've, I think he's forgot. I think he's forgot. They've told me he won't ever They'll, they'll always wear glasses.

It's when your eyes grow. My eyes grew out of it, basically. But he'd be fine. I guarantee you've forced your mom to take you. I guarantee you force your

and your mom would have been stupid enough And she'd gone, I was very keen to have glasses. You won't have even need them. Very keen to have glasses. Do you know what I always liked? I just always liked stuff.

So like when other people, one of the lads in the class would sit and they would like get a dry and they would open the little glasses case and they had the little thing to polish it and they would polish the glasses and they would put them on. I'd be like, I want that.

Things. So one of the reasons I like golf, all the stuff you have to take. Yeah, bits and pieces. Bits and pieces. Got me tea, got me glove, got my little mark. Big,

I got my clubs. When I worked upon them. I used to wear glasses without any lenses in. We've talked about this. That's how much I want a glass. Hipstack, how. Pathetic. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bao.

Hello, Ramsey's. Hi. Long time listening, I'm forever trying to get my story read. Oh, okay. Sorry. Just listening to the episode on Friday, 5th of June, BS bars and buying warts. Yes.

I remember that my dad, on a number of occasions, bought my cold off me, and it worked. At least it did for me. No, no. My cold went away, however, my dad never. appear to get it. I feel like that's just time. Is that because cold, go away in a couple of days?

Just time in it. Fucking out, man. My shit story is as follows. Could be Rosie's mystery. Should we do talk about shit? Let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about poo and we. Let's talk about all the good shits and the bad shits that may be.

Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit. With a little bit of shit. Let's talk about shit. Shag married and shit. Did I do it? No. No.

Terrible. In the episode, toenail Barbie. I do remember toenail Barbie. I think about that. Someone made a cap for a Barbie out of a toenail that had fallen off. Absolutely monkey. And brilliant. And the Barbie movie missed a trick by not having toenail Barbie in the Barbie movie.

I agree. You mentioned how one of Chris's friends washes any new clothes before he wears them. Yeah, Stevie. I... Huh? Stevie, me mate. I now do this too. You have to.

Because... I bought some trousers in a sale and I was wearing them on a city tour around Prague when I noticed there was something that felt sharp and hard scratching my bum cheek from the inside of the trousers. Unfortunately, it was at least two hours later when I next went the toilet and I was finally able to check the insides of my trousers only to find... You've given away. It's a toenail. It's a toenil or a fingernail. Is that what you're going with? It's a to tony or a fingernail in the trousers, which is the worst. You are wrong. No way!

It was a hard piece of someone else's shit Shut the fuck up Stuck to the inside seam of the trousers So it was more of a Less a city break More of a shitty break A hard bit of shit Scratching them from the inside

Clearly some filthy animal It had shot it in the trousers So I had some earth moving and had a pick I felt violated I couldn't I couldn't go on With the I don't mean I would end it all

I mean I couldn't go on with the trip I'd have to go I'd have to wash so it was like scratching their bum cheek Just a bit of hard chip That's I told you I've mentioned it on here as well But for any new listeners

Just to let you know that My mom once knew someone Who bought a pair of shorts From the charity shop And was wearing them And put their hands in the pockets And there was a full set Of cut toenails and fingernails

In the pockets Have you told me that? I forgot about that. I think I forgot about that. Oh God. Isn't that the... Imagine. I love the phrase of full set.

I love the phrase of full set. It was every digit. Yeah, right, one, two, right, there's ten of them. There's ten of them. It was every digit. Wow. I would, Chris, I would vomit. I would...

I would vomit. I wouldn't come back from that. What, nonchalantly wearing your new lovely bargain bin trousers, bloody shorts and you're bloody shorts, and you're put your hand in your pocket and there's just loads of finger. No. Disgusting. I think people are vile.

I mean, people are busy. People are busy. What do you mean? You've cut the fingernails. You've been in the garden. You've done, or you've been, no, I can't. No, you can't. I'm sorry, you can't stick up first.

Who's putting your finger? Who's putting their fingernails in the pockets? Who's putting them in their pockets? Oh. They're really, they're sick and they've done it deliberately or they've just forgot. I don't know. I think they're just scruffy bastards and they forgot. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadu, ba.

Would you like another shit story? Always. Yeah? Yeah. Okay, are you sure? You're not too much you have for these yet. You haven't grown up enough? Never.

I'll be laughing this shit when I'm 80. We've been doing this for seven years. You're still on the shit train? Yeah. Okay. No, listen. You're going to enjoy this then. Are you ready?

Hi, Rosie and Chris, please keep me anonymous. Every time you share a poo story, I think I should share my experience from work and I decided today's the day. Can't be. Okay, so picture this. another Tuesday morning at the pharmacy, right? So they work at the pharmacy.

Oh, the pharmacy. I'm assuming a pharmacist. Oh, God. Well, a pharmacist or, you know, one of the people there. I held by a pharmacist. Training, a trainee of pharmacist. The usual hustle. It could be the pharmacist or there could be the person that I always run into

where when I go to the pharmacist. Because they say, like, if you've got, you know, pharmacists have got like loads of like powers now, for want of a better word where they can sort of diagnose things and they can even, you know, that can give you antibiotics. I'm sure if it's the right thing. So I've been told loads of times to go in and speak to the pharmacist.

And so you either get the pharmacist, the people who put the stuff in, or there's another job in the pharmacy, which is the woman who I speak to when I first get there, which is in every pharmacist, not a specific one, who I say, can I speak to the pharmacist? She says, what's the problem? I tell her what the problem is. She audibly goes, I'll get the pharmacist, then gets the pharmacist. That doesn't happen. That has happened to me more than four times.

that's not good it's happened to excuse me can I say the pharmacist yeah what's what's it about oh I've got this thing on here like under me tongue I want to think oh can I have a look yeah I'll get the pharmacist I'm telling you that's fucking happened to me so many times I don't even know she works there this woman she just travels all of the pharmacies just making you feel like absolute shit when I had me prickly heat on me thing I went in I was like can I see the pharmacist well what happens what seems to be a problem I says well I've been on a holiday and I think I've got prickly heat yeah I've got these yeah it's it's a oh is it itchy on you, it's it's it, it's it,

it's hurt, oh, I'll get the pharmacist. I was like, could you not just got, your nosy fucker? Could you not, just trying to put you off? You're there too much. I do wait, I'd say, you're there too often and they're like,

fucking make this guy feel uncomfortable. I've seen the doctor the other day, not for me, for Reeve. Yeah. It's got glue here. Yeah, he is. That's why he's turned the tell you, we need to be.

He's got gluey, yeah, bless him. I told the doctor that, I was just talking about doctors and I was like, oh, no, there's a pharmacy near us, that's really, good so I was like I haven't been the doctor that's for years. I face lit up. Really? Face little

face little. I haven't been the dots for you. And I thought whenever I do with a TV show or something and they go what's the name me a doctor I got, I don't even know where it is. I know where it is but I don't want the name of the doctor. I just make up the address. I think is it a posh. We don't have a certain one. It's just it always says name of your personal physician. It's not posh. I'm saying is that a posh thing to have your personal physician. I don't know why they ask anymore.

We've spoke about this before. Medical emergency. The ambulance is there. Somebody check what the doctors is Why? Why? Yeah. Yeah. Makes no sense. I don't know what you mean. I just make it up. We just have whoever's available at the doctors. Yeah.

Those days are gone. I had a doctor when I was younger, the same doctor. She hated me. Did she? Oh, I was in all the time. A lot of people hated you, Chris. I don't know. Every story.

Every story is the people hate Chris and I'm just like, why does everyone hate you? Why? And why have I married you when everybody hated you? What's happened? Don't worry about it. Do not worry about it. I am worried about it, though.

Because... Don't worry about it. All your teachers hated you. Why did the doctor hate you? I don't know my doctor enough. I was there a massive, massive hypochondriot. I was there all the time. All the time at the doctors when I was younger.

Crazy. Okay. Crazy. No comment. See, my man was a nurse, so I was excited to go to the doctor. So that's why I was there all the time. Really good. Wasn't good though.

Did I tell you when I had a cyst on me boob? No. Oh God. Okay, one day I was put my bra on. I was 13. I put my bra on and just loads of liquid squirted out my boob across the room. Oh my God. It's terrifying.

Just loads of like water. Which bit? Out like the nipple like that areola. Loads of what, just loads. And I was like, and I did it again. And I like move my boob again. It was just like, it's disgusting. It was like, well now.

Was this when you shit? Was this when you shared a room with Kate? Oh, yeah. Lovely. Bless her. So I had to go to the doctors who I'd been with since a kid, not seen that often, but known him. And he, like, had to feel my boob and that.

God, it was horrible. Like, the doctor you've had from being a kid had to, like, touch your tits. A 30 as well. Yeah, but he had always a doctor, but still, it was weird, but still, it was weird. I don't want, I want touch with my tits. Rosie, it's already weird if he went,

whey, but then I had to go on. I made myself laugh. then I I don't know what seems to be the problem why yeah just because I quit this is this is awful

you can't leave this in and then I had to go while I had to go to the boob clinic at Gateshead at Gateshead Hospital and everyone was really holding out of another

another doctor I feel need boobs I wasn't called the boob clinic but it was the boob department of the gatehead hospital I said we never get to the boob clinic I was geeky york

I was the youngest person there they were all like elderly women in good gowns and that but it was exciting got a day off school so funny so yeah it was a like it was a cyst or something like an infection got you don't know um

they're out of the pharmacy right she said fuck jeez that was fucking out years ago right um the usual hustle people lining up for their meds and me stuck behind the counter trying to keep it all smooth This lady comes up Once to grab prescriptions for her and her mom

Standard Stuff As I'm rooting around the script She suddenly blurts out that she needs the loo And we'll be right back Now our pharmacy doesn't have a public restroom And there isn't one super close by So I'm thinking she'll be gone a bit She comes back

And I start handing over the meds She asks if I can just toss them in her bag No biggie, right? You've read this Have I? There's a shit in her bag Oh There's a shit in her bag

She's a shot in her bag You've read this well well well this has never happened before it has it have I read the one same one twice no not as recent as it just you've read this a couple weeks ago oh well hey well hey well listen so all that all that dynamite pharmacy partner's gonna have to go no it can stay it can stay but we made a mistake I made a mistake sorry we didn't read it I made a mistake yeah yeah you made a mistake I made a mistake you made a mistake we got there in the end there it is um so yeah again she's chit in the bag she should have she chit in the bag

outside chatting a bag came back in, put them in the bag. Just on top of the shit. Yeah. There it is. All right. But long live the pharmacy. Yeah. Well, that woman, she would have loved it.

That woman there. Put them in a... Ugh! Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You should do that with a fake shit next time you go. Yeah.

Hold it. How often I are at the pharmacy? Not that often. I feel like you... No, I'm telling you. No. Why everyone hate you? No, no.

I was just like... What? I was just always at the fucking... Always at the doctors. Always at the doctors. What about it? To be fair though, then I had like really bad acne and the same doctor was like,

she was just so used to as being a fucking hypochondri at that she was just like, ah. And I was like, I need to, you know, I wanted to go on that rack you're tea and stuff and she was like, nah, nah, not bad enough. And then we swapped to a different doctor and he was like, fucking hell, yes, you need to immediately. But she was, bless her, she was so sick of us.

It was like, I could have went in my fucking head hanging off and should have been like, oh, fuck. The boy that cried wolf. Oh, totally, totally. What did he used to go about? Anything and everything that you can possibly imagine. Like what? Like what headaches?

Headaches. sick, fucking also in my mouth like pathetic. Like pathetic. To go to the doctors, I had to be dying. Yeah. Oh, it's pathetic. Pothetic. I had a men enjoy to scare and collapsed in a shop. What? I don't go to the doctors. Jesus. Went to A and A. It's when I split my head open.

I went A&E. Yeah. But imagine... Even one high on that. Well, I know, but maybe I could have gone the doctors before that. Sandra, no. Well, look, it's probably my fault that the NHS is the way it is. That what you want to hear? Is that what you want to say? Is that what you've been going for? I've been been the doctor for fucking years. I went to doctorate. That had me full medically. A day. Some people go to the doctor's all the time. Oh yeah, they love it. Absolutely love it.

Ah, no, thank you. I love it. I would sooner stick onions on my feet in the middle of the night and sleep with them. Oh, right. Okay. I hate going to the doctor. Like, you know, I think the doctor's great. I think we're very lucky to have what we'll have. Um, touch wood for a bit longer. But fuck the doctor's like. I'm not going to talk. let's take that out of context brus you want to think why they're fuck their no I just don't like the dog guys

I know what you mean the old yeah the thing of it it's good though when you got kids kids get seen straight immediately you ring on the day it's fantastic

looking for an ending can't find one can't find one sorry I read the same thing twice I'm really tired on my eyebrows nice come on England eyebrows look great

and come on England and it's getting a bit warm on yeah let's get a thoroughfare going and fuck the daughters And I'm still Do know why everyone hated Chris when he was a kid But that's fine

Bhabo do babadoo babadoo baababababoo Ba-Bah do back Thank you so much for listening And watching this week's episode A Shagmourde Thank you very much indeed As always everyone Get In touch

It's Shagmarydanoid at gmail.com And if you want to send in a voice note It is 07874 40665550 I should remember that number But I'm never going to And come on England And it's coming home

And I hope you have a lovely little time Wherever you are Warm as fuck And Chrisamsycom because I'm back on tour in September. Hopefully when the venues are a bit cooler because if I'll tell you what

hats off to every day in children when does your two I start? September the 8th or something Oh, I've booked me top up. You're top up for your eyebrows? This is just fucking Sorry everyone Sorry, two has cancelled

Thanks for coming anyway Get your refunds Where are you on the 10th? I've booked me top up for the 10th 10th of September Chris I haven't got you two ever My big diary yet You better be home.

10th September is the day it starts and I'm in Norwich. Stop it. 10th September is the day it starts and I'm in Norwich and it's sold out and I'm an itch the next day. Then Stoke.

Then live a pool that would be in. Can I do it on the 9th? Are you here the 9th? On the 9th what am I doing? We're in London on the 9th doing. Please keep me anonymous. Oh, I've got to... You've got nothing in your diary.

I've got nothing in my diary. Fucking lunatic. Okay. Right. Oh, God. Great. Bye. Bye, everyone.

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