Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Vampires, slop duty and some misleading alarms

Episode Date: February 6, 2026

Were vampires ever real... and other thoughts from todays podcast! Guess who's back? That's right, Chris and Rosie return to discuss school dinners, vampires, tea towels and some undercover (literally) recording. We have some brilliant voice notes that involve funerals, a £20 note and an unfortunate bed incident. QFTP's cover bottle misuse, dog pooh and some porn star intel! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast then get in touch! 📧: [e-mail] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Marinoid, we've got all the usual stuff. We've got beefs. Mm-hmm. Questions from the public. Obviously, we've got voice notes. Yes, I'm loving them. And the topics we are covering today are very, very broad. Rosie, take it away.

Right, we've got vampires. We've got tea towels. We've got alarms. We've got Listerine. Redox. Full bathroom cabinet. Full bathroom cabinet. And we've got an insider porn industry secret that I was genuinely surprised by.

You've learned something new every day, Chris. Let it never be. said that we don't educate the public. Exactly. Enjoy. Boarding for flight 246 to Toronto is delayed 50 minutes. Ugh, what? Sounds like Ojo time.

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Download today. 19 plus, Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to conicsonterio.ca. Hello, you are listening and watching Shagmaridenoid with me, Rosie, and my husband, Christopher. Hello. Hello.

Hi. Hi. Now, it's freezing in this room. It's really cold. But it's fine. It's freezing everywhere. Yeah. It looks like four o'clock at every time of the day.

It's really starting. I'm starting to get sick now. Like, yeah. We've booked a holiday. We have booked a holiday. We have booked a holiday because I just got so depressed. But the reason I'm flagging it was because if we sort of talk quite a lot and we get a bit hype at it. It's just because I'm literally trying to be warm.

Warm you up. And we've got a new headphones again, and I've just put them in my ear, and it was like putting two little bits, it was like putting two little frozen peas in my ear. Oh, just so you know. Not advisable.

You're not meant to put anything in your ear. What is that stupid phrase you used to say? Don't put anything in your ear smaller than your elbow. Something like that's where I got told you. It's not even meant to put your finger in there. No. I'm like, eh? Not even like that cheat.

Not even if it's, not even if it's van der Leyen today. Not even a little one. I've just told you that last night before I went to bed, I had like really like shooting pain in the ear. Yeah, yeah. And you told me that you got shooting pains everywhere. Shooting pains everywhere all the time.

Come on. Everyone listening. I'm sure I've said it before where you get the, you get the pain, you get a shooting pain in your chest somewhere. And you go, and you're like, this is it. It's the end. And then it's gone. And then you're like, I don't. I've done like I get shooting pains.

The shooting pains of terror. No. The shooting pains of the dark realm. Nah. What? Really? The gong of the dark realm. I do all the time.

I get the media. I'm getting behind me eye, just get random like, and I go like, and part of us goes, this is it, and then it goes, and you go,

oh, well, I think that's anxiety. Probably, right? Yeah. It's good, though, because you get like, it's almost, like, you're walking on sunshine

after it happened because you're like, oh, it didn't get us. Yeah. Better luck next time, motherfucker. How are you going to die? I'm so intrigued.

Oh, it'll be convoluted, complicated, and it'd be very irritating for most people I do imagine. I can't imagine. I'm just going to just shuffle away quietly. No, you'll not be here during the night,

Oh, I'm a big, big song and dance about it me. Like, I've dragged it out for, yes. Dramatic is out. Or do you think you'll have a big illness? I don't know. Who knows, eh? Well, we shall see. Watch this piece.

Keep listening, guys. I'm on, I'm not on my period anymore. No, you're a joy this week. I know, I'm sorry. Can I just say as well? I'm obviously a disgust and filthy man and I don't understand and I don't get periods. But the outpouring of sympathy that you got from the sisters. I'm not here.

I'm not taking the piss reading all the comments on the clip that we put out of you kicking off I was slightly emotional because I was like this is so lovely like so so lovely blocs don't have a thing like that do you not think

not really like all I was going to go to there jovily for a joke in my head I was going to go to like if you put a video of yourself accidentally getting hit in the balls and loads of blocs going to oh I feel your pain that's the closest I can imagine it being I went to get me haircutter day and there was a lady in the hairdresser

who was like can you tell Rosie I feel her pain And I was like, thank you. Thank you, everyone. Appreciate it. Yeah, it's just, it's what. Do you know what? I was going to call the doctors. I spoke to,

I spoke to Leymondch actually. What? Nothing. Oh, Chris is in one of these moods, by the way. Like a shitty dad. I was going to call the doctor. What are you going to call him? Oh, just, just keep myself warm.

I'm just keeping myself warm. To I start on Sunday. Woo! Anyway, I forgot. Yeah. And now I feel better. Right, yeah. A lot of that.

So I'm like, wow. Hey, I'm. I'm fine now. I'm healed. I'm cute. Dare I say it. Dare I say it. I do believe the NHS would be under a lot less strain if people thought, I'm going to call the doctor. I'll wait a day. Right, I'll not bother calling the doctor. But that's not me saying ignore your illnesses.

Listen, guys, thank you so much for watching. Thank you so much for listening. If you're watching on YouTube, please subscribe. If you're watching on your, if you're listening on your podcast shops and you still haven't subscribed, do that as well. Thank you very much. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor.

This week's sponsor. Something that I only realized the other day, day that I've been having to do. I used to do it as a job sometimes and now I have to do with my kids and it upsets us so much. This week's sponsor is picking

someone's fork out of gravy. Oh. Absolutely fucking horrendous. And I had to do it on Sunday. The kids finished the little Sunday dinner, as that were had. And it was knives, actually, knives are the worst because the fork lifts up. It's a knife. That's a worst. Little knife, right in the gravy.

flat and you've got to pick it out with the gravy. And I'm telling you, doing it, when I used to be a waiter, made us die a little bit inside. Did you also remember getting put on slop duty at school? Well, I've never talked about that. Did you ever get put on slop duty? Sorry. Sorry. You mean some children in your school would be allocated the job of scraping everyone's

slop into the bin? No. Yeah? I don't think, I think we all did that on our own as you were. I think you went up and you did it. I've got a very strong memory of being stood at a certain place in the school hall and I think it was year six I think everyone's no like they did it but you had to help like the little kids and stuff it was like a duty slop duty oh my god what's good is it

I think everyone listening I think everyone listening assumes that you cleaned most of the plates though you've finished them off didn't you hey no ain't enough it's full sausage man. I do remember me, me, my, Ozene were, most days were stayed for seconds and the hall was empty.

That was Slop duty. Slop duty was just you and Ozene lying on your back and people just shoveling fucking... I don't understand how people didn't stay for seconds. Because the school dance, disgusting, you're the only person. You're the only person

in the history of the world who liked school dinners. I loved them. Primary and comp, I won't have a bad word said against them. My comprehensive was the best of minced and dumplings I've ever had. And I remember getting older

and everyone was like, let's go out for dinner and I'd be like yeah thinking oh fuck sake I really just want to stay in I go to the baker's for a good pie and I'd be like I could have been having mashed potato with mince and dumplings at school and I'm stood here in the cold

eating a pie next to this lad I fancy who wants an out of day with us because you're eating a pie probably why doesn't he fancy is because you stand next to him every day shoveling a fucking pie into your mouth and then we'd get a chip buddy

which one lovely actually from the But sometimes I think I just want to stay at school. Really? But I'm like that now on a night out. You know, people are like, let's go at this bar. I'm like, I'm just, I'm quite happy where I am. I don't like moving around. I just like staying in one place.

I understand. I understand. But you just love to go ahead. That's the fact that you ought to do for that. I mean, you go up and do it. I remember, I just thinking about what makes us want to die, looking in that bin liner and just seeing a big mound of food. Oh, it's horrible.

Like, it's horrible. I hope you're talking to the local pigs or something, like the local farm or something like that. What do you mean? Like, you know, not wasted it. I hope they went and took it some weight for them that they didn't did that. They just threw it at the bin. Look on in the bin.

Yeah, of course it. Still will now. What are you talking about? No. Oh, the beans won't pack lunch. Do you get pounded about pack lunch? No, it's not happening. It's not happening.

Every day I get hounded. I told Robin, I said to him, I went, you can have pack lunch when you're old enough to make it yourself every day. You'll starve. You'll starve to death. Well, that's the thing. You'll pass out at school. Because I said to him, I said, if you can make you own pack lunch and I've got

nothing to do with it, then that's fine. but it'll come and I couldn't let him go to school without anything. It'll be on the way out the door and he'd be walking out the door and you'll go have you got your packed lunch and you go, what, uh, no? And you'll go out and you have to quit your make. Nah, fuck that. No chance. And his packed lunch will be a dry tottier wrap,

a cheese string and a pack of a reason. Some unwashed grapes still on the stork. Exactly. No, I'm not doing, honestly, big, what do you keep going to turn us off for? I didn't know if I'd, sometimes I'd just go to turn off. I thought, I'm so sorry. You do this all the time.

My God. Honestly, every time I'm talking. I run the compier. You listen and you watch all their podcasts. They've got producers in the background who they're fucking playing to and you can hear them giggling away. We, just us. So I've got to try and judge when she's finished talking

so I can lean in and do her. Because I'll get shit if she's not, you know, I'll lean in and try and get the perfect one. But then if I don't, you're sitting there like, what you do? No, it's far too long. Cut that. So make your mind up. But I'm getting a smile out of you this week because you're not on your goddamn period. Guess who's back.

Back again. Yeah. Rosie's back. Tell your friends Guess who's back Guess who's back Yes who's back Very good

Guess who's back Guess who's back Guess who's back Guess who's back Stop it Stop it now Yeah good Fuck

We had a fight about the jingle We couldn't set a long A jingle So this is the jingle Jinggo We hope you like the jingle Jingo Babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, ba

Jingo Hello and welcome back to Shag to Mary Denoid. Hello. So good to see you. What you all missed there while I was exporting the fire was we both basically

rapped almost all of that song because once I've started, we can't stop. So yeah, but we didn't want to put it on here because it's just a lot of mumbling and swearing and stuff. Interestingly enough, there's a big, big chunk of my tour about when I start rapping, I can't stop.

Tour starts on Sunday. Do you wrap in your tour? I don't want to give too much away, but it might be, it might end on a musical number. Gonna be honest with you? Stop! Yeah? Without me?

The best way. Oh my God. I don't know anything about your tour. You haven't seen any of it yet, have you? Nah, no previews. Some bits I genuinely don't want you to hear. Are you horrible about us? Of course I am.

How horrible? I'm out. I'm free. I'm out. I'm in the world. Is there any stories that I should veto? Do you know what it is? Honestly, by the time you come and see it at the Newcastle,

The damage is done. Nearly done? Yeah, yeah. I'll have done loads of dates by then. But yeah, very excited. Starting off Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, first three nights. Bloody love a Scottish leg of the tour. So excited. Still some tickets left, by the way, just for the odd little handfuls of tickets. London, maybe Liverpool, Manchester, Oxford, Halifax, a couple of others.

But just handfuls, so grab them and I'll see us all soon. I'm so excited. I'm not. Really? I was. I was really looking forward to you going. But now I'm like, oh, I've got to do all the school runs. starting to get annoyed.

I've got to do all the bed times and I'm just a bit like, how many oranges am I going to have to peel? How many broccoli are going to have to boil? I do quite a lot of the broccoli. Like, I just, oh God. Yeah. Sorry, love.

It's all right. It's fine. You're making money. But the weather's getting nicer a little bit. There was some sun the other day. So it might, you know, kick them in the garden like a pair of dogs. Did I tell you, I was in the car the other day

and the sun started shining and I pulled the visor down and then the sun was still getting through. Like I hadn't seen the sun for months. I genuinely, just for a moment, completely forgot what sunglasses were. Completely forgot that there were a thing. Really? I pulled the visor down and I looked

and the sun was still coming and I was like, what the fuck? Because it hasn't even been winter sun. Yeah, there's been nothing. I've got a question for you. Yeah. Did vampires ever exist? Or are the fully blown just made of?

I think they might have back in the day. Right. Okay. Like centuries ago. right okay I've come from some way right no made up but carry on

why do you think they exist did connect can we just take a moment she doesn't put this on she doesn't put this on we're talking about the sun I was telling about the sunglasses completely ignore that and went straight to

do you think vampire has ever existed so you think there was really I do I do wow this is interesting like hocus pocus times okay

so so what might still be about now right well there could be DJs maybe night shift workers night shift workers I just think they'll be more like sneaky than that right okay

how would they get money what do you mean how would they get money if vampires existed how would they get money years ago they've got like gold coins on the loft right okay so you believe that

there may have been people who had fangs who drank blood who when the sunlight touched them they exploded possibly explain the garlic thing what is the garlic thing that don't like garlic kills them

but what about witches do you know like witches are real back in the day no I can be completely wrong no you are but just if you are listening

just know that I did kind of think that he might be real but he didn't so I can't like all right I know we're living

in a world where you know the whatever you want to call it walkness and people are scared to offend anyone but you've just apologised

to vampire No, just in case If you are listening I'm the one who doesn't believe in you So I'm no threat here at all I don't even think he's this She's fucking onto you So get her

Like aliens and stuff Do you think aliens exist? I think So if you think aliens can be real Why don't you think That vampires can be real? Riddle me this Come from somewhere

Oh sorry Stories come from somewhere You've won the argument Because you said riddle me this There's always a bit of truth In a story Right Don't you think?

Right So that's ridiculous this. So what you're saying is you're saying I don't I can believe in life on other planets which I don't but I can believe in I have to believe in a variation of a human that can fly

I don't think they're around now I don't think they're around now Do you think that they didn't have reflections? Oh my God that might just be things that have been made up since Okay Okay so you think someone just bit someone on the neck and suck their blood Like drunk people drank blood That probably happens now 100% there'll be people

There'd be people this is turning a more of a debate I only ask you one question I only said do you think vampires did exist no um aliens do you think aliens

yeah maybe yeah listen I'm sorry never say never about anything I just think like the fact that

that that I made two children is mad the fact that my body just like birthed two children I think aliens the fact that we walk around

the fact that there's like just stuff that we talk how can you go? I find it's so crazy when people go like Oh, what a... No, no, I'm not saying that.

I think there is aliens. No, I think there is aliens but not aliens, aliens and the way people think there's aliens. No, not like the green... No, no, and I don't think they're coming down here and fucking about. I think there's probably life on other planets because there's like trillions of stars

which each have a planet system but they're so fucking far away and the universe has been around for billions of years so we'd need to be around at the same time as them and they'd be able to... they'd have to be able to get here. It were fucking miles away from everything. Like years, millions of years away from stuff.

Robin asked how many stars they are the other day. More than they are grains of sand on every single beach in the whole world. The number, I didn't even recognise the number. Yeah. Or did you Google it? Yeah. But it was like, it was... He has one fire.

A trezillion or something ridiculous. He has one fire. You know, in the universe, do you know, wood is rarer than diamonds? What? There's less wood than... There's less wood in the universe than diamonds. Wood, trees, yeah. There's less, because they're only here.

Whereas there's carbon. Okay. Everywhere. And it can be compressed and be turning to diamonds. There's planets where it like rains diamonds and shit, it's insane. What? There's planets where it like rains diamonds or it rains glass sideways at like 500 mile an hour. See, this is the thing though.

This is the thing when you go, so you talk about planets and all the different planets and all the different universes and all that shit. Don't be saying that proves vampires as. I'm sorry, but they're here like, oh, someone can fly in the drink blood. Yeah, but you're saying they're here. You're saying they're here. I'm not saying they're here, possibly.

I'm not having it. Sorry, oh, sorry, it's raiding fucking diamonds. That's science. Not magic. No one's... They're not Tiffany fucking rings. They're just bits of carbon, bits of coal that'd become. Imagine how much that would hurt.

I'm blinded it, but it's... But I'm rich. It landed on my neck. I gotta keep it. I'm blinded, but I'm rich. I just think, I don't know. But then, listen, whatever. I don't care anymore.

Listen. But if you sat me in a room as conspiracy theorists, I would probably be really easy to manipulate. You would agree with every single one of them. You would agree with every single one of them, and then one of them shat on the other one's idea, you'd go, yeah. And I need shit back on it, and you go,

yeah, yeah, yeah, you'd be, like, you're fucking Switzerland, absolute Switzerland. I'm really easy to, like, manipulate something like that. And I mean, so easy to sell to. In this room that we're talking about where you're sitting with all of them, they're all on chairs. They've actually,

you're just on a little fence. Yeah, no, yeah, I am. No, honestly. But I get it. I totally get it. Question. Vampire walks in this room now, goes,

we are real. Exactly the same rules as sinners. Yeah? Same vampire rules as sinners. Not Twilight where the sunlight hits in the spark. You've got to explain sinners to people who haven't seen it. All right, well, all I mean is, Silver kills them, garlic kills them.

They've got it. be invited into a place before they go into the place. Sunlight kills them. They have to drink blood. Yeah. Right. Live forever at the age they are now. One of them walks in now.

It's Michael B. Jordan, right? He walks in. Hello, Michael. He will hire me. Get a chair. Do you top off, man. Get comfortable. What do you mean?

It's cool. Do you get top off? So he comes in. He's so lovely. He's seen him in Black Panther. Oh my God. Yeah, I did the other day. Even with all the little scars on him.

He's been in that diamond rain. He's been in the diamond rain. I mean muscles. He walks in, he goes, they are real, vampires are real, I'm a vampire. I don't know how he's coming,

why he's coming, because it's that fucking grim. In fact, you could be out during the day around here, it'll be fine. He offers it to turn you into a vampire. Yes, I know.

Do I have a choice? He offers it, he says, do you want to be a vampire or not? No. You don't want to be one? No. Oh. I like bed.

I like going to bed. Why don't want to be a vampire? He sounded like Steve Carella, an background man. I love lamp. I like bed. No, I don't want to be a vampire. No. All right then.

We could bite people and you can't eat garlic. Twilight rules. Oh, God, that's the day where it is. It's because you can't eat garlic. I don't want to live forever. All right, Twilight rules. You can go out with the sun, you twinkle. You can also fly now.

Do you want to be a vampire? No, they're all weird as fuck. I don't want to be a fucking vampire. I'm just saying I think they might actually have some a bit like religion right over the years

it happened but it gets sort of like twisted in time and stories and stuff like that I'd love it to be right I think they come from some I think it comes from somewhere I love it to be right imagine

very long chat about vampires happy Halloween so let's talk about something else Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo ba With Amex Platinum $400 in annual credits for travel and dining means you not only satisfy your travel

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CBC News. When McDonald's partnered with Franks Redhot, they said they could put that shit on everything. So that's exactly what McDonald's did. They put it on your McChrispy. They put it in your hot honey macnuckets dip. They even put it in the creamy garlic sauce on your McMuffin. The McDonald's Frank's Red Hot menu.

They put that shit on everything. Breakfast available until 11 a.m. I'm participating Canadian restaurants for a limited time. Franks Red Hot is a registered trademark of the French's Food Company LLC. Babadoo, Babadoo, Babadu, Babadu, ba. It's time for my new section. Oh? Chris Ramsey, hypocrite hunter.

Right? Yeah? Watch out hypocrites, because Ramsey's about. Right, that's not been gone. I haven't been warned about this new section, by the way. Yeah, just a dead quick one. Just something I heard last night. Do you want to have a good listen to this?

That's never me. it's fucking you stop there's a bigin sound quite nice at least it's in tune that phone was on my side of the bed and you were

knocking the Zs out snoring notice I'll just let you sleep I mean you recorded this and you put it on the podcast for everyone here but notice

I mean I think you're a dickhead I let you sleep right okay I get hit I get physically and verbally attacked. Yes, snoring! I hate it. I hate being woke up.

We are past the point of niceties. For years, I've never said anything. Because I was like, oh, I love him so much. It's fine. We've just got to get that and it. It's okay. No, no. Don't want to share bed.

And I'm sorry, but you shouldn't. How long was I snoring for? Ages. It was going on and off, and every time I got me falling, you stopped. It was really irritating, actually. I was late.

for an hour. I was here for an hour. I know how like, you know, like when they're filming planet Earth and that and they're waiting for a fucking odd thought or something to come out. I was, I was waiting forever like a wildlife reporter and I finally got you. And yeah, it was... I have got a bit of a call though, in my defence. Yeah, you do it all time. I have... No, I don't. You do it all time. Do you want to make a regular section? Feel free. Feel free. But Mike, that wasn't very loud. Yeah, they were there quiet a ones. There was much louder ones on that. But do you know, do you know, honest, it doesn't bother. I quite like it.

Well, I just, oh, fuck off. No, you don't like it. I thought it was lovely. Soothe me. Get over yourself. Lovely. I thought it just sounded fantastic. I'm sorry, but you're a tosser. I thought it was nice. My mom told me today.

Actually, today, we had me. She was like, just, people just shouldn't sleep in the same bed. Yeah. Because it's the number two reason, I think, of divorces. Snorne? In the UK, snoring. Wow. I didn't know that.

A good. Honest to girls. Honest to girls. Honest girls. I think first is like adultry. All right. Okay. But then second is snoring.

And then third is just sick of bullshit. And we'll live too long. I just don't think we should get married. Okay. Anything else? No. But if you are getting married this year, then congratulations. But I don't think you should be doing it.

Wow. Honestly. Do you not think you should just embark on a long, long engagement? You've went across this loads of times. What is it? It's so upsetting about marriage to you. Because a long engagement, not just being boyfriend and girlfriend, but it's exactly the same.

There's no difference. Yeah, but then you can just leave them and you don't have to do all the bullshit. You can leave, there'd still be bullshit to sort out. They'd still be like, who's is this fucking chair? Who's is this frying? Maybe, but then you don't have to pay a solicitor like six grand for the pleasure. Right, okay. You know?

Okay. I bet you still do. I bet you people still do. Probably. I don't know. But I am happily married. Well, it doesn't fucking sound like it. I just think it's a crock of shit.

No, because marriage was first a thing In vampire times. It was in vampire times. When people's life expectancy was 30. Right. And they were like, yeah, cause. Till after was part. It's not long now.

Six more years. I'm absolutely fine with that. I love you so much. I could be with you for six years. But no, now we live till we're like 90. And everyone goes, this is a long time. It's a really good point. With the same person.

That's a really good point. It's madness, Chris. I'm sorry. It's absolute madness. But, you know, for now, we're all right. Wow. She's going to kill us. She's going to kill us in my sleep.

Actually, you can't because you're snowing just keeps us up. I'm always alert. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for, what's your beef? What is your beef? Oh, you're sung it out. Very nice. Now, apart from me, covertly filming, recording you, sorry, snoring, what's your beef?

My beef with you, this week. Didn't do one last week because I was being nice to you, but this week, I hate you again. I heard that Robin's new thing, by the way. Yeah. So our kids at the minute, I don't know if it's like a thing that they're doing, but there's a joke, they're like, hate you, hate you.

But then, but he's done the Michael Jackson, he's just turned it there. Heap you. He's very creative with these insults. I'll give him that. Do know where you get it from. It's so it's so upsetting It's really awful Literally I'm like love you

And he's like Heard yeah And they're a funny little bastard Yeah Of course he does Anyway But right okay So my beef with you

And I don't think I've done it before But it's it's Hmm You You never turn the oven off You finish cooking Yeah You finish using the oven

Everything's out the oven And it's done And then we're sitting down eat. It's just still on. Right. So I apologise because you know, Captain Planet. I try and recite you. You are. Honestly, you're destroying. Everything. Everything. Everything.

I'll tell you why. It's because our oven is a weird one. I hate it. You have to press the button. So you have to press, it's not got a handle. You can't just rag it the door open. You have to press the button and the hand and the door opens automatically. Your idea. Why are let in

so many things? I'm telling you right now it's because my button allocation has been taken up by the opening so I press it it opens I close it and then my brain my brain's like

well you've got the food out and you've pressed a button job done mate and it's not until five minutes later or I'm sitting eating and whatever slop you've knocked up and it's just going and it's just going

and I'm like oh fuck yeah it's still on so yeah never again will I ever buy an oven without just a fucking night handle on it. It is, it's irritating. I swear to God. It's a really, really irritating. It's one of the things where you think... It's a really good oven. It's like, it cooks the food a lot better than my last oven. Yeah, but it's one of the things where you go, this will be really, it didn't need it. A handle

on an oven door. There's nothing wrong with the handle on the door. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. And as well, I've got nowhere to put me tea towel. Very good point. You can't hang a teetowel. No. It's well, you're hanging a tea towel. It's like a little radiator. It dries the teatel. It dries the teatel. So now we've just got sopping my tea towels all over the nut end. Yeah. Why don't you let, A if wipe his mouth on the teetel. Because he's got fucking tooth paste on his mouth? So?

I don't want it. We've got a kitchen roll there? You wiped on the kitchen roll? We've got a huge, like, difference in what a teetowl is used for. Right. Oh yeah, you did, you wipe your ass with it. You clean dogs' feet. Yeah, go outside.

Yeah, you would, though. You'd find a dog. Go outside, clean the car, windscreen and that. I found myself. I wiped me nose on the other day and I thought, oh. Just the corner. That's so upset. That's so upset.

Well, it's because I've been taking first defense. First defense is great, right? Oh, so wasn't it? Okay. So it wasn't just not. It was, it was, it was, it was, it was infected, festering, first defense, Graham. It's just first defense off, off shots. You know what it is?

I don't pull this out often, but that's very not nice. That's very not nice. That's much not good. It's big bad. And I'm greatly upset. I've got a quick question. How are you enjoying when you subscription, ego friendly

what they're called? The sponges? They were right on there? I think they're fantastic. They wipe down the benches, lovely actually. It's good job I like them because we've got two years. For those of you aren't up to date,

I ordered a year's worth of eco-sponges, told Rosie about it. Rosie half listened while she was watching some on our phone. Algorithm heard, advertised them to her. She went, great! She ordered a year's worth as well.

So in the cupboard, there was two years worth of eco-sponges. Well, listen, we'll never go without. They all good, actually. Very, very good. It was 25 quid for a year, supply and I thought you know what I'll have that and they are good

they're very good wrong colour the white why white like I know what I mean like I've wiped up a bit of curry in them anyway so yeah we'll put there we'll do a big we'll do a hot wash of all the tea towels are you wiping up curry with the sponge

there's kitchen roll there to wipe up curry with why are you using the sponge all right captain planet what a fucking waste I see you actually do know what it is you're going about to saving the planet in that it's utter bullshit that I saw you, white man

raf's mouth with a bit of kitchen roll. That's what the details are for. It is what the details are for. What else are you doing

with him? Like getting stuff out with the oven, drying your hands. No, that's what the oven gloves for? What the fuck are they for?

This is why, this is what I find marriage insane, just, oh, I tell you what, marry this person who you haven't even, who you haven't grown up with,

who does everything totally different to you and just try to live harmoniously as fuck. Honestly, I'd rather live with me brother. I was going to see you'd rather marry your brother.

I would rather just spend time with him because at least he does shit that I do. Right. At least he would live the same. Wow. Do I mean? Yeah. Wow. Wow.

And he's a really good cook. He is a better cook to me to be fair. So, what's your beef? My beef with you. It's another, it's another, I'm getting my phone out here. It's another multimedia beef. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's another multimedia beef.

My beef with you is the soundtrack of my life. Oh. Oh, what you got out? Oh, sorry anyone listening. That's not your alarm. That's Rosie's alarm. That's... This is just going off in my house nonstop.

Well... Constant. Absolutely. I forget. You have. So we all know that every day an alarm goes off at midday telling you to get Ray of christened.

That's not an alarm. That's just a notification in my calendar. Brilliant. These are me alarms. You have so many alarms for everything else. I'm talking to you and there's just alarms going off left right and sent that and you change them again. And then a lot of the times you're like,

what's this one for? I don't know what this one's for. And yesterday, yesterday you absolutely outdid yourself. I've never had, I've never had such a moronic conversation with someone in my life yesterday. I got stupider. Just taunt you for five minutes, I got stupider.

An alarm, guys, an alarm went off in Rosie's phone yesterday, right? Let's get the word now, wrote it down. There we go. Right, an alarm went off in your phone yesterday, and you looked at it and you snoozed it, and you looked at it, and you went, what's that? And you kept going, what's at? And I went, what's wrong?

You went, I don't know what this alarm is. I set it last night, and I don't know what it is. It said message. Do you want to tell everyone what it said? Message. China. Message China. It said message China.

China. Message China. Why did you ask? China. Message China. And I went what and you went, I said it last night with Syria and I can't remember what it was.

And we sat for five minutes and we're working out with everything that was going on and what were you trying to see? I can't remember. Really? What was it? Joyner.

Joyner. Message the joiner. Can I tell you right now, have I? No. But China have had a load of correspondence offer. There we go. Cancel. Do you want to see some of me alarms?

Should I tell you what they are? Quickly read out your alarms for everyone. Right, okay. So we've got pay Gary. Two pound for Robin. Box. Robin TCRS. Right.

Gary is the painter and decorator. Gary Marsh, brilliant. Two power of rob. Fair enough. What's box? I don't know. This is from a while ago. 7.5.

They just keeps them. parcel washing machine iPad reply to China Reply to China Research print of a genus washing machine Electrician next in Whitburn Text Tom from Avalon Crisps You've gotten along called crisps

Milk and present Milk pizzas Nana Chili Passports Schedule First offence Rafe Calpol Joyner

Loft window Next email email script Smile post What the fuck Tan A lot of tans Ski pants

Right I'm going to do mine. TikTok. Big Box Friday. Food and fridge. Take a tan off. Take tan off. Do you want to know mine?

Yeah, go on. You're going to get well upset. Alarm. Alarm. Alarm. Alarm. Alarm. Wake up. Alarm.

TRS. Bins out. Get up. Wake up. Turn off alarm. Bins. Call Swinneys. That's where I get me skips from.

Golf clubs. Well, there's loads. Okay, yeah. Turn off alarm. Let's have look. Hair cut. It's odd though because I was chatting to my friend Philip by the other night

and it was that day when you'd said about this. Jimmy sweep. And I said to where I was chatting to my friends because my other friend has to set loads of alarms as well and I was like my phone just goes off

constantly because... But if I don't, I just forget. It's like texting people back. It just disappears. Do you know if you swipe from left to right on a text and a WhatsApp you can leave it marked as unread?

Yeah, but then it's just texting. It's further down. It doesn't have one and it's not on your main screen. I've tried that. It's gone. It's gone from my memory. I apologize for trying to fix this problem.

If I don't do it there and then. Anyway, I said to her, I was like, so right, if you had a meeting tomorrow, you could just turn up at that meeting. No alarm, no reminder, no nothing. And she was like, yeah? I was like, fuck me.

Wow. That's a life that I would like to live. Well, I'm nearly at that life. I'm not. Because as you know, last time I got my hair cut, I booked in a hair cut for four weeks, later, went to that appointment this morning. Well done. Crowdy it.

Smashed it. That is really good. As I walked in there while panicked, I was like, is this actually me here? She was like, yes, it is. I couldn't believe it. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, bab. It's time for question from the public. Public. Public. As always, if you like, and touch, it's shagmarinoid at gmail.com, or

you can use our brand new feature and send a voice note, which we will play on the podcast, to our WhatsApp, app, which is 07-87-4-4-0-66-5-0. Don't make you say it again. I'll cry. I'll listen to other podcasts that are much better than this. Much more professional, much more well put together by the hosts, not the people behind the scenes of ours are very professional. It's us that really let it down. Yeah, we do. On the app, on the podcast page, it's on there as well, by the way, if you just want to copy

and paste on there, you don't need me to read it out. Stop, shut up. I can't. I've said a number. Stop. Have I got nosebleed? Me nosebleed. Right. Okay, so the WhatsApps have not been letting us down. Okay. And I've got a few here for you.

let's have a little look let's see which one I like the best time there's no fart this week good but you know what my ma'am my mom actually said she said she really enjoyed the parts did you know it's just your mom loves what can fart out now like fart humour

just a quick one my fellow shit the bed the other night and rather than wake me up to strip the bed I woke up to him ferret around with spray and a cloth trying to clean the sheets

to get back into bed without wake me up. Vile. Absolutely vile. Love the word vile. That first question. How do you shit the bed? As a grown up,

I mean, unless you're blind drunk, like, unbelievable blind drunk, I don't understand. So at the beginning of train spotting, spud shits the bed, and he takes the sheets down and, you know, there's that amazing scene

where the man and they're trying to get the sheets off him and they open up and he puts shit all over the whole thing. family but that's because I can't remember train spot on you know I need to watch it again I can't remember that's because of something to do with drugs well it's coming off the heroin and just drinking makes you loose apparently is what this so that he's literally got a reason for it so unless you've got some kind of reason for it I mean that's a far out reason I just don't understand men normally men I don't understand men who shit the bed when you don't understand it like for me I've got usually been on a walk of a run like move me about like to to move your body

to move your bowels. I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt. I'm going to say a shitload of pints and a curry. That's what I'm going to say. Right. But rather than, so that's the thing you know, rather than waking her up, I'm going to go and I'll shit the bed,

you're going to have to get out, we're going to have to sort this out. And dealing with our wrath, he's trying to do it. Just try to sort it. So he's tried, he's got out, he's sorted himself out. And then he's got like the dead owl spray

and a cloth and he's just cleaning a shippy bed sheet next to that. You imagine, right, unless you were ill. Which I would have a little bit of sympathy. If you shit in our bed, I swear to God Oh my God Do you know what

I'd have you on the floor like a dog I can say you can sleep I got you rub my nose in it I can't imagine the wrath I can't imagine if you Okay no like like let's Right we're joking here I'm not that horrible okay

I'm not but if you were pissed Yeah And shit the bed Yeah Oh fucking hell It's bad like Nah Probably bad

If you were ill and that I'd be like fair enough Yeah I've only shut the bed once You've never wet the bed Don't say stuff like that, man. What? Because you can...

No, sorry. I know loads of men who've wet the bed when you're doing. Yeah, no, I'm not saying that, but you can't, like, you can't fight the universe like that. That's such bad cracks seeing something like that. Oh, Chris, man. Do you know what?

I was driving the kids to school. You know what? You don't believe in vampires, but you believe if you say something, it's going to fucking happen. I was driving the kids to school the other day and we're literally leaving the driveway and Robin went,

Dad, have you ever been in a car crash? I went, I'm not going to answer that on the way to school. No. It doesn't work like that. The world doesn't work like that. I do the vampires do it. Because, well, I'm sorry, it doesn't, though. No.

I don't know. Oh, imagine if you won the lottery. I'd hate to win the lottery. I've never won the lottery. No, exactly. I found this one. It's not rude. It's not anything like that.

I just found it really interesting. Okay. Okay. And I feel like it's something that you would have done when you were younger. Okay. Hello, Chris and Rosie. I've got a story which, perfectly encompasses my

level of or lack thereof of common sense I pretty much embody the definition of academic intelligence and no street smarts whatsoever so bear in mind I used to be a teacher and I'm now doing a PhD I'm going to be a doctor one day

I used to work in a pub I wasn't a particularly nice pub and for whatever reason, if any poor bastards in the local area seemed to drop dead, we hosted the funeral. Yeah, this particular day we were hosting a funeral. We were catering for said funeral as well. And I was told to do the sandwiches. So I was like, okay, cool, no worries. So I was like, what do they want on the sandwiches?

My manager says they want ham, cheese and tuna, obviously on separate sandwiches. So I was like, okay, no stress, say less. I'll get right on that. and he said, by the way, they want them half white and half brown bread. And I was like, no worries. Absolutely fine by me. No. The customer's always right.

You may be able to see where I'm going with this. No. But I proceeded to make around 50 to 60 sandwiches with white bread, filling brown bread. And I did this with my whole heart and my whole gut and was like, never once doubted myself. Never once thought I was wrong. I even laid them out on the tray so that they were alternating bread colours with each sandwich.

And even when my manager walked in and said, what the fuck is that? I still was like exactly what the customer ordered. Thank you very much. The job done. Brilliant. So, yeah, that's just a little story that I like to tell people

just to give them a little taste of what they're getting involved in. Anybody who knows me knows the sandwich story. and yeah I hope that gives you a little chuckle I love that so that's that's fucking Drax

from Guardians of the Galaxy she's took that's so literally like Drax like nothing will go over my head I'll catch it like literally half brown half white boom Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo ba

welcome aboard via rail please sit and enjoy please sit and stretch steep flip Or that and enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

Ready for another one? Yeah. Quick story that I've just been reminded of when I thought you guys would enjoy this. When I was at college, I went to the canteen to buy some dinner, whatever. If you want to know, chips. That's raw and beans.

Very nice. Anyway, and I was at the tale about to pay for said food, and I only had a 20-pound note. So I meant to pass the money to the dinner, which obviously you want to do when you want to pay. And I meant to say, oh, you're going to kill me. I've only got £20. But instead, I just said, I'm going to kill you. And then panicked because that's what I said, and just stared at her and walked away. Yeah, so that happened. And I got kicked out.

I didn't really get kicked out of college, but still, it was pretty terrible to the event. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. I hate to talk like that. I do that. I do that all the time. Horrible.

When I'm nervous or if I'm meeting somebody, I say such ridiculous. I hate myself when I say something. I feel sick after that one. Yeah. that's something I would do yeah got one more

I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you story about a call that I took when I used to be a 991-111 call handler very oddly specific

call who during this time set the scene during this time it was like peak COVID so getting an ambulance out of people was a case of the ambulance has come into people

who are dying or giving birth, the important things. Stupid things had to just make their own way to the hospital or wherever. If they refused and they still wanted an ambulance, they were kind of like bottom of the queue so you could be waiting hours. This one particular person rang up very distressed because he had got his dick stuck in a listerine bottle. Now, you can only ask certain questions as a call handler.

Why? So you were not allowed to ask all of the questions I wanted to ask, which was, how did you get it in there? That's a really small hole. Do you have a really skinny penis? Did it slip in? Did you do it while it was soft? Love all these.

Fold it in. Again, questions who can't ask. Blom it in. Was there still listerine in the bottle? Sting or not. Sting. What color listerine? wanted an ambulance and we said you know it'll be 12 40 hours how long it was going to be

and only call back if it's worst he rang back many times I would say most of the people within the call centre managed to get a call from Listerine man and one of the calls when it was answered he just screamed it's got all machine of all the stuff to stick your dick in and a Listerine bottle Oh, God. It's gone aubergine. Purple listerine then, eh? Yeah.

It was advised to, like, cut the bottom of the listerine bottle off to relieve some of the suction pressure. Again, nobody asked, is the listerine still in there? I just thought you'd enjoy that. Obviously, take a 9-9-1-1-1 calls. You can get anything from a man sticking he's dick in a listerine bottle. A woman standing barefoot on a hedgehog or somebody giving birth. so it has good sides I hope you enjoyed

the man and the listerine penis Mindy fresh Thank you very much Absolutely beautifully beautifully spoken Thank you so much wonderfully told She asked a lot of questions I would have asked

I couldn't have that job You're not allowed to ask Yeah no you know Imagine someone's bringing up How can I help you I've got me ticked some listerine How? Why? How? Why?

How? Why? What's wrong with you? I get sacked straight away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unlike her. I tell you. Are you mental? Which one? What flavour? I've worked out what I would have done if I was him. What? So straightway I was going for the cut the bottom of the bottle off. Yes.

Because I use listerine all the time, right? Yeah, you do. I plort into me, not for me dick, I port in my little flotter. So what I would do is, Dick's caught in the listerine bottle, panic stations, right? I think he's got it all the way. I think he's got the helmet in. Oh, God.

He's got, it's gone over the speed. speed bump and then it's clunked and it's in and you can't get it out telling you exactly what I would do right if there's listerine in it obviously you don't want to tip the bottle up because that's just going to sting like fuck so I'm going to keep it low down I'm going to get a Stanley knife and I'm going to cut the bottom off so now it resembles a listerine funnel yeah right just live like that no I'm going to get all the listerine out then I'm going to sit down like that right or maybe even stand up and lean backwards hold it upward so I can now see into the opening and I'm going to pour olive oil into there right and I'm just going to pour olive oil into there and I'm just going to slightly rotate it rotate it rotate it oil going through get it off yeah it's what I did last time it's what I'll do next time

it's what I'll do every time I'll never ring them again because I phone their in confidence and I had to work that out after 12 hours and that was the main reason I don't like lockdown that was why if you had to stick your dick in anyway what would you stick it in

Um, your vagina Oh good No and I You have to put it somewhere What do you mean? Just if you're going to stick it in something random What would you stick it in? Would it be like food?

Would it be like a bottle or something like that? Nothing like nothing Wasn't it a rumour that you used to do ham Not you specifically, boys Used to like wave a ham Your school was disgusting You're like waffled up wafer ham And then pretend I've said

That's absolutely You're looking at me like that I guarantee you're doing. You know me, you've met me, you know I will not be putting food anywhere near my genitalia. It's not happening. Fair enough. If I, I wouldn't pick a listerine, but I'll tell you that right now. That's absolutely discussed.

Nothing sharp plastic, nothing with any kind of, your whole listerine in your mouth for too long, it hurts. Yeah. You've got a cut in your mouth. Just buy a flashlight. You know what it is? I don't know. I know microphones and webcams sold out during the lockdown. I guarantee fleshlights fucking sold out.

Yeah. I guarantee you couldn't get a whole lot. one of them. We couldn't have sex, really, did you? Nah, not for you. Yeah. Oh, God, it was all. Thanks everyone for them.

Keep them, keep them coming. Amazing. Amazing. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, bah. So that's the voice notes out of the way. How about some good old-fashioned emails? Love it. This is one of the worst things I've ever heard of my entire life.

Right. But I don't know whether it's just me. And this is just, I just don't like this. That's a bold statement. I know. I know. That's me. Considering how long we've been doing this.

Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-huh. And considering what I can listen to and watch and hear while I mean. But sometimes we're miles off. Sometimes this might not affect, do you think this will affect me? Yes. Really?

Yes. Okay. Okay. I'm preparing myself. Wait there, wait there, wait there. Go. Hey, Chris and Rosie. I was six years late to the party.

But I don't think I should have been listening to your podcast when I was 14 anyway. Oh, shit, okay. So, yeah, fair enough. So you're 20? Yes. Maths. Shit. So people,

when we start this who are 14 are now 20. That's upset, isn't it? That's really upset, actually. That's upset me. God.

That's upset me so what matters. I know time has passed, but that's a life. That does a lot happens between 14 and 20. Children are now adults and they're listening to the podcast.

I mean, amazing. I'm buzzing that 20 year olds are listening. Hey, advertisers, are you listening? Yeah. Cross the board. Hey, yeah. Bloody old young, everything.

See? hula hoops and skateboards and scooters whatever you want when we'll sell all them kids. And then on the same one we can do denture stuff and that. Yeah, from where there's originals to yo-yo's. We've got your card. That's us. Spin up. Ready.

Ready. Yeah. Ball in a cup? Please stop. I'm still catching up and only just finished episode 188. Holy fuck. You guys briefly mention that Jason Cook like picking up dog poo on a cold day.

Oh my God, he mentioned that to me the other day. And it reminded me of a debate concerning two of my mum's friends. That is gross, by the way. He said it warms his hand up. I must have told you about when the garden, our garden I phone me with an ick. What? When someone hangs it over the, yeah, it was said it.

It was a woman talking on a mobile phone where they're hanging on it and it was like hitting her chin while she was talking our phone. He said she was gorgeous as well. It made it much worse. And he's got a dog. Because dog poop smells so bad. So bad. so bad. So bad, right.

But it got us on to the topic of dogs and my mum told us about her friend who likes to carry her dog's poo in her hand on a cold day. Yes. Like in the bag, in a hand. Same as Jason, yeah. This didn't sound that, I'm sorry, absolutely not. Jason says it's amazing. He's like on a really cold day when the dog has a poo and you pick up your dog poo and you hold it in your hand. It says it's really nice. It's like a little hand warmer.

Because when you're filming stuff we have handworms, as on set. If you film outside. It's shit. It's dark shit. It's in plastic, in it? It's in the plastic. Oh, God.

Oh, yeah. I'll just carry my baby's vomit. In a bag? Yeah. No. It's the plastic. It's not a fucking tea bag, but yeah. Well, listen.

This didn't sound that strange to me until she added that her friend would use it as a stress bowl. Squeezing the poo in the bag. Surely this would eventually squeeze the poo out of the holes. where it has been tied or even pop the bag she said her friend

insisted that neither of those had ever happened so she's fingering the dog shit in the bag because also also so we've all been

I think it's co-op co-op do the compostable bags the green oh yeah they are fucking but they're not poo bags no no but I'm saying great but they are flimsy as fuck

yeah like you put a packet of bacon and they're at the wrong angle it's like Zorro oh yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, um, that some of the poo bags are the same,

very similar at Compa. I am not playing dog shit Russian roulette. No. Squeezing that. I just think you would be able to smell it on your hand after. Rotten. This one, listen. Listen.

Squeezes it. Strap in and listen. That's not it, right. I win. Everyone was a little grossed out by this, but someone said that they bet their wife could one up this. This wife was at the party and had had had quite, a bit to drink by this point in the night

and said that she would stuff the dog poo bags in her crocs on a cold day she would wiggle her toes around it for the round in it for the warmth and to enjoy the squishy feeling you pig you disgusting

but why you went why are wearing crocs on a cold day why are you wearing crocs on a cold day right everyone who owns crocs spring it's not it's a cold fucking day everyone who owns crocs it's not a fucking religion right

congratulations you've got You own other shoes. Yes, they're easy to put on and off. I understand. I wear golf shoes to go and pick the kids up when it's raining because I can't be asked to lace up boots because the golf shoes are waterproof. Motherfucker.

Thank you. Not even that's the dog shit in crocs wiggling a toes in them. That is one of the worst visuals. Because everyone, am I right? Everyone, fill in the blanks. What am I going to say? I'll give you a second.

You know what I'm going to say. If that bag pops, that dog shit is coming through the holes in the crocs like fucking Play-Doh I just it's shit I've had enough I've had enough

I'd like it's like being oh I take me burn out for the walk in the park and when they when they have a crap in the napi I'm just going to hold it between my thighs while I'm sat on the park park bench what the fuck that's really bad

that's really really hard like on a cold day when they've had when they've filled the napi full of piss I just like the rub it between my hands Put it in me I put it on my bra Yeah, put it on my bra

Just throw them us up while I'm walking Oh, put it in the bin You monkey bastards I think this is too much I didn't know that this I didn't know that this part of society existed With dog shit All I'm saying is

You're a pervert Right Because you are in the house You know it's a cold day You have the choice To put socks And some shoes Trey and as our boots on

But you know That you're going out for a walk Your dog's gonna have a shit And you're gonna be I'm sorry Are you decanting this shit In the two bags To go in one crook each of

You've got one foot hot of them the other. I don't know. It's just, it's just blown my mind. Both of them. I'm telling you right now, I'm telling you right now,

that dog's off lead, that dog's walking somewhere, that dog's done a fucking six inch cack, right? And it's like a little log. She's getting bag in each hand and she's doing that and she's just pulling it in half

and then she's tying them up and just put one off on the left foot, one off on the right foot. And honestly, I hope it bursts, I hope it bursts, and then I hope you get rushed to hospital and they have to take your shitty crock shoes off

and go, what has this woman done? I hope it's nothing. serious. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I've listened since day one, but this is the first time

I've had something worthy of emailing. Well, do you know what? I hope it's worth the weight. Thank you so much for listening. We'll really appreciate it. Such a super fan that I knew the email off the top of me head. Wow.

So when I sent this today in the gym, I just had to write in. I have recently joined my local council gym and have been using my day off work to go for a swim and a sauna. I was in the sauna today trying to avoid small talk with all the men who just like to hang out there.

Sorry, what's a council gym? Like, well, we've got a Haven Point. Yeah, but it's a council building, isn't it? All right, okay. Yeah, yeah. You have to pay it to go. Right, this is not free. No.

Right, okay. I think she means, like, so like it's not a chain gym. Right, so it's not like a pure gym or something like that. It's a council. Well, that way, you've got one. It's lovely Haven Point. She's trying to avoid small talk with all the men who just like to hang out there. And a young guy came in.

He was probably in his mid-30s, being the only girl and the only one not retired in a sauna I gave him a polite smile as he went and sat down a few minutes go by and a lot of boring retired small talk I can't wait and I noticed him take a drink from the water bottle that he had brought in with him

except it wasn't a water bottle sorry so he's brought something in with him he's brought a bottle in that's got his water in this is not rude sorry I know you all think that sit and chatting the strangers in the sauna by the way that she was going to sit on his fingers or something like that. Right. This is not what's happening, all right?

No one problem. If you listen to this podcast for a long time, you could think that. Imagine that would be so awful. Horrible. People just sat in the song like this. Absolutely horrible. Absolutely horrible.

I'm sure it's being done. So. Right. So it's not a water bottle, except it isn't a water bottle. It was a bottle of 500 mills Redox bubble bath. Chris aside,

I know most men are just a little bit gross, but I don't care how many times you've washed that out, you can definitely still taste the lavender scented foam that hangs in the corner of the bottle. He was using... Oh, do you think I meant actual bubble back? No, he's using it. It's using it by accident.

He was using it. I know exactly what you mean. It's like slightly square. I've put me cock on that. I put me cock on that. Big ding, ding, we have a winner. That is... He's using it as...

He's using it as... What are you don't? I thought I heard something. No, he's using it. I think something's happening at me. It was like a little. I did hear it. Did you?

Yeah, I heard. I didn't know what it was. He's using a redox. Empty redox bottle. Oh, we're talking blue muscle soak. That's my favourite. I think that's, yeah. As a water bottle.

It doesn't say, but I want to know whether he took the label off or not. Well, no, because she knows it's a redox. Because otherwise it would just look like one of them posh ones, like Fiji or something. Oh, yeah. Wouldn't it? So, no, he's left the radux. Well, it's a bit like when people use old, Do you know why people use like a juice bottle?

I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like you either. But I would like, so a lad playing Sunday league has normally got an old Robinson's bottle and it's just full of water. You know, fair enough, it's ran out of me, yeah. Or maybe, you know, sometimes you've got just the right amount left in and you go, I'm having a bit, I'll fill the whole water bottle and that's it.

I don't mind that. But a bottle of bubble bath. That's, I mean, hey, I'm all for recycling. That is the best recycling you can do, reusing it. But fucking hell, that's odd. She didn't enjoy it. I immediately had to leave. As he choked his water down.

Burping bubbles like Dumbo. You know when Dumbo gets pissed. It's burping square bubbles out and people are fucking jumping on them. Poor bugger. I love that. Do you know why I love that? Because he's an absolute weirdo, but it's not filthy or grotesque. No one's getting offended.

No one's sexual. Nothing's filthy. He's just thought, I haven't got a bottle. this bottle, it'll probably be in the recycle burden, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna wash it out and use this. You know it's clean. Well, you're too clean. You can't get cleaner than that.

Fucking hell. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadu, babadu, please keep me anonymous. My employee at work has a daughter who's a top tier porn star. Top tier. Travels the world, etc. Oh, she's legit, right? Top.

But, her brother-in-law is full time employed by her pretending to be her to men on messages and in chat. They are never speaking to her and he earns a really good living out of it aren't boys specials. I am so impressed with the time management

and the delegation. It's a full business. But I am so concerned that his job is talking to people who want to fuck he's sister and pretend to be in law. Not as bad. Not as bad.

Oh God, he couldn't do... No, in law. Okay. Yeah. Still a bit weird. But I think he might need some therapy later on, later down the line. Yeah. He might need some theory.

He's pretending to be his sister-in-law, who's a porn star, in these messages to these blokes and women maybe. But yeah, so... But that's interesting, isn't it? Wow. It's a business. It's a business at the end of the day. Do you know what?

It's one of them things. It's something I'm. never thought about. I have never ever thought about that but it makes perfect sense but I imagine a PA would do it, a female PA but hey, keep it in the family. That's her PA? He's working as her

PA. Wow. I love stuff like that. I couldn't do it. Oh, the stuff he must read. That's what I mean. The dick, the dick picks he's seen. Oh my God. Could you do it? That's what I'm saying. I think you need therapy. Do you want you need to carry around with him?

You need to carry around a little bottle of redox. just rinse his eyes out every couple of days do not put your dick in it Babadoo Babadu Babadu Babadu Thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shag Marri Danoi

Thank you very much indeed We've absolutely loved it We hope you've enjoyed it as much as us If you want to get in touch As always at Shagmary Noid Atgggymail.com My tour starts on Sunday There's a smattering of tickets left

For a few little venues Have a look at Chris Ramseycom com and see what that is and the number for the WhatsApp is on the page that they're listening to this on. Have a fuck. Sorry, I will try and. I might get tattooed.

Oh, please don't. Do you see I saw a video of someone the other day? They've got their Tesco Club card, a QR code tattooed on their arm. And he just beeped it. I love that, actually. But what if they change the system? Then, yeah.

People get tattoos for anything. Bye. Bye.