Should I Delete That? - Al's having a baby!

Episode Date: September 10, 2023

Our Alex is pregnant! To celebrate, Em and Al have a gorgeous solo episode to share, where they answer your questions (pretty much every single one was baby related) and have a general catch up. Not one to miss! Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Like, you're making this baby and I was like, oh my god, I've never actually thought about it like that. Of course, I said this the other day, of course you're fucking tired. Like you're making eyeballs and buttholes and fingernails. But holes. Yeah, well, yeah. You're making a butt hole. Yeah, hopefully. Hopefully.

Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That? Hello. We've got a novelty episode for us today because we are celebrating in, Should I Delete That Headquarters, which are not actual headquarters, because we are not. It does, yeah. We've splashed out in an office space. We're broke. Imagine, oh my God, how fun would that be? It would be the worst use of money ever. But we do have an exciting announcement to make, and it isn't that Dave's writing a book. Oh, God. I fucked up with that one.

You went around the houses with the announcement. I really did. I really did. I'm having a baby. You are having a baby! And I announced it with a picture of me, Dave Betty, and a little Dad Jokes book in the frame. And when I tell you, everyone was like thought that Dave... But like, why did they think Dave... Like, obviously Dave wouldn't write a book. He might write a book.

A Dad Jokes book. He does tell a lot of Dad jokes. I actually think that's one of the hardest books. that you could write. Influences do pretty much any, like, you know, influencer books are... But that feels like a stretch. Imagine if I came to him, was like, oh, and guess what? Dave's just got a book deal.

I bet half a Collins would be like, right now they're just working out their budgets to say what they can afford. We can make this work. I hear Dave Milliers in the market for a book deal. Imagine. If that doesn't come from this, like, that would be a massively missed opportunity. It's proper planted a seed in his head. I bet it has.

I bet it has. He's like, but what if I'm. I'm like, you're not even on Instagram, Dave. He's going to be trially material. Well, that's good. I like that. The guy who actually wrote the book that you used for the announcer that must be delighted with the exposure.

Yes, so much exposure. Has to dig out. So, yeah, I did it in a weird way. I don't know, but I feel like it was a bit chaotic and it's on brand. It's on brand. It's fine. It's, yeah. Then you're having a baby.

Love you baby. Oh, my gosh. I know. I know. So, like, this is weird. I know. It's like, it's not weird. Like, I mean, it's great.

It's not weird. It's not weird because you've known from literally the start. Yeah. Lucky me. Which is actually what someone's asked. We did a Q&A box on the Shoulda Delete that account and asked like for Q&As for this episode. And someone said, when did M find out about maybe like literally straight away? Straight away.

As soon as I did the pregnancy test. Yeah, I got a photo of the pregnancy test. Can you see a line or is that just me? It was like, is it just me that can see a line on this pregnancy test? It's like, it's a fucking line. It's definitely a line, isn't it? But like that feels like such a long time ago. It feels so long ago.

I feel like I've been pregnant. forever. Yeah. I kind of feel like you've been pregnant for it, but it's what you said on Instagram. It's because you were on the hormones for so long before as well. Do you think? Yeah, so I think we feel like you've been hormonal for a long time. I have. I've been hormonal

for so long. Yeah. Someone said to me the day, like, a few weeks ago ago when I was halfway, someone was like, oh my fucking God, I can't believe you're halfway and I was like, I really can. I feel like I should be giving birth at this point. It's long. Pregnancy's long. Pregnancy's incredibly long.

You just have to thank your lucky stars that count your lucky stars that you were not an elephant, they go for fucking ages. I want to say like 18 months? They go for ages. I couldn't. Imagine making an elephant. Like imagine having to make an elephant. Like making a human is one thing, but imagine having to make an elephant. Yeah, I don't think I could. No way. I'd be way longer than 18. I'd leave my whole life to make an elephant. There's no way I could do that. Oh, yeah. I mean. I know that is way too long. But also, think about the fact you're making a human. And actually to do that in nine months is pretty impressive. Yeah, that's, that is weird. Like, because I've, I've, I've felt so tired as I was, like, all pregnant people do. But, like, I was, I definitely feel better than in my first trimester, tired-wise. Yeah.

But I'm still tired. I still feel tired. Yep. And, like, everyone talks about this, like, you get so energetic in your second trimester. They lied. They, like, who's getting, who's, who's, who's energetic? I know. I'm not, not felt that, yeah.

You, I've thought you look glowing and you did make a difference to your hair. I think it made your hair thicker, and I did think. you look blue. Whereas I went semi-bald and grey. You had no eye in, did you? Yeah, no. That's a key component for thriving. Making a baby. Yeah. But yeah, but then someone said to me, because I was

like, I just, I feel like I should be like, woo, second trimester, I'm so full of energy and I'm not. And they were like, but think about like you're making this baby. And I was like, oh my God, I've never actually thought about it like that. Of course. I said this to you the other day, of course you're fucking tired. Like you're making eyeballs and butt-hulls and butt-hot. holes and fingernails.

But holes. You're just one. You're making a butt hole. Yeah, hopefully. You never know. A surprise. Second hole. Such an overachiever.

That's weird, isn't it? Yeah. Like when I look at, when I looked at Alaw and she was like straightborn, I was like, holy shit. Like, I'm surprised I could do anything as well as this. Yeah. You can't upload an Instagram story when you're out and about. Literally.

Because you can't do two things at once. Physically incapable. Physically incapable of doing two things. things at once and yet here you are making a kid whilst also just chatting it's quite sad that you have no say in that whatsoever what you're just like there's no actual skill or anything involved in that yeah but it's like it's just like your cognitive skill yeah it's an innate it's weird it is actually really really weird you're nailing it though really weird you're nailing it you're so busy I wish you were less busy I've all and I've always thought like

when I've seen all my friends and my sisters be pregnant and stuff like it I've always been like Wow, it is crazy. But like when it's happening in you, it's fucking crazy. Yeah. It's co-cass. And when they like put the scan on and you see a thing in there. In there. And you're like, look.

And it's really weird after you've had a kid and it's just not in there anymore. That's just all me now. Yeah. Like sometimes my tummy rumbles and I'm like, oh, the bit, oh, it's not baby. It's just gas. Yeah, that must be. That actually must be. I'm not thought about that.

I hadn't thought about it until I just didn't have her in there anymore. And I was like, oh, because you get really used to like the movement. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God, that must be so weird. So suddenly... Just realize it's just... Have your own...

Yeah. Just gassy, never mind. Yeah, that's weird. But that's what I've found... Movement, like about three weeks ago, I started feeling movement. And now it's like constant, so much movement. But it adds a level of anxiety

that I haven't really had. I haven't really been anxious during the pregnancy. For some reason, which is so not like me. But I really haven't been anxious. And then the movements have freaked me out a bit. Because you think if they're going to stop your panic. Yeah, because then whenever I don't feel them, then I'm like, oh, God.

where they're gone. Yeah. Well, if you're anxious, you can, about that, you can go into the hospital for a reassurance scan. I'd be in, like, every three hours to be like, don't feel anything now. Don't feel anything now. My friend put, I actually will say, though, don't take this as like a piece of advice because it's not. She bought a doppel machine. Yeah. Yeah. My friend did this as well. The thing that feels that sounds for the heartbeat. She bought one for her home so she could check. But like, I think that's really. really, like, not advised. Yeah, because if you then can't find it, then you get in a bigger spin. Right, right. Yeah.

And I don't think, like, unless you're a nurse or a midwife. You know what you're looking for. But you don't feel, to you, like, you haven't struck me as being particularly anxious. No, I really haven't, which is just crazy, not like me at all. I always said, my mum says that all occurred my anxiety. But I think I'm too tired to be anxious. Well, there is that. I feel like I, um, when I'm not being, when I'm not pregnant, I'm quite, I'm like high

functioning. Yeah. And that's where the anxiety comes in. I think I've just, I've not had the energy to do it, to be that. I mean, that's quite useful. It's been lovely. And that will stick really throughout postpartum. Like, the amount of things I want to cry about,

but I just haven't really got the energy. So I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, it's actually, there's a, yeah. It is an upside though, isn't it? 100%. I just, like, I just, I can't be anxious about that. I don't got it in me. I haven't got the capacity for these extra thoughts.

Like, it's taking everything I've got just to have the thoughts I've got. Literally. You want me to find more? You want me to overthink when just things. Just thinking is an option. It's not for me. Although I did overthink for announcing it on Instagram. Fuck, yeah, you never thought that a lot.

I ever thought to a point where I told everyone quite far on. Yeah. I mean, I did the same thing. I get that. And I think it's really important that you have your own privacy and you do it when you're ready. And you had the same thing that I had, which is like, really happy, it's a secret. Really happy, it's a secret. Really happy, it's a secret.

And then, oh my God, I hate that it's a secret. Everyone has to know immediately. Yeah, yeah, I can't bear this any longer. Yeah. And it's funny because. it wasn't I think it's different because you like you wear tighter clothes than me yeah so it's always difficult for you to like hide it whereas for me I never had to hide anything yeah yeah I felt like I was really lying because because I was in clothes that didn't and I was like like you actually like

just take really staged photos yeah or just wear clothes that were really unfamiliar to me yeah it's so weird seeing you today in public for the first time bumping yeah because you have always something tight today have. I know. I know. It's, well, that's something as well, is that I feel this new, like, I actually think I've been more comfortable with my body than I have ever, ever been. Love that. Which is so weird. I thought it would be exact opposite. But it's this, I said this to someone, actually, I got asked this once about, like, the thing with pregnancy is that it's the most intuitive thing ever. So you kind of have to just be in awe of your body.

Like, you've got no other option, but to just be like, like holy shit you're fucking insane and like and it is beautiful like it's a truly beautiful thing like my Alex says all the time actually he's been lovely about it as well since I've been postpartum saying that my pregnant body and my postpartum body he loves more than my body before yeah well of course because he's like but it made life yeah and it now shows that it made life yeah like you've got you know the physical proof that you did that and I love that that's so cool yeah because but then he was also trying to explain it he was It's like, you know, if you take away, like, the societal cultural attitude towards, like, women and thinness, he's like, you know, actually, very heterinormitably, men want to find fertility attractive.

Yeah. So he's like, I actually think it's something ingrained in men that, or in partners, that they would find their partner more attractive. But then I also think there is something on that level innately in us that when we see pregnancy, it is beautiful because we don't see it as fast. we see it as life yeah so it's kind of amazing and then you just have to keep that through when after you have the baby as well you have to keep yeah i think that's going to probably be a bit of a head fuck but yeah you just muddled it is what it is yeah but i think like i was reading an article that said pregnancy is one of the biggest eating disorder triggers and i was like god i really could have gone that way and it feels like the total opposite well that's

That's wonderful. Yeah, and I know that like not everyone is as lucky as that. I think it's really, really triggering for a lot of people to just feel your body grow out of control. And it does, doesn't it? Like, my face looks completely different. Yeah. My legs look completely different. My legs gained a lot of weight.

And it's weird, isn't it? Because you would have just thought, like, boobs and bump. But your legs is where you store the fat for the milk. Right. So I gained a lot of weight on my legs and I feel now that they're, like, and legs and legs and bum. Yeah. And obviously I'm still breastfeeding, but I'm only feeling now that my legs and bum are starting to sort of start to look like what they did before.

And I'm seven months postpartum. My arm... That's so interesting. I wondered why. Because I'm like, I don't understand why. Yeah. I think I also had... I don't know if it's because I was being so sick.

I think my body was holding on to fat reserves. Possibly. A lot. Yeah, possibly all the nutrients it could. I was very confused by it because I gained a lot of weight. And I was like, how? I didn't eat anything I just threw everything up

but then it's just but it's just fucking amazing it is it is it's really cool I don't think your face looks any different I know the feeling of like feeling like your face looks different but I don't think it does look any different at all I really I see it

but it is just it's cool not to think like yeah not to be stressed about it I don't know it's just like yeah and how do you feel now that everybody knows you feel better oh my God so relieved so relieved and actually everyone's been so nice

but it was hard with the egg freezing I know, I know, I know, and there are a million questions. Yeah. Like, so many questions on, like, going into DMs is making me feel very overwhelmed because, and I get it, because when I did the first round, I brought everyone into the whole thing. Yeah. So they're invested and they want to know everything, but it's a lot. And, like, I think there was only, there's actually only been one bad message, can you believe? Who said something bad?

They just said, like, you know, change of tune, lull, you didn't want a baby a year ago of something like that. Yeah, well, so I didn't want lunch at breakfast time, but here we fucking are. I know, I know, and I was just like, I change my mind. Like, yeah, it is what it is. Like, we do change our minds. Yeah. That's just how it is.

That's kind of the point. I didn't want a baby when I was younger because I didn't want a baby when I was younger. Exactly, yeah. You do what one when you get older? Or you might not, but you might. wow I know weird concept right I know I think people are just like

why you're freezing your eggs and then getting pregnant I was like well it just that's just how it happened yeah it is how it's your journey to share I was explaining it to my mum

because we saw you at the christening and then you were going home to announce it on the Sunday afterwards and I was saying to her mum was like oh I was announcing her pregnancy today and I was like yeah she's really anxious because you know she's like why

I was like well you know people gave her shit she's like what do you mean people gave a shit and I was like people gave a shit freezing her eggs. Mom was like, people gave her shit for freezing her eggs. I was like, yeah, she's like, why? I was like, well, I don't know. They just, you know, they did. And it's like, when you actually try and explain it to someone who's not in it, yeah, it just went on for so long. She's like, I don't understand. Like, it doesn't actually make sure it's like it's so mean.

And then I was, and then she was like, she's why people won't be happy for being pregnant. I was like, well, some people might not be. And she was like, what? Like, it's so hard to fathom for normal people. I know. You would get shit. The fact that you're being like, I only got one bad message. But because we're in it, we're so in it, it's normalised, isn't it? It's totally normalised. Like, almost like all the shit, the bad stuff that you do get, you kind of start to like rationalise it and be like, oh yeah, maybe they're right actually.

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't be pregnant. Because I didn't want to be last year and Kathy's not happy that I'm pregnant now. Just like goodbye. Yeah. You're gone. But there were like a couple of girls that were just, they were said, I really like your content and it's like helped me with my body stuff, but I can't follow you while you're pregnant.

And I was like, I totally get it. 100%. I totally get it. They didn't necessarily need to tell you, but. No. But I thought it was like, I felt like they were doing it from a really nice place of being like, I want to know, you to know, like, why am I following, I'm not being mean. I don't know, it just, it felt nice.

Yeah, it was nice. Yeah, it felt nice. And I was like, you know your boundaries. You set your boundaries and you stick to them. Well done. Yeah, I was a bit, like, I hate for you that you did have to, consider and it's very kind and actually I've had to say many messages about how lovely

you are, like I got a message from him and like, how lovely are you to have a best friend who's so thoughtful as to write the caption that she did? Like it was so considerate and it was so considerate. I was like, yeah. Yeah, I'm really lucky. But it was really lovely that you did do that but it's a lot on your

shoulders that you do have to because it is your happy news and you are entitled to just be pregnant. I probably didn't have to is the thing. I probably didn't have to I just felt yeah I probably didn't have to whenever you are lovely for doing it

I could have just been like I'm pregnant and everyone should be able to do that yeah if it was someone else I'd be like no you don't you don't know yeah I don't know it's complicated it is complicated but you did like I think it's really cool

that you've shown this journey because we've spoken about this before we spoke about it in the episode with Vicky like freezing your eggs is is a good like and I see so much bad stuff about freezing your eggs as well and like oh it doesn't work and it doesn't have this and it doesn't have that and it's like you've actually been a really good success story for this whole process and that's great because that's the fucking point of it and like you haven't done it via traditional normal means yeah but that's kind of the beauty of the science is that you don't have to like it does work yeah people say egg free people say the egg freezing doesn't work whereas embryo freezing does and it's like it's true that it's less likely to work with egg freezing because the they're more fragile the eggs but they're

But it still works. There's plenty of science behind it. And I remember, I think I said this on the podcast before, I was going for lunch with my friend and her sister, who's older than us, who has been through IVF for a long time. She was like, if I could just tell you one thing, it's freeze your eggs. Yeah. And I was like, that's actually really cool to have that passed on from someone who's, like,

struggling and wishes that they, you know, I just think it's, I think it's cool to be able to. And not everyone can afford it. No, it's expensive. It is and it's not accessible and it's not an easy process and it's physically been difficult as you've, as you showed and as Vicky's showing.

But also just because it's all those things it doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it and it doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about it. And I actually think on balance you, not even on balance, I just think you've done a really good thing by normalising it, sharing it. I'm really proud of you.

And you've got your little happy ending. And also, why were you freezing your eggs and making an embryo if you didn't want to ultimately have a baby? That's what I also didn't I know, you kind of blew my mind when you said that because I said to you like I'm just, I think I was complaining to you before like

I feel like I've created this safe space of people who don't want kids yet and blah blah and you're like well, why were you freezing your eggs then? I was like oh yeah like yeah the people will guess that I wanted kids at some point then. Yeah, I don't know if you know this out of that's kind of what happened. Just did it for fun

yeah, take some money. Yeah, yeah, take all of my money fill me with hormones and I're going to ruin my But I don't know if I want you to do anything. Just keep me in the free. Keep my knife. It was a good point. And actually, I saw something today.

It was advertised to me. It's called Gaia, and it's like making IVF more accessible. Love that. I just, I, G-A-I-A, for anyone who wants to check it out, because obviously it is so expensive. So expensive. Crazy expensive. Looking for your perfect place to call home,

Lethbridge Land is shaping the future of our city with incredible communities like crossings, riverstone, and watermark. Each neighborhood is designed with innovation, passion, and responsibility to enrich your life today and strengthen Lethbridge for tomorrow. From vibrant urban hubs to serene, coolly views, there's a community waiting for you. Discover the lifestyle you've been dreaming of in a Lethbridgeland community. Visit lethbridgeland.ca and take the first step towards your new home today. One thing that I do, that it does bother me is like, I think I've seen so many people around me have babies and I've just not felt ready for it around me like for years now.

Like probably like seven, eight years now since my friends started having babies. And I feel like I've enjoyed spaces that are kid-free. Yeah. Yeah. So I felt more at home there. It's because you don't have kids. Well, exactly. And like those people kind of, I feel like I am, it's more like, I don't know.

I don't know. It's really difficult to explain. But part of me feels sad that I am moving away from that. That's a really big part of this though. You do have to mourn what you. It's a whole thing. It's a whole fucking thing. Like Ash talked about this on the Happy Mum, Happy Baby podcast about how when women have their babies,

they lose their pink. Like Flamingos, yeah, Flamingo is really. they're pink and for a few years afterwards because they just take a bit of acclimatizing. Yeah. And like, I don't know, I think we talked about this when I was pregnant, but you're allowed to have loads of conflicting thoughts. Like, yeah.

HG made my pregnancy really hard. Like, I didn't have consistently positive thoughts about pregnancy and that's okay. Like, of course. And it's okay that you can say that it's hard. It's hard to have IVF. It's hard to have egg freezing. It's hard to not have kids. It's hard to, whatever you want to do. Like, it's hard to have kids. It's hard to not have

them. It's hard to get pregnant. It's hard to not get pregnant. like just different levels of difficulty and you can just yeah it's true it is true and and and I'm trying to come to terms of that I think while I was not telling people on instagram it kind of it felt very separate like I felt very much pregnant in my personal life but then yeah I felt normal just like the normal me on Instagram and now that's gone and I feel funny about it yeah I don't know struggling with the transition people want to people want to ask so many questions which I totally understand like there's so many questions they want so much info

and part of me is just like can we just go back to last week like before I said anything yeah like I just want to pretend like nothing not pretend like I don't know it's really difficult to explain if you don't want to just be a mum no no I know absolutely not I don't because I love what I do on Instagram

entirely separate from anything like that which has been a few days yeah but then like I'm still making content that isn't about having a baby I know I know and you can do that yeah and I struggled with it more when I was pregnant I found it easier since she's been born. Really?

Yeah. Because right now we're like sitting in here. And Allo's here. She's just outside the room. Yeah. But I'm talking to you and I can give you my full attention. Yeah. And I can be me and me with a baby.

And it doesn't have to change you. It doesn't have to make you. I mean, and it might. It might completely change you. Yeah. You might have this baby and be like, fuck my career. All I want to do is say, you might want to do that. I don't think so.

I don't think so either, but you don't know. know yeah it's true and it's okay like however you want to feel about it is okay and it's a really just brutal part of being a woman because you just have to it is as well because like Dave told his work and like that's it like no one looks at him differently like yeah no one nope it's just exactly the same yep it's like that's his personal at home life yeah whereas for the woman it's their entire life and it takes over everything yep and yeah it must be very hard for people in the workplace as well who know

they're going to have to take maternity leave. Because I think that's a good thing with us like it's good and bad like we can't we can't really take maternity leave but also we have the option to like dip in and out and not yeah double-edged sword. Yeah it is double-edged yeah the dipping in and out isn't actually that

easy. I kind of felt like when I came back I came back because you can't really dip that easily because you can't it's quite hard to explain to people and I think that's just one of the things that I find quite hard

is explaining to people because it's quite more as a groundhog day every morning oh sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry it's only so many sorrows you can save me after a while and say oh fuck it like not sorry anymore but like you're going to work it out because women always work out and like

and it's so exciting like it's just you're going to be so good at it and I don't think I am you are out But I know that Dave will be, and at least they've got one good one. No, they're going to be great. You're going to be so good, like, honestly, and Dave's, obviously Dave's going to be amazing. But, like, it's just, you're going to be amazing.

It's going to be so good. And I'm so happy that Instagram, though. And I just, I'm, I want for you now to not have to have any feelings of anything other than, like, happiness. But also, that you can have your own, like, ridiculous anxieties about yourself, your career, your identity. Yeah, like, that is all. very normal. Is it? Yes.

Okay. I don't think you'd ever find a pregnant person who hasn't had all with that. Okay, that's good to know. There might be some women who are like, who's born to be a mom and that's it and that's, they feel like, but I think for most people in this day and age who have to, but, you know, we can't afford for one, most, most people can't afford for the woman not to work now in a, in a relationship. Yeah.

Yeah. So I think with that in mind, you're not looking at a world, a world of like very calm, pregnant women. I feel you're looking at a very anxious, pregnant population. Yeah. But then you're just going to lean into the chaos and enjoy the beauty and not feel... Yeah. I'm just happy that you can put like the stress of announcing it and like the guilt and the egg freezing and that kind of thing to bed and just enjoy yourself now. I worry about Betty. Yeah. I actually need to talk to you about that. Yeah. Yeah. But she sleeps with you, doesn't she? Yeah. Still. In the bed? Yeah. And it's been fine? Yeah. Okay.

It's been good. She has to go, we just, you know, do a couple of little things. Boo-go goes at the end of the bed. To be honest, Bua gives Arlo quite like a lot of space. Generally if Arlo gets in, Bua gets out. She's like, oh, it's not as tiny whatever. Yeah, not so much. I love that.

It's not so, no, not all the time. Yeah, I mean, Bua, she's not super all over, Arlo. She's quite wear of her. Okay. She's pretty, pretty patient. But yeah, no, she's fine. But she, yeah, she, I think we talked about this a while ago, and that is it just me when we talked about dogs versus babies.

We made a really big effort to make sure Bua still felt like queen. Yeah. Well, actually, Booer's always been a little princess. We just call her a princess, like princess, princess, princess. Like, yeah, she's got to stay the princess. She's got to stay the princess. She's a princess, yeah. And like, yeah, I didn't know if always another princess, didn't know if I was the queen.

We haven't really worked out her role yet in the monarchy. We can prog. Yeah, we'll get back to you on that. But, yeah, there are steps you can take to make sure that your dog feels good. But she's going to be fine. I'm going to like shower her in love, an affection and attention.

But they know. She's got an innate. She knows. She knows what's happening to you. She knows. I'm convinced she knows I'm pregnant. She knows I'm pregnant. Yeah, and she'll know.

And full disclosure, I am looking into finding a behaviourist. for Bua. Only when I'm walking, if I walk by myself with Bua and the buggy, Buwer's quite protective of the buggy. Right. Not if I'm carrying Arlo and the carrier,

not if Alex is there, if anyone else is with me, but if it's just me in the buggy and Buwer... Really? And I've just worked all of this out because I was just trying to make it better. But if I'm on enclosed paths, if there's a dog coming up behind me

that I think Bua thinks I haven't seen, she'll go and bark at them. She's not going to bite She's not going to do anything She's quite vocal But I don't think she's very calm On her walks anymore Because I think she thinks

She's got to have my back She's protected So I had one chat with the behaviourist We kind of identified the pattern So now when I go into the park I walk I push the buggy onto the middle of the grass So I think Buett then can relax Because she knows that I'm looking around

And then she can go and play with the dogs But if we're on a path I think she thinks like I've got to protect you So I'm just That's the only behavioural shift I've seen in her. And I'm just really trying to keep a close eye on it. Yeah.

Because I don't want to pretend it was like completely nothing changed. Because obviously something changed. Like a kid came into that. Yeah, of course. But that's okay. Like, you know, I've got such a good grasp on Betty's behaviour. It should be totally fine. She's so well trained.

She's so much. She's so much. This is such a good girl. It should be fine. And if you need help, that is like, it's what. We are going to work with a behaviourist beforehand. 100%. a good idea.

Rather than like throwing her in at the deep end and I don't want to kick her out of the bed. She loves lying and she loves sleeping with us. And I'm really, Dave's like she's got to go and I'm like, I don't think I can live with myself. See what a behaviourer says. They're kicking her out. But also like I'm going to remind you, she was found on a motorway in Cyprus.

She was. A comfortable dog bed at the bottom of, I know, I know, I know, I know. The only way we will have, she will not be in the bed is if she's in another room. Well, you'll cross that bridge when you get to it. But she is not going to feel. And dogs don't sit and harbour resentment like humans do. Do they not? My mum has said the whole time.

Dogs don't sit there like plotting. But do they feel sad though? That's even worse. Not in the same way that humans feel sad. And if she were in the room next door, she wouldn't work it out that it was you that did it. She would just be sad that she was in another room. She wouldn't be sad with you. Because you put, that's a good thing.

No, I don't want her to be sad at all. No, but she might not even be sad. She might think, thank fuck. That fucking woman snores all the fucking time. She wouldn't then be out of the bad. bed. I have no space. Now I have peace. I can stretch. I can dream. I don't have her going on a fucking little podcast and moaning about me every morning. You know last night as a test, Dave was like, I'm going to put her downstairs in her bed and like close our bedroom door. Chaos ensued.

She started off with just a single scratch and then double scratch. And then she was doing a run up at the door and throwing her body again. Her body slamming the door. And I was like, great. We did really well. It's like 10 minutes in. professional. We need a professional. But it's going to be fine. Yeah. It's going to be fine.

You've got loads of support around you. You've got a little doggy daycare, which you can go for a walk. Your sisters are around. She's going to be fine. And you're not a bad dog mom for having concerns. You're not a bad dog mom for having a baby. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine because it just is.

Hopefully they'll be friends at some point. Of course they'll be friends. Do we have any questions that aren't about babies? It's all about babies today. I know this has been all about babies. Well, we figured like Al's DMs are full of questions. So we thought this would be a good. way to get to get to them. I've just seen a message

from producer Daisy. Elephants are pregnant for 18 to 22 months. That's two, almost two years. Again, I'm going to go back to it. They have to make an elephant. Who would win an arm wrestle? You want to find out? I'll take a pregnant woman down. I don't give a shit. Do you know what? I used

to be very good at this. But I'm probably not anymore because I haven't done anything and I'm weak as fuck. Do you have a go? I'll give it to you. You know, you can have it. To be honest, if we're being honest, I think non-pregnant, I think Al would win an arm wrestle which doesn't seem fair because I do so much um like I do so many workouts yeah maybe you would win then but I don't think I would Al there's something about you that's just strong

you'd win in a fight because she's scrappy so that's so true it's been a lot of pregnancy baby talk recently how much did Al slip up and have to edit out it out not once not once so weird yeah really weird if someone sent me a message being like oh um um Al is uh like you've been dropping so many hints on the podcast and I sent it to you being like have you And you were like, no, I think so. No, I did anything. Not on purpose. Maybe you're doing it subliminally.

When's the podcast all? We're working on it. We are working on it. Next year. When I got pregnant. Next year, it will be next year. It's basically as early as we can do it. We found out that it's actually really quite difficult to organize venues.

And they're booked up really far in advance. Yeah, we were pushing. We are still pushing for as early next year as we can. Spring next year is the dream. It was initially put to us that it would be organized. an autumn next year and we were like no so um we're just trying to work out the feasibility of it being spring next year yeah so we'll keep posted bear with us will there be live shows outside of london yes yes we've got so many dates on the tour yeah it's gonna be epic we've honestly like

we put a thing out on the page about the most popular locations and the promoting people went through the list and yeah we've got like out of you okay actually as well for one there is one out of the UK. Yep, which is what I've pushed the hardest for, so three guesses what that is. That's so exciting. Yes, we're doing an episode in French. Ja, bonjour! That's it. Al's leading this one. It's in Paris. I've never been. Someone should take you. Guys, she's going through the questions to try and find anything that isn't pregnancy-related and she can't. So this is a pregnancy episode, that's okay.

Ask the pregnancy ones. It's still pregnancy, but how did you know you wanted to be mothers? I'll let you answer that. I feel like I've already answered that. I didn't. And it was complicated. How did you in the end? What was it that just... When did you notice there was like a switch? Yeah, yeah. I think the thought had always really freaked me out

and it was kind of almost like a visceral reaction to it. Yeah. But I was just like, oh, I can't even think about it. Yeah. And then suddenly I was thinking about it. Yeah. And I was like, oh, maybe... And that was recently.

And it just... It wasn't like... I woke up one day and was like, oh, I want to be a mum. It wasn't like that. it was more like, oh, I'm, I think, like, I can, it's, it feels feasible now. It feels doable. It feels like something. Yeah.

I don't know. I feel, I always feel very guilty saying that because I feel like I should, I should be like, oh my God, I have this like, overwhelming urge because I know that I'm lucky to have gotten pregnant, but I guess it's the truth. I really also want you to stop. Like, yes, you're lucky that you're pregnant, but you didn't have an easy time to get pregnant. Yeah. Yeah.

You didn't. Like, I did. I was very fucking lucky. I would be, I would describe myself as lucky. I think your end result is lucky, but I don't think you were lucky for what you had to go through. Like, you know, that's brutal. And I think you need to give yourself some space.

And yeah, it's not the worst. It's not the worst. And you didn't have to do loads and loads of rounds by VF, but you have had an ordeal. An expensive and physically draining ordeal. And I think you can sit within that and just accept that as well. Because I don't like that you keep apologising for it. Yeah, okay, you're right. Sorry.

I'm, I'm, I know, you know, I just like, you know, I know what you mean. You've been through it. You have been through it and it's not the worst case in the world but it's not good. It just feels wrong to not be like I've just like I had this over well.

Do you know what I mean? It feels wrong to be. But it is the truth. I've never been maternal. Yeah. I've never, I've just, it's never been something that's like oh my God, it's my dream, you know?

I think you're going to be an amazing mom. I think you, you know, I know you don't think that but I really do. Like even just watching you, even when you came over like five days, three days old. Like you're so, gentle with her and so good with her

and the way that you love your nephew babies that I'm close to you though you're going to like your baby that's the benefit of making it only close like yeah you're going to be really close to it Al because you've made it like this is going to be the closest that you're ever going to get to a baby true so you're going to like it

you're going to be great you're going to be great you're going to be great yeah I don't know that I wanted to be how did you know I don't know I just I don't know I really Alex doesn't have a family really and he's always really wanted one and it's always felt like the most exciting journey to be on with somebody

like I feel so blessed that I can give him a family which seems like a weird thing to say no it doesn't but it didn't feel like I need a baby for me it was like we need a family together that's kind of how it felt and like yeah he's always dreamed of having loads of just loads of family and I feel like I felt it in two parts I felt really lovely I felt it felt really lovely when he married when we got married because he got a brother

and a sister that he'd never had which was really special and you know he loves them so much and they love him so much and that's really special that he now has a brother-in-law and a sister-in-law and like siblings and he's never had that so nice so that felt really good and then you know and I've got like my family's crazy because I've got people that aren't my family that my family and you know like the way that we operate is just very peopley and I love that I can share that with him like there's just a lot of people everywhere and like some are blood relations and some aren't but they're all family and I love that and then yeah just giving him is the wrong word but being able to facilitate yeah and share it like yeah and I always knew he'd be an amazing dad

and I was just so excited to see that so I think we definitely felt you know I felt like I had stuff to do first and then we always just said after we get married like that was definitely why we were getting married yeah yeah yeah like was to be a family yeah in that sense you know and that's not to say that that's what families look like for everyone but that's definitely what his vision of family was yeah and then that's what my vision of family was with him yeah so it just felt like yeah that makes sense and he has surpassed all expectations did you feel like a maternal urge no no no no no I'm not brilliant. I wasn't brilliant with babies.

I didn't, I wasn't interested in babies. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't feel very maternal. And then I kind of felt pregnancy was amazing, but I think I probably felt a bit disconnected from the fact there was actually a baby in there because I didn't read any pregnancy books or do anything.

And then since she's been here, it's just like, I know. I know. That's exactly as it should be. And I've, because I remember you saying that that you didn't do, and it's something that I haven't done either and then I start to feel guilty for not doing that stuff. No, because you read that one fucking book

and you said me that and I was like, burn it, burn it. I've never advocated you burning a book before but that, burn. That was horrendous. But Dave, I mean, Dave's never been more excited for anything in his entire life. Than for a baby, not for a book.

Than for a baby. This fucking book. And it was like, it was the first 17 pages are like these are the absolute bare essentials that you need bare necessities It's the bare necessities

of simple wife necessities Okay Don't worry about your travels and your strive carry on sorry It was like This is the absolute bare minimum

that you need To have a baby And I was reading it And I could just feel Panic rising What was the section That you sent me And then it was like

Here's a schedule For the first Oh yeah And the schedule I've never seen anything Like it in my life I was like When's the time to breathe

Yeah 630 wake up Feed the baby Play with the baby 9 a.m., sharp, nap It was like, fucking hell Swaddle baby Yeah

Yeah you had like a swaddle Slot And Dave got up a video Of how to swaddle the baby I was like It's so complicated I was like I'm gonna whisper something to you out

I will The baby will be a teenager By the time I learn that I never swaddled a baby It's so hard I just I just snuggled her I just snuggled her

Oh a bedtime swaddle She did have a sleep sack That swaddled her But we can talk about that another time The thing is Yeah sorry boring guys Everything happens, like, I don't know, everything happens in its own way. The other question, that's the most common question I get sent to the Metro, Agony Arm thing, is I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom.

Is it? Yeah, 100%. Like, how did you know you're ready to be a mum? I don't know if I'm ready to be a mum. That's so interesting. Yeah. And it's, I think it's a, like, it's, it is brutal. Like, you do have to choose between your, you don't have to choose, but it does fucking feel like, I've watched a video the day and I, in part agreed.

with it. And it was basically a career woman saying that she didn't want children because women can't have it all. Yeah. And she basically, her analogy, which was quite good, was have you ever met anyone that feels good when they walk away from an all you can eat buffet? And it was like, okay, fair enough. Like, yeah, you do feel. Wait, I'm not going it. So you feel sick. I think she was just saying, yeah, you, if you have too much. Oh, I see. I see. If you have so much, you feel sick. Yeah. But then I thought about it in my life now. And it's like, I, do feel incredibly overwhelmed every single day. But I

have never been happier. I had a moment I think I said this to you not that long ago when I was pushing a buggy, pushing a buggy, not a buggy, it's a random baby. I was pushing Arlo's buggy and I bought a stupid little coffee holder if I can give one person, one piece of advice about don't buy the cop holders for your buggy because the minute you go over a bump of coffee all over

the kid. So that's not great. But I was pushing it and coffee went everywhere and then I dropped something and then I had Bua going crazy and I literally and I just burst into tears and I had this thought I was like I have this life has never been harder and then I looked at all and I was like and life has never been better and it's just like that's really nice yeah I think like that's not to say that it's easy but it's just awesome yeah it's amazing that's nice because I think there's no getting away from the fact that it's

hard I think that's unanimous like yep it's hard yeah it's hard but it's nice to hear that's like but it's actually if someone said this to me that it's a hundred times hard and a thousand times better yeah is that it yeah i was like i like that it's so much better than i could have imagined yeah and i think i said this to you when we did the episode before when arlo was born nobody could have told me how good it was i wouldn't have believed them really because people are very quick to fucking tell you how bad it is yeah and how tired you're going to be yeah but you also you're fucking fine. Like, don't answer this if the answer isn't what I want to hear, but like, I didn't really

sleep last night. Can you tell? No. No. Actually, your skin looks great. Yeah, apart from the spot here. You know, I had that before. You just crack on. You just, you're just fine.

And it's just fucking worth it. Like, for me, and it's not worth it for everyone, but it just is for me. And I just think that's, like, I don't know. And I hate that people have to choose or have this stress of, like, career and baby and stuff because it feels huge it really does feel huge I mean is huge

it's like such a huge decision but then you can also keep living your life and also like I'm I'm a bit embarrassed so that I did I have bought a baby book I did buy a baby book oh which one before getting pregnant called the baby decision

to choose if you wanted to have a baby yeah yeah to try and like just I don't know I was in a weird space with it all and feeling kind of like panicked because of all the doctors being like you've got no eggs left you've got no eggs left and i'm like i know i've got no eggs left so i was like come on like that's just anyway it was it's a really really good book and it it relieved my anxiety because it was like either way you make things work yeah if you have a baby and it's not

necessarily what was like it's not your life vision it's not what was like meant for you you know it's not like in your destiny like you're fulfilled to be a mother you're still going to be fine and you're going to it's going to work out and if you don't have a child it's also going to work out and it's like it's it's true yeah it's i don't know it that was just and for anyone struggling i think it's a really good book yeah it's intense it's intense and asks a lot of questions but that was like my takeaway from it is like it works out either way yeah and there are options you know and the thing is as well i've only had a kid for seven months but it's very temporary seven months has flown and soon i'm not going to have a baby anymore and then I'll have a toddler and then I'm not going to have a

child and then I won't have a child and I have a teenager so if you don't want a baby you're not going to have a baby for that long like then you've got a kid yeah yeah and I don't know I feel like you know this is why I like following Ashley James you know she's been very honest about the part of motherhood that she doesn't like and I don't relate to a lot of it you know we're friends but you know there's a lot of her content that I don't relate to because it's a lot of it that I love yeah and then some of the stuff that she loves that I don't love and yeah you know we do things differently but it's like what it makes you realize is that all the phases they pass and so I think we put a lot of like oh my god I'm really scared of a baby because I'm not good with babies and I don't know

any babies and it's like you're not going to have a baby for that long yeah it's so true and then and if you picture your life you don't have a baby following you around forever you're going to have a kid in it so do you want the kid yeah I think that's so true when we think about wanting babies we only see the baby yeah we don't think about like what comes after that because the doesn't last that long. No, look at her right now. Also, toddler stage is so fun. I know. Already now, you know, she's learning to wave this week. Like, it feels pretty huge. That is cute. That is huge. When she waves, I'm going to fucking lose my mind. Yeah, that's cute. But she belly laughs now. And there is quite simply

no sound like it. Like, from her gut, like, she just finds Alex's hair really funny. And when he leans over, she just cackles. That's so cute. I know, and I just think... I can't wait for start talking. It's going to be unreal. That's so funny. I'm going to have to watch for fucking language, though. So, God. My nephew has somehow picked up fucking hell and everyone thinks it's from me which I

probably think is quite fair. He's picked up fucking hell. He calls my granddad, he calls my dad Gar-Gar and he was in the car the other day and he just out of nowhere. Fucking hell. Fucking hell Gar-Gar! Fucking hell Gar-Gar! It's so good. It's like the best thing ever. Oh my God. Good's great.

It's all great. It's great. And it's just messy and just like whatever, but it is, it's fine. We just, you just, you just, you're going to be great out thanks thank you very much and you're like you kidding you like held my hair bag and hand through like nine months of pregnancy and then through my postpartum and i don't know how you did that i was always so excited to be able to repay the favor like and i'm so excited like i'm so excited for you you're going to be such a great mom tpc no and it's not that long now and then they're going to you help one of those and you're going to

fucking nail it. Yeah, mine's crying. Oh, yours is crying. Okay, let's go, let's go. Oh, you're so cute. That's a sad phase. We're coming, we're going. We're going. We're wrapping. We're We're wrapping up. Okay. Well, thank you for your support and thank you for everyone's support who's listening as well. Like, honestly, it's just, I can't say thank you enough for all the messages. They just, they made me feel great and very happy. So thank you. And we will see you on Thursday. Thanks for listening. Love you guys. Love you, bye. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.