Should I Delete That? - Are you really ‘fine’? Estelle Bingham on healing your inner child

Episode Date: October 19, 2025

How are you… really? Do you say ‘I’m fine’ - when you’re not? This week we’re joined by holistic therapist and fourth-generation psychic, Estelle Bingham, who believes that ‘fine’ might just be a cover story. From the very beginning, we went deep… talking about trusting the universe, finding more joy in the everyday, and what it means to reconnect with your inner child.This conversation surprised us. It got emotional, it went to places we didn’t expect, and there was even a bit of a role reversal between Em and Al… Estelle opened up something in us, and we have a feeling she might do the same for you.Find out more about Estelle’s work at https://estellebingham.com/ Follow @estelle.bingham on InstagramEstelle’s podcast Love Purpose Connection is available on all podcast platforms and on YouTubeBuy your copy of Estelle’s book - Manifest Your True EssenceIf you want to get in touch you can email us on [e-mail] Follow us on Instagram:@shouldideletethat@em_clarkson@alexlight_ldnShould I Delete That is produced by Faye LawrenceStudio Manager: Elliott MckayVideo Editor: Celia GomezSocial Media Manager: Sarah EnglishMusic: Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Book on emirates.ca. We really present as these sort of shiny, everything's okay, everything's fine and, you know, fine in my book stands for, EFTA, insecure, neurotic and emotional. Hello, welcome back to Should I Delete That? I'm in Clarkson. I'm Alex Light. How are you? I'm fine, how are you? Absolutely fine.

That joke, guys, is going to make sense in a few minutes when you start listening to Estelle Bingham's episode. We had a wonderful conversation. with Estelle today. She is a holistic therapist, a fourth generation psychic, which actually we barely even touched on that. I know. Well, we got so in the weeds with the inner child stuff. I think we touched on some stuff personally that we weren't expecting.

Yeah, it's, um, I fall sore tears today, but I didn't expect, I'm going to have such a vulnerability hangover, to be honest. I go home. I cried more than what I thought. We both cried. I was very surprised at one point that we were just both sitting there in tears. Peaceful tears. Peaceful tears, yeah.

It was really intense and emotional conversation and very peaceful as well. We did an exercise at the end. I never thought I'd see you doing a breathing exercise. No, I can barely breathe, as we know. But I also think the thing that listeners will find interesting, because I certainly did, was our slight role reversal within this episode. I think obviously you hear holistic therapist, maybe you look at Estelle's work, her book is all about manifestation. You think, well, that's right at Femm Street.

I was going to say, fuck that, because you're a cynic, well-renowned, skeptic. But as it was, you were all over it and very aware of this inner child work. And it's something that you've done and you shared about. It's something that I haven't done and was a bit resistant to. And it was just, interesting. It was just lovely and interesting, I think. I'm a great advocate for inner child work. How weird is that? Well, I know. And now I am. I'm, well, I've got a session with a stel booked, guys. Spoiler alert for the end. I am so excited. Can you give us a rundown after we want a debrief?

I'm going to have to, as is my nature with the oversharing. Like, I'm going to keep up an intimacy barrier by filming it. And that way I don't have to get too honest. That's the trick. If you do all your therapy live, oh my God, can it be an episode? Fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love that. I mean, this basically was, to be honest. So if you are interested in the inner child stuff, actually even if you're not, and you've seen a lot of stuff online that you've just thought, oh my God, what is everyone talking about? This is a conversation for you. Fascinating, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did. Here is Estelle.

Hello, how are you? Very well, thank you. Thank you so much for coming, and we're so sorry that it's taken us. We wanted to do this for so long, and we've gone around the houses to get you here, but thank you for coming. Perfect timing.

Oh, thank you. Now, do you say that for everything because we're trusting the universe and that's the way you work? Yeah, basically. It happened when it had to. I think so. I mean, we're here now and it's perfect, isn't it? It's post the summer. It was a few months later and sometimes we're kind of, we are just where we're meant to be,

the week that we're meant to be in that week and that day and that morning. And so I just, I trust that. I like that. You don't do, though. I wish that was in my brain. Yeah. It's not easy. It's not easy.

I think it's probably the biggest conundrum, isn't it, for all of us, is how to trust timing and trust the bumps in the road and also, you know, accept the imperfections as, you know, what the unraveling and, you know, that things will come together. And especially we were talking earlier before we started being young mums, that's a real moment in time. Yeah. Where we are so challenged around how we expect things to be,

we expect things to go or these ideas that we have about ourselves during motherhood or how we're bringing up our children. And we have to kind of reevaluate. So yes, trust is a big one. We have moments. There are moments in our lives where we get to really be with that challenge. But I always say that they're moments, they're real opportunities for us to grow. And that's what it's all about. Can I ask, I really want to get into like how you learn to trust and hear more about you. But before we do, just because I am curious and desperate. to know. How much do you think in life, this is a huge question, sorry, like two minutes and how much in life do you think it's a case of like, I'm just going to take my hands off

the wheel here and like just Jesus take the wheel or whatever. I'm going to trust and everything's fine and like I'm just, I have to trust the universe. How passive can you be in that? Or is it like I have to be very intentional in trying my best and then leave, like what ratio is effort to trust? I'd say 50-50. Okay. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. But it's about the quality of your trusting and the quality of your letting go. Actually, the quality of your trusting, which is the letting go and the quality of your holding on or being intentional. How do you know what to hold on to and what to let go? So when we're in our, you know, purpose and we're thinking about, you know, life just doesn't happen.

We do have to get up and in the morning and make things, you know, we bring things to us really. and we make things happen and we have the power to co-create. So things just don't land on our laps by trusting and just trusting alone. So we do need to be intentional. But when we're white-knuckling those intentions and we're bringing anxiety, fear, scarcity, shame, all of those emotions to our intentions, then we get really stuck with them.

So there's a holding, it's being intentional, very clear about what it is that you want to be achieving, want to bring into your life, want to manifest. You know, that word gets bandaged around all the time. But, you know, what do we want to co-create? What do we want to bring into our worlds? And then we also, but we hold that lightly because we also trust. So it's a sort of, you know, it's both.

So it's not either or it's both. There's a kind of a little bit of a sweet spot there. Can I ask what you think of this? Because this is how I see it. And maybe this is like a, it definitely is more of like, I guess more of a pessimistic negative way of looking at it. but I think for me it's the effort and then making peace with the outcome rather than trusting that what should happen will happen to me. Does that make sense? It's more like

I don't, I just have to make peace with whatever that is. That feels really heavy, does it? Yeah. But that allows me then, that allows me to let go. I feel like that's actually quite powerful. And it's getting a little bit forensic, but it's an important part. I feel like it's a really important part because acceptance, you know, what is wrapped up in trust? And, you know, it's subjective, right? So my version of trust may be different to yours, maybe different to yours. But ultimately, you know, the letting go, because what that feels like is surrender. So we're surrendering.

There's some part of it that's just surrender. I give it over, which is acceptance. And however that feels for you, whatever language you use or however is a way through. And I really think that's really important when we think about all of this work, you know, because we're bombarded by it on Instagram, whether it's a sort of a new type of somatic therapy, therapy, past life regression, like whatever it is as sort of manifesting or not or this. We are bombarded. But ultimately, it's about finding your own way through.

And, you know, whatever stacks up for you really. And within that acceptance piece, that's surrender, that's acceptance surrender equals trust, really. Does that feel good for you, Al? It does because I think it's hard when you don't necessarily believe in destiny or fate or believe that there's one set path for you that will happen for you and that the universe is for you and it's going to bring you what you need. And I think I really don't believe in that. I think things happen. I think nothing is set. nothing is determined, everything happens as it happens, and that you can, and the scary thing

within that, for me, is that you can change that. You have power and control over that, which I don't like, that scares me. So I think I have to just think that I have to act, oh, God, this is getting so deep, sorry, I think that I have to act how I'm, how I act without thinking about the consequences and just make peace with the outcome. Does that make sense? Rather than believing that there's like a deeper, there's a, there's a greater sort of destiny out there for me. I would like to, honestly, I would like to believe that, but I just don't and I can't. So I think I've made peace with like, I just have to make peace with that. I feel that makes sense.

Ultimately, it's about, absolutely, it's about how do you meet your day? How do you meet your day? And the people within your day, so those relationships with your children, with your partner, with your work colleagues, happy with the community, with, you know, the world at large. How do you meet your day in a way that is self-regulated where you have power over your, you know, there's a certain mastery of your emotions. They're not, you're not getting triggered here, there and everywhere, that your impulses aren't completely unconscious, where there's an awareness around what you do, and where you're able to move

through your life with a certain amount of joy, right? Ultimately, it's not, it doesn't have to look any which way or any which way or any one way. It's ultimately you are in your life and you will find your way. And I think that's the most important thing to, you know, that's really an important message of mine. Yeah. I guess we're all grappling with things much bigger than ourselves that we don't have the answers for necessaries. I think, yeah, I guess any way we can make peace with it. Yeah. It's funny though, isn't it? Because I'm the opposite to you. Like I trust the, I always just think I trust the because I might as well.

But I think that's coming to me more as I get older. Like my husband is Christian, he's Church of Ireland. And like the church is a really big part of his life. And when we first got together, I was, I really lacked understanding there. And I was probably quite judgmental because I was like, vehemently atheist. And I was like, no, it's all silly. Like, it's not for me, whatever. And he loved me anyway, as is where a Christian of him.

And like, I've come to have a huge amount of respect for his faith. and like what it means to him and I think I haven't come any closer to God but I've definitely like maybe in through his belief and his faith is really quite beautiful like just to watch his trust in something and sometimes I look at that and think well that looks peaceful and like I don't I can't get there with God

like he does he's not there for me but I think maybe that's what's led me to just be like well like I'm gonna and I also like the universe I met him in Glastonbury he lived in Dublin I was 15 I met him there's a quarter of a million people

in a field in Somerset what the fucking chances at that Wow I know That's pretty wild And there was like two kids and stuff So I don't know

It's like At the festival Yeah We didn't have the kids At the festival But yeah we met No I'm 50 That's great

So teenage sort of laugh Yeah he was 8 to 17 And yeah We've just met And then we got together A couple years later And how old That's pretty wild

Isn't it Yeah So I just feel like I don't know Maybe I think As I'm getting older I'm definitely getting more

into like the like the good the not like I understand what you're saying but rather than like the relinquishing control to be like I'll just trust the universe because I might as well in a negative way I feel more like well it'll all be okay but it's really nice it is nice but it's really nice what is difficult within that is when bad things happen like we're getting older you know like life happens tragedy happens your friends suffer how do you because this is where this is where I always came unstuck with God for me I lost my friend my childhood best friend And for me forever, I was like, well, that looks awful. Why would I trust a God that did that, right?

So I think this is what a lot of people come up against as they grow. And they try and keep faith. They try and trust the universe. They try and trust God, whatever it is. But then bad things happen. My husband says, if good exists, evil exists. And that's the equilibrium of life. And that's how you have to accept it, which again is peaceful.

I'm not quite there because that annoys me because I'm like, but why? But how do you level that? When bad things happen, what do you say? to the people in your life, to your clients, to people in your community and to yourself when bad things happen? How do you level it? Well, we can't really, you know,

take away the grief of losing a childhood friend. You know, these are very real experiences. And so grief, you know, what I always say for me is something like grief. So when something bad happens, we lose people, that's, for me, grief is a sister of love. So, and ultimately,

that's a very big part of what I do and kind of I always say so you know the Buddhists say that this dimension is a dimension of pain and suffering and when I was young I really couldn't get my head around that at all I just found that really bizarre like why would people sign up that or why is that even vaguely interesting as a spiritual truth you know why is this a pain a dimension of pain and suffering but the next part of that is that it's a dimension of pain but we don't necessarily have to suffer. And so our experience of these experiences can be felt differently or held differently or understood differently so that they don't absolutely annihilate us. Sometimes though, you know, our breakdowns are really, for me, are breakthroughs in disguise.

And our experiences and, you know, in my book, there's many stories. of people sharing their stories, and my stories in there, too, about suffering, pain and suffering. And ultimately, there is a way through these experiences, which is we bring, we sort of deepen into love and compassion and hold these experiences with really deep compassion for ourselves and whatever's happened for someone else. But that's, and that's actually an interesting thing which brings us all the way round to the science of what appears to be quite woo-w-wood because it feels, you know, again, it's like that's a big concept, isn't it?

God and do you believe or don't you believe and going from a position of being atheist to a position of believing in a Christian God. I always say it doesn't matter what you believe and it doesn't matter if you don't believe in anything. Ultimately, do you believe in love? So that would be my question to you. I'm going, why does that want to make me cry? Of course I believe in love love.

I love everything and everyone. I don't know if it was a rhetorical one, but I'm answering it anyway. Do you believe in love? Yeah, God, yeah, yeah. And that's all we need, really. Yeah. It's just to believe in love. So it's not, and love is ultimately a real, it's a reality.

And it also now that science has caught up with the idea, you know, even just, That, okay, I do believe in love. And that's what humanity is. And that's what, when we're, you know, facing into a time of, like, AI, you know, there's going to be a massive ownership of what it means to be human. So, and that is real. So, you know, the sooner we wake up to that, the better. The thing that really creates, that connects us and really makes us human is our capacity

to love. It's not our capacity to think. because remember that we are already outthought by AI. So in 2030, the most intelligent person on the planet, and we were talking about Mensa, weren't we, before we started this, AI will be a billion times more intelligent than the most intelligent person on the planet. And AI is probably already there. So the mind that creates a lot of suffering, actually,

because the thoughts that go around in our head about what we look like, about what we're not good at, but what we're not doing right, all of the stuff, the chit-chat, chat, chat, chat, all the stuff that happens in the mind, The heart is the thing that separates us, and AI can't touch that. And going back to the science, science is, which is, it's called neurocardiology. We know about neurology, because, you know, but neurocardiology is the science of the heart mind. And what we know is that it has a memory of its own, it has a mind of its own. It has everything that the mind has, neurons, neurotransmitters, support cells.

memory. So when something happens to you like you lost your childhood friend and at that time your heart would have broken, you're carrying, your heart remembers that experience. So when I do my work, I do it through the heart and that's why we see really quite deep transformation, deep changes and a real sort of deep letting go or releasing of trauma that we're, we're holding. But bringing it back to this idea of suffering and, you know, what that's all about, it, without sounding trite, because it can sound a bit, you know, throw away or, well, you know, that thing that just trust the universe or things happen for, everything happens for a reason. And when we see such awful things happening, and how can we make sense of that?

for me the way you know your own journey is your own you are it's your journey and it's your mystery what i invite people to do is begin a journey into their hearts to see where that takes them that's my answer i've heard you speak and i know you talk about a lot about in your book about inner child work and i feel like that leads to there you're exploring your heart and the inner child that feels quite intrinsically linked right you need to go into yourself to understand yourself to love yourself and have compassion for yourself that is again something that's bounded about a little bit on the internet this like you know heal your inner child and soothe your inner child and all of that al have you ever talked to you sorry before

I ask you have you ever spoken to your inner child do is that something that you yeah I mean I've had like over 10 years of therapy at this point and a lot of um schema therapy. So yes, yes. I have, I'm a bit scared to touch my inner child. I'm very o'fay with my inner child. That's nice. We're good friends. That's really nice. So, yeah. Because when you spoke about it, I was getting, I mean, I'm tired, but I was getting so emotional listening to you speak about talking to your inner child. And it's a lovely thing. Can you explain for people who haven't done it, don't know about it, what that entails, what that looks like and why someone would want to do it? Well, it's actually,

And really simple. There are certain points in our childhoods where we've experienced different things that have created pain and suffering. That could be, you know, caregivers, the mom, dad, divorces, schooling, leaving for school, how our friend groups being bullied, teachers, being told we're not enough, holding shame, sexual shame, encounters, all different sorts of stories that we hold under the bono it, you know, we really present as these sort of shiny, everything's okay, everything's fine. And, you know, fine in my book stands for, FTA, insecure, neurotic and emotional. Oh, hello.

Say hi, that's me. So the minute someone turns up and says, I'm fine, I'm like, okay, we've got so much doing it. And that's okay. So the bottom line is, is that that shiny stuff, we just, we need to get in, we need to go under the bonnet and have a little look around to see what we're holding on to. Now, what you're talking about is I see, that I see literally probably 10 times a week when people, you know, have newslet, they come to me for the first time or they come to this work

for the first time. And it's just terrifying, actually. It's just a terrifying prospect. I see 70-year-old women who haven't met their inner child and men, you know, obviously men is a really big piece. But in terms of women, you know, still with women, it's like, oh, no, no, no, no. And there will be times when people come to see me when there are those forks in the road, when it's, is it a breakdown or is it a breakthrough? Is it a moment where things are fraying and falling apart and unraveling? Or actually, are we, you know, is that the tapestry of our lives, looking, you know, looking for a deeper weed. Is it looking for more, more color from you, more richness?

Is it looking for you to turn up more to the core of who you are? And ultimately, that deeper weave will change your life. And meeting the inner child is a part, a massive part of bringing that weave in, more color into the tapestry of the whole. So the inner child in these moments, so if you were, you know, adopted, if you were, if mom didn't pick you up, if she was sick, If she was ambivalent about having a child, if it was hard for her to breastfeed, if she was left alone, if she, you know, all of these different things, if dad wasn't around, if he was ambivalent, all of the things, if he was avoidant, whatever it is, all the things, there are different reasons why our inner child will go into hiding and they will go into hiding at different ages, different parts of us. So with IFS, which is internal family systems,

internally family systems is a psychotherapeutic way of looking at different parts of the inner child. And that's a similar, very similar thing to what happens in my work is that there are different times when the child will come forward and say, please meet me. And what I say to people who respond with that fear and terror in their eyes. That's what I've got right now for listeners. I'm like, what are you?

is I just say to them, your inner child, because often they'll knock on the door and I'll feel they're in a child and they're in a child and they come in and really like oh and you know and they're in their kind of stuff and and all I get is this this image of this child beside them who's saying who's just holding on and just saying to me you know can you please make sure that she finds me and I say I have to sell you know it's like a I'll do the best that I can and within that 60 minutes I've got to get that person from total resistance abandoning of that part of themselves to a place of softening in the heart. And not only thinking about the inner child, but feeling the inner child. So someone actually came to me yesterday. And she said,

I have done this work. But yesterday she was like, oh, okay, right, I'm really feeling her. And that's different. And so that moment where you feel and you really allow your inner child. to speak to you and speak her truth to you. Because again, the reason why we've abandoned her is because we don't want to upset relationship. So if I bring my inner child forward and she's really upset and she feels that her mother wasn't loving her enough and you actually don't want to break that idea of mum,

you kind of don't want to, like, you know, upset the apple cart. Then you're kind of like, no, no, no, no, I don't want to see you. I don't want to deal with you. I don't want to look. But that moment where we're like, wow, yeah, that was a lot for five-year-old me, you to hold. And I can understand that you were really sad and felt deeply, so depressed and low and broken. What we're doing in that moment is we're adulting, we are mothering that part of ourselves, and we're also breaking a little bit

of a codependency with the family system, which needs to happen. It needs to happen, not so that we love our family any less, but so that we love ourselves too. Yeah, that's so important. We know you love the thought of a vacation to Europe, but this time, why not look a little further to Dubai, a city that everyone talks about and has absolutely everything you could want from a vacation destination, from world-class hotels, record-breaking skyscrapers, and epic desert adventures to museums that showcase the future,

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in that I've done all of this work in private and never spoken about it in public. And I'm like, finding it strange of like how I talk about this, like how I bridge that gap. But I will say that I think inner child work has been one of the most powerful things that I've ever done for me in, as you say, breaking a bit of the codependency, not in a way that punishes anyone else, but simply prioritizes me and my inner child and what she needs. because ultimately what she needs is what I need and I think inner child work has just been magic for that yeah incredible as you're speaking I think I've never done it

I've never done anything like that and again I think I've always been quite pragmatic in that like I'm quite like well that happened so you get over it you know what I mean I'm an adult now I'm not going to be defined by whatever it's changed since having my daughter, so my daughters, but more so my two-year-old, and I think I watch her become this massive person with this huge personality who's loud and free and sings and spins and dances and shouts and just lives big. She also looks a lot like me and like I did when I was little. So there are these moments of like profound feelings sometimes when I look at her

and I'm like, oh my gosh, like, you're me, maybe you're going to be what I was meant to be, maybe, you know, and I, like, and it's incredible, but I feel like I need to, to really get that, I will cry. Fuck it, Faye, I was supposed to not cry today. Do you know, go on, I'm really happy to hear you say this, you know, because we've had this conversation many times, like, I firmly believe in therapy and really, like, uncovering past traumas and, like, dealing with them head on. because I think that that's where healing is and I know that you've had a different view on that and I think there's a lot of trauma that you would really benefit from looking at from in your like past.

No, no, I just, because I know what you mean. I'm not, we're best friends, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, I just, I think there's a lot, and I'm so glad to hear you say that you could like consider looking at that stuff because I think it would be incredible for you. Yeah, that's so interesting. the therapy that I've done really I've done two types I've done coaching which was very pragmatic for me I was like I need to just deal with this situation and I just need to get through this situation and then I've done trauma because I as we said before I started recording I was very ill when I was pregnant so I had I struggled with antinatal depression so I dealt with a trauma therapist very specific both times have been plastered like you know like just deal with the but yeah you're right out and I think it's something that I was actually talking to my sister about this yesterday so this does feel you

you know, trust the universe, it happened when it was meant to. I do feel like this conversation has happened when it's meant to because I, like I was saying to looking at my daughter and breaking the generational thing, it's like I am inherently a very happy person. I think I am, you know, I haven't really been through that much. I'm fine, you know, I'm happy, you know, I'm chilling, I'm cool. Fine, fucked up and wherever. You know, like I am overwhelmingly.

I have a lovely life and I'm happy and it's all really good. But when I look at Alu and Zanth, when she starts, you know, doing all the same things. When I'm watching them grow, I feel like the mother, like mother at my core, mother nature mother, feminist mother,

earth mother has to let these girls grow to be the wild and magical beings that they are. And I've got to be so careful not to clip them. And I just, I think I probably need to look at myself to do that. See, I will cry. But like that's what I need to look at because I need to look at the bit of me

that I think's too much or whatever it is so that I don't ever make them feel like they're too much why am I crying I only slept for like 15 minutes last night I just really tired that's right that's so right as you're speaking I'm like that is stunning

and I'm so happy it's work for you Al because like that's a lovely thing I think what I'll take the heat of you a second thanks let you cry in peace I think and I'd be interesting to hear your perspective on that but I know that for me becoming face to face with your inner child

you are able to see yourself without any of the layers of shame and embarrassment and self-loathing that piles on top of you in, you know, as you become older. Like if you see your, you know, you're in a child who like, let's say like five, she's pre all of that. She's just an innocent little girl and you really feel that and you're able to see yourself without all of that societal stuff that's like piled on top of you when you become you know, when society tells you who you need to be and tells you that you're supposed to hate yourself. And I think for me, that was what is magic because it allows you to have

a level of compassion for yourself that you can't, that at least you struggle to access for your current self, you know, for your actual self. Absolutely. I mean, that's right. That's it. That's absolutely what happens. And really what we were at, What happens and what I was about to talk about, but you brought it so beautifully into that sort of segueed into that, and you also mentioned it, is this word shame. And when we see our eight-year-old self, even our 13-year-old self, struggling with, you know, whatever it is for you, being at school, not belonging, not fitting in pressure, or being eight, and having to adultify like the end of your childhood, whatever, whatever it is. But really, when I look at you and you just spoke about that this little girl, often people need to have children of their own in order to give themselves permission to meet their little children because they're reminded of how small and how sponge-like and how precious and fragile their sense of self is. And so that's only when people allow themselves to have enough compassion to bring themselves into relationship with their inner child. But what happens when you look at that little girl and she looks like you is those big eyes

and that big energy and this, you know, this awe and wonder and excitement for being in the world and that moment when you're told to be quiet, to become smaller, to stop, no, stop doing this, stop doing that at school, you're to this, you'll do this, you'll do that. We're too much or we're not enough. and that is a shame wound. Also remember this, so when you were talking earlier, everyone has a layer of trauma, everyone, everyone listening to this.

People love to say, oh, I've got a really nice life and therefore I don't feel. And we know that be grateful, not don't be grateful, but don't judge yourself either, like it's okay. You know, we can feel privileged and or not. You know, I see people from literally every walk of life, every single walk of life. So I see, you know, I'm sliding scale, and I see people who could spend, spend, see me six times a week and want to, but I don't let them do it.

But it's not about any of that. When it boils down to this stuff, and this is our humanity, when we're under the bonnet and we're really in the nakedness of who we are, we all share these wounds. There's nothing different about you or me. And really, you know, all of our inner children want to come home. That shame wound needs to be met and dissolved, you know, and the way that we meet the shame wound is in relationship by just saying, you know, I really don't feel like I'm enough. I have shame. And that's where we dissolve. I know I'm crying. That energy. This is a mess. It's a chapter in the book because it's so important. And for me,

it's underneath all of those things, right? So you would have heard a bit about shadow work. So, you know, and Carl Jung says, you know, we have to make the unconscious conscious in order to really be in our lives properly. The inner child is in the shadow. But in the darkest part of the shadow under the darkest rock, the heaviest rock in the darkest corner, is our shame. And that's that moment when your little girl was not protected. And she was not told it was okay to be in her exuberance, in her power, in her dream.

in her magic, to follow her magic, to be more than she could possibly imagine, to take up more space than she thinks she wants to take up, to stand on all the tables, to jump up and down, to splash in the puddles, and to do everything in the way that she wants to do it. Within reason. That power, the power to take up space and give your self-permission to be the authentic you, that is what really life is all about. And again, when we talk about pain and suffering, so even from this authentic place, when we drop into that place of love,

and then we hold the things that life brings us because it will bring us things, it brings us death and it brings us strategy and it brings us trauma. But we start to hold them in a different way. And as we do that, we are actually deepening the weave of our tap. of who we are and that's really when we get to the end of our lives is what life is all

about is it a case that because I always I think well I worry about right when I think about doing this kind of therapy is it's like I don't want to pick a scab that's like just I just want to leave that because I'm very I have been previously very scared that like if I start this it's like well where the fuck am I going to end up and I don't want to I think you know to your point earlier about upsetting the apple cart, never mind, you know, your family or codependency, the apple cart is your life, right? Like, you learn to it. Like I'm 31, I've got my two kids, I got my job. It's an ecosystem, fragile as it may be, that I have built. And I think what I worry about is if I start pulling out the foundations and rooting around here and weeding that and

whatever, then it's going to just all crumble. And I feel like, well, I can't crumble right now. I've got, you know, I'm hanging on by a thread. Like, I can't crumble. So for people who listening, and for me, when is the right time to do this? Is it a case that you wait until like, right, okay, I have got the resources within me to do this? I need to feel strong and I need to feel I know I've got to commit to this and this is a process that will take time, but I've got time and I'm willing to do it? Or do you find that people come to you on their knees with nothing to give thinking, I've got to try? Is there a right time? Is there a better, do you know, do you understand what I'm asking? I think it's a really, really good question.

And I feel like there's no, I wouldn't put pressure on anyone to do anything at any time, that they, you know, if they're not called to do it. Sometimes we're on our knees and we're literally, I mean, I'm often last chance saloon. People are there on the internet like, you know, it's like, help. Yeah, last chance saloon. And that, whatever that moment, that moment of breaking, that breakdown to break through, you just, that's the invitation. And it's like, I've tried everything, nothing's changing. I feel there'll be an emptiness or just a depression or an anxiety that's not leaving, that's not going, or things are just the same patterns, the same outcomes. And you've just too exhausted, you're just too exhausted, you're enough. And that can be in any area.

That can be, you know, wherever that shame, wherever that story is playing out, you know, I remember I had a client actually her story's in the book and she was a banker in her early 30s. And she had, it's in charge of a big department. But every time she went into these, these conference rooms, her inner child would be in the room and she would just come, she'd literally get triggered and she'd respond from this childish place and go into all of her stuff, you know, not be able to speak out loud. All of the stuff that she'd learn at uni and all the stuff she knew,

but she wouldn't be able to hold her wisdom because her inner child be like, I'm not enough, I've got to run, because it would remind her of being in big rooms at school. So it could be at work I mean we're talking about love and family But these patterns repeat themselves in all sorts of places And you may just get to the point where I'm just so tired of this So that's a moment And then there's a moment when there is

You know people find that I've got some time now So yesterday I saw someone whose sons had left home And she's like the time is now And I know that this is now The time is now That's such a mum thing to do isn't it Like I can finally put myself first Now it's been 20 years and they've gone, so it's my turn.

Yeah, but what I'd say, it's like that question of when is it a right time to have a child, you know? There's never really a right time. It's just if you feel the inkling to do it, but also take, you can pace yourself. You know, you're in control of this. You can pace yourself. And there are lots of ways to regulate throughout the process. You don't just throw yourself off the cliff, you know, and hope the best. like, okay, we don't do that, okay, you hold, you make sure that you go and see someone who's

recommended, it's a container, it's really compassionate space. You are growing every day with my process, in my process, your own compassionate adult. So we don't just throw the inner child are like, okay, here's the inner child. At the same time, we're building your compassionate adult. So you're adulting as well. And you are, you are. a holding space for your inner child. It's not like your inner child just comes out to weep on the floor. It's like you, she comes out to meet you and you are growing a safe place within you to hold her and all of what she feels. So it's like a bicep. Okay. When we go to the gym, we grow a bicep. It's like, what happens? I've been doing reform of Pilates and I'm like, hallelujah. I've got my

biceps back. But it's the same. It's the same with our psychological, our inner world is exactly the same. And the heart space is the same. Our power to be more compassionate is the same. So that's like a self-regic, you know, we regulate, we learn little different tools every day, whether it's just being in nature, whether it's taking five times some time you do journal through these things. You do find, you know, other ways to process the things that are happening inside so that you are being kind and careful and mindful and loving, right? Just like you would with your little two-year-old. You wouldn't say, you know, off you go into the woods. You'd say you'd pack her bag. I mean, we wouldn't send her two rounds about, but into the woods, but you'd make sure that she had the right

backpack, she had a torch, she had a, all the things that she needed so that she went well. She was looked after. She felt cared for that it wasn't a shambles. It wasn't, and she didn't get lost. And that's what we do with ourselves. And I think as well, I think, and I hope I'm right in saying that a good reputable therapist, because I've spoken to other people, in my life who I really think would benefit from therapy, but they're worried about having to be, like, confronted with this big open wound, you know, and I think a good reputable therapist won't start the session, lead you to that big open wound and say, okay, 60 minutes is up, like, see you next time. They guide you there very gently, very carefully, and they make sure

that every session has some kind of resolution, maybe not, probably not the resolution, but some kind of closure so that you feel like you're left with something practical to go away with and you've made a bit of progress. I don't know, that's my experience anyway, is that it's not like, oh, fuck, I've just had to like confront my biggest, darkest trauma and now I'm left by myself for a week. Absolutely not. If that makes sense, it's more, it's more. Is this an intervention? Yeah. And you'll be fine. Go and do it. It's going to really help. No, I just, I think it's really important for people to know that because I think that stops a lot of people from therapy.

I know it does in my life, the people in my life. It stops a lot of people from it. It's stopping me right now, for sure. Yeah. Because I do just think, like I know, I was talking to my sister about this yesterday. I was like, I know I need to try and, and I was peaceful for a while, you know, like I have been peaceful, but I am not feeling very peaceful at the moment. And that's what I crave in life because I think that's one of the most profound quotes I've ever seen.

It's like, you know, like growing up, I never saw a relaxed woman. Like I saw successful women I saw a happy woman but I never saw a relaxed one and I'm desperate to show my kids that it's okay to relax so like I'm trying to you know find peace

in myself but you're right it doesn't feel like the right time it's very hard to know when the right time is to do something like this I think that suggests there isn't one yeah there is one or every time

is the right time either or yeah can I ask something just about childhood because someone said this is the thing with the internet right it's like I think people take a lot and I'm really happy I've had this conversation with you because it's definitely sort of broken down the inner child work and made it sound a lot less woo-woo and

a lot more healing and practical and useful but when people talk about their childhoods about their traumas I guess it's a double-edged thing first of all does trauma block memory is that part of the heart neuro thing that what's cardio neurology cardiomy yeah neurology is that the first question that's the first question the second one is a bit of a tangent from that just because I'm interested for people who, I guess I'm asking, you say everybody's got trauma and everybody's to an extent, there's something, there's some inner child that needs a hug and there's something. I can understand why when boomers, like our parents, hear this stuff, they just think, oh, for fuck, something. Nothing we did was enough. Like, and, you know, like, if you went to your

parents, if I went to my parents, you know, we're grown up, we're pragmatic, we can look at our lives and think they did their best. And they did, and, you know, growing up is seeing your parents as fallible in people and, you know, I can understand why there is this resistance because I think you kind of feel like as a parent, nothing you do is good enough, right, if inevitably trauma will come. So is that the case that we all just have, is it that we don't, is it that we block our trauma and we don't remember some of it? Is it that that's why we miss parts of our childhood because we don't have the memory?

Like just on the science there, what, how does that work? And is it, is it the case that some people can just go through? through life leaving their inner child well alone because they had the perfect childhood. These are great questions. And again, I mean, I think just to preface the idea when I said everyone has trauma, it's actually just to sort of democratize that, you know, because people will really not give themselves permission to have had any experience at all because they love to compare themselves to the person in the war zone or the person, you know, and it's actually like, no, everything is relative. It doesn't matter what your life is looking like on the

on the on the outside it can look quite privileged but actually what happens behind closed doors is what happens behind closed doors so i do say that and i'm also saying if you don't feel like you've had anything you know there are also great families out there it's not you know families that don't carry trauma intergenerationly or haven't you know that exists too so just to put that out there um so we don't get any listeners saying but i know i'm fine and it's whatever that works stands for yeah i didn't know if that was a case that like you just blocked out the bits that weren't fine. So there's that as a reality. So there's going to be people who carry on and do your thing. Then there's people who we do have an amnesia

around our trauma. So often people forget and that there'll be huge swathes of your childhood that you don't remember or you kind of come back online at around 12 and suddenly I've got memories from 12, but nothing from before. That's an indication because what our mind does as well as our sort of heart mind, but our mind will, and that's all scientific proven so the mind will shut down it just checks out so that's how we disassociate we will disassociate from violence on you know from abuse from we have to get out of there okay and that's our mind protecting our nervous system right so that happens okay so that's that when we do this work we don't do this work you mentioned it earlier too it's not a blame game and we don't get stuck on the

of trauma and healing. We're not interested in doing that. We are interested in processing, moving through and moving on, but really moving on. And what happens when we say, well, it all looks okay and I'm an adult now and blah, blah, blah, we are often emotionally what I call bypassing. We emotionally bypassed. We get to the forgiveness and acceptance stage. you know I really well actually mom's really nice to me now and you know she was an absolute terror growing you know she was this this and this growing up but you know maybe she's sobered up

maybe she's changed her tune maybe she whatever it is or I have quite a good relationship with my dad now or actually some of those girls at school that were bullying me I've become friends with them I've seen them socially it's fine I'm fine but actually and of course we can do that but what's happening into the foundations it's the foundations of who you are it's those building blocks of who you are. Those are affected by that unprocessed work, by the work that's undone inside. And the quality of your joy, the quality is what is impacted and the quality of your relationships. How intimate are your relationships really? How much do you really give permission for the people around you to be who they are? How much do you really receive

love. How often are you truly seen by the people around you? You know, yes, of course, generations of people will go through their lives and not work with their inner child. And wounds get handed down intergenerationly. So the person in the family line who decides to not go through life, like everyone else has gone through life, who stops and says, let me just inquire actually let me just knock on the door of this little niggle let me just you know this tear that keeps arising for other things what's really happening with my emotions what are my emotions what's my anxiety trying to tell me what does this little depression want to say this what's this shame what's this voice i need to meet these parts of me in a really robust and curious way and i'm going to

trust that I'll find, you know, the compassion, I will grow the compassion within me to change these feelings within me. But also, it stops then with you. And when it comes to really, all those things that are internalized in you, you uproot them from your garden. You plant some nice new seeds, whatever it is for you that you want in your garden. You know, what does this garden look like? Well, it's not thorny bushes and, you know, oh, don't do that and, you know, waggy fingers. and, you know, you're not enough or you're too much. It's actually quite a joyful place. It's safe.

It's fun. You know, it's for the rainbows and unicorns. You know, let it be whatever you want it to be. And that's really what the work is. The work is going into the foundations, uprooting the things that we've brought along for the ride because we internalised them, we've been taught them, we've learnt them, and planting our own garden. And again, when it comes to our joy in our 60s and 70s and 80s, our joy is real. because we've journeyed back to ourselves

we reclaimed ourselves we reclaimed parts of ourselves and we were like actually like that don't like that we'll keep that that's going handing this down experiencing this

and that's what it looks like what a wonderful gift to give yourself because I mean yes it's so important as well that we break cycles for future generations but what a wonderful gift to give yourself because we deserve like joy and deserve to heal from things that live on in our subconscious and affect us

in ways that we don't quite understand. Like that's, it's not one of the best gifts that you could give yourself. Yeah, I think so 100%. I think really that's ultimately that's freedom from all those inner voices that don't belong to you. Okay.

Often it's not your shame you're carrying. It's someone else's. time to give it up. I'll give that back to you actually. Time to truly forgive our parents, like really forgive, but only when we've met the inner child and we've seen how sad she is, that then we can actually forgive because bearing in mind that our moms and dads have done the best that they could, they are the unloved children of unloved children. Okay, there's reasons why they're like they are. And then we truly forgive and we experience peace. So that piece that you're saying, that is joy.

Yeah. You know, I'm so, I'm so at peace today. And actually, then the small things, we see the small things, the glimmers, you know, the glimmers, whether it's just, it's a sunny day or it's a, you know, I brought you a coffee today. I went to prep and bought you one and, you know, you didn't have to buy one yourself. You know, that's a glimmer of something joyful. It's actually, that's a token of a really lovely friendship that you have where you met at the,

you know, at the event. and now you've got a podcast, you know, all of these little things that where we remind ourselves of our connection, we remind ourselves of the love that we are and the love that we can express. Stunning. This has been extraordinary. Can we end on a really practical note? For anyone for whom this sounds really exciting and they want to learn more, explore more,

dig deeper, what do they do? Where do they go? How can they start this work? Well, they can start it with me by buying my book. I've got my book. Love Purpose. No, no, it's not Love Purpose. That's my podcast. Manifestual True Essence is my book. And that just is really simple. There are journaling exercises. There's meditation, a few meditations in there. I keep it really simple. It's science backed. Every chapter is science backed to take that woo-woo part of it out of it so that you can actually just accept it. You can find me Estelle. Bingham on Instagram. And I've got a podcast, Love Pub's Connection. But also, you know, there are, coming into your heart is not owned by anyone. It's something that you can do. You have the power that coming into the heart is an exercise that you can do every day.

And that would be two feet on the ground. So maybe we do it together. We can just practice it. This is super practical for all listeners. You can do this on the tube. I'll be going home on the tube doing this. I'm going to drive. So I'm not going to do it when I'm in the car.

No, don't do it in the car. Fuck the pedals. Two feet on the ground. And what we want to start with, some people are really frightened of breath, you know, because a breath can sort of make them feel a little bit nervous. It's me. I'm frightened of breath. Yeah.

Okay. So don't worry about that. I mean, that's easier said than done. But bring your hand to your heart. That's just a moment of just recognition. Faye, feet on the floor, hand on your heart. And let's just do a breath. So we're just going to do a breath in.

And then a nice exhale. So remember to sigh. That is, so it's not a blow, it's not a, it's a, so let's do that together. A nice deep inhale and a proper sigh. Okay, lovely. That felt nice. Yeah, that did feel nice. That's it.

That sigh is really important because the sigh really allows a nervous system to release on whatever it's holding in this moment and we're just doing that with two more, nice inhales. Just letting it go. it also informs the nervous system that we are going into regulation okay so we can do that at any time we're just regulating and it's what we need to do just with the breath very powerful remember the breath comes from the heart physical heart that's it great and we'll just take two more nice deep breaths but we're closing the eyes now so just closing the eyes breathing in

I don't worry don't have to do an exhale one more and in this place you can just ask the heart what it's feeling or what it's holding because we're going to just release that on the next exhalation so that can be whatever it is so it can just be tired today I'm sad today I'm fearful and just let it hold and just exhale it through really showing up for your heart with the breath so really looking after yourself and that's what we do with that exhale so really showing up there we go and then one more thing that we're grateful for so we'll just bring that thing in whoever's listening this is really easy gratefulness brings energy changes energy immediately changes the

frequency that is science backed so whatever it is that you're grateful for bring that face in bring those faces in, that feeling in, that coffee in, whatever it is that you're grateful for. It doesn't have to be remarkable. It doesn't have to be extraordinary. Just bring it in and exhale it through. It's enough. Okay. How are you feeling there, ladies?

That was lovely. Really nice. I'm so bad at those thoughts. That's nice. How are you doing? Yeah, it was great. Thanks. You did good. Thanks. Thanks. What were you grateful for? My kids? Yeah. And then when you said coffee, I was like, well, I'm kind of grateful for that. I did exactly the same. I was like, Tommy. Oh, I'll say my teas. Yeah. And then I thought the sun's shining today. And then I thought, and then I found those things to be grateful for. Good. So that was nice.

Well, that is, that is. I mean, we know that. It's, that bad is around the internet, but it does work. So, you know, always, you can always bring yourself back to that. Just the simple things in life. This was lovely. Absolutely lovely. Thank you so much. I fear you will see more of me in some capacity. I can't wait to see more of you in. I expect my call. I'm excited.

Can I listen in. It's so wonderful. Come, go. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For having me.

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