Should I Delete That? - Ask Us Anything! The Big Fat & Awkward Q&A

Episode Date: June 16, 2024

This week the girls answer your burning questions in an episode they had to re-record after, in true SIDT fashion, deleting the first draft!Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That, I'm Alex Light. And I'm Em Clarkson. How are you? I am good. I'm good. We're all, we're all a bit poorly in this household. But apart from that, we're okay. We're surviving. Proud of you. Not thriving, but surviving. Yeah, well, that's about right, because this is the most miserable June I've ever encountered in my life. Oh, my God.

In my head, I'm like, it's May. It's April. It'd a push. April showers. No, no. We have got the heating on. It's insane. Which is ridiculous. I know. The room was 17.something degrees this morning. But you don't know what that means. It's too cold for everyone. Famously. I don't. I know that that means cold. And I'm horrified. It's not warm. It's so bleak. It's not. So, today's episode, a little while back, we recorded. a Q&A. We decided in amongst the format reshuffle, which obviously we've butchered

to death, that occasionally we would do Monday episodes, just a tourvis, catching up, all of this. As part of that, we did a whole episode, which true to the brand, we deleted. Like literally all evidence of it has been removed.

Gone. Gone. Poof. We just thought, today, we'll redo it. Transparency, we thought we'd be in our new studio today. we kind of had this, like, romanticised idea of returning home from the tour, arriving to our, like, empty studio, eating takeout on the floor and, like, recording our first episode, like, like, newlyweds in, like, a 90s Richard Curtis. It didn't happen.

We're not in yet. And we've got a while to go. So, pause excitement on the new studio, please, but it's coming. I love that, like, neither of us actually knew when the moving day was, but we were just like, oh my God, we get back and it's our studio. We just neither has had any idea, but we just presumed. Horribly irresponsible. And got an email and I was like, oh, it's going to be a while, actually.

That makes sense. But it is exciting and it's probably a good thing because it gives us some time to actually source bits and bulbs. I'm so excited. Yeah. Honestly, we've said it forever. If you want to make a bunch of money in London, start a podcast studio because they are like gold dust.

The slots are so hard to come by, finding a studio with great cameras, great, like, soundproofing, like, just great vibes. It's so hard. And if you don't want to end up in, like, butt-fuck nowhere, you're paying through the teeth. So, we're really proud of ourselves that we're started. Because this isn't just our studio. We plan to make this a business.

I mean... I know. Other people are going to be able to come in and record their podcast, too. What are we doing? Stop. Just call me king. I know. Is it going to become a franchise?

Probably not. But we're not ruling it out at this stage. It could become an empire. We could be like Donald Trump, two and three. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Don't rule it out.

That was a leap that I wasn't expecting, but yes. We're going to have our own office in London. I know. That's crazy. I know. Should I delete that headquarters? I mean, guys, when we say office, it's like, it is very small. Actually, no, we shouldn't, no, we don't want to shatter the illusion of this magnificent

and pop studio. Yeah, no, it's big, big room, big. It's big, big enough to swing a cat. I'll prove it. Two? Two cats, cats each. One in each other. One in each arm.

That, very exciting. I'm really looking forward to that. I can't wait. We should document the process. Yes, like the people that do the renovation projects on TikTok. Oh my God, I like those cool transitions. I love those. I can't know, but like I need a quick one.

I can't bear the ones that take like a minute. No. I mean, these poor people who are taking like four years of their life to renovate their house. I know. And I'm like, no, no, I can't spare you a minute, please. Yeah, before, after, thank you. I don't need all of a like. People are sharing so much.

Are you seeing that online now? Like, I kind of rated, like, I watched a woman, I mean, oh, Jesus, just, the comments just make me want to just whack my head against the wall, like a thousand times over until all my brains have come up my nose. But it's like, this woman was like, got quoted 50 grand to renovate her guard. like to landscape it and it's like a big garden she'd spent all the money on the house and was like we just didn't have the money for the garden we were quoted 50 quits of 50k to landscape it couldn't afford it so we did it ourselves for 15 grand here's how we did it

she did it with her husband it took her four years to do like four years oh my god and all the comments were just from like really salty landscapers being like well we'd have done it in two weeks and she was like no I know but I didn't have the money so um but people are sharing like everything like the cost like i bought the house for like 300,000 pounds and then this is how much i thought i'm like oh my god the honesty i'm choking on it i'm i'm overwhelmed i'm heady with it i know i know people but but what what shocks me is how willing people are to do things themselves and how good they are doing things themselves that's what gets me Lottie drynan she does everything herself no she's she's she's one on her own though she she she's like she did that thing for

penny that big flag embroidery thing i know she did it all her set i can't i just can't relate i i'd love to but i can't i know i think that all the time she's really clever she's really clever like there's so many tasks because i painted the house i painted my house and i'm really proud of that don't look too closely at any of the finish because it's horrible don't turn the lights on no no specifically don't do that because i painted it all the light switches um i love to paint and I can build furniture if incredibly specific instructions like the desk that I'm sitting on I built that

no bother the bed like I can build stuff if it comes with specific instructions but when this woman is talking to decking her like decking her deck no like yeah she built I'm like what the fuck and people talk about like sanding their floors

like oh I stripped the floor back and then I found the original floor and I've sanded it and varnished it like what I know what I know I watched a woman do a faux marble countertop by herself. I just don't understand. She did it with like resin and I don't know. It was too much for me. But even like the people are like filling the holes in the wall with like polyfellow and stuff. I'm like, wow. I know. Could never be me. I know. God I wish it would. I know. And I love it. But I feel like that's the influence of TikTok. Well, yeah. Or at least the influence of social media

that we, you kind of learn how to do stuff now. But I, yeah. I do love to see it. I can't even do IKEA stuff. I can't do it. No, I see that for you. I hate it. Yeah. I do get I do understand I you know my my makeup ladder that broke yes fell down and broke and the makeup smashed everywhere so I bought a replacement ladder and it came with instructions and like that's Dave's job right that is just Dave's job that is never my job but we were arguing we've fallen out um so and actually it was over the ladder because he was huffing and puffing about having to put it up and I'd ask him like seven times and I was like look I'm looking after the baby like please just do it like it's ruining the background and everything please and he was huffing and

puffing about it so i got mad and i was like forget it i'll do it myself i'll do it myself so i sent him downstairs and banished him and i went and got the drill and he walked in like half an hour later and i was just sitting on the floor crying like trying to drill put the do you need the screw into a hole well this is the thing so it came up and he was like what are you doing? I was like, I'm fine, it's fine. And he was like, oh, there's no attachment on the drill. So you're just, you're just, you're basically just touching the drill to the thing. And I, yeah, it was horrible. Yeah, that's a lot. I know, I know. It's that meme. It's just like, what's the feminism, leave my body. Like, I think the meme is like, when it's time to take

the bins out, which is me to a tea. I'm like, oh, it's so heavy. I can't get the bin bag out the bin and it's true the bin box and the bin bag are completely it's so annoying you'll put like a pizza box in the recycling thing and then you've got to try and get out and all the edges of it's like oh my god this is the biggest fight of my life and i will go to the gym and i will deadlift like 60 kilograms no issue but you asked me to pick out of two kilogram bin bag for the for the bin box absolutely not a chance in hell no way no with these little lady arms no these dainty little pipe cleaners what do you do with these manicured hands i don't think so The worst is when the wheelie bin has shit in it and you have to clean that out.

And I just think that's... See, we don't have wheelie bins in London. We've just got outdoor bins. But... But what we do have is the foxes. And there's nothing more embarrassing than when the fox selects your bin. Because your litter is then strewn all over the street. And I like to play a fun game with myself when I come out onto the street.

Inevitably, of a morning, there will be litter strewn. and I play the game I'm like I wonder who's that is and I use the evidence in front of me to establish who it could be if there's a nappy for example and it's not from me I know three doors up

have a baby so I'm like all right guys I see you with your saw hummus I see you with your rude help crockers they're scrumping this weekend quite I love that hummus

it's very creepy so smooth yeah it's a fun game except when the when the when the when the like balls eyes turned on me. Well, it's my litter on the street. Disgusting.

I'm like, don't judge me. Those biscuits were. What might you find? A prescription. That's why I had so many. On prescription. Not that I know we're not really supposed to talk about our kids anymore, but being in an argument with your partner when you have a baby is really hard.

Yes. Because you have to have it quietly. How can I ask if he's breathing? Well, that too. But how can I ask if he's breathing every two minutes if you're not. speaking. If I'm not speaking, I can't give him the full silent treatment and I hate it. Well, my new problem is... I'm like, is he breathing? If I storm out the house, I know he can't follow me because he has to stay with the baby. So, if I storm out, obviously needing a hug

and I march out all cross, in the olden days, I'd have hoped he'd have come running up behind me. I love you, don't go. And I'll go, okay. Now, I just got to turn the fuck around and walk back through the door myself. I love that that's something you did. You just like ran out the door. I love that. Oh, I did it on Friday. I was in a right strap.

I stopped. I stormed out, got to the park and then I thought, well, he was not going to come and get me, is he? Because the babies are asleep. So I guess I'll just go home. Did he ring you? He did text. Oh, okay. Don't be like this.

I was like, okay. I see now. I'll come home then. Oh, so embarrassing. Yeah, it does change things. I think we've stormed out on each other once. I think Dave's, I was being really insufferable, actually, at that time. And I think he stormed out, and I was like, yeah, go on, go.

And he left. And then I was suddenly like, no, because, like, what if something happens to him when he leaves? Or, like, what if he never comes back? or like so I went like pounding the pavements down after him and I was like I'm not sorry but also I don't want you to leave come and sit at home in silence with me yeah like maybe in an hour I'll be sorry but for now I just need you to come back home I wish like all of this stuff all this like really honest stuff that we share on TikTok like I love to see it I people sharing they're like oh my god I just found out I'm pregnant stuff that for me is like I know like oh I've just

what people put them out of So cool. Oh, yeah, so cool. I really like that kind of like shift away from all this hush-hush shit. Anyway, could never be me, obviously. But I wish as part of that, we did arguments just occasionally. Yeah. Because I want to see if we're normal for our arguments.

I know. I want to see if my style is like popular or if I am indeed a lunatic. I would love to know. It's so true. I want to know. Like, but we're all stomping out? There will be a side of TikTok. There is every side of TikTok.

There will be an argument. I want to know if we're stumping. I want to know if we're silent. Let's start it. Yeah, fight talk. I mean, though, it's like, it's frustrating with Dave because it's hard to get a rise out of him. And I try. Alex is the same.

He's just so practical. And I know that if I get a rise, I've tried really hard. I have pushed him to his absolute limit. Prop to you. And I'm like, well done me. Proud of you. right should we do some questions someone asked what our favourite podcasts were

I love this question okay because we'll have such different ones I'm going to go with my favourite ones of the moment so one is should I delete that I hate this one's not okay one first one is the news agents which I really enjoy because particularly when you're following

the jury election so good second one is the rest of politics Same for following the general election. Very good. And then for more recreational listening, obviously call her daddy podcast, because I just love her. And then a very British, no, not very British, that's TV too. British scandal, which has got 37, no, I think it's got like 40 seasons now.

It's so good. Is it good? Yeah, it's Alice Levine and Matt Ford. Yes. And yeah, they go through, she's so good. And they go through all the biggest. scandals of like history. So you've got like the

Perfumo affair, you've got like the Hat and Garden Heist, you've got like Paul Gascoigne, you've got like the canoe, the guy who faced his own death in the canoe, like all the sort of like really big news stories that you probably remember from growing up.

Like, I don't know, phone hacking or whatever, you'll be like, oh, I was aware of it. But like, here's the whole story. Okay, I'm going to listen. They're so, then they tell the story is so well. I'm going to listen. Yeah, 40 seasons. it got me through like the whole oh yeah like months it took me months to do them all i loved it okay

say less i'm on it great okay can i be of yours now i need a new podcast i need new ones well i'm listening to shameless as well which i've never listened to before i've just started it shameless they were just above us in the charts and i was like who are you who are you what's your business who are they shameless but they're they look at like sort of people who've been cancelled or sort of like big scandals as well but more like celebrity scandal and they kind of like explore their context and that's quite interesting. I'm enjoying that. Oh, that's really interesting.

Yeah. I think this is one of the best questions ever. I love to know what other people listen to, their podcast. And what I love is when someone shares a screenshot of like the podcast app with me and you can see at the bottom what they're listening to. I'm like, oh my God. I love, okay, so either philosophy or psychology. So my favorites are a hidden brain, invisibilia, both psychology ones.

and then an unexamined life, a philosophy one, within reason, another philosophy one that's really good. What else do I like? I love that you just go and listen to like really, I don't know, isn't it so funny where we just, our brains go, like we're really good friends, do loads together, spend lots of time in real life together. I know.

And then when we have this like, our time away, we're just like, see ya. I'm going to go and. I know, it's so weird, isn't it? And I'm just going to follow an election. And it's so weird. I know, it's so random. Yeah, but I do, I do want to.

listen to current affairs more but like I don't know I love these podcasts yeah and you need a bit of escapism in your life wonder you do

you do and what I love about these is like like call my daddy is it her daddy my daddy call her daddy never remember

call her daddy call her daddy and those like I feel like when I listen to podcasts I want to be taken to a completely different world

different from what you do world that I'm not part of so different from what I do like I don't want anyone I know Not that I know her, but like I don't want to listen to a friend's podcast. That sounds so mean. But you know what I mean? Like I just want to be transported into like another out and use like another part of my brain. So I don't really listen to anything. Any of those kind of thing. Oh no. I listen to watch what happens. That's one of my, that's for like when I need something super lighthearted. It's all about Bravo. All the Bravo TV shows. They recap them. The two gay guys are they absolutely hilarious. They came to London recently and I went to one of their live shows and it was really sad because I mess. them both on Instagram when they came because they were coming to London they live in

LA and message them both on Instagram asking if they wanted to meet up and neither responded well fair enough you big creep honestly fair enough but I was like oh my god we're playing at the same venue as you the night before you like and you know we'll be around that whole time like do you want to meet up and they were the loser my sister I showed my sisters the messages and they were like pissing themselves reading out like you are tragic that's my My favourite, when I see that on TikTok, and it's like, or Instagram, whatever, when I see these videos of, like, guys who get his girlfriends find that they've, like, messaged their favorite football that is saying happy birthday. I love that. Yeah, this is kind of being like, fuck's sake, like, my missus has been ripping into me for, like, 45 minutes because she went on my phone and saw that I'd text, I'd DM'd Christian Ronaldo, happy birthday.

That's so sweet. Happy birthday. bless him. I love to think that that's for all men are using their phones for. Doubt it. But yes, that would be nice. Have you seen the trend? It's like my crush told me that he liked Surfer Girls, so I uploaded this.

Oh my God. I am... Dying at all of these. Just like, I remember when I lost my mind. Like, there was one, like, oh my God, some of them, like, there's one girl who's crushed told her that he liked girls with curly hair. So she woke up at like 4 a.m. curled her hair. I saw that.

the video, like, am I having a second puberty? Why is my hair gone? I saw that one. I love our much people share. So embarrassing. But like, it takes me back to all the kind of the crazy things you do when you fancied someone. Log out of MSN and log back in again so that it came up as like, my hotmail account back then was Prince M's at gmail.com. Stop it. I think I was crazy cow in 1998. Crazy cow?

No, no, no, no, 1988. Crazy cow, 1980. I don't know why. Wow, you are crazy. Crazy cow. But, like, you can imagine how little chill I had, but I fancied someone. It was bad. I can imagine an intense intensity.

It was so intense. I would do that thing where I would, like, oh, I hate it. It would, like, message by accident. And be like, oh, sorry, that wasn't for you. And it would be something like, it was something like, It was like, can't wait to see you this weekend I'm like, oh sorry not for you Oh God, I know

Because I don't think I was I'm not sure I was fanciable Do you know what do you mean? What do you mean? Well, I just don't think I was fancied So I don't, you know Like I wasn't like hot property When I arrived when I said

No one cared And like you had to try and make people care Which was a bit tragic How many times a night Would you log in? I know, just constantly like It's like walking into a room Like 15 times

over. At some point, some of us like, is the door broken? Oh, God. And then, oh yeah, BRB. Where was I going? I had nowhere. BRB and then I just sit there. BRB, G to G. To go. Where did I have to go? Do you know what we should do actually? If everyone, or maybe we'll put a question box out on Instagram of like all the embarrassing things people used to do to their crushes. I'd love to do it. And is it just me on that? I told, I told the story at the live show that about the boy I went out with over email for like three days. days and then got asked out of email and then dumped over email crushing oh that's bleak it's bleak it's literally the bleakest thing i can imagine maybe that's why maybe that's where my hatred of email started maybe that's why i'm so bad at them now it's indicative of how low the bar was i know that i was content with that that like commencement like of course the ending

was going to be this you know what i mean like if i settled for that for the ask what did i How did I think it was going to end? Idiot. So funny. It's so tragic. Okay, another question. How do you keep your cool when you get some hideous responses on your post? Yeah, Al, how do you keep your cool?

Do you know what? I actually, I don't know. It really depends. It depends on how you catch me. What mood you catch me in. If I'm in like a don't care kind of mood, then I just don't care. and if I'm in a care the universe is out for me kind of mood then I get really mad I do find that space taking like a moment of space that just calms me down instantly if I if I respond

on the dot if I just going with a with a response I don't I have no call and if I take two minutes then I'm like oh I actually don't care yeah you I generally don't care like there's not much now that I would care about. I find DMs more hurtful. Like, I find more, like, I find, like, aggressive or critical or mean DMs, kind of harder to deal with than private, than public comments. In public comments, I'm like, well, you're insane. Like, if you think this is, like, cool, standard, acceptable public behavior,

then you're a wild one and props to you because that took balls and loads of stupidity and I've got to leave you alone with that and there's not much that can hurt me I'm also like really lucky we both are a thing

that we've got great followers who kind of get what we're doing so there's just like a lot of support if it happens publicly so I don't really care about that now sometimes I just have to write out a reply and then not send it sometimes I just write out a reply

really quickly and send it anyway and then regret it but I really regret it to be honest but then yeah sometimes the more like I'd be sometimes more hurt by like private messages generally not like

aggressive I don't know like mean ones I'm like no I don't know like someone calling you like fat or ugly or any that shit I'm like oh okay I don't really care about that but like a call in I love you but they can be a bit hurtful yeah yeah they're way more hurtful

but that's obviously all my shit you know what I mean like stuff only hurts us if someone touches a nerve And if they touch a nerve, it's because we're kind of aware of our own, you know, behaviour or shortcomings or failures or whatever. So I kind of know why I react, why I'm hurt by certain things and not by others. And that helps. I think that awareness is key. Because I think before I had it, because someone else has asked a question saying, how do you build up so much resilience and maintain it?

And I think, I heard someone talking about this in a pod the other day, actually. Like, you just can't have thin skin on the internet. and I think I did have very thin skin when I started so when you got any sort of criticism I would take it all as like abuse and I realise now I don't have to do that like it doesn't have to all be threatening and hurtful and mean and bullying

and I don't have to just absorb it all I can just ignore it which I could never have understood I do think it's desensitisation as well isn't it like we've got we've received like hundreds of things like it's you know on a spectrum obviously like some are really horrible

some are less horrible some are like passive aggressive I don't know there's like a whole spectrum of like negativity but yeah I think you do get desensitized as well yeah and I think yeah there's just you realise that you only have a finite amount of energy and you've got to work out ultimately like what you want to spend it on and like if it's worth I don't know if every time

you get criticism it's going to completely like annihilate your self-worth and make you question your job and all of this stuff it's just like there's no way to live like you've got to be able to do the job and still find joy even with that so I think it just takes like a bit of practice doesn't it to like careless and I think like the the negativity bias of like you know like taking notice of the one thing that's negative when you get like a hundred positives I think that goes as well or at least you become really aware of that And so it means that you can kind of check yourself for doing that. Because I find that I'm like, hang on, I'm focusing on this one thing.

But like how much positivity did this, you know, did this garner? And that helps. I don't know. You can choose. I guess it's something that Jacqueline's taught is that you can choose how much you want to be affected by stuff. And that's quite a freeing thing. And it's like, yeah, you just, I don't know, you get used to it or you don't. And I think the thing, well, you do get used to it.

it and it like i think it either does make or break you but i think the thing that i've learned is that it always ends like sometimes when you're going through like the worst of the worst like my christmas like 18 months or whatever like the worst just like so intense and it's that you're in this big storm of like noise and it feels like it's never going to end and then it does and it does yeah yeah yeah and everyone just gets over it so like any bit of shit that i get it's like i always think of that one audio i made a real two years ago and i think about it all the time and it's like someone's disapproval is a singular moment in time and it's like so true like yeah someone doesn't like you you know someone doesn't like what you've just done but you're going to do

a thousand other things today yeah and and so is everyone else you're going to let their opinion of that one moment define you no no boring love that i haven't heard that i like that do you think we'd have been friends if we were in the same school well no because you're a casual six years older than me so you probably would have been bullying me do you think if we'd been the same age in school would have been friends i don't know what were you like in school depends which school because i was like super shy and awkward like running theme of kind of hating myself um but kind of articulated differently at both times so i was kind of like smaller and more like a bit more shy in my first school and a bit more like ah like i'm just

going to pop in and out of MSN like 15 times and hope that someone notices kind of vibe in the first time. And then my second school, I was like, I was, I was, I was a bit cooler, smoke cigarettes and drank vodka. Oh my God. Well, obviously being the, um, stunning example of a citizen that I am, I would not have been able to be friends with you. No, I do. I agree with that. As head girl. No, I'm just kidding. I wasn't. I was, I was, I, you wanted to be, didn't you? You ran a campaign. Pretty compelling. I was, get it, but it wasn't me.

Were you? No, I wasn't. I was never in the running. I didn't. Oh, I told you this before. Work hard enough. Everyone won something in school. I remember everyone winning something in school and there was nothing for me, so I just got the Good Egg Award.

That's so sad. That's tap on the head. Thanks for coming. She's a good egg. That's so sad. It's literally like bottom of the. barrel You must have been good at something

No, I really wasn't I really wasn't I didn't excel at school at all It's really depressing I'm quite good at art And photography and stuff Like I guess that was probably like What I wasn't the worst at

But I kind of did it at that time Where we just up the saturation a lot And like Any photo of the cigarette was arty Do you know what I mean? Yeah, or yeah, I just stick anything in black and white yeah pretty much yeah let's up the contrast did you get like good grades were you academic no okay so i wasn't diagnosed with dyslexia until i was 15 which i don't think was very

helpful like i really struggled with my like entrance exams i just i wasn't very good obviously like the ADHD stuff was like later as well which obviously makes a lot more sense but none of that was like kind of like part of it when i was a teenager so no i wasn't brilliant but I'm not stupid and I'm I really love learning stuff and I have like a no I felt really stupid for age as I'm like I'm empowering myself now I'm like no I'm not stupid I don't think but like I wasn't in good sets and like or classes I was always in the bottom of stuff and I didn't do very well in exams I did quite well in my GCSEs but I didn't do well in my A levels I don't know why but I did well in some GCCs but I think they

it was just luck about like how the exam went because like randomly i did really well in geography even knowing of fuck all about geography and then like history and like politics and english and stuff which is the stuff i love i didn't do very well and so i don't know i just i didn't do that well were you just like not built for the setup of like the exam i think so because i do really like it and i really like learning and i really liked knowing stuff and i also wanted to do well which is kind of tragic that i wasn't then doing well do i mean like it wasn't like i wasn't trying like I was trying I just couldn't quite get it

and that's annoying yeah like yeah and there was no consistency like my English literature I got 98% in my GCSE which is nuts then my English teacher when I came back to school he said it was a fluke and I was like you know what I can't argue with that because

because like my English language which is the one I was really interested in and the one I studied at A level I only got a C in so it was like it just didn't make any sense no no And I still can't really make sense of it Because I was still really interested in it And I tried to do my best

And I tried to apply myself But I think, yeah, only getting Diagnosed with dyslexia literally Just before my GCSEs Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely That's really annoying That it wasn't picked up on before that That's a shame

Yeah, yeah, my spelling's not too bad So it's not like, I guess it's not like Kind of obvious And it's not great But it's my issues are more with like spacing and stuff Yeah I'm not very good at, like, seeing spacing and stuff in words. Like, if, if I've write, I think I've used this example with you before, like,

if I write the word with, like, I'll just put an E on the end of with. Like, I'll just write Wive. Because I've already said Vuh. Do you know what I mean? So it's like, that's efficient. That's efficient. It's like, very efficient. Yeah, it's like, saving time, same, space, saving ink.

I think, I think, I noticed it with you with, like, pronouncing words as well. Yeah. like, they'll be wrong. Like, O-Zempic. I think you call it like Ozepic.

Probably. I have no idea. But yeah, yeah, I'll read stuff wrong. It's really sad if you ask me to read something out loud. It's not sad.

If someone asks me to read something out loud, I'm like, oh no, for the first time on my own. Like, if I can practice it a couple of times and ask my mom how things are pronounced,

it's normally all right. Oh, it's not sad. It's not sad. It's dyslexed. Yeah, no, it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, like, I'm annoyed for myself. I think I would have like, I didn't get into uni, but I think I would have liked it. Yeah. But I didn't have a lot of learning support and stuff. I think, I don't know. I think, hopefully if all those are the same, it'll be cool because I'll be able to like, identify it and try and help her more than, yeah,

it just wasn't, because my brother's, my brother's dyslexic as well and ADHD, but much more obviously picked up on in young boys, I think. For sure, for sure. Yeah. Because it like presents much more differently. Or it's very, it's much more, like, overt in boys and blatant, isn't it? Yeah. And he's like much more like traditionally dyslexic. Like he's got horrific handwriting and his spelling is really bad and stuff.

What were your, what were you like? Were you, did you, I bet you did really well. I didn't do badly. I didn't, I feel bad now. It's okay. Do you know what, though? The thing is, um. I was I was I was like good at exams I was good at doing the exams but like I have the worst memory like I didn't retain any of it like if you asked me two weeks after the exams anything I couldn't tell you yeah but no one needs to know two weeks after I know but that is such a shame isn't it I know I was an absolute fraud because all I did was like I would just like pull all night as the night before I had no yeah like I and I would just memorize everything for the exam and then gone just completely gone and

And I can't remember anything for shit. But you've got your A's or whatever at the end of it. So who cares? Yeah. But it does feel like a shame. I don't know that that's how it's measured. I mean, it was great for me, obviously, because I was able to, like, it was the right structure for me.

But it does feel wrong that that's how it's measured. And then that's how, like, you're set up then for the rest of your life. You know, it goes on your CV. And then, like, people, I mean, I'm 35 and still people ask. me like what did you get in your A levels which is crazy yeah that was like 17 years ago it is a shame it is a shame on that and as well like obviously I just come from like so much privilege and so much that it's like it was okay like it was okay but it's like and you know I'm just I'm so lucky on so many counts but it's just like you're right it is so defining and

you know obviously like it was okay not going to uni and whatever but I remember being fucking devastated out like it was all I wanted like I apart from anything was just really interested in learning and like I just I wanted to go and do politics and sociology and I was so excited and I just didn't get in

and it was like wait what? See that is such a shit you'd have been so good at politics I think I'd have really enjoyed it yeah I was really I was really gutted I'd have loved it and I was I remember I was absolutely devastated

like I was just really upset and that's a bit of shame I know I sobbed and I was so surprised because I thought oh I liked it like I enjoyed my own levels I thought I'd be alright

then I wasn't I was like oh my God like I was what now? I think I was just too embarrassed and I felt really hopeless I was like there's no point doing them again like if I couldn't do it once

why would it because my parents said why don't you just reset and just repeat the year and like do it all again I was like I can't do it all again how embarrassing but it felt it so I just didn't

so I was just like okay I'm just going to not go then oh you can could have done them all again. That's what my cousin did. He didn't get into medicine school, medical school the first time in his A-levels. So he retook the year straight away and then got what he needed and then went to medical school. But also, I thought it's so much, because they're brutal A-levels and then the idea of having to do them all over again is painful. And my parents were just getting divorced and stuff and like, I definitely didn't want to be at school.

Well, that will not have helped. No, and I just didn't want to like go back and do that all again. Do you know what I mean? I'd have had to have go back and done everything again. And also I'd have had to go to all the people in the year below me and be like, hello. I know. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's too much. Yeah. But also your parents getting divorced. Like don't play that down either. That's like a huge trauma to happen as you're like, that's a lot. Like Dave's parents divorced when he was doing his degree and it really, it really threw him. Like he had to like it just really threw him as it as you can imagine that it would. You know, it's brutal for a kid. I don't know. I thought I'd like, I still think I might one day like to go back to, I always sort of go back to uni or like do an open uni something just because I like learning.

Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. That would be so cool. That would be so cool. Yeah. I am waiting for the day that this, I'm not waiting actually, definitely not waiting. But when the day that this does all go tits up, hopefully it comes to a natural end rather than like in sudden cancellation. But when it does all go tits up, I want to go back to uni and study. So like, I got. and like become a counselor i would like i could do that at open uni i was like i'd love to do that be so good i'd love to do philosophy but i'm not clear it's so hard i'm not clever enough but i would like to try that would be fun i think you should try it's a shame it's it does the system just seems to be set up in such a way that it doesn't really allow you to like i don't know explore what you'd actually like to i don't know i know i know doing things they didn't offer psychology at my school. My friend, my amazing friend who was now a doctor, they did an office psychology at school. So she took it extracurricularly. And there was a boys school in our town,

like just a single boy's school. And they did psychology there. So she would take herself to lessons there, like she got permission from our school and from there. That's so cool. I know, and just went to their psychology lessons. So she could learn psychology and then did it all of her own back and then took the exams all by herself. And she made that decision at 16. That is so cool. Because I wonder how people, I've always thought, like, how people ended up doing psychology at uni, because it was not an option, yeah, it was not an option for RA levels. I didn't even realize it was an option for uni, you know, and like... I think it would make people kinder if we did learn about it. I think it'd be a lot more empathic. Because I did French and linguistics,

and I loved linguistics, and I did French because I loved learning French. But I did French at uni and I hated it because it was like French history, French politics, French literature. And I was like, I hate all of this. I don't like this. Like I want to learn the language. I want to learn other languages. But this, like I, oh, I hated it. Hated it. It's really interesting, isn't it? I don't know. There's so much I keep thinking about with like, I don't know. Like the doors, because as a parent now, it's like, it's a completely different perspective. And you just think like, oh, I wonder what like doors will be open. I like what doors? Can I help to open or like, I don't know, like, already, like, I mean, I always, like, doing nothing.

And then I was thinking this morning, I was like, should she, if we do gymnastics and swimming, and I was like, okay, do you want to dance? Like, do we, should I do, like, I don't know. And then without the school, you don't want, you don't be too pushy, but it's like, but I don't want anything to be, like, out of reach for you. Do you know what I mean? Like, I want you to feel like you can do it all. Yeah.

That is hard, actually. That is hard. But then you don't, but then I always think, like, you know, people are like, oh, I want my, sudden to play for Arsenal or like I want my daughter to be in the Olympics like I don't want that for my for Tommy I don't want that for him too far away like I said I want him to live an unremarkable life you know it's also too far away it takes him too too too much around the world too much traveling but you know an unremarkable life I wouldn't want that you know yeah I don't I don't know I'm the opposite but I don't want to be pushy like I want to be chill like oh my

god you want to go and take over the world like I'm right there with you you don't know biggie but like, I'm, like, but let's do it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But I don't want to push her. I just want to have, like, enthusiasm for whatever she finds that she loves. Yeah. Because someone's asked, which I like, go on.

But it's like incredibly thinker. It's a big thinker. Because what ways would you want to parent your kids different to how you were parented? I feel like millennials all over the country are asking themselves this question. I know. Oh, but that makes me feel bad on my mom and dad. How do we break the generational trauma?

I know. I don't like it. makes me feel bad on my mom and dad, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, that's something you've got to look at. I think, well, I mean, I think I'll have less kids than my mom. Which I think offers them a little bit more attention each, you know. Yeah.

Not that I feel starved of attention, but I do think less is better. But I think my mom admits that as well. She's like, I just didn't have individual. Like, I just didn't have enough time for you all individually. Yeah. So I'm always on the train of like less kids. less kids less kids.

Everyone's like, oh, you're coming from a big family you want big family? I'm like, no, no, no, no. And my mum says don't have more than two. She's like, that's my advice

to you, no more than two. How funny. And I heed her advice. You can just do your best. Just do you, exactly. That's what I was going to say. Just do your best. And that's what our parents were doing too.

The cool, exactly. They were doing what, like we always say they were doing what they had with their tools at that time. But like the good thing is now is that there is so much, like we know so much now we're so aware and we've all had like therapy now well you know like we've got more access

to therapy now and and internet therapy as well um so i think i think we will be very well equipped with doing better but i we will still fuck our kids up for sure oh my god we will which terrifies me they hear us having with our with each other storming out of the house oh their mom goes again. She's always doing that. I noticed with Betty that I'm like when she chooses Dave over me I'm like right well I'm going to play it cool now so that I'll give you a taste of your own medicine so like you don't want me well I don't want you and then wait for her to come running back and then I think this is super toxic and like I do not want to do this with my children I have to knit this in the bud like I know she's a dog so it's fine

That doesn't matter. I don't think. I don't think I'm giving Betty trauma. Maybe I am. But for kids, you can't do that. You just can't do that. And I need to not do that. Yeah.

Yeah. I have to, like, something that stuck with me from that interview we did with Brianie Gordon. And she said, like, how we have to not say to our kids, like, you're only as happy as your least happy child. And like, because I had that all the time growing up. Yeah. And I was kind of ready to take that into my parenting.

and it's only as I've heard it I'm like oh my god I can't do that tomorrow like I can't tell her or like any of future kids that their happiness like my happiness is dependent on theirs like the pressure that they'll feel

they're going to be so codependent and so people pleasing and so like they're going to need to they're going to feel like a burden and I'm really like oh my God maybe that explains me and the way that I am I can't have that so it's stuff like that

you have to like gently unpick because it's like it comes from a place of love and it's true but like yeah you need to I don't know, you just need to be chill. But then, I don't know.

But there's like so many blind spots. This is like... I know. And me and Alex are having to start aligning on telling Arlo off now. Oh, God. Yeah. It was Sunday. He was fun dad.

And I was like, don't run in dog shit, mom. Like, I'm the boring mom. And he's like, ha, let's play in the... And I'm like, no, we're not doing this. I'm not falling in the tropes. You have to discipline it. You have to be on my side too. That's really hard.

I'll find that really, really difficult. I know. I mean, we're, we've, now, like, I've started co-sleeping with Tommy, which I know is a thing and, like, whatever, I'm doing it safely. No, I co-sleep. I love co-sleeping. But Dave is, like, dead set against it. And it's difficult.

Well, they don't do it, Dave. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I mean, yeah, he doesn't, you know, but, like, because I'm, like, super anxious, like, I can't do when he's in the bed or obviously when Betty's in the bed. um so that's a whole thing he's like dead set against it and you know he's not like you can't do it but he's he disapproves like he doesn't he doesn't approve of it and it's so hard isn't it because it's like this baby is just as much yours as he is mine and i have to respect what you think and you have to respect what i think but like how the fuck do we meet in the middle

i know yeah i know my Alex is really good for some stuff like that there's a lot that he just says like that he trusts my instincts on He's like, you know, I've got my opinions, but you've got your instincts and they're different things. And I really rate, like, there's a lot of like that kind of, I don't know, those decisions. Like, he's like, we'll always go with your gut. He's like, if your gut's saying something, ignore what I'm saying, because like, you're hardwired to, like, understand her in a way that I'm not necessarily. So we'll always trust your gut on that, which is quite a lot of pressure, but also really wonderful. That's so much pressure.

Like, I can't do that. No, it's really nice. I kind of feel like I do know, you know, you know when you know, like, I don't know, like, if you, if she, you know what she's like so clumsy, like conks her head on everything. And it's like, sometimes you're like, okay. And it's, it's weird that like, usually I can call if it's like, okay or not. And it's weird that I seem to just know that. But he's right. You kind of have it. No, I don't, I don't have it. I don't have it. No, no. But I've never trusted my gut on anything, anything ever. Like, we go with, it's sad, but like, I can't do that. I just

can't do that. I think we should do an exercise. I think there must be somewhere we could go. We could go to a hypnith therapy place. God knows I've got, because I'm desperate to be hypnotised to be more organised. And we could go it.

There must be somewhere that can get you in tune with your gut. And like we can just have a day. I'll do it with you. Let's just have a day of following your gut around. And like, we'll just trust your gut on stuff. We'll just end up in like different food establishments. We've never crossed the road.

My gut says it's not safe. Yeah, we can't get in the car. My God says we shouldn't leave the house. Oh my God. Okay. We'll do a couple more before we leave, everyone. Oh, what's the biggest risk you've taken career-wise that's paid off or that hasn't? So I was made redundant from hello, from my job in 2020.

And I've been there for 10 years. is this isn't necessarily a risk because as we all know I'm very risk averse so I don't take them but what I do regret is not leaving before then because I was you know I was made to leave I was pushed to leave and it was it was terrifying but it felt like it was the best thing for me and I just wished that I had left a lot earlier because I was very stagnant there like I was I didn't enjoy it I was I wasn't very happy not because I loved I loved the team like we got on so well and we still were still in touch but like it wasn't challenging me or like pushing me and I just been there for a really long time but but yeah because I am so risk of us and scared of

doing just scared that I didn't I regret not leaving earlier yeah what about you I think honestly the biggest risk I've taken was recently um which we haven't really talked about but boy Alex my husband started an agency during well kind of just art well kind of just well well we decided to do it just after paternity, like just after he'd had paternity leave. And so he basically decided, we decided, that he was going to be my manager. And like we just kind of, I think we really enjoyed that period together of like the six weeks off, you know, like his time off. And like obviously I had to go back to work a bit sooner.

And yeah, we just kind of felt like there was a lot. like it's a kind of a weird industry and he was always going to have my back the most and it's something that he'd been in the industry for like 10 years and we wanted to kind of focus on being a family and kind of build this business kind of with our family

at the core and like whatever but that was a bit of a risk because I left my management agency at a time when I just had a baby and it is quite an interesting time in the industry because you don't know if you're going to get work and people don't know how to define you and like you know you don't know what

you've got the capacity for it if brands are even going to want you and like so it was quite a stressful time and we did it while you know he obviously had to work a notice period I had to get to the end of my contract and like it was a bit scary before we all jumped yes I guess maybe with hindsight that's a bit of a risk but then you know like one of you in a couple starting a business is always going to be a bit of risk and I guess we kind of went into business together in as much as you can in this kind of job and like so yeah I think that was probably and it's obviously all worked out so well thank god it's been like a year and it's been amazing and he's my manager now as well and he's your manager now too um just and that feels great as if we weren't ingratiated

into each other's lives enough i know um so that feels like i don't know it feels like what the dream was kind of like we had these like days during paternity leave where it's like oh my god this could be our life and like we could do this together and blah blah blah and i think it was a risk and it yeah Working together is obviously a gamble and starting a business is hard and blah blah blah And we just had a baby but um that was probably the biggest risk and yeah it's paid off thank god and i don't like you but i'm so much happier and like i'm just so happy and it just all feels really good yeah and he's doing so well it's really cool i know i know and it's nice because it does feel like you know the whole point was like family was at the middle at least for us it was like

you know it's quite it's difficult to juggle everything isn't it oh my god it's so difficult and it's yeah that we can be together and that he can work from home it's so good yeah yeah totally game changing because you know we need to kind of support each other's jobs and because there are a lot of questions about that like how we find juggling parent life

and work life and personal life and having hobbies we don't have any hobbies anymore what hobbies no capacity I know the drums still want to do the drums but it's not happening as if as if I want to get back to boxing I really want to get back to boxing and I bought this

think you should. Well, you know what? I bought this stupid thing that you, you, it's like you stick it on the wall. I know what you bought. Yeah, you stick it on the wall and you punch it in different places and it lights up as you punch it and it like lights up to music. It sounds like something that Tommy should be playing with. I know. Well, I bought it and Dave was like, send that right back. And like, where do you think that's going to go in the house? And like, what wall is strong enough to take that? And I was like, yeah, okay, good point. So I've had to send it back, which is really annoying. but I do have a boxing bag outside I should just go and do it again

because I really loved it but yeah I've just I've been waiting for the C-section scar which is still a bit of a mess so I've been just waiting for that's calm down No no Alex Light you get your butt I'll book you on

Mummy MOT and Mummy MOT they're so good they gave me the clearance to start running again and this time last year I was running so yeah like four months postpartum, they gave me the all clear. Okay.

But we did physio and they like massage the scar and we, you know, we got in there. Okay, yeah, I need to do that. I do need to do that. Yeah, you need to do that. Definitely. And whatever damage is there, they can sort of like undo and stuff. It's pretty cool. Nice.

Yeah. Okay, excellent. Yeah, no hobbies, no hobbies. But working on it. Helpful. Should we do a helpful question to see us out? Yeah. Why not?

I mean, we can try. Okay. any top tips for comparing yourself to others? Yeah, don't do it. No, I'm just kidding. Become aware of it. Like, really become aware of it because I think a lot of it happens unconsciously as well.

We do it and we're feeling really bad about ourselves, but we're not necessarily labelling what we're doing is comparing. Because I think we just do it so much. And I do think it's like hardwired in us as humans. It is. When I was doing research for the book, it's like you know and I mean it's hardwired in us and it's then reinforced in us from a really really young age everything we're always measured against someone else like literally from like

your baby like what centaur percentile I never know if it's percentile centile but which one of those are they on then like what are their grades like then that's you know like the benchmarked against everyone else like athletic prowesses as well it's all it's all like comparison so I think it's really, it's very ingrained in us to compare and it's constant. It's all the time. So I think just noticing it is very helpful. Yeah. I mean, look, it's so cultural. I mean, all of that, the sort of competitiveness is just sort of a capitalist. Like, that's just capitalistic. It's very like, well, you need to be the best because the person that gets up the earliest catches the worm. And like, you know, if you want to go out there and hustle, like, you know, you're working while everyone else is still asleep and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like, all that sort of like macho hustle culture is all very, sort of economically driven if you like and then so much of the comparison that we do as women we talk about this on the live show is

so sociological it's so I mean ingrained in terms of what we've absorbed from magazines from everything and kind of on a nature level it's like okay well we need to compete because the prettiest one gets the best mate and then the one that gets the best mate is going to make the strongest babies and then we've done our job evolutionarily and that's great so well done us but then you know sort of on a

more simplistic level than that it's like well I need to be better than her so that he fancies me more like and that's you know if we're taught that male attention if we're taught that either money or male attention are the two big wins in life you know you do feel like you have to compete for both and you have to be better than everyone else to get more than everyone else and we're taught that these things are finite and so I think like yeah yeah like the awareness is important but also like absolving yourself from blame like it's entirely inevitable that you're comparing yourself because it's just completely what you've been conditioned to do but I think something we talked about on the live show is realizing that when you do compare yourself you very

rarely come out on top like when you're comparing yourself to someone it's usually with the intention of bringing yourself down or at least that's the outcome like you use other people as a stick to beat yourself with and it's completely futile you compare sort of one like insular bit of a person to one bit of yourself without anybody's context and it's completely unnecessary and often you do it as if you are competing for something but if you actually strip it back you realise that you're not you know other women really actually aren't your competition I mean yes in a massive like step back and look at the world okay I'm going to be the most fertile and then I've done it if you look at that the Darwin like a kind of attitude fine but

realistically speaking you're not competing with anyone because you don't need to and And when you realise you're not competing, that's quite freeing. Yeah. And it's like you said, it's like the scarcity mindset as well, isn't it? Mm. Of like, we think there's only so much of this and so much of that. And it's just not, it's just not true anymore, you know? No.

Like, your win is not my loss. That's something. Right. Like, we can both win. Yeah. Yeah. And you might win at different times and, like, in different ways. Yeah.

But just because someone else has won, it doesn't mean that you won't. And it also doesn't mean that shitting on her. is going to make you feel any better because you'll literally like you won't because what does Jacqueline say? Resentments like taking poison and expecting the other person to die like you just rot yourself.

I love that. I know. I love that. I think there's something else Jacqueline taught me is that, I should just do an episode with her to be honest but if you're starting at a different there's no one in life that starts on the very same day, very same time with all the same advantages or disadvantages that you have.

You will never, if you're taking life as an obstacle course you will never run the same race as anybody else even your brothers and sisters yeah like even your twin you know anyone that you came in yeah okay you're as similar as can be you're still not running the same race like nothing is comparable yeah that's so important to remember that because i always forget that whenever i compare myself to someone else i never ever remember that and it takes someone else to go oh but their situation is completely different. They have different mental health. They have different physical health. Like they've got different

circumstances. There's always it's always just completely different and it's such an unjust, it's such a disservice to ourselves to like you said, beat us up, well yeah, beat ourselves up about what we perceive that we don't have. Yeah. I think that was quite a good one to end it's on.

And 5.30 which means at the end of childcare. I've got to go and retrieve my brain. Excellent. What's timing? It's an early bath time. Love bath time. Yours or Dave baths me I bathed on me then Dave baths me

That's nice I think I told you this My fun fact from the olden days The reason the expression Throwing the baby out with the bath water exists Because in the old and olden days Everybody would be in the communal bath And then like dad or man would bath first

And then like the woman would bath And then chronologically down And then the baby would be the last one to go in the bath By which point the bath would be so dirty that they would remind parents not to throw the baby out with a bar porter. This came to me in the middle of the night. You're telling me this. And I was thinking, I don't understand why they wouldn't wash the baby first.

Because the baby has the least amount of dirt on them. I agree. And also the worst immune system. So why would you put a baby in like a swamp of like deluge of germs? Exactly. It seems. It makes no sense. It seems I like they talk about like mortality rates in babies.

Well, those days. I'm like, I've got a couple of suggestions. Yeah But very good fact I'm very good fact Love it Thank you so much That's the kind of

Useous information That didn't get me in A level One day Well I have loved this Yes it's really good I can't wait to do all with you soon In our new studio We'll do one when we get in

We'll do another one when we get in Oh definitely We definitely will And we'll do it on the floor With takeout Oh I know I love that like romanticisation

Because it won't be comfortable or lovely in real life. No, I actually really struggle to sit on floors like that, and especially with my... I can imagine. I can imagine. I personally quite like it. Especially with my hemorrhoidal situation. I don't think I should sit on a cold floor.

Should I bring you a cushion? Yeah, I need a cushion. I need a little cushion with a hole in the middle. Well, she hadn't said hemorrhoids now because it's all I'll be thinking about whenever we're eating whatever we're eating. Enjoy that. Oh, brilliant. All the hemorrhoids are playing up.

It's all I'll be thinking about, too, honestly. What's like, all right. Okay. Guys, this has been lovely. Yeah. We will be back on Thursday with an Is It Just Me episode? You're getting a lot of us this week. I know, so much us.

But that's what you asked for. When we did the feedback thing, that's what you asked for. So, I don't know. Maybe they won't mind it. We'll fucking see. All right, guys, love you to bits. Thanks for listening. We will be back on Thursday.

Have a great week. See you then. Bye. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS Creator Network. Thank you.