Should I Delete That? - Bake Off and body acceptance with Laura Adlington

Episode Date: September 11, 2022

We recorded this episode before the news of Queen Elizabeth II's passing broke. As the UK mourns their monarch, we want to acknowledge the Queen’s 70 years of service and send our love to all members of her family and those who are dealing with grief at this time.This week, the girls chat to Laura Adlington: podcaster, fashionista and 2020 Bake Off finalist. Laura opens up about her experience with trolling from the public, her disordered eating and journey with body confidence. In the Good, the Bad and the Awkward, the girls end up in a spiral about their personal style at a recent event...Follow Laura on Instagram @laura.adlingtonFollow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just before we get into today's episode, we would like to acknowledge the life and passing of Queen Elizabeth II. We recorded this episode before the news broke. As the UK mourns their monarch, we wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the Queen's 70 years of service and send our love to all members of our family and those who are dealing with grief at this time. Oh my God, why did I post that? Ah, I don't know what to do! Should I delete that? Yeah, you should definitely delete that. Hi, Al.

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Should I delete that? I'm really pleased you said hello to everyone and not to me because I realise I said hello to you even though I've been with you for like 29 hours, solidly. So anyone who was listening on Thursday, Al and I were about to go away for the trip. We've been, I'm back.

I don't think I have imposter syndrome. I think I did quite well socially. I did really well. I don't have any notes. It was good. It was really good. There was, there is, I have one awkwardness. Oh, do you?

Yeah. Is it you're awkward? It's not actually my, I've got two awkwards. Okay. I've got two awkwards and a good. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. So, obviously I can't name names, but I, and you might tell me that I shouldn't be

saying this on the podcast. Okay. But somebody that I think I'm friends with has unfollowed me on Instagram. Yeah. This is, this is really awkward. This is really awkward. This is really awkward. Yeah, this is really awkward.

It's one of those things that doesn't sound like a big deal, but actually, it sounds petty, but actually it is quite a big deal. It's a statement. It's a massive statement. So whilst I think I did well, whilst I think I thrived socially, there was that was in the back of my mind the whole time. Yeah. So it kind of threw me off my game, but despite that, like Mike Tyson on the night of a good fight, you know, you just put your personal shit aside. Yeah, you pulled through. And you just work it out.

So I did do well. It's awkward. It's really awkward. Because do you have this in any situation where, like in life? Because I've got it where like my friend, one of my best friends recently got engaged and just occurred to me. As the post appeared on social media, like they've been together a good four years. I knew the engagement of coming. I was so excited.

And they put the post, he put the post up like, we're getting married. And I was like, oh my God, I don't follow her. Oh, my God. And it's so, because, you know, sometimes you think you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you just assume, we've been on holiday together, me and this girl. Like, we're really, more than once. Like, we're really good friends.

Yeah. And I just, and I follow her business, but I just didn't realize I just hadn't followed her. An honest mistake. Yeah, but when it's an unfollow, it's a very different situation. It's rough. It's horrible. I used to have the app that tells you. who unfollows you

and it would list everyone that I'd unfollowed you and if it was someone that you followed as well it would come up like a flashing green and I remember one of my best friends unfollowed me and I couldn't hold it in so I asked him like I just said to him like I'm so hurt like where do you follow me

he was like sorry I'm just really trying to like you know like cut down on social media and stuff I'm still I'm still hurt not great excuse but that's okay my content does not really align with him so fine. It's complicated for us in that sense because I've been unfollowed by quite a lot of my real life friends. That's tough. Because I just think, like, and I mean, I don't say friends like my best friends. Like, that would be, you know, like a knife to the esophagus, yeah. But, like,

there are like friends of friends or like people that I'd see out about, you know, like someone that you wouldn't walk past and not acknowledged. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. People that I still follow. Like, fuck it. I know with all confidence this person who's called Emily doesn't listen to this podcast so I'll just say her name okay um this isn't this is the person we're talking about this weekend but this is this is a really good example of a real life friend not following me who's unfollowed me awkward it's hilarious because I sat next to her at a wedding and I was just like this is awful such a statement yeah because I do think the thing is nowadays there is no need to unfollow someone just mute them mute them meet them

they will you can mute posts or stories and you can meet both you never have to see them But you never have to cause them the hurt. So I do feel like it's, if you do unfollow someone, it's intentional. Every. You know, it's not like a... And you know what, you can totally, you have to curate your own feed, but I think you also have to remember where you've come from. And if you're British, this is a very awkward thing to do.

And, like, you have to, you've got to respect the system. Like, you don't have to see that person, but they cannot know that you don't want to see them. Yeah. So do the polite thing and meet that bitch. Yeah, don't unfollow. Yeah. Maybe I should take the hint because I'm being unfollowed, clearly left, right and centre.

But you are the common denominator. It's gutting and I can't get those. Like the creator that we're talking about, that's been devastating to me for a good couple of years. But then the girl Emily doesn't miss him, who's that she's so, the reason that it hurts so much is because she's so cool. Is she? She's not a creator, she's just a human. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's just so cool.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we're just not very cool. I mean, we're not. I don't think necessarily. really, very cool people. You know what? I think solidified it for myself.

We do. There's no mystery. We share everything. It's like, it's like Matt Haye quote and it's like, I mean, he says, never be cool, never try and be cool

because you'll be cool when you're dead. Like warm is where life is. I like that. Yeah, really nice. Yeah. Like, more for these people, go sit in the morgue.

Like, go away. Yeah, yeah. But also, like, I do solidify. Like, I put a whole real up about wearing crocs outside. So, I didn't stand a chance. Yeah, you, you don't you don't you lean into the and this girl on her Instagram stories is like quite

often on a boat not like a shipboat not like a rib like like on a boat so she does not want you are on different levels I think agree I think you're on different planes and it's yeah I think yeah I'm on easy jet and she's on a private board yeah exactly yeah I do not need this shit in my life that kind of makes more sense it is awkward though it isn't it is uncomfortable I did feel for you but not following someone's fine you just immediately follow them you just you just right the minute the situation arises you go oh shit sorry my god I'm sad embarrassed I really thought I followed you yeah lie if you have to yeah oh my god I used to follow you god Instagram updates they always I'm following it happens all the time that is such a lie that doesn't happen so funny you say that

so many people have said that to me and I said to you oh maybe she just like it was an accident you're like out come on I was like oh fuck does that actually it doesn't happen people say it's me all the time people always say oh my god it's just the weirdest thing instagram just unfollowed you without my permission that doesn't happen no but people are saying that to you so many people have said that to me the only time it happened once was when I told you know I unfollowed Georgie which is so bad because then I have to follow her back again but that happened because I think I was adding her to my close friends or like I did something on her profile

right I was on her profile and I just clicked on follow I was like oh my fucking god this is horrendous like that's fine that's like a genuine accident but I think generally speaking this oh Instagram man followed me like shit I might call someone out the next time and no of course I won't

the next time they say that I'd be like I know that's a lie you actually have followed me um so yeah so that's one of your awkwards yeah okay anything awkward anything good anything bad um well my awkward actually I was at a wedding in France

gorgeous wedding I've never been to wedding in France was absolutely beautiful stunning um what's a different that did they do anything differently no I don't think so no the whole format was the same as a British wedding it was just the setting was stunning it was so beautiful and better wine and the food just felt very French you know very French which was so buttery sad times for me because I obviously couldn't eat the beef so I just got mushrooms the buff the buff what's a mushroom in French a champion a champion I have a champion I have a champion yeah and animal champion um so yeah so then the next day we were all there was a pool party right

and we were all sitting around with all of dates um their partners and we were talking about babies so there must have been like 10 of us sitting around sitting around this the pool um and we were talking about babies i don't even know how it happened but i just came out with don't know where this i don't know what came over me but i just said oh do you know that babies are born without knees. Right. Are they? So, I was like,

so everyone just looked at me and there was truly a moment of silence, right? No, they are, they are born with knees. I completely made it up. No, you didn't. No, I didn't, right? So, so I think it's amazing.

Yes, babies have knees. Yeah. Obviously babies have knees. Obviously babies have needs. I can picture them now actually come to think of it. Well, when you think about it, like, of course they're not born with just one big long sausage for a, like, just floppy sausage. Oh my God, imagine women giving birth, it's like giving birth to like an amount of ice cream. Like, it's just,

like, imagine the stangly thing, like, of course they have knees. Of course they have me. I heard someone say it on the podcast. There's always babies, always, how, how much would they fit in the women if their legs were straight? Right. They'll just be like, like, mum's just like, like, like a flagpole, like obviously they have knees. I'd been listening to a podcast and obviously had only been listening to it with like half an ear and I thought I heard them say babies are born without knees and I didn't question it. I was just like, cool fact bro. So I obviously like pulled out this cool fact but I thought it was really cool. Like guys did you know that babies are born without knees? Everyone looked at me and then my mate who's a doctor was like, fuck off. You fucking idiot.

what do you mean babies are born without knees but rather than be like oh like didn't mean that like I got that wrong I fully I doubled down I was like no it's I heard it on a podcast it's definitely true I'm gonna Google it right now and I mean I shouldn't know I should have just said yeah like because I obviously Googled it and it's obviously babies have knees it's it's something about like their what is it because you've just Googled it they're bought as a bit of cartil it a piece of cartridge in their knee joint. So it's not like a folly. During the embryonic stage, that's ages ago.

So yes, babies do have kneecaps made of cartridge. These cartridge, knees cap, kneecaps, will eventually harden into being the bony kneecaps that we have as Alice. Okay, fine, so they don't have like kneecaps. Right.

That was like actual kneecaps. That's gonna bruise. You weren't really right, though. A little bit, a little bit. Because they do have knees. You should have said they don't have knee caps. They do have knees. Yeah, well.

Like, genuinely. Honestly, I can't stop picturing babies Just as pretty straight legs now I know, it's thick thick, so thick Because the fetal position If you get in the fetal position What do you do?

You curl your legs up How do you curl your legs? You use your knees But I tell you what, this reminds this I regularly and regularly Have this argument with my mum Do dogs have elbows? Yeah

I agree My mom thinks they said got four knees. Picture a dog lying down. Yeah. So dogs do have help. Yeah. But I don't know if they technically do. Because my mum is adamant that they don't. She says they just have loads of knees. Do dogs? Eat their babies? Oh my God. Oh my God. When you type in do dogs to my Google and I don't know if this is specific to me. It says, do dogs have knees? The dogs eat their babies. The dogs get jealous of babies. Do dogs go to heaven? The dog sweat. Do dogs have period? Do dogs have belly buttons? Do they? I'll come back to the elbow, but

but do dogs have belly buttons? They do. How fun. Okay, do dogs have elbows? Oh, I think that's very sad. The dog's going to happen. Oh, I'm sorry. No.

No, you're saying me sad for everyone on Googling that. People that have lost their dogs. Oh, God. Oh, God. I just turned around. You're okay? It just made me think about, like, people that must be desperate Googling.

that because they've lost their dogs and I just feel so bad for them. Oh my God. Oh my God. You know, and you were like talking to someone about us not about how I can't like regulate my emotions. Like, climbing down for. Yeah, I had like a glimpse into what it was like to be Alex this week. You know, she said, she said we, the episode doesn't come out yet, but we were interviewed the other day and they were like, do you have any pet peeves? And now it's just like, yeah, when it's weird.

windy. The wind. I just get so irrationally angry. I was like, oh my god, it must be so our being you. Um, okay, dogs technically do not have arms, but they do have elbows and wrists. Interesting. Their elbows and wrists are part of their front leg anatomy. Their front legs are also called four legs, which is stupid, four legs, because that sounds like they've got four legs, which they do have four legs, but it's a different kind of four legs, four legs, like the before legs.

legs. Four legs. You're like there for. Yeah. Like humans, the four leg, even though I just said four leg, like, so many times, I still was like, what kind of a word is four leg? As I'm going to say it. The four leg is made up of the radius and ulna. Ohma. See, I never think of Betty's having four legs. I call her front legs arms and her back leg's legs, don't you? Why that's her arms? I'm just trying to work out if they have knees on that case. Four legs, one tongue, a bunch of teeth and a wagging tail. This website is really taking it back to the heart.

It's very basic. I'm like a kid's section. Okay. Dogs probably do go to heaven and way more dogs will get in than humans because like dogs are comparatively way better. Oh my God, they're so pure. So all dogs have knees and elbows. I should send this to my mum.

yeah so dogs have knees and that place just like us just like us just like us okay there you go interesting soda babies so do babies most things have knees there you go

oh my god that's definitely my sister told me that lady birds lived for 17 years and I just fully took it as a fact and I told everybody like literally everyone it's like this is amazing do you know what I hate there because I feel like I say things like that a lot

but it's not on purpose but I worry that people think it's on purpose because I feel like it's a bit of a like pick me girl thing, isn't it? 100% to be like, to be like, oh my God, like, is Africa like a, like a, like, you know, like stupid shit like that? So I, whenever

I do that, I think, oh, do people think that I'm doing that on purpose? But I'm like, genuinely, I'm just, that's stupid. I am just that thick. I think I have a few missing signapses somewhere, so there we go. Yeah, that was a total thing. Because a lot of women and girls, like, have had to

dumb down because boys don't like smart girls. I'm like totally you're smart or you're pretty. And I think it's cute to be like oh my gosh she's so thick. Yeah exactly and it's like oh we need and it's like it's literally playing

into like all the stereotypes. We need a big brave man to come and protect us and do everything for us because we're just like illiquette to do anything because we're just so we need to be provided for but no you just are that stupid yeah it's good to know. Okay so my bad is just awkward

okay that's good I'm the only one that suffered because of my bad that happened last night and I wanted to tell you at the time and I thought I should save it. Okay, go on. So, before dinner, what did I do? Oh yeah, so we were, like, we were in a sparse. Before dinner, I had a shower. Yeah. And I went to put my pants on. And I did put my pants on. And I put them on. And I was in a bit of a rush.

Yeah. Because I'd idled away the time. Because that's, of course, naturally. Yes. Um, so I was in a, despite the fact I'd had all day to get ready for dinner, I gave myself five minutes and I had no makeup on. And didn't I look like an undertaking? Didn't I look terrible last night? You didn't until I saw your story and I pissed myself. You just looked really long and thin, like, a bit ominous. I look dead. I'm not looking well at the moment.

I've said it a few times. My eye is very low. And so, and I'm super aware of it. Like, I'm just not looking good. But we'd had facials. And I was like, I'm not going to put makeup on for dinner. No. Because we just had a facial.

But I didn't quite appreciate how bad I am looking at the moment, like, facially. Like, I've got bad spots on my chair. It's fine. I'm actually very pieces and I've got bags under my eyes and I'm pale and I hadn't washed my hair in like a week and I just put on this all black on the song but this isn't even the bad this is just this is this is so you feel even worse when I tell you what the bad is but I was just wearing because I thought it would look cool I thought I would look cool if I wore all black I was in an oversized blazer yeah and these tight did if I'd have done something with my face and put a red lip on I'd have looked great because I did nothing with my face I just looked dead like It was actually so bad. And I had like a high, high neck on as well. Like, I just looked dead. It was so bad.

And like, but it was bad in and of itself. Like, it was like, okay, it's not great. Like, you could have, like, if it was just me and Al going out for a pizza, it's like, okay, well, she doesn't look great, but she's clearly tired. Look at her. But my, but when we got down there. Oh my God. When we got down there, everybody, and I mean, everybody looked.

Stunning. And one, there were a lot of fashion bloggers. And one woman came down and she was like, Like, she looked amazing. Oh my god, like a zebra print dress. Gown. Not a dress. It was a gown.

And I was like, God, you look amazing. And she thought, I've just been waiting for an excuse to wear it. And I thought, the Loxetan trip. And I was like, oh my God, I'm such a dick. And then Pascal was that beautiful pink dress. And her makeup was in that leopard. It was flawless. I know.

And we, yeah. Wait, don't bring yourself to my level. You weren't there and you know it. You looked fantastic. I did put a dress on. You had a fucking dress on. I was in trainers, I was in trainers of my undertaking outfit. I wouldn't have been allowed in the underline.

I was, I was a top hat short of a fucking job last night, carting dead people around. It was so mad. But until you said to me, and I don't know your story, just because you just, it just, you don't have like a down angle,

you look so tall and things. And my face just looked like the moon. Like, obviously my face is so, it's pale already with my iron deficiency until I put an all black outfit on. I would throw them out. Anyway, to make a bad situation

thousand times worse I was in a rush clearly not thinking about my outfit or putting makeup on like that's what I should have been doing but I put my pants on put my trousers on yeah

got halfway down like got downstairs rushed downstairs got out there and I was like oh my God I'm so uncomfortable something's amiss when I went to the loo I had put my pants on I had got through

I put my legs through the wrong holes. Oh no! Wait, you put both legs through one hole? No, no, no. I just put them on like

upside down, I suppose. Like, I put one leg through my back, like through my bum hole. No, not my bum hole, but like through the whole that your whole body

goes through and one leg through a leg hole. Oh. Oh. Oh. It was so uncomfortable. And because I was my trousers, I couldn't just wait.

No. So you just. spent the whole evening like literally calm it was like sitting on a cheese wire just garving myself in up it was so bad it's like not only do I look this horrific yeah I'm literally been cutting off it was so bad last night was so bad but on a person because the food was amazing and the company was amazing and I was trying so hard to thrive socially given the context that I've you know yeah and I was giving everything and then it was time to be real and I looked at myself and I was like this is actually mortified

this is so I can't believe it like genuinely how bad how bad how bad because I did do you dirty because we agreed on no makeup but I did

eye makeup yeah you also put a nice little lip balm on and I put a lip bar on and I did not and I'm just the shit I presume

you do the same why I'm doing the same we said no makeup I thought we meant skin makeup you know we said no makeup I suppose that was not

so did Steph and so did live but they were wearing beautiful dresses yes they were amazing pink dress with a Gucci belt you can't say no makeup and then show up in a Gucci belt

and it was like oh it was gorgeous pink fuchsia silk dress yeah yeah and the worst thing as well as I think it was Steph again but someone was recording like content of the trip and then they got their camera

out I was standing by myself no he just choked like rape and tripled I was sadly By myself This is before dinner even

I was wearing something else I'd be equal to shit obviously And I was standing there with her batting a Wasp away And so she's like Everyone's just like She said this shabbling And I'm just like

And she's got the clip of it So bad I think she deleted it Because she's just a really nice person You probably look like It's such a little outside Don't you like? I must have looked like

I think I look like your guys it's like bad boy I just dressed like the waiters outside and I was walking through the hotel I was like oh my god someone's gonna give me like a fibre and I'll have to take their back to their room

I was so gutted we didn't get a group shot like it would be perfect illustration for this it was so bad it was so bad and I didn't have that like post facial gorgeous glow not because the facial wasn't amazing just because I honestly there's polishing a turd

and then there's what they're trying to do to me at the moment. I just look grey. I look ashen all the time. So why do I wear black? I should have worn something, literally anything else. Literally anything. It was so, I was so, I was so aware of myself last week. With my fucking pants on the upside down.

So bad. Bad time. It was so bad. And people kept talking to me and I was so bad. and people kept talking to me and I was like this was so polite but like

I just felt like like it was sympathy because I knew the worst thing when everyone came in because I was in quite early and people kept coming down

and I was going oh my god you look lovely nothing nothing I've got thanks crickets perhaps no no no no it wasn't

because you nobody go oh my god thanks so you're like oh my god thanks oh my god so you get this dress like I've been looking for an excuse

to wear this dress oh my god thanks yeah I feel amazing after the patient I really feel like I'm flowing not even like oh my god I got one, I got one from the PR.

Okay. A lovely PR. Yeah, she went, no, no, you do look, yeah. And she went, no, you do look really nice. Oh, there you go, that's nice. I know, and then I thought, that's, her literal job is to lie. Like, a whole PR's job is to sugar coat. It's to make everything better.

You just look, it's like laid back chic, you know? She was PRing me. Paired back she. She was PRing, how shit I looked. No. Yes, she was. No. She was, she was trying to make everybody feel better about it.

and I love it for it because I'll take any compliment I can get I'm scraping the barrel I was like fucking one of his Do you know my bad was actually going to be something different but it reminded me that this probably should be my bad was that

I feel like I really took the tone of the dinner down last night and I did have anxiety about it afterwards It wasn't great Was it not? It wasn't great It actually kept me up a little bit It did like I suddenly got anxiety about it

Because we were all I mean the conversation did devolve a bit into like gross stuff and like sex stuff and they're just gross stuff I can't remember what we were talking about we were talking about women with two vaginas like women that are born without a vagina like just stuff like this anyway we got on to quefing and so then I showed this girl I follow on TikTok who she called wiskwifur quillifah was quifah or something like this and I played the video and this girl does the most Enormous, enormous, enormous, quick.

Can I play it? Can I play it? I thought you were going to say annoying queef. I was like, oh my God. If you've got to the level of apathy where you just find queefs annoying, then you're hearing them too often. I honestly, I feel like I have to just play this for you

because you just, you will piss yourself. I promise it'll be worth it, guys. Okay. I'm getting ripped tonight. RIP tonight. That was way worse than what I thought. gonna be. Did you don't hear me play it like seven times because I played it once and I was like I shouldn't be doing this and everyone was like play it again play it again so I played it like seven times anyway maybe I wasn't as included in these conversations maybe I didn't thrive as socially as I thought I did but then we were talking about how like where does the word queef come from so I'm going to find out so I type into Google queef but I make a spelling mistake and I end up typing in quirth okay what comes up quirf is a sexual act where a male file parts into a woman's vagina and then she then expels it into a queef.

I did hear that last night and then Kerry said it was like a sexual blowback. It is. I just love, you know how they have it in the dictionary. They put it like in situ afterwards like. Yeah, yeah. Oh man. I ate so much taco bell last night. I had my lady queffing up a storm, quurfing up a storm, which I really just enjoy. Wow. Yeah, I did come into that bit of the conversation and you know it was so sad because it was like everything was yellow. because it was lots of tan and they've really made an effort actually and all the candles were lit

and we were eating artichoke hearts and it was fancy and there was owl playing quiffs honestly I'm back to my room and I was like I shouldn't have done that I didn't know I didn't have done that can I ask

who did worse who was more of an embarrassment for the brand me or you the quurfing or the undertaker and do you think we as a duo will be invited

should buy. Absolutely not. I don't know, actually. I guess mine was a bit more overt. Yeah, I think mine will just be like, I think they'll just say about me. It'll just be like, she's just not great for the image. Like, she's just not great for the brand.

She's just not quite our brand. She's not all our ass that too. No. And I'm really fucking not. Like, all of them in their pretty little dresses. It was, yeah. It was a stark contrast. Yeah, yeah.

a little bit. Yeah. I look like I should have been at a glue convention. I looked like I should be selling glue. The glue that I sniff loads. Yeah, that's what I look like.

It has made us. I could have gone to a Doc Martin event. Yeah, that would be quite cool. Safety pins that I just like put through random like holes in my body. Yeah, yeah. Um, that was the vibe. Coal.

Yeah. Dead people, coffins. It did make us want to assess our style, didn't it? Seeing all these girls. Because Alex, my Alex, boy Alex, we just got back to my house and did you not hear me upstairs? No.

I got straight in the shower because we're going out again tonight because we're just fucking... Animals. I know. I hope I do better tonight. And I had a shower so that was a good start and I've washed my hair

which is huge steps anyway but I was saying tariff's upstairs. I thought you might have heard and all my clothes have to go with completely very bad way or this is just not going to work because I actually

I was speaking to them on the train and they were all just saying like I need a capsule I just need to get out. I was like you're very frantic would you like to breathe? I was like no. I just want this sorted.

No. You don't understand. I just want to clear out. This is urgent, Alex. I just needed it sorted immediately. I wanted to burn everything that I want. Today, I despise my outfit. I honestly, I don't why do you think I'm not wearing what I was wearing anymore?

And you know what? Two people told me it was a nice dress today. I don't even believe you. I don't even believe you. Oh no, I didn't actually quite like your dress today. I didn't like that. I don't want quite like. I want like love. No, I really like.

Yeah, no, it was really nice. I think it was just a shame about like the person that was in it. You know what I mean? But like, yeah, I just want like all my clothes gone. them to not exist. Yeah. At all. I thought like a plane, I would rather have nothing at this time and just then all the clothes that I have because there were so many fashionable people and I just think. I know. I'm wearing this denim jacket and it is a disgusting, horrible denim jacket

from like 30 years ago from Top Shop. Not 30 years ago, it's a total lie. Like 15 years ago from Top Shop. It's a horrible, horrible blue. It's a funny baggy style that I normally like baggy but this is not good and I want to burn it. I hate it. I hate it all. And I thought this morning. I haven't taken a photo of me here. I should take one. So I stud. The bath was like, if you like stud on the bath, you could take a full length picture. So I got up and stood on the bath, which is already embarrassing in itself. I was like, what am I doing? Took a picture and I was like, I look tragic. What's your good? Oh. Um, so I took off my wedding nail varnish on Monday. From your toes? From my toes, yeah. Oh my

no that's four months and I didn't I didn't want to share a photo with my feet because I was like this is you know if I'm going to do it I'm going to charge for it no Christen it I mean I've got lovely well they do look so good now but yeah but it's historically had nice well it actually looked like French tits it looked like I'd had a little French manicure just because they were white so it's just like I had that all white tits oh no that's really gone to me it was really bad So now I have like nice red shalak, toenails. Nice. Um, I had a pedicure, basically.

Yeah, to match my fingers. Yeah, that's nice as well. I just, I literally was looking at my feet. Now I was just like, how fucking rank? But I had slack, I said, I don't have to take shlack off my own feet. Like, they're so far away. Like, do you, I don't know. And I just, I just left it. I just left it.

I just was fucking rank. And I've been so ashamed of my feet all summer. I got married in spring and it's now pretty much autumn. The only season that requires. that requires nice feet. I've had a horrifying little trotters. Yeah, that's, did you just think, like... And when I've been wearing my tic-tac...

I'm sorry, when I've been wearing my crocs, I've looked like I've had little tic-tac sticking out the bottom because my little white toenails, like you can see them through the bottom of the crocs. You're actually offending me now. Yeah, it's really bad. I actually feel bended. It's really bad.

So, yeah, my good news is my feet finally look like feet I can be proud of. Yay! Congratulations. Thank you. Have you got any. good for me um my good is just what a nice time we had yesterday and today wasn't it so nice wasn't it and was like i did think i was annoying as annoying to you as i could have been

no you're not annoying at all it was just so nice and we met like some great girls everyone was so nice and i had such i had such a nice sleep like i sleep as you do with boa right sleep in the bed with betty and dave um i don't sleep in the bed with betty and dave as you know as you do as you do It's tight, but we're taking turns. As I do, I sleep in the bed with Betty and Dick, and I love it. Like, sleeping with a dog in the bed is what of, I think, the thing, one of the things that helps my mental health more than anything. However, to have, and Betty goes, I don't know if Bouda does this,

but Betty loves to go into the covers, but she gets hot. So about, probably about 17 times during the night she gets in and out the covers. and I have to pick them up for her every time otherwise she just is this violent thing with her head when she's like, let me in, let me in. So I had a night just completely by myself this huge double bed to myself and all these pillows, these fluffy, beautiful pillow

I was like in a cloud and I just slept like a baby, it's gorgeous. Yeah, I sat really well. I was so sad to you, you were like, that's a breakfast at Murray, I was like, I'll be like so much before nine. No. Just wasn't, I was late, was a nice breakfast.

So nice. Yeah, it was so good. Sorry, I've gone to some eating great, I think I've been my whole way through it. You have, haven't you? I've been quite jealous, actually but didn't even offer you one i've got monster much which i'm quite excited to eat when we finish yeah um yeah i had the best time on that trip as well i agree it's so nice and there's not

one bad person i think people assume that when a group of women get together yeah it's gonna be very like catty and like yeah you're made to feel like uncomfortable yeah exactly and it's like it just wasn't in my experience really being women isn't like that at all anyway no no but it just wasn't it it was funny the guy on the train there on the way back wasn't it it was like have you been on a hen party Should I get the Prisca? We were like, no, it's like 10 in the morning. Can we have a cup of coffee, please? I have what you talking about.

Yeah, it was so nice at the best time. I was really upset. When we got to like Paddington, and we all had to say goodbye, I was like, where are we going? I know. I like you guys. I was like, I like, I'm going to go. I like, I don't want to jump the curtain, but I feel like we've made a couple mates.

And I feel like... No, no, I feel like you did. I feel like you did. And I actually was hyper aware of the fact that you made plans. Yeah. but it's kind of assumed that you'll be there too well I think I hope so

yeah you should drive to where I am yeah because a couple of times you're like yeah the girls are gonna come over to my house and do this and I was like

oh that sounds nice and I was like when did you recognise that and then it was like and then you and Kerry we're like oh yeah we're gonna meet up and I was like

uh huh okay I think by default now we just come as a pair yeah but they actually do want to do do something RIL

IRL and I don't know I feel like weirdly excited about it like I just hope I really like making friends I really liked to like hanging out with people and it was also like people that we don't normally see

yeah because they were normally like more fashiony yeah and like unsurprisingly yeah not really our bag not as like dog shit yeah watch his space but we might have some new friends yeah we'll not have it won't be that bigger thing if I make new friends no one already care but if you

make new friends that will be that big news I make new friends all the time That's true, that's true. Yeah, I don't know why I said I haven't made friends. Me and Jenny are going to hang out. Yeah, Jenny's so nice. So nice. And Poppy, the two PRs, they are so gorgeous.

Just like, everyone is the nicest PR team. The nicest. And the nicest brand, everything is just so nice. I know. That's why I came back to my, like, shit whole, like, messy bedroom. And I was like, oh, no. Like, I had a, oh, no. Like, and my whole self yesterday.

I was just like, oh, no, why am I for it? Damn. They're all these people. And like, they just, didn't puppy and Jenny just smell so nice? Obviously they would because it worked for Loxetan. Yeah. And I was like, oh, how nice was Jenny's hair? And she hadn't washed it. She looked just very beautiful.

I haven't washed my hair in like, hey, it is. And she was like, oh, me neither. And I was like, and she was wearing this, like, she had a side parting and on the side with the less hair, she had this beautiful, like, Diomonte clipping. Unbelievable. So simple. But, like, I could have thought of something like that. You know, why don't I want?

Yeah. Why am I just turning up here with no effort? I agree. Shame on myself. I know. And everyone's like, oh, we overpacks. We just bought so much. And I'm like, why didn't I ever pack? Why did I bring nothing? Why? Why? Why am I? Oh, it's, that's the problem with spending time around beauty is it does, you know, some people, there's that expression. It's like, some people say that spending time around beautiful people makes them feel more beautiful. That does not happen to me. Absolutely not.

Some people will say that, like spending time around beautiful things makes them feel more beautiful. COVID's done a number on me, though, because I used to really make it a. effort and I feel like I'm just in a place where I've forgotten and it's annoying because it's like well I mean I've never been a put together girl but I would at least try I just keep thinking about Sophie Milner I'd think about her like once every hour and I'm just like I bet she doesn't look like I look right now I know she's she always just looks so fucking carverous oh well anyway so have a card you know what at least we're funny or clever well you're not even clever clearly maybe you're gonna say you're

even funny and I was like Emma can't take this right please don't kick a dog while it's down

but you're not even funny I'm not even clever you're not clever no I mean not nor am I

but yeah like we can't we can't in the same episode that we've asked if babies have knees then go on

and say that at least we're clever yeah we can't say that it's just that's outrageous yeah that's just insulting

okay so we have to be honest we're not pretty or clever But... But... Are you going to bring it around?

Come on, please bring it around. I want to you to bring it round. Oh, but... Um... Okay, I'm going to just tear us up again. We're not pretty or clever, but... Al, I thought you... I still like learning, I'm thinking really hard, okay?

Okay. But I've got nice toenails. I've got nice feet, actually. Okay, fine. Oh, I've got nice hands. I've got nice hands. I've got nice hands too. There you go.

There you go. Okay, so we're not... I got a short hands which we love either day. I've got really big hands. But, okay, that's with this... beside the point. I'm just going to just round us up again. We're not pretty or clever, but...

We've got nice extremities. We've got nice hands with it. Okay, there you go. Okay. God is fair. Exactly. We're not this, but we are... God is fair.

We can't have everything. With one hand he takes with the other. Exactly. We can't have everything. It wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be fair. Imagine how intimidating I would have been at dinner last night if I didn't look like a dead person.

Exactly. You're glowing hands and feet. It would just be shameful. Like, come on. It would be so horrible. I just put it with hairs like that and a face like that. Okay.

Right. We're going to go. We're going to leave you to an interview. The interview that we did with Laura Ablington, which we loved. so much I don't even think we should I just I think we should just say

Laura's great we're not going to tell you all about the interview because you can just listen to it yeah you know why you're here but she is fantastic and it is really good at that people at that point will have been like I actually don't know why I'm here these people just chat uttered like utter bullshit

why the fuck am I here why did I spend my precious seconds on this podcast literally but please come back 89000 seconds a day do you know how many of them you're wasting this is into this Do you know what? We touch it but Laura doesn't and it's a really valuable. She's going to bring it around. She's going to bring it back round. So without further ado, here's Laura and we're sorry for all of that.

Okay, we've tried to start this. It's into you a couple times now. But here we go. Hi, Laura. Hi. Is this our second time meeting? I feel like it is, isn't it? I feel like I know you a lot more than that. You talk like you know her a lot more than that. I feel like, I feel like with friends. Yeah. My friend Alex and Matt's like, my friend. husband's like, your friend? I'm like, yes, my friend. Is it because, I don't know, it's because, like, I followed you on Instagram for ages. I don't know, but anyway, well, second time, there you go, feels like more. Hi, thanks. Thanks so much for coming on.

Oh, thanks for having me. I'm a big fan of the podcast. Oh, thank you. We did a podcast swap. Yeah, we did. We did a podcast as well called, yeah, go love yourself. Yeah, go love yourself, which I love. With your mate Lauren, who is amazing. She's her. She's very squealy.

She is, but great in the best way. I found me didn't invite her this. I know. I know. You did, yeah. Sorry, Lauren. Public apology, Lauren. Really sorry. So you were on Grapefish Breakoff in 2020 and M. I watched it. I loved it. Why are you not surprised? All the Britain watches Bake off. Bake off the fucking best. I would die to go on bake off. Would you? I'm really bad of baking, which is like crushing. Yeah, just think like, it's so like, I went through a really good phase of being really good at baking and then I just, you know what? I baked a cake once and I put it in the oven and when I opened the oven all the cake had fallen to the bottom of the oven like all the

liquid and my cake tin was empty and I was like this is horrible it was such a mess I was like I'm no expert but it sounds like you missed a key ingredient no I didn't miss a key ingredient I didn't shut the bake the cake tin properly so it was just a gap so it's a spring form tin and you didn't shut it yeah yeah well done yeah I think I didn't shut it a bit but maybe it was the heat or something and it all just like fell out yeah definitely the heat yeah yeah These things happen. They should get you on celebrity bake-off because I think it's like a prerequisite

that you're shit, like honestly. Thanks so much, so much. Never meet your heroes, guys. But I loved it. Like, it was so good. I just, I loved the bake-off and you were great. Thank you. And you must be, like,

does everybody just, like, love hanging out with you because you're just really good at baking stuff? Do you take baked goods wherever you go? You do, because I follow your Instagram and you do do that, don't you? I do turn up with bake goods. That's so cool. Yeah.

I do. I feel like I have to. You took brownies to Lottie's house, didn't you? Yeah, I said I'd make her some brownies. We weren't invited. Yeah, because she's like really heavily pregnant and she was having a party. And she was like, I'll take all the help I can get. I was like, okay, I made some brownies.

And then yesterday my niece turned three. So I made a chocolate cake. And it was really stressful with a puppy around. So it spent like all day, Saturday making it. Got it like ready Sunday. Got in the car. And then we're like driving along and like it's all fine. And then out of nowhere this car comes, cuts us up.

And Matt has to like, my husband has to like, my husband has to like emergency stop i've gone like that it's gone all over my dress all over the dashboard and then i like tried to make it like better got to my brother's house and i was like don't worry like until i was going to fix it and uh so i tried to fix it a little bit and do you know what she did she put a finger in it like that and went down the whole cake and i was like well it's fucked off i was like she got it like that but yeah no i do like it's really weird like i think after bake off like i really lost my confidence with baking did you yeah because is like there was so much like horribleness around it and like someone gave me some really bad

advice and was like stay on Twitter because like you know you might get work from it he was like you know definitely stay on it like interact and it was so bad of my mental health it was awful and then I remember like when I got free to the final over hameen and how the hell was trending and there was like oh was it like 120 off complaints about it and it was like all in the paper I was getting so much abuse think imagine me like so what are you doing I can't I can't talk to you right now, I'm complaining to off-com because I don't like the bake-off finalist.

Right. Get a life. The thing is actually, like, I actually can go, I do get it because she was a much better baking. I mean, that's not me being like, kind of... But that's not something for the, like, the television standards agency. No, no, right.

Like, get a life. Offcom complaint, my God. And there was, the nastiness, I think, was not concluded. And so I think I put a statement on Twitter, like, you're allowed to be upset that your favourite person didn't get through. I actually agree with you.

But for the record, like, you weren't there you didn't taste it like my cakes is a thing they always look a bit rustic and that's been it really politely but it's all about the taste and the flavor for me we did it in a heat wave we filmed i was seven weeks away from home i was honestly like mentally and physically exhausted we didn't really have any support from like the council that they promised or anything and by the end of the filming i was literally like i'm done i don't even want to do it and and i think like probably come across a little bit because i just cried like so much but yeah when i came out of the bake-off really not my confidence every time I was baking

I'd be like in the back of my head I'd be like you're shit your shit your shit your shit you're shit you're shit you're shit so I bake a bit now but not as much as I used to I kind of lost my love for a little bit oh my god this is like the most crushing thing because baking is like the most wholesome thing and the show always like it's really disappointing as like a fan of the show that it would do that to

it could happen to one of their contestants I think it is like a really good wholesome show like all the crew and everyone's really nice and I think I don't know a lot about like TV and stuff but a lot of people tell me that TV is not very nice place and people can be really bitchy and stuff. I think it is the wholesome show that you see and love, but I think obviously it's just because we were filming it in the pandemic.

They had never done it before. So all of us were just locked in this kind of hotel and it was new for everyone. So they're all away from their, like people away from their kids. Like one of the floor managers away from her two-year-old twins for eight weeks. Oh my God. So like it was bound to be a bit kind of much, wasn't it? Yeah.

But yeah. So I'm like really grateful for it because it definitely. changed my life and I'm not doing like something that I genuinely love now yeah but it was like such a bummer though that you don't love baking anymore I'm gonna do it because like because I sometimes get ads from it yeah it's a party trick yeah it's nice I like my stepmom always said to me like to feed someone is to love them yeah and like I grew up like we didn't have any money growing up my dad's like self-employed bricklayer and we grew up on like turkey twizzlers and like shit food really and my mom like I could bake a little bit.

I always really feel really bad saying that because I love my mom and she's like, my parents are amazing and they did a great job. That sounds weird. Anyway, they did the best. They've done a great job. I'm brilliant. How fucking bad like I am. They produced me.

But yeah, like I didn't grow up in like a foodie household. Like I remember on the show one of the challenges was Florentines and I was like, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Oh, good. I thought it was a posh person thing. No, it's like a posh biscuit. Like you get my, um, Christmas and they got like nuts and stuff. Really nice.

Oh, they've got zigzags on the, on the back. Yeah. Oh yeah, they're nice. No idea, I need to Google it. I always don't make you sound like something for me. This is a random question, really random, but it's just occurred to me. Can you cook as well? Yeah, I'm all right.

Are you good cook as well as like a baker? How do you answer that about something like a big egg? I'm a good cook. I mean, the standards here are quite low. Well, you, sorry, sorry. Okay, here, me are quite low. I'm sure you're good. I don't know you never made me anything, so I don't know.

Yes, I did. I made that delicious salad for my birthday. I made a chemo salad and the potato salad. Yeah, I didn't try the potato salad. I'm awful for you. It's fucking delicious. You ungrateful to bitch? I hope you went home hungry, actually.

Looking at a Florentine, I still don't think I've ever seen one before. I am so hurt by this. How could you say that I'm not a good cook? I tell you all the time that the things that I make in my airbri. I share photos on Instagram with the delicacy as I make. You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you. Carry on, Laura.

I mean, by your standards, Alex, no, fair, it's like, I'm brilliant. Yeah, you're amazing. Okay. Yeah. I love that, like, when you show on your Instagram and you're like, when people say, oh, it's really simple and then there's something like, I can't even remember the reference, but you were like beat something together. And she was like, you were like, for me, that is like. I saw this woman was like, oh, I've got a one week old baby, so I'm having like a really simple sandwich today. And then she proceeded to like, chop up an onion, chop up a pepper, like blend a dip together for the sandwich.

I was like, that is not simple. It's not, like throwing a bit of coleslaw on your bread, and that is simple. Sounds gross. Or like getting an egg sandwich filler, like pre-made filler, like that's simple. But not what you're, come on. I agree with.

I employed Al as a sous chef on my birthday to help me with the beans for the keen bean salad that I made that was fucking great. I'll make it for you one day. You'll appreciate it. And it's actually so, I really, I will actually be really hurt because I love my salad. Yeah, honestly, you can literally go fuck yourself

because it's just so. so hurtful, I don't know why you're going for my beans. Anyway, I asked her to do the beans. Can you do the broad beans? Could you cook the broad beans? Didn't know how. Well, she didn't give me instructions. What did you need instructions? What should I do?

Put them on a baking tray, put them in the pan, put them in a frying pan. I don't know. I needed instructions. I've never done broad beans. Thank you. How would you do broad beans? I assume it was boiled. Of course you would because you're a normal person.

I was like Googling, how do you cook broad beans? And then came back like five in the same. She's like, I just don't know. Can you just tell me exactly how to do it? I was like, you know what? I'm just going to do it. I'm going to do it. Anyway, so you are a good cook.

Yeah, I'm all right. I'm all right. Yeah, I like cooking. I find it therapeutic. Just not in the summer. Like, it's too hot for that shit. But yeah, I like cooking. I think with cooking, you can throw things together a bit easier,

whereas baking is a science, isn't it? Is it? Yeah, like massively. So, like, if you, even if you're out by like five to ten grams of ingredients for a cake, like it can be completely fuck it up. Really? Yeah. And like, there's a lot of method to it.

Like, if you're making it. in like a genoese sponge, for example, like you have to beat the eggs until they're like soft peak consistency and you can do like a swirling of like there's so many things that like if you don't know that you could just easily fuck it up whereas with cooking you can just kind of throw a bit of this in

throw a bit of that in. Yeah like I don't measure things. So on bake off so they say to you Florentines and you're like, don't know what those are. Can you Google it? Yeah, are you allowed to? So that was, yeah, so we knew all the challenges except for the technical ones when we went there.

So the Florentines was. like a pre thing but yeah on the technical ones like you haven't got a clue there's so many them like one of them was like a sussex pond pudding and I was like the fuck but we're all like it was gross it was literally like a whole lemon inside a really sugary like suet pudding like um you like you like soot like yeah like really like meaty fat stuff yeah and it was just really gross I don't think they should make you put meat in the bake off I think it's like it just feels wrong like I feel like you're doing like light like orangey spongy things and then it's like and then we just put some organs in this one like I didn't know so it was meat that's gross yeah it's not me but it's like

a by I think it's a byproduct of like animal fat or something that's even worse like black pudding to me I'm just like black pudding is wrong isn't it I don't know how anyone could eat that so my husband is now veggie but like before I don't understand how he became a vegetarian because he loves black and white pudding they have a lot of white pudding and he just loves white pudding all right don't know equally foul to smell. I don't know. I'm they're eating it. And I just don't understand it. Then one day he's like, I'm a vegetarian now. And I was like, how has this happened? Because you are a pretty

committed meat eater. Yeah. If you're going to eat that. Because what even is that? Because you're vegan, aren't you? Yeah, I'm mostly plant-based. I'm too scared to be a vegan on the internet. It's just, people's just going to pick holes in it. It's so, it's so sad, isn't it? I feel like, if you're doing a bit, it's never enough. And like,

it's just, yeah, you can never do anything right. Yeah, I will never eat meat. Like, I don't eat me. I just, it's really not for me. But that just came out of nowhere. I was just minding my own business. I was just driving a car one day and I saw a whole lot of pigs in the back of a van. And I was like, no, dumb. That was just it. Yeah. Weird. And you were kind of the same, aren't you? Like, yeah.

Not vegan, but like you don't eat meat anymore really do. Definitely not vegan because I love cheese. Right. Just really love cheese. But yeah, not meat anymore. And I did get drunk at wedding and eat bacon sandwich there. And I was running around telling everybody it's best thing I've ever eaten in my life. I've seen you put away a couple of.

Horribly guilty. of slices every now and then. Have you? Yeah, you did it at my hendoo. I definitely did it. Oh, that was an accident though. And then I didn't eat it. I didn't realize, because everyone at your hendu was vegan.

And then I was like, oh, just eat this pizza and then got a shot. Eat the one that hasn't been touched. Yeah, that could have been the clue. So after bake off, you had, and I remember you put out something on your Instagram because you did have a lot of like horrible negativity, like a lot of trolling and people being nasty to you. And I remember you putting something out on your Instagram. Is that right?

Just saying, like, please leave me alone. Like, this is just, like, too much. Yeah. So when it was all, like, really kicking off, like, on the week of the final and stuff, and, like, people were just being awful. And it was, like, really personal stuff as well, like, not even about the baking. It was, like, going into the bake off, like, my biggest worry was that people going to be, like, you're fat.

And that did happen. But weirdly, like, that doesn't, it didn't really bother me because it was, like, well done. You have eyes. Like, brilliant. But, yeah, it was really personal stuff, like, about, like, infertility and, like, really personal things. And I was like, no wonder you can't have a baby, like, you fat fuck and all of this. I'm just like, brilliant. And then, yeah, it just got really bad.

And I remember, like, thinking, I didn't, not like, I want to kill myself, but, like, I remember thinking, like, crying in bed and being like, this would just be so much easy if I was not here, like, if I did not exist. And then, yeah, so that was, like, a really low point for me. So I put, like, a message out and it was just, like, basically just said, like, bake us all about kindness. And, like, I'm really not seeing a lot of that online. So, like, can you just not be a dick?

That's the thing. That's the thing that surprises me. It seems like such a good, wholesome family show. And then there's all this vitriol that comes off the back of it. Yeah, it's not nice. It's so horrible. Yeah, it is. And I kind of like, I haven't spoken about it for ages.

So it's like, I'm fine to talk about it. But I don't like being the person that bangs on about it because I feel like sometimes, like, we should introduce and be like, can we talk about the trolling? And I'd be like, oh, my God, again. But actually, like, I think it is important that we do talk about it because it does really affect you. Like, it really does affect you myself. Like, we were chatting before.

started recording like it's really serious and I think that there like more needs to be done like to kind of I think govern people on the internet I'm all for freedom of speech but like don't be a dick like that's that's an actual person with a being heart you know like it's it's fucking disgusting what people can say and get away with I think and yet you can't get away with a bit of side boob yeah literally I felt like that like I used to feel like that about the trolling that I'd get I just feel like I don't want to die because that seems like dramatic but I just I don't want to be me anymore yeah and then you're like how do you do that like how can you not be you and it's like it's just and it's so weird particularly i guess doing a show like that because they just

they'll just turn their side for like immediately like the minute the show finishes it's like okay bye laura and then it's like who we're going to shoot next and it's just and they just like pick you up and then ravage you and obviously like you you've you've gone on and like made an amazing like platform and career and it's so great but as far as those people were concerned that was their their bit with you and they're just going to be horrible about you and then just be like okay next season like what's on now and like we'll just go for them now instead yeah but it's someone's life that yeah do you think it was worse because of COVID yeah I think because they had so many more viewers because of COVID so like normally like I don't know like the exact

figures but it was like I think it's like triple the normal amount I think everyone was at home and it's weird like the internet it was just after Caroline Flack died and the whole internet was full of like be kind and yet I felt like I don't know if you noticed this but like after COVID I felt like people were really angry and I was like it felt like there was this big divide almost people were even like oh that's so sad what happened to Caroline we need to be kind to each other and they were actually like nice or they were like the world shit and I'm angry and like taking it out on people online and like I don't know it was a very weird kind of entry into that online world people on the forums that we've talked about before or like they

like they all say that it got worse or everybody says that it got a lot worse with COVID because like work from home people just it's like we just didn't socialize with each other so we just became like we just got so used to existing online and then I think it's like a small like a small thing to like bitch to your mate and then you have exactly the same thing right if you just like type out a little message to your friend or if you type out a little message to a celebrity you don't know it's kind of the same thing and it kind of loses the like you know you we would know that if we were going to talk about somebody that you wouldn't say it to them that's the thing everyone's entitled to their opinion and I might say to my friend like oh my god did you see so and so like another like a laugh about but I wouldn't post it online it's weird like before like baker for into this I remember like once like I'm probably going to get really like loads of abuse for saying this but I remember seeing like Mel C from spice girls do a performance on like I know some morning show and I remember going on the YouTube finding it and commenting something like like she's at her day like Christ that was dreadful and within 10 minutes the guilt I felt I felt sick like I was like why did I do that like why did you do that?

Laura and honestly that was one of the unhappiest times of my life like going for like all the infertility stuff and that's no excuse absolutely no excuse but I often think about that and I think well like if comments really affect me I think why are people doing that and I think a happy well kind of balanced person doesn't do that do they like they don't well just out doing shit you're just out living your life or like being with somebody that you love or just like stroking a dog or sniffing a flower or whatever like no because I'm promoting obesity that's why I'm doing. Of course. That's what I'm doing all the time. Actually, before I came here, I was handing out some flyers and I was saying, like, I was trying to rally the troops. Yeah, that's my, that's my side hustle.

Feeding them all. This way to McDonald's. How do you handle those messages of like, you're promoting obesity, you're glorifying obesity, like blah, blah, blah. How do you handle them? I think those are the ones that like annoy the most because they're always normally kind of preface with, I really love you, But, and then I get a lot of messages that are like, but what about health? And that really kind of upsets me because, like, not once have I been, like, anti-health or, like, anti- Slim or Anti-Skinny. And, like, I really kind of, like, with, like, my podcast and with everything I'm doing online, I've always said that, like, no matter what your size, you can be a size 6 or 36,

we all feel shit about ourselves about something, thanks to diet culture. And I just wanted it to be, like, an inclusive space. I'm not going out to people saying like I'll eat 40 pizzas a day like I think we should put health at the forefront but I also don't think that people don't think that you can be like fat and healthy or like overweight and healthy

but there's loads of thin people that are really unhealthy maybe like smoke do drugs have bad diets and that like really like it bugs me that people think I'm promoting this kind of like unhealthy lifestyle because to be honest with you like I do obviously pace about baking but I very very rarely will say like

oh this is why I had for dinner or this is what I eat and yeah I find those ones really annoying because the reasons why people are like obese, overweight, whatever you want to call it like some different words fat

are so nuanced like I've been overweight since I was eight years old I've done every single fucking diet you can think of and then some when we cleared our flats moving to our house I had eight Slimingwell books in the bottom drawer eight and that's just from like

just one you know company and I just wish that there was a little bit more empathy and understanding for people in bigger bodies because, like, so often we are made to feel like inhuman and, like, the ironic thing I always say about being in a bigger body is that you are both, like, invisible and hypervisible.

So, like, you're invisible to the world and, like, you don't matter a lot of the time. You get overlooked for, like, health care and jobs and all sorts of things. People see through you. But the same time, like, you go on a train and it's like, oh, fuck, I don't want to sit next to her. Or, like, you know, you're kind of, like,

you're made aware of. how your bigness and how much of a problem it is. So it's something that I grappled like probably, I'm rambling, sorry, but like... No, no, that's... Yeah. It's just, yeah, it's something that I have to live with and I've done so much research into, like, why am I over weight? Am I just greedy? Is it hormones? What is it?

But it's just very complex, it is all I'll say, because, yeah, and so the whole statement's about, like, yeah, your promote obesity and your fat and lazy. Like, the only thing lazy about that is that statement. Like, I think, I just wish people would realise that. I mean, that is such a lazy. statement like lazy insult to throw isn't it yeah it's because it's like how the fuck do you know

like what and and also the the health thing god it like it's so infuriating because some like it's it's so true like a thin person's health is never questioned no so you go on a care about health we don't care about people so we don't and that's the thing we know what kate moss was doing like everybody said it's diet coke and cocaine yeah woohoo it's heroin chic we don't Doesn't she look great? And she was allowed to like be the pin up girl or like, you know, she was like the nation's sweetheart. Yeah.

You know, everyone was obsessed with Kate Moss. Yeah. And if you go on to like a fashion influencer who's a thin person chewing off dresses, like would her health ever be questioned? No. People wouldn't even think twice about it. So like what do they mean you're promoting? I used to smoke on Instagram and no one said shit to me.

People don't care about health. I literally, I made it like no one would say like what I just gave up now. But I used to like I had a platform when I smoked and no one. one gave a fuck. I remember there was a photo of me having a cigarette at the end of a triathlon and everyone was like ha ha ha ha ha ha like so jokes whatever and it's just like this is I'm priming myself up for a heart attack in this situation but like but nobody cares so it's such bullshit it's so frustrating it's just like really nice it's hard and I get a lot of mischiefs people as well saying you know like how can you be like body positive and then like she's like

I want to people saying like I want to be body positive but I want to lose weight like how do I navigate that well and I think that's really tricky as well because like I'd be lying if I sat home and didn't think oh I'd love to be just a bit smaller or whatever and I wonder sometimes like is that because of health or is that because of just what society expects of me like if I was smaller I'd be more of an acceptable fact rather than like whatever I am and that's really tricky but like I've one of the things I mean really trying to do in the last sort of just six months really is do like exercise because I like it and not as punishment which like I remember going around the field in PE and shouting the number for child line like genuinely I was like I'm 800

top one time one remember it now because I just fucking hate your exercise right my brother was really skinny really like fit and healthy and all that I always just hated it um just give me a cake that's all you know like I saw what I've ever wanted just give me some cake um but yeah so I'm trying to like I'm doing I'm from what I'm swimming now and I'm really enjoying that and I'm trying to like listen to my body and go like actually what do I want like what what's going to make me feel good and that's that's taking years and years of like unlearning that like diet culture thing like oh salad and exercise of punishment no salad's great because it's refreshing on a really nice day my chemo salad yeah right yeah it's so good but it's taking me ages to to get there I'm still not like fully

there a deterrent for like going on bake off like knowing what people would say yeah oh massively yeah and I remember like at one point I was like I don't know if I want to do it and my husband Matt was like you have to do it you have to do it I was like okay but I remember it like the first time we got announced like our the bakers and it made like the local paper online so made Kent online and I was like really excited and the article was really nice like local girl does good kind of thing I was oh that's really sweet and then scrolled down to the end of the article the first comment like this is the first thing I ever read about myself online was it looks like like she or someone ate all the practice cakes. And then the comment, there was a reply to that and someone had put, and everyone else's. And I remember just being like, what have I done? And I remember taking it out and Matt and being like,

you fucking told me to do this. I fucking hate you. It's all your fault. And I wish you could say it got easy if it didn't. But you do just have to develop like, excuse me upon like a thick skin because I don't know. You do, don't you? Just because you think if like,

if I'd let every single comment like break me, I would not leave the house. it's funny you remember those like comments I remember the first comments made about you and it's like they just stick like in your brain you can just like hear them and it's like they're the ones that come back and those people won't even fucking remember

leaving them it was taking them like just two seconds on an afterthought and they just like follow you for like ever yeah it's also it's like it's quite easy isn't it like it's the easy insult I think like fuck bitch like it's so easy like you walk down a street and there's a bunch of drunk lads

and you're like oh here we go Like you just know it's coming, but yeah, it's just the easy one, isn't it, to throw out? It's so cruel, isn't it? It's so true. It's just, like, so dehumanizing. Yeah. And you do wonder how these people who have really, like, been brought up and, oh, it's just, yeah, it's infuriating. I feel like we grew up in, like, a world where, like, the worst thing you can be is fat.

Like, just saying about you or, like, saying about health. And, like, there is so much stigma around that word and, like, being. I feel like that is changing a little bit but I do think like fat phobia is so rife and I feel like now it's just more like we don't say it explicitly it's more kind of like under the surface or it's like it's there but we don't kind of say like not publicly

but it's kind of in other ways it's there I think because of the healthcare system as well it's a huge part of that it feeds into it doesn't it because in the medical system that is so much fear of fat because it's just equated to bad health and it's like this weight normative approach that's you know but going back to before what you're saying about being body positive and losing weight like we've had this discussion a few times haven't we because we've had and like a lot

of people in my DMs say as well like what do you think and I just I think like it's so possible to have both to be both to both be body positive and also want to lose weight and like I see, and you'll have seen it as well, like plus size creators that say that they are losing weight or that they are actively trying to lose weight and then they're completely shunned and they're going against, you know, now they're just diet culture and that, you know, I'm like, you can't, you can't do, it's not black and white like that, is it? It's like, it's difficult. I must admit, like, it's definitely quest my mind. I think up until like probably a year ago and we were still trying for a baby, I was thinking, oh, if I explain that it's for fertility, people will go easy on me. And like, I shouldn't have to. to think that like it's my body and I should be able to do what I want with it I do get that like it's nice to see representation right so when people lose like you know we're talking about Adele right so when she lost the weight and everyone was like oh my god she looks amazing yeah she does but she looked pretty great before no one owes you their body right so I think when that whole adele thing kicked off it was really like demoralizing for me because I was like oh for fuck sake

here we go I personally loved seeing her in a bigger body thriving living her best life but it was a disappointment she lost weight. No, it's her body. But the representation is important. But I think that because we like people like I never saw myself represented growing up unless like was being made fun of like the butt of the joke literally. So I get that people are disappointed as such when they see plus size creators or anyone plus size that then loses weight because you kind of feel like you've lost a bit of like a bit of representation. But yeah at the same time like no one owes you their body. So it's definitely something I've thought about like I feel like I'd be betraying the plus-sized community if I lost weight.

I feel that less now, but yeah, it's really, it's difficult. You have to do what's right for you, I guess, at the end of the day, don't you? Totally, yeah. Dietes make me miserable, like, utterly miserable. It's weird. It's like, I was saying this to my friend Lauren the other day. I feel both like it's scary, but also really liberating knowing that I'll never go on a diet again. Like, I will never join Slimmer World again.

I will never go on Weight Watchers. I'll never do that. And I'm like, yes, I'm not giving in to that. Load of bollocks. I don't believe in it. They don't work. Like, we know this. Um, but it's also a little bit like, oh, fuck, okay, but could I be a bit healthier? Um, I think as long as that's the, the focus and we're not doing like fad diets and things. And I think that's, that's fine, isn't it? Um, yeah, I think you can be both. You're all right. There's never been a space for a healthy conversation though. You know, like, just for like healthy choices, because marketing just like picks up shit and runs with it so fast that even like the healthy choices and I put that in inverted commas are so, like, you know, like, like, is so.

packaged and sold that it's just like and everything's it's not just like healthy choices a secret like i've got a little tip for you i've got a little if you're if you're hungry have a glass of water or whatever bullshit and that's where all that stuff stems from is all this just like what should be intuitive is all just been marketed yeah so that you don't even get to make healthy choices because it's all part of diet culture it's very confusing it is yeah he really stopped to pick at it it's like whoa this is huge yeah and i feel like as well with the internet can sometimes like social media can sometimes feel really divided because you've got like so many people that are like posting

like what I eat in a day videos which but can I just say I couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone else eats like you do you I don't get it do you get it I know I'm quite fascinated from like just a scientific standpoint as to what you eat in a day just because I don't I just can't I never because you don't cook I'm just like what does I eat I'm like live so I'd be kind of interested just for like a bird's eye view just like just one day fly the wall in our house so enough okay I just see what she is I'm sure she can just message on WhatsApp, though.

The thing is, is that I do get the fascination with those videos. Really? Not now, but like, if you'd have caught me a few years ago, I'd have been obsessed. Because I was so confused, I was, because when you're so wrapped up in diet culture and you have so many rules that have come from different diets that you've done along the way, so you've picked up this, like, mish-mash of rules and guidelines that you have for your own eating, and you're so confused, and you're like, I don't know. understand how anyone else does it like what does what to like normal people eat I used to be obsessed with like

I don't understand what normal people eat right and then especially when I when things then got really bad with like eating disorder stuff I was like fixated on like I would watch what other people were eating because like I was like I just don't understand how a normal person eats because my the way I my eating patterns are so skewed and warped so I I do get the fascination with them but they're obviously not healthy at all and it's just it's not because everyone is so different and you just can't and there is no normal and I was obsessed with like what the normal person eats but that there is no like normal you know we've all got I think everyone's got slightly weird food something haven't they that's a bit not odd but like not normal

with food but yeah yeah it just feels like you've either got that end and the fitness world online yeah and then you've got the kind of body positive world and I think sometimes especially like if you've got a health condition or you need to lose weight for something or whatever like sometimes it doesn't there's no middle ground it sometimes can feel like I think that's why people feel a bit lost like which camp do I belong in it's like well you don't really need to belong in any camp right do you know what I mean I think that's that's what from I get a lot from like my followers who are plus size anyway like confusion yeah yeah because it does feel a bit and also like I think sometimes and I must admit I used to be on these people like that would look at people that did like

marathons or like well like really healthy and into the gym and be like loaza that's horrible that is an awful way to fit is it okay good but that's I think I think you like I do think you are like or people are made to I don't know you just it it's there's no like love towards anybody else I don't know it just doesn't feel like it I think that a massive part of diet culture came with just so with so much judgment like I just think we are conditioned to just be very judgmental I think women are very judgmental like and whether or not it's like it doesn't even matter it's just it's a very easy way when you view somebody to just judge them quickly because it normally does make us feel better in whatever way and I guess that's a part

part of the trolling as well so you stayed on twitter no i did come off it eventually i think i came off it just as it kind of died down which is the wrong time wrong thing to do but like you learn don't you so i i realized that was like a form of self-harm yeah oh 100% so i stopped and i like now i just do try and sit like ticot i think is an absolute cess bit i feel like it's almost the new twitter it's so bad it is so bad have you tried it i've had yeah i've had two things go viral on there and the comments were horrific like really bad so i just don't look anymore and i think actually there is bliss in ignorance sometimes yeah because it affects me too much and that it's just about your size yeah literally yeah that's pretty much i mean because it's kids like so they don't remember

they probably didn't watch the bake-off right so it's just yeah no i don't think anyone's kind of clock that at all it's just yeah horrific like so the one of them it was like really harmless ticot of me in a bag of lays and a phanta lemon bottle of vantlemon after like on holiday and it was like oh that feeling when you're abroad like drinking fancy lemon and um yeah all the comments were just like was there any water left in the pool like where you were a whale exposition did you leave any crisps in the shop for anyone else like there's a kids comment all right that's insane can i say the funniest comment that i ever got because it genuinely did make me laugh like i actually cried laughing so i remember um i paced a picture of myself in a bikini right i haven't ever

worn a bikini even when i was younger right because it all been's I've always been fat. So when this makes Coen, like, genuine, I was, like, determined to do it. And it was a big thing for me. It ended up in the Daily Mail. Fuck the Daily Mail. But it ended up in the Daily Mail. And the top comment, right, so my surname is Adlington.

And then, you know this swimmer Rebecca Adlington. Someone thought that that was her. And the top comment was, and to think that she was cycling in the Olympics just a few years ago. She's really let herself go. It's the wrong sport. And honestly, yeah, it's the wrong sport. I don't know. Yeah, it was really funny.

Like, oh, shame. She's really let herself go. To think she was in the Olympics. That's so good. So it's not all bad. Oh, my God. That is so funny. I mean, not dickhead still.

No, yeah, I know. But you've got a lot of you. But even to go into it and you get the sport wrong as well. Like, you're fucking idiot. And to think. Like, you should have done. So you've mentioned a couple times about the infatility. And you actually spoke about it on your podcast, didn't you, with Lauren?

Yeah. About IVF. and you not being able to access IVF, is that right? Like completely point blank, you refused it, which is so awful. Yeah, that was like one of the, like, no, like, hands down was like the darkest time in my life. And like, I genuinely did not want to be here anymore. Like, it was, it was absolute hell to be wanted to with you. And I remember, like, the feeling of, like, everyone else getting pregnant around you.

And you're like, I'm really happy for you, but I'm also really fucking sad for myself. So we've been trying for, like, a long time. And then we waited, I think nine months for an appointment. for the specialist for the hospital and I'm sat in the waiting room and I'm already like nearly crying because it's just it's such an amazing thing isn't it and the first thing they did before we even got

to see the consultant was they weighed us like me and my husband and I was like here we go and we sat down so wait nine months for appointment, been trying for two and a half years at this point I think and she said we can't do anything for you because of your weight she's like nothing she said we can't even do tests and I was like I don't mean to be rude

I said but I've waited two and a half years to get here and she said if we did test she was like we wouldn't be able to do anything so there's no point I was like okay but can you do the test and then maybe I can go private after that and I really begged I was like I don't mean sound like a dick but like I've paid in the system oh my life I pay my national insurance

I pay my tax like I'm begging you like I really want please do the test they did actually do the test I had some physical exams and like scans and all of that Matt had his staff tested and then they literally kind of left us and then they said that given the amount of time we were trying and a few things that were kind of like up in the air and wrong with us that

I would need IVF and I was told that I needed to lose 14 stone to be considered for IVF on the NHS because you have to have a BMI of 30 BMI is bullocks we know this right yeah but yeah BMI of 30 and even privately I went private just a consultation and because at the time like we really couldn't afford it even I was thinking like okay we'll just like remorgage or we'll do something and even they were like yeah you have to have a BMI of like 30 to 40 so that was kind of it really that was like the end of the road for us and there there's so much shame like even now like there's so much shame that comes with not being able to have lost the weight and I very nearly had bariatric surgery I was actually three days away from having a

bypass and I was like I don't want to do it which I feel a lot of guilt about because obviously like I might have someone like could have my slot or whatever that was about a year and a half I think the process of that and I did the you have to do like a liver reduction diet before you do it. It's called an LRD and it's nothing about losing weight. It's just literally so it shrinks your liver so they can get to your stomach. Two weeks of eating like, I think it's like 500 calories a day and I was so miserable. I was so, so miserable. And I remember thinking they're going to fix my stomach. They're not going to fix anything up here. I have disordered eating. I have emotional eating issues. Like this is not going to do right, like be good

for me. So I decided not to do it. And then, yeah, I think and then I just sort of of where I am now. But even like my brother who is like really fit and healthy and like loves rowing and running and all of that, he was like, well, if you wanted to baby like enough, you'd do it. And I get, I actually do get that that is the attitude that some people have. I used to look at other people and go, come on, it's not that hard. Like, move a bit more, eat a bit less. But it is that hard.

But it is really hard. It is. It's hard. That's so frustrating that even like your brother has when he, oh, I don't know, that's just, that's just so frustrating. Because unless they've tried, no one knows how difficult it is to manipulate your body's weight. It is so difficult, especially when, as you said, it is so nuanced and it involves the mind as well. It's really not that simple of just like, move more, eat less.

Like if it was, then everyone would be thin, right? Yeah, exactly, yeah. So it's so stupid. When was this? This was literally, it was about two and a half years ago. so I turned down the bariatric surgery and then I think about three or four weeks later I got the phone call saying

we've got a spot on the show did you talk about infertility on the show because you mentioned that somebody said you know no wonder you can't have a baby no I did an interview afterwards after the show came out or during the show when that came out and spoke a bit about it

and unfortunately that was it was like a really long two hour interview that got mentioned and of course that was what made the headline of like forget baking in her secret baby battle. That's what they went with. So that's, yeah, and that's when the abuse about that

started to come through. But equally, on the other hand, I got loads of messages from people in similar boats and I've got PCOS. I find it really difficult to lose weight. I've been trying for a baby for five, six years.

Hasn't happened or like, or it did happen after 10 years and stuff. So that's the thing. I think the internet gets such, sorry, I feel like I'm really rambling. You're not at all. You're a podcast guest. It's what you're supposed to do.

I feel like the internet does get a really bad rep, which honestly, like, as we've spoken about, totally justified but there are other aspects of it like I wouldn't obviously be sat here today if it wasn't for it and I personally have found a lot of solace in finding other like-minded people that look like me or think like me and I was thinking about this the other day like for our like parents generations like they were just fed stuff in the media weren't they like magazines the news TV all of that and like they didn't really have anywhere where you could

debate it or question it so they were just fed it like and my mum actually said this to me the day she was like yeah i was just i just thought i had to be on a diet i always thought that that was just what i had to be so the online world i think does come with its downsides but it's also great in that we you know there's people there to challenge it and there's a bit of diversity now as well and community and community yeah yeah and plus size activists and fat activists who are like really trying to change the narrative or at least like you said offer an alternative narrative to what we've been fed but well done for like recognizing that that is not what you're you are not against anyone who does have bariatric surgery because I know that for some people

it's you know can be life changing and you know whatever but that's so cool that you recognize in that moment like this isn't right for me like this isn't actually what I should do yeah that must have been a really hard decision it was yeah yeah because it was it private can I ask or was it no it was NHS so I imagine if you give up your slot then it's going to be years until you get another one oh no that that was it like I think yeah like probably if I'd wanted to do it again now You have to go through so many hoops. Like, people think it's the easy option. Like, trust me, like it really isn't.

It was a year and a half the process of like psychological assessments, which weren't great, if I'm being honest with you, because it was just like, you're all right. Yeah, do you want to have a surgery? Yeah. All right. Okay, then. No, but you did.

I had counselling, which was brilliant, I have to say. And then you have to go to like classes, meet people that have had it. And you have to go, obviously, you're on a waiting list, so multiple trips to the hospital to, like, do blood work and all of that. So, yeah, I'd probably have. have to like I would have to start all of that again or go private it's not a magic cure or I think that unfortunately the NHS is so underfunded so kind of archaic and it's kind of belief system about

fat and health and obesity and all of that that I think that sometimes they just that's like that's the only option they can give you isn't it but I feel like instead of promoting that I've always said that there needs to be held for people with the emotional reasons what behind my people eat like nobody would look at how what I eat in a day and go, that's not a disorder eating, because it is. It is. I'm a measure eater and I think that that's where all like the slim and well greets, the Weight Watchers, but so they all fall down is because I don't think that anyone looks at the reasons why people overeat.

There needs to be more psychological help for people if they want it. Again, I don't like this narrative that fat people need to be fixed. I feel like that. I don't like that. Some people are fat, some people are thin. If you want help, like I definitely feel like I've got disordered eating. I'm telling you now that there's no help and I feel like

and like you I'd be interesting to hear your views on this because I don't want to sound flippant but if I walked into the doctor's surgery and said I'm anorexic I feel like there might be more help available than if I go I've got disordered eating and I'm overeating and I'm abusing food

help me because I've done it and they've gone I don't really know what to say to you Laura well they're not they're not trained and I can't remember the statistic now which is really bad but I think for a GP for them to be fully trained to get to the point where they're fully trained and ready to go out into the GP world they have I think it's I think it's like five hours of um of training around food and

eating disorders and disorder eating so there's nothing like they that's not their fault that's no okay I might have butchered that statistic but it's something really really pathetic it's like hardly anything so they don't and there are also no resources either like where are they going appoint you to that's the really scary thing as well and that's and you'll feel the same i hate it when people come to me and say like i'm i've got this or that and i'm really struggling and like yes i feel like it's not a diagnosable eating disorder but it's eating it's a disorder eating that is really impacting my daily life and i'm like fuck i don't know where to signpost you to because that's really hard there is it's pointless signposting you to your GP because what are they going to say

and I think one good thing about living in the world we do now is that we have access to so many more resources but a lot of people need access to a therapist and sustained access to a therapist I mean if you're lucky I say lucky and you have an eating disorder on the NHS you will get like six sessions of CBT

which is a start but it's not it's not enough is it no it's no and in order to access that your BMI has to be through the floor. It has to be like super low. You have to be underweight. And as you know, like you can't see or you can't measure an eating disorder. And that is,

it is really, really scary, I think the funding for it. Yeah. And then, yeah, and that's the thing you can like suggest books or people to follow.

But that's a very narrow view of something that is so nuanced and complex and needs so much real intervention, like professional intervention. sorry it's my turn to go and run there but yeah it is it is frustrating there's no there's no like solution currently which is really scary to people who actually and the ironic thing is that that is what would really impact health because it would impact people's mental health which is a huge huge part of overall health and if they were able to live their lives without feeling that their

eating disorder their disorder their eating patterns were impacting their day-to-day lives that would have huge impact on their health but yet doctors prescribe intentional weight loss like oh slimming world's like the one at the moment isn't it that doctors prescribe slimming world have you tried slimming world yeah yeah yeah multiple times yeah yes of course has anyone not tried sliming world I mean literally were brought up on slimming world so I was 12 my first one was it 12 years old that's really sad isn't it I think like what my life might have been like if I hadn't have been on so many diets and you could just be a child yeah Just lose my life.

Yeah. Like no one studies the, and it's going to be very insulting to anybody that does study it. But it's just, why is no one doing this? But the, like, just the, I think because fat has been villainised for so long. And even like, just looking again, like the, like, what was that fucking show of that guy that went around? Then he was like, I'm going around to see like Britain's faties.

Yeah. Fat families. Fat families. What an absolute come. Liars. I hate him. Literally. But like the just consistent like cultural villainisation weapon villainisation of fat people like and it's like you said earlier it's like the butt of every joke and it's just like and I think like mums teach not just to dislike yourself but to dislike like not just moms. I think the culture teaches it's not only like hate yourself for your fatness. It's just like you judge fat people or these shows like literally teach kids to do it. you know, teachers and everybody's so deep into it. But it just means that the science, from a science perspective, you never get any, like you say, support from a, like a therapeutic standpoint

or from a, like, it doesn't make any sense. I would really be fascinated to look at who they did, semi-world weight watches, all these programs, who they, who are their tests and what are the psychological, like, reasonings behind the programs? Because every single time, it's always just like, oh, five, two, this many calories, this, like the BMI, blah, whatever.

It's all numbers, numbers, numbers. But with anything else, if you were going to do something on a prolonged period of time, you would test the psychological reaction. They'd test it in rats. They'd test it in mice. They'd test it in anything

because you have to look at how somebody's going to respond. They did so much of this for people giving up smoking and like looking at the psychology of it. And like, and I just don't understand. It never seems to translate to these programs. No. And it's like that surely it's going to be like just unlock everything if there's just like so much I don't know empathy but it just feels like they never from and

you said it before like you know I know anorexia doesn't maybe it's because it's got the highest mortality rate I don't know and it's more easy to identify I don't know I don't know this isn't my area but it just it feels like there's just no empathy for fat people who want no because and underpinning it all is like lack of education and the overriding narrative being that it's personal responsibility yeah and then it's like well you can sort it out it's something you can control if you're fat eat less and like move more like people put it down to that when it's just yeah but look at alcoholism sorry i've just thinking about it from the psychological perspective the 12 steps are all about getting your head right in the psychology exactly everything all

treatment for they wouldn't do something to your liver would they like no yeah that's so true yeah they they sit and you go through all the the psychological and you work with your different phases and they recognize you're going to be angry you're going to seek forgiveness you're going to have guilt and they recognize all the thought patterns that you have around your addiction addiction. So why can't they do that? This has really pissed me off. I don't know why. I think with food it's sometimes more difficult. And I don't want to like say that to anyone that's struggling with alcoholism. Because it's very different and obviously it's very challenging. But all I say is that with alcoholism, like you cannot drink alcohol. You can't not eat food. You can't not eat food. And I was chatting something over day who said something to me and I thought that was really interesting. She was like you can't be addicted to food because you need it. It's like saying I'm addicted to oxygen. You'd never say that. But the feeling of feeling addicted to food is real. And that's what I think. like is missing like you know there's one only one thing that I know of it this might have changed because this was like four or five years ago I looked into it and it was something called over eaters anonymous yeah yeah and so I looked into it but it was um it was like very religious like lead

and it was all like kind of like a Bible group and I was like that's just not for me and I didn't want to do it but that's the only thing I know of yeah I had a friend that went to it did you yeah she went for she struggled she had bulimia yeah I think yeah I think she got on okay with it but I didn't know I didn't press yeah yeah god it's just like it's just so much that and it's and then it's underpins it it just so like devastating here hearing that it's just like there's so much lack of support from anybody if you do want to get help and then just like just to like add insult to injury you've just been like fucking whacked around the head by everybody online for like you know existing it's just like it just feels very cruel um like and twitter is but yeah do you see any like

positive changes do you feel like there have been any any sort of noticeable things where you're like starting to feel more positive about stuff like with the I guess with the fat community like how the fat community are viewed and treated

I feel like things are getting better in terms of like representation like obviously like brands are a lot of brands are cutting onto the fact now that like lots of plus size the average size in the UK now as is a 16, right? So a lot of the sizings are kind of really off

and a lot of brands who traditionally stop at like an 18 are realising actually, okay, we might need to make a quick buck. So that I feel like it's changing. It is actually a bit easier to buy clothes now. When I looked back and when I was 15, I could only shop on the high street at Evans and it was like tents our ass.

Like I don't want to wear that kind of stuff. It was awful. I still don't. So I feel like in terms of like fashion, it's a bit more accessible and I feel like awareness is a bit better. but sometimes I feel like in terms of like brands pay lip service to it because body positivity like makes money doesn't it?

It sells and a lot of the time there's like a lot of tokenism I find in that world as well which I find quite frustrating but then you go well it's better than none isn't it? A bit of diversity is better than none. In terms of like other people I really don't know like I don't know whether people again just kind of pay lip service to it. I feel like because we're talking about it more and we've got that online space it's getting better

but I feel like when I look at TikTok comments or I look at Twitter I go fucking hell nothing's changed does it you're so brave for going on TikTok like genuine I don't have it in me

I just don't I'm just horrible it is horrible but do you know what I look at it as of like why not me so when I came out of the bakeoff right and I was thinking

what the fuck do I want to do my life I hate my job was in like a 9 to 5 boring job I worked in a water company in like comms team I remember that actually from you being on the second.

Oh, yeah. And I was like, this is rubbish. And I was thinking, like, oh, shall you the online? I think, oh, but I don't look like someone that's online. I remember doing my first fashion, like, real. I'm thinking, like, oh, my God, this is terrifying. We get ripped apart. And there were no negative comments.

But they're also really nice ones from people going, I've never seen someone that looks like me, do something like this. Thank you. And I just felt like, I've always been a bit of a rebel, I think. And I just think I thought, fuck it. Like, why not me? Why not me? Yeah.

So, yeah. And you do great, great fashion. content really good you have the best dresses yeah and you've just released a um an edit with yeah yeah it's really cool yeah yeah that the um the promo stuff was very cool yeah on instagram it's very lizard's wasn't it yeah it was so cool thank you i loved it yeah congratulations thank you and we think that everyone should go follow you and listen to your podcast very funny as well and listen to your podcast go love yourself with your mate lauren smith that we didn't invite We didn't want to.

I'm so sorry. Sorry, Lauren. But yeah. So, like, heavily empty, doesn't it? It really does. Just like the ghost of Lauren. This is a double action. It's just one of them.

But yeah, thank you so much for coming on. I'm chatting to us. We've loved having us. Sorry, I've just muffled. That's a point. You're definitely you're on podcast host mode. Yeah, you are. You're so interviewing.

No, just because you're worrying that you're talking too much. Oh, okay. All right. No, yeah. We want your words. Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.