Should I Delete That? - Dropping filters and cultivating confidence with Sasha Pallari

Episode Date: April 16, 2023

This week on the pod, Em and Alex are joined by Sasha Pallari. Sasha is an influencer, YouTuber and the creator of #FILTERDROP, a hashtag and movement on instagram dedicated to showing real skin. Sasha also took this movement to the Advertising Standards Authority in order to prevent make up and skincare brands from advertising with filtered skin, and she won! Sasha talks about her journey with confidence, and how #FILTERDROP and theatre have helped her along the way…Find Sasha on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok @sashapallariFollow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Obviously, I look better with a face-changing filter on. But I've also found so much comfort in just accepting that, yes, I can achieve that with these apps or with these filters. But it isn't the reality. It just isn't. Hello, and welcome back to Shedged Delete that. I'm Alex Light. And I'm M. Clarkson. How are you?

I am good. I am looking after my nephew currently. So I am slightly frazzled. What's that song? She's a single, she's a single mom who works two jobs. That is how I feel right now. I'm getting that vibe today. Yeah, I'm giving off that vibe, aren't I? Like, my hair's all over the place and I am like, I feel frazzled. And it's been an hour. I've been here, well, less than two hours. And I'm like, oh my God, when's nap time? Um, toddlers are hard, man. Wow. But fun. Very fun. How are you? I'm really good. Thanks so much. I'm just going to launch straight in with my bags and my orchids because they're one and the same. And it's been the bane of my fucking life this week. I have a blocked milk duct. Oh. Which is obscene. Never thought of a sentence I thought I'd say. Here we are. And, um, yeah, I've a blocked milk duct. And when I tell you, I have tried everything. Alex Lai, I, well, I have done all. But I haven't done the one thing.

And I am scared. Okay, I was scared that your awkward was going to be the one thing. I haven't done the one thing. And the one thing. That's probably the bad bit. It's that my husband is being a real fucking prick and he won't do the one thing. I understand his boundaries with this. I mean, I don't know your pain.

I don't know your pain. So maybe I'm speaking out of turn, but I understand his potential boundaries here. Okay, let me give you some context listeners. So I've got a block milk duct. and if you have never had one, it's fucking agony. It's worse than any contraction I had. It's actually worse than the caesarian. It is the single worst.

Like, it's worse than my broken jaw. It is literally the most pain I've had. It's extraordinary. So it's awful, right? And I've tried, I mean, when I have done, I have... So apparently, like, anecdotally, everybody I've spoken to is like, you need warm shit, warm compresses, massage, hot shower,

all of that. So I've done all of that. And then I spoke to somebody new and they're like, and then I spoke to a lactation consultant on Instagram. If you can hear dogs barking in the background about my mum's

and there's loads of dogs and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm sorry. Then the professional was like, no advice has changed so you should do like light massage, like you're patting a dog

and I'm just like, that is not going to fucking cut it. Like I feel like I've got an actual marble wedged in my tit. Like I'm not patting it. I know. Anyway. Christ indeed.

So then a lot of people recommended that you hold your electric toothbrush on it. Then a lot of people said, that's not powerful enough. You need a vibrator on it. So I have followed up on every single available thing. I have fed her, oh my God. I have fed her like a fucking cow, Alex.

Like my baby is a calf. I have got on all fours and I have dangled my massive boob into her mouth and fed her like a farm animal. that didn't fucking work and then I guess I guess the worst my lowest point was when I got my own

boob and tried to put it in my own mouth no you didn't no you didn't so that I could suck the fucking floggage out I'm in so much pain and all his little mouth is just not struck she's not got the grip that I need

she doesn't got the power I'm sorry. It's got the suction. In what world is your nipple going to reach your mouth? Oh, Al, it reaches. Oh, okay. Save now. It reaches, but I can't quite get the...

Maybe mine does too. I've just never tried it. I've never thought to try it. But you know what? You know what God loves? A trier. A fucking trier. He does.

I can get it, I mean, I can get like tongue to knit, but I just can't get the angle that I need. In about an hour. my nephew's going to be looking at me like what the fuck are you doing i don't know much about this world yet but i know this is not right this looks fucking weird um yeah i don't know so my the final result the one thing the thing that a lot of people have told me to do has been to do the cow method except without arlo underneath me i'd have alex underneath me oh i just oh i don't know i know man and I think his, I think his greatest reservation is that if he does it, I'll tell the podcast. A thousand percent. Who else would you tell?

I think, I know, if, if, if, if this happens, I think I might be forced to sign like an NDA. And we're just going to have to operate like an American military type thing. Like, just don't ask, don't tell. Like, if next week it's magically cured and I don't have them stitus and I'm just better, then you know what's happening. happened okay maybe you can share it at the live show i feel like that is that is like something shocking enough there's nothing you can fucking do about it then what's it gonna do sitting in the crowd exactly um yeah bless you i hope it i hope it resolves itself son's Alex in an ideal you know what i really don't want him to do this i like he's been lovely he's like he's a bit

like, oh, I will do it. And I'm just like, neither of us want this. It could be a turning point in your relationship. It could be. Which way? The thing is, it could go one of two ways. It could actually make you, it could really, really strengthen your bond, okay? Or you might never be able to look each other in the eye again.

I don't know. That's what I think might happen. I just, it's just not. That's where I'm leaning towards. Yeah, because I saw someone on Instagram, do it and he had a little like spit cup for like when it came out so I was like right what am I going to give him a little spit cup like come on it's like he's giving my boob a blow job it's just bad has he tried your breast milk yet no and what a fucking what a welcome to the yeah yeah see

it's a lot it's a lot what do you want a martini fucking I don't know block it oh but if we if we look at it in another way it's the least he can do right you've given him this miracle of life you've grown and birthed this baby well i feel like that's a bit unspoken right like i'm crying in agony trying to feed her right right and he's just you know like eating his scrambled eggs and i'm just like um eat me no i'm going to and look he is obviously you know he's he's going through the mental strain of having a baby and the sleeplessness but the physical side of this baby. His nipples are empty. His nipples are empty.

His nipples are empty. And it shows. Yeah. He's walking around light and free. You can see it. Come on. He can't put his nipples in his own mouth. That's all I know.

Okay. Do you know what? I've done a 360. No, a 180. 360? Never know. I've done a 180. I think Alex should do it.

I don't know. The other side of this is that I don't really want him because of what we all have just talked about. Is it a 360 or a 180? It's a 180. It's a 180, yeah. 360, you're back where you started. You're back where you started, yeah.

Duh. Okay, thanks. To be honest, I'm back where I start. I don't know where I stand on this. Let's see how the pain progresses as the weekend goes. Yeah, if desperation kicks in, like, just fucking go for it. Yeah, exactly. You don't need to film it as what I'll say.

Oh, I agree. I'll send you a photo in a minute of me doing the dangle method, which already I sent it to my friend and I was like, this feels like a low point. This doesn't feel positive. I've taken better selfies. Okay, tell me, anything good, anything bad? I mean, awkward, please.

Awkward. I don't have anything awkward this week because I've just been a perfect, unembarrassing specimen of a human being. So I'm going to, I know. So I'm going to read something else. Someone sent me on Instagram. This made me think of you and M, and it's a quote.

I read somewhere that biting into a lemon can help end a panic attack by making you focus on your senses and now all I can imagine is encountering a stressful situation in work pulling a lemon out of my pocket and biting into it all while maintaining eye contact with someone

I just thought about like I don't know it was kind of perfect I think it would end a panic attack and cause a heart attack like it would be I can't I don't imagine it's like it's not a happy ending

to about it's making the situation so much worse what's going to make my panic attack worse I know, a fucking annihilation of all of my senses. I want to just, like, I want to be in agony. That will help. My face is going to contort in a weird, twisted kind of pleasure pain. Yeah.

Oh my God. Okay, next time I see you, can we do that? Not have panic attacks. Can we just eat half a lemon each and just see what happens and maintain eye contact? Yes, let's do it. And try not to win. And maintain eye contact the whole time. Mm-hmm.

Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. Okay, it's old. Yeah, fine. And then we have to eat a donut, maintain eye contact and not lick our lips because it's not possible. I want a donut so badly. I don't think it's possible.

Oh my God. When we were kids, we used to tie our hands behind our backs and eat a donut off the plate with no hands. I mean, okay. That's like bobbing for apples, isn't it? I don't know why we did that, actually. I've really got no idea.

But that quote reminded me of when, because I've never, I know it's going to come as a great surprise, but I've never been able to control my emotions or regulate my emotions. So I've always had a problem with crying. What? I know.

I know. Wild, so not on brand, right? But someone told me that if you look up to the sky, like tilt your head right back and look up to the sky, that you stop yourself from crying. So as a child and a teenager, I would just walk around like, like, all the time in my like head back, trying not to cry. No.

No. No. No. Awful. I did. I did. Because it does kind of work. And I just like, I was.

Like I was so emotional like just so emotional like my like my mom says my blood is too close to my eyes and I would just always cry and then it moved I don't know it's probably like entering like slightly dark territory but I'd also pinch myself like pinch pinch pinch my legs to try and stop myself I'm crying as well like ha ha ha ha oh no I didn't mean to make it sad are you okay okay maybe that should be my bad I don't know I'm working through some stuff oh no oh oh I don't my god if i met teenage alix now i would give it the biggest hug i swear to god i mean it would be awkward as hell because she would need it all the way back it would be a horrible hug just hugging your body with no head like you've been decapitated okay well i didn't mean to make that sad i'm sorry um i just enjoyed i just enjoyed the visual of the quote um so yes anyway moving on moving on i'll tell you my good shall i i'll bring us bring us back up please as I was going to say as anyone who follows me on Instagram will know, but actually it's a podcast as well

because I have talked about pistachio, my love of pistachio and pistachio croissants on the podcast as well. Not necessarily the croissant, but pistachio, pistachio, anything. Love it so much. And it seems to be having this like revival, well, not even a revival, because I don't think it's ever been there before, but like everyone's obsessed with pistachio on Instagram now.

There's pistachio quosants, do you not like pistachio? Actually, I don't think I've ever had a pistachio. Are you joking? Are you joking? and you've never eaten the pistachio. I think maybe because I'm allowed it to peanuts, I'm just not a massive nut gal.

Oh my God. Okay, fine. Oh my God, they're so good. Delicious when I see you next week, well, before we do the lemon, pistachio-y, I'll give it a go. Well, there's a bakery that I think is near you,

Oire. Yeah, but they wouldn't do vegan. No, they do a pistachio croissant, which is stunning, but I'm sure it's probably not vegan. Oh, it always is where my flying quasson comes from. that fancy cafe where the quafflement flew a week in it's a very good pastry i forgot i forgot the vegan thing oh how annoying um i would say i'll make you on but we all know that's not true

anyway i don't i my dms are full of pistachio stuff people send me pistachio stuff all the time and i love it it's great anyway i was at a cafe the other day and i was in the line it was in the line i was in the queue and it was like there was a little display in front of of us and there was there were some pastries in there and I was yeah in the line and I was looking at the pastries looking to see if there's any pistachios there wasn't

and then a lady next to me went oh it's a shame there's no pistachio croissants isn't it isn't it she knew you were a fanatical pistachio eater what a reputation I looked up at her and I was like I don't want to assume I'm like you know

a split second I'm like you're either just saying that because you really like pistachios and you're just hoping that I do too this random woman next to me likes it too or you follow me on Instagram so I kind of looked to her and I was like she was like hi yeah because that's like one of the best encounters I've ever had oh my god it's such a shame like you're not single slash a lesbian because that would have been a perfect meat cute oh my god what a line imagine telling your kids in like 10 to 15 years how did you meet yeah oh your mom saw me looking for a pistachio pastry and And she said, it's a shin, isn't it, pistachios?

Oh my God, that would be so good. That was such a good way to meet. But isn't that fun? Such a fun interaction. I was so happy. I was like, you? Sorry you didn't get a pistachio pastry though. No, it's fine.

It's fine I got over it. I had an almond one instead. I never had one of those either. Anything bad for me though before we kick off with our interview? Well, do you know what? I feel like I've given enough bad with my crying and pinching myself. So I'm going to leave it at that for this week. Okay?

what's what's your good i'm just good vibes right now al you are you really are i'm just really good vibes i'm just there's nothing specific i'm just living my best life i had i went on i had a full day of work on wednesday like a shoot day which worked okay i'm not not assuming that every single day will go like that but it worked really well with arlo yeah and like we're just we're just kind of we're all right We're just, apart from, you know, my udders, we're fine. And I'm just feeling really good. I'm moving. I went to a form of Pilates and doing on my walks.

Sun's been sporadically shining. Georgie's coming to stay at my mum's for the weekend. It's just good vibes. That's so nice. Yeah. Come on up if you want. We're just chilling. I was going to say, where's my invite?

Oh my God. It's right here now. I'm about to put Georgie on blast. She's had an upset tummy. I don't know. I was going to tell you. But then I was like, forgot that we were talking for the moment. podcast. I thought what you were just talking for us. It's going to be like, Georgie's had the

quits. And I was like, I can't say that. And we're recording. But you just did. So, sorry, Georgie. Everyone pray for Georgie. Pray for Georgie's bum hole. Oh, bless her. Well, I hope she feels better. Yeah, me too. It's really bad now. Love that. Well, anyway, yeah, so, no, it's just good vibes. It's just good vibes. And we've got a good interview today and everything's just going. I'm going to hang out with you. this week. I haven't seen you in bloody ages. I know. I know. We've got a proper podcast recording

in a studio which will be fun. Again, we're going to see, yeah, see what it's like with our new little colleague, our tiny colleague. Yeah. I'm fine. My sister's going to come and help. Yeah, my sister's there as well. Jen, I forgot to tell you that. Yeah. Sister squad. Perfect. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I have to say, I just want a caveat the saying everything's going really well. Don't mean, maybe by the fact that I, I'm so grateful for my village at the moment. My mom was away. I think I said my mum's away for like two and a half weeks. And so with my sister and my brother, like they all went on a nice holiday without me. I'm fine about it. Um, but now they're back. It's like I just feel so, it's so much better. It's so, I feel so supportive.

So, yeah, it really makes a difference. And my friends are just amazing. And like, even, and my team as well, like, that we work with. Like, it's just, I feel very lucky. I don't people listening being like, I didn't get it. How's you doing it? Because I am not doing it on my own. Like, everybody's just helping. Rallying. That's great. Yeah, rallying is a good word. I'm not giving them very much choice. It's just like two minutes before we started recording the podcast. I was like, mom, mom.

She loves it. They love it. Your granddaughter means a cuddle. Yeah, absolutely loves it. Anyway, we have an amazing interview today. Oh, we do. It's Sasha. Just a warm hug of an episode.

It is, isn't it? Yeah. It kind of felt more like a conversation than an interview, right? And it didn't really feel like we were interviewing her, like a proper a podcast interview. So it's really nice, really cool. Very, I hate myself for saying this word, but very authentic. Actually, I'm not, I hate you for saying it. I hate myself for saying it. I, Daisy, please take that out. I can't even know it. No, no, Daisy, don't. I can't. I can't cope. I want my new ringtone to just be all the times you said, Daisy, please take that out,

and Daisy hasn't taken it out. Do you know what? I never listen. I never listen back to know if she takes it out or not. So I don't even know if she takes it out. Does she not? I'm addicted to that. Daisy. Good. Okay, guys. I hope you enjoy the interview with the phenomenal

Sasha Polari. Hi, Sasha. Hi. Hello. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. Actual honour being here on this little sofa with you both.

I'm not on the sofa, but that's all right. Big fan, though. I'm a big fan. I took it. Yeah, sad for me. There is space for me. I don't know why I'm over here.

Why don't you come in the middle of us? Nope, we don't want you. I'm so excited that you're here in the flesh. me and Sasha became best friends during lockdown and we actually had like an online love affair. Yes. Oh, I love that. And we didn't meet until. Never.

Last year. Like, where did we meet? At Selfages when you came to help me try and dresses. Oh my God, yeah. Just a fun, randomly. Well, we kept trying to go on a walk, but like, you didn't know when the rules were really strict. Yeah. And it just never happened, did it?

But we were literally, it was like, I felt like, you know when plenty of fish started? Like, before young people used dating house. That's what I felt like. I felt like I was like a plenty of fish user. I also feel like Em was like, I called her my guardian angel because everything blew up so much for me. And I feel like, you know, like a fish just drowning

and she just came and skipped me and put me in a little. Oh yeah, they can't. But like a little, yeah. But like a little, I don't know, something drowning. Tortoise. Yeah, it just kind of turned really dark, but I didn't mean for it to. But like I just feel like you just picked me up

and just looked after me because I was clueless. and all of this stuff was happening. And Em was just like, I'll help you. And you did massively. You nailed long, because that was when filter drop, like, all kicked off. And I was like, I'm obsessed with this woman. I don't even know how, like, someone sent me your video.

Like, you had like an IG TV video. And I was like, yeah, this is probably what true love is. Act was. It was. And it feels like I've known you forever. I know. I know. And I'm like, I don't know, but I love her.

Yeah, same. And I think, Sasha, it's the only person I've accepted on Facebook in the last like six years. I have no, my God, your Facebook friends. Oh my, that is such me energy to Facebook add someone. Now I'm feeling really left. Yeah, we're not even Facebook. No, we're not.

Oh my gosh. That's hilarious. Yeah, so we're like fully in love. It's the whole thing. Wow. I know. I feel like I'm very much third reading right now. I feel like I should be on the sofa.

That's all I'm saying. Yeah, you should. I'm fine that I'm not, but but you, okay, well, we're pre-recording this guys. It's no secret that I'm having a baby in disappearing, so sorry. But you, as of this weekend, were in a, you were in a play. I know.

Yeah. I know. How was it? It was amazing. I, um, because I trained in musical theater like my whole life. That's what I wanted to do. And then when I went off to drama school, I was too young. I was on the wrong course.

Like so many things weren't right. But I was very like young and hungry and oh my God, I'm going to make it on the West End. And that's like all I cared about. And I actually dropped out of drama school after a year. And then I was like, what on earth am I going to do? because it was tunnel vision all I'd ever wanted. So for a really long number of years, I had all this resentment for this career path

that I thought I'd wanted and it didn't work out. And that's how like makeup came into play because I got a job with Mac. So it was always just, oh, it's gone forever now. And then I started amateur dramatics before lockdown. And I was like, oh my God, this is like even better than like drama school because there's no like,

that none of the industry is there but the passion and the love is there and then obviously lockdown happened and this was my first time performing post lockdown and it's just been everything like my soul needed amor wow that's so cool yeah it's really cute as well

yeah I do I'm always like really reluctant to say like I'm a singer because I'm one of those like if you say you can hold the tune I'm leaving I can't like I'm not I'm not like but like you can sing sing right no she can hold a tune I can, literally, I can hold the tune.

But like, not sing, sing, definitely not. I can't, I wouldn't class myself as a singer. Like, I prefer acting. I can sing, but, like, I would rather a song where I can act through the song. Like musical theatre rather than like. Like, I'm never going to be Dorothy. I'd be like, do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Not, no, I don't think I could do those notes. I just feel like she's dramatic. That is the extent of my musical knowledge. I have no other feeling much of that. I feel like you'd be a musical theatre lover. I am not. I married one. Yeah.

loves musical theater. Oh my god, we should have brought Alex here as well. Alex, Alex, Alex, Em. Yeah, yeah, all my Alex is. We went to see Mulan Rouge. Oh yeah, we did. I fucking loved it. I was like, ooh, I'm happy.

And Em was just like, oh, get me out of here. I have big musical energy. I feel like for myself, but I really. You do give off theater kids. I know, but it's really not for me. I think that's actually such a very good description of me. But no, I hate musical, no, I don't hate it. That's too much.

But I find it weird. When some people, no, fine, I'm just going to say it. I'm just going to piss people off. I'm going to admit it. When people break into song, I get really uncomfortable. I'm like, why are we singing? Like, you're watching Hamilton. I'm like, this is a historical tale.

Why are you singing? Oh, no, don't say things like that. I can't. It's absolutely, it makes me cringe every part of my body when it's just like, I'm having a serious conversation. And then someone breaks into song. And you're like, oh, no. I remember one of my very first dates with David.

We went to watch Miss Saigon, and we were sat really close. Like, he was trying to impress me. So he bought really good tickets, really good seats. and it kind of like five minutes in and he looked at me and whispered he was like is there any words or is it all just song I was like it's all song and we don't speak in the theatre

and he was like okay that's me that was the first and last time he's been to the theatre with me I think about nine years ago I will say I went to see an opera recently and obviously that's amazing like great

did I talk about this on the podcast no it just sounds horrible oh my god did I say opera yeah sorry I'm like having a total mind-blowing so I was like anyway So I went to the opera recently

and I was really excited didn't know what to expect awful I really didn't like it and I don't want to sound like an absolute uncultured spoiled brat Was it in English?

It was in Italian but they had little screens with subtitles but that was the first problem because it wasn't translated properly I was doing my nutting and you could see where they'd like tried different translations and just kept them all on screen

and I was like this is sloppy but I don't like the sound of opera that singing. Fair, I mean, it would be boring if we were like the same, wouldn't it? That's very pragmatic. Do you think people really actually do like it?

Well, I've seen, I didn't think I'd ever like it. Yeah. And I watched a German opera in Vienna. Yeah. And I loved it. I didn't have a clue what was going on. Right.

But I loved it. But I just get really geeky. I just have like so much respect for them doing it live and all that stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. But that's, for me, that's like, I could watch them do one song

and I'd be like, that was amazing. Now let's go. Now we can go. Like, you are so talented. but I have to leave. The seats were small. My cocksoes really hurt, actually. So I was like, we actually left them half time.

Theatre seats aren't comfortable. That is something I will say. Oh, yeah. I like The Greatest Showman a lot. Like, not the play. Interesting. I haven't said it if it's a play. The film.

I love a film. See, that's big theater kid energy. Yeah. Yeah, I love a film. And I think it's because I can watch it on my, I mean, I've seen that film so many times. I love it. And all the songs, it's such a good film.

Well, I did pre-worn, like, quite a lot of people, family and stuff, the sort of part I was playing and rent. I think my dad had to like sit like this for a what kind of part was it I was a crack addict stripper with AIDS do you know rent no no no yeah that's the part I played nice so it was intense it was intense it was intense and um yeah I have to like block out his coming that's about as bad as it gets in terms of like your credentials yeah say it again crack addict stripper with AIDS yeah that's a lot there's a lot she was going she's really going for it yeah that's tired yeah I love it I feel like

Like, it's just we should do more things that like we love that have no ties to them. Do you know what I mean? Well, yeah. Yeah. I love that. And I like that it is like, I don't know what amateur. I don't know the difference. Basically, we're not professional.

But I love that. It's lush. Like all of these people, some of us are self-employed. Some of us have full-time jobs. And we like do it out of pure love and joy. We don't get paid for it. I don't think that with the pantomime. Like people who do the pantomime.

I love the pantomime. I love. I love people are just doing it for the love of it. No, they're pay. They're pro. Oh. well I don't know I do love the pantomime though

but there's like that attachment isn't it to like if you do Panto your career's over that's what they say I disagree but yeah Panto is so fun but it's only at Christmas time isn't it anyway I'd love to be in the pantomime I would love to be in the pantomime

I do think you've got what it takes to just think you should be less of a musical hater because they use a lot of musical songs in a Panto I think my downfall and it's a big one would be that I can't sing not even like though that's that polite thing of like, oh, I just can't think, I can't sing. Can't confirm.

Yeah, sad. We can't have it all. No. God is fair. God is fair. Yeah. What do I have? Loader.

Don't answer that. I love that you do it for the, like, that's, I mean, it's like my have a go's energy, but like for the theatre. It is really nice that like to do something, I guess, that would be, that could be embarrassing. It's like putting yourself out there in a way that like, it's just exposing, isn't it? Yeah, I think for me as well, this, this was always like a dream part for me to play this part and what did you dream of being when you were a little girl yeah everything I just said but she like I don't know it's just such a gritty show with loads of meaning it just highlights like the AIDS pandemic back in 1989 I think it was and my confidence levels like within myself

would never have allowed me to do what I did the weekend just gone like I'm literally in next to no clothing the fact that was even in skin tight clothing on stage dancing and singing at the same time blows my mind that I did that. Do you know what I mean? Because I would never have imagined that I would have had the confidence to do it. So it was kind of one of those moments for me where it meant more than it meant. Does that make sense? Which is a very, again, thick, kid, wanky thing to say, but I love it. It is what it is. It meant more than it meant. God, that's stunning. I'm going to like incorporate that into my day to day. It meant more than it meant. Thank you for passing me the salt day that meant more than it meant.

It actually doesn't make any sense at all. No, no. But I got it. Yeah. I understood it. I also think it's going to be really good for you with your overthinking. Like that meant way more than it meant. I'm going to be up at 4 a.m.

I'm going to be like, no, I can't remember what it meant. What did it meant? But you said that, oh, like, being up there in, like, skin, tight clothing. How did you do it back then? Did you just do it, but, like, without any confidence, like, lacking confidence? I would never have gone for those parts or, like, believed I could go for those parts. Or would have, if, for whatever reason, I was cast as that part, like, maybe five years ago, I would have found a way to cover up or be in different sorts of clothing.

I just, I don't think my confidence would have allowed me to do it full stop though, not even audition. So, yeah, it was a big, like a big deal for me personally as well as how much I love doing it. Because your, like your, your journey, like your confidence journey on Instagram and obviously like I've actually known you for a really short space of time, but it does feel like 40 years. So what I know of. My extensive relationship with my best friend over there but there wasn't room on the sofa for me with. But you're,

over the last like year and a half or a couple of years, it feels like you've been like following on, I mean literally you're like my favourite person to follow on Instagram anyway. Oh my God, don't say that. I cry. But it's true. Oh my God. I was thinking about it as funny.

I was like, what do I love the most? I love the makeup. I love the fashion. Do I love the fun? Your fashion content recently has, can we call it fashion? Fashion. Can we call it anything.

relating to fashion because all I would relate it to is just like outright disaster with a camera turned on. It's my favorite. They're so good. If you haven't seen Sasha's try-ons, then you're just, you're living a sad and empty life and I feel bad for you. But it's like, it's so fun to watch you, I don't know, it feels like you're on a big, yeah, but like it feels like you're on a really big confidence journey. Yeah. Because filter drop, and we will talk about that in a minute, but like filter drop I guess was you have worked in makeup for years and you've modelled and it was about like skin empowerment and like owning your image and stuff and obviously you have a very beautiful face and you have like a professionally beautiful face because that's like what modelling

is but I feel like watching you on on the journey with your body as well is just so cool because you already had so much empowerment when it came to your face and like showing up authentically and then to like find it all with the body journey's just been. it's really fun to watch and I feel like your followers love that as well. Like I feel like everyone's on your journey with you. That yeah, I definitely feel like that. I feel like we, it doesn't feel like a me on Instagram.

It feels like an us, which again sounds so wanky. But I like, you know when you remember your usernames of people and they tell you stories and you remember the stories and stuff like that? It has been like a prolific change for me in, I don't know since when. I think obviously the pandemic made things happen quicker

because of filter drop. But I even remember saying to you, like, filter drop represented how I felt about filters, right? And how I felt about showing real skin. But the actual meaning of what filter drop was created from covers so much more than skin, basically. So these try on halls and stuff like that, I didn't sit there one day and think, right, I'm going to try on some clothes and this. It's going to absolutely slap the likes in. I literally just accidentally filmed a Zara Hall one day and have never been able to reply to the messages. because none of the clothes fit me

and I also just can't pick clothes like I don't know what it is but I'll pick something thinking it's going to look one way and we put it on and it's very different and I just think people relate to that don't they because how many times do we pick something online

and then put it on and it looks stunning well I'm sure there's people out there could never be me but yeah it's been it's been massive I feel like I really like all of the wanky words come into this sort of chat don't they? like they're hard to avoid.

But I literally live and breathe how I feel about confidence because I see how much it's changed my life and that's what I want for other people. And I'm like, well, let's just do it together. Let's just keep pushing ourselves like that little bit further. Like even with this part, right, there was a part of me that thought, can I fucking go out on stage in skin tight?

Like, what about if I maybe got something that just covered the bottom of my stomach that would probably make me feel a little bit more comfortable. And then I was like, I can't. This is like all internal thoughts. I was like, I cannot do what I do, talk about what I do, care about what I care about, and then go and cover my biggest insecurity up on stage.

I'm just going to fucking do it. And I'm so glad I did it. It's like another thing I've pushed through now. Do you know what I mean? But yeah, I love it. It's changed my life. How did filter drop come about? So I was, it was in the beginning of lockdown.

and you know what it was like we were all on our phones like a mental amount of time and the I just remember scrolling through my stories thinking Jesus Christ everyone just looks flawless like absolutely flawless and at this point I was still using filters but not the face changing ones that you know well I say not face changing ones they had like a grainy effect but they still do something don't they whether it's smooth or contour whatever like that and I just posted a story once and said is it not absolutely crackers that we never see real skin ever then with the amount of messages I got back I was like no yeah we actually never see real skin and there was a brand video that had been posted where there was a makeup

tutorial being done with said filter on so I contacted the brand and I'm not going to say the brand because I have actually worked with them since and they replied really sort of what's the word amicably and it was all sorted and they sort of apologize and stuff and it just grew and grew and grew to the point where I was like what is going on and it started from me saying if you feel confident enough to post a filterless selfie tag me in it with the hashtag filter drop and let's hopefully make other people feel like they can do it and it just turned from like one or two selfies a day into five ten then the hundred and then there was a filter drop selfie uploaded

every day for eight consecutive weeks which is insane and then as soon as it got picked up by BBC then that was it and you took it to the ASA yeah that was the objective that was maybe like nine months in though it was quite it was more so because I started going to the brands individually

and then I'd sought out one and then another one would pop up and then I was like hang on a minute there has to be something that we can do so I sent an email to the ASA like literally a general inquiry's email advertising standards agency just for people who aren't nerds about I actually get you so used to saying ASA thinking everyone would know what it is but yeah and they it was investigated for I think it was I want to I think it was six months you know that'd be about right yeah and then it got the ruling came out unlike the second of Feb I remember and I remember getting the email saying like

because it's so official and like lawful that I used to have to ring my best friend like could you just dissect this email because I literally don't understand and I need to reply and act like I know what I'm saying but I don't and you were actually one of the only people that knew of the investigation was in

do you remember? It was just before my face got all fucked up. Yeah. I mean I was dropping filters left right in center there. But not many people knew, well no one really knew that there was an investigation in. No.

But I remember you being one of, of them, which is so mental that I had never met and like, I trusted you to say something so big because it was like the biggest thing that's happened in my career, really. But it was, I mean, and it was, you drove something, you know, a lot of people like walk the walk with this stuff. And yeah, that is the expression. I was like, if I, it meant what it meant. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people walk the walk and sort of, you know, like, and I think picked up, it's, it's easy enough when the hashtag exists or when somebody's already driving the campaign, it's quite easy for people to jump on board. But you, you.

really did like drive that and to like take it to the ASA which now and just to put that in like layman's terms of people that now means that it's you're not allowed to advertise makeup products skincare cosmetics yeah in the UK whilst using a filter yeah like that's a huge thing I know it's so cool you know like when I get a ad come through and it's got like a clause in it do not use filters according to the ASA guideline I'm like oh my god that I like I did that it's insane or we did that because it was a huge amount of people I think that every time I see that on an ad thing. I was like, yes, that's crazy. It's like, God. That's so cool. Yeah. That really is amazing. It's mad. Like even now to think about it and like I said, like filter

drop, the root of filter drop is what I live, breathe every day online, whether that be me trying on clothes or whether it be me talking about this outfit I wore on stage, whatever it is, that's the root of what I care about. And I think like, it's like what you guys do. You can't not be successful and you can't not do well at something if it's genuinely what you're passionate about. Do you know what I mean? So when people are like, oh my God, it's amazing that that happened. I'm like, it is, but it was going to happen because that's what you wanted. Yeah. Yeah. Because I care so much about it. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that they look a certain way because they've been raised on filters. Like, I don't want them to think of themselves

looking a certain way and that that is, that is attached to their worth as a person because they look so beautiful with a filter on. Like, we could all give Haley Bieber a run for a money if we wore filters every day maybe she does my filters who knows we don't know it is mad how prevalent they are mad yeah it is better now though I do think since filter drop in our industry I've seen a massive decline in the use of filters on stories at least that you can't you can't tell on posts or videos like what's been filtered but on stories it has the little thing on the top left-hand corner doesn't it to say and I have noticed a like a decline in people using that particularly the obvious ones as well the ones that like

generate lips for you. I still see those on TikTok a lot. Yeah, TikTok is a whole other ballgame. Yeah, it's crazy. But they automatically put filters on on TikTok, don't know. Like, so when I open up to film myself on TikTok, and I'm like, they're not my eyelashes. Like, why is my skin like that?

But they're all, do you remember how fucked up the names were, like beautiful face? Your kid, or like smooth young child. Baby face, yeah. Beautify, yeah. It's actually so disgusting. What's your, I guess is more about Star sign I was like, wow

Is it unlike you are? Let me guess, Sagittarius. No, Capricorn, close, the one after. There you go. Very different signs. More of a personal question, actually. I want to know where you stand on this because I stopped using filters on my stories

but I still change, I still use filters on my posts that I post to my grid. Like I try and take yellow out of stuff and I like make it brighter, I increase the contrast. whatever. I don't know. I just... Oh, for me, that's totally different. That's like artistic creation. Do you know what I mean?

That's like coloring. My last post has got like the photo booth filter on because it like matched the vibe of the photo. Yeah. I think that's totally different like making a photo black and white or making it sepia. To me, I know that that is a filter, but you're not changing the way you look. You're enhancing a photograph in an artistic way. That's just my personal opinion. I'm saying I change like the color grade and everything. I use the bird's papaya app because she makes all the colors look stunning. Yeah, it's good. But it's very different to smoothing out your face or.

Or literally changing the structural shape of it. That's to me wild. Yeah. Because I used to use. I used to use filters on stories. But like the ones that would add like a, not a vintage effect, but more of a, like a warmer, everything would be a bit more orangey. Yeah.

But then it was like giving me a tan. And, you know, I don't know, it's messy, right? This is the line there's always something so, like, minute about those types of ones. So like, oh, it's grainy but skin smoothing. Or it's vintage but tanned. Or there's always something that makes you addicted to how you look with that on. And I just feel like a massive part of my growth with my confidence has come from acceptance just fully this. I am who I am like this is it.

Obviously, I look better with a face changing filter on. And we've been literally programmed to think that that is, you know, the ideal. That's the, like, you can't get higher than that. But I've also found so much comfort in just accepting that, yes, I can achieve that with these apps or with these filters, but it isn't the reality. It just isn't. It's the same with, like, people always say, what about makeup? What about Botox?

What about this? There's still a reality to all of those things. Have Botox, you can still see a poor, or you can still see skin movement elsewhere in the face. filters don't do that I also think when it comes to because I've defended this a lot whenever I've talked about like filters online because people do ask and I don't think it's from a malicious place they're like what's the difference then between like you say makeup or getting plastic surgery or having Botox or anything and I think the the thing we've talked about this as well Alan I've talked about like personal responsibility when it comes to

this sort of thing because actually if an individual wants to use a filter then they can do that. If an individual wants to do anything to their bodies, they can do it in anything to their image. But I think what filter drop represented and with all of this stuff, it's the false advertising, it's the lying. And it's if you're set to make money or sell something. Yeah. Using a filter or plastic surgery even or, you know, lipo or weight. I don't know any of that weight shit. Then that's where it's ethically wrong. There was two sides to it. I remember thinking there's like two sides to how I feel about what I'm projecting with filter drop one of them was that it's unfair to take money off people if you are going to promote something falsely

so that was one side of it and then the other side of it was just the awareness I just want you to realize that these filters and this editing is what's feeding like the intense insecurity that we're constantly faced with and they were like the two things there's never really been any judgment like it's like you know what you guys talk about with the Kardashians and stuff we don't know what we don't know what it's like to have that level of scrutiny about our image like i saw something come up the other day when they asked her on tv on a tv show if her dad was the same as her sisters because her sisters look different that is so like that will stay with you for life yeah yeah yeah so i'm not going to sit here and judge chloe for having every bit of plastic surgery

under the sun to look like her sisters. I totally get why she's done it. Yeah. But it was more, you know, on our level of, you know, a more sort of like normal day to day. It was just I wanted the awareness to be there. Like, I just want to let you know that this is a huge part of the problem as to why you look at yourself in the mirror and feel repulsed.

Yeah. It's like the personal responsibility element. Yeah. And like, I think we have talked about this, haven't we as well? It's like totally like with Chloe. Like the, and all of them, I mean, the amount of scrutiny is just, I can't imagine it. I don't think I'd just, I'd be walking around, like...

Blaseau, I don't care. Yeah, I think I'd be really, really stressed out and highly insecure. But when it comes to, like, her selling, or them selling, like, a tummy tea or whatever. Yeah. You know, and actually, I mean, blatantly lying about using... I know. I'm pretty sure, anyway. There's loads of blurred lines with it, isn't there?

Yeah. Yeah, it's difficult. But... But you don't have to be the Queen of Morals to talk about these, you know, like, no one going to have clear morality, I guess. It's just like we're all learning. And it's an opinionated thing, isn't it? Like someone could be sat here watching this thinking,

oh, well, I disagree. I think plastic surgery is the same as using a filter, so that's that. I can't go and change their mind on that. That's just my personal point of view with it. Yeah, that's true. We did a, we just worked out that it was early 20, 21, 21. She's glitched.

She's glitched. That was a glitch. They're going to share you as part of the Illuminati conspiracies, You know, and it was like Nellie's eye went the other day, and Katie Perry did that funny Twitchy thing. They're going to be adding Alex Light to the list. Okay, I'll try it again. We worked out, it was early 2021, that we met for the first time,

and we met, we were doing a segment for the BBC, and it was talking about whether we believe that users should be, it should say that their photos have been edited. It should carry a, a watermark or a label to say that the filter has been edited, sorry, that a photo has been edited. We both fell on the side of, we think that that's a law that should be passed. Do you still believe that now? It's really difficult because like what you just said about blurred lines, I would love for

that to be the reality. I just don't see how it's a possibility. There are so many clever things you can do with photos because you could take it right back to like well you angled it to look a certain way or you angled the camera to make you look a certain way so that could go right back to the roots of do you need to say by the way I'm actually three sizes bigger than this photo it's like where do you draw the line yeah one thing that I would love to do and it's something that I definitely learned through campaigning with field to drop I would love it if people just fucking let people live a little bit do you know what I? I mean, if you see a photo that's heavily filtered and heavily, heavily edited,

there also has to now be some sort of accountability put into place so that where you see that and you think, that's not normal, they feel a certain way that they have to do that, but I need to find my own way of accepting that I'm who I am. I get that it's hard, but it's gone so far, like there's so much to undo that we almost have to just be a bit more realistic about what is possible and what isn't. And we can't control every single thing that someone puts out on the internet,

internet so yes ideally i would love that but that's kind of how i feel do you know what i mean yeah i think i'm with you i think i i think i've shifted a bit from my standpoint on that yeah a few years ago and whenever i talk about this on online it brings so it's it's it's really divisive yeah you know and i i do wonder if it crosses over into body autonomy you know which at the time i was like well it doesn't because you can still do what you want. You just have to add an label or a disclaimer that's been edited. But I don't know. It's difficult.

It is because that watermark kind of says I'm insecure about this thing. Right. Which is adding a level of vulnerability that's like. It's very vulnerable. It's so vulnerable. And it's like I think people for the most part like and it's really hard to call it because I don't like actually know a lot of people that suit that filter their images like massively in my real life but then you know we're in quite a unique space and I just

it's really easy to throw stones and say like because I remember when I was 17 and those and um these photos I wasn't in the public eye particularly like I just have Facebook and be like a normal you know cool teenager and um an MSN and then these um daily male photos got published to me and they're literally the ugliest fucking things you've ever seen in your your life like genuinely they haught me I closed my eyes I can see them worse thing in the world and I remember being so mortified that I'd lost my um was like control yeah yeah I had no control over that image and it was like I was having an ugly day but it felt like the worst thing in the world and I realized that if I look back at that time I wasn't filtering because there wasn't really

filters at the time but we did I was uploading like photos from above like or like you remember you could go and photo booth in your Mac and like have all those like sketchy filters and like I was doing as much as I could to control the image that I put out because I was so upset by the image that was already out there. Yeah. So when I think about it like that because it's really easy now for me to sit there and be like judging everybody that filters. But actually if I think back to that time and that photo of me that I thought was my reality, I hated it so much. Yeah. That I'd have done any. anything to mask and present something better. So now I just, I feel like I have to have a lot more empathy. If I see somebody photoshopping or filtering or editing themselves, I'm like, you're doing that for a reason and like far be it for me to be like, you can't do that. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's that thing as well of like, we have to be responsible for how other people feel. It's just bollocks. Like I know that my confidence can only grow from the things that I do for myself. If you post a photo of you naked, that is not going to make me feel better about my body. It might for like a second, but like really genuinely at the root, you are not responsible for making me feel more confident. And that's how I feel everyone should have an approach. So that when, you know, it's like with this whole council culture thing, people love 90% of the things Molly May posts, right? But then she posts 10% of something that absolutely outrage them.

Do they just like penalise her for that 10%? Or do they just think, oh, well, that's annoying, but carry on, I'll enjoy the rest of it. Do you know what I mean? Life would be so much easier if that's how we, like, had an approach to things online. Could just let somebody have, I see what this in the car on the way over. So if you look hard enough, everything will piss you off. Yeah. You'll find something about your sister, about your mom, about whatever.

But on balance, in your relationships, you make it work or you don't. But online, we just spend our whole lives looking for the thing. It's like we get the thing and then we think, oh, thank God, there's the thing. I fucking hate them now. Yeah. And this is like weird. Yeah, it's like we pick up our phone and like slip into binary thinking of just like they're all good or all bad based on one, based off of one thing. Like you say like Molly May is like, you know, or whoever.

Or using one thing to one bad thing that they do. And that's the thing I think where I say we need to care less and just give everyone a bit of breathing space of stuff is because people cannot be responsible for how you feel or how they then make you feel about yourself. that all has to come from you. You can learn and you can take things and you can absorb different things but ultimately it comes down to you. Well, I wanted to ask about this actually because you lost weight before your wedding

and you talked about that and you were like, well, on a practical level, I need to get into my wedding dress and I've already bought it and I've bought it two years ago and I need to get into it. But I wanted to ask how people's reaction was to that because if we look at the binary thing again,

it's like, well, you're promoting confidence so you can't lose weight or be seen to want to or whatever. it's one of those things again there's so many like it's so nuanced the whole situation with me getting into that wedding dress um my reaction from my followers was actually really understanding i was surprised like they were so lush and they just totally got it and weight loss is one of those things isn't it where you could talk about it forever in a day and there could be an opinion off the opinion off the opinion but the reality for me in that moment was that my mom had bought

that dress for me it was a special moment it was a special moment it was a special day and the dress did have a meaning. I know not all people have that scenario with their dress, but that was my case. And I had like a lot of other people got into really unhealthy habits during COVID. No shade to myself, no judgment to myself. So there was an element of me wanting to like regain that control again and I knew that a bit of weight loss was going to be a bypass of that and it was more that I didn't want to pretend that I wasn't aware of that. Do you know what I mean? I didn't want to be like, oh, I'm just doing it for fitness, knowing full well that I was going to lose weight. I just wanted to draw attention to the fact that I probably will lose weight to get

into this dress as a byproduct of all these things that I'm doing to better my physical and fitness and all of that sort of health. And everyone was fine about it. But the one thing that I haven't spoken about is the amount of stress that my body and mind was under during that time of planning a wedding that's where I look now like I think my body is the healthiest and happiest that it's looked and felt probably my whole life and I look back at the wedding and I'm like the stress that my body was holding onto when I was trying to get into this dress I resent it a little bit do you because I'm like I don't know I mean I feel totally different about weddings anyway but I yeah I do wish that the pressure wasn't there at all to

look your best. You know, like there's this pressure that on your wedding day it's going to be the best you've ever looked and all of that. If all those pressures were taken away, I imagine that I'd be as happy and healthy as I feel and look now

or in my opinion. Do you know what I mean? It's intense. It is really intense. You do look great now. Thanks, love. You do look great now. I'm like, I've never been so balanced

with fitness. I've never been so balanced with my diet. It's just so lovely. It's a lovely place to be. You've been training though. I actually lift weights. Yeah, she's a tank. I've been so fucking jealous.

would do it as pregnancy, I'm like, we're good. Yeah, but you'll get back into it. You'll be lifting the baby like there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's changed my life though, like weight lifting, gut health and diet, which sounds like so privileged. I am very privileged that I can like even focus on it to the extent that I can. But it has been a real sort of like a calm in all of those years of dieting and yo-yoing

and hate and, um, one, like wanting and longing for a certain body type. It's felt like a blanket of calm is just like kind of. over me it's lush um weightlifting yeah by the way they say that baby babies are like a natural dumbbell yeah kettlebells they're like a twins otherwise it's gonna be really one-sided they're like it's like an organic way of like building muscle and weightlifting because they constantly get bigger and heavier oh I see it it's progression yeah progressive weights yeah love that it's progressive training I've actually seen that use as I don't know if people are joking, but I'm like, taking it back.

No, my sister's so much sense. So puny. Like, literally, she's never had like a muscle to be seen. And her baby's almost two. And she's got an actual bicep. Yeah, she's hens. Yeah, it's amazing. Love that.

But just one bicep from holding it on the side. That's the problem. Just one bice. Yeah, it's twins are the way forward, everyone. 100%. Yeah. You need to keep switching. She should have done something about that.

Yeah. So you're weightlifting. Yeah. And again, like, I've had such a horrible relationship with exercise. You know how hard I've tried to be a runner. Oh, my. Sasha's run during lockdown

genuinely it would like what did you got shuffle was it your shudged trudging and when I had my my jaw and all I wanted

was to go for a run and you'd be like Sasha be like I'm going I'm going to do it if you I didn't want to do this and it would be like

the saddest selfie I'm not trying to find them like sad as selfies as sad as what's that video she's like I hate this I hate this

I'm so cold I just hate running and I was like do it for me oh so jealous it's so weird isn't it horses for horses i know people have all different things that they love like and weightlifting for me has just become i think it's that attachment to strength and knowing that i'm getting stronger but it's the fitness that comes with it as well like i can

feel my fitness like i feel when i walk up the stairs i'm like i'm not i'm not even out of breath nailed it and that makes me feel like superior nice very lucky i'm so excited to get back on this train i'm seen honestly i'm so close now as well like i'm watching people running and lift it up but I love watching you in the gym and the progress because you shared it so honestly from like when you couldn't really lift up anything and now you're like and your progress things

like well were you dead lifting the other day was it 100 kage? Was it 100 kogy? I know. But it's like but it's so nice when you've got someone from the beginning. I am like ridiculously privileged that I'm able to even afford a PT like she's been a huge part of that. She doesn't talk about diet

shouldn't talk about calories, shouldn't talk about scales because we just, I've totally found my person in terms of like alignment with that side of stuff and I am very lucky. Yeah. And like it's a female only gym so we do female only classes. I've just fully found my groove

which is such a huge part of people enjoy an exercise and find them what they love. That's really good because I think it is actually quite difficult to find exercise independent of appearance. Well, especially when that's all you know, your whole life. Exactly. That's why I tried so hard to be a runner because in my head I was like this will make me the slimmest like a bee.

Yeah. Because that's where I got when I first lost a lot of weight and it was really sort of toxic and, you know, borderline on whatever you want to label it. I was running like seven days a week to burn off the food that I'd eaten and the food being a boiled egg and a piece of mackerel. Oh, God, sounds rank.

Oh, dark time. That sounds like acid reflexes to happen. Yeah, it was not good. I remember like a bag of popcorn was my weekend treat. Stop, your crazy cat. Oh, God. Even saying things like that just makes me. It's so sad, isn't it?

It's our generation as well, don't you think? Well, I do think we'll do it to another bunch, hopefully. Yeah, hopefully it stops with us, yeah. That's what I mean. I feel like we're so damaged from it. You will not let your kids see you. No. Do.

Oh, Christ, no. But I've been trying to work it out. It's really interesting to actually work out, like, what is best. Like, and how to make, like, treats accessible. I hate this word was there but like what do you do? Do you always have sweet food in the house so that it's not a novelty or a treat

or do you just or do you get I don't know and I like and it's really because we don't we weren't raised properly with it. It's actually we're just going to have to I mean I'm just going to have to trust my intuition and stuff when the time comes she's not going to be coming out eating digestives. You should read body happy kids. It's a really

really good book. Body happy. Is that by Molly Forbes? I love her. Yeah it's She's taught me so much about, like, because I do, I think about it as well. I'm like, what will my kids see of me? They'll see everything and I don't ever want them to hear me saying things like, oh, mommy's put on so much weight or mommy's fat, like as if fat's a bad thing. And all things like that. It's a lot to think about.

And also, there are things to consider that, like, there are going to be days where sometimes the only time you have is to either shove a pizza in the oven or let your child starve. There are going to be moments like that as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. life in it yeah definitely give them access to like all that stuff though because oh my god my mom was so like we weren't allowed sweets chocolate like our friday night treat was a glass of lemonade

like that was our like sweet thing for the week and we fully like backlash against it like the pendulum swung like totally the other way but even at a really young age I have a friend who didn't let her daughter have any processed sugar at home and it's like that's coconuts because when... Coconut ass. It is. Because when she goes to party should we off the fucking walls.

We were feral. Yeah. Well, we went to a party. Oh my fucking much. Oh my fucking much. And all of them are like, literally. When a glass of lemonade is a treat.

It actually makes me so sad. I remember getting, I remember we got a vending machine in our school and being like, if I want to have chocolate, I can go and have chocolate. And that being like, whoa. Madness.

Anyway, enough about me, sorry. No, no, no, I love it. But also, like, we are raised, aren't we, to think that a bar of chocolate is bad food, but then a piece of fruit is good food. And this just doesn't work like that. Yeah. Literally doesn't work like that. Like, we live, unless you want to go and live in the middle of a forest on your own,

you can't avoid stuff like that. Why would you? Chocolate's so nice. So good. So good. And don't hit me with the dark stuff. I like milk. I would do anything for white chocolate.

And they just don't make it for vegans. That's an interesting thing about having a baby. or the vegan thing yeah meat the meat sitch that's that is a good point what's Alex's view point

because he doesn't eat meat he does eat fish and he eats dairy I think it's hard to call but I think at home we won't cook meat because we don't cook meat but she'll eat fish

and eggs and you have to when you have a baby I have a friend that's raising her son as vegan and you have to it's so possible

to make them super healthy but it's just so much more work and you have to you have to bring in eggs every now and then in milk to check for allergens because they're like, whatever. So I think we'll just, I don't know how we've got on to this, but I think we'll cook. We won't feed, we won't cook meat at home because we don't eat meat at home. But if she eats me in my mum's house or at school or at anyone of her friends' houses, that's fine. That's completely up to her.

But we'll cook dairy and fish at home. I don't think it's one of those things you can plan for, is it? I think you just never know how you're going to feel what headspace you're going to be in. Like, do you love cooking? Do you not love cooking? She might just want some chicken nuggets sometimes. She might. Yeah.

And who am I to say? No one. I'm just not going to do that. Because she'll end up getting a 20-box share. Yeah, she'll end up being like one of the feral white sisters. Losing. We tell you, that's not a pretty sight. And sometimes a chicken nugget just does everything you need and more.

Yeah. It doesn't do it for me, but it might for her. Yeah. A corn chicken nugget? The corn crispy nuggets are so good. Where are they from? Corn. Corn.

Cool. I've never had them. It's so good. Corn Krispy Nuggets. Oh my God, they're so good. Yeah, I have had them before, but I don't know. Okay. But you eat meat, don't you? Yeah, you're so good at cooking. All your cooking looks so good. Thanks. Can we talk about modelling quickly? Yeah, sure. You are a model.

Well, I'm not actually signed at the moment. Are you not? Okay. No, I'm not signed at the moment. I, um, it's complicated because I think when curve modeling came into the forefront, it was like, oh my God, this is so, amazing and so inclusive but actually there are just as many requirements to be a successful curve model as there is to be a successful straight model so I'm only 5-7 and the standard for curve is 510 so I'm technically not tall enough to tick the curve model boxes there are agencies representing all shapes and sizes for sure but it's still not where it should be really when

filter drop happened and that then raised my name attached to that it became quite difficult in terms of, you know, if a model gets put forward for like a gastric band job and I'm that model, I can't then go to that job. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it became a little bit muddy. Um, but I did apply for the good American squad. When did that happen? Not that long ago. Just sent in for the open casting and I got a recall, which was sick. That's like the first modelling thing I've done for a while. And they're very much sort of, um, I just said to, I think I said to my friend I was like, can just imagine me around like Chloe's pool

with my like, oh I got ass out. Like it would just be so fun. I would die. I'd just part of me that would love it. Yeah. But I haven't heard back so I don't know. But yeah, it's amazing the way that the industry's changing but at the moment I'm sort of

either waiting for the right agency or just sort of seeing where everything goes as is. It's so, I still find it so interesting that curve modelling is a separate thing. It is a separate thing and also has specific set of requirements as well. See, I'm not in proportion really. I don't have big boobs, small waist, big hips. I have big hips, small waist, little boobs, a bit of a tummy.

But then the curves go in and out as well. So I don't tick the boxes of tall, big bust, small waist, flat stomach, big ass in all the right places. So there's just as many things to. fit into as there is if you're straight-sor which is crazy kind of defeats the whole object of acceptance of curve modelling and even having to say I'm a curve model because I didn't want people to look at me and think what the fact do you model then like McDonald's that would be fun to be fair to hit me up with me yeah big nugsuit I'd enjoy that I'd really enjoy modeling for McDonald's as well so yeah I've I've loved it but it's just

I've got to kind of find my find what works for me in that industry I think because it's still got a long way to go that's a hard thing to do if you don't have confidence you know like because you have been on such a confidence journey with you know with you're like

yeah I feel like I'm insulting you when I say amateur dramatics it does feel like I'm undermining it with your stardom you know better kid energy yeah um jazz hairs um but like the modeling I think it's probably

one of the bravest things in the whole world like modeling in karaoke there's two things I'm just like you just really should back yourself yeah yeah you do I don't know if it's about confidence of backing yourself I think it's about having that ability to just not care

and that's one thing that I've definitely noticed with my confidence journey is that it's like you know when I'm in that situation I'm thinking can I go on stage and skin tight can I not I kind of like have this internal dialogue with myself from thinking So if I cover up, what's it going to do? And if I don't cover up, what's it going to do?

Like, people will say something or think something, regardless of those two options I do, but what will make me feel better? And that is to push myself out of my comfort zone and hope that if there's one person in that audience that has a bit of a stomach or a bit of something, that they look at me and think, oh, fucking fair play, if she's done it, I can do it. Do you know what I mean? So I don't think it's about all the time just like having the confidence. It's like I don't necessarily, well, I don't wake up every day and be like, I'm amazing.

It's more that I, it's more that I wake up and think, I don't care if you think I'm not, you know? I think that's what translates really well in your fashion stuff, like to go back to the super fashion reels. But like, I mean, the one that went super viral of yours was when you held up the, have you seen it? It's so fucking funny. She holds up the skin's body suit. It's like tight, it's like that. And then I stretch it over my ass and it actually is so nice. Yeah, they're unreal.

Yeah, I did a workout, but it's so nice. Yeah, the skims on. That's lovely for people to see, like, when you do these videos, because you do them on YouTube and then put the clips on TikTok and Instagram as well. But like, for people to really watch someone getting dressed and it's not like, I'm so sick of seeing people getting, doing the getting ready in the morning. Oh, the little cute hip thing that they do.

Oh, could never be me. I love it for them, but it could never be me. It's like a little bounce where the thing, where the jeans perfectly sits over their hips and they literally i'm like fling myself back like if someone wants to crater me in and then i'll do the zipper up it could never be me that's my favorite and it's like you get like you get sasha's like a whole monologue when she's like holding the finger and she's like no surely not it's just like these are all the thoughts that i have when i try on clothes it's just like the most relatable it's relatable content what can i say it is also so genuine though

because like where I was so much bigger and I was always chubby when I was younger, my default was to just cover up with huge baggy clothes. And that will always be an element of comfort for me. Like, it's just that's who I am. But this has definitely come from where I've accepted my body and sometimes love my body. I'm like, oh, well, maybe I should try different clothes

because that might make, that might complement that confidence or that growth or whatever. But yeah, I've got a long way to go with parent stuff. I mean, sometimes my best friend will message me. she's like, I just can't. I just don't know what was going through your head. You've worn some horrible outfits. Horrendous.

Horrible. Did you see the brick red leather trousers? She sent me a screenshot and she just wrote Blood clot. It's a dog walking one for me. I live for them. I live for your little boots. I don't try to look cute on a dog walk, which is probably where I go wrong.

No, neither. Never. Can't. They're not cute. Well, thank you so much. No, thank you. For coming today. I love that we had no idea

what we're going to chat about and we've spoken about like... Everything. Chicken nuggets and... Yeah. If McDonald's don't call you... Sasha, we've got a suit. Five foot seven, you say?

It was 100 kilograms. Because we know you can lift it. We know you can lift it. 100 kG of nuggets. Oh my God. Just on the karaoke thing, if you had to say one karaoke song, what would it be?

What's the karaoke song? Any man of mine, Shania Twain. She did not doubt... See? I'm trying to think what that is. She didn't even take a beat. No, I'm not singing on this podcast. Like, absolutely not.

Any fan of mine voice? Do you know what I was? No, I just really know she likes Shania Twain. I do. It's not really like. I'm obsessed with her. Come on, sing a sister. No, I'm not doing it.

I literally refuse. But how quickly did she have that in her back pocket? If you asked me to do karaoke song, it would take me about 45 minutes to choose one. Yeah, I don't know. Which is exactly why, one of a few reasons why I'd never go for modeling campaign. But the fact that you just know it means that you could just do

karaoke before. I'm not talking about karaoke. But I genuinely think in the right environment you would have the time of your life. What's the right environment? Because I think of so many bad ones. Me, Alex, Alex, you, baby girls being looked after by babysitter. I don't think I could go to karaoke with this Alex.

Why? I just don't think it would be good for my friendship. I just don't think it would be good. Because I don't shy. I know, I just don't think you'd be kind. I'd be so kind. Thank you so much for coming. Thanks, thank you so much.

We'll drop your handle in the show. Thank you. I was so much. See you at the Panto. See you at the Panto. I meant why meant. Thanks for coming on. It meant more than it meant. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.