Should I Delete That? - Em's Pregnancy (!!), Hyperemesis and the Awkward to End All Awkwards

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

In this week's episode, the girls are in their brand new studio ready to discuss what's been happening with Em over the past few months. She's been growing another baby! As you are probably aware from her last pregnancy, Em suffers with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG), a debilitating, chronic condition caused by a reaction to a particular pregnancy hormone which causes severe nausea, vomiting and dehydration and, in Em's case, can last an entire pregnancy. Em details her experience with HG, the internet's reaction to her announcement and the inevitable, horrendous trolls that emerge when she chose to be vulnerable. To top off the conversation, Em shares the awkward to end all awkwards that she's been holding on to for well over a week now...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi. Hello. Hello and welcome back to you. Should I delete that? I'm Em Clarkson. I'm Alex Light. And we're alone today. Because I'm pregnant.

Big news to talk about. We, yeah, we, we, we, we're going to talk about me. I can tell you feel uncomfortable already. I feel uncomfortable. I feel awkward. I feel like I've talked about myself so much over the last few days. But yeah. Congratulations. Thanks so much. Yeah, like you haven't known for ages. Thanks ever so much. I can now wretch in public. Excellent. I know. Talk us through. Catch us up. Catch us up. Catch everyone up. Well, there'll be so many questions. There are so many questions. Yeah. Where did we start? I'm going to answer the top question. Did I run under Marathon pregnant?

Which literally had so many comments on Instagram. Being like, oh, my. God, does this mean? It does. I did. But I didn't know. I found out. Well, I knew when I started running, I thought, I feel funny. And I just, I don't know, I had a feeling. And then I was like, yeah, I did. You know, when you have a little thing in your head and then you're like, oh, my God, I'm sure. And then I said, no, I don't want to get too excited. Like, I don't want to get too excited and then be wrong. So I got home after running the marathon. By the end of the marathon, I was 100% sure because I was so breathless. Really? Yeah, because like the progesterone. I was so breathless and I actually went to the GP about it because I couldn't when I finished marathon I

couldn't catch my breath and I didn't know if it was panic I didn't know if it was hay fever and I sat down with my mum and my sister and I just can't breathe it was so weird and I don't really get hay fever but like I don't know it's so weird and then I do get quite asthmary occasionally with my debt that's why I don't have dairy and stuff you know it ain't easy being wheezy so I just I figured it was that and then um I went to my GP and I spoke to her And, yeah, because, well, I came home from the marathon, sure that I was pregnant, took a pregnancy test, and it was negative. And I was like, oh, what?

And then I thought, well, of course it's negative. I've drunk so much water, had so many electrolytes. Yeah. Like, this is not the day to, and it was earlier. I was like, this is not the day to find out. And then I went to the GP because I was like, well, if I'm not pregnant, then why can't I breathe? And she was like, well, it must be asthma or whatever.

And I said, well, I could be pregnant. She's like, well, yeah, okay. And then I took another pregnancy test on the next day. That was fair. you were pregnant. Yeah, so fun. How many weeks were you then? I don't know, a few. Okay. But it was before my pregnant, critically, it was before my pregnancy symptoms started. Like, I didn't, like any, I didn't want the miscommunication to be actually run a marathon with HG. I did not. I did not have HG at the time of the marathon. I felt absolutely fine.

You'd actually just die if you had to do that. Like, it's just not possible. I sit, I, I, I can't walk. Like, there's no way. I tried to keep running at the beginning of the pregnancy this time, because I was like this time I'm going to do it because I didn't do it with Arlo like I'm going to run and I managed it until week six and I filmed myself actually on my runs but I threw up on two of them and then on week six I tried to go for one

and I just burst into tears because my lovely friend Lucky is pregnant, super pregnant. She's part to have her baby and she's been running the whole way through and it's been so proud of her and I'm so happy for her and I kept thinking I was like I want this to be me

like I want this to be me and then I was six weeks and I was just like it's not going to be me. This is not my story. So I'm obviously not running. I think I feel like surviving is the priority right now. Like I feel like you can put running to one side. I agree. Running can come back. Well, running can come back. You know your whole life are running to come back. And I know I can do my like I know I can do the rebuild and like I'm still holding out. I'm really holding out hope that I'm going to get to a point in this pregnancy where I could go for a

run. Yeah. That's my dream. It's just like that I, because HG last time lasted till the end. wasn't as severe as it is this time, whereas it's been very severe. And it was very severe at the beginning. And it's still not great now, but it's not as bad as it was. Well, actually, I'm going to explain HG for anyone who doesn't know what it is because I keep getting comments saying what's HG. It stands for hyper-emesis gravidium. And it's basically, that's a medical term for like chronic and persistent sickness in pregnancy that causes dehydration and weight loss. So it's, I mean, it's horrible. It's really horrible. But it does affect to up to as many as 2% of pregnant women,

which I said this to my dad and he's like, that's actually quite a lot. And yeah, it's not massively known. I know so many like women who were not diagnosed with it, who weren't taken seriously. I've been really lucky both times. I think it's much more common in second pregnancies

for it to be treated much more effectively because you know it's coming. You're able to advocate for yourself better, but you're also going to have, your notes will show that it's happened before so you go on treatment much quicker which I did this time last time with Arlo I was it's hard to compare them because I was really resistant to medication with her yeah because I just I was so scared and I was prescribed cyclone which is first line it's like not very strong and I was prescribed that and I thought

I don't want to like it's not natural like I I don't know I'm so scared I'll ride through it I'll push through it and no one had said a high premises to me I'd just been given this like pill for how sick I was being. And then I went for my 12-week scan when I was 11 weeks, I think. And the lady there said, hypermissus, and it was the first time I heard it. She was like, why are you fighting?

Because I was so ill in the appointment. She's like, why are you fighting this? Take the pills. I was like, that's good logic. I like it. So I started cycling, which was like first time. And it kind of abetted it and like got me through and I was fine.

I wasn't fine, but I was better until 27 weeks pregnant and that's when I got really sick with Arlo out of nowhere kind of like first of December maybe more than 27 weeks anyway I remember it's first December because it's my friend's birthday and it just came like crazy back and I was in the third trimester by then

and then I went on on Danceron which is the second line medication which there are like associated I could talk about this forever I could talk about how differently this illness would be treated if men suffered with it yeah um but there's not been a lot of research into undansetron and has it has now but there hadn't been and i think there was quite a lot of scare mongering about about it so they basically

were saying that like if you if you google it they there there was some evidence to show that there was associated risks in early pregnancy with undansetron and heart defects and with a cleft palette which i was like well if it's a cleft palate that's no biggie but actually it can be a biggie like it's more than a cleft lip like a cleft palate can be a problem anyway didn't that wasn't something i had to consider in the first pregnancy because i was never going to take on danceron early on because i didn't whatever i wasn't that i didn't need it this time at like week six or seven it was it came on so i was put on i was put on it straight away yeah and i was resistant initially and i was put on a smaller dosage i was put on a four milligram dosage three times a day

and i was a bit resistant and then i spoke to a doctor about it and he was just like to put it bluntly, they don't really have a choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, when I did much more reading about it, everything's been discredited. There was an additional, like, 1% cleft. Heart defect was completely debunked. Right.

But the cleft palate, and I'll get my stats wrong, but it's basically, they were like, there's like an extra 1% of births with cleft palettes, but they might account for the births that wouldn't have happened, had on Dantanatron not happened. Because some people, pregnancies can't survive and a lot of women with HG choose to terminate their pregnancies will make the impossible choice to terminate the pregnancies because they can't

do it so that that might be the the reason anyway so I didn't fight him for very you you had to you had to take it so you've got to I started it on the tour didn't I yeah you did yeah and I went up a dose on the tour because I think I just started it smaller dose and then it wasn't working enough touching the sides yeah And then it's been, I think it definitely peaked it for me now, peaked at week 11, which is exactly what the doctor said it would do. Okay. And I haven't been hospitalized since then.

So. Are you feeling any better? Like, yeah, I mean, you know, I'm out of bed. Like, the tour, I can't remember how pregnant I was specifically on the tour, but about nine, between nine and 11 weeks maybe. Yeah. 10 and 12. You were just sick.

You were really sick. And when we got back from the tour, maybe it was early. 11 weeks actually I think it was maybe like 8 and 10 whatever anyway but when I got back from the tour I couldn't get out of bed for days I think I did two weeks in bed pretty much consistently um absolutely brutal yeah it was really bad and then I went to hospital I think we got home from the tour we got home from the first bit with Glasgow on Wednesday and I got off the flight and I picked up Arlo and I nearly collapsed and as I picked her up I was like I'm going down and it was like this isn't great so I went straight from the hospital to the hospital sorry straight from the airport to

hospital. Yeah. Well, the cab driver wouldn't take me because we had a pre-booked cab. And we were like, can we go home? And then we're like, actually, we need to go to the A&E. And he was like, it's the other side of your house. Like, it's further than you've booked. I was like, are you kidding?

Like, please. So he dropped me off at home then I'd get another cab. That's very annoying. It's so British. So inconvenient. And it's so funny because when I got to the hospital, one of the nurses was like, you were on tour. And I was like, oh, no, right.

Hello. That's so funny. So nice, yeah. You're like, yeah, kind of. Sort of, yeah. We'll be getting a few days. And that was on the Wednesday. And then we went again on the Sunday.

And then I was the following Saturday. I was back in the hospital again. Honestly, bravo to you for doing it. I couldn't have, I wouldn't have done it. Like I just, I would have done. We also didn't really have the insurance not too. Yeah, we kind of. We didn't tell the insurance that I was pregnant because I didn't know when we did it all.

I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but when we agreed it for. No one asked, so I didn't tell anyone. And then it was when I told the promoter on like the first day, I was like, I'm really sick. We just saw her face full. Yeah, I was like, because I'm pregnant. She just looked devastated. I know.

She went super quiet. I was like, oh. And then she was like, I don't think, I think we have to tell the insurance. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. She's not. She's not pregnant. Shh. So they did feel like on the couple of levels, I don't want to let people down because we know the commitment.

So many people like, you know, made. to get to the shows and stuff. And we really didn't want to post that. And I also just kind of thought, if it's like last time, it's not going anywhere. So, and I can't just, like, not live my life. Like, I just have to do this. And it was, like, it was fun.

Yeah, it was really fun. And I wouldn't have changed it. Are you sure? Yeah. Sorry, now you can hear the guy. I was going to say the great thing is, is now that Anne can, like, Daisy doesn't have to cut out all the gags.

She can gag in peace. Dave, Dave, Daisy can probably, like, spot the gag as a ways like... Daisy's a pregnancy test. She can literally just see. Spot the gag. So bad. It's so disgusting.

No, it's been, it's been, it's been, it's been really rough and horrible. And I know that you wanted to speak about HG on Instagram. Yeah. You wanted to talk about it because I remember speaking to you when we're on the tour and I was like, look at this girl. She's got HD or she had HG. And you were like desperately seeking out people who were talking. Talks about it.

Yeah, Amy Neville, yeah. And you were trying to find out people who had spoken about it just to feel less alone and like read other people's experiences with it. So I know that you wanted to do that and like be that for other people once you'd announce the pregnancy and you did. Yeah. I'll genuinely, I mean like to cry, like, and I'm so emotional about it anyway because I do just feel like it's so unfair for this baby.

It was unfair for all it. It feels more unfair for this baby because I feel like I have overshadowed the announcement. with the talk of being sick, which I don't like because I don't want that to be all that this is. But I can't, I really, really want to be careful not to pretend it's not happening because I can't. And it is such a big part of this pregnancy. And like I need to stress it in like a million ways. Like I'm so happy. Like I'm, I couldn't be happier.

Like we're having another little girl. Absolutely delighted. Like it's all we want. I want more than two kids. Like we, and I don't know if it's going to be possible for me. you know we've talked about that but like I would we really you know Alex and I wanted well he wanted four kids we were debating that because I'm the one that's got to make them but you know I didn't want to rule out and I and I feel really strongly that I don't want HG to rule out you know my family

like I don't want an illness to mean that I can't have the family that I want so I'm like I'm terrified my mom keeps being like what the fuck because I'm like yeah I'll do it again I want to do it again after the hits which is nuts but I really want at least three kids, so yeah, I don't know. So I can't stress that enough that it's like, it's really, really wanted. And I do feel bad for this baby. And I feel like, I don't feel like you have to make that disclaimer. You don't.

No, I feel like, I know that it's two completely separate things. And that this doesn't overshadow the joy that you feel for expecting again and having another little girl. It's completely separate. Like, it's not her. She's not like. it's not your fault. I mean, technically it is. It was my idea. Like, she didn't ask.

Exactly. Yeah. She was... And I knew what I was getting in for. Arlo, we could be like, okay, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We went into this, both eyes open. But it is two completely separate entities is like you being pregnant and you being really sick. You expanding your family and you being really sick. I don't think you have to make that disclaimer. I don't think it has ever once come across that you're not grateful or just over the moon about this pregnancy. And I honestly just don't think you have. have to worry about that and you being sick and telling people that you are sick did not in any

way overshadow the announcement. I hope so. It's completely separate. I hope so. I promise you. It's a stupid thing that's like that's the like that's how, because I do feel like, because I mean you do and it's like this is why I want to talk about this time because it's just like HG swap that out for anything else, swap that out for endometriose, swap it out for PMDD, swap it out for menopause any of these conditions that affect women are so taboo to talk about and they are so not taking seriously they're so invalidated because you have to say as part of it but I'm so grateful and I'm so lucky and right right and I'm all of these other things and and and and you have to caveat it to the point where you just think you just tell yourself in knots and you just think well

I can't there's no I can't even talk about it right so I feel like whilst yes I am talking about I feel on a wider scale that I'm talking about so many medical that I'm campaigning or like, I don't know, the thing that inside me that feels really like keen to do this is that and I can't say that I'm like I'm being taken very seriously medically. I don't feel like I'm being under like that's amazing and I'm but I'm lucky and I know how lucky I am and I feel like the societal conversation rather than from my personal experience is what I find quite troubling that there's so much of women's health that you just considered like overreacting for talking about.

And, okay, yes, for all of those, those like the, you know, women's conditions like endometriosis, PGMD and stuff like that. But also with pregnancy, there's an added layer of like doctors don't want to touch anything to do with pregnancy. It's like drugs aren't tested on pregnant people because you can't really test on pregnant women. So there's that as well. an added layer. When you were pregnant, pregnant with your acid reflux. Yeah. And I actually

started taking ameprosol that like antacid for it because I just couldn't like I was sick of sleeping upright like on the couch. I was just sick of it. Like a vampire. So I was like, I'm just going to take it. And then when I put my prescription in the doctor, GP rang me and was like, why are you taking meprazol? You're pregnant. So then like luckily my uncle, my uncle, my cousin, luckily my cousin is a gastroenterologist. And I was like, I'm at my wits. like I've got to do something and he was like take him up as all yeah it's fine don't listen to me like obviously seek your own doctor's advice but like there's just so much misinformation and also that my GP was just like blanket no blanket no but like take some gaviscon I'm like you don't

understand gaviscon doesn't do anything like I'm ill people keep saying that she's hit or to have a ginger biscuit and again like I can't stress how well I've been treated like I've been really lucky I had one nurse who was a little bit insensitive initially when I was having my having the drip put in for the first time but otherwise it's been amazing

but I hear and I mean amazing in that it's been there's been no like oh it's morning sickness like it's been I was admitted with hyperamysis like I was treated for hyperamesis and it was like and the medication wasn't withheld they were injecting it in my legs like it was much more

it was taken really seriously on that front so I don't want to like undermine that but I think the amount of women who don't like who keep saying to me I keep going to DM to people being oh I didn't think I like like I didn't have HG but I did throw up every day during pregnancy for the whole nine months and I lost a stone I'm like well then you had HG you just weren't diagnosed with it yeah sure and that's a really sad thing is the amount of women who are trying to advocate for themselves why would you want to go on a like this is what I don't understand it's like there's this kind of attitude that like women are like really like trying to treat the system and get themselves on the drugs and it's like it's not morphine

like we're not trying to get like crack out of you we're trying to get chemo grade anti-emetics why else would you want this if you didn't desperately the one side of the way that the research dictates actually might not be the best thing for the baby we would only do that out of desperation so why invalidate and ignore that there's also the element of like we're just expected to suffer during pregnancy we're expected to suffer with this most things that come down to our like reproductive system but with pregnancy we are just expected to suffer and you think you go with it you know with a symptom and they're like it's just pregnancy or like you're sick oh it's pregnancy like pregnant you know you get sick during pregnancy it's like no

this is yeah morning sickness is brutal but also people I don't like when people say oh I just have morning sickness and and but my you know so my boss didn't take it and it's like no no no like there's no just about it if and I'm sorry to say it but if men start the working day throwing up, someone would worry. But for women, it's like, shush, shh, shh. Yeah, you're good. And you're suffer in silence. Don't tell anyone. 12 weeks, nine weeks. Don't moan. Yeah. Like, suffer in silence. Why else does the 12 week rule exist if not to have women suffering in silence? Right. High premises and morning sickness, all the worst first, and all other first trimester, like the worst first trimester pregnancy symptoms all exist in the first trimester which is the period that women are

told not to tell anyone literally that translates to suffer in silence and it's wild like it's wild crazy it upsets me so much it's like the amount of my friends i've spoken to and not just with hg but like well they're like oh i'm asleep i've been asleep in the office lose because i just can't make it through the day and it's like and no one's going to let you go home are they that friend was horrendous yeah it's horrendous it's mad it's mad but that's why i think it was because i know you felt vulnerable about doing the post about about about hd i know you felt vulnerable and like you were exposed by doing it but i think it's such a good thing that you did it and it will i mean two out of 100 people that is a lot of people it's a lot of pregnant people yeah yeah that is a lot

of people it is yeah well even when i shared your post i had so many people in my dms being like oh my God, no, I've had thousands. I've genuinely had thousands. I can imagine. And if you've sent me one and I haven't replied to you, I'm really sorry. Like, this is the first in my life where I'm like, no, I need to reply to it because you're right and I'll cry again. But like, you crave. Like, it is genuinely. I can't say it. I can't explain it to people. You can't explain it. And then all of a sudden there are these people who just get it. And like I was, I have been as close to depression as I have ever been the last few weeks even though objectively my life is amazing it's such a bleakness that you just think i can't i'm not who i am like i'm not who i am and like i'm it's stupid things but

i can't like i can't do a whole day looking after arlo i'm not well enough to make it through a whole day like you know fridays and like em like mom and arlo day it's like there are days we go gymnastics and we go out for lunch and like you know it's like it's my favorite time of my life and i haven't been able to do that with her and you feel like such shit because you probably prioritize you know you have to allocate your energy and I have to allocate it to work and then it's like but then it's not for her and you just and the guilt and you sit and you're so lonely with it because when I have to take myself off when I'm ill so it's so bleak and I'm crying but when you have to take yourself off which I have had to do and just go and lie in bed or lie on the sofa because I physically can't

stand up anymore because I'm like completely empty you can hear your family having fun and you can and your head goes horrible places you just think well they don't need me no one needs me like they're better they look how much better off they are without me like because I can't do it and and and you just think if you're a mum and you know you're pregnant and all those hormones are making you like extra mummy and you just can't do it and you just I've honestly I've had some of the lowest days of my life over the last few months because you just feel like such a failure and you just feel so guilty and it's horrible and I've sat I sat in the park a few weeks ago near our house by myself and I just like I I must have looked like an absolute

lunatic. Like I was bawling crying like the grass up crying. Oh God. Like I was stuck in despair. Like watching everyone around me just live and I was like and I just can't do it. And the worst fucking thing is it's going to happen again tomorrow and again until fucking Christmas and look how green everything is.

I've got such a long way to know. Oh my God. The park is going to be ruined by the end of this year. No grass. All torn up. but I was so lonely and you're right about the craving of connection and I was going through I was going through Amy Neville's Instagram like months back you know she's not been pregnant for ages and I was going back to see her post Chessie King's post my own posts from last time I had HG um Susie Veryl's done them and then there's an amazing group called the pregnancy sickness support group and they've got a website and they have a helpline and I like dialed the help line

and I was sitting in the park I was like no you don't need a helpline pull yourself to together just go and talk to your husband but i was and i was like no i don't do this don't ring a helpline from a park and i don't know why i was really rude to myself but you should have done the thing is the thing is i should have done but i actually the thing that i'm really really really lucky to have is my friend sophy because sophy yeah who had her daughter delilah two days after arlo had hypermises with both her babies okay so i have a really good friend yeah who has been there and i just understand just get so i did what i would I was called. Well, I would have been calling pregnancy sickness support for. I could have just

wrong Sophie. And I did ring Sophie in there. So that's okay. That's why I didn't ring them. But for anyone who doesn't have a Sophie, then that's who you need to call. Because that struck me what you said, like you were craving, craving connection and like craving to just talk to someone and someone. And then suddenly you spoke about it and then all these people who just get it. Because no one in your life. No. Not Alex. You're like, no. No one, none of us, we don't understand, we don't get it. Like, we can empathize like as much as possible, but truly we don't understand what it, what it is like.

So it must be so nice now you've got like this network. Yeah, see, it's not the sickness that I find hard. I don't like throwing up, but I can handle it and whatever. And it's not even feeling nauseous or don't really care about that. It's the, it's how low you get. And actually, my dad's girlfriend said it. And I was like, such an obvious thing when she said it. I was like, I just, I said, I'm just really low.

And she went, well, of course you are. You can't do anything you like. doing and you can't eat anything delicious like the course you're low and i was like well when you say it like that it's like the most obvious thing in the world and i can't escape from it like i i can't i used to run you can sit with friends you can have a pizza there's stuff you can do to escape your problems and you can do to escape your bad mental health and and i just can't escape it there's nowhere for me to i mean i'm coloring in like nobody's business but my brain's bloody busy when I'm doing that good. You're a piece of shit mother. Look at you doing your

colouring while your babies don't by yourself. Like, and that's, it's not the creative outlet that I need. But I, I can't, and I can't throw myself into anything. I can't run. I can't throw myself into work. I can't throw myself into my friendships. And, and you make yourself so lonely. You're going to end up colouring the walls, aren't you? I'm going to be coloring everything. It's so bad. You could do all those room. That'd be so cool. Yeah, sorry. I could. But then I wouldn't have the bloody energy for that. And then I'd feel like a waste of space failure for not finishing the bedroom. You get like a quarterways where I'm done.

Pretty much. Oh God, it's so, yeah. It's just, it's the, I mean, I suppose it, I don't think I, I don't think it's, I don't think it's, I mean, I don't know if it's depression. I don't think it's depression. Well, it's probably circumstantial depression. I mean, almost definitely has to be circumstantial depression because like, like she's, like your dad's girlfriend said, like Lisa said, to not be able to do anything you want to do, to be able to like, to, like, nurture the relationships like the most important relationships in your life to nurture them the way

you want to it's gonna it's it's gonna be hard your shit wife you're a shit friend like you just you shit stuff like you don't have the capacity no i know but it's like and i said that to soph and she said she sent me a message back and it was just like and i've literally i nearly said it's my background and she's like this is it's not who you are like this is what hd does to you but it's like we had georgie's birthday and i had to make sure there were other people there because i was like i won't be good enough. I haven't got the energy to be good enough. And then when it was Alex's birthday, I had to have Georgie back over. I was like, come and be me. I've got to pull in all the other wives to come and like Sarah and Sarah and Georgie coming over to give him a good

birthday. Upset that I wasn't invited as one of the wives. Would you have come? You're a work wife that you're a daytime wife. You keep him busy enough during the days when I'm in bed. That's true. That's true. They can keep him busy at night. I'm so depressing. I just, yeah. And I'm a shit friend and that's hard. I gave everything for Ellie's hen, like my best friend's hen. Well done. Well done. Before I got pregnant with... That was a big feat. Before I got pregnant with Ollo, I had this massive panic. The only panic I had about not wanting babies, not wanting babies, but not knowing if I was ready for babies, I kept thinking, what if I'm a shit friend? Like, what if I become one of those? This is my internalised misogyny, but what if I become one of those women? Only talks about

the baby. Obviously, you become one of those because you're a mother now. What's the problem with that. But I had this like, oh, I'll be a bad friend or whatever. So I made two promises to myself. I was like, because Elliot, both my bridesmaids, not my sister, because who knows what she'll get up to. But Ellie and Sarah are married. And I said, I was like, I, if they have them, like, I need, no matter how many kids I've got, I'm going to give them the best hendos because that's what they gave me. And I want to give them everything for their weddings because that's like, what that gave me, what they gave me. So I've had like Ellie's handoo in my head for like years. And it was epic. It was amazing. But she was so sweet,

But at the beginning, she sent me a message and she was like, I'm not expecting you to come. I know, I know how rough this can be and this is and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, do I'll be there. And boy was I, I was popping skittles on the dance floor of pop world. I threw up all my dinner. You stayed out till the end of the pop world. Stayed out until 2.45 in the morning.

245? 2.45. Wow. Eating skittles, like, saddest thing in the world. It's like on this corner of the dance foot, they're all doing Yeager shots. And I was like, one skittle at a time, just for the energy, just for the blood sugar. Also, Yeager is. not something you need to smell when you're feeling sick.

I don't breathe through my nose anymore as standard. I just breathe through my mouth now. I just breathe through my mouth now. It's too risky. It's too risky. No, I'm proud of you for that. That was really cool. Well done.

But I genuinely, I think I've been recovering. Like, when I got to the odd man, I was like, my mum is like, you're literally the colour of the dog, the yellow one. I lay on the sofa for like three days. I was like, which dog? Which dog are we talking? Yeah, the really like echo who's like, super old and white and gray now she's like you look like echo i was like brilliant she's 14

she's a 14 year old labrador what's that in human years i'm 98 or something yeah she's ancient i was like oh good that was what i was aiming for yeah that's what i was going for this morning this is my echo oh well it's been rough getting through it it's been rough i mean because my instinct is to be like once this is over like in a year's time you've This will be like, this will be a dot in the back of the wing mirror. Yeah, like a dot. I love it when you do car analogy. I know, I know.

That's why I couldn't think of it. A dot in the back of the wing mirror. No, not ring mirror, rearview mirror. Review mirror. Sorry. Throw in shade at you and I'm even going to write myself. How embarrassing. Bad.

Sorry. And it is such a, in the grand scheme of things, it's a small period in your life. But that doesn't really help when you're in it. And I know that. Like, it doesn't really help. It really does. It really does. Okay, good.

You have to have, you have to have perspective. And truthfully, that's what I didn't have with Arlo because I didn't, well, yeah. No. This is a, this is a really hard thing to say out loud, but I think Arlo will forgive me. All I knew of her was sickness. Right. I only knew her when I was pregnant in the context of how she made me feel.

Right. And I couldn't imagine myself as a mother feeling any other way because my entire association of this baby was feeling horrific. And I think that was a part of why I had such a panic about her being born because I just think I'm not going to be able to do this because I can't, how am I going to look after a person when I literally can't look after myself? Whereas this time, I know the second the placenta is out like that,

you are cured. And I remember last time because I had an emergency C-section and they didn't want me to eat afterwards. I can't remember what time she was born like two in the afternoon or something. But I hadn't eaten because I've been in labor, still throwing up, I might add, in labour and I hadn't eaten from, I mean I had nothing in me but anyway because I've been being so sick

but I hadn't been allowed, I've been nil by mouth including water from midnight I've had a drip in and because I was still being sick which is your normal, it's normal when you've got aged to not eat and to be so dehydrated and so weak but then the second the placenta was gone I was like, I'm starving and I said to the because the surgeon I was like I need to have I need to eat

I need a pretzel and I need it now And I was like, no, you need to, I need you to wait like six hours because you might be sick. I was like that, my friend is the least if I'm sick I can handle. Starvation, I cannot. And so, yeah, I ate so much. And I was just better immediately. Which is why I was so happy when all I was better.

It's mad, isn't it? Have they not worked out what the specific hormone is? Literally last year, they think they've detected the specific hormone and the, and women's, some women's reaction to it. that that research will completely change if it's followed through with any haste which it's women's science so who knows probably not if it's pushed through with any haste it will completely revolutionise pregnancies for people with hg but as far as i understand it the treatment that they're trialing is you'd take it preemptively so you would take it i think like for the year

before or whatever you knew you wanted to have a baby so for me if i mean it's not going to happen unless I get myself done on a trial because they won't have it through in time it takes years and years and years. So I don't think it's going to happen for me but they do say the age G's hereditary can run in families so there's a chance that Arlo and her sister

might end up with it or my sister so hopefully in time for them. Olo and her sister. That's so cute. I know. I know. It's so exciting.

Two little girls. I know. She says hello to the baby every morning and she kisses my tummy. Stop it. That's so cute. She's coming a little rock. We've got something, it's really hard to explain to a toddler.

She just wants to stand on your belly. Pretty much. Like, baby, I'm like, sort of, yeah. It's really cute. She's going to be such a cute little big sister. Just saying what she's like with Tommy. I know. She was like just desperate to kiss him all the time, kiss him and hug him.

So sweet. And Alex's got her a little buggy. Boy, Alex got her a little buggy recently. And she pushes her own baby around in there the whole time When she, every time she eats anything, she gives a bit to baby. You can always tell when she's giving it to baby because she goes, num, num, numb, num. She gives her a bit of that, poor, gives a bit of milk, gives a bit of the baby bell. Poor baby is just cramful.

Oh, that's so sweet. I'm so pretty. Baby's like vomiting. I'm going to have some issues when the new one arrives. Like, no, not the carrot, batons. Yeah, she's going to be the best. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. It's going to be, it's going to be wonderful.

I know. I just wish I was having a normal, we can't do that, but I just, I want to enjoy being pregnant so bad. I know, but you're not, you don't enjoy it because how could you enjoy it? I mean, I do, like, when you feel the little flutters and stuff, like, oh, it's so amazing. There's amazing moments, but it's okay to like not enjoy. pregnancy you think 100% yeah 100% like my pregnancy was nowhere near as bad as your experience nowhere near but I hated being pregnant yeah hated it it's awful it's horrible it's like

yeah you swelled like the Michelin man no wonder you hated it I don't think many women do do enjoy pregnancy oh no you kidding there are earth moms there are some that but that's not many people. I think the vast majority of women do not enjoy pregnancy. Yeah, they just sold them with heartburn. It's brutal on the body. It is. And, you know, you add on top of that high premises, it's, that's the doctor said to me that like, last time I was in the hospital, he's like, I was worried about the baby. I was just worried. Like, I'm just so, because I went in on the Friday. They did a scan. Baby was fine. So I was like, can I go home? Because I need to be with Arlo. And then on the Saturday, I still hadn't weed, basically.

So he was like, you need to come back. in. So I went back in and then they put me on the drip and whatever. And I was just worried about the baby. And there's just so matter of fact. It's like, no, no, they're fine, little parasites. They take everything from you. I was just like, oh my God, it's just wild that they just couple, couple, couple. I know, literally. Give me, give me. Paras. Yeah. That's, I remember a nurse said that to me in hospital that, that they're just parasites. I remember her saying that and being like, oh my God, they are parasites. Yeah. End up being lovely little parasites but actually when they're born they are just parasites that just live outside your body

cool isn't it yeah well i feel like a biochemist when i think well look at me handling what's the word oh my god baby brain's real okay handling what what's the word we just said like 50 times parasites yeah i was like tip my tongue tip my tongue which is i just recited you my entire card number but then the word i said two seconds ago um it's a bit late in the episode But do you want me awkward? I feel like we have to, like, move this to the top because I am desperate for the awkward. I've been waiting for this for two weeks.

Yeah, you have. And apparently it's the awkward to end all awkwards. Is it really bad? Yeah, it's bad, okay. Oh, my God. It's just so much. Okay, now we're here, can I guess? Yeah.

Is it something to do with your bum hole? You know, I'm just going to tell you. Okay. Yes. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Okay. So a couple of things to say. My diet, as you know, is appalling. The only liquid I can keep down is full fat Coke, which I don't even like, an orange squash. Okay. And occasion in electrolyte. But I haven't drunk water in months. Okay. I'm so dehydrated chronically. Right. I can only eat beige food. Yeah. Like I've not eaten a vegetable. Like I don't know how long it's been. What's a vegetable? Quite much. Like, genuinely, I haven't eaten. vegetable in so long. Your body's like an Iceland party platter. That's exactly what it is. A bit more

vegan, but yes. A vegan Iceland party platter. I'm literally just a puff pastry. I get peas in occasionally, but once every other day or a bit of cucumber. But it's, I mean, it's bad, right? I'm not having vegetables and no nutrition. There's a time when I could have smoothies. I was getting fruit in, but they're too much now. So I'm stuck. I used to make my own smoothie so I could get fruit in and now I'm back on heels because I just can't, I can't handle it. Okay. Like, Hule is the only drink I can call me Stephen Bartlett. It's the only drink I can consistently keep down.

Anyway, apart from this morning, which I threw it up, which is a night because that's like the first line that's happened. But anyway, my bum hole. Your bum hole. Right. So I'm teeing you up. No fibre. No fiber. No liquid.

Right. Very little food in general, to be honest. Like, I lost a lot of weight at the beginning of the pregnancy, which I've yet to put back on again. I'm also on On Onontocetron, the side effect of weight. constipation. Oh, of course it is. I also have very low iron. I need to go on iron pills. Famously. Constipation. Constipation. I literally haven't gone on them for that reason. Like, I'm not even emotion. I haven't even gone on the iron yet. And this is the story I'm

going to tell you. Okay. Bear in mind that iron's coming. Like, this is about to get worse. Oh, God. So then the other man. Yeah. I hadn't pooed in days. How many days? I mean, days out. But it's not, that's not uncommon for this point in my life. I'm probably pooing like once a week. It's really bad. And when I do, it's like a little lamb. Little tiny little nugs. Little pebbles. Yeah, it's bad. Don't call them nugs.

Go on, sorry. That's exactly what I'm going to call them. One night, yeah. It was feeling really, really sick. Oh. I had some, I don't know, some plain pasta, something exciting, with peed probably. Anyway, went to Loo. Yeah.

It was like, I have to poo. Yeah. I started pooing. Yeah. And it was like, it was a proper, it was more than a lug, right? And it was stuck. Oh, God. So I had a poo stuck in my,

bum. Oh, stuck in your bum. In my bum. It was stuck in your bum? Stuck in your bum. Stuck in your bum. It was stuck in my bum. I thought you meant stuck in the leg. And then it occurs to me. I'm going to throw up. But I've got to put stuck in my bum. Now luckily, and I don't know any other bathroom design like this, when I tell you, you can rest your chin on the sink in my mom's lou. Oh, my God. And still be on the toilet. Yeah. So I was sitting on the loo.

Poo's stuck in my bum. And I was like, I need to throw up. Throw up in the sink. It pushed the poo out a little further, the retching. Not that much further. For about an hour and a half, I sat there. Oh, my God. Crying.

Oh, my God. Throwing up in the sink. Pooh stuck in my bum. I googled everything. I do not know what to do. It was awful. It was genuinely the worst, okay? Hour and a half, I sat there.

I did everything I could. Like, I was just clenching. standing up, like, feet up on the loo, throwing up still. And every time I was throwing up, it was agony because it's like, it causes, I was retching and it like pushes on your bum hole. Oh, my gosh. This is all going on. Oh, my God.

My lovely husband, my mom, like, are you okay? Get away. Don't look at me. Texting Alex, I'm like, I didn't even want any fucking signals. They only pit in there, stupid Alla man, no 4G, so boring, joking. But I just like couldn't text. I was like stuck there, feeling like I was just dying anyway. by the time

I hate this already I had the poop like I had it okay and I was like right I've pro lapsed like my bum hearts come out there's not

like this is agony like it was awful I'm like proper clenching and it was swollen I don't feel it it was spoiled everything was by the time it was over

I was like this has been genuinely the worst I've ever gone to so I called Alex hysterical couldn't look at him called him I was like

I really my bum so I think my bum horse fallen out my mom had to come in No. I had to bend over it. No!

No! No! Oh my God, no I can't. Don't. So my mum, this story gets worse. My mom had to look at my mum all. She didn't. She did.

But I didn't know what to do. I genuinely didn't know what to do. I thought my whole, like, bum had fallen out. Everything was so swollen. She looked at it. She was like, it's actually looking. looks all right. Like, it's not. It's, it's, it's like, oh my God, define all right. Like, what the fuck? I couldn't look at my mom. I haven't moved to look her again in the eye. I mean, it was horrific, right?

No. So, mom, no, she's like, okay, I don't think it's fallen out. But then it was, like, bad on the other side. So it's like, fuck, maybe it's like a vaginal proloops. Like, maybe my vagina's fallen out. So I couldn't ask her to look at that. I was like, we've done enough. I need a doctor. So anyway, I got into bed with Alex and I was sobbing. I feel sick. I was like, I, I, I I've never, like, if my, if everything's prolapsed, if it's all come out, like, I can't run. Like, how am I going to get to the end of the pregnancy? How am I going to get to poo again?

Like, this is going to completely change my life. You can't pop a prolapse back in. So I was in absolute bobbins, like, sobbing to Alex. I was like, this is the ones that happened to me. I do am I not suffering enough. I just can't do it with this. The next morning I woke up. Yeah.

My body was like, you need a poo. I was like, what? Not again. So I had to go from me. This was horrible. I was like, well, there was agony. And then it was Sunday, so that was on Saturday night. And then it was like, oh my God, I'm like, genuinely Alex,

when I'm telling you I couldn't walk. Like, I couldn't walk. Like, I was like limping around the place. Like my bum ball was so bad. And my mom, who is her mother's daughter, was like, I tell you what you need to do. You need to get it in the sea. Like, salt water will help.

Went for a bracing bloody swim in the Irish sea. Took those glamorous photos. If you saw all those photos of me, looking all Love Island in my swimming costume just know that I thought my bum hole was hanging out for the duration of that

I was in bits I couldn't sit down on the picnic rug I was so bad it was so bad and then on the Sunday I was like I can't live like this I can't do this

I gotta go to the doctor okay so then I found a doctor I found a private because I don't have a GP in the island so I found a private GP and it was like £90 pounds I was like sold

going booked the appointment on the third floor obviously. I was like, fine. Limp myself back up there. Every time I throw up as well, it's so painful. That's by the bye. I get into it and this is like the most Isle of Man practice. As I walked him, sat down in reception and the lady was like, hi. It's like, hi. She went, I hope you don't mind. We're updating our computer program this week. We're getting new, we're getting new computers. I'm like, new computer system. I was like,

oh, God, great. So happy for you. I just like, yeah. So if it's all right, Stuart's going to be in the room. during your appointment i was like oh she said he won't he's fine he'll just be working on the computer i hope that's all right i was like oh my god that's not all right and then i was like i'm a people please from a people believes it's fine it's fine stew it can be there i was like stew i was like steward can't be there then i had to go and say to the lady i was like i stood back up walked across the reception room people in there so i'm really sorry is it okay stewart's not in the room for my appointment and the woman looked to me and she was like okay and then made this big song and dance when the GP came out she went this lady doesn't

want Stewart in the room. So the current patient looked at me like, stop it. What are you doing? Don't mess with their system. I was like, yeah, fair enough. I don't know what I've done. Stewart came out and went, where am I supposed to go?

I was like, Stuart, you're really not my problem. This is horrible. This is a guy doing the computers. It was horrendous. Oh my God. It was horrendous. So I had Stewart and then the woman was looking at me, the GP was looking at what's so special, Stuart couldn't be here.

And then I had to say, it's my bumhole. Is my bumhole hanging? Please, may you look at my bum hole? I think I've given myself prolapse. Good news. Go on. No prolapse. Bad news?

Bad piles. Oves. That's what the swelling was. Oh my God, he got piles. Oh, my God. I've got to be it. I'm not going to your doctor. No risk of that.

Absolutely not. How many have you got? I didn't ask him to count them. Oh. What did you want to? They've always, it's like. Oh, man. How many have you got? How many have you got? But it was really bad, like five. Wow. I didn't

think to count. Now it's less, but still there. Wow. Yeah, I didn't think to count. I don't know. She just said, you've got piles. And she was like, and this is going to get worse. You need to treat the problem. Because she was like, you need to go on iron. And I can't go on iron. I'll be more constipated. She's like, down straight. This story, unfortunately, has some more twists and turns, but I'll just, I'll barrel you through them. I was given some laxatives. Okay. She said just take those.

She said, take two today. Yeah. And take add two every day. Okay. Until you cleared. So add two. So by the, by the biggest day, you could be taking 12. I went with her system, confidently, which I think maybe I should have not done.

Because I had some issues there on the other side of things. Oh my God. I'm to surprise when I was taking eight laxatives a day. Have you been shaking through the eye of a needle? I'm just. about now redressing the balance. Oh my God. I need to find a happy medium now.

I can feel the pain in my bum. I can feel it. It's the, it's the, it's the fear. I'm so scared to poo now. This makes more sense because I was like, I don't understand like why you thought your bum had fallen out, but it's because you could feel the piles. Yes.

And it's because I was throwing up so much. Like when I was throwing up whilst pushing, like you're, you're causing boom from both sides. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's a force. Because already, like, Like since I've been born, with my sphincter, yeah, since always been born, I, now when I throw up, luckily I'm so dehydrated, it's not that bad, but I we myself pretty much every time.

Oh, fun. If it's bad, I just, I just whee myself and it's just gone. It's not glamorous. I'll tell you what sweaty betty are doing. They're bringing out leakproof leggings and they can't have come soon enough. Oh my God. I was wearing something the other day. I was like, do you know that I've started weird?

Like, they send me something like, here you go. I was like, well, now that, that's the PRPA. package I can get behind. I feel like I've got pins and needles from that story. Was it what you thought? Was it as bad as what you thought? It was worse than what I thought. My mum had to ask my bum hole and having to ex-ar Stewart from his computer software update.

It's your mum looking at your bum hole that really. She was like, don't worry. I was like, what do you mean? Don't want if I had to bend over. Like, and I had to bend it with the sole purpose of showing her my bum hole. That's the worst reason to bend over. I can't think of that. Like, why didn't you just look yourself?

With what? A mirror. Like, it's like, it's. Who was it that told us how to look at your own bum hole? Someone told us that on the podcast. But I didn't have a floor-length mirror in the arm of man. Unless it's in my mum's room and she was in bed. What am I going to do?

Don't mind me. I'm just going to scoot myself to the... I would have done anything except bend over and show my mum, my asshole. Anything. Everything. I thought my bum-hole had fallen out. I was supposed to do. It was my mum or my husband.

And with hindsight, she'd have been my husband. Yes. 1,000%. I don't know why I didn't let him do it. Likely, he's probably seen it before anyway. I didn't know why. I didn't let him. do it. As I got to the room, I was like, that was a job for you. That was not a job for my

job for him. It was a lot. He's like, no, it wasn't. Oh, Jesus. I know. I know. Okay, well, homework now is count your piles. We want to know how many. I don't think I need to do that. I also don't know how. I feel like I just want to leave it alone. I just want to leave it alone. I want them gone. I just, I'm not like, I just. Are you using an assault? Yeah, to be honest. Because I've had the bloody squits, they've been fine. I haven't really had a problem since. Okay. Luckily, luckily, which was lucky for me as well,

you are having a C-section, luckily, because when I went to see, when I had them really bad before I gave birth, I went to, I went to A&E and I went to triage because I was like, Yeah, because it won her head first. Oh, God. What do you do bursts?

I didn't know they could burst. Yeah, one of her bursts and so much. blood and I was like at first I was like I thought that it was coming out of the vagina so I said that really went vagina so I was shut myself obviously that's not what you need right now so I took myself running one-on-one they were like obviously go to 880 because I think yeah because any sign of blood they're like you have to go to any so I went and she was like oh when you give birth you cheeky bitch not using this as you're awkward I don't know why I didn't Have you not told this story yet?

I don't know. We have a whole podcast dedicated to the awkwardness of our life. What more awkward could happen that week, but this got bumped? I don't even know. So you went to 80 and said... I feel like everything just went to the port when I was pregnant. They make you say in the waiting room. They make you say you through the glass screen while you're there.

I can't believe I haven't told this story because I went... I took myself to triage. There was no one on the reception at triage. And there was a sign that said, go to the midwife room. I went to the midwife room. room and there was a there was a there was in the midwife room was like eight people so I stood at the door and I was like hi um and I need to speak to someone about a pregnancy symptom because I didn't want to say piles obviously and the woman at the very back of the room was like what's your symptom

and I was like oh I'm a hemorrhoids I have a hemorrhoid and she was like yeah that's common with pregnancy and I was like I know but one's birth this morning and one one one told me to come here anyway she was like okay I'll have a look she'll look and she was like when you give birth one of us is going to have to push them in while you give birth and I was like I'm having a C-section and she's like okay fine go on your go on your merry way anyway all this to say thank God you having a C-section because otherwise a midwife would have to push them in on that first of all yes I'm having a C-section I haven't said that before but I'm sorry it's okay I'm having an elective C-section this time I had an emergency C-section last time so this time selective which I'm actually looking forward to

because you're I liked your set up I liked the way it sounded when you were like no we're going on this time we got the music I had a little nap in the morning loved it that all sounds really good to me I'll send you my playlist actually no way you'll hate it you're absolutely absolutely horrific don't do that but it's so fun because we can have Christmas music oh I'm gonna love it it's gonna be great yeah anyway so that's good I'm kind of looking forward to it and particularly like I feel like having a Christmas baby not having a C-section obviously could come any point you're gonna have like Jesus style you know what I mean Mary in the manger none of that for me I hope it's Christmas day no no that's the thing about it being an elective it won't be which is good so the

case can thank me anyway I'm like I was feeling a little bit because I really wanted to have a vaginal birth with the first one now I know I can't I feel much more positive I feel really good about it's really weird like I thought I'd be really like that and I'm like no no I'm fine you've let it go yeah I feel and I feel and I'm just really looking for the positives and it's like absolutely fine feel good about it however the thing I'm really not feeling good about and I'm already nervous about it's a post C-Section poo because that was agony. I did 24-hour labour with Arlo and the poo I had four days after she was born was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

Now it's not. It's the second worst thing that happened to me because I had the experience the other night of my... Do you know what I was taking... I mean, I was taking it anyway because of the piles, but, you know, lactaloose. Yeah, I don't have that because it's dairy, but I can have... An offensive. The one that I'm like...

Gozzling. Yeah, guzzling down. And I took that. because I was worried about the post C-Section poo. I took that in the lead-up and after, and I don't remember the post-de-section poo, so obviously it was fine. Yeah, I don't remember it.

I read something the other day that apparently loads of people pooed themselves when they go under general anaesthetic. Oh, okay. Is that not the most traumatising thing you've ever heard? Really? Yeah, like imagine you go in like for, to have your appendix out and then, oh, no, she shouts herself.

Imagine when I went into my jaw surgery, didn't think I shat myself. And then I've got to go and talk to the surgeon the next day. Oh, that'd be well used to it, though. Still, still, it's not the point. It's not the point. I want more dignity than this. I feel like I think I'm kind of cat-like in my, like I do, I mean, obviously not. I'm in my bum, I'm a Labrador through and through. She'll my bum hole to my mum. Jesus, you'll sniff it while you're there. Fuck is wrong with me. Fuck. You have, you cats do that kind of shit all the time. Forever. Tart your relationship with your mother. Forever. Forever. I bet right over. Never be able to unsee your bumhole. I don't know why I did it. I don't know why you did it. I was desperate. I was. I was. I was really worried. I genuinely, I thought it was going to be out hanging out.

If mothers are for anything, like, that's what they're for in your time of need. The thing is, if Arlo said it to me in 30 years' time, we look up, of course I'll look at your bum hole. Of course you will. So I think it's fine. Of course you will. I hope there doesn't come to that. Speaking of 30, it's my birthday. By the time you're listening to this, it'll be my birthday, Boxingdale.

I've been 30. Birthday boxing day. To drag it out. Yeah. Jesus. And what a story to start me off. What a thing to tell you. Oh, God.

I really thought 30s would be good for me. I feel light-headed. I thought it would be glamorous. I don't have my breath where you told me all the way. Yeah, I imagine myself like Jenna in 13 going on 30. Do you know what I mean? No, I hate your references to movies. You don't know that film?

That iconic. I don't remember. Jennifer Garner Mark Ruffalo masterpiece. I have a sieve for a memory. I don't retain anything. Like, yes, I watched that, but also like I can't remember. I can't remember one literally a thing from it. Do yourself a favour.

Go home tonight and watch it. It's a fantastic film. I can't watch films twice. But you don't remember it the first time. So it doesn't, it won't be twice. No, but it's like my subconscious nose and I can't do it. Well, then draw from the subconscious now and make conversation with me. I can't.

I can't watch it again. Oh, my God. No. That is the most annoying thing I've ever heard in my whole life. I don't remember a thing about it. It's like I won't converse, but I won't remind myself. I'm just going to sit here in my ignorance. It's on purpose.

Absolutely. No, I'm going to force it. I'm going to match, stick your eyes open. We're going to watch it. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss in this episode? I think we've discussed quite enough. I think we've discussed a lot. I'm trying to think if there's anything else that I've kept secret from you during this time.

But I don't think so. Well, we are all... I feel very bleak about the bubble story. I feel bleak about that story as well. Please, we tucked it at the end. But I feel excited about the rest of it. Me too. I know I speak for all of us

when I say that we are so happy for you we're so delighted that your family is expanding and that are there's going to be a little sister? A big sister. Sorry, a big sister. She's already a little sister to boo her. She's going to, yeah. Poor boo.

We're so happy for you and I'm really proud of you for opening up about your experience. Like, yes, there were assholes are always going to wrong choice of word. Oh, it's a fucking daily mail, honestly. You know what? I read all those comments.

I read all those comments, and I was being sick. into a sandwich bag driving back from the island and I accumulated like quite a substantial amount by the end and then there was the one comment that was like bad actions have bad consequences what the fuck does that even mean like I shouldn't have got pregnant like it was a bad choice to get pregnant and I was like you know what I'm going to get your address I'm going to tie this thing up and send it to you I'm saying it to alec boy alex as he was driving I was like who should we send this to scroll into the comments who's the most deserving recipient of their eyes

absolutely disgusting people utterly disgusting honestly like the just like the absolute pits I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate what they do you to know that that is a very very tiny

majority of people the thing is out this is what scares me the Daily Mail is the most read publication online publication in the world it is but it's insidious the people that comment are not

but the people that comment are their readers and the people that comment are reflective perhaps not to the same extent. They are reflective of the demographic. They are reflective of the mindset, which is so overwhelmingly misogynistic and negative. And that's what I hate. Like I hate the way they work.

They used the word in the first paragraph of the article they wrote about me. They used the word suffering in quotation marks. They said she'd been talking about how she'd been, quotation marks, suffering. Tell me they don't know what they're doing. Tell me they don't know what they're doing. It's a photo of me in hospital and I'm quotation,

suffering. bait. It's bait and they are playing and they don't care. They don't care that HG has an incredibly high rate of suicide and that is the first thing that comes up if you Google, the mental health ramifications of the illness. They'll know that but they have no duty of care. They are disgusting. I honestly like I feel so I saw someone write on your comments that their HD was severe enough that they were pushed to terminate a much wanted pregnancy. I've got friends who yeah who terminated pregnancies were. If that doesn't epitomize suffering, what does?

There was a woman in the news last year who took her life with HG. Yeah. Yeah. And she's pregnant. And she's pregnant. That is, that goes against every single thing in nature to be driven to that. To be, to have something affects you so badly that it fights against every survival instinct that your pregnant body produces.

And it's like, and they don't care. And they don't care. It could be that. It's depression. It could be anything. Bulimia, anorexia, any of it. They don't care. No.

They don't care. They don't care for empathy. But that worries me. It really worries me. Reading those comments, I was like, yeah, fuck, this hurts. This really hurts me because I'm sensitive and I'm vulnerable. But it worries me hugely for the world that we're creating. Like, I'm just not standing for it.

It's a symptom of, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not, it feels personal. It's not personal. But then that's kind of even more scary because it's like. It's going to do this to every woman and they're not going to stop. Like I just, I cannot, honestly, I cannot stand them. I just think it's disgusting. I'm sorry that you've even, like, I can't believe that someone could even have something.

But, I mean, it's predictable. Unfortunately, predictable from the daily mail. I cherry picked hundreds of horrendous comments. Yeah. It's disgusting. Yeah, I looked after you sent me. I looked and I was just like, it's horrific. Want to create an account and comment back, but I know that's futile.

Yeah. And I know that's actually what they want is a response. is a reaction and it's what the male want they want clicks and i just right and i actually what i really want if you're listening to this because one of you will be if you're a daily male journalist of any kind even if you're an intern come and talk to us i really want to talk about i want to talk about what it's like on the floor and what where the fuck your morals go in that office yeah and how you deal with it how do you deal with it how do you look at yourself in the mirror because it's foul but we won't be that antagonistic if you come on i'll be nice roll for you a cup of

everything. And then I'll give you a bag of my vomit. So thanks for the chat. No, I'm kidding. Come on, chat to us. Sorry. I'm angry. That aside, congratulations. Thanks, Aange. We're super happy for you. Oh, it's, yeah, it's fun. Bring on baby number two. Look at that bum. I know. She's big this time. She is. She's holding them back. Oh, delighted for you. I'm like, I can't wait to, yeah, meet number two. Girlie number two. Girlie swirley. Girlie thrallie.

Yeah, Tommy's going to be sport for all the girls. Alex is so outnumbered. He loves it. He is going to be one three. Look how many wives he's got. He's got to have that many daughters. One to four. Do you ever spend time with men?

Bless you. Sporadically. Yeah. We have two men that we see quite regularly. Okay, that's good. There's more. Three. Four.

We have a few men. Okay. You've got some masculine energy in your life. Yeah, but most of it comes from Sarah. Yeah. oh dear this has been fun and thank you honestly from the bottom of my heart sorry for crying sorry for telling you about my bum hole good news it didn't fall out um but genuinely thank you so much like really for like every message that i've had because it's um it's like it's done something to me

honestly it's like it's altered my brain chemistry it's made me feel a lot warmer and a lot more compassionate and a lot more i can really see what people are capable of like you really make me believe the best in the world so thanks for being you and i love you bye Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.