Should I Delete That? - Healing is a forever love with Alex Elle

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

This week the girls talk to the incomparable Alex Elle. Alex is an author and restorative writing teacher, and she shares some of her incredible wisdom on boundaries, healing and generational trauma on the pod today. Her unique and sage perspective gave Alex and Em food for thought, especially around the complexities of prescription medication for mental health. Follow Alex on Instagram @Alex (our Al is incredibly jealous of this handle)Order her latest book How We Heal Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Wednesday. Or Thursday. Whatever. Happy day. Happy everything. Hi guys. How you doing? I'm good. I'm good. I have not seen you this week. I've hardly even spoken to you. I've had a couple of blunt texts. I've been left on read a couple of times. And then I got an accusation last night from you

that I was a boomer. And that's the only communication that you and I have had this week. That's so funny. Because I was like, last night, I was going to send you a message that said, have I done something wrong or are we just drifting? And then I was like,

I, oh my God. That is hilarious. I nearly sent you one on Tuesday because I've gone to an event and when I spoke to Harry who does a PR of the event she was like I think Al was going to come but like she's not here

and I was like oh okay so then I sent you a text and then we had this conversation and then I was like oh my God are you annoyed with me and then I nearly sent you a text in the afternoon being like are you annoyed with me and then I was like grow up

she's not annoyed with you we're not doing this just like pathetic so I didn't send it And I did the exact same thing last night. It was like, am I attention seeking? Is it probably okay? She's just busy?

Yes, probably. Well, I thought you were just busy. You had the glamour awards. You never looked more beautiful. And I was just like, she's too, and you were sitting there with all those like superstars. I was like, she is gone. She doesn't even know me anymore.

Like, and also, it's so unlikely when I said, are you coming to the event on Tuesday? And you just said, no. And I was like, but what are you doing instead? Where's the excuse? Like, this is very unlike Alex. Normally, if you say no, you're like, shit, sorry, no, and then justify it,

which you shouldn't do, so I was proud of you for not doing it. But it still sent me into a private spin. Oh, I do apologise for that, sorry. It's okay. Oh, please we've got through this. Okay, so no one's mad. That's good. We're all good.

No one's mad. We're still friends. Your hair looks very nice today. Have you tonged it? Have you? I cleaned it, and I tonged it. And you know what? You know what?

This isn't about good or awkward. It's just an observation. like my whole body is just not something I recognise and I realise objectively yes the fringe was a good idea like it's a good haircut but I shouldn't have done it everything else in my body is changing like my boobs are different my tummy is different my legs I've gained weight everywhere my face looks different everything is different

why the fuck did I then make different the only thing probably that I could have kept the same so I think it's completely messed with my identity and I shouldn't have done it like any other time fine but since I've had it I've looked at myself and I'm like who is this trollope because everything's different so now I'm like you know what I just can't sit looking fucking rank every day because it's just it's making me too sad so even though I haven't got anywhere to go today apart from to the hospital for a check-up and I look good I got dressed

yeah you look yeah yeah really good yeah I'm wearing I'm not wearing leggings I'm wearing maternity jeans oh wow I know and boots I just I had, I've got it, I have to get a grip of myself, boots, little boots, yeah. Well, I think the hair looks really good, but I understand that it's contributing to your identity crisis. Yeah, I'm, I'm going to, I feel for you for that. Has you been? It looks like it's been so glam. Have you anything good or bad? Please remember there's an awkward to counterbalance or the good. Yes. Okay, well, I feel like I have to, like, give you my good, bad and awkward all in one because it's all from the same thing.

It all originates from the same place. Okay. So do you mind if I just like take the mic for a few minns? No, it's right, I'll see in a bit. Because this is all about me now, okay? I understand. Look, I get it, okay? You are, you are in higher, higher speed than this podcast.

Dizzying Heights is where I'm at right now. I am a crick in my neck from looking up to you. As does everyone, don't worry, it's not just you. No, I'm kidding. I'm going to start a support group for those of us. Who formerly knew me, knew you previously? Yeah. So, yeah, in case you haven't cleaned, I went to the camera.

I got an invite to the camera awards, which I was very surprised at and very pleased that because I always, when I worked at Hello, I used to cover it every year, but from afar, like I would never, obviously have been invited. So it was very cool and I got dressed up, really dressed up, literally more dressed up than I was on my wedding day. I had my hair and makeup done. I wore this like puffy, white and pink dress. Your face looked so pretty, your makeup.

Honestly, like the makeup was, she's like Naomi, she's unreal. I was so sad when you took it up. I was like, I'm not looking at this. It's like watching the just up oil protest is like ruined like Van Gogh's art. I was like, I can't, I can't look at this. Do you know what? Someone said in DMs and I was like, this feels like such a backhandic compliment. She said it was the video of me and my makeup and she was like, oh, I actually like,

I just went on to stories absentmindedly and saw this video and was like, who is it? girl I don't follow her and then I realized it was you doesn't look like you ha ha and I was like that feels mean but okay thank you but she's not wrong she's not wrong but it felt mean um so yeah so I got orders okay so my good

wait I should do in chronological order my awkward okay so I was so scared about going to the event because I I was lucky enough to get an invite for me never mind an invite for me plus someone else I asked for a plus one and I got a response of obviously no like no obviously that was never happening like there were big people there who needed plus ones

like never going to happen for me so I was like I am so nervous about going to this event by myself because like when I did it when I had to go to events by myself at hello I did it all the time but it was fine because I was working it was different I'd turn up in like something scruffy all black flats shoes like my hair would like you know I didn't look like I was there to be seen

I was just there to work so it was fine I'd just go I'd be on my phone I was working it just it felt different the vibe was different but this like going to something by myself that I knew there would be a huge red carpet at and like I had to go all dressed up I did have to go

all dressed up but I did go all dressed up I was so nervous and so scared so I arrived and I asked someone there was a cue and the first thing I noticed was that it was a sea of black like everyone was wearing black and I was in this pink and white puffy dress and I just felt like a meringue and I didn't even have like a coat or anything

covering me and I was like I look I am sticking out like a sore thumb already so I went and asked a security guard like oh can I get in without going on the red carpet and he was like no I was like okay so I went and joined the queue and I just sat in the queue all sad by myself in my in my in my meringue dress and everyone's in these like sleek black black gowns and I was like fuck and I did so we got closer and closer to the red carpet my heart rate was like so high because I mean you'll you'll know like when you go to

when you like are these red carpet things it's horrible it's horrible because no one knows who you are exactly we did this me and Katzio went to the Marvel premiere last week and the Black Panther thing and it's awful because the photographers there shout the names of the people that they know

and when you walk past they don't fucking know you so you just want to go you're like buy like go you don't want my picture I don't want you to want my thing. None of us want to be here. And there's this moment, there's this like painful moment where you can see the photographers like pick up their camera to be like, should I take a bit? And then they like look at each other, you know, because photographers are often like, that's da-da-da or that's da-da-da. Like you need a picture of her. Like they help each other out. And you can see them kind

of looking at each other like everything's blank. So they kind of like lift their camera up and like I'll take like a pity picture of you. So that is what happened basically. I got to the front of the queue and the woman who was like controlling the red carpet like when I was at the front of it I was like, I'm not actually famous. Like can I can I just like run through?

And she was like, you look famous darling. Just go and have a good go and like threw me on there. And honestly it was awful. Like it was so horrible. And they did that thing and I got a few pity pictures but I was also on the red carpet at the same time because there's enough for two of two people

was mighty in class. And her side, it was like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, like, lights, flashes, like pictures, click, click, click, click. And me, it's just like, click. And I was like, that's it, thank you, I'm done. Like having a passport photo done. You've got four goes. Literally.

Out. Oh, I didn't have four. I had one. I was like one and done. That is hilarious. Okay, move on now. We had the same thing at the Black Panther thing. There's one photo of me and Kat.

And then when I looked on the Daily Mail, there was like literally 30 photos of Maya Jammer. they printed and I was like, I wonder how many would take it. Humble. Humble. Oh my God. Such a big slice of humble pie. My good is that when I got inside, I panicked, didn't, couldn't see anyone I knew, but I saw another girl standing alone. So I struck up a conversation with her. I was like, I really like your bag. And I really did like her bag. It was like this, this like box clutch with like Diamantes on. It was really cool. Anyway, we struck up a conversation and then like halfway three, she's like, she's like, I know this is weird, but I really recognize your voice.

And I was like, oh, but not my face. Like, that's weird, right? You'd recognize a face, but not a voice. And she's like, no. No, faintly, you looked so pretty. Even your own followers weren't recognizing you that. Like, no, that's not. Take the head.

No way. No way. That looks a bit like her, but so much prettier. Thanks, thanks, Sam. So, so, so, so, she's like, no, I just can't get it. And then at some point she was like, hang on, do you have a podcast? And I was like, yes, I do. And she was like, is it God, should I delete that?

And I was like, yes. And she was like, oh my God. So basically, Spotify had recommended her. She was like, I'm a huge podcast fan. Like I listen to like so many podcasts. Like literally I'm always listening to a podcast. And Spotify had recommended her podcast to us. And she said like, normally I don't, I, she was like, you know, some I stick with and some I don't.

And I've listened to a few of yours. And I was like, oh my god, that is so funny. A few. We'll take it. I know. I was like, how many's a few? Is that three? Okay. But what happened up for the three? Then did you switch off? Yeah. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. It made you switch off. Yeah. I didn't interrogate. Was it then? Was it the other girl? I probably was. How funny is that though? That's so great. I've never been recognized my voice. That's so fun. That's what people always used to say as an insult to me. Like you've got a face for radio. Oh, there you go. And then my. bad. My bad is that, so it finished, well, it was going on till one, but I left at 12, because I was really panicking about getting back. I was in a hotel nearby, just because it would be too far to come home like that time of night. So, so I was in a hotel nearby and I had no signal in there, so I had to go out to call an Uber or catch a black cab. And it was honestly, it was, I was actually scared stiff. Like, it was in the middle of London. And

there were tons of people around, but they seemed to be like all men. Like, why is it only all men at that time of night? And so many people, so many men trying to talk to me and like shouting things at me. And I was honestly scared stiff. I couldn't get a black cab. I couldn't get an Uber because, I don't know, you can't seem to get an Uber anymore. It's really weird. I just couldn't get an Uber. And it was a 12 minute walk away, but I was just too scared. So I stood at the, like, brightest place I could, like the busiest brightest place I could and just waited until I could get, until there was a black cab. And it took about 20 minutes and I was just so scared.

And like, normally I have my criminal identify spray with me. Not that I'm going to use it, but it makes me feel more secure having it with me. But I had this stupid, stupid, tiny little clutch bag that barely fit in my phone, never mind anything else. So I didn't have that with me either or keys. So I was like, I'm really scared. and this is just so shit and what like a shit end to the I mean there are worse things of course

but like it was shit no I get it we had literally we and Katty had the same thing leaving the cinema that other night because and I actually I was going to put this as my bad but then other stuff has happened

but when we left we walked for so long to get a cab to come home and I just don't use Uber coming down I just don't I think Uber have had warnings always had I don't even want to get into it because I'll get shit for this but TFL deemed them not safe

you know, they like, and that's for me, I was like, that's enough. If the leader of the fairground said, don't get on the waltzer, it's not safe, I wouldn't. So if TFL say it's not safe, I'm not getting in a new, but not to come where I live as well, because it goes too far away from the bright light street. So I'm like, it's just not safe. Anyway, get a black cab, couldn't fucking find one because they all retired during lockdown and had to retire, I had to find other jobs anyway. And I was looking and looking at, and we were in the same position.

I was like, this was fucking horrible. And an old man, Alex, I found my spot, and I waited for, in my spot with Katia, as you do. visibly knocked up over here freezing cold it's raining we were waiting and this old fucker with this with his girlfriend came and stood two feet to the right of me and we were like hmm and I said loudly I was like you better not be here to steal the next cab that comes by because he was literally like two feet up and sure enough a cab comes I stick my arm out he sticks his arm out I was like you jam joking so I walked in front of him and I was like I've been waiting for ages

in the rain and I'm cold and pregnant, I'm getting this cab he ignored me pushed past, got the cab, put his girlfriend in it didn't even get a kiss good night because she's obviously got a better taste than to go to this fucking ass

and then I, when we walked back Katia went as he was leaving Katzio went oh you don't want to hang around and steal another cab do you and he looked and he went oh do you need help I was like we don't need fucking help like we just need the countback that you just stole it and Katya was like she's pregnant like what have you just done and he was like oh i didn't know i was like i fucking told you so we

we hope that he broke both of his arms that's what we silently prayed for on the way home do you know what that seems like an appropriate punishment we were like we want him to die but do you like i want some pain anyway so katia runs heavily in this thing so i'm stealing her awkward okay so don't ask how this came to be but on saturday night we were went to a party and James Blount was there. And I nearly told you this story of the day and then I said I actually have to save it for the podcast. This isn't my awkward, but it's so awkward she's brought shame to the family. So I can take it, right? This is a family awkward now. So in the room where the party was, there was this rug and it was a treacherous. Everyone was going down on this rug.

And I kind of knew about it, but I didn't do it. I didn't do enough to help. Anyway, there was a rug. So slippy. I went to. down, there was a waitress went down, an old man went down, it was bad. There was a really slipping rug. Anyway, Gadia walked into this room while she was going to the loo

and she slipped on the rug and she went, whoosh, landed on her ass, cross-legged and the only other person in the room was James Blunt. She looked at him and she was like,

don't tell anyone you've seen me. and he was like, are you okay? And all I've had in my head is this image of Cassia line on the floor, like, did I disappoint you? I let you down. Should I be feeling guilty? I let the judges fair. We've been like rewriting it to make it appropriate.

This hot time. So, so good. Not my awkward. Had to stay there. Give us about as bad as it gets. So good. Yeah. Yeah.

He's going to tell that story different. but you know what it's a good way to make an impression he'll meet a lot of people do you think he'll come on the podcast probably not after that although we we could we yes i mean we let me explore my options here because if i if there was a way that i could potentially assign blame for the trip yeah we could blackmail him yeah that is actually a really good point i didn't think about that that's that's powerful yeah it's true for thought illegal maybe but powerful yeah well if he ever shows up the podcast you'll know how we got him yeah um yeah yeah oh i love him i'm so jealous she had a real bruise on her balm she had to show us all the next day yeah it was chunky oh poor catia

that's so bad of all the people of all the people um yeah so good okay and then my bad my bad my bad is my bad my bad is my awkward this is literally about as oh this is horrendous i like this is so bad okay so that event i went to on tuesday that you weren't at i didn't know anyone. I didn't have any friends. I didn't know anyone, which is my idea of personal hell, but I was, you know, doing my best. Anyway, this lady came over to, she was so nice, and she was like, hi, are you, and she just came over to make chat, which is, I was really grateful for because I didn't know anyone. And she said, you were 84 world. Now, 84 world is our management. And I was like, yes, I am. And then she was like, okay, do you know Katie, who's my old manager?

And she said, so she turned, she talked to talk about managers, right? And Katie's gone. Right. We're talking about managers for a bit. I'll say, okay, cool, cool. Yeah, just talk about managers and um she I realized after about five minutes that she thought I was a manager and I was like oh god oh god and I'm really far into this conversation now she meant are you at 84 world rather than weird we're in 84 world and so I was like oh god this is really bad so I kept and I was like I'm going along and then she was telling me about her career and kind of like what she was, and she's an influencer, so she was kind of like, oh, like, I brought, you know, she works on, I think she was kind of pitching and kind of

like feeling out 84 to see if 84 would be any good for her. I was like, oh, no, I was really bad. Before I realized what was happening, I realized, like, I must have sounded like the shit's manager ever, because she was like, well, you know, like, what about TV stuff, for 84, any good for that? And I was like, oh, I don't really know. Yeah, and then she was like, yeah, you know, I'm looking after myself at the moment. I was like, oh, good for you.

I could never look after myself. I'm so unorganized. and then I say she must literally be like if this girl is a manager she's a terrible one anyway I went on for so long and then at five minutes the five minute point I thought I'd got out of it and I really clearly said I was like yeah

my career changed so much when I went to 84 because I was really struggling you know managing all the campaigns and stuff by myself but 84 were amazing and it really changed everything I was like I think we've got it and we did not have it We did not have it.

No, I think she thought I was a solo manager before I signed with them. Oh, it's so bad. It went on for solo. And then after about 15 minutes, we literally left the venue. We were still talking. And then I was like,

look, I think there's been the confusion here. Did you? Did you say? I had to. I was like, I said, what am I supposed to give her a card? Like, I have nothing for you. I have nothing.

So, but then I didn't, oh, it was really bad. It was really, I felt really bad. I was like, I let it go on. What did she say? Well, she said, oh, oh. So what do you do then? And I was like, oh, okay. Oh, God.

It was really bad. It was, I was just, it's quite a fun thing to do. Like when you go to a party to pretend to do something else. Yeah, yeah. But I'm never going to do that now because I've realized it's a horrible, horrible position to be in. Yeah. Because it's just too many lies. You just, you just can't.

And I was like, if I, what happens if I just keep going? What happens if I just sign her? I've been thinking, like, this girl is so signed. I started a management. Yeah, it was amazing. I was like, this is how this is how this is how this ends. I can't see another way out of this. I'm going to have to sign her.

So yeah, anyway, I'm taking a career spin. Yeah, really good. And then I just, because I've been keeping notes this week of things to tell you, my good I have, which is, well, finish off, but I have something awkward. I know, I have a, just, I have a random, I just put a random lull section. on my notes this week. Okay, I like, I enjoy that. I enjoy that, yeah.

I saw a video, I saw a video on TikTok of, um, a really sweet video of a man. Um, and he looks at his bank statement and he's like, oh my God, like some, some, some, there must be a mistake. My mortgage payment's gone. Like, my mortgage is gone. And he's like, someone must have put money in my account. Like, I've just had a message saying my mortgage has been paid off. Like, what's happening?

And, and, and he's like, someone must have given me this money. And then his wife's in the passenger seat and she was like, it was me. I've paid off your mortgage. And then he starts crying. And it was kind of a weird video anyway, because I was like, this feels private. But anyway, it was really sad. And he was crying, and they were hugging.

And she's, like, given him the greatest gift. Anyway, I check the comments because that's a lifestyle. And there was one that it just said, yesterday I grabbed a kettle. Yesterday. It's so funny. and yesterday I grabbed a kettle not knowing it was hot and burned my hands

I looked over at my wife and she was watching me smiling Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha honestly like the comment section like TikTok comments they're way better than this they're funnier than the videos themselves all the other comments are like

I want to do this so badly for my love he does everything for us like i was transferred my money over to my husband it just killed me i'm not crying you're crying and then this guy do you know what what used i mean it's it's a bit overdone now but the ones that really used to make me laugh for some reason would be like you know they're like oh i i i was walking my fish can you do that again like the comments like that do you know what i mean have you're really stupid oh your good your good should have been any your good should have been a different good your like london launch release this week yes it It did. It did. Loungeware.

Yeah. I ordered one. It hasn't arrived yet. Did you? If they weren't complaint yet. But if it's not here soon, then there will be, that'll be held to pay. I'm really excited. What did you order? I ordered, well, I think I might regret it because I think I prefer the other colour now. But I've gone for the sage green hoodie.

And I got the pyjama bottoms also because they look really comfortable. Oh, thank you. No, otherwise, they won't go together because they're blue and green. No, the green's nice, though. That green is nice. I'm excited. I'm going to look stunning. I know. It has been really cool, actually. I'm wearing full, like, London today, apart from knickers. So that's cool. I just thought as I put it on, I was like, oh my God, this is like all my own stuff. And then my slippers that you hate that I bought recently that I love that you think are disgusting. I just don't get slippers. I'm a, I'm a full shoe person. I'm in a full shoe. Um, my good, just because we haven't had it. Good. You know what came out this morning? Go on. John Lewis, Abbott. Did I cry? Oh, oh, it's so good. I fucking wept. I fucking wept. It was unbelievable.

Best one yet. I didn't see it coming. I didn't, I knew. I thought, I thought maybe you had like an estranged kid. Maybe a stepchild situation. Like a, like a shared custody. He was trying to bond with a kid. This was way better.

What a curveball. Oh, I loved it. I loved it. And so great that they're doing something lovely, like with a big charity for a big cause and like, oh, I know. Lovely. I know. It was, it was beautiful. It was so beautiful.

I did a little cry too, but I was like, I cried a bit the first time and then I watched it again with Alex and then he looked like he was gonna go and then that just sent me and then I was gone for a while I was like I just come back in about 15 minutes because I am not okay

it was really sweet well done John Lewis yay well done I always get anxiety for them like I feel the pressure for them every year because like it has to be so good it has to be so good and like everyone's an asshole

like everyone's a fucking asshole and like Yeah. Oh God. I would just hate it. So much expectations, so much judgment and we're also critical. Yeah. And everyone's got something like I honestly, I can't even talk about like I actually just wanted an episode with you where we just sit and talk about the state of the internet for a whole hour. Yeah. It's bad, isn't it? Because I'm genuinely, yeah, it's just like, yeah. The only place I wanted to be today was in the comment section of that video of the woman that paid off her husband's mortgage or on the John Lewis ass. If anyone needs me, that's where I'll be. same. Oh no we haven't yet we have a third option I actually know where else I'd be I'd be on the Instagram page of Alexandra L seamlessly transitioned that was such a good segue oh my god thank you so thank you ever so much that's award winning thank you so much next year next year you can come

and watch me win my award at the glamour awards for the best segue ever in a transition I won't be invited next year so it's fine no you won't and I'm not going to win that either we aren't no no no accidental burp oh nice no we probably won't but Alex L oh my god oh my god I am I loved this this interview I absolutely loved it she said something in this that really stuck with me

she talked about like so she talked about taking antidepressants and needing to still take antidepressants despite doing all this healing work and despite working so much on herself and she talked about it being part of the work too and I just, I don't know, I've never heard that before from someone who is like a, I don't know the word, not healer, but like someone who, in the wellness space.

In the holistic, like, kind of wellness space, it seems to be like so focused on like therapy and like doing the work in the sense of like therapy and working on yourself and it was just really, really cool to hear her say that and I think that will mean a lot to a lot of people and it really meant a lot to me. But there was a lot more than that as well that she said in this episode. Like so many nuggets that we struggled to pick out the best bits for the video because it was just all magic. She's magic. She's magic. Yeah. I've noticed I, we loved it. We had the best time and then you sent me a text about what an impact it had on you. And I don't think that's ever happened with a guest before. So like, it takes a lot to move you. But

it does. I've been moved. I'm moved. Only a few centimetres, but I'm moved. We'll take it. I want, I know, and I was trying to go with it, like, I can't. It was like something about Mohammed to the mountain, mountains. Let's just let it die. RIP, okay. Let's let these poor people go. So we really hope you enjoy this episode with Alex L, and we will see you on Thursday.

Welcome to the most professional podcast that you've ever been on, Alex. Thank you so much for being here from Maryland in the USA. which is about as in like, I think maybe the furthest away as we've had a podcast guest. So thank you. Yeah, I think it is. Oh, you're welcome.

Thanks for having me. And we have so many questions. Actually, no, my questions are bad because my questions are all like from a personal level. They're tapping into your brain. And because I love the way your brain works. I love all the work that you do and following you on socials and stuff.

But first of all, I guess it would be lovely to hear. hear you just had a new book come out how we heal and you have written i think is this your seventh book this is my fifth book but i have three guided journals out too so technically like eighth but you know who's counting who's going i'll count i would be i would be if i read eight thank you very much eight you've talked a lot about how writing has been your therapy and your healing um So I guess like why, well, how did that come to be? And what does writing mean to you and what do these books mean to you? And like how did you get into all of this, basically?

So I grew up a pretty sad kid. I'm the only child as well. I was raised the only child as well. And so writing really was my friend. And so for a long time, I was writing short stories. like as a kid, kid, like 10, 11 years old. And it wasn't until I got grown or grown-ish around 19 or 20 that I went to therapy. And I had this amazing therapist.

And she encouraged me to be kind to myself on the page. Because a lot of my work was either super sad poetry or just kind of just recounting my trauma. And that's not something that was. was helpful for me. So it wasn't until I started actually writing to heal myself, writing to hear myself, and writing to really understand who I was or try to get to understand who I was, that things started to shift for me in a big way. And so writing is a comfort. It's a friend. And it's also something that I love encouraging other women especially to do because so often we are taught to listen to all the voices outside of ourselves, not necessarily our voice. When we get up

and close and personal to ourselves on the pages of our journals or in a course or at a retreat or whatever have you, it allows us to kind of give ourselves the permission that the world tells us we don't necessarily deserve. And so seeing ourselves, hearing ourselves, and reading our own words, I think is extremely powerful. And it's absolutely, I mean, I'm a writing teacher. So it's absolutely changed my life and how I move through the world. I feel like that's so true on two levels. On the one hand, like women are not, men probably two, but I can then speak as a woman.

Like we're not really encouraged to be kind to ourselves generally because that's indulgent and a bit tragic and we're supposed to be like harm ourselves and striving to be better and hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle. But then also even the way that women's writing is spoken about is so often it's like, oh, it's just chicklet and like, you know, They don't write anything as substance. So I feel like the two things together when it's just like you get to write empoweringly

about yourself, it's just like it kind of goes against everything, but it's lovely as well. This is probably a weird question, but like did you, when you first started writing, were you writing for you and to you? Or was it for someone else and to someone else? Because there is a huge difference, isn't there? Like when I feel like,

like I'm, when I write, not for other people, but when I write, when I'm writing an article, I find that easy and manageable and doable. But then if someone turns it on me and says, try journaling or try writing something that is just for you and to you, I'm like, I can't. It feels confronting and weird. I actually tried this in a session the other day. It was with a brand and I actually couldn't do it. I just wanted to put my pen down. I was like, I can't do this. It feels like a big difference and it feels confronting. Does that make sense? Oh, absolutely. And I hear that from people all the time. So to answer the first part of your question, I had to start writing for me. I was writing for me and to myself. So it's actually funny. I've been telling this story for like a week straight now because we've been, of course, talking about the book. But I had the therapist be like, write letters to yourself. And I remember thinking that. was so stupid and I didn't want to do it and I thought it was stupid because it was scary and I didn't

want to be kind to myself. I didn't want to be vulnerable in that way. And so when I actually gave it a try, she was like, I know you think this isn't the greatest, but give it a try. It became really eye-opening, more so because I didn't think I had the power or the courage to be kind to myself. And now, I mean, I'm raising three daughters. I'm married. And raising my children has really reshaped how I write to and for myself too and how I write to them. I keep journals for them with like life lessons in there that I'll be gifting them when they get to a certain age or whatever. And it allows me to not only show up for myself and like mother myself, but also show up for them in the way that I didn't have. And so it is scary to be vulnerable. It is scary

to be kind to yourself. It is really uncomfortable. But something that my students and clients often say is that once you get over that hurdle, there's this like deep sense of courage and bravery that comes through. It's like, oh, I can do this and I'm my own greatest teacher, which is something I like to really empower folks to lean into, is that you don't need me. I don't have your answers. You have your answers. I can help guide you to them, but I don't have them. And so it's empowering people to use their voice and to find their own way. Yeah. What do you think, I mean, you said we don't want to be kind to ourselves, which is true. And I think a lot of us know that self-compassion is like of the utmost importance and it's probably the it's going to be the thing

that underpins our entire journey to healing whatever that healing might need to be but why do you think can you pinpoint if this is possible why don't we want to be kind to ourselves in the first place why is it for some people to get that almost a repulsion like why is that why is that why is that there in the first place do you have any anything anything sort of practical for gay over that hump of not being able to? I don't know why it's hard for other people, but I know why it was hard for me. It was hard for me because I didn't think I deserved self-compassion. I didn't think that I was worthy of it.

I didn't grow up feeling, seeing safe or supported, or that I was worthy. And so when you don't know that you are worthy or when you don't have the language, or when you weren't taught, it's foreign and it's uncomfortable. And so for me, it was more so like, I don't even deserve that. And unlearning that part was really, really tough. And a practice, I'm really practical. I'm really not super like woo-woo and whimsical about this. It's like the practice is do the thing.

Sit down, write the letter, even if it's too. sentences long. You know what I mean? Like just actually put it into action. That's the only way we're going to be able to start our healing journey and process. It doesn't matter. We have to just go for it. You know? And even if it's uncomfortable and even if that sounds easier said than done, it's only easier and said than done. It's only easier said than done until we do it. Yeah. And so it's like baby steps are still steps. And we are all worthy of seeing ourselves. in the same light that we see others. So you write for yourself now, but you also write for your daughters,

which is so lovely because you're, like, you say, like giving to them what you didn't have. And I saw an Instagram post you did recently about your eldest daughter and about how, like, lovely it is to see her love herself, really, and love you as well. And I think that, like, I mean, I'm about to have a baby girl, which is terrified. because it's just like we've grown up in a generation that's like we we haven't taught to love ourselves and we weren't really taught that we were lovable at all either or like we only would be if we did this or did this or did this and I wonder like how do you when you're kind of healing yourself as well also do your best for your daughters and show up in a way that it's

helping them and not letting them take on your shit basically because a lot of us inherit on mom's shit, whether we want it or not. Exactly. Well, congratulations. Thank you very much. Not passing on shit. So a tagline in how we heal is when we heal ourselves, we heal our lineage. Did you know all our glamping units have a resort, quality Canadian made, and eco-friendly bed? Since day one, we have proudly partnered with Kelona-based mattress company Haven, ensuring you have the best sleep possible. So it's just one more reason to visit us in the Boreal Forest. You can also try out a Haven Mattress risk-free for 100 nights at Havenmatress.ca. When we heal ourselves, we heal each other, right? And so a big part of my healing work was to break generational cycles and curses so I didn't

pass down my shit to my kids. And that's not to say they're not going to get any of it. They might, I'm still healing, but they're not going to get the stuff that I got, the rage, the feelings of abandonment and rejection. Like, they're not going to get that stuff. And that makes me really proud. And there's always so much more work to be done, right? And so it's like, how do we teach our children and our daughters and our sons? And in my case, my daughters, how do I teach?

them that they are their own safe place with or without my approval with or without my validation and that's something that I didn't have I did not know that it was possible to be autonomous it was always kind of like in the shadow of a caretaker and own and you're only good if you are achieving or if you are listening or if all the things you know that were taught right and so giving my daughter's permission to listen to themselves and to all also tell me when I get it wrong, when I hurt their feelings, when I drop the ball is huge in dismantling a lot of, I think, the trauma and the pain that we carry. I mean, I just recently had to apologize to my oldest because she said, I hurt her feelings.

And I said, I'm sorry. I love you. And I'm sorry. And I will do better. Not I'm sorry, but not I'm sorry and you. but I am sorry. And so when we create emotional safety within our motherhood, within our parenthood, and within our relationships, like that's what it can look like.

Like the healed version of me is apologetic. The healed version of me wants to be seen, wants to make other people feel seen and held, you know, and especially my children, because I didn't have that. And so giving that to them is a gift that I wish I received, but now I'm giving it to them, and it's beautiful. You say about your, you having rage, can I ask, and you do not have to answer this, but how you healed your rage? Because I think that is something that women don't talk about a lot either. It's like being angry and having a temper. it's such an emotion that's synonymous with like male or masculine energy really and it's kind of

something that I think a lot of women feel ashamed of when they have a temper or they lash out or whatever it is but you mentioned you know like healing your own rage there and I just I actually have never spoken to anybody about rage so I just wondered like how and you don't have to answer that because it's a bit of a weird question but like no I don't know it's not a weird question I don't I don't think I ever felt enraged. I, I, you may have heard me said that I was raised by someone who was filled with rage. So that was my mother. And also, I learned, though, how to be angry and how to live in my anger because of that rage, because of how I was raised, right?

um however i do think that it's i think anger is healthy it can be healthy um when it's not used in a way that's abusive you know and so that's something else i'm teaching my children and teaching myself like you don't have to tie things in a pretty bow you can be pissed you can be mad you're going to be in this life eventually like if you're not angry about something in this life, then something may be wrong. So for me, healing the wounded parts of myself and giving myself the space to be angry and to be mad, specifically to be mad about how I was raised, I think that's where a lot of my, that's where a lot of my pain came from. That's where a lot of my, I guess we can call it rage. That's where a lot of my rage came from. I was so mad that I was. That's where I

wasn't raised in a way that was loving and nurturing. I was so pissed that no one taught me how to love someone else, how to love myself. And so I think what feels tender still and something that I have worked through in therapy and I've worked through in long pissed off conversations with my husband is that, like, I can't change what happened. I can't change how I was raised, but I can change how I raise myself, how I nurture my inner child, and I can also raise my kids differently. And I really like how you mentioned that you don't hear women talk about their anger much or their rage much, because then we're a bitch, then we're terrible, then we're

in my case the angry black woman then you know what i mean it's just all this stigma and trash around anger um and i want to encourage women especially to be mad you can be mad that doesn't mean that you are unhinged or um crazy or any of those things it means you are a human being who was allowed to be mad about some things even some things that you can't change So I think giving myself grace to be angry and to not beat myself up over like, why haven't you healed from that already? Like, why are you mad about that? You know, not doing that to myself and actually allowing the anger to happen and allowing

myself to feel it without trying to turn away from it and change it was deeply healing from me. I like that because, I mean, we are humans and we do feel the full spectrum of emotions, right? Just because we're, I mean, we're not immune to one emotion like anger. and just because women are not men, it doesn't make sense, you know? I, and this is possibly a too personal question,

but I think I'm imagining people listening that do have anger or disappointment, I don't know the right terms, you know, along those lines, anger, I guess, about how they were raised and struggle with still maintaining a relationship with who raised them. and simultaneously holding anger for how you're raised and compassion for the person who raised you. Is that something that you've been able to do or is that something that you struggle with?

And do you have advice for anyone who is trying to do that? Oh my gosh. Compassion. I have been, over the past few years, I have been working on my compassion muscle, is what I call it. especially around my relationship with my mother. Compassion and boundaries has been huge for me. In my case, I have decided to continue a relationship with my mother, and that is because she is doing her own healing and changing, which makes being in relationship easier now. However, I do know that there are people who have tumultuous relationships with their mothers in particular,

and they decide to not have a relationship with them. And I don't think either is right or wrong. I think that we have to do what feels in alignment with where we are in our lives and what feels safe, especially emotionally and physically safe. We often hear like, well, that's your family. Like, you have to, you know, be in relationship with them, or that's your mom or that's your dad. I've been estranged from my biological father for 16 years, and it has been the best 16 years of my life. So I have, like, two, I have both sides, right?

Something that compassion is teaching me is that you can meet people where they are and still not want them in your life. It's also teaching me that, hey, people are human. do you want to deal with their type of humanness, like looking at them for who they are, where they are, and like, can, do you have the capacity to meet them? And in this case, with my mother and I's relationship, I feel really blessed that we've gotten to a place where it feels grounded and healthy. But for a long time, I was contemplating, like, do I have the capacity to be in this relationship? And so I think everybody's situation is different.

I think we should release the shame and guilt that may come along with having to step away from people who are unsafe emotionally for us, even if they brought us into this world, even if they raised us. You know? Because at the end of the day, while we do have parents, we're at the age now where we are adults and we can make our own choices. and we can do what feels right and good for us where we are. And I think that that's also something that's not talked about a lot. It's always like, work it out, do it anyway, violate your boundaries, abandon yourself. You know, it's just like, no, we can't always do that. We don't always want to do that.

So how do we honor where we are in our lives right now? I think that's a really interesting thing about parents. And as you're speaking, I finished a book yesterday by Jeanette McCurdy. I don't know if you've seen it. It's been like number one everywhere. And it's called I'm Glad My Mom Died. And she got so much backlash for the title. But having read the book, it's like, holy shit.

Like she's just been through hell and this is her story. And it doesn't please her to say, I'm glad my mom died. It's not like, what do it? Like get the party poppers out. It's like, this had to happen for me to heal. And it's too. And, you know, reading her story is so amazing, but equally thinking about Mega Markle, and I don't know how your press are about her, but the British press is so foul.

And her, like, monster of a dad selling stories all the time. And everyone's just like, well, look at how she's treated her father. And she's demonised for how she is about her dad. And I think, like, they're two really good examples of one with a mum and one with a dad, of people not being allowed societally to dislike their parents or to prioritise themselves and so it's really cool to hear you say that but i think on a practical level for anybody listening i'd love to ask how like how you can accept your parent as a flawed person but also prioritize yourself because so much of being a child is people pleasing your parent you want to

be liked you want to be loved you want to do something right so how do you begin that process of prioritizing yourself in that dynamic, because I think it's really difficult. I mean, I'm going to go back to boundaries, literally. Like, you may have to set some hard core boundaries. And that's uncomfortable. I feel like I've been saying the word uncomfortable so much because healing is uncomfortable. Like, trying to figure out who we are in this life as our own individual person,

not tethered to our parents is deeply uncomfortable. How do we do that? How do we set boundaries? Start by saying no and honoring it. If you don't have the capacity to do something, if you can't drive someone to the airport, if you can't help somebody move, if you don't want to go to Thanksgiving dinner,

no, I can't do that this year. I'm going to my partner's house or my friend's giving for Thanksgiving. People might be pissed at you. I think here's the how. Let people be mad. Here's something that I've had to learn. and it's a mantra for me.

Self-abandonment is not an act of love. So often we are taught to put ourselves and our needs at the end of our list to prove to someone else that we love them, that we will go above and beyond for them at our own expense. Right? And there will be moments in life where we have to do that, not have to. Where we want to do that. again, where we have the capacity to do that. But that cannot be where we rest.

Because if we are not well, our community is not well. If we are not at our best, our community won't be at our best. If you tell your parent, if they're begging you and begging you to come to holiday dinner, and you're like, I don't want to go to this. You're talking to your friends, your partner, whatever. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. And you decide, I'm going to go so that she can shut up.

or that everyone can just be happy, I'm just going to go. And then you go and you are miserable and everyone can tell that you're miserable. And then that becomes a thing, right? So I'm using that as a very loose example. And the reason why I'm using that as a loose example is because we've all been there where we have gone to something that we didn't want to go to where we've dishonored our boundary to keep the peace, yet we have completely ruined our own peace. And that there has to be a balance.

I'm not saying be selfish. I'm not saying always say no. But what I am saying is consider yourself too. You are a part of your life too. And something that I learned in motherhood in particular is like my boundaries became much firmer when I became a mom. Because I didn't just have me to think about. I also have this baby to think about as well.

Right. And so my no was a was a hard no. and if you were mad about it, you would have to be mad about it and we can deal with that later. But I am prioritizing me, my well-being, and this little baby. And so it's like we go through these different seasons of our lives and of our healing that look different at every turn, right? Our boundaries can be flexible. Our boundaries can look different.

And we still have to be a part of our own lives. like we can't live for other people because then how are we living a life that is really rooted in our own personal fulfillment? Like we get one life and then we die. We should be living in a way that's really rooted in intention and honesty, not with just others, but with ourselves too. And it's all a work in practice. It's also calm listening to you.

I'm like, wow. I know. I'm kind of mesmerized. I'm being hypnotized in a really good way. a great way I'm kind of just I'm just speaking I'm like thinking of

this video I watched on TikTok that has gone viral about this girl saying that what has become lacking nowadays is discipline and you know with our boundaries that we are setting

for ourselves we're not really implementing any discipline which has kind of confused me because I watched it and I was like I'm confused and I guess I guess it's not as it's not very it's not very clear cut and it's not as simple as you know boundaries but you know she was saying like if we do if we do say no to things and at what point do we say yes to things and it was all quite confusing and she was like you know well we're lacking discipline and I was like oh I guess it's it's quite hard to find a balance.

I don't know. I'm a very literal person. So I struggle with, you know, like setting boundaries when I'm like, but am I saying, is this some, for example, if you're, you know, depressed and you can't get out of bed or you're struggling to exercise and I'm like, do I honor this because I don't feel like doing it? Or do I push myself to do this because I know it's going to make me feel better. I probably answer my own question.

You absolutely answered your own question. Just as a stream of consciousness, I did. I already did. No, I think, I forget all of that. As a teacher, and especially as a meditation teacher and someone who really wants people to be their own teacher, hearing people work through their thoughts is what I love. So I was listening to you and I'm like, there she goes. She's her own teacher.

She has the answer. She has, you have your answer, right? And so I don't know, I haven't seen that video, but what I heard, the word that popped up for me as you were talking was more so self-awareness, less about discipline and more about self-awareness. Because I feel like when we are connected to ourselves and can be aware about how we're feeling in our body, where our mind space is, what we want to do and what we don't want to do, like when we're really tuned in and have. having that inner dialogue, I feel like the discipline comes. The self-inquiry is what we need more of in order to practice the things that we're implementing in our lives. As someone who walks through the world, I take medication for my anxiety and depression and

OCD. I'm an adult living with all three of those things. And it took me a really long time to not feel like I was doing something wrong. because all the homeopathic things to treat my mental stuff wasn't working. So going to my therapist and saying, I need prescription medication and going to my doctor and having an evaluation and them saying, yeah, you need a low dose of X, Y, and Z and that is great for you. That was that self-awareness and that self-inquiry, like CBD oil is not helping me with my

anxiety. It's not. I need something a little bit stronger than that. You know, I need something with serotonin in it because that's what my body is lacking. You know, so it's like it's those, and I'm sharing that to be fully transparent because I know a lot of people, especially in the wellness space and yoga and meditation and all that, they talk about things in a way that makes you feel wrong. Maybe if you have to take medication or maybe you are depressed and you can't get out of bed and you don't know what to do with that. Like, am I lazy or am I depressed? You know what I mean? Like, it's just, again, when we heal ourselves, we heal each other, right? So, like, tapping into, like, what I needed to heal and sharing that now, maybe that will heal someone else, you know? And so

it's like, all of this is cyclical. I'm a big believer in self-awareness. I'm a big believer in self-inquiry. And then all that other stuff is a bonus. The boundaries. The, do I even want to be in a relationship with that person? Like, when we start to get to know ourselves and start talking to ourselves and listening to ourselves, which is why I wrote How We Heels that people can find a way in their own practice of writing and processing and voice note journaling and moving their bodies and breathing. Like, what works for you? And getting clear on that and not what works for you forever but what works for you today right now you know and like allowing that to be okay and allowing yourself to like to not freaking know because sometimes

we have no clue and that too is a part of the process and thank you for sharing now about the medication as well i think that's a really important thing for you to have shared and for everyone to have heard because even though there is this huge drive and this huge movement movement to to break down the stigma around medication is still, especially like you said, in the health and wellness and the well-being community, there does feel like a stigma around it and that like it's a sign of you haven't done enough work, essentially, like you just haven't done enough work. When the actual case for so many is that people just do need medication, you know?

And sometimes that's the work. Yeah, I've never thought about it like that. Yeah. And that's the ad that's the self-advocacy. like that's the work yeah like oh i here is what i need you know i love that you were talking before about self-awareness and i think like i did a lot of coaching a couple of years ago and it completely changed my life because i i think i've probably always been self-aware but i don't think i ever did anything like with my self-awareness like i think i i used it more in terms of

like hurting myself with it and i would make myself quite insecure because i'd be aware of my flaws and then I'd just sit with those and be like oh god I'm the worst I'm the worst but I didn't sort of sit I didn't look for any power within my self-awareness basically I didn't look for any of my own like in like I didn't I didn't accept or I didn't know that like what my triggers were or how other people were making me feel I didn't take any of that as my responsibility I thought basically my personality was all I had to be self-aware about and like that was all I had to focus on. But I saw a thing on your Instagram quite recently about you saying that like you heal

when you realise that you don't want to partake in like gossip or hate or anything like that. And I think that's a really important part of like self-awareness for people. And I wonder like how you would teach going about that and like for people to expand their self-awareness to make it a practical thing, not just so that they're. aware of themselves, but also aware of like how to live happily as themselves, if that makes sense. Like how would you start teaching that? That's a good question. The call to action in that post for the community was for them to share how they knew they were healing. And I think that's what I would invite people to do to write down, I knew I was healing when and just make a list of the

things that maybe you stopped doing, that you no longer want to do, that you no longer want to participate in. Seeing our healing on the page is really transformative. Not only because it shows us who we are where we've been. It allows us to honor the journey. But it also gives us kind of a tap on the shoulder to be like, don't discredit how far you've come. And also don't beat yourself up if you have to go a little bit further. I would encourage people to even just take. I love the term taking inventory. Take inventory of your emotional suitcase. I have my clients do this all the time. And the emotional suitcase is pretend. But in that suitcase, we have things that we've been carrying with us. Maybe it's shame. Maybe it's guilt. Maybe it's self-hatred. Maybe it's, I don't know,

um joy that we're not giving ourselves permission to touch right it's like how what things in our emotional suitcase do we need to rearrange what things can no longer come with us so for me i would empty out shame i would empty out perfectionism i would empty out guilt and i knew i was healing when i would take those things when i can take those things and say you are no longer allowed to come with me through this next season. And getting up close and personal with that on the pages of my journal was really hard. It was a hard exercise to do. Like all of this stuff seems, I mean, it's not rocket science.

It's really getting back to basics. But the basics can sometimes be the toughest, the toughest thing to tackle, right? And so taking inventory of your emotional suitcase, what's in? there. What doesn't belong to you at all? Like, what's your moms? What's your partners? What's your exes? Like, take that shit out. It's not yours. What is yours? Let's rearrange. And maybe you're not ready to take shame out yet. And you're still processing and working through shame. You know, it's like giving ourselves, being self-aware enough to be like, yo, I'm still feeling shameful about that thing. I'm not ready to take this out yet. I'm still processing.

I'm still working through it. I think the kicker here is practicing non-judgment as you are taking inventory. Because that's a big part of self-awareness. It's like noticing the thing, but then not judging the thing, which I feel like is really challenging to do, noticing the thing and not judging it, just letting it be there and not trying to overwork it, you know? Heeding for you. is it something that has a destination and is there an end point or is it something that you think

we will all continue to continue to do as we go through our lives and there isn't really a destination how do you view it i view healing as a forever love we will be healing until the day we die and i have people who come to me and i i've actually asked my therapist this like girl i'm so tired of having to heal from this over and over again. However, we're not healing from scratch each and every time. We're healing with lessons in tow. And I remember writing something that said something along the lines of like, like give yourself permission to heal from the same thing more than once.

I love that. Healing for me is there's no destination. It's a forever love. It's a forever practice. And it's a pain in the ass, but it has to be done. Yeah. I guess it's a forever commitment to ourselves as well. Yes.

This is cool. Yeah. So can you talk to us about the book then? Can you give us a bit of a description about it, what it's about how it came to be. There are also other voices in there as well, not just yours. if you could get let everyone know about how we heal yeah so how we heal is um my fifth book I'm really excited about this book I am excited about this book because it's an accessible guide to finding your voice and uncovering your power I wanted to write this book because I read

a lot and I read a lot of self-help books and all of that and sometimes I walk away from those books and I'm like, what are they saying? I don't understand. And I wanted how we heal to be something that people could understand and that people could easily pass down to their children, to their loved ones, to their friends, and be in practice of healing together. This book is a collection of my own personal stories and lessons and also my teachings on writing to heal and it also has some other really amazing women voices in this book. I interviewed some badass ladies and they share how they heal through motherhood, through partnership, through divorce, through gardening, through art, through trauma,

and how they are choosing to center joy in their lives, even as they heal. And for me, I want the overall message to readers to be like, you can be happy even in your healing. You can be grateful even when you're grieving. Like you can hold multiple things at once and still be, rooted in your truth, in your life, in your stories. And so how we heal is a guide to help people

heal themselves so that they can start healing their lineage. And not because, you know, you're giving them this book, even though I would love for you to do that. But also because people watch us. People are bearing witness to us always. We don't have to tell people that we're healing. They will see it. They will feel it. And that is the permission slip that we give to the world. When other people see and bear witness to our healing, it makes them curious about their own. So that is what how we heal is. Before we let you go, I just wanted to ask a massive question on behalf of two of the least peaceful people that you'll ever meet. How do we find peace? I love that. Like two minutes ago, by the way,

That's the question. How do we find peace? Absolutely. That's the question. I guess it's more like, I think, like I mentioned earlier, like hustle culture, social media, like Al and I are both very, I don't even know how to describe us, because we're very different, but quite similar in a way. And I guess the running theme would be highly strong. But it's, I get, and high energy. but I kind of mean literally how do you find the piece in that when you can sit there and it's not like I don't know the little voice in your head that's talking shit about you or feeling bad for something that you haven't done or whatever it is you know just

even speaking to you I just get this like like serenity I'm like I want that so badly so I don't expect you to like fix us but if you could just set us on the right path before you go I'd really appreciate it It's so funny People say that about me often And I don't Because in my mind

I'm super high strong Really So oh my God, yes Okay So we're all the same Okay, we're all the same But here's the thing I found peace

When I stopped trying to control shit There's the answer When I stopped trying to control That little voice in my head when I stopped trying to, like, be the perfect healed woman, when I stopped trying to prove to other people that I was healing. And I just started letting things go. And that's hard for me because I'm a control freak. I want to control the little person in my head telling me that, like, I want to fight her. You know, when she starts, you know, talking crazy to me and things like that. Like, but what can I do?

But allow that little inner critic to be there, but not running. my life. That's peaceful for me. Like, listen, we're all going to have moments when we are highly critical of ourselves, when we are being terrible to ourselves. And the peace comes in and we're like, hey, remember what the truth is. The truth is is that I am good enough. I am worthy. And I may have some stuff with me that I have to sort through, but that's not going to run my life and ruin my day. and it's just been a work in practice of like not allowing myself to be the damper to my own day and then when it comes to other people I don't let anybody ruin my day I used I spent a long time letting people's bad moods and energy throw me off and I found peace when I stopped doing that

when I stopped taking on other people's stuff as my own stuff. And so, I don't know. And there's no, I wish there was like a guide to peace. But for me, it's just releasing control and letting things go. I think that's it. I think that's probably where the answer lies. Al, are you ready to do that? Tight grip, tight grip.

My knuckles are white, but yeah, it's all good. No, it's weird. Like, I'm listening to you. Like, I feel like my whole body feels like calm. I do, too. My shoulders have dropped. Oh, good. I have, like, my muscles are, like, unclenched a little bit.

It's nice. Unfamiliar, but nice. I feel floppy and weird, but I like it. I love that so much, Alex. Thank you. Thank you so much. We are going to. the link to how we heal in the show notes um everyone go by a copy it's magical dropped on the floor

sorry um and it's magic it's so magical she went to throw it on the floor literally get away from me i can't handle it's because my thigh muscles won't clench like they normally are so they didn't hold it up it just slid right off it's a piece you're so peaceful should i delete that is part of the ACath Creator Network. Did you know all our glamping units have a resort, quality Canadian-made and eco-friendly bed? Since day one, we have proudly partnered with Colonna-based mattress company Haven, ensuring you have the best sleep possible.

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