Should I Delete That? - 'I didn't know I was pregnant until I gave birth'

Episode Date: May 7, 2023

This week on the podcast, Em and Alex chat to Marla McEntire. Her pregnancy was not traditional by any stretch, most notably because Marla actually had no idea that she was pregnant. She only found out 40 weeks into her pregnancy, when she went to the bathroom and after pushing, she realised a baby was in the toilet! This is Marla’s baffling, incredible and heart-warming story…Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So go back and forth, back and forth to the bathroom about five times. And on the fifth time, I pushed really, really hard. And it literally felt like all of the organs in my body just fell out. And obviously I come to and I realized that I've had a baby in the toilet. Hello, hello, hello. Hello. Hi. Happy coronation. Happy King Day.

God save the king Oh shit It is It is indeed Oh shit And I sounded The suit of big British There didn't I

And sounded Like Hugh Grant Oh shit It is It is it is It is coronation day I'm loving Hugh Grant's like

Era at the moment I don't even know It's just like I mean obviously No woman would be able to get away With his like cantankras Like all man

But I am thoroughly enjoying it Oh that interview With Ashley Graham Was it On the Grammy's red carpet Oh I didn't see it Oh, it was brutal. He was so horrible.

She was trying to interview him. And he was just, like, completely taking the piss. He was giving her absolutely nothing. Oh, God. I can't even remember it because it's a while ago now, but you've got to look it up. He was just so rude, and she was so pained. And the whole thing was so painful. And I was like, I like you, but you're a bit of a dick.

I don't like this. Oh, he's clearly, clearly about a dick. But. Yeah, something about him, though, right? He always had my heart. Yeah, I agree. It's just four women's in a funeral. like that

about a boy floppy head scoundrel the bumbling British chap the bumbling British and yeah this has been the weekend of celebrating the bumbling Brits

Bumbling Brits Yes Bumbling Brits Yeah I have a good Hit me And I was gonna I was gonna wait

to tell you about this until we recorded but obviously couldn't help myself so unfortunately you do already know but I have finished my first ever book For the first time

in like probably about 10 years, not even joking. Honestly. Cover to cover. It's so good that I'll celebrate it twice. I'm going to give you the same reaction I gave you the first time. I am so proud of you. Oh my God.

So I messaged M from the airport and I was like, I'm going to W.H. Smith. What's a good book recommendation for someone? You know, I don't, I need something that's going to like ease me into reading again. So you suggested Verity by Colleen Hoover. So I started it thinking this is just going to go the same as every other book I try and read. I'm going to read a few pages and then be like, oh, this is painful. No, no, I was absolutely hooked, like about three pages in. I knew I wasn't going to put it down, and I zoomed through it.

And I've realized you were right. It's because all I try and read is nonfiction, and it doesn't work. It doesn't capture my attention. Therefore, I don't continue to read it. I'd like to. Isn't it a brilliant book? Oh, it's so good. It's so good.

It's so good. Colleen is going to change your life. You're right. I'm right. We're right. Fiction is where it's at. You need captivating storylines. I've got, can I,

oh, I've got such a big list for you now. I'm so excited. I am so excited. I can't, but so, so the other ones that you suggested, I couldn't find. So I was like, Marianne Keyes. I saw Marianne Keyes.

Like, I've heard of her loads. I'll buy something of hers. So I bought again, again, again, and I showed that to you and you're like, ah, it's a sequel. So I haven't been able to do that, annoyingly. You'll love it. You'll love it.

But I will love it. Yeah. So, yeah, so this is the new me. Amazing. Anything bad? Well, yeah, anything bad? Anything awkward? No, I don't have anything bad, but I have about 20 awkward. So I'll let you... What's your good? My good. Not actually... It's not great, but it's good in terms of the greater good.

Okay. In about an hour and a half, I'm going for my first smear since having a baby. Well done. Excellent. Thank you so much. And the good is that I booked it, because it's me. So I booked it. I've not quite gone to it yet, but I'm on the way. I'm going in two hours. and I'm really excited to take care of my gyneological health because it's gyneological cancer awareness month. It is, it is. Yeah, obviously I work with the Eva pill

and I'm really passionate about it, about raising awareness for it. So this is your reminder, if you're listening, and you are also due a smear test. Book it. It'll be able before you know it, and it might just save your life. So, woo, smear tests.

And in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing. Fun story. I try to go for my smear test. test last year and I got rejected. Is it that bad? I got... We are. I'm not touching that.

We see all kinds of. We see all sorts of for this. This is too far. That. Take it away. Walk it out of the door. We are not paid enough for this shit. No.

So I got a text saying, your due your smear test, this is in September last year. Your due your smear test, book it. Book the appointment. So I booked the appointment with a nurse to go to the smear test. arrived there and they were like no your smear test isn't due till next year and I was like well you sent me a text telling me so can you just do my smear test and they were like no sorry we can't do it until next year so you do one now so rude so September I've got to wait to September

I don't know if they just got the years don't I'm gonna be leaving on you I don't I don't like I don't mind it all I don't know the smiter I've never had like an issue with it I'm fairly nice piece of intimacy for you mm-hmm love it any awkward any any one of your awkwards please. Okay, I've written them all down because I have such a big list I'm just going to absolutely barrel through them, right?

We did a shoot... So I'm in... I'm in Territorye as we speak. I'm in a shoot out here for Light London for the new collection and we went to the beach and I had to change outfit

like seven times and the first time I changed Dave did that you know the thing you used to do where you were a kid where your parents would put the towel around you and then you just like slip off and like slip into your knickers

or whatever. So Dave's holding the towel around me and it's a big towel and he's a big man you know he's got a big arm span so i'm fine i'm completely covered right until i'm not dave drops the towel and the bikini that i so i've got no pants on absolutely nothing on my on my on my bottom half in the top the bikini is sitting like above the boobs you know you know it's just like so this isn't even like this isn't even sexy naked it's not like oh i'm naked it's like this is obscene this is obscene this is obscene so you know when like the bikini comes up and it's like above your booze

and it's like pushing down on them and they're just like eh yeah lazy eyes oh wow yeah never thought about like that but yeah um so that i was furious at him for that um we're at the breakfast buffet at the hotel and i sat down at the wrong table for breakfast didn't notice until the other person came to sit down no no no no no no no no was just watching me pissing like pissing himself and i was like fuck you you you could have said something. So that was fun. The day, there's loads of glass around this hotel, which surprisingly has proved okay for me, but not for Dave. He's walked into, he walked into a big piece of glass at a restaurant, thinking that it was, it was clear. So shame on him, shame.

How embarrassing. Okay, that's it. I'm, I'm done. I've enjoyed all of those. I wish she'd kept going for days. I'm enjoying holiday though, Pritz abroad. There's more, but like, it's a lot. It's a lot. When I'm sad, I'm going to picture Dave walking into it. glass. I don't know why. I don't know why. Maybe it's because he's big. Maybe it's because he's quiet. Maybe it's just because he's Dave. Exactly. When I do it, it's kind of expected and it's like, oh, there she goes again. There she goes. It's extra embarrassing, you know? It's huge. Yeah, no. Yeah, and he's like mortoed. Yeah, he's not going to laugh it off, is he? No. He's going to stand there and just die. I just, bright red, and it's just full of shame. Oh, shame. I love it.

I live for that. Um, my awkward, I went to my wonderful friend's wedding. on Saturday. It was Arlo's first wedding. It was her godfather's wedding. It was so nice. And she was amazing. We were in the ceremony. There were only 30 people there. Now, interesting fact. We were told we could take photos during the ceremony, but we couldn't take videos because

the church have had quite a lot of issues with copyright recently. It's like, who? Who was copyrighting these hymns? Like, what? It's like... I know. Really weird. Anyway, that's a side that made me laugh. But it was like, obviously, it was a Catholic wedding, and they were in a church and it was lovely and Arlo I was just like willing her to be cool

it's like please be cool please be cool please be cool like just don't cry don't shit yourself because they're loud just if you can can we just have you on mute for like it's only a half and 40 minute ceremony like you can do this and she did do it she did so well okay well done Arlo was perfect until the vows and then I was wearing a pretty dress

it was completely see-through and because I am bigger now than I have been I'm new to Chobra but I don't love it but I'm getting used to it with my thighs my thighs are my thighs are my thighs are robin right my thighs are chafing I'm putting shorts on it's a hot day I'm putting shorts on yeah I put cycling shorts on

they rowed up so I was in the church and I was like God they've rode up so I went to try and unplug them because they've gone right the way up and as I did silence in the church and there was just ping of fabric hitting my leg.

It was like, Alex looked at me as an officer, and he just looked, and he was such a disappointed, like, had to be you. Really? Really. Like, honestly, and no one else would know that I was shorts. It could have been, like, pulling a G string. It could have been, like, the twat, you don't know what I mean? Like a, it was fabric hitting skin.

It was, there was no other sound that could have been, other than fabric to skin. And I don't know why I chose that. Why couldn't I do that during a hymn? I don't know. but I'm just glad I thought you could say you dropped Arlo trying to like move your shorts or something. Oh no no no no no I got quite scared. No no no no I just I just shouldn't embarrass yourself just embarrass myself yeah um the best thing for chubbub I think is um it's called

mega babe rescue rescue rescue by megabe I think that's it okay it's like a balm that you um like rub on perfect you know it's a bomb that you apply yeah a black nice okay so yeah i'm totally there for that i oh man just stuff yeah i it's it's it's hot it's it's the sun i mean it's actually thunder and lightning right now as we speak lightning just flashed oh i love that love that i had a specific bad can't remember what it is um so i'm going to give you in part another good which is that i've started watching real housewives of beverly hills but i guess i know we'll talk about it another time and it's the same for it is it just me but my bad I think has to be the fact that we're recording this on a Friday you know what that means

you know what's tomorrow Saturday Street party oh oh oh oh oh oh you're going we're going are you we're going oh shit we're going oh no for how long well you need to get out I've got to get out I'm going to another street party in Crystal Palace I'm going to a friend's street party so then I can go and hang out with her neighbours because it's much lower risk so I'm going to pop into ours and then go to hers I'm a street party swinger

I was about to say you're a street party who are you are I know little hussy I am doing the rounds I'm going to be on everybody's street I'm doubling down it's actually not tomorrow it's on Sunday I don't want to go to the one with my neighbours

so I'll go to my friend's one with her neighbours it is high risk out because what if it is high risk Like, you just... High risk, high reward, though. Yes, because our actual direct neighbour, I've recently got to chatting to, she's so nice.

We're friends. I'd go to far, no, we're not friends, that would be really, so she doesn't want to be my friend. But we get on. But Analo's a big attraction on the street, but big. I bet. So we're hot property right now,

but you've just got to be careful because you just, it's just tough. It's just tough, because if you don't like someone, you've got to keep living with them. So it's best to be acquainted. I agree. Get in and get out. Pass all around.

No. Well, yeah. Okay. I don't know. What do you do? I don't know. What's everyone going to talk about? Yeah, because people will be like,

oh, can I hold the baby? Yeah. Yeah, I'm just going to pop home and have a bath. You could just hold on to it for an hour or so. No. Do you have anything bad? Tell them, you've got to go, you're going to go home and masturbate. Do you mind holding the baby first?

a while. I don't even know the context for that, but okay. That was, that wasn't random. It was following on from our, um, talk about the group text. My bad is worse. My bad is not the street party. My bad,

I had a dream, Al, that we got Susie Wolfe to come on the podcast and she wouldn't come on because of all the stuff we'd talked about about our husband. I'm not surprised. She was like, no, I can't. You're a pair of perverts. You've been lusting on to my husband and I hate you.

She was real, in my dream, she was really like, are you kidding? Why would, why? Like, after all you, all that you've done, I was like, I'm sorry. She's got a point. I'm sorry. Anything else bad? And that is bad. No, my bad were just my awkwards all putting together. Fair enough. I'm so happy that you're having a lovely time in Tenerys. I am. I am. It's lovely. I am not looking forward to coming back next week. But we do have a studio day, so that'll be fun. Yay! Yay! I said to Dave, I need to, because you did like back in the old days when you had an office and when you went away,

you'd have to like you'd get sweets or like the local kind of delicacy like not delicacy but like chocolate yeah of where you'd been to take back to the office I'm like I would love a fridge magnet if you want one if you want one one I would love one I would literally love one so much I want the worst one you can find I want the ugliest tackiest yes I want literally the ugliest fridge that's what we're doing that's what we're collecting ugly fridge back okay I'll get you on maybe one with like boobs on yes I've already got one with boobs on more boobs would be great oh yeah okay there you go yeah more boobs I'm on the hunt. Thanks.

Or dick, yeah, I've seen a few dicks. I want a dip on my fridge. There you go. Okay, Nikki. Well, without further ado, we have an episode for you. This episode is fascinating. This interview is fascinating. I think Emma and I spent most of it with our jaws literally on the floor.

I haven't picked my back up yet. Gobsmacked. I've told everyone that I've spoken to since. Me too. I've been like, oh, you need to hear this story or whatever. Anyone's like, well, how's the podcast? I'm like, oh, I need to tell you this story. so it's really really interesting and also so beautiful and like happy and uplifting and just

I don't know like you know I'm not very like this but I was just I felt very like oh things working out as they should after after this interview so there you go I love that you're not really like that yeah something's worked out as it should I don't really like that it's not really my vibe I kind of like it when everything's on fire and everybody's crying no I said I'm not like that. Not that I don't like it. I do like it. But I'm also a miserable witch. But it's really, really interesting. So without further ado, here is Marla. Enjoy. Hi Marla. Thank you so, so much for joining us today. Thank you. I'm really excited to hear your story. It's a fascinating story. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, I came across it on TikTok and I was like,

oh my god we need to we need to talk to this woman like we need to talk to her because this is just mad i'd love to jump right in and hear you tell this story in your own words if that's okay talk us through it okay so um i guess i'll start from the beginning so according to doctors i was 40 weeks when i had my son atlas so that means i would have gotten pregnant last nay and I obviously was not aware that I was pregnant. I went to two music festivals during this time, about nine concerts, just kept on living my life. I had a period the entire time. In the month of August, I missed my period. And so that's the one month that I missed and I took a pregnancy test and the pregnancy test was negative. So then I just kept, you know, right on going or whatever.

and then my period came back in September. And then around like January, I started having some really bad hit pains and some GI issues, but they were all just kind of chalked up to preexisting conditions. I had done sports, a cheerleader when I was younger, so I already had bad hips that popped and cracked. And GI, I don't have a gallbladder. So that was just, you know, assumed that it was part of, you know, the me having acid reflux and things from that.

So go on until the night before I had Atlas, which would be February the 26th. I started having like really, really bad pain and I was home alone. This was this year. Yes, this just happened. My baby's eight weeks old today. Oh my God. Can I just, for context, we had a baby at the same time. I had my baby, my first baby in February as well.

Oh, that's awesome. So congratulations, but I cannot. believe that you this has just happened to you yes i'm so i thought this was like like a couple of years ago oh my god yeah no this just like okay so shit so it's so exciting so this is mad so february 26th this year like eight weeks ago you were sorry carry on i just i had i i got i got excited okay so that night I'm at home I'm having some really bad pain my sister comes over and she's like you need to go to the hospital like something's not right with you and you know I'd already been like to doctors chiropractors and I start Googling like bone cancer and all kinds of crazy stuff because I just think that I'm just dying at this point because I can't get an explanation as to what's wrong with me and like I said I look the same as I look right now my stomach was squishy so um That night, I would not go to the hospital.

Fast forward to the next day. I wasn't able to go to work that day. And I was actually packed and ready to go to a four-day camping music festival in Florida. And I was going to leave the following day, which would have been March 1st. But I actually went into labor that night. So the next day, whenever I'm at home, I start thinking, I'm constipated. It's hurting, like, bad. So I tell my dad, I'm like, hey, can you go and get me lactatives?

like I've got to do something like I'm going to this festival and I am in so much pain like I can't stand it. So go back and forth, back and forth to the bathroom about five times. And on the fifth time, um, I pushed really, really hard. And it literally felt like all of the organs in my body just fell out at once. I was like, oh my God, shit, I'm dead. I died. This is how I died. It's never been heard of. This is how I die. And then obviously I come to, that's just like a joke. But I come to and I realize that I've had a baby in the toilet. So my dad's at home. Oh my God. Yes. And so I look down and like he's not crying or anything. And so I look down and he's just looking back up at me like, hey mom, what's up? Like you're going to get me out of here? Like, what are you doing? Because the water was just up to like the bottom of his little nose like right here. So he was still able to breathe. So I scream for my dad. My dad comes running in and he helps me get the baby out of the toilet. And I'm so like just like out of it at this time. I'm just I don't even think to ask what the sex in the baby is or any. thing. And then my dad's like, it's a boy in case you want to know. And he's still attached to me

at this time. And I'm just like, oh my God. So we call 911. And when we get on the phone with 911, they're like, okay, Marlon needs to get in the floor, get blankets, let her hold the baby. You go get blankets and stuff for them. So I get in the floor and they're like, okay, well, you need to clip her umbilical cord off. And they wanted him, well, they wanted him to tie it with a string. And he's like, I don't feel comfortable tying it with a string. So I'm just going to use a clip like a binder clip like something you clip like a bag of like potato chips closed with is what he clipped my ambical cord with until the EMTs got there. I'm just in the floor like literally like spread eagle with my dad right there and a baby and this is like I didn't

even I couldn't even process what was going on at that time because I never thought that I was going to be a parent that was just never never something that had ever even crossed my mind being 34 years old and never even like having a pregnancy scared you know i was just like oh you know i just never had thought about it so we um we continue to sit there in the floor and it takes about 20 minutes for EMTs to get there the EMTs get there and like just this calm came over me and my dad describes it as like that i literally just began to look like a new person like i was talking different it's almost like i died that night and gave birth to a new me when i had atlas that night i mean it really is. It's like night and day of the human that I am now versus who I was five minutes

before this occurred. And so they get us to the hospital. And that night after like everything calms down, they get him cleaned off. They had to push my placenta out of me. So I had to ride to the hospital like with the umbilical cord still like it. They had detached it, but it was still like there. And so I'm sitting there and I'm like, what am I going to name this baby? Because his name is just baby boy McIntyre at this point, had never thought of baby names or anything like that. So I text my best friend and I'm like, you need to send me a list of baby names. Like I just, I don't know, you know, what I'm going to name this baby. I don't know anything.

So she sends me a list of names and Atlas was the first name on that list. And Atlas is in mythology, the Greek God that carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. So the name symbolizes strength and endurance, which was perfect for my son after everything that, you know, we had been through and um so that's how i named him and then um by the next day my friends had all because i didn't have anything for a baby like nothing obviously so um the next day um all my friends and family they like band together and completely furnish his nursery for me and i have like clothes through yeah i have clothes through like 14 now i think um like a whole wall of diapers like it's really been amazing what people did for us to help us because it was such a

life-changing crazy thing, you know, because these people had just seen me a couple days before and then all of a sudden I put on my Snapchat actually a picture of me and the baby and all of my friends are going on these group calls and they're like, is she photoshopping this? Is this fake? Like, what the hell is this? Like no one believed it, no one. And so everybody's trying to figure out, is it real? Is it fake? It real? Is it fake? Well, it was definitely real. And yes, that's kind of like the version. That's what happened. I have so many questions. I honestly, oh my God. Are you okay? Yeah. Like, do you feel? Yeah. I feel the best that I felt literally in 20 years, and that's no lie since I was in high school. Do you? Like, I had that

baby. I don't have to take, I was on acid reflux medication for 11 years. before I had Atlas. I don't take any medication anymore. Like, it's like he just cured everything that's ever been wrong with me. He's literally a miracle in every sense of the work. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. I mean, I have so many questions, but like, I just, I'm just, like, you describing that

night, I cannot imagine. It feels to me like that's too much shock for a human to actually take. Like, that is just too much shock. How can you, can you, can you? I mean, it was like just as soon as I saw him, I just knew that I had to be a mom. It was just like something just clicked. I was just like, okay, we're doing this. I didn't have any time to overthink it or anything like that.

It was just like hop into, you know, to survival mode pretty much because like I said, we didn't know anything about the baby, nothing. And I guess you didn't have a choice until we got to the hospital. Yeah. So my sister even said, because like when I'm in the floor, talking to the EMTs, I looked up at my dad and I'm like, dad, you might want to call Lacey. which is my sister and Lacey said she could hear me in the background on the phone and she said Marla I've never heard you be so calm before when you were talking to those EMT she's like something

that I've always been a high anxiety like very like stressed out person and it's like all that just like washed away in that moment wow because I didn't have any time for it to be anything else it was you know just making sure that the baby was okay and that I was going to be okay Do you feel that you were robbed of anything in that you kind of missed your own pregnancy? Do you feel like you lost, you missed out on something? It's really crazy because I actually had two friends that I went through my pregnancy with that were also pregnant at the same time. So I'm here doing baby showers and all this stuff for them and watching their bellies grow and everything. And one of my friends actually gave birth almost exactly a month before me.

and I look at pictures of us from the entire pregnancies and like you can watch her baby and like you don't see anything on me. I just look by the end of it I looked like I was like bloated from my period, which I thought that I was having the whole time. And so I mean, I do in a sense like I guess, but also I know that me thinking that I didn't want to be a mom, I probably would have overthought the whole thing so bad that it might not have been as pleasant of an experience as I got. Because giving birth and being pregnant were the two things that scared me about motherhood, not actually being a mom. So it was kind of like the universe was just like, you know what, I got you. Like, you need this baby. We're going to make sure that you have it. And so that's what happened.

Did you want to become a mom? Like, were you trying? Was it something that was on your radar or literally not at all? No, not a thought in the world about it. Like when I missed that period in August, I took a pregnancy test. And I was like, there's no way. And then it came up negative. So then I just kept on going about my life.

If I had never, it had never even crossed my mind other than that one time. And then I just pushed it to the back because Tess said no. And you were at music festivals. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to camping music festivals. I went to nine concerts. I was getting ready to go 10 hours away to one the day after he was born.

So I could have wound up having him on the side of the interstate or in a porter potty, even worse. I mean, so it just all could have went. so differently and it's like everything just lined up the exact way it was supposed to happen because I was by myself the night before too and being 20 minutes away from a hospital you know I don't know what I would have done if I'd have been there by myself it was crazy having my dad be my midwife I bet he was not expecting that when he no and he thought he was never going to be a grandfather yeah and he Atlas was actually born 30 minutes before his birthday oh so he got yeah so got his first grandchild as his birthday gift for his 67th birthday.

And probably the biggest surprise of his whole life. Oh, my God. Like, he still is just like, I just can't even like, can't even taste in, which everyone that knows me is, like, even last night I had the baby at a cookout at one of my friend's houses and they were like, this is just so bizarre. They're like, we always knew you would make a good mom. We just knew you didn't want that. So it's so crazy seeing me just like all in like mom mode, letting the mom earrings and

and all the stuff that I said I'd never do. And now, like, I'm soaking every bit of that shit up. You know what I mean? Like, I just love it so much. Something practical that I'm thinking about is how come you got your period? I don't know. Do the doctors not know? No, they have no explanation for it.

But apparently, like, that is something that happens because I did have people along the way telling me that they, this is not the first time they had seen this and it does happen, but usually the mothers make it to maybe like seven, eight months and then they figure it out. It's very, very rare that it goes all the way until birth. Marla, I honestly, maybe it's because I have just been pregnant. I was so big. How did you hide? Where did it go?

Do they have any explanation for like where the baby sat? Because I'm a small girl. I'm five foot tall. So like when I hold Atlas now, he's literally my whole torso. So like that's my question is like, where did he fit in at? Yeah. Where did he fit? I can't understand.

that's me too they think that because i was having that hit pain is that he was in the back like sitting on my hit but still i'm a small enough girl that like you would have figured like you would have seen something but like everybody just thought that i was eating too much door dash which that's what i thought too i was going to say some of this stuff makes sense now yeah but like i never had like a belly you would think of with pregnancy ever like i mean it was just like i was bloated yeah yeah did you put away anywhere else. Like, I've put on weight, like, everywhere. No, I lost weight during my pregnancy.

I was so confused. In just the last, like, two months in my pregnancy, I lost 11 pounds. It's so crazy, because it's not just like one thing. It's not, it's not just like you didn't have your period, you know, which in itself is crazy. But it's like, you didn't have your period. Like, he was in the back, so you barely had a belly, like you didn't put on weight. Like, how would you know you were pregnant, you know? Yeah. I mean, it's not, you know, it's not. You know, it's not. something you would keep thinking about if there's literally nothing that's pointing directly to that. Everything had an explanation. Did you feel him at all? Did it feel like something feels weird in

my tummy? No, nothing. No kicking. And they explain that as like, you know, sometimes moms feel and it feels similar to like gas bubbles or something. And so since I have bad reflux, if I did ever feel it, I didn't think it was that. So I don't have any memories of feeling something that felt like a kick or a movement or anything like that. Like just I already had bad stomach issues anyway. so just my regular stuff that I normally felt. That is my... I'm a full shock. We're jumping around a bit here, but...

Okay, first of all, when you actually gave birth to him, that must have been terrifying because... Because from the... I've never been through labour, but it doesn't sound fun. It sounds horrendous, and it, like, takes over your whole body. And you didn't know that you were in labour, so that must have been terrifying. You must have been thinking, well, you said,

like I thought I was dying, it must have felt like that. Oh, it did. And then when he actually came, like I can only describe it as feeling like every organ in my body, like even like my esophagus, it felt like it all just fell out of me at one time. But it was also such a relief because I had been in this unexplained pain. So like I felt so good afterwards. Like I was up walking around that same night. They looked like they couldn't get me to sit down at the hospital because I just felt so good

because I guess because I knew I wasn't dying anymore. like honestly it was a relief yeah that because contractions as well if you don't know that they're contractions to have such pain at such regular intervals must have been horrible because it's not even like a constant pain it's like pain gone pain gone looking back at it now it completely makes sense and I actually had made the comment to my sister I was like I swear to god like I would think I was having a baby if like I didn't know that I wasn't pregnant. I made that comment and then literally like two hours later had a baby. But like I just thought because I couldn't, it felt like having to go to the bathroom

really, really bad too. I mean, obviously it had to have been worse, but it's kind of crazy because like after I gave birth, it's like I can't really remember clearly how bad that pain was. Like I know it was bad, but like that part is such a blur because it was all so much to process at once. It's like that's not what, I guess, is still in the forefront of my mind after it happening. So I don't remember how bad it actually was. I know it was bad, but I don't know how bad it was. The world does that, like nature does that kind thing. Like, let the woman forget how awful childbirth is so that she might be tempted to do it again one day.

When dad, my sister, like, they were planning on sending me to the hospital that night, like, whether I liked or not, because my dad said, I was screaming out and pain every little bit. And like, He thought something was bad, bad, wrong with me too, but still, none of us thought contractions because, like I said, why would you think that if there's nothing leading you to believe that? You know what I mean? You think there's no chance you could be pregnant. I think I read that you'd seen doctors, hadn't you? Yes.

Yeah, who had not picked up on. Well, no, because I didn't have to have any blood work or anything done. And so it was just kind of like it was or any chance you could be pregnant. I said no. And we kept right on going because we thought we were dealing with GI issues because I had had that, you know, for the last like 11 years. That moment when you saw him in the toilet, which I still think is just like too much for a human to take, do you remember it?

Did you black out at all? Or did you just, I mean, you said you had this like sense of calm. Do you remember it very clearly? Is it all quite vivid to you? Oh, that part is where it becomes less clear after that moment, but that moment of looking down and seeing a baby, like literally looking back up at me, like. It was the most beautiful and like what the fuck moment of my life, like at the same time. You know what I mean?

Like what the hell has happened? But like I love this like this little baby more than I could ever even grasp. Like I said, I was so out of it. I didn't even ask what the sex of the baby was. Like I was just so it was like, oh my God. But I knew I was in love. Like I knew that. Like I felt just like a feeling that I never felt before.

But it was trying to process it all was like it was crazy. I mean, that's the only way to describe it. It was nuts. I mean, it seemed that, that's amazing that you felt this, like, instantly you felt this love because I imagine, like, a part of the bonding is, you know, through pregnancy, knowing what's, that you're growing this baby and kind of, like, already establishing this bond with this baby. So that is so amazing that you instantly felt it, especially not being particularly maternal

either. Yeah, I, you know, I was really, really blessed with that, you know, because I didn't know what kind a bomb I would be obviously and like everyone has said that it's just such a natural thing to me and it feels natural feels like this is what I was meant to do just you could not have convinced me two months ago even that this is something that was meant for me I would have told you that you were crazy like it just it was not I never thought it was in the plans I have a practical question about his landing because did he come head first and then sort of just like plop in the and then just sort of like spin around.

Yes. Like I can't. Yeah. Oh my God bless him. Yes. Like a parachute landing. Yes. And then I actually like I gave him a blood transfusion when this happened because of the

way that he flipped and landed and stuff. So actually like they had some concerns about him at the hospital because that had happened and about his soft spot on his head from where he had hit. But neither of those things wound up being an issue at all. So that was a huge blessing. Amazing. I mean, he's perfectly healthy. So good.

It does feel like the stars aligned in the most intense, like, and crazy way. Like, you say that you hadn't gone to the festival yet, that your dad was there, that he landed in the loo, but he didn't hit his head. Because babies are so fragile, having just had one, I am scared to even, like, put her too hard down in her cot. Like, I'm so gentle with her. And the idea that his welcome to the world is like a plop into the loo. Literally.

It's fine. Splash landing. Yeah. It just feels miraculous. Like, I'm so, do you, I don't know, do you have like a faith or anything? Does it feel like, like this was something bigger?

Oh, I think it was a God thing, 100%. I think it's definitely something bigger. Because it's not, you know, and, you know, with just all that lining up and then afterwards with all the blessings with things that have happened in my life and even my family's lives, it's like everyone that is around Atlas,

have been touched in some way. And so it's literally like, I mean, he's just a miracle for so many reasons. And I feel like there's no other way to say that it was anything but God. That's lovely. It just has to be. Totally. Yeah. Was there any part of you that had like mixed feelings, even just the fact that like you're

completely unprepared? I mean, I was a little scared. But was there any part of you that was like, I can't do this? Actually, no, honestly. I mean, yeah, it was like a scary thought at first. but I just literally adapted the mindset from the moment that it happened I was like if something this insane can happen

that it's definitely meant to be so we're just going to do it and so that's what I did. God it must have been crazy coming home leaving the... I mean, I was coming home when I left the hospital with my baby to like the nursery

and all the shit that I kind of knew that I would put her in but what was that? I mean, were you just like like did you have to go via a shop? I know you said your friends had rallied and catered out the house and stuff, but did you know they were doing that?

Or did you just, because that must have been overwhelming. Yeah, I knew they were doing it. I didn't know to what extent it was being done. You know, I thought I'd have, you know, some stuff, which in the hospital I got a ton of gifts too. I mean, there was one side of the room that was just nothing but gifts.

But then, like, what I came home to was even more. I mean, so much more. Like, it was overwhelming how much stuff that it was and actually I was able to pay it forward and there was another girl who gave birth right after me that didn't have a lot of stuff and I had so much I was able to give her three full trash bags full of stuff for her baby and still have more than I could ever ask for for Atlas so that was pretty awesome because I wanted you know to be able to do something because

of all the love that was shown to me that's so lovely that's so nice yeah since sharing it on TikTok, have you found other people that this has happened to as well? Not really through TikTok. I've had some stuff come across my 4-U page on there now that I've shared that. But actually, there's a girl that I work with who experienced this, but she made it till 35 weeks before she found out. So she found out just a little bit before giving birth. But she had a story that was really similar to mine.

she didn't show she you know didn't have any any kind of symptoms and she just had a baby just right before this i think her babies are like i think maybe like 15 months apart or something like that and she had made it to 35 weeks without knowing so it was cool and i didn't even know this about her and i had known this girl for a long time and so it's cool finding you know that i'm not not completely alone you know most people don't make it to you know give birth in a toilet like I did, but, you know, it does happen. I mean, huge props to you, like, Emma always says, like, she can't imagine how people do it, you know, single mums do it.

And I'm really blessed that I have a village. Yeah, I mean, but not only are you a single mom, you are like, you are, you're like a surprise mum. Yeah. It took me nine months to get my head around. I said to our, we were talking about this other day about how even the night before, because I had to be induced, so even the night. before I went into the hospital, I was like, I don't know, I don't think I can do this,

I don't think I'm ready, like all this stuff and I was still, you know, I'd had nine months to get my head around it and I was still freaking out. And you just sound so amazingly sure that this is just absolutely right. Yeah. And you just, you've, like, you've had eight weeks to get your head around it and be, like you say, up all night, every night, feeding, keeping your son alive. I just think you're amazing. Thank you so much. And, you know, I think being a chronic overthinker my whole life, I think not being given the opportunity to overthink this is really how I've just stepped into it. And it's just been so great for me. It's just changed my outlook on everything. And all of the, you know, the stupid stuff that I sat around and like dwelt on. I don't dwell on. I don't dwell on that anymore because it's like I went through something so incredibly huge and life changing and just the blink of an eye that I'm just like, I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. Yeah, I guess you don't have time. No, I don't have time.

That's a big thing, too. You're back at work now, is that right? Yes, I am. Yeah, how was that? Was that difficult? It was difficult leaving Atlas, the first day that I had him in daycare. I'm not going to lie, I had to go pick him up early and bring him to work with me, which I'm lucky. I work for a family that are close friends of mine, so, you know, they let me do that.

And so, you know, I do catch myself during the day, seeing around looking at pictures and stuff of him and thinking about how much I miss him because he's just, everything to me, but, you know, I know that it's, it's good for me to get back in a routine and it's good for him to have a routine. So I just try to, you know, stay as positive as I can about it. It's not the point of this interview at all, but I'm always so shocked by how terrible your maternity leave is in America versus the UK. Yeah, we only, I mean, I could have took more time, but I only took six weeks because, I mean, six weeks being unpaid, you know, that's a long time. It's long, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know how that, I don't know how anybody does it that, you know, here we get, I think it's nine months paid. It's nine months statutory as normal. Wow. Certain pay. Yeah. It's so much better. Yeah, it's nothing like that here. I had just gotten, see, my mother passed away last June.

And so I had actually sold her house last September. So that gave me extra money that prepared me for having that six weeks off, which is, you know, it's just crazy. like I said, how everything just kind of lined up because otherwise, you know, I just would have, you know, been six weeks with nothing. So, you know, it was good that I did have that to fall back on. But it is crazy in America what the maternity leave is like. You know, I didn't know that it was like that prior to, you know, going on it all of a sudden. You know, I didn't know anything about it. And was work understanding of what happened?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was kind of funny the way that I told them to because I just text a picture one morning because I had been I had been out a lot because I was having you know so many you know health problems and stuff like that trying to figure out what was going on with me and then um that next morning I just sent them a picture of me and the baby and I was like well and it was like six o'clock in the morning and I was like well I figured out what was wrong with me oh my god they must have died everybody's like what like they said they're all showing you so like have you seen this like is this real like what is she talking about she's about to go to a music festival and yeah i just i mean i didn't know any other way to really

kind of like easily put something like that to people so i was just like i'm just going to you know just send everybody a picture and be like here you go here's my baby oh my god i love that as far as pregnancy and helmsman's going that's fantastic it is literally i cannot think of anything that would topple anybody's world more than this. How do you feel physically now? Because I found postpartum to be a complete head fuck. Like, my body feels so different. Like, I feel different.

Like, I feel all right. But, you know, like just physically, it does feel like a shift in my body and everything. How do you feel? Do you feel physically fine, well, like the same as before? I really feel great because I did have those months of not feeling good with no way. explanation and thinking that something was just like really terribly bad wrong with me so i feel

so good now that i mean there's been some weirdness like i had some bad restless legs and stuff like that for the first couple weeks afterwards and then all that's kind of eased up and i really just i guess because i felt so bad i just really just i feel good yeah and and to like your body in its physicality do you has your stomach changed at all since there wasn't a baby in it to now it's smaller now but that's about it just yeah yeah I mean literally like I looked and like I mean I'm I'm not like a super skinny girl but I'm not super big either but I had like ab muscles like a couple days after I had the baby like you could clearly see muscles in the top of my stomach and I was like dang like I've never had those like did I really just push that hard

the most intense arm workout ever you literally I was like where did these come from like this is nuts and like I would we had to be moved to a nick you for one day and so like when I went to this different hospital and nobody really knew about my story or anything all these nurses are like you didn't just have a baby I'm like yeah he's here like what do you mean I didn't just have a baby you know people even still like when I'm out and I tell him the story they're like no you didn't and I'm like yeah I did we are having very different postpartum I don't have abs yet but I'm holding type. It's just amazing. Like I just, your body must, like you just got a super body. Like to do that

in secret. It's the coolest thing ever. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's really awesome. Like I said, I think it was the way that was meant for me. And it's definitely not traditional at all. And it's really crazy. But I mean, there's no other way to explain, you know, how everything could have just worked out the way that it did other than it just had to be meant to be. I'd say. You see them like, yeah, a little miracle yeah if it feels like that it really does that everything worked out how it was supposed to be and i'm really happy for you really happy for you thank you thank you it's been the best thing to ever happen you know something that could have just been so you know just traumatizing and i could have really made it into something a lot less beautiful i feel like than what i have you know

thinking oh my god why did this happen to me or anything like that and you know i don't think about it like that. I think about it like this was meant for me 100%. I just, yeah, I think so many people, I mean, because it is the most chaotic thing I can think of. I don't think there are many people that would be able to take it in their stride like you have. Like, I just, I think your, your remark boy is amazing that you have been able to view it like that because it's just, it's just amazing. It's just so much to get your head around. And oddly enough, since we've said that we were talking to you, I've been telling my friends and stuff, because, I mean, my best friend is so excited to listen to this interview. She wanted to come and listen to us recording it.

But so many people, since I've spoken about this, about saying that we're doing it, have said, oh, they know someone that it's happened to as well. And I thought it was this crazy, rare thing, but I don't think it is. I mean, I think it does happen. The statistics on are like one in every 2,500 is what I've read, but most of them don't make it all the way to birth like I did. You know, most people find out, you know, within like a month or two of giving birth. Right.

I mean, that's not that rare. Like, one in 2005, it is very rare, but it's also like, it's just nuts. Yeah. It's just nuts. It's nuts. And how your body, like, I'm just so baffled, like how your body simultaneously didn't think it was pregnant,

but at the same time, grew this perfect baby. So obviously, you know, knew it was pregnant. It's amazing. Hit it. And hit it so well, still had the period. Like, it's just crazy. There's nothing I could hide on my person. I've been looking around the room thinking, like, if I put like, if you try, I couldn't hide a water bottle under my top, you'd see it. I didn't know how a whole baby hid. It still blows my mind too, like thinking back on it because like, I mean, I literally just didn't look enough different to ever think pregnancy. Like I said, I thought bloated.

Like I had, you know, been eating too much candy or something. But like, definitely not a pregnancy belly, especially not going through it with my friends and watching their pregnancy bellies and me not having anything like that. And what's really crazy is August, the month that I took that pregnancy test that was negative, that's when my birthday's in August. And one of the girls that I went through this pregnancy with or why I didn't know at the time, she walked up at my birthday party. And I took one look at her, and I was like, bitch, you're pregnant.

And she was like, oh, yeah, like if I'm not telling anybody yet, blah, blah, blah. And thinking back on this now, how was I able to tell on other people and not on myself? You know, like, it's just wild. It's so funny as well to think, and rightly so, but like so many of us, when we're pregnant, are very obviously precious with our bodies, with everything. Like, I had so many scans. I was so careful, you know, just because that's kind of what you do when you know. But it's amazing that you went through the whole thing without knowing,

but with able to have this perfectly amazing, healthy baby without any of the anxiety, without any of the information. And yeah, it's just, it's so, it's just so, I'm going to say, like, I can't stop saying how cool this is. Like, it's just amazing. Thank you so much. I mean, it's, it's day, like, I mean, I just don't even have the words to describe it. Like, you know, it's, I don't know, I've just never felt feelings of joy like I feel now in everything.

Like, and like, I've just learned to really appreciate life so much more because I did have this unique experience that it was really just changed my whole life. Well, thank you so much for sharing it with us. Honestly, it's an extraordinary story. And it's just, yeah, we keep saying it's so. cool but it is and I'm just so happy for you and it seems like this was just it does seem like this was just something that was meant to be and this was how it was meant to be and yeah I'm just chuffed for you really pleased thank you I definitely agree I think that it was definitely meant for me wonderful what a little miracle should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network