Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: Are we all dieting our personalities?

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

In this week's IIJM, the girls chat about being too much, super bendy and overreactive...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome back to Should I Delete That. I'm Em Talks. I'm Alex Light. I'm, I'm fuck. You're a fool. I'm a fucking fool. Alex and is it just me episode. Question.

Tell me what you think about me. Do you do yoga? No, why? Do I look like the type? Because we've been asked a yoga specific question. I have done yoga. It's such a boring answer, but I'm going to give it to you. The reason I don't do yoga is because I'm actually, are you ready for a humble brag?

I know what you're going to say, go on. I'm too good at you. I'm too bendy for yoga. No, in all seriousness, I used to love yoga, but I am hypermobile, which means you're more prone to injury. And if, for me, when I do my running, my strength training, that kind of thing, you don't want to do yoga because I'll, I can stretch too far. Such a humble brag. I'm so benty. I can just, I'm just too good.

so it's much easier to injure yourself and you can do it when you're hypermobile but you have to do it like specially you have to go to like a special instructor you have to pay close attention and it's just too much for me because I would just rather lift up weights

I do like yoga I like the idea I like the practice I like being really good at something yeah but you've kind of completed it I you've kind of completed yoga

so what's the point I agree I agree yeah I get it I'm the opposite of you I am hyper immobile I cannot touch my toes I don't think I can touch my toes

I don't think I can touch my shins, actually, but anyway. Okay, I want to see this one we've done. So this kind of means nothing to me, this question, but I'm going to ask you just in case. Hi, I'm Alex. I know you love this bit. So love the podcast. That's embarrassing, but thank you. Thank you for appeasing us. Is it just me? When you're moving through the cat and cow positions in yoga. I do that in Pilates, to be fair.

Excellent. Yeah. Does your labia and vagina also open up to? Sometimes it feels very breezy asking for a friend. Right, well, you know, you know, No, what I've got to do, don't you? What's a cat and cow? Oh, I'll show you.

Okay. Good morning. Cat. Yeah. Cow. Did you feel it? Cat. I don't think so.

It's definitely closed here. That's not much of a movement. It is. Look at my back. I'm just so... No, I know, but I was thinking when she was like... I'm not doing it properly because I'm not supposed to have my feet up again, but... that's a big movement

look I bent it in and then no I know but when she said like through moving through these positions does your whole fanny open up I was like it must be you know like lexicon bell or something um no no no not particularly

we definitely need the video for this but that's just one vulva you know what I mean everybody's got different vulva maybe maybe you've just got a a breezy my friend had to stop doing you really, really, really loved it,

but she just kept on funny farting. She just couldn't do it anymore. I would, oh my God, I was at Pilates yesterday with my friend, and there was this one exercise where they were, because we did reformer, and they put us on the machine, and it was like for our pelvic floor, and my friend, he's had two babies at this point, she was like, I can't be sure that I won't we myself.

I was like, imagine, and into the split, and like, chew. Oh, gosh. But the fear of farting is so real. Yeah, I bet. Like, and I feel like I've lost a lot of control since being, like, I'm really working on my pelvic floor, but for a little while there. Yeah.

It's risky business. Yeah. I just want to say, I don't mean to, I don't want to shame this person because I bet it's the case for a lot of people. Yeah. Just because mine, you know, don't listen to me. What do I know? I mean, my friend literally can't move, can't do any position without funny farting, so.

Yeah. So everybody's different. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't think you're on your own. with that one. I got a second opinion from Dave a few weeks ago. You know, we asked Alex whether you can overthink, like you can discourage yourself into an erection. Yes. And I got a second opinion from Dave and he was even more confused with Alex. Well, we actually got a third opinion from the sound engineer at the studio. Definitely like, can't ask people

questions like that. Very confused because I just don't think as a rule, men think as much as us. Like, because we were like, can you, can you think about not wanting one so much that you could get one. And he was like, why would you do that? Fair enough? That is a very clear question to me. I don't get where the confusion is coming from. Like, that is very clear. Like, I just don't, they just don't, they don't have to, they don't suffer like us. They don't think that much. Imagine not thinking. I would just thrive in the emptiness of an empty brain. I'd be so happy. I think you should just be Dave. I think you'd be so much happier. I'd love to. I'd love to. Such an empty little, empty little, uh, existence. Um, I have a more serious. Is it just me? I have a more serious. Is it

just me. Oh, okay. Is that okay? Yes. Hi, you girls, love the pod. Thanks for the laughs. I haven't is it just me. I've just turned 30 and really in a good place with my curvy body and enjoying my single lots of dates life at the minute. However, I find myself getting a little bit annoyed whenever someone says, I love your pictures on Insta, you're so body confident, I love it. So obviously this is a compliment and I think they're saying they love my general confidence to not be worried about posting a bikini pick, etc. But my thing is, would you use the term body confident to a thin person? Like, am I being so, so oversensitive here,

thinking it's a bit of a backhanded compliment, like you're really confident for someone who maybe shouldn't be? Or is it amazing that people are now seeing so much confidence in women of all shapes and sizes, not hiding their bodies? And this is just a big step in the right direction, and I shouldn't be annoyed slash triggered, that this feels a bit like, that's amazing for a big girl. Ow.

Yeah. Did you write this question? I have to admit, I get every single time someone says to me, you're oh my god I love your confidence or replies to a picture of me where I'm sharing my body and says you're an inspiration but I'm not doing anything inspired like you know I do get triggered by that yeah yeah we laugh about this all and I together because like I get it too now and I notice it obviously I gained weight when I had a baby because don't this thing that's what happens in it yeah bulk you out anyway um I've had so many more comments like that since I've gained weight. So, like, yeah, it's definitely a thing. And I get it now when I'm working. I mean, you just, you get shit for doing shit.

Like, I'm getting messages being like, you're obviously, because I'm obviously exercising because I'm a tank and I love it. And people are like, oh, you're really trying hard to eat your baby way. And it's like, oh, I can't even talk to you about that. Like, I'm just living my life and I'm doing my thing and I'm really proud of myself and I'm smashing it. So you suck a dog on that one. But anyway, on the other side of it. And I really get it and appreciate it.

but I get quite a lot of messages being like, oh, it's so nice to see a real postpartum body. And I'm like, what even is that? Yeah. Like, what even is that? Like, anybody that's had a baby has a postpartum body and everybody's is real. Yeah.

And I think what people mean is that they can relate better to mine because I maybe look more like them, which is completely fine. Yeah. And I don't take it personally because I know what they mean. And it's nice and it's lovely that I can be a bit of representation for people. the moment or I can inspire people to try exercising or wear shorts even if they don't feel like

I love that I have that power yeah but I do get what this person means but I I just have to remind myself every time because sometimes you get it and I know what people mean but it'll be like clumsy wording and it's just like oh you know I think I'm too big to do this and I don't I don't like my body and I would never do this but you look just like me and you're doing it so then you read it you're like oh okay okay yeah but you can't internal like you can't make that your thing no like that person doesn't like their body yeah has nothing to and it's this wasn't the original question but that has nothing to do with so I think when people say I always think this when someone makes any commentary on your body or your image or what you're wearing or

anything like that it is an entire picture of how they view themselves yeah that's all they're showing you. And whether that's positive or negative, they're just showing you their relationship with themselves. So I personally, I think, save yourself to bother, don't even bother reading into it. Yeah, agreed. Yeah. I mean, easier said than done. Yeah, totally.

But I think that we've never seen any kind of representation that isn't the beauty standard, which is very, very thin. And so whenever we do see anything that, like, that falls outside of that, we're like, wow, this person is so brave for putting themselves out there like that. Even if someone

isn't very far away from the beauty standard, you know? It's, I think it's, like, testament to just how, like, warped on mindset is around bodies and women's bodies, like, specifically, but... But it can really mess with how you feel about yourself when you are receiving these comments. Because I'm like, am I, do I look different to what I think I look like? I sent you one the other day, didn't I? It was just, it was me in a bikini, like, I was even, like, half hidden behind a palm tree. Like a, like a, like a creep.

Literally. it was a bit of a creepy photograph and it was just me wearing like London and someone replied and said oh my god you're such an inspiration loads of hearts and I was like I was like okay I'm annoyed like let's think about why I'm annoyed about this and I was like part of me is annoyed because like

I'm not an inspiration for this you know I might be in other ways you never know there could be other things but for sharing this like that I'm not an inspiration I was a bit like I kind of wanted a bit more of like what do you mean by that though and then you know I showed my sister and she was like no no

she is just being nice and I was like I know but sometimes that especially when you're not feeling good about your body can just be like do you think I look like are you looking at me and thinking god if I look like her I would never post that so like what's an inspiration because that that makes me feel bad but then you just have to think again it's nothing to do with you because to some people like I always find this because I've been in a smaller body but I've always championed showing up as you are in real bodies and not doing filters and whatever like I have never like, you know, even when I was much slimmer, I still had stomach rolls or whatever

and I didn't, like, I've shared my body pretty consistently throughout all of its changes which have gone from very thin to like bigger and back again, whatever. Anyway, you realize at different points that you are relatable, aspirational, inspirational to different people all the time, which is really liberating

because you realise that you cannot please anybody. Like for a very small period of time, when I'm a size eight there are people who are like this is great and then again when I'm a size 10 then when I'm a 12 then when I'm a 14 then and you just you just ride that and what you what you have to do is just be you

and how everybody else wants to interpret you is on them and like societally yes what you said in that question about like is it you know is it is it not like do I have the right to be annoyed yeah because it is they are sort of inferring that yes

you are very body confident and maybe you shouldn't be or whatever but like it's their shit it really is yeah but it made me it made me feel quite sad because I was like this is part of the reason that I stopped like do you remember like a couple years ago

I was doing so much like body confident content and I was really like I was genuinely confident like showing off my body but I think the amount of comments just it was too much vulnerability and too much having to deal with being triggered constantly because either that, people saying you're an inspiration for not doing anything or people saying, you know, you're not even fat.

Why are you showing off your body and pretending that it's something inspirational? And it's like you kind of can't win. And you're right, it should just be about like showing up and being relatable to the people that you are relatable to and not worrying about the other people because that's just, you're just not their demographic and that's it. They do, yeah. And I find the more hurtful, the ones, and I used to do more along the, these lines as well and I used to get it all the time and people put really fucking pass-out

comments it's like oh yeah well easy for you to say when you click when you fit into the beauty ideal like you're slim and you're white and you're you know you're like you've got pretty privilege and you've got thin privilege and it's just like yeah yes you do but anorexia famously is the most dangerous or the most yeah the most yeah it's the most um what's the word has the highest mortality rate of any mental health disorder yeah and that only exists in thin women so to completely and I'm not saying that there's not you know that okay fine not entirely

yeah and you know white thin women have taken up a lot of the space in the conversation and I do get there's that but to completely blanketly undermine anybody right and I miss your posts like that I know I know we used to do the ones with your hands on your hips by the pool and then like have little words by the side I know and they'd be like little ones with a white shirt in your house

I remember them all I really do you know what I really relate to is the episode we did with Sarah from the bird's papaya and she said that she feels like she's dieted down her personality on Instagram and that's what I feel like I've done as well. Yeah. In that sense, like I kind of got to a point where I was like, I'm triggering everyone else with my body. And I'm triggering my, and they, those triggered people are then triggering me and it's like maybe it's best to just not do this content at all. And I do think it's, I don't know. Do you feel happier for not doing it? I don't, I don't feel either way, I guess. I feel like this part of me that's like,

I wish I could still do that stuff because I think it was powerful for people to say. It really was. I still think you can. Yeah. If you feel up to it. I completely relate. I feel like I'm coming back to my content a bit. I think I do.

I think I was so affected by the fucking trolling forum stuff last year. Yeah. And since it's all just been blocked out my mind, I just keep thinking like, this is my life. I think having a baby's put it into perspective. I'm like, this is me. Yeah. If you don't like it, fuck off. And I'm just going to sit here and try and make other people feel as good as I can.

Yeah. And if you've got a problem with that, take a look at yourself. And you're going to show up, for one of a better term, for the people who want you. And who feel inspired by the content and relate to the content. Yeah. And there will always be, like you said before, there will always be people who won't. Who don't want you. It's like that quote I shared yesterday that I try and live by, like, to try a little bit.

Success is like varying degrees of success. But the quote is very. simple. People are going to talk about you no matter what you do so you might as well do whatever brings you joy. Literally. And I think that's what should apply to our content as well but I don't think it does for me necessarily yet. I've made a real which I probably will have posted by the time this goes out but about and I've actually made a similar variant of it before and I have to keep reminding myself of it and it basically just says like let people be wrong about you. Like you there are people who think away

about you and they just they don't want to change their mind they don't want to think about you in another way they've put you in a box they don't like you they're annoyed by you they think you're emotional they think you're annoying they think you're too much they think that yeah and you can't fucking change it and you are going to exhaust yourself trying to prove and that's i feel like what we do online so much is try and get to those people and try and prove that we are making that we're smart and that we're working hard and that we're good and people and that we are going to try and relate to everybody like we want to prove to these people that we are good yeah but why because they know they know what they think about us yeah that we are there

and they probably know deep down as well that we are like you know good they probably know that but they just don't care they don't care they don't care and that's the thing as well it's like a very fleeting moment where they think they don't think about us 24 hours a day like we think about us they probably think about us once a month and think oh god pain in the ass yeah or whatever And that's that. But we spend our 24 hours a day talking to the person who has that one thought once a month and trying really,

and it's like we're presenting a case that they don't want to hear. They've got their bias. And dialing down other parts of ourselves. So is not to annoy them. Yeah. And it's so annoying. And I'm just not doing it anymore.

I'm just, I'm not fucking having it. There are people, there are normal people. The people that we meet in the street, the people that come to the live shows, people that listen, who are just normal, nice people and if you don't like something they either scroll on by

as is they're right or maybe they make a comment and they'll probably get over it and it's okay I think that's the other thing we're scared to like wrong one person because on the internet it kind of feels like that's that

like you do one bad thing and you're done but honestly like I just yeah you can't make people just let them be wrong about you you can't control how you're perceived you can just control how you behave

and that's really liberating then. It's just like... So powerful. Yeah. It's a hard thing to do. It is a really hard thing to do, but so, so powerful if you can do that and like find the power in knowing that like people, people can think whatever they want about you and that actually doesn't affect you. No. It doesn't affect you.

No, it's fine. Like I sit there and like I think maybe our phones make this so much worse because sometimes like I was, I'm writing a thing for a talk that I'm doing and I was really thinking about this. Like you can be sitting on your phone and you're looking at your phone and you're looking at your phone. and it's like the world is ending. Yeah. There are thousands of messages coming in. Like you are being cancelled.

People are angry. People are whatever. And like that's on an intense level for us. But it happens all the time. You know, WhatsApp groups pinging off. Emails like, like terrifying emails,

whatever. And you're looking at it. And then you look up and it's like, nothing's changed. Yeah. And I now think about my phone as somebody else's head as well. Like if somebody else has got all of this stuff

going on in their head about me, that's in their head. Right now, my physical. physical being is safe. Nothing has changed. Nothing is different. I am just. That's something that stayed with me actually when I heard about something that people were saying about me and I was really upset and you sent me some donuts which are gorgeous and you said with it like look around you you're safe like you've got Dave, you've got Betty, you're still you're safe and I was like

oh yeah like nothing has changed. It feels like my world is just like turned upside down in a second but it actually hasn't like all the important things are still here and I am still safe. And that's like, we've talked so many times in episodes about this, like, that sociologically, we need to be liked because if we're not liked, we feel that we're going to be pushed out the pack and left to starve to death. But that was when there were like 10 people in the village and you could piss off 10 people in the village. Not when they were like, for you, half a million people on the internet. You know, piss off one of them. They're not all going to get together and banish you. I'm not that important.

No, it's just not that fucking deep. And it's just like, that's really, really, really liberating. to just sit sit in it and just be like okay that's okay yeah like everything's fun i have to keep doing that with all this she grounds like grounds me like mad i'm like look i'm like you're it you're what's important that me and you baby like and if people think i'm a bad mother or a bad person or a pain in the ass or whatever it is and what prove it because i'm fucking not like i'm just not and like yeah i don't know maybe maybe motherhood's helped me there because I've just, like, found the confidence in myself.

Yeah. To know. It's the first time I know I'm good at, no, it's not the first, I'm good at ladies. Look, how good I'm at yoga. But, like, it's something that I'm very sure of that I'm, that I'm doing well. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that feels right and natural to you.

Yeah. So it's like when people, if, if people, and I assume, obviously, that people are all over the place talking about me being like, my God, she's probably are. Probably not. I don't know. Who cares? I'm not going looking for it anymore. And that's what I used to do In my real life and on the internet

I'd go looking for the shit I used to put my ear against the door Like if like I could Like if I had an argument my mum or like Whatever I would like put my ear to the door And wait to hear her slagging me off to my brother or sister I'd be like I knew you felt like that about me And then it's like why did I do that?

Yeah I would do that too Isn't it so weird It is so weird Because actually as well if you do have an argument with someone They're probably going to go and have a bitch about you just as the way that you would do it about them. But like those feelings change very quickly.

You calm down, you're less set up and in the moment. And like, it's just normal. And you're not, you shouldn't be privy to that. That's the thing. You shouldn't be privy to that conversation. So why do we try and... What's that expression? Something about burning your fingers,

but it's like if you go looking for something to hurt you, yeah, you'll find it. Yeah, you'll find it. Yeah, exactly. Probably. But it's just like, yeah, if you want to go and find people saying bad things, are people judging you go on and hurt yourself with it

but if you want peace yeah just have peace don't look and just make Jacqueline always says this on Instagram God we need her back

but she she always says this it's just like and this is something that I've just really tried is just to prioritise a peaceful life I didn't have a peaceful life

because I was involved in like and I think girls are like gossip and drama and you know like woo woo woo and then you do it on the internet as well and it's just like

and ultimately it's not good for you no it's very tiring that's the thing yeah it's exhausting and it doesn't it harms you that's the thing it harms you ultimately it feels like you're harming someone else but actually it ends up just harming you and if you just read into we need jack my bag

if you read into anything like these comments you know what started all of this if you read into those comments you'll find you'll find something there's always something yeah but that's you looking and making their shit about you and obviously it feels like it's about you

because they've said it about you they haven't, they've said it about them and you've made it about you and it's like that sounds but that makes sense that makes sense yeah yeah I mean that was a long answer

I hope that was I hope that actually answered the question well I hope that for you and we might I don't know I don't want to push you to do something that's going to trigger you but I think maybe that's what we should get jackaling back for. Maybe.

To talk about like going back to the content that we, because I get it. Like the diet, you know, maybe undiating our personalities a bit. Yeah. Because I, I would love to talk about that. Yeah. Because I do it too. You're so scared of being too much. And I feel like, yes, we're talking about it on a like a different level of like

a lot of people on the internet. But I do think it goes for every single woman and like their fear of being too much. Yeah, 100%. Dial yourself down, diet yourself down. And shrink yourself and be, you know. Yeah, personality-wise. And I think the internet doesn't help because we, people aren't good at just moving on anymore. Like, I don't know, if you walk past someone irritating on the street and the old days, you just be like, well, they're fucking irritating.

And then you just wouldn't spend time with them. Whereas now it's like, I'm just going to tell them how irritating they are. Like, and I'm going to sit here and I'm going to follow. I would love to know, I actually want to do something on my Instagram about this, about how many people hate follow or irritated follow. because that I just don't understand and we do it in our real lives all the time it's like why why do we follow it'll be like someone will follow like their like

school friend's girlfriend or something and you're like and they're like she's so annoying and it's like why do you follow her? Literally I don't think I follow hate follow anyone but it's that it's the fact that we talk you know it's so common to hear women being irritating or to hear our friends describe women as irritated or whatever that we just we internalize all of that and then we alter ourselves yeah

I'm not in a fucking mood I'm not doing it anymore wound up now yeah I'm over it I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna be myself I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna eat my pistachio cake and go for a way and think about all of this on the loo yeah how about that whoa yeah yeah fire it up okay well thank you love you. Sorry we didn't get an embarrassing story in, but... Be yourself. Well, we heard you doing yoga at the beginning, so that's good. That's nice. Yeah, didn't get a breeze through my flaps, but I tried. We had some fanny farting, so... Yeah, I'm maybe I'll just try it in a skirt next time. It's a bit of a scene, actually. Yeah. No, we're not in public. Yeah. Anyway, okay, guys, so we love you loads and we will see you on Monday. Bye.

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