Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: Betty ≠ Julie's children

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

On this week's IIJM, the girls deep dive into dogs, babies, and whether people should call their dogs their babies...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That? This is an Is It Just Me episode? I'm M. Clarkson. I'm Alex Light. We're going straight in with something that I think could be controversial and I'm interested to get your take on it. Donning. Also, I love this intro. Right. Hi guys. I love the pod.

My friends and I always listen. Then discuss amongst our own podcast in brackets, aka voice notes. Each Monday and Thursday, one of us will text and say, have you listened yet to check in? No way. How cool is that? How fucking cool is that? You know, sometimes like I, when people tag their friends in my content, I'm like,

oh my God, are you slagging me off? Like, I always assume that anybody talking about me it's bad. Like, you know, sometimes when people send your own story to you being like, what a fucking bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you didn't mean this for me. Yeah. And you can see how many people like send your posts.

Yeah. And I don't look at that because I'm like, why are you sending people of it? Yeah, exactly. So to know that people are sending it for nice reasons, it's stunning. Discussing? How cool is that? They're disgusting. They're disgusting.

No, they love that. I want to go, can we come in the WhatsApp crew? I know, can we understand? And just make sure that we were interpreted and perceived exactly the way that we want. And we'll be silent until we spot an error. Have people received exactly perfectly? And if not, why not? And can we rectify it?

Not that we're control freaks. You make my Monday commute home that little bit brighter. Thank you for being a friend. Fabulous authentic selves. That's so cool. Thank you. Back to the email. That same friend and I were discussing how on cheaper airlines you have to pay to book your seat. Ahead of a flight to Sophia recently, highly recommend such a chill to City Break West. Oh, it's in Greece. Love that. Is it? Yeah.

Gorgeous name for a place. As an already anxious flyer, I was really anxious that someone might ask myself or my partner to move so that they could sit with their child, to which we both agreed that if asked we would say no. Ooh. Is it just me or is it really unfair to ask that of someone when they've actively chosen. and to pay to secure a seat next to someone they are flying with, whether they're a child or not. Oh, I see. So she and her partner have paid for their seats. Yes.

And then she's saying if some cheapscape parent who hasn't paid comes and is like, I want to sit at my... Yeah, fair fox. Absolutely fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah. Totally fair enough. Especially like she's like... Well, not even especially.

Like, you don't even have to justify it. But she's an anxious flyer and like we all... If we pay to book a seat, we pay to book a seat and then that's our seat. But also I love that she... has psyched yourself up to say no if she's asked. It's like, I do this all the time. Whenever I'm breastfeeding in public, even before I was even pregnant,

I always did this, I'd be like, if I'm breastfeeding in public one day, and somebody comes up to me and they say this, I'm going to say, blah, blah, blah, and I'm going to go, blah, blah. And that's like, you plan this whole thing in your head, it's like, nothing's even happened. So I like, she's like before the flight,

she's been like, when somebody comes up to me, I'm going to say, no. Because probably when someone comes up to her, she'll go, yeah, okay, then. Literally, like, crumble immediately. Of course, yeah, take anything you want. Do you know what, my mum, so my mum was an air stewardess, and she says that often what people would do on flights when asked, for example, like we've got a child, like, or something like that, they would say, we will do it for takeoff and landing, but then we'll swap bag seats. Okay.

Actually, no, that's not for children, is it? What's that for? I have no idea. I fucked that up. No one does that. She was talking to me about this. She was like, if people ask you to move seats, you can say, for take off, I think it's if people are in emergency rows and their children in emergency rows.

Children copy in emergency rows. Forget it, forget it. Ignore everything I just said. See, I don't know. I'm really anxious about, no, not really anxious. That's an exaggeration. I don't seem to get that anxious anymore, which is weird. But I'm quite aware of like, oh my God, actually, on the day of recording right now,

I saw a thing this morning of Tewy. Somebody sent Tewy customer care and email saying, hi, It was a guy. And he said, hi, my wife's a bit anxious about flying or something. I just want to check that it's okay for her to breastfeed during takeoff and landing. Because I've later learned that when she was taking off on the outbound flight, she was told by the air steward or air host that she couldn't breastfeed while taking off, which is not the case.

Like actually you can and first of all legally you can, but also it's recommended that you feed when they're taking off and landing. Because there is. Yeah. So anyway, she sent the email because she was anxious and she didn't want it to happen again and she wanted to have like the backup, I guess, as somebody else told it. And the two customer care replied and said, you can breastfeed. Like there's no restrictions in place, but you might, but maybe you shouldn't because it might

make other people uncomfortable. No, they didn't. Yes, they did. So bad. And then obviously, she shared it online being like, what the fuck. Because as per the Equality Act, I want to say in like 2020, they've changed the law so that you cannot be asked not to breastfeed. anywhere, which is something that I found myself

being really randomly passionate about. Not randomly I'm breastfeeding, but yeah, what the fuck? That is absolutely outrageous. Isn't it so bad? So, like, because I'm already, like, I'm already so nervous about flying with Allah because I'm just like, I can feel it, it's palpable when you get on a plane when you've got a baby, everybody

looks at you and hates you. I'm like, I don't know, I hope they're not next to me. It's, as a people pleaser, it's a crushing thing to do, walk down the aisle with your baby and everybody's, and I've got my biggest smile, and I'll I just got her big eyes and she's like, love me. And everyone's like, fuck off.

Yeah, no, I would hate that. So I get it like, obviously from the parents' perspective because it's so anxiety-inducing. But then also, like, we know that. Like, I know that. And it's my job on that flight, as far as I'm concerned, to control my child. Do you know what, though?

I was talking about this with Jen the other day. We, because we were looking after our sisters, our other sister's baby, and we're in a pub and she started screaming. And I started panicking. and Jen, who's already got a little boy, was like, no, no, calm down. Like, the people who care the most are you, the parents, firstly. And also, like, as long as you're doing something about it

and, like, you're trying to sort the situation out, like, it's absolutely fine. Yeah. And, like, we were all kids. I know. We were all babies. I know. And I bet most of the people that are, like, touching or rolling their eyes, have kids, probably grown up, but have kids.

Yeah. Have grandkids. So it's like, it's so unfair. People are just so mean. Yeah. But then I also understand that you don't want to sacrifice. If you've paid for your seat, like, I feel like with it, that's different. It is different. With the plane, I just kept thinking, you've all got headphones.

In the year of our law, 2023, you've all got headphones. Like, I'm going to do my best to keep this baby quiet. But please just put your headphones in and accept that I'm doing my best. 100%. I think, like, I think it's so uncompassionate of people to be rude about it. There's loads of TikToks, like people being like praying, a baby doesn't sit next to me on the fly. I'm like, but then I feel like, okay, this is a much broader topic and I'm probably going on a tangent here. But recently I've been noticing, I don't know if you've noticed it too, but there feels, there seems to be a real rift, like an even bigger growing rift between people who have children and people who don't.

Do you think, are you seeing on TikTok? TikTok and on Instagram as well and like it feels like a really contentious topic. You know like if I know like I referred to Betty as my child. Fucking hell, yeah, that DM you got. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I got that DM so basically someone replied saying like

I will basically like lull when people call dogs their children and I actually, I roll, yeah basically and I shared it and I got loads of people being like well I get that and one woman was like One woman was like, it actually took all my might not to respond to this. She's like, well, actually, I do take offence to you comparing my children to animals. I might have the next biggest brain surgeon on the planet.

Or I might have the next rocket scientist. Sorry, why is being so discriminatory against Betty? Betty is more than capable. Thank you. If you're just got to support her fucking dreams, there is nothing to stop her getting into NASA. And I really hate that attitude. It's really prejudiced, actually, and quite problematic. So discriminatory.

How do you? It's so animalist. I actually, I'm. Appalled. How disgusting. She said three things. Rocket scientists, brain surgeon and something else. Imagine Betty is a lawyer. Imagine her with a little wig on her. Imagine the little arm. I don't know what hell of it on. Oh, I'm a little surgical mask.

No, she's actually the last person I'd want to operate on my brain. The last thing. Absolutely. Terrifying. Just eat it. No, it'd be terrible or gross. But how outrageous is that? And I was like, why do you care so much? I am not saying, I am not writing this and saying,

okay, let's say her name was Julie, it wasn't. But like, I am not saying my dog, Betty, is the same as Julie's children. Literally. You are putting yourself into a pretzel. It's actually insane. Okay, I'll say it on here because I was too scared. Was I too scared? Maybe I delayed my comment.

I can't remember. Anyway, I don't know if you remember a while ago, Haley Madigan. Oh, my God. We follow on Instagram. We love Haley. She's like the nicest person ever. she put up a video on Instagram basically like it was a chill thing

she put up a video like on holiday it was a joke and she was like I can't remember the exact wording but it was basically like me being child free on holiday and then remembering that I've got my fur babies at home or whatever it was basically saying like when you've got dogs and cats

like when you've got animals a bit of your hearts at home with them and you've got responsibilities and you can't just lie there and be chill anymore because to a lot of people their dogs are like their children right And the response that she caught

It was disgusting It was fucking insane And I have a dog And I have a baby Right I have an eight year old dog Who before the baby came Was

And main and remains But it's really important That I specify That before Ollo got here Bua was my whole fucking world Like she is my baby She is

I got him when I was 21 And she has been my best friend Like every single thing I've been through Boo has been there every single day for eight years. Like, you do have to be responsible for her. You have to get home. You can't leave her at home for that long, like, on her own.

You take it. I only go, for eight years, I've pretty much only gone to restaurants that can take dogs because it matters so much to me. Boo and me are walks every day. Like, she is, I sent her so much of my life around her. We do holidays that she can come on. Like, I've got a silly little passport so she can come to Ireland.

I love her more than I can ever explain. I look at her and I'm like, oh my God. And one of my biggest fears when I had a baby was that I wouldn't love Boer anymore. Like, I was so scared that it would overtake it. And it hasn't. I now have two babies. And I look at the bed in the morning

and I don't leave them unsupervised before anyone worries because I know Bua, I know Bua through and through, and I know she's an absolute angel dog, but she's still a dog. So, like, I'm on it. But I'll put them on the bed together, eyes on. And I just literally look and I'm like,

my whole wide world. This morning, I came into bed. And it was, Ollo on one side, Alex in the middle, and boo her on the other. And I literally looked at her. I was like, my babies. My babies. Like, they're still, they're both my babies. And they're different babies.

And in lots of ways having a baby's easier than a dog. And in lots of other ways having a dog is easier than a baby. Right. Right. But it's different. They're incomparable. Exactly. But also, why people compare it?

Why does it matter? Why does it matter? How I feel about my dog and my, because some people, like, when I spoke to one of my friends before I had a baby, she said, oh, yeah, we had the dog. And when the baby came, the dog was old news. and it broke my heart. That makes me feel like I could vomit. Broke my heart.

But that's her. And I can't tell her how to feel about her child or her dog. Right. You can't tell people that. You just have to go, okay. And we've spoken about this, because one of the things that freaks me out about having children is that I won't love Betty as much.

But I love Boers so much. And I think I know I would be exactly the same. I love Boers so much. I literally like, when I get home, and we do it all the time, and we make sure, I mean, it's really important to me that like, if we're giving Bua treats,

it's like, Arlo has to give her the treat. And, like, you know, we make sure that they're like, involve her. Like, best friends. Yeah. Because, and I said it for, this is Bua's house. Bua's lived over eight years. Yeah.

You can't just dump a kid in there and be like, get on with it. Yeah, like, you have to accommodate it. And I'm actually, you know, like, actually I haven't even talked about it. But Booer's been amazing, but it did put a nose out of joint for a bit. So I had to make a really big effort to make sure she still felt special as people loved.

and like, because you make that effort, because you love them. Yeah. Like a baby. Like a baby. Some people don't and some people do, but it doesn't matter. Why the fuck does it matter? I don't understand why we have, and I find this since being a mom. It happens all the time people go, you don't understand how tired I am.

You won't understand until, someone did it the other day and said you won't understand until you're a parent how this and this and this. And I thought it was a really mean thing to say because it's like, maybe not, but that's okay. We don't all need to understand each other all the time. So to have compassion and empathy, we don't need to really understand it. We can just look at somebody else and go, oh, yeah, you must be tired. This is the thing. Yeah.

People feel so strongly about this. And I don't get it because I'm not apparent. I've not experienced it. I've not experienced that sleep deprivation. I've heard it's literally torture. It's not great, but it's like, I'm okay. Yeah. But it's also just like, why can't we just let people be?

like if someone wants to say they're tired even though they don't have children why can't we just let them be tired if someone wants to think that they're if to someone else their dog is like their baby like their children

why do we care just let them be it doesn't affect us sometimes like people who have like mice or rats as pets I could never because I think their tails really weird

and every time I see a rat as a pair I'm like because I couldn't but I don't have to so I just leave it it's like okay it's not being like We're not forcing it on anybody else.

I'm imagining it. It's like someone who owns a spider, like a pet spider being like, it's so much work having a pet spider. And I've been like, you know, like obviously I know that I don't know. Okay, shit analogy. But I'm just saying like I just don't care. Like if you tell me that's hard work, like I'm so sorry that's hard work. But like, do you love it?

Great. Yeah. I just don't care. I know. I don't. I don't. I mean, maybe we'll probably lost like all of our audience because they'll be like, Fuck you.

But I just thought, I actually, and I think it's a really invalidating and mean thing. Like, Betty is your baby. Yes, she's your baby. She is. And I love her so much. I know you do. And it's, it's mean. People sending you those DMs, what they're saying is, I'm better than you because

I've got babies. That's how it feels, a little, little bit. And I always felt like that when I was in the, when I, when I walked around the park before I had a baby. And I still feel like it to an extent now. I feel like sometimes the attitude is like, babies are miracles and dogs are dogs. And it's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Both are miracles. Depending on who you go to, both are miracles. Like I look at Boer and I'm just like, oh my God, how is so much in that tiny little body? How do you see me? How do you get it? How are you so smart? I say to Dave all the time that I think she's been, I look at her and think you've been hand-carved by God. Yeah.

You're that stunning. You're that precious. I didn't even believe in God, but there you go. Do you know how beautiful you are? And she's got no idea to drops around rolling in fox shit. I'm like, oh my God, queen, icon. I'm obsessed. I don't know. I just think it's such a shame. And then I see like I see child-free pages and I feel like that's good. That's definitely good. That needs a place as well. People need to

have a place. People who are child-free for whatever reasons that they end up child-free need a place for them to need a safe space for them and then to like meet like-minded people. I think that's really important in a world where a lot of like most people are parents. But I find some of the content there even it's like it's it just feels very them and us yeah and i'm like why can't we just like i support you being child free i support you with a baby i support me and my dog yeah i support me and my dog like why do why why we just i don't know it feels like it just feel a bit mean yeah and then there's all these people commenting on on the these child free page i mean it's it's it is i can see how it's a little bit aggravating this content because it's

Basically, like, some of it is literally like, fuck, fuck you, fuck kids and, like, I hate kids and stuff like that. And I'm like, you don't, you don't actually need to do that. You could just be like, I'm child free and I'm like, loving being child free, fine. But the comments on it is just, and it just leads to so many arguments. I'm like, I just think it's a shame. Yeah. I think it's a shame. Because actually, you're right about the child free space.

It's like, people are pushed into this. And it is annoying. I mean, this is such a massive conversation. But, like, you know, to have women all the time being like, when are you having babies, when are you doing this? you're going to blah like it's a lot and it's too much and they do need this space but I just I don't understand like I don't know I don't I don't all of it I find all of it really stressful because even the even the parent even the parent stuff like right you'll never know yeah but even not even parent on parent it's it's more this like you'll never like I could never say that to somebody

like when people say like you'll never know love until you become a parent I just think like that might be true to you I don't know if I'll ever no love in terms of what's happened to my insides with my instincts and stuff. Like the science of becoming a parent. Yeah. But to say you'll never know love until you become a parent, I mean, it's so exclusionary of people that can't have children. It's cruel.

It is cruel. So cruel. Actually, when I hear it, I just think that is so cruel. You don't understand. You're, that's such a selfish thing to say. Yeah, you don't understand love. I just think like, and also, I do. Like, it's different, but my love for Bua is that. Like, my love for her is so complete.

Like whenever I'm in there Whenever I cross a bridge In London I think I've said this before I've always convinced The bridge is going to collapse And will be plunged into the Thames So I always have my exit strategy

Before when it was just me and Bua It was all right And now I've got Arlo to get out as well And I have to work out Like how I can get everybody out the car In this hypothetical situation But it makes me realise Like the love for Buwer

It's not gone No It's it's it might not be exactly the same, but it's just as much. Do you know what I mean? It's different, but it's just as much. Yeah.

I don't know. And I think it would be so much nicer if parents said that. Like, it's a different type of love and one that you've not experienced before. No, and I can't word it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not that you'll never experience love

unless you have a child, because it's not true. Because it's not true. I heard that so many times. It's just not true. Before Anna was born, you had so much love in your life. I have so much, I love so many people so much. Like I'm sure having a child would also be a huge amount of love and yes, a different type of love, but I don't know,

I think it's really evil when people say that. I'm like, it's so cruel. I'm so aware of it. I was talking to Georgie about it the other day and it's just like, and you know, she's so kind, so kind and so wonderful about everybody. And it's like, I'm really fucked off on your behalf because it's a huge rhetoric that exists that needs to not exist. And yeah, dogs aren't children stuff

It's just like, oh, chill out Like obviously we know they're not actually children I'm going to put them in kindergarten And like, do them pack lunches And send them to tumble tots Like we know it's not a real child And it's not going to be a brain surgeon And it's not going to go to NASA

But it is going to fill my heart With all this love. And also, who cares if your child is a brain surgeon or goes to the space Who actually care? Why does it matter? Why does it matter to someone that lives a very ordinary life, like what's wrong with, like, why is that different to them being compared

to dogs? It doesn't make sense. It's actually so, isn't it? I was so offended. Because my baby is going to go to space and yours won't. Exactly. So is she going to get upset that like people are comparing their very average normal children. Don't compare. No. My child are your child? Mine is a different species. And your best case scenario is going to France. Oh God. It's terrible. And that we're probably going to get in. so much trouble for this whole episode. Do you think? I don't know.

It just, the dog, the dog comparison really upsets me because I get there's a whole conversation. And yeah, okay, actually, the only thing we haven't touched on is the fact that, like, postnatal anxiety and postnatal depression doesn't really come when you've had a dog. When you get a dog.

But it's still... Oh my gosh, you say that. I had the worst baby blues. They're puppy blues. Sorry, puppy blues. I had the worst puppy blues. I know. I know.

And I was thinking that, but it doesn't... Not everything needs to be equal. No, and it's definitely not. Yeah. But I mean, like, your type of... Like, that's what you said before, your tiredness doesn't need to be on tired. Your baby blues, my dog, or my dog blues, you're, no, other way around. Anyway, the blues, we don't know how to have the same blues.

I know, I know. And also, no one ever will have the same amount. Even two people who have a child, they won't have the same amount of baby blues. It's all relative. Yeah, because baby blues come like completely different. My mind, I thought I got away with that. I was like, woo, look at me, I've gone into the second week feeling good than day nine. I was like, oh, help.

Right, help. Right. But, um. And some people have proper post-aital depression. It's just, it's. And that's fucking horrible. There's got to be space for people. There's got to be space.

And there is space for everyone. Yes. There's space for everyone. Yeah. People just get so triggered. It's just so mean. Triggered by stuff that actually has nothing to do with them. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know. I know. The projection is wild. I literally died. Like, I hate when people, whatever, people call their dogs their children. Why? I'm embarrassed to say that I blocked them. Did you?

Yeah, I did. Good for you. I did. Do you know what? I've been doing this thing. I don't know if it's good or it's bad. but I've been saying to myself, like, do I want this energy in my space?

Oh my God, I love this. Like, the... Like, like, tapping into energy. You also saw, like, oh my, my daymas have been crazy recently. I posted this, I reposted this video of terrible Photoshop, someone trying on Spanx. Like, they have a big tummy,

they put spanks on their tummy and magically disappears. Like, the curtain is, like, wavy behind it because of the shit Photoshop. So I put it up and said, like, haters will say it's Photoshop. Obviously, it's Photoshop. And then someone replied to me, I went to sleep,

I don't know. I never thought twice about it because I was like, obviously I'm being sarcastic. I was not that obvious. Always think twice out. Always think. At least three times, four times, five times.

Especially on the internet. 10 times on a good day. I woke up to this message like, oh my God, you were a horrible person for promoting this bullshit all in capitals. And then obviously I shared it. You're a horrible person. I know.

I chat myself. I was like, well, the fuck did I help. And then she replied later was like, well, I apologize, but a lot of people won't have. got that, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, I don't want you in my space. I really don't want this energy. Someone who's going to be that quick to forget everything. She could like, she could have at least said, have you been hacked if she thought it was, you know,

but like, so I blocked her. You're a horrible person. I know if it's good or bad, this like blocking spree, but I'm just thinking anyone I don't want, they're just gone. I don't want, I just don't want them there. I don't know why. Unless it's like men selling me photos of their willies, because I'm gross. So if you look at my block, this is literally like all men. Yeah. I don't block people. but I just removed them as a follower because I just think I'm just going to do you a favour here

like you clearly don't want to be here but I wish I blocked them I just I get too angry sometimes I what did I do the day someone sent me really shitty message and I wrote a whole reply oh someone sent me message being like

I think it's really problematic that you haven't commented on Chenade's death yet I just want to know why and I was like Sheenade O'Connor who I've never met like I'm really sorry

also she died on like I got this message on Monday morning so she died on Friday Thursday night I think Wednesday night Thursday night anyway I had a horrible weekend I was so tired

I spent all the Friday crying just for my own personal reasons but does even matter yes I was busy I was busy and I replied I said I'm not the news like it's very sad but I'm not the news and then I delete my message

because I'm pussy and I unsent it so lol oh my god ridiculous I'm jokes we should go through some of our most DMs as and is it just me sometimes Oh my God, Al, Kate. I'm going to start collecting them, okay?

No, I do collect them. And I've also got, you know, every day I do my ponquotes, my inspirational ponquotes. Yeah, yeah. Without fail, every single day I put a positive one, somebody comments back and says a reason why they can't do the affirmation. So we could just have a whole session of me reading those. Okay, I'm going to start what we thought it was going to be.

No, really wasn't. Please don't cancel us for it. Please don't. We love everyone. I'm going to start going from me to get Betty into space. So if only one wants the link, please DM me. She's shitter pants. I just don't want to rock it.

I'm like, she can't even go in the car. No, queen. Thank you so much for listening. And we'll see you on Monday. All right. Love you. Bye. Thank you so much for listening.

Should I delete that as part of the ACAST creator network?