Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: Double standards at the Olympics

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

TW: sexual abuse, child sexual abuseIn this week's IIJM, Alex and Em chat about letting go of control, managing anxiety and the double standards at the Olympics...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That, I'm Alex Light. I'm Em Clarkson. How you doing? Your hair looks so good. Thank you so much. I've been meaning to tell you all day, but I thought I'd wait until we get on the podcast to tell you. Thank you so much. As we were, I waited for Al by my car. I was waiting as we were going. Like, as we were coming in, I could see her coming down the street. So I was like, I'll just wait here for her. And she got incredibly close to me. And I was like, hello. Alex and you were like oh I didn't know it was you I didn't know it was you it was really funny because

I was like oh I was in a world of my own but I was looking at you and I was like oh that girl's pregnant and like nice hair and I just didn't think anything of it and then I got a real shock when you were like hello hello hello you must have just thought I was just ignoring you I know that you live in the clouds I'm like I don't expect I know I don't expect much of me I know so you're you've got one thing on the agenda at any given time. And if walking's that, then who am I to get in your way? I can't multi-dust. No, I know. Her's looking great though. Thank you so much. And yours hasn't fallen out. Mine hasn't fallen out. It's looking long. I'm scared to say it, to jinx it, but people are saying that if it hasn't by now, it might not. It would go at four months.

There is no such thing as a free lunch. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Absolutely disagree. there are so many times in life that you could get a free lunch like when okay planes you paid for that in the olden days like BA arguably you did pay for that that me no it came free um stolen lunches would be free um lunches in hospitals free i'll give you that i mean yeah but at what cost cost of potentially a health problem you didn't we didn't you didn't ask with the monetary possibly a moral problem i'm talking we're talking coins here i'm talking hard i'm talking cash money okay i'm talking i'm talking free money okay hospitals easy uh where else would you get a free lunch um well if marcus ratchford gets his way schools fingers crossed yeah yeah yeah in fact your statement

goes at completely at odds with the very hard work and important campaign of marcus ratchford what bitch what yeah how could you no such thing is a free lunch right where you're just going to crush his dreams right I don't think so You know what I'm saying If it sounds too good to be true It probably is I just didn't get given extra hair I'm not taking that attitude anymore

I don't want that anymore I spent my whole life being like I'm a realist Like I You know if it sounds too good to be true Like no I want it all I want

But Am I just setting my expectation If I don't take that line And we're not just setting my expectations And then inevitably When I wake up And my hair does all fall out I'll be like

Well I knew it's going to happen So it's fine Does it genuinely help you, though? Would you still be sad that your hair's fallen out? Yes. Yes. So you might as well ride that high right now. You see, I think about this a lot, right?

Because people say, people, okay, so there's a quote that's like, if you worry about something that's going to, if you worry about something in the future, you're suffering twice. You're living the bad thing twice. Yeah. Fine. And then other people say, and a lot of people say this to me around, having, taking kids on holiday, going on holiday with a baby.

They said, set your expectations is really low. And then everything above that will be, like, and I think that's where I went wrong with France is that I was like super excited, like first holiday together and it didn't go to plan at all. And so I lost my nut with it, right? And I think if I had set my expectations a lot lower, I probably would have had a, we would have had a better time. So where do those two join?

I actually have a theory on this. I have learned to do these two things together and this is, I've learned it through coaching therapy, okay. So I used to worry about everything because I used to think, and this is like I can deep this, but I used to think, if I worry about it now, I can kind of preempt how it's going to go. So when the bad thing happens, I'm going to know how to handle it because I've already thought about it. Yeah. And then in 2018, my brother had a really bad accident. Yeah. And it was something that I had always been anxious about. Someone that I loved would have a really bad accident. And then it happened. And I was like,

Like, whoa. And I kind of didn't, it didn't realize it in the moment, but I've come to realize that it's like there is nothing in that moment, whether you've worried about it for your whole fucking life. Yeah. When it actually happens, your world still explodes. And it's still the worst thing in the whole wide world. None of my fucking imaginary planning or worrying served me.

You just have to survive the horrific thing as it happens. Yeah. And actually it was compounded by me going, well, I think I prophesized this because I always. worried about it and now look what's happened, which wasn't great. But then with the expectation thing, I also always had incredibly high expectations. I think birthdays are a really good example of this. And I think people have it with their birthdays a lot. Like, I would always have really high expectations and I would always set my hold people to my standard. So it's like if I wouldn't act

away and someone else acted the way, I'd be like, you're, you're a bad person because you're acting the way. And it's like, no, no, no. I think they're two separate issues entirely. Do you know what? As I said them out loud, I'm like, they are two separate issues. Yeah. Because your expectations is like, I'm going to roll with this. Like, I don't know what's coming. Yeah. And I'm going to accept that it could be an absolute disaster. But that's not pinpointing and going, well, the flight will inevitably be shit.

And then the transfer is going to be annoying and we'll lose our bags. And, like, if you pinpoint all those bits. Yeah. And talk them into badness. Sure enough, the bad will come. Yeah, that's a good. So, like, acceptance, radical acceptance. I think my thing with expectation is,

I've genuinely just learned to make peace with that I can't control and to realize that if I put really high expectations on myself or anybody else, everybody will suffer. Nobody will be good enough. And that is no way to live. If I can just choose to let go, it's not, it's literally nothing more than that. It's just letting go. And it applies to both the things. And you're happy everyone's happier. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like I'd be the kind of person that would be like, oh if someone leaves a night out for example then they've ruined it do you know what I mean it would be like

would be on the night out and I'll be like no no no but if you go then the vibe goes and if you go then everyone else I think they want to go and so you shouldn't go and then I'd be like oh that person shouldn't go and then I actually think about it I'm like of course they should go why would I want them to be here if they're not happy that's a horrible thing but in your head when you're trying to control everything

that's you want to hold you want to yeah and it's not rational oh my god now this is we are getting deep but like that is something that I'm talking about a lot therapy at the moment it's control yeah yeah because i feel like it i mean it's always been a huge thing for me and i think that's why i think that's why the eating disorder took such a grip or it was so like enticing to me like a lauren to me is because like the idea of control the sense of control like i really like we joke about it all the time but i am a proper control freak

and it really it's it's to a point where it's like i don't think it's healthy for me and it's not even like you know I was thinking about the other day like Dave was taking Tommy into London I had to work Dave was taking Tommy into London to see his mom and I was like terrified about the tube the train him doing it like what happens if there's no lifts like all terrified of like all these things like and I realized that it was all things that I it was because I wasn't in control and I was like but actually like if if you were going to ask me like who do trust Tommy with more me or Dave like Dave like I am a club And clots, like, obviously I'm very careful with the baby.

But like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I trust Dave 100% with that. I was like, it's not, it's not actually, it's just because I'm not in control. It's not actually his safe. I don't know. It's just, I get that. But when I'm lying in bed, when I've been poorly with the HG stuff, when I hear Alex and I hear him like, make a choice for her,

I'm like, I wouldn't have made that choice. And I'm like, no, it's tough. You're not there. Yeah. It's weird. It's weird. But you're like, you missed it. Like, I don't know, there's so much freedom in letting go, though.

So, I know, I know. But it's like, I don't know, it's very, it's very embedded in my whole life, like everything. Like, like, I just can't relax anymore. I don't relax. I can't relax. Not even for a second because I'm like, there's something that needs to be done. And you've seen that quote that's just like, like growing up, it's a long quote, but it starts being like growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman.

Like an impressive woman, a great woman, but never a relaxed woman. Yeah. And I think particularly in motherhood, it's very hard. to allow yourself to relax. It's so hard. It's really hard. It's like it just, there's always something to be done and I'm like,

I can't sit down if everything around me isn't fully feeling like I'm in control of everything. And I know that's not the right way to it. Does it help though if someone says to you, but you can't control it out? It does. It does. And like the,

when I can let go of things and like relinquish control, it's the most like wonderful like liberating features. that I ever feel like it's amazing I'm like oh my gosh it's just like let go of that but then but I struggle with the line of what I can and can't control like I'm I'm I'm very that that line is very blurred in my head yeah so I struggle with being like but is this something that I should control can control I don't know I think I'm genuinely but she's not on speed like I can't just call her I can't just WhatsApp her and be like hey babe is this in my control or not I genuinely think there I can't think of anything that is in your

control beyond your own thoughts this sounds like a really stupid example okay okay it's just something that's come up for us recently since Tommy's been we're weaning him and he's eating food and everyone says let him make the mess let him make all the mess and then afterwards clean it all up yeah I can't do it okay I am like with a wipe in both hands constantly trying to catch every bit of mess I can't cope oh no don't do that I know I know I know and I'm like I don't want him to know me like that as well like i know what you mean i think my mom's quite like that as well like just constantly running around doing stuff like everything has to be spotless and this and tidy and in order and i don't want to be like relaxed and chilled and like he makes mess make mess yeah so i don't

know i think you should try and do a meal with him where you deliberately make it as messy as possible i know i know it could be fun i know and in theory it's like that sounds so easy like of course like but i don't know but it's hard yeah yeah no i get it i i think that should be your home between this week and the next time we do one of these. Yeah. Try and make the biggest mess with him. And just like let go of stuff, I don't know. If it makes you feel better throughout the day or if it gives you inspiration,

like we find porridge everywhere. Like you think you've got it all like 3pm in the afternoon, look behind our ear. It's like, hey, what's that doing there? What are you doing? Take a napy off? Huh, a raisin. Cool. like yeah with me with the other end no i like that though i i i want i mean i mean in the middle

you know i'd like to be in the middle but like just you know somewhere in the middle i don't know but yeah it's just i've just noticed it a lot more and like yeah i've noticed a lot more since having Tommy for sure yeah it throws a massive like light onto everything because it shows you that you can't control because you can you can you can at least give yourself the illusion of controlling everything when it's just your life because you can control

what time you wake up in the morning and what time you go to bed at night and what time you eat and what time you leave and how long it's going to take you to get dressed and yeah you can control those of shit kids they're wild they're feral

they're completely out of control there's nothing there's no rhythm there's no rhyme I don't get parents who have managed to like just I don't know the consistency I can't relate to that

I don't have that it's not possible I used to get I said it to you before I used to get really bad bed dread where I'd be like because I'd want to control the nights and I'd beg that I could just have a night's sleep

and I could just and I needed it to I needed this and I needed needed needed needed it to be a certain way and then it was just like well a pair of tough tiddies to you it won't go that way and I was saying that to Dave

I was like if you could tell me you could say to me when I was going to bed this is how your night's gonna look you're gonna be up at this time that time this time I'd be like okay that's fine And it's not knowing and it's not being in control.

Try and do it from the other side. It's like, this is going to be fun. What are we in for tonight? Like, we do that now because it was like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. See you and a half an hour. Yeah. See you in a minute.

Can't wait. Oh, I don't know. It's, yeah. I know it's really hard. It is. But there is. I think there's so much freedom for all women and just letting go of everything. Like I have become a much happier woman since letting go.

And I feel that when I, I'm unhappy when I'm at my lowest, it's when I'm holding on the tightest to stuff. Like I genuinely am only happy when I'm letting go. It's like I can feel like everything coming out. It's like I like physically

like my knuckles. It's like I let everything go. Let anger go, let resentment go, let frustration go, let control go, just like let it go and just be right there. And that's when I'm at my happiest. Which I'm totally not the moment if it makes you feel better. I'm super depressed. but in theory

it's just hard it's just hard life is hard life is hard but it's also how deep yeah but isn't it so amazing

totally and I mean and I'm not even being sarcastic 100% yeah it's weird isn't it baby brain is so real this time

I swear to God is it I am shell I have nothing I've just got cotton wool like coming out of both ears is.

I don't have a clue. Try and talk to, like, talk to me about my marriage. Like, Alex is literally like, you forget everything I say to you. I'm like, I'm making a person. Like, allow it, say it twice. Yeah, 100%. Right. You get let off of absolutely everything when you're pregnant.

Because you literally said, can I want that in writing directed towards him? Yes, I will voice note him that. Thank you so much because I am getting, I just don't think you're listening to me. I'm like, I think I've got the capacity to listen to you right. now. I am surviving. Simone Biles, I've been waiting to talk to you about this. Okay, I'm really sorry. I didn't watch. I didn't do it last night. That's okay. I'm really sorry.

No, that's fine. I will cut you up. I'll bring you up to speed. So she's done a documentary about a little bit about her life, but it mainly like centers on what happened in 2020, at the 2020 Olympics, which was obviously during COVID, but is when she quit the team

because of mental health. Yeah. And the whole world turned on inevitably and they were very cruel they said horrible things she was literally torn apart she was called selfish she was called mean she was called a coward weak everything right and this documentary like perfectly shows just how toxic and damaging that whole rhetoric was because it was really bad like it was really she's had some really horrible things gone in her life like notably that the abuse by her old what was he like physical therapist yeah i don't know i really didn't know anything about it i need to ask larry nassar yeah it's really bad he was he's been sent to jail for like

hundreds of years because he sexually abused all the all the gymnastics team in this like gymnastic compound that she came she came up in basically and so she was one of the you know she was sexually abused by him and it was a lot of this trauma that was was coming back up and it was during COVID and like her mom couldn't come, her family couldn't come to the, to the, um, the Olympics with her. They were just at home and she was like all alone and like locked in this room constantly and her mental health like spirited out of control. And she got something called the Twisties, right? So have you heard of this? But it sounds very gymnastic. It is very gymnastic-y. It is when gymnast, basically, gymnastics. Oh, it is a gymnastics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's basically

when they are doing their gymnastics and they get lost. So like they're doing a, a vault or a spin and they're in the air and they get lost oh my god that would be me every time right i know i know i get lost on my way up to the vault i think i have the twisties getting out of bed but it's really dangerous yeah i'll be they you don't realize until they're talking about it like they could literally die they are flying they're throwing themselves i don't know how high but super high in the air and doing these twists and turns and if they get lost doing that they could land on their head like land on their neck it's really dangerous it's really bad and she got the twisties and saying like I don't know it feels too quite it's like it sounds like an

ice cream but I'm weird it's weird but she got the twisties it's so twisties she got the twisties and it was really dangerous like she got lost she got lost no one was going to give her space for that they and they didn't and they didn't I need to watch it now I know it's I mean it's so predictable she was processing so much trauma was coming how what sorry how young was she I think she's 28 now so she would have been like 24 I think she's like the old like because she's competing now and I think she's like the oldest I don't want to I actually might have made that up

but she's not the oldest Olympians she's old for her Tom Daly's at it no oldest gymnast I think she's the oldest female gymnast wow yeah but I felt so sorry for her she was crying like it was awful

she's got this cupboard of the 2020 Olympic stuff like all the memorabilia and all the merch and stuff and she goes into it for the first time in forever and she's like you can see she's like really shook up about it. And it's like people are only understanding what she went through, like now with this documentary.

Was it exactly what they just did with Emma Radicanu at Wilden? Yeah, yeah. It's absolutely nice. Horrible. Really horrible. It's a really good documentary though. And I thought, I think it will help people be a lot more compassionate. Do you think, though, out because I genuinely, I don't know, you know.

I don't think we've got it in us. I do. The more this goes on, the more it's just like... I think you'd fail to watch that documentary and be like, yeah, she's still a coward. Yeah, but I think the people who are saying it aren't going to watch the documentary. Well, that's the thing.

They're not going to watch the, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think if you watch it, you have no choice but to be compassionate about it. But yeah, they probably don't care to watch it in the first place. I'm really finding this like, I don't know, I think we're just so polarised. I don't know, like all the, I mean, okay, so the Olympics are currently on.

What did you think of the opening ceremony before we get on to that? I have only seen it on TikTok. As someone that loves Paris, did you have any thoughts? I only saw it on TikTok and I just saw people complaining about it. Yeah. Was it bad? I mean, okay, look.

Was it really bad? I'm not going to throw a stone out. I wouldn't know the first thing about organising an Olympic opening ceremony. So I'm not going to sit here in cast judgment. But if you twist my arm, I mean, it wasn't great. Like, okay, really annoying for them because it rained. Gutting. Okay.

But like, it was light. And like, I think when you're putting on a show, genuinely I would put 80% of the show down to lights. Yeah. Like, that's the vibe. 100%. That is the vibe. Yeah.

fireworks uplighting you know all these like amazing drone things people can do now all the most impressive shows and everything are in the dark yeah that's true so i felt really sorry for them because it just like they had fireworks go which you can't really see oh no this color ones go and then it was like they had this amazing thing where like all the sparklers like they're not sparklers they're fucking cute but like to all intensive purposes all intense and purposes i don't know what that is is it intensive purposes or intense and purpose or intense and purpose Intents and purposes. Okay.

Well, to all intents and purposes, they were massive fucking sprinklers, sparklers. And they went down the side of the bridge and it was amazing and like down the bridge and then like up the palace and then across the roof of the palace and like, bam. But you can barely see them because it was light. And then like they had good, they had Gar-Gar performing. And like, I would die for Gar-Gar. Yeah. And like, it wasn't even.

And I just thought if you can't even make Gaga great, you know, like she is great just by virtue of being her, if that performance can't be like, wow, then like... Was it not? It was good, but, like, there was no lighting. It wasn't, like, super bowling. It just looked a bit washed out because it was just, like, grey and raining, and she just came down the stairs. And you didn't get any crowd atmosphere because of, and I really got the vibe.

Like, you know, on either side of the sand, like, oh, you know, that's so gorgeous. But it just... I had a bit... Oh, that's disappointing. I know. I mean, I did see a lot of like, I paid 1,600 euros for this ticket and look what I saw and it did look quite bleat. Did you see Ross's Instagram, our friend Ross. So he was there for work.

Oh, yeah. Did he go? Yeah, yeah. He was doing it for work and like, it looked. I mean, he was doing it like a, you know, he was in like a vibey bit. Yeah. He had fun. Okay.

But he was in an an arach and all, everyone was in an anirac. And you can just see their athletes that they all go by on their little boat. So you're like, oh. okay we've gone like oh okay we've gone like I don't know oh no poor Paris if it'd been a sunny day like if it'd been like blinding sunshine I think it would have been lovely everyone would have been like out you know what it but in the rain it's just like actually sorry to jump on but um before I left the house as I was leaving the house Dave and Tommy was sat watching the TV like this and I caught the end of the synchronized diving Tom Daly was so good and his partner was so good

Something is so good of diving. They weren't silver. Yes, they did. Yeah. The Chinese people were like incredible. They looked like they were joined. They looked like they were one person. I haven't watched any of it beyond the French weren't great. The French weren't great.

Whoa. That's mean. I know. It is really mean. But if they're listening. I doubt they're listening. They was like, oh, I think you just barely fought. Oh, God.

I feel bad, but they weren't great. I don't think. I mean, they're scores, so they weren't great either. I'm quite interested in the Olympic. this year because you too i'm so excited that lady got that lady has pulled out because video emerged of her whipping her horse you've seen that oh shit yeah but i found that to be very interesting a few things like a few double standards here first of all she i mean she was pulled out she wasn't pushed out but i do i suspect there's probably pressure but i do think it's interesting that she

there's been all this uproar about her whipping her horse's legs which again terrible thing like I'm not saying, like, I'm not saying it's okay by any stretch. Like, it's horrible. But it's very interesting that whilst that's going on, and we're all absolutely livid with her, as it should be, we have got no wrath for the Dutch volleyball player who is a literal paedophile. Yeah. And he's just playing volleyball.

Yeah. So bad. On the telly. So bad. What the fuck. But like, why aren't we talking about it more? I don't understand. It's the double standard.

It's absolutely wild. Why are we talking about it? There was a black female athlete, and I can't remember her name, who was bound for having a little bit of weed in her system. And then there's this guy. And it's like, make this make. An actual paedophile. Like, what crimes are we fine with?

Yeah, so, it's so gross. It's so disgusting. And if you don't know the story, he, when he was 19, he spoke to, I mean, this was like premeditated as hell. He, like, approached a child online. spoke to her for a long period of time, flew to the UK where he raped her on multiple occasions,

went to court in the UK, was sentenced to three years, I think, or six years, maybe to serve three, and then got extradited to Holland where he only had to serve 12 months of his career. He's now like 28, and he's just allowed on the team.

What the fuck? Oh my God, I know, I know. It's so, like, it's on so many different levels as well because it's like the team, like, why do they have him? I know. Why have the Olympics allowed him? I know. Like there's got to be an in-between as well. Like, I don't know. Surely the government, surely you should just like step in and be like,

no. No. Like if we're going to be that strict on all these other athletes, then I think we could probably stretch to banning paedophiles from the Olympics. Because that woman, as she will now be, has to watch this. And what precedent does that set to all victims, all victims of crimes of male violence. Fuck. And you're right, it was premeditated, wasn't it? Like proper, proper... Yeah, which is why he was... And actually, as we well know,

so often, cases like this don't even... They don't even get reported. They don't get convictions. They don't go to trial. The fact that this guy went to prison is like... Oh, no, no, he like did it. And this is what's wild to me is that we spend our whole lives

saying, oh, false accusations ruin men's lives. False accusations ruin men's lives. Oh, please. Real accusations. accusations, convictions. He's going to the fucking Olympics. That's it. I don't think that's the end of your end of your world, is it?

You have just got up and just, like, as I was, just brush myself down. Sick. I'm going to go play volleyball with my friends now. Gross. For money on the TV. It's so gross. It's disgusting.

Also, I think, is he staying in the Olympic village? Yeah, probably. Yeah, I think he is. Oh, God. It's rank. The whole thing. We're going to have to have a loads of more Olympic chats, so. A nicer Olympic chance.

Call us Claire Boulding 1 and Claire Boulding 2. I don't know the name of any other. I need to start watching it and then I'll know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. We don't even do anybody that just needs this week. I know. I know, sorry.

Your control. We did my therapy. Yeah, fun. And then a moment for Dutch volleyball playing paedophiles. Enjoy. I hope that was nice. Guys, we love you loads. We love you loads.

And we're going to see you on Monday for a really interesting episode. How do you know? What? Hmm. Okay. Okay. Okay. You did it. You did it too. Sounds suspicious, isn't it?

Okay. It was a really good one. All right. Okay. Okay, cool. Bye, guys. Bye. Thank you so much for listening. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.