Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: Hetero chocolates

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

On this week's IIJM, the girls talk dad bods, worms and chocolate...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, and welcome back to Shoulda Delida. I'm Em Clarkson. I'm Alex Light. And this is an episode of it's just me. Woo! Wham! Thank you ma'am! Thank you ma'am! Let's go. I only took seven tries. Do you want to hear a horrifying story? Please. Genuinely horrifying, buckle up. The one that you told me not to look at in the inbox. Which Alex instantly thought was criticism. Yeah, I was like, oh, what are we done now? I never tell. I never tell her about those. Um, that's for the us. Okay. Honestly, however ready you think you are, you're not. Really? It's actually that bad. I read this morning and I groped. I was like, oh, gasped and groped. Okay. Hi guys, love the pod. I got a picture with you at the live show and you both are incredible. So nice. Just listened to the finger up the

bomb episode when you're running up the stairs and it brought back a fond memory for people who missed that episode. Katia, my sister and I have absolute trauma because when we would be running up the stairs our mum would chase behind us and the threat was always that you'd get which you do to Dave. To this day constantly. Finger up the bum. You can't help it can you? Can't help it. You just love it. You just... Nothing can he.

He's reversing onto it. Right. As a family, we used to do this all the time. Not just running up the stairs, we'd try to get a finger in at any moment. Okay. This woman is a hybrid of all... Oh my God, what's coming?

Whatever you think it is. It's worse. Way worse. No. Do you remember the time that I told you that I accidentally put my finger up Buwer's bum hole? Yes. It's worse than that. Oh, go on.

One morning, I was running up the stairs and my mum went to poke me up the bomb. Oh, God. Unfortunately, she missed. God. I was wearing horrible thin pyjama shorts. Yes. And instead of her finger going up my bum hole, it went up my vagina. Yep.

My mum's finger up my vagina. No. Thanks for doing what you do. No. Oh my God. That's so bad. How? How do you come back from that? Wait, I need way more info. Like, did you talk about it? Yeah, did you talk about it? Or was it like, contract up out of there like a flash? Pretend like nothing happens. Was it like you just rocket-fueled up the stairs? You just took off. Has she taken it to therapy? Probably. Well, she brought it to us, which is basically the same thing. Yeah, pretty much.

It's very bad. That's really bad. You'd rather it up the bomb? Of course you would. Of course you would. You'd want it up the bomb. But like... Up the vagina.

I do it to Dave if... I'd do it to Dave if he was wearing boxes for sure, but I feel like anyone else I wouldn't do it if they weren't wearing jeans. I mean, it's a... It's a... Actually, I wouldn't do it to anyone else. Yeah, but it's just...

I get it. It's a jovial little poke, poke. Oh! oh, going to get you cut me up the stairs ooh, going to get you That's so bad It's just

It's just slipped You can see how it's happened You can see how it's happened I wonder if the mum remembers it too Because like I still remember vividly The feeling of booers

A little butthole being like Get out And it's like I still I've got a fuse entry Yeah I can still I can still feel the contraction Oh

She probably She might not have noticed And she might have just thought, oh, but you probably will know. If you've gone that far under and round, you know. You've really, like, caressed the area. Because as well, I feel like when you go in, like, I don't actually poke. I use the whole hand like this, right? The whole hand.

Yeah, I go in like this. You use the whole hand to go up his bum hole with? No, no, not up, more like in. Like, I'm trying to get into the crack, you know. Do you know what I mean? Get into the crack. But it sounds like this girl's and her family They actually do try and get to the reach the bum hole

I think it's just a little Oh, I'm going to poke you in the bum I can't think you put four fingers up his ass In his ass That's a lot of fingers out It's just like trying to hit the crack you know And what happens when you're in? Well he normally

It's like putting your hand down like sofa cushions Literally I don't like doing that Because you can always find like crumbs and all sorts I hate that I hate that Probably the same in Dave's Bumble. Probably.

I have no doubt. You don't want to get in there. It's so satisfying when hand meets crack. It is like finding like a penny down the side of the sofa. Like a fight. Imagine like my mum's found five pounds in a jacket pocket the other day. Oh.

I know what a win. That I love that. Those were the days there when you would find like a pound down the sofa. No one's got a pound anymore. Let alone one down the sofa. There's nothing better than finding a pound or a 50p. Down the sofa? but they just, they do not.

To this day, there is nothing more satisfying than the feeling of a pound in your hand. Agree. It's like, much more than a two pound. Oh, much more. Because it's so chunky and so dense. And honestly, I can look at it and I can see chocolate. Like, as a kid, like I would look at my pound and I'd be like this. I can literally transform this into chocolate. Oh. You could have it now.

No, no, probably not. You actually could it now. There's literally nothing you can buy. Because I can't eat vegan, because I can't eat chocolate, I actually don't buy it. I don't know. I don't know. Because obviously vegan chocolate is like fucking like four pounds a bar which is a joke.

I don't know. I mean I do love Tony's but that is ridiculously expensive. Tony's is I buy that for Alex but I mean like a not like a twirl. I don't know but I imagine that it's over a pound. Do they still make flakes? Yes. I think so.

What's your favourite chocolate bar? A Snickers. A Snickers? 100%. Honestly it's really odd to me that we're friends. Why? Snickers. Snickers.

They're the worst. Why? They're just the worst. Fully disagree I don't like nuts In chocolate Well there you go Or biscuits in chocolate

Like I don't like a Twix Don't like a Kit Cat Okay so what do you like Twirls So just plain chocolate Basically Or flakes Plain chocolate again

Wouldn't mind of Miles Well I wouldn't choose one I just eat it Crunchies Oh No actually I don't like them I don't know I said that I get stuck in your teeth

Yeah no no I don't mind those Curly Whirleys Actually don't really like those No it gets stuck in your teeth You're right I don't have a massively sweet Toth from honest I don't think I really like

not. No, not really. Like, I don't mind it. Take it a leave. I'm much more of a savory gag. Like, give me a pretzel. Give me a fucking pretzel. I prefer. I'm like 70% savory. Yeah, I'm 30% sweet. 90. I like sweet popcorn. I love sweet popcorn. Oh, sweet and salty popcorn. What a win. Gorgeous. I like Maltesers. I love Maltesers. I wish they made vegan Maltesers. Maltesea rabbits that they sell around Easter time. They are beautiful. And they make Maltesea reindeer. I buy for Alex all the time. I love Malteseers. I buy for Alex all the find the things that I wish I could buy for myself. That's being cruel to yourself though.

No, it's like I get really like, I saw a corner crunch with an air and I was like, shit, I would love a corner crunch. So I'd buy it for Alex. But isn't that worse? Because then you're having to watch someone and enjoy it in front of you. That's good. Because then he gets to enjoy it. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, but you still haven't had the satisfaction of it. Well, I get a bit of satisfaction that he's enjoying it. No, I don't crave it. I'm just like, oh, that looks delicious. Someone should benefit from this. And it can't be me. So I buy it for someone else. I'm mildly slash

permanently disappointed that he doesn't operate in the same way. Yeah, that's rude. He doesn't go past vegan places and think, oh, I would love this. No. I wish I could, I'll buy this for M. Like, he doesn't, he does not come home with sweet treats. No.

Which is, it's definitely my love language. I'm like, ooh, like every time I go to the shop. I can't help it. I loved it, a pistachio little cake, which I'm so excited to eat. I'm definitely a feeder. Yeah, no, I feel like I'm doing Alex Sturty because he's a wonderful man and a great husband and a brilliant father, but he's just not a great buyer of sweet treats.

look at the cookie you had to buy me the cookies I know but you know what if he did buy me all of these I'd be like oh stop I don't like I can't eat all of this like I don't want it yeah Dave's pretty shit they just yeah the sweet treat tax

it's a thing tell me what you think of this right oh no I know you know what I'm going to think because I often well I just I know what it'll be I'll be like Dave's done something terrible and you're going to be like well what do you think and I'm going to be like well it's terrible what are you off of me it's not that terrible I just I think it's really weird. So, Ritter Sport. He loves Ritter Sport. Right. So he, and he goes in the bath. What's Ritter Sport? You know Ritter Sport? Like the square blocks of chocolate. I have

never heard of a Ritter. Oh my God. Ritter Sport. Ritter Sport. Oh my God. Are you joking. You've never seen Ritter's Sports. Oh, yeah, I've seen that. Like that. Why would I buy that? That looks disgusting. Oh my God, it's so good. The white chocolate hazelnut divine and the milk chocolate cashew nut, chef's case. Anyway, Dave goes in the bath a couple times a week and he goes in there for like, we already know this like four hours and he just doesn't move and I have to check on him because I'm scared because there's been the lack of movement. Anyway, I went into the shower the other day and he had a bath the night before and I found an empty Ritter Sport package. it in his washbag. It's kind of like he'd hidden it in his washbag. So I took a picture and I sent

it to him and said, okay, first of all, rude, because you didn't offer me any of this ritter's sport. Second of all, where did it come from? Third of all, why are you hiding it? What were the answers? And he came back all defensive, like, well, I just, I fancied a bit of chocolate in the bath, is that okay? I am codependent and I like to know everything. I like to share the chocolate. Would you not think that was weird if you found that? Things that might have been weirder. to find another woman's underwear Yeah That'd be a different conversation

For sure Viagra Yep An awkward convo Drugs Drugs That would be a difficult convoy Yeah

Nipple clamps Yeah Awkward combo A wig I mean You have a point I'm not saying it's the worst thing Weirdest thing that's ever happened

Stockings But like wouldn't You find that weird If you found that in Alex's washback An axe? No, I find we're to have the mat in Alex's stuff All the time. Alex went through a really bad vaping stage

which I made him quit because it was like, we smoked and then we gave up smoking years and years ago and then we gave up smoking and then we started vaping because it was at the time when it was like, it's better for you. So we were like, yeah, yeah, cool, fine, did that.

Now, I am not a doctor but I was looking at me about because Alex was an incredibly addictive personality like give him a toaderoon and like, bam bam, gone, see ya. Yeah, and I still, now, I mean, I think he gave up vaping like five years ago. Okay.

And I still find them little pods. Do you? Everywhere. Sometimes I'm like, is he? Is he still vaping? No, but they're just ancient. He's just really got around the place. More and more science, but how about they are for you now, isn't that?

Even as we did it, I'm the worst person to give up smoking with because I'm a total like, oh, I could take it or leave it. Yeah, you're so annoying. I'm so annoying. Like with all this things, I'm just like, oh yeah, well, whatever. I don't know. Yeah, see, yeah, yeah, never mind. I'm not going to do that.

anymore and like I genuinely like for quitting like my mum always said it and I just I never wanted to give it same with me like I never wanted to give up these things and then one day with smoking I we gave up because my brother had an accident and he had to give up so we did out of solidarity and I just I got really drunk the night before he came home from the hospital I smoked a whole packet of cigarettes and when I woke up the next point I was like that was fucking disgusting and my logic was if I like over did it and I wouldn't want one and I'd smoke for like 10 years or whatever but I was like moment I'm 10 yeah about I mean I was something for ages

and then I was like okay well I won't want one and then when I woke up in the morning my mom just said you just got to get through today and then tomorrow you just have to get through today again and like every morning you just wake up and you think oh I didn't do it yesterday so I'm not going to do it today so I just didn't do it for one day and then I was like oh cool I'm done

whereas everybody else who gives up is just like having a hellish time so and then I could go out for like a night out have a couple like a little like a little sneaky free and then I could just like never touch them again like so same with drinking I just I don't have an addictive personality. Alex really does.

So I imagine that living with me is incredibly annoying. Yeah, that would be really annoying. Because it's like, he's actually got to like fight it. But you could give up in friendship like that because I'll, couldn't you? Just like done. I'm out. Probably. I don't know, actually. I don't know. I just, I don't, because I'm not addicted to my friends, I suppose. I don't know. I feel very grateful to not have an addictive. I'm just

pretty like, nah. That is, that is, that is good. Yeah. But even with the vaping, I was a bit like, it's nice. It's, I eat, but it's not like whatever. Yeah. I could feel, as I was doing, I was like, this just feels a bit wrong. A bit bubbly, like a bit cloudy and you're like, you know what I mean?

Like, it just didn't feel smoking you know is bad. Like when you're doing it, you're like, it's bad, but it's so damn good. Yeah. But like, vaping, I just always have this just like, this can't be good. Because it tastes so good as well, doesn't it? It just, it actually tastes wet. And it just felt weird to me, like, putting wetness into my lungs.

And again, I know that. sounds perverse having smoked which is literally putting tar in there but like I don't know I know what you mean I just but like the more and more science that comes out the more that like a whole industry is fucked because there's like a vape shop on every corner now every high street yeah it's mad isn't it multiple because I keep seeing stuff on TikTok of like guys with like collapsed lungs and stuff yeah lifelong health problems because of a thing because kids and I think I thought the problem with it was was at least when we smoked you couldn't do it in offices you couldn't do it on planes you couldn't do it in your house like

so you just didn't do it that much like you had to go outside whatever like you had to go and then at the beginning of vaping and I know now you have to go outside and stuff but for a while you didn't do you have to now yeah I think so oh I thought you could still have it indoors I think you can have it in your house and stuff you can't have it on a plane really like in a restaurant no oh god I didn't know that I thought you could you were still able to do that no I don't think so so now you've got to do that anyway but like I think at the time it was just like oh well so you can just do it all the I see you do it when you're watching TV, like in the way that you'd never do that with cigarettes.

So yeah. So yeah, I made Alex. And I'm not really that type to like make somebody give something up. Yeah. But I was like, don't die. Don't you fucking, don't even think about it. In an ideal world, you wouldn't die. Yeah, but also, like, not because of this.

This isn't how you go. Not now. Not because of this. Put them down. Well done. Well done, Alex. But the, what are the hetero chocolates? No. Hetero chocolates.

What are they called? Rhetorot. Ritter sports. Hetero chocolate. I'm obviously thinking of sports. I'm like, oh, manly. David is hetero chocolate. Yeah, I mean, would the ideal situation have been that you shared them with him? He shared them with you.

Yeah, yeah. So he'd have gone out. Yeah. I'm in the bath. And I've got some chocolate. To be fair, I was upstairs, but that shouldn't have stopped anything. I'm a phone call away or just a shout. Phone call.

Hi, hi, it's your husband. I'm just downstairs. Would you like to come in and have a chocolate out of the bar with me? I'm literally like a meter away. Do you share food with him?

Yeah. Oh God, yeah. Do you? Yeah. Like, so if you like, you've got a chocolate, you're like, do you want to half my chocolate? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Why? Are you joking? No. I'm like, get your own chocolate. Oh, God, yeah, no, yeah. No, no. We share meals.

Like, every meal, we get two dishes and share them. Oh, my God, I hate people like you. Do you? Well, no, I don't hate you because it's not, doesn't bother me at all. But I hate when I go out for dinner with people like you and they go, should we just, should we all get one and just, just, just share. I'm like, no.

No, I get that though. If you're in a group situation, that can induce anxiety because you're like, am I going to get enough? That's exactly what I'm doing for Alex's 30th. But the time this comes out, it'll be, it'll be, it'll have been and gone. I hate this situation, but as the organiser, that's what we're getting. But I love, I love sharing plate. Because you get to try it.

You don't have just stuck with one dish. Because if you go into a restaurant, you've got all this choice, you choose one dish and it's not very good, then that's it then. Yeah, well, that's fine, but you know what that is? What? That's the consequences of your actions. If you make a poor choice, you get poor results. But it might not have been a poor choice on your part. Well, it's a poor choice.

If you've chosen that meal and it's a bad meal, that's a bad choice and that was your fault. Okay, fine, fair. But I just like to have a bit of everything. Like tapass is my favourite meal. No, I think it definitely stems from. being vegan but then also not having because I can eat gluten now since Arlo but I couldn't eat gluten yeah you're so limited best case you've got one ditch and this always happened I've talked about this before I think always happened I'd get like my little vegan plate and people

go oh can I ever taste I'm like no no look at that menu with 19 options on it you're fine go have some tastes of those I don't share I don't like to share yeah and I wouldn't share but even if I even now me and Alex kind of eat similarly because who doesn't eat meat But I wouldn't want to share with it. Would you not? Not have half each? No. Because I get half through a meal.

I'm like, where's the rest? But you've got a whole other meal to have half of? No. No, fair. No, it's not for me. My sister's hate sharing. I've actually, I've grown used to it. I think it's because they lived in Madrid.

I did a lot of taverns. No, but they hate it because there's five of us and so we've always worried about not having enough food. You know, when food gets part on the table and we'd all be like, like, feral animals, literally, rabid dogs. So they still, to this day, hate sharing because they fear that they won't get enough, which I do understand. Yeah, my sister and I speculated that that's why we're like this.

Definitely, like we, we as a, I think my brother ate a lot, but I think we also had that thing, which is like, boys need more. So Finn would always get more. He's allowed, yeah. Which would always be a bit like, wait, what? And now Alex gets more. I don't actually think boys need more. I would say Alex does need more.

more food than me now like I think he is an ectomorph in terms of like metabolism I'm an endomorph so I can like I think you could leave me on an island for about five days with water yeah but I would be absolutely fired without food for that long you just I just sort of be fine like I can get like yesterday really busy day just didn't and I hate people that say this I hate people that say this I know what you're about say. I just forgot to eat. I didn't forget. I just didn't eat. That's worse. But I was, I got a kid, I was really

busy, I was in meetings, I was walking, I was really busy. But at dinner time I was like, well, I'm not about to keel over. Like, I'm hungry, but I'm all right. Like, I'm not going to start, like, I'm okay. Oh, yeah. Like, genuinely Alex would be like, like, eating itself.

But that's probably because you're trained as well, because if you don't eat, you don't eat regularly, do you? You're not like a breakfast, lunch dinner. I've been much. I've been much more so since having a baby because with breastfeeding you have to eat more calories because you burn so much more

and I have to make enough milk for her so I'm really try every day to like I've been, I told you I've been having those heel shakes in the morning because that's a lot easier to like get all like or at lunchtime like just to get food in but yeah I'm not great at it because Alex is probably so used to

has for a long time eating breakfast lunch dinner maybe snacks in between but also if he doesn't like if he doesn't eat a lot but him and I could eat the same thing like yeah and he would lose weight and I would gain it. But this is the thing, it's the curly hair thing. Like, you always want what you haven't got.

Because I look at Alex and I'm just like, oh, God, your life is so much easier. You can just gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. And all you clothes still fit and everything's, you know, like, you remain healthy, same body fat, percentage. Yeah. Same, same, same, same, same, same, same. Everything's just the same. He probably doesn't even think about it either.

But he ought to be, he's like, you, like, his hanger is like real. Is it? Yeah, really real. It's horrible. Oh, no, that's horrible. Yeah, it's good to keep snacks on board. I think a thousand have food try feeding him and then it's normally fine. So I think like, so he'd probably be like, oh, I just, I wish I wasn't so reliant on food

because then I'd just have an easier life. He could have like two pizzas for lunch and it's like not even touch the sides. Really? Yeah. Has he got a worm? Unconfirmed. Have you never seen the capacity that he has for food? No, I have, but like.

Like when we went to bar for breakfast, like, this is the last time I had breakfast with them because we're busy people now with a kid, so we don't. didn't really do like leisurely things like eat together um but like the last time we had breakfast together like he was like oh I'm just going to have my breakfast and he was like I'll just have a little one I'll have some pastries a fruit salad eggs royale a couple more pastries a bowl of cereal and two cups of coffee do you know what that reminds me of this this guy that I follow on TikTok and he's like he it's really weird because he's so lean and so mussely but he eats like like an actual horse.

Yeah, that's like how? Like an actual horse. I've never seen anyone eat like that. We can do something competitive with it. I watch it and it makes me feel physically sick. Yeah. Just the amount. It's also expensive.

It's so expensive. I keep thinking like you should tot up your day because that is so crazy expensive. Yeah. So much food. He starts off with seven wheatobics. And that's like his pre-bent dry wheatubits. Yeah.

Every time I think of what weed. I want to have a wheatubics. I haven't had one since I can eat gluten again. Oh. I'd love it. Yeah, a bit of sugar on top. Yeah, I guess so. Shreddies.

I haven't had Shreddies in years. They remind me of my granny. I don't really like cereal, but... I used to love Frosties and Coco Pop. Oh, I love Frosties. But they were always the banned ones in my house. They were always the ones that got eaten first. Whenever we went to my granny's house and she, on the All-A-Man,

and I'm so excited my mum to be this now to my kids, but like with those little cereal selection boxes, remember, and Granny would always go and buy them, and then when we'd get there, it'd be like, ah! And then... Race. my brother would always fine, but he'd get the Coca-Bops and I'd get the Frosties, and then Katio would be too slow

and too young, so we'd leave her with the brown flakes. Oh, no, that's gross. No, she'd probably got a Cheerio or something, I don't know. A cheerio. Cheerio! Okay, well, we didn't read many things out this episode, but it's fine. Actually, before we go, because actually, I just want to say one more thing on this. You want to know the worst thing about all of this, talking about Alex and stuff.

Go on. The dad bod is so revered. Yeah. And it's like, oh, he's just working on his dad bod. And I'm just like, right. Meanwhile, me that carried the baby. Literally. Your body was hijacked.

Yeah. I mean, my organs shuffled out the way, sliced open through seven layers to rip out a living being, which I now keep alive solely with my jugs. And he's working on his dad bod. And then he's like, oh, I love Daddod. I know. But the Mum Bod is fucking disgusting. I know.

society it's so it's so annoying it's rank whenever anyone makes a little dad bod joke i'm like you tell me that you love my mom bod immediately like obviously look at me and go i love that look at you so squishy it's so nice there's so many headlines around dad bods and like how like praised it is and how desirable it is yeah and like women find the dad bod really sexy yeah because it's like a sign of a man who's just really invested like so invested in his family that he doesn't have time to like invest in his gym or whatever meanwhile I'm watching I'm being shown TikTok and actually I do agree

with them for my mental health but it's like I keep hearing this audio and it's like it's an American dude so I'm not going to try and do but it's like scientists show that that mothers that work out like have healthier children like if you work out as a mother you will have healthier children so it's like right

so now you're not just going to make me feel guilty for not working out for myself because you're going to say that I'm unhealthy and I'm this and I'm overweight and I'm all that shit but now you're going to say that I'm also fucking my kids up so then the whole point in the video was to say so dads if you want healthy kids help your

wife by taking the kids so that she can go and exercise and it's like or so that she can do her job or so that she can have a bath or so that she can see her friend or so that she can shave her fucking legs like it's

it was so like this is you have to help otherwise you'll have a beast kids and then a beast wife And it's like that was the way to get to men, like motivate them to help. That's really gross. That's disgusting. Piss me off so much. That is really gross. Because you know what?

I actually, I said, I did send it to Alex and I was like, ignore all of it because it's gross. But also, this is a priority for me for my headspace. Like I want before bedtime to have half an hour to go on the Peloton or go and do my silly little couch to 5K, pick us and stuff and put it back down again because I want to feel good in myself. I bet that man was a young. personal trainer wasn't he like a really young guy who doesn't does not have kids it's like like I get it like anything that's going to help a man

make a man help in quotation marks yeah his partner right but also like the rhetoric is just so annoying like oh yeah do this otherwise you're going to have you're going to have a beast children and it's just like don't make women feel even more guilty for time we don't have literally do you know how much and I say this to try Alex all the time and I want to say my followers on

Instagram as well because I know I'm sharing like my workout stuff it is not easy to find the time to do that you have to really look for the time and I am prioritising it because it's literally imperative my mental health and like I was like bawling crying the other day like just in the evening everything was so stressed like I was like up you go like sit on your little peloton and I came up down I was like yeah you're right feel we're better now sorry like but I have to do that for but you have you you you can't just do it you can't just be like

oh I'm just going to go and sit on the bike you want to schedule it so to make it sound like it's just the easiest thing like dads help out your wife it's just like and she'll have her to do this

45 times longer than like just getting on an exercise exercise yeah so boo gross boo boom anyway right

that was a lot of that been in your ear long enough thank you for listening and we will see you on Monday love you see on Monday bye bye now thank you so much for listening should I delete that is part of the ACAST creator network.