Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: Just don't get a spray tan

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

On this week's IIJM, the girls discuss the perils of micellar water, spray tans and building sites...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Okay, I'm just reading our emails and this is so not where I thought it was going to go but I just have to read it to you because it's so good. Oh, God, go on. Firstly, I really enjoyed the podcast and I think you're both wonderful role models for the girls of our society.

Stop it. What a lie? This one is for all my bowel issue girlies. Of which there are a lot in our listeners. My, is it just me? It's been prompted. by my visit to the surgeon today. Oh.

I know. Is it just me who gets the ick? I'm going to just leave it here for you to just guess because you are never going to guess what's given to the ick about her surgeon. She's visited her surgeon. Is it just me that gets the ick? Is it a male surgeon or a female surgeon?

Unspecified. Gets the ick. I mean, I don't really have that many encounters with surgeons. So I can't really think. Gloves? Is it just me who gets the ick? when the doctor wipes your bum after an examination

it's bad enough that you've just put your finger up my bum but that wipe is just so awkward and honestly I'd rather do it myself sorry what wipe are you talking about they're wiping her bum what do you mean wiping the bomb they shouldn't be wiping her bum

that's what I thought but they're like if you've had like the jelly up there the lubrication they might have to wipe the lube off why they're putting the finger up her bum Are they checking a prostate? She doesn't got a prostate. She's a woman. Might be checking for internal haemorrhoids.

Quite possibly. A wipe. Christ. That feels way too intimate. Like, yes, insert your finger into my rectum, but do not try and wipe my bottom. That's a name of your sex team. Oh, my God.

Okay, any GPs or doctors listening to this who have, I guess they've got a white. the lube off, who have relations with the, with the rectum. Can you tell us, do you wipe the bum? And if so, why? Can you not just hand them a tissue, hand the patient a tissue and say, there you go. Wipe your own ass. Yeah, wipe your own ass. You're a grown-up. I'm a shucketh to my call. I, yeah, yeah, I think wiping your own bum whilst capable of doing so is, it's a good, It's wise It's just

It's a good standard to set I have an awkward story for us Oh good I love an awkward story Hello I have an awkward story for you I don't know why I made me laugh so much Firstly hello everyone Lovely potty Always cheers me up and helps me to keep going

When I'm on runs Love that So my awkward story I went out for a few beers With a work colleague the other week Had a lovely time When I got home I wasn't super drunk or anything

But definitely tipsy And you could tell I'd had a few beers Anyway took myself upstairs Took my makeup off and join my boyfriend in bed. All good. Enjoy, I thought she didn't enjoy her boyfriend in bed. I was like, ooh.

Joined. I'm so French. I enjoyed my boyfriend. Do you know what I mean? So romantic. I enjoyed him. Like a nice chocolate. Next thing, I wake up in the middle of the night, absolutely parched.

You know that feeling when you've had a few drinks and you wake up feeling so dehydrated? Oh my God. When you're having dreams that you're just drinking, drinking, drinking. I used to dream about like fountains of tropicana when I was hung out. Yes, but like, nothing you ingest will. fill you up. Quench that first. Yeah, I've been noticing that recently with the heat. If I even have like two glasses of wine, I wake up in the morning, I'm like, that was horrible. You know what I mean, though? Like, it's, oh, it's disgusting.

Alamatapeic. Very unamatovite. Anyway, with my eyes still closed, I reach out to my bedside table to grab a drink. I was expected to find a glass of water, but much to my excitement, I realized there was a Lucasade sport. For background, a Lucasade sport, specifically the orange flavor, is mine and my boyfriends go to hangover drink. They're a miracle cure for a hangover and always make me feel better. In that moment, when I was picking up my drink, I was admiring how kind it was of my boyfriend to have got me a Lukazade and have it on my bedside table ready for when I got home.

If he's done what I think he's done? As I knew, I'd have had a few drinks. My heart was warm thinking how thoughtful it was of him. How thoughtful? It's not, I think he's been the opposite of thoughtful if this is going where I think it's going. I not only took a sip of my Lukazade, but I literally squeezed the fuck out of it as I was so excited to hydrate my body. It was just after this that I noticed that it tasted a little strange.

Then I started to wake up a bit as I realised this taste wasn't okay. Turn the light on and oh fuck, I've just drank my my cellar water makeup remover. Oh, God, that's fine. I thought it was going to be pee. I thought he was going to have pissed in the Luccazade bottle. Why the fuck would he piss in the Luccazade bottle and then put it on her bedside table? That is far-fetched. That's where I thought we were going.

It's yellow. It's orange. It's Lukazadee in colour. Oh, that is really bad. Yeah, yeah. Micella water. Some people say Micella water, but I say Micella. I just say Micella.

I've never heard it said before. It just looked like a mecholita me. That is really, because it's, I don't think it's ingestable. Like it's not, I don't, I don't think that's very good. No, no, no, no, I agree. It's definitely got soap in it. Yes. And it's, that is really disgusting.

I'd have to make myself sick. I think it probably did make us sick. Yeah, probably. How do you say it again? My cellar. My cellar. Yeah. I mean, it's not the worst thing that she could have had.

It's not great. I know someone, I think it's why my mind went there who did drink somebody's pissed once. As an accident? Yeah, they were doing the Marathon DeSalb, which is that, like, ridiculous marathon where you run across the desert every day. Oh. And for like six days.

And she woke up in the night and she thought it was her electrolyte drinks and she picked it up. Oh, my God. And it's the wee bottle of the guy next to her, which is really bad. Oh, my God. That is really bad. I've done it once. I woke up in the morning.

And I took a swig for Boston on my bedside table, and I thought it was my water. a bottle of vodka that I'd smuggled into the club. That is so disgusting. It was very bad. I was ready to terminate my life at that moment. It's just like I don't need to be. I don't need to see how this pans out.

I'm going to go. This is very bad. That is very... Warm vodka on a hangover. Very bad. It actually makes me feel sick even thinking about it. It makes me feel sick. I can't have anything worse than drinking a warm vodka.

That's making me hot. Do you remember when you were a kid? I mean, it's super bad like that I did this, but it's cool. drinking, like, we were drinking, like, warm vodka and, like, bitty orange juice before going out to the club, like, 15, 14. That sounds nice. I never did that. But bitty, I love that. It would be like all our mum's had.

I love that. Oh, we need a mixer. Does anyone want any Coke and, like, Coca-Cola, not like, drugs? And it would be like, no, we're not allowed fizzy drinks. Like, obviously, we're not allowed vodka if we're not allowed fizzy drinks. But it was like, oh, yeah, well, we'll just go and get some, we'll go and get some tropicana. Oh, with bity or apple juice. and vodka. Why don't you do apple juice and vodka? Why isn't that a thing? You'd have cranberry

and vodka. So nice. You'd have vodka orange. Why don't they do that? That would be nice. Well, apple vodka. Why don't they do that? I mean, I would hate it personally because I love apple juice and you couldn't ruin something so pure for me. But still. But like an apple cocktail, I bet they do apple. Oh, I love a lot of cocktail. It's an apple all spritz. No. My grandma did her teeth with hair removal cream once. Oh, she must have stuck it for toothpaste. Oh, very bad. Oh my God, I forgot to tell you the day. I went to go and put moose on my hair. Like, I got out of the shower and I have my like oliplex cream.

Not that you can tell because my hair looks like trash bags. But I was putting it, I was putting it in my hands. And I rubbed it all together, absent-minded, you know, up at 4 a.m. every morning. I'm very, very, very, very diet. Well, that worked well. That didn't work. I'm very tired. And I put the cream in my hair, the hands.

Then I looked to my hands. And I was like, well, this must be moisturized. And I just started rubbing it into my face. I was like, oh no, I've made a mistake. Oh, my God, I've just had a memory unlocked of when I went around, my first boyfriend that I ever had, and I went around to his house. And I was super, super nervous, but trying not to be and trying to be cool. And I was looking around his room and, like, looking at the things on his shelves

and being like, oh, that's cool. What's this? What's that? Like, what band is this? You know, like, looking at CDs and stuff like that. And then I came across, like, his shaving foam. and why I've got fuck knows why I just pressed the top of it and it squirted straight into my eye

and I was like you know when immediately you're like this is this isn't going to be a quick fix like this is bad it stung so bad I had to go like wash it out obviously all my mascara came off washing it all out and my eye blew up my mum had to come and pick me up I rang her like I need help

come and pick me up right now his his mum was trying to tend to me My eye was honestly blowing, blowing up. Mum picked me up and was like, we need to go to A&A. I was mortified. Absolutely mortified. Oh my God, I've forgotten about that. Why is getting stuff in your eyes so embarrassing.

Especially when you do it to yourself. But you always try and like blink out and you're like, you're okay. Like, yeah, I've got something on my eye. Don't worry about it. And you're just like in the corner like blinking like math. I absolutely, I think I told you once. I was walking to the station. I actually, this is.

crazy bad luck, but I was walking past a building site. It's just like, 2018 or something, I was walking past a building site. I was on the phone to my dad, and I just got like this blinding pain in one eye. And I was like, when I was by myself, I was like, play it cool. Like I can't go like, ah! And like doubled over because it's like, it's like an invisible thing has just flawed me. So I was like, styled it out. Like I'm by myself. I was like, ah, my eye. And I was like, no, be cool, be cool. So I was like walking. And I was like, be cool, be cool. And then I kept walking and I was like, I can't be cool. This is really bad. So I was like, okay, this is really, really, oh my God,

how have I never told you this story? It's just so bad. Okay. So it was really bad. I was like, oh my eye. I was not fed to my dad. And he, like, I had, when I was little, I had operations on my eyes, because they were all squit, like I had my squint. So I had operations on both eyes. So we're quite protective of my eyes. My dad particularly very protective. So you've got to look after your eyes. We've been through too much for you to lose them now. I'm like, cool. That's why we're invested in me, not losing my eyes, but okay. So he was like, you need to go to the eye hospital. Like something is clearly wrong with you. I was like, right, so I found an eye hospital. It's actually around the corner from where we are right now. I think I pointed out to you

every time it's opposite. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I said, right, I've got to make my way. So with my one eye open, I went to the eye hospital and like they had an emergency appointment and I went in and they found a piece of metal in my eye, like a little, like a little ground bit of metal had come off the building site that I've been walking past. God, that's gone through me. I know. It gets worse. So they were like, we need to remove it. I was like, well, hell yeah. Like this is really thought. And I was quite vindicated because I felt like us being a bit dramatic. So they took, they did this thing and they basically have to relax the muscles in your eye to do this. So they put these drops in there, right?

Now, you know that I'm blind, but when I tell you, I'm very blind. Like I've got my stigmatism. I've got the, I don't know, whatever the thing from the operation is. And then I've just got terrible eyesight. Like, it's just not good. So you can't wear your glasses, you can't my contacts. They put this in and it relaxes the muscles so it means you can't focus on anything. So it kind of like sets your eyes to like,

as blind as you really are. Like it doesn't allow you to focus. And they said to me, like, how did you get here? And I was like, I walked. And they're like, do you live nearby? I was like, yeah. And they were like, okay, we're going to do it. And I was like, cool.

I didn't know I was that blind. I thought it would be like just not having my glasses on. It was not like that. It was like, I lost all the ability to focus. And it was as blind as I naturally am. So I was like, I couldn't see a thing. I couldn't see my phone in front of my face. Oh, my God.

They did the little procedure, got the thingy out. Fine. They were like, are you okay to go home? I was trying to be cool and I was by myself So I was like Oh my God Yeah yeah yeah

I'll be fine I was not gonna be fine Like I was But I was like what do I do I've got to go home So I walked myself up It was to where And I was walking distance

To my house to be fair But I got up Yeah Got into the bright light It was agony I was like oh my god And I had an eye patch on Like a fucking loser

So I only had one eye And it was all blurry And I got up there And I saw some To this day I don't know if it was a small Woman or a child And I just grabbed them

And I was like I'm sorry Can you please go on my phone for me find my dad's contact number and call it. Oh my God. Because I can't see anything. And I just had to stand there.

And then he didn't answer. We did answer, but he was really far away. And I was like, you know what? I'll just make my own way home. And I followed the wall home the whole way back. I just walked along the wall, like touching the wall. And I got back and it took me about two hours to do like what should have been a 20-minute walk. And I got back and I had to have a stupid little eye patch on for like three days.

I've got photos. I'll find photos. It was a very bad day. I imagine if that a person just ran off with your phone. Yeah, it was very trusting. That's why... It was very trusting. I didn't have much choice.

I was like so blind. And, yeah, my vision didn't come back for like 24, maybe longer, 36 hours. I mean, the logical thing might have been while you were still in the eye hospital to say, do you know what? Maybe could you call someone for me? When I got the lift up, I didn't think it was that bad. It was only when I got into the natural light, because it makes your pupils so... I'll find the photos.

It's actually really funny. It makes your pupils masses. So I was like so sensitive to light. So when I was downstairs, I was like, I got this. I got this. And then when I got up the stairs and then I was like, I'm going to have to ring the bell to get back in. I don't know how to ring the bell because I don't know where the bell is.

I'm going to get the lift. We won't be able to see the lift buttons. Can't go down the stairs because I'll probably fall. It was very, very isolating. But there was a lesson there and I shouldn't have played it's so cool where they offered help. I should have taken it. Should have been like, yes, please, may you call me a cab.

Yes, yes. Oh, no, I'll be fine. Oh, my God. Like, I feel dizzy thinking about it. That's chronic people pleasing. Oh, I don't want to be an inconvenience. It's all right. I'll walk home.

blind. I just literally without sight, wish me luck. Yeah. Godspeed. Yeah, that was a lot. That stressed me out. Yes, I resonate with the shaving foam. It's just so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. Do you realize how valuable your eyes are? Metal in your eyes, though. That's really bad. What the hell? I never put like, I mean, well, there's a blame, there's a claim. But I mean, like, you know, accidents happen. But you just, it's the last thing you expect to hurtle into your eyeball. A bit of metal. Metal, no wonder that hurt. Just a tiny, tiny, like a little fractal. Like, they were doing like a little thing.

Yeah. That's when I look at Arlo, I'm like, oh my God, I made eyeballs in my tummy. That's disgusting. That is disgusting. Like little jelly lumps that she can see out of. That's disgusting. Yeah. I shouldn't say it's disgusting.

I know it's not, but I'm also a bit grossed out by that. I also made like a brain. And then something to wrap like an Easter egg for the brain. And lungs and like kidney and liver. what the fuck and teeth they're all in there humans are so weird

and I made her more eggs and they're all in there too humans are so weird like she's got fingernails and I just made them in my stomach how did you know to do that

fuck knows jelly balls that she can see out of and that's the thing it's all like passive isn't it like the body's just doing it it just knows what to do yeah

and I don't know how to do anything Like I can't do anything I feel like mine would be like like knock knock on my brain and be like we actually don't know how to do this We don't know how to make eyeballs Is there any help we can get at all Do you have a helpline

Or an instruction manual please I've got really good one Go on Okay so I have an embarrassing story Hit me I don't know what it is But the main takeaway that I have from this whole podcast is don't go and get a spray tan.

Like, that's all I know now, okay. I am Alex, Daisy and Arlo. I bloody love the pod and I'm on my way home from the live show, which I went to alone. I was super nervous for had a great time. Thank you. I adore you both and everything you're doing. Thank you for coming. Sorry, this took too long to read.

Okay, so the spray town, embarrassing story from tonight inspired me to tell you my own. I am a doctor and do a lot of night shifts and I'm pretty impulsive at night time with booking things, which fall under the category of self-care. A few years ago, at 3 a.m. after a week of nights, so I was feeling incredibly pale after being indoors all week and decided to book myself a spray tan for the morning

to give myself a bit of a glow and make me feel less like poop in a doggy bag in preparation for the weekend. Nice. So I finished my shift at 8am and drive straight to a random tanning salon near the flat where I was living at the time. Thank you, treat well.

I'm feeling a bit shivery and nauseous as I haven't slept, but I'm so excited about my soon-to-be glow, so all as well. I go into the tent thingy, not sure what they're called, and take off my clothes before putting on the disposable thong. The tanning lady appears with the spray

machine and asks me to put my arms up. I do so, and she turns on the machine and begins spraying. At this point, the end of the hose attaches from the machine, which sort of resemble to Henry Hoover, and proceeds to splatter my naked and tired body with spray tam. The lady immediately turns off the machine, apologising profusely, attempting to wipe the splatters with a cleansing wipe unsuccessfully, and proceeds to adjust the nozzle before turning the machine on again. After about a minute, maybe a bit longer, the nozzle attaches again. splatters me with dark brown biscuity smelling liquid. The lady once again turns on the machine

and rushes to get a makeup wipe to help minimise the damage before saying that actually it is finished anyway and in a minute or so I can put my clothes back on. I tend to put my clothes back on whilst trying not to cry at the smear on my patchy bronze skin. I leave the tent, make my way to the chill

and in true British fashion proceed to pay £30 for the experience I've just had. Safe to say, I haven't been back for one since. Thanks again for tonight. It was amazing. That's so embarrassing, like a little splat, splat, splat, splat. As if they made her pay for that. Twice. As if they made her pay.

I know. But there's something about, like, being splattered. There's no coming back from that with a spray tan either. Like, those splatters are there to stay. Yeah. It's like... Oh, babe. Like a stain on a carpet.

It's on your body. Why is that embarrassing? It just is. Just like... I actually think that's really bad of them to make her pay for that. Very bad. Really bad. Yeah.

It's like... when I had the spray tan and it stopped working and I said to her, I don't think anything's coming out. And she was like, oh, but you've got some here and you've got some there. So like it's been half coming out. I'm not sure like where I've done. So she went over everything else, but like went over my hands like four times and I knew it wasn't right from the off. She didn't put any barrier cream on my hands either, which in true British fashion, I just decided to let that pass. And I woke up, you remember, I went to a wedding last year and my hands were like, I'm not kidding you, seven shades darker than the rest of my body.

It was really bad. And everyone at the wedding kept, I put makeup on them to try and hide it. And everyone kept saying, oh my God, your hands. I was like, oh, fuck. Leave my fucking, I should have worn gloves like a 1920s debutante. I should have done, but it was fucking hot. So I didn't think I'd have gotten away with it. But, yeah.

You know, in the old days, they had to wear gloves, like women to protect their modesty. Did they? Like gloves up to their arms. Fucking hell. On the hot days. And they had to wear long dresses. On the hot days. I can't. I can't. And they had to have all that big hair on the hot days? I changed the subject,

but I went out yesterday. I'm not going to mind about the weather. But it was bad. It was really hot. But it hadn't been in the morning. I thought it was quite cool. So I put on my jacket. And you know when you're in your jacket and you feel like you can't take it off then? I don't know what's the thing. Anyway, I was really, really hot. And I did this podcast. And it was an outfit. And I kept the jacket on because it was an outfit. And we were under these hot studio lights and as the podcast went on like I was really warming up and my legs got

so, I had a dress on, my legs got so hot and sweaty. They were like the sweat was dripping, dripping from them and we got up, left the podcast and had to walk for like 20 minutes and my legs didn't dry in that time. And I have got the worst chub rub on my thighs. Just for me a little lubricated. And then I got up this morning, went out, I started walking to the station and I was like, fuck, I didn't put cycling,

shorts on. So now it's just going to be worse, probably. Actually, I think it feels all right. Can I ask something? Go on. You know when your legs sweat? Yeah. Or when any of you sweats. Yeah. Where does the sweat go? It evaporates to the air, doesn't it? Does it not? You know, you feel it trickling down? Where does it stop? In your shoes? I think it just dries. Well, I think on the floor. No, you're just like, it dries. It just evaporates, doesn't it? To the air. It just dries. I don't know. Sometimes you know when you're like standing there and you feel like a big drop go down your back. I'm like, where are you landing?

I know, I hate that. Between the cheeks, I don't know. On the tube. I always get on the tube and your back sweats. I find it quite stressful. I also, I'm sure I've been drinking decaf coffees today, but all of a sudden my heart rate feels like it's going very quickly. Oh my God, has your sister sabotage you?

She better not have done because I'm breastfeeding, so she's also sabotaging the family. The only grandchild, can I just point out, but I am feeling very... Are you? Yes, I also have random pins and needles. in my left foot. Oh my God, I'm scared. Which reminds me of last night when I woke up at 11 o'clock, having gone to bed at like 10,

and I completely my left arm wasn't working at all. Like, I woke up and it was just gone. That's horrible. Honestly, I was like, am I... That's horrible feeling. I live? Two nights ago. The golf is on at the moment.

I don't know what golf, but something, and apparently it's quite exciting. I bet you. Dave, didn't come to bed. What? I know. He said, I'll be up at 11. And I think I've talked about this about this on a podcast before, but... I'm quite codependent, but I've got better at it.

Like, normally I'd be like, okay, I'll just stay down with you until you're done. I've gotten better at that and being like, actually, I'm tired, I'm going to bed, see you when I see you. Feel really good about that. So he said, it was about 10, he was like, I'll be up at 11. I went to sleep. I woke up at 1 o'clock, looked over, and Betty was just like looking at me from Dave's pillow. I was like, where the fuck is Dave?

He's killed him. He had slept on the couch. Huh. He assures me it was everything to do with. watching the golf and falling asleep while watching the golf. But for some reason, I feel like, angry about it. Yeah. Usually he woke up at some point in the night and thought, I'm on the sofa.

I woke up at three and thought, if I go up now, I'll wake I'll up, and she won't be able to get back to sleep. And she's got a busy day tomorrow. Well, that's nice. I don't believe him. No, don't believe him, actually. I said, yeah, I know, I'm not sure. What do you think he was doing?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just, I just feel offended and I'm not quite sure why. But you are the winner because you got a. night with your dog in the bed and he slept on the uncomfortable couch. I really did. Yeah. And it was so sweet when I woke up and just looked at the pillow and Betty was just had her head on Dave's pillow. She's just staring at me. I was like, oh, I just, I think there's a

case here to get rid of him. Love you more than him. Yeah. I don't know if you need him. Let him have the golf. Yeah. Enjoy. He can take the couch. You'll take the dog. But then he was like, did you sleep well? And he was like, no, obviously not terrible sleep. I was like, why do you, why are you making it sound like that's my fault? Yeah. Dave. You could have come to bed. I feel like that I felt like we're talking to him. He'll never listen to it. No, what do you fuck?

I could say anything. Literally anything you want. Anything. I might just start lying about Dave in these episodes. Just start telling blatant, like, oh my God, can you believe that Dave told me that he can't count? I wonder what you were going to say that. Yeah, he just can't count. And it's like, yeah, we'll just start like just lying about it.

Count us the most random thing you're going to come up with. Spread it. Just spread it. Dave can't count. Dave can't count, pass it on. Dave can't count. Tell your friends. Well,

on that note. Well, this has been nice. It has been nice. Don't get a spray tan. It's not worth it. I'm not doing it. I'm never going. You guys have put me off.

I don't want to shed in my bum hole. I don't want to be splattered. There's just nothing like it though. I don't want to wear the disposable thong. When you've got one. And it's all dried. You wake up the next day, you shower. And then you're like, oh my God, this is one.

Wonderful, but you just have to go through so much to get there. Yeah, to have this stupid, stupid seven shade darker hands. Yeah, forget it. Forget it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Right. Thanks for being with us. We'll see you on Monday.

We'll see on Monday. Bye. Thank you so much for listening. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creative network.