Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: Just suck it up!

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

On this week's IIJM, the girls decipher internet behaviour: people being judgmental, passive aggressive and outright mean online...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Then turn to Trimble. Trimble. Confidence at every turn. Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That, I'm Alex Light. And I have a question to ask you. Tell me what to think about me. In a good, bad and awkward, a few weeks ago, a couple of years ago, I can't remember, you mentioned bank holiday weddings.

That was it. And that you have a controversial opinion. It's been bugging me ever since. Yeah. Talk to me. Okay, this will be controversial. And I know I'm going to trigger some people, and I'm sorry in advance. We just don't get that many bank holidays a year.

Yeah. It's a bonus day off. Like, if you've got somebody in your life with a proper job, they only get, like, 25 holidays a year, if they're lucky. Yeah. And you get these, like, little bonus, amazing little Mondays. And you get two in May, and you get one in August, and you get one at Christmas. And, like, how lovely. You want to do something.

something with that. You want to make it worth your while. You want to do it a little weekend away, go stay with your parents, go on holiday and use the extra day so that you only had to take four days off work instead of five. But getting married on a bank holiday, robs all your guests of their spare little day. Because you do the wedding on the Saturday, so then that's a day lost. And it's okay if, you know, people want to like slouch around on their spare day. But if you'd wanted to make the most of your spare day,

The opportunity is gone. But generally, you're travelling for a wedding, aren't you, generally? So you can make it into a weekend away. You can't make it into a weekend away. You can. But I know what you mean. I hear what you're saying. I know I've got a wedding next year on a bank holiday.

I'm already a bit like... Really? Yeah. I just love a bank holiday. Something makes me really giddy about them. I'm like, oh, bonus date. It doesn't even apply to me particularly because I've got a weird job. But for Alex, I'm always like, yes, I've got a...

in front of the day. I know, it's quite exciting, actually. Yeah, it's quite exciting. So, I don't know, I just feel like... They're quite magical. They're quite magical. And so sometimes when you put a wedding in, it's just like, it just becomes a bit logistical.

You know? But I feel bad because, you know, there's only a certain number of weekends and it might really work for them. So, and it might not be, you know, it's fine, it's fine. Okay, that's, that's fair. That's kind of, along the lines of what I thought you were going to say. Yeah, but I mean, it could be quite nice, you know, if you then, if it was like a really good friend and then you've got like the

son like you guys had like after your sister's wedding because then you've got it wedding on the Saturday, nice like hangover wedding day on the Sunday and then you've actually got a hangover hangover day on the Monday. Yeah, that was really nice. That's really nice. I completely get that. But like for an average guest who isn't part of the big like hangover day on Sunday, then they're like oh, I'm aloof. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? Like when you're in the throes of it, like, oh, stunning. So if you're the bride listening to this thinking about bank holiday wedding, fucking go for it.

Yeah, go for it. It's going to suit you down to the ground. Oh my God, it really does as well. Yeah, it's the bride. It's amazing. Yeah, it's so nice to have that extra day to recover and come down. Yeah, yeah, so 100% go for it. Don't listen to me. Also, everyone's always spitting tax about weddings, the logistical. So, you know, you're never going to keep everyone happy. So just do what you want, basically.

Yeah, people can get funny about weddings, can't me? Yeah. God, yeah. I get it. Since I've been doing my metro column, some of the problems that I get, like, so many people don't know how to unask people to be bridesmaids or say that they don't want to be bridesmaids or made of honours. Yeah, this is, oh, this is tough, isn't it? It's a much bigger problem than I thought. Like, I've been asked about it a lot. I'm like, oh my God. Do you think that if you have asked someone

to be your bridesmaid or you're made of honour and as the time gets closer, you've changed your mind, do you think it's acceptable to demote them? It really depends. Yeah, it is context It's a hundred percent context spender because yeah, yeah, like you can. Obviously it's your wedding, you can do what you want but then also like shit, is it really worth it? Is it worth it? Like they must have done, like they'd have had to have done something really bad for me. Yeah, yeah. And not a shit, well. Or if they've just not been interested. Because I do think as a bridesmaid, you just have an obligation to just be mad gassed. Even if you're not, you just going to pretend that you give so many shits about this wedding, about the dress, about the

hen, about everything. You can't half-ass it as a bridesmaid. And if someone is half-assing it, like, I don't know, like... But then, oh, I don't know, that's so hard. I mean... It is hard, because people have their own lives and they can't... People have their own lives, yeah. Like, all my bridesmaids, apart from my sisters, had babies, so I didn't expect anything of them. Like, they came to the hen do, but, you know, I... Outside of that, there was nothing expected of them. But did they... I guess it's not too...

Well, you've got so many sisters. I think you're in a... Exactly, I've got so many sisters. And also, I just think we're, like... When they all got married, we were a lot younger, there were no babies involved. I get it now. Like, all my friends have babies.

It's different. It's not, like... It's just not... Yeah. I don't think I expect what I would have expected maybe if I was, like, 27, 28, you know? Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. It's different. It's really hard. It is very stressful. But I think you know, like, your relationships with your friends and, like, what you expect of them and what they expect of you back. And I think, I do think if, because I know someone who got married and had a bridesmaid that she really didn't want to have.

And I told her not to have, but she had her anyway. And, like, just regrets it now. I mean, it's not that big of a deal. Like, it's really not that big of a deal. But it is a bit of a shame. But she just felt like she couldn't demote her. Like, I could not go to someone and be like, I know I asked you to be my bridesmaid, but I've changed my mind. Like, I couldn't do it.

But maybe I could. I don't know. I don't think I could. They'd have to do, they'd have to do, they'd have to do something quite wrong to me. I don't know. I find the whole thing just like, I don't know if I could say this. I might just change my mind later. But I know a bridesmaid that didn't go to a wedding of the bride for no particular, in my opinion.

That's unacceptable, I think. Yeah. I think that's completely, like, not acceptable. But then sometimes I see some really, like, mean takes online of, like, I don't know, like, of people being really shitty about hen parties and about bridesmaids and about, like, all this. And I'm like, these are your friends. Like, some of the TikToks are so mean. And it's just like, well, by the time you've gone to a hen, it costs this and this and this. And like, I shouldn't have to do this for my friend and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And it's just like, oh, my God, you don't deserve to be a bridesmaid with that attitude. I know. I know. It's an honour to do that for someone. Oh my God. I mean, I think we spoke about this before, but planning hendos. Well, my best friend just got engaged in a few weeks ago, which is so exciting. But it's like, I'm already feeling, like, what you were saying before about your bridesmaids,

because I know that, like, me and her other best friend, we both are babies. But she's got, her other best friend has two babies and I've got a baby. And it's just like, we have to, like, I'm already, like, whatever she asks. All right needs to just not be in the way. Oh, I need to just like stay well clear of this Because it's like, she gave me the greatest Hendu wedding experience And I have to give that to her too

And it's like, it's actually, it's kind of stress Not stressful, but it's a bit like You've got a really Yeah Yeah, I'm a bit nervous about making sure I get that Oh, basically we just have to pretend she doesn't exist Like for the sake of the Hendoo

I mean she'll be a bit older by then I think it's easier Yeah, yeah, yeah It should be older, like, I presume you won't be breastfeeding. Like, it's just going to be a lot, a lot easier. But yeah, it's a really weird one where you just... But I don't know, I just think, when I see all those mean TikToks, I'm like, this is your friend and that's an honour. I know, I know.

Suck it up. Just suck it up. Just suck it up. I know. I know. I know. I know. And, like, if you can't afford a hendoo, like, you can't afford a hendoo.

Yeah. Like, that's totally... Exactly. Or, like, make it... known how unhappy you are. I think it's fair enough to be like, is there anything that we can, is there anything that I can do to like make it cheaper?

Because I physically can't afford it. Totally get that. But then I think, yeah, being shitty about it, making the person who's organising it feel shit, and then turning up and being funny about it. Yeah. Or,

making a fucking TikTok about it. Can I just ask? Yeah. It's incredibly awkward. People are like, and we used to call it sub-tweeting, but it's definitely like sub-talking now, where people keep, they talk about,

their friends. Yeah. In a video. I know. And it's just like are you okay? And I'm like, they're going to fucking see that. If I'm seeing it, they've seen it. And so of 614,000 other people, it's like, it's actually coconuts. I find it really weird. I know. People are passive aggressive

on there. So passive aggressive. Mind you, that's controversial opinion. That's why I don't like threads. I've had to come off it. Yeah. Because I just thought it was fucking toxic. I just thought it was people just being like just throwing shade, just making shitty little digs at other people. Really? I haven't actually been on it since it launched. Well, within a week of it launching, I was already noticing it.

Really? Yeah. Which is what Twitter was. Yeah. Just little digs. X. Yeah. But that's what Twitter was and everyone was like, oh, Threads is going to be this like

really positive, like, non-toxic environment. It's just talking about people without tagging them. No, I hate that. Like, say it with your fucking chest. Yeah, I hate that. I saw a TikTok video of a girl who was like, do you put it to an audio of like, I love it and I hate it at the same time song or whatever it was? and it was just like not my dad

choosing to go on holiday with his girlfriend instead of supporting me at my mum's funeral and she was pregnant and it was like well this is some trauma and like yeah like you get through it in your own way but also awkward for everybody oh my god

like yeah it's I know when people are like slacking off their parents or their hendos or they're friends or whatever I'm like the I follow a girl on Instagram who her tweets

are so passive aggressive and like I used to go on them and read them all the time and I would almost be like waiting with baited breath for that it's Colleen Rooney

was there something that like referred to not referred to me specifically but it's like people like me and I and there was a lot of like gossip on there she's very like gossipy and then at one point I was just like I'm stopping

I'm not listening anymore yeah I'm not watching I used to do that to me quite a lot on Twitter yeah I remember while it was so obviously about me and I read it and I was like oh that's fucking crushing like being I'd rather someone just said it to my face

like I have a problem with you for doing this like it was a campaign that I got yeah that's horrible and it was like I actually think that is really horrible I don't like that yeah I got it it was years ago and it was someone and they said like the tweet was like here's to the girls that got there on their own

and didn't just get campaigns handed to them. And I was like, oh, that was obvious. And I'd literally been with her all day. And I'd been like, so I'm working with Sky or whatever it was. They want you to see that. Well, yeah, that's the thing about the sub-twee. They want you to see it. And they want you to just feel a little bit shaky about it.

They're doing it because they're doing it because they feel awkward about saying it to your face. And also it's not really something that you can, how do you phrase that? It's not productive. It's not like, you can't be like, oh, I'm only telling you because. It's like, you just want a bitch. Be avertly jealous in a comment, like, face-to-face comments. You do that. But I hate that.

I know, I hate that. But that happens all the time. That happens, like, in WhatsApp groups or it happens in conversation as well. Like, I notice people will do it, like, not often, but it's a way of speaking where someone will be like, oh, don't you just hate it when? And they'll say something really deliberate, even though they're sitting next to someone else that's done that thing. And it's just like, that was just such a jibe.

Yeah, that's horrible. Such a day. Yeah, but I worry that I've done that to someone by accident. By accident, it's very, you can totally tell when it's an accident, yeah. Yeah, okay. But yeah, that was, I don't know, I really, that's something that I always found about the, like, before Instagram was, like, I feel like now, and I guess we're in a, like, with Instagram, the way that we do it, I feel like it's so kind. Like, I feel like, creator to creator, we want to help each other. I don't know if we're just in a really positive space, but like, we go into the podcast and just, like, it feels like really good vibes.

I feel like I've made some amazing friends I don't ever feel competitive I don't ever feel jealousy like I just feel really positive about the people around me but when I first started doing this and it was all like the blogging days I felt like that was so fucking mean

it was so toxic like you'd walk into an event and it would be like I remember some people telling me things about creators and I would go not knowing because I didn't know how everyone knew it to them I never knew anyone but I went and I remember this one woman

who I don't know telling me some horrible stuff about another woman that I didn't know and I was sitting there and I was like oh my god because I just know I'm going to leave this event and the next one they go to of course I can talk about you that other person you're saying it about me yeah god I remember because I was a journalist when blogger started to become a thing and journalist fucking hated bloggers with an absolute passion to the point where I remember being on a trip away and a woman a very a prolific editor said that she wasn't going to go on the same bus, very posh bus, very posh bus, I might add, it's like a BMW bus, right?

Wouldn't go on the same bus as the influencers who had been invited on the trip and she made it, she made it very clear that she was upset that the influences were on the trip. But that was so common, like they just hated them and they hated them because I think they, they saw them as a threat. Yeah. And saw them as something that they could have done, but could still do, but were too, like, embarrassed to do. Yeah, I mean, blogging is really embarrassing. When I look back at having blogs, I'm like, oh, cringe. I'm so happy that none of my blogs exist anymore.

It was horrible, though. It was really, really horrible. Yeah. And I straddled the two. Yeah, I did a bit. But massively played down the influencing bit when I was with journalists because I was like, they'll just hate me. Yeah, I remember going on a walk once with the journalist.

And it was when I just got my first Instagram. campaign and like my first like blog it was like back in the day where they'd sponsor a blog post as well and I was so proud of myself and I'd like it was like no money but I'd like made and obviously as well trying to make it as a journalist you also didn't make any money doing that like you know you do an opinion piece for like yeah 50 pounds or whatever and it was just like so yeah like still no money yeah exactly so it was just another way of making money and like and I really liked it And it was embarrassing doing blogging, but I also felt like I was like finding a community and whatever. And I remember telling this woman, she was a lot older than me and she'd been journalist for years.

And she like, she like, and she like, and just made some, like, I can't even know what the comment was. And I just, like, I literally felt like shit on her shoe when I got home. And I was like, oh, my silly little job. But people do that when she was all the time. But, like, yeah, they do. They still feel like that about them. But everyone I said that, it's like, I notice it all the time. And this is one of the past side questions where, like, Sophie, like, like, Sophie,

had it the other day but like it happens all the time it's like what do you do for a job and it's like you're asking an influence what they do for a job and it's like you're not asking because you genuinely want to know yeah yeah yeah you're asking because you want to undermine what they do someone someone said to me who like I posted a picture of betty in bed I wasn't in bed betty was still in bed I had got up and got a shout not that it even matters like I could have still been in bed it doesn't matter but she messaged me I just posted a picture of betty been like it's a slow morning. Yeah.

Because she was tired. She'd been to daycare the day before. And this woman messaging me and be like, what does it feel like to be able to have lions and like create your own, your own schedule, like, must be so nice. I was like, you're just being, you're just trying to be mean. Yeah. Yeah, you're just trying to be mean.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, I find that. And I feel really, I still, I didn't have ever said on Instagram that I'm busy. I wrote a whole thing yesterday when I lay on the sofa, like, yeah, for context we're recording this. a week early so for when this goes out but i've just been yesterday i went on my nine mile run on my 8.9 mile run and then i got home and i was shooting all day and i'm doing it all with a baby and it's really hard yeah it's really hard and by 4 p m i had blisters on my feet and i was feeding

arlo and i had to do all my editing and i was just so tired and i put on instagram and i wrote i i put it up saying i'm so done in but what i wanted to say was like today's been so hard that run took it out of me and then I'm with a baby and then I've been trying to do my job and I'm just so busy and overwhelmed and I can't handle it but then I was like can't do that because someone all go oh you think you're more overwhelmed like you've got stupid what do you even do like

yeah yeah exactly and it's like well I'm doing the I'm doing the half marathon as a part of a partnership with the brand for work because this is my job it's a silly little job but it's a job nonetheless it is a job yeah and if you're following me oh yeah we can't say we're busy never no no no no but then but then but then I

see all the time, like, stylists are always doing stories, being, like, one quarter of millennials admit to have shagged on company time, and it's like, if an influence have put up, like, oh, just had a middle of the day shag and everybody would be like, oh, how's that feel? Like, whatever, it's like, you're all bloody at it. What are you doing sitting on Instagram? Like, if you're having such

a slow, like, such a busy morning at work, can have your phone? Yeah. Oh, sorry. I don't know. I know. I know. Yeah, we just, we just can't, I don't know. But if men did it. Yeah, I mean, they would like, easily be able to moan, like complain about their job.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a really weird thing. But it does feel, I don't know, the whole thing does feel quite toxic. Not the, I actually think the influencer space now is definitely when we're in, it feels super positive. It is so much better, yeah. But the blogging space was always so... Oh, it was horrible.

And there was so much drama and there's, there'd be so many blogs back and forth of, like, people talking about other bloggers, not naming them, but just talking about them. And, yeah, it was, I, I remember sitting by one, blogger at an event and her best friend who was also a really famous blogger had been on a red carpet and she hadn't

this girl that I was with hadn't been invited so she showed showed me this picture I just did not know this girl I didn't know this girl at all never mind well enough for her to do this showed me this picture of her best friend on the red carpet that had just come out and was like look how fat she looks fuck I know

I always think that stuff just happens in the phone I was like that's so vicious like you sound so venomous and it's only because she was invited and you weren't but I guess that environment fostered that feeling like that competitive nurse and women aren't I don't think because we've been so put against each other and it makes us so it does

the whole thing of pulling women against women is so toxic like we don't really know how to do it in another way I'll tell you what though I saw yesterday after the NTAs as well like the Daily Mail Oh, fucking hell, the Daily Mail is on it But then the tab had done it And the tab still feels like a blog in lots of ways Yeah

And it was like the 20 worst dressed Love Islanders at the NTAs And I'm like, okay, look, there were only fucking probably 20 Love Islanders there anyway So that's all of them And obviously it's all women that are used for the pictures And the comments are just like And Shauna Phillips has put on the list

Now Shauna has just had a fucking kid And she looked fab She looked so good She looked so good And she was on the list And I read it about her And I just thought Who the fuck is

doing that. Like, it will have taken. And I don't know this. First of all, I love Shawna, but I know this as a new mother. I'd have been really anxious to get on a red carpet and put on a tight dress or tight outfit and go and be there. And then some fucking someone has just been like, just for the sake of it. Like, God, I thought we were past the days of worst dress. I did. I need you did it. I nearly did a post about it actually. I was going to this morning because I, because there were all these articles, but the 20 worst dress at the NTAs. I thought like three or four articles. So I was like, are you kidding? Also, objectively everybody looked fucking fab but it's all women like yeah of course it is

and it's just like Sam Thompson was there in Crocs and it's just like yeah he didn't make the list no he didn't make the list that's so good I really really thought we were over those days of worst dress put him you could do it as the booby prize as the sort of joke of the article make him the worst dress because he's in Crocs ha ha ha ha cheap joke but it wasn't it's genuinely like poor Shauna but I mean to make a feel better like morea Phillips was, sorry, Mora Higgins was in there, she looked amazing. Like, you know, everybody, everybody looked amazing. And they just put them in the list.

And then they put, like, Ash as the, you know, best dress. And it's like, why are we doing this? Like, it's also so subjective. They put Stacey Solomon is the worst dressed. And then it was like, but she looked awesome. She looked adorable. But then all the comments, obviously, oh, she looks like a toilet roll holder. And it's like, she's another one.

She's just had a baby. Oh, my God. Why are we doing this? It's just so mean. So mean. And I don't know, like, I've definitely been there. I've definitely been mean and, you know, been in toxic spaces. but it just makes me really fucking gutted that were still there.

Yeah, like thinking back, that I used to love reading the like worst-dressed Oscars galleries. But it's like, now I'm like, they'll have had a spy list. Yeah, yeah. They'll have tried really hard and got up early. I mean, I feel like they're different because I feel like maybe with the Oscars and things like that, they're going for a certain look to get on worse dress to get publicity. Like it's different.

Yeah, it's also like it's high fashion. They've got like Balenciaga dressing them or they've got like, talking about addressing them. They didn't get ready at home and like do their own makeup. You know, it's like different. Yeah. But that feels really harsh. That feels harsh.

Yeah. And it's like it's going for reality. It's much lower key. Yeah. It just feels like, because it's just, I'd be fucking gutted if I went somewhere and someone just put me on a worst dress list. Oh my God. I would be absolutely mortified.

But I'm just so upset. Yeah. No, I could, I, I, I, yeah. And I'm definitely beyond one. Because my shoes wouldn't go with my, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not fashion savvy. I wouldn't do it right. No, I would not, I would not be happy to see that.

I can't remember what, what, Love Island it was. And they were like, look at her shoes. What are we in 2015? I was like, what's wrong with her shoes? I was looking at them. I was not the wrong with their shoes. I've got them. Literally, there's like black sandals.

Like, they're fine. Fucking hell. Jesus. It's so mean. But yeah, I just, I just hate that. But I still feel like we're there. It was so much like little toxic. Yeah.

I know. I know. We are, aren't we? We so are. And it is so weird. Because we're in such a bubble. Yeah, I feel like I'm in such a bubble. And then I get so shocked when I see something outside of it.

And then I'm like, oh no, that's just the real world. Yeah, that's just the world. Yeah. Yeah, we definitely created. It's created them. But then also, Florence Given did a video a couple of days ago. And she was like, your responsibility in this life is just to be really fucking happy. I was like, you know what?

I like that. I really like that. Yeah, I like that. That's actually really what I want to be. Yeah. Love that. There was a lesson in this today. Yeah.

I felt like we were maybe rambling. but actually I think we got to a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Whoops. Get yourself out of those negative spaces and also like look for when you're doing it yourself. Yeah. Yeah, because I think so much of it is us trying to be cool as well. Like I know like so much of the, like I, even if not partake in it, I would accommodate

or facilitate gossiping because you don't want to be like, guys, don't be me. You don't want to be like the fun sponge or whatever. enjoy it. Yeah. There's a mean that goes around that's like, I don't want anything to do with the drama, but I want to be involved in all of it. Something like that, basically, they don't want to be a part of it,

but they want to know everything about it. I was like, but that's not great either. Like, we shouldn't be like... No. We're loving the drama. No. But then I watch fucking Real Housewives, so I really can't talk. But you know, I have to skip over the arguments.

I don't like them. I can't bear it. I don't like the yelling. I just like to see them shopping and generally having a nice time. what they're eating. In their beautiful houses. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, something wrong with me now. When people are yelling and there's just bad vibes, I'm like, mute that. I put my fingers over my ears and people are arguing on the TV. Like a child. Probably some unresolved trauma to deal with them. He sounds like it, maybe. Yeah. Just for another week.

Okay, well, there you go. Thank you so much for being with us today, guys. Love you loads. Love you loads. We will see you next. Monday. Monday. Thanks. Bye-bye now. Thank you so much for listening. Should I delete that? It's part of the ACAS creator network.