Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: Knowledge is power

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

This week, the girls discuss balloon animals, misheard quotes and slugs...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Hi. I've got something to read out here. I can tell. You've got like this big grid on your face and you're like silently chuckling away to yourself. So I'm very excited to hear what this is. Amy's forwarded me a message that we've had sent into the Instagram. I'm just going to put out a little call and a reminder that you can always send in your is it just me to our Instagram which is should I delete that or to our email address which is should I delete that pod at gmail.com. We love them. They're make our, literally make our day. This one's just going to win. And I don't even know why, it was just sent with no context, which is why I love. There's no preamble, no preface, just, nothing. Okay. Preface, preface. Anyway, when I was a teenager, I went to the cinema with my mum, and we stood up to let

some people pass, but my mum slipped. She shot forwards in her seat and wedged a man between her legs. She was then laughing so hard the man couldn't escape. Honestly, it was the most mortifying moment of my life. Wait, wait, I'm trying to work that out in my head. It's the visual. I can't get it. You know, when you have to stand up at a cinema seat and the seat folds back up again.

Yeah. Yeah, I think she tried to stand up, slipped, so ended up sat back down again. But by the time he'd gone, I think she slipped and went back down with the chair. So she ended up back in the seated position, by which point the man had moved in so that he was in front of her chair, so that he was then stuck in between a leg on either side. and then he's just stuck there. It's actually, I'm so pleased she's brought this up because that's one of the worst things in this life is having to stand up to let people go in front of you

when you're at the cinema or even worse being the person that people are standing up for. Yeah, yeah. I hate that. I just, I hate it. I cannot. Maybe that's why I hate the theatre. Maybe that's why I can't go to the theatre

because I just get so trapped. Can you imagine how many sorries come out of my mouth before they have to, like, go through. I'm like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, God, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. And then the worst bit is, you know, you've got out and you know everyone's sitting there thinking, that bit, she's coming right back in a minute.

Yeah, she's coming back. She's coming back. Yeah. It's so bad. It's always Dave, because he needs to lose so much. Yeah, Alice is the same. Is it? Is it? I've had it. Yeah, we've had to have his prostate checked because he reads so much.

Same. Oh, my God, no way. Like, Dave wakes up in the middle of the night to go for a wing. Oh, good, Alex is all the time. Like, genuinely, I am. at the time of recording nine months pregnant Alex Wees three to four times more than me like if we go for a walk to the park

like he can't he can't like our walk is four miles he can't do that like he could not weird right yeah he's got to stop it once maybe twice and honestly it's actually been one of the most annoying thing he doesn't annoy me in general Alex isn't I'm not one of the people

that's annoyed by their part I'm not really annoyed by a lot of things to be honest I'm not an annoyed person but he doesn't annoy me But that It is annoying Grow up Get a grip We went to see

We Cirque to Salate And we met before To go to For a burger And we arrived Dave went to the loo And then before we left He's like

Should just go the loo again We got to the theatre Just gonna go the loo before it starts In the middle of the first half I'm gonna go the toilet In the first half And I was like I haven't been to the toilet

Once I mean But you're like a reason I am I'm a reason streaming dehydrated. But like, that's not right, is it? But he has been to the doctors about it

because I was like, you're waking up multiple times in the middle of night for a piss. Yeah, it's fine. And I'm like, you know what, actually, you're just being indulgent. Stop going so often. Like, it's actually, it's, I just think, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

I wonder if it's a bit psychological. Yeah, and I just think grow down and just suffer in silence like the rest of us. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? You don't need to inconvenience. all these people at Soap's Salaire and your wife by leaving her alone for the fucking 17th time today.

Just practice some self-restraint. Exactly. Of God's sake. I think this all the time. I'm like, just don't. Yeah. Like, come on. Just think it and don't act on it.

How about that? Yeah, literally just get a little hair tie and just wrap it around the end. Okay, so that's what I want to ask you, actually. Something I've never worked out. And I have asked Dave, but I can't remember his answer. It obviously wasn't like good enough. But like, do it? When men need the toilet, like we feel it in our bladder.

Do they feel it in their bladder and their, do they feel it in their penis? I don't think so. Because like, does the wee go down to the penis? I don't think that. Sometimes, you know when you really need a wee and you literally have to like plug it? Do you ever get that? We have to put your hand between your legs and be like, oh my God. I always see that.

I'm always like, is he holding on to the end? But then I imagine if he holds on to the end of it really, it would be like, you know, in the, in Shrek when she blows the snake and the frog up? Like a balloon animal. Yeah. Imagine that his willie is just going to swell up really wide and then eventually pop like a water balloon. Oh, my God. So it doesn't come down into the penis until they actually go to the toilet. I'm just going to leave Alex a voice note and ask him. Hang on.

Hi, babe. We're just recording a podcast episode and Al has a question for you. Hi, Al. This feels intimate. But when you need the wee, when you need the wee, when you need the way, a wee, do you feel that solely in your bladder or do you feel it in your penis as well? I'm so sorry but I just we're just intrigued

like where do you do you feel it is it just in it because we only feel it in our bladder but but and do you ever feel

like if you hold on to the end of your willy it's going to make the wee less needing to come out yeah like almost like

you're just like tying it up like a balloon yeah could you let us know thank you so much thanks love you cool

oh we'll wait like what the fuck yeah we'll wait for that feedback okay I don't think that's the first time I've asked him

that either But yeah, I do, I agree. I think they should be exercising a bit more in the way of self-restraint. Yeah. Like, grow up. Yeah, it is a bit, isn't it? You don't have to act on every impulse, don't you know?

No, yeah, literally. Exactly. God's sake. Exactly. I just think if he was in a war environment or like, I don't know, I just think, James Bond isn't going to the loo all the time. Do you know what I mean?

James Bond famously never goes to the loo. Never goes to the loo. We've never seen him have a piss. But also, you see people like running over the top in, you know, in warfare. Yeah. and they're not like oh hang on regiment just wait a second sorry if everyone wouldn't mind just holding fire I'm just going to have a quick wee no no I found a girl on TikTok who when she lifts

weight heavy weights she we she loses bladder control and just whee's so like the weight she's lifting her lifting the weight and it shows her lifting the weight and it shows like the wee coming out that yeah it's quite interesting that's a bit of a kid oh Alex is recording an audio he's recording an audio before we move on we're going to get her answer Hello. What a strange question. I feel it in my bladder, not in my penis. And you, well, you wouldn't hold it in the top of your penis. But if you did, it would go into your penis and then it would form a balloon, probably. But yeah, just in the batter. I hope that's what you wanted. Bye. That's exactly what we wanted. It's also on 1.5 speed. Fab, thanks so much. Love you. Bye. See it a bit. Great. Absolutely brilliant. I knew it about the water blue. You did. You called that. Yeah, 100%.

Basic physics, Al, really. You just couldn't... How stupid of me? God. It didn't get that. Well, there you go. Wow. I've got an embarrassing story for us. Hi, guys. That's Alex M. and the rest of the team. Ovs goes without saying that I absolutely love the pod. It never fails to make me laugh out loud like a nutter on my cycle to work and back.

Oh my God, you are a nutter. If you... If I saw someone cycling down the road laughing, I'd be like, what the fuck? Like big joker vibes, I love it. As a fellow human, I just read, that's a fellow human. I was like, nice. As a fellow human with absolutely no shame, you guys make me feel very at home. So I have a bit of an embarrassing story,

only I don't think I'm as embarrassed of it as I think I should be, but here goes, sorry for the length. To preface, in the second year of uni, we lived in a shitty terrorist house which had a bit of a slug infestation, which we didn't know about until the night of this incident. It's such a disgrace, what they allowed. students to live in

but that's a rant for another day agree the slugs would mostly yeah I mean this is absurd this is like

one of the greatest nations in the world the slugs would mostly come into the house at night under the back door

we think and through the plug hole in the bath because it was a downstairs bathroom they once came out

when I saw oh no they once came out when I saw her in the bath so I think she's saying they once came out when she was in the

bath vomiting emojis this one night we were having a tiny house forming party the same night my bestie was dumped so i took it upon myself to get incredibly drunk and put on a show e g vodka in a water gun doing a rocky horror picture show dance number on the stairs kind of drunk we all go to bed early in the morning but me and my boyfriend decided it's the perfect time to try anal with no lube either this took a turn i wasn't expecting

i've never gone from slugs to anal so fast in my life i didn't know it's possible to get there so quickly Major whiplash. I'm confused. Hold on. Oh my goodness. So we get to it and then goes the tip. Wait, how do slugs? I'm so intrigued. I don't know that I really enjoy saying that. How does slugs intersect the story? So we get into it and then goes the tip.

Yeah. Oof. Oof. Indeed. Having put a rectal swab up once, I just, it's just, even the tip sounds like too much. But anyway. Oh my God, are you okay? No, it's just a tip. It's just done me in.

Right. Why am I such a child? Grow up, sex is cool. Just do be o'fay about it. Stop being weird. You're being so weird. I'm just tired. Okay. I'm just tired.

So the tips call it. I just don't know where it's going next. I'm scared. Well, you can see it. I can't. I can't. I can't go really. So we get to it and it goes the tip.

The fuck's sake. This poor man is well like how many times have I represented with me. Guys, M's fully crying. I'm fully crying. Right. I instantly jump up. Oh no. Okay, right.

This is taken another time. Oh, shit. Right. So we get to it and in goes the tip. I instantly jump up. Yeah. And butt naked. charged to the bathroom and begin to

vomit profusely LMAO. Love that Right, so the tip triggered a bomb. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Who knew? My boyfriend gets dressed and comes in to check on me and see something long, thin, brown and wet looking

on the floor next to the back door. Oh no. And apprehensively says my name, did you shit on the floor? I didn't think so, but also I was so drunk, I definitely could have done and not noticed. We turned the light on and see, it's a fucking fat slug. We were absolutely horrified, but also relieved that I hadn't shot on the floor. But then maybe that also would have been better about, better than us having a slug in Festation.

Oh my God. I feel like I have been on the biggest journey. That is so embarrassing that she didn't know if it was, you can't confidently be like, no, I haven't shipped myself. Like that could, there's so much true. Anyway, the tip goes in, she jumps up. And vomits. What's to say she didn't jump up and then just on her way to the bathroom, like launched a little rocket out.

Woo! I don't like the way you give poo. These names, like rocket, pebble, nugget. Like, stop it. Just call it poo or shit. I don't like it. You, like, give them life and it's gross. Sorry, I like to make my stories live, Alex.

Jesus Christ. What a sin. What a crime. I like to paint a mental picture is that. That's so wrong. Yes. Oh my God, have you never heard Katia described diarrhea?

No. Hot snakes. Hot snakes. Pebble dash? She talks about pebble dashing. Oh, my God. Yeah, the hot snakes are the worst. That's actually quite good though.

And she does get the squits a lot as well. She's always talking about. Poor Katia. Honestly, the amount of shit we see, well, you say about her on this podcast. She doesn't listen to it. She doesn't listen, so it's fine. More full hair. That's what you get.

Yeah, 100%. You don't listen to the podcast, that's what you get. It's a golden rule in this life. Yeah. Never love a podcast host. Never love a podcast host. Yes. You just know you're in for it.

Oh, I see. I see. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. But I don't think it's a coincidence that no one that we love listens to this podcast. I mean, I was about to disagree with you.

I can't think of anyone who actually listens. Although my mom did say the other day, like, please, can you send me the... My mom did say the other day, like, please can you send me the... She was like, please can you send me your app. Oh no. She's like, please can you send me your app. She's going to be so disappointed when she doesn't have an app.

I know. I was just like, yeah, sure. I just hope she forgets because I really didn't want us to listen to this. Oh my God, send us something better. Send her Emily Maitliss this podcast, the news agents. Yeah. She'll think you're really a fay on current affairs. She'll never know.

No. She literally said, oh my God, are you interviewing Kirstama? Yeah, amazing. Huge. Don't I sound intellectual while doing so? What a gig. Yeah. Fascinating. Yeah, I just put my mom listens, but I always forget that my mom listens. And then she'll drop it into conversation. Like she did that the day, what were we talking about?

It was so bad. I was on the phone. Oh, it was talking about the hospital, but I was talking about the hospital. It wasn't actually that bad. But I was talking about how I hadn't packed my hospital bag. Right. And I was on the phone to her when I came up my hospital and I was like, I haven't packed my hospital. She went, darling, I know. I've been listening to a podcast. The only thing I would say is that you're only going to the hospital. You're not going to the Himalayas. So I was like, oh, okay. That's a really good point. That worries me that she listens. Yeah. And how casual. she just dropped stuff in like what the fuck does she think of me i it's not you i'd worry about well that's true that's that's that's that's you know what that's very true yeah because objectively she's going to listen to that and be like well thank fuck that's not my problem unfortunately she's got to listen to me and be like oh that is my problem that's very much my problem i created

that yeah and then and then i make catty's problems her problems too so about the hot snakes and the pebbled her ashen everything else everything else so mom if you're listening to listening please don't um i love having my mum here i think it's good for morale hang on i've had another one for now i like your having your mom here as i was recording that talking about my badder and my penis i just set up the new baby monitor in our baby's bedroom and as i was talking about notification saying sound detected and it was me talking about my penis that's the first piece of audio we want recorded our baby is it first piece of audio i love that the first thing on the baby monitor brilliant oh god

I haven't, is it just me that I think is going to resonate with you? Is it just me in capitals? Two exclamation marks. I love watching and drooling over recipe reels and I have just stumbled across something that has really blown my mind. Apparently when making roasties, you parboil them. What the actual heck, I have been saying part boil for all these years and I just can't believe that parboil is a thing.

It sounds crazy. Is it just me that's been so totally wrong? Okay, a couple of things to unpack here. First of all, I thought she was going to see. say she didn't realize that she had to parboil roasties and I was like what even I know that yeah so I'm really happy that she took that corner you didn't know that did you I absolutely did thank you very much there's so many things as you know that I do not know that I do not know when it comes to pronunciation but for some reason I've always known it was a parboil

Okay, that's... I think it's probably short for partial. A partial boil. Oh my God, I think you're right. I think it is. I've never known what the par was short for. But I'm going to just go ahead and say, you don't really par boil, you kind of boil boil.

Like, I always... When you imagine a par boil, you imagine it's just a simmer. But you don't bring it to a simmer. You bring it to the boil. You need it boiling for a good... I don't sure I understand. Well, I wouldn't expect you to.

This is a human craft. Yeah, I think. I feel like you need them properly boiling, you know, because they've got to be soft and fluffy. Yeah, you've lost me. I know. But what's Google saying? Partial boil. Interesting.

Well done. Yeah. Knowledge. I got thrown out of my home economics class. I think I've told you this before, home economics class when I was younger, because we had to do, like, cooking in school, which I really did not like, and I didn't want to be there. I was not happy about it. I don't know why. I was just a brat.

I, we had to boil potatoes and I put them, I didn't realize that you had to have water to boil them. So I just put the potato, I peeled them, nice, and I put the potatoes in the pan, put the lid on. And started a fire. No, I literally started a fire. So they moved me to sewing, which was arguably even worse. Much more dangerous. No, no. I mean, more dangerous to you and your fingers.

Definitely. Oh, yeah. But better for the sake of the building and. yes yes i was deemed a risk yeah well about right so you just put in potatoes and salt into a saucepan i didn't want to put salt in no it just potatoes yeah and what did happen i didn't put water in why would i put fucking salt in why don't forgive me for thinking you might want a bit of seasoning some salt and some butter and some pepper eat fine eat your bland fucking food then see if i care soy sauce in you're soy sauce and your potatoes as if i wonder if that's probably really delicious actually

Oh my God, I'll tell you what I'd love to do right now is dunk a chip into some soy sauce. Fuck, that sounds good. Like a thin chip. God, that sounds delicious. I'd rather go for mayo. Oh my God, imagine both. A bit of garlic mayo.

I'm obsessed with tick-chips in ages. I want some chips. Oh, crispy, crunchy. You know what? Chips. Because I've not eaten in a McDonald's for moral reasons for years, like decades, yeah, years and probably about 10 years. But I really, and I can't have it because it's not vegan,

but I really want to get a chip and dunk it into a McFlurry. Is, are the chips not vegan? The McFlurry is not. The McFlurry is not vegan, sorry. No. Yeah, apparently. I can't remember, no, chocolate. My Donald's chips are thin and long and floppy, aren't they?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They are really good. I always used to prefer Burger King chips, but I haven't tried either recently. No, they were just too crunchy and salty for me. So I like that quite. Do you like chippy chips? what's a chippy chip? Like fish and chip chips?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot. Okay. God, yeah. I really want some chips in my life. Oh my God. Fish and chips. Yeah, that sounds great. Yeah, like good batter. I used to like, I used to like a sausage and chips. We used to have them on Friday back. And I saw a mean the other day that was like, I always used to think that Friday night, like, takeout night or like pizza night at home was my parents giving me a treat. And I actually just realized that my parents couldn't be fucked to cook. And I was like, oh. Shit, yeah, that makes so much sense. Yeah, totally.

Yeah, we always thought takeout was like the biggest, which it was. Oh my God, it was so exciting. We used to have like sometimes Fish and Ships Fridays because I lived so far away from school. It was like an hour in the car there and back. Oh, my God. So we'd have to leave, and with traffic it would be worse. We would leave the house at quarter to seven in the morning.

That's so far. Yeah, and we'd get in at quarter to eight. But school didn't start until 830, but if we left any later, we'd hit all the traffic and then we'd be super late and then coming home would be the same like if you finished at 3.30 which if we did in junior school and then 4.15 afterwards we wouldn't get home till 6 something. Did your mum drive you there and back every single day?

Yeah and then we had when she worked so she did some days but then when she was working we had like childcare for the other days. Bloody hell that's a long way. It's actually been one of the biggest factors actually for me choosing where I want to live like with my kids because it's like I just don't want my kids to have to do that like if you live in the middle

nowhere yeah that's really hard that's like I was 35 minutes away from school I thought that was really yeah I always we I don't know if you're the same but I always like a little so envious of like the girls that lived oh my god they could just hang out and what a couple of my like best friends lived right next to school so I would stay with them okay that's good I would stay normally at least two nights a week with my friends because yeah because otherwise it was just like and you're so tired yeah it's a lot like you're so tired also oh god i'd be so anxious like if my kids there and back every day god my anxiety could not handle it what driving them yeah although someone else driving them like two hours every day

i'd be hysterical oh no we were fine we just we did say bagels and hot chocolate in the car it was actually kind of nice and then on fridays we'd come back and have fish and chips if we were back if the weather was nice we'd go and eat it in the park oh god i know what a lovely time the good old days Yeah, do you want to go and eat fish and chips in the park this summer? Oh my God, I'd love to. Should we just do that? Like one Friday, let's record, and then we can just go and eat like fish and chips

and have like a cider in the park. Oh, gorgeous. Like a grown-up. Loads of salt, loads of vinegar. Oh, I don't like vinegar very. Do not. I tell you what pregnancy made me weird about vinegar. You know, I've always loved salt and vinegar pop chips

and hummus is like my favourite thing in the world. Yeah. I can't fucking stand it. Really? How weird. I wonder if it'll come back. Yeah, I don't know. Watch this space.

Weird. Weird. Really weird. Really weird. I love vinegar. Vineigam. Do you like mustard? Yeah, I love mustard.

No. No? Do you like Gherkins? Don't mind them. I wouldn't like, you know, wouldn't like actively buy them. But mustard on like a sandwich, a toasted sourge sandwich.

That's beautiful. No, no. Bad. Very bad. Someone sent me this in by DM. Hi Alex, big fan of the podcast. I saw this today and thought it was something a listener would probably send in. It made me chuckle.

When I was younger, my father said to me, knowledge is power, Francis Bacon. I understood it as knowledge is power, France is bacon. Oh my God. For more than a decade, I wondered over the meaning of the second part

and what was the surreal linkage between the two. If I said the quote to someone, knowledge is power, France is bacon. They nodded knowingly. Or someone might say, knowledge is power. And I'd finish the quote, France is bacon. And they wouldn't look at me like I'd said something very odd, but they thoughtfully agree. I did ask a teacher what knowledge is power, France is bacon meant. And got a full 10 minute explanation of the knowledge is power bit, but just nothing on the France is bacon. When I prompted further explanation by saying France is bacon in a questioning tone, I just got a yes. At 12, I didn't have the confidence to press it further. I just accepted it as something I'd never understand. It wasn't until years later I saw it written down and that the penny dropped.

Oh my lord. This kills me about being a human because isn't it so sad that you can not know something? Yeah. And it's like, you just have to live with that. You just have to live. I have no idea what this is. But it's just like in my life,

How sweet. Francis Bacon. That is really sweet. You have to be careful when naming people, you know. My mum's called Francis. And I don't know why I've never gone Francis Kane. That's her name. Francis Kane.

Francis. Cute. How fun. No, it's not really sweet. Bless them. Well, there we go. Francis Bacon. Knowledge is power.

Francis Bacon. See you on Monday. Thanks for listening. Thank you so much. much for listening. Should I delete that is part of the ACAST creator network.