Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: Marriage and pink flamingos

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

What do do gnomes, pampas grass and pineapple door knockers have in common? Listen to find out...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to our Thursday episode. Hello, hello, hello. Thanks for the welcome. Hi. How are you doing? Good. I feel like we haven't recorded for ages, right? I know. I know. And we'll get into it, but you're a whole year older since we last spoke to you. I am. I'm feeling quite mature, I've got to say, actually. For now, I've got a question, Al. That always scares me. Well, as it should. I've just had an, is it just me? Someone's just sent a message, a DM to the Instagram saying,

congratulations on one million downloads. Getting dressed on Tuesday and commuting home on Thursday is always excellent fun. For is it just me, how embarrassing is being hungry? What? She just said, I've just had a meeting with three bloke, which is always intimidating. Halfway through whilst I'm meant to be smart and engaging in informating, an informative. That's an irony that I said that wrong.

My stomach started grumbling loudly, like a small, constant train on a rickety track. The shame. I have social anxiety at the best. of times. And I've often convinced people find me odd and stupid. So this really didn't help. I know I'm not, but the ground could swallow me whole. I get it. I hate being hungry. Tommy rumbling. That I do find awkward. When we interviewed Stuart Sandeman, do you remember my my tummy was just like, it was on fire, literally. And it was so annoying. I also, but I think that's just like, it's the sound of your poo being made. And I just don't think we should all be

listening to it. I know it's not your fault. I know it's not anyone's fault. I know it's not anyone's fault but like not when it's grumbling who shouldn't have an audio not when it's grumbling because you're hungry that's not your poop being made i don't know i just think any tummy noises you never know is it hunger is it poop like you know with yourself but when i hear yours going i'm like right is you just like cooking something up or what's happening in there gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous girls but then i also think this like not to just like take it really deep this like totally stems from like patriarchy because like women are supposed to be hungry we're not supposed to eat we're not supposed to like be big or whatever so like I always found it really embarrassing like you know when

you go to you know when you go to school and you'd like need to eat and like you'd want like a big portion because you were hungry like that would just be like mortifying like when you just didn't want a salad like oh god I'm convenient and like I feel like we were always supposed to like eat like women, like, eat like ladies, like mouse-sized bites and only tiny portions and like you can't be starving, you know, you can't like that, I feel like that feral like hunger is just like reserved for men. Whereas actually we get just as hungry. And I still like make excuses for myself when I buy a lot of food, which is always. Like even now, I'm like, oh, you know, ah, what am I like? Like I can't just like buy the food. Like I just have to like make a thing

about like buying as much food as I've bought. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. I did it yesterday. I bought myself like a picnic and then I got like someone offered to carry my bag for me, like a picnic bag and then I was really aware of like how much was in it just for me. And I was like, well like when they take up delivery driver brings the food and they bring or like if you order like sushi and they bring you like two pairs of chopsticks and it's just for you.

I once got given three. I'm like no, it's just me. I love that. I love that. That's good going. I do know what? I always love to see how many chopsticks they include. Like, what are they guessing here?

Yeah. I love that. Have we got it right? Have we fucked up? I haven't. Your opinions are needed. Email. Okay, I'm ready.

It's a long one, so buckle up. Buckle in. Buckle up, buckle in. Hi, guys. I adore the podcast. I get a little buzz of excitement every Monday and Thursday when I know I can listen to it

whilst I feed my high maintenance cats and unload the dishwasher. It never fails to put a smile on my face. That's so nice. That is so nice. Oh, my God, I love you. thought she was going to say hi-maintenance kid and I was like, I'm obsessed if she's calling her child's high-maintenance, but that's so sweet. I'm emailing because I have an issue that I've thought about for years and I'd

really appreciate your opinions. I feel I've burdened my friends with this problem so much and maybe an impartial view is needed. I've been with my boyfriend for nine years and we're happy as far as I'm aware. However, I found out during the pandemic that my boyfriend is totally against getting married. This isn't something he ever made clear during the early years of our relationship and I always imagine we get married one day. Hearing his views on marriage made me pretty devastated and it's caused a fair few disagreements. It also causes me to get super paranoid. Is he against marriage generally or specifically he doesn't want to marry me? I get down about this every day which sounds stupid but I feel I want him to get down on one knee and propose. I want him to make a proper declaration that

he wants to be with me. Em and Al, you're both married. Does it change much in a relationship? How do you think you'd feel if your husbands had had opinions similar to my boyfriend? I overthink everything. It was me that initiated our first date and me that drunkenly asked him if he was going to be my boyfriend back in 2013. What if he just felt pushed into the relationship and doesn't know how to get out? This all makes me too nervous to broach a serious discussion with him in case I discovered that he doesn't want to be with me at all. So the issue generally comes out during silly arguments. Typing this out sounds so stupid and immature, but I guess the worry lives in my mind more frequently nowadays because I've been a bridesmaid twice this summer and a lot of our friends are getting married.

it just all feels like a constant reinforcement that I'm not good enough because my boyfriend doesn't want to marry me it seriously knocks my confidence and makes me feel so inferior any advice or insight would be much appreciated please don't say my name if I get this gets right now

can I just say he is not going to just he's not just there nine years later because you drunkenly asked him to be your boyfriend it's not going to be like oh that's just

just occurred to me. I need to complete, like, nine years is a very long time to like set up shop with someone. Don't worry. Like, if it was like nine weeks, I could see maybe yes, he might have got swept up. But if he can't take responsibility for his involvement in a nine year relationship, of course he will. You know, he obviously wants to be there because he makes a decision to be there. And he's made that through all the arguments that you've just described, you know, you said it comes out and silly arguments, you know, you argue, you live together, you have cats, you know you've got this life together of course he wants to be a part

of it because that's you know sometimes when somebody shows you who they are or somebody shows you somebody doesn't just take it just take it as they're here and you don't need to talk them out of it you don't need to overthink it you can just accept the fact that they're here right now

so I think that's the first thing to say like I understand the insecurity but I don't think this will come up and he'll just look up and go oh my God do you mean I'm not handcuffed to the bed. I can leave after all. I didn't realize, oh, bye, and then he's going to skip, like, jazz hands down the street. I don't think that's going to happen. Absolutely not. He clearly loves you, and he clearly wants to be with you, and it's disappointing

about his views on marriage. But I think the two things, you can definitely have the marriage conversation without, in my opinion, worrying that he's going to... Yeah, you're definitely, you have to bring it up, especially if it's something that it's clearly eating away at you and it's coming out in the little, you know, it's manifesting in other areas of your relationship and that's more, probably more dangerous. That's definitely more dangerous than actually having an open and honest discussion with him. Like this, all of this resonates with me because I was with my ex for, well, we were together for 10 years and we were, I was 29 when we split up and I spent like three years, four years, wondering when he was.

was going to propose to me. But I never brought it up with him, which I wish I had because I just let it come out in, in like, random ways. I just get annoyed to him or like passive aggressive with him, but not say why. And, you know, obviously our situations are very different, but I feel like if I had, have broached that conversation, it would have allowed for a lot more honesty within our relationship. And it sounds like he just has an issue with marriage, which some, which a lot of people do my my friend does as well he just doesn't want to get married and that's caused problems with it with his girlfriend but he remains steadfast in that it's difficult because who has to compromise you know you want to get married he doesn't so that's difficult but I think the only way

you just you have to you have to work it out with him like openly and it has to be a topic of discussion if Dave didn't want to get married would you stay would you still be with him yeah definitely yeah marriage was never like a huge like it was never a huge thing for me with my ex I think the problem was that I felt like there was a reason behind it like I kind of felt like what this girl was was feeling like I'm not good enough and that's why he doesn't want to ask to marry me that's why like all of my friends are getting engaged but I'm not good enough to be proposed to kind of thing so it was more like that but I think if Dave said I really really don't want to get married, if he had said that, I don't, I don't know, it's hard to say,

but I think I definitely would still be with him for sure, whether or not I'd be like totally happy with it. I don't know. But then I do feel like, like who has to sacrifice, you know, that's difficult, because why should it be you that has to sacrifice? On that, I actually had this conversation with a friend of mine, and she is very against the idea of marriage. And her boyfriend really wants to marry her and she keeps just basically saying no I don't think they're quite flat out

proposals and she's like yeah no bye but it's you know like she just she keeps saying I don't want to get married I mean Alex had my Alex had a conversation with her and I basically said look I don't when I was younger I didn't really believe in marriage at all

my parents had got divorced and everybody I knew parents were divorced and you know it just kind of seemed like a bit of a sham to me I was like it just it just looks like a lot of paperwork you know that's the only thing I can see it like that's that's the context I know it in like just like you know ending basically and I don't believe in God and I think a lot of it I know a lot of it is steeped in misogyny and ownership and so I had lots of problems with marriage but then of course Alex is religious and God's a very big part of his life

the church is a very big part of his life and marriage was really important to him so my perspective changed because I realize and this is what I said to my friend is that I realized that my not wanting to would never come close to Alex's wanting to

no it wasn't even than I didn't want to but my not believing would never weigh more than his belief do you know what I mean like when you put the my like my reasons for not wanting to you know basically being like I don't believe in God and then I look at how big God is in his life and like well that's that's silly then like mine pales into insignificance and of course

I should be the one to compromise because I've got less to lose like I didn't have anything to lose by getting married because if I like I say I don't believe in it it's all the other shit because God's not real then you know worst case it's just a promise that I'm making to the man that I love which I would I do every day anyway so for me like it was a no-brainer and I've you know loved it and whatever and it's a hoot um but definitely for me if I'm Alex had wanted to, I would just be like, well, okay, fine, no biggie, whatever. Yeah. But I, I get a little bit frustrated sometimes with other people who are the me's.

Like, I'm frustrated with this girl's boyfriend because I just think, I'll just do it. Like, it's just, just fucking do it. Yeah, yeah. Like, if you don't believe in God, which is a really big reason for people not wanting to, I'm like, well, then what's the worst case? In that case, you just made a bit of a twat of yourself. standing up in front of someone that doesn't exist but you know like at least you're not alone

but then I also think maybe why should you have to sell out when women don't want to get married I'm like well why should you sell out on your feminist principles but then maybe this guy's principles aren't feminist maybe he just doesn't want to spend the money on it I don't know and that's another thing as well why should you spend the money on it but it's I mean it is a very confusing thing

so I don't know why I am so judgment I shouldn't be because there's so many reasons but I just think if both people don't want to get married that's absolutely great and that's exactly as it should be but I just the thought of you being hurt. I know. It just feels like there has to be a compromise here. Or at least a situation where he, you know, expresses that he's willing to make you happy

and like you will kind of work this one out. I don't know. But then. But you haven't given it the chance to have the conversation because he's been scared that he's going to get up and need, which I literally will bet, I promise you. No. Pinky through the microphone. that that's not going to happen on the back of this conversation. It's not going to just suddenly make him open his eyes and realize where he is. And also, this girl is saying, this all makes me too nervous to broach a serious discussion with him in case I discovered that he doesn't want to be with me at all.

And the thing is, like, I don't think that's a genuine concern, but if he doesn't want to be with you at all, then it's best that it comes out sooner, like as soon as possible. So you want to know that now, even though that would be obviously horrendously painful. but like I feel like get yeah get to the bottom of this yeah you need to be with someone that wants to be with you

you need to be with someone that makes you really happy and wants you to be really happy and I'm sure you can live and you would live and will live if that's how this goes a very happy life with this man without you know the formal documents and stuff but you can't live with somebody for fear that You can't live with somebody too scared to say anything.

You can't be on eggshells in your own house, basically, and you need to know that you're safe and you can confidently express your feelings. And if you're scared he's going to go, then that tells he quite a lot. And let him prove you wrong. And then if he does go, then just think, well, thank fuck for that. But he won't.

But if he did, like big bullet dodge, because it's all very well not marrying the love of your life and just living a life together not married. But imagine not marrying someone who wasn't even their love of your life and there could be someone else out there who would make you way happier. And you wouldn't know because you didn't have this conversation. So I think it's time to get cheery. It is. It definitely is.

But I do want to give her a big hug. Me too. I'll marry you. This stuff is so hard and I so get that. Like, God, I would always use to. I was always, I mean, it's different, it's different in my old relationship because obviously something was fundamentally very wrong in our relationship. But can you say what's very wrong in case people don't know? Sorry, so my, well, yeah, so my ex-boyfriend was gay and that, not very wrong with him,

but like very wrong in our relationship, obviously, because I am, I am a woman. And I think I knew that deep down and that's why I never wanted to broach these conversations because I knew it would unpick something that, you know, like it would peel something back that could never be fixed. Yeah, you can't un-ear that. I couldn't, yeah. You like eating hey, did you say? Oh, it's nice.

It is a beautiful day, yeah, thanks for noticing. And it's weird because I didn't know who's gay. That never, never, ever, ever in a million years crossed my mind, but I just knew that there was something wrong. Anyway, so I don't know if that's this girl's situation. but I just I just as in like I don't know if she knows that there's something wrong and she feels that there's something wrong yeah that would be unlikely but I just I just feel where she's coming from and but yeah you you have to you have to like get your feelings out there about this one because oh the worst feeling is when something is like building up inside you it's like bubbling up and you can't feel like you can't say anything but then it just comes out in these stupid little ways where he like won't put the dish in the dishwasher and then you just, like, lose your mind. Yeah, that I lose my mind over that.

Yeah. Nothing annoys me more in this life did a full sync. I have an embarrassing story for you. Embarrassing stories, this email was called. This subject was called. I was like, I know, there's my kind of gal. She's giving us a selection. And I'm actually just going to, first of all, read the second one,

which was not even her embarrassing story to share. She's telling this. Love that. behalf of her boyfriend. So we were shopping on the top floor of a two-story TK maps and we're heading back towards the escalator when something caught my eye and I stopped to have a look. My boyfriend continued onto the escalator unaware and assuming I was right behind him. He turned around to ask me for a kiss, to which the burly man who was actually standing behind him refused. My boyfriend was very embarrassed and of course that it was all my fault.

Oh, God. I think it's really embarrassing because it's man to man as well. Yeah. You know, somehow, I don't know why. I just made silly women. I don't know. Somehow I feel like women would more likely be able to have a real laugh about that.

You know, oh, what we're like, he-he-he-he, like we're not friends now forever. I'll follow you on Instagram. But like that from man to man is crushingly painful. Can I have a kiss? No. No. Fuck off.

Surely you've got the rest of the escalator ride to go. Oh, yeah, I wonder if they were at the top. That's embarrassing. You've got to go the whole way down. I think I just say I'm going to walk, thank you. It definitely must have been at the top because you wouldn't write, you wouldn't have done the whole escalator in silence

with your girlfriend behind you and the bottom gone. Can I have a guess dangerous actually to want to kiss at the bottom? You wouldn't turn round at the bottom, not with the foot coming with the, you know, portion, end of the escalator. You take your life in your hands. It's definitely at the top. And then you've just got to stand there, just dying as you come down. You know, I broke an escalator once.

Did you? So embarrassing. My mum dared me to jump from halfway down. She's like, I bet you can't jump from here to the floor. That's your mom. Yeah, I know. So I did. Anyway, it turns out if there's a big thump at the bottom of an escalator,

a body landing, for example, the escalator stops and an alarm sounds, presumably, because they've assumed that somebody's fallen down the stairs and needs assistants urgently. So I was leaving the local co-op. Oh, no. And I jumped.

I was like, woo, cool, sick trick. And I landed at the bottom. She was still on the escalator when it stopped. And she had to just like waddle down the rest of them. And she was like, run! The alarm was sounding and we ran away. Oh. Yeah, I love that.

Your mum was like, dare you. I love that. I told you this before. We've already played, I told you this not long ago when we played odds on with my mum and she odds on herself to eat up that whole wheat her bics. Oh yeah, a dry ward. That she dared herself. That she dared herself.

I know. It's like, no one's making you do this. Love's a dare. Okay, I have a story. Hi, Alex and I'm a religious listener of the podcast. And by that, I mean, I download a bunch every few weeks to listen on my 13 hour drive to and from site because I'm a geologist

hashtag women in STEM I know a geologist yeah we talked about them yeah after that really embarrassing yeah she came back what geologists did and we googled it potentially

she hadn't listened to this yeah that's awkward yeah because I'm I'm thinking that if I were a geologist and I heard that I think these two fucking thickers just don't deserve my ears I'm leaving yeah I'm out I can't get enough I'm currently

Okay. My new in capital's boss called me via Teams unexpectedly. I'm guessing that's Microsoft Teams, right? Which is like a Zoom alternative. Don't know why I need to. I like that. I also like that you haven't pretended. You know, sometimes like when people go on podcast, they go, can I mention brands? As if they're on like BBC One. Oh yeah. Like, and you're obviously, I was like, yes, obviously you can mention brands. No one gives a fuck. Literally. My new boss called me via Teams unexpectedly. I needed to script. share my screen and browser for him to see. It was only after the 30-minute call with my screen share

that I realized I had the Spotify tab open shown as below. The tab was being covered by the presentation mode thingy on Teams and so I couldn't see it from my side, okay? So the tab is she's got her inbox tab, you know, inbox 43 unread messages and then her name. And then the next tab along is sex, farties and squirting. Oh my God.

That's our fault. We did that. We did that. We've caused someone pain. He didn't say anything. He's going to think she was watching porn. He didn't say anything, but he would have had to be really stupid to not see it. So I'll have to let you know if I still have this job.

We'll have to listen to the rest. He probably won't be really stupid if he's a geologist. Exactly. We'll have to listen to the rest now to see if it was worth it. It probably wasn't. I'm so sorry. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Kind regards. See, I'm a professional. Love her. P.S. Fuck you, Microsoft Teams as a side note. That is cruel. She's going to keep listening to this podcast. Then she's going to hear us not knowing what geologists do. And then she's going to realize that she's lost her job all for nothing. That everybody up on the geology site think that she's a pervert. And it was for nothing. But also, how cruel of Microsoft Teams to show you, to not show you what you're showing other people? I think that's an inherent flaw in the system.

I'm so scared of like even when I go, because like I've worked with, like, I've worked with Love Honey loads. That is really embarrassing, can I just say, I think I've said this before, but sometimes they ask you, when you're about to do a campaign, they ask you, you know, they said, do you need anything from the website? And obviously you do if you're going to talk about the product. And it comes via our management to their people. team which then goes to them. So basically it's like a waiter coming to your table via four other waiters saying hey what sex toys do you want and then I have to tell April who then tells the PR person who then tells the and it's like great great give your order your sex toy order exactly it's like this is just way too intimate this this should be done between me and the checkout

basket there should be no human. 100% 100% like I always think sometimes you know like back in the olden days when men would have to like buy smutty magazines or like rent porn from a blockbusters yeah I'm like that is that takes gut I would die yeah I think anything like that should be automated I really do I would die I don't think human should be like you just go and get like I don't know Sean of the spreader or I don't know what what they'd be called was grease. Tits together. Tits are us.

Florence and Reid are not going to ask you to be part of their porn directing. Tits are us. Tits together. Tits together. Where are we're in tits together? Like big cock three. I don't know. That sounds like a...

Well, men aren't going to be renting... Well, my son there might be, actually. I bet that's a name. Actually, no. They're probably... Oh, come on. there's always something to do with a pizza boy isn't there an electrician or an electrician yeah or really gross like my step sister or like my stepmother

really gross anyway yeah that's always well yeah and uniform it's all that's perverted in my opinion um but that i think that's a special kind of bravery like i do you know like that's that's why the internet's good because theoretically you've got privacy to watch these sordid plits on your own as you should and then and then bam

speaking of things being automated this is a bit of a tangent but it is related so bear with me advice actually needed from you and potentially anyone else right

you know how I'm obsessed with fake tan like I'm constantly fake tanning I feel like I spend my life fake tanning right if you're at this ends with a story of you saying you found a machine

that's going to like fully do your fake tan can you just let me finish then no, don't do it. If it's like a car wash for your body where it's just gonna like... Okay, well you've ruined my story now.

Is that what it is? Yes. So, I get spray tans. Like, I get spray tans quite a lot but like not that much obviously because they're fucking expensive but like if I'm going somewhere I like one because I'm shit

at doing it myself. But they end up shit anyway, the spray tans. Anyway, I found a place near me that does automated tans. You know, like I'll like, a la ross from friends you know and i just feel like i'm going to give it a go so if anyone's listening that has done one before please let me know because i'd so you just walk in and it's literally like

that that ross seed it just sprays you and sprays you but this is the thing you pay five pound more for that than for a manual so i'm like is it better then no no because a manual gets right in there that you lift your arms up gets in the pits does the shading bits you know No, it won't work, it'll be terrible. I'm pleased, Al, because I thought you were going to say you'd literally found like a sort of, you know, Wallace and Gromit in the wrong trousers when he wakes about a bed and it's that whole mechanism that sends him down the end of his bed

and through the floor and then gets him dressed and then he's sitting and does the marmalade and the taste. It's the whole thing. Anyway, I thought you were going to say that. I thought you were going to say like, oh, I found a contraption and I bought it next to the drum kit and you walk in and it's like, you're like a Toyota Prius and it's like... Okay, well, it is a current tab open on

thing right now at home spray tan machines so i'm not that far away but i definitely don't have we should have done this on the microsoft teams and then i could have seen that yeah i do not want anyone to see my tabs oh my god can't read them out be a friend can't come absolutely not absolutely right okay what is it ticks together big cock three my steps are us and automated It's together. That was so bad. That was so bad. Dad at home machine. So now our imaginations are going to go back. Can you just read some tabs? So one is 15 ways the Apple Watch can fully replace your iPhone because you have an I watch and an Apple Watch, sorry. And I just get envy, but I just don't know what I'd use it for, but I just get envy.

So I was like, oh, I wonder if I can, how can it fully replace my iPhone? That's exciting. So that's one tab. It's all things that I'm trying to persuade my message. to buy. Okay. No, persuade myself not to buy. So a tanning machine, I've got that, automated tanning machine at home, can I buy one, is one tab. Fifteen ways the Apple Watch can fully replace your phone is another one. And then the other one is a functional breathing course. I'm doing a one-hour functional breathing course. God, it's never occurred to me. That's actually fascinating. I should ask you more often what tabs you have open. And then like tons of dresses that I'm like, you cannot buy, you idiot. So you mind is so boring? Go on.

I've got the Grand Prix, the spa Grand Prix, because I was trying to get the results on Sunday, had the wedding website of my friend that I was at the wedding of, a house for sale near my mom that Alex sent me because it looked nice. The artist called Grace and Perry. Oh, then I had a nose bead the other day, so I googled if I was okay. I'm fine.

I'm fine. Yeah, and then, oh, well, then I just have, Like I've got a basket full of me and M clothes, which I will never buy. I've got a basket full of lovely lemon clothes I'll never buy. I've got this absolutely stunning dress from Harmeur that I'll never buy. Do you want to see it? From one. What?

Harmer. Never heard of that. So Jess Hamilton put a photo, did an Instagram of herself in this dress over the day and I thought, ding, dong, that's nice. That's, oh, I think I saw. Oh, I've seen that on someone else. I think I've seen that on Instagram. It's really gorgeous. It's a very nice trip.

So it's in my basket. Oh my God, they are beautiful. I know. I really want it, but I won't buy it because this is how I do things. I put everything in my basket and then I never buy them. Okay, so I have a voice note. I love voice notes. Oh my God, I love voice notes.

It feels so special. It feels like, just people are actually there. It's crazy. I know. I always say this about that's why I, like, face-timing everybody because like I spend so long talking to my phone it's really nice when my phone talks back to me and I feel like that with the podcast I feel like we talk to the listeners so much and they never talk back to us and that makes me upset so I know and it's

like crazy to hear a voice and you're like oh my god there's actually people like it's real people not automated people not bots just like oh that was a snort and a half right here we go hey guys um first of all I love the podcast thank you so much for bringing joy to my Monday and Thursdays but I just wanted to say that I'm listening to your recent podcast when I'm cleaning um I work on a boat but I work in a yacht in the med so I always listen to your podcast whenever I can usually when I'm cleaning um but I was just laughing about your latest I think it was your latest um about the pampas grass um make sure that if you do decide to put pamper's grass in the beautiful vase you got for your wedding.

Don't put it in the window of your house because that indicates that you're a swinger. Don't ask me how I know this. Fuck off. It's just, I thought it was just common knowledge. So, but I thought I'd let you guys know that. How do you know this? Okay, thank you.

You know how she knows that? You know how she knows that? Oh my God, it's common knowledge. Pampal grass. her window and I bet you any except a couple a horny couple arrived and they were like knocking on the door ding dong I got an email from wild at heart you know um the florists saying um it took you long enough to describe what it is but now you know would you like some which really made me laugh um so they're sending someone as a wedding present very related

oh that's so nice for learning this basic word that apparently everybody not only does everybody else know what Pampas grass is, but they also know that it's the universal sign of swinging. Who knew? Well, I've just given away my boring, my boring frigid sex life, haven't I? Once a common plant outside suburban houses, Pampas grass became known as a sign that the residents were swingers. Oh my God. It serves as a sign to passers by. Who fucking knew? I really, I really hope. I'm obsessed that we've got a listener. cleaning boats on the med like what the fuck how how cool i know that's that's really cool can we come on the boat sometime no worries if not anyway um i do have like full imaginings of of

innocently having it like because i was going to put it by the window out i had a big place for it by the front window oh my god this this article pamper's grass in your front garden you're a swinger i'm going to ask Alex if we can put it in the out i'm going to do it as an experiment. I'm going to put it, because we live in quite like a, the neighbours are very neighbourly, if you know what I mean. So I might put some out on the, in the bit in the front and see if anyone, if anyone comes and knocking, you know what I'm saying? You know, and rings my bell. That's very, that is very risky. Oh my God, right, there are more signs that you are a swinger. Yeah, okay. Okay. Many swingers wear a black ring.

Wear your black ring on your right hand if you are out and open to meet other swingers. Oh my god. Pineapples as a door knocker. That's the sign you're a swinger. Pink flamingos on the lawn. Well, I mean, yes, I can see that. That's someone that likes a good time and wants everyone to be a part of it. I suppose. God knows. No, don't believe that. No, I don't believe that because I am neighbours with a known person. And you know what, After one of their family members died, they've got loads of gnomes. Like, I mean, like, I'm going to say,

between 20 and 30 gnomes in their front garden. And it's London, you know, it's not big. And then when somebody that they loved died, I think it was Nana. I think when Nana died, they put Nana's funeral flowers in the garden. And, like, the gnomes were all, like, interspersed around Nana's name. Okay.

Well, now I feel that. Well, no, I just don't think, I just think that maybe gnomes aren't the indicator of swinging because I don't think those people were using that display as a way of getting swingers. Yeah. Because it's like, I don't think that's what Nana would have wanted. Do you know what I mean? I don't think that's what Nana would have wanted. It's actually got really bad.

All the flowers died and it just like, it's just like, like, it's just like a pyre. You know, where like after like there's been like a sack. sacrifice and all these gnomes were just standing there with their fishing rods. It was kind of bleak. It didn't, it didn't scream. You see, I see if Plink Flamingo and I could think, oh, I bet they could give me a good time. But looking at all of those moves and the dead flowers, it didn't make me think, yeah, didn't make me think, oh, I'm going to knock on their door, see if they could, you know, give me a ride.

Well, wow. Well, no one, honestly, no one can ever accuse this podcast of not being educational. I concur. I actually think it's an educational... Pink flamingos, no. Who knew? Pample grass. Pampas grass.

Pampas grass. Pineapple door knockers and black rings on your right hand. I think gnomes excluded. All of those would be indicative for somebody that looks like they won't have a good time. Yeah. Well, there. There you go. That's your sign.

I'm going to have my pample moose. Pampal moose. That's French for great food. I knew you'd know that. Um, yeah. Oh my God, I thought you could say for pineapple. That would have been cool. That would have been a real circle.

Well, okay. Well, I'm going to put it in the window because I haven't got anywhere else to put it. But I'll just see what happens. You know what I mean? I've been saying for ages that we walk to get the neighbours round. So maybe this will speed that process along. This is your chance. I live in a very old part of town as well.

Oh, no. There are some ancient people on this road. I know. I don't think it will be like tits our ass I think it'll be like tits our ankles but... Pray for Am and Alex Pray for Emin Alex

We're going to have a busy weekend Oh God will be exhausted But by the time I was like really going to go with that And then I was like picturing our actually elderly neighbours I'm like I can't I can't Yes

We'll end it here before I just like ruin My house for myself forever Thank you all so much for listening please please continue to send in all your stuff you can either DM us on Instagram at should I delete that or you can email us at should I delete that pod at gmail.com

voice notes always very welcome we love a voice note and yeah we will see you on Monday if anyone's ever been swinging can we just have some information how did you find the other swingers did you find them online or did you go old school yeah yeah oh my god yeah

bring on the right hand tell me what I knew swingers I knew swingers my friend's parents at school was swingers oh my god we should get some swingers on I'd love to talk to them I'd love that

I know I'd love it I'd love that because I just I I eat to the road sexually do what you want I don't care I just I always want to know how the etiquette

yeah go do you come up for dinner like who cooks like do you go to bed like what are you wearing so many questions so many questions and like what happens

if you go for a couple and they're just like oh no you've misunderstood that's just pamplegrass like that's I just I just like it because it's decorative like I inherited that pineapple knocker from my raunchy aunt I don't think anything of it yeah right leave for go um yeah so if you've swung we'd love to hear from you and yeah we'll see on Monday thanks very much for listening

and we love you thank you so much for listening should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network I don't know.