Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: No worries if not x

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

This week, the girls talk men's egos x sex toys, how to conduct oneself in a whatsapp group and how to deal with weight talk at the doctors...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Is it just me? Or is it you too? Is it all of us? Is it me you're looking for? Um, hello, how you doing? I sounded so scared and so desperate. Good, I've got a very annoying dog on my knee, but she just can't make up her mind. Anyway, I've got an embarrassing story to kick us off. Podcast Gals. Love that. Oh my God. Love that. Maybe we could rerun. Maybe we could. We probably won't. Glorious podcast girls.

Thank you for the joy that is the pod. It brightens my days and has taught me so much. So I have, which I am always dubious about. I'm like, oh, God, what's it taught you? Margaret Adams, dead in plastics. A very new phenomenon. So I have another embarrassing story for you. Yes, that's right.

I am a repeat shareer of my humiliation. Love it. Love that. Another one. We love repeat offenders. Last week, I had the most horrendous drive to work. A journey that normally takes me 35 minutes, took over two hours. An hour of which I was stationed me on the motorway.

Oh, my God, I hate that so much. I have my two children under four in the car and only a limited supply of snacks, danger. Oh, God. But we made it without too many tears in drama. So imagine my surprise when this was not the worst thing to happen to me while driving that day. On the way home, I was sat at a big roundabout. Mindy my business and not making eye contact with any other commuters because I may have been sat across two lanes because there was no space for me in my desired lane and I was cheekily squeezing my way in. I could never. Just

no judgment, but I can never. She's me. She's you. Just as the lights changed, I heard a cheerful ding and my boot opened on the roundabout. I had the car keys in my pocket and must have managed to press the button on the key. Oh, no. Boot open, mid-traffic, panic. I swore loudly. I was now sat in the middle of the lanes with my boot open and cars coming past me, mortified.

Oh my God. I had no choice but to creep around to the next set of lights. I couldn't accelerate in case the buggy, yeah, that thing on wheels that loves to move when you move, slid out the boot. I made it to the lights, which were thankfully red, and I was able to get out and shit it.

Continuing, I shitted. And I was able to get out and shut it. continuing to avoid eye contact and flee the scene leaving my dignity, if not my buggy on the roundabout. Needless to say, the day, that day the roads won. Bless her. Why is that so embarrassing? Very embarrassing. Very embarrassing. Very embarrassing. If she would have been following the letter of the law and driving, like, a very good

and conscientious citizen, it still would have been embarrassing. It doesn't matter what lane you're in. It doesn't matter any, like, it's like, oh, it does anything do. what it's not supposed to do, is just so embarrassing. So embarrassing. It's like your umbrella going inside out, your boot opening, like, so having a bit of stuff on your shoe. It's like, oh, God, why can't things just work? As they should.

But this is also, not to bring us down, but this is also unlocked a new anxiety for me because the dogs, I put the dog in the boot. Oh, God. People put their dogs in the boot. Why if the boot just opens? She'd just go out. She just, she'd fly out.

She wouldn't fly out. She's smart. She would. She's not smart. No. Al, have you ever tried to pick Betty up when she doesn't want to go somewhere? They make themselves like lead. There's no way. Like, Bua can make herself weigh like 45 kilograms if she gets to the groomers.

She's like, gunk, dead weight. It's like a tree. That's a good poke. Yeah, they'd be fine. She's not the cleverest though, so I don't quite trust her, but. Well, yeah, she might jump. as we know she's a depressing life she might just think fuck it on that

she'd probably open the boot from the inside she's like get me away from this fucking woman can't do this anymore put me back in that plastic bag inside from the side of the road this is where I belong excellent oh god

we laugh I hate seeing things Like quite often you see people Driving around London with their boots open Like if you've got something Oh my god all the time Yeah like I've never seen people like moving houses Like if you've put something in the boot

And then like I just admire people's confidence so much And I feel like it's something that would have happened more In the 60s before like electric boots But I quite often see people who've like overstuffed their boots But then they can't close it So they get like a piece of string and like tie Or like a jump cable or whatever

Just to like stop it like imagine being that kind of confident i know i know yeah i i don't really don't understand that do these people just not know what anxiety is i know i know i know there are people out there that just do stuff like just to have they just think about it once um i know i know i don't feel like daze what anxiety is can you ask him if he'd drive with if he'd drive with a boot open Right, okay, Dave, if you had to put stuff your boot full And it wouldn't quite close because you had too much stuff in there And you, you know how you see people that attach strings?

Yeah. Or like jump rope. It's not jump rope, but I don't know. Well, yeah. Don't pick a pull, that's wrong. Would you, would you do that? If it meant I could get from A to B without having to fanning on here. Yeah, so he doesn't know what anxiety is.

No, he doesn't. If you put the thing on, you only do it when you've got a suitable load in the back. Like, if it's stuff that's just going to fly out, well, obviously, they're not idiots. But you're putting a lot of faith in the fucking not a jump rope, aren't you? Honestly, sometimes, that man. Honestly, I talk about mansplane. The day is the original manspline. He really is.

Yeah, Alex doesn't have anxiety. like we have a street WhatsApp group and he'll just put something in there like no drama oh no I would think about it I would think about it so much hey guys does anyone like we need an electrician and I'm like hey guys does anyone need no an electrician and then it'd be like

do I put kisses also it's guys a bit matey hi everyone no not everyone because not everyone's going to be listening and it's a bit presumptuous to assume that everybody is listening to me so I wouldn't say that so just be like hi does anyone know an electrician not polite enough it's just you've forgotten it's imperative to add

No worries, if not. Of course. And also, I'd feel like I'd have to explain why I need an electrician. And I'd have to be like, the last guy, wasn't very good, lull. But then it's like, no, because someone knows him. And then I can't do that. So it's just too much. I can't.

And you can't make a joke. No, because they don't land well. Like, I've been, I don't know what I was going to say. I've been masturbating too much, and I've used all the electricity for all my toys. I don't know. Well, you can't make that joke But there are jokes in between that one and this one Probably, probably

We could strike a balance Hi everyone, I've been masturbating so aggressively That we have no power left in the house Does anybody know anybody that can fix it? We have quite literally run out of electricity Which is not a thing, by the way No worries if not Oh my God

I triple day you to send that in the street group You know what the good news is for me Is that I'm not in it I didn't want to be in it Because I get too overwhelmed So I'd have to do it from Alex's number I'll do it from Alex's phone Just for fun

Oh please That might give in some anxiety Oh God, I didn't tell you what he did. I think I told you personally, but I didn't tell her this is. I think this is one of the only times that Alex has had a bit of anxiety. We're a bit tired, obviously, because we have a new baby. And he was on the loo, and he was texting our friend whose baby had gone to hospital. And he saw it on her close friend's story that her baby had gone to hospital.

And he texted her, and he was like, hi, oh my God, I've just seen your baby. is in hospital. He didn't say your baby. He said, the baby's name. He said, I've just seen that your baby's in hospital. And then he sat there and he thought, oh my God, that's not the baby's name. And then he was like, no, that's not the baby's.

No, that's not the baby's name. Why would he call it? That's not the baby's called. So then he said another one saying, loll. And then he realized that it was the baby's name. So all he sent was, hi, I'm so sorry, I've just seen that your baby's in hospital. lol

and then thought I can't keep digging I just have to end this now so he didn't say anything else and she replied bless her to the hospital bit and completely ignored the loll and it hasn't come up

but lol he barely said hospital law I think he's going to be like lol don't know what I called you baby that's not the name

but it wasn't their name he just fucked it he absolutely fucked it he absolutely fucked it but he could have deleted the lull I know. I know. I feel like that would have been the best way to go in this situation.

He went through a really bad week of like tiredness where it was like his just cognitive function just sort of fused. He just sort of stopped functioning at like a hundred and he was still kind of with me but like he cooked dinner one mic and then he tripped up a step. We've got a little step into our city when he tripped up the step and all the food just went everywhere. And then the next day was the lull And then he was putting Arlo into bed And he whacked his head on the wall It was just like You need a good night's sleep

So then he went He would put him to bed Let him have a full night Because it just wasn't quite functioning properly That's the problem about being a very high functioning Well-functioning Well-oiled machine Is when you start to malfunction

It's very obvious to the people around you I think the trick is to just sort of be have a general air of chaos about you and then when things start to go a bit wrong no one really notices we've got that nailed then that's all right we'll be fine that's everyone thinks I'm doing so well at motherhood

I'm like no one was just a mess before at least now you expect it okay I have I've got a question from the email from the email inbox first of all I have to say I've loved the podcast from day one and I send it to everyone when I get the chance

that's thank you and that's why she has so many of his training orders against her so to start that's why she's writing to us from jail um to start my question i grew up in an abstinence until marriage pretend nobody had sad sex catholic home i didn't stick to that mentality or religion but did hold on to the shame and guilt of female pleasure for years this is quite apt now with the i've just run out of electricity in the house because i've masturbated so much so much so that I actually didn't buy my first sex toy until two years ago. I'm 30. I'm also happily married and we have been together for almost 10 years. Recently, I got some extra cash for doing an odd job and decided to treat myself to a new toy. I didn't tell my husband about it when I bought it because I didn't think it's a big deal and he's always been supportive about empowering me to discover my own pleasure. But when this new one came in, he was really upset by it. When we talked about it, he said it made him feel emasculated and not wanted or like he can't measure up. when I use sex toys. Apparently, I am only meant to discover my own pleasure in organic means. I tried to explain it isn't a replacement for him and there is no

competition between a human and a robot, but just a different way I find self-love for my body and close the orgasm gap some. Am I the asshole in this scenario? If not, how can I help him understand female pleasure? I've been bringing them into the bed with us, but I think he's still missing the point because he's never been receptive to it. I mean, I find this very interesting. I also feel like your toes are probably curled up nice and tight underneath the desk. Because his mum started listening to the podcast last week. My mum!

Al's mom! Quote, you two are actually quite funny. Quite funny. I was like, oh. Well, take it. I'm taking out of both hands and running. Me too, me too. well I'm thinking I would like to know I don't think she said but does he masturbate

because I think what he says is it's okay for her to masturbate with her hand but it's not okay I think his beef is with the sex toys because he feels that he is being replaced I I've got a few options a few thoughts um beducated is a really good platform and so is a platform called Cheeks, like Get Cheeks, like C-H-E-E-E-X. And both of these are like, I mean, Cheeks is more of like a sort of ethical porn site but it also has an educational arm to it

and then Beducated is more like just educational. But that might help you in terms of like helping him to understand things. Like Beducated particularly have like courses that you can do with your partner that's like I guess you could do like introducing toys and stuff and like and that I'm sure the conversation is part of that. So that might be worth checking out.

But then I guess like I, for me I would, you mentioned in your email the orgasm gap and I think like that would probably be like the crux of a conversation that I'd have with him and be like look I'm not trying to replace you I've been married to you for 10 years like obviously I love you and obviously like you this is a thing I think about partners that you need to try and hammer home to them it's like you want me to enjoy sex with you like if you respect me and you love me then you need me to enjoy sex with you because otherwise, the balance is really fucked up. There's no loving, balanced relationship should be in a place

where a man is happy knowing that he's enjoying sex, but his wife isn't speaking heteronormatively. Right, just in this example. So I think maybe just trying to reiterate to him kindly that obviously he wants her to enjoy sex and this will help. And I think find the statistics, find, I can't remember it off the top of my head, And I think it's about 80% of women can't orgasm penetratory.

80% of women can't orgasm penetratively. They're like, there are, you know, do your research on it. But there are statistics, plenty of statistics to show that it is harder for women to orgasm. And just explain to him that this is going to help. And if this is going to help, then that's going to help them both. And it's going to help their sex lives. And there's fun ways that you can do stuff together. And he can use it on you.

or he can, you know, I'm watching, or whatever it is. Like, it's, you can say, look, I'm not sneaking off afterwards and using this. Like, we'll use it together. But you want me to enjoy it? Yeah, it's 18% of women who are only 18% of women are able to climax during intercourse from vaginal penetration alone. Wow.

See, maybe just explain to him, look, if we were having sex, if I had a wand as well, I may be able to orgasm as, you know, like you two work together. Yeah, and surely he wants, and he will want that. He will want that. But I think you have to explain, and it's frustrating. I do feel I get a bit annoyed with, like, women having to just carry their husband's egos when it comes to this sort of thing and really massage them just in order to get a very,

to have the right to do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies, actually. It does slightly stress me out. But anyway, and that's no shade to your husband. because the fact is he feels like that because he's grown up in a society that's taught him that he should be enough and so they do feel threatened and I think it's really sad and frustrating for them that they feel sad because that they feel threatened because they shouldn't do and if we had good sex said they wouldn't they'd understand that it takes women a little bit more and they'd understand that's something to do with them and it's not his fault but it is unfortunate for

women that we have to really you know play this right but I think saying to him explaining to him that yeah that this is for the good of your sex life and yeah I hope he would change his mind I feel I feel like this question comes up a lot like in different guises and I always struggle with the balance of

like body autonomy and women being able to do what they want with their bodies and then respecting their partner and their partner's boundaries and I always do struggle with this but maybe the compromise is education and like explaining to them and just because you're right like they only they they only feel this way because they've grown up in a world that's like you know tells them that like that's all a woman needs yeah they feel like they just like stick his penis in yeah two pumps and they're just going to have an august

yeah it's obviously not the case yeah um so he just needs amazing um so he just needs to learn differently. But yeah, I do always, I do actually genuinely not really understand, not understand, but I don't know, like, at what point the lines blur and I don't, I don't know what the necessarily the correct answer is, but I think you're right, education, I think. Like, if you would be comfortable with him masturbating without you, then he needs to be comfortable with you and that is however you want to do it like I think this quote unquote organic means thing is not fair um that's not like because he he does he if he's comfortable with you doing it then he has to be comfortable with you doing it however you want to do it because it's your body

like so I feel like that's the boundary in a relationship it's like if you know what the other one's up to and you're okay with it that's okay it's going behind each of his backs that's difficult but I think a lot of men project a lot of their insecurities on sex toys and make them into this big bad thing and it's like grow up grow up yeah I think I'm more compassionate if I'm more compassionate if he's also not masturbating yeah but if he is as well then I lose I lose I lose like patience with that because you're both doing the same thing you're both masturbating and that's that's that if he's if he can do it so can you hate the word masturbating whanking I really don't mom's not listening

to this one. Mastroating. Yeah, I think you do need to have a conversation with him, but basically I think the crux of it should be, surely you want me to enjoy sex and this will help. So like, yeah, take your ego away and actually find out what you want here. Like if you're not leading with your ego, do you want me to enjoy sex? The answer is yes.

So how can we facilitate that? Yeah. And we'll go from there. a look at those courses. Yeah, really good shout, actually. Beducators is really good. I've not used cheeks. I've not seen, I've not really explored cheeks at all, but I know educated is good.

I mean, it's really cool. I'm about to work with them actually because they do ethical porn because obviously, like, there's just no porn for women out there, really. And I think for whatever reason, a lot of women are less comfortable. I mean, obviously watching my porn hub and stuff, it's like that is so, it's mostly just porn made for the male gays, but also there is no ethical. you know, porn hub is a fucking shit show of just...

Wild West, yeah. Yeah, that's horrible. So, yeah, ethical porn like empower, like made by women for women, you know, that kind of sense of empowerment. Like, I think that's really cool and really integral part of this conversation because women do need to have the confidence

to be able to say in relationships that what they want and what they deserve and what they enjoy because we aren't taught, women aren't taught to enjoy sex. and that is one of the things in this life that I find so distressing because if you don't actively teach a woman how to enjoy sex

what you're basically teaching her is that she won't enjoy it and if she doesn't enjoy it then why the fuck is she having it and then the issue of consent is like oh my God so it really stresses me out so I think it's really important that that women find sexual empowerment

so yeah check them both out but I think I might have I'll have a link soon on my Instagram for the cheeks thing so if you can wait hang in there. I think that was really good advice. Well done. Yeah, we did well there. Yeah, you did well there. But you, just by virtue of our relationship. I can literally see your mum like standing over your shoulder, like in ghost form, preventing you from speaking. Don't, stop it, stop it, don't, don't, don't, do you dare. My mum obviously will be listening and she's just going to have to buckle up. I have a baby now. I think she knows I have sex. Yeah, probably. I think,

I think she might have cottoned on to something My sisters have babies But I think my mum thinks it was like What, immaculate conception A sparrow, no not a sparrow, a stalk A sparrow would be weighed down by a baby Sparrow is a tiny It would be like, how it's a stove baby

It would be like dragging the baby along the floor The load I The load I have to burn it. heaving it down the street you think it's a tiny little beak and tiny little claws did someone ask for a fucking baby okay gear change

is it diet culture or am I too sensitive hi obviously love the podcast I feel like whenever anyone asks am I being too sensitive they're probably not too sensitive I agree unless it's you unless it's me in which case I'm probably probably being too sensitive.

Sorry if this is long and rambly, but I didn't know who else to talk to about this, and you guys were the first people who came to mind. That's really sweet. Misguided, but sweet. I suffered a knee injury a couple months ago playing football, amazing. And unfortunately, I need surgery to fix it.

Not amazing. But I can't do any kind of impact sport, running or football ETC, as my knee can't take it. I've seen two surgeons recently, and the second one I saw told me that I need to lose some weight before my surgery. I smiled and nodded in the appointment, yes, of course, but as soon as I came out, I cried, not because of the surgery, but because he told me in my eyes that I was too fat.

I probably do need to lose some weight, sorry, too shaped by diet culture, but I've not been able to exercise properly for a few months, and that's negatively impacted me as well. Over the last few days, all I've been able to think about is the needing to lose weight comment. My boyfriend is reassuring and counteracting my I'm fat with, no, you're not, ETC. my mum doesn't think it's an insult and says I should use it for motivation to lose weight. To me, this is a really cutting insult, even though I feel that it's true. I got my letter detailing the consultation with this surgeon and was again upset by the description.

The first female surgeon stated, on examination, a young lady of average billed, the second male surgeon states, on examination, this lady is overweight. I was the same weight at both consultations. having previously had an eating disorder and only just healing my relationship with food even if this means I have put on weight these comments just hurt now I have started to have intrusive thoughts

about how to lose weight, rebellious thoughts of I'm fine how I am but also I want the surgery to be a success so I can play football again and then get my fitness back on track which will probably mean I lose weight unintentionally and by being too sensitive about this is it okay for the doctor to say it

as it's in best interest for the surgery any ideas of what to do to lose some weight without spiraling back into my ED. Oh, bless you. This is so hard. This is so horrible. You're not being too sensitive and you need to ask your surgeon, like, but why? Why don't need to lose weight?

Can you give me the reasons? Because often that question will stump them because weight stigma is just a part of our medical system and it's unfortunately the first thing that doctors turn to without really understanding why someone being what they deem as overweight is impactful on their health. So ask him, say, okay, you say anything to lose weight for the surgery? Can you just tell me why? Yeah. I also think the fact that, I mean, you ask that, is it okay that he said it?

Unfortunately, like, yes, in the context of medicine, like, it probably is okay that he said it because that's just kind of what doctors do. But I think, you know, that that's part of a wider conversation. about where the doctor should be turning to weight but in this instance theoretically yes I would say it probably is okay that he said it even if it's not nice does that make sense

like yeah but I and I know what you mean but I do think like unless there is a valid reason behind saying it well I suspect there isn't a valid reason because what I mean is he may well have said that to a male patient who hasn't been exposed to diet culture in the same way and the male culture the male patient might look

look at the fact that we've had two consultations and one said nothing about the weight and said you're an average bill and the second guy said, oh well, you could do with losing a bit of weight and probably thought on balance, I'm not going to bother losing weight. The first person said I was on average bill and the second one said you could probably do with losing it, not like you have to or we won't do it. You know, if it was like some massive ultimatum, then yeah. And I'm not, I absolutely don't think you're being too sensitive, but I do think that you have so much context to what he's

said to you that makes you hyper aware of it and upset by it where actually if it had been said to somebody else they may well have

just been able to go what do you know like you don't know I'm here for my knee not for my weight or whatever and not thought too much about it so yeah like I don't think it's

I don't think it's your sensitivity because it's not your fault at all um and and i wish people had a bit more sensitivity to particularly women's weight i just can't believe that doctors still don't know the effect that something like that has can have this is the thing it's like twofold isn't it because like the first issue is saying it in the first place without backing it up because if a doctor if you do need to lose weight for a health reason then you need to know that and the doctor needs to tell you that and then you're you're armed with that information then this is what I need to do and let's go about it if there is a genuine reason behind it

but if you're just saying it as a throwaway comment of like oh you could probably do with losing some weight not knowing the patient's history of of potential eating disorders and also you know knowing what we do know now about how intentional weight loss actually harms health rather than rather than improves health. And it's just, and I think that the other thing as well is like the just the lack of sensitivity, you know, because if, and if this, this, you know, if someone does have to lose weight genuinely has to lose weight, then I just feel like it should be approached given the context, given our surroundings and given what we know now about how sensitive this is for so many

of us, I just feel like the conversation should be handled with a lot more care and sensitivity. so I feel I just want to go back because I feel a bit bad I feel like I might have made you feel like it is your fault or insinuated that it is and I think what I was trying to say is like on an individual level I just want to be able to help you in this scenario

rather than like because I think medically like everything else just said like it's it isn't fair that he said it but I think in practical terms like this is your reality right now and I just want you to feel the best about it so what I mean is like maybe thinking about it in the if you can think about it like you're some

like someone who's never that sounds impossible I don't know but I just I would hold on to the fact that the first person said you have average build and not overthink the second comment at all and just be like okay well that's just an opinion and it's so common oh my god it is so common like I'm going to tell this story as well

I actually told in the book so a few years ago I went to a dermatologist for my exma and what he wanted to prescribe me this medication for it this cream for it He said, are you on, are there any other medications? And so I said, oh, I'm on isomeprosol, which is what I take for acid reflux. Probably, I mean, I don't know, it's kind of, it's, I'm not entirely sure why I have

acid reflux, but I suspect the years of bulimia have not helped that situation. So I take acid reflux medication, so I said that. And he looked at me and went, why, what for? I said, acid reflux. And he said, you need to balance your weight. you need to lose 5 to 10 kilograms you won't have acid reflux anymore right and this was on

this was on holiday I was I was visiting my parents in Cyprus and I had done this was this was a few years ago but I had done a lot of work around my body image and I was actually feeling so good like the best up to that point that I'd ever felt and I was like wearing a bikini and feeling okay about it

and just feeling like oh my God I can actually embrace this body that I'm in right now and it felt like revolutionary and amazing and that one comment, I like, it, like, triggered, triggered me, like, so badly that I went straight back to suddenly, like, I literally felt this, like, the self-consciousness, like, swoop over me. And suddenly I was like, oh, my God, my body's awful. It's horrible. I need to lose weight. But you know what? As time went on, I realized that man doesn't know anything about me. He

doesn't know my history. He has absolutely no idea. He doesn't know what weight is healthy for me. he doesn't know what my natural you know set range is he has no idea he's just guessing he's been to medical school and he's you know he's been told at some point that losing weight will help your chance you know that having weight around your stomach can can you know exacerbate acid reflux and so he's you know I think I think we can basically what I'm saying is that like when I realized that, I was able to take a step back and be like, do you know what? This is advice that I'm not going to follow. He doesn't know anything about me.

He doesn't know what's best for me. I'm not going to take his advice. I'm going to just leave that there and it's nothing to do with me and my body. I'm not going to let it impact my relationship. But it is really difficult. And I so get it because I felt like stunned when this man said that to me. And I feel like one comment like that can undo so much work and so much hard work that you've done. and obviously we put on when somebody says one thing

and this can be in any situation we receive that with our lenses with our baggage with our everything this guy will not have thought anything he probably says it to probably says it to harbour girls but he probably says it to every single patient you know like if if doctors are which they do using the BMI scale which as we know is hugely outdated

the vast majority of us are overweight so he's probably just saying saying it because he just says it to everybody and he won't have thought twice you may well go back to him and say do I really need to lose weight of you know whatever and he'll go well no it just might make your recovery a bit easier which I suspect will be the case um so um for me I'd say the fact the first person said that you're a average build you're a average build just listen to her but good luck within the operation is I and I actually just to just to say as well like I can I find it really it's a very vulnerable place that you're in like obviously I haven't

been able to exercise kind of for different reasons with um with my jaw first and then getting pregnant and all this stuff and it's like it's hard um diet diet culture aside it's hard having something that you perceive to be wrong with your body when you can't handle it in a way that you're used to like I think exercise is such an integral part to so many of our lives and our balance and maybe, you know, we have to have a bit of on picking to do with our why we do it or whatever or why we like our body a certain way. But fundamentally, for me, exercise makes me feel really good and it makes me look a way that I like as well. And so when you lose both, when you lose it and then somebody says, oh, well, you have to do this.

And you just think, oh my God, but I've lost what I love. And I completely get that it really puts you in an absolute spin. So I think you're in a very vulnerable position anyway mentally because you haven't got your football or you're running. so um yeah like be extra kind to yourself basically with how you feel about your body and with why you're being triggered and stuff because i think without having your coping yeah like if you're anything like me then exercise is a big part of your coping and if you haven't got that then you have to give yourself some extra grace because it's a tough it's a tough it's a tough time

and a little bit of reassurance is that this is one of the most common things i find common scenarios that i find in my inbox people saying like have you got any advice i've just been to the doctors and I've been told this and that. Like the facts are that the, you know, the, the, the BMI, as we know, is outdated and it's a very unreliable system on a, on a collective basis. However, our medical system is founded on it. So that means that a lot of people are being told that they're overweight and that they need to lose weight when it's actually not the case and they're just, they're in the body

that they're supposed to be in. So a bit of reassurance that you are definitely not alone and this happens all the time, so, so, so often, just, just, you know, dismiss what that man said and don't use another surgeon. Yeah, if you have to see him again, if he is your surgeon, you have to see him again, then like I'll said, go back and say, why, what for? Like, can you explain that comment, please? Because I've seen another surgeon, they said, I'm fine. And they may well just, he may well just go, oh, yeah, don't, whatever.

He probably will just be like, well, you know, my booking recovery easier. because it's just like the first check and exactly and it's something pretty generic and vague but you know sending a lot of love that's really it's really horrible it's not and good luck the operation let's finish off with email entitled my funny C-section story which is quite apt yeah one of those please hi everyone I've been avid listener since day one oh my god an OJ an Ogg honestly love it and have recommended it to so many people but I've never written in before oh there we go first time I was just listening to the latest episode M's first one back, huge congratulations, M.

And when M was saying how magical seeing baby Arlo being lifted up was, it reminded me of my own experience and I thought you'd appreciate my C-section story. I had an elective C-section with my son. As a surgeon lifted him up for us to see him for the first time, he, my son, decided to have his first wee. And thanks to the epidural, I couldn't move, so it flew through the air and landed all over my face and neck.

The whole room erupted in laughter, and one bit mid-wife said, I've never seen that before. It was a moment I'll never forget and not just because I was so happy to finally meet him. Oh my God. Men, my goodness.

The audacity. Jesus. The audacity. Straight out the womb. We've got a peaceful wound. Marking their territory instantly. Literally. Oh my God.

So, yeah, that's quite an entrance to the world. I like it. Oh, bless. Yeah, I think I've had real words if I've done that to me. Mind you, I think when a little girl weave it just going to all down the seven. surgeon's hand, so it wouldn't have been my problem.

A little dribble. Also, when you said he, like, he had a way of it. I was like imagining the surgeon. I know. Woo-hoo! Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, congratulations on your baby. Yes, congratulations. Thank you for a lovely, is it just me, out?

We will be back on Monday. Monday. See you that? Monday. Just another minute, Monday. I wish your words sound. Great song. Anyway, see you later.

Bye. See on Monday. Bye. Thank you so much for listening. Should I delete that is part of the ACAST creator network.