Should I Delete That? - Is It Just Me: The Anxiety Aunts

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

In this week’s Is It Just Me? the girls answer a moral dilemma, chat baby names and try to solve a gaslighting mystery...Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Did you know all our glamping units have a resort quality Canadian-made and eco-friendly bed? Since day one, we have proudly partnered with Colonna-based mattress company Haven, ensuring you have the best sleep possible. So it's just one more reason to visit us in the Boreal Forest. You can also try out a Haven Mattress, risk-free, for 100 nights, at Havenmatress.ca. Hello. Hello and welcome back to Is It Just Me. Sorry, I was trying something catchy. It was terrible. Wait. Okay, sorry, that my brain then like took a second to catch up because I was like, and that's not the name of this podcast. Who have you been with? Should I delete that? Are you cheating on me? I shouldn't admit this. I don't know why I'm admitting this. Maybe we'll just end up taking this out. But every time I say, should I delete, my brain goes to say this rather than that. Even though I know. you ask it as a passive question, that you ask it as like a current situation. Like you're normally showing me something going like, should I delete this?

Yeah, maybe that's why. So it's like a Freudian slip. But I know in my head that it definitely works better as that. And I do know that it is that and not this. It's a year old. It's like, literally, I mean, it's literally a year old. Oh my God. We need to do something for our one year anniversary.

Well, we might be. Ooh. Oh. Look at that time with a hint. We've already announced that we're going to do something. Dropping big hints. Barms, don't drop bombs. Should we start with something serious? I don't know.

Normally we start with something gross. Like, farts or hairy bum holes, I don't know. Frumps of that. Way too many people know about my hairy, well, my previously, my formerly hairy. You're now. My now not hairy bum hole. Yeah. My lovely smooth bum hole.

Squeaky clean. Good. Okay. Hey guys. I adore the podcast, obviously. Thank you so much for rationalizing and normalizing so many things as well as making me laugh on the commute to work. Please never stop making it. Oh. Okay. I'm writing about a bit of advice as opposed to an is it just me. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. We started dating

at the start of 2020 very casually, mainly because of COVID, but we weren't official for quite a few months after that. For most of our relationship, I've classed our anniversary as the day we became official, which was many months after meeting. But recently, he mentioned changing it to the date that we started dating. Now, as I mentioned earlier, it was casual in the beginning. We obviously liked each other but the awkwardness of starting seeing someone meant that we never discussed any exclusivity. I slept with another guy during the first couple months of dating and never thought much of it until he said he wanted to change the date. This makes me feel terrible and like I've cheated on him. I've been having nightmares about it and feel like I should tell

him but also it might make him feel uneasy about our relationship so I'm very conflicted. I can't figure out if it's just the patriarchy that's making me feel so bad because would a guy feel this way? But also I know that if he told me he did the same it would have set me quite a lot. Basically, I feel like I either have to tell him or find a way of letting it go because we weren't official. Sorry, a bit of a long one, but any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you. What are you thinking? I think she is absolutely like well within, if there were no boundaries put in place, there was nothing explicitly agreed. You can't move the goalpost now. You can't move the goalpost now. That's my thought too.

Well, well within her right to see other people. Also in this, this was only in 2022 as well. like so sorry this is only in 2020 and in this day you know in this age of dating like that's what people do yeah you have to because you can't just you can't just meet one person off tinder or but or him humble bumble or hinge should be one called humble and just expect that that's going to work like you have to throw a lot of spaghetti at the wall for something to stick when it comes to online dating so you're well you were well within your right and like you've never set anything out so you were not in the wrong at all so I think whatever you want to do, I think if you're all happy, if you can let it go, that's fine.

But if it's something that is going to eat you up and bother you, then you can tell him. And I don't think it will make him feel conflicted about your relationship because, I mean, he doesn't really have a leg to stand on. No. I'd say, and I'm actually trying to remember back to the beginning of my relationship. And on that note, I'd say the fact that it's, the fact that I can't even remember is testament to the fact that this actually doesn't matter. And I don't think you should tell him because I just don't think you need to. But when I got with Alex, we celebrated our anniversary in January, which is like technically the first time we like got together because we didn't know it for a couple of years. But we weren't together really for like another three or four months.

I didn't do anything in that time. And I don't know if he did. Yeah. I don't know. But I don't care because now all I care about is the present. I know that since we've loved each other, we're chilling. we're married, whatever, like, it's fine. Yeah.

So I would never go back and, like, go and pick up an old thing from years back. No. So if he wants to celebrate, and we still celebrate the day from January, even though we weren't together for, like, till April or something, I think. Yeah. So I wouldn't worry about it. Like, I'd just go with the other day and just be like, well. Yeah.

I mean, you're not hiding anything. I think she said, like, I feel like I've cheated on him. You absolutely did not cheat on him. Nothing was explicit. Nothing was exclusive. Or maybe you just say. not cheating. No, let's keep the date from when we were exclusive. Yeah. And if that comes up and he's like, what do you mean? You could be like, well, we weren't. And you can stand your ground

there and be like, but we, but we weren't. You could just say like, I like that day better. Like, that's when we were like fully committed to each other and I like that. Yeah. And you know, and if it's like, if it comes up, it comes up, he doesn't really have a right to be angry with you. No. So maybe just be like, nah, let's just sit with the other date. Yeah. Like we weren't exclusive. It matters more. You know, that, for me, that feels like when we, when we, we, like, you know, lock this shit down. But we went with the former date and, like, I don't know. I feel like we should be, I feel like the right, I think air quotes around it,

advice should be to tell her, to tell him. But I actually don't think that's necessarily the case to you. Because I just feel like if you can reconcile it in your own head because you didn't do anything wrong, I don't think you need to tell him. Sometimes I think just telling people and it's only since like, read, I don't know if you've ever read dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, but, like, reading dear, dear, and stuff like that, and I'm like, sometimes when it's been years, or in this case, when it was an, like, you weren't exclusive, all that you're doing is hurting them. Yeah. By telling them.

Yeah. Because you know that you've changed your situation, which you have, because you're exclusive now and you would never do it now. But, you know, you know all of that in your head, but just telling him, it's kind of, I sometimes think it's a bit selfish to bring up stuff from ages ago because it's absolving you to clear your conscience when it might hurt him yeah but I don't know because it's so circumstantial and actually I did a thing on my Instagram did you see it last week where I said a couple of weeks ago where I said people could send in basically something that they did that they had to forgive themselves for oh yes yeah yeah so I basically said because I think like and again don't think you did anything wrong but I think a lot of people have done stuff wrong in relationships

or in life and I think particularly when it comes to it this is complete sidetracks sorry, but like when it comes to like healing, like, and I think for a lot of us like, about like becoming better people if you've bitched about someone in the past. I think that's a really important thing that people have to like forgive themselves for. Yeah. Like I once was a dick. I once felt happy if I saw somebody else had lost, gained weight or like, you know, I succumbed to the gossip. I looked on the forums. I read the trashy newspapers, whatever it is. Like you have to say it and make your peace with it and then move on with it. Yeah, for sure. And I was actually quite, I wasn't really surprised, but I was surprised by the volume of messages I had and a lot of

them were along the themes of cheating. Really? Or, yeah, a lot were, or being the other woman. Yeah. And I think the fact that people are like, I don't know, I just think everybody's kind of, everybody can be quite bad. Yeah. I just think everybody can be, and then there were a lot about, I don't know, like there were a lot about people, you know, resenting their kids when they first had them or I mean there was a lot there's just there was a lot and what I realized that there was there was never just one thing I didn't read one being like oh there's one like this one person has a problem gambling it was like if you read one problem you'd see it like a hundred times yeah yeah yeah so I don't know I basically that's this isn't helping this girl

but I just find that quite interesting no really interesting um because I it's a really hard thing I think if you do fuck up at any point in your life again this isn't related to you because you haven't fucked up, but if anybody has ever fucked up and done anything bad, if you hold it over yourself for your whole life, you'll just never be happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's kind of wild, like, because some people have done some really bad shit, like, objectively bad.

You know, reading about it, it's like, I don't want to tell you that it was a good thing that you were the other woman. I don't want to tell you that it was a good thing that you cheated on your husband. I don't want to make it okay for you, but you have to make it okay for you. Yeah, yeah. Because you do need to move on. And I think we've spoken about this before, but I do think that a lot of this has to do with like probably the way the human brain works as well

with such black and white thinking but also like how like in films like someone's either a good goodie or a bad and if they're a bady they're all bad and if they do something bad then they are a bad person and if someone does something good they are a good person there's no like it like completely excludes all nuance and then so then that's really difficult for us to reconcile

because we're human we're like animal we're not animals are we mammal I don't know we've got like animal brain brains. I think we are. Yeah, like our lower brains are animal brains and led by emotions and sometimes very rational. We do bad things, but we're not bad people. We're not always bad people. Yeah. But that's really difficult to reconcile in your head when the only, like, when we think in such binary terms. And we love a label. And we love a label. And we're so, we're terrible at like, the gray area. So I always, yeah, I was used to think I was like, I don't know. I kind of always used to think I was evil, really. I did. I did. Yeah. But were you? Until I started therapy and then I admitted that because I never admitted that to anyone. But I really did think I was evil. Like, yeah, because I did like, I wasn't, this is deep. But, like, I was, like, really jealous of my little sister who's in there.

She's not listening, though. That's good. I was really jealous of my little sister when she was born and I, like, wasn't that nice to her. So, like, I honestly just thought that I was, like, a really evil person. And then when I started therapy before my eating disorder, but, like, this came up. And I was, I was like, I'm frightened to say this. This has gone so deep. I didn't mean for this going deep.

No, I like I just said to her, like, I think I'm an evil person. And she was like, okay, so tell me, like, let's talk through all the evil stuff. And, okay, like, I wasn't nice to Jen, where we go back. And then you worship the devil for a bit. There was stuff behind it, you know. It was a satanic praise. Built an altar at home. There was the sacrificing stage where, yeah, just kept killing kittens.

It was weird. You used to have another sister as well, but she's not here anymore. Just kidding. and yeah so I think like for that like yeah I don't know you have to forgive yourself for particularly I mean for you you were a kid like yeah it was a baby yeah but I think a lot of this stuff like I was a very very like hurt and defensive and reactive person and I think a lot of people are like this and when you're growing up you think everything's like super black and white and it's like well you did a bad thing and you're a bad person yeah and that was that and for me like

cheating was that like I was just like you do that and you're you're the worst and and there's no coming back and I haven't grown up to excuse it but I've grown up to understand it yeah and to understand that like it's it completely circumstantial yeah and I think a massive part of that for me is like learning to judge people less because you are exposed to this as an adult like you're exposed to your parents doing shitty things or your friends doing shitty things and you can't just say fuck all of you you're bad people, I don't want anything to do with you. Sometimes you just have to watch people you love make bad choices and it's like, oh, Christ,

okay, or like not that nice to you. Yeah, or not that nice to other people. Yeah. And it's annoying and it's just like, oh, but you can't just, you can't punish them for their bad choices because they're making them for their own reasons. And we would like this, like, grace to be afforded for us when we do inevitably do the same or similar bad things or whatever. I have a friend at the moment

who's just making a string of terrible choices like terrible choices Is it me? It's not I mean it might be no it's not and it's like

it kills me absolutely kills me to watch it because it's just like I just want to shake them and be like stop it stop it

you're hurting everybody but you're hurting you the most but I can't do that because it's not my fucking place I just have to like just sit there and just be like well this isn't great

but I'm here for you right and that's a really complicated thing to do as an adult which is to like see bad because you hear all this stuff and it's like we're taught all these morals when we're growing up like there are two types of people with ones that see

you know ones that do evil the mean girls quote the do evil and the ones that see evil being done and don't do anything to stop it yeah and I don't think adultery is always evil but it's not fucking good no it's not pleasant it's not good so I don't know it's just really complicated and then like you know I never want to be involved in anyone shit like that I'm like this you know like

I don't want that but you don't really get to choose when you're an adult what I don't know it's just I don't know and this is completely far away from where we're talking because I don't think your issue is anything like this but I don't know I just think you know when did you ever see that meme that was like when we used to see it all the time and it's like

two things about adulthood that I've realized like cheese is really expensive and everybody does cocaine which is like lull this is like so true but I don't eat cheese or do drugs but I was going to say I don't love cheese though see the situation for what it is but I just also think like a part of that is just like people are really complicated

so complicated and you have to forgive other people and they have to forgive themselves and you all just have to move on and I think every day if you're making a choice that's like I'm going to be a better person then you just got to be not I'm going to be a better person but I'm going to be committed to this person or whatever

then you just got to keep going on that train because you can't go back no so for her again I'm talking as if you've seen done something bad, I don't think you have. No. But even if you had, my logic would still be the same, which is, I don't think telling him's going to do any, I don't know. I just think it's going to cause you. Unless you feel like you have to, I think let it go. Stick with the new day if you can. You're committed to this guy. Like, since, since you agreed on exclusivity, you have

not cheated on him, therefore you have absolutely done nothing wrong. And God, yeah, just forget about it like try and forget about it because it's not going to do your relationship any good for you to sort of linger on this anyway or linger on something that really doesn't even mean anything like no if you wanted to be with the other guy you'd have been with the other guy there you go and you chose to do this guy stick with the new date and if he pushes and says and I really want the old date you just said well we weren't exclusive and if he if that really matters and he keeps pushing you on that just be like we do you want me to spell this out for you I'm telling you we weren't exclusive that's that I was dating yeah we were dating we were just seeing you know we were just seeing you

each other. Do you really need me to do this? Or can you just take me at my word, say, I love you to bits and I want to stick with a new day. There you go. Fuck, we should be like, dear, dear, dreams. But I just feel so complicated, yeah, love you so much. I feel so complicated about so many things, because I think I know something. And then I'm like, oh, never mind. And also, like, I feel like my single friends bring me my, bring me their problems, which I appreciate, because I'm old and boring and married. I've been with Alex for like 10 years. So I kind of like all the drama. I'm like, ooh. Yeah, live vicariously. Yeah. Hit me. What's going on? And then the minute people start telling me this shit. I'm like, guys, guys, just got Bake Offs on. Like, come on.

It's Bake Off on at the moment. It might have finished. We were watching, we really want to watch it this time. And then he stopped coming on Tuesdays. We started coming on Wednesdays. So we were waiting for him. And then the fuckers told me that it's gone off without us. Oh. I know. So that friendship's in tatters. I just don't know what to do with myself. I actually want to watch bake off. I think it's over now. Okay, no mind. You thought you had the recordings. I could go back and what I did the record. It's been usurped by, I'm a slub. Oh yeah, of course, of course. Did you know all our glamping units have a resort quality Canadian made and eco-friendly

bed? Since day one we have proudly partnered with Kelona-based mattress company Haven, ensuring you have the best sleep possible. So it's just one more reason to visit us in the Boreal Forest. You can also try out a Haven Mattress, risk-free for 100 nights at havenmatress.ca. I've not really thought Go on, go on. Okay, I've got something really embarrassing to read. Hi, ladies, obviously love the podcast and all the amazing work you do. I myself, belly laughing on the walks. Thank you so much.

And the car ride's all the time. I appreciate you so much. I'm actually always like, the little, anyway, that's really nice. Thank you. I'm awkward. I'm really awkward. That's too nice. So, I am on a cruise with my family, and the corridors to get to the sleeping quarters are very narrow.

Yeah. I was texting my boyfriend and stopped walking to take a stupid selfie to send to him. I had vaguely noticed that there was someone behind me, and I stood to the side to let them pass whilst making a stupid face. After a few seconds, I realised that no one had passed me. And I looked up from my phone only to realise that I had stopped directly in front of the man who was behind me's room, and I was blocking his access to his room whilst he stood patiently waiting with his room key, waiting for me to stop making my idiotic face and move.

Also, his room was two doors down from my room, so we'll definitely see each other soon. Great. why is getting caught taking a selfie so embarrassing now that really that is objectively embarrassing like other stuff it's grey area but that is so embarrassing I sat down on the tube this morning took a selfie yeah put a little thing on my Instagram story saying oh little boys just off with me a seat like how sweet and then I looked up and realized someone was really off my shoulder I was like fucking morto never mind that I'm putting that out to like quarter a million people to read to see it being written for a fat oh oh oh oh

I literally, I was like, I just open my emails and make it look like I've got something serious to do. Fucking tragic, taking selfies, women, stupid, stupid, stupid girls, silly little girls. They're silly little selfies. I know. Oh, it's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. It is embarrassing. It is embarrassing to do a selfie.

I do feel like I've lost a little bit of my dignity with it. Have you? A little bit. Are you quite good at it? No, I'm not. But no, not really, to be honest. I'm just, like, I will do it now in public. I'm still embarrassed, but I will do it rather than I didn't use to be like...

Do you do the talking to camera? No, no, no, I can't do that. I just can't do that. I do it. Actually, sometimes... Sorry, I just really started and went over you, sorry. That was really aggressive. But sometimes I think, when I just have to do it, and I think, oh, I could be on the FaceTime. People don't know.

I pretend them on FaceTime sometimes, and if I'm going past people and I realize that what I'm saying, it's embarrassing, I pretend them I'm having a conversation. So I'm like, say, anyway, yeah, the Lord. And I pretend them on FaceTime, and I hope I get past them before they realize that I'm the only person there on the screen to myself. Some influencers shoot content, like out and about by themselves. Like Sophie Milner. Yeah, tripod.

Sets up a tripod. Pops her phone in there and then like steps back and like shows off her outfit and stuff. I just couldn't. I just couldn't. I couldn't do it. Honestly, I get so embarrassed having my photo taken in public. I pretend that I'm Spanish, which is actually really stupid because I don't speak any Spanish. But like I pretend to not be from here so that it's like, oh, silly little tourist.

because I just think Londoners hate tourists anyway so I'm like if I just pretend to be a tourist then they'll hate me less than if I'm an influencer do you know what I mean like fine tourist is going to get a photo influencers like fowl yeah yeah yeah yeah influencers are like the lowest of the low in terms of like how other people

how the public sees people well yeah there's like influences in the wild page don't love that and it's just like it is I mean it's annoying because it's like people think it's really embarrassing and it's like why is it's embarrassing it's not like we're doing our jobs I don't come into your office and go, ha ha, look at a spreadsheet, embarrassing. I know, but still, it is arguably really embarrassing.

And I always want a photo of my pretty little outfit, and I'm just too scared, and I don't want to inconvenience anyone, someone's got to take it, and I probably won't like it, angles, people be in the way, horrendous. I know, but that was a very, that was a very, objectively, incredibly embarrassing, yeah. You can always tell this one when someone's taking yourself because they think they're being really subtle when they put up the front facing camera, but they can't help it, their lips go into a, whether you can help it or not. My sister does it all the time. I'm like, she thinks, she thinks, we think she's just looking at her phone. But her lips are telling me that she is not doing that. It's a fucking selfie.

And she's not being real either, because she looks haggard on that. But this is, this is, this is for a boy probably. You're welcome, Katia. Or it's, say what you want. That's good. That's good. Oh, amazing. Tell her that her feet smell. I might.

Yeah. Tell her that her feet smell. You'll say anything. Do they? I don't know. She can't fight us. Say what you want. Hi, I'd like to remain anonymous for this.

Please obviously need to start with the podcast. Thank you. I have a dilemma I'm struggling with and get the feeling that you would bring some clarity to me. To set the scene, I am 40 years old, divorce, and been seeing this guy since 2015 properly. We met online in 2013, had our first in-person meeting in 2014,

and he's been coming to my house for a week at a time, roughly every six to seven weeks since 2015. That's like eight years. Seven years. Jesus, that is a long time. Long time. He lives in Ireland with his estranged wife. They separated in 2015, but due to family circumstances,

she started working when they had their daughter, who's now in her early 20s. They live under the same roof, but don't share her bed, and they're still not divorced. Whoa. He's met my dad, because my mum passed away before I met him, and my friends, this year at Easter, he admitted to his mum that there was someone very special in his life

and hadn't been for quite some time. He didn't specify timeframes and didn't give me a name in the conversation and that this person made him very happy indeed and that he thought he could have a wonderful life together with me. I have to admit it felt good to be acknowledged but also a bit shit to be anonymous. However, his ex-wife and daughter don't know I exist. Two of his friends do.

I'm wondering how he knows, how she knows, sorry, that he said that to his mum at Easter. this is a bit weird last weekend we had an argument he told me he'd never move in with me and that I should be pleased about this because it shows he isn't just here for my money which he knows my ex-husband was all about

and that he is intending to move to the UK at some point but would be renting his own place when he does and this is something he needs to do for him after this long seven years of him visiting am I kidding myself that there's a future it doesn't feel like he wants to be in a couple slash partnership or do I just take it as he's fun to have around keep him as a fuck buddy the sex is great and he occasionally helps me with chores around the house or is he being genuine or is he

gaslighting me I told him a month ago I couldn't do this anymore and he was the one who said he wanted to fix it really unsure what to think or feel anymore and would hugely appreciate any thoughts it's a bit of a weird situation oh yeah like living with your ex-wife it's fine I get that circumstantial and that's a lot of people do that because for loads of reasons for their kids or like because of cost implications or whatever yeah but to not tell them about you yeah and to keep her completely anonymous yeah it's a bit weird I don't know why he'd do that like there's no it's not like he's it's not like he's pretending to be married you know it's sorry it's not like he's fully married is it like and having an affair because then he wouldn't say to his you know

wouldn't come and visit you every six weeks or whatever and also yeah I'm wondering did he tell her that he'd said that to his mum at Easter time like did he tell her that I don't know yeah because she's a bit weird I'm not I don't know I'm not convinced I'm not getting the most positive vibes

which I feel really bad for saying but then I think if you're sending that email then you kind of already know yeah like you've got the weird vibes but then if you if you are having fun with him it kind of sounds like you're not comfortable it sounds like something's not sitting right

and I'm like well if something's not sitting right then yeah you're not fully like you're not being entirely fulfilled it sounds like you would like a proper relationship out of this yeah not happening and by the sounds of it i don't think it's ever going to happen that he's going to fully commit to you yeah kind of weird i mean why would you want to move to the UK and rent you're not yeah i don't know but he said that he categorically in capitals would never live with her i would i'd if you if you can it's just a weird yeah it's a weird boundary it's not really the bod anymore he's seven years it's like time yeah but it's you know like if you were with someone for seven you you know

his kid me if they were seven when you started it would be 14 by now it's like you know you should be involved in their life she's in her 20s now his child yeah oh no that's quite weird yeah I'm you don't need to stay together for a kid in their 20s I think I think I said yeah his daughter's in the 20s now yeah I don't know I'm getting really weird vibes yeah because I do get you know staying and I know a lot of people do it and I don't actually think it's right personally but not to judge but to stay together for the kids but certainly not when the kids like a grown up there's no need for that and like if you if you want a kid not to know sorry to keep around and you're not if you want to keep him around

you're not actually looking for relationship that's fine but if you are don't keep him around because it's just going to prevent you from meeting someone that would give you with the fulfilling relationship that you're after you don't yeah you don't deserve to be a secret you know like it's no again if you're in a very like consensual happy space where this is just the fuck body who helps with the chores and is fun to have around, like you said at their end. Like if that's what you want, you know, that's genuinely what you're content with. But it doesn't sound like it. For me, you know, as someone in their 20s, if my dad had a partner for seven years, I didn't know.

I found that really odd, you know, like, you want to be part of their life. Like, it's not healthy. No, it's very weird. It doesn't sound. And I'd feel weird if the girlfriend wasn't in my life. You know, if I didn't, you know, to not have a relationship, it was just, like, that's kind of odd. Yeah. Not your fault at all, no judgment.

I do think you're right. I think she's writing in knowing what we're going to say. And also if you're asking about the gaslighting, that's a big thing to ask. You're probably being gasoline. Yeah. If you've got that suspicion, it's probably not without courts because you wouldn't get that from nowhere. And it sounds like that's the case. Yeah, it sounds very odd.

And I don't know, maybe this girl was wanting some, you know, outside perspective or sometimes we just need a bit of outside perspective. I was really a big thing about, we're listening to a big thing about gaslighting today. Yeah. And one of the things she said, the person I was listening to said, it's like, well, often when somebody tries to leave, the gaslighter will,

no, no, I'll do anything to make this work, which it sounds like this person's done, but I'll do anything to make this work. And then they do for a long time. And it's not because, you know, the relationship isn't, they're not deliberately abusing you or like wanting you to leave, but what they're trying to do is completely control

the narrative and the situation. And it does sound to me, like this guy's got all the control. Like, you know, it's always on his terms. He comes to you. You've never gone to him. You don't know his parents. You don't know his family. He comes when it suits him.

He's never going to live with you. It's all very like him, him, him. So I would just say, if you can't get what you want out of this relationship, then it's not a healthy relationship. That's all I know. Goodbye. Yeah. Done.

Dusted. Romeo, done, if that's what you're up for. And lots of love. Yeah. Loads of love. And also, yeah, none of that said with any judgment to you, because I don't think you're doing anything wrong for it as well. I think we should be agony, agony aunts.

Because those deities, I like that. Yeah, but I don't like agony. Like, I don't want people having to come to us in agony. Advice hands, doesn't have the same ring, though. No. Antagonistic aunts. No. Antagonistic ants.

People keep asking what the baby's going to be called, and I'm just, like, keep getting, like, really, like, fuck off, I don't know. Because also people's, it's so annoying. So I've just started saying like really outrageous shit. Like I went to a party of the day and this woman was like, if you've got of any names, I was like, I'm loving anxiety. And I did not know this woman. She was just like, oh, that's amazing. Healthy, really healthy.

Little angsy in there. Like, yeah, just like her mom. That's a way to shut down the conversation. It's actually been really effective. I just say like the most horrifying words. I'm like, I just think asphyxiation is so pretty. People are like, fuck it now. But it's good, because it's actually really annoying when people ask you the name.

They're like, fuck off, fuck off. This is not, this is not a me and you think, who are you? I didn't even know your name and you want to know her name. No, back off. Not happening. Not happening. Not happening. Not happening.

Not people do it all the time. You know, you thought of any names. They were American. Because I went with anxiety again because it's tried and tested. Normally, they were a crowd pleaser. They did not. No. I was in Soho House.

They were Americans in Soho House. What chance did I stand? They were not going to be. They were not going to be humorous. Yeah. they weren't going to get it. That was going to be awkward. Yeah.

I think I said trauma. I was like, I really, I just think trauma is really pretty. And she was like, uh-huh. Okay, well, that's nice. When should you? So, anyway, yeah. Can't wait for a little anxiety, Andrew to come into the world. Love that. Anxiety, Andrew.

Perfect. We could just see the anxiety aunt. There you go. I like that. I mean, it's incredibly aptly named. Yeah. If anyone has any ideas, do let us know. okay that can be our matching tattoo that we talked about

a couple weeks ago we're still working on that yeah yeah I love that can you have a tattoo when you're pregnant no we'll have to wait until she's out okay but the minute she's out I mean literally the next day bring a tattoo our kids to the hospital

fine fine if you organise it on there yeah okay cool I'll have been busy but if you can handle the logistics on that I'm sold alright perfect we'll turn up oh and she can get her ear space at the same time Yeah, we can get a little chance. Oh my God, let's take it to the parlour.

Perfect. We were saying that Alex and I started really, so we will go, but Myal and I just keep, we're just kind of just really enjoying shocking people because people ask such personal questions. And it's like, oh, you know, what, you know, what do you want her to do or whatever? And Alex, my Alex just kept being like, I'm really pro pole. I'm really pro pole. I'm really pro pole.

I'm really pro poll. I took me a second. I was like, what kind of pole? Love that. Yeah. So everyone just looks at, it's just like, yeah. We're going to call her Tallulah and she's just going to be really going to poll dancing. She's going to make a gorgeous stripper.

As she should. As she should. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. We will see you on Monday. Lots of love. Bye. Bye.

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