Should I Delete That? - It's feedback time... *brace position*

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

It’s time to dive into the mailbag!Our amazing community sent in so many brilliant messages and emails in response to our body image series - so we thought it was important to take some time to acknowledge your thoughts and feedback - both the positive and the negative. Em’s still officially on maternity leave until next week - so we’ve drafted in a VERY eager substitute - it’s Sister Jen!We always love hearing from you - whether you want to challenge us or praise us, it’s so important for us to hear it. You can email us on [e-mail] !Follow us on Instagram:@shouldideletethat@em_clarkson@alexlight_ldnShould I Delete That is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Dex RoyStudio Manager: Dex RoyVideo Editor: Celia GomezSocial Media Manager: Emma-Kirsty Fraser Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That. M is still officially on Mat Leave, until next week. So I have roped in a substitute. Reluctantly. A reluctant substitute in the form of my sister, Jen. Hello. I have enlisted you today to come on to help me talk about the body image series. We're going to wrap it up by hearing a bit of feedback from listeners about the series.

And we're going to go through a couple of bits of feedback. So I'm positive. And I'll take a deep breath for sub-negative, because you know how I take. Give you therapy tonight. Yeah, exactly. Calm you down. You know how I take criticism really well. Is there anything, Jen, that you would like to, like any observations you had about the series

or about this topic in general, I mean, we're going to get into it as well. But I mean, you pay me, so I have to say positive stuff. But in general, I thought it was great. I thought that it came at such a poignant time. It feels in the body image like, well. and I know that like kind of like we're fully immersed in it and like I am immersed in it because of what I do with you but it just feels like weight loss and a Zen pic and before and after and you know all of this stuff is just like rife at the moment it is isn't it normally you're

you know you see a lot of like weight stuff on like social media and your body stuff but I feel like in real life as well it's just like it feels like it's everywhere well we know a lot of people who are taking a Zen pic don't we yes we do and we're seeing them shrink yeah yeah lose weight i agree with you i i feel like this content is more rife than ever it feels like it's everywhere like i literally can't turn for stuff for like before and afters weight lost jabs weight loss patches weight loss this weight loss that and people talking about like how body positivity was lying to us and it was all a lie and we need to be skinny and this is why and actually it's great to be skinny and blah blah yeah and it does feel as well that conversations like

you know between like you know friends and stuff like that at one point like the weight conversation had gone like really yeah and i just feel like maybe not even like my my close friends because like that's not a kind of thing we talk about but like with like i'd say like you know like more like a acquaintances like the oh i need to be good and like you know all of that feels like it's coming back in whereas like it felt like kind of a safe space for so long that people didn't really talk about that and it was kind of like an unspoken rule that you know this isn't how we want to to live our lives anymore that's really interesting that's super interesting because I think I live in such a bubble with that that's really interesting to know how it feels in

like normal everyday circles yeah and even like I think I said this to you in Pratt the day we were sat there and two women said I'm trying to be good like I think like one of the ladies I think would you want anything for the bakery literally within 10 minutes of each other we heard two women say, oh no, I'm trying to be good, I'm trying to be good. Unrelated women, I mean, they might have been related, but they came in a separate time. It's rough out there. Okay, so we're going to start off with positive feedback because I'm a fragile little creature. So, this is an email. I wanted you guys to know that you're changing lives. I am loving these episodes and about a week after listening to the episode about Allman Mums, I had the email from

a school about weighing my child. I spoke to my husband, who was fully supportive of me opting her out. I'm still in the thick of it for me, but getting better, but I'm doing everything I can so my daughter doesn't have the issues I've had for my entire life. I remember being asked in high school, what do you want to be when you're older and my response was thin? Thank you for this series. Are you crying? No, but I could. Do you want me too? God, that's really hard, isn't it? It's really upsetting to hear of that. But she's not alone either. Like so many people send me their diaries on DMs, send me their diaries of when they were younger and it says like, what do you hope for? What do you wish for? What do you want to be? And all of them are like,

lose weight, be thin. And it's like sometimes the writing isn't even fully formed. Like they're just just kids trying to like, it's horrible. I'm really happy that that episode had that impact because I think that is the most important thing is to break the cycle. 100%. And if you think about it for like our boys like the thought of like my children going through oh yeah sorry i've got two boys i mean they're only like three and one um but the thought that they would kind of live their life feeling less than because of the way their like their body looks or like the way the way they look at all like would absolutely devastate me because like i mean i know that you felt it too but like it felt for so long that i was in a cage and i was like so constrained by

like my everyday thoughts like every second of every day was consumed by like either what I was going to eat or like what I shouldn't eat or like the way that my like what the scales are going to say in the morning what scales was going to say at night because he used to get on like five times a day what they were going to say in like you know like would I fit into that dress and if I didn't

I didn't want to you know it was just like those consuming thoughts have been there for a very very long time from a very very young age it's all consuming it's totally all consuming it doesn't leave much space for much else no and as a child like you shouldn't be like 10 on a beach thinking does my stomach look big in this I need to

wear a tankini because then there's a break so that a swimming costume would would show my fat like you shouldn't be thinking like that it should just be like should just be able to be children and you did didn't you I know I know that we've talked about that that was like a pivotal time for you I think that holiday that specific holiday right um where like someone remarked that you were just you were like getting bigger by the day. It kind of started as a bit of a joke because obviously I was, well, not obviously. Like I did, I liked omelets.

And you love omelets. You know, but I feel like before that point, I think I was probably about eight. Before that point, I don't remember, like, being conscious of my body or the way I looked. And then I kind of took it as like a mission to see how many omelets I could eat at breakfast.

It was all inclusive. Sounds like a good challenge to me. Yeah, and I had a great time. But then, yeah, someone remarked, like, how I was just, like, expanding and, like,

expanded like over the holiday and like you know like in a kind of negative way um and yeah that felt like a that was probably like the moment that i remember like becoming like conscious of my body and the way it looked and you know like losing feeling like i had to lose weight or you know get back to not eating four omelets a day and you know but yeah so a bit of a bit of a bit of a a bit of neutral feedback, let's say. Feedback on scripted, on the scripted element of the podcast. I know that you script your podcast to make sure you hit all the points. I script for execs at my job in comms slash marketing, so I totally understand.

But I have to say, I prefer listening to you when you're not scripted, when you're just having a conversation. I have the same issue with audiobooks. I cannot listen to someone read to me, so it may just be me. I hope you try to be more natural in the future. My God, I'm going to be, thanks for that, because I'm going to have to talk to through this for the next week. Calmer down at the ledge. Love that last line. I hope you try to be more natural in the future. A bit brutal, but okay. Do you know what? A few people

did actually say this about the scripted nature of this, but I fully stand by the fact that we had to do it scripted. I believe that we had to do it scripted. I know M does too because we had so many really input. This is a huge, huge topic with so many different layers. We had so many points to hit and make sure that we hit. We wanted to write it out in a way that we knew we could stand by forever and ever and not be put on the spot with stuff it felt really important to us but look this is also this was just our first series as well um you know and i'm sure that the format will evolve as we as we go on um but yeah i hope you tried to be all natural in the future made me laugh okay colette the interview with colette foster yes um the executive producer

of suicide versus super skinny along with other channel full shows at that time i was shouted at my phone in disbelief at some of the things that Colette said, huge, well done. It's almost brought about a certain closure around the impact that that TV show had on my experience of an eating disorder. I, for one, I'm hugely grateful to you both. Well, thank you very much. What did you think of that interview? I mean, I know how hard that interview was for you, because you called me basically in tears after it. And you actually said that it was one of the hardest interview you've ever done. And I think that's because it had such an impact on you at that time when you're in the kind of the throes of like eating disorders,

disorder eating, whatever was going on at that time. And the fact that someone couldn't take accountability for it that, you know, they did have such a big role to play and the fact they can't see that, I guess you struggled with. And yeah, I mean, I remember looking at it and like measuring what I was eating against the tube of the skinny person.

Yeah. And they're like, well, maybe if I eat that this week, then I'll lose four pounds. You know, so the fact that they can't, they must have had a lot of feedback to like saying the same thing like and the fact that she couldn't know just an apology I feel like would have gone or taking some kind of accountability would have gone such a long way for the people that were affected by by the show at that time I think so I mean but potentially she didn't at least at the time of the interview she didn't

realize the impact it had had she didn't fully comprehend yeah so so I'll definitely give her the benefit of the doubt there but yeah it was a hard and frustrating interview um you know i don't even know if this is the right thing to say but she was a really nice woman yeah so i feel bad even saying anything yeah tricky tricky interview glad we did it glad we aired it i hope from her side that it was okay you know would never want anyone to receive any kind of hate off the back of our platform it might have offered her a different perspective as well you know often like when you're talking to someone it takes you time to reflect on it

so maybe after the interview she might have reflected and feel differently and maybe it's you know helped her in some way as well yeah okay moving on to the bit of feedback that I've grappled with the most about this body image series so this is the perspective of a listener who's taking Manjaro a GLP one

you know, also known as an ozempic, who thinks we could have have highlighted more of the positives of JLP ones. I listened to your podcast for the first time as a recommendation from my wife. She asked me to listen to it as I've recently subscribed to Manjaro. Although I appreciate the balance of you, I think it was really interesting your position in regards to feeling sorry for people for taking it. In one passage, you commented feeling devastated that your friends were taking it. Inadvertently, and I do mean this sincerely, in discussing fat shaming culture, there may be a phenomenon of Ozmpic shaming, which you have unknowingly or rather subconsciously subscribed to. I appreciate you said several times that it's people's choice and you do not hold it against

people, but it came across as you thought those individuals were not necessarily making the right choice. I have suffered with my weight for decades and to have a drug that empowers me and gives me control is something that I feel was lacking in your commentary. I've always been the happy-go-lucky fat lad in the group and this drug hopefully will change that depiction of me amongst my peers. There's a reason we perpetually fail on diets and exercise regimes. O-empet buys his time to relearn some of the deep failings and habits that we've fallen into.

I will listen to your podcast again as I thought it was great, but I just wanted to provide my perspective as the soon-to-be former happy-go-lucky fat lad. This one makes me sad. Sad for him. That makes me sad. And again, I think he I don't want to

he said at the beginning of this, like, I don't know, I got from this that he's saying we're kind of being a bit patronised A bit condescending? Is that what you're getting? Yes. Towards people who are taking Ozmpic. Yeah. So then I don't want to be more patronising condescending by saying, like, I find it really sad that he's doing it, you know, that that's one of his motivations is to not be perceived as the fat lad.

Yeah. But I also get it. Like, that's painful to be, to have that label, which isn't in our society considered a good thing. That's painful to be stuck with that. Yeah. And to have to have that as your identity when you didn't choose it. even the sentence where that man says, I've always been the happy-go-looking fat lad in the group,

it kind of like points to me that this has gone on since he was quite young. Yeah. I do find that sad. I get it. I get it and I do find it sad. And I'm sorry if that does sound, again, patronising. I mean, I understand what this man is saying as well. If you've battled like your whole life being something that you don't want to be,

and then something is giving you escape from that. Of course. Like, you know, like I'm not going to lie. Like the thought of like, you know, taking your weight loss drug has appealed to me. Like, you know, like I'm seeing everyday people in my circles and like people online dropping weight and thought of like not having to, you know,

like as much work as I've done on myself and like will continue to do to not have to do that work for a drug to do it for me would be amazing. But I just think that that is counterintuitive to actually working on myself. and to dealing with the problems that I actually have with my body. It will ever make me feel. And I still maintain that I might lose weight,

but I will, or like you might lose weight on these products, but you will always feel like not good enough if you don't fix like the mental. I respect that position and I agree with it. I know a lot of people listening to this won't agree with it and that they, you know, believe. And who knows who's right and who's wrong? I don't know.

But they believe that OZNPic is like a tool to sort of take away that overriding, that overwhelming food noise and just sort of to compartmentalize it so that you can focus on the other stuff. I don't know who's right, who's wrong, but I agree with you on that. But that's a position I take also. I guess as well for me. Like the food noise is so like linked to wheat.

so yes you might take away like i might take away the food noise and and if i was to take it it might take away food noise for me which don't get wrong would be great but it wouldn't take away the angst around my size and like looking in the mirror and like you know and like the highs when i lose what you know like the highs of like historically experience when i've lost weight that are fleeting and you know it doesn't fix for me anyway it wouldn't i know it wouldn't fix the fundamental problem i have with my body which is that i wouldn't be happy with it at any size right because of the way i feel the way i feel yeah like like i don't know if i'm very well say mentally but you know like mentally the way i feel about my body like i can say with confidence

isn't to do with my size i've been at many different sizes and i've never felt good enough maybe for like a day i've been like that's the lowest weight i've ever been and you know great i feel like amazing and then I'll go and try something on I'll be like still doesn't look nice on me still doesn't look still hate my arms I've got to cover them you know I'm still I will and you know and I always love that quote that we say is that like when you look back at old photos and you go oh I wish I like like a good look how thin I was and I still didn't feel like that it's like my proof it's never been about like that so yes it might take it's never about how your body looks yeah how you think about your body exactly how you perceive it's so true

I do. I really do agree with you. And I do think on this is epic thing like I'm starting to I'm starting to realize well no I think I have realized that no matter what you say about it it's going to be difficult for people to hear. Yeah. And it's going to be triggering for people. Whether you come from it at it from a positive place or a negative place, it's going to be even when I put a thousand disclaimers in with what I'm saying, I still get people from both sides saying that there's something wrong with it. So I understand. that this is just a big, very big, like, very pervasive topic right now that we, that has a lot of, there's a lot of shame and stigma around it on both ends of the spectrum. I was just going to say, I also think that the work that you do in the body image space, you like, obviously you have to be careful about putting like positive, like really positive experiences out there because like for me following, like if I wasn't so linked with you, but like following someone like you and then seeing on your platform, someone with a really positive experience it would like make me you know second guess

whether it's something I should explore yeah especially when you're a vulnerable person like consuming this content definitely this is this is something that em and I talked about before the these episodes went before this body image series went out to everyone I believed that we should have had we should have explored a positive um experience of ozempic just like we explored a negative experience with a journalist, Dan Cooper, who OZNPIC really affected, very, very badly affected his mental health. And I think I was coming at it from like a journalistic, let's do a non-biased exploration of this. And what I lost in that was actually this, we do have a vulnerable audience here and a specific audience that feels, doesn't necessarily feel great about their

body and is looking to improve their body image. So I do believe that hopping on the positives of this drug is not really a productive thing to do on this podcast. I agree with you. I also just last thing on this is it's interesting that this man's wife asked him to listen to your podcast because why is she asking him to listen? Like it was obviously for a reason, which is like I find interesting because unless, you know, I don't know if it comes from a place that she's worried about him or, you know, like she

doesn't want him to lose what's special about, you know, like, I don't know, but I just found that quite interesting. Good point. I hadn't actually thought about that. Yeah. Maybe she's hoping it might go some way to heal his body image, maybe. Yeah. But if you're listening, man from the email, I won't name you, but if you are listening, hi, because I think you're one of our only mail listeners. Thank you so much for listening. Okay, so we've got a response to this series from a perimenopausal woman. I'm 49 and I'm peri menopausal. I've always been curvy, so I was a size of 14 pre-baby, a size 16 post-baby.

But recently, perimenopausal belly fat has jumped me up to a size 18 and I've been so angry about it. What I realise listening to a podcast is that my poor body is trying to actually work so hard to allow me to function normally. It's losing hormones that it needs and it's still trying to produce them through belly fat to help me function. to work, to be a wife, to be a mum, to look after my elderly mum, to see my friends, etc. I'm tired and I'm raging and I'm grumpy and I forget stuff. Oh, I felt like I was speaking as if that was me then. But I'm still doing all of that stuff because my superhero body is working so hard to help me do it. And all I can do is think bad thoughts about it and punish it and not allow it to have cake and be mean about it when actually I should just buy it some lovely

size, bigger clothes and thank it for what is doing for me. At age 49, I've come through the 90s as a teenager and internalize all of that diet culture stuff. But the main revelation I took from your podcast is that I am being mean to this thing that is still trying to function for me. So I'm going to be much kinder to it and I'm getting on Vintage right now to buy myself some nice stuff and I'm going to just enjoy my body. How nice is that? I was literally just about to say how nice is that? How nice? Yeah. I think that's something we overlook so much when we are so we jump to like what's wrong with our body. I know we jump to, what's wrong with how our bodies look?

Yeah. What's wrong with how my body looks? Like, think about all the ways my body looks wrong. And let's bring that to the forefront of my mind and let's focus on it and obsess over it. And we lose in that process, we lose sight of all the things that our bodies do do for us. Which isn't like the lady listing,

all that stuff there. It's so much. It's an incredible amount. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Because it's almost like it's something that we feel like we can control is the way our body looks. so that's why we battle with it so much and actually all these amazing things that it's doing for us

we can't control but we just take them for granted because they're just doing it in the background and like you know but actually what we see is what we control and what we don't like about ourself is the kind of what we struggle with it but yeah if I was you and M

I'd be really really proud of ourselves this series oh thanks yeah honestly I think you did an amazing job and yeah like this one woman I'm sure there's like thousands of other women that have really benefited positively from your work. So, yeah. Thank you, Jen. You're welcome.

I'll transfer that £10 into your bank account in a minute. 20. Rip off. Still aim me for Bridget Jones. Bridget Jones? Oh. We made, we went to see Bridget Jones, my mum and my, two of our other sisters. And we dared Jen to, as the film was starting, to cheer to shout,

woo, woo, and shout, Bridget Jones. And clap. And clap. And she did. And I still haven't got paid. We were going to pay you 10 pound each. 10 pound each. Mom said she'd up it to 20 because she felt so bad for me. Mom was mortified. She was like, sinking down into her seat. Okay, I owe you 30 pounds. Um, last bit of feedback. And it's on the word obesity. After binge listening to several episodes, I noticed that the term obesity comes up frequently in conversations. It struck me because, while commonly used, this word is actually deeply rooted in diet culture rhetoric and it's more harmful than most people realize. Given the thoughtful and important discussions you have on the podcast, I can't help but think you'd want to know more

about this perspective. A little bit about me. I'm a therapist, certified intuitive eating counselor and someone who personally recovered from an eating disorder after an early 20 years. I now help people heal from disorders eating and break free from diet culture. Amazing job. amazing incredible job um i don't think there's a way to like scrub through all the audio to check this but i'm pretty sure i'm almost positive that if the word obesity was used it was it was in it was it was it was a guest who were interviewing using it um because i don't use this language i know that it's really it's a very stigmatizing word um and it's it's it's It's a derogatory. It's become a very derogatory term. And, you know, we're quite clear that we don't want to censor our guests. I don't want to bleep out the word obesity or like take that sentence entirely out of what they are saying. However, one thing I think we should have done is we should have both overweight and obesity, those two words. We should have, we should, in the episodes they were mentioned or just at the beginning of the series, we should have done a disclaimer about.

them and said like where they are used like they're used by the guests and you know like we don't subscribe to those words and we don't subscribe to that thinking and this is why those words are unhelpful i think that probably actually was something that was missing from the series so i'm really grateful to this woman for bringing it up i agree with this woman that it can be quite triggering as well it's also difficult because yes you can't send to your guests and also this is a word that we've grown up with we've been taught this kind of language, like, you know, like the BMI scale, for example. We've been like, you know, surrounded by it, and it's quite hard to unlearn that.

So, yeah, it would be almost impossible for you to censor all your guess because it's just naturally used. We also don't want to do that. No, of course. But I do wish that we'd done disclaimers. Learning curve. Learning curve. We're finishing off with a lighthearted comment.

One that I'm really passionate about, though. So some might say it's lighthearted. Others might feel differently. All of the serious accolades aside, I'm just here to say that I freaking love a pano raisin. It's probably my number one bakery choice and it does not deserve that slander who's with me. So, you're shaking your head. I know you don't like them either, which I will die on this hill.

Hopefully not. Pano raisin, where's the hill? Pano raisin top tier bakery good. No. Baked good. No. Fruit should not be mixed with like pastry like that. I just don't get it.

Don't understand it. I don't even like apple. You like apple popcorn? I don't. I like the crumbull. I don't like the crumble. Don't like the apple in it. No, just don't think it works. For me it's like having like beans on a croissant. It's absolutely categorically not like having beans on a cro I disagree. It's sweet. They're sweet. The raisins are sweet. No, honestly. And it's filled with that creme on glaze, I want to say, creme ungles. I think. You know, cromonglesez, because I lived in France. I think that's what it's filled with. It's beautiful. And I'll take. Tell you what, Pratt do a 10 out of 10. Oh, no, I'm not going to give it 10 out of 10 because that's rogue. Prett do an 8 out of 10. Banging. Banging pano raisin with a bit of sprinkle of sugar on top.

Honestly, it's so good. It's my favourite, favourite, favourite. It would be like the bottom. I mean, I don't go wrong, I'd eat it. But like, at the bottom of the pile. I'd eat it. I'd eat it. I'd eat it.

You desperate. I'd rather eat beans on a croissant, but you know. Well, you prefer savoury to sweet anyway. I would actually be crying. What is your. number one baked good. I love the cinnamon, like swirl or cinnamon pastry. Like, oh, love it, the one from Gales. I don't like cinnamon, but I will give you that the, the one from Gales is really good. It goes all crispy on the bottom. Oh, it's so nice and then like, like soft and oh, love it.

I really want one now. Did you have fun? Um, yeah. Okay. Stop it. You already have been too much. Please stop. Calm down. I've got like. I've got like. cramping my arm muscle from holding the microphone. From holding your microphone. When you're nervous as a little kid and you hold it really tired. Well, you shouldn't have been nervous. You did a great job. Thank you for joining me.

And we'll be back. Thank God. On Monday, she's officially back. And we are going to see you then. Thank you all so much for listening to the series. Thank you for all your feedback. And it means the world. good all bad i was going to say but i don't know if i stand by that that doesn't mean the world

no but it means the world that you listened to the series and we just really hope that you took something from it because i know that i did and i think you did too jane yeah definitely yeah thank you so much guys see you next week bye should i delete that as part of the acast creator network