Should I Delete That? - Just Us: Squeeze the period, backhanded compliments and an existential spiral

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

We’re back with another Just Us and today we’re unpacking the pure, unadulterated embarrassment of the clear bag - and Al has a new obsession fresh out of 2017!Meanwhile - we’ve discovered that Boy Alex may have some things to learn about the mechanics of periods and Em has been on a spiral (stay tuned for the live re-enactment)Can you help Em out of her existential spiral? Email us on [e-mail] Follow us on Instagram:@shouldideletethat@em_clarkson@alexlight_ldnShould I Delete That is produced by Faye LawrenceStudio Manager: Elliott MckayVideo Editor: Celia GomezSocial Media Manager: Sarah EnglishMusic: Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That? I'm Alex Likes. And I'm in Clarkson. How are we? Fine. How are you? I'm fine. Fine. After Estelle Bingham's episode, I really can't say that word because it just has too much meaning now. It's loaded, yeah. I'm good. You're good? I'm okay. That's a better... Oh God, okay, what's happening? No, I'm fine. I'm concerned now. Anyway, I'm fine. It's not giving fine. I have loads to talk to you about today.

I've had to write it all down because I've got so much that I want to talk to you about. I love that. An awkward. Yes. Yesterday. Good. Actually, let me just ask you this. Do you think, no, it's a statement, it's not a question.

There is something, I don't know, just, just bear with me. There is something incredibly embarrassing about holding a bag that is see-through. Yes. Empty or full? either well I mean you wouldn't be carrying an empty how see-through are you talking like sort of boots where it's like kind of frosted or you're talking like fancy farm shop bailey and sage where it's like clear clear clear yeah okay it's so embarrassing yeah I went to like having a goldfish in the bag it's horrible I'm with you I went to I went to an event kind of an event yesterday was a salad it was very fancy I got a nice little treat I had a blow dry with a brand called K18 and then they gave us a bag a goody bag to take away with just really nice products in, but the bag was completely clear. And then I had to go around town to various different things carrying this clear plastic bag. And even though the products are very nice products, there's nothing like salacious to see or anything, I felt incredibly embarrassed the entire

day because of my silly little clear plastic bag. I understand that. I, to that point, it was exposing and vulnerable. I think there's something about having things or showing that you want things that is quite embarrassing. Like I think on that front, grocery shopping aside, pretty much anything else in a bag, I think it's quite embarrassing. It's embarrassing. There's just something about like, God, you wanted it, so you bought it. That's quite embarrassing. Or, like, you wanted that so badly. You're going to carry it around all day. You didn't just want to leave it behind. Like, that mattered that much to you. You chose that sandwich. Like, but you're having a sandwich at all. Do you know what I mean?

Like, all these things, you wanted something. Tragic, you know? That feels like something we need to unpick and then back. Not today. Do you know what I mean? And do you remember there was like, there was that phase, like we had a craze for the C-3 clutch bag? I didn't like that phase. I remember that place. Even if all I have in it is a lipstick, but even then a lipstick, it's like, oh, you've got a Charlotte Tilbury lipstick. Like, that's expose it.

Just even a host. You know what I mean? Don't, like, don't parade it around. Why have you bought this with you? Something just very horrible about it. No, I completely agree with you. But then, but then sometimes I think that when I look at my bag in general, if I don't have enough things in my bag, I just think, I'm not taking, this is just embarrassing. Like, an empty bag. Like, like an empty handbag. I just feel like a child, like playing as a grown up. I'm like, what do you mean you haven't got anything to put in your bag? So then I find myself walking around the house looking for things to put in my bag because it's embarrassing just to take an empty bag. I've seen inside your bag. Never. It's rarely empty. No, it's not empty

empty. But if we're talking like, let's say my backpack. With the cos bag that we've both got. Yeah. No, that's, that's, okay. Yeah, because I'm only taking that if I'm taking something big, but let's say my backpack, right. Like, I'm coming on the bike, I need my backpack. Okay. I need to have enough space for my helmet in the backpack so I can't overfill the backpack. But in the meantime, I've just got an empty fucking backpack. That is embarrassing. L loser. Riding around London on your lime bike with a flapping empty backpack. Except it's never fully empty because I've always got like a little sort of caricature of pepper pig and like a cheesy pie pouch and like, I don't know, some wiggly wumps. Like I'm always got something like kid bits like a sort of like a nappy

or a pack. But I'm always very aware of an empty like going to an event, emptyish bag. Like oh no, you don't want it too full. You don't want it too empty. It's a hard thing to get right. But I've digressed. What was your awkward? Was the awkward? Was the awkward just the bag? No, my awkward was the bag. I felt awful. I feel awful. No, I got awful all day. I'm less with you on like just having things in a bag. It's just going to feel that to the extent as you do. But the clear thing really got me. No, I get that.

I thought about it all day. I do understand that. I was literally hiding it behind my back anytime I met someone. Do you think it comes from that like you never go through a lady's handbag thing? Like, you know, that was what I was told growing up. Yeah, maybe. I think that informed a gender role I didn't like because it was always like, I was always, I don't know. We always said it's my brother, like, don't go to the girl's bags,

which I like that. But then it just, he never had a bag. And boys never have bags. So then I just end up with the bag. And it's happening in my marriage, too, where Alex never has a bag. And then before I know it, I'm laden with a card holder bursting with things and sunglasses and all you just

better since we had kids. But now we have to share the bag. And that's just annoying because now I'm sharing a bag. And it's always just full of half-eaten pastry because it's very nice. I do want to hear this, but it's just reminded me of something I need to tell you about also. another awkward. Stop clicking your pop socket and we can carry on.

I actually think I told you this off podcast, but I'm going to tell you again. I was in, I was a few weeks ago I was bleeding very heavily. Periods are all over the place. I was bleeding very heavily and a normal pad just wasn't cutting it. So I had a maternity pad, which is big, very big, very heavily scented. Yes. Better than the alternative, I'd argue. Better than the alternative.

No, no, we do. We do need that detail, actually. very big smelly in a nice way very smelly I was walking through Waterloo Station

on my way here in fact and I reached into my bag to pull out my phone at the same time my maternity pad flew out landed on the floor

and I refused to be embarrassed by it except I was because a man stopped picked it up and handed it back to me and it was just a horrible little interaction

where I was like and it was very busy rush hour so everyone is like flying past us and they can see this interaction happening and this poor man who's giving me my big smelly maternity fad. No, not smelly

fragrant. My big fragrant maternity pass. Perfect, because smelly insinuates bad. And he was holding it with like his index and his thumb. He wouldn't put his whole hand on it. It was just two little fingers and he's holding it at the edge. Yeah. Tongues. Like tongues. Like tongues. And I had to take it off him and say thank you. I'm bleeding from my vagina and that's why I'm carrying that with me. But I also refused to be embarrassed. Except. I was. deeply. I can, I'm actually really grateful for a segue that we've ended up with accidentally here. I, a few weeks back had my first post, first postpartum period. It wasn't good. Yes, you did. At all. I, I actually don't even, it was, it was bad. I was really

shocked by how bad it was. Really? Yeah, I really, like, and I know you've really been through it. So I just, I got sort of an insight into how you've been recently. And it was just, it was hard. I'd say, physically. Yeah. Oh my God. Physically, mentally, everything. A complete Thursday, don't remember it. Like, and yeah, my, I think it's, I think my iron levels have literally just dropped back in the deck. I mean, like, right by down, I've been dizzy. It was horrible. I threw up on Thursday night.

Oh, my God. I'm actually going to talk to a hormone specialist because I was getting a bit freaked out that HG symptoms were coming back. I couldn't eat for like three days because I felt so sick. Really? It threw up. It was so weird. Anyway, it's gone now. It's over.

Okay, good. My point. But. Well, no, my, my, my, my awkward, bad. I think it's probably a bad. I think I've married a very feminist. man. I think he's a brilliant human being. I agree. Yeah, very receptive to information, very open. I feel like he's learned a lot. And sometimes I think that lulls me into a false sense of

security whereby I think he just is fully on my page. Do you know what I mean? I just think like you understand me. And then just as the period was coming to an end, he very kindly offered to crack my back for me, which is something that I literally just live for where he just puts his arms. Like I cross my body, cross my arm. I cross my arms like a dead Viking. And then he goes behind me and he picks me up and he goes that sounds unsafe it's incredible we do it at least once a day so he offered me like my night time crack basically and night time i went to do it and just before he picked me up he went if i do this am i going to squirt a period out stop it and i literally squirt a period out whoa there's so many things wrong he tried to carry on

He was like, you know, like toothpaste. I was like, I'm not, it doesn't, I'm not preloaded like a fucking toothpaste tube that if you squeeze the top. And then I thought, to be fair, you know, sometimes if you cough too hard or whatever. So then I just, I couldn't get into it. I started explaining it and I was like, you know what, I'm just going to leave this is like the difference between our two genders. I remember the boys in our school thought that you could just sit on the loo and kind of

push the period out, like push it all out in one go. If you just like really, like a poo. You just really try and you could just push it out. Yeah, that's the thing. There's some gaps in Alex's knowledge here. But it's a really funny thing that like when you've been with someone for a really long time and you just think like we fully understand each other, you see me. And then sometimes he comes out with something like that and I'm like, we're strangers.

Who the fuck are you? We are strangers. And what the fuck am I? Like, what do you think this is? The toothpaste analogy is the best. But I, I'm like that with Dave, except I am really too, I feel like I've lost all sense of,

um, like embarrassment or like, like maybe things I should keep to myself. I don't anymore. And I think it's because partly because, well, he's not squeamish at all. He's very like matter of fact about all of the,

I can talk to him about anything, like always have any of it. And also we've done IVF. So it's like, we're used to my body just being like a thing that does weird things. Yeah. But I do, I do possibly take it too far.

Hit me. I don't know if I say it stuff like it's on the podcast. Say it. Oh, it's been a minute since we've just done like, done this. Elliot, I'm so sorry. Welcome to the fall, Bill. When I was going through it, you know, I was here, I don't know if I said this on the podcast, but I was here a few weeks ago I was having literally, I was bleeding past

myself. Yeah. Sorry, I was literally bleeding past myself. And, yeah, I got at home And I was just on the toilet Like literally dying And I was like, Dave, I am gushing And then my sister heard

And she was like, I just can't believe That you talk to him like that Or to anyone like that I was expecting way worse than that Yeah, I'm sure there is But you're talking to a squirt the tampon I'll squirt the period out, wife Squirt the period out

You're in safe hands here, please Oh God, I thought we were going way worse than that And then he'll be like oh No, do it, say it Say the thing. Say the thing. Say the thing. I can't stress like how bad this period was. It was like placenta left in still bad. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. When I was like bleeding all over France. Do you remember? Literally like trailing blood all over France. I'm so sorry, Elliot.

Like a dying mouse. And it was like that, literally. And yes, I came out swimming day. It was like, oh shit, there's blood everywhere. He cleaned up for my blood. Oh, bless him. That's not bad. Why are I telling you all of this? I don't know why have we got on to this. Oh, God. Make it stop.

No, that's not. That's the kind of how, I'm not being funny. Like, you're going through a lot, sickness and in health. That's the thing. I was like, let me do it. And he was like, go. Go and sit down. Yeah, you're bleeding.

I'll clean it up. Yeah. Like in any other context, if you were like bleeding from your arm, like, you'd clean it out. Well, yeah, you wouldn't be like trailing him around with your silly limp, bloody arm going, oh, I'll just, don't mind me. I'll clean it out. Like there is, don't even get me on this But like this is, you know

The societal burden It's like yeah, bleed and get on with it Clean yourself up Don't smell Here, look, we'll mask it A bit of fragrant A big fat fragrant pad In there

And I don't know if this is fair I don't think I don't think I've ever really thought about it critically But I really don't like it When men are like Screamish about periods Oh get a great I mean I get it if you're squeamish about blood

Because a period is blood I don't They all watch Gladiator And play Grand Theft daughter Well this is the thing with all heads come off called duty of stabbard, stabbered zombie Nazi. It's like, oh, but a tampon? Yes, we bleed.

Yes, yeah, exactly. It was like, oh, bloody tampons. I'm like, well, yes, because if you put tampon in into a place that is bleeding, it will be bloody. So what do you want? Bloody trousers, bloody furniture. Yeah, exactly. Also, I'm not being funny, if you were bleeding out your bum hole, like, we'd be talking about it. Like, if you were having to, if you were having to plug your little willy, because blood was pouring out of it.

Plug your little Willie. Just assured there'd be a chat. Oh, that's gone through me. Something, oh, no, no, no. I'm not doing this with you again. Something about the opening of the willy. I know, no, I can't do this with you again. It's really gone through me.

I don't have one. The pulling it off and the appendages. I feel like I do. I can just, I can feel it whenever we talk about it. I feel like you should have had one. I feel like, just by the way you speak about it, I feel like there's a romantic kind of, oh, what could have been.

In my past life. Yeah, in another life. I had a willy. Should we move on? Yeah, yeah. something to talk to you about. Good. You won't guess this. And actually this was not on my bingo card for 2025, but I've got a new obsession. Bubble tea. Oh God, welcome a 2017's in the room. I know. What's up with that? I know. I've always dismissed it. I've been like, it's a young kid thing.

Like, what is it? Stupid bubbles, blah, blah, blah. Accidentally got one. How did that happen? I had to wait for a doctor's appointment and there was one next door and I was like, well, I'm thirsty, so I could just try it. That's not an accident. So I got one. It was a grapefruit tea. Can I talk you through the concept of an accident? Oh no, I tripped and I fell. I got a grapefruit tea. Oh my God, it was so good.

It was great. It was great fruit tea with little bubbles of peach. Stunning. And Tommy loves. I say, ah, I say go ah, and he opens his mouth and I pop the bubbles into his mouth. Aw. Not whole. I pop them in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Choking risk and all that. But no, it's fine. If he choked on one of those, I'd be impressed. Yeah, they're tiny. Yeah, but they also go pop. they do just go pop yeah but I'm obsessed bubble tea and like they're everywhere bubble tea places everywhere I always thought it was a money laundering thing bubble tea because I was like who

actually buys bubble tea it's a money laundering front I think you might have been taught to fear too much do you think I think cynicism was like sort of like conditioned into you maybe more than it needed to be yeah possibly I trust no one I trust nothing I love a really happy life I don't know I just thought like the prevalence of them like it's entirely unnecessary having tried them

no no it's amazing expensive I can believe that and I actually paid for one to be delivered to my house because I was that desperate okay I was looking after two kids

a hyper focus it's on the way I was like I need I must have bubble tea I imagine it's and then regretted it because they were two kids over me like vultures

when it arrived did it just sometimes I think a delivery driver, we must just look at the order and just be like, for fuck's sake. I know. To the point earlier on the empty bags. Like, I do this all the time. If I need something, if I need something, and I know it's so bad.

Like, it's just, it's not good. I know consumerism's gone wild. Don't cancel me. But I find myself here a lot where I buy, I go to buy one thing. Let's say, it's nine in the morning. I've not got bananas for the morning. I need, like, bananas for the kids because we're going to be up at six. Everyone's going to need a banana.

I can't just order a bunch of bananas. I've got to fucking check myself. Then I'm like, right wall up to the cupboard, what do I need? Let's make it worthwhile. This is somebody's job, it's somebody's trip. They're going to have to do the aisles. I really overthink here. As you should.

As I should. That's exactly a normal. No, I know it was really bad. Did you order a second? It was really bad. I just needed it so bad. No, I didn't. I just needed it so bad.

You know, when something gets in your head, now I'm like, oh my gosh, I need a bubble tea every single day. That's just exciting. I just wondered if you had any thoughts. Any thoughts for me? I actually have, when boy Alex and I first got together, I took him, he lived in Ireland at the time, he lived in Dublin, and I took him on a romantic date around London. He came to stay. It was his 20th birthday.

And so I took him, I don't even remember all the things we did, but we went, we went to, like, Hyde Park and we, we cycled around to Hyde Park, and then we went bowling, and we did, we had a really nice day. And I was living, I was living in Notting Hill at the time, and we went to, there's a bubble tea shop on, like, just basically off Notting Hill Gate. And we went there and I ordered us one. And I've got a photo. It's one of the first photos I took of them because we didn't meet together that long.

No, no, no. He threw up. He fucking hated it. He said it was like the most disgusting thing. And since then he's got, whatever you're feeling about it, he's feeling the entirely completely the opposite. If there's like everything in life has an equal and opposite reaction, that's what's happening there with my Alexes.

Okay, okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, hates them. So I haven't really gone back. I haven't dabbled. But I love a ball that goes like a ball that goes like a little lighty ball. that goes with a lighty goodness.

Yeah, and I'm all over that. My ancestors, our ancestors would literally, this whole conversation that's like, I fucking hate you. I hate tea in my day. Like, imagine. Imagine. You're embarrassed because your bag is see-through

and you now love drinking tea with little bubbles in. With the little poppy and that you order to house. Do you know what we went through? Do you know what we went through to make a cup of tea? Yeah.

And now this is what, this is what you've, This, in our name. We had to build roads and buildings. They have to do. Oh my God, I need to talk to you about something. This is old news now, but it's just reminded me of something. Daylight savings, GMT, whatever that's called. Go on.

I nearly got cancelled over this and we didn't talk about it at the time. I was furious the day the clocks went back. As a mum, you should have been. 4.9 a.m., the kids woke up. Horrible. Fair, you'll have missed it because you're not on the internet anymore. I put up a story. And to be fair, I don't typically like to show strong opinions.

either way because I genuinely can't handle the fallback. You know, like I'll give you something, but I'll probably give you something else on the other side of it. You know, I always want to be fair. I don't want to be fair about this. I didn't want it. I didn't fucking want it, okay? I don't like the clocks.

I don't like this system. I don't like the change. I don't think it's necessary. I haven't traveled. I don't understand it. I don't think it makes any sense. I get very depressed when it goes dark, but also all the stats show that it makes women's lives

significantly smaller and more dangerous. Yeah. I've worked with the UN women. On this very thing, because it is a statistically proven, dangerous time of year. And in my mind, it's completely unnecessary. So I put up a bit of a grumpy story. You know, said I hate it. My DMs, you would think I had taken a shit outside Buckingham Palace.

Oh. I had a lot of support, as would probably happen if you took a shit outside parking a palace. I had some loud support, but I had some very strong criticism as well. Go on. Mostly from Scottish people. And genuinely the tone of the message was like genuine. And I say this with love, deranged. It was like, right, so you've just forgotten that Scottish people exist, do you?

Sorry, why, I don't understand. Apparently, well, not apparently. Obviously, daylight savings means that it's lighter for an hour in the morning. So it goes darker sooner, but it's lighter in the morning. I think a lot of people in the north-east, north of England, Scotland feel that that makes it safer for the kids particularly to go to school. which obviously I'm in favour of kids going to school in the light but people have messaged me going

right so you want kids to get hit by cars then on the way to school but why would that be different in Scotland than down here? Because it's darker up there because they're further away from the equator oh wow the son or some shit so yeah

no I knew that go on so but the tone and they were probably just matching my tone because I was being grumpy so I've learned a lesson no strong opinions on the internet again so they were obviously just matching me tone for tone but genuinely the messages were like

So you want my child to get hit by a car on the way to school then? I was like, you have left. Obviously not. You have obviously not taken the biggest jump of your life? That is quite a leap. Stretching this far. Yeah. Like, do you need some deep heat for whatever the fox just happened to you?

Literally stretched into a pretzel. It was so hectic. So then I was grumpy all day. I was grumpy because I was up at 409 with the kids. And then I was even grumpier because all day I was getting messages from people being like, just say it. Oh, I don't hate Scottish people. I was like, I don't hate Scottish people.

I just don't like it. dark at 4 p.m. I'm really sorry. Well, so I didn't realize that it was like, not a choice, but it was like, I thought we had to do it to like keep up with the world. This is where I did my research. But apparently we don't have to do it to keep up. Well, I did research it because when I started getting criticism, I was like, maybe I'm a monster. Maybe I do hate Scottish people and want children to be hit by cars on the way to school. I don't know anything anymore. So I googled it because I said, I need to just check that I'm not like, really wrong about this.

And the reason that it was initially campaigned for was for the industrial era, made sense with farming. That's a bit of a misconception, actually. It wasn't strictly speaking for farmers. But there was the argument that candles, it would have saved energy if we'd have used the sun, if we'd have just been up with the sun, which does make more sense. So that was kind of why it was first argued for so that we'd use less candles in the mornings or whatever.

We basically made the most more of the day time. the sun. There was no point in having sun in the evening, you know, sun in the night, basically. Okay. One man who was a big campaigner for this, I forget his name, but big part of his argument was that he liked playing golf in the evenings. So he liked the light. And I'm like, of course he fucking did. Of course he did. Anyway, I digress. It wasn't, it didn't happen until 1916 after Berlin first did it during the war to conserve energy. We followed suit and we did it. And it stayed since then. There is a lot of research. actually to show it's very bad for our bodies, for our sarcoldian rhythm.

Yeah, of course. That it's affecting a lot of people. Yeah, well, it throws you off work. Statistically, it does seem to be causing, like, heart things, like big problems, like medical problems. So there is a lot, and they threatened to debate it a lot in Parliament, like, oh, are we going to, are we going to scrap it? Anyway, I do not want to be part about debate.

I just didn't know it was a choice. I didn't know whether we were making the choice to do it. I just thought, like, for time to run as time, like, to be in line with days. This is how the world works. Yeah. Isn't it funny when you realize that most of the ways the world works are just constructs? But then of course we go back and forth. We give the hour, take the hour, give the hour, take the hour, take the hour.

Spring forwards, fall back. I will, don't, okay, I'm really sorry. But I prefer it to be darker at night than darker in the morning because I hate early mornings when it feels too dark and grim. So I prefer it in that sense. But from a women's safety perspective, yeah, it's like you can't walk your dog out of hours. I can't walk home from work after office hours. Can't walk home from school if you finish after fall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I don't know. And I don't know why if, and I get that the arguments on the other side with like going to school. But then it's like, I don't know why I feel like everything's more threatening in the evening. I don't know why I feel like the walk to work is, the walk to work is, the walk to work or the walk to school is safer than the walk home. I don't know why I feel like that. That's probably just because night time's sort of more scary as a concept. Yeah, it does feel more scary. I don't know why.

I actually didn't feel that. I mean, I don't like it, but I didn't want to. get into it. I don't have a hugely strong, like, opinions. You just pissed off. I was just really grumpy and I am now found myself enthralled in a debate. I am very overwhelmed by. I was really upset. I was voice noting people back just being like, do you think this tone was necessary? Like, you've really come at me here. Like, this, this feels a little bit hostile. Jesus, that sounds very hostile. It was a bit stressful. Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. I don't think that deserves a canceling, no. I shouldn't have come with. We'll keep you around for that.

I'll tell you what we haven't done for a minute, though, which I have sent this to you, but I might read it out to Faye, just while we're on the topic of my DMs. I sent it to you yesterday, Al. Oh, yeah, nice one. The backhander. Oh, it was backhander. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I thought you were sending me really nice message. That's why I was like, screen save it. Oh, I thought we were having a joke. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you reading? Oh, God. What has happened? here. I'm so, I completely misunderstood. That's absolutely hilarious that you thought it was genuinely,

I thought we were just going with a joke. I thought that's what was happening here. This is another conversation, but it scares me how much I misunderstand stuff. Anyway, go on. So this is a, this is a genuinely lovely message, but we've talked about these in the live show sometimes where we get compliments that are just so, so painful in their delivery. They're such backhanders. And I always understand the sentiment and I do take away the kindness, right, as my overarching thing. I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I have to say I did get whiplash from this. You are absolutely my person. I can relate to you so much, having had four children.

My whole world feels like it's done. My mum-tum is horrible. I'm trying to love it. I'm glad I came across your page, so thank you for making me feel normal. It's so backhanded. My world is done. Can I just say how I responded? My mum-tum is horrible.

So thanks for making me feel normal. Oh, I've put, oh, that's so, so, so lovely. Frame it. Screen save it. I thought you were being a bit sarky, so I was like, oh, ha ha ha. No, I just didn't understand. I'm so sorry. I do understand what she means and I feel very sad for her.

But I, people, people do this so much, but they say they must have been like, I hate myself and you make me feel better. And I'm like, I know what I really appreciate. You being so disgusting is the only thing that stops me from feeling like I'm done. It's more, yeah, it's more like, I hate the way my body looks, but then I see your body and your body looks like mine. and that makes me feel better. So I'm like, right, so you hate the way our bodies look then. Yeah, I'm like, oh, yeah, no, that's, it's pretty well. I do appreciate the sentiment, but it does make me love.

Um, just while we're on messages, can we just talk very briefly about the spiral that I took us on yesterday? You handled it really well, I thought. I was, I was, I was really confused, honestly. I was, you ended up putting me in some kind of existential spin, but I didn't know what it was about. Do you think we should read our parts? Let's. Okay. Okay, buckle up because I really fucked us up yesterday. You really did. Yesterday was a Monday just for listeners, okay? I said this at seven minutes past two p.m. Do you think it's normal for me to have these moments of wondering

what the fuck I'm doing with my life and thinking maybe it's all just really stupid? Yes. Exclamation mark. Yes. Yeah. Because you want to be with the kids, question mark. or just in general. I said all of it, Loll. I honestly think it's a parent thing. The baby's put things in perspective and makes everything else feel pointless and stupid. Do you know what I mean?

Sounds like good. She's on my vibe. And then I basically went, yes, I just like just working this hard to chat this much shit. It's not even real. Ha ha ha. What are videos? I don't think they're even real.

And yes, it's how I spend all day. And yet it's how I spend all day. What's up with that? It was just dumbed on me and then like, so what do we make of that? And I said, aha ha ha ha ha I'm not grasping what you're saying it feels very abstract but is that supposed to be the point I replied probably lull I basically think it's all pointless because the internet isn't

real ah ha ha ha I hear you but it's how we make our money so in that sense it's very real yes and it's funny because when I look at it and you in the phone and when I look at you in real life you're the same so I know what it captures is real so like it is real but then it's like I make a lot of stuff that isn't really real in that it's not tangible. It's not like I've built a boat or a road or a spoon or anything anyone can actually use. Like, what am I actually doing?

Gathering pixels together in a way that I think is coherent but absolutely might not be in sharing my opinions that no one asked for and like, why? Ha ha ha ha ha. Do we all need this, lo, for straighting about tomorrow and no gasps again? And then we just go on to a completely normal conversation

and you don't reply to anything. I just replied with, sorry I'm being shit. reply an hour and 40 minutes later so i literally said all of that i sent all of that going do we all need this lull no reply and then i replied again then i sent another one saying for stressing about no guest no guests again tomorrow this is roguer's fuck and then i did a whole message about work which she also doesn't reply to suggesting a guest and then i just get sorry i'm being shit nothing else so i was like right i've had an existential about my life then an excessantial

about our schedule tomorrow. Sorry, I'm being shit. Okay. To defend myself briefly, I had a poorly baby, but also, I was kind of looking at it being like, I still don't know what you're saying.

There's nothing I can do. You can ask people like twice, like, to clarify what they mean and on a third time, it's just like, you've just got it. I think I was being quite clear. Yeah. I'm wasting my life because nothing is real.

It's the pixels thing. I was like, she's gathering pixels. I am. That's all what capturing content is. It's Monday afternoon. like I'm we haven't got a guest for tomorrow tired we haven't got a guess for tomorrow

I'm like fighting for my life and you're like I'm gathering pixels I'm like what you fucking mean you're gathering pixels but that's all I do that's what I mean it's like I sit there and like I watch people do their proper jobs and I'm like what am I doing nothing is real do you know what I mean

like in the olden days to your point people made tea and they made boats and they built things. And I don't do anything that's real because you can't hold a video. It's not real. You can't even own a video. Exactly. Intellectual property. Don't. I'm not it. No, because this scares me. Quite. We've got entire Instagram accounts with hours and hours like days, months worth of content that we've made that aren't real that we don't own. And for why? Like when things happen, it's very freeing in a way

because when bad things happen on my phone, I look at my phone and I go, storming a teacup, that's not real, put it down, my real world is safe. But by the same to, when everything I do is for the little teacup, when I look up, I'm like, well, what's the fucking point in that? There's nothing, this isn't real. If I turn it off, it's all gone, you know? A hundred percent.

I hear you. Yeah. But like, what fucking choice? do we have this is our lives that's not an answer unless you want to you can't even do that

I don't know because like I follow people who have just like ditched it all moved to Bali homeschool their kids there's so many reasons I don't want to do that and I'm like

how do you have money yeah also if we homeschool my kids they are fucked they are oh my god fucked I mean not a little bit

they won't have a word between them there would be a nightmare i can't i can't even do that no i think yours need school proper school i think they do too at least for spelling lessons at the very oh my god yeah all he's asking me to teach her how to read and i'm like i just don't think i'm the one for this i'm gonna try you can read you can teach how to read no but out like spelling past that one to i mean it's out loud and at the moment what i have when i when i fumble a word during a bedtime story i get away with it the minute she's on with this is all going to come tumbling down

But I digress. I mean, that's not what it says. I just don't think. No, no homeschooling for you. But look, but then, yeah, these people like, and they say, like, quit it all, like, leave your phone behind. But then I'm like, but you are uploading this on your phone.

Also, like, you're taking all this content on your phone. I'm having a lot of issues with that content right now. How are you making money? I know. This is another conversation, but, like, I see those things, and this is a me problem, not a them problem, but I see this content all the time, which is, like, you're dropping,

your children off with strangers to like yeah i see this all the fucking time oh i hate it so much i hate it so much but when i do that to myself i'm like no at the same then i don't do it to myself and i'm like and what am i sitting here for yeah how am i going to explain this to my kids i'm working i know am i what is it i know what have you got to show for it it it's not like a bit like it's not like it's not like i made a house or like it's like i can show her and then like what if it's a video like i've spent all afternoon making a video make you video that i delete classic i did that last Thursday For no reason. It was a brilliant video.

It was brilliant. And I just thought, fuck that. Period. I know. We have silly jobs, that's the same. Stupid, none of it's real. I think we all have city jobs. No, no, no, no, no, no, we don't.

That's a complete lie. No, no, no. Most people, serious jobs. There are a lot of very serious proper jobs. Can I just defend you guys? Oh, I don't think it's about what you make, it's about how you make people feel. Oh my God, Faye.

That's so nice. I think people feel very angry. I don't know how I'm making. people feel actually. I make people cross. That's what I'm getting in the moment. That's so nice. Actually, she's right. That's true. There's nothing physical. There's nothing tangible in a physical sense, but in an emotional sense, yeah, in an abstract sense. Yeah. I think I still need a bit of convincing. I do too. But yeah, I like it. Lots of people have made lots of people feel lots of ways. Do you know what I mean? Lots of people have made lots of people feel very sad, you know?

You've never missed trouble. Yeah. But what's that to do with you? Well, that could be me. What about people in Scotland who I, I want to be living in the dark all the time? Yeah, and bad accidents happening to them. Quite. Yeah. I'm a problem. You want me to need to be stabbed out. I'm in a bit of a spin. It's a fucking, I think this might have happened because I got locked out my Instagram again and I forgot the password and I can't do this again because Anyway, but like, it's just, it's just a really funny thing to do with your life, isn't it? And I'm going to have to tell my kids to assume what I do for a job. And I'm going to need them to take me seriously anyway, you know?

But then they're also growing up in the age of influencers, aren't they? Like a lot of people are influencers now. Yeah. Like a lot of people have a social media presence now. So I don't think it's that weird and that crazy. I think they'll just be like, oh cool, like everyone else, like it's fine, it's normal. Do you think? Yeah, definitely.

I think it might be used to get them bullied. For most, that's the thing for most jobs now, you do have to have a social media presence, which is a bad thing in and of itself. Like, it's really bad. Like in journalism, people would get hired for their social media presence. The world's a funny thing, isn't it?

Rather than their journalism. Yeah. And it's sad, but yeah. And all pixels. But then I started really thinking about it, and I was like, but that's just what words are. Like, words are just shapes, aren't they? Yeah, exactly.

They're just squiggly lines. And it's amazing that they are as coherent as they are. like even to you know like you know to me but like to everyone like isn't it funny that we can all just read the same squirrels and not squirrels squirrels did you mean squibbles what's you mean scribbles squirrels I love that oh gosh I meant squiggles like it's amazing that we can all read the same perfectly timed it's amazing that we just can make sense of anything you know Can we? Can we?

And even I struggle there. I don't know. I just, I've been in a bit of a spin recently and I think it's time that I took it back to the basics and made something real. But then when I start thinking about that, I think back to the salad fork that lays in my mum's kitchen. That's truly the worst piece of design you've ever seen. And that was what I built. That was the only thing in my life I've ever built. And it was awful.

You've built a family. Yeah. I can't argue with that. There you go. And a spoon. And a spoon. Which is your best achievement? I don't know.

Which is the greater? I'll show you the salad fork and you can wait it up for me. Okay, excellent. Okay, well, we've thrown everyone else into something now as well in a nice little existential spin. Sorry.

Because now everyone is questioning their lives. Elliot and Faye are like, get me out of here. What are we doing? These people, if you don't know what you're doing, what are we doing? Helping you. Yeah. What the fuck am I facilitating you in these fucking pixels?

You're fucking idiots. capturing all the pixels and these stupid squiggles. Do you never have feelings like this, though? No. What? No. What?

Sorry. So you're just sure of yourself all the time? But, no, I'm not sure of my... No, I mean, we all know I'm not sure of myself. But are you sure of your job? You're going in the morning and you're like, this is a sensible thing that I'm doing today. Well, that's something that is, like, being more fluid after having Tommy, definitely. Yeah.

I'm like, I don't know. But I would think that about any job. No, yeah, no, I know. But, like, that's fine. But, like, am I completely insane for this? Or do you have it too? You're not saying because I do kind of see

where you're going from but I just I just I don't I just It doesn't have it to the same No no no I'm more like Oh it feels like It's like if I'm making content

That I'm not proud of Or like So yours is more like the quality Rather than the concept Yeah yeah yeah Yeah I think the concept's just throwing me out A bit at the moment Yeah no because I

I believe in what we do Good for you Do you feel like this is about the podcast? Are we going to have to quit the podcast? Oh, God, don't even stop deeping me on that because the more I think about it, the more I'm like, what am I saying? It's airwaves, no, sound waves?

Who even knows? Who knows? But I'm making a lot of them, and why, you know? Yeah, why, why? Don't, because that's what I'll be doing for the rest of the week. It's to entertain. You use that term, generously, haven't you? It's definitely not to inform.

Christ, no. Squirrels. From that note, on that horrible and certain and very existential note, we're going to leave you. I think this might have been period related. You're making me sad. I feel sad. Brilliant. I feel like I need to.

So this is how I make people, if it's all about how I make people feel, I can leave the job with my head held low. Angry and sad. Angry and sad. Good job, Em. You point this piece of shit. But at least you made a fork spoon. Salad spoon. At least mum's got a salad for, I suppose.

And I've got some children to be ashamed of me at some point. Oh, good God. Okay, get me away from this microphone. Okay, please, please get her away. No more airwaves for the rest of the day. Bye. See you next week. Bye.

Should I delete that as part of the ACAS creator network?