Should I Delete That? - Love Island, cabaret and taking risks with Amber Davies

Episode Date: April 24, 2022

This week, Em is back from her holiday and she and Alex get deep about the difficulties of maintaining a work-life balance post covid. The girls are joined by Amber Davies and they discuss her performing career, her intentions behind going on Love Island and why she would never go on again. Em also gets caught out by Siri and Al gives us a bit too much information about Dave's toilet habits...Follow Amber on Instagram: @amb_dTickets to Proud CabaretShow timestamps:Good, Bad & Awkward - 00:03:28Interview with Amber - 00:31:31Is It Just Me? - 01:22:38Sponsored by Mindler, use code DELETE22 for 50% off your first therapy session.Mindler is an online therapy app, offering video call sessions with psychologists. Self-help programmes are also available in the app, covering a range of diagnoses.Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We are delighted to be partnered back up with online therapy app Mindler. If you're struggling with your mental health and it's impacting your daily life or you just need someone to talk to, Mindler is a brilliant app that is helping to make therapy accessible. Mindler is a digital healthcare provider that offers online therapy with psychologists via video call in their app. You can choose which psychologist that you'd like to speak to and on the website and app you can filter by the psychologist's specialties and also see their photo and bio before you book. Mindler has short waiting times and once you've booked in your first video call on the app with a psychologist you get unlimited access to a whole library of self-help programs

which can either be carried out independently or with the help of a psychologist these programs cover a range of diagnoses including stress, depression, anxiety, burnout and more you can use code delete 22 to get 50% off your first session Oh my god why did I post that?

Ah I don't know what to do! Should I delete that? Yeah, you should definitely delete that. I use everybody singing today. This is a voice mate from Georgie. Hello, everyone. Today is a very, very special day because it's M's hen. It's my hen.

Well, I'm literally sitting here, putting my makeup on as we're recording because I'm running around like a headless chicken. I'm being picked up at 12.30. Al's coming. It's going to be great, but I look like a slack of potatoes. and I've got to pull my shit together before the best thing in our lives. You are literally multitasking. You're going to do your makeup as we speak.

Yeah. It's stressing me out watching you, but... Well, because I'm using my fingers and, like, rubbing it in, like, it's feck and mrs. No. Just because I can't, like, I can't talk and do makeup at the same time, really, so... Oh, you're in for a treat. Let's see how it goes. If I finish the end, looking like a child that's got into their mother's makeup.

How are you? um i'm good i'm i'm so excited like i feel so sorry for my best mate ellie and and my my other best mate sarah the two of them have kind of like planned this whole thing and they're nervous i'm like why are you nervous you know what's happening i know so everybody's nervous but i'm so excited and obviously like because we same as you pushed our wedding back for a year my hendu also got pushed back for a year so this has been you know like highly anticipated and they've kept a secret this whole time. I have no idea what we're doing. I know you're coming. I know that 10 of, well, one of my friends has just tested positive for COVID. So she can't come. But the other nine of

us are going on location unknown. And I know that. And that's all I know. And for two years, you've all kept it a secret. And I'm so proud of you. And I'm so excited. So yeah, I'm good. I'm good. How are you? I keep like throwing random locations at you. I know. And I'm like, Alex, if you're ruining the surprise, I can't even be bothered. Like, I don't even care. I haven't got time for these mind games. I'll just go where I'm told. It's 20 past nine and we're on our way very soon. On our way at 12.

And by the time this airs, we'll probably have really stinky hangovers because we're coming back on Monday, which is the day the podcast airs. So keep us in your thoughts today. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God.

Yeah. It's going to be, it's not going to be good. It's going to be slow, isn't it? I'm not looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to everything else. Yeah. So shall we, should we get into? it yes let's go the good the bad and the awkward all right you kick us off we've heard enough of

my voice already um okay i'll kick us off um my well my my my good is that my little sister got engaged my baby sister i can't believe it it feels so old um and he did it in front of us in front of us we were home for easter and we're all sitting around and i had absolutely no clue like there was a lot of clues no i'm so stupid like it didn't occur to me until he got on one knee and everyone was like how did you not know that um and yeah it was it was really sweet he like gave her this book from wilf who a little bit sad but like her old um her old dog who like who died last year and it was his anniversary so it was a little bittersweet but like it was turning a really horrible weekend into something really positive and

He, like the last page of the book, it was all like the book was dedicated to her and it's written from Wilf and on the last page it said, and my other sister, so she's got a twin, Sophie, who was reading it all out and it said like the second to last page it said and now I just have one, one favour to ask you dot dot dot and Sophie turned the page over and it said if Michael asks you to marry him say yes and Ellie turned round and Michael was on one knee. oh no why are you telling me that as i'm putting my makeup on i'm going to cry it was so i was like screaming it was it was wonderful also quite smart from him because you can't really say no to that no no you can't it's come from the ghost of her darling dog like there's really there's no way out of that i have one dying wish and if you don't fulfill it then you're a monster her reaction was so sweet though because she was like she screamed yes she was like yes yes it's like oh welly so that was definitely my definitely my good oh no your dad must just be like oh my god like you're getting married like on the mouth of five of you he was like I have to do

another speech but my my awkward I'll tell you my awkward quickly because it kind of comes off the back of that but then he had planned his parents and his brothers to come down for us all to like spend the evening together and we were going out to this Indian restaurant and I'd had a few drinks during the day so then we all went out to this Indian restaurant and there was like you know when you have like a bench at the back one bench at the back of the table and then loads of chairs at the front so you can't like you can't go round yeah to join in the middle of the bench under or over you got to go under. And I, Billy Big Bullocks, was like, I'm going to go and I'm going to be the one

that goes under. Yeah. I was, you know, buoyed by a bit of alcohol. And I fully, fully got stuck under the table, right? And I was like, I was having that moment when I was like, I'm actually stuck. I've got two options here. I panic. And I get further stuck and I have a panic attack. And the fire brigade have to come and get me out. Literally. You know, you're like catastrophizes. situation and I was like I don't know what I'm going to do here. So I had like Michael's brother who I just met pulling me out one side. My little sister pulling me out the other side and then everyone else taking photos of me and his mom and dad were just like wow really really um and please you're not marrying that one everyone's looking at days like oh shame unlucky

poor you poor you. So so that was fun. What about you? My good is that I'm going on my hendu today. We've already talked about that. And my awkward actually is just to do with you because I didn't, I haven't really had time to be awkward this week for me, which is actually saying something. But I kicked off yesterday. I was a bit sassy in the WhatsApp group, wasn't I, because of a miscommunication. I misread your message, got really sassy.

I was like, right, blah. And then realized that I'd misread your message. So I just got sassy in front of everyone And you haven't done anything wrong And then I sat with myself I was like, oh So that's my awkward For context

Alex Light is the busiest person in the planet And working with her Is the most stressful thing in the world Because you've got like a two and a half minute window Like November 19th, 2020 No No but it's only like It's only like this what well yeah

It has just been very busy but it is my fault too because I'm also away and I'm getting married and blah blah blah anyway yeah we were trying to get a date and then we'd spend like the morning trying to get a date sorted and then our reply being like I can only do the morning of the 13th and I was like well blah blah blah blah and then I realised you weren't

saying you couldn't do the 13th you were saying you could just do the morning of it but I like made my little sassy comment and then had to sit in my sassy shame I was like oh no do you know what I like that and it wasn't it wasn't like it wasn't just that but it was like yesterday just felt like everything was on top of me and you know when everyone's on top of you and I was sitting I was sitting around with everyone during this shoot and I actually just like burst into tears and I was like no no no no

that was going to be my awkward but then I was like I don't want to make you feel bad but like fuck it here we are I was just like I can't do everything I just can't do it and this is why we have to pick up the phone this is why I hate WhatsApp this wouldn't have happened on the phone I hate WhatsApp so much. And then I had like another life choice. So I was like, I either lead into this and get really hysterical. You know, and you like can't catch your breath and like everything goes to shit. Or I just take a deep breath.

And everyone was like, are you okay? I was like, I'm fine. I just can't do everything. Oh, no. Okay, I feel absolutely terrible. If it makes you feel better, I was also crying on this side. Like I ran producer Daisy crying and I was like, it's too. much everybody is too much we ought to talk about this off air we're like airing our dirty laundry

on the podcast guys we're having a great time behind the season we're sad we're stressed we're thriving no it's like it's just it's because i was on holiday we obviously both got we never both have the time off together so we've both got the hen off and then it's just just it's a lot isn't it but it's i we'll make it work yeah we'll make it work no no it was it was just you know and it's like everything sort of comes at once well yeah i felt And even, even if I had been justified in my sassiness, it still wasn't very nice. But, you know, sometimes what I normally need to do is write the message, then delete the message. I think that's quite good therapy.

Like, when someone sends me a shitty message on Instagram, I write that I, and then I delete it. And I'm like, well, that's almost the same. So that's what I need to get in the practice of doing. But this is the problem with WhatsApp. It's too quick. I'm like, piao, piao, piao. It is.

It is. It's, what WhatsApp is the cause of, of like, 99% of my arguments, like, with my sisters. it's because it's no you don't put kisses in you don't think about it it's like you're talking but without any of the nuance or the inflections or any of the nice stuff so yeah and intonation is everything yeah and i think you and i because so for how we work like with our management all and i is that we have WhatsApp groups that we have the podcast group and then we've got our own ones with our own managers and we've got a separate one for the pod instagram and i've got separate ones for the hags Instagram and you've got it for your swimming

for like London and like whatever so there's so many different WhatsApp groups and then I think where I struggle is because I use WhatsApp for work when my friends text me I'm still in work mode on WhatsApp so I'm very you know what I mean yeah yeah like I treat them like emails

now really yeah and then sometimes I'm really unprofessional like yesterday and I add a bit of SaaS and it all goes but they are they are like emails now and I was actually talking to someone the other day about this I'm saying like I feel like my inbox is almost stagnant because everything lives on WhatsApp now which is good but it's also like there's a few like it's immediate you feel like you can't get away from it email feels like okay I can come back to that later WhatsApp feels immediate like I need to get back to this person like right now particularly because if you open your WhatsApp

to like reply to your best friend and then someone and then your colleague can see that you're online and you haven't replied it's too much I see what my friend Fliss has because she runs her business through WhatsApp, she's a PT. She has it so that the blue ticks don't appear anymore and you can't see when she's online. Yeah, yeah. That is, I do think that's good, but then also you can't see then other people, you know. But that's good for everybody. We shouldn't have this access to each other. It's too much. We shouldn't, we shouldn't. But like, yeah, you know, and you're like worried, like, have they read that? Have they got it? Have they got it? I don't know. It's just, it's, yeah. But then, but then like, and everyone else

was saying like that's what their jobs are like now too it is just all so instant like so immediate and i think like covid has really sped that up like fast track we have no work boundaries i know you were joking about it on your instagram last night and we talked about it a bit but like we have no work boundaries because everyone's like well why can't you do this you're at home you know why can't you oh take a minute you're already on your phone and people see with me like that i'm on instagram and they think i'm doing nothing because i'll put up the story of me on the sofa and I'm like, I promise you, I'm not doing nothing, but you feel like you have to prove it to people and yourself all the time. It's bullshit. I mean, it's a first world problem, but it is a

problem nonetheless. It is. It is a first world problem. And that's the thing. And you, and you do like, I often feel like I, um, you know, it is a first world problem and we're so lucky in so many ways and da-da-da, but yeah, it is, it's just, and that's true. Like my sisters always get sassy with me because they're like, you haven't replied to me. But, you haven't replied to me. But, but you've been doing stories. And I'm like, but stories is my job. And also I haven't replied to you. But I also haven't replied to about 14 other people on WhatsApp.

It's not, you know, it's not like I'm seeing your message personally and just thinking, nah, I can't bother with you. You know what? Someone sent me a message the other day being like a question on Instagram being like, how do you like cope with feeling like left out or like rejected by your friends? And I actually think that's a really good example of it because it's like, You feel so like, because in your life, you're the star, you kind of, particularly on your phone, when you have to communicate with people on your phone, it's still your phone in your hand and it's your world.

So you still feel like the center of everything. And phones really distort that because in real life, I never, if I'd have known, I would never have made that comment. If I could have seen you were on the brink of something, I never would have made a sassy comment. Do you know what I mean? Like normally you and I could talk about that and it's like, Matt, but when someone's on the edge and it's like the straw. that breaks the camel or whatever. So you don't do that in real life. But on the phone, it just distorts everything so much.

It's so easy to end up feeling left out or whatever because someone hasn't applied. But it's like, just because you're the centre of your world, you can't expect to be the centre of everyone else. You've got no idea what's going on on the other side of the phone. And we do have this crazy entitlement. And I think maybe us more than like Gen Z, because we were of that time where like it was so exciting to get one text

that obviously you replied to it because it was like you've got a text but now it's like most people physically don't have the time but even if they do have the time it shouldn't have to spend their time replying to you and it's not that they don't love you it's just they

they should be allowed to prioritise themselves and I feel like people are so instant and the gratification is so quick that we don't have any boundaries with ourselves and with our friends and I think it's causing problems within friendships people are feeling left out because she didn't reply but it's like she probably didn't reply

not because she doesn't like you but because she's up to her tits and everything else but we don't stop to talk about that and all that happens if i'll send you a chaser being like oh i need you to reply and you go oh sorry sorry sorry i'm so busy and i'm like oh she's always so busy and i take that like oh oh that's so bad but then actually i'm like but you don't you don't think about the other person because you're only thinking about yourself does that make sense yeah totally yeah exactly it's all it's all like all context and nuance is lost isn't it it totally is so you only see it from your own perspective but it's also like and this goes to like everything online

like the shit that people write online like if they were in front of the people they wouldn't they wouldn't do it and not just because they wouldn't they would feel too awkward about it but they just wouldn't want to I don't think like a lot of the time because they'd be like

oh this actually this person's actually a real person with like real yeah it's just I don't know it's but also like you were saying then like how about like in our own lives we are the star of the show and particularly with what we do like because we are talking about ourselves all the time like everything is about ourselves i don't know how to

describe but that kind of like our brand revolves around us right yeah do you know what i mean basically arsoles but do you find because like i always like when i'm catching up with friends like i bet you find this as well like i do not want to talk about me i want to hear about like because they're always like oh it's exciting like instagram life tell me and i my my stomach drops because I'm like, no, I want to talk about, like, you and, like, your life, and I don't want to talk about me and my shit. I find the other side of things, I think people think they've seen everything. I'm like, oh, I saw it on Instagram, so they don't ask me.

They're like, oh, they don't, oh, I don't need to ask how your holiday was, because I saw it on Instagram, and it's like, yeah. I showed you literally 20 seconds of one day. Please ask me. But then also, at the same time, sometimes people are like, oh, how's the podcast? I'm like, I don't know, just listen to it. I don't want to talk about it. When I finish the podcast, Alex is like, what did you talk about today?

I'm like, David, it's out on Monday, just go and listen. I don't know. It's out on Monday. I honestly, I get home from like a whole day of talking. I'm like, please I may me talk anymore and not about the stuff I've just talked about. This is why I ring you all the time. This is why I FaceTime everybody because I think it's really hard to be a good friend on WhatsApp. And I can't be the friends that I want to be because I know what I've got the capacity for.

and I always say this like some I just sit and talk at my phone so much sometimes I just wanted to talk back again like I actually never feel lonely than just typing and typing and typing I don't want to do that I want to like engage and I don't know I don't know man but I'm sorry for making you cry

that took a turn I was just telling you that I was feeling awkward about it now I feel it should have been my fucking battle no no it was it was like I was on the literally like I was fighting back tears and it was it was like a bad you know and and and that it wasn't going to be my bad because I was like oh don't talk about being busy and like I don't know I've got I try not talk about being busy and having too much on or like I'll talk about it for you she's too busy she has too much on but but my bad is that

I I I not my bad but like I need to set boundaries with work I do because my work life my work to like normal life. Oh my God. No. Sorry. No. Oh my God. This is my awkward.

I'm in a bra, putting my makeup on. You're crying. I'm crying. What's happening? I just feel like my... Well, here you go for a candid moment. Lull. I feel like my work to life balance

is just like so off but like the annoying thing is is that at the end of the day it's all my own decision like it's all it's ultimately it's like all my own fault for taking this on but like it's not it's a mix of like because

and I think people don't realize as well like with our job that like people rely on us for their business as well you know so like we feel like we have to say yes to stuff because we know that other people are getting money from it as well so like a lot of stuff I've just said yes to because I feel bad or like because I feel like I'm letting

people down if I don't say yes to it. But I'm at a point where it's like I just like I can't tell you the last time I had like to be fair when I got in last night it was like at like 1am and like Dave was awake and we had a conversation for like half an hour and I was like this is like the first conversation like probable conversation we've had for so long because it's just and I was thinking about it the taxi back and I was like my priorities are so off you know because like and like Betty

like I haven't I have not seen her but I say all this knowing that it's no one else's fault but my own and I don't want people to feel sorry for me but it's just me I have to redress the balance in my own head what Jacqueline always says to me you do what you do with the tools that you have

so you didn't have the right tools but now it's just time to put those tools down and just put better tools on there's no point beating yourself up for what's happened because you haven't done anything wrong. You're right. It is really hard when people rely on you. And because we have management and whatever, like, it is difficult.

And you do feel like you have to say yes to think. And you're an incredibly hard worker. And it's really hard when you get into it to then start saying no to things. But you can say no and we'll still love you. And I want you to start saying no because I think it's good for you to have some. I think COVID made it really difficult because we had nothing else to do apart from work. But like you, I'm just, this is really, like we've just turned into like a recorded pep talk. But you deserve to have fun, and you don't really give yourself a break.

You deserve a break. You deserve to have fun. And not just like waiting for a holiday, not like burning the candle as fucking hard as you can go until you can get a break. I mean, you deserve to have a break in every day. You deserve to just say no. Just say no. Look, work is heroin. Choose life.

I'm going to show you train spotting this weekend. You and McGregor, hang it right. I'm really excited for the hen though because I'm like, I'm just letting my hair down. I'm not going to do any stories or anything. I am just going to have fun. Good. Yeah. But I'm proud of you and I'm excited for you to set your boundaries.

But it's good to have a good cry as well. Yeah, 100%. It's now or later and that will be really drunken to it. So you might sort of get it out now for the masses to hear. But saying no to things doesn't make you about person. This is one of the biggest things I learned doing life coaching. And we're definitely going to have to do an episode of Jacqueline now after this little cry. I think we need to have another accidental therapy,

except deliberate therapy session with Jacqueline. But I always thought as a people pleaser that you couldn't say no, like if you said no to something, it would make you a bad person, like or people wouldn't like you. And it was my biggest fear. Like if someone said, hey, can you come over? And I'd always be like, well, yes, yes, I can. I'll make it work.

There is, I can physically, yes, I can do this. I can come over. And because when we phrase a question, like, can you come over? I'm like, well, yes. But it's like, do you want to come? come over no and it's like that's okay it's like that's so true like that difference between like can you do something because it's like of course we can do almost anything like you know into we can make ourselves do almost anything but like do you have capacity yeah yeah like can i

theoretically yes but please don't make me but you can say no to things like and still like still like still be excited and infused i think like we're so scared of like upsetting people or whatever and just keeping everybody around us happy. But the greatest lesson that I've learned is you can't make other people happy. And what do they say? The only people that don't like you setting boundaries are the ones that are benefiting from you not having any. So I thought I would lose all my friends when I set boundaries and start saying no things.

But if I'm actually a considerably better friend now, because I know when I've got capacity and it means when I show up, I'm actually there, rather than showing up on my phone or showing up tired or showing up resentful that I'm there because, again, I've built this massive resentment that was completely unfair. So I think it makes you a much better friend. And anybody that's got a problem with your boundaries is the problem. Like, if they don't like your boundary, then it means that they were taking advantage of you not having any. So then I love that. I love that. You're welcome. You're fucking welcome. It's so true. That is so true. That is so true. Isn't it? Isn't it? And that's such a like really good reframe from like feeling guilty

because you think you're letting people down to being like, no, it's actually people. people profiting off me not being able to have a life. You think you're letting somebody down, but realistically, the people that are in your life want the best for you. So I'll often, like, imagine that I'm really letting you down. But the other important thing to remember is no one thinks about you as much as you think about you.

So when I'm like, I'm so sorry, I can't do it. I can't come to dinner. I'm the worst. You're like, okay, no big. It's just dinner. But in my head, I'm like, it's me, it's me. It's me. And I'm a bad person.

You're like, okay, well, it's just another night. And we so often build up this huge thing of what we think they'll think, even though we never know what someone else is going to think. And then we act accordingly when actually you can't make anybody feel anything. It's their thoughts that make them feel that. And it's so true. Like if I say to you, do you want to do dinner tonight and you say, no, I can't. I'm so sorry. Like I'm just really tired or really busy or like whatever.

I just can't do it? But like, can we do? I'm like, fine, cool. Yeah. Like genuinely. You know, like that's absolutely fine. And yeah, if I said to you, Al, do you want to come over for dinner tonight? I bet you any money you'll still go into a spiral being like, oh my God, I really don't want to give to them.

I'm so fucking tired, but I've got to go because I'm going to fucking hate me. Yeah. I'm going to ask you for dinner next week and I want you to say, no, I'm tired. No, I'm tired. I don't have the capacity. And soon you're going to sound like you're from L.A. I don't have the capacity for this. I love that.

Can't wait. Anyway, I feel like I've hijacked that. Go on, tell me you're bad. um my bad um is i came home from my holiday and you know what that means chaos post oh i fucking hate the post i'm like vernon dursley they post on sundays so i fucking love a sunday except dpd they deliver on sundays oh yeah got home got home obviously got another got a little parking penalty another 65 pounds to hand the same thing for them that was when i came to pick you up yeah because I got a bit lost

for it down the wrong road and I had something from the electoral role and I had something from Santander and not even with Santander and oh it was horrible I hate it

I had something from HMere the RSEC I hate the fucking post When were you picking Which one was it when you're picking me up Oh I don't know Alex I get parking fines tickets

I will definitely pay that I'm so sorry Oh what? Oh God what no No boundaries No my car My problem my driving No no no

I get them all the time. Like, I don't understand it, but I'm a conjection. I'm always, I'm a criminal, Alex. I'm out of control. I'm off the rails. I'm a fucking delinquent. Is there some point where it's like you've had so many parking fines we're going to like put points on your license?

Or do you just continue to pick parking fines forever? Watch this space. They're going to make an exception for you. Like normally they don't, but they're like, it's called the Emerald. Yeah, exactly. We didn't want to have to do this, but she drove us to it. Pardon the pun. Yeah, well, I've only just had my car fixed.

You remember, I broke down after we left the podcast recording that safe. It was such, I actually think the ticket might have been on that day, on the day I broke down. I don't know. I just, I hate, I hate the post. And I know what you're thinking. Drive better. But that is, that is not what I want to hear. That's not the advice that I want.

I feel like, I feel like. Oh my God, this could be an idea for a new app. No, not a new app. I don't know. A new something, a new business, right? Where you pay someone a subscription, right? A monthly subscription to open and sort your post. Okay.

Now, I think I would be the one and only person that would be stupid enough to throw my money at somebody to open a fucking envelope. Yeah, me. Oh, you could just ask Alex. well yeah he does it but unfortunately there is a hole in my plan and that's that he does it in front of me and then shows me the bad thing which to be honest it's literally exactly the same as when i open it myself and see the bad thing okay i'm just i'm just googling to see if there's actually like a phobia of post someone has written an article about it okay i've got a phobia of male anxiety keeps me from opening letters Oh my God Turns out it's not a thing

This is to do with It's something specific to San Francisco Because Um Mail gets delivered wrong And ends up going to New York Forget it Ignore, ignore

It's just you Is it just me? Yes, it's just you Right, okay I'm sorry I should have saved that for the end But is it just me I fucking hate the postman Let us know

Let's know Not the post man Although the postman did call Georgie Baby The other day So we're in a bit I know, why? I'm unsure. Ew.

I've also, I need to address the fact before we go into the interview, I am now sitting in my bra, because I could put my silly, make-upy fingers all over my white shirts. I think I have to wear something else. I have really enjoyed. No, I've enjoyed watching you do your makeup. It's been so therapeutic. But it's stunning.

And it looks really good. Really, really, really good. I'm actually, all right. You know, my sister used to work at the fenty counters in half of course. She taught me some shit. Yeah, it looks very good. And I'm also incredibly efficient. Like, I can do this.

I took a minute there because I was chatting and you had a tiny breakdown. And I got distracted. But normally I can do that in like five minutes. Honestly. Fish, bash, boss. Right. Amazing. Right.

Right. We have an interview to introduce you to. Should we do what we always do? Interview time, shall we? Should we introduce the interview? Yeah. Got the spoilers. Oh, hit me.

I was really excited about this interview because I watched this season of Love Island. I really enjoyed this season of Love Island, actually. It was 2017, and this was the winner. We interviewed the actual winner, Amber Davies, who was delightful and gave us a lot of insight into Love Island and what is actually like to be on the show, which it just fascinates me. I think because we've watched it, like, for so many years, and I'm just like, what is it like to be on that show? We obviously see, like, an hour a day from, well, not even, like, 45 minutes from an entire time. entire day. So it was, I found it so interesting to get like the, the inside scoop, the BTS on Love Island. And you also saw Amber in her cabaret show. So I mean, Alex's like a full

Amber super fan at this point. It's actually kind of embarrassing. I really am. It's a really embarrassing. You need to get a grip. We can't, can't be doing this sort of thing following these women around watching everything they do. It's creepy. So yeah, and now she does cabaret and she's a, She's a performer and yeah, it was just really cool to chat to her. So now we've given you all the spoilers, told you everything that to expect. So there really is a much point in listening, but without further ado. Enjoy. Hello, Amber.

Hello. Hi. We've got Amber Davis here with us today. So I'm seeing you in your everyday clothes today. But last Friday, I saw you on stage at the. a proud cabaret doing your proud cabaret night. So good. So good. I want to do it again.

It's so different. I think I'm so, I'm so used to like being on stage in a theatre and like those theatrical audiences that this is just so different, but I'm loving it. Are you? Yeah. Is it more nerve-wracking because it feels really intimate?

Yeah. I think when you're on, when you're in a musical, for example, you're playing the character. Right. When you're doing something like a cabaret or like I have a residency at Proud, I'm playing me and I have to engage with the audience as me. I was terrified.

Like I don't mind singing songs. Yeah. But when I have to talk in the middle and things like that, I was really scared. But my confidence is getting better and all the audiences have been like fab. So your night was amazing. Yeah. I was cheering very loudly. What night did you come?

What was it, a Friday or Thursday? Oh yeah. It's always good on it. good on a Friday. It was brilliant. She worked without me. I'm absolutely furious. I know. I know. And then when I knew you were coming on I tried to get tickets but good news for you it was sold out. So I was like, gutted for me, delighted for you. But there's some amazing acts isn't there? Oh my God, amazing. Like the hair hang, that girl that hangs from her hair. I actually couldn't look. I just couldn't look. She was

literally, I don't even know how you describe it. That's like Matilda style. I've been pulled into the air just by her bun. and then it gives her like this mini facelift. She's like, it's amazing. You know, she gave birth like a year ago. Did she? Women are insane. Aren't they?

Like, legit. Like, I just think about women all the time and I'm just like, worth. Like, you're bleeding, you're birthing, you're pulling, hanging by your hair. Find a man that could do all of that, I tell you. Can you tell me, like, about cabaret? Like, I don't, I've never been to a cabaret.

I don't really know, like... Depends what cabaret you go to, but it's a variation of different things. So you've got your main opener act, a lot of comedy, things like that. You've got like your hair, hand girls and things like that, burlesque fire, rain. What I find with Proud is that as soon as you walk in, you've got an experience from the start to the end. So you have your three-course meal. You have then three-part show, and it's a load of different things.

And I always just feel like each actor that comes out, your mind gets blown. It's just a whole different experience. It's amazing. And it's definitely like 18 plus kind of night, yeah. Is it like, is it sexy? It is sexy. Cool. And there's like a lot of like nudity, but like appropriate nudity, right?

Yeah. And it's amazing to see like... It's sounded really pervy then now. Yeah. Yeah. Like you've got your nipple tassels and things like that, which I just love. Do you have you... I don't personally.

No. Yeah. I've got a gorgeous leotard and my opening number is like this glittery leotard with a tight corset like that was more like yeah totally love that god I wish I had like an ounce of like sexiness or rhythm or like I just just like monocum I would just like one time to not look ridiculous because if I got up or in a corset on the stage everyone be like what's happening like why is she doing this and it would be really sad so I love that for you But what about if you go on a night out?

Are you in the, on the dance floor? Oh, my God, 100%. Like, I literally love dancing. I actually danced quite a lot as a kid. But as an adult, I'm just, like, really awkward. Like, I don't know, like, I'm not very talented. Like, I'm fun. You know what I mean?

Yeah, okay. Like, I'm fun, but I wouldn't, no one would pay to see me dance. Like, that's my vibe. And I'm okay with that. Okay. But it must take, like, huge balls, like, not literally, to do that. Like, it must be really scary. I think.

I've been doing competitions since I was little singing competitions so I've always been used to performing in front of large audiences like I've seen competitions are seven eight years old yeah so it's been a part of my life my entire life I obviously still get nervous every single time I step forward on stage but I think that's good because it shows that you care yeah but it is like second nature to me is it yeah it is but I can understand my boyfriend and says to me, I don't know how you do it. And I understand where he comes from, but I love it. I literally love it. I buzz off

it, that nervous feeling. And you've performed like forever, haven't you? Forever. Yeah, did you do... Did you study theatre? So I've got a three-year diploma, a musical theatre. I moved to London at 16 from Wales, did my three years, graduated, and I looked so young. Like, I look young now, and I'm 25. But when I graduated at 19, I was like a baby.

Couldn't get into any West End musical at all. And then I did a year cruise. So I was a lead singer. I did all like basically all the Caribbean in the USA. Wow. Yeah. Was that great? Was it hell?

That sounds like hell. It was... As a crew member, it wasn't great. It doesn't sound like. I loved the shows that I was performing. I loved my cast, but I, it wasn't for me. I felt trapped. I was going to say, you're just stuck.

Oh, yeah. In the middle of the ocean, stuck. Yeah. Obviously, the benefits was I got to see, like, incredible places. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I did, like, All Caribbean. I was, for Christmas Day, by myself in Antigua, just on a beach,

and I was like FaceTime and all my family. Age 19? Yeah. Wow. I know. That's really cool. And that's when I decided, absolutely not.

This life is not for me. Love Island. Really? Yeah, I flew back from the Caribbean, so we docked in the Caribbean. We flew back. And I had my Love Island audition the next day. I didn't know they did auditions.

I didn't know they did auditions. Two auditions. I had a message on Instagram, asking if I'd go in for a show, have a meeting for a show. I knew straight away it was Love Island. Like it had to be. And then the next.

day I was in my first audition and I had to have a second audition as well what do they what do you do in the audition nipple castle sitting I gave them a full performance they just asked me questions about my life and like who I'd previously dated if they would have known anybody and yeah I was 19 and I'd just come off Caribbean queens I can't believe you were 19 when you went in when I went in when I went in for my first audition wow I see you 20 when you did love I went it yeah it's very young actually isn't it I'm still the youngest winner. Oh yeah, I love that. I hold that crowd. I could be honest, any younger and it's just like, it's too young. It's like, how do they process it like logically? Yeah. Like 20 is

really young. Really young. And it's a huge thing you did. Sometimes I think, did I actually do that. Yeah. And the world's changed a lot since then as well, which I guess must feel quite like you kind of, I don't know, you're like touring the world on a boat, then you come back, you're on the biggest reality show you win it we all get locked in our houses for a couple of years and now you're doing cabaret it must just be like a roller coaster yeah i think i i've tried to just take every experience as it comes after love island i was i didn't know what i wanted to do because i knew i wasn't a reality star because i didn't have the the confidence like your big personality people do you know what i mean i wasn't like like

crazy, crazy confident and I really missed the theatre like aspect of my life so I was like, I need to get back into it I need to get back into it and that's when Dolly Parton hired me Was your decision to go on Love Island like a kind of like

oh I didn't really know what to do so I might as well or was it like this will help my theatre before me? I got offered so I came back from the cruise I had an audition for Love Island I held audition for Hairspray the UK tour and I got offered both of them

so bearing in mind I had got offered a job that I'd trained my entire life for and then Love Island I was already a huge fan of Love Island I'd watched it like religiously the seasons before and originally I said no to Love Island

and I said yes to Hairspray and the producers called my mum and said she really needs to think about what she's doing here And my gut instinct was telling me, just take a risk. I've always been a risk taker. And then my mum called me and she was like, maybe, you know, maybe we should think about this. And I was like, yes, I want to do it. Like, I really want to do it.

It was the best thing I ever did. But it wasn't a tactic. Yeah. I wanted it for the life experience and for taking the risk. Yeah. And I guess, I mean, this was in 2017, wasn't it? Yeah. So when was the reboot of Love Island?

Like, when did it come back? Well people say that it took off in season three The season I was on I don't know whether it was the change of villa Because we were in a new villa But you always need a couple of seasons Of any show To grow in popularity

So season three, season four I think are always like your peak seasons Because that's the thing I feel like it came into Like it really hit the mainstream in season three Which is when you were on And I think that's the first season I watched of it as well Yeah

So I guess you didn't really, you weren't prepared for what was going to be waiting on the other side for you because it hadn't really happened in the previous two seasons. Exactly. What we'd witnessed was like nothing to what happened. And I definitely never thought I'd win it. I really didn't think I was going to win it. Well, they flew me out to New Yorker and I was originally going to be a bombshell on the third night. Me and Chris Hughes were going to be a bombshell and walking together into the villa.

on the third night and then two days before they were putting people into the villa they the producer came to where I was um I was going to say isolating but it's not I was being like chaperoned said we need a brunette girl in their original lineup so you're going in original as an original cast and I was like I loved it that's actually they swapped me and Gabby Allen out Gabby was meant to be original lineup and they swapped us two out and Gabby came in third day. That's actually, I never... No way.

You know that it's produced and everything, but you don't realise quite how much it's produced when it's just like, oh, fuck. And that dictates really, probably your... Not to say your success or whatever, but you know, your success within the show, I suppose, like it is... For sure. I think as a viewer, you are loyal to the original cast

because you've known them for longer. You know their stories, you know their personality. so I was willing to go for it although I wasn't actually meant to be original cast but I'm so glad I was because those first people in that season were brilliant like I made friends for life did you? Oh yeah

I bet I mean you're in this confined space not many people are going to experience I always think it's like a human social experiment yeah totally 100% you know what I mean yeah totally like it's a bit black mirrory even as a concept because it does feel

I actually remember writing about this when Love Island was really new I think it must have been just before your season because I'd watched the year before and not a lot of people had and I was really excited for your season to come back as a viewer and it has been harder for me to like keep up the love

in recent years because obviously it's had like you know there's been a lot of like conversation around the show and stuff but back then I remember I was like, oh my God, it's so great. And I think the thing that you love about it before you consider any elements of it then perhaps aren't perfect, it's like you're all so beautiful. You're all young.

You're all fun. Like you're all, it's like everybody goes in there on like a kind of level playing field to an extent. So it can feel to the viewer like you're kind of, it's really about to say, but it feels like you're just like you're playing The Sims. And it's like you've got these beautiful people just like kind of crack and not hurting anyone apart from me.

other but then even then it's like traumatising each other but you know it's it fit particularly for your season I think like it felt you you feel very invested but it doesn't feel necessarily real and I think that's what's been kind of like harder maybe in recent years is as it comes back into real life you do see that you guys are real people and the experience is real I can absolutely 100% confirm that but my favourite elements from the experience was no concept of time. That was bizarre. You're not allowed to know what time it is.

You're never allowed to know. Why? Why? What time is? That would do my head in. I love knowing the time. That's a tactic to kind of disorientate you. And like wake us up early and get us going to bed mega late,

but we don't actually know how many hours sleep we're having. I don't know how many hours sleep you have. Oh, that would do me. I love knowing how much sleep I've had. I just, I'm obsessed with it. I like waking up in the morning and being like, oh, that was good, a good seven hours. Yeah, me too.

And they can just turn the lights on it any time they want. Any time they're on it. But we used to, by like week seven, we used to be in this, looking out the sky, looking at the sun like, it's one o'clock. That's crazy. I wonder if they still do that because it doesn't seem like. Yeah, 100%. That doesn't seem like, you're right, it does seem a bit like,

yeah. I don't know, a bit black mirrory, isn't it? I loved it. I loved it. I like it tucked it to make you go mad. Because when am I ever in my life not going to know time for eight weeks? And I guess you didn't need money for that time? Didn't need money.

Your phone. Didn't need phone anything. We didn't listen to music the entire time. When my mum and dad came into the villa, he said the one thing I took from it was how silent the villa was. So imagine for eight weeks it was just so peaceful. You're actually kind of selling it to me. I'm going to give this engagement ring back and if you need me in June, I'll be in Mioka. Was it boring though?

I mean, because we only see the highlights on TV, right? get like a whole day packaged into like a 45 minutes or whatever, so it looks action-packed. But I imagine being there all day with not much to, well, I mean, you've got a pool. Yeah, we've got a pool. We could some be. But quite intense. There was plenty of times where we were kind of just waiting around,

but there were so many big characters in our year. We'd entertain ourselves. We created games that we'd all used to play. We did use the time wisely. There was never a dull moment, but if you are asleep, like on the sofa and you're not giving the producers anything, then you'd hear the voice of God like,

okay, time to wake up now, guys. Like, no, come on. That's creating entertainment. Do you think maybe because you're like a performer and you kind of grew up in like theater and singing and doing it, like maybe you were kind of like, you've got the predisposition for this,

like you're good at like putting on a, you know, doing what you've got to do, like smiling through it and like... I think the first, The first few days, I was aware of the cameras. And then I always thought I would always be aware. Very quickly, it became like a home. Really?

And I sometimes, like, I've seen clips, and I'm wearing a little fong coming out of bed and going to brush my teeth with my hair and, like, a jumper on. You do forget. And it does become a home. And you don't have any idea what is going out on the outside. Then does it come as a massive shock? then when you find out there's been like a vote,

a public vote going on and like to decide like which couple they prefer or which couple is like the least compatible or whatever. Does that come as a massive shock when you're like, oh my God, people are watching this, like a lot of people are watching this. I remember there was a public vote and there was me, Olivia Atwood and Tyler, we were the bottom three. And my brain was frazzled. But then I thought, I'm not changing the way I am.

I've been true to myself. It's clearly how they're editing it. And, you know, I had a boyfriend in there, Kermen, and he was with me the entire time. He couldn't even comprehend why I was in the bottom, maybe because me and Liv were just nutters together. But when that happened, I, like, had a bit of a moment to myself, and I thought, don't change anything.

Stick to what you're doing. You're being yourself, true self. If people don't like it, they don't like it. I always remember thinking, God, I haven't done anything. It's cruel, isn't it? It is actually cruel. Like, if you think about it, they stick you in this, this is not like a huge like downer on Love Island, sorry, but like stick you in this place, you don't know what time it is, got no phones, no music, and then like, there's tons of the thousands of people watching you, they're going to decide who they like the least. And they like you,

one of the least. But we will give you a handful of boys to choose for us. Yeah. And now I'll think it's all better. It's just crazy. Do you think it was because, because you were in a relationship with Ken from the very beginning, right? No. It was like a week and a half in, so it was close to the beginning, but we weren't the ones that we didn't couple up straight away, but we were quite solid from the beginning, yeah. But we were like that.

We were up and down like a yo-yo, and I think the public were with us 100%. They were going through the ups and the downs. Right, right. And it was like a real relationship. Yeah, yeah. Can you watch it back? I haven't watched it back.

years. When I first came out, I would go searching for clips here and there. But then I didn't want to watch it back fully because I remember it in my head, how it was. And I didn't want to be manipulated. Oh, actually, it went this way because I've watched an hour. It was an amazing experience and I'm so glad I did it. And it's like in my head. I don't need to watch it. So you win. Yeah. What was it like to then leave the villa? go back home to the UK. And I mean, were you even aware of like that your Instagram was suddenly on fire? Like there were like millions of people now want, you know, were you even aware of, of that? No, nothing. I remember we, they put us in a hotel for a week as soon as you got back to London.

And I was really good friends with one of the producers I still are and he's amazing, my expense. And I said, I really need to go and get some stuff from boots. and face wipes, all that. And he said, right, I'll take you. So he took me in a black cab. Bearing in mind we landed that day. And we were in Boots in Waterloo, and I'll never forget,

girls were screaming. Oh, my God, it did... And I was like, what is going on? I just knew from that moment that my life had completely changed. But I just went with the flow. I was 20. I was lapping it up.

Yeah. I didn't overthink it. I didn't. I wasn't worried. I just went with the flow. I had my family support. I had my friend's support. Yeah. I just took every day as it came. Was everything in place in terms of management? Was someone like, right, I'm going to manage you now and we're going to talk about all these deals that you're getting and yeah. I remember signing a motel rocks deal the same day that I came out and I'd seen figures on the paper that I'd never seen in my life before. I was speechless, like I felt sick.

And I just remember saying to my mum, what is, like, what's going on? What am I going to do? But, yeah, it was life-changing. It is crazy. Yeah, 20 years old and having, like, access to things like this and experiencing, even events and sharing a room with people that I'd, it was like my role model, you know, I remember going to Pride of Britain in the October and walking red carpet with like a couple of the girls from Little Mix and one direction.

I remember just looking around me and thinking, what is my life? It's mad, didn't it? It's mad. Like, the power of the show, like, particularly then. Like, I don't know what it is now and, like, what it'll be this summer, and I guess, like, time will tell. But, like, it does, it is, like, a wild thing, but also to speak to you now with, like, hindsight on it. Because it's been, like, five years. And, like, I wonder, how does it feel when you kind of, because I guess you have, like, a year of, like, a few months of, like,

crazy intensity when you come out. Does it feel, like, how do you feel when you go into the next year when you know that the new kids are coming? The first couple of years, my anxiety was through the roof because I felt like was I a ticking time bomb?

Was I, was I just going to become a no-on? But then, as soon as I got back into musical theatre, I found my path. Yeah. And I loved it. And I didn't have to think about going on this TV show I didn't necessarily want to do

reality TV again so I was going to become irrelevant from my own choices but it's all worked out for me really I went straight back into well not straight back a year and a half it took for me to get into a musical theatre role and it's working for me

I'm trying to marry a social platform and the musical theatre industry and it's working if I didn't have that. I don't know where what I'd be doing. Because the show the show has come under fire

hasn't it? For this very reason the fact that when the contestants leave their hot property they're signing deals they wanted here, they're everywhere all on TV shows but then once the next round of contestants comes a year later you know there's a

shelf life I guess to that level of fame and level of interest and that must feel it's pressure. Yeah. It must feel pressure. It's a rat race, right? You're like, now I need to keep up and somehow I need to keep making myself relevant

and continue to stay relevant and do this TV show, that show, be in this magazine or do these, like, amazing Instagram posts or whatever. It must be really hard. And also, you've had that taste of... You've had the taste. You've had the taste, which is harder than never having it at all.

I think it is a whole different world and it's been difficult. And I have had really bad moments, even comparing, you know, why has that person got that many followers and why is that person doing that show? But I just think you need to have a plan and you need to know what you want to do,

where you want to go. Like I said, I'm so fortunate that I have a passion and the musical theatre industry welcomed me with open arms. And you are fortunate that you did have something that you could kind of go back to. Because I suppose, sorry, but I just thinking about it, like if you worked in, I don't know, a shop,

and then you did Love Island and then you came back. I imagine, because of the fame, it would be really hard to, like, go back to work in the shop. At least for you, it's like, well, you know, I'm still going to work within this space that I've always worked. You can go back in quotations to work like you always had. But I suppose if you didn't have acting and performing, it's, it might, I can't, I can't imagine, you know, even more, you know, you're five years out, but even 10 years or. whatever like i guess it's just you said mentioned before about it being a social experiment and it's like this is almost the most interesting bit not for you but just looking at the because like you say like and that's that's what's so exciting and lovely to see it's like you you used the show to your

advantage in that you know you've put your platform when you're trying to marry the social media and the performing and like it really looks like it's working and you seem really happy and it's so great i think if you have a good support system you have a good management team there's enough success in the world for everyone but you just have to find what you're good at and what you love to do whether that's open your own business or go back to work and get a degree like dr alex george he's going back to get a degree he's marrying his industry with his platform there are ways that you can do it but my biggest advice would be don't panic like there is a way there is a when there's a will there's a way

you just need to find your niche. You and Kemp won the show. You came out and you split up fairly soon afterwards. I imagine for a lot of the other couples, they would, I mean, I imagine that you were under pressure to stay together, or at least you would have felt pressure to stay together. You know, you've just won the show as a couple.

That must have been quite difficult. And then there's this, like, all this scrutiny around your breakup now. Was that horrible? And did you feel pressure to stay together? No, that's why we broke up We were true to ourselves We wasn't working We were so busy

He was on one side of the country And I was on the other We couldn't even work on our relationship Like it wasn't just wasn't manageable We were so young as well Even being in a relationship About that age is difficult enough Yeah

But throw the media into it It was just Can we ask about the media I think the way that And I don't, I honestly don't know how people spoke about it then, but I know that there were so many millions of people watching the show and everybody having an opinion and stuff. And was trolling a part of it of that experience for you or the headlines or was there any part of it that was just fucking horrible? I had to get used to the headlines. Yeah.

So sometimes I'd be so fed up because I think, oh, there's another one out now. there's a, and then there's one out tomorrow. And I always felt like my image was being tarnished. And it wasn't representing who I truly was. That soon goes. When you realize no one actually cares. No one reads it, really. And people, I always say there's no smoke without fire,

but it comes and goes really quickly. My Nana always said it's chip paper tomorrow. Don't worry about it. I spent so many months. in years crying over what I thought other people would think of me. But as I've got older, I really don't care. I really don't care. And as long as you have a good relationship with the papers

and you're good to them, they're good to you, it's kind of as black and white as that. And what about, like, the side on Instagram and comments and that sort of thing, or like the rather than the the headlines more the comments comments i have been very fortunate that's good i think when i won it and came out social media wasn't as big as it is now although i still have an amazing platform like for example if we look at molly may she's got six point something million so i don't i'm i feel like although i'm only 25 i have the old school social media version do you know what i mean not so many not well i very rarely get trolled

that's lovely yeah i know that's why i always feel so grateful yeah i always feel really grateful i have a gorgeous following obviously i get messages here and there which i just go straight over my shoulders but all in all i have a really lovely community on social media that's so nice That's really good, yeah. I've got a lot less followers than a lot of other people, but I'm like happy with that. Yeah, 100%. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Can deal with that. Yeah. Yeah, terrifying. Because you do think that, like, when you see particularly, like, I don't know, I just feel like I'd sound really like old and weird, but like when, you know, to be 20 and coming out and to be put under that much scrutiny, it's a lot.

Like, it's more than you can imagine, I don't know, it's more than any human being, even, you know, human beings should only meet no 30 people in their lives, right? That's what they say, like, you know, in the olden days, like if you, the old and, old and old and days, you know, you'd only know the people in your tribe and like most of them you'd be related to and that would be it. And like now it's like we've, you know, you see 30 people an hour at least just walking past the window, you know, like we see so many people and that's before you even, you know, log into your DMs or whatever. And I do, I do think the idea of Love Island is scary and maybe you're, maybe you're right in the,

that it was like, you know, the old school. And I do know what you mean, because it has felt like... There's been a shift. Yeah. And the shift, the shift for me was a shift that, like, as a viewer, I was like, that's too far. Like, I think your, maybe the year after yours was probably the last year I was able to watch it. And then we, because, Alec, we did an interview last year, Al and I, and we sort of talked about it. And we both were like, yeah, yeah, we're going to watch it this year.

And we're going to love it. And then I watched two episodes. And I was like, I actually, I can't. Just because it does. feel more like we're playing with people and I feel like that was social media sometimes and I suppose it didn't feel like that with you guys so much maybe because it

was still so new and you were there wasn't really a game to play because you were just like existing in the show whereas now maybe it does feel like you know you can if you're going in you can look at how it's gone in previous years and you can that's really interesting to here as a viewer where

when I watch it because I've been in the situation I see it through it all completely different eyes yeah so I can't even really watch it as like a normal viewer anymore yeah like I'm not surprised I'd be like yeah I'd be like it'd be like watching someone else in your house yeah I'd get out my bed yeah literally so weird what you doing the impression that I get is that in the beginning like in the beginning few years because there wasn't as much hype around it the contestants were kind of less self-aware and like less aware of the cameras and they were kind of just like ah fuck it like they

quite free and like just having a laugh and now it kind of feels a little bit more controlled which is totally understandable. I think with any reality show the more seasons that happens the more control they get like the more control producers get but there's real high expectations if I was a contestant going in now I would be like oh my gosh I'm going to come out and have this deal and have that deal and sometimes you're out in week two and you don't get any of those deals so i do think sometimes maybe people are going in for the complete wrong reasons and then their expectations aren't being met yeah yeah because you do think you know you think they're going to have what you had and yeah you're going to get the pretty little thing deal yeah yeah and you're

out in week too that must be got it yeah that really would have hurt me i think Yeah. Yeah, I understand that. Imagine like packing a case. This is like it's big reveal. Like she's been away because she's going to the island and then like, I'm back. Back to you guys.

I have a quick question about the case thing. I just assume that you get given loads of clothes. No, you take your own clothes. You only take your own clothes? Well, we'd be fucked Alex. Why? Because I'm like, there's a different outfit every single night. I don't understand how it's possible.

Well, all the girls share each other's clothes. Oh, nice. But like a week before the final, we were all allowed an ASOS order each. Yeah, of course. That's really cool. You had to pack your own shit, I didn't know that. Yeah, my dad lent me 500 pounds, and I did loads of shopping, and then I got to pay him

back when I came out. Oh, my. That is not the cutest thing ever. Well, your parents really supportive, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Really supportive. They lost loads of weight.

My Nana had lost loads of weight, because when I was crying on television, they were like, we don't know if she's okay. My mum kept calling my chaperone saying, is she okay? obviously because she was like 48 hours behind watching it and they were like yeah yeah she's fine she's favourite she's having the song and then it was my mum's 50th birthday when I was in there

so I went upstairs you know where you sit in the beach up and you get an interview and I said it was a guy called Lee he was amazing I was like Lee would you be able to get the producers to call my mum and wish her happy 50th birthday and she was like crying her eyes out because I'd got this message centre that's so sweet it's actually not it's like

that you can't communicate with anyone. No, and like a couple of people had video calls with their family and I never got that. I had to wait until they came in. If you'd have gone to the producers and said, I need to talk to my mum right now. They wouldn't have let me. You're serious?

No. Do you ever feel any like, I mean, you strike me as like the nicest person I've ever met, so you're probably going to say no. But like, do you ever have any like ill will towards the show or watching it or the way it goes now? No, but I was really looked after. I have to admit, I had a really amazing relationship with the producers

and they were so supportive of me with everything that I wanted to do. Even when I did bring it on recently, they came to watch my show. So I can't... And it changed my life for the better. So feeling that way that you were looked after, like, what do you make of the criticism? Like, the show has been heavily criticised for a supposed lack of care for the contestants. and like aftercare, I guess.

What do you make of that, given that your experience is different? I think just from hearing stories from recent contestants that have gone in, the process, audition process now, is a lot more intense for them, which I think is really good because they need to be prepared for when they come out. But every time we open social media, someone's complaining, about something and I tend to just selfishly I have experienced it in a certain way and I'm grateful for that and no one can really like the public can't really put their 20 pence worth in until you are a contestant I remember when Mike Fowler passed away we all got calls asking did we

need therapy, everything like that, yeah, where we're struggling. They do, all I've ever experienced is real, you know, an extra care. I think it's more than just the show, you know, it's just, it's like, it's like what it represents just in terms of the culture that we live in, not just on social media, but with reality TV in general, and it's just what we're saying before about, like, it's just so many people to be exposed to. And, like, you were, I suppose, just really lucky. your family was so supportive and amazing. I do think I was smart.

I do honestly think I count my blessings. I really do. It could have gone completely different. I could not be in this situation right now. But I just did it the way that I thought was going to be the right way for me. And I do see, God, look at Twitter, the cancel culture and things like that. it's terrifying but that's why with social media

I some days I post a lot some weeks I won't post anything it depends how I feel but I do kind of watch everything that I do it's so true it's not just about the show

it's reality TV as a concept isn't it because essentially the premise is it's built on fucking with people and making them unhappy because load of happy people together doesn't actually doesn't make for good TV people want the drama the fights the fallouts the cheating the so I guess actually it's you know everyone's love Ireland you know but it is actually the concept of reality TV and I think

probably a good question is why we enjoy it because it's real people it's real people philosophical but that's what it is it's real people real emotions real stories people can relate to you yeah I think it's a shame for the viewer when the wheels come off because I think That's what made it so enjoyable when it was you guys is it did feel harmless. It felt fun. You're just young and you're playing games and whatever. Whereas now it's like, it isn't harmless.

It isn't. Fame at that level isn't harmless. The show isn't harmless. Nothing. You know, so it doesn't mean that you guys are wrong for doing it. It doesn't mean that contestants shouldn't. It doesn't mean that people shouldn't want to be famous or shouldn't want to be social media stars

or shouldn't want to do Love Island. It literally just means that we need to look at the way, that we consume people because we do like eat people up and just spit them back out again yeah put them on pedestals yeah and literally rocket them to dizzying heights and the only way down from there is down yeah right and the perception that we have of reality uh tv stars is quite weird as well like you know it's so like dismissive or like whatever which is again like it's so cool that you you've it's been like part of your career and it sort of made sense it's like my lucky break yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that it was a risk yeah but that's what that's what i say

it was just luck it was pure luck but i have worked really hard yeah and i remember when i was turning things down and like deals down and things like that because i wanted to focus and i was like letting all this money go but in the long run it's really worked out but I had a really good team around me yeah they were they were like you need to do it this way you need to make sure and I was 21 and I was like I don't want to let that go I want to do this I want to do that and he was like but what is your end goal yeah you know yeah I remember one of the I think his name was Adam yeah maybe um he came out and did like I think he said like I think he said he did something like 60 PAs.

Does that sound for personal appearances? Yeah. Yeah. He did like, suddenly like, did I just say that right? He's had 60 personal assistants. He did 60 personal assistants. He did 60 personal assistants in 60 nights, like all around the country, because he was, you know, but I can see the appeal of that. You're like, all this money.

A lot of quick cash. Yeah, it's quick cash. I don't know how long it's going to last. Just do it, but. huge tax bill. Jesus, what a lie. Did you someone help you with the tax bill? Like, did you, I mean, not help you pay it, but I mean help you know that it was coming.

Because that must, like, you hear from so many people who are like shot into like astronomical fame at a really young age. I'm still not over it. Really? Yeah, I'm still not over it. Terrifying. It is terrifying. Did you notice, you know, someone told you like. Well, why do we not go talk this in school by the way? I know.

I know. Me and Alex talk about taxes all the time. Yeah. It's the most, only because I don't understand them. Still don't understand. And I just get really annoyed that I don't understand. down them. I don't, but it was, it's nuts, it still is nuts, but I just go with the flow. I just try and make as much money as I can. Yeah. But there is an element of that within this

industry. You're like, you don't know when Instagram's going to go. You don't know when reality TV's going to go. You don't know when, particularly when you, I don't know, you have a career where young women, you know, we do unfortunately in this society have an expiry day and, and so it's like, I know, so depressing, but it's true. Just go hard and fast until it's not there. anymore. My mum always says make hay while the sun shines because you know people like oh you're doing well and I'm like it could be cancelled tomorrow like I could be

gone tomorrow you know who says this is so insane and it's true like just make hey well the sunshine and be present just be present enjoy it oh my god yes do enjoy it we don't know what to come in it's such a risk I think it's actually really brave like you know you can say what you want about like any reality

TV style but I always think like well people do say what they want about it but I think it takes such bravery because like you say If you'd have gone in the second week, you'd have had to have come back home and then like, Hello. I don't know, I would have done, but that obviously would have been my path. And it would be fine, it would work. Yeah, you would have made it work.

I would have made it work. Yeah, it is brave, though. It's, you know, like, hello. I would never do it now. Would you know? Oh, okay. I was just young. I was young and stupid.

Oh, my God, why did you not do it now? A question. Okay. I'd love to say that as if it's groundbreaking. Like, we're interviewing you a question. I'm scared. Surprise. Surprise.

So if the producers tomorrow rang you up, Amber, we want you in this year's Love Island, we're going to pay you a great amount, a huge amount. Would you do it? No. Definitely not. Because I was a free young spirit when I did it. I was perfect at the time.

I didn't have much life experience. I had been unlucky in love and I love. I live for love. I love it. I was a little bit heartbroken. It was just perfect. Now my brain is fully grown and I can think logically.

I wouldn't do it the way that I would have done it because I would be thinking everything through and it would be a lot more intense. Do you think that's to do with you growing up or the show growing up or both? Me growing up. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, see, unfortunately, yeah, I think that would be I'd be too, like, I'd spend the whole time, like, I would be far too aware. Because that's crazy, because, like, 25, like, a lot of the contestants are still, like, now around that age, aren't they, like, 25? Yeah, I think it's kind of bit older and older now. Yeah. 20 years like, I'll be on.

But they've got a new villa this year, so I think, Oh, it's got a stair lift, Al, it might be good for you. This is to get me back, is it? In the last episode, I don't have any identity. do and it's put me in a real spin. I wonder if they'll do in all stars. Yeah, but that's what I was something if you do that? I'm very much in love.

I would know of course, sorry, yes. I'm wicy, dog. If he didn't exist? No. No. The only reality show I'd do from this point on in my career would be something that involves entertainment, so strictly masked singers,

something that I could show my... Do you do dancing on ice? I don't think I'd do dancing on ice. It's too dangerous. You do look like as a one that could dance on ice though. Well, everybody in my year at school went skiing and my mum wouldn't let me. I was the only one because she said anything like that is too dangerous.

So I've got that drilled in my head now. I'm the same. I wouldn't, I don't. You should do strictly. I can see you on strictly. I could be great. I'd love to do strictly. Yeah.

Okay, so if you were able to talk to contestants who were going into Love Island this year, what would you say to them? What would be your, like, overriding piece of advice for them? I would say, make sure you have a real good support system, number one. So real good friends, real good family. Be prepared that your life will change. But it is like coming to terms with it before you go in.

It isn't, it's not like what you think it is. You're going to have a lot of fun, but you do need to be thick-skinned. Other than that, just strap in and good luck. Yeah, good luck Really good luck I would be crap Best experience of my life Really?

Yeah God that's amazing It's really nice to hear people Be nice about it Because it does Yeah, it is nice Best experience of my life Best summer of my life

I'll never forget it Yeah Yeah Because when you do boil it down And you take away Everybody's horrible Twitter accounts And the daily mail And like all that shit

And you just come to it It's like you have a free holiday With like no responsibilities You've like hardly to cook Like you're just chilling Dates You're different guys every other day. How many of you weren't allowed a book?

No book. Or a boggle or anything. Nothing. Not even a ball. Not even a ball. So you've got proud now. Proud now. Proud now.

Then next. Well, I was only going to be doing it for a month. And then they wanted to extend me until May. And I was like, okay, sounds great. And then my manager had a call the other day asking if I'd do it until June. So there might be more dates added. But I love it. I really, really love it.

It's so different. and although it's not what I'm used to like your eight shows a week I'm still getting the buzz and releasing that energy does it feel like being famous in the same way or is it a very is it like a different kind of fame now

like that's a really probably hard question I feel like I am creating a reputation for myself to be a hard worker and I'm not saying you know people aren't don't

work hard but what I'm saying is when I first got cast in a West End show I'm guessing people thought stunt casting so only because of who she is that was back in 2018 and then did a year and half contract that's four theatre and showed people I am capable I can do eight shows a week you know I am professionally trained it was kind of like gaining people's respect yeah which I always knew I was going to have to do but I always said come and see me first and then whatever a opinion you want, it's your opinion. Yeah. And this is based on something then. Yeah, it's based on something then. Don't give me all this, you know, over socials until

you come and see it. Because we are so derogatory about reality. And I'd say a lot of that comes with like, particularly for women. I think like you're supposed to want to be like demure and like respected and that quite like, you shouldn't want to like put yourself out there. like again like probably i don't know there's just so much like random societal stuff and i think women who choose to do reality tv are given a really hard rep and it's like it's it's like the assumption or the um like trope is that they it's like mindless or talentless or whatever yeah there's a huge stigma yeah and i i was really really sucked into that yeah i remember looking at daily male comments

when I first came out of the villa it was a lot of talentless, talentless and it did used to get to me because I used to think, I really wish you knew how hard I'd worked. What my family have done for me to move me down to London at 16.

Yeah, for sure. It is a shame, though, that you do have to prove. It is this assumption that we have about reality TV when actually for a lot of women, and I'm not saying this for you, but for a lot of people, it's a very tactical decision. If you want to do it,

if you want to have a career in the influencing space, which is a legitimate career now, says me nervously, but if you want to, you know, like have this career, like it does make sense because you are going to get a bit. And if you know and you've got a calculated and well-thought-out plan, that in and of itself is a talent to get on the show, to be liked on the show,

whether or not because you're a nice person or because you're playing it and being a nice person. And it's so weird, like this, like, ridiculously, like archaic view that British people or this Western society have of like what it means to have a good hard day's work. Yeah. And like if you haven't been down the factory, then you really aren't working hard enough, dearie. Like, let me tell you. I always say this all the time. There's enough success in the world for everyone. Doesn't matter what you do. That's, I always feel like it's always one, this person or that person or they're better than that person. Or normally she's better than

her or she isn't. Yeah, I hate that. I hate that. That's my. worst, the worst feeling ever. But you also don't have to prove it to anybody. You know, you say you've earned everybody's respect and stuff. But it's like, but you didn't need to... Yeah, that's the thing. You don't need to earn it. But I felt that.

I'm not saying as well, like, reality TV stars don't get taken seriously, but what I was projecting, so it was me who thought people weren't going to take me seriously. It was in my own head. It wasn't necessarily that they thought that, but I had kind of, I was just overthinking and I was in my own head, but I was so willing to get up on stage and show people, you know, Love Island doesn't define who I am as a person,

it doesn't define anyone who they are as a person. No, no. It's a choice they made in life. So you still watch it as like a fan? I did watch it in the lockdown, yeah. Because I'm over it now. I've got my own thing now, and I'm comfortable. And your own thing is very cool.

I want to come to see your own thing. If any dates are added back, if there are. If there are any dates added, we want to come. I want to come again. Yeah, come. Dave, dismal Dave, Alex's husband. I saw him this morning and he was like,

it was so good. I was like, that is a surprise. Great, yeah, I bet he did. Yeah, he did. I was saying to my dad, like, because my dad's going to come and see it. I was telling him what to expect. He was like, oh, I might book the Thursday as well.

I was like, no, no. As soon as I mentioned the nipple tassels. He was like, oh, I might come on the Thursday. I have something like chaos. Yeah, good luck with it. But yeah, good luck with it. I wouldn't even know where to start with a nipple tassum. No, I don't know.

Um, good luck with it all. And we can't wait to see what you do next. Thank you. And thank you for being here today. Thank you. Thank you. I don't want to say high at the end there. Thank you.

Thank you. Right, kicking, kicking off. Is it just me? Just me. Did we make that into us? Just what? Did we? Fine. Come on, then.

Go on, do it properly. No, you go. No, you go. oh fuck off you go is it just me I look forward to recording this segment so much I love the is it just me segment right I'm just going to kick us off with the story here okay

and only because it leads on to something which I think is a fun fact that I think all the listeners deserve to know I also like this because this email came from somebody who said hello Alex M and Daisy yes I think it's about right that Daisy gets recognize because she has to listen to so much of our shit. Amy read this email. She was the one that sent it to us and she was like, I almost didn't send this because where is my mention to? Yeah, Amy runs the Instagram and sends

forwards this email because otherwise we'd both be seeing all the hot stuff. So basically the first time we see it, it's the first time you see it for the podcast. But Al, I've got a story. Did she read you this story out? Do you know? No, I don't. She says, I better say up front how much I love the podcast. Don't want to get minorly bullied. good we're putting the fear of death into you all you both have such great balance of being fun and like hardly well managing to talk by such important topics i could listen to you both all though well that's just as well because it's a fucking long episode oh i really like you thank you same so um on your podcast with natalie lee you told the story at the end about how a dog licked a person's leg during sex with her partner

i thought i just had to write in with my dog related sex story not a great thing to say really is it When I first got with my partner, he said that his mum's, they have a Shih Tzu. The wee dog is adorable, but incredibly needy. When my partner and I would lie facing each other in bed, he would come over and wedge himself in between our faces. No boundaries, no fox given. Just like Alex. So one day, every other human was out of the house. My partner and I started initiating sex. I always love when someone was initiating. I'm like, ooh, how does that go?

We have shut the dog out of the room. Time goes by, and I'm saying this to set the seed. both fully naked in the missionary position. The dog suddenly burst through the door. After surveying the scene, he decides to hop up onto the bed and jump onto my partner's back. Yes, whilst he's still

inside me, the dog, completely peacefully, just lies down on top of him. My partner and I froze. It was just as if the dog was riding along with us. I could see his little face peeping over my partner's shoulder.

Honestly, I think he was just happy to be involved, mortifying. Of course we immediately stopped and my partner had to shake him off. Certainly not the sexual experience I was expecting and safe to say the mood was killed after that. But I had to tell you that, first of all, because hilarious. Second of all, I have a fun fact to tell you. Did you know that when frogs fuck, the man gets on the woman and she has to carry him around for fucking days while he has sex with her. She used to go to work, pick the kids up, cook dinner,

the whole shebang while he's on her back just pumping away. Goes on for days. Oh, my, they must be so tired. Frogs need feminism. It's unbelievable. Such of the poor things, carrying them around. Poor things. God, nature can be so cruel. Only to women, funnily enough.

yeah only to him it's like when foxes have sex don't they don't doesn't the male fox like hook in his penis is like a hook that's what dogs do so dogs go in and then they go round so if you dogs can lock in so the man gets on the male gets on and then he sort of like turns and i only know this because two of our dogs dodger rest in peace and echo still going strong uh dodger mounted echo and they got, oh, have I never told you a story? This is a really bad story. Right. Buckle in. The year was 2008. It actually coincides with something I've told you before. It was one of the worst days of my life, if I'm perfectly honest with you, because we got home from my holiday, family holiday, and I left my suit. You know when you do that thing when you get home from your holiday and

you went to your suitcase on the floor so you can do all the washing? So I emptied my suitcase, put all the washing in the wash. And when I came back through, Didier, our little Scottish Terrier had eaten a tray of my birth control pills. So I had to ring the vet. So I had to ring the vets in the morning and I was like hi yeah it's me like so sorry my dog's eating the birth control pills is he going to be okay they were like yeah he'll grow tits no joking um they're like yeah yeah he'll be fine like keep an eye on in so i made that call which is kind of embarrassing as it was because i was like 17 and i didn't want it or maybe i was like 20 anyway you know what it's like i didn't want to tell the world that i was having yeah of course but i did um so so's the dog anyway and then later

that day we watched a movie and then we just like where are the dogs like dodger and were missing so we went outside and dodger had mounted echo done the lock thing so they were I'll show you a photo they were like butt to butt but his willie was inside her I don't know how that happened but they were bot to bat and they were stuck and when I tell you they looked at this with the most awkward expression you've ever seen and we were like oh my god what do you do so we're googling it like what do you do and then there's like you just have to leave it they'll get out of it eventually so it's like this horrendous thing where we were just watching them and they were watching us watching them and they were watching them and

they were stuck and it was horrific. He didn't even have any testicles. I don't know what he thought he was doing anyway. Eventually, they disconnect. Dodger comes back in, but all is not well, Alex, because we realize, I can't believe I'm telling this story, Dodger's foreskin,

didn't if you've ever looked at the dog's foreskin, but it's furry, had rolled itself back in. So I'm like, oh my God, this is a disaster. Poor Dodger, he's in pain. It's fucking foreskin. were fluffy and rolled back in again. So I ran back in and I picked up the phone and I clicked re-dial on the home phone because I was like, I'm going to call back the vets. No one else has made

any calls today. I'm going to ring the vets and say, help. The dog's four skin's all funky. What do I do? So I rang the vets and I did not give them a pause. I did not pause to listen. I just went, hi, yeah, I'm so sorry. It's me again. I rang earlier because my dog ate the birth control pills. I don't know if you remember me. But anyway, now two of our dogs, different dogs have just been having sex and they got stuck having sex. Anyway, they've got dislodged, but now one of them, their foreskins, like, rolled back in and it's all kind of like stuck and we just don't know what to do. And the guy on the end of the phone was like, okay, so I would love to help you, but you've got through to the Honda dealership and I think you might be trying to torture the

vet. I was like, I have to die. So I had to hang up, fucking mortify, had to hang up, then I had to ring back, do the same thing again to the actual vet, who then gave a step-by-step guy. a tutorial for what my mum had to do and it included a glove some vaseline and a hand job no I mean basically it wasn't great she made Alex be there with her

she was like you've got one of these he was like not a furry one you've got one of these it's never happened to me yeah I don't know I'll find you the photo it was huge not the Willie

so is that why he Is that why they were stuck? I think he'd got a bit, yeah, bit bundled. I feel traumatised. Yeah, poor dodger, man. Oh my God. I feel like that's the doggie equivalent

of snapping your bongo, bongo. Yeah. What's the one? Bungo, I think. Snapping your bongo. Hate it when you snap your bongo. We call our little Romanian and rescue, Bisto. We call him Bisto Bongo. I think we're thinking of that.

I need to see a picture of dogs having sex backwards. I don't understand. Right, I'll, okay, I'll show you. I'll give you a little treat later. I'll show you when we're out, and then I might put it on my Instagram if I don't want, and I'll probably get done for Beastiality or something if I put that on Instagram. Yeah, if you're breeding, rest of sure that the back-to-back stage of mating is completely natural. What? No, this has blown my mind. Do you want anything else for me? Okay, so I've gone, is it just me?

Hey, I just wanted to say Alex M. and Daisy. Oh, that's sweet. You're amazing. People need to include Amy now. She's going to get so upset. I love the podcast. Thank you. I've only got one episode to listen to now, which is both exciting and sad. I do have an is it just me. I really struggle with body positivity in relation to myself. I'm not happy with my body because I know that I'm much heavier than I ought to be. I had surgery for endometriosis in October. After two years of continuous back pain, I took max dosage cacodomol or tromodol every day for a year. year and went from gymming four times a week to struggling to walk around the supermarket with a basket because it made my already incredibly sore back so much soarer. GP was abysmal, told me it wasn't endometriosis and I should think about different contraception. Then when I said I don't want children, I'm 37, he said, what if your partner wants them? Pushed and got my gynaecology referral after I put in a formal complaint, had the surgery 18 months after the initial referral, was told I was fat just as I came around from my first ever general onesthetic. now I'm waiting for my follow-up appointment to discuss the sciatic pain I'm still experiencing.

Really long story, now I'm aiming for 10 K steps to get my fitness back up, but I find it hard to not hate my body because it isn't where it was and can't do what it did, which is so at odds with my view of loving your body and not being dictated to by society. Is it just me that feels like shit about themselves but still preaches body positivity? Can I say something on that? Yeah. These feelings are really valid because not only are you mourning what you look like, which is a societal conditioning

which is still really hard to just like fight against but you're also mourning what your body could do and like having I experienced something like this myself with my face last year like with my jaw operation

I really struggled because I was the fittest I had ever been literally a week before my operation I went from such a high to such a low and it was and it's really hard mentally

even though I knew I had to recover I knew I could get my strength back one day I knew I knew everything rationally it's still the easiest way of retaliating to take it out on your body because that's the thing that's there and that's the physical manifestation of your ill health so for me when I saw my muscles disappearing and when I saw like my stomach softening or like basically I saw myself gaining weight that for me was physical evidence of of my failure of my body's failure to look after me as the way I wanted it to and that's why I got angry

with my body. So I completely understand this. But I think you have to, wherever possible, you have to remove your body from your thought process. Like I think they're two separate things and the really important thing is focusing on yes, it's completely okay to mourn what your body couldn't do. And you can sit in that space for as long as you want to, but I think the most positive thing to do is remove, stop beating yourself up for the body side of things because it's natural, but two things are true at once. And you can have body confidence and still be angry with your body but I think you don't need to sit in the space of all the things you could do because coulda should or would or whatever you know hindsight all of that shit it's just not

for me I never found it a positive space I don't like looking back and being like oh my god how great was my life when I was this is and this because the fact is I'm not that anymore so I like like you've got like with your 10k steps a day like I love that chat I do that like I'm like I want to go for my walk every day and we'll go from there and then you just do little and often focusing on what you can do and I'm and you also have the added thing of the the GPs and tweeting you like shit and I'm really really sorry for that but I think proactively accept that your body is doing its absolute best to look after you now like you've had a really hard time and it needs your love and mentally you have to keep

reminding you you basically you need to bring your head you need your head to rally around your body right now because your body's going through hell so you need your head to be its best friend and to be its biggest cheerleader and it's and and and if your your heads picking apart your body it's going to be so much harder for your body to get better so basically I'm thinking let's get a couple of pom-poms like heads up there we'll look like you're coming back you go for your little walks you're going to do what makes you feel good and like we're all on board we're operation like let's get better let's fuck these like shitty fat phobic doctors like let's just like look forward to the future and be like gas let's have fun that's what I'd say

pick up the pompom that's what I've been doing so two things I feel like I need to like write lists of what I need to say so I can remember stuff. But two things. I think it's really good to like lean, like explore that, I'm not going to say grief you feel around your body, but like I feel like for me, what I experienced was grieving my former body, my thinner body. I feel like I really experienced a grief around it. And, but what I did was I tried not to. I tried to push it away and I tried not to feel it and I think that was detrimental for me in the long run so I do think it's good to like explore it and like sit with it and also know that it's okay to feel like that you don't have to you don't have to beat yourself up for feeling bad that you feel bad you're allowed

to feel bad and you're allowed to sit with it and that's okay but also like and I think because I've got like a I'm very like all-or-nothing mentality and when I felt like that when I felt really bad I just assumed that that was how I was going to feel forever but I think it's okay to know that you feel bad now but that's not going to be forever and that you're taking like positive steps like you've got your your 10k steps and that's not like I'm not saying oh so you're going to lose weight but it's just like nurturing like fostering a more positive um relationship with your body because when your body starts to do when you when it starts to recover and you're able to gain back some of that routine like that's going to make you feel better in your body and more comfortable in your own

skin so I think yeah just be like M said super kind to yourself like easy said than done I know but try and draw on and think about it this way like if this was someone else coming to you like your mum or your sister or your friend coming to you in exactly the same position like what would you tell her like how would you react to her like would you say oh well you know you should feel bad about your body or you are fat or whatever or would you say you need to be really kind to yourself you've been through a lot and now it's time to look after yourself and nurture yourself back to a really good place both physically and mentally. And it's not the worst thing in the world. Like I think that's and when you've got your doctors saying it to you and when you've grown up in a society

that's like complete like basically just rife with fat phobia. It's like it's just it's the biggest fear in the world and it feels like you are failing or whatever doing whatever it is women are supposed to do and how they're supposed to look and it's like we change, we change and this is a physical reaction to something that you are going through. This is how you are reacting to it. And in the same way that we always said, there's no such, I don't think there's such a thing as an overreaction. Like, for you're meant for your body or for your mind, I think that's how, how you react is completely fair. And you have to extend that to your body. This is how your body's reacting. And if this is where it's meant to be, this is where it's meant to be. And if this is

where it's meant to be right now, but not forever, then that's okay. And I think leaning, rather than trying to fight it all the time, because all you're doing is fighting yourself. It's just like, lean into it and just like, this is where I am. And I'm going to make the best of it and in spite of that I'm still going to be happy because I'm allowed to be and fighting your reality is so painful because it is your reality it's your reality and that you are where you are and that's that and I think if like the sooner you accept that like the much like everything's just going to come much easier and much better from there okay so I have I've got an embarrassing story uh hi guys I love the podcast girls you're killing it they get better

week by week which is nice to hear because we always think they're getting getting progressively worse. We haven't actually talked about poo yet this episode, which would be so, it would be... Remiss of us, yeah. Very remiss of us not to, not to, you know, acknowledge poo at some point. Can I just acknowledge something quickly before we go? Go on.

I don't know... Ah, it's embarrassing, because I use the word all the time. I don't know what the word remiss means. Yeah, you do. You use it all the time. I know, but not confidently. Every time I use it, I do that pause often to see if I've used it right, to see, because my mom always does it if I use a word wrong. She's like, yeah, yeah, wait, what? I always wait for the like, wait, what? But it never comes. So I feel like I'm using it right, but I have no confidence. You always used it right. Like, it would be wrong, not to mention. Like, it would be bad, it would be not right of me, not to mention, yeah. Okay, cool, just checking. Love it. I'm so smart.

I love your confidence. Okay, I have a really embarrassing poo story that literally only happened yesterday and I still feel so much shame in Capitals. I don't even know why I'm telling you, honestly, but here goes. So I'd stopped off at Weatherspoons with my baby for some breakfast

as I was starving and you can't be a cheap breakfast. When I'd finished, I really needed a poo. I knew I definitely couldn't wait until I got home so I just thought, well, I'll just quickly go here now. I went and did the business, washed my hands and when I turned oh my god I feel a bit sick oh god no

and when I turned around and this is all in capitals from now on okay so imagine it shouting right the toilet was blocked the water was rising and my gigantic poo was just floating around like hello I didn't know what to do

so I thought I just wait until the water went down and flush again but it didn't go down and this is where it gets really bad oh I can't I have a theory. I have a theory because I know what I'd have done. You've got a baby. It's an alibi. I'd have picked that poop up, shoved it in a nappy, and run. Is that what happened? No. No. That would have been a good idea. Shaneful, but brilliant. Painful. And shameful. This is where it gets really bad. I saw a toilet brush and thought maybe if I just poke it down, it'll fix the problem. Right. Well, I don't want to go into too much.

much graphic detail but but she's going to all that happened was the poo broke up and got stuck in the bristles of the brush and the toilet paper got all caught on the brush and i was trying i was trying to swill it off but it was just making it worse and then had the problem of what to do with the brush so i just had to put it back i had no choice but to just leave it and i felt so shameful and disgusting and they would have definitely known it was me because one of the workers saw me go into the baby changing toilets and the place was completely dead. I can never go there again. I told my boyfriend

that night in fits of laughter but really I really wanted to cry. I feel so bad for whoever had to clean up in there and I feel extra bad knowing the horror they will find when they go to use the toilet brush. Yeah, you're going to have to have very expensive breakfast from now on.

Spoons is out and it takes a lot. It takes a lot to the out of spoons and spoons spies happened. Can I just say something? Go on. Who the fuck designed the toilet brush? It is, without a doubt, the stupidest invention.

Right. Now, I'm going to follow this up by saying, I have a silicon loo brush that's fucking genius. Because shit doesn't stick to silicon. So you can clean the sides. Right. But it just, you know, brr away. Whereas with the bristles, how?

Do you clean a loo brush? I've never known. Do you just flush? So, for the best? This is interesting because my mum, like, has never believed in toilet brushes, right? She's like, they are disgusting. They are. They are.

They are. Little clumps of poop to sit in a stale bowl of wheat next to the loo. I've never understood it. I'm with nor on this one. Why? Excuse me. I think I just like gag burped. You're a disgrace.

Sorry. Daisy, you cannot remove this. I need people to know I have to deal with. Yeah, I'm a bit normal. That doesn't make any sense. You just little shitbrush, six from a bowl of shit we, by the loo, indefinitely. Who cleans it? Nobody knows.

So you just keep using shit to clean up more shit. And then you collect all the shit. Or everybody's shit just sit. sits next to the shitter. Oh, and there was always one in the office at work and I just couldn't look at it because it just made me feel sick. But I've never had an issue where I've needed to use a toilet brush until I met Dave. Oh no, you're putting Dave on blast. You've got skinners. I'm putting Dave on blast. Honestly, like the first time I was horrified, I was like, get back in that toilet right now and clean up your mess. When you poo, you just, you just have

like, like, evidenceless poos. They just, just out. You've never needed to. You've never never knew a new brush? No, never. The thing is, is new brushes have done so well despite their faulty design because they are incredibly necessary. Like, they're the best of a bad, you know what I mean? Like, we need them. We don't love them, but we need, it's like petrol.

Like, we have to use it because it's fuck all else going. You know what I mean? We've got to use a driver brush because what else are we going to do? Silicon is the answer. Just like electric cars. You know, there's good metaphors here. But I understand for a long time why we've had to use the bad system. I can't believe you've never needed it.

It's such a needy. but if I do, like, but actually this is, this is bad for the environment, but, like, I just use a bit of toilet paper. That's not bad for the environment. I thought you could say this is covered in bleach. Isn't it? Isn't it?

Yeah, that's fine. But you put your hand in the loobole, you scrub your little shit away? No, because it's never like, it's never like fully in the loobole, is it? It's always, you know, it's like, oh my God. She's just washing my hands in there as well.

Oh, doing the dishes. Oh, fucking gross. Great. Gross. But I didn't know about a silicon new brush because I'm going to get one because that's a game changer. Yeah that's on it. We've got them here. They're really good because yes the shit doesn't stick. So you use it and then you flush it like you know you flush with the brush so it just like gives it a little yeah and then it's just yeah stunning. How did no one think of that sooner? Well I don't know when silicon was invented because I realized that plastic

was only invented in the fucking 80s which is insane to me. No. Yes. Hey Siri, when was plastic invented? Plastic was formed in 1907. Ssh... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What? Siri full on putting you to shame. Did you know?

Plastic was only invented like 20 years ago. I meant it in the context of food packaging and that was the 80s. Wait, hey, Siri. When did plastic start being used for food packaging? Okay, I found this on the web for when did plastic start being used for food packaging? Check it out.

don't want to talk about it. Okay. I don't want to talk about it. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. Bye. Bye. century nearly right that's it I'm done it's over you're uninvited from the head and all of you

it's not happening I'm uninvited from the head I'm embarrassed I can't I can't you're gonna realize every fact I've told you over the last four months

shit absolute bollocks fucking Siri it was the fact that he read it out out as well oh okay right I've got to go

I've got to go I've got to put some clothes on I'm still not dressed We've got a head do to dry my hair Got a pat my little bag Do you some feel good Fridays And we are out of here So

Hen do Hen do, hen do Hen do I'll tell you what's sad Is that men get to be stag Stag stag stag And then women have to be like cluck cluck

cluck I know I know I know I got some of people About that We weren't be behaving like chickens we'll be hearing like stags.

Right, we're going to go humping. Yeah, I don't know what that means. We are not laying eggs this weekend, guys. We're getting, we're getting humpy. That's it, we're going to get our little horns out. Watch me go. Just Alex laying an egg. Anyway, make this end, Alex, end this.

Make this end. Thank you also, so much, so much for listening. and oh I forgot to say please if you have any is it just me's or embarrassing stories please write in because we'd love to read them out and talk about them the email address is should I delete that pod at gmail.com we can't wait to hear from you and we will see you next week love you bye Thank you.