Should I Delete That? - Mental health, body image and lots of lols with Austyn Farrell

Episode Date: April 2, 2023

This week, the girls have possibly their funnest interview yet! They sit down with content creator, choreographer and dancer Austyn Farrell. During the first lockdowns, Austen starred in some incredible viral videos that showed him entertaining his neighbours and anyone who happened to walk past. His videos even caught the attention of Kim Kardashian, who shared his impersonation of her on her own socials! Austyn has been a beacon of joy and light on the internet, despite sometimes struggling through some pretty dark times himself. Austyn shares his story, including his battles with mental health, but still manages to make Em and Alex laugh all the while.Follow Austyn on Instagram and TikTok @austyn_farrellFollow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone thinks every dancer, oh my God, even on night out, if you'd say, like, I'm a dancer, oh, so you've got a six-pack. Actually, I don't. So everyone has their expectations that you're going to have be ripped and this and that. And it's like, no, I don't. Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That. I'm Alex Light. And I'm I'm, I'm Clark's it. and we get better at that every week. Nailed it. Nailed it. How you doing? I have two goods this week.

Tell me. Go. stunning. Number one, which I suspect you're going to be sharing with me as you're good this week, is that I think, I mean, talk about like counting your chickens before they hatch because I actually don't know, but I think, I've been feeling that we sold out the podcast, our podcast live show. which is a genuine shock. I'm sitting 12 just before we started recording. This is a much bigger venue. So we had like the fear. But I, my whole attitude in life is like, nah,

it'll be fine. And then I had this like really bad, like low lying anxiety for like a whole day like on Wednesday. I was like, what is wrong with me? And like I did like a full body check at like whatever two in the morning when I was like feeding on. I was like, something's wrong.

Something's wrong. I was like, oh, no one's going to come to the show. And so this has been a real spin around for me. I can't believe. I cannot believe. Okay, this is not confirmed. But like, yeah, what was somebody like? Oh, so that was a glitch.

Actually, you saw two. What, we did cause some traffic to the site, which caused a queue. Oh, I'm going to, sorry, hang on. One of our awkwards has got to be the fact that we did cause some traffic to the site. And we were so excited. Oh, my God, everyone's so excited for the last. show and then the people behind the website were like so busted tickets went on sale this morning so the website's experience a lot of traffic it's like okay that would make more sense but maybe it's an

cumulative thing busted and us exactly i think we lay claim to at least like 20% of that traffic fuck it we'll have it like nine-year-old me's head explodes that like the show that i'm in goes live of the same days I should have, like, busted. Do you remember watching the air hostess music video and just losing your fucking mind? I remember. Charlie was like one of the greatest loves of my life. And he's like, I'm glad I'm crashed the wedding. Like, I mean, imagine, imagine someone in a skateboard crashes your wedding.

What would you do? What was that, what was the, um, is it year 3000? Am I making that up? Yeah, no, there's year 3000. What I go to school for? they had some fucking that I don't know I'm doing this afternoon. Full four, that's it. Oh my God.

I mean, actually incredible. A lot of their songs, like, so inappropriate with hindsight. Like, he's fully sexually harassing his teacher and she should not be entertaining that. And actually, he's fully sexually harassing that air hostess as well. And it just adds to stereotyping that that profession does not need. You know what I mean? Like the sexualisation of a whole career. It's a really good.

It's, yeah, my feminist eyes are not kind. two boston songwriters. Fuck busted. I don't mean that. We're canceling them. No, we're not. We're not. We're not.

We're not. We're not. What's your other good, please? My other good is less exciting, but it's been a revelation for me. Okay. Hit me. Yeah.

And actually, when I was thinking about it before, and I was like, yeah, that's one of my goods, because it is one of my goods, but actually saying out of loud, now I'm a bit like... No, own it.

What is it? I'm going to own it. Okay, fine. So I, right, I normally buy veg. and because of schedules or this and that the veg always goes off and it just drives me nuts I feel like I can't find a good way

to keep, like to use up all the veg like efficiently and to use it all up and like at the same time and not letting it. It's not in the air fryer. Well, yes, that would be a good thing but like you know when you're scheduled... You don't want solutions to, I get it, I get it. I'm in Tesco yesterday, yeah?

Yeah? I am on the frozen aisle, right? Yeah. Oh my God, frozen fudge. There was a ton of frozen fudge there. Broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, etymarme beans, sweet corn. I mean, I knew about peas. There's chopped onions, chopped garlic.

You heard about lazy garlic because that's going to blow your mind. I just have garlic in a jar. It's all just already pre-done. See, just add a teaspoon of garlic. No. Yeah. But I'm delighted for you. freezer is always full of edamami beans because I just fucking love edamami beans and they're

frozen spinach balls and so when you're just making like a pasta or something you can just grab a ball spinach and just chuck it in why wouldn't you honestly literally why wouldn't you i am i'm so sad for you that i didn't know that you weren't here i just assumed that everyone was here but i'm so pleased to welcome you i just i knew you could buy peas but like frozen peas but the rest of it i didn't i just i just didn't i didn't i didn't know you can buy chopped peppers frozen yeah yeah yeah yeah it's how in the world i just don't get why anyone will buy fresh veg i will never buy fresh veg ever call on the cubs i bought frozen corn the cubs now don't quote me on this but i'm actually i think that frozen veg isn't that much

worse for the environment if not i think it actually could be better i think i mean to check it needs fat check me obviously but i think obviously fresh veg is environmental ways like the the air miles on those bad boys is got to be huge. So I think. Also, it reduces so much waste. So much waste. And yeah, and you don't have to rush getting it like to, you know, to England or to whatever. It can just be frozen. Experts say frozen produce has a lower carbon footprint than fresh. Well, who knew? I mean, I knew. But they retain, frozen veg retains the nutrients better. than fresh hedge. Whether that's like, I imagine it's very minimal, but still, like, it's just a happy for it. It's really exciting. And actually, I think the next week's podcast is going to be

that you've had to get a bigger freezer because now you're fridge to freezer ratio. Well, say no more, there is another freezer on working its waiter as right now as we speak. Stop it. Why do I know you so well? You're going to get home with that. I'll be a freezer's not bigger. we have like actually we've got a normal like three draw freezer but we store all the betty's button at box in there yeah it's hard so i was like dave we need a freezer we need a second freezer and i said let's have a chest freezer and he was like that's ridiculous and there is not enough room for like i was thinking like a ginormous chest freezer because i was thinking like this is my new life this is the first thing well new life i've got a few issues with chest freezers to be

honest my mom's got one um first of all just the incident and suspicious every time i look at one i'm like there's probably a body in there like an arm or a head yeah yeah um and actually really sinisterly for me long story not going to get into it but i did once open mom's chest freezer and katherine who uh lives next to my mum and they like share the chest freezer uh got into taxidermying a while ago and she was from taxi-down being roadkill because it was already dead

and the freezer was open and there was like a death crow like so we did go through a period at home where they were just like dead roadkill in our freezer so maybe that's why I find them so sinister but also you know

every crime drama ever there's always someone in the Chessing and also I don't know about you if you've ever gone in one but every time I root to the bottom because you've always got a rummage to the bottom because that's just the way it works There's no system.

It's a bit too much anarchy for me. But you pop you in and then what's to stay? The fucking lid's not going to land on your head and kill you instantly. So I think it's best to just stick with the door. Okay. Well, I'm now glad we did because I would have been like shit scared

of this like chest freezer in our house. Agreed. Okay, fine. Yeah. Cool. So bad. Bring it down. Anything bad?

It's like you're good too. Yes. The live show. Yeah, lots of little goods. My good comes on from my bad, actually. My other good comes on from my bad. And that is that I have survived the week and so has arlo. Because on Saturday, my whole family went on last Saturday.

My whole family went on holiday. And Alex went on a stag do. And I was literally left holding the baby. I was like, where are you all going? And a weekend, actually, I'd been dreading since before, all I was even born. I was just so aware that I was like by myself. And it was fine. I survived it. Sarah came over and helped me and we had a really nice time. But I've always been poorly and it was just like, oh my God. Like I know I can do it. But like shit, it's hard. Like my respect

for single mothers is just single parents is beyond. Anyway, I can't do it. I do. Mate, I do not know. Look, I thought this after, during cesarian recovery, I was like, if you are on your own and you have a caesarian. I genuinely don't know how you survive it. Like, I can't compute that. At any age, I don't know how you do it. Like, obviously, I know a bunch of single, I mean, Alex's mom from the first day raised Alex on his own. And I just, I like, I had tipped. I just don't know how you do it. I don't know how you do it. It's just amazing. So I feel so lucky to have the support all the time, but it's like, you know, you don't know you've got a good thing until they all go. And then I was like, oh my God, guys come back immediately.

like I'm fine but I'm fucked so anyway he had a nice time he had the fucking audacity though walked through the door on Sunday and I'm like tired like holding on tired and I'm holding a lot and he's like makes a jab and jive jab anyway an observation that the kitchen's not very tidy no he didn't he I think he said it and then you know and so it's like it was a joke and then it was instantly like this has landed terribly um lol literally I was like out

out get leave I was better off without you it was such a bad joke and we had people over as well like lucky and Sarah had come over for London

lucky sister and stuff I was like I don't even care like he dropped this absolutely clanger and I was just like leave I don't care that there are people here and they're like oh it to my Britishness to be polite and save this fight for later

you have to go so yeah I got it no blessing he didn't mean it It was just a joke, but I was just like, do I look like, is this a face of a woman that looks like she can take a joke? I don't think so. Oh, right now. Pick your time.

Kitchen was a mare. So obviously he had to tidy it. You don't like it. Do something about it. Yeah. Yeah, very good. But you survived it. Oh, yeah, survived it.

It was bad and good that I did survive it. Anything bad for yourself? No, because I had two goods. I didn't want to be greedy. Good for you. Yeah, so no. In that case, what have you got to? was awkward for me. Well, my awkward possibly could be a bad, but I am just a tit, honestly.

The, you know our trendy Gen Z jeans purchase that we did? Oh, that's my bad. Okay. Okay. Well, that makes my bad even badder. I, we bought them when we were recording, right? So I wasn't really paying attention. Anyway, I placed the order. The order's gone. And then I don't even know what, I don't even know if it's next day. I don't know. I don't know. Basically, I don't know. and then I got a message from Chloe at Buttonet Box a lovely friend Chloe so I had sent the jeans to her in the north of England

Oh my God, what a hint Get cooler, get cooler Chloe Like I am so sorry I'm so sorry that I'm a pair of Gen Z jeansy jeans with no context Literally she's like And it was addressed to me but just with her address so I still don't have them like bless her she's sending me them to me which she I feel really bad she just doesn't have to do but I've put that in her lap

I think you keep them more you get something like me well my bad should probably be the fact that mine don't fit and not even slightly don't fit I don't know if Jen I don't know if Gen Z are just smaller people but I'm obviously on a bit of a I'm in a weird body fluid each I don't normally do this. I've normally sent them back. But I'm thinking I might keep them because I obviously have a very recently post part of body.

So I'm going to stick with them, but I was a bit devastated because when they arrived, I was like, it's my fucking time. I'm going to put these on. I'm going to look so cool. I put them on and I didn't look fucking cool. I looked super sad because obviously they didn't do up and there's nothing that crushes the ego more

than jeans that don't do up. Like, it's like, I just feel like I was like shoving dough into like any luck. Like, could you get the zip up? Could you do the button? No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think you understand. I don't. I'll send you a photo. No, no, no, no, no. I mean,

my butt just got in. But as for the rest of it, I'm trying to give you a visual. But it's genuinely like like, like dough's rising. And, and you just you can't bite it you know what i mean it's just gone everywhere yeah okay do you know what you paints a really good picture of that should i see it i see it yeah so that's what i'm dealing with at the moment i'll keep you posted but as for now i've got to stay i've actually ordered myself another pair of um of tailor trousers so i'm staying on the millennial on the millennial train for a little bit longer that should probably be my bad do you know what actually god

wouldn't have got another good i found like the perfect pair of wide-leg trousers send me the link immediately. I will. I will. No, they've got like a white stripe down the side and they're just like the perfect, perfect fit. Okay, I want them immediately. I've been, I've been buying from M and M, which is so expensive, but I do figure that they're investment pieces and I'm trying to be like slow fashion, ethical stuff. My awkward, please, before we let the interview commence, I have to organise a passport for me and for Arlo. I need a new passport with a new name on it so I can have the same one as same surname as her and she needs a passport. I don't know if you seen the news, but the passport office is striking. So it's a really long wait to get

passports and we have a wedding. The staggy that Alex is out this weekend, that wedding is in Madrid and we cannot miss it because he is an usher. So we got to go. So I was like, okay, I actually think it's going to be quicker. We basically looking into whether it's quicker to get Arlo and Irish one, which I actually think it would have been. Or to do, it's so boring, but we're doing like fast track passports to get my name change because my passport's expiring next month anyway to get name change on mine and to get all are a new one and you have to go to Peterborough did you know that to get your passport you have to go to Pete like they gave me the option on the website and they were like your closest one is in Belfast I was like well how the fuck am I going to

get to Belfast to get some passport office then they gave me the Peterborough option I was like how am I going to get a newborn three hour drive to Peterborough three hour drive back again weirdly my cousins have been Peterborough but they could be no help anyway long story this amazing woman has stepped in to help me and because someone can go on your behalf this friend of mine it's just been such a goddess and so we've worked something out and she's gone to Peterborough to help me because I'm literally just like what do I do and anyway long that's a whole long story complete story to say that I had to retake my passport photo um I retook it I look like a sack of fucking shit like I've just had a baby my eyes through the

floor like I'm pale, I'm tired, just trash bags every day. And so I was like, this is just sad. This is going to be a decade reminder of how bad I looked, but what are you going to do? So I took a photo and then sent it to my friend and she said, it's too shadowy. So I had to do another one yesterday, like ASAP Rocky. And she sent me this message as I was at the dentist having a procedure on my mouth because of this stupid fucking screw. And I'd had a whole load of local anesthetic on one side of my face. So I tried to smile and I couldn't smile. I looked like had a stroke out, I'll send you a photo, my face does more fucking working and I had to retake the passport photo yesterday with my fucking face not working. So I look like one of

those adverts, you know, stroke adverts where it's like a head's on fire. That's what I look like. What's it? F-A-E. Yeah. I had all of those symptoms apart from, you know, the bad ones, just the face one. Oh, so bad. Anyway, so, you know, things can only get better. is what, like, immediately comes to mind. Well, I didn't think I'd fucked up the application form and I've just heard from my friend that everything was accepted. So I think it's going to work. Oh, thank God.

That is a huge relief. So, yeah, that was a roller coaster just to say that basically I've got the ugliest passport photo in the world now. I feel like we all need to see that, please. Yeah, wait until it arrives in the post and then you can. The Instagram account needs that to live there. I mean, you've seen enough. my stupid fucking jaw phase to know kind of the level that we're at. I'm not struggling to

have too much imagination to picture that. Okay, well I learned that Peterborough is actually in England to just now. Oh yeah, Peterborough's up like sort of North Midlands. Did not, I thought it was the capital of Russia. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. I didn't mean capital. I didn't mean capital. I actually didn't mean capital. Oh my god, Daisy, please take that out. Please, please, please, please, please take that out. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that. I know it's Moscow. Moscow. I swear. Russia. Peterbrough, no? St. Petersburg, super trapped in a song called St. Petersburg. And I think we should help them to write it. She'll need some beachbram. St. Petersburg. That makes sense. I thought it was, I thought it was actually, Peterborough doesn't sound very

Russian. Neither does St. Petersburg, to be honest with you. Well, I love you. Geese. Geography was not my strong. I wasn't that far off though. Petersburg, Petersburg. How, you were so far away from a town in the middle of England. I mean, I don't know what Peter, I don't know, I don't know. I'm going to, we'll find the photo of Peterborough and put it next to some Petersburg. Okay, every day to school day. On that note, we have, oh, we've got the greatest guest today, we've got the loveliest guest, and we did the loveliest interview with the loveliest guest.

I'm so excited for you all to hear it. He was so much fun. I think this is one of our most fun interviews. We just laughed the whole way through. He's pretty... But there was some serious bits as well, which I thought were really interesting, given, like, his profession and everything.

So, without further ado, let us introduce you to Dancing Extraordinaire, Austin Farrell. Thanks for coming in. Thank you for having me. Yeah. I'm excited. We... Actually what, I've been following you for a while now

because of the Valenciaga Kim's Met Gala look in the street. So, such a good video. So you put on Kim's shadow, like she was a shadow, right? She looked like Voldemort or one of them things. Yeah, Dementor. Yes, she did. I did.

I really fit one there. At the Met Gala and had Valencia Aga all black. Like everything covered, even her face. Yeah. I was more impressed with the shoes. Oh, what, they've been with me for years, you know. You should see a closer upon them. They look dreadful.

They are super glued I've never Also I've never taken a pair of heels To the shoe people But I did that last year Cobblers Coblers That's what they're called

Had to do that I was like what When did this become my life Of doing this But no I'm always amazed by how many cobblers There are in the world There's cobblers everywhere

Cobblers and keycutters And I just think How? I always think the same With watch repairs Yeah Watch repairs How many people

Break a watch That much to keep That business open Do you know, though, I worked in a fireplace shop for over a year and I didn't sell as a single fireplace. So I think there's a lot of shops in London with dubious intakes. So bad. It was only after I left, I was like, I think you might have been money laundering.

Oh, yeah. What else is I doing? Do you know what, though, again, carpet shops. Yeah, and mattresses. But it's when on a high street and you say, see about 12 carpet shop next to each other, something dodgy's going on. Yeah.

Yeah. No one's behind any wrong. And there's nice of sweet shops on Oxford Street, although they're like, they're famously dodgy. Are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of them got raided the other day. My husband works in Soho and he was,

I fucking loves the drama. He was like, you would not believe it. They had raided it. Oh, my God. Going through all the Reese cups. Like, no, they're drugs. I can go and go through all of it. Wow.

I know. What a bust. What a coup. Right, we do digress. Let's get back to you. Okay. So much carpets. You are, Austin, a dancer.

Yes. Choreographer. Content creator. Extraordinary. Oh, stop it. I'll cry. Yeah, you definitely had to fit. It would have been really sad.

I just finished it with creator. That's it. Extraordinary. My show. Yes. And yeah, that's how I came across you with that video. Yes. Of you on the street in.

you had completely recreated Kim's Met Gala Look and you were doing a dance I can't remember what song it was too It's Friday then That's it. That's it's really good And it went super viral and Kim Kardashian then shared it

Right? The bit shared it And I was so drunk when I got that notification saying Kim Kay is in your request I thought what the fuck She was in your Yeah because she shared it and tagged me It came up in my I don't follow her

Sorry Kim Oh my It came up as that And I was like what And then all of a sudden, loads of messages, I can't believe Kin's repost. I was like, what? Oh, my God. I didn't even follow.

I'm now a fan of it, and I'll follow, I'll go through, I'll follow everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Worth. Oh, my God. Imagine. I mean, my requests do not look like my, my requests are like, feet picks. Do you want to sugar, daddy? I'll pay you $1,000 a month.

And I'm like, okay. I could do with the money, actually. Yeah. I've got lovely feet. I've often said it. I've got very long toes. And I just think there's... I don't like that.

I've got very long toes. I don't think that constitutes lovely feet. Have you got the second one bigger than... Not only is it bigger than my first toe. It's at the same length as my baby finger. That's disgusting. Oh my God. I will not be shamed, actually.

I will not be body shamed in this way. Because I just think there's gotta be... Like, I can pick up so much shit with my feet. I can pick up a hairbrush. Like, no drama. Joe, I'll give you that because I've got a gap that's like that. But... Have you?

It's not as big of my finger. Yeah, yeah. And I haven't got massive fingers, but a pretty good length, toe. What can you pick up with them? Loads of stuff. And this is where I think I can make my money. Business-minded. We were talking earlier about how I wasn't very entrepreneurial,

but I think this might be the making of me. Yeah, right now she's sold with the mic with her foot. Only feet. Only feet. Yeah. That's all I'm good for. Copyright that. I should, shouldn't I?

Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Oh, my God. We keep digressing, good God, sorry. Giddy energy. I can't believe she's in your dance. I know, I can't believe she's in your phone.

It was just mad. How do you play that? What did you say back to her? I think I said something like, can we be friends now? Nice. I really thought, let's try and fucking wrong with it. Did you ever hear about? No.

No. Actually, I think she gave me a kiss, a kiss back or something. Did she? And then that's when I tried it. I put, thank you so much for sharing or something. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Let me find.

Oh, my God. Well, he finds it. Can I just say, can I just, share something pretty amazing. Go on. My Alex is followed by Barack Obama on Twitter and we have no idea why. I think I am too.

I'm Britney Spears. What? I think it was like... What? At the time on Twitter. Can you share? If you take this from him? Because that is his...

No, I was. And Britney Spears as well. And Barack Obama follow. But I think... At a time when on Twitter there was the automatic follow back, everyone who followed you. So I followed Britney Spears and got followed back.

I followed my bar. I got followed back and someone else as well. I need to see this. That does happen, doesn't it? I don't have my old Twitter anymore, though. That's convenient. But I'm just going to see how many people he's following. The lies.

He's following 565,000 people. Eight billion people in the world, babe. He's still in a good camp. You are one of them. I can't believe you're going to take that from him. Anyway, sorry, let's hear it. I've got it. Go on.

So she tagging which you can't see. I wrote back, as if you just shared my, video. I'm in love. Thank you. Still hadn't followed her at this point, so I was lying very drunk. What time was it? Two in the morning. Love that. Love that. Just in Soho. Like that. She put back three black hearts and I put Can I be Friends and that's the end of the conversation. That's nice of her to come back with three hearts. Yeah. At least. Yeah. Crushing to leave you on Can We Be Friends.

Can we be friends. Lock phone and that was it. But I was happy she replied. I'm happy that she shared. Yeah. Just madness from putting a bin bag on my head and doing that. Yeah. She does seem to have quite good humour for this stuff now. She does. Yeah, that love of Huns video yesterday sent me.

Did you see that? It's Em to the B. Yeah. I was like, go. I know. Come on, babe. She didn't like quite nail her. Like her lips and keys off.

She was so far behind the actual thing. Clip, pause, go. But I enjoyed the effort. Yeah. She's down with the kids. It's nice to see her try. It is. Yes.

Well done. Cholving claps. Well done. So dancing. Your dancer, that's what you were doing in the video, which is how I found you. But then I've come to love your content. And I'm going to, I've saved a video that I want to like play back. Want to learn.

Yeah, absolutely not. I've showed it to you before because it's just really meaningful enough. How did you become a dancer? What's your story? How did you get into this world? I feel I've not been asked this in ages. Really? So when I was like four or five, my mom used to teach line dancing and step aerobics.

I'm not fun. So I'd do the step aerobics, then joining with her. I'd lead the class sometimes if my mom had to go toilet or anything like that. I'm up stage with the check and shirt and stuff. Just loved it. Then that finished. And then I used to play football. My dad used to fitness coach Derby County.

And so I was growing up with that every week seeing him on the pitch, warming up the players and things like that. And I started playing. And then I remember when I was like 12 to 14 or something like that, I used to play for Lester Scouts and I was doing quite well normally with that and then my dad's

friends and stuff hopefully would be able to push professional but I actually broke my hand and sorry I stood there because I was remembered how I did it I didn't say heart I was like I'm sorry I remember what happened

do you do that aeroplane thing when you're on your back and you hold someone's Yeah yeah yeah Yeah well I did it the other way round So my bum was on my sister's legs and I was holding the hands like that and I farted

and she pushed me off with her legs and as I've landed I've gone to cushion myself and my wrist went and I looked at my hand and it was all mangled so that's how I broke my arm

from farting in my sister's face flatulence is fatal but dangerous it was just a bit of fun and literally from there I got a letter from Lester saying I'm dropped because when you're injured

It's like they don't want to punch money into you before you even start. So I was like, fuck. And so I didn't know what I was doing. I'm very thick. I'm very dumb. So it's like I'm never going to be a maths teacher or anything like that. I can't even spell geography. And I remember just going to this under 18 nappy nights thing.

And all of a sudden there was a dance competition for like them little Mowan sweets. I was like, I fucking love them. I'm going on stage. And I just do backflips and dance around. You could do a backflip? Well, this was many years ago. So let's just, I could do a backflip. Yeah, and did that, won the competition, some girl, came up to me like it was a film of Step Up.

She's like, oh, we love you. Were you coming and dance here at this studio thing? And next thing I did that. And the ball just kept rolling. It's something that I fell in love with it. I was like, yeah, it just brought happiness to me. Yeah, and you were naturally really good at it. Stop it.

Yes. It had such a passion for and I could do and people praise me for it. school, I wasn't really told the best thing. So it was so where I could put that energy that would shut me up and focus on that. Yeah. And then from there, I'm now dressed as Kim K in the street. I love that. Going up. When did you start the TikTok dancing? TikTok videos? In lockdown. I was one of them that said I'll never get TikTok. Yeah, yeah. Cut to, oh my God, I got 3,000 views. And it just happened from there. I was missing dancing. From dancing every week and massive TV shows and stuff to be as well.

stuck in my house. The only thing I found that I could do was recording the house and people was like, oh my God, it's great. So I thought, fuck it, going the street. So that's how that started. So, sorry, going back to the girl approached you at that competition was like, come dance with us. And then did you, did it just all kind of go from there and you ended up being a full-time backing dancer? Is that what it? So I've went to like a dance crew, as they say now. Like, started off doing that with her. Holly, her name is. So I started off doing that with Holly. And then she was applying for a dance school. So she was like, why don't you apply for this dancing if you want to do it properly?

I was like, okay. So did the three years training. So hard work. I couldn't think of going back to the workouts, the sweat, dancing that much, so much. Yeah. Yeah. And that's when it led into that. And then professionally after it, I was like, I want to get a job. So she ended up auditioned the week before I graduated. And the day after I graduated, found out had Michael Jackson Thriller show in West End, yeah. So from there I was very grateful, fortunate that I had to move to London for this job and then from there just networking

and you fell into place kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then from there just, yeah. Amazing, that's really cool. So you started TikTok and it kind of exploded from there. Yeah. Yeah.

It just went weird. It just went massive. I just remember. The first one was Tina Turner. I did Tina Turner down the street and all the neighbours would watch outside and stuff. And it was just generally me wanting to entertain the neighbours, do it for people on social.

And my friends, because that's all I had on there at the time. So when there was so much love back saying, oh, you're helping me lockdown, help them through this. It was a couple of years ago, but it was a fucking hard time for us all, weren't it? So things like that was so nice for me to plan and perform still. For them, it was nice to see. and then from there

just kept getting I want to do more I want this I want to set up a boat in my front garden to do Moana and shit like that so

I wanted to ask about your neighbours actually what they thought of that I would have been so happy my actual neighbour to the left to me

and no one knows this the neighbour to the left to me has never watched one of the performances he's walked through like from the street down and into his house while I'm performing

and he won't back an eyelid but if he sees me like putting the bins out he's like hey how are you You just doesn't give me the time of fucking day. I would acknowledge that. Literally. If I can't see it, it's not happening.

Exactly. I'm a bit like, okay. If this was the musical, if this was step up, that man in his life, in his childhood was probably a really amazing dancer. And then something happened. Yes. And he had his dancing career robbed from him, maybe by his dad who wasn't supportive. And now when he sees you, he's like, all I could have been.

And at the end of this film, it will finish with him joining on the street. Oh, my God. For a Moana moment. Oh, Greatest Showman. Yes. I want to give you a stand in ovation after that, babe, because you don't. That was just... I know.

You've thought of that before. It's my, like, something I secretly harbour as a desire to direct films because I can always predict what's going to happen, isn't it? Oh, my God, do it? Well, I don't know how, but that does feel good. It's... Do you know what? It kind of, without really knowing your neighbour attracts, actually.

I'm with it, yeah. Gear change, sorry. Serious face. You, okay, so the video that I, you, the video that I wanted to talk about just made me like, I mean, you've done loads, but like this on the moment. When it's Christmas and everyone's having fun,

but you suffer with anxiety and hate the world. And it's just like you're dancing and crying. And I was like, you know, that speaks to me. It's a story in my life. Literally. Yeah, I love that. But you do, you do open up. up a lot about your, well, not a lot, but like a fair amount about your mental health

issues on Instagram and TikTok. And you often do it in funny ways, which I enjoy, someone who doesn't have TikTok mental health myself. I like to also... I love a great sense of humour, yeah, yeah. I like to make light of it. So I enjoy that very much, thank you. No worries.

How do you more? I'll break down tomorrow for you. Thank you. Thanks. Okay, we'll do it rhythmically. Yeah. I need you to dance while you're doing it, though, thank you. I'm a pro at it.

Why did you, like, because obviously your platform's about dancing, like why did you decide to share that part of your life as well? I think it's just tough because in my whole career, whatever you're going through, you have to lie and you have to go on stage and present yourself as, you know, your shit, you're smashing it and doing this and trying to look sexy and straight in that next to an artist. And you're just being things that you're not.

You come off stage and there's so many times when I break down because I've got through the week of avoiding my anxiety, avoiding my depression and going through this. And then it all just gets on top of you at the end and you let it all out after performance. I'm like, there's just so much reality that I'm feeling this, so many other people are feeling this, but yet no one really talks about it.

And I remember some things that really hit me was, oh my God, I'm going to say his name wrong online. Robin Wilson. No, is it Robin Wilson? Robin Williams. There you go. Sorry, Robin Williamson, that's my friend. That's my friend girl as well.

Robin Williams, I remember when he took his life, I was like, oh my God, this guy was my childhood film. Like, it was so many smart. Yeah, Mrs. Doubtfire, Peter Pan, all this stuff and he's so funny and so talented. I'm not saying I'm funny and so talented. We'll say it. Yeah.

Thank you, guys. But it was just kind of, I looked at it and I thought, it's so sad because he wasn't obviously happy fully and with social media it's still being a new a new thing kind of it's new but it's old but it's new does that make sense and I just wanted to share my insecurities to make sure other other people feel like they they resonate with that especially the men Mike from Love Island things like that there's just so many people that so to go so deep but do aren't really happy. And I don't want my friends to go that. I've lost a few friends from suicide and

stuff. And I just wish they could talk or try and make humour out of it. If it's going against you, let's try and ride it with humour and laugh with it. So then other people like yourself can see that I do struggle with it, but I'm also having a good time as well. But I do have my insecurities. I do have my anxieties. Sometimes if I do seem a bit weird, something's going on here, you know. I just wanted to express to the people that that's, it's a real thing that happens. And I think like part of being like, obviously Instagram and TikTok and social media in general is so like aspirational in terms of like, you know, we do show everybody our best bits and you as a performer as well show the best bits because you show what you've

practiced for and like you show the show and like when it's coming to things like being a dancer as well, I imagine it's actually quite a lot of pressure because people look at you and you're doing something that, like, I would look at your dogs and be like, oh, fuck knows. And you're so far away from it. And it's, I guess, how a lot of, like, to put it to like young women and something that we can relate to, it's like we'd look at, you know, like models or like Victoria's Secret Angels use that as an example. And you'd look at that.

You'd think it's so far away from me, they can't possibly have struggles that I have. Yeah. And it's so nice to see, like, you are such a professional and you. you are clearly so good at what you do. But you can connect with people, despite having this great unrelatable skill, because no one can dance as well as you. But you've got this relatability in terms of like what you're showing to people.

I think it's so levelling and so lovely. And that's been one of my favorite things of like TikTok, lockdown TikTok and you're like king of lockdown TikTok. But like it's really comforting and like humanising for people. Oh, thank you. No worries. That is. It's nice to hear stuff.

like that because if I see someone else to it, I think the same. I'm like, it's so nice that you're doing that and with a platform or whatever it is. If you can try and help some people, it's brilliant, sometimes dangerous because some people mess you, I'm sure you've had it when people think that you're a therapist still.

And it's like, this is out of my depth here and someone's reaching out for a lot of help kind of thing. But I think if you can inspire people to do the best that they can, I'm happy with that hopefully other people are happy with that just to try and pick themselves up a little bit of just relating to what is actually

happening in the world strange yeah and I do I do think that at least for me anyway I feel like the I don't say making light of it because that has like a negative connotation but like adding

injecting a dose of like humour into it does help break down the stick as well. Yeah. And like M said, for a lot of people who are following you that would never think

that you would have any mental health struggles. I'm fucking riddled with it. It's a fun club. It is a fun club. There should be a chess club of that. Chess and inside it would be great.

Move, I don't dare. It'd be the longest ever game of chess it would be. Oh my God, you'd be so long. playing a game of chess. Oh, like, move, I can't, I'm too tired. I've thought for two hours straight, I'm exhausted.

Do you mind if I move here? I'm really sorry. I just, I think I might have to move here. Does that annoy you? If it's going to be really, it's probably going to be really annoying. I don't want to take your porn. You know, but it's fine. I won't go.

Look, I'm just going to miss my girl. You just have yours. I just take myself out of this game completely. I think you'd be happy if I wasn't here, wouldn't you? It's fine. I'm still going to turn around. It's fine. Yeah, you're playing your own.

I'll be fine. I win. Surprise. Oh, gosh. It's fun. I'm fine. It's so fun. It's nice to make fun of it.

Yeah. Not fun of it, but it's like you said, like just normalising it. Yeah. Levels it. It just lets people just like, be human with it. And it's like, and you can be happy and sad. And you can be like fun and anxious. And actually sometimes the parts of us that aren't necessarily well.

do make some lovely traits and that's all just a bit complicated and just like you know like your my our anxious temperaments probably make us like terrible interviewers but I don't know

it's probably like quite a fun dynamic in a weird sort of way and like and it's so it is a bit more complicated than good and bad isn't it and it's kind of lovely just to see the messiness in between yeah real

I saw you did a video on Instagram where you said that you were just, I think you were feeling really bad. You cancelled work and went and took yourself off on a holiday. Yes. Yeah. Fucking loved that. Did you? Yeah.

You're on your own? Yeah. Well, I was so single at the time. So I was like, this is the thing because I've pulled back away from dancing quite a lot. Professional dancing. Professionally, yeah. I'll do the things I want to do, which is lovely, but there's pros and cons from that. It's like I do strictly on the occasion because I love it.

I love Strictly the team you get supported so much. I'm not a fan of my own body. So sometimes you go on there and they're like, wear this top, top list open. I don't want to do it. So since, but with work like that, other dance stuff, you just fly away somewhere for two days, like France and do a performance.

I would always travel. So sometimes I'm just like, I'm always surrounded by people even when I go away or when I'm at home, I'm surrounded by this and there's emails. So when enough's enough, I'm just like solo trip when I was single. I was like, solo trip, take me away. So I just booked to go, my sister helped me find somewhere in Costa Degu, Tenerife. I had like a jacuzzi on the roof.

It was just a massive king-sized bed and it was just me. I was literally having a bath for the morning, going up there, just watching sunset and stuff. Just to be in my own thoughts, have a drink by myself. If I wanted to cry, I can cry. Just bringing stuff back to me, like treat yourself. like you would with your best friend and tell her what you would do in a situation like that and just bring it back to me, you know.

So yeah, a nice little solo trip is beautiful. Do you ever go away on your own? No. I don't think I ever have a right. Straight away, no. I'm not getting on that fucking plane. What if someone attacks me? I don't know.

But it's them fears. Yeah. But listen, we've got Google. Yeah. Crime can happen anywhere. But being a gay man, especially in black, the main thing I would look at is what the crime rate is.

Is it? Yeah, massively. And that's why I always ask my sister because I miss things. So she would go, it looks like it's safe and this. There's not much crime rate and things. But it is that, isn't it?

It's like, whatever if I get spoken to or this. There's a lot of insecurities and anxieties that come with it. Definitely something wrong with me because that was not my first thought. What was your first thought? I don't know.

I thought I'd be bored. I was going to say, you'd be like, oh, I'd be bored. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't. I'd read my books. Maybe I'd be really happy,

actually. But then I'd get terrible phomo. about what everyone was doing at home. No, but then they're thinking that of you. And he'd be like, what? Where are you? Where are you going? But that's the thing.

If you get bored, you go, okay, right now, I'm going to get up and go somewhere else. So that's what you do. I'll get bored somewhere on the beach and I'm going to go for food. So I'll go to whatever I want to do. It's the time for you to do what you want to do. That sounds amazing. Yeah, if it's the choice of going right or left, you get to decide it. It's not, should we go there?

Oh, no, maybe let's go here. That's amazing. You just do what you want to do. I wonder if we'd be so. decisive if we were left on our own like I wonder if we'd still sit there on the beach going to go no I'm not sure no I'm not going to go no no it's fine actually no I actually

I'm really hungry no I'm going to go to that place that place looks better am I'm going to sleep up they're going to be looking at no you know what I'm not going I'm not going why this is happening you're just on your own going just sitting there like paralys yeah maybe we wouldn't have a great time

if you would go anywhere on your own where would it be oh my god is the only way that you've loved go. You know where I'm going to say, don't you? Can you go to Paris? Take the piss out of me for it.

Yeah, I'd go to Paris. Have you been before? Oh, she's been to Paris before. How many times you've gone to Paris? I actually lived there. Ask you how if she speaks French. A bonjourie saver, convenient. Oh, wow.

That's all I know, by the way. Please don't send it back because I don't know for all else. Say something back. Not anymore. Wow, well, well done. But yeah, if I've never been there, I've never been alone there, ever, ever, ever. So I would like to do that I say, do it

Yeah, maybe I'll just fucking do it I'm gonna go I'm just gonna go like off grade And you'll be like No no no go when I've had the baby Go when it doesn't affect me Yeah yeah okay Go when you're not ruining my fucking career

Where would I go I don't think I can Now I'm having this kid You can't just be like But if you could Society frowns at women That leave their children They do

They do If I could If I could I don't know I'll probably just go to my heart I just go sit in like Jamaica or something and just going, oh, you'd love to go.

Somewhere in the Caribbean, everyone's so lovely. And I'll just go and sit by myself and just make friends and drink peanut collars. Oh, fuck cocktail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's nice. The life. You say to where hot, once I went away Iceland on my own. Is that amazing?

What was that? It was so, I did go there, have a friend that lives there. So it was a workshop. I thought, I'd do a workshop and she said she'll pay me for that, which was the flights, and then about a bit of money for spending. Yeah. And I thought, deal. So I went there, flew there, taught the workshop,

then I had four days there on my own. So I went like Blue Lagoon on my own. Oh, stunning. And it was just so beautiful. But I made friends on the coat. I did a tour. How sad. How sad?

That's so nice. You can't exactly tour yourself around Iceland. Like it's dangerous. It's cold. It's huge. Blown up on one of them volcano things. Yeah, like environmentally dangerous. Right, right.

The island is like the nicest people in the world. But like, the environment. Nature's dangers. Yeah. I mean, just slipping down a road on my own and no one knows where I'm going. Yeah. Yeah, see you. Yeah.

But there were so many people that you met in the coach and stuff. And it's so nice that I don't have a clue what their names are. And people don't stare at you right. Like when you're on your own, like, that's it. You think that people are going to be like judging you for, because this is what I wanted to, we skipped away from the neighbours because I got distracted by your neighbours, like, longing to dance. But the two things are kind of similar.

It's really learning that other people aren't, what, I guess that they're not, people aren't thinking about you all the time. Oh, God. And you can just. Reality is. No one gives a fuck about you. That's it. Like, no one gives a fuck.

I've seen people fall in the street and I'm like, oh, bless him. Or if it is a funny... I do love to laugh at people falling in the street. Yeah. I love to watch people fall. I don't know if I would have to see them again. I know. So I have to laugh at you before you know.

Why don't you never get to laugh at you again? I have to make a memory of this. But that's it. Other than that, I'll tell a few friends, put it on Instagram as a tweet, but a thingy. But I'm never going to care that much to remember. that happened to you or anything like or if someone's eating on their own I'm not going to think two things about it

I'm just like we're doing what we're overestimate it yeah no one gives a fuck like just do you I went to New York with my husband but he got sick shat himself on the planes like sicked him

sicked all over himself and me in the taxi like then stepped and slipped in dog shit it was awful and that went divorced so yeah that was that she got the hick and that was that awful

bye The norovirus at the very, like the worst possible time. So I was a little, well, I was not staying in that hotel room. Let's just put it that way. I was like, get me out of here. So I went for dinner by myself in New York. And I mean, I've never had dinner by myself in London before. Never mind New York.

I was so scared. I think I was texting you. I was so scared. And actually, no one battered an eyelid. The waitress did not even acknowledge my, you know, like she was just like, yeah, what do you want? Okay, fine, here you go, that it's done. No one even so much.

And I was like, God, we do think way too much about what other people are thinking of us. We really, fucking too. There was actually someone speaking about this. What's his name? Bad Education. Jack Whitehall. Jack Whitehall. He was saying about this not so long ago, Graham Norton.

When you go to food in LA, they make a fucking deal out of it. The waitresses, they're like, oh, table for one. Okay, table for one. And they shout it. They sit you down. This is everywhere, obviously, but they sit you down. So they take the knives and vaults away from the other side to really push the fact that you're on your fucking.

And it's like, just leave it there. Let me look like I've got some. But really, there's no problem with it. It's so fun. Message your friends, listen to your music. Willing Grace is my go-to. Is it? Yeah, I fucking love a bagel and Willing Grace.

And I'm happy. And you can eavesdrop. Oh, my God. I went out. I took myself out for lunch in Dublin. My husband's from Ireland. And from Dublin, and he was working or whatever, and I just took myself out for lunch.

And I eavesdropped the shit out of this family's conversation. And I was long finished And I could not go Like it was the mother And she was troublingly She was basically saying to her son You need to break up with your girlfriend Because you can never be in love

With your first girlfriend Now awkward for me I'm married to Alexin And we've been together 10 years And we know when I was like 16 I was like ooh And then I was like I need to interrupt And I've got to see how this pans out

Anyway I don't think he was going to break up with her But yeah Anyway I know I was like you know I never would have heard that If I'd have been you know Yeah

Yeah, yeah, chat, an absolute shit over here. This is way more interesting. Yeah. There's so much more fun to be on your own. 100%. 100%. What, you mentioned you did a workshop in Ireland. In Iceland. Iceland, sorry.

And in Dublin, actually. Oh, fun. Love Dublin. Busy. You've never been, have you? I want to take you. When this baby's born, we're going to go. I really want to go.

I used to live there with my husband. It's so, like, years when I was 19. It's the best city in the world. They've got a great buffet thing as well. What's it? Oh, what, in the spars? In the spars, supermarkets? Oh, no.

I went to the spa once and paid $8 for us knickers. And I was like, fuck that. No, it's so expensive. They used to make a, when I used to eat meat, they did like a really good chicken sandwich. Oh my God, the deli thing. Yeah. It was great. Yeah, that's what you thought you thought about.

No, there's like, on that long main street in Ireland. Grafton Street. Yes. Yes. There's so maybe flags, something, I don't know, but you've got everything in a buffet, basically, for like 20 quits, 20 euro, whatever. Oh, wow. And, oh my God, I'd have you go there on my own and eat food. Will and Grace.

Oh, my God, that sounds amazing. Everything there. Yeah, Dublin's lovely to be. I've spent a lot of time on my own there because Alex has his life. I didn't. I didn't really have my friends. I was just by myself a lot. I was fine. I thrived.

I thrived. Sorry, anyway. Your workshops. Your workshops. Yes. What do they consist of? I'm just intrigued. Can we come?

Yeah, come on. Can we come out? Yeah. Whitney. Do you have to be like pro dancer to go? No, you don't. I like to, I know, it's like to. Sounds cringe, but I'm just more of a good energy when I teach.

I'm not shouty, I'm not this. Everyone's going to have different abilities. So if someone's awful, which you can kind of tell straight away from the fucking warm up. But if they do a little good, tell them that I'm very that. More like you walk out positive because then the next workshop, you're going to go in there better. Anyone can learn to dance? No, I'd like, my husband is proof of that. I feel like you can, but it just, no, I'm lying to you.

I'm telling you shit. Some people really just can't coordinate. If a person wants to learn to dance, but they're shit at it. Do you think they have any chance? No. I'm asking for myself. You can always give it a go, but just some people, it's just... It's not in the cards.

I think this, I remember... You'd like your neighbour. Yeah, like my neighbour. Who had something tragically happened to him and now he can't dance anymore. I remember my teacher said to me, one of the hardest things about this job is you get parents going, do you think my kid's going to make it?

And he, you have two options. You can either lie. Because sometimes it's not their thing, but they like to do it. And he would just say sometimes you have to lie or give them the positivity. And I think it's such a, now I get it, now I'm older and I'll teach kids and stuff like that.

You go, in this industry, it's cut throat. Like you can be cut after three seconds, Even before you go through the door sometimes, like Lion King and stuff like that. Really? I know back in the day they used to just walk out and go, no, no, you're the wrong colour, you're wrong this or the wrong size. Like, it's so cutthroat. So it kind of, yeah, it's just, I think that's such a tough thing being a teacher is explaining that kind of stuff with workshops and this. But for me, I'd rather just give good energy.

Yeah. Whether it's a long routine or short one, make it fun, make it positive. You said before that when you have to do a show like, I don't know, like a big show or a TV show you have to act sexy and you said straight. Yeah. Is that typical?

Is that the typical brief? It was. Nowadays it's so open. Like I've danced with steps for so many years now and it's just fucking camera. It's brilliant. Some stuff it is quite straight, not straighter but more macho in the movements.

Okay. At the day, it's monkey seat, monkey do. If the choreographer does this, you do that and don't do that. It's one of them things. But there's been jobs and this is no offense to the choreographer or the artist, but I remember we did Brits Mabel and there was a hundred of us. And it was just very, um, it was to call, don't me, don't call me up that sign. So everyone's all ladish and without fail, the bits in between choreography,

like the free-signing bits are more, licking my lip like I'm hello fucking cool, Jane, doing things like that, but it's just what's plugged into you of being this. And I remember once when I got quite angry, and my friends listened to this, I'm sorry, but I've never said it to them, but I was just like, this is ridiculous. But one routine that we had to do once was so camp in a show. And there was two gay guys, two straight guys.

And the choreographer said to the straight guys, it was like, I'm sorry, this is going to be really camp, but if you need to change anything, let me know. and I remember thinking what the fuck I just want to get this routine done and go home like we do every single day so why now because you two are straight

we have to dance it has to be an issue and they get the apology when you have to you're always adapting yeah I'm a dancer I'm not an actor like there's there's a different thing there and yeah I remember that really got on my

tits it did did you say anything no because it's just You can't. You, yeah, you can't. And it happens so much. There's just some things in that dance industry that are just... You mentioned before as well that you're not like totally, you don't always love your body.

And is that... Hate it. Do you? Yeah. Really? Hey it. Is that part of... Do you think the dancing world has made that harder?

Oh my God. Yes. I remember being in my third year of training and it was when I was like, I definitely want to do this. And I got the voice during my third year. I was like, what the fuck. I'm going to be on ITV live and all that stuff. Oh my God, what I'm sitting on topless? Oh my God, what I'm saying?

It's all the what ifs that you don't know. And even in the audition, you have to go topless at the end. So you can be the best answer there. But then at the end of a five-hour audition, they go, all right, boys, topless, please. You have to do the routine topless. And I'm like, so you're constantly not eating properly anyway because you're going to be topless and all that shit.

And I remember when I was eating dinner just before. before I did the voice, I'd eat food. And then I'm just thinking, oh my God, I'm going to be top of this. And I'd just throw up. Really? It was so bad because mentally it just wasn't doing it. And I suppose that's when that's anxiety really started happening. And just to think that you're not good enough or, yeah.

And that kind of goes into everything, into my relationships. I've had baths with ex-boyfriends before in my t-shirt. Really? Because I just didn't want to be open. Like, so strange. A lot of dancers say this, don't they, about body image in the dancing world. It's really, it's not good. Yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't... Sample sizes. Make for a positive, yeah, environment. And I imagine that you've seen that amongst... But it's interesting to hear it from a male perspective. Yeah. Because I don't think I've really heard it before. It tends to be...

The females especially with, like, lingerie and all that stuff. But it was so good, because when women started, like, talking about it, of like plus size and this and all that stuff. And that was so normalised. It was so good. But then somewhere the men weren't still. Everyone thinks every dancer, oh my God, even on night out, if you'd say, like, I'm a dancer, oh, so you got a six-pack?

Actually, I don't. So everyone has their expectations that you're going to be ripped and this and that. And it's like, no, I don't. And I mean, listen, Doug Barrett, over the years, over the months it got better. But even like, last month, I think it was, me, my boyfriend. And I was like, I just had this thing. I was like, we're doing something. And I was like, can we get under the quilt?

Because the lights were on. And just something's going in my head that you're not good enough, you're fat, you're this. And our job as a dancer is to look in the mirror and learn by your mistakes. The choreographer doesn't really go, you look great doing that. Show everyone else. They go, oh, you're doing that on the wrong foot. You're doing this there. Can you go higher?

It's not being attacked, but you are corrected. That's your job to judge yourself in the mirror. That's the hardest part about it, I think. So you can't escape that anxiety, that body anxiety. You literally can't escape it because you're constantly having to monitor your body. Yeah. And it literally goes into the TikTok videos. When I watch myself back on these things, I'm like, oh, calf.

I'm judging myself for the wrong thing. Like, I'm just as Tina fucking turn. Why am I looking at my hips? Why am I, my legs look like KFC chicken wings? Why am I doing that to myself, you know? Is it a bit more liberating doing, because I imagine if you're part of a performance, like whether it's the voice or thriller or whatever that you

because you're part of the I don't even know what the you're part of the effect like you're part of the magic like you're a part of something so and like you say you're not an actor it's just you're doing your job like that whereas you get to be much more yourself on TikTok is it more liberating doing that oh my God massively

it's so nice and especially when you get some of these messages You get some people that share the messages that you get. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But people in the inbox are so kind sometimes of what they say. And especially moms, I don't know, but I'm a mum magnet. And I get along with them so well. Thank you so much.

My daughter watches this and she's now non-binary or my son's watched this and he's dancing around to Tina Turner. Oh my God, it's so nice to the point of I've heard cry sometimes. Because I'm like, it's just, it's heartwarming, you know. I mean, you get a lot of shit as well, which I'm just. sure you both. Do you get a lot of shit? Oh my God. Some of the ads when they push, especially on TikTok, when they push it to be boosted more. Yeah. So it goes on everyone's for you paid, not just people who would look for someone like you.

Yeah. Oh my God. Some of the death threats or I'd run this guy over if I seen him dancing the heels in the street or just like what the fuck is this going on? This is getting too far now with men. And I'm like, oh. But in a way, I'm like, good. I'll threaten you fucking face. Yeah. She doesn't know, I'm a guy that, I don't know if I can say, there's anything to delete if you need to, but I would happily fight in the street. I'll have my own back. Oh, God, say that.

Yeah, 100 years. Yeah, we'll come back with you. I mean, my boyfriend last year, walking down the street, holding hands, and someone literally walked past him was like, faggots. In London? It was in Redding, so yeah, it was just outside. And I'm like, it didn't end well for him.

I'm happy. I'm one of them that will fight back. I'm not going to let people talk to me like that. Yeah. Or I just. I think I don't want to ever see my friends get spoken to you like that. So I think fight back. Stand up for yourself.

Do you do that online if you get shit? Do you fight back? Killing with kindness. Yeah. Thank you so much for adding to my paycheck. So love you. Keep commenting. Obviously the more engagement, the more thing.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I'm not going to sit there and let it attack me. I'm not going to sit there and let it get into my head. I'm already in my own head enough. So I don't need you, Paul, user, 8,98, to, tell me that you gave that prick

is going to take me under, absolutely not. But other people aren't that lucky to let it go over them, yeah. Is it worse on TikTok than Instagram? I think for me, yeah, personally. TikTok, there's over half a mill followers than Instagram, I think it's like 54, something like that, 1,000 followers.

So there's still a lot of my friends on Instagram and on TikTok it's so many more people I'm so easy to get more higher views and videos. So I think there's more attraction there to go mental. Yeah. You know? We've noticed that TikTok is, we've talked about it a lot.

We don't quite put our finger on why, but TikTok is really a breeding ground for loyalty. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're much more likely to forge a connection with somebody on Instagram because you kind of, I don't know why, maybe because it's just been around for longer. I think it's more personal. Yeah.

And you choose to follow people wearing. Whereas on TikTok, the 4U page grants everybody access to everybody all the time. So someone can see you for the first time. You're just going to pop up and you can just say something and then you'll disappear and I'll never see you again. Like, whereas on Instagram, if you do that, you know, all these person's followers will be like, ahem. I think a massive thing is as well is that with TikTok you've got people that are posters and people that are not. Yeah. You can have the app and enjoy the app without posting and have no videos of you, no nothing.

Yeah. Anonymity. Yeah. And on Instagram, most of the time you've got someone selfie or something to hide behind. Normally if it would be a man with his little daughter. With the worst comments. Where the fuck? Always like. Someone holding a fish like they're like to do.

Yeah. I love. Fucking hell. But yeah. Or someone with hashtag be kind and their bio. It's always the be kinders. Yeah. Little rainbow.

Yeah. Always. Be yourself. What the fuck, Emma, what are? But yeah, I think that's a massive thing that you can hide more behind TikTok. Do you get shit from men or women mostly? Men, the girls are great.

Yeah. Like I said before with empowerment about bodies and stuff, girls are reunited a lot more when men, oh my God, like the whole thing in the States with don't say gay and trans and things like this. Like men are just constantly battling each other. Just fuck off. Yeah.

Just be happy. Like just let everyone do their own thing. Just chill out. Yeah. Weird, isn't it? Yeah, bizarre. You mentioned, actually, we were talking before we started recording and we were talking about some of the racism

that you've faced in this industry. I wonder if you don't mind talking about that or touching on that. There was one incident that you record. I have to laugh at it. Because it just seems outrageous. It's just bizarre, but yet again, this was not intentional, was not like do this because I want you to be white or anything.

It was just be considerate of the two black people in this cast when there's like 15, 18 of us. Basically, it was from a game. The whole dance thing was bringing it from a game which is anonymous. So they in there are just white shadows with clothes on basically, just dance at that game. And we brought that to life.

And me and my friend Joe were literally just talking about this before we came in. And I remember the first day we got this. So, yeah, so you have to paint yourself white because you have to look at the game. And even the white people have to paint themselves white. But we had black hands, putting on fucking white paint. And we was like, we looked at us over the minute. And then Joe came through and I was like, Joe, what's going on?

And like, when we're dancing, we're sweating, and it's coming off. And it's just like, how are we doing this, painting ourselves white, coating ourselves to fit in kind of thing? It's not another way. But, and it leads me to say, like, it's getting better, completely getting better. But there's times in the industry when you'd be the token black guy. That's it. There's just one black guy and one black girl.

And the whole thing, just because they can tick boxes off. And it happened with me and my friend. It was a really good friend. Actually, we really don't talk now because it came into the middle of us of our friendship. We'd audition for the same jobs. And sometimes it would be him or sometimes it would be me. Then I got one. one job more than him.

And it was like, because it was, we're looking for five boys, right, who's going to be the token black? Is it going to be me or him? And it was me this time. And it was just, I've seen it in his face when we got told the job. He looked to me. It was like, and that was the last time we ever spoke as friends. Because that's what it's driven to when it was.

Like I said, it's got better. But you knew it was, they're looking for one black person. You're in the audition room with hundreds of people looking at the black people and that's it. Because you know it's down to one or 30 or. us here. Do you know? It's just that unspoken thing it was at the time. That's actually a reality that no one would ever just speak about it. It's so bizarre. Horrible. Yeah. It's just in competition with your own skin colour. Like what? Yeah, strange. Very strange. And was that incident a while back? That was, yeah, that was a few years. I think that was like 2016, 17. So it has got better.

It's like nowadays you see, have you seen Wicked musical? Yes, my husband is obsessed with it. So fucking good, isn't it? Yeah, he is a musical man. Oh my God, so good. I love that. Yeah, he wants me to go about once a year. Yeah, I'll come with you next time.

We just take him. Yeah. He just loves musicals. So good, but in that musical, the two main characters were always have been white. And then last year, there's black characters playing the Alfa Bo and Glinda and stuff. And it's so good to see because it's breaking the stigma. There's so many things. And Hamilton, that musical, it's played by blacks and whites and just different and different sexes.

It's just things are now slowly but surely moving forward. And I know some people think this is too far in this, but it's not for people like myself. You actually feel a bit, I can do anything here. I'm not just putting a box of I can only do Lion King on the West End or play a black villain in this. Do you know? So it's so nice to see that things are changing. Yeah. And to go see it.

To actually go see someone else because they don't know but little kids of color of different sexualities and all that stuff are going to be looking up to these people. And it's so amazing that they get that to grow up with. I think this time in 20 years, the world's going to be a different fucking place and it's going to be so nice. Like the Little Mermaid. I'm in that.

Are you? Oh, you? I can't wait to see it back. Oh my God. That's so cool. I'm dancing with a Black Mermaid. I'm like, what? No way.

It's so great. Yeah. Blesser, she got shit, didn't she? She got so much stick for that, bless her. But she took it like a champ. It's just mad. It's like, it's a mermaid. It's a mermaid.

It's a fucking mermaid. Are you like, it's a mermaid? You haven't said it's a mermaid. Say it's a mermaid out. It's a fucking mermaid. It's a fucking mermaid. How is the thing. I know, it was so unbelievable.

Yeah. But I'm so glad they stuck to. having a black man made. Yeah. But she's got like dreadlocks in and stuff like that. Not red hair. Like, it's just so good. I loved the reactions of the little kids watching it.

Yeah. And being like, oh my God, like we see ourselves represented. Like it's, it was so magical. Yeah. It's brilliant. So, yeah. Bring on the next 20 years. Well, look, thank you so much.

You've been brilliant. We've loved this. It's been such a nice energy. Like, you're so fun. Can we come to one of your workshops? Yeah, can we? come back here again. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Okay. I bring back more sweat. We're going to be those dancers that you have to lie to at the end. It'll be our parents. It's like, do you think they're going to be any good? And you'll be like, long pause. It's, they enjoy it.

It's potential. If they keep going, you can do anything. Who knows? Austin, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me so much. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.