Should I Delete That? - "My name is Sarah, I don't want to die"

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

This week on the podcast, the girls talk to Sarah de Lagarde. In September 2022, Sarah was involved in a freak accident that would change her life forever. After falling asleep on the tube, Sarah woke up and realised that she had slept past her stop. Like anyone in that situation would, she promptly got up and raced over towards another train that would get her home. As she did, she slipped on the wet platform and the unimaginable happened: she tripped and ended up falling down onto the tracks. Sarah lost her arm and her leg after the train took off, and with sheer determination she shouted for help by saying “My name is Sarah, I don’t want to die”. Twenty minutes later, after what must have felt like an eternity, someone finally heard her and got her the help she needed. Almost four months on from the accident, Sarah joined Alex and Em in the studio to discuss the incident and how she has managed to get through it all so gracefully.Sarah's Instagram @sjdelargardeSarah's Go Fund MeDonate to London's Air AmbulanceFollow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I remember the first time my husband drove me in my wheelchair out of the hospital from the 15 floor to the ground floor and I was outside and it was a day like today, cold but sunny and I was just elated. The sky had never been this blue ever. And so just feeling the sun on my skin, I thought, oh my God, I am so grateful and privileged to be alive today. Hello and welcome back to Shall I Delete That. Today is a special day because we have a special guest while M basks in her beautiful baby bubble. God, that was good illustration, wasn't it? I'm calling on special guests to help me out with the intros. And this week, we have Georgie Swallow.

Hey! Whooproop? Hi. Do you know what? It felt right to have. have you on because you and M are besties and I love you. And guys, Georgie has a wonderful Instagram account. If you don't follow her already, what are you doing? You have to. She's fab. And she supported this podcast so much, which is so cool of you. You're just great. And I'm just

excited. So thanks for coming on. You're very welcome. I'd like to be like introed into every day of my life, just like that, please. Every day I wake up. I just want to hear all those lovely things and just like, yeah, yeah, I am. Do you know what? I often, I often think. think that. I often think like it would be so good to like hype yourself up, like record yourself hyping yourself up like enlisting like all your achievements and then play it like as your alarm clock. How great would that be? That would be so brilliant. Like get up and be like you're a Roxie. You're amazing. You've achieved this so far. Like keep at it. I would wake up with like a pep in my step. Right. Rather than that like do do do do do do that like the sound of nightmares.

What's happening? Wake up with sheer panic and anxiety before you've even started your day. Do your dogs hate that alarm sound as well? I honestly don't think they hear it. They could sleep through anything. Really? Okay. They will get up throughout the night and bark at nothing.

But the alarm clock goes off. They sleep right through. Honestly. And I think they know that they're doing it too. They're like, she's snoozing. Let's get her up. That is so annoying. It drives me around the bend, but they're cute so I let them off.

Okay. Okay. They are so cute. The little pox. Yeah. Aren't they adorable? So cute. I mean, I'm biased, but.

No, they're dead cute. Do you have a good for us today? So Georgie's bringing her Good Bad and Awquids. I'm excited. I do indeed. And it's a very good good. I mean, this was, I think this is going to be my good for the next few months. And it was meeting Little Arlo Rose.

Oh. At six days old, I met E. teeny tiny little bub and she's perfect she's perfect oh she's gorgeous isn't she what was she like was she tiny honestly i realize i say this and she's only six days old but you can just tell she's going to be an amazing human i would literally i went over and i was i prepared myself i was going to see this adorable thing and cry because who doesn't see a little tiny newborn baby and think it's the cutest thing in the world but i sat with her and i looked at her and every time i looked down to her for too long I burst into tears because she is that damn precious.

Like little angel little face. And I'm not going to lie, babies, babies when they're that fresh, can sometimes be a bit odd because you don't really know what to expect. They've just come out of their little comfy womb. Yeah. What are they going to look like? How are they going to be?

Are they going to like you? She was perfect. She was perfect. Auntie Georgie. Honestly, so sweet. And M and Al obviously are doing so well. They were just so chilled. They were just like, here.

here's my tiny bundle of joy love it enjoy it and I did oh that's really sweet yeah you need you need to get yourself down there while it's still teeny tiny I'm going tomorrow and I'm so excited I can't wait oh my god oh it's gonna be amazing I know and so tomorrow

I'm meeting M's baby for the first time and also my other good is my sister's baby for the first time because she gave birth yesterday congratulations yeah Oh my God, how is she? She's doing good, actually. She's doing good.

She had a C-section as well. So M gave her loads of advice. They were chatting beforehand because Catherine was terrified. She's super squeamish and like just hates anything like that. So this whole nine months she's been shit scared. I'm not surprised though. Like that's pretty daunting. Like, hi, you're going to go into an operating room.

We're going to take the baby out of your stomach. Like, I would be terrified. It's a lot. It's a lot. Isn't it? It's a lot. I would be absolutely beside myself. so yes we went to the hospital yesterday but you're only allowed two visitors

so we couldn't see her so her husband like held the baby up to the window and we like we were outside the window being like like Michael Jackson style I was going to say why does that make me think of Simba in the Lion King when he's like he's your new king literally it felt like that slash Michael Jackson but don't worry she was not dangled out the window was she okay well that's handy but she was like show her kingdom like everything like dutch is in london doesn't belong to you but for now we'll pretend it does i love that that's so sweet so yeah but pretty much pretty much so i'm meeting

them both tomorrow so that is definitely yeah that is that is my good of the week that's going to be such a good day meeting two babies in one day i'm not emotionally prepared honestly no you're going lose it. Don't wear un-waterproof mascara because I made that mistake meeting Arlo and I like walked out looking like a panda. So think ahead. No mascara tomorrow. That's a good shout. That's a good, that's a good, that's a good show actually. Do you have, do you have a bad for me? I do. It's been, it's been a tough week because I've got two. I'm going strong. You know us too well, Georgie. Yes. Yes. So the first one, and it sounds really dramatic when I say it,

but I was in a car crash, an actual car crash. Yeah, I know, dramatic, right? Turns out I was perfectly fine. Both vehicles were perfectly fine as well. But it was terrifying. I drive this teeny tiny, tiny little black car. I mean, actually, I am loaning it as well because I've had a knee-op so I can't drive my manual,

so I'm boring and automatic. So it's not even my car. and it's tiny, and there's ginormous, I mean, I'm making it sound a lot, you know, more dramatic than needs to be, but this ginormous van cuts across me, smacks the tail of my car, came screeching to a halt. No, it was a very calm, like, organised stop. But still, yes, some van decided to turn across me, hit the back of my car, and it was absolutely terrifying. Were you on a motorway? No. I was literally driving through London in a 20-mile-in-hour zone, so.

Thankfully, we were all perfectly fine. But I think they just didn't look, and they turned across me and didn't realize I was in front of them or as close as I was. And they just decided to shove me across the road. And then the cheek of it tried to blame it on me. And I was like, mm-mm. Okay, hang on. Firstly, what an idiot.

How do you not know how far the car ahead of? Even I know that, right? Well, this is the thing. So I was in front of them on the left-hand side. they were turning left, so they would have to have crossed my road to turn into the road they want to turn into. And I'm in front of them because they've hit the tail of my car. And it's like they've just turned and not look down. I'm like, I know I'm in a little car, but I am here. You do have to look at the road. You still have to look down, okay?

You can't just like close your eyes and hope for the best. I mean, that's usually how I drive. But I'm actually kidding. so wait and how did it I'm guessing it was a hey yeah it was a male driver there were two men in the car and I got out and I was like you know and you're a bit you're a bit shaken and I haven't been in any form of a car accident since I like just passed my test so I was freaking nervous and I was like oh my god and I was like no there are two men there I have to stand my own and be you know be a bit of a force because I know I mean I wasn't in the wrong and so I got up my car and I was like

and the first thing I did I gave myself this little pep talk and I was like Georgie be tough like don't accept anything don't do like make sure you get all the details and I came up I was like oh my God I'm so sorry you okay is everyone okay is everyone okay's

I was like Georgie this is not the chat we just had Georgie fuck sake but no thankfully they're all okay we swap details and they'll be getting a letter

from my lawyer no they won't oh my god that is so terrifying I would absolutely shit my pants It really was. Like, it was really terrifying and annoyingly it was meant to be off going to like a physio appointment, but it did have a little silver lining because it meant I was still so close to Em's house. It was after I met little baby Arlo that I could turn around, go to theirs and spend more time with the baby. So we'll win. You win some, you lose some. Yeah, swings and roundabouts. What's your other bad? I love that you came with two. That's so unborn. I know. I know. So my second one, so as you know, I've I've got two little pugs, which are the apples of my eye, but they're getting a bit older and they spend a lot more time with my mum because I live in a flat in London, lots of stairs, doesn't make

much sense. And so I want to rescue a little doggy. And I made a connection online with this little gorgeous dog called Snoopy. I say little. He was ginormous. And I saw his tiny eyes in his pictures on the re-homing website and I thought he is meant to come home with me. So I applied, got the email. We love your application. Let's have a call. So I'm like, on it. Let's go. and sadly someone beat me to the punch so it's like it's like sad for me but good for him so I'm I'm happy he has a home but I'm bitter that it's not with me oh do you know what that is so gutting especially if it was like you were you'd skipped a head in your head you know and you were like already he was yours he was coming home to you I'd already decide so his name was

Snoopy he was about three years old and I'd already been calling him snoops and I and I had this little thing. I was like, oh, I can boop snoops his snoot. Like, I could boop his little nose and I was telling everyone, I was like, he's going to be my dog. And, I mean, it was slightly premature, because I hadn't even had a call with them. But, and I'd also seen that

they'd, you know, like, re-shared him a few times, so I think he wasn't getting any traction. And I thought, this is meant to be, I was like, I've seen him at the right time. He's going to come home with me. He's, like, great with dogs. He's going to be best friends with the pugs. No. No. Oh, I'm gutted, George.

but there are so many you'll definitely find another one obviously you'll find another one but you'll find another one you feel the connection with as well and then that one will meant that will be that will be that will be meant to be what meant what that it's really hard that one will meant to be right will mean to be that one will be meant that one will be meant to be I don't know maybe something that exactly I believe that it all happens for a reason reason. So he's gone to the home that he should have gone to. So win-win. But what's your bad? Well, you'll laugh. I've got two bads as well. And right now, Daisy is rolling her eyes because she's like, guys, it gave you 15 minutes. And we're all almost 50 minutes through. So that's

fun. I will get through them very quickly. My two bads, my bad happened a few hours ago. Betty woke us up by vomiting in the bed. Oh, Betty. Oh, how could you? She'd eaten an acorn. How did she even digest it? I mean, I guess she didn't digest it, but how did she even get it down? I actually need to, like, Google what it is that she ate, because I know it's an acorn, but it's not, it's like an acorn pine, like a little, um... Is it like the thing with a little hat on?

Yes. Is that a baby acorn? I think so. It's like a little nugget with a hat on. Exactly. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, that's solid. I think it's an acorn baby.

Yeah, she vomited up an entire acorn baby, an entire one. Whole, solid, hadn't been chewed, hadn't been touched. She'd obviously picked it up from me. Down in one. So I literally woke up to, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, and I was like, oh, no, no, no. So I was like, quick, let's get off the bed. Let's get off the bed too late, all over the bed. And then I was like, what is she sicked up?

And for a second I was like, oh my God, it's a huge grape. And obviously, like, dogs are super allergic to grapes. It's like, we don't even have grapes in the house. And I was like, no, no, wait, it's this like solid acorn. I hate that I'm laughing because I'm so sorry, but I can just picture it because I've been in the same boat with the pugs. If one of them is sick and I feel awful, it doesn't matter, how sick they're being. All I'm thinking is get off the bed, get off the bed.

Get off the bed. I was like, we've just changed the sheets. I was like, no, Betty. Like, we've got a wooden floor. She could have sicked on the wooden floor. But obviously, no. Betty's six where Betty wants to sick so that was fun

but my other my other bad this week honestly I got full on mansplained too in the gym so ew I don't think it's ever happened to me before probably has but not to this extent I went to a spin class

and like I've been going to spin I love it's kind of that unboxing and the only things I really like doing exercise wise I hate everything else hate running like don't enjoy yoga parties blah blah so I do So spinning is the only thing that I've like consistently done for years now. And I went to a new spin class where they had this, like you have to do this, you start off

with this test, which I just didn't understand. I was, I was new there. But also, I wasn't, I didn't really need to understand. I was just like in my own, I was just doing my own thing. Doing your thing. Yeah, I was enjoying it like, nevertheless. And then afterwards, this guy was like, okay, so you didn't do that test right. And then he went out, and I'm not kidding you.

I was there for 25 minutes while he was explaining to me why I was not doing right and that. And he said, and if you're here to lose weight, I know. He's like, if you're here to lose weight, what you're best off doing is going faster in me. And I was like, oh, I'm not here to lose weight. I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I was like, for fuck sake. Oh, my God.

Honestly, I'm just sitting here with an it already. Like you just think like, okay, cool. If you want to be helpful and think that you're trying to help someone and it explain something nice keep it short sweet and don't mention weight go away like i know i know i was like why why are you mentioning right i'm not here to lose weight why would you assume that and also like just let me do my thing my sat it was lunchtime my sandwich was waiting for me oh i was so excited to go and get it and i'm having to listen to this moron it and he was like also it's a your seats a bit too your seats a bit too low for you as well he was like get on get on and i'll show you and i was

like, no, I don't want to get back on and you show me. Go away. Let me go. Anyway, that was definitely I am curious though. Was he the instructor or just a normal human? Oh no. No, no, no. Sorry, I did not explain that properly. He was not the instructor. He was just the guy who did the class next to me. Oh my God. I would have pushed him over and got my sandwich. We had, there was an amazing female instructor who afterwards was just looking at me like, I'm so sorry, babe. Like, I'm so sorry. She was trying look of understanding at various different points and I was like just let me go mate let me go like it's a waste of your time too let me go oh not impressed I know but yeah no he was not the instructor it was fucking awful and I was like this is like proper mansplaining so enjoyable

enjoyable thing class for you yeah it was until it finished and I was like fuck um do you have an awkward for me I'm sure you do I do I do And it's probably, yeah, I mean, it's me, of course I do. And it's probably, I don't know if it was off the back of, I didn't get Snoopy, so my head was just in, I need to find a dog mode. I don't know. But I went for a walk in the park. It was having a lovely time, you know, when you're looking about?

I like, you know, perusing the dogs in the park. Listener, Georgie loves dogs, all dogs. And she will say hi to every single dog that crosses her path. It's amazing. My awkward doors, I went for a walk in the park. And as I'm walking, this other dog kind of feels like it's walking with me, but there wasn't a human with it. And I'm always like, well, he's having a little run round.

But for what felt like a really long time, there wasn't a human with it. And I was like, you know, that's the thing. So I just think I would rather just make sure that they're humans there. Otherwise, I'll pick up the dog and claim it as my own. I won't do that. Maybe. And as I get to the end of my walk, to the end of the park, the dog is still like. loitering around. And I thought, right, this dog hasn't found its owner. So I, you know, summon it

over with my best doggy voice and I pick it up thinking, right, I'll see if it's got a collar, blah, blah, blah. And a woman came running over to me. You get off my dog. You're joking. Oh, my God. Get off my dog. That's someone's dog. Stealing her dog. I would think someone was stealing my dog. And I picked it up and the panic And I couldn't get the words out of saying I'm so sorry I saw the dog and I thought it was, you know, in trouble

I went oh my God, I'm sorry, put it down and ran away So if that person by any chance is listening to this I promise I wasn't stealing your dog Oh Georgie, that's so funny It's so cute Absolutely kills me So please make me feel better with your awkward

I love that so sweet I love that you didn't explain yourself You were just like yeah I'm sorry I was just trying to take it But yeah okay bye Well I couldn't get the words out That were very sensible words Like I was aware that your dog looked alone I didn't want it leaving and going on the road

So I thought I'd just pick him up and look for someone But no I just went oh my God sorry So cute So, my awkward, we were driving through town and I needed to go into the supermarket. So Dave was like, you run in, drop me off, you run in and I'll be waiting out here. I run in, get what I needed to get. I go back out and see his car and go around to the passenger's side. And we've got a car that locks automatically.

Very good feature, actually. love it because when I'm in there by myself, I'm always terrified. So I enjoy that feature. But it's annoying when I want to get in, the passenger side, because I try once, it never works. And then Dave has to unlock it. And I'm always like, ooh, like, huffy about it, even though it's not his fault. It's not his fault, but it is his fault. Exactly. You feel me. So I pulled it, didn't work. So I was pulled it again, didn't work. So I was like pulling it like, Dave. And then I just like bent down to be like, Dave. And I just like, bed down to be like, Dave. And I was like, that's not Dave.

That is another man who was looking at me in this, with this face of like slight, like, it was a mixture of like shock and like, I don't know what to do. And like, am I okay? And I was like, I'm so, I was just like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, Madeline, I'm so sorry. And just fran, because to me, right, I don't know. first thing about cars and I should know what my car looks like to me a black car is a black car. Maybe you should know what your husband looks like. Possibly. Possibly. But a black car is a black car, you know? I mean, I've learned my lesson. I like that. I tried to steal a dog. You tried to steal a car. It's been a good week.

I love that. There we go. Perfect. We're aligned. Love that. Oh my God. Brilliant. So there we go. Fairly awkward, actually. actually on both of our parts. So excellent. Yeah, I'm, I feel like I'm re-feeling it all over again. So it's a win. Right. On to the guest today, our interview. And oh my God, it was a, uh, Georgie, I can't wait for you to listen to this one.

It was like such an incredible interview. It's with Sarah De LaGarde. Um, it's a super emotional interview. So Sarah suffered a really horrendous and very traumatic accident. in September where she lost an arm and a leg and you know this has happened fairly recently but she's made amazing progress since then as she's just since been learning to like rebuild her life and deal with the trauma that she faced and it was a super emotional interview I think em and i cried throughout it um but it was so incredibly inspiring to use a very cliched word and i think

there is something that we can everyone can glean from this episode it's obviously not a super relatable you know interview but there is something that everyone can take from it because her positivity in the face of what's happened to her is just incredible insane um i'm so happy that she came on and it's such a great interview i know i say that about every single one but i mean it it is it's brilliant um and i can't wait for you all to listen um so enjoy it and Georgie thank you so much for being here it's been wonderful thank you for having me and let me relive some embarrassment that happened this week and i can't wait to listen to this episode you're a start we have we can't wait we're definitely going to have you back for sure

you come you need to come back and do an we need to come back and interview you oh my god i'd love that absolutely love that okay so listeners stay tuned and enjoy the interview much for coming to speak to us. I, well, my mom actually put me on to your story earlier, just before Christmas, you went on Women's Hour and my mom talked about you every single day over Christmas. She's like, I just can't stop thinking about this amazing woman and you have to have her on the podcast. I was like, she's not going to want to come on the podcast.

But you did. Thank you so much. And I mean, I don't know where to start because you've just had the craziest time and Your story is just so bonkers. But maybe if you could just tell us a little bit about yourself. Yeah, sure. So I'm Sarah De LaGarde. I had a fairly normal life before the accident.

I had a full-time job in somewhere in the city. And I'm married. I've got two children, two daughters. And, yeah, they're eight and 12. And, yeah, just, you know, I live in Camden. So it's not really, I didn't have an extraordinary life before. And then on the 30th of September on that Friday, something happened that would change my life forever. So, yeah, that's that.

And it's remarkably recent, isn't it? It's what, four months ago? Yes, four months. It's unbelievable. Because, I mean, to see you here today, you look great. I mean, obviously your life has changed beyond measure and we'll get into that. But it's, yeah, it's so cool to, like, see you here and, like, looking great and happy and, yeah. Thank you.

I guess I'm positive because I always think about what could have happened. I could have died that night at least 10 times, according to, you know, various people who were part of the rescue mission. So for me, it's really every time, every day when I wake up, I feel, and I'm so happy that I'm alive. When I see my kids, I'm like, oh, I'm so happy. I'm around them. know, so yeah. Well, bless you. And can we ask what did happen on Friday the 30th of September?

Yes, so I was at work that day in the office, and I stayed on a little bit later than I would usually, I had some projects to finish, and then I left the office quite late. I remember the weather being horrendous. It was quite windy, rainy, and I thought, oh, I need to take a cab to go home, and I just couldn't get one. And in the end, I thought, okay, I'm going to take. the tube. And I remember sitting in the carriage and I was so tired and I thought, okay, I'm just going to rest my eyes for two minutes. And then I woke up in High Barnet, which is not my station.

And I thought, oh, oh gosh, I was a bit, I felt lost because I just woke up. So I rushed out of the tube, realized, yeah, this, what am I doing? I actually need to stay on that tube to go back into London and so I ran and there was water on the platform I remember that and I slipped and tripped and fell head first into the closing door of the tube and broke my nose

broke my front teeth two teeth and I slid I slid down the carriage and fell on the gravel and I remember falling into the darkness and thinking oh my gosh I'm not supposed to be here

this is all sorts of wrong and yeah, then the train departed and crushed my... I remember trying to roll onto the side away from the train but I was not fast enough and the train caught my arm and my leg and, yeah, I know. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I know.

While I'm telling you this, I can see all the images of the train, the sound it made the door, does this beeping sound when it closes. So, yeah, I remember all of that. that. And like it's just you weren't supposed to be there. Like, you know, it's just so, and what time, I mean, you said it was late at night. So were you by yourself on the platform when it happened? Did anybody see it happen? So it wasn't that late on a Friday night because it was around nineish. And I remember that there were people on the platform and I shouted for help, but nobody heard me. And I guess, you know, these days, many people were. headphones or earpods and they probably didn't hear me, well they didn't hear me because of that or also because it was raining. And it's outside hype on it? Yeah, it's an outside station. So was there nobody in the carriage, you know, that you crashed into? Was there nobody in that carriage? I don't remember that. Yeah. Yes. But even if you would be in that carriage,

you would just probably not see the impact. Yeah. My fall had, they would just probably think somebody rushed and didn't get in time to the door or maybe there was no one in the carriage so you fell onto the platform onto the track on to the track sorry yeah from the platform and by the train that left

the train that you should have been on then crushed you as it left the station and then what happened after that and then I I remember thinking about my husband and my kids and thinking I need to go home they're expecting me and thought, I need to get out of here as fast as possible.

And I remember looking to my right arm on the right, you know, and realized that that arm was gone. I remember thinking that. I couldn't feel any pain, so adrenaline kicks in straight away, and it's incredible how our bodies work. I mean, I couldn't believe that I couldn't feel anything. And I had a... mobile phone with me, a very neon casing of it, and it had a lanyard, and also neon-collared,

and it fell onto the tracks, and I could see it. In the dark, I could see it glowing. And I thought, I need to get to my phone, because if I get to my phone, I can call my husband and let him know where I am, and he could call for help. And so I rolled over and I crawled over the tracks to the phone and retrieved it. The paramedic who consequently saved me from there told me that I had been so close to the power line. I could have been electrocuted. I didn't know that at the time.

But I managed to get my phone back and I tried to open it, but it wouldn't recognize my face because I had a broken nose and probably blood everywhere. So that didn't work. And then I tried with my left hand. to type the code into the phone

but it wouldn't recognise my fingerprints because the phone was wet because of the rain and so that didn't work and I remember thinking like okay if that doesn't work I need to go back to shouting because that's the only thing I can do I can't really get up

so I continued shouting as loud as I could somebody helped me please my name is Sarah I don't want to die oh my God And did anybody hear you? So not for a good, I guess, you know, 20 minutes. 20 minutes.

And then the next train came into the station. And I could see the lights in the distance. And they got closer and closer. I could hear the sound of the train. I could see these massive wheels, dark wheels that came on. And I tried to press myself against the wall of the platform. as much as I could. But I can't remember whether the train ran over my leg and arm again.

I can't remember that. That's... Oh, my God. So yeah. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I've made you speechless now. Yeah, I just...

It's just so traumatic. And you're just here, like, looking so well. I just can't believe this happened to you so recently. I'm so sorry. Yeah, don't worry. I mean, part of this... Fast recovery, I think, is due to the fact that I am telling the story. And I'm really happy to be here to tell you this because it helps me, it's cathartic in a way,

so it helps me just relive it, but at the same time, exercise it and process it. Yeah. I mean, 20 minutes sounds like the longest time in the entire world for you to be there like that. What was going through your mind? Or was nothing going through your mind? you were just shouting and just I guess I thought about my children a lot

and I could see them in my mind's eye and that gave me the courage it's like you know mama bear explosion you know it's kind of like whatever happens to me I need to go home and be with them and the thing was that a month before the accident

my husband and I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro so that was a dream 10 years in the making I think, you know, we got the idea when we had a few too many drinks and we were like, oh yeah, what could we do? Yeah, let's climb Mount Kilimanjaro. And then it didn't happen for a while because I got pregnant and then I had a small child and then I got pregnant again and I had another small child to look after. And then we wanted to book it three years ago, but then COVID happened. So it kept being delayed. And this year, the company that we had, paid our deposit to, called us up and said that we can go because they had a slot open in August and we were like, that leaves us two weeks to prepare. It's a bit short notice. I mean, I'm not very sporty in general, but then I felt compelled to get in shape in two weeks because we said yes at the point. We said, you know, yeah, let's do it. And then we did manage to climb to the

top. And weirdly, while I was lying there on those gravels in the dark and wet and desperate, I thought of myself climbing Mount Kilimanjaro and said, you know, how it's impossible that I was so high. I reached that, you know, I was on top of the world one moment and then the next I'm like crushed on the floor, hitting rock bottom quite literally. And I thought to myself, I got really angry at some point. I was like, I am not going to die. I climb Kilimanjaro. I'm not going to die in a dirty ditch in Hypan in a wool place.

No offence, but, you know, I was, yeah, very determined at that point not to let go. Fair enough. Like, wow. And how long was it? So then someone eventually heard you? Yes. And what was that moment like when you realised that like, oh my God, someone's actually, like, I'm, I I'm getting out of here.

So I'm not sure of the identity of the individual who heard me eventually, but I remember that they were backlit from the light from the station. And to me, they looked like they had, you know, an aura around them. Yeah. Like, you know, angel-like. And they spoke to me at the time and they asked me questions saying, like, do you know your name? Do you know what time it is?

Do you know where you are? and so that's how I you know it helped remind me where what happened and and they they called for help and yeah the 911 call you know went straight to the emergency services the air ambulance and and they rushed out to get me and I'm presuming they stopped all trains yeah so the train yeah was stopped at that point and they called through person under the train and so At that point, timelines are quite blurry for me. I don't remember exactly how long I was there. But I do remember the emergency doctor holding my hand.

So he was leaning down from the platform in holding my hand and talking to me. I imagine you were also, you'd lost a lot of blood at that point. So actually, I was quite lucky that in a way my arm and my leg weren't sliced up. they were crushed because if they would have been cut off, I would have lost blood really quickly and would my survival expectations would be no more than five minutes. But because the arm and leg were crushed, our bodies are really clever. So the blood vessels, you know, compressed and closed off. And so I didn't lose that much blood from those injuries. But I had an injury under my thigh, So quite a big laceration.

I've no idea how that happened, but that's where I lost the most blood. But again, not as much to be life-threatening at that point. So they air ambulance due from High Barnett Station to the hospital? Yes. And do you remember any of that? Or were you just gone by that point? Well, I remember the bit before. So I remember telling the doctor, this is taking a lot of time.

and I felt like a lump of ice in my chest that was so, so cold and it started spreading. And I remember telling the doctor, sorry, but you will have to hurry up because I think I'm dying right now. And so the doctor was like, no, no, no, don't die right now because we've got like, you know,

so many people on the platform setting everything up and we're going to save you. And so at that moment, the paramedic brought out a sort of, I don't know, a plank, and they rolled me onto the plank and retrieved me from underneath the train and then swerved me up the platform. Of course, that train must have still been there if it hadn't left. And they couldn't get me out through that gap, so they had to get me out from underneath the train.

Oh, I see. Into the platform. Oh, wow. So was it so, sorry to jump around, but the person who heard you, was it someone who got off that train? Must have been, yeah. Right, I see. Okay. Did you, have you found them since? No.

Oh, wow. No. Do you want to? Well, yes, because they, you know, they found me. They saved my life. So I would love to meet them. We need to find this person. Yeah.

Yes. Oh my God, we need to find this person. Wow. Yeah. God, how amazing. And I, it's amazing you remember them and the light around them, but you don't remember. No. The only weird thought that I had in my mind is like, oh, it looks like they have.

red hair and that's probably because of the lighting and I thought oh it's Ed Sharon is saving me but pretty sure it wasn't so it was a man it was a man I think it was a man yeah yeah imagine if it was Ed sharing Ed if you hear this thank you yeah and and so I remember the feeling of being lifted and put on the stretcher and what's really clever with the air ambulance is that they are not just a transport they actually treat patients on site. So major trauma patients, they can help on site, which is incredible because they have a whole setup. They have, you know, blood transfusion.

They have a scanner. So they checked all of my body to whether I had any other injuries. They closed off my arm and my leg. And I remember them saying to me, you're safe now. We're going to give you some strong medication. You will, you know, go to sleep. And I remember it like a shutter going down on my eyes and, you know, that, yeah. And did you want to fight that, you know, or were you like, no, I need a break from this?

Like, I'm in good hands now, I just need to. Yeah, you're right. At that point I felt like a huge relief that I wasn't on my own on the tracks, but now that I was taken care of by the right, you know, the right people. It's worth mentioning, you know, the air ambulance is a charity. really yeah like for I had no I didn't know until my mom's friend had an accident it's the most amazing charity in the whole I mean it's nuts that it is a charity that it's not funded but I know but they are amazing yeah I mean I I totally agree with that and I met the the doctor and

the paramedic who saved me I met him afterwards and I mean that was a magical moment yeah yeah absolutely that's so special yeah at what point then did you come round after that and were you i mean there must have just been a million things going on in your head when you first woke up were you conscious that you'd lost your arm and your leg so in the in the drive back to the hospital um i i remember or that that's basically the the the feedback from the paramedic just telling me that i told them that I needed to get in touch with my husband. I said, somebody needs to call my husband and tell him that I'm here and what happened. And they asked me, oh, do you know his number? I said, no, I don't know his number because nobody knows anyone's number anymore. So I was like,

it ends in this, but I'm not sure. And they couldn't revive my phone because it lost, you know, I had no more battery. So they said, oh, you'll have to wait until you get to the hospital. And they gave me this feedback afterwards, they said, we've never seen a patient in our rescue that was so still and calm as you were. You were looking at us, you were making eye contact, you were trying to communicate to us, but you never were in panic. You were so still and so calm. And they said normally patients scream and thrash around and they said they even offered me some additional pain relief. And I apparently told them, no, I'm fine, I'm good. Which is, you know, but I remember the sense of calmness and acceptance and saying, like, okay, this happened.

They got me, I mean, again, time frame's a bit blurry, but I remember dipping in and out of consciousness. I remember at some point arriving at the hospital and waiting for the operating theater. and it must have been a surgeon and I remember waking up feeling the you know the silver wrap that they put on patients when they I remember being cold and feeling that rustling

of that wrap and I remember telling them again somebody needs to help me because I feel that that coldness in my chest and it's spreading so this is you know I'm going to die if you don't help me now And they were like, yes, yes, we have you. Don't worry. And then a surgeon asked me to sign a paper because they said in medical terms that my both limbs were non-viable. And I was thinking, what does that mean, non-viable? And I said, well, we basically need to amputate. And I remember thinking, all right, okay, I said, whatever you need to do to keep me alive, please do it. And put a cross underneath that. that paperwork. And then I remember somebody gave me my phone back. Somebody managed to charge it and they could see that I had quite a lot of missed calls and they assumed that that was my

husband. So they called that number and gave me the phone. And by then it was about three o'clock in the morning and that was the worst phone call I've ever had to make. So you told him. Yeah. and that's I'm fairly unemotional to what happened to me but at that point every time I tell that story I get quite emotional because it must have been so awful for my husband to get that phone call and all I managed to say was Jeremy I was hit by a train and then I hand over to the nurse he then explained what had happened

and I know that the police rang Sorry Sorry You're all going to We're all done Sorry And the police

arrived at like About 3.30 And they told my husband He said Look you need to come into the hospital My daughters Were still in bed

And aware So my husband Had to call our neighbour And ask them to come over And to look after the kids Because he had no idea How long I was going To stay in hospital for

And my husband told me that In the In the drive to the hospital, the police officers only said to him, your wife is alive, but she had a life-changing accident. And my husband was so scared because he didn't know what that meant. And he's like, is she going to be, you know, bound to a wheelchair forever? You know, is she disfigured? Is she, you know, he had no idea.

And it took 15 hours before he could see me. Oh, my gosh. so he rushed to hospital and he was in a waiting room for 15 hours oh my god bless him and was he told he was told i assumed during that time that you'd lost your arm and your leg so not at the beginning but eventually he was told that i was i was okay that i had lost these limbs but that um the operations were successful and but he couldn't get to see me because i was in the recovery ward waiting for a bed to become free in the trauma ward and you're not allowed to get people from the outside in that ward so he was

trying to communicate with me you know trying to call me but they wouldn't let him in and i remember one of the nurses um all of a sudden went but but this woman needs to see her husband he's been waiting for 15 hours and she said oh sod the rules we'll go and get your husband so i remember that was the most emotional moment because my husband was allowed in And my husband never cries. Like he's, you know, a very even-keeled person. And he came in and he just burst into tears. And it was just this moment.

Like, he came in and he just literally, and he thought, he said, like, oh, I thought you were dead. I thought you were going to die. And I was so relieved. I was so relieved. And so imagine, like, I was full of morphine at that point. So I'm just looking at my husband going like, hi. How are you?

And he was like, in my arms just going, well, in my arm, going like, I'm so glad that you're alive. So that was, yeah, it was such a relief. Like in the movies, you know. Yeah. I bet he was just like, I can't talk. We're crying. Way more than sorry. We're trying.

It's very embarrassing. I'm like, hold it together. I can't. I'm sorry. The days he's looking in like, it's everything okay. Oh, my God bless him. He must have just been so relieved. I mean, he must have been initially relieved to hear from you,

even though you said, I've been hit by a train, but it was 3 o'clock in the morning. He probably had assumed the worst at this point, you know, because why wouldn't he hear from you until 3 o'clock in the morning? Yeah. Because I think he assumed that, you know, going home from work, I might have met a colleague and I might have, you know, decided to go for a drink Friday night.

And I think he was tired as well, and at some point just fell asleep, thinking that I would, you know, turn up. And then, I mean, that phone call, I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Like, that's just, yeah, the worst. Horrendous. Yeah.

But then I got transferred to the ward, the trauma ward. I was lucky to get a room by myself. I think one of the rare advantages to be a woman. So you get a room for yourself. Yeah. And then that's when the recovery started. And how did you and your husband broke? this with your kids? Very good question, yeah. And I didn't tell my kids, and my husband did,

so he drove home on that Saturday night. And the kids had been with our neighbors. They knew that I was in the hospital because something happened, but they weren't quite sure what it was. How old are they, sorry? Eight and twelve. Eight and twelve, okay. And so my husband came home, picked them up from the neighbors and said, look, your mom's been in an accident. and she's lost her arm and her leg. So my oldest understood right away what that meant. So she was quite emotional. But my littlest one was just like, okay, and so what happens next?

My husband told them, well, she's going to have a robot arm and a robot leg. And they were like, wow, cool. So you would think like kids are so resilient and they accept things so quickly. and when they came into to visit me I was just like yeah no you know no issues

we'll just get on with it you know and so because I accepted it and my husband accepted it when my kids were just like yeah we accepted too your level of

chill it's just amazing you know and to handle it must have been so comforting for your kids to see you like you say just

this is our situation now so we're just going to work together and like get through it and already i mean yeah four months on and you're here with us today in the studio you have your prosthetic your robot leg um how was that recovery like learning i mean to walk again and like live again in your new body so the first week was kind of a blur because the medication was quite intense so I had a constant floating feeling because of the morphine that I was given but I remember seeing quite a few of my friends who were completely shocked by this and I felt that I needed to tell them guys it's fine I'm I'm okay and I was able to have like normal conversations because a lot of my friends worried that you know I it would have changed

something of my you know my character of my way of speaking and and and they They hugged me and said, like, I'm so glad you're still you. Like, this accident hasn't affected you as a person. And then in week two is where all the changes happened because I was given less morphine, and I was given some new medication. So it was clearer to me what had happened. and that's when it hit me, basically. That's when I had the big sobbing moments.

I felt quite lonely. I had nightmares at night, like reliving, you know, the noises in the hospital, the beeping reminded me of the beeping of the closing door. So, yeah, week two is when the crash happened, basically, where I realised it. Yeah, of course, like the mental side of what you've been through. it's such a massive trauma, have you had help with that, like, medically or otherwise? Yeah, so I can't flaw the NHS for their support there because it wasn't just that they repaired me. The surgeons were amazing, by the way. They had to, like, take a skin graft from my thigh

and fix it on my, my arms. But they were so amazing. And then not just the surgeons, but then, And, you know, the head of the war, Dr. Davenport, was the biggest supporter. And he made sure that, you know, I was well looked after. I had all of the nurses that were extremely helpful and not just, you know, giving me my medication, but also when I had, and they were frequent, big wobbles where I started crying, you know, uncontrollably. They were there and they would give me a hug and, you know, always offered me a tea, which weirdly is it helps. I was always like, okay, I'm going to make you a cup of tea. And I always thought, why?

This is not going to help me. It just lost the arm and a leg. And then weirdly, the tea is always very comforting. Yeah. Yeah. You, I watched you on this morning and you said, I wrote down the words. You said that you felt so privileged and grateful to be alive. And I wondered if that is your, if that is the prevailing feeling,

And is that ever outweighed by a sense of injustice that this happened to you? Because you're obviously you have to, you're now living with the physical impact of what happened. And also, like we said, the psychological impact as well of a massive trauma. Do you feel that side of it as well? Or is the overriding feeling just privilege and gratitude? that's a really good question and early on I felt that injustice

and say like why did I fall why did this even happen and I put that in a box because I felt like that feeling was so negative overwhelming negative and it had all of the anger and all of the you know yeah the injustice feeling

this is unfair this should not happen and I put that all in a box because I needed to focus on the policy because that was what was going to help me heal. And, you know, my thought was, I need to get out of here. I need to heal as fast as possible. I need to learn how to walk again because I'm still on my commute to go home.

I was still, you know, I still needed to go home. And yeah, and I still do that today. I still keep all of these angry feelings in the box and say, at some point, I'll deal with that. But currently, I want to enjoy life. And I remember the first time my husband drove me in my wheelchair out of the hospital from the 15 floor to the ground floor. And I was outside and it was a day like today, cold but sunny. And I was just elated. The sky had never been this blue ever.

And so just feeling the sun on my skin, I thought, oh my God, I am so grateful and privileged to be alive today. And how long was it until you got to finally get home from work via the hospital? Oh yeah. It was the longest commute ever for sure. It went through the London Royal Hospital. Then I had to spend six weeks in rehab. And then I got home on the 1st of December. Wow.

Not that long ago. Not that long ago. A home for Christmas. Yes. So that was the. moment, I stayed in touch with my children over FaceTime quite a, quite a bit. I insisted that we needed to buy an iPad for the little one. The older one already had her phone, so they can, they could feel that they could call me anytime. So when they were feeling low, they could

just, if they were missing me, they could call me. And on one occasion, my littlest one was so upset so she was really like in tears and she said mommy i have a feeling that you're never going to come home and uh to which i replied no don't worry i will be home for christmas and yeah the surprise was that i was there before christmas so the rest of december i left the hospital bless i saw that on your instagram the the screen grabs that you had of facetiming your girls yeah i must have been so sorry That must have been so hard to not like mum and cuddle them

Did they come to visit you in hospital at all? They did, yeah. What was the first time when they first saw you? Gosh, I think my husband prepared them beforehand saying like you'll see your mum in a bed with loads of tubes coming out of everywhere but don't worry, that's just normal and they came in and they were a bit shy

almost where they were like mommy can we touch you and I was like no come on here you know I've got one arm left but I can still give you hugs you know so they came in and they sat on the bed and we talked about their school day and we talked about you know what had happened to me and you know how long I was going to be there and they chatted to the nurses and they were really interested in what happened and every time a nurse came in to give me one injection or another they were like what is this what is this what does that do to mommy you know that's great And then afterwards they came to the rehab centre as well and they spent like just time just sitting on the bed and talking about stuff.

How are you coping with your new way of getting around and living your life? Like how is walking with a prosthetic and being back in your old life but in your new body? Like, because I imagine, obviously, it's very unique doing this in hospital and then in rehab and you learn them all about the support. And then when you come home and you've just to do it by yourself, how has that adjustment been? The good news is that when I transitioned to rehab after having spent two and a half weeks in the trauma ward, the rehab teaches you to do all of these things. I was really busy, actually, and I was really excited about the six weeks there because I could feel like, things are moving. I know I was training every day and it was hard and it didn't work out and then I had to

try again. And that, you know, I learned how to climb stairs and not be scared of doing, you know, going down the stairs. They tried to teach me how to, how to cook. They had like a kitchen there. And I was useless, but that's no surprise. I was useless before. But that kind of.

of prepared me from, you know, for coming home. But then once you come home, I, it's a really different setup because you're on your own, basically. There's no, no one, no physio there to help you. And I realized that walking up to stairs, you know, my, my bedroom is on the second floor, so we've got two flights of stairs to manage. And it was pretty much my husband's approach that helped me because he was kind of right, okay, well, you know, we still do everything we did before, but, you know, you just need a little bit more help. And he didn't, he didn't make it a big deal. And so the kids were, every time now I asked him, oh, can you pass me my stick or can you give me a hand to open, you know, a jar? They were just, yeah, yeah, of course.

And they're just quite supportive. But the emotional impact, I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't prepared for. And so I think I cried every single day, not in front of the kids, but there was an hour a day where I were completely, and I sobbed so hard from like the, you know, these, when you're a child and you have this like hiccum, yeah, like it comes really from like the inside and I just mourned my, my, my arm and my leg. I remember telling my husband, he was a really good arm. Like, why did I not appreciate it more when I had it? It's like, it was a really good leg and, you know, help me get up, Kilimanjaro. And so I cried a lot. And mostly when I look at myself in the mirror, I still have that today where I look at myself and I, the leg you don't see

that much, but the arm and it just looks so ugly. And I remember, like, I look at myself in the mirror and just burst into tears and thinking, oh, wow, I had this picture of myself. on the beach in Zanzibar, after we climbed Kilimanjaro, we, you know, allowed ourselves a few days, you know, on the way back in that, on that magical island. And there's a picture of me on the beach, you know, posing for my husband. And I look at me. And I look at this picture and I think like, oh my gosh, you know, I didn't appreciate how good I looked then compared to how bad I look now. And yeah, I still struggle with that today. Like this body image now is like, Wow.

Well, I mean, that seems very normal, I suppose. You've had this huge, you know, your body has changed massively. And it's so recent, I guess, there's still, you know, you still need time psychologically to adjust to that. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what helped is that when I, because my kids didn't really see the amputation because I was, when I was, when I was at hospital, I was. you know, had covers on it or pillows on it, so they couldn't see it. And I think the first time they actually saw my arm and my leg was in rehab.

And it was my oldest daughter who reacted to it and said, oh my gosh, this looks so cute. Like your leg, your tiny leg is so cute. Did you not see, like if we put googly eyes on it, you know, it would be like it looks like a whale. And I, and then she looked at my arm and she was like, oh, look how cute. to this look like a little T-Rex arm. That's such a nice reframe, isn't it? And I, exactly, it really changed the way I looked at it. And I was like, actually, yeah, it is cute, it's cute.

It's not that ugly. But I saw it through the eyes of my daughters, and that helped me, and it just readjust. Yeah. Because, of course, objectively, you know, like, the way we look at our bodies is we're just so used to one norm. but and you are going to take time getting used to what you look like now but it's so beautiful that you can show your kids that despite that you are still out and dressing fabulously and you know like looking beautiful I think it's you're not it doesn't feel like and obviously I've met you today

but it doesn't feel like you're hiding away from what's happened to you you're back out in the world so soon and that must be so amazing for them to see they were so proud when we did I was surprised by the by the interest of people

I remember I posted a LinkedIn post and it was mainly me trying to tell my small following guys I'm going to be out of commission for a bit because this happened and I told the story

and that post went viral unexpectedly it had like 62,000 reactions to it 2,000 and a bit comments people sharing it like 1,000 shares and I was so surprised by that and I have like so many people like oh you're so inspirational

we can't believe this happened and it got like reams and reams of comments like that calling me inspirational and I was like okay You definitely are They were not wrong I know it's I know it's cliche to ask this

of someone who's had a near-death experience and you had like what 10 times she nearly died but I would love to know has it changed your outlook on life now yes I think when I

it's two events that are related in a way. It's the reaching the top of Mount Kilimanjaro and having a near-deaf experience. And these two combined make it, for me, it says we are so much stronger than we are, like, especially women. We always, I don't know, I feel we always get, you know, downgraded to being, you know, fragile. And I remember when I announced to friends and family that I was going to climb Kilimanjaro, they all said, the same thing in the way your husband will have an easy time he's six foot four you know full of muscles he'd be fine what about you though you you don't train like you're tiny how how are you

going to you know and the reality is when I climbed it I was the one that had no issues I was there we were there eight days camping walking eight hours a day or something and I was happy I just wanted to be on that mountain I was like my eyes is open to everything. It's like taking in everything. We reached the first gate. I was high-fiving everyone and the people were like, Sarah, this is the first gate. There's like 13 to go. It's like, why are you so excited? I'm like, well, you know, I'm taking this day by day because I don't know if I'm going to manage to go up there. So I had no pressure. And I enjoyed everything, like every moment on that mountain. And the last piece of it was the ascent and that

the tricky one because you arrive at base camp it's like 4,700 and a bit might get it wrong but you're really really high up and the air is really thin and the way you notice on your body is that you sit but you feel like you're running so you're breathing really fast to get that oxygen in and the way you ascend is you start off

at midnight so we got woken up at midnight and put all of our clothes on and then you head off in the dark up the trail and they tell you oh yeah it's going to be about seven hours to reach to the top

and you're in complete darkness you've got a little headlamp on and then you shuffle you can't walk fast so you shuffle your way up the trail which goes like that switch back trail

up and it was minus 20 degrees and windy that's cold Alex just is it okay thank you Sorry, I did. It sounds just, yeah. But it's really cool. Trust me. And we were just shuffling up there. And at some point, my husband was, he was in front of me. He was going really slowly. And I was like, nearly bumping into him. It was like, hey, what are you doing? Like, you know, continue walking. And he turned around. And I could see, like, his face was really, like, blue in my spotlight. And his lips were really blue. And he was shaking. I was like, oh, my gosh, you are cold. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'm not okay. Luckily, the guide who was with us had an extra, like a puffer jacket with him, and he put it on. But he was having hyperfirmia, like early stages of hyperfirmia, like really shaking.

And, you know, he couldn't get enough oxygen because he's quite tall, lots of muscles, need lots of oxygen. And me, going up there, you know, meditating, you know, all the yoga that I didn't really, you know, do before came in handy. And I was like, I'm okay. I mean, I can feel it's cold and, you know, it's horrid. But I was like surprisingly okay. So I was the one shouting at my husband saying, come on, you can do this. Think of your daughter. Think of, you know, your mom.

And telling him like, you're the one who's doing all of the, you know, the gym sessions. You're the one who can do burpees for God's sakes. You know, it's like you can do this. And I, you know, pushed him up the last few hours. but that's when I noticed that your state of mind is the most important thing because physically it's hard yes but if you don't have the mental positiveness to keep going then it gets really hard and so he struggled because he went that hyperphemia and it ruined his mental state to be negative so for example when the guide was saying like guys it's

only, you know, it's three hours to the top. I was thinking, oh, it's only three hours. Like, you know, and my husband was like, oh my God, it's three hours. Like, I can't, I can't go, you know, I can't go on. And so your mental state is super important. I was positive. He was negative. It was 10 times harder for him than it was for me. But I can tell you, once we got to the top, to that crater rim, I mean, the sun rose at that exact moment. that we got up there and you cannot imagine how beautiful that sunrise was. It was amazing. All the colors of the rainbow, you know, and just above the clouds and we just hugged and cried because it felt like the true achievement. And I was like, wow, I had doubts and I didn't consider myself as

being able to do this and yet I'm here. And I felt so strong as literally on top of the world and saying like nothing can, nothing can face me now. I remember thinking that. Like, nothing can happen to me now because I achieved this. So that, I think, is part of what helped me survive this accident. Your positivity is infectious. It just, you have such a lovely aura around you that doesn't feel like you'd be totally justified for feeling, which would be bitter or angry or resentful about what's happened to you but you just you do seem so genuinely in love with your life which is so remarkable and beautiful considering everything you've been through thank you i mean it's the only way really because i i made that choice saying like i could be bitter and resentful and scared

and you know just high the way but the opposite i chose the opposite and saying like i loved my life so much before the accident. I really felt confident. It was the year 2022 was the year where I almost felt like I needed to enjoy life even more as if I knew that at some point

it would possibly change. And I ticked off so many things on my bucket list. You know, we had, yeah, all of those who follow me on Instagram would see that before the accident we did lots of trips. We have a camper van. We went camping all over England and yeah that hopefully I will be able to do that again with just a few adjustments

I was going to ask do you have a bucket list now like have you got your 2023 or further away aspirations I I don't know I didn't really think about the long term I just you know everything that comes along I see as a small adventure coming here to see you today in my head was a small adventure, you know. It's like, oh, great, I get out of the house. I get to meet some new people. I get to talk about my experience and hopefully some way inspire somebody else who listens and who feels really bad and saying that you always have the choice, you know, you can choose to whether be negative and, you know, feel unhappy. But you have the choice to say like, okay, I'm going to be grateful. I'm going to be grateful and happy. And, you know, there's this thing,

that when you have a near-death experience, I had like an increase in sensation on touch. So everything I touch, I feel ten times more than I would normally. So like a really soft jumper, like the skin of my children, like I can feel that. And maybe it's because I lost one hand that the other one is a little bit more magical. But I, it's incredible. It is so, this will inspire so many people. listening to appreciate what you. This is like the overriding thing. I felt the first time I heard you speak and listening to you speak today. It's just to appreciate what you have because this is

such a freak accident that happened to you and it can just like that, you know, your whole life can change. And yeah, I think you're teaching so many people to be grateful for the life that they have, whatever that looks like. And I just think you're amazing. Thank you. Thank you. But it's true that, you know, we so easily, we're so privileged in this country that we have, you know, the NHS system. And I probably didn't appreciate it as much before. And it's only when you, you know, you are in a life and death situation that you think, oh my gosh, I need help. And this is one thing that I realized quite quickly is that before the accident, I was quite, independent. So I had a lot of friends, but I would never ask for help for anything. I would

say, I can deal with it myself. And this independence changed now, because I realized quite quickly that no one can be doing it completely on their own all the time. We are, as human beings, we are designed to work together, to live together in society. We are dependent, co-dependent on each other. And that made me realize, you know, we are, after all, herd animals. We're supposed to be, you know, dependent on other people. And there's nothing wrong with that. And there's nothing wrong with that, exactly.

And it's okay to ask for help. It was really hard for me in the beginning. And it was these small details. I remember being at a Christmas dinner at our friends. And we get served and it was lovely, delicious food. But there was a piece of meat on my... on my plate and I looked at it and I thought it looks delicious but I can't cut it because with one hand you can't cut anything and this is where my husband noticed that straight away

notice my body language and he just switched plates and just cut the meat for me and then switch plates again but the lovely thing was that when I took a second helping my friend who sat on the other side of me, just picked up my plate and wordlessly just cut the meat because they'd noticed that before. And I felt that was so amazing that I didn't even have to ask for help, but because they'd seen my husband do it, they automatically did it as well. I thought that was quite cute. That's really cute. Yeah, it's amazing. And this helps a lot because I don't want to be seen as a victim. I don't want people to say like, oh, poor you, you know, because I don't see myself as that. Obviously, the accident is terrible.

what happened is horrible and irreversible, but it has happened and I can't change it. And now I just have to, you know, make the best of it. But it doesn't help when people remind me of like how sad all of this is because, you know, that box with all of these, you know, negative feelings is still there and it's just feeding it, you know, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine, I, you know, I'm okay. Sorry, were you offered counselling by the NHS? I can't remember if we touched on that. I was, yeah. So the mental health is also a big aspect of the recovery. So I'm glad that, you know, mental health probably wasn't that much of a focus a few, you know, years ago, but now it is. And I took all the help I could get. I was like, I, you know, occupational therapist, yes, please, you know, a psychologist, yes, please. Psychiatrist, yes, please. I took all of the help that I could get. And, you know, these sessions are really helpful.

We touch on topics that I don't really think about, normal life. Yeah. That box with all the negative feelings that gets unpacked in those sessions. And that's great. That's why I was getting out. I was thinking I hope you have that place to, and therapy is maybe is that box where you can process everything, can feel those emotions, but then if it, you know,

then work through them and leave them there, that's nice that you're able to still. work through those emotions because they're bound to be there I guess but it's how you manage them exactly and I can't say it enough like for people who struggle then please don't think that you know you're alone and nobody can help you like therapy has for me specifically worked so well so yeah I can only recommend it well thank you so much this has been amazing a roller coaster sorry for crying so much I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. It is quite emotional and I still feel it as well today that, you know.

It's so moving. Your story is, yeah, I mean, obviously horrific what happened to you, but just so amazing to see you out the other side of that now and hear and mobile and just with, yeah, and to hear your gratitude for life. And smiling. You're so smiley. Yeah, you're so smiley.

We're going to leave it in for. We're going to leave your Instagram account in the show notes, if anybody would like to follow you. You have your, do you have a just giving thing? Yes. So, yes. So the thing that we realize quite quickly is that the NHS is amazing for your help, for everything on, you know, a leg injury. Right. But an arm is so complicated.

And, you know, I was quite ambitious from the start saying, I please don't give me a Barbie arm because that, that is. is not me. I want an arm that really is fully functional and I'm willing to, you know, put in the work to learn how to, you know, instruct a mechanical bionic arm. And then we realized quite quickly that, you know, we needed funds. And my husband thought of this idea, said, let's set up a go-fund me page. And I remember saying, he put it at quite a high number. And I remember saying, like, no, no, we're never going to get that much money, like people, you know. And then I was so overwhelmed by the help I got. It was incredible. So many people. And the day I, I, I, you know,

went home on the 1st of December, we reached our target. Wow. It was incredible. And that gave me such a reassurance. A, I didn't know so many people liked me. And, and, you know, that people would get like taken by the story and and yeah and now we you know we we would like to continue raise money because I feel like I want to give back to the NHS the air ambulance as you mentioned is a charity and they need all the money that they can get to you know help people like me they told me they fly out with that helicopter four to five times a week and and save people from road accidents car accidents train accidents like me and they have one helicopter It's mad.

Well, we need more of that. We do. We're going to put the link to your family in the show notes. And we're going to put out a final call out for your angel at High Barnett Station on Friday the 30th of September. If anybody knows who they are, we need to find them. Yeah, get in touch. I would love to thank them in person that they, you know, gave my kids their mummy back. Oh, don't.

I can't go again. Thank you so much for coming to talk to us and we wish you so much love and happiness this year and we can't wait to see what's next for you. Thank you very much for having me on the show. Thanks. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.