Should I Delete That? - Sex work, kinks and fetishes with Reed Amber

Episode Date: July 23, 2023

This week, we bring back one of our most popular guests of all time, sexpert and co-creator of Come Curious, Reed Amber! Reed is back to answer your questions on dirty talk, anal play and shame. Reed also shares how she got into the world of sex work and what it's like to be censored online, and she opens up about her own fetish...Follow Reed on Instagram @reedamberxFollow Come Curious on Instagram @comecuriousBuy Florence's book This Book Will Make You Feel Something here: https://geni.us/thisbookwillFollow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

But when I'm playing submissive, I'm not very good at speaking, not dirty talk. I'm just like, oh, wow, okay, oh, yes, okay, please. Like, that's it. That's about as far as it goes. Hello, and welcome back to the Should I Delete That Podcast. I'm Em Clarkson. And I'm Alex Light. and this is an exciting day because we have a brand new columnist in our ranks. A metro columnist, no less. Bonjour.

Congratulations. Thanks, babe. What a secret. How exciting. And a proper shoot and everything. It's, yeah, and they put me, and I didn't know they were going to do it, but they put me on the cover of the Metro yesterday. They did.

And I can't stop thinking about it. about how many people will have sat on my face. Oh my God. So many people will have sat on your face. I was so annoyed by, I couldn't get a copy. I'm so annoyed. Me neither. They do not have the Metro and the Anna Man.

I could tell you that for nothing. That is really, really exciting though. It's mad, yeah, it's really exciting. I'm just going to plug it here. If anybody's got a long-form question that we've not answered on the podcast, then please send it into me. I've got an email address.

Askm at Metro.com. Oh my God, that's such a cool email address. I know. I haven't got access to it. Probably because if I get those of like hate, I can't see it, which I love. I think I'm going to get access to it, but I thought, let's just wait a bit. Give me a minute. Yeah.

No, it's exciting. It's really cool. Is that your good? It is. It's one of I am foregoing my bad, and I almost found myself in a position to forego my awkward because I've done very little socialising again this week. but fuck it Al my awkward is that I'm sitting here talking to you

Winnie the poo style I don't have any pants on and I feel weird about it Wait any trousers And or knickers No no knickers Oh god I know

Winnie the poo I am horrified Don't tilt the camera down Yeah so uh Orcs That is awkward Nice okay Anything for me

My god This makes me happier than anything is that I like, we've decluttered our whole house, right? And it's, like, beautiful. Like, I've even done the cupboards and the shelves and everything just looks so wonderful. But my bad is that I feel like I do this. Like, I feel like I have to do this all the time. And it's like, it's all lies just supposed to be one big cycle of just doing stuff so that things don't get bad.

That's exactly what you have to do. Funny you should say that. I've just been doing my annual inbox clear out which I do once a year because as you know I get like up to like 15,000 emails and I'm like this can't go on it's always just before my birthday and I think I've got to do something about this so I'm doing something about it got down to 4,000 oh my god no it's not good it's not good so so there is the option which I'm a I'm a tech order I'm like I'm if it were real life like I mean look how many unread messages and emails and all of that.

If I was like this in my real life, I'd be on hoarders next door. Yeah. If emails were plates and text messages were coupons, you wouldn't be able to see anything. Oh my God, literally. So you shared a quote on your Instagram

that was really lovely. And it said, it will all be okay in the end. And if it's not okay, then it's not the end. And I read it as, and if it's not okay, then it's the end. And I was like, I really like that. I love that.

So I sent that to you. You put it on your stories or our interaction, our WhatsApp interaction. I re-shared it. But on your story, you'd left the 308 unread messages on WhatsApp. And then my DMs were fucking flooded with, oh, my God, half the people thought they were mine. And then other half of people were like,

how can them live like that? And I was like, I don't know. Can you ask her? No, because then they do. come and ask me, and I just want to say to them, if it's stressing you out, imagine how stressed I am. But you have the power. It's a horrible place to live.

But you have the power. No, Al, because if I go back and reply to them all, then everyone replies to me, which is then so stressful that they all come back in again. I can never win this. And I personally find it worse if there's one unread message at the bottom than if there's 300 because if it's one, I look at it and I'm like, I should deal with that. But if it's 310, I'm like, there's no way. So there's no point. So I'll just leave it. But I hate it about myself. I've talked to you about this before. Fine. Oh, this is my bad. I would love to

get hypnotized to fix this. There is something wrong with me. Like, I hate it. I don't like it. It's not good. So when people message me about it, I can see my little icons. I've got 148 unread text, 20 calendar things to do 400, 4,957 emails to do something about, I don't like this, but I don't know what to do. I can't fix it. It's who I am. I hate it. I have looked into getting hypnotized for it. I guess then if, if you don't know how to stay on top of it, there's no point in doing a huge detox and getting to zero because it'll just build back up. Well, that's, that's my problem is I've got to zero before and I'm back swimming and shit again now. Okay, so stay blind to the notifications. Don't post them on Instagram because people go fucking wild for it. People go

fucking, it happens every time and I just think, I know, it's my deep shame. I wonder if there people in the middle, like, you're there. I'm like if I've got one, if I've got one or two, like I can't cope, I've got to, I've got to respond. I wonder if the people in the middle who can just do like 10 or 15 and like they're a bit more I don't know I don't know I feel like that's where I would like to be I agree because realistically I can't be you but I would like to be them yeah I think that's a nice place to be because I don't think it's good the way I am either I would like to be more relaxed about it yeah yeah because I don't think it's very because sometimes I just think and I don't actually think that's when you reply to me but just listening to you there I'm like

oh my god do you just reply to me not because you want to but because Because you don't want my notification. I reply to everyone because of that. Oh, God, that's changed the dynamic completely. I don't want to message you anymore. No, please do, please do. It's fine. Because I replied to you like that.

And that's because I want to. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Thank you. Yes. See, I guess no one will ever know why I reply to them because I replied to everyone. So no one will know.

Oh, that's nice. God. I have some deep inward introspection to do now. It's fine. About what I message you and when. It's fine. It's fine. I love it. I love it all. I take it all. Have you got the awkward? I feel like I'm going to use that as my awkward, sharing it and then my DM's being flooded.

Well, your awkward is my bad. You're so awkward about how bad I am. Brilliant. Brilliant. That makes me feel fantastic. No, it was more that my awkward's really shit today. My awkward is shit and it's something that has already been my awkward twice, but it is my genuine, awkward, is that I pulled into the wrong drive for the third time, for the third time.

I think you just need to be an awesome if you can buy their house because you clearly need to live there. And the woman was in her living room looking at me, and then I was just looking at her, and then I got out the car. Why? Because I was like, I don't think, I don't know if she can see me through the wind shield thing,

the car, the wind thing. So I got, so I was like, I'm going to get out of the car and say, like, I'm sorry, wrong drive. She's just looking at me so horrified. I was like, oh my God, I hate myself. Oh my God, just go. I know.

I do shit and go. Honestly, I just feel like I just should not drive. But I feel like if I walk, I'll still walk into the wrong drive. So, look, see, we've all got our things, right? Yes. You would never pull into the wrong drive. No, but I wouldn't use that as my awkward either. My awkward is Al's shit of driving.

you can have it you can have it um okay well it's um it's my birthday tomorrow it is your birthday tomorrow at the time of listening it will have been my birthday but it's my birthday tomorrow and my buddies have come out and my buddies apart from you because you are busy which i am sad about but accepting of because you are a busy gal probably because you apply to all those messages and you end up finding you exactly i'm just constantly harassed i've got no time to social I would like to stress you were invited here but you couldn't make it because otherwise it's like all my buddies are next door apart from you and it doesn't sound very kind but you were invited I was I was so yeah anyway so I had to go I have to go and be with them because yes because it's something shining today which is not going to do for the remaining two days that they're going to be here so we're going to go and enjoy the sunshine I'm excited for you and I'm excited for the listeners because I'm excited for the listeners because I'm sorry I'm excited for the listeners because we're not going to do for the

we've got a spicy ep today. Spicy. Felt weird to say ep. Spicy interview. We've got spicy interview today. We've got Reid of the Come Curious podcast. Sadly, Florence was unavailable because she lives in L.A. now. We obviously have been promising you a part two of the Com Curious episode.

And that will still happen. We will get both the gals together. But we actually just had a chat with Reid this time about the sex industry. predominantly about fetish work um about well some spicy shit to be honest yeah i i actually think it was i found it really interesting to hear more about how the sex industry works and how sex workers work because i just really didn't know anything about it and i thought it was really interesting and i it helped me understand it a lot more so yeah and also she's just fab she's great she's great to Just fucking fab.

Yeah, we love Reid. We love Reid. So, without further ado, let's give you the interview. Enjoy it. Bye. Hi, Reid. Hello. Hi.

Hi. Thank you so much for coming back. I'm so excited to be back. Last time I was on here, it was such a joy. And you gave us so many subscribers and followers and listeners to the podcast. Yeah, when I sat here with Florence talking about a gig come curious. Thank you. Oh, that's so good to hear.

Yeah, and we've had so many requests you to come back. You're like, you promise this is a second episode. Yeah. Coming on for a year. Yay. I think you're only our second repeat guest. I am honored. Yeah.

And Florence is here. She's in spirit. In spirit. Yes. The ghost of Florence. She's not dead. Her essence is here. She's in L.A., I really need to stress.

She's fine. But she's not here. But she has written a book, which we did say we would talk about. Absolutely need to plug the book. It's, this book will make you feel something. It's so beautiful. I was just looking at it today. And it's a bunch of erotic short stories, like really hot short stories, where you can get to know your body, get to really sit into the self-care of masturbation.

And it also comes with masturbation tips along with those stories. It's, I would highly recommend this book. Honestly, if you read it, you will be turned on. It's like, it's almost like I'm threatening you. Really? Like, you will be turned on. You always forget how intense talking to you about sexes. Sorry, I forget about this.

No, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good. And it's good, it's good for us. No, no, no, no, you do not. Maybe turn it out. I'm going to, we're going to put her, we're going to put the link to the book in the show notes. Amazing. So everyone can check it out.

And that's very cool. Congrats Florence. Yes, that's exciting. I lost the car. I love the children of a round of applause. So, knowing that you were coming back. Yes. I took to my Instagram stories as,

I should. And I asked my followers if they had any sexy questions, which I realized could have been interpreted one of many ways, but by and large, they got the brief. So buckle up. I'm trying to remember, I'm trying to remember where, what we said we'd talk about this time, but I actually just feel like this is a really great place to start because you've kind of brought an intensity that I like and I feel like we're just going to run with it. How do you do dirty talk? I just feel So stupid and I never know what to say. Dirty Talk is hard. It's not easy.

I think we've all been misled, especially by porn thinking porn and movies and media that it's just really easy to get into character and say the right thing and it be sexy. And it is not like that. It takes time and practice and getting into the feeling and being with somebody that you feel really comfortable with. Do you know, we had a few weeks ago, we had an episode with The Sex Doctor, Dr. Karen Gurney, he was brilliant. Amazing. And we, she was explaining how, like, why Dirty Talk is so hard

because it's hard to, like, know what to name, like, your penis or your, you know, your vagina, because it's like, if you call it, like, vagina or vulva, like, that feels really anatomical. But then if you call it, if you call it, like, pussy or something, it can feel, like, too porny for some people. Or it can feel, yeah, really, really vulgar, like, oh, yeah, grab my pussy. Like, it's just, like, oh, that's something. Donald Trumpy, isn't it? Right, that's exactly it.

Yeah, we don't want to be thinking about him whilst of role-playing. Well, I mean, not to kinkshame, to anyone out there, role-playing Donald Trump, I do know people who do want a little... About the toupee. Yeah, a flapping in the wind. So my best advice would be to practice by yourself,

practice lines, and you think about what turns... Sorry, like, I'm playing it cool, but I'm like imagining myself in your head. Yeah. It's not easy. it's think about the things that turn you on you know what if you think about somebody saying something to you what makes you excited is it them saying oh i love the feel of your wet pussy or is it like god you're so beautiful you're so sexy like i'm so in love with you because dirty talk we have

this idea that has to be really pornographic and seeding like or you know something really ridiculous that's like harry potter i mean i love role play and i love dirty talk i've seen your harry potter videos on or your talks of your Harry Potter videos i can't remember i remember watched the thing and i was like this is great like i loved it yeah you want it your draco court turns you're talking yeah you did a video talking about this right with florence about being draco melfoy and i was like well this is nice it was the hottest hottest roleplay of my life was my ex and i and i was harry potter and he was draco morphe fucking the shit out of me and it was honestly the dreamiest thing i've ever had in my life.

I was just like the levels here. This is what like Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Felton imagined and they're like every day. Every day they think about it. This is the dream. They wish it. Yeah. So it could be easier to follow some kind of fantasy.

You know, I've just rewatched Game of Thrones. So maybe throwing in some fun Game of Thrones stuff like that could be really helpful. But the easiest thing to do is to try not to overthink it. Yeah. Just say something in the bedroom to say like how you're, feeling can be really amazing. So, oh my God, that feels so good. I love it when you do that. You don't have to use genitalia either. It's supposed to feel natural and comfortable and that's when it's easy and not fearing to make a mistake. It's okay to make a mistake. It's not going to

stop the fun if you just go, oh, it's like acting. You know, if you mess up on stage, you've got to just keep it going. People don't really think about it. The show must go on. So yeah, the best thing to start off is, is yeah, describing how you feel or what you want done to you or what you want to do to the other person. That can be a really nice way to start things off. Yes, you don't have to start with something like obscene. Yeah, yeah. It can feel a little bit forced when it's like, oh my God, your hard cock is penetrating me so deep. But if you're like, oh my God, that feels so deep, that feels so good, so deep, you know, that can feel really real and natural. And you want it to be natural.

Yeah. I still don't feel like any of those... I can see the cogs turning. You're like going through stuff in your head. It's so hard. But I think because of my sex worker experience, I've almost trained my brain to work at that speed in sexual situations and enjoy the dirty talk

and practice a lot. I've practiced a lot on webcam, especially if I'm playing a more dominant role. It's very easy to go like, okay, do this, do that. Wow, that looks good. Put this inside you. stop, start, it's all like the

the, yeah, the J-O-I jerk-off instruction, orgasm control stuff and that kind of like helps. But when I'm playing submissive, I'm not very good at speaking, not dirty talk, I'm just like, oh, wow, okay, yes, okay, please, like

that's it, that's about as far as it goes. Depends on the energy. Yes, yeah. Then again, it's Dobby, isn't it? Yeah, please. Dobby is a free elf. Sexy. Yeah, I'm like dating like Harry Potter's social fantasy and just ruining them

Yeah, please imagine yourself as a house elf Again, not to king chain, somebody might love it Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure they do Can you explain your sex work background? I feel like we actually don't really have me We talked about me very much Yeah, people don't know So I've been in the adult industry for 10 years

Over 10 years now When I was at university studying television production It was so not my vibe I did work experience in the porn industry and I got in so much trouble with my uni they nearly kicked me out they like didn't accept it so I had to do more work experience

you know it's like you have to do the work experience to get the grade anyway from there all I wanted to do was be a porn director and create porn especially at that age that was my dream my passion I was pretty obsessed with porn at the time

and after university and getting those contacts I push myself in I started working self-employed freelance basis for quite a few big named companies in the UK. And during that time, because it was freelance and not earning sufficient funds, I started webcam modelling online. And that's where it started my actual sex work. And I loved the freedom.

And because I'm so interested in sex, it was perfect because I could learn from people and what they wanted and how they wanted it and what they were interested in. Like the psychology behind what gets somebody off is fascinating. And so I ate it all up. And from there, I've done kind of everything, every role in front of the camera, behind the camera. I've done full service sex work. I currently now specialize in foot worship sessions, dominatrix sessions and tickle sessions. I did stop my in-person sex work for a long time while I was with my ex.

but I realized because it was such a huge part of who I am and my identity, I just feel like myself again, having it back. I have to stop listening to society and what other people think I should do with my body. It brings me so much joy and excitement. And on top of which I get paid for it. You know, why wouldn't I want to do that? And you've got Only Fans as well?

Yeah, baby. Do you love that? I've had a turbulent relationship with OnlyFans. I've had a lot of my work online before again with the webcaming. And when OnlyFans came through, that was amazing because it cut out the middleman. And it was straight fan to perform a content, which is incredible for the adult industry. But the way that Only fans has gone with everything that blew up where they're sort of a bit like, oh yeah, sex workers made us and they earn us loads of money, but we're not going to really support you.

And maybe we're going to cut you all off. Oh, joke. sorry we're going to take that all back. So I really love my only fans now. I feel really powerful and strong and empowered by having my only fans accounts. I've got two of them. I've got my main one which I do all my naughty stuff on and the nudity and the fun. And then I've got my foot fetish, my foot worship and tickle, only fans account, keeping them quite separate because you either love it or hate it. So do customers, like in real life customers find you through only fans? And then yes it's a it's a real range people find me through only fans but you can't message about

in person meets on any fans so a lot of people find me on instagram um on i guess other sites i get it through email the best way is to email and to discuss what people want there's not enough respect for sex workers but also there's not enough respect for people that pay for sex either and especially from sex workers a lot of a lot of them feel like their clients are just cash cows for them to rinse the money off of. And I think that's really wrong. I think that both people deserve to be respected. And the thing with sex is it dehumanizes us. Anything in the porn industry, any sex worker, anyone who buys porn. So you can treat people badly from both sides. Let me be clear. Sex work is legal in the UK. It's actually legal in a huge,

huge parts of the world but it's very complicated with the laws in the UK that make it quite hard for us to do certain things and be safe and to report crime because we're still not seen as humans we're still seen as well you know you're doing that you're choosing to do that so therefore you deserve it and that needs to fucking change yeah that's an interesting point that you said because I do feel like there has been a bit of stigma broken down around sex workers do you over the past few years yes and I think that's up to only fans yeah I think that only fans paid a huge part in normalizing sex work and having profiles that you can pay for sexual services on which is amazing you know I have to thank them for that because you've got celebrities

having only fans using only fans yeah before then any kind of webcam model would be seen as like okay that's a bit weird that's interesting but like I'm not sure about that now if you have an only fans it's kind of like a badge of honor you know I'm very very proud about my only fans I have it on everywhere I even have it on my dating profile because I want to make sure people know what they're getting into but yeah it's yeah it has become more acceptable it feels that way but they definitely I don't at least I don't think it's become more acceptable to pay for sex yes yeah would you agree with that that's still really difficult to talk about yeah why is that

I don't, I just, I'm not entirely sure. I don't know whether or not it's people feeling like they've failed if they've had to pay for sex when in my mind sex is a service, you know, sex is like going and getting some food, going and paying a painter to paint your wall. It's like if there's something you want and you need that's fundamental to your happiness, like intimacy, why wouldn't you go and pay for it. You know, it's a transaction where you both discuss exactly what you need and what you want and hopefully you're both happy at the end. I think we should, we need to change our thought processes around paying for sex, especially for people who are disabled, who might not be able to get the intimacy that they desire and sex workers are there, giving them that

sense of of intimacy of love of sexual interaction and that needs to be respected but we don't get that we get a lot of you know the way that we're portrayed in the media in films like the first thing you think of when you think of a sex worker is that stereotypical prostitute who's like hooked on drugs who's living in like a crack house who has a pimp where there's violence and then you know they're getting paid a shit ton of money there's always fucking loads of of money there. Cash. Cash.

And again, having a pimp is illegal. And also the lines between sex work and sex trafficking get blurred by people in the media and people who are against sex workers. To be very clear, trafficking is a completely different thing to sex work. Sex work is a choice. trafficking is somebody's choice has been taken away from them. Of course they, you know, their lines can blur when sex work can lead into trafficking or coercion, but sex work is legal, trafficking is illegal.

And sex workers are trying to fight against that, but the laws in the UK and the rest of the world make it so fucking hard. Yeah. I saw a few weeks ago that you'd been talking with Jeremy Kyle on his shirt. Yes. Yes. Oh my God, Jezza. But even the way that he spoke over you. I mean I feel like he does that to probably everyone but it does feel like he said in it

the thing that really jarred me watching it he said people like you and that's really great in me because it's just like what do you mean by that people like yeah I called you love didn't they yeah so I'm going to say something you don't like love yeah I mean the whole experience was so bizarre

like going into the news court building and being there was very weird but I think I know that a lot of what he was doing there was for entertainment purposes that's why he gets employed there you know off camera he was giving me a little wink

you know like oh don't worry this is just for the camera but it's that portrayal of I'm going to talk over you and down to you because you are a sex worker and you've got no clue I'm protecting kids I'm on a big high horse but you're down there you don't know what you're doing you don't know what you're saying

and of course it's really hard to argue with someone who's that aggressive but he did really well thank you thank you so much i appreciate that but also i think like the last time you came on like not everybody is going to agree yeah with you on sex work and not everybody is going to be able to see the lines between trafficking and i guess because most people don't interact in any positive way with a sex worker in their lives so you we all have this like misconception but we all have a conception of like what it is like on the streets and like yes like cat calling and like oh curb calling it's called yeah so I think everyone's kind of got this idea of it and

but then also you bundle that up with like all the internalized shame that so many women have and I think like I think last time you guys came on the podcast we had a few comments with people being like oh well we shouldn't be this open or whatever and it's just like wow and yeah it's interesting but I mean and that was just a joke you know like a sort of chill trailer but I guess I want to carry on with the questions but do you find that you get a lot of stuff like shit I guess from women or judgment?

If I do it's not to my face but I think that is because I'm quite confident about it and not that I would sit there arguing or debating but trying to figure out and understand why and I also have the understanding of where that comes from you know the way that society is the way that we have been brought up to to think and believe and feel around sex.

And not only sex, but sex when it comes to money, when it comes to a service, like, I still can't wrap my head around. It's absolutely fine for somebody to go on a date, not really find them attractive, end up going home with them, having a pity shag, having a terrible experience, and that's accepted. But when I go on a date and have sex with somebody and ask for money, that's like, oh, my God, that's disgusting. The judgment is there. How can you do that?

how can you allow your body to do that? We also have to remember that not everybody feels the same way about sex. Lots of people are, they have an emotional connection with sex. They might only want to have sex with somebody that they're in love with. But some people have sex and it's not that bigger deal for them. It's like having a wank or, I don't know, it's something more or less or exciting or it, we're less empathetic these days and we're so judgmental and we're not asking. sex workers their opinions. We're not asking them what they think or how they feel. We just

assume. And that's very dangerous. And of course, you're only, I mean, that's, I still think that the rest of the world, sex workers look like what I've seen on TV because it's like I've been brainwashed to believe that. And that isn't true. Most of the sex workers that I know have like very beautiful, friendly, wonderful lives, like incredible relationships, getting to to go on the most incredible experiences and love what they do. But it's the rest of the world that makes us like second guess it and question it. And of course, comments online, constant comments online. I still can't talk about my sex work that openly on Instagram.

I get shut down. I get deleted. My account's been deleted seven, eight times on Instagram. Yeah. Luckily, I've had it back. And I guess there's the, you know, the age old debate that you probably have to face a lot, which is like, can sex work ever be empowering for the woman? I think it can. I feel like I am the definition of feeling empowered by sex. But that might just

be who I am as a person. That might be my personality. That might be the way that my brain is formed around sex. I am also non-monogamous and polyamorous. So I already have a different idea around sex and intimacy and relationships than the majority of people. I know that There are some experiences that I've had that haven't felt empowering, of course. But then we have all had sexual experiences or even non-sexual experiences where we've walked away from that going like, oh, I don't feel good from that. I mean, how many times have we been in an office space and the boss has told us we need to do more responsibilities and we're not getting our pay rise and we feel used in a way there and still we

accept that. But we also sexually harassed at such a, like, at such a level anyway that it's just like, well, what woman ever feels truly empowered at the hands of a man? So, yeah, at least you're going to make money from it. Right. Like, I should, didn't you? The money part is great. That is very great. But it is all, it's, it's a small part for me. I'm not having sex and doing sex work for money. I'm doing it because I actively love sex and I love connecting with people and I love understanding what they do, especially my specialities are more fetish range stuff. Can I ask about what that, like what you workshop? What a fetish workshop entails? Oh, okay. So I, I would meet with somebody, let's say the last time I rented out a really cool dungeon space. Normally everything

before I meet with somebody is talked about first and what they want and what I can do for them and what I don't want and what their limits are. And yeah, if it's a foot worship session, somebody who has a foot fetish, and I've made it very clear that it's not going to be sexual, especially for the price that they've paid. If they want to pay more for it to be sexual, I'm all ears. And I will tease them. I will show them my feet, especially if they want it barefoot, or if they want me in heels, if they want me in dirty gym trainers. And they will just obsess over my feet, you know, put their face really close, smell my feet, take my shoe off, take my sock off, worship my feet. And that is just one of the most incredible feelings is somebody giving

themselves over. It's almost intoxicating. They're like drugged up on my feet, looking at how gorgeous my feet are. Like, they're beautiful, they're amazing. And I'm just sitting there like, I fucking love this. I love everything about this. And I'm getting paid for it. Like, like, Why wouldn't I love this? Especially because I love my feet being played with. I love foot massages. I love my toes being sucked. It gets me off.

And foot fetish is the most common fetish in the entire world. Is it? Yeah. I wonder why. So there are several theories. It's really hard to actually like know the reason why. But for the most part, there's a space in your brain that's to do with touch. so genitals and feet are next to each other in that part of the brain so when you're formed

sometimes I guess you know the brain go over to the other side or it can be really close and yeah the brain goop Dr. Reed here and I think that's what I've got because someone touches my feet and I get a very very sexual response like it like sends lightning to my puceois and maybe that's what you should call it in the different talk so yes like that's it my pucewa

um and I can I can have foot gasms I can orgasm from having my feet being played with and touched and tickled and it's one of the most incredible things yeah like full body orgasms just from that see but then that makes sense

if it's you have the foot fetishes in you like people touching your feet but if people like other people's feet. So there's a difference between a kink and a fetish. And I think we spoke about this on the last podcast episode. Yes. And a fetish is something that is like an experience or something that's happened when they're younger that has turned from an obsession into something sexual and they fundamentally need that or require thinking about it or visualizing it to get off. So with feet, some of the theories are when you're younger and you're younger and you're you're

you're being told off by your parent, you might be looking down at their feet. And that might be one of the first things that you notice. Or at school, you know, someone, a girl you fancy or a person that you fancy might take their sock off. Um, there is, you know, it's unpredictable. You don't know whether you're going to get a foot fetish or not. And it's not your fault for having that fetish. It's something that's imprinted on you as, as a young adult, as in your adolescence, that's turned into something sexual, either turns into a fear or, or, you're going to, you're turns into something extremely sexual. I might be completely

firing blanks here. No, that's the perfect term. But is it maybe because it's a part of the body that's like viewed as a bit disgusting, a bit dirty, like people don't really like feet. There's nothing else in the body that people really are a bit like grossed out by

the way that people are grossed out by feet. Is it because it's like, maybe it's something to do with that that it's a bit more like taboo, a bit like, oh, gross. I think you're right. I think the taboo thing fits really. I hated my feet for most of my years. My first boyfriend never saw my foot naked without a sock on.

Really? Yeah, I loathed my feet. And I think that there is something we never really see them, especially in a country like this. So it's almost like a sexy reveal. Yeah. Okay. You know, they can be gross.

They can be sweaty and smelly. Or they can be the most beautiful things, the most beautiful part of somebody's body, very elegant the curves and the way that you know the heel is and the arches and the wrinkles but i don't have a foot fetish myself but i have a foot kink and i i love my feet being played with so to comment on what somebody why somebody else has a foot fetish is quite hard yeah but i do know that a fetish can only be something that is non-sexual so it's an object a body part or an action and generally speaking that is non-sexual

unless you have a fetish and it makes it sexual. I don't have a foot fetish. I don't really like feet. I don't blame you. Like, it's weird and icky, but honestly, if you allow yourself to just be comfortable with it, because feet are an erogenous zone.

Yeah. And it could be like... Yeah, it's no judgment. It's horses for horses. Yeah. I just think about Alex's feet. It was like, not yours boy Alex. He has a fuck off.

You're pretty fine. I recall at Dave's feet. Yeah, I didn't like Alex's feet And that maybe is to do with like sexuality Or maybe the way that we see men's feet Isn't that sexy But then women's feet potentially If you were with someone who was like

Even the first shot of the Barbie film Oh my God, yes I bet that was a very popular Like made people bust immediately I'm sure I saw that and I was like hello Yeah Okay can I ask about your tickle

What's it called? No, never mind So I have a tickle fetish and I do tickle sessions with people. Yeah, workshop would be cool. That would be like teaching people how to. Maybe I'll do that because that sounds really fucking cool. Worship. You said worship before, didn't you?

Yes. Sorry, in my head it was workshop. Sorry. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. I thought it was just how you called it. But anyway, tickle session. A tickle session sounds really innocent, but it's not.

Tickling for loads of people is a difficult subject because it's, a source of uncomfortability for a lot of people. Yeah. A lot of people hate it. A lot of people have had their boundaries crossed around it. Yeah. And that can be complicated. Or is it like?

So it's like a stroke or a pinch? It's everything. It's normally the people in the tickling community, because I do tickle parties as well for people who have tickle fetishes. It just sounds so fun. I think this is the word tickle just sounds fun. That sounds like my actual name. I mean, that's, that's it.

It's, um, it is torture. Yeah. That's what people with a tickle fetish want. They want to be pushed to the point of breaking. Right. So you can start with feathers and light strokes, but a lot of people in the tickling community, not everyone, want to be broken.

Like, but like they want to be tortured with tickling. And that's what I want. I want to have my safe word spoken and maybe even pushed past. in a safe environment, I want to be completely tied down, completely emotionless, and I want to be begging and screaming. And, like, that's the whole fantasy that I love and I get off on. So it is sexual as well? Very sexual for me. But there are a lot of people that are asexual in the tickling community that get their sex from tickling. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, that's lovely. So is it, is it, you can be tickled anywhere and it's still sexual? It's not

like you're tickled in a certain place and it's sexual. For me, I could look at, a picture of tickling and get off. Really? Yeah. I mean, that's like the fetish part. It is almost an involuntary reaction and response. I couldn't say the word tickle for so long. For most of my life, I called it the T word,

because it would make me like judder and cringe and the shame that I felt around my tickle fetish was so great. I didn't tell any of my boyfriends until my last one. Didn't explain to them. And I was like, poor me, years and years of being unsatisfied. That sucks. Never again. It's now on my dating profile and, you know, I'm meeting new people in the tickling community

and creating tickle fetish parties if I get a tickle session. So in the tickling community, there is somebody called a ler, which is a tickler, and they like to tickle. And there's somebody called a Lee, which is a ticker Lee, and they like to be tickled. Well, isn't this nice? You really do me like something for everyone. Yes. Well, I thought I was so alone.

Yeah, but that's so nice. So alone until I went online and I was like, there's like, lingo. language and groups and so many people and I really truly felt like I had finally accepted myself when I started speaking about my tickle fetish and yeah in a in a scene or scenario depending on if they're a lure or lee or they're a switch I will either tickle them or they will tickle me well that's nice yeah it's and I get a lot out of it so which is why with my sex work I only do things I want to do and I know I enjoy yeah because then And I don't, there's no risk of regretting it.

And I feel like everyone should take that ethos for their own work as well, for anything that they're doing, regardless of what industry you're in. Only do what you love. Yeah. Otherwise, just get pissed off. Yeah. Okay, so your fetish, you're not talking about having a fetish for so long to so many boyfriends came up. No, yours didn't.

But this was something that was shared by a lot of people asking how they could broach either a kink or a fetish with a partner. What would your advice be to somebody who was in that situation? So that's really hard because when you're already in an established relationship, to break that communication and something that you've been hiding deep down inside you is almost impossible. It is literally like telling somebody your deepest, darkest secret. It is terrifying. But I would recommend potentially a slow build to talking to somebody about it. it, you know, using hypotheticals, asking them how they feel about something in a certain

situation. Learning and researching more about your fetish is really important. That changed my life, like learning about tickle fetishes and just understanding it a little bit more because I think a lot of the shame comes from, yeah, feeling weird or feeling like a, feeling like a freak or, you know, a lot of my shame comes from being tickled when I was younger by family members and you know what that's kind of what starts a fetish it's not my fault it's not their fault it's just something that happened and once you get to a point of accepting it and being able to talk about it it honestly becomes life changing like life is so amazing when you do finally accept your fetish and your partner does or you find people who do but how to bring it up

with a partner. So, for example, feet, it would be maybe like asking questions, having open conversations around sex and feeding it in, you know, like, oh, like, what do you, what do you think about feet, seeing what they say? But being clear and stating that it is something that, you know, you think about and that you do like and that might turn you on because it's hard being rejected by somebody if they're like really hate tickling. And which is what I had in a past relationship, you know, I don't blame them at all because ticketing is confusing. They were like, oh, God, no, I hate tickling. And so I was just like, well, I'm not going to say anything, not going to do anything. And I just remember feeling so unsatisfied all the time.

It wasn't until I did that research and started communicating with people in the community and found out that I wasn't a weirdo and I wasn't on my own because no one is. Fetishes are so vast. And there will always be somebody out there with your fetish. doesn't matter how crazy, how weird it seems, how gross and disgusting it is, and how much of a bad person you might feel, there will be many others out there that are into it. So, yeah, I mean, you could try little notes like writing to them can help or seeing their reaction if you put it into the bedroom, if you try and give it a go.

Yeah. Thinking out loud, you could, maybe, I don't know if this is right, but you could even be like oh I was listening to a podcast and they were talking about like feet like a feet kink and I would like to explore it like what do you think you know like a casual like I haven't really thought about it before but yeah yeah that could work or like this podcast you know if you have a tickle of foot fetish send it to them exactly and be like yeah what did you think what did you think yeah I think a lot of people reject it because they have their own insecurities or issues around the topic you know like if it's feet then it's like

Maybe they don't love their feet. But also the way we talk about a foot fetish is just like it's not empowering. No, it's like a laugh. Yeah. It's like, uh, Quentin Tarantino always putting feet in there. And it's like, yeah, man, he is. He's fucking owning it. It's like, yeah.

Okay, so we've got just loads of questions. We're just going to go from feet to bumholes now. Yay. This person is scared to try anal because of the potential poop situation. Oh my God, great question. Yeah, is a douche enough to prep. Okay, so I've never once used a douche when I've done anal. I think douching is good for peace of mind, but you don't have to do.

You shouldn't have to feel like you need to douche. When it comes to anal, there will be poo there. I think we said this last time. That is a part of anal. If you are afraid of poo and feces, why did I say feces? It's so raw. It's not anatomical.

It's probably the wrong. hole for you. Yeah, just get a poo. That's the thing. Like, if you're having vaginal sex, you're going to expect discharge and blood and all the other things. And that's pretty like normal. So if you're, if somebody wants to have anal, if you want to do anal stuff, then you have to expect it. It's part of the package. But you can do things to make it easier, like using a lot of lube. Um, when you, have you ever had a ghost poo? You know, and you have a poo and you wipe and there's nothing there. Phantom Yeah

Phantom poo I thought a ghost poo is when you wipe and there's nothing there Phantom poo is when you look back in the toilet and you see no long so the best time to have anal There's nothing better than a ghost poo Yeah oh my god

It means you're really healthy at that time Does it stop it? Yeah I think it's an indicator of a good healthy poop Oh I'm so impressed like with my little IBS bow Good on you ghost All right Ghost poo's all round anal for me so yeah that's the best time to have anal is when you're ghost pooing right so you have

to be like quick come over i've had a ghost poo yeah or like you know if you're having regular ghost poos you don't really if you're going to have anal if maybe you've got an upset stomach or you suffer with ibs or you know potentially drinking but also it's a part of it you might get shit on something and that's okay just act cool act normal if there's poos somewhere just be like oh sorry about that, let me wipe it off. Get wipes handy there. And also training. You know, if you're nervous, if you're really nervous, train your butthole. See what your butthole is like being penetrated. Use toys. Use dildos. See what feels comfortable. Use your fingers. I only really like anal with, with like, what they're called, latex gloves on. I really like

latex gloves. I think they're really hot anyway. So you wear the gloves? If I'm giving, yeah. But if I'm receiving, I also like that. Because, you know, fingernails and there's creases in your finger. But it's just, it's your butthole. Shit is up there. Sorry for laughing when you're training your butthole. But it's just, just, in my head, I went on a whole workout routine.

Yeah, oh my God. Like, push it to the limit. It's like, oh, Rocky. Yeah. We're wearing my missed a motivator, like, leg warmers. But yeah, bumhole, the bum hole. Yes. And lastly, talk to your partner if you're nervous.

You know, if you're worried about it, state that, speak to them. I'm really worried about the poo part and see what their reaction is. Most people will be like, it's cool, it's calm. Yeah, we'll deal with it in the moment. Shit happens, baby. Yeah, and sometimes you might have anal and it's perfectly clean without even doing a douche or an enema. Yeah. But if you are worried, just look it up.

Look up the enema situation. This is, oh, actually the last time we were here, here, Florence was just going to her first sex party, I think. Yes. She said we were going to ask when, and we never did. Oh, bless her. But someone has asked how to find sex parties. She has no idea where to look outside of London. Right.

Okay. Sex parties, they actually are quite hard to find because you can't really advertise on places like Instagram or social media. Some of the big names, probably depending on if you're looking for a sex party or a fetish party,

I mean, the one big name that comes to mine is killing kittens. And I always think that's a pretty good one to start off with, but you have to pay for an account and be verified with your photo. So there's pros and cons to that, knowing that, you know, super attractive people will be there, but also there's a possibility that you might get rejected or you might not be able to go. It's also very expensive as well. That is brutal. And they don't allow single guys or couple guys to go in. So it's a little bit I don't know how I feel about that I understand the single guys

because you get people who are just voyeurs and just want to watch but they only allow women in or multiple women or if you're a man you have to be with a woman so yeah just depending on what your vibe is if you're more sort of like open sexuality like then I would highly

recommend something like Joyride or there's repost is amazing that's more queer based We have Club Verboaten, which is more kink space and torture garden. That's a really good place if you want to go as a beginner to a fetish party or fetish kink fetish party. And it's really scary to dress up when you haven't done it before, but it is so much fun. How do you get there if you dress up?

So a lot of people either take cabs or they change when they get there. But you're not allowed in unless you show them what you've got. Oh, really? Yeah. Because it's like a lot of people just go wearing fancy dress or like not really making the effort and to keep it a safe kink space. They want people into kink and to make the effort. Okay. Yeah, you don't embarrass anybody. Like you want everybody on the same. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Okay, this person asks the best way to help make her partner last longer, her partner is a man. She said it bothers him and it really ruined the mood. Oh, so that's, that is a form of erectile dysfunction. and most people who have erectile dysfunction it's not a physical issue it's a mental issue

it's in their minds whether it's coming too quick or not being able to come at all or too slow so there are things that you can do this was coming to this was a woman saying that he's yeah her partner was finishing too fast

and it was bothering him him okay so what he can do is practice is edge himself so when he's there masturbating alone edging himself by bringing himself up to an orgasm and not allowing himself to have the orgasm coming back down again and so that's an edge and doing that over and over again builds up the muscles and the brain focus to be able to hold it better also using things like condoms you can get extra safe condoms

you can get thicker condoms you can get condoms that have a numbing lubricant on the inside for people as well and of course like we don't really really want to numb ourselves. So the best thing is figuring out why it is you're coming too quickly. I've heard I don't own a penis, but I've heard that most penis owners can come really quickly in the first couple of minutes when they have sex. And then if they hold that long enough, then they get the second wind. So it's making a choice to actively not come at that moment and hold it. And that takes practice. That takes practice mentally and physically to do that. so you just need to

it's like going to the gym but for your dick you got to work at it it's not going to stop by itself we're training our butt holes we're training a dick yes edging training everything training all the body parts

okay this person says is it normal to one a threesome but also be super jealous and wouldn't want to actually have one because they'd be too jealous yes super normal jealousy and envy are such a huge part of non-monogamy

and open relationships and it's not about being feeling shamed for the jealousy, that is a normal human reaction to have. It's about pushing yourself to take risks, feeling safe in the moment and with your partner. And if there are feelings of jealousy that come up, then having a very open discussion about it without shame, without anger, without just acceptance. Most people think they will be jealous because they've been in situations before where maybe they've had something dishonest happen or maybe they don't feel good about themselves. A lot of jealousy comes from insecurities. So working on yourself is really important. Pushing

yourself to speak to a therapist or just give yourself a bit more self-love. Affirmations every day can really help. Knowing that if you have sex with somebody else, then your partner isn't going to run off with that person or think that they're better than you. You know, it's really reaffirming those feelings. And most people that have threesomes or have sex with other people are shocked at how comfortable and how easy it was and how the lack of jealousy was there, most people. But that only works if you have open communication with your partner and you are willing to accept any other feelings that might come up, whether they're positive or negative. This person says, my boyfriend enjoys me being Domain and a mistress dominating and a mistress

over him. How can I do this with confidence? Oh, I love this question. It's really scary and I completely sympathise with this person, especially if you haven't done it before. But again, practice. Practice by yourself in front of the mirror. Maybe wear something that you feel really strong and powerful in before you go into the bedroom. Sometimes it's really helpful to set a scene. So maybe you're not that dominating in your real life, in your personal life. But being like, tonight, I want you to lie on the bed and let me do whatever I want with you. And as soon as you come into that room, you put on this character.

of dominance and you start to feel it more. Practicing is great. Watching porn or watching films that might help you help give you ideas on what to do. You know, be invested. Look up what it takes to be a dominatrix or a mistress. And it is just practice and you will be able to get there. There are also mistresses that give dominatrix classes and lessons. I know that Madam Storm

she has done them in the past I'm not sure if she's doing them now but yeah it's all about just like feeling yourself and it has to work for you as well you have to feel empowered by it and I almost guarantee you it would be such such an exciting time take risks you know

we've got to do these things to feel alive what do you do and I actually this is sad but I it's just a sad question because it just makes me add for and I'll get this personal hug because I just think it sounds sad what do you do if your partner isn't in the same into the same things and makes you feel embarrassed about them oh my goodness that's so so tough because

we've all been there you know like what and the last thing i want to do is be like we'll get rid of him because that's not helpful it's not easy to do that in this situation but having that conversation with them and saying that the way that we talk about sex makes me feel makes me feel shame makes me feel embarrassed about the sex that i like you know is their compromise why, why, you have to ask yourself, why are they making you feel that way? Is it a lack of understanding? Is it that they're uncomfortable with it

and they don't know how to feel about it? Or it's, it's just having those communications is just good to understand the situation more. And forgive me for saying this, but no one should make you feel embarrassed or ashamed of anything to do with you, anything to do with your sex. that you love.

Yeah. And it might be worth having a think about how important that is to you. And does that feeling bleed into the rest of your relationship? Because you want to be with somebody. You deserve to be with somebody that is excited about the things that turn you on and that are actively encouraging you and that want to be a part of it. Even if they don't like it themselves, you deserve to be with somebody that's like, okay, I'm not sure about this, but let's try.

yeah rather than yeah any any other negativity around it it's not cool man it's not cool no i agree ben me too i'm like i'm just gonna say it we're all thinking it yeah yeah don't do that well i mean do do that do whatever you want sorry i don't know don't follow our advice what the fuck do i know follow reads advice but it's it's validating saying that you know like get rid but we've all been in those situations we know we shouldn't be with them it's easier said than done Yeah, we've got to get rid. Yeah, we can't do that now. We're married, that's it.

Yeah, locked in for life. Yeah. Don't say shit. Sorry, I mean great, yay. Reed, thank you so much. Thank you. It was so interesting hearing more about you this time as well. It was, it was really interesting.

Thank you. It's been a pleasure. I love talking about sex and especially the things that are difficult. I'm like, yes, more, more, give me more. So thank you so much for invite me on the pod. And you both, you girls are doing amazing work. I hear so many good things from your podcast. So yeah, keep, keep doing the good.

The good good. And thanks for having me on. Thank you. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.