Should I Delete That? - Shaughna Phillips: from lipoedema to Love Island

Episode Date: June 19, 2022

This episode discusses disordered eating and dieting. If you need to sit this one out, no worries, we’ll see you on Thursday!Em and Al chat to Love Island star Shaughna Phillips. She gives them a deeper insight into what happens behind the scenes on the show. We hear more about her experience with lipoedema and her decision to have, and pay for, surgery to treat her legs.In the Good, Bad and Awkward, Em and Al deep dive into the weather before they decide that there are in fact NO bads this week…Follow Shaughna on InstagramSponsored by Butternut Box - visit www.butternutbox.com/alexandem for 50% off your first two boxesFollow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We are so happy and proud that this episode is sponsored by Butternut Box, a brand that we love for many reasons. As you'll probably already know, if you follow us both on Instagram, buttonut box is a fresh dog food delivery service that delivers straight to your door and takes into consideration all of your dog's dietary needs. The brand started with a rescue dog, which we obviously love, and Betty and Bua have absolutely thrived on it. Butternut Box genuinely care about their dogs and their ethos is that good enough for the dog is not good enough. Dogs deserve better. The meals are comprised of quality meat, veg, lentils, vitamins and minerals

and don't contain any grain, wheat, gluten, corn, soy or sugar, all of which are known to cause intolerances in dogs. We haven't been asked to say this, but we wanted to highlight a huge amount of work that Butternut Box do with dog charities. They donate meals to dogs in shelters, and they even donate freezers so that the shelters can store the meals. If you would like to try Buttonut Box out for your dog, you can get 50% off your first two boxes with the following link.

com forward slash alex and m oh my god why did i post that ah i don't know what to do should i delete that yeah you should definitely delete that hi m guys we've just been working out how to open the podcast because we hate the sound of our own voices so we've had an idea we've a couple of actresses. They're so nice. They're going to do a voiceover for us. How are you, babes? I'm good. I'm good. Well, I know you'll be good because the sun is shining. For me, it's way too hot, but I know you'll be like, oh my God, it's amazing. I love it. Honestly, don't start with this. Just don't start out. I will talk to you about the sun when you dress appropriately. You cannot walk around central London in trousers and a long sleeve

top and moan about the heat it's just it's just nonsensical if you're in shorts and a t-shirt and you've still got beef i'll listen but you're not helping yourself okay this is the thing right i feel unprotected when i'm when i'm exposed when my skin is exposed in london does that make does that make sense i don't even know what from but i feel vulnerable and exposed like i'm fine around i don't know do you know what i mean like on holiday it's fine but then in london it just feels so weird to be in Yeah, I actually do know what you mean. Like, I wore a pair of denim shorts in London last summer. I actually, when I was having lunch with you,

and we didn't know it should have that well, and I wore a pair of denim shorts to lunch, and I looked fucking fantastic, and I would have never been so self-conscious in my life. Like, they're not even that short, and I just was like, oh, my God, oh, my God. Like, I think, I know exactly what you mean. I'm like a midi dress kind of gal.

Well, not even a mini dress. Yeah. Like a summer day dress, but I know what you mean about, like, I don't know if I'd wear a pair of denim shorts, if I were on my own on public transport in London. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I'm just, I feel like,

and even yesterday, we met up yesterday in London, and I wore a body suit that when I started off, didn't show any cleavage, but by the time I got in, you know what it's like when your body kind of, like, wears into it, and it had cleavage. And I felt so uncomfortable. I don't know. I just, I can't explain it.

I don't know. I just don't like anyone looking at me. Like, I saw a man staring at my boobs on the train. I was like, this is why I never want to show skin, because I don't, don't like it. looking at me. Fair enough. Now, the fact that I've been rude about your outfit makes me just sound like a massive asshole. No, because it's true. I don't dress for the weather and it's very annoying when I'm like, I am so hot. Literally sweat is running down my back. Gross, but there

you go. But yeah. Anyway, I'm working it out. I do lean in a bit. Yeah, I lean in a bit to it because I'm just like, it's the, I mean, obviously women do have to modify their behaviour in order to be safer. But at the same time, I'm like, I refuse to be uncomfortable because of what society says about my body so yeah like i mean i'm not quite a like bikini in the park kind of gal but i aspire to that when i see the girls in the parks and their bikinis i'm like fucking get it yeah but i don't think i'm quite there but i'm a bikini in the garden girl and i wouldn't have been one of those before so i know what you mean but it's funny isn't it because like if it was a if it was a park full of women or if london was full of women

I wouldn't give a damn about what I wear but I can't bear any of the attention from men Or like, I just don't like it. I tell you what you need. You need the me and M dresses, the cheese, I'm going to say cheesecloth, that might be wrong. Yeah, they're like, it doesn't have to be me and M, but there are dresses that exist, I just know my ones that are like really, really long

and like very light. So you can still be like, all the surreal and like cool and like sweeping through London but you're you haven't got like yeah yeah that's it like mid I think that's what I need is midi dress they should use for their advertising they should shouldn't they yeah you won't have sweat going down your bum crack midi dress that's not sleeveless there you go yeah dancing leopard silk like silk thread base dark dress that have got sleeves yeah I like that okay fine there we go look at us every time we're touching on this fashion stuff and basically talking about how bad we are at dressing I know I know I just

wear exercise shorts all the time. I'm in them today. Do you know what? I'm going to buy some exercise shots. I've actually got some but for some reason they just don't thank you so much Dave before we start recording. That cup of tea you hinted very heavily out. I said Dave if you happen to be making tea. Thanks Dave. There's no one for me. I've tried with that with boo her and she's just looking blankly. I need to start wearing exercise shorts. I don't know why it just doesn't come into my conscience but I'm going to start wearing them. And they're so comfy, they're stretchy. I don't No, no. And if a man comes at you and you have to kick him in the face, pow! You can do that. I don't think I would go out with them, though. That's sad, isn't it? I don't know why. I just don't think I would. It just feels like too much flesh on show. I don't know. I'm not saying this to anyone else. I'm not saying like, oh, don't put your flesh on show. I just mean, like for me, I feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's something I need to work through. I don't know.

Yeah, no, I know what you mean. Also, I like that you've just called it flesh so many times. I'm going to think about that every time. I've got my flesh out. um flesh um but yeah i get it like i i think i said to you before i always walk past like the calf on the corner of where i live is always it's where all like the builders go in the morning before they start work and i used to feel so self-conscious and now i'm just like look it's this or a sweaty buck crap yeah and that's how i should be and i want to be like that maybe i'm just going to start like pushing myself a little bit you know okay fine you might have men looking and men leering and that's a whole other thing but like from a self-conscious perspective like i nerve wore shorts because I've got a hairy

legs or grave little legs or paleo legs or cellular legs or fat legs or blah blah blah blah and now I'm just like honestly like fundamentally it's just meat it's a meat suit that's all this body is it's a meat suit and it's so true like I don't give I don't give a second look to what people

are wearing unless I'm like oh my God I love that outfit that's a really cool outfit I want to buy those shorts or whatever but like someone could bore past me like wearing a bikini top and shorts and I just wouldn't that's the thing we just yeah I don't want anyone to be listening to this and thinking, oh God, like, you know, make them feel self-conscious because it's just how literally I personally feel, because I don't like male attention. I love seeing women wearing, like, cool shit in London and just like brazenly not pairing.

I'm like, fuck, you get it. And particularly when it's teenagers, I'm like, I wish that could have been me. Like, because I used to say all the time, I hate the summer, I hate the summer. And I think the reason that I said I hate the summer wasn't because I hated the summer. It's because I hated having to show my body. Like, and that was literally. like I used to oh my god I dreaded the summer so much because I just never knew what to wear in it and so I'd always wear jeans and I'd always pretend that it was fine I was like yeah I loved I just love jeans

I just love jeans like I'm so hot but like I would just wear it all the time because or like a black t-shirt black jeans whatever because I thought well because I wanted to hide my body and be thin and wear flattering clothes um and that's why I hated the summer and now now I've got my little my hairy little trotters out, I'm like, I'm thriving. And yeah, now I got, so. Do you know what? Like, that's, I think in recent years, something that I've been like,

because I've always been like, I hate summer, I love winter. And I do think a part of it is, it's kind of my personality as well. Like, I do prefer winter. But a huge part of the reason that I've hated summer is because of body issues. So now I'm like, trying to lean into like, do I actually hate summer?

Or is this just like residual anxiety? Oh, look, I'm not. being like, I feel like I'm going to sound like I've been paid by summer's PR to really sell this to you. But what's to fucking hate? The sun is up early. The birds are happy. The grass is greener. The pub gardens are open. It doesn't get dark until 10. Everybody's happy. There's always some fun sports on. Strawberries are in season. Cherries are in season. A bunch of fruits in season. You get really long holidays. Everybody smiles more. Everybody's got a better tan. I get the point. The hair goes naturally light.

I get the point. is fucking fantastic. However, okay, however, I have always felt at like a weird pressure around summer to be doing stuff that I'm not doing, right? I'll see on Instagram people like, oh, I'm in the park with my mates

or like having a picnic today or doing this and I'm like, oh my God, I should be doing that and I'm not. And I'm feeling like a lazy day and I don't want to go out, but like people say that when the sun comes out. Oh my God, do you feel more validated by winter? Yeah, I do. I think I do.

Yeah. Okay, I think you've got some stuff to work through here. Possibly. But do you know what I mean? Like, on Instagram, like, especially, like, in summer, everyone's doing stuff and it's so exciting. And I'm like, oh my God, but I'm tired. Like, I don't want to do anything today,

but then it feels like this pressure that I should. And it's like, and then I've got this massive foamer when I feel sick. And, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's the hot girl summer thing. But I think, and I say this with a lot of love, but I think you put this on yourself because... 100%. Yeah, because I think, well, this just sounds like I'm being mean now.

No, it's true. I mean, every problem I have I've put on myself, so that's not a surprise. No, I do know what you mean. And sometimes it can feel really sad as well, like when you go past the park and you just see all these people having like an impromptu party in the park. And I'm like, oh, I won't. Right. Yeah, no, I do get that. Or people are at the pub in a pub garden. In winter, everybody just sits at home being miserable. So it's easy to feel better about yourself. And sometimes happiness, oh, fuck this is deep. But sometimes happiness can be confronting. So when you see other people being happy, it's a mirror. up to what you're feeling. Oh, this is so deep. Anyway. But, but, and maybe it's because of all my coaching, but I didn't used to like seeing people be happy

because it made me more aware of my sadness when I was unhappy. But now, maybe because I've like flipped the switch or whatever, I fucking love seeing people being happy. I'm like, get it, girl. Like, can I be happy with you? Can you, you're happy to make me happy? I'm one of those, I'm a fridge magnet person.

What can I say? You're a fridge magnet. But like, I don't, I don't. I don't like dislike seeing people happy, but what I, I feel like it makes me think, like, so if I'm like people in the pub garden, I'm like, I don't, like, no one's invited me to the pub garden. Oh my God, do you want to go to the pub garden? Do you want to go? I already invited you today to come and eat pizza in the park with me. I know, and I would, but I would, and that is very kind and I would love to, but I've got a shit ton of stuff to do. And if I do that, I will regret, I will hate myself for it, even though it sounds absolutely delightful. And it's with, three of my favorite people but I can't I just can't but so there you go I know I know I'm just I'm just an idiot I don't know maybe I'm just like maybe I'm just like so self-absorbed and

self-obsessed that everything I see I'm like there in the pub garden why am I not I don't know um yeah we need Jacqueline back again for this because it's so big but I actually think that's the biggest thing that we have to realize is like other people can't make us feel things so when you're like, oh, it makes me feel, when I see other people in the park, it makes me feel sad or jealous or whatever, not your words, paraphrasing. They haven't made you feel that. You've made you feel that, right? Yeah, yeah, totally.

Totally, which is, we accept that and whatever, it's fine. But I actually think it's so interesting when we realize, like, when we unpick all, they're like, why do we feel? Why do we feel? Why do we not like this? Why do we not like this? It's all because we only look through the lens, we only look through our own lens. We are inherently incredibly self-absorbed people.

So everything is taken into our perspective. and things annoy us, things make us happy, things make us sad, things make us grumpy, just because of how we receive them. So it's all fascinating. It is, it is fascinating and it's so true, we are so selfish. Well, you can see that by like kids, if you just look at kids, like babies and then kids. They're super, super selfish, which is normal. Like, that's, that's how they are. But, like, we are inherently very, very selfish people, very selfish beings. But even looking at trolling, like, I don't know, I just say anybody that trolls anybody, saying about this this morning for some reason. I don't remember why.

But I'm like, God, how's sad? Like, anybody that trolls, like, I don't know, someone sent Georgie a message this morning. It was really mean saying she doesn't have cancer anymore, so she's irrelevant and she needs to, whatever. It was a very mean message. Are you joking? No. And I was like, are you okay? Like to this person, I'm like, are you okay? Because what is it about seeing a person happily living their life

that makes you have to do that? And I think it's like, but we have to acknowledge what troll is like how it's and a trolling is just one thing trolling we troll all the time trolling is just gossiping or bitching by another name even internally we troll things you know we see things that we see people having fun too loudly and we think oh like fucking whatever and our instinctive find something wrong with them like yeah yeah and that's the way like our brain's working and I think online's making it so much this is heavy we haven't even done the goods about the this is heavy but it's so true like because trolling is as well so selfish because it originally

originates from a place of, generally, it originates from a place of not necessarily pain, but discomfort and discontent, right? And trolling makes people feel better. It kind of eases or alleviates even, albeit temporarily, that discomfort or that discontent. So, yeah. Okay. So why are you trolling the summer now? So I am trawling the summer because I basically am a selfish twat. You're not. I always think you look really nice in the summer. summer. You've got nice black dress with the sleeves, yeah. That nice black dress. There's like a tent. Do you know what? Next time I come into London, I'm going to wear something that makes me feel

uncomfortable and I'm just going to push myself. You have a whole swimwear line. How do you do not like the summer? You should have done skiwear, really. But that just feels different. Do you know what I mean? It just feels different. I know. I know. I don't know. London in the summer is so weird. It's so weird. It's a little microclimate, a little, I don't know what, I'm just going to use this word, I'm just going to, I'm just going to float it and you're, I'm going to judge by your reaction if it's the right word. Okay. Because I don't know. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. London in the summer is a real like, metrolopolis, no, metropolitus, no, metropolopitis, no, metropolis. Metropolis. How did that go? Yeah, good, good, good. What's a metropolis, what's a, say it again?

Metropolis. What's a metropolis? I think it means a, but. like a bustling city environment. Perfect. Look at it in the summer. It's just a metropolis. Shall we do good, bad and awkward

before Daisy kills us? I think it's a good. The bad. And the awkward. Hit me. Hit me with your good. Oh my God, my good. Al.

My good. It's so good. Go on. Hit me. Go on. Happened about 45 minutes ago. I paid. Not one,

but two. Congestion charge bills. Yay. I am officially. safe. I'm on the clean. I'm on the straight and narrow now. I've chosen. The life of crime is gone. I've chosen to keep my nose clean and live a straight up life. I'm really happy. Well done. I am so proud of you. Well done. We're all cheering you on. It's like it's so like I know ha ha ha. We all laugh at like me. But it's such a bad way of life.

Honestly, it's just I just hate myself so much. I just I need help. But in absence of that, I've helped myself. I've paid it. I got away with it. It would have been cheaper if I'd paid it sooner. But that's about my right. I'm very proud of you. And it wouldn't have cost anything if I had just not broken the law.

But here we are. Here we are. All right, hit me. What's your good? Anything good from the week, please? I know you're good. Yes. And actually, because I had, I think it was last week that I had like 17 bards and no good.

so this this week i don't want to have a bad if that's okay yeah fine good i want to like even out your baddest at the sun's shining your baddest that everybody in London is so happy exactly we've done that already um yeah my good is that i got onto the sunday times bestseller list in number four which is very yeah really like unbelievable and something that yeah i i feel like it's something that

no one can have to take away from me because i feel like the the um the instagram can go can be deleted right Instagram can lose its relevance and gone you know and also what can't be taken away from me is podcast number one nope that can't be taken away so that's two things now that cannot be taken away and that feels very good like I yeah that's just I just I just can't believe it and on Sunday I'm going to buy like 17 literally 17 copies of the newspaper I'm so excited so that is my good but I've talked about the book way too much so you're not the Sunday times bestello is huge.

That's like prestigious shit. Like big stuff's been on there. Like big stuff. Big stuff. Like every good book ever has been on there. Yeah. As a book lover, I can't tell you how huge this is. Like I'm so proud of you.

Oh, thank you. Like these people, like book reviewers. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But you have to have so much confidence in yourself to be a book. reviewer like to all the book pages I always just think it's a terrifying world like it's terrifying because book people are mean people because they're all like mean intellectual right yeah so they come at it from a place of like intellectualness I hate myself but that wasn't the

word um but so I don't know to be in with the big cheeses to be recognized like right there like that's like cremed and a creme shit that's massive yeah Yeah, it is, it is cool. It is cool. And it's nice because, and I said this on Instagram, like, I feel like, because obviously I was at Hello and I was a writer for years and I've always been, like, I always wanted to be a writer, but I was always aware and I became increasingly aware as I worked for hello and came across other writers and read other writing that, like, I am not the best writer in the

world. And that really, that really clouded me for, again, so selfish. God, I'm so self-absorbed. but that really like hung over me like a cloud for a very very long time I was like I'm never going to be a writer like this I'm never going to be one of those writers

I'm just not you know yeah anyway and I feel like I've actually found my groove where I'm like okay yeah I'm not the best writer in the world but I am my type of writer like I don't know does that make sense like I just feel like I've hit my stride

and I'm okay with it right now your number four best writer in the country so So, zip that, shut that down. You don't need to like explain yourself. No, I'm not listening to this. You've done so well and you're a brilliant writer and all of this shit's subjective anyway.

But in the opinion of all of Britain right now, number four, bitches. No, I know. And I know this just sounds like I'm being like super self-deprecating. But I do think this is like, this is, this feels like a cool moment for me to realize that I don't, I don't need to be the best writer in the world. But if I write about something that's like I'm passionate about and that means something to me and that I can like make it digestible, like that's all that matters. Do you know what I mean? And I think it's cool to realize that. We don't have to be the best at everything to be, to be valuable, right?

Isn't that the biggest relief? Because, yeah, 100% I have to accept. And it was an accept, it was acceptance that I came to very early on. I will never be the best probably at anything. I am so middle of the road and absolutely fine with that. There's nothing I excel in particularly. And you know, where like I don't give up very easily and that's probably my strongest seat but I'm not the

best at not giving up there are people way better giving not giving up than me so I I never want to be the idea of even what aspiring to be any I don't want to be top 10 I have no interest I have so little competitiveness because I'm absolutely sure that I'm not the best so there's no important. The only thing that I win at actually, I don't know why I'm doing myself, Dan, this is fucking huge. I am brilliant at Darts.

Oh, that's my good at. Yeah, I know. I'm really good at. I know. It was a real surprise to me too. There's something else I'm really good at, but I've forgotten it. Dant? I'm good at parallel parking. But again, probably not the best out. Probably not even the best on my street. And I don't want to have to

be proved like I don't want to be knocked down a peg I didn't want this is oh god see I'm so happy in my own lane because I compete only yeah oh laser tag that's the other thing I'm really fucking good at I bet you are I hate laser tag because it's anxiety inducing I'm so good you know I'm trying to make a go for my birthday which is what I normally every year for the last few years we either go go away or laser tag I'm so which is why I'm so good at it I love it I'm so good you would point the floor with me I'd be like um do you mind if I tag you now Is that okay? Oh no, I'd shoot you in the back as you were running away.

I'm just no mercy. But that's, yeah, those are the only things. I can only be competitive in things that are completely inconsequential. And if there's any chance that I'm not going to be, like, I just accept my fate at the back of the pack and I'm so happy there. Like, I genuinely, I'm not just saying like, oh, no, I'm really happy not to win. I'm so happy there. I have no interest in doing well at all.

And that is the, sorry, it's like, bloody therapy session, and that is the weird thing with me is that I've never been like, oh, but I'm better than her. Like, it's so weird. You only compare yourself to, like, people who are better than you. I think the thing for you is that your standards for yourself are so high. Yeah, and I'm all or nothing. So my thing was like, well, if I'm, if I'm, if I'm not like an amazing, like this, like crazy amazing writer, then like, why am I in, why am I in this profession? Like, people, you know, people should just hear, I don't know. Because it's fun.

Honestly, you put too much on yourself because if people don't like what you're right, they don't have to read it. Honestly, like, that's the thing. Like, you make what you make. You, in life, you do what you do, you wear what you want, you say what you say. If people don't like it, then just, honestly, people, you know, people say all the time, oh, I'm so bored of looking at your content. I'm like, sad for you that you're bored.

Sad for you. Go look at something else. I know. I know. I don't like your book. I'm like, well, why are you reading it? Anything. Any of these things, I just think it's so sad when people don't like things.

I'm like, well, that's not my fault. that's your fault well it's not even your thought it's just a fact so can i can i boast about something though something that i am like something that i am genuinely good at like i think like this is my thing out of everything in my life like this is my thing spot the difference you're really good at spot the difference like i can't wait to show you i've got an app on my phone so like i am so good at spot the difference like i excel that is where i excel great. That's so useful. If I ever lose an earring, I'll call you. Yeah, I'm quite, yeah, I'm good. Yeah, I've got, I feel like this isn't going to be a massive

surprise to you, but I've got terrible attention to detail and I don't think I'm going to be very good at spot the difference. But I'll give it a go. Okay, I'll send you the other. I'm going to sit for an hour and just watch me play. Um, I won't, I won't, don't worry. I'm going to take a little task. Oh, my God. Anyway, fine. Awkward. We're not going to do bads this week. No bads. No bads. No bads. But can I just quickly give you another. good, just one good, is that we were, we were in London yesterday and we were going to a meeting and we were kind of getting bogged down with stuff, like details and logistics around the podcast and like just talking through things and really like, just not stress, but just like, yeah,

okay, well, okay, a little bit, just like, oh my God, we've got this to do and that to do and oh my God, is this going to be okay and blah blah, blah, and the girl just walked up to us randomly and said, I actually know if she said, I love the podcast, I think she had I listen to the podcast. I'm putting words in her mouth I love the podcast but she said I listened to the podcast and I just wanted to say hi and I was like

oh my God that is so nice and it made me very happy yeah it kind of like snapped me out of the bubble of like ah there's so much to do and this and that and I was like oh my god that's so nice

people are actually listening I love this podcast I love it so much me too we do get very stressed by it and there is a lot of like work and stuff around it but I genuinely

I love the I love the I don't know I love the Instagram account I love the messages that we get I love the emails that we get I just fucking love this whole thing. We're so lucky, best thing ever. I love what we talk about. I really do.

It's just, it's stuff that I can talk about, like, all day long. Well, a lot of it is just shite, but anyway, what is your, do you have a bad? Do you want to take you for your bad? No, no bards, but they, you know what, they're both so small,

but they just, it just having two, oh, just two days back to back, and I just, both with my handbag, both including my handbag. So, first of all, on Tuesday, I went to a big event with Bumble. The tickets of it, the tickets for this festival thing that we went to were like thousands like it's for big

business people right like ballers like big important impressive people in suits and shit and it was all good and i was going there with bumble to listen to a talk about online safety and it was really important and like what tech companies have to it was a bit it was probably the like the most smart thing that i have done in my career okay like it's pretty cool yeah yeah and um i was outside and i had to do an instagram post about it so i had to take a photo outside. So April, who we work with, went to take my photo and I passed her my handbag and I passed it to her, somehow dropped it and it was open and all of my silly little things went everywhere. And I can't tell you, like, ha ha, it doesn't know too much, it was bad.

There were so many people around. I had like, and nothing solidified my like, I shouldn't be here more than like my stupid content. and my stupid back. I had like seven lipsticks. Like, what a thing for feminism is that? But I'm just like, I've come to this business conference and I've put like seven lipstick.

Like, why? I had two champagne corks. I can explain one, but I don't know where the other one's from. I had little pieces of jewelry go everywhere. Polos went fucking everywhere. Love hearts. Why have I got so many sweets in my bag?

My keys, my air pods. It was so embarrassing. And I was wearing a really short skirt. And I was like, well, dress. I was at a business conference, guys, it wasn't like a, like a little miniskirt, but it was like, you know, I was wearing like a flowy, like a little flowy dress. So I was like bending over like ass out to like gather all my things and my dignity. And it was fucking embarrassing, actually.

Um, so that was fine. Yeah, that was on Tuesday. That was fine. And then yesterday I went to, uh, Fliss took me to the live recording of the TV series of, um, Chris and Rosie Ramsey's shows. It was really good. And we just went to like the TV thing. can just get the tickets like for free you can just you know sign up to a thing and you get tickets

anyways we went and it was really good um security you have to like give them your bag but I didn't know that I thought he was just looking in my bag so I have a cross body bag and I opened it to show him picked it up to take it but it was still around my neck so I thought he was just looking in it so I started looking over it too like oh what have we got in here but he was like pulling it away And I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, way, way. And he was like, pulling me over the counter. And he was like, oh, God, sorry. I was like, I need to die.

It's just so embarrassing. That is so embarrassing. Such a small moment. And I was like, why I just started being so long? Oh, so embarrassing. So, yeah, I'm not going to carry a handbag for a few days. Love that for you. So my awkward.

Oh, my God, it's just, it was so weird. And again, such a small moment, but it felt horrifically embarrassing. I, um, we're taking Betty one. day a week to a new daycare where we live, which she loves. And we, I was, we dropped off there for a little taster session just to make sure that she was okay and that she liked it. And so dropped her off when I was chatting to the girl there who runs the place. And it was outside and it was really sunny. So I had my sunglasses on, right? And these sunglasses I've had for ages, but they're so sturdy. They're key ones. That's how you say it, right?

Q-U-A-Y, key. Key Australia. Love them. So sturdy. I've had them forever. And they just live in my bag without a case on or anything because they're that sturdy. And I was talking to this woman and I think I went to touch my hair. I don't know what happened but the one of the lenses just fell out, just one, just one of the lenses just popped out, fell out and I'm looking at this woman through one lens and one open, completely open glasses. She's just got my eye and then And I was, and it just took me a second and we were just looking at each other and I was like, oh God. Oh, God, sorry. I was just horrifying.

It just felt really, really horrifying. I was like, God, oh. Do you know what I mean? I'm just staring at this woman with one eye. Oh, so weird. Oh, okay, I understand. Oh, why is being human so embarrassing? So embarrassing.

She will never, she will never think again about that moment. It's absolutely no biggie for her. but for you it's going to come back to you in your dreams literally it wakes me up in the night so there we go oh longer intro than usual sorry guys but i've enjoyed it i've had a really nice chat we didn't even bring any bards no i know i like that my goodness i did i paid my parking fine like that's so i that's the bar is low um the bar is so low there wasn't no congestion you know what i might do go on and i'm emphasis on the word might go and go and register my car so automatically pays congestion charge when I go into central London and then I won't get

any bills anymore. I think that sounds like a plan. I think that sounds like a very good plan. I'm just putting this out for some accountability. I'm also going to do the bank card thing. But my friend Anna says that it's a bit more difficult than what actually knows someone sent me a DM saying, there's actually a problem. You know, I said I was only going to get a new bank card when I changed my name because I was like, well, that'll just be easier. She said, when you get your new bank card with your new name, you have to put the old card in the ATM to activate the new card i was like no there is no oh shit so you've got to get a new card okay okay that's your task for today why don't you just do that one task today new bank card do it when

we put the phone down do it now we've talked about it so many times i'm busy like i'm a busy person right no i i know i don't understand how i don't do anything i can't understand why i it's so bad like how how have i just been tasked with one time i'm going to do both those things today I'm going to do both those things today because I don't mean only one task because I just mean one task feels manageable to get your head around right? No but I just I don't understand

some people you know like imagine how many tasks Elon Musk has to do in a day and then there's me just like oh I might call the find Do you have a list A to do list? The last to do list I made I think was from the 16th of May and it's still flashing at me on that app that you sent me and reminded me

that I need to do all things on it but I've done all of those. Right. Okay, so you need to get in the habit of a to-do list. I don't like them, though,

I just find out every single day. Yeah, but I just look at them and then I look at them at the end of the day and there's loads of stuff I've not done. So then you do it tomorrow.

So then you just do it tomorrow. Don't have any time sensitive. Don't make them time sensitive. Just put them on the list. Wait, you could not make them time sensitive. Yeah, I've got a, the app you're talking about.

I've got a project, but I don't like it when it goes in today because then it says today and then I don't like that. So I just put it on a project board that's called to-do. The app that we're talking about is called to-doist, isn't it? To-do-ist. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's really good. Right, I'm going to do three things. I'm going to make the list. I'm going to set up my congestion charge. I'm going to call the bank. Fucking out. Okay, excellent. We're cheering you on.

Jesus Christ. Right. It is time for an interview. One that we absolutely loved. We could have stayed chatting to her for like literally hours more. We were like sad to wrap up, weren't we? And it's Seana Phillips off Love Island. She was in Love Island.

Island in 2020, at the end of 2020, weirdly, like, in the middle of COVID and stuff like that. Yeah, she talked a lot, like, candidly a lot about Love Island and the body image pressures she faced both before going on, drawing and after as well. And actually, I think the drawing bit was the most interesting because it's something that we just don't see when we're watching it on TV. Anyway, let's get to the interview. Yeah, we're just going to give you a tiny little warning that there was a window cleaner in the studio at the time.

So if you hear a funny noise, that's what it is. Please enjoy. So, Shorter, you were on Love Island in 2020. Yeah. Does that feel like a lifetime going out? Literally like, it feels like yesterday, but then also a whole other person that went through that experience. It is just the most insane.

Do you know what it is? It's such a buildup. Well, for me anyway, it was like from August to January. So it was like a buildup. It was secret. It was like, oh my God, is this going to have it? is this not and then it happens and when you're in there you are so unaware of everything going on you literally are in like a boarding school that's what it feels like and then you come out and then it's

just i feel like people think that you come out this love island star but you don't you come out you with this attention which is just so alien it's it's the weirdest thing i can't even explain it it's so weird i can't even i can't even imagine it but like how was How was the Love Island experience for you? Do you know what? It was fine. I feel like I kind of, I didn't ruin it for myself, but I definitely, it weren't as fun as it could have been

because I was so in my head. And like, I watch it back now, and I'm like, there was nothing wrong with you. Like, you looked fine. I wish I looked like that now. But in there, I was just like, this is like, why am I here? why I just felt like I was like the token in there for sure really yeah and it like bigger girls yeah and it really did kind of it probably did influence a lot of the things that I'd done in there

just down to how I sat conversations I got involved in and just it did influence everything and I really yeah I wish it never do you think it was like a like an new thing or do you think it was like a comparison to the other people that you were with like the invite because it's It's such a weird environment. It's so weird, but it was definitely a bit of both. I would say it was more so me. Because I was like that before Love Island, I would walk into a room and instantly think,

oh my God, everyone's look at me, oh my God. Like I was like a size eight, but I was convinced I was a fat size eight. And it's like, that what? Like, I'm, yeah, and I'm past that now, but it, and I was 25, so I was of an age where I should have known that you've got here

just as much as all the other girls have got here. but I just didn't feel like that at all and I wish I did if I was ever to go back oh my God I would just absolutely not I'd hope that I wouldn't care yeah but also then like I understand why I understand why every single girl

going on there might feel a certain way and lad as well I'm boy because it's there is so much pressure around it it's so intense and you hear about these you know like getting ready stories like prepping and you know you see them as well on on Instagram like what they do beforehand

is like 12 week transformation and where you're like going to war yeah yeah literally you're preparing for war what did you do to get ready did you well I was kind of I was already in this I was so I was very unhealthy in terms of my eating and things like that before Love Island

and kind of what got me out of that was I wanted to start going to the gym but I couldn't go to the gym because I wasn't eating enough so I would literally go to a gym and nearly faint. So I had to start eating more just to even get to that point. So I was in a healthier situation when Love Island come about. But then obviously when it did happen, it was then like all systems go.

I was going to the gym maybe five or six times a week. But it weren't like now I'm in a position when when I go to the gym, I go as a, I try and look at it as a treat for myself. Like this is your time, just go and enjoy it. Whereas back then it was like do or die. Like I'd literally be in bed. And I used to work from like, I used to leave the house at like 6 a.m. I'd get back at 6pm after a long day of work.

And I'd be laying in bed, like, so tired. And I'd be like, you're going to regret lying in bed when you're on telly. And you feel like shit. Like, get to the gym now. So then I'd go and I'd force myself. I'd be so tired. But it was literally just like, you're going to regret not going in. And also mine was over Christmas, like my prep.

So I didn't, like everyone over-indulges at Christmas. there was not a quality street touched my lips that it was a very sad time I thought I've never heard of Christmas very sad I've made up for it don't worry literally even at Christmas dinner and everyone was like great

I flew out like two weeks after Christmas and everyone was like what should have for dessert and I was like I can't I can't like it's just not even worth it and I didn't and it was very sad Christmas but I understand like why you would how you can get to a headspace like that no one no one goes oh my god i can't wait to go on holiday and get in a bikini i don't care how fit you are i just can't imagine anyone going oh i can't

wait until everyone looks at me in a bikini like that's just ailing to me to begin with but then to think no i'm going on national telly where it's known that everyone is going to judge you based on what you look like the whole concept of the show is that you are going to be like as you're going to get far if people fancy you. Yeah. That's insane. Can I ask what compelled you to do it, to sign up, to do it in the first place?

So they approached me. Okay. And I remember I got the message and they don't say Love Island. They say dating show. And I remember I knew instantly it was Love Island. And I had this feeling that if I go for this, I was going to get it. I can't even explain it.

It was just, I felt like, do I want to do this? I was happy with my life, I was happy with my job. What was your job? I was a Democratic Services Officer. Cool. No idea what that means. No, I don't know. Still to this day.

But it sounded good. So I worked within the council basically. And I loved my job. I was happy. And I went down to my mum and I was like, I've got this message. I don't know whether to reply or not. And she was like, if you don't reply, I will. Because it's more, you have a better chance getting into Oxford than you do Love Island.

That's so crazy. so crazy and I thought what's the harm in replying to this message I'll just see what happens there's no pressure and then every stage that went past it I was realizing oh I'm getting closer and close I still didn't believe I was going on until I actually walked in but ultimately I just thought you know what I will regret not doing it more than I regret doing it if I do it and whatever happens happens it's a lesson if I don't do it I always think God what if I just what if I done that and I also used to do the minutes for the pension committee and I used to hate it which was also a very big driver force. Very big driving force.

Such a switch up in your life. Literally yeah. I was missing so they was obviously I couldn't tell my team and I was planning for the next pension committee and I knew I weren't going to be there and I was thinking please come through Love Island please please and it worked thank God. I was watching some of your interviews when you came out after you came out of the villa and in one that you said that you were talking about how your body image was in there and that you were crying to the therapist there all the time. It made me so sad.

I was like, she was my best mate. You just, you have no idea of that when you're watching the show. No. And I think we're so like humans. Like we take everything at face value. Even I do, and I've been on there. Yeah, and I do. But you don't, and obviously no one wants to see,

you're watching Love Island, no one wants to see a girl crying about this, that or the other. I get it. But I think viewers, we do forget, but we need to try and remember them girls have probably been doing that in there already. I guarantee at least one girl in there, it's been on two days,

has already cried about being homesick. Really? Because within a matter of hours, this was, as we was walking out to us, do our first night scene we'd been up so long and I remember the girls were walking out and Leanne who was in there with me she looked at me she must have clocked my face and she went you okay and I was like no are you okay and she went no and then Paige was behind me and she went girls are you okay and we was like no good I'm not okay either that was in hours of being in there

really and that's even the word you just used there saying like the first night scene and it's like oh my god it's such intense it's work it's work in our head but it's like oh god dinner time I thought I was going on an all-inclusive holiday, okay? Yeah. That's what it looks like? It's not. It's not. I don't regret a second of it.

Yeah. And it's strange how you are climatized so easily, but it is work. And you're running on probably four or five hours sleep, if that. Really? Some nights we went to sleep when the sun was all the up. What? But what do you do? Because you don't drink, right?

No. So you're allowed two drinks a night. Sometimes only one, but I never drunk. because I'm not a big drinker as it is and you was only allowed like red wine, white wine, beer. I don't drink any of them so it's just easy for me not to. Right. But then sometimes I think, God, I should have probably had a drink

because it would have kept me up. Because there's scenes like you'll see of me with a wine glass with steam coming out of it because there's tea in it. Really? Yeah, literally. And that's me just trying to stay awake. Sneaky cheese. Literally.

They'd be, like, as soon as we'd come out and we'd like run out and be like, yeah, then I'd go straight to the kettle and they'd be like, sure not now. And I'm like, please. I just want to do, please. So they seem you have to run out for the parties. Multiple times. Do you?

The fourth time, I'm like, oh my God, that's so funny. I always think that when you're like, and then it was dark, you know, like, you're all dancing. In the slow moire. And there's no music playing for them slow mo's. Stop it, you're lying.

There's no music. You're lying. All we can hear is our feet hitting the floor like, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. It's the most awkward type. So imagine slow dancing on someone with no music. it's all like they'll play music but it's like

it'll be like no don't get me wrong I'm an Ariana Grande fan but you don't want to hear her in a club and they'll put it on but you can't sing it because obviously they put different music over it so you can't yeah so we literally had this trick where we would put ice in our mouths because subconsciously you would just go to sing

like a bit or yeah so to try and stop us from singing we'd put like ice in our mouth this is an inside of scoot I'll never work on TV again after this, I'm really sorry. No, my God. God, that's like, so awkward. That's my idea of hell. Like, personal hell.

Yeah. How aware it, because I feel like I'm big brother. Like, a lot of people used to come out there and be like, you just forget that there's cameras. You've got like no concept of the fact. You just, you lose perspective of what you're doing and where you are. Is it like that on Love Island? Or is it, are you, are the cameras quite present?

and are you quite aware that it's, you're on TV? So they're behind, they're in like little cubby holes, like cupboards, the cameramen. And every now and then... There are cameramen, not just cameras. Yeah, there's cameramen in there. Like men hiding in covers. In cupboards.

So, obviously not in the house, like not in the walls, but outside in that the garden area, there'll be like wooden, like, slots. And like, you'll hear, as you're walking past, you'll hear the slot moving you're like oh my camera sucking breathe out tits out teeth out and no way yeah you'll just hear it move or like that is foul it's wild it's wild I am stunned by that I don't think they're always manned okay of a night time they'd be manned probably not of the day like of daytime right um but there's

so obviously there's that just normal cameras like CCTV cameras and then there's like a crane camera that comes down so like for our one obviously we're in south africa if in the day beds like you'd be having the chat and then you'd just see it come down and you just got like that act natural carry on talking that is so hard yeah it is weird it's weird and like of um when we're doing the recouplings behind the recouplings is where the cameras are and you could hear the the guys on the radio and that they'd be like three two one and then you'd know that you'd know that that someone was coming out of Castro Moore ready to like walk out

so you'd be able to like brace yourself but that was like that only I don't think they didn't even knew we could hear that those those night those um the recoupling scenes I have a feeling that they last a really long time hours do they

hours and do you often have to like redo stuff and yeah you don't normally have to redo like if it's like something very dramatic then obviously they can't really redo that but like when you're doing the like I would like to couple up with this person because you do that in three sections

so you say that and then you have a big pause then you say the next bit, pause. Really? Yeah. So, I have another question on. I'm really sorry. So many questions. This isn't what we're talking about,

but anyway, we're here. Or this, I've changed my mind about what person in hell is again. You know where you've to come out and you've to dance for the boys? Hell. Hell. Hell.

Oh my God. Do you redo that or is it one just like close your eyes, think of England, get it done and then you're out. And I don't even remember doing that. I've never watched it. When I'd done it, I don't even remember hearing the music. So that was the time I cried from the, we found out at lunchtime.

So I cried from lunchtime to the minute I walked out, I cried. Oh, man. Oh, you poor saying that's horrible. And because also, they normally do that towards the end of the series. I thought I'd be well home by then. I thought, oh, I can't worry about that. It was like within the first week. I bet everyone was shitting it as well

Yeah and also what people don't understand is You don't get to choose your outfit Do you not? No you don't get to choose your song You don't get to choose any of that I said to them I will go out naked in nipple tassels As long as you give me trousers, tights or fire high boots I will do whatever you want

And I was the only girl that had none of that And I actually had a body suit that was cut up to here and that was, I said to them just anything, I would do anything. And you said that before. Yeah. Beforehand, so they knew your, like, what you,

it's really mean. That's so many. That's so many. If you'd have been more confident in what you were wearing. I said to them, I will, I might just walk. I might just walk.

I can't do this. And I was like, you can. You look sexy. I'm like, but I don't feel sexy. So it doesn't matter if I look sexy. Yeah. And then literally it had been raining as well that day. And I had these heels on.

And the second, the second I stepped out, I skidded. I skidded, yeah. And then I had this idea. So I was like a space woman and I had this like body suit on with a zip up. So I thought, okay, let me do the zip up. And when I get down, I can like undo it. I try to undo it and the zip weren't undoing. Like it had lost its catch or something.

So the whole time I had it up to here like a nun, not that she ever does dirty dancing, but that's literally what I felt like. And like I go down there and I try. tried to on do it and I can't, I'm like, ah, it's just the most vile thing. Like, can you say, can, like, can you say no, I'm not doing it? I don't think so. I just can't believe that they would make you wear, like you can't choose your outfit. No, can't choose it.

And you had a very specific requirement and it wasn't allowed. That was just that one thing, like just give me, and every other girl had like tights on or trousers. That feels like, really means. it feels almost like they did it intentionally is that how you felt yeah yeah and i was i remember i was crying and i was going please like you don't understand please and i also i was really struggling because it was so early in like this season i was really struggling with swollen legs because it's the different altitude over there and obviously just been on a plane and whatnot so my legs were still really swollen as well so i was just feeling like rubbish and like one of the

was like like come on like just stop being dramatic come and just go out and I was just like who on earth are you talking to like you're probably my age don't call me dramatic yeah you go out yeah yeah that's what I said I said to why don't you go out and do it and then show me how it's done oh no but I'm not on love at I said I'm still it doesn't matter and I get I was I was crying because I felt like rubbish I was crying so I was embarrassed then I was crying because I was like people are dying in the world and I'm crying over this like this is ridiculous there was so much going on yeah that's a lot yeah but it was you know what it was all over in a blink of an eye that that what was annoying was it was based on the boy's heart rate and the girls but

no one cared about what the girl's heart rates was it was about what the boy's heart rates was and it i think it was set up course it's set up yeah yeah just because the boy that i think my heart went for yeah but in the competition it said mine went for callum and obviously it would have been a great storyline that mine went for Callum and Callum didn't go for me. Right. But I don't think mine went for here. I'm sure mine went for someone else. And even though I know, or I think it weren't true,

the nation's then watching me, like, looking like a twat, like, great. It's convenient, right? It makes for a very convenient narrative, yeah. And I just felt like a donut. And it was like a very popular meme of me in the dressing room after sand. She would just go and smash a few toasties. Because that's just what I felt like after. like I'm over this

I was just sitting in my buzz light year uniform thinking mate what have I done get me back to the pension committee I want to go take those notes oh my god quick question about before sorry the recoupling right you know when you have to choose someone

and there's that big long speech that you have to do you have to do that can you literally just say like I choose this guy because he's a mate and I'm like yeah and it's yeah cool Do they push you to make these like stupid long? Because you have to like... Yeah, you have to...

You kind of go over it with a producer before that night. Do you? Yes, like during the inner time, you kind of talk through it. So everybody says you kind of forget that you're being filmed. But actually it's really produced. Like I guess it's kind of hard to forget that you're being filmed if... Well, it is, but in the same sense. So obviously they kind of ask you to go for chats and certain things, which...

And a lot of people say are like, is it produced? And it is, but in the same sense, it's a TV show. So, like, I get it. I get it. And I used to say to them all the time, I know that you're just trying to do your job and I don't want to make it difficult, but I don't want to look like a twat.

And then eventually I just ended up doing it anyway, so I was so tired. But there was other times when you don't think you're being filmed because you've not been asked to go for a chat. So, like, if you're not asked to go for a chat, I just used to think, oh, I'm just in the background somewhere. So there'd be times, like there was a time when I pulled a kit cat out of my bra because I didn't think I was being recorded because I weren't in a chat.

Well, I'll come back and my mum's like, oh, can you've done that thing with a kit cat? I was like, what? Oh my God. That was like three kickats deep. I'm just whacking them out of every part of me. And yeah, me, that was me and Paige just thinking we was just in the background. Everyone else is doing their bits and we're just here having a tea and just talking rubbish. But that got used.

So you're constantly on, yeah. Yeah. But you do. forget you really do how many producers are there um so obviously i don't know what's got so there's a gallery obviously like of like people where they're working constantly um but in the actual villa there's two so there's like a daytime one and then an evening one do they just hide away from the camera yeah literally they get caught every now and then it's funny do they yeah every now and then there's like who's this random person in a villa but they they just hiding that they're i remember our one and

Our villa was huge and it was over three levels. It was massive. Yeah. And I remember our villa producers literally just run it like laps, just trying to find people. Yeah. Honestly, the step count they must have had.

Would you rather be a Love Island producer or do your pension minutes? Oh. Producer would probably be quite fun for you now? Yeah. Yeah. Now I'd be like, go and call her a bitch. Yeah.

I'd be the worst. The worst. I actually I read something as well you said that you were encouraged to I think it was in a challenge and you were encouraged to kiss a boy

that wasn't call you had to kiss a boy and you encouraged to kiss a boy that wasn't calum and you really didn't want to do it and I was quite I said I was quite surprised to read that

I mean maybe I'm naive no but even in there I was like I am not doing that now I'm like oh mate I should have just done it I should have done it for the drama. Like, I'd get it now.

But when I was in there, I was just like, no, like, I can't. The thought of just kissing a random boy for a random reason. Like, that's just weird to me. But I suppose, looking back, I look back and I'm like, oh my God, that would have been great, telly. But it was weird. Like, I was just like, no, what are you talking about? I'm not doing that.

But you had, like, very real, you had, like, very, very real emotions. And it was real at the time. And you didn't want to kiss someone else. Oh, that was the thing. Like, don't get me wrong, you're in there for a few weeks. You don't fall madly in love in there. But you fancy someone. Yeah.

And then if you fancy someone, you're not going to go and kiss someone else. No. So it was just, it's so weird. It's like, even the fault of the first night, it only dawned on me when I was in there. Oh, my God, I have to share a bed of a boy. Like, the first night. That's so weird. That is so weird.

Just so awkward. I feel a bit now, like, I don't know, I'm being, I used to love, I used to love Love Island a lot, but I've, the relationship struggled in increasing years. And I was just, I was reading about who was going in this year. And it's like, there's a 19 year olds. So crazy. And then there's like a 29 year old dude, like in there as well. Like, you know, that's the age span.

It's like, it's like 30, like 18 to 30. And it's like, actually, kind of thing in. Yeah. They could just end up in bed together. They're even sleeping in the same room. Like, I know everyone's adults, but it's still just a bit like, ooh. No, because you know, like at 18. Although you're an adult, I was a donut when I was like, I mean, I still am, but you're young.

Young. Like, they were born in 2003. Don't say things like that show. That's not, I don't know. My brother was born in 2001 and I forget that he can read him right. Like, I genuinely forget that. Oh my God, 2003. Do you know that when you used to spell things out in front of children and they didn't get what you were saying because you were spelling it?

I forget that I can't do that with him now. Because he can do. Because he's 21 and he can drive and stuff. But yeah, there was. is some and I was so I was 25 when I was in mine I was the oldest one in there were you yeah and I felt every every year I felt it really yeah like it's I mean we laugh now like the X factor like 25 category that was the filler category I was like what are you granny's doing yeah your geriatrics couldn't even get on the stage and it was it was like so much pity for the

overtime yeah yeah they'll never make it they're way bastard that was like that was like the diversity category weren't it yeah no now that's us we treat now like like this is what i find like staggering is we treat love islanders like they are grownups and you chose to go on the show and whatever happens after is you asked for it right that's the kind of like psyche of the people that troll yeah and the comment and that make the memes and whatever and it's like you're fair game because you went yeah but it's like if i had to be responsible for every decision that i made at 18 you know even 25 or whatever it's it's we treat you guys like your yodas literally and the thing is and so before you go in you have to speak to a therapist and whatnot and I can't fault them for that

that was really really like I loved my therapist she was a babe but she said to me how do you think you're going to cope with trials and I said well I don't know I can't answer that I said to be honest I am my own worst kind of critic so I can't imagine them saying anything that I probably haven't already thought anyway, but I still can't tell you how I'm going to cope. And not only that, you could go in, I was very kind of level-headed, but I can imagine an 18, 19-year-old going in, thinking they're going to be the next Molly May, and they could be out within 24 hours. And then that whole aspect of it, you might get overwhelming fame, or you might get absolutely nothing. That is such a mind fuck. I can't remember if it

I think it was your year, because I think that's the last. But it was the Scottish girl who went out. No, that was the season just gone. Right, right. 24 hours. 24 hours. So you've had all this buildup, mental preparation. And she told me that she was being cast out for a year and a half.

Really? So for a year and a half. And it is, oh my God, I'm going on Love Island for 24 hours. She couldn't have even unpacked it. She probably didn't get her case by that point. Unbelievable. That was harsh. That was really harsh.

And I also, I don't get this, like when people do comment on like the way you look or your body or this, that and the other world, well, you're in the public eye, so why shouldn't I? No, what on earth makes you think you can comment on how I look? Okay, right. No, that you don't have a right. I have a right to say, no you don't. I'm telling you right now, you have no right to tell me what you think about me. No. So don't. But it's, I mean, that's like the British culture is so extraordinary and like the tab that I think we are unique. It's. well, the Americans do it as well, but it's pretty extraordinary the way that, like, the tabloids have worked in this country that have given us, like, ownership of people like you when you do this show. And it is, you now just end up with this weird, like, right ring, right wing rhetoric of like, well, it's freedom of speech so I can, I can call her fat if I want. And it's like, but why do you want to? Are you okay? Yeah. And I also think, if you want to say that to me, then I want you to go up to that mum in Tesco. goes that you've just walked past

and say, I think you're really fat and I think your makeup's really horrible. You would never do it. No. You would never do it. So what on earth makes me different to that random woman you just walked past? Have you had a lot of trolling?

I would be honest, I've had a lot more love than trolling. Obviously, I have words like hidden, so I can't see certain comments, even if they're left. So you can't help. hide words like fat, pig, all of these things. And I, so I hid a few and then I said to my, like, people that was looking after my

Instagram when I was in there, if you see any that keep popping up that you don't think I'll want to see, just hide them. Okay. So that means that people can still comment that on my pictures, but I just can't see it. Okay. So when I first come out, I thought everyone loved me. Oh my God, I'm the Messiah. I haven't had a hateful comment in my life.

And then I had this fan account for me, do a column. large of all the horrible comments that I had and was like, this is so nasty, please stop doing it. And I was like, babe, where enough have you've got these, these comments? I didn't know these existed. So they still exist and people can still reply to them. Yeah, I just can't see them. That's actually wonderful. Yeah. So that, so that is good. That is good. But there's other, there's still other comments that like, emojis and stuff, people can still leave and I actually read, I feel like a stalker. I read this and I read that. And I watched this. But I read that beforehand you hid the word legs.

Yeah. Before you went in. Yeah. So you anticipated. Oh, 100%. Comments about your legs. Yep. Said that in therapy.

Yeah. Really? Because it was the, to me, it was the worst part of my body. So I, well, obviously now I know I had a medical condition. So of course it was going to be obvious. Right. But back there, I didn't know that that was a condition. I thought that was just my thing.

Right. So you were diagnosed with lipidema. Yeah. But it was only after the show, right, that you were diagnosed. So how wild. So how wild. Yeah. What is lipidema? So it's basically a buildup of fat cells that they're different to normal fat cells. They can't be burnt. They can't be burnt through fat rubber. They multiply and they just keep growing.

And it's not through diet or exercise. It's hereditary. It's typically through your dad's side of the family, like your paternal family, which was another thing that I struggled with. because all of the females on my mum's side of the family all had beautiful legs. And no matter what size, I mean, all different shapes and sizes, their legs were always stunning.

And I just could not relate. And I was just like, what on earth? So all of the tick boxes was just, I was like, this is insane how no one, do you know, one in 10 women in the UK have it? That's crazy. Yeah. But it's just so undiagnosed.

And that's horrible that you go through, and you women go through so much, like to fix the problem areas and quotation. And I mean obviously the problem isn't on the body, the problems with the society, but still even then that you're working so hard to change something that's just part

of who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I noticed the difference in my legs from secondary school. I went to an all-girls school, we're all wearing skirts. I looked at legs and I was just like, my legs don't look like that. Like, what on earth is going on? And I remember I got to like nine stone, which is way to

like underweight for my body and my legs just didn't look any different and I don't understand now how no doctor or anyone picked up on it I don't I just because no one knew about it but I like I get so many messages I've got a message I think Friday from a girl and I followed her because she had the same kind of body shape as me

and I'm really trying to do that now on Instagram follow girls that the first thing I looked at when I saw her was oh my gosh she's stunning and then I clicked on her and I was like oh wait she has like the same kind of body size as me and she looks incredible the first fault wasn't oh my god look at her body it was just that she looked banging

so I'm really trying to follow more girls that I won't look at and be like oh my god I hate myself and it makes such a difference it's a cool moment that isn't it when you see someone and your first thought is she looks great and then your second thought is well hang on she actually looks really similar to me

like that's such a weird light bulb moment the way she wears it it like she just looks but I fancy her she just looks banging and then she messaged me i'll show you the messages after she messaged me going um i can't believe you've just followed me um i'm 99.9% sure i've got lipidema and i looked at her pictures and i thought that as well i would never message someone and go i think you've got lipidema right but if they say it to me i'll have a look and be like that's interesting that people said to you the reason you found out you've what lived here is because all these people messers

due on Instagram to say you had it. And my mum thought they was trolling me. Tracy literally cock-blocked me when it comes to my medical diagnosis. And I so, someone said it and I was Googled it and I was like, oh, it was like, I can't even tell you the weight that lifted off my shoulders

when I saw, oh, this is it. And I ran downstairs. I was like, Mom, mom, look at this. And she was like, oh, loads of people wrote that to you. But we just blocked her and we thought they were trolling you. And I was like, what are you mean? Oh, that was your mom?

doing your Instagram account? My two best friends were doing it but I said my mum was like chief exec. So she said it was the most like horrendous time of her life. Why is it so horrible for her? When I came out I was just like mum what have I missed on telly? She was like what have you missed? I've been watching

Love Island after son. Love Island Best bits. That's all I've watched. But she had like journalists sitting outside the house. Oh my gosh that's crazy. Yeah and my mum is like a day protection lawyer so she was like this was just the complete opposite to what she was used to.

Did you have like an Instagram, like a public Instagram account beforehand? Yeah, but I had like 11,000, no, like 1100 followers. And what did you come out to? 1.5 million. Shit. Insane. That must have been just like so surreal and like,

how do I do with this? I just wanted to set my phone on fire. So actually, what's funny is we had, there was a big thing in the villa where the boys, not even the girls, the boys were obsessed with how many followers they were getting. And every new bomb show that would come in, the boys would be like, what follow of, how many have I got?

How many have I got? Really? And they would always get in trouble. We would literally, the girls would hear the boys on the tannoy, like the, we used to call it Vogue, Voice of God. And a tannoy would be like, boys, stop talking about that. And we'd be like, oh my God, they're obsessed. Like, again.

That's such an ego. Oh, my. That is so funny. Literally, like literally measuring competition. And then when I left, I was in like this holding villa with a chaperone and a security guard. And a parent. they both had a bet on how long it would take for me

to ask how many followers I had and I didn't ask all I wanted to do was talk to my mum that was all I wanted I didn't even think about that and then on the plane home the chaperone said to me you haven't asked we've had a bet

we've both lost do you want to know how many you've got and I was like oh okay go on then he was like you've just hit one million and I was like shut up that is just so weird it's just so weird

Especially because you don't, you're not, you haven't been privy to like any transition no period. You just suddenly you've gone from nothing to a million people. That's what I mean. And also what people don't understand is like the most famous you will be is when you're in there because that's when you're on the telly. That's, oh, that's so. So all of the press about you and everything about you and your interactions on Instagram

it will be the most higher when you have nothing to do with it. That's so. It's insane, insane. I want to ask about that, the high, I'm kind of, I'm kind of like fascinated about it from a psychological standpoint of like when you come out and there's this massive high, like there's all eyes on you, everyone's so interested in you.

You've got all these new followers on Instagram, you've got magazines, just want to speak to you, like you've got all these videos to do, blah, blah, blah. Everyone recognizes you all of a sudden. And then obviously that, at some point has to wane. Yeah. And then, you know, gradually.

And then like next, the year after then you've got like new Love Island conditions. That must really be, again, a mind fuck. It was. And I, you almost like, revert back to like a baby almost where you just want, you just want your mum. You just want like normality. I craved normality. I was lucky, but, well, I say I was lucky.

We had COVID. I had COVID lockdown three weeks after. I left the villa and honestly I don't actually know how I would have coped without that and even though it might have scuppered work and I was very lucky I had my in the style deal so that I was so lucky with that like honestly that saved my life basically but I had someone tried to hack my phone during that few weeks yeah and trying to get into Instagram no my actual I or cloud yeah that's really scary they pretended they was my management on the phone and I'd only been with my management a few days it must have been my mum's date protection head in me where I was like

this doesn't sound right the way they was talking she didn't sound right and I rang management I was like did you just call me and they was like no and the plan is they try and keep you on the phone as long as possible because when you're on the phone your phone's unlocked and they can then get in there yeah that is why you don't answer phone literally but they had known that I'd been to TikTok's offices that day. They knew that I was given a flyer to go to an event. They told me that I'd left my wallet in the office. This was everything that was telling me.

It was insane. It's actually really lucky. But, you know, we talk about like a lot of people come out of Love Island, obviously very young, but also with no support system at all. And it's really lucky for you, even having your mum as a lawyer is like so valuable.

Even contracts and stuff like that. My mum could look over. Yeah, because you could just be, you know, obviously it is, I'm assuming, like a bit of a race to sign contracts and to get deals. And so I was lucky my mum and my best friend met with management while I was in there to discuss. And then when I come out, they kind of shortlisted it for me.

And I kind of know my mum's going to have my best interest at heart. She's going to shortlist the best ones. So then I kind of went to who she told me to, had meetings and whatever. And I'm so glad that she done that because there's not a lot of people that would have had that. And I know there's a lot of islands from my season that have changed management since, like, coming out. So I'm very lucky in that aspect. But it's so easy to be taken advantage of.

And there's so much money to be made. That's so much money. And I think people, like, viewers need to be realistic about, like, okay, so they're like, oh, well, you know, you're going in there for love or money or fame or whatever, right? And people really question the incentive. And actually, people need to be realistic about the fact that you're going in there And whatever reason you've gone in,

we all have to accept your life's going to change. You can't go back to the pension meeting. Like, it's just, it's not feasible. So then within your new career, you have to make money and you have to make it work. Of course, of course. And I think people, I mean, like, obviously people hate women making money anyway.

Hate it. Hate women making money on Instagram. Yeah. Like, how dare you show it's disgusting. Yeah. But so, and I mean, there's probably a conversation to we had about the difference in how the male,

influences. Well, actually, it's a double-edged sword because I feel like women, girl influencers can make so much more money than men. It's almost like the porn industry, you know, like where women, that's like the only industry

where women can make more money than men. Girls, you could be in Love Island for like a week as a girl and you could still come out and make relatively good money. With boys, it's a lot harder. That's interesting. It is a lot harder. Because I guess they've got like boo-hoo man,

but then I can't actually think of any yeah you have to have a niche exactly exactly yeah and and like money may for example she knew what she was doing before she went in so she had that career paved out whereas for guys not a lot of guys are that kind of outward in especially in my season i thought a lot of the guys in my season was so normal a lot of the girls were as well but it's just so much easier for girls there's makeup there's all of these things and even doing like fashion shit for boys it's awkward like I mean I love watching like Alex trying to do any like Instagram content but he's like it's just awkward yeah and even like some of my guy friends when they see like my first install shoot I was just so awkward and wooden

and then you get used to it and then like there could be 12 people behind a camera and you're just doing whatever you're doing and they literally look at me like how do you do that and I'm like I don't know I honestly you go into this place I don't know know. But it is, it's a lot easier for the girls to make money, but it's also, they get so much more shit. So much more. So much more. It's just ridiculous. Like, how many times have you seen pictures of girls coming out of a club drunk compared to, like, the guys and that the differing headlines? It's sick. spilled out of her dress. Yeah. Only because you're on the floor of your camera up. No wonder she's feckin' spilt out of her dress. Yeah, exactly.

Getting started on them. I sent us on a weird path, sorry. But going back, sorry, to the lipidema, you, so you were diagnosed when you came out and eventually you decided, you decided to have liposuction, didn't you, to treat it? It's to manage it, yeah. To manage it, okay. Why did you, why did you make that decision? It's the only treatment out there for it.

There is nothing else. You can use like compressions and stuff like that, which, can kind of stem it but it doesn't stop it progressing so it's the only it's the only treatment currently yeah that removes that it's called like diseased fat which removes that and there is no say whether it will come back um they're because there's just no research into it right there's more and more as we go on but currently i mean i could get it back the thing is with lipidema i've always had big legs so even though i've had liposuction i've had the surgery in my head they're no different.

And I look in pictures and they look different. But sometimes I get swelling and I'm like, oh my God, they've gone back to normal. And liposuction on your, so I had it on my calves and my thighs. On my calves,

I have a pretty high tolerance to pain, especially when it comes to anything cosmetic. Sign me up. I'll do it, whatever you need to do. On your calves, it is the most excruciating thing I've ever been through in my life. Like, so,

even if it was to come back, I don't know if I could have that again because it was that, like I feel sick talking about it. Do you think it was, was it worth it? Has it been helpful? It was definitely worth it, definitely worth it. And it just for the mental side of it,

I feel like at least I've had some treatment. Okay. And I wear my compression steel. I wear them to bed. I wear them on flights and stuff like that. But it was, it was just excruciating. I can't even. it feels like so you have to put these really tight types on

to help bring all of the fluid up to your lymphatic system and when you're putting them on it feels like your skin is ripping from your muscle and I told my surgeon that and I was like this is like the sensation he was like no that's what's happening he was like you're all of the nerves are trying to mesh back together

and when you disrupt them they are breaking and I was like oh and the other term oh my god So your incisions are left open and they're the tiniest. They're like the same as that when you cut yourself shaving. Okay, fine. But you leak for maybe the three days after surgery,

you leak. And he told me, and this word still gives me shivers, he told me I needed to milk my leg. Oh! Wow! Oh my God. And when I mean, even looking at my leg was painful, it was, I just, it was so excrued.

the fault of milking my leg. Oh my God. It still sends me to a place that I never wish to go back to. Oh my God, you poor thing. That's really horrible. And I had like people, like on the Daily Mail going like, oh, another celebrity to choose the easy way out. Meanwhile, I'm wearing an adult nappy because I can't make it to the toilet and I'm milking

my leg and I'm like, this is not the fucking easy way out. Let me assure you, David. Or sometimes, like, I'll read like, just like, for shits and gigs, I'll read the daily out. And if I accidentally scroll too hard, I'm like, no, no, no. Nearly, oh, nearly went there. Nearly went there. You had the treatment. So you had liposuction for lipidema, but that's not available on the NHS and you had to go privately. And you paid for it yourself, right? It wasn't gifted or anything. No, no, no. Why did you choose to, to share it, like, publicly? Because I got such huge kind of, like, I got a huge following from girls who said,

they saw someone on Love Island look like them. And so many people was like, oh my God, you just, you look like a normal girl. So I didn't want to then come out with these legs and be like, I'm still a normal girl, like this is just me, because that's not how it happened. And I had to pay money and I had to have cosmetic surgery to achieve that. And I weren't having it to be skinny. I was having it, like my surgeon said, you need to just try and attain normal legs. And I just wanted normal legs.

I weren't looking for Kendall Jenner legs. But I didn't want girls that had lipidema or just had big legs that then saw me and thought, oh, she doesn't look like me anymore because technically I am still you. I just had to pay to have that difference. And I think that's, like with the Kardashians, I am a big Kardashian fan.

I am obsessed of them. But if they just told us all what they had, the pressure for us all to try and look like that or if we buy Kylie's skincare we're going to look like Kylie because we ain't I've got a lot of skims I don't look like him

if we just knew what you had and just you weren't born like that and that's okay you're billionaires own it just own it and I think there is such power in just owning it yeah and I liked that you did that

I really liked that you shared it and I suspected that was why you did it because I knew it wasn't gifted and you paid for it yourself but I also I really want influencer girls and I mean this like with every ounce of me stop getting surgery gifted because it is life and death like it literally is and it is not worth it and it also when you get a gifted surgery I think it means that you have to kind of show the good bits you can't show the bad

bits because you have no room to complain exactly which means you're kind of you're selling it to other people even if it's fucking awful yeah and I've spoke to so many girls that have said it was horrific but it doesn't look like that on their Instagram and I I think it should be illegal. It should be. It should be. Like my surgeon said, you wouldn't go to a Ford Focus dealer for a Range Rover. You just wouldn't do it.

And you wouldn't cut corners when it comes to your car. You wouldn't get cheaper insurance because, you know, it's cheap. This is your body. Yeah. Like, you could lose limbs. Yeah. Staggering, isn't it? Yeah.

So just don't cut corners. Yeah. Please pay for your surgery. I think it's really valuable that you're sharing that honesty with that. And particularly as well, with Love Island currently on, to hear, how what you went through before you went because I think like obviously a lot of viewers are going to watch it and just oh these guys are so unattainable they're so beautiful they just pop in and they're born like that and they just and actually to hear like no I didn't have putting at

Christmas and I you know went to the gym even when I was knackered and yeah and now I've had this surgery and whatever and yeah I just I think it's really really valuable yeah and I'm a viewer I watch it and I'm going oh she's so annoying or this and I'll catch myself but I've I've got that insight majority of the nation don't so they I think just just be a little bit easier and I think like women or and I know we shouldn't have to think someone's our daughter to be nice to them it shouldn't be like that but treat the girls that are on there like your that would be your daughter or your little sister and we all get caught out I mean I've got caught out I've said things before and I'm like oh why did I say that you meet them in real life and you're like oh my god I'm a dick

why did I think that it's human but just don't don't blast it all and if you're going to if you're going to be horrible about someone, do it about their character, not about their body. Because that can be changed. Love that. Wisdom to live by the time. Judge me on my character, please. Shona, thank you so much for talking to us.

Thank you. I could have done that for days, but we have to leave the studio. Yeah, thank you. It was so nice to talk to you. Thank you. No, thank you. Thank you so much for being with us. And big thanks to ACAST. We are part of their creator network.

See you on Thursday, guys. Thanks so much for listening. Take care. Bye.