Should I Delete That? - Supermodel: Jodie Kidd

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

This week on the pod, Em and Al are joined by former model, horse rider, polo player, racing driver and pub landlady Jodie Kidd! She does it all! After knowing Jodie for a lot of her life, Em wanted to ask questions she'd never asked her before. Jodie takes us back to the 90s and 00s and shares what it was really like to be a supermodel, and why, despite being successful, she gave it all up.Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I remember I was walking somewhere and a woman came up to me and she said, you are disgusting. My daughter almost died because of you. That period, everyone was so brutal. You know, late 90s, early 2000s. Yeah. It was just like abuse city, wasn't it? Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That.

I'm M. Clarkson. And I'm Daisy Grant. How you doing, Days? I'm doing pretty good, pretty good Finally, the sun's out today I know I always talk about the weather But it's just one of those things Isn't it that comes up?

You can take your Welsh sun And you can shove it up your ass Because it's pissing down with rain over here It was hailing about 20 minutes ago So can't keep up It can't, yeah, I'm exhausted How about you, how are you doing? I'm good, I'm so excited for today's interview

That I just feel like we just need to rattle through this Because I just want to give the people this chat I agree, it's so great Isn't it? Yeah, I loved it So I'm really excited excited about that but I would be remiss not to mention the worst bad of all the bads oh god I've waited for this for a year there's something to be said in being careful what you wish for I've got my period

back and it's so horrifying that I threw up yesterday and you have been you literally just did a campaign about how you were like I love being in touch with my body I want my period back I just want to feel in touch with myself idiot and now you're being in sick in the toilet um yes so rank halik's got me a little cookie a little like sorry that your uterus lining's being an absolute wanker cookie and throw it up i'm so sorry that's awful that's really bad it's okay i have been waiting for it i'm i am on balance incredibly happy that it's back and i know that sounds really mad to people but i have just felt like i've been in no man's land for so long and like i want to make sense of myself who the fuck am i these hormones are deranged and

I need to know what's up. Going through motherhood and like having your whole kind of like self become a mother, like you're feeding your child, like you're literally out of sync with yourself. Like it must be quite nice to be like, okay, that cycle is back now. Yeah, I like that cycle. In an unrelated twist, I was offered the opportunity to do magic mushrooms next weekend. And for a few reasons I had to say no, but overwhelmingly the reason was I am. Like, I am on a nice edge right now.

Like, I am so fucking volatile in terms of my own emotions. The very last thing I need to add to the equation, the recipe, as it were, would be a drug. It could be the cure. I don't think it's worth the risk. High risk, high reward strategy, that one. Yeah. I don't think it's worth it. I said no.

And I'm so proud of myself because I very rarely get off the drugs, which I feel like is probably not a surprise. but I don't often get the opportunity to just say no as the naughtiest campaigns told us but I did, I got it and I was like no I actually applied and I said I'm just going to say no well done well done to you you can feel good about that any good anything good I'm not doing magic mushrooms that's good enough for me yeah fair enough that I think that's sensible

anything good or bad on your side I got a combined good and bad this week. The roller coaster. Renan Keating prophesised. It is. I'm happy because my hair is, I think, through the awkward stage of like length.

It looks so cool. Thanks. It's partly due to your concoction of like things to slick it down so I appreciate your contribution to this. No worries. I got that wax that you have. Oh, the OA one.

Oh my God. It smells like heaven. Isn't it unbelievable? I've had my pot for about three years. years and I've barely even gone through the first layer. I have to use quite a lot of gel because there's a lot of layers going on. So then I use a gel and then I put that on top and it smells so good. So I love that.

It's still, anyway, it still needs to be cut. It's still not right. I'm just trying to get the length. Anyway, it's the longest it's been literally since I was 14. And even then, yeah, I've just never had it, you know, so it's quite exciting for me. At the same time, the bad. And usually I'm like chill about this and it's like kind of fun. But like, that is a, those are white hairs.

That is a cluster of white hairs right there. They're coming thick and fast and they're not fucking around. I think it's actually really cool. Like, one of my best friends is embracing going great. And she looked so iconic. Yeah. Like it could never be me. I will not.

I will resist aging for as long as I humanly can. But on other people. I know I'm in my prime when I'm literally 50 years old. I can't wait. Like, I know it's coming. But like, going from brown. to white is quite a hectic turn of events. You've got a Helen Bowen Carter this. You've got a mean in. Catlam around who. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. The Helena Bottom Carter was what really did it for me.

Okay. I knew it. It's only goods. It's only goods now. It's only good. Call me Helena. Yeah. She's an icon. She is. Have you seen it? Have you seen her like the photos of her, like Pat photos of of her? Yes. I get them on my, day to day. I get them on my Instagram every day. Is she your fashion icon? She's actually, funny you say that because I always say, pictures of her to Daisy and I'm like, this is how you should dress. This is you. We always say that and then, you know, Giles and Mary on Gogglebox. Do you know then? Of course I do. Yeah. So we always say that Mary is like what Daisy is going to dress like when she's older. Like the funny pattern tights and the weird long skirts, like just very bizarre. But I'm like, this is you in the future. So that

combined with Helena Bolandumcada, beautiful. There is something about a pattern type that doesn't, that doesn't excite me. Oh, listen, it is, it is bordering on, like, Frumpy. It's bordering on Frumpey, but I think it can be embraced. All the best things are. Yeah. And I'll stand by that. I will stand by that.

I like that. So, any awkwards? Yes, actually, leading on from Frumpy. And I know we're not supposed to, I know, I know, okay, we embrace our beautiful bodies. We embrace our white hairs. We embrace, yeah, okay, right, we're, Bopo, whatever, right? I get it. I get it.

but the other day I had to go to the physio because my hip's bad because I'm 40,000 years old and the woman gave me the physio shorts and if you've not been to a physio wear shorts if you ever book a physio appointment just take your own shorts okay because it's or or just be cool with standing in your pants

because it's an excruciating process and she went do you mind wearing do you mind being in your pants or do you want to wear the shorts I was like oh I'll wear the shorts she bought the shorts out and she went they're massive but they'll do I was like, okay Daisy Club, they were not massive.

Oh, how dare she? I mean, objectively, yeah, you know, define massive, you know what I mean? Like, it's fine, but I put them on and they were really big on my waist, but so tight on my juicy hips. My juicy, juicy hips. And my thighs.

Anyway, so she was trying to, like, make me squat and, like, check my rotation and, like, bend my legs over each other. all massively difficult because of the shorts because the shorts were so tight so I couldn't be like what did you go in wearing? Leggings.

Yeah I thought leggings would have been the right thing. No. So I'm more the massive, not massive shorts and it was just a little bit crashing, just a little bit. She really needed to not say these are massive but they'll do.

She is the most, she's a very, she's a bean pole of a woman. Oh. So I get it. To her, to her. It doesn't matter. It wasn't really the fact that they didn't fit. That doesn't really bother me.

It was more just the actual awkwardness of them not fitting. And having to like fold myself into a million which ways and shorts I just didn't. It was just a bit, the whole thing. When she said you can put your leggings back on, I was like, oh, sweet relief. Yeah, okay. Sweet relief. So yeah, hated that. Anything awkward from your side?

Yeah, the exhaust fell off my car. Oh, it happened. Listen, it's literally the third time it's happened. It's happened so many times. I think it's the sea air around here. Like it rusts the exhaust. I don't fucking know. Anyway, it was like the middle of the night.

It was so embarrassing. It was like, no, it was like 10pm. And we live on a street that's like a one-way street. So at like 10 p.m, we had to drive the car around the one-way and then get round to our street and just with the exhaust dragging along, so loudly on the floor at 10pm like it's and it was like a Thursday. Oh my God, it was so embarrassing

and then I remember we got out of the car and I was silly women. It was so ashamed. In their frumpy little tights. I know. Frupy little tights and they're exhaust literally hanging off the fucking car and it was so embarrassed and I remember we got out of the car and then I heard some people saying they're exhausted just falling off and I was like oh my God

where are the voices coming from? I couldn't locate the voices. It was like they were looking out the window like what the fuck is that noise it was so loud it was really bad it's been fixed but the bunker fell off my car once when i was driving home oh my god if that makes you feel any better my brother borrowed my car beached it because he's a knob again by the sea drove down a path that he couldn't get down beat literally beached it had to be towed it was a whole thing i was this was in the other man i drove it the whole way back and literally when i got like within 10 miles having done like a 400 mile trip. When I got within 10 miles of my own house, he was in the passenger seat.

The fecant bumper just fell off the car. Must have been hanging by a thread down the motorway. Thank God it happened on the quieter roads. Anyway, I was like, I just looked at him. I was like, get your wallet out your pocket. We're going straight to a garage. This is you. This is all on you, brother. So don't worry. It happens to the best of us. It's so shameful. That last, that drive to get it to where it needs to go. Oh, mortifying. Absolutely mortifying. But all fixed now. So there we go. I can't wait to hear it never Can't wait to hear when it happens again

Speaking of incredible drivers What a segue day's Thank you Yeah thank you Kind of sarcastic but also brilliant I think Sargastic for me not for the guest Yeah it's like my throwing shade Never throwing shade

She's my hero I've decided now I love her Oh my gosh she's the best Guys I'm so excited by today's interview I think we say at the beginning But Jodie and I have been friends for like I'm gonna bust us on our age but we've been friends for nearly 20 years, maybe, which is insane.

And I'm so grateful that she came and had this chat. And actually, it's amazing when you meet somebody at a stage in their life and you never really talked to them about the stage before the stage that you knew them in. So I absolutely loved this conversation. I thought it was so amazing. I hope you guys are as enlightened and inspired as we are by this amazing woman. So without further ado, here is Jody Kidd. Hi, Jodes.

Hello. Thank you so much for coming. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy that you're here. For listener, context, I've known you since I was 12 years old. Yeah. I came to your house when I was a child and I stood on a piece of glass. Oh my God, you remember that?

In your house and my foot bled, yeah. It was like, oh my God. Yes. I remember that and we had the treases out. How impressive. It was like a whole operation going on. Oh, no. I remember.

Yeah, to get the glass out of my foot. I'm such an attention seeker. I hate this. How long ago was that? 12, so how old are you now? 17 years ago. Holy moly. I know, and only for ages.

Wow. But you were so nice to me even though I was embarrassing me bleeding. I know, well, I'm like, and I just think you're the warmest and loveliest person and we love you. Thank you so much for coming on. I'll pay you later. Yeah. Yeah. Alex can send you.

Can I have some too? Exactly. Compliments or money. Money. I also take compliments. Just as well as well as well have well received. But something that you and I have never spoken about is your career before I knew you

And that was as a supermodel It was It's quite weird kind of thinking that Because it was like it's almost not part of who I am Or who, you know It's obviously who I am now It's kind of I've learned a lot from it But it's like it didn't really exist

It's kind of vote And it was a long time ago but it's quite strange it really is and it was such a whirlwind yeah it's a mad world and I kind of went in and out quite quickly I think I did a good about 10 years but worked a lot and then kind of had to retreat quite quickly because it wasn't good for me yeah and and so I've kind of and because it was quite not traumatic it was amazing I don't want to put it down but it was because I was going through, you know, a lot of bad press at the time being hounded by the wonderful newspapers. It, you know, going through, I had glandular fever. I had anxiety. I had all of

these things. So for me, it wasn't a very happy time, even though I was doing some amazing things, working with the best photographers, the best designers, hair, makeup, you know, opening and closing, the biggest shows. It was still a bit kind of traumatic. So I'd it in a box and then kind of my life is kind of started after that, even though it kind of built a lot of the building blocks of who I am today. But yeah, it was a whirlwind, but amazing. I can't put it down at all. But it's a surreal world. And to be, you know, at the top, it was, yeah, just kind of sitting there and Naomi Campbell on your left and, you know, Christy Tellington on your right and you're just suddenly going 15 years old, just came out of

school. Yeah, couldn't get any weird. You're 15, 15. So just finished my GCSEs. How did that, how did that happen? Well, I wanted to become, so my whole childhood was riding horses and I wanted to be a show jumper. My dad was almost made the Olympic team as a show jumper. And so that was, I wanted to kind of follow in his footsteps. And so I, um, I had a little. little pony that I used to do all of the little kind of like shows and was quite successful and you know was really trying to get on the junior British team and and I bought this just going into horses and bought this youngster and I had this tiny little lorry and he kept on rubbing his tail on the back of the lorry so I needed to get a big lorry for him and I didn't have

enough money so mum said you know you should try some modelling I had a friend that um that actually said to me, you know, Jody's quite tall and quite quirking, quite weird looking, she should model. And mum was like, no, she just wants to ride. And, you know, she's not interested. She's such a tomboy. Literally never wore a dress, never wore makeup.

And she said, well, why don't you go down and see her and give it a go? And, you know, you could earn some money and get your lorry. So I thought, oh, God. You must be the only person who's got into supermodeling to get a lorry. To get a lorry. I just really need a lorry. It's really weird, isn't it? Love it.

I know. So, yeah, so I went down. I met with Lorraine Ashton, who had an agency called IMG at the time. And literally from the moment, I took some test pictures. I was in New York opening Mark Jacobs within a couple of weeks. And that was it. My complete whirlwind merry-go-round started and had to sell my youngster, my horse. It was a big decision.

But it was kind of like, if I was struggling as a model and just doing bits here, there and everywhere, I would have definitely gone back to the horses. But because it went so stratospheric so quickly, I just kind of rode this wave. So it was a big decision, actually, that, you know, the moment I said, right, I'm going to give this one a go. But that's kind of very much who I am and what I do. I just, you know, you kind of say, why didn't you try this? It's like racing cars. Someone said, why need you try it? And I was like, yeah, why not?

And then I kind of make a career out of it. And so you kind of give me an inch and I'm like, grab it. I go, right, let's do it. Fully immerse myself. But yeah, so I never got back to show jumping, which was a shame. But anyway, it started this kind of crazy life. And had you finished school? Yes.

Just finished because I'm September 25th, so I'm a year ahead or I don't know. So I was the kind of the youngest. I can't remember. You see, obviously didn't get any GCSEs. No, I did. This is the funniest thing. So dad, you know, worked incredibly hard to give us all private education. And we were all kind of in boarding schools because it was that kind of era, you know, the 70s and 80s and 90s.

We were all kind of put in boarding schools if you could afford it. And so he's very proud of this, that my brother finished school after his GCS. He got one GCCC, which was an A in art. My sister finished school, did her GCSC, got one GCC, got a B in art. And I did the same, got one GCCC, which was a C in art. So his dinner party kind of like jokes are going, thank God I spent so much hard-earned money on sending my kids to private school and got absolutely nothing. And none of us have gone into the art industry at all. But yeah, so anyway, left school quite young

and went straight into like literally living on a 7-4-7. And that is a crazy world to be thrown into at the age of 15 years old. Yeah, right? Yeah. I mean, it's hard enough to just live like a normal, stable life at 15 years old, never mind this. Yeah, I think if I wasn't kind of mentally older because I'm the youngest of five,

I highly, you know, don't advise anyone to send their child into such an adult world at such a young age. Because at 15 you really are. That's really interesting you say that. I keep, like, I think it's really, we keep saying it now, like the amount of child stars and like, you know, younger child stars. But it's like I actually can't think of a child star that like makes it through unscathed. Yeah, exactly. Because it's just so intense. Yeah, it really is.

But people keep doing it. Like we just watch more and more children. It's like lambs, particularly now watching like people, I don't know, influence of kids and stuff. Yeah, it was probably greedy, greedy parents. Yeah. Do you think that's what it is? I don't know.

I mean, yes, I can't imagine. You know, 15, because I think being the youngest of five and having to be quite adult and being, you know, sent to boarding school and things like that, it makes you a little bit more kind of, kind of, you know, self-independent. So I think that that really helped. But I think, you know, a lot of youngsters that we see that are really kind of, kind prepped to do TV or to do things like that that they're a little bit more mollycoddled and I think that makes them a little bit more vulnerable and so much more manipulative if you know to

the parents should we say yeah but yeah it is it is sad to see a lot of these child stars kind of you know go go wobbly but it is it's an adult world you know really being thrust into a serious adult world you're traveling around the world on your own you're working with adults, you know, we've all heard, you know, horror stories, but it is, it's, you know, it is a big thing. Yeah. It really is. I never really thought about it like that as an adult. Well, and actually you were always, just to me, such a contradiction to everything I thought about modelling because when you look at supermodels or you thought about it as like as a young teenager myself when I first met you, it's like, well, I wasn't even a teenager, but it's like

you assume that it's, there's such a sort of trope about it and it does seem such a like cold industry in so many ways and you're such a juxtaposition to that because you were the warmest person I'd ever met and I was like this doesn't make any sense. But it feels like you didn't lose and I don't know if it does.

I don't know if it's just the way that we perceive models and that industry that it's, that you don't have a, I don't know, that it feels a lot colder looking at their industry maybe than certainly than your. I definitely did change. And I think that's why I started getting anxiety and I started not liking who I was becoming because they do, you do get paid immensely well.

You're flying around. I mean, I would literally get on Concord from London at 9 o'clock, arrive in New York at 9 o'clock, shoot all day and then get on Concord at 5 and be back home because I didn't want to stay overnight. I mean, that's just mental. I was doing that like twice a week at 16, 17 years old. you know, it's absolutely ridiculous, if I think back at it. And, you know, and they do, they do build you up. You are, you do feel like you're the most important person in the room. And that does change you.

And I did find myself becoming not a very nice human being, which is totally, I think, why my head mentally went a bit wobbly because I just didn't like who I was becoming. and then I started getting, you know, very serious kind of anxiety. And I think that that's why I had to run. I had to run back to the country and go back riding horses and start growing vegetables again and just, you know, I just hated who I was becoming. But they do build you up to become little horrors.

And that's obviously what we see now, you know, with some of the big models, definitely becoming quite a handful. Yeah. I always find it so fascinating to hear. And it feels like this is the story time and time again of people really at the top of their game and doing, you said you were doing these incredible, you know, opening these shows for huge designers,

like working with amazing photographers. But you didn't really, but you didn't enjoy that experience. It felt traumatic. The whole thing felt traumatic. And I always find that so fascinating because from the outside it's like, wow. Why are you doing it? So glamorous, like, you know, opening these shows and mixing with all these amazing models and...

I mean, there is a lot of people that love it. Oh, yeah, yeah, that most of your biggies that are still there, and I really, really love it. Do they? Okay. I just think it was because, you know, I was shoveling shit for my whole kind of, you know, whole life. I was living in a yard and this was just so kind of foreign to me. And I had no aspirations to become a model that, you know, I wanted to be like John Whittaker. I wanted to ride horses and, you know, be a show jumper. And so that's why I think I was the biggest kind of anti-model model.

I was like, you know, it was like kind of the moody one in the corner. But the thing is you're being paid, you know. And I can't be ungrateful at all. I am immensely grateful for every opportunity and every catwalks, and every designer that asked me to, you know, be the face of their campaign. And I did love it. There were moments where it was so, you know, it could be so free. But I think eventually it just started.

It's just not really me. And it's, you know, it's such a mad world. Was there pressure on you to look a certain way? Yeah. If you hadn't, if it had never been an aspiration, because obviously you were so tall and so beautiful. But the, how do you want some of these compliments too? You're less tall but also slightly tall.

But what the industry asks of you is crazy. You could be skinny. So skinny. Yeah. Was that a pressure for me? I was very, very lucky. You know, I was six foot one when I was 15. I had a strength.

I had muscle on me because I was riding. And then I suddenly lost all that muscle because I was just flying around the world. I didn't go to the gym. Also stopped eating good food. So I was always bought up in the country. So I grew our own veg, always really healthy. And then suddenly you're flying around the world and you're landing in a foreign city. You didn't have access to, you know, to pret-a-manger or to, you know, somewhere you could get a nice salad.

You didn't. you literally could get, you had to have a reservation at a restaurant or you had McDonald's or Burger King or something. You had no places that you could get fast food really that was healthy. So I started eating really badly. So I was kind of losing weight because I lost my muscle. So, but that was perfect. I was like a walking hanger.

So this was, I was the perfect shape. But there are other girls and I know, I mean, horror stories of, you know, girls in Milan that were told to eat cotton wool to make sure that their tummies felt full but so that they didn't eat, you know, real given pills to stop eating you know, kind of like amphetamins and speed

and things like that. So yeah, it was happening a lot but I was really lucky to be blinkered because I was just this ginormous I was one of the tallest girls anyway so I was kind of like I didn't really see it but I certainly heard it and I saw how miserable girls were, you know, trying to be this certain weight

and also the brutality of people and art directors and, you know, designers of turning around and going, you know, really fat-shaming and the damage that that was doing to, you know, to some of the girls and the guys, sorry, I keep forgetting, you know, a lot of the male models had even worse a time than we did. So it's quite, it's quite a brutal industry. There's a lot of rejection. So, you know, you've got to be, you've got to be quite strong. But then, you know, there is this amazing other side of creativity and brilliant people. So it's tough.

It's a really tough one. You know, if you're struggling and you're in that middle section, it's, it's really quite brutal. But if you're in the top, you know, the top echelon, it's the most fantastic world ever. But it's tough to get into that level. What was your favourite job, the best thing you did during the 10 years? Oh, God. There was once, I mean, obviously that I did, I was on exclusivity with Carl Lagerfeldenshire. So I could only work for him. So I literally lived in his house and just we just took photographs and did campaigns.

But to see this man that you'd sit and have lunch with that was running, I think, four of the biggest fashion houses at the time, which was kind of Chloe, Fendi, Chanel. And then he had his own line. So he would just sit there and just draw designs whilst you're just sitting, having a bit of pasta and then do another one. and another one and another one. And you're just going, God, this man is quite... Your G-C-S-E-C-R. Did you want me to help? I could do the colouring in.

Yes, exactly. I can shade. I'm very good at shading. No, so kind of seeing, you know, geniuses at work like that, you know, some of the most incredible hair and makeup artists. There was one show that was quite fun. And he was for, it was for Yogi Yamamoto and I was the bride. He had this tiny little entrance.

and this long catwalk. And he said, right, wouldn't you to be the bride, but you're going to have to wear big DMs? And I was like, well, of course, so delicate. And he put me in this kind of bamboo, ginormous kind of dress. And the bamboo was like holding up the material.

And then this huge bamboo hat. And he said, right, you've got to lift it all up, fold it in. And literally he pushed me through this hole. They were like, all of them. pushing me through the hole to get out. And then I got out the other side and I had to let go. And this whole wedding dress went,

and as I walked down, it was covering the first two rows of the catwalk either side. It was quite amazing. So they saw it. But it had, oh, I can't remember kind of like the, all the structure of it. It was just beautiful. So that was quite fun.

Alexander McQueen, when he asked me, the first time he took over the house of Givanchi, He asked me to open that. That was quite a big thing. Quite a big thing. That's you. Quite a big. Yeah.

So, no, amazing memories. Amazing memories. And, you know, I can't talk too bad about the industry because it is an incredible industry. And I was very lucky to work, you know, with some of the greats. And especially Alexander. You know, Lee was awesome. And I was kind of there through most of his period. So that was, I felt immensely blessed to kind of be part of that era.

What was it then that just made you just like walk away? Well, I got anxiety. I got to a point where I started not sleeping every time. So I used to do a lot of shows because I was so tall. And they do, so you do spring, summer, autumn, winter and then you do London, Milan, New York, Paris. And so you're doing that, those chunks twice a year. And then I was doing couture as well for the same. So it was constant show, show, shows, sometimes doing 10 shows a day.

And you do all four cities. And I would do all four cities. And then it started becoming, I was getting really bad press in the UK about being too skinny. Because as I said, I kind of lost all of my muscle. And I did get a bit skinny. I wasn't eating well. And then the worst thing was I started getting insomnia because I was kind of like dreading the next day because I was kind of like having to walk down the catwalk

and then I thought all the photographers are going to be, you know, just slagging me off and I'm going to be front pages of all the kind of the red tops. And so this kind of perpetual kind of downward motion of not being able to sleep, then losing appetite, constantly being in fight or flight. So I was never hungry because I was just like this.

So it wasn't, you know, bulimia or anorexia or anything like this. I was just on adrenaline. I just literally, my adrenal glands must have been completely. So, yeah, so it just got to a point which it was, I would just be literally weeping. So I went to a doctor. He said, just breathe into a brown paper bag, which of course is like the worst thing that you could possibly do. Then they put me on beta blockers and I was like walking around like an absolute zombie. And then I was just like, this is, you know, I've.

been brought up, you know, literally in the haybells, galloping across fields, you know, being, you know, very, very sporty. And I was like, this is, this is not for me. So I actually just, I remember walking my last catwalk was, I can't remember the name of the designer, it was in Milan. And I came out and I walked halfway down. I got a massive panic attack. I turned around halfway down the catwalk, ran off, got into my clothes, and the designer was going mad because I had about three or four other outfits and just went straight to the airport and that was it, never went back. That was it.

Yeah, I just couldn't, couldn't just literally break down. No. I mean, no, no, because I then went on to other things. I went, you know, and loved those other things because I went back into sport. I went back in eating healthily. I started my whole racing car career. It kind of like so, so no, I just be, I'm very thankful for it to have opened doors for me to go into these other careers.

So were you, you were 25, is that right, at the time when you left? It's probably a bit younger. I mean, I still did editorial, but I just never did Catwalk. I never went on that roller coaster anymore. Okay. So I probably did editorial pieces. Okay. Yeah.

And then was there a point when you were like, I'm done with that as well? Like, I'm completely done with modelling. I mean, I love doing a shoot every now and then. It's quite fun. You know, there's lots of charity, like lovely rank in kind of, you know, supporting gorgeous charities. It's so nice to kind of tip your toe back in. And be selective, right? Yeah.

About what you do. But, yeah, so, but I'm very much kind of out of it now and doing lots of other things. When you went home, what was it like coming home again? And like, was it, I mean, when you describe your life, I'm like, oh, my God, it actually sounds like a Jilly Cooper book at that time. I just want to be riding the horses, but I just had to go and get on Concord and now I'm back. And I said, was it amazing. Was it just like walking back and just like, oh, my God, I'm home? I mean, it was, yeah, there was a lot of trauma I had to deal with.

I had to, I had to seriously learn how to heal myself. And no one really understood anxiety at that time. So doctors weren't really helping me. And so I kind of went on this whole kind of path to try and find, you know, how to stop myself getting panic attacks and literally go around a supermarket or suddenly just get, boom, and just run out with the trolley just kind of still standing there. You know, anxiety is a funny old thing. So I had to kind of learn how to get out of it, you know, and that was through crystals, that was through good old backflower remedies. You know, it's kind of like there is no rhyme or reason of how to start. stop it. The brain is an extraordinary thing. And mine was very much getting back into exercise,

getting back out to the countryside, eating good food again. You know, all of these things that we really now know are so important for our body. Did you have resentment for the press? Did they leave you alone when you came back? They did because I just became a hermit. You know, I just literally moved out to the countryside. You think that was the majority of the trauma, though, is what they to you? Yeah, I think very much. I mean, thankfully, I didn't see a lot of what was going on. I remember coming home once and I put on the TV and I was, and it was Kilroy. And they had like the whole thing with the head and I was going, oh, I know that. He's a photographer. And then I was going, oh my God, it's my old agent. And then the whole thing was discussing whether I was a

terrible role model and, you know, this and that. And it was just like, and I was like, oh, for God sakes. Why? Because of your body size. Yeah, they thought that I was anorexic and I was promoting anorexia and all of these things. So, yeah, so which I wasn't. And so I was just so frustrated. Even if you had been, you'd still have been a victim of something and you'd have been ill. So it's actually deranged. It's unbelievable.

Yeah, because that's really going to help you, isn't it? It's having a like a docket special about looking into your... Nitch it every day on the front pages of a newspaper just being slated. I remember at another I was walking somewhere and a woman. and came up to me and she said you are disgusting you my daughter almost died because of you and i was just like so mean that's awful yeah but i mean it's that period everyone was so brutal you know late 90s early 2000s yeah it was just like abuse city wasn't it because of the press and the irony being is if you'd have been a little bit bigger then you would have been slated

for being too big to be a model i mean that you can do no rights or wrongs, really. Holy shit. Yeah, that's pretty full on. I'm really sorry for you. That's like really horrible though. No, wonder you're so anxious. Because it kind of, I've learned from these.

And if I hadn't had all of these things, then I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be, you know, who I am today. I had to learn these hard lessons. And, you know, it's part of me. So it's kind of all our lives and our process and it's how you kind of compartmentalize them. and how you deal with them

and move on from them and learn, but never regret. No. It's really important. You don't regret anything? No. Maybe snogging John at 12. I didn't snog John at 12.

I was like, me. How long did it take you between finishing being, doing your modelling and then driving, racing and finding your other passions? Well, I wanted to get back into horses and the only because I knew that I was safe on a horse and I knew horses kind of I would be okay and I was still, this is when I was like really finding it hard

to leave the front door because the anxiety was so huge and I knew horses would heal me and the only horses I had access to was my brothers and he was a polo player and so I started going and riding his polar ponies and then he was like, go on take a stick and just going to have a little hit And so I was like, oh, love this.

And then this is me, typical me, completely immersed myself. And then so I think within about two years, I had 22 polar ponies. I was winning the women's world championships, represented England. Yeah, so that was just. I love that. So that was kind of a mad couple of years. That would have got so differently of literally anyone else. I imagine, like, oh, you'd have gone, I'd have fallen straight off the horse.

You wouldn't have died. I'd have died. It's no, to me, polar polis are so easy to ride. Are they the easiest? They're quite small. They're much smaller than show jumpers would be. Okay. But they're really well behaved.

I've got such a good mental image of you on a polo. Disaster. Oh dear. Yeah, and then I can't, and then, oh yeah, so driving came from, one of my sponsors playing polo was Maserati. And then, so I became very, close to this lovely lady called Sylvia Pini. And I was doing something.

I can't remember the timelines because it all come. It was a long time ago. But I did something called the Gumble Rally. Someone just said a group. He said, a group of friends said, look, jump in the back. It's really fun. We're going to go across America. And so I thought, why not?

You know, I don't know America is in, you know, I've done L.A. and kind of New York. But never really seen Middle America and traveled. So anyway, did it. amazing cars. Then I had to fly back to the UK to give an award at the GQ awards. And I sat next to your dad. And I went, oh my God, you're the car man. I said, I've just been doing this rally in this F40s and F50s and this. Conan Segg did 242 miles an hour. And he was listening. He was going, wow, you know about cars. He said, come and do my show. And I was like, to be honest, I hadn't really watched Top Gear. And I didn't think anything more of it. And then I got a

call a couple of months later. They said come down to Dunsfold and I was actually just down the road because I live in Sussex and then turned up really had no idea what the whole process was and I got in the car and did a did a lap with the stick and then and then he got out and then he said right go and I remember I did phone I think I phoned Jamie Oliver and I said how many laps do and he saw about 10 and then after about three they said right get out and I was like no I think I think I can get that, that, that corner there a bit better. And they said, no, no, no, you've got to get out. So anyway, then you go to the studio in the afternoon.

And that's where they said, right, you'd gone straight to the top of the, of the leaderboard. And apparently I'd done it on my second lap. And by my third lap, I was like half a second quicker. And they were going, okay, no, you've got to stop now. You're too good. No. But then I just fell love with cars and went off and got my odds, which is a provisional racing.

Then I met up with Sylvia from Maserati and ended up racing for Maserati for about three years. Yeah, so that was kind of like... I know. I mean, one of my questions I was going to ask, like, after the modelling decade, did you miss all those high highs? But it sounds like you found them in other things.

You found them elsewhere. A bit of adrenaline junkie. Yeah, no, definitely, definitely found this, you know, kind of that that that buzz feeling that you get from walking down a catwalk in other in other things in other forms more healthier forms you did something I actually just trying to remember I think skiing something really dangerous they do what the jump the jump that's what you did did you do it absolutely I didn't want to do it at all I had never seen the show before and I was we're doing show that I know I know I know And I was actually skiing with Indy And we were in Yeah, my son

And we were skiing around And I got a phone call from Sarchi, my agent And they said, can you be in In Austria, wherever it is in Austria, tomorrow? And I was like, why? And they were like, someone's had an injury. I didn't realize that they'd broken all their ribs

And something like that. They'd all been there for like weeks and weeks and weeks training. They said, can you be there tomorrow? And so I turned up, I was like, okay, Indy's going, well, Indy came with me. And the first thing I did on the first day, after not knowing, they said, don't worry, don't worry. You just do a bit of slalom, do a bit of downhill, you know, it's absolutely fine. Mike, do a little jump.

It's called the jump. I was like, what kind of jump? I was like, don't worry about it, you'll be fine. And then turned up and they said, right, straight up to the top because you've got to go straight into filming. And they literally put me on a silver tray. So I remember going up to the top of this toboggan run. I think that's what you call it. And Amy Williams was there, who's our gold medalist for going headfirst down a very steep ice track. So they're both a way?

Skeleton. That's it, skeleton. And they literally put me on like a little silver tray head first and said, off you go. And I was like like like this, go, what the fuck am I doing? So anyway, I got to the bottom and I was like, phoning up my agent, I'm not doing this. It was like, you'll be fine. And I was like, it was the worst experience I've ever had in my life. The show's not still going anymore, is it?

No, I think they, they, I think when they broke someone's back was the point where they went. Tina Hovley broke her leg. Yes. Who's back broke? The gymnast. I'm going to Google it. Beth. Yeah, that sounds right.

Beth. Yes, they broke her back. Shit. It's not great. No, no, no. Well, I stop. We'll stop now. But yeah, so I thought, right, I need to get off the show as quickly as possible.

I need to go home. So, Tina He broke her arm. Mark Francis, from Maiden Chelsea, fractured his ankle. Yeah. Sarah Harding damaged her knee and Rebecca Adlington dislocated her shoulder. No, honestly, it's carnage. Oh, my God. It's absolute carnage.

And then Beth Tweedle sued the jump because, yeah, she broke her back. She broke her back. I mean, so I was like, I need to get off this. show ASAP so I became the worst skier that you I mean and I've been skiing most of my life and I know how to ski but I suddenly became like the worst skier yeah ever and then got voted off like first or perfect yeah and then they keep you up there it's one of these shows where they keep you up there so I'm I just sat in Innsbruck with some lovely uh vachon hot wine that sounds gorgeous and just celebrated yeah that sounds really nice I never did the jump

Watching them all just breaking and breaking up. Oh, so good job. So like. More of our shows, please. That is so brutal. Anyway, yeah, it's one of those. I love, actually, that's one thing I love about the modelling world is it's made me, you know, a semi-public figure that I get invited to do. Fun stuff.

Like, you know, Master Chef. If I hadn't have done Master Chef, what was that like? I would have never have bought the pub and I would have never have done, you know, all of this food kind of stuff. It's such a yes person. I really... No, no, no, I'm quite good at saying no. I'm getting much better at it. Yeah?

Yeah. But like shows like that, I just love to go, where else are you going to learn by the best chefs? Oh my God. What was it like? Terrifying, but brilliant. Yeah, it looks terrifying. Because I love to immerse myself

because obviously as a model and having anxiety most of my life, I mean, food was just like... And I used food as fuel rather than enjoyment. and it suddenly opened my mind to, you know, textures and flavors and how exciting food is and how delicious. And so I was like, oh my God, right, I need a restaurant now. And then I got a restaurant.

Michelin Star is coming. Yeah, no, we're two rosette. Wow. That's amazing. I'm so proud of it. I mean, we literally got the pub eight years ago, straight to Brexit. couldn't find anyone to work for us then went straight into a pandemic now cost of living now energy crisis i've just gone what are you saying no to then because no i do have i have days

where i just go no i'm going to have a day at home i'm going to i'm going to have a lie in i'm going to chill i'm going to you know i'm not going to have that meeting i'm going to cancel all that yeah i do i do have learned to to kind of be kind to myself a bit more rather than kind of self flagellate how was the anxiety after modeling did it good did you get rid of good for the most part learn to live with it yeah yeah and no but i think what happens is you just retrain your brain so i've retrain my brain from not to just every now and then kind of decide to squirt that kind of gland whatever it secretes to make you go into fight or flight

people are going to be listening going gosh you haven't seen those I've seen nothing about it I can't remember it's not serotonin I like it squirt that glass but I think it just gets used to squirting so I think you've got to kind of control it and go you don't need to squirt all the time

sorry that's the title of this episode Jody Kidd, you don't need to sweat all the time. Oh, dearie me. Yeah, so it kind of just got less and less and less. And now I understand what's going on. Because at the beginning, I thought, I'm going to die. My heart is going to come out my chest and it's going to explode

and I'm going to die in front of everyone. And that was, you know, and that's just terrifying. Whereas now if I, if it starts, starts going, you know, sweaty palms, you can feel it. You just, I have to go, okay, calm, get the brain onto something else, get out of this situation, maybe walk into another room, do something. And I kind of know how to deal with it a little bit. And then it disappears.

That's, that's so accurate that description, because it does feel like you're going to die, doesn't it? It feels like there's too much happening for you not to, like, explode or just die. Oh my God, it's horrendous. It's horrible. Yeah. I'm sorry you get it. Oh no, I did.

Did. Yeah, yeah. I'm much better now, but it's a horrible feeling. Babies are really good because they're grounding. They ground you. I feel like my baby has completely cured my anxiety. Yeah, they do. It's so bizarre.

I actually, husband Alex and I were looking at photos last night of when Arlo was born the first week. I said, I think I've ever looked calmer, which is so pretty nice. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like indie? They do. They do.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I think there's something that goes on in the body. There's so many different hormones that start kicking in and things like that, that this little squirting one that's the, you know, you only really want it to squirt if, you know, when there's danger, not when you're in a supermarket. Yeah.

That I think everything just gets, it just, you know, it's sort of, what's it called? Recalibrates. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it just re-does that. And then basically I haven't got any time to think about anything else, from this little person that your brain I suppose is focused and it's it's it's not allowed to run wild and that's good to know actually that's very reassuring yeah apart from the yeah the sleep

the sleep made normally makes you a little bit wobbly lack of sleep yeah but it's all right but it's okay I can't cope when he's going to be like 18 I've told him we can't leave home until he's 32 that seems reasonable I'm sure he's like yeah okay you're going to be like that it's so funny isn't it as like a parent because you went off to travel the world and live your dream at 50

or live a dream at 15 and then as a parent you're like no you're not going anywhere you're going to stay right so terrible do as I say not as I do no I won't be that bad I promise if he wanted to go and model

yeah would you want to big question big question I think because I know the industry, I would be okay with it. But the, you know, the male, the male side of modeling is, it's not, you know, you never get paid as much. You're always the one in the background. You know, it's all, it's very female led, which is wonderful, you know, which I think is great. One of the few industries that have always been, you know, female first. But I think because I know it, I would be, I would be happy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's, it's, it's, it's,

a biggie though it's a biggie yeah because you could hold his hand yeah yeah I'll be one of those mothers yeah I'll be controlling the I'm just generally like a pushy

mum's I was talking about earlier it's interesting to hear that because actually we don't really hear much about the male experience of modelling do we hear a lot about the female it's hard it's really hard and they've had some really tough times you know a lot of the guys yeah I'd say as well because you're saying

about your body like you were just naturally yeah a very thin person when you weren't eating properly yeah but men they don't want that that's not the aspirational they've got to have work out yeah very specific yes like they've got to be yeah they have got you know they it's an intense yeah kind of routine whereas we just you know we just got to be kind of like nothing really yeah um but no it's changing you know it kind of goes in this so For women specifically, they kind of like, you had your supers, which was kind of all much more bustier, hippier, really beautiful. Then we went through the waif, which I was part. And then it kind of went into the Brazilian, which was much more kind of curvier.

The guys have to, you know, you've got to have a big six pack, you know, and that's dedication and work. And, you know, and then to be rejected after that as well, you know, it's a funny old world. How do you take reject, asking for a friend? How do you get good at taking rejection? Or did you not really have to? Yeah, I did. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's really difficult because I could turn up on time. I could look good. My hair will be brushed. I can, you know, do whatever they wanted me to do. But just because, you know, my eyes was slightly bluer than the art director wanted you didn't get the job. You know, it could be tiny things and you've got to get your head round that it's not your fault. You know, it's not you. And, you know, it's something specific that these people.

people want to look at or something along those lines. So you've just got to start kind of just protecting yourself, I suppose. Are you protected by your agent? Do they shield you from the reasons for rejection? Yeah, I was very lucky to have a very, very good agent that was amazing. And I had a whole set of wonderful agents. But, you know, some are, some are not so protective definitely um so yes i i was you know just very thankful for that having you know good people around me but they're they're not all like that no yeah because i guess like you don't need to know all the reasons why you're rejected right they could just be like they've gone it could be absolutely nothing it could be like oh i've only got for the campaign i've only got

size 40 shoes and you're 41 and you're going to make the you know the shoes look weird it's it could be anything yeah um but are you good at accepting that or are you were you one of these people that would be like oh no it's it's my my fault it's because of me do you know what i mean it took a long time to learn because being a rider and a competitive rider if you put a hundred percent in you'll get 110 out of your horse so i was always if you put it if you put that time in you'll get it out and it was it was a bit of a head mess to kind of to put that effort in and to not get the job. So it took a little bit of a kind of adjusting of going, okay, this is this is not like dealing with animals and things like that.

So it was a bit of a change, but I just kind of, you just got to put your glow, your light around you and protect yourself and try and move on. That's nice. that is nice. Way of describing it, I would not. Just put your light on. Put my light on. Is that how you describe it?

Yeah. I like that's so nice. Like what does the light look like? Well you just like some, cover your body with this nice glowing light and it protects you. Oh my God, I want to do that. I love that so much. Yeah, I like that. Invisit. Invisit. Invisit.

I haven't even started drinking it. Yeah, you just kind of picture this light around you and you just feel it and then. it texts you. How often do you put your light on? A lot. That's so nice. I'm going to start doing my light on. I must start doing that.

Wow. I really like that. It's like little aura. Little aura around you. It does sort of feel like, sorry, I'll get to you with compliments in a minute. I know. Sorry. I'm a long time, kind of.

Sorry, Joanne. But as a person, you feel like you do have that light around you. Like, as long as I've known you, it feels like nothing that. life has ever thrown at you has diminished any of your light. Like you still, you feel consistently warm. I don't think I've ever seen you on a bad day. I don't think I've ever seen you not smiling.

You just seem like an incredibly happy. And even though you're never sit still and you're always so busy, you do feel very grounded. Yeah. Like as a human. Yeah. I want that. Yeah.

It's taken a lot though. I do have, you know, do have bad days. do have days where I'm finding it hard to get out of bed and just want to have a shut down day. But I just kind of like, I just, you know, I'm just very kind of grateful about life. And I'm very kind of just thankful and, and, you know, try to just be as kind as I possibly can. And I think that that's, that's, you know, it's really, really important. and yeah it's it's kind of how I live really just keep smiling keep hugging hug everybody and yeah just being high I mean there's enough kind of people that need that

yeah just a big smile or a big cuddle just lights makes people's days so that's that's great if that's my little mission for the day then I'm happy to do that you must be the happiest landlady that's why people come to your pub in their droves they're like we get a cuddle yeah you get a cuddle and a smile lots of cuddles yeah and i definitely the wrong pint because you know i completely forget forget orders where is your pub and what's it called it's called the half moon in a lovely little village uh called curdford in sussex lovely yeah yeah it's great you haven't been yet i know i know i was like oh she's gonna say it's terrible to let's go let's go yeah yeah we do let's go we're going

We have the best Sunday roast ever. I tell you, it's so good. I'm so proud of the team and Gavin and everyone. They're just amazing. They really are. It hasn't been easy. But yeah, it's good. It's lovely.

Can we do a should I delete that meetup at the Half Moon in Sussex? Yes, please. Let's do another one. Let's go. I'll bring my microphones. Yeah. Oh my fun. I'm done podcasts there.

I was going to say do it like Jesse. We're on podcast. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so. Okay, we're coming. Good morning. Excellent. Full of, um, full of, um, full of, um, full of podcasts and then a big Sunday roast.

Oh, please. Yeah. Okay. It's yours. It's yours. It's official. I'm there. Wednesday morning.

Say no more. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Good. Food. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Sorry. Sorry, if I'd just been like, nattering. No, God. In the point. Literally. It's totally. Yeah. I love nothing to you.

Thank you. Oh, I love you guys. Love you, thank you. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.