Should I Delete That? - The Best of Should I Delete That?!

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

It's here! All the best bits of Should I Delete That? in one place. Taken from the start of our *journey* all the way back in December 2021 to now. In this compilation you will hear snippets from our episodes with: Bonita Norris, Jameela Jamil, Come Curious, Jules Von Hep, Candice Brathwaite, Holly Hagan, Laura Bates, Kayley Stead and our resident coach Jacqueline Hurst. On top of all that goodness, we've picked out some never before heard gems, our top funniest moments with Em and Alex and the most embarrassing stories sent in by you, our amazing listeners! Thank you for all your support as ever. We can't wait to bring you even more incredible interviews and laughs as the show grows!Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. And welcome to a special podcast episode. The best of should I delete that, skin pickings. But it's very, like this. Did you say skin picking? Slim pickings. I thought you said skin pickings. I was like, this is perfect.

15 second episode. Silence. Um, but if you are listening to this episode, it is because my baby's been born. Yay. Fuck. Shit. Like it's so soon. It's very soon.

It's very soon. I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm freaking out. Um, but yeah, we wanted a week off. Um, so this is what we've done. It's just, poor producer Daisy has trawled through all of the efforts. I mean, it's not just the episode, just like the amount that we've actually recorded.

I know. It must be at least like a day. Oh, way more than a day. Way more than a day. Okay, Daisy's like, yes, way more than, how many days do you reckon? Like, a thousand hours. I'm going to work out how many days that is. 1,000 divided by 24.

That's 41 and a half days. 40 days and 49th. That's biblical. Jesus. So Daisy's really had, like this is. when I'm not the only one to birth a baby, basically. This episode is Daisy's baby. So we hope you enjoy it.

Yeah. Thank you for being part. I'm just going to presume that everyone's been very nice to me in the wake of the baby being born. But thank you for giving us some time a couple of weeks off. We'll be back soon. We're kind of playing it by year. We've bulk recorded a lot of interviews, but I'll be back doing the GBA soon. Al's going to man the fort for a little bit.

Yep. And then I'll come back soon probably. I mean, I'm counting on the fact that it's not going to change me as a person and I'm still going to be really bored and climbing the walls after like 15 or 20 minutes. But I don't know. We'll see. We're playing it by ear. So we've got this for now. We have plenty of episodes for you lined up. Is it just me's guests? So don't worry, we are not actually going anywhere. No, no. And yeah, so we hope you enjoy this. Thank you for everything thanks for being a biggest um funnest job in the whole wide world and um thanks for all the laughs because this episode is i already know i'm just gonna i can't wait to listen to it i'm so excited although i yeah i still can't listen back to the podcast but maybe this one will why would

you litter shit yeah literally um enjoy guys and we'll be back as normal very soon thank you hearing people's embarrassing stories and feel like they have nothing on mine. So thought I'd share. Three, maybe four chilies, embarrassing. Oh. I've been with my boyfriend for seven years. About three years in, we went away for the night meal. The night meal? We went away for the night meal. The night meal, etc. The night meal. What is a night meal, etc? I'm going to assume she meant dinner. That is the night meal, famously. Either that or a midnight snack. Anyway, before we would, no, that's not a meal that's a snack dinner okay before we went out gross warning he this is gross we've taken a turn okay apply that handbrake yeah before we went out gross warning he finished on my

face i was three years into a relationship just before the night meal and he is just before a night meal etc unbelievable uh he finished on my face and for some reason okay i don't know why i didn't just look in the mirror I took a picture of it on his phone. During dinner, he accidentally sent that picture as in Facebook Messenger when you just click on the pick and it sends with no warning to our group chat with his parents and his sister. I died and obviously cried my tits off.

I've actually never heard that expression, but I love it. It was unable to be deleted and took a good few months for me to face them again. I begged his sister not to look and his dad sent back a picture she said the dad was drunk sent back a picture with mayonnaise all over his face and said not to worry

it never gets mentioned apart from by my friend at every available opportunity we're getting married next year and the thought of it getting brought up in the wedding speech kills me but there we go yes I would love to have sent this as a voice note

but I'm a primary school teacher so it might be a bit of a risk I think out of all the stories I think she's right I think that's the worst that's the spiciest that's something about Mary times by a million

because it's not just Ben Stiller it's the Mayo it's the Mayo it's the Mayo it's the Mayor it's don't acknowledge your sons jeez on his girlfriend's face daughter-in-law now

I used to dress for the male gays and I didn't realize this, but when you're 20 and you're going to the club, you want boys to notice you. So there was a performance to getting dressed in my early 20s. It was for the attention of, I think it was last year I went into COS, like for the proper first time.

And I was like, raw, everyone looks good in here, you know? The women coming in, they just looked unbothered and not just wealthy in money, but they just looked like they had their lives together. And I was like, it's the clothes. It's this refined look. And then I took that conversation to social media and women who like women said it's because cause don't design for the male gays.

Cause design for women. They don't care about what a man wants to see. They care about empowering. And then I was like, oh my God, I'm a coswoman. I'm a boxy, shapeless, more, you know, more expensive fabric type woman. But that took time to learn. And that also, that means that I had to come to terms with the deep fact that, no, you're not going to be every man's. cup of tea. And now

this part of the conversation is coming from a place of privilege, because I've been with the same guy for a decade. So I'm very like, I don't really care what that guy thinks, but I would like to think, knock on wood, it doesn't happen, that if he were to pass away, I wouldn't necessarily revert again to dressing for the male gaze.

Sorry to the men in here. Men are just very giving trash right now. If I can use TikTok data, The streets of men are not streets I want to be walking. Like, I'm not trying to entice these guys with a podcast mic asking me what I bring to the table.

I'm just, I'm not there in my life. And so that then dictates my style because guess what? Nothing turns me on more than a woman running down the street after me and being like, where'd you get that? That is a vibe. If a man thinks I look good, I'm doing something wrong because actually I'm now deeply in my man-repeller phase. I'm like, I don't, I don't want you to look at me, darling, it's fine.

So nobody can criticize you unless you let them. Nobody can put you down unless you let them. She's like, what? But they can't, right? They can't do that to you. Nothing's happening to you. It's so true when I started doing the work and I do want Jacqueline to explain the model that she teaches to help get this way of thinking.

but I would always give her my situations that are making me anxious and I'm like oh somebody's shouting at me or doing this to me and she's like no they're not they're speaking words are coming out their mouths they're not doing this to you stop taking it so personally words are coming out their mouth and I'm like oh yeah so I could walk in here today and you could say Jacqueline you know those jeans they're not really you know really could you've not you know maybe different style and I've got two ways of thinking about that I'm either in a emotional childhood space of going,

I can't believe she said that to me. That's her fucking rude. How dare you? What's she trying to say? What about her jeet, right? And off you go. Yeah? Which those thoughts make you feel anxious, upset,

you know, not good enough, unworthy. And you're doing that to yourself by your thinking. Or I choose to think. Like, that's really interesting that Alex wants to talk about my jeans today. Right. And I feel really chill about that. And also it's kind of weird that she wants to criticise my jeans, right? But I don't think it is a criticism.

I just think it's your opinion. And you don't have to like my jeans. I'm cool with that. I'm just like mesmerized, but I'm transfixed by you. This is like... I just think it's, you know, it's not me. It's about, you know, I've had a real journey through life, right? Yeah.

And a lot of my work was about understanding that the power's all within me, right? And I got labeled a million things. I got a comment on my Instagram this morning and someone was like, you know, but I've got this and I've got that and surely a mindset change because I've got all of these things won't work and I don't believe that

I really believe that we are not taught the power of our brain our brain is so fucking powerful when we learn to use it properly but we don't get taught it no one teaches us that at school no one ever taught me at school like this is how you manage your mind and your feelings

right when I started with Jacqueline like because you're quite like like tough. I'm very tough. And I'm so fucking sensitive. Sometimes I'll be Jacqueline and I'll be like, oh, there's really bad things happening. And Jacqueline's like, well, I can just hear you're going to play the victim today.

So I don't think this is very helpful. And I'm like, what? And then I'll hang up. And then I'm like, oh, she's right, to be fair. Like, I have a choice. I can sit and feel. And Jacqueline's like, you can feel sad if you want. You can sit and feel sad.

Or if you want to try something new, we can try that. And it's obviously much more complex than like, whatever. But for me, it was, it has become a choice of like, I just, I'm going to try. I'm going to try the positive thing. I'm going to try. But it's not, it's also not like, I mean, and I need to make this clear. This isn't like, let's just think positively about everything in our lives, right? Because I don't believe in that.

They never worked for me. And for me, again, I'm talking personally, like affirmations. They never worked for me. I could never stand in a mirror and go, like, I accept myself. I accept myself. It just wasn't going to fucking happen. I had to learn what the hell is going on in my head. And then when I understand that I'm doing this to myself

and I get a choice, I'm now in a position of like, I've got some power around myself and some control around my head, which means that I'm human, right? I was going to ask then the distinction between letting yourself feel the emotions and allowing yourself to dwell

on something that in turn produces negativity. Say, for example, your, you know, someone's mom has made a comment that's made them feel less than or unworthy. Do they, are they, should they allow themselves to feel the sadness? You know, how do you strike that balance? So first of all, if the mum has said something,

the mother hasn't made the person feel unworthy. The person themselves have thought about what the mother said in a way that makes her or him feel unworthy, right? This will start there. I love that reframe. No, no, I don't believe it. This is not my fault. I did this quite badly.

It's really important. And second of all, I'm a really big believer of feeling your feelings, right? Like, I am so behind that. Like, you have to propose it. There is no, and by the way, listeners, there's no other way through, right? You can drink it away, sex it away,

gamble it away, you know, smoke it away. Like, forget it. You need to fill your feelings, right? That's so important and it's really healthy. And you have to process those feelings, right? And when you're ready to not feel those feelings anymore, because there will come a time where you've had enough of feeling sad or anxious or unhappy or negative,

there will come a time when you're like sick and tired of being sick and tired in that space, and that's when you're ready to do your work. That's important, I think, because a lot of the time I'm like, I should brush this off. it's all about mindset. I don't need to feel like this anymore, so snap out of it.

And I think that's what a lot of people don't understand is that great area, that like little bit in between the transition phase, I guess, that is sounds like it's very necessary because I can't just snap myself out of feeling anxious. I wish I could, but, you know, or feeling sad about something that's happened. So I think that's a really important note to let yourself feel everything you're feeling. 100%. but know that you're going to come to a point and to allow yourself to be ready at a point for you then to shift your mindset.

Exactly. And the more you do mindset work, the less you have those negative feelings. Girls are amazing. There was another school where these girls asked me to come in because the boys in their class were rating them out of 10. So they'd go into the classroom and the boys were shouting out like 7, 4, 6. And they didn't really understand what was going on with these three numbers. and then they realized the guys were giving them, like, rating, not even just for their whole selves, but they were separating out their heads, their breasts and their bums.

And these girls got so angry, and they'd found everyday sexism on Tumblr. And they asked me to come in and talk, and I thought they won't want anyone to know who I am, because quite often it's like the one girl in the school who asks you to come in and then really doesn't want anyone to know because she gets such backlash for being a feminist. But these girls, there were like seven of them,

and they were sitting in the front row with her arms linked, and they'd made T-shirts and they gave one to me. And the T-shirts said, I want to live in a world where I'm judged by the content of my character and not the pieces of my body. And it was amazing. And I did the talk and at the end, when I left, they had this, like, pledge against sexual harassment. They were getting all the boys to sign it as they left. And when I got home that night and I took the T-shirt on the back of the T-shirt,

when I took it off that night, it said, anyway, I am 10 out of 10. And it was just like the best thing ever. I was out with my mom a couple of years ago, wearing a seat. super cute play suit. We got the bus home, but I was absolutely desperate for a wee. And the play suit had a zip, tie and tiny button at the back, which made needing a quick exit for going to the toilet virtually impossible. So as we got off the bus and walked the short distance up the road to our house, I asked my mum to undo the fiddly button so I could rush in and go to the toilet and only have to deal with the zip and tie. Only she misunderstood and undid the whole

thing. What happened next was like a cartoon. I dropped my phone and so bent to pick down, bent down to pick it up. At that point, my play suit fell down around my ankles and in the puddle of fabric, my mum did the loudest sneeze ever, which made me jump. And that was a drop in the ocean of my bladder that broke the dam. I stood there in the street wearing only nine knickers and a two-size small, two bra, weeing the biggest wee of my life. She just said at the end, the only consolation was that my mum found it so funny, she also wet herself. Turns out pelvic floor is something we both need to work on. And then speaking of iconic mums, I think I had one more for you. Machine gun, is that me? I love it. Sorry,

then you can have a break. I slept with my new boyfriend who took me back to his home, which was basically in Renault mode. There was no furniture or lights. So we were getting intimate together on the living room floor. I had a pad in my pants, but didn't want him to feel it. So I slipped it out and placed it in what I thought drunkenly was a bin. I had told him the next morning already horrified at what I'd done to empty the bin. He told me he didn't have a bin. I had put my dirty pad in his toolbox. I lived miles away and had already started making the journey home. So I had to send my mom and auntie to his house to get my pad out of his toolbox for me because I was so embarrassed.

wait, she sent her mum and her auntie to go and get her dirty pad out of this man's toolbox so what? They just turned up and knocked on this guy's door yes, how amazing I know possibly more embarrassing about actually being there in the first place

arguably yeah oh my god yeah mum go meet the guy I'm sleeping with are my auntie yeah yeah I didn't even think about that I think that's more embarrassing yeah I want to know how that phone call went so badly I don't know I'm going to regret telling you this is a really bad thing that I did

It's Wii related as well And I'm actually really fucking embarrassed And it takes a lot for me to be embarrassed So having a weed the other day And I was in a real rush And I thought I need to save time Like I had loads

I think I needed to have a shower or something And I was in a rush I was having a wee And I was like I'll just take my shoes off While I'm having away But then because of my face I can't bend down at the moment Because my face is all fucked up

So I had to bring my leg To me, my foot to me To take my shoe Did you squirt pee? So I lifted my leg up. Oh, my God. It's worse to stay out of the house. But yeah, I lifted my leg up.

Obviously. Just weaned with the bathroom. Oh, my God, I was crying. And I had to happen. I'm like, what the fuck? It's like literally like less than a second of like, I was like, Ah!

Please, can we get, like, a reenactment post for the Instagram. People need to see this. As I was doing it, I was like, this is stupid. And then, and I've got the sink just in front of the lips. I just like, we know the sink.

But my head down, I was like, oh God. And then that would have been one of the things that I quietly took to my grave. But I've started a podcast, so obviously I had to tell. the story. That is epic. That's my favourite awkward.

Definitely one of the ones that should have just stayed in your head. I can't even told you that. So yeah, I pissed all over my bathroom wall. But Alex, this has to end. This has to, oh my God, we're running out of time. In 10 minutes, our guest is arriving. I'm really nervous.

Let me just wipe my tears. I'm really nervous. I'm prepared to tell you. Are you ready? I hate the unknown. I'm scared. Like, I feel like I'm shaking. Okay, Alex.

Are you ready to find out who's coming on the podcast? Yeah. Today, coming onto the podcast. Yeah. It's somebody called Bonita Norris, who holds the world record for being the youngest woman. Youngest woman on the cross. I'm everest.

Hans Keating to the North Pole. Fuck off! Fuck off! Are you excited? I know her. Fuck on, do you know. What do you mean? You know her?

I don't actually know her, but I know who she is. I know who she is. Daisy. She knows who she is. She was 20 when she climbed Everest. She was 22. She was 20 when she did her first 8,000 peak. Oh my God.

I've read her book. Don't worry. I've done those of research. Oh, my God. You've already done the research. Oh, my God. You know everything you do to me. I've got so much to ask her.

I've said today so many times, I would love to meet someone who's climbed Everest. Oh, my God, I feel like I'm going to cry. Hey! I know. I've listened to a podcast with her. Oh, my God, have you? And I've got to help the podcast with her. Yes, I swear. I remember.

Here's a book. She fell down on the descent. She fell on the descent. She did. She fell on the descent. I've got some rock. No. Yeah. Oh my God. So this is a piece of rock from as close as to the top as we could get

because there's actually no rock on the summit. Oh, my God. That's so cool. So this is rock from the Hillary step. But no, you take your photos. Some people take snow from the summit. And, like, I think Bear Grills took snow water from the summit and kept it and christened his children with it. Which is such a lovely idea. Wow.

Didn't think of that at the time. That's really annoyed with myself and missing out on that. That's huge. So people do, some people do bury, I think one of my teammates buried, like a little trinket on the top. I didn't want to leave anything there because it's like, there's enough, like, stories about Trash on Everest as it is. Yeah. So I don't really want to, like, be burying all of my stupid. his shit on the top. Did you see the curvature of the earth? Did you have that full circle

moment? Well, we did at the sunrise. We were just about to climb the Hillary step and the sun first like over Tibet and rose because we climbed through the night to get to the summit for just after sunrise so that we'd have all that daylight to get back down again because we all know like getting down the dark, the dangerous bit so you need to have daylight. So we climbed up in the dark and then the sun came up over the, when we were on the Hillary step, which is like this famous rock wall. It's the last kind of gateway to Everest summit really. It's really dangerous, really steep. And I was just about to start that and I was quite nervous and then the sun just like burst over beneath us. Like you're looking down on the sunrise and all of

the mountains around just turn this like luminous pink and it's the most amazing colours and I remember like the snow around my feet turning pink and just like this fiery colours and then feeling all the warmth on my cheeks and that was amazing and then you can see the curvature of the earth kind of illuminated by that and on the other side of the mountain you could turn around and it was still dark and you can see like incredible stars and then sort of splitting night and day and half was this pristine white or pristine like beautiful pink fiery summit so it was it was beautiful but yeah it was I mean the curvature of the earth in some ways was like gorgeous to see and very emotional but climbing through the dark we were looking down on

on thunderstorms thousands of meters beneath us you like You're in the world of the gods up there. I can't compute that. I can't compute that because the rain's in the sky. How are you above the sky? Exactly. Did you climb through a cloud at all? Yeah, yeah.

We mean really low down. We would climb through clouds and so we were... Is that like base camp? Clouds. Yeah, yeah. Even lower than base camp, you can get clouds. But yeah, so we got that moment. But when we actually did get to the top,

we were in a cloud, total whiteout. Like there was no view at all. So that whole thing of wanting to get to the top and see. The curvature of the earth did not happen. And people are like, oh, does that disappoint you? And I'm like, well, look, you know, there's no certificate when you get to the top of Everest. There's no gold medal. There's nothing.

There is no view even sometimes. But you don't care about that because you are there with this group of people who you started the trip as strangers. And by the end of it, your like family standing on top of this mountain. And just to like be there with them, that was the best thing. And to know, as I said, that you've done it and that relief. So yeah, that was incredible. but you're there for 10 minutes and then it's like, oh shit

we've got to get back down. Yeah, because just thinking about like now I'm shitting myself thinking right one's summit and we've got to do the dissent and you don't have like it's harder, right? The dissent is harder because you're tired.

Yeah, it isn't. It's a lot easier because gravity's on your side now so we would literally run down the hill, the slopes that we would spend hours toiling our way up. Which is amazing. Yes, pretty much you'd like... My knees can't handle like that.

on the side of a bridge. When you're that desperate to get back to base camp and you're already in so much pain, like what's a knee? What's a break? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah. I won't even run for the bus

and you're running down, Everett. That's insane. By that point, you're so excited. Like, you've got to the top. You've got it in the bag. You just want to go to base camp. And I was aware as well, it's like dangerous up here.

Let's get back down. So we were, Lackpour and I were, we sort of didn't rush, but we were moving really quickly back down the mountain. overtaking loads of people that were sort of slumped over, exhausted. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? You know, everyone's got to get down.

We've got to get down. Like, all I'd heard is you need to get down as fast as you can. And I think I got a bit pissed off going down the peak because we were having to climb around so many people that were just sort of like chilling and slumped over. And so I was like, oh, God's sakes. And picked up this duff piece of rope, which I didn't realize. It wasn't a duff piece of rope, but it was trapped around a rock.

a boulder and when I picked it up and sort of launched myself over this edge it then this rope then came free and all of this slack came into the rope so what I was expecting you know as I pulled on it and like launched myself over the edge to come tight it didn't come tight it just kept going and so then I'm suddenly falling and there's you know there's a thousand a meter drop one side I think there's like a two thousand meters drop the other side so you're not you know you've got to land on on the Hillary step still or you're going to die. And I did, thankfully, and I sort of bashed my back, my neck,

I sort of really slammed into this rock, thought I was fine, sort of stood up a bit shaken and carried on. And then it was about, I don't know, an hour later that I realized I can't move. I actually can't move. Yeah, I can't move anymore. Like my whole, my neck was in absolute agony, like my shoulder. I couldn't, every time I even tried to lift up my leg, I was getting like stabbing pains all up my spine and I just couldn't hardly move anymore and I remember saying to my to LACPA like I can't I can't do this and we just we were then like I was then that person slumped over and all the people that we had overtaken on the way down started to pass us and eventually like the last guy came past and I realized that it was getting dark

and the clouds had all come swelling in and he basically like this this this American guy, he gave me some paracetamol and was like, good luck. And suddenly we were up in the death zone on Everest, completely on our own. Paracetamol. It was getting dark. It's literally like, oh, I see that shark, right? Here's a plaster. Here's a jelly bean.

Well, at least he stopped. That's how I feel about it. Like, so many people just walked on. But, yeah, and then I just like, now, like, my God, we were literally in our own disaster movie. Like, I could not believe that it had gone from me achieving this dream. I was on top of the world and then it had all gone so wrong so fast

and Lackpa at that point when we were up there on her own he just grabbed me at the shoulders and I could see the fear in his eyes and he was like if we don't move we will die and that was like the kick up the ass I needed because I was like I cannot kill Lackpa I'm not going to be responsible for his death

and so I was just like we need to get down and and with his help and with my other teammate Rick who I didn't realize but he had realized that we were like far behind and so he waited and he helped as well and we got we got down but it could have you know if if it wasn't for lack of saying like giving me that shake and being like pull your shit together that's when I realized about the whole thing we said earlier like you just it doesn't matter how exhausted you are it doesn't matter how emotional you are

you cannot you cannot let that overcome you have to still be in control and yeah so we got we did get back down to camp at like 11 p.m. and we'd left our tent at 9 p.m. the night before, nine or 10 p.m. So I'd been out in the death lane for like 24 hours. And were you physically okay or like injured? What happened when you felt? So I don't know, basically. I never really got a diagnosis for what happened, but I just properly sort of bashed up my back, my shoulder. I didn't break any bones, but I think the pain felt like it might have been the trap, trap nerve, or something had happened. But the next morning when we woke up,

this other guy gave me, like, he just, I just remember him pouring this, like, concoction of tablets into my hand. They're all different colors and shapes and sizes, and I just went, like, chuck them in. And then as I climbed down, the mountain was just, like, rippling and moving. And I was completely off.

And it was the only thing that got me down, like, basically, because the pain, as soon as they wore off, I was in absolutely agony, it could barely move again. But, yeah, I had to climb down on my own. I guess you can't check if you're bruised. Like, you can't, it's not, you can be like, oh, can someone look at my arm? Because it's cold.

You can't take your arm. Yeah, I mean, I was, I did have a little bit of bruising, but it wasn't, I think there was something that had, like, I had caught, like, there was a trap nerve or something had, like, gotten, I don't know, yeah. Nicked inside my skeleton, it was just, yeah. That's so scary. Was everybody else on your trip, okay?

They were. I mean, they, because they were out so late with me, you know, some of them got a bit of frost-knip, frost bite on their, on their fingers, like nobody got any sort of issues, but when we got back to base camp, there was this huge party, obviously, and the base camp cook, he like made a cake. How the fuck do you make a cake at five and a half thousand meters at every space? I don't know, but he'd managed to make this cake. And I just was there like, oh my God, I really don't feel like I can even be a part of this celebration. And then after that, Rick took off his gloves and he had frostbitten fingers

from helping me and I just it was like the worst thing in the world I was like I can't believe I've given you fucking frostbite I can't

I can't believe like I felt terrible and from there I just left Everest and I just felt like completely broken I was just like I put my teammates at risk

I could have killed LACPur you know I gave Rick Frostbite it was just all just felt like the biggest failure that you could possibly imagine and I don't

when I look back now I can see, you know, that there's loads of people all the time that have disasters on Everest or not even on Everest, but they fall and they need help. And I've helped people that have needed it as well, and I've never regretted helping them. But when you are, like, I was sort of 22, doing this by myself, didn't really have anyone to kind of talk me through it all, I just felt really guilty and got back home to this, like, massive media frenzy being in all the, like, I'm so glad that social media didn't really exist but like front page of every newspaper and on the news and people at the airport taking

photos of me and privately dealing with this feeling of like massive failure but being like branded this huge success at the same time and then going on to being like highly sexualized by the media and like I listened to your podcast about with Jamil Jamil about like building women up and then tearing them down that totally happened to me as well really and having to have this very public, suddenly, no one, you know, you're working for all these years towards, no one gives a shit, you know, I couldn't get anyone to pay attention to me, I couldn't get anyone to give me any sponsorship, no one wanted to know me because I was a nobody. And you come back from Everest, really needing time to go and heal and like figure out what happened. And suddenly I was

just everyone else's property and it was, it was really weird to deal with, which I'm only as like a 30 year old woman, like starting to realize like how fucked up that was, you know, at the time but um yeah basically a woman can only maintain good behavior for a year and a half and it's probably her fault that must have been my like internal misogyny and so when i became famous as i'm sure lots of different people who end up in this ridiculous scenario do they think well i'll do it differently i'll be better than those than those women before me and then you get into it and you're like oh no fuck the the system is rigged uh the game is rigged and so it's a very very very precise machine where basically they pluck someone who they can see is garnering some kind of

attention for whatever reason they stick out it might be the way that they look or their background or whatever project they're in they pick that person they elevate them above everyone else and then they start to hyperboise how amazing they are all the time constantly just over-egging like saying that she's more beautiful than she is or she's smarter than she is or she's more talented or more stylish and everything becomes very hyperbolic in the descriptions around them and they start to really overexpose this person and so suddenly all you're seeing is this person everywhere all the fucking time and as the reader you're like Jesus Christ how much press is this woman doing like why is she in the headlines and often those aren't interviews that we're giving

there might be a tweet reply that we've given to someone else or something that's literally just been pulled out of the reporter's ass and they've just used the term source with you know with the quotes around it and they make up all kinds of shit about us and so it seems like we are just constantly promoting ourselves constantly putting ourselves out there we are self-obsessed they start to take these hyperbolic headlines

about us like saying how amazing we are and put these kind of slightly smugged looking smiling photographs of us as if we are agreeing with the headline that we have never consented to and by this point the audience is so fucking and the readers and the public are so sick of us they're like Jesus Christ this woman is relentless that then we are in a prime position to be ripped to pieces and then in comes the minor mistake

or the misunderstanding or the complete smear and lie about us and it travels like wildfire because our name has become very current and very relevant and also everyone's ready to get rid of this bitch I would be fucking sick of me I was sick of the sight of my own face from what I saw, you know, the amount I saw of myself, and I couldn't understand it. Like, my publicists weren't even on my retainer. Like, I didn't even have anyone putting anything out there about me, and yet I was constantly in the headlines. It was insane.

And so then the fall comes, and it is spectacular, because since the beginning of time, since Adam and Eve, there is something about our society that loves a disgraced woman, loves the theatre of a disgraced fallen woman, of the fallen angel. And then we tear to pieces. She either kills herself, wants to kill herself, or just cancels herself and makes herself disappear

because women are told from birth to be liked and the most important thing is to be liked and approved of and believed. And if that goes away, your worth is diminished and therefore you should extract yourself from society because you have failed them. We do not have that. We only have redemption stories for men.

I always say that, you know, we don't give women the benefit of the doubt because we've spent it all on men. We have no benefit of the doubt left for women because we've given it all to men. And so once this woman is destroyed and has removed ourselves, boom, we just move on to the next target.

And I think the pattern was harder to see back in the day because it was kind of, you know, we'd had less celebrities. It was just harder to become a celebrity. And so it would happen once every five years, so it would be Jane Fonda and then Princess Diana or Marilyn Monroe. And so these were kind of like spaced out by five years. But now that you've got a celebrity a fucking second,

It's happening every single week. And so it's out of control. And now we're starting to see the pattern really clearly. And now I've lived the pattern. Now it's crystal clear to me and I understand what every woman's gone through. And now I'm just determined to use whatever's left of the last bits of success I have to warn everyone else that this is coming and to implore readers to not believe everything you read, especially about women in the media.

And to know that our interviews are taken completely out of context. they reconstruct sentences out of entire paragraphs we say everything you see is twisted and gnarled through the lenge of misogyny. So you say like that you could see, you know, you've kind of seen it since you were a child. But they did use this on you. Yeah.

Like I wonder, were you able to clearly see what was happening? It'd be like, this is happening. Or is it something that came to you later? And if it was happening kind of before you could really put your finger on it, how did it make you feel? Was it just like horrifically isolating or, you know, did it affect your mental health before you could recognise it as a them problem rather than a you problem? I became a public figure twice. So I had a bit of warning from what happened to me at 26 when the sort of British media turned on me because I'd gained weight back in the day when I joined Radio 1. So I knew, I knew what that felt like, but to a much smaller degree because the UK so small compared to US news, which becomes global very fast. So I was kind of prepared when I got to America and when the hyperbole train was starting

and everyone was like, she's the feminist hero we need and I was like, I left school at 16, I don't know, fuck all. Like, please don't put this pressure on me. I'm a feminist in progress and they'd be like, no, she's Gandy. She's motherfucking Gandhi. I knew I was fucked. Everyone like, you know, like in 2019, I was on the cover of Vogue and in the same month I was being named one of Time Magazine's

25 most influential people next to fucking like Harry and Megan and Donald Trump. and Ariana Grande and I was just like me off of T4 and Radio One. It happened so fast and I knew it was like that is that feeling at the top of like an Alton Towers ride where they just keep you at the top for a second and you're just like oh my God just drop, just drop just please just let it be over with like I just I know what's coming and that's what that whole of 2019 felt like so when 2020 hit I wasn't super surprised but I didn't know how disgusting it would be and I didn't know how much women would

enjoy taking me to pieces. That was insane. It wasn't men. I thought it would be men. It was almost entirely women. Why do you think that women then are the ones that take most pleasure in that and seeing other women being, you know, being torn down or taken down a peg? Well, I think because we're pitted against each other from the minute we can understand. We're told there can only be one and we're told to compete with each other and we're told that a one woman's achievements or one woman being special on the limelight means that we can't have that and that's not fucking true that's just a scarcity mindset put into us by men there's so many fucking men who look the same they do the same shit they sound the same they act the same they sing the same dress the same and and we seem to just

have endless space for all of them but there can only be this one woman so i think i think we have a and we i think we also just have a natural distrust of women because of how everything has been set up that way women are placed throughout biblical text throughout literature throughout film as the inconvenience for a man, the one who manipulated, the one who lied, the one who beguiled a man and then led him astray. It's just constant programming of like, I don't trust her. We don't trust women and we don't trust a woman who seems to be good or trying to do the right thing. We're like, what's her angle here?

Like there must be an angle. And I think that's just training and I know I've had it. Fucking hell, I was a massive misogynist until I was like, 27. which is really old but you know it was a different time and so you know it's just we're all figuring out

but also you know we just got to be trained to see the signs once you can see the signs you see them everywhere look at Megan Markle pregnant pregnant and we're our country ripped her to pieces

Taylor Swift her documentary so illuminating about the fact that you are really as a woman only allowed about a year at best of grace before your time is up Jennifer Lawrence, Anne Hathaway. Like, just the list just goes like,

Kira fucking Knightley. Yeah, that's actually a really good point, isn't it? Because not many women are forgiven for... No, men happen all the time. Men get given the GQ redemptive article. Like, like, I mean, Shia LaBuff is working right now. I just saw a picture of him on set filming. What the fuck?

Are you kidding me? Emil Hirsch working. Amil Hirsch, working. Amil Hirsch strangled my friend in front of hundreds of people. and got like put in prison for it and is still working with a list celebrities like we women wouldn't be allowed to do this shit if a woman smiles the wrong way and hathaway just pre-prepared her fucking oscar speech who isn't pre-preparing their fucking oscar speech right of course like you know and and she got destroyed for it and had to like withdraw from society

was I pre-prepared an oscar speech and I'm never going to win an oscar it's just something that you've all got to do right I mean just like but when men fuck up We do the like redemptive article in GQ or whatever, or Esquire. And we, you know, he talks about his difficult childhood and how he had like a difficult dad and like how he's been to rehab and he's working on himself.

And we're like, oh, what a brave self-reflective king. We love him. Like it's so sexy the way that he can look into. Women don't even get that chance. Women don't get the comeback. No.

We're just allowed to maybe creep back into society. We all need to work together. Yeah. Because right now, I'm not going to lie. It's looking a little more Gilead, I think, than anyone ever expected it.

Yeah, it's not looking good. Margaret Atwood, she really was the mystic meg of the literary world. And now she's out. Like she's dead. Sorry, that's really bad way of saying she's out. But like, now she's died. I'm like, oh my God, you can't leave us, Margaret. Like, you saw this coming.

How do you fix it? Like, you literally docted all of them. Yeah, now she's died. I'm like, oh my God, no. You can't just go. She wrote Hamer's Tell when everyone read it and went, oh, that's some dystopian world. And then suddenly we're in the pandemic.

You know, you've got women going back to sort of 1950s, taking on all the caring response. of booties stepping back from their careers going, Margaret, Margaret, you've written the road map, what the flip is happening? Abortion is now illegal. They're like, oh my God, fuck. Fuck. And she's gone.

It's just like, oh, she's just bullshit. If I could come back, come back. Come back. What man? What man? I know what you're going to say. You'd come back as a man. I'd come back as a man. What do you mean what man? What man would you come back as? Like a specific man. Pick a man, any man, yeah. I come back as Dave because he's got such a winner

of a wife. Alex is Dave and Alex is Alex. Who would I come back as? I don't know. That's the thing. I just think like just, I just, well, there are certain things I would like to have if I came back as a man.

Make up? No. Oh. Hair. I think this is something, three things that men struggle with, right? Yeah. Hair, height, dick size.

Okay, yeah. So I'd like to be a tall, with good hair. Full head of hair and a big, dick and then i'd like i'd like to come back as that man she can come back as pittes brosnum but he's got a massive dick i'd be so sad if it doesn't yeah i don't think so what i don't know i can see it i don't know he's a tremendous lover do you agree agree i love him so much you could come back as robbie williams no no what probably not i just i'm thinking of all the people that i can think of

with big dick energy. This is, you can't give me this question. It's way too vague. I can't just pick any single man in the entire world. I'd want to be someone not famous though. I don't want to be a famous man. I'd want to be a non-famous man. Yeah.

I saw a guy on the tube this morning and I thought that looks like, he looks like he's got a good life. Like sick, like smart, like really, like well-cut suit, basically. Like an expensive suit with nice shoes and he smelled nice but not too nice. and he just looked, he was married, I'm guessing he had kids because he looked a bit tired. And he was just, he just looked.

I was like, that looks nice. Jen's got an idea. There's a cab driver that Alex didn't stop talking about for a few days. That is random. Jen suggested, would you want to be a Cypriam man? Oh my God, he got, he, I forgot about him, actually. So he picked us up from the airport, Dave and I. And he was like this six foot five, half Russian, half Cypriot.

he had curly hair like beautiful curly hair like absolutely stunning I was like this the whole journey and Dave was just looking at me like is this a joke are you joking and I was like oh my god and also like Dave hates this because I get I get very deep with people very quickly and they tell me things very quickly I think I take after my mum in that sense we ask a lot of questions and we're very interested in other people's lives so they tell us stuff like quite quickly so in like five minutes he was telling me about his divorce and like how and I was like so he waiting now like how's it going the new girl what's she like what's going on and Dave's just looking me like what is the new girl like he's not serious not going

anywhere interesting Alex books a flight back to Cyprus literally Dave run out of holiday days how convenient Dave just looked like just weary just like I can't do this you wouldn't want to come back as him you'd want to come back as his lover you're like 26 year old myself Dave was like I can't compete this no hell no it's sad to even try Dave just give up yeah yeah let it go walk away you know where the battle's lost well remembered though Jen he does sound fishy he does yeah do you think Pierce Brosman's on Instagram do you think you follow me probably not I doubt it no offense let me have a look Pierce Brosman official yes verified baby put up a photo of Robbie Coltrane

five days ago so it's definitely him oh my god the last photo that he put up loaded he is wearing maybe he's gay a very like he looks He's got a wife, doesn't he? Yeah. And he looks gorge in that pink suit. Yeah, he looks really good. Who are you talking about? He looks.

He looks... A man comfortable with his sexuality idea. Pierce Brosnan. That's true. A metrosexual man. Why is everyone ignoring me? Who told him? Piers Blosson.

Fuck, he's so fit. Has he blocked me? I can't see him. You're spelling it Pierce like Pierce, like Pierce my ears. Oh. Pierce my heart. Pierce my vagina. Yeah, no.

It's okay. It's okay, everyone. He hasn't blocked me. That's fine. Oh, God. Fuck, I mean, what a dish. Look at that. Are you kidding me? Look at that. Sorry, no. Do you know who I really, really fancy, Steve Carell? Steve Carell! Like, what? Have you seen him in recent years, though?

Yes, he gives me the Willys. He's in the morning show. He is hot, no? No, that is hot. We want very different things out of the moon. Look at that. Look at that. I miss my Walkman, you know. I miss batteries, actually. There's plenty of stuff still needs batteries.

Yeah, like this podcast thing I'm recording on right now. And I like it. I enjoy it. I think it's... Yeah, I find it very, yeah, satisfying and reliable. Don't trust... Anyway, we're just talking shit. There's something wrong in the planet. No, no, actually, you know what?

There's something wrong with it. No, I can't even say it. No, no. Don't even put my interruption in. Don't even let me talk the shit. I think... Let's skip all of that last bit. um my battery shit as well um miss batteries christ i'm me saying that about the walkroom

oh my god yeah when i started in the industry i fell into spray tanning somebody said i think you'd be really good at spray tanning and i was like oh god i don't know and then i actually fell in love with it because every day somebody was getting naked in front of me but at the time i just was literally self-deprecating at home like really hating every single inch of my body measuring my jeans, constantly weighing myself like twice a day just to make sure the number on the scales were going down. It was a numbers game. And then being exposed to all the nudity,

whether it was Victoria's Secret models, runway models, celebrities, or people who weren't in the public eye, the same thing came across, I'm sorry for, insert body part. And it slowly dawned on me that actually it's not me that's the problem. there's a national epidemic of people hating their bodies and that's not that at the time was not talked about and actually I really think spray tanning saved my body confidence I think being exposed to so much nudity made me think

oh everyone's got a little bump that they don't like everyone's got a lump somewhere everyone's got something that knocks their confidence off and actually it was more rare for someone not to apologize I'd remember that more and then I really really really realized that when a client left the spray tan booth, I actually never remembered any part of their body, whereas I always thought people would talk about my body. I thought people would say, hasn't he got thin legs? Isn't his arms thin? Have you seen how fat he's got? That was the

dialogue in my head. And then I realized, well, I'm not thinking that about anyone else. So chances are other people aren't. People are just so wrapped up in their own stuff. So yeah, that's kind of it in a nutshell, really. We can unpack it more and more. But that's, what led me to that's what kick started my body confidence journey and I think that journey only started like four years ago and the dialogue still goes in my head I don't think there is a peak of body confidence that you reach was it a big like financial incentive to do these ads do you think because obviously you said the products worked for you as well so like because I don't know sometimes I don't know is it was it like a like oh fuck I don't really want to do it but

I will because I need the money or was it like no it's fine. fine, you know what I mean? Towards the end, like the third time, I would say yes, because it's oh my God, you've got your manager there saying, well, you could be paid X amount of money for this one post. And you're thinking, well, I've tried the products. The products work for me. I don't know what people's issue is. Obviously, people's issue was the fact that they were more educated than me. And I didn't know what the hell I was talking about. But at the time, you just think it can't be that bad if it works for me. How can it possibly be that bad? So then you do it and you think the money is a huge factor.

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. I mean, it's, it's such a big chunk of money to turn down. And it's such a thing that, you know, you probably, you'd grow into your integrity and your morals and your values. Yeah, you do. And you've got to grow them as well. Yeah, and you start to realise what actually is important. But it was that one line for me, really,

would you want your daughter buying into something like this? And that was the thing that really switched it for me. So that was a pivotal kind of moment. Like a pivotal moment in my diet culture career. Love that. Love that. But I think it's a really interesting thing as well, because people assume when you've got a big following

and your big, like, celeb and everyone knows who you are, but you are going to just be, like, fucking rolling in it. And it's a bit, like, I guess it's funny on Instagram because, like, we'll look at, Kim Kardashian has done those slimming things and appetite suppressants and whatever. And obviously you look at Kim Kay and you're like, oh, you dick. Like, you don't need the money. Like, that's just annoying.

But then I think we do probably look at that. And then we look at everybody and we kind of tar it with the same brush. And we just think, oh, you don't need the money, you're just doing it because of whatever. And actually, you know, that's the, like, the facade of Instagram, isn't it? And celebrity that you just think everything's rosy? Yeah. You think

everyone on TV is rich. That's just a natural, it's just a natural thought that you have. I thought everyone on TV was rich before I got on TV and realised, oh God, most people are actually skinned. Most people have got no money and it's really difficult and when I even look at like the New Love Islanders and stuff, it terrifies me

because they are going to be earning their max probably in that first six months and then it's only going to decline. We were quite lucky. that actually when we started off, we all had no money. And then it very slowly built gradually upwards. And I think that really helped us. We didn't get overnight fame.

We didn't get, well, we did, but not for the right reasons. We didn't get overnight riches. A lot of us didn't have a lot of money. We didn't get paid for Jodie Shaw until series three. Can you leave that? No way. I swear to God. I was like, are you serious?

Not a penny? Oh, babe, we got paid in Yeager bombs and kebabs. And we thought we were living the bloody dream. Oh, my God. I feel like I haven't spoken to you in ages. I know we had a meeting together yesterday, but I was really rude to you. And then we went for our separate days,

and that was kind of that. Yeah, I just sliked off your outfit. But otherwise, I've not seen you, I've not heard from you. And I've missed you loads. So I'm happy. I'm just happy to be here. I'm happy to have you in my presence. It's all good.

Yeah, you did slag me off. We'll get to that, actually. That might feature in today's episode. I'm sorry. The postman. Is it the postman that's here? You love a postman? You love a postman. I do. Maybe this is a good time, actually, to go into my awkward. Okay, go into it. I'm, and it's my fault, and I'm sorry, and I love you. And you're so pretty, and you're so good at getting dressed, and I just love you. No, it's too late, M, it's too late. So, as we've been talking about on the podcast, dressing summary, and I was like,

Oh my God, today's the day, right? I'm going into town and I'm going to dress summary. And I checked the weather and it said 23 degrees and I remember you saying that 23 meant no jacket, right? So I was like, I'm not going to wear a jacket for once. I'm going to wear a white linen skirt, which is really pretty, like I had a frill at the bottom, a little black body suit. And I was like over, rather than a denim jacket, which I wear all the time,

I'm going to wear this little blue short sleeve shirt that I've got and like wear it open. cute anyway mistake because as soon as I left the house it was fucking raining but I was too late to go around and change so I was like oh my god I try and do something nice so

I get into town and we go to this meeting and we're halfway through the meeting and I'm just it's like staring at my shirt like staring at it and like what she says you look like a postman in the summer because It's the royal male, it's the royal male summer uniform is a short sleeve blue shirt.

And I didn't, I didn't mean like you look like the postman because your outfit was so pretty and you look so nice and I was so proud of you. So, well, I saw you walking down the street looking so summery. I was like, oh my God. It was like boring with rain. I was like, who is that? She's totally fucked it, but she looks great. And I loved your outfit. But you know when you're staring at something and it really reminds you of something.

And I was looking at that shirt. And I was like, where do I know that shirt from? And then I realized that it's the guy at the sorting office wears it every day. Because they wear the pale blue shirt. And if you Google it, we found it. It's a pale blue shirt with the little red royal male sticker on it. Literally. So it wasn't like you just look terrible.

It was just that shirt just triggered a response in me a memory. so my awkward oh my god it's just it was so it was so weird and again such a small moment but it felt horrifically embarrassing i um we're taking betty one day a week to a new daycare where we live which she loves um and we i was dropped off there for a little taster session just to make sure that she was okay and that she liked it um so dropped her off when i was chatting to the girl there who runs the place and it was outside and it was really sunny so i had my sunglasses on right and these sunglasses I've had for ages but they're so sturdy they're key ones that's how you say it right Q-U-A-Y key key Australia love them so sturdy I've had them forever and they just live in my

bag like without a case on or anything because they're that sturdy and I was talking to this woman and I think I went to touch my hair I don't know what happened but the one of the lenses just fell out just one just one of the lenses just popped out, fell out, and I'm looking at this woman through one lens and one open, completely open glasses, she's just got my eye and then, and I was, and it just took me a second and we're just looking at each other and I was like, oh God, oh, God, sorry. I was just horrifying. It just felt really, really horrifying. I was like, oh, I understand. Do you know what I mean? I'm just staring at this woman with one eye. Oh, so weird.

Oh, okay, I understand. Oh, why it's being human? So embarrassing. So embarrassing. She will never think again about that moment. It's absolutely no biggie for her. But for you, it's going to come back to you in your dreams. Literally, it wakes me up in the night.

Anyway, because M's grown up with dogs and I haven't, so she immediately put me at ease by listing all the things that her dogs have eaten, well, consumed in the past. And I want to read it out to you because it, made me laugh so much. I just need to reiterate before she starts, we didn't feed these things to the dog. This is 27 years worth of hunting on about 10 dogs behalf. This is not all one dog, although the vast majority was by our dodger who died a year ago today. Not because of any of these things at the ripe old age of nearly 15. He got to 15 on this diet. So, here you go. Okay,

let me read them out. Um, Bua ate like six earplugs. when we first got her. Dodger and Echo drank the equivalent of a bottle of vodka. Digger ate rat poison. Whoopi ate a B. Dodger ate a Christmas cake a year for like four years. Dodger ate every chocolate decoration off the tree. Digger ate five Advent calendars. Didier ate the birth control bills.

Bisto ate my advent calendar this year. Bisto eats his own shit. Digger once ate a whole Frankfurta sausage without chewing it. I actually saked it back off as well and it didn't have any bite marks in it. Dicker was a fucking legend. It must have literally, like, inhaled it. Literally, she was, like, we just called her, like, the canine dust bin because she would, like, be like, all the food would just go in.

That's so funny. I can't believe it came out with a little by-mark. I know. But when you were, like, a paracetamil, I was like, oh, you'll be fine. Yeah, you were like, chill out. Do you know what I mean? Like, what if you just want to go to, like, look or, like, watch and stuff? And then is there a way of being, like, don't touch me?

Or is it, is there a lot of like, people are really... Don't touch me. Don't touch me. But no, that's perfectly acceptable. Is it? Honestly, you will be more respected than you have ever been in any club at a sex party. I was going to say, people are on it with a lot of consent. And there's always moderators walking around and people that are aware of boundaries and consent.

You know, like before you go to these sex parties that sometimes you get grilled for it, you know, they're asking you questions. they're vetting you beforehand. Yeah, I think with Crossbreed, they ask you like a whole list of questions to make sure you're someone that's not going to just go in and, you know, take advantage of people without talking to them first. And they have moderators that walk around

and they, you know, that look out for awkward situations because it can happen. But if you want to go and you want to do something with someone, you just ask. You have a conversation with them and that's very normalized. When I was at the hedonism one, a couple of times people came up to me, asked me if I wanted to play and as soon as I said no like I'm in a relationship and I'm not I'm just

watching basically they were like oh that's totally cool and you know invited me they were like if you change your mind just let us know but like absolutely no pressure we can just hang out and have a good time yeah the respect levels the respect is amazing like I've never met anyone as nice as people at sex parties yeah they're so amazing okay I just have questions questions about sex parties now. Like, do you just like, because in my head, it's like, you just walk in and there's just,

you guys watch boys, yeah. Yes, the boys. Yes, okay. In my head and it's like, you're all just like everywhere. Is it like that? That can happen, but that normally happens after about midnight to one.

Okay, so you go in and it's just like a normal club night. You know, you go in, people look amazing because they've really put the effort in. There's music playing, people are having a drink, A lot of people are chatting. Maybe a couple of people have started. You might hear some like spanks in the distance. Some will be a couple of people walking around,

maybe topless or a bit naked. But it's normally as the night goes on, then it can turn into that kind of scene. But that was like magnified. Okay. I have seen those scenes before. Yeah. Especially at hedonism.

I mean, you were part of a 12 person orgy there. 12 person. 12 person. Yeah. How's that even worse. It's crazy. What do you forehand? I know.

Two hands. Oh my God, I wish I had four hands. That would just make life so much easier. I meant like four receptacles. Like two hands, a mouth and you're five. Yeah, five. Yeah, you're right. You're still the seven people I'm accounted for.

What are you doing with your leg? I don't know. I mean, footplay, yeah. Thank you. Give someone a foot job. What have you done? My awkward. What have you done?

Okay, I have two concerns. Number one, I'm worried that I have just completely, like, over-egged this, and you'll be like, oh, it's not a lot bad. But number two, Dave was like, are you sure you want to tell that story? And I was like, oh, do you, what? Do you think he was just like, it's quite, I don't know, it's quite a lot, isn't it? And I was like, oh, my God, what is it? But I mean, look, I only have a shred of dignity left after this entire year of the podcast, so. I'm ready.

No, I'm not, I'm not ready. I'm sweating. Hang on, I'm excited. Okay. Okay. I've got like sweaty excitement. Okay. No, don't be excited. Don't be excited. Imagine it's going to be shit, okay? That you're really good at backing yourself and telling us. I'd like to see you on Dragon's Den. Honestly, imagine you're walking in and then just being like, look, guys, imagine it's shit.

You don't want to back this. Okay. Imagine you've got no money, okay? Because when I tell you this, like, pretend you haven't got any money at all. And like, you've just got nothing for me. Okay. So this is completely pointless and wasting everyone's time. Okay. Now I'm going to do my pitch. Right. That is normally the angle I like to take, right? I like to set low expectations. but I've said that this is the most awkward I've ever had. Just tell us, Al. Just tell us.

You know how I've been worried about my pelvic floor? I've said it on here. I'm worried because I keep coughing and like we is threatening to come out, right? And sometimes a little bit does come out. And it's weird. Like I haven't had a baby. Like why have I got a weird? Like why is my pelvic floor like failing me?

So you said, actually I think a few people have said like don't we in the shower? Don't we standing up? yeah yeah yeah number one don't we in the shower because like running water makes like I don't know something about you shouldn't we with running water yeah and then you'll need to wee every time you hear running water yeah and also don't stand up while you wee it's bad for you so before I go into the shower every morning I've been making a point of sitting on the loo and just making sure that I wait just like trying my best to get something out even if it's not coming I'm like I'm gonna stay there and also been like pushing my bladder which I don't know if it's

necessarily like a healthy thing to do. So if anyone's got any info on that, do tell. I was in a rush one morning, so I jumped straight into the shower, right? And suddenly I was like, oh no, I need a wee. I really, really, really need a wee. But like, I was like, I don't have time. I'm in a rush. I don't have time to get out, dry myself, go to the toilet and come back. So just pee in the shower. It's fine. And I was like, do you know what, though? I am going to squat the shower because I shouldn't be standing up, I'm going to squat. So I took my position, right? And I didn't just like bend, like I full on squatted.

Like my bum's almost on the floor. Like, you know, like how frogs sit, right? Yeah. It's stunning, isn't it? Yeah. I start peeing. And at that moment, the door opens and Dave walks in. And then he goes, are you doing a poo?

And I was like, no! No, no, no, no. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm like, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, I'm not doing a poo. And he was like, I can just hear him like, like shouting, but like, oh, oh, oh. So I rushed through everything, I went out and I was like, no, no, no, no, I promised I wasn't doing a poo. I was like, listen, Dave, I'm worried about my pelvic floor and they say you shouldn't pee in the shower, you shouldn't pee standing up. So that's why I was squatting and he was like, oh my God. I just can't.

He's like, it's burned into his brain forever. Are you doing? I mean, that's what it looks like. Imagine me just like full on squatting, naked in the shower, peeing. There's a name, right? There's a name. What's it called when you step your poo into the shower plug? There's a name.

A waffle stumped. A waffle stomp. If you poo in the shower, because apparently that's the thing, to make it go down the plug hole, you have to stomp on it. And it's called a waffle stomp. That is so disgusting. And I think it's because it's like a shower great, like a shower plug is quite often looks like a waffle, you know?

Oh my God, that is so disgusting. It's a thing. You could have been shitting in the shower and then waffle stomping it down. I could, well, there you go. I want to say something. romance like you like Dave is in no position to blame you for killing the romance in your relationship because we've all seen what he got you for Christmas so I feel like I know I know I feel like January in the light mealie household might be a good time for some couple therapy

I don't know send you on a little retreat to like relight the magic after the quaver's in the waffles tom every time every time we look him in the eye it's all I see like I'm like what did you see because like you know I couldn't really see me from my perspective I just know that it was bad but like he walked in and thought I was taking a shit in the shower you know it's imagine finding that out about your wife after a year and a bit of marriage what a perversion she likes shitting in the shuffle and no one's around and then waffle stomping it away oh my god it's so fun that's like your feet are so exfoliated and soft because it's all that all that stomping well I

keep getting scared this is the most selfish and first world thing I'm ever going to say so we might need to cut it because it will be the molly made 24 hours in a day caliber of common but every time i keep hearing well they keep saying that there's going to be like big power cuts across london with like the weather and energy cuts and everything and they keep being like we might have to just a power outs over the night and I'm like what if my wedding gate defrosts I'll be really sad if it's ruined be sad. I know. It's such a, it's so bad. Every time I have that thought, I'm like, bad, bad, bad thought. Bad thought. It's not important, but also, I really don't want to lose the cake. Anyway, so I was with my partner at the time for coming up four years this year, and we didn't

be getting engaged for two years, and we were due to have our wedding on the 16th of September. and then on the morning of my wedding after kind of getting all my makeup done I had complete confirmation at that point that he definitely wasn't coming because he was four hours away from where the venue was and we were due to get married in like an hour and a half

and so yeah I was left at the altar and rather than kind of going home and crying which I think was completely understandable if I did I still wanted to enjoy the day with my friends and family who had basically had people coming over from Ireland and Scotland

who wasn't, they weren't travelling an hour they were travelling like nine hours to come to a day to celebrate me and my partner at the time and I wanted to still enjoy the food, the music, the dancing and that's where I did so had a day of me celebrating self-love and with my friends and family

and this is like what is so cool because I think like this is the really really cool bit is that like I, I mean, this is a horrible situation for you to have been in like really, really horrendous. Like, you're getting married. This is a day that you've planned for a long time. You're getting married to someone that you love and that you've been and that you trusted, right? And, you know, all the money. And then for him to just literally up and leave on the day of the wedding. And for you to then carry on, like, I would be, I would have been an absolute wreck. You wouldn't have been able to like, I just wouldn't have been able to do it.

and I think it's so amazing. But, like, the fact that you just, like, carried on and continued and had what looked to be, I mean, I don't know how it was, like, behind the scenes, but what looked to be, like, a really great day surrounded by your friends and your family and you really did, like, enjoy, as you said, like the food and the drink and the dancing and just being around everyone. Did it feel like that? Or it was obviously not as rosy as that? There was like ups and downs. There was a lot of ups and downs, but there was a lot of like really pointed moments which I thoroughly enjoyed and I wish I could strangely go back and experience them again because I didn't appreciate them for what they were at the time if that makes sense. Like dancing with my dad and the fact that my dad actually danced with me was a miracle because he's very kind of like in his own. He's very kind of like he's not like an extrovert like myself. He kind of wants to sit back and let's everybody else do their thing. But the fact he danced with me,

was something I'm kind of always going to treasure but there was a lot of moment where I kind of had to go off and kind of like there was a bit of a safe space that I had where I would just go and cry and then the girls would kind of pick me back up again and I would get back out there and there was a point where the, I think it was like around 12 o'clock of the night and I think the tequila kind of like

where that was at its peak basically and then I just wanted to get my dress at that point and so my friend took me outside because all the bathrooms were all kind of thing because I was having a bit of like a bit of a panic attack she was a bit like so she undressed me like mid in front of everybody because she's like I don't care get it out of the dress and I got into my joggers and my shirt and then once I was out of the dress I carried on dancing then and I still enjoyed more tequila more vodka and yeah

and I danced the night away I'm so obsessed with you that's so cool but I didn't know about a silicon new brush because I'm going to get one because that's the game changer yeah we've got them here They're really good because, yes, the shit doesn't stick. So you use it and then you flush it, like, you know, you flush with the brush. So it just like gives it a little, yeah, and then it's just, yeah, stunning. How did no one think of that sooner? Well, I don't know when silicon was invented because I realised that plastic was only invented in the fucking 80s, which is insane to me.

No. Yes. Hey, Siri. When was plastic invented? Plastic was formed in 1907. S-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hry full-on putting you to shame. Did you know? Plastic was only invented like 20 years ago.

I meant it in the context of food packaging, and that was the 80s. Wait, hey, Siri, when did plastic start being used for food packaging? Okay, I found this on the web for when did plastic start being used for food packaging. Check it out. I don't want to talk about it, okay? I don't want to talk about it. I'm going. I'm going.

I'm going. I'm going. Bye. Bye. Because you know, plastic was only, like, invented in the 80s. Plastic was invented in 1907. Literally the 19th century nearly. Right.

That's it. I'm done. It's over. You're uninvited from there. I'm uninvited from the head. I'm embarrassed. I can't. I can't.

You're going to realise every fact I've told you over the last four months. Shit. Shit. Absolute bollocks. Oh no. I tell you what that was. You know, at the beginning of all those films, the Paramount films, when you were kidding, a lion, like that.

Your head moved in the same way. I don't like, who vibes, the way you were like, oh! That was fucking round. Please take that out. I'm so sorry. Staying in. These people have to know the working conditions. Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.