Should I Delete That? - The end of Should I Delete That

Episode Date: December 18, 2025

This is the last episode of Should I Delete That. We’re so sorry - and we’re really, really sad. As we approach the four year anniversary of the podcast, we have decided mutually that after having the most incredible time making this podcast with each other - now is the right time to stop. We know you might be disappointed to hear this news - so in this episode we tell you in complete honesty why we have decided to stop and we're also going to remember all the amazing times we have shared over the last few years.The Should I Delete That community means to much to us and we can’t thank you enough for being with us. We love you so much! We will be releasing a few “Best Of Should I Delete That” episodes in January - so we’ll see you then. It’s not a goodbye - it’s a see you later. Stay in touch with us on Instagram:@em_clarkson@alexlight_ldnSome links to shout out the Should I Delete That team:Producer: Faye Lawrence - DM me on Instagram if you need a producer!Studio Manager: Elliot Mckay - a studio legend! Email him if you'd like to book a session in our studio Video Editor: Celia Gomez - the best video editor in the world! We're lucky to know herSocial Media Manager: Sarah English - as well as being the brains behind our socials, Sarah is also the founder of Wintour - the stunning jewellery box company!Management: ADA Media - Alex, Em and Flo are an incredible team and have always been our biggest champions.Thank you all! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to Should Delete That for the last time. I'm Alex Light and I'm M Clarkson and we are so sorry. Guys, we are so fucking sorry and we are so fucking sad. This is, I have been dreading this. I know. I actually feel so sick. My heart is going so fast and I'm so. sad. I've put the biggest pit. I've had a pit in my, well, since we decided, and we will go

back. We are going to go back and explain everything, but since we decided I put the biggest pit in my stomach, this is, like, are you crying? Yes, I feel like we need to get the sad, but out the way, and then we could be really sad, and then we can be really honest, and then we can have a, like, a good chat about, like, what's happening and why, and like, why we're ending it, but I feel like, let's just be sad for a second, because I'm, we're sad guys. We're really sad, and we're really sorry. We're coming up to our four-year anniversary, Yeah. We've had the most incredible time. And in a million ways, we just don't want to do this at all because we adore it and we adore each other. And we've got the best team and the best community. And we have so many dreams and hopes and love for what we do here. But in a million other ways, we just can't do it anymore. that was really nicely said

I need a second to compose sorry I wasn't expected to hear this early on no I felt like this was the only time to have them like we have them now and then we can like I don't work like that we can drink on Gary Barlow Servion Blanc that Fay gave us as a little present even though it's still the morning time

and we can have a hoot and get reminiscent but I feel like we need to be sad first I don't work like that once the seal is broken Okay, well that's just... What's the dam? It's the dam is broken. The river will flow. Let it flow.

It's a Christmas song. That's a Christmas song. That's a Christmas song. Jody Mitchell did a Christmas song, about rivers, flowing. Okay, look, a few weeks ago, Em and I had a meeting, and we came to the decision. Like, and I want to stress this as well, like, so jointly. This was so unanimous.

It's a conscious uncopling. It's a conscious. I'm Chris Martin. This is my ex-wife, but great friend, Gwyneth Paldre. We just made the decision that it was time to end the podcast. It's an Irish exit. We've never done, we've literally, Mr. Brightside's playing, everybody's drunk, we're having the time of our lives, we've just hit seven million downloads. Oh, this is the thing. It's actually, in a million ways, never gone better. We've got the most incredible team.

We've built. And I think this was it, right? Like, we've worked at this for four years, really hard. And we have scrambled. We had no idea what we were doing. We were completely different people when we started in a million ways. Yeah. And we have grown as people, as friends, and as a business.

And we've put so much into it. And I think we realized, I certainly did, that this is as good as it can get, right, in terms of efficient. this is we have streamlined it we have got it operating to the best of our ability and it is still just too much for us right now and i think that was our moment it was like fuck this is it this is what we have been working towards this is yeah how it operates now and it's really different to how it was when we started a lot of things are different i think mainly the podcast landscape like you are expected to have high, you know, production value. Like everything has to be filmed and shot

incredibly well and edited incredibly well. And all of that is, it makes for a lot more work than we ever had to do. We kind of just went into a studio, like we filmed on our iPhones. I also, we filmed over Zoom and we would just edit ourselves. Yeah. But I think, but that doesn't cut it anymore. It doesn't. But I think within that, we also don't have the time anymore. And I think that, yes, the landscapes change. But fundamentally, something that, I have realized certainly for myself, and I don't want to put words to your mouth, but I think it's the same. When we started this, we had no children. Yeah. It's been four years and we have three between us. And I think you hope and you think that, um, that career sacrifices or

amendments or changes are things that other women make and it won't happen to you. Yeah. And I think we haven't had to make this. It's not like we can't. It's just, I certainly, know that the mother I need to be can't be spread this thing anymore and I have to put some energy back into my house and my family and when we started this like yeah to your point we didn't need the production to be what it was but we also didn't we had the time to go home and edit ourselves and we did we'd sit up all night or we'd go out and brainstorm in the evenings and we'd text at random fucking times and go out and drink during the day and then I'll go and do this and we'll go and have and we could throw our passion

and our energy and all of everything into building and growing and to and to scrambling right like and I think that's what this industry is in a million ways is it's a fucking scramble and we could scramble for a bit and we just can't scramble anymore it's not the time for us it felt like the world was our oyster back then yeah and in lots of ways now and like you say like the podcast is is doing so well it feels kind of crazy but I think you're right in that we just, we don't have the headspace, the capacity. I don't think, you know, we don't, at this moment in time, while we're really young moms, we don't have what it takes to give our all to the podcast.

No. Which is really sad because it's been a huge part of our lives for four years. And I think there's like a lot within that as well. I think I noticed it after the Lily Phillips episode particularly. Like that felt really pertinent to me. I had so much going on in my personal life at that time. And I had been up all night with the kids and I was exhausted and Zantz was six months old or whatever. And we came into London, we did this episode and we had like what was maybe not our best day at work, right?

Like it was fine. It was whatever. yeah but we got loads of shit for it and i and we and we kind of recorded that justification or apology episode or whatever it was you know explaining everything and i and i really thought in that moment this is mad because and i was the and i and i realized i was mostly angry with myself because i thought i didn't do a good enough job of that and then i have been kind of spiraling every now and then since thinking i'm not doing a good enough job at any of it and then you you end up in this really negative space where it's like okay so

nothing I do is good enough right and I'm giving everything and the stakes are really high here you don't get to just have a bad day at work when you've got and we're so lucky to have the community that we do but like one fuck up and the the noise and you have to brace yourself and that is more energy expended and it's more time you've got to give to apologising or justifying or working out and it's like I love this pod so much and we want it we want it to be amazing right and like we want the best and we have all these incredible dreams but then you realize that like we don't have the capacity to make them as good as they need to be so we're just doing a job right now we're not doing the best job and as my mom always said if a job's worth doing it's worth doing properly

that's the thing we don't have the capacity to do to like make those dreams contribute it does kill me a bit it kills me because like if you'd have said this to I mean this is something that the me before Tommy would have was terrified of Like, I didn't want to put my career on the line. Yeah. And I didn't want to sacrifice things because of being a mom. And I was really determined that that was never going to happen. And it's weird.

It's kind of bittersweet because it was like a piece in being like, oh, no, I've changed my mind on that. And things have changed. And my priorities have completely changed. And like, that's okay. But at the same time, I'm like, it's so hard to leave things on the table. Yeah. I think something that is so big. and so has so much potential.

It's like a platform that we've built that we're literally knocking down and I think that feels so frustrating because all the reasons that we had for starting this are the same if not bigger now than ever and to lose and I don't even think I understand yet or feel the magnitude of what we're losing yet. Like I keep having these waves of like sick

about like missing the consistent and like something that we take for granted It's like how well you guys know us just because we have all been together for so long and that to be known in the way that we are is just such a unique and incredible privilege and sometimes I'll say things on my Instagram stories and I get these DMs of like familiarity

and it's like oh my God that is such a bit and I'm going to miss that in a way that I don't think I'll feel the weight of how much I miss it until it's way too late but I think actually while we're being very honest and like saying everything on the table I was the same about that before having kids

and we've definitely felt the same and I think it's really hard when you're looking at yourself to do the right thing but I think it's been in the last few months watching you try and juggle this that's like it's so much easier when you can see a friend

you know what I'm like I've pushed through like both those stupidly hard pregnancies and we came in every day and it was like working and when it's you doing it you think like this isn't gonna like this is this is fine like this is what you have to do, this is a juggle, this is what women do, this is what mothers do. But we had an interview a few weeks ago, and I watched you do it.

And after we left, I just thought, like, what are we doing? Like, what are we doing? And it was so much easier to see it when I was looking at what you were doing. And I feel like I've been saying to you for so long, you need to take a break, you can't, we can't, we need to look after you. And it took me too long to put all those pieces together and be like, Hang on. Like, we're in the same sinking ship here. Do you know what I mean?

Like, she's probably looking at me thinking exactly the same thing. Yeah. But as someone that cared for you, watching the last few weeks, particularly, it's just been like, you need to be at home with your kid. You need to be looking after yourself. And it doesn't, this, and this isn't because of you. And it's not because of this podcast, but I've never felt like we could take a break. No.

It is because of me. I mean, it is like, it rests on, there's only, There's only two, like, we're two co-hosts. It's not like, oh, someone can just sub in for me. Who's going to sub in for me? Who's going to sub in for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it doesn't feel...

It's fickle all of this, right? Like, so you have that insecurity that's like, well, if I go, if I go for a bit, what will they, will they, will they be needed? Also, you feel guilty as hell. Like, you've had to do interviews a few times when I've been sick, because I'm always fucking sick since having Tommy. And you, and I felt horribly guilty every time. I couldn't listen to the interview back, because I'm like,

I just feel very bad, you know? But yeah. And I think that's the other thing. It's like we're running a business. We don't know how to do it. We're friends. We've got that friendship dynamic where we want to. And it is so weird, isn't it? Because I look at you and I'm like, this is not what you should be doing. Like this is, you should be at home and being with you and being fucking cotton wall and being fucking wall. And I, and I, and I never put that mirror up to myself and be like, I should also be in bed with cotton wool. But like we push, we push ourselves so hard. And because we push ourselves so hard, we push each other really. hard. Yeah. And your pregnancies, like, that was crazy. Crazy. It was crazy. But you don't look up from it, do you? And I don't, you know, we're only a unique situation with a, with a pod and with whatever. But I actually don't think this is, this is a unique feeling to us. I think this is what happens to so many women. You feel like you are supposed to push on. Yeah. Like, you don't have the space to just step back and be like, I need a break, I need some space, I need some time. Yeah. I need some rest. Yeah. Like, why does that feel so awful?

to admit. Well, I think actually, I mean, for us, it probably was relying on a little bit on a codependency in the, I think, you know, definitely for me during maternity leaves and, you know, you're saying that like guilt when I would do one because you were sick. It's like we, I think we always felt like, fuck, if we go down, then the other one has to carry everything. Yeah. So it felt like, and for me, it felt like neither of us ever went down, but it also meant that we probably didn't ever rest in a meaningful way. And I think that probably contributed to us not doing or starting to feel like we couldn't do a good enough job because we were both clinging

rather than probably being what would have been more sensible which is like you tap out, we'll tap out and then we'll come back stronger and we'll come back with more enthusiasm. Yeah, like both of us taking breaks. Yeah, taking breaks from the podcast, like have an actual extended break. But we were always scared to do that

because high insight's beautiful, isn't it? We were scared of, well, you know, losing the audience, It's losing relevance. Like, people are very quick to forget. People are very fickle. Oh, yeah, if you stop being part of someone's routine, it's like... You're gone. And, you know, you do...

It's like... I mean, I've never been... I don't understand finances. Obviously, it's been talked about a lot. But it has been an investment in every area of our lives. And, candidly, we said we'd be honest about the money side of things. Yeah, I think we should. By this point, like, by the point we've got to now, we pay so much to keep the lights on.

Yeah. And candidly, podcasts do not make... any money. Not really. I mean, okay, fine, they make, they make money, but the money goes back into the production. And I imagine, I'm guessing that the big ones make loads and loads of money in order to make it worthwhile. But a lot of them are done by, um, done by, by production companies. And, and it's, these are sort of rarer, I think, what we're doing maybe with the consistency. I don't know. But anyway, um, the, the, the, the money that we make has gone back into it, which is always contributed to not being able to take a break because it's like well we take one month off we

won't get paid this month how are we going to pay everybody else because we operate working with freelances we can't just and we also rent this feckin studio we can't be like oh yeah so we're just not going to use it we're taking two months off and then it's like well that's going to cost us four five grand in rent or whatever but like who's going to pay it so we've really expensive yeah yeah we've like trapped ourselves we have having a podcast is really expensive and then but those all those elements elements have made the podcast so much better. And that's why it's now in the best place that it's ever been. We have Celia, who edits our videos.

We have incredible videos. Faye, who's our producer, like the best person. We're getting the best guests. And Elliot as well, our studio manager. It's all running so brilliantly. Yeah, and the socials have grown, the downloads have grown. Like, and that's, it's so frustrating to that end that it, that, oh, It just makes me, it's so frustrating that we've made it so brilliant.

And we've got, we've literally lived out, all the dreams and more for that. And it's just like, but also I do think you have to know when to go. And we never thought about this ending. It's like, I mean, imagine what happens if we keep going and then people stop listening. And that's the track. That's where we have to. Do you know what we fall out? Yes.

Or we burn out. Or we're under, we feel under so much pressure and stress. and like you're talking and I was I was really keen on being honest about the financial side of this as well because it's not just the like the work demands it's the financial burden as well I have found really difficult yes and it would be easier to justify the work demands if the finances weren't so precarious this I don't want to speak for you but I mean we're at a very expensive point in our lives you particularly with IVF like you've just moved house I've just had a second baby we when we started this you can take risks we could take risks we could use our

Instagram money as we did for a long time to pay for the pod because it was a passion project it was part of the it was building our brand and increasing our value in that sort of sense we could build and build and put in yeah and invest in ourselves but it does get to a point where you have to be responsible and we're yeah and that's a huge thing we talked about when we met up and we kind of looked at it like took a step back and had tried to get a bit of perspective on it and we were like it's not adding up it's not adding up and it's not the and I hate to make it all and it's not all financial at all but the finances is a big part of this yeah and I'm not ashamed of everyone knowing that like I feel like it's

important for everyone to understand fully the decision behind that but it was just no longer making I mean it hasn't been making financial sense for quite a while but I think it's at point, as you say, where we are at the most expensive points in our lives, that we had to make a call. I think also, like, to be honest, it probably, it has grown in, in the money that it made us, but to that end, our outgoings have increased hugely. And that there is also something of the culture that I really don't like, and I feel like this is probably my last chance to say it. And I understand what, I really understand why people don't like adverts. But I notice it sometimes in our Spotify comments.

I notice it a lot on, in review sections of other podcasts. People give one star reviews because of the ads. They leave comments saying, go to four minutes because that's where the episode starts and the ads are finished. Yeah. And there's this sort of like, ha ha, let's get him. I would like you, but you sold out. And it's like, guys, like if we don't, this industry,

You won't have any independence left if you can't support the making, the people that you like making money. And I think this industry, there is no other way to monetise this. There is no, there is no, we have not made money any other way. To be totally transparent, sorry, we'll come back to what you're saying, sorry to interrupt you, but the live show that we did, we barely made any money out of that. I lost money. Yeah, well, I lost money on the tour and the show because I'd bring childcare.

Yeah, it's not, we get, that, I don't. Taking on ads is the only way to monetise this. And we're so grateful for the sponsors that we've had. And we've had a lot of people really be in our corner. Like brands really be in our corner. And it's been such a precarious juggle trying to ensure that the listeners and the community are supportive and happy.

And to be honest, this extends to Instagram too. We make, I mean, you particularly, the content that you make is so valuable to people. And they're... Well, thank you. But it's different. I think yours emotionally is so... important to people and that that that people can't see how much you're giving and they

won't support in general just as a culture yeah that they won't support the monetization of it it makes me deeply uncomfortable I think it's gendered in a big way it's so gendered and it and it makes me really sad because ultimately like it makes me sad for the industry this realization that this won't just be us in this position um there's there's not a lot of support for that. And I understand, you know, like, we're anti all that shit, but like...

This is why there's so much hatred towards the influencer industry as well because it's so female dominated, that's why. Yeah. It's very obvious that we're making money. You know what I mean? It's very overt.

It's very... Yeah. And you can't... I had this conversation with someone yesterday randomly on Instagram. You can't... It's ugly to say it.

You know what I mean? Like, and it's, it's awkward and it's a massive conversation that we're playing a game. And like, yeah, okay, everybody's a feminist up until a point. and then everybody's anti-capitalist up into a point and everybody's ID list and whatever.

But, you know, on a practical level, on a practical level, I mean, first of all, I don't think we should be capping ambition. And if we'd have wanted to grow it and make it, make millions, then that is our prerogative. But I think there is this sort of idea that we want everybody to stay at a level that we're comfortable with them being at. And it does mean that people can't break down. I don't think that's the case for us. But I think in general, there is this, okay you've got enough now that's like enough money that's enough success that's enough you've done too many ads and it's like I remember when my account when like grew rapidly in the pandemic and I started to get ads and I think I must have done about four ads and they

were they were spaced out but I remember someone messaging me saying now you're just a glorified now you're just a glorified saleswoman I was like okay so you want this you want this content from me but you don't want me to get anything in return for it. I'm not allowed for this content to be able to help me pay my bills. Like you don't want that. You just want this. Yeah.

I think like, and I don't feel we've actually had that a lot within the pod. Like I don't think that's been a massive issue. I think that's just more of a comment on the industry and this like discomfort in general that we have with growth. And it has felt like it's been difficult to know at points like where to go. and what to do. Acast have been amazing for us, you know, the platform that, that host us and we've really, and they've brought us some incredible deals with some incredible brands.

Obviously, we have to stress the gambling ads we say no to, the weight loss ads, we say no to. People don't ever hear about the ones we say no to, but we might as well say it because we're, like, everything, but like, because we say no to so fucking much. And like, and yeah, okay, maybe we'd, maybe we'd be going for a few more years, but at what cost, you know what I mean? And I think you've got to trust the influence or trust the person or whatever to do the best for them and do what they, as far as their morals will take them. And as long as they can make peace with that, then that's okay. But I think in so many ways we put so much pressure on, because it's a fickle industry, you put so much expectation on what other people think. And that's been the measure of our success.

And that's such a hard thing to stay human throughout. Like, you are being judged, applaud, rewarded everything. And I know to an extent that's like part of the human condition. But like, really, our likability is our currency. And that is a very tiring way to live. It's exhausting. I mean, it's the only way I've ever lived.

I'm a people, please. All I've wanted to do since the minute I left the womb was be like. and be paid for it yeah really quickly I want to stress that I I do think that for most of our listeners they won't have that mindset about ads and making money

and I know that they've always been like really happy for us when we've gotten big deals when we're working with big brands and like the show we did in Edinburgh earlier this year like I remember someone coming up because Simprove sponsored that show someone came up with the box of Simprove

and they were like yes Simprove sponsored get it girls so it's like that's so nice I think generally like this this community, this podcast community that we have, the loyal the core listeners, the core, yeah, they are really genuinely happy for us and they have rooted for us and they've, they've like cheered us on. And they've made it possible because download using link clicks, like taking our recommendations, trusting us to recommend things. Like, wouldn't have grown we wouldn't have been able to operate this as a business because as well like

we can't just be um like dreamy about it it is a business right like so people brands come to us and they say okay we're going to sponsor you but we need a return on that like you are an investment we need a return on it so we need to know that your listeners are going to use your code or click your link or whatever and that's across the board that's on and on and on and the show but and they have and they have and that's so special and i don't think i don't think i've ever been able to say thank you for this on Instagram, but genuinely thank you. And not in a knobby way, but in a like, because it sounds knobby. But like, we, we've been able to live out our dreams in a million ways. And some of the partnerships we have had on this show have been things I am, I mean,

the episodes that we have done, the stuff that we have done, I am so proud of. But from a commercial perspective, some of the commercial work that we have got has been unbelievably cool and special. I mean, we worked with the Rugby World Cup this year. We were sponsored by the Rugby World Cup. What that's fuck. So cool. That's insane. And, like, you know, we've worked commercially and sort of partnered with police and with gamble aware. Gamblerware. And, like, we've had some incredible opportunities.

And we've been able to facilitate conversations and platform people and brands and things that we just adore. And it's been, like, such a privilege. But also, we don't have the platform if it's not built on the support or with the support of everybody that's been here. So, like, it does feel ungrateful to a point. and I'm like nervous of doing it being like and we didn't make enough money so fuck all you guys and bye no I think no but I think they'll understand I hope so yeah that

this in so many ways this community aspect feels like the hardest this is the worst and we've we mould over how to end this because well I actually I don't know how you do end podcasts I don't know I don't know if there's much precedent I haven't really seen it

but like it's tough because for us in this room like me you and fay we can be like we can have we can have like conversations about it all the time and this feels weirdly like final there's this one episode and then that's it like we can't talk to everyone

and further explain our decision I don't know it just feels it feels hard and final and so mean because like you say those people have supported us in so many different ways and then it just, it feels horrible to up and ghost. But we didn't really know how else to do it. It also felt like, I mean, serendipidous, serendipidus.

Yeah. That this came four years exactly after it started. And it's such a funny thing actually, because when we, and I, if someone told me that they had a conscious uncopling or like whatever, I'd be like, yeah, fuck off. Like, who cheated? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you just don't believe it.

And I am so grateful that this came as it did and that we got here as we did. And nothing happened and there's nothing bad. And, you know, when we walked away, and I want to talk about it in a second, but when we walked away from that meeting, it did feel really final. And we were like, okay, and we're done. And then actually over the last couple of weeks, I've been like, maybe we could leave the door open a bit. Like, the studio's going to be here for a little while longer.

and like maybe we could come back and do a series or maybe we could maybe we could right and like I think the maybe is a good because it keeps us dreaming but I am so grateful that it did that we did align on it at the time that we did because it just it was like I just had to trust fate on it

it was like I think if we'd have had to make this decision at any other point it never it would never have been right but it felt like it was such a weird day it was so weird it was so weird It was so weird. And it was out of, like, we literally had the week before we'd had the best week. We'd got the big seven million blooms.

Yeah. We were like, oh, we're planning our 10 mili. Like, everything was really good. Jamila Jamil's going fucking viral. Like, everything's really good. And then you just sent me the text at 10 a.m. being like, have you seen the August finances? Like, fuck, yeah, die or whatever.

Little chat. And then you, you went on a train. So your signal was like coming through really badly or whatever. And I was trying to talk to you. Like, oh. Yeah. This is really important. conversation and I can't even hear you.

But it was kind of amazing that that happened because you just sent the message of being like, God, it's hard. I think you said like something like, oh, it's hard to feel that it's worth it. And I just read it and I was like, and I think it was on the back of having watched you do the interview the week before that I just thought. And I've been worried about you like, as your friend and as someone that loves you so much. And from an outsider, I look at your life and I'm like, fuck, she needs to be resting and you need to be at home.

And I want to set you free from this as much as I want to be free from it. And I didn't realize that I wanted to be free from it myself, but I knew I wanted you to be free from it in some capacity. Like you, I needed to take something away from you so that you, because you weren't going to put it down because it's not in your nature. And I just wanted, it's like, you just want to go over to someone and just be like, I'm just going to take all of this. I'm going to do all the washing up. You just go and get into bed. And I've had this feeling and this like protective, loving feeling towards you for so long, you know, like in the last few months and weeks, just thinking, I want this to go away for you. And I kept thinking, and we were going to take a break in January anyway. And it was like, I kept thinking maybe that'll be the break and that'll be the break. And when you sent that message, I was like, oh my God, she's going to do it. And like, great like I am so and like I caught myself up but like in that moment I was just so happy for you that it was like oh she's going to be herself first and like you are going to look after yourself and you're just going to do the right thing for like your body and your family right now and it just felt so right and I was so relieved I was with my mom was supposed to go out of lunch

I was like babe's like I got to go you're like can be me me I was like yeah draw me everything I'm coming to yeah yeah And we met You sent that text at 10 We met at 12 And at 2pm It was like that scene In Devours Prada

Where Andy leaves a meeting With Miranda And she just throws her phone In the fountain And all the audience are screaming Like what the fuck you're doing That's a perfectly good phone You're leaving your dream job

And it literally felt like that As I was walking home I was like what the fuck am I doing This is amazing Like I know It was so But it was so

You're right It was so weird How right it felt And like I Not to make this about me But like I am not good at making decisions no you're terrible I'm terrible at making decisions

and like I will you know you say like oh it's good that we're leaving on a high and it is really good but like I am not good at leaving on a high like I am the kind of person that like I will see something to the very end like it'll peter out

like I got pushed I got made redundant from my last job I wanted to leave for like a long like five years I was done but I had to get pushed and I don't make these decisions like even in a relationship

it takes me like a real like I yeah yeah but it just I don't know it just felt I think I knew that though. No, I don't think. I know, I know that. I know that.

But it's a really hard thing, right? Like, when you're growing a business with someone, we are equal partners in this business. It's not for me to say to you, I don't think this is what you should be doing right now. Because it's not for me to say. Because, and we've had to juggle that. And I don't think it's what I should be doing either, by the way. But, like, we have had to juggle that, like, friendship and business partner where we have to respect each other in both. capacities, hugely. And there is only so much we can look after each other. And it's such

a weird thing where it's like, I want to look after you and I want to protect you, but then like, shit, we really need to be in the studio tomorrow. Do you know what I mean? So it's like, I want to take this away from you. And I can't physically make you stay at home. So I'm like, I can do the interview by myself. Let me do the interview by myself. You show up. I can't, I can't fight you. And so. And the same with you when you were so sick in your pregnancies. Yeah. And I, and I'm the same to that. And you ask, I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I am scared. One is scared. I was scared when I was pregnant. It was just like I can't. I can't lose it all. If I let it go now, I'll never catch it back up again. It's a train

and it's going to run away and like I've just got to fucking cling on. But actually so much suffers for the clinging. It does. And it was so freeing and they're like letting it go. Because I also like we do and are capable of some really great work and we have had some incredible conversations. But so many of the ones we want, we can't have because we just don't have the capacity to do them justice. And that's a horrible position. position to be in. And this is the thing, something you touched on earlier about feeling like you're not doing a good enough job. And I have felt that with the podcast, like that's been a consistent theme for me and something that I've really resented is just feeling like I'm not

doing a good enough job. I feel like I'm not prepped enough. Like I'm not researched enough. Like I don't know subject matters well enough. Like when we do our just does it is on on Thursdays and we talk about topical stuff like for me I would love to do that almost scripted like we did the body image series you know and to have all the facts and but we're kind of doing it on the fly and it's because this is not our full time jobs and I get jealous when I look at other podcasts and there are a couple that are similar to us as like two you know two women that co-host and I look at them and I'm like wow there's so much that's gone into that episode they are so well researched. They have all the statistics. Like I feel like I've, I come away feeling so

informed and their, their opinions are so well formed and I love that. And then I feel like, it just makes me feel bad about myself because I'm like, I wish that we could have that. But then I realize that that is their full-time job. They have an office with all these people where they go in and they sit down and they write these episodes like, we can't do that. No. This is not a full-time, I mean, God help us if this was a full-time job. Yeah, Jesus. Like financially, we would be very fucked but we just can't do that no and that's that's weighed on me for a really long time and i've hated yeah because it is i mean it's our fault right like if we don't do the research enough it is our fault and it's and i know someone said it after the nag um nagamanchetti

episode they're like oh you so obviously didn't read the book and it's like babe i haven't read a book in three i would fucking love to read a book also and i hate that but if we get if we get someone on and that's behind the curtain people come on because they've written a book you know always that's why people want to talk to you that's the majority of our guests if we do three episodes, two or three guests a day, which we'd do, you know, we'd do like two or three guests in one day. And they've all got a book out. And we've been up all night with our kids and doing the Instagram hats that pay for the studio and making whatever other organic content that makes people not hate us for doing the fucking ads. Because you have to

squish enough organic stuff around so that everybody doesn't think you're just a billboard with a glorified saleswoman. Yeah, exactly, without any makeup on. Um, there's so, and you know, like, I always asked it, whatever, but if we, we, might as well know the truth. Yeah, might as well tell you how it is. Like, we don't have the capacity. And that's horrible. I, and, like, to feel like you're doing a bad job all the time is,

and, and actually on the Thursday episodes, on the stuff where we're having fun and chatting, I love that, but with increasing frequency, I am deeply uncomfortable with how much I am sharing. And I realized, like, we touched on it a little while ago. So much of what I was saying was ending up in the Daily Mail if I ever mentioned my family. So I realized last year,

I was like, well, I can't mention my family anymore. And then I need to protect my children, particularly Arlo, because she is older now. She has a personality. She has got defining features and memories that are her own and personality traits that aren't anybody else's business. And that's hers to share with the world if and when she chooses to. And so I would tell stories and think I don't like,

and I was just having to censor and edit. And I realized that the sort of carefree way that we could do this initially, was long over for me. Yeah. And there was so much that I just felt uncomfortable sharing. And there was a great sadness in that too, recording our last Just Me episodes.

I thought, this is probably the last time I will ever be honest or known or candid again. Yeah. That this is probably the end of my like public mess. That's crazy. And vulnerability. And there's a sadness.

And Instagram doesn't, going anywhere obviously but like I realized in myself that like among these other considerations the stuff that I want to be doing and putting my energy into feels more purposeful and and in that sense I mean less about me more I've been trying to pull away from sharing about me and trying to make it more about my opinions yeah which is very difficult to do on a podcast where we have this amazing community and familiarity and I've really I've really sense that you're I've really watched your discomfort grow with personal sharing

probably over the past year I reckon definitely yeah definitely I feel and I mean and it's a it's a position that's really unique in that I mean all like kids aside like whatever you say about your family and it's true I remember

you know your husband Alex for everyone listening is both of our manager and he at some point last year was like put a Google alert on for yourself so you see if things come up fuck now I don't do that so I did and all that came up all that still comes up well maybe not recently but like all that come up would be like Jeremy Clarkson's daughter Emily says da da da da and it would be like with her co-host you know Alex light and that's why my name was coming up and I was like fuck I didn't realize how much was getting picked up by tabloids I didn't realize how much how much interests there were in your words about your family, which is crazy to me.

I still have no idea because I won't Google myself because I think it's the most extraordinary form of self-harm. But it was coming back to me in that my mum has Google alerts on for me. So it would come back to me in that sense and it would be like, oh, God, I saw this. And we talked about this in an episode a while ago where it was like, I had a call from my dad and he was like, you made Lisa's girlfriend. He's like, you made a cry. I was like, what the fuck?

Why am I making a cry? I haven't made a cry. And then it was like, it was just the most tenuous thing of like, you know, we'd spoken, we'd spoken to a guest about mental health condition. And I'd said something about a member of my family. And it was like, fuck me. Like, I can't let my guard down anymore. And I've never really been able to let my guard down.

And I have always had this hugely protective shell around myself and actually really good awareness of how this goes and how it gets played. But the bigger our audience gets, the more. followers I get in my own right I guess the bigger my name gets the more these stories are of interest and I am so uncomfortable with that yeah I can I can really sense it I have no interest in being famous I love being able to share I guess my opinions and and this community I love the hags I love the politics stuff that I do yeah but I don't want to be I I don't want to be tabloid fodder.

No. And increasingly, that's all that the Thursday episodes were becoming. So it was like, fuck, I just, I, like, and it's, there's only so many embarrassing things that happened to me. And there's only so many things I can say. Like, right, so sorry, I'm not going to talk about my, like, my family at all, but it's all they do. I'm a mom.

If I'm not going to talk about my kids, and it's like, what do we, I have nothing. Do you know what I mean? Like, I hope that something interesting happens to me in a week that is, that's not connected to anybody that I have got blood relation to. but it's human far out of the teen no i know i know it's yeah it's i really saw it when i got that google alert and i was like oh that's why she has to be so careful yeah you know because often we sit after episodes and we're like should we take that out and should we keep that in should i have talked about that and you've had to take so yeah i've texted fay much more than i'm comfortable doing

i'm sorry like and it's like every wednesday night i'm sorry i'm the worst but like i haven't slept for the stress of it like I'll have said something that's nothing and it's like I'm lying in bed just like fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck like I just can't

and with Instagram I'm so careful and I'm so curated it's like up into a point it's like I will share me and my mess and my tears and my ugliness

and my perceived whatever you know what I mean like I share my rawness but I don't have to share other people but we're feeling we're talking all the time here and I'm and it's a really hard line

as well where I'm with you like I'm with my best friend so there's like there's so much shit I want to say. Yeah. And you can end up forgetting that you're like on mic as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do all the time. I get carried away. I'm like, oh yeah, Costa Rica was amazing. Fucking out. I mean, on a slightly smaller note, I wrote about my

I talked to you about my sister's tattoo, my step-sits about everyone, all the tattoos everyone got. And then I had to call Faye and be like, don't think my mum knows. Oh, she does. Oh, she does. I'm going to have to take that out. No, that was a daily, melee bit. That wasn't a daily mail concern. That was just a real life concern. I was like, I'm going to, like, do it. Like, it's stuff like that's like every week. And it's just like, are you just

increasing. I was like, this isn't my business. This isn't my story. This isn't my life. I can't keep sharing. And my kids are, Xanthi is still an appendage to an extent because she's been on my boob and she doesn't talk and she doesn't have, do you know what I mean? Whereas that, with Arlo is a full human being. She feels like a fully formed. Yeah. And I have to protect her. And it's going to be the same for you with Tommy soon as he starts getting bigger and more. I think, I don't think my, my bound, I have as many boundaries as you, but I don't think the stakes are as high for me. Yeah, I guess so. Because I don't have. yeah yeah any you know people aren't as interested in little old tommy little old me good

yeah it's a funny that that feels like a really small thing that just feels like more of a sadness in that like that that's what I realized I was like probably closing a chapter in a way like the kind of yeah this like unfiltered messiness like that feels like it's going to an extent and it won't feel any difference people following me but like that's what it needs to happen That is what needs to happen. It's becoming clearer and clearer and clearer that's what needs to happen. Yeah, because it's like if I'm going to be away from my kids and in the studio or like away from my kids and on a microphone, I want to be talking about stuff that I am, to your point, researched on shore of. Really matters to you.

That really matters to me. Yeah. If like, you know, you've only got how many words left in your life, then make them count. Oh, Jesus. Well, you know what I mean. You know what I mean. It's like, if you know, these are your chances, right? These are our legacies.

These are our, this is our work, right? you want to make it brilliant. And like increasingly I felt like I couldn't deliver in any area. I couldn't deliver the real life fun behind the curtain shit because I wasn't sharing anything vulnerably anymore honestly. And then I felt like I wasn't able to do a good enough job on Monday's episode because I didn't have time to read everybody's memoir. So I'm just dropping the fucking ball. And I'm shit over WhatsApp and the whole bloody operation works over WhatsApp. Works over bloody WhatsApp. That was the last thing you said in that meeting. You were like, oh good, they're going to feel deleting all this WhatsApp groups. I was like, yeah,

we'll be out. Should be done with us by like January 3rd. It'll be like, New number, who's this? Yeah. Touching on our work though and our four years' worth of work now, I thought we could take a walk down memory lane and go back through some of our old, because

and share how it happened, if you want. The breadth of work, it's brought, what we've done is, I actually, this morning at 6am, I went through and counted how many, I did think I could text Faye and she'd probably have the back-end data. Why'd you count? They're all numbered on A-cast, aren't they?

Yeah. Well, I can tell you that this, in terms of main episode, this is number 205, but that doesn't count on Thursdays. I counted with Thursday's episodes 398. Oh, my gosh. So it'll be coming up to 4. It'll be 400 and 401. Yeah.

Oh, my God, if it's 401, that's amazing, because that's 401. 3196. Oh, it wasn't. Okay. So this episode will be 396. 398. Oh, so like as 401 is user not, oh mind you,

we're going to do a couple of episodes in January. Yeah, yeah. If we could do, if we could finish it on 401, the episodes in Jan, by the way, are going to be best of. Yes.

If anyone that wants them. No biggie, if not. But we just, we didn't want to leave you like totally wrung out because it felt nasty. Yeah, just, just, oh, I don't know. We've really struggled with us to do this.

You want a couple of, like, do you want to come to the family barbecue, like, never speak to me again like I want to see how I know like so let's just do a little something something I know like the opposite of a soft lot a soft a soft exit a soft yeah soft landing yeah yeah yeah nice okay everyone wants a soft landing yeah um yeah fuck what's people turn it did on a big crap do you remember our first ever episode where we did a new year yeah it took like six hours where we did a rundown of that year and everything that had happened

that year and literally we were recording for six hours it was insane 2021 it was insane I think it was four I was, but yes, it was long. Poor days, he had to edit it down into something that was remotely digestible. God, we shared a lot then. We shared so much. Yeah, that was not real. We were young and carefree.

Yeah, we were. So then we started in January 20, no, end of December. 2022. Went, no, 2021. End of December 2021. Yeah. It went to number one when we launched. It did.

Which was insane. And we promised that I would sing a Christmas song if it did. Which you did. Which I did. Which was Gorge. It was such a different time, wasn't it? And then those first few episodes, and this is the difference as well. Like those first few episodes, I remember Jamila came on as like one of the original ones.

And we went to your flat when you were living in London. And it was like late at night. Yeah. Because we could. It was a Friday night. I remember this. It was a Friday night at like 8 o'clock. Yeah.

And she was late because she'd been in, she was in America. we had like a pint of cider and like just did the interview betty shout on the carpet like while while maintaining eye contact with you do you remember yeah that's great but we could just do that then like and it was all on zoom and we just made it work and it was great and then we had and we did um Holly from Geordie Shaw came and we did that in my house we did that in my kitchen we did and those first ones we just did and Dr Joshua Woolrich we did at the same time in my kitchen yeah and we used your pink mics with the batteries and we did it all like that and then we started we actually came into

the build weirdly the building that we're in now um upstairs there was a studio and we started was that the first one that we rented i think it was no it wasn't we rented the one in 80 in the in white city of course yeah so we occasionally go there but fuck that was expensive that was like 600 pounds for an like three day slot or something the three hour slot sorry yeah that was crazy It was rubbish. The videos were rubbish. But we got like Benita Norris, the Everest climber. That was my surprise.

We could put so much passion and fun into it then. It's not that we can't now, but like that like giddy enthusiasm we had, that does dissipate. It does. And it kind of, it kills me that I couldn't get Lillian on as a surprise for you. Well, I was so upset that we booked Lewis Goodall from the news agents, which is like my dorky, like upset. I was so excited. Because we literally sprung this. We were supposed to be bolt.

recording throughout December to go through January and February so we could have some time off of the Monday episodes and just do Thursdays and then so we had all these amazing like genuinely this was probably the best list of guests we had ever secured and then we just came into Fay last Monday and went stand them all down. Oh my god that was awful. That was fucking horrible. That was horrible. Faye. Oh my God. We felt so bad. Literally I was shaking to the point I was like I'm going to be sick. I'm actually going to be sick. You were so cross. I was late because you were like, I'm not going to make small talk with Bay for 15 minutes knowing what's coming. I can't just sit down with her and be like, how was your weekend? No, no. Like, I need to

walk in and straight away be like, and I was so thankful because I think we're both itching to like, as soon as we walked in, then you were like, fame, we've got bad news. I was like, okay, okay. Em said it before she even sat down at the table. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't live in a half truth. I can't, I can't, I can't do it. I'm deeply uncomfortable with not everybody, like, if someone in the room doesn't have the full story, I feel deeply uncomfortable. I'm compelled to tell the other person in the room the full story. No, I was like, thank you, thank you. Just get it out. But also, we didn't have a chance to ask you how you were and you're like, oh, I went to bed at 6am because I've been at a raid.

I was like, well, this is not what you need then. On top of whatever anxiety you're like operating through. And now we're like, anyway, yes, so the job's gone. I'm really sorry. How was your week panning out? All this amazing guest you spent so long booking for us. I know. And you had to cancel them. Sorry. So sorry. But that's the thing. We still had this pang of excitement. And We still have it, you know, like Jamila coming on. It's like, oh my God, great. And it's like, you know, the intimacy coach, we were so excited. Like, we still have.

And actually, pretty much every guest we have, we still have this. Oh, yeah, really excited for the chat. I love it. Me too. I will miss that. So much. And we've met some of the most amazing people. But then invariably, you can't give.

We can't give. One can't give what they deserve. And it's like, you are an amazing person. We've just met your story. And I want, I'm such a control freak. And it's always been an issue for me. And I've got much better with Faye and Celia. like I always had wanted to have such control over the trailers and like and that

editing and like because that's kind of a lot of my passion is I love it and you just don't have the capacity and that is so hard that you just you've got these incredible people in front of you and it feels like you just can't do them justice and that's a sadness isn't it like that you feel human to human that you're just like I am not doing you justice and like I'm so excited that you're here and I can't relay that enthusiasm in the way that I wish I could I haven't read your book. And I haven't read your book. God, I feel bad about all the books I haven't read.

I do feel like one of my biggest sadness, sadnesses. Sadnesses? Sadnesses. Sadnesses. That sounds so weird. It's a lot of essays. Isn't it? Sadnesses.

You guys are going to miss this. One of my biggest sadnesses is not interviewing people like we do. I thought that. Because we are both super curious. We love. We both love interviewing people. It's something we've both done for a very long time. And it feels very like saying goodbye to that part. It feels really hard. We learned to read each other. And actually, I'd say maybe over the last few months where we've both been a bit like off the ball, it's maybe not

been our best. But we did hit a sweet spot where we got so good at anticipating what the next person would ask, knowing when I knew exactly what you were going to ask. And if you, and if you listen back like probably in the first few episodes that we ever did it would be like oh you're asking no i'm asking it would be it would be a bit like halted but it's become flawless we know exactly who's going to ask the question and i know what question yeah same if something peaks your interest i'm like she'll pick up on that i know we'll come back for that and you're right it has been like recently like i just feel like my head's not been in the game this past few months and that again like i feel that like i'm not doing my best job but but that's a but yeah i mean

In general, we have built such a skill there, and you're right, like that curiosity is so lovely, and I'm going to miss that. Because you also get this opportunity to ask people things that you can literally never ask. And here's so many different people's perspectives and learn about things and change your mind about things and challenge yourself. I've been challenged so, so much, and I've changed my mind on so much. And I have learned like a huge amount. I have become a better across the board, human being. I also, you know, like to the point of your own, everybody hates the sound of their own voice, which obviously we do too. Yes. But you do have to develop like a modicum of self-awareness. And I think like you realize

like how you are being perceived. Because also we get so much fucking feedback. And we're so raw on here that it's like, geez, people can really see us. And it's been really amazing for me over the last four years to notice what feedback has hurt, what I've been able to take on board, what I feel is justified, what I think is mean. And it's been an amazing growth. And I feel so grateful for that opportunity

to get a self-awareness that I don't think I'd have come by in any other area where, like, obviously the court of public opinion is absolutely savage and you die by the sword. But it has meant that like there have been times where I've reflected on parts of myself that I both love and maybe, don't love. And that's a really lovely thing to see. I think I've done less self-reflecting

because I refuse to listen back to any episode. It pains me too much to hear the sound of my own voice. It's not necessarily from listening back. I think it's just from feedback. And even less so, because I don't even look for podcast feedback at all. I think it's more from anticipating how I think, because we do do do this. We do self-censor and we do self-edit just by virtue of how it goes. Like when I think about a conversation or overthink about overthink one or we think about the trailer or we think about like how things have gone, I can, I think because of how we're doing it, I think more about how exchanges have felt to work out if I handled them as best as I could have done. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like if you ever find a confrontation or you or if there's ever anything, I think I analyze exchanges that we have because of what we're doing. in a way that I wouldn't in maybe day-to-day life in other ways. So I'm really grateful for that.

Yeah. Because it's made me more self-aware, which is cool. Yeah. But yeah. And it's a lot of coming away from interviews and our conversations as well. And like, I'll always lie there at night and be like, why didn't I ask that? Yeah, yeah. Like, why didn't I say that?

Yeah. Or be like, why did I not press on that? That was so interesting. I think that's just part of, you know, never enough. And that's the thing as well. Like, how do you know with all of this? Like, how do you know when enough is enough? And like when you've done a good enough job.

And I don't know, I think, you know, in any industry, but definitely in this one, you don't have to look far to find someone who tells you it wasn't a good job. So trying to become sure of who you are and the job that you did. And I think for a point we really did get into our stride where it was like we know, that we're doing a good job here. But I think there have been times where we haven't done the best job. And I think both of us

by like sort of the way that we're very similar is that we internalise a lot of that and we get very angry with ourselves. Yeah. Which is good that we haven't turned on each other, I suppose. But like there have been periods. And weirdly, looking at the stats

because we did do a bit of a stat dive when Faye started to try and work out like and when we were building the studio and sort of like, you know, leveling up, it was like what do we want where do we want it to go how do we want it to grow and stuff and it was interesting wasn't it that after you announced your pregnancy yeah we took a really big hit on the stats yeah and i still don't really know what happened there no me neither unless it was people worrying that we were just going to be a mum podcast maybe it was potential suitors of me

and then when i was like completely off the market they're like right i'm done now i can't believe We never have considered that. I know. There's no doubt in my mind. Yeah. I think that's the most reasonable explanation. Oh, well, silly me. Yeah, we've been analyzing that for waiting.

You didn't get the dick. How are they been sitting on that? Then you were pregnant. No, yeah, no, they're all there for me. Yeah, no, they, yeah, fuck. Okay, I was humbling. Another moment of self, another moment of introspection, little self-awareness, little parting gift. I am so proud of all of this entire body of work, though.

And I don't feel like, maybe you'll feel different about all that just us is and all like having a lot of your personal life still there like still sort of living there and maybe we can do something about that like we don't have to let them live you know but I'm really proud of that body of work and like that legacy and I'm even the earlier stuff which I know if I listen back I'd be like oh my god what was I talking about I'm in a fucking idiot I would level up on Van Gogh I would be both done no no painful but I'm still really proud of it and how far we've cut them and how much progress we've made in so many ways yeah of course and I think as well like I mean no one should or needs to do cover to cover but I think looking for

us if we are looking at it cover to cover which I guess we can and this is the perfect time to do it it's like I can see how much we have grown yeah as people and how much we have lived in this time and how much we have changed we have changed so much this is a really good time I've got mad hair. This is a really good time to give you your present because this has been a time of reflection for me. Fuck yeah. I cried so much.

Oh no. It's a good time for it, Lily. Oh, no. It's very heavy and very fragile, so don't fuck it up. Oh, my God. Can you describe what Al's holding? Al is holding a... It's very hard to know what's wrapped in there.

Oh, why am I crying? She's not going to have any idea. It could be a pony. It's massive. It's absolutely ginorm. I had to get an Uber in because I tried to get on the train and Alex, my new phone and dropped it.

My present is shit if I can press, and I need to read it. Honestly, fair enough because it is so good. I'm going to need to copy and paste it for myself. Oh, my God. Oh, look, that's my first one thing too. I know.

And, yeah, and the seven mill in the other corner there. It's like your hand too. No, that was at our last night of our live show when we were all done. A live tour, sorry. For listeners, sorry, I have made Alex an A1 collage of the last four years. It's so cool, isn't it? It's so cool. It's so cool.

Yeah, it's really cool. Yeah, that keeps happening. That's why I didn't carry it in, don't worry. Just needs to go on a wall. It's cool, isn't it? You're there, Faye. Holding Alex's head. It's so well printed.

Thank you. Thanks. It's supposed to take a new eight. Yeah, I told you, I'm getting into my craft. Look at this. Oh my God, look at you with that hair. That's so dark. Oh, my God.

So I discovered that there are two-seater cars that exist in the world. That's the day Arlo, we recorded when Arlo was born. That's where you came to see me after Tommy. Tommy was born. Yeah. I mean, literally every mile. stone we hit we got your light London shoot in the right hand corner yeah that's obviously me being stunning oh yeah uh there's a couple from my hendoo there's our first live show

what's this wrong that's when you came out of VR on my hendoo and like you felt really sick taking the VR headset off and then there's the one when we pretended to the waiter it's your birthday when we all went out for dinner and you're clapping oh because i was late laughing oh it was so good that is one of the best presents ever like you're so welcome me and Arlo have not stopped staring at it. She's really sad that it's gone because we've literally just been like, and Alex help me as well. Thank you so much.

You're so welcome. Oh my God. I'm exhausted. There's Daisy's there too with all the crispy cream donuts. I feel emotionally. I'm not surprised. So when I made that, I was in fucking floods. When I finished it, I actually filmed myself making it because I was like, oh, this is cute.

And then like, I thought it would be like quite, like, I thought it would look like a cool montage and then actually all it is is so depressing because at the end I literally look at it and I just, I'm like staring and then I just burst into tears. I was like, oh my God, am I okay? And I think that's what I was saying like on that why I thought it was a good time to give it to you is it's like, we have grown and I was like cutting all those little pictures out. I was like, we have grown. Like look at us with our tiny babies. Look at us before our babies. Look at us drunk out of our fucking heads. There's a couple of photos. Yeah, no, but there's one that random night we went out and clapham years ago and we're so drunk. I can't do it. I

I cut Georgie out of it just for jokes and there it is it's above you on the VR thing we're so no it's not that one where is it

oh I know it's right at the top above delete two above that look how drunk you are and it's right next of that one

where Arlo's just been born and so it's like I felt like that was so full circle oh my God look at when we did the live show

for George Asda yeah that was our first live show and it looks like a photo shoot it looks like you look like my surrogate yeah that's their

of a load delete that's our first live show there you were pregnant with all though no I was oh yeah yeah I was and bottom left too they're Fifi took those photos are so lovely yeah I love them I want to get those framed oh my god I know and it's like I can't stop staring at it because every time I think I've finished I'm like oh there's another one then there's when little Samp was born oh that's you breastfeeding at the live show yeah the second live show yeah there's a couple of those and then there's breastfeeding in the studio top left as well then there's you randomly crying through that camera on the bottom left underneath me with the umbrella Why was it gross?

Can't remember. But I had that umbrella hat. Oh, that stupid umbrella that you thought looked so chic. I did think it looked quite in reflection. It's actually very ugly. This is amazing. Looking at it now. I have no idea how I'm getting at home, but I absolutely love it.

I know. I thought that. I was like, if I had to get an Uber and she is fucked. Sorry. Your hair was so dark. Yeah, what was up with that? It was almost black. Why did none of you say anything? I didn't know one be like, you looked ridiculous.

It felt like you were really going through something. Yeah, we were scared. Fair enough. I just made it known when it got lighter. I was like, I really like it. Fair enough. Yeah, I learned some lessons there. Oh, see, yeah, that just makes...

Oh, then when we were recording in bed, in the Isle of Man. In the Isle of Man, of course. We've just done so much out. And your book coming out, your book was coming... It actually had already been out. And it wasn't. It came out while we were doing the pod.

And, yeah, and then our last five shows on there, too. They've done so much growing. I can't stop staring at it. I know. I've had it in front of me for like two days, just like staring. Me and Arlo, look at it every night. She goes to bed for like half an hour. I'm just like, I'm going to make one for her.

Well, for it for you, but also for her. And that, you know, to what you're saying like about leaving like the online legacy and like all those episodes and stuff. And it's like I am also proud of it in that looking at that, we've had so much fun. So much fun. And I think I'm really having to contend or like fight with these parts of myself that feels like my career should be very serious and like every part of, of business should be serious. And so it feels maybe at times when I'm like, that's silly or like, do I want that?

And like, do I want my kids looking at that? And it's like, fuck yeah. I love that photo of me on my hand do. I'm flashing you my pants. Like, always like, what's up with that? I was like, mommy was having so much fun. So much fun. And like, what a gift to be able to, if that is what we.

Yeah. Well, after I won the limbo competition. Best nights on my life. Yeah, yeah. After I won the limbo competition got given a free bottle of Carver and an electric guitar, a balloon electric guitar

that I kept donking people on the head with. And then Sarah was dressed like a feckin senator and made us all go home at like, one. She was like, I've moved the calves forward. And we were all like, what? And we met a podcast listener in there, remember? And we basically jumped down.

I didn't want to put her, I didn't want to put her because I didn't think she necessarily wanted to be immortalized as a pop world like from her night out in 2021 in pop world. I didn't want to put it. it on a, on 2000, whatever it was. Anyway, I didn't want to necessarily put her in there forever

to be immortalized with us. So, but I found that on my phone. I was like, oh, God, love you. That was so funny. Because we asked her for a picture. We literally jumped down her throat. Yeah, like, the pod was like only three months old and we were like, oh my God, go to find it with you, please.

Yeah, I thought it was too intense to put it on the collage forever. So it's only else in there. But, yeah, I mean, to leave that behind, to leave that in our wake. Like, and even if, you know, going back and, like, letting our kids listen to it one day, I'm like, yeah, go here, go here, Go hear Mommy be messy. Yeah. Go hear me before I grew up.

Yeah. Go hear me have fun. I don't think there's anything I'm ashamed of. Are you sure? Maybe the waffle stomping conversation that stopped us from having an astronaut on. Did you know this, Faye? No. Oh no.

Daisy was in talks with an astronaut, like a famous astronaut. Yeah, a famous astronaut who I bumped into in the Lorraine Green Room the other day. Oh, you did? I did. Not good. So she was coming on. It was like... All I'd wanted for like a year was...

was to talk to someone that had been to space. And then she thought she'd just check out the podcast and she listened to like, I think the intro of, and we were talking about Waffle Stomping. Do you know what that is? Yeah, that's when you take a shit in the shower and stand it down and then she'd send an email and said, I just don't think this is a right fit for me.

Fair fuck. Honestly fair enough. The woman's been to space. She doesn't need our nonsense. Do you know what I mean? Like she's seen how good it can be. She doesn't need to come and sit with two half wits talking about waffle stomping.

Maybe that bit I'm ashamed of. There are a few, there are a few overshares on our part, but there are so many overshares. But it's part of the fun. It's like that kind of hangover fun where it's like, Jesus Christ, like there's not like that fight with the tiger

was a bit much, but all in all, good night. You know what I mean? Like memories that will last forever. Like yeah, I mean, like my hendoo, I fell asleep on the kitchen floor.

Like I'm not proud of that, but the rest of the night on balance is worth it. I think it's probably like, that's my reflection. Do you know what I mean? Jerome and I try to give you that piece of sage advice upstairs.

actually in the studio, about if you're driving down the motorway, don't look. If you're driving anywhere, don't look where you don't want your car to go. And I thought, I was like passing on this thing. Seriously, like, sage, I was like, this is, no, just wait. I'm like, this is, you're just looking at me blank. And I was like, okay, yeah, hang on. And you said it as like a metaphor for life. It was like, in, like, just put your eyes where you want to go.

if you don't want to crash into something don't look at it it's like good idea I just remember hearing that and being like wow oh my God that's changed my life but I don't even really understand it we have had so much fun

so much fun and I don't know if maybe we've just grown up to the point where you don't where we don't I don't think we'll ever grow out of that sort of like silliness but like do you remember that time when we did it on the Zoom and like you were trying to show me your socks and you fell off your chair

and it's like oh my God I don't think I could explain that kind of fun to the people in my life now. Do you know what I mean? Like, if I had to say to the kid, like, what's, what's mummy doing at work? It's just like, oh, she was just showing a colleague a sock and she fell off. Like, I hope we still have that kind of fun in us. But like, maybe if it was just for the time, then like, what a great time. I think we will.

Do you think? Yeah. Yeah. And also, you know, we wanted to, we do want to leave the door open. Yeah. In terms of like community stuff as well and live stuff and in person stuff. Yeah. Well, in a few spaces actually we've talked about, I mean, like we haven't caught up on it in a while.

But like, and a few things that we could do together coming up. We've always wanted to do like a pub quiz. Yeah. We are doing a live show. We are doing a live show. In April. Yes. Or May.

Yeah. We've just confirming that at the moment. Yeah. We don't know if it'll still be should I delete that or if it'll just be. Yeah. Us. But like we're not deleting the Instagram. account.

She's a deadly Instagram account. It's not going anywhere. Who knows what the future holds? There is still stuff. Like this format, I think, suits us both that we both love. Like, and there is still stuff that we can, we both loved the series that we did. The body image series. But we didn't have capacity to give that series what it, weren't, what it did, what it needed.

Because we, meanwhile, I mean, I was like nine months pregnant, but also we were preparing to have more guests and more guests and more guests and pick up and do the Thursday episodes and that's the thing we were doing it alongside and that was my maternity leave yeah we created that eight weeks and again it's not woe as me but it's just like we have worked through really three years three kids what should have been maternity leave maternity leave maternity leave by normal standards no wonder we couldn't do the job we wanted to do yeah but that doesn't mean that when we don't have like mad empty calendars and like severe withdrawals from each other and from fay in from this room that we won't find a way to do something again and there are still so many things

we've said we wanted to do and maybe when we've got a little bit more space yeah we will be able to do those things headspace and capacity and just passion for it when we're a bit yeah pat yeah that's the thing that's the thing that's what i looked at that that's the thing like we have look at that like little hopeful little faces up there it's like we have yeah yeah and it's like we need to get to a point again where it's all so where whatever we do next is really exciting and we haven't been able to get excited because we'd be too busy just doing the next thing I'm still crying at that present it's so nice it's really cool the woman in snappy snaps thought I'd lost my mind it's like how big a frame am I going to need to make these all into a collar she's like

how small are you going to cut them I'm like I can't get into this with you I don't know this must have taken you so long it actually didn't take as long as what you'd think no No, and it's also genuinely a passion of mine in a way that it shouldn't be. Alex, adults do not collage enough. Like, this has not come up enough for me, but I absolutely loved it as I was doing. I was like, God, this is fun. There's a name for it. Collaging.

If you tell me that it's called collaging, I'm going to throw my boot at your head. No, no, there's a name for it. It begins with a D. It begins with a duh. To leave its legacy. Design. People will be screaming at this. I doubt it.

Decoupage or something like that. Oh, sorry. Is it French? Of course it is. Something's never changed. Oh, there's a word. You know what? She's actually right.

It's a Dicoupage. We? I just wasn't happy with that Anglo-Saxon take on the term. It's Deku-Page, please. You ignorant swine. I hate the way your language sounds at my mouth. Take me back to my mother tongue. How do we wrap up?

I have, I don't want to. all I want to do is sit here with you for the rest of forever doing what we love. This feels so sad. I didn't even feel like we've done this justice. I know. I don't. I don't feel like I said what I needed to say. No, I don't.

And I actually said I feel like I said it all wrong if you do it all again. Like all those things. No, I can't do that. I can't do this all again. No, I think from a listener point of view, I think it really makes sense and everyone will be sad to be hearing this. Oh my God, I need a tissue. No, I think you've said it right.

What are you worried about? Is there like, I don't know, is there anything more you want to say about your feelings? Do you want to, should we just do it? Like, should we just be really raw and sad for a minute and then let everybody be free? Or should we just leave them to have a happy Christmas now? Do you know what I mean? Do you want to say everything, anything? It's just like speak now or forever hold your peace.

Is that come? When does that come? Church? No. Is that when you're arrested? No. Speak now or forever hold you. Weddings!

Weddings! I feel like you're rambling. You're rambling because you don't want. No, I'm in a full panic mode. I'm going to spin. And then I was like, when does that come. come up. I've malfunctioned. Yeah, I am. I feel sad. I literally can't stop right. Oh no, don't because if I look at you, that's why I have to say the stupid things, because if I look at you

and then I have to say serious things. I'm being an avoidant. I don't want to do this. This is so sad. But like, I do think the biggest thank you has to go out to everyone who has supported us. I know we've said it in this episode and like we wouldn't have been able to I need to propose myself, sorry. I've also got fucking cold, it's driving me nuts. And we wouldn't have been able to do any of these four years without you guys,

but like, it has made it so special. And it has meant the world, like the world to us. And like, we are so sad to lose, like, this community aspect and let you guys down in a way, you know?

Yeah, for sure. Like, I think that's always, um, felt like we've always said it's like the best thing about live shows and in a way that's like the greatest sadness with the podcast dynamic is that it is to you know like it's it's parasocial and meeting you guys at the in public and around and about but at the live shows particularly like it's humbling in a way we don't deserve and it's just it's so so special and I feel that we've made like the best friends and we've yeah like podcast friends yeah and like you say like when they drop in on

Instagram with like an inside choke and I'm like oh my god like my heart feels so warm but it's true with the live shows like we can look we look at our stats you know when this is like this many thousand or that but like that still feels quite abstract to me but then when we do the live shows and we meet these people who genuinely love the podcast like that means the world I always want to ask why I know I don't I don't get it either, but I'm very grateful nonetheless. Yeah. And I do feel like we're letting people down.

And that's like I can't confront that fully because I feel so bad about it. Because I think also to touch on it like the loneliness thing is something that's come up so many times and people. And I think we are living in such a weird place. And I love that we have been able to share our friendship and in turn be friends with. other people and then all the people to make friends because I think we are living in a really disconnected place in so many ways and I have loved and I'm not like we don't want to profess to have done anything like more than what we did but I think having been able to be maybe a comfort or a bit of company for anyone who's needed it has been yeah like such a privilege and

and I feel so sad and I'm so sorry that that's going because and and I just I think we can't I think If we'd have stayed stuck in time and as the versions of ourselves that started this and that could sort of love in that like very vulnerable and messy and be and an open way, it could have, I would have loved to have carried that forever. And I think I'm coming up with a lot of things in my own life where I feel this sort of like guilt or pressure about how I have changed since becoming a mother. And I think you do fight all these things and you just think, it won't be me. Like, that won't happen to me.

And ultimately, maybe it's not motherhood. Maybe it's getting older, whatever it is. Like, ultimately you do change and you have to protect your peace and your boundaries. And I think, you know, sometimes, and it's a really unusual situation because they say what, that like, the boundaries, like, I mean, in a sort of therapy sense, it's like, you know, the, you shouldn't dare. how your boundaries affect other people that ideally right and I get that but we do feel like such a sense of like love

and obligation and gratitude to you guys that like it can't there's no way that it can't hurt there's no way that are going and our and are doing what we have to do for us is like that it can't feel shit because I don't think it's necessarily the best for everyone do you know what I mean

and it's like yeah it just feels it just feels it feels really selfish in a way do you know what I mean? And I feel like we're giving up and I know that my rational thoughts around this are like so right and so good and like particularly for me within my motherhood

like that is where and as your friend like that feels so important that we protect you and we protect our friendship and also like I want to say thanks to the listeners but I really want to say thanks to you because we've just had so much fun and like

yeah you've like you've trusted me in a way that I haven't really been trusted before and believed in me and supported me and you know like you've driven me to be to be so much more so much more like you've taught me so much and I'm really grateful to you and I'm going to miss it so much this is so fucking sad sorry everyone you don't need to listen to this fake just just leave us with the fucking French word or whatever Shall I just fade it out with just you guys crying? Sobbing into the microphone. I don't even know if anyone can understand us at this point.

We're crying so much. I forgot now. I feel like I blacked out for like five minutes. I don't even know what I said. I'm just so sad. I will, you know, and I think in terms of our dynamic, like, I love these studio days. I love hanging out together.

And like, we have, we have had such a good time doing this. and like we've been able to connect in a way that normal friends don't because we've talked so much we've had live therapy sessions we've talked to live we've had live friendship therapy sessions on that that is a fucking weird timing I'm not being funny but like people are going to chat and fair enough like six weeks ago we're like so we're going to therapist in it anyway we're done it was weird coincidental timing you know on that yes it was it was it was but also we have learned to read each other and we have and we have we have learned to work together in this unprecedented and beautiful and incredible way and I think like you know doing the therapy

and stuff it's like it's giving me a greater understanding of you it's giving me a great understanding myself I know it's one therapy session but like you know what I mean like yeah we have had to understand each other so wholly and so So hugely. And I think it's probably our love for each other that means that we are ending this because I don't think we would do it if it was just us. I agree. I agree.

It's our love for each other that we want to set each other free from it. That is probably the thing that means we can. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So sad. Totally. But I think that there's like, there's a bond I have to you that will never go away. like it is like deep and you know it's been like as we said in the friendship episode like intense

yeah yeah and not in bad ways in good ways yeah but in some bad ways like there's there's some stuff that's so exciting about not having to not having to like share those bits sometimes like we can just take the best bits from each other yeah and the fact that i'm shit over what's that won't be a problem anymore do i mean like i can just be one of i can just be like an annoying mate that just like doesn't reply enough, whereas it's not going to be like a problem. And that's so nice that we can, that we can just live as friends and love each other and know each to them, see each other without the pressure without having to make all of ourselves be known. Do you know what I mean? We can save our best bits for our,

which is a lovely thing that's a lovely thing to do with friends. It's be able to save your best bits for you. And it's nice to be able to be seen by them and to feel safe to see by them. But how nice will it be when we just show up with our best bits for each other? and we can just share that with each other and we can just talk about our kids and just have a really happy fucking day and our lives and not like logistics or admin and oh fuck and this and yeah

yeah that Monday morning we're not going to know what to do with ourselves I know I won't have like a it's not a cloud hanging way over me that sounds bad but like it's just like this niggling of like I need to do this I need to do this and I haven't done this and I need to do this and that's something to your nature you cannot let a job be

not done under undone not done And that's the thing about this job is it will never be finished. And it's like, I'm so excited for this piece for us. Yeah. It's just like. We can let that go. Yeah. Which will be amazing until it's not.

And then we get hung up on the next thing and we'll be all in a frantic straight about that. Like I need to blow my life up in a different way now. Yeah. Suggestions. Of course. We'll find plenty of ways. Don't worry. Oh my goodness me.

We need to go. Don't worry. Yep. It's like you really need to go. It's been two and a half hours. Yeah, it's shut the fuck up. Mind your end is we started. Full circle.

Yeah. Let's just make way too much nice. Thank you. Well, thank you. Thank you, Elliot for joining fairly at the last minute, actually. Yeah, I'm really sorry. Would it be something I did?

Yeah, it was you. It was you. We just couldn't take it. Final straw. Joking. Joking. Thank you, Faye. Honestly, you've been like,

like, I am sad to let you go. Like, this has been on such, like, every level. Oh my God. I love you. I love you so much. I love the way you work. I love the way you speak.

I love the way you dress. I love everything that you do. I'm going to miss you so much. We're going to hang out. Fuck it. We're going to work together. I don't know if we're going to hang out of that. Don't know.

Guys. We're going to do ice bars. We're going to give a running. Guys. And then we're going to talk to some political commentator that you can't stand. I'm going to do what I did when Dex left and just run away when this stops. I'm just going to leave. I'm going to run.

So we have an avoid. an attachment in the corner. She doesn't want to deal with this. Oh, God, we've got Aquarius and a Gemini behind the cone. We don't spend a chance. We're just going to sit here and cry and they will not acknowledge it at all. They will just sit as they are until we stop. That's exactly what they've been doing. We've been crying for an hour and they're just like, okay, can you wrap up now? I'm hungry. Fair enough. Everybody's got places to be. We get it. Too many emotions.

Guys, we're sorry that we've done this before. Christmas. We're sorry that we're going in general. We're sorry that we chatted absolute bollocks for four years, but more specifically for the last 40 minutes of this. And I'm sorry for all the tears. I'm so sorry. I don't think I'm going to stop. No, see, you can't. I can't. I can't. I'm not a stop. Like, once I'm on, I'm on. Like, I can't. We've talked about this before. I'm not like that at all. I'm like a bouncy ball. I'm like right in the bodd when they're right back to the top again. The tap is on and I don't have access to it to turn it off. Okay, I fear I may have to sit on the sofa with fame, just slowly back away until you stop riding. Watch this play out. Right, well, the lease ends in July, so if you could stop at some point before then.

That's fine. I'll be out by then. That would be great. And on a practical note, we do, we still did, we obviously built this studio before knowing that we were going to be leaving it. So if anyone needs to rent a studio for anything, hit us up hit us up as we said

we need a bit of money we need a bit of cash every little helps guys put that tissue down you're outrageous we're fine we're influencers

oh gosh and Faye it's the best producer in the whole wide world so if any of you are working on something incredible we've also

fucked her over so please please get in touch there as well I know I know but stay free for a bit in case we decide this is a terrible

I'm running back to you tails between our legs. God, that would be embarrassing, but so on brand. Can we delete our, can we delete our departure, please? Pretend it didn't happen. And, like, we can't forget a thank you to everyone that we have previously worked with. Like, Daisy, we started a podcast with Dave, produces Daisy. I tell you what.

I'm going to get a big tie. I'm going to get a big tie. That, when I talk about the scramble, Daisy was, when we scrambled, Daisy scrambled with us. And I'll never be able to thank her enough for that. Like, she was so down for it. She was scrappy. She was so scrappy and she just made it happen. Yeah.

And I'm so grateful to her that she was with us for that period. And again, she did the right thing. She did what she had to do and she got out of this. She got out. Well, she, she, she needed to put her, you know, she, she, the environment, looking at it introspectively. Yeah. The environment was, you know, we were, we were working really, really hard and she wanted

to do something different and I really respect that she wanted to go and have some space and live in Wales and I know. And talk about maths online on their podcast. It's amazing. I'm dead proud of her. Yeah, me too. So like, and Daisy was just such an incredible and pivotal part of that. And we've had so many amazing people help us run the community on socials.

And we had Amy. And then we had, we had amazing Emma, who was with us for ages. And now we've got lovely Sarah. Yes. My best friend Sarah, who, she's so pissed off. I thought everyone would be really happy when I, like, I thought my friends would kind of be kind of understanding when I told them the podcast was ending. She was like, she was like, what the fuck? fuck she's like all your listeners are going to be so upset why the fuck are you doing this and i was like

oh my god sarah not not the time like fair enough but also not now um there's helen who set up the studio for us who built the studio hours in to make this a real physical thing with very little instruction and management from us yes yes we were shocking and decks who she found thank god to help yeah studio manager and then of course elliott who came in to support us and obviously fair you've had your thanks but yeah have it again guys this is just been, have we missed anyone? Oh, of course, yeah. Oh my God, we did speak about it. Yeah. And also, Celia's the best video in the world. I love her. She's made our trailers sick. She's so cool. I love her.

And of course, our management. Our management. Yeah. Alex. Boy Alex. Boy, Alix. Emily. M.F. Yeah, yeah. God, because we just did another Emily. So many Alex. So many Emmle's. It's insane. And Flo. Like, these guys have worked so hard on stuff behind the scenes. like on deals, campaigns, live shows. And I want to actually just say that because I know it's my husband, then it's weird, but I feel like if I can't declare love to him, then who can I? He has believed in what we have done.

He has. So wholeheartedly, I'll cry again. But, you know, he started his agency and I went originally, you know, it was just going to be me and him and whatever. But he wanted the best for this pod from the beginning. And he's done us so proud. And he's come up with ideas and campaigns and ways of making it work and make money that we were desperate for.

before we went to him, we were really struggling with kind of monetising that kind of thing. And finding management, because they don't make a lot of money, management generally don't have that same passion for them as they do with other areas of clients. So we had historically found that we couldn't get people to, that the pod was always never a priority in management size because it didn't make so much money. And Alex never saw that as an issue and really believed in what we were doing as a brand and us as people and us together. And he's pitched us in ways that we could never pitch ourselves. Oh, fuck no. Like he makes us sound amazing.

Amazing. And he got us the Rugby World Cup deal and every other deal. He did. And every other deal. And every amazing episode and idea. And he's worked with Faye and they've been such an amazing dream team. And the girls, Flo and Emily have been so, so believing in us. Yeah. And I'm so proud of what he's built there with his agency.

But I'm just so grateful to them that they believed in something that was not always the most financially sensible idea. Yeah. And he went, he trusted his wife and he trusted his friend and he trusted us and he believed in what we were doing enough that even when it didn't make the most sense, he still, you know, was in our corner. So yeah, it's been really cool, isn't it? It's really cool. Right. We really have to go.

Yeah, I'm going to go get so drunk. I don't want to feel my feelings anymore. I want a day drink. Let's get black out, guys. You'll see me like on the old's photos flashing my niggins. to people on the platform at Waterloo Station later. I'm not going to say thank you again. No.

Don't stop. I don't want to cry anymore. I just wish I could give like everyone a hook. Oh no, this is giving mean girls. This is giving that middle school. Guys, I've lost it. I've actually lost it. Rain it in now.

I need to go home. Shall we all go? She's pushed me past, feeling sad. I'm just laughing at you. Honestly, fair enough. Yeah, it's true. My own feelings of sadness. I wasn't crying.

I'd laugh at myself. Oh, I can't acknowledge this severity. I can't acknowledge that we're not coming back. I can't do it. Okay. Got to go. Goodbye. This is see you later.

I love you. We love you so much. Thank you for everything. And I really hope we see you again in this capacity. I'm embarrassed. At some, in some, in some capacity. Yeah. On a microphone again.

These people have been listening to like, guys, we didn't even really care that. much. They'd be like, this is like way too intense. It was just a fucking podcast. Jesus Christ

I listened to you when I had nothing else. You just like wanted a big roster. My therapist ghosted me, Jesus and then I listened to yours if I had time

but okay. They're like we're fine with you going like we're fine. Yeah, I just want to hug everyone of you. They're like please stop hugging me stop crying at me. Just leave me alone.

Okay, I need to go. This is, I'm actually, I'm embarrassed for us. I'm emotionally drained. Whatever, whatever swag and coolness we had, leaving on a seven mill down and see you later. We've ruined it with this. This has been horribly ugly. This is horrible. Horrible.

Horrible. Let us end it. Let us go. Goodbye. I love you. Don't be fired. What the fuck am I supposed to say? Jesus.

Can I just remind everyone, this is a woman that got her sister to write her wedding thank you card. There is no emotional regularity here. at all. We are getting tears or we're getting goodbye. Because I can't regulate my emotions. It's always been a problem. And on that. Okay, on that, we love you guys. Thank you so much. Thank you for everything. We love you. We will miss you more than words can say. Thank you.