Should I Delete That? - The truth behind Married at First Sight

Episode Date: July 9, 2023

TW: SuicideThis week on the podcast, Em and Alex are joined by Married at First Sight UK contestant Gemma Rose Barnes. Gemma wanted the perfect partner to complete her life, and so she signed up to MAFS in the belief that she was going to find just that, even getting a tattoo in honour of this man who she hadn’t met yet. She ended up becoming a controversial figure on MAFS due to her willingness to make crude jokes and openly talk about sex. She shares that her words were edited and taken out of context, and that her new husband’s keenness was edited out all together. Gemma experienced various mental health and addiction struggles, exacerbated due to the show, and had to make a change. Now sober, Gemma shares the reality behind this “reality” TV show, and how we as viewers need to take a more discerning attitude towards it.EDIT- A Channel 4 Spokesperson said: "Contributor care and wellbeing is of paramount importance and appropriate support is available to contributors before, during and after broadcast. Any concerns raised by contributors about safety would always be taken extremely seriously and we would take prompt and appropriate action when needed. Any action taken would always be agreed with the cast members involved to ensure they were satisfied with the resolution and outcome. Contributors are able to leave the process at any time. During filming, alcohol consumption is at the discretion of individuals, but it is monitored and limited by the production team and contributor welfare is always prioritised. All broadcast episodes of MAFS U.K. are a fair and accurate reflection of the events that took place."Follow Gemma on Instagram @reallifeofgemroseFollow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And actually they used everything in a different order And they edited bits and put them here there And you can't sue them, you can't do anything You've signed a contract signing away your right to the edit Hello and welcome back to delete that I'm Alex Light And I'm M Clarkson, how are you out? I am.

I'm actually not going to tell you how I am because you'll just scoff at me. But good. If I tell you the honest truth of how I am, you'll be like, eh, nah, nah, nah, nah. Because unfair enough, because I am annoying. Are you bad because it's sunny? Okay, we've just had like 10, like a week of absolute bliss. It's been like 17 degrees and it's been like so nice at night to sleep. Yeah, gorgeous.

And now, suddenly out of nowhere, I feel like I can't breathe because it's so hot. again so anyway how are you driving driving because the sun's out i'm fine i'm actually i'm just i'm fine it's nothing to do with the weather okay okay i'm just i'm too grounded i'm too grounded to let something like a bit of rain or sun affect me no i'm fine i am not i am not i am very unstable as a person um no i'm good i'm just i'm just very tired can i have please a good about or an awkward from you. Oh, I thought you were going to say, can I have a run? And I was like, oh my God, please, tell us. Oh, no, I don't need to have a run. The problem is, the problem is, the problem is, okay, this will might be my bad. The problem is, when you're a new parent and you say,

I'm really tired, or like anything other than, like, I'm euphorically happy, everyone's like, oh, are you okay? And it's like, oh, my God, yeah, I'm fine. Like, and it's so nice, but I'm trying to find the balance between, like, really, really stressing the point that I'm fine, but also that I'm so fucking tired and that I just can't cope with anything because I'm so tired. But I have to say that and then I have to say lull at the end. I have to be like, oh my God, like I'm so far. Like I can barely even breathe. Like I'm so frazzled. Like I'm pretty sure I'm actually asleep when I'm like doing stuff. Huh, loll. Because I don't want anyone to worry. But you're allowed to be tired. I am. And you know what? It sounds exhausting.

It's a bit tiring. I don't know, but it sounds tiring. and I don't think she's sleeping very much, is she? So it's... No, we're not in a massive sleep. The problem is as well, because you say that and then everyone's like, oh, let me sell you a sleep training course. And I'm like, no, I don't want to do sleep training. No, no.

But, yeah, so I just, I can't really find the words to say it because it's such a contradiction where I'm like, absolutely totally fine, but I am so tired. But I'm good. It's not actually Aalot. It's everything else. Like, it's my work. super busy and the house is just relentless it's basically like you just have to do everything you

did before except you also have a kid so it's just like ooh okay-duki godspeed yeah I couldn't I couldn't that's the spirit I think if I have a kid I'm just going to have to quit everything oh good I love it when you talk like this yeah well actually roles were reversed the other day and you oh and you said you were quitting for the first time ever you were like I'm done I'm quitting her out and I'm guessing this is going to be your awkward yeah yeah of course it is but before we go have you got anything bad let's just start everybody on a bad note before we pick it up and get into the lovely interview yeah I had really bad chubbub yesterday and it came on totally unexpected unanticipated and it was rough I was on this really hot train in a dress and I just haven't had it for a while so I didn't think about it I was in this dress and the sweat was like it was so hot tube was so hot the sweat was like pouring off me and it was all like sorry gross like in between like in between my legs and I just didn't think about it and then it got so bad so quickly within like 10 minutes I was like I've got sores on my leg so yeah so that was my bad

gross yeah really hurt yeah fab um awkward made a cake didn't go very well don't want to talk about it I thought it was going to be your good I've seen the pictures I've heard the rumors it looks it looks so bad no it doesn't out I thought it looked good I thought it was going to be good I was ready to be like woohoo cake oh no no no no no It's wonky as shit and I don't know how people do it, but I have such a respect for bakers. It's, oh my God. It's a science.

Incredible. It's an actual art and science. They're doctors. They're like, let's not beat around the bush here. They are. It's incredible. Yeah. I'm doing a little like, hands down.

I thought that was going to be your good. I think it looked good. A worship. You're worshipped them. Yeah. Okay, yeah. I don't know worship them. That's weird.

But like hats up. Shapo. Shapo. Okay, my awkward, as you alluded to earlier, is obviously the fact that I made a reel, thought it was fucking hilarious, uploaded it, having spelled the word alphabet wrong,

like a moron, re-uploaded it, nobody liked it. The reason nobody liked it as it transpires was because it wasn't fucking funny, to only one apart from me, which was very sad. And boy Alex,

who was a bad, a bad pool, a bad, what's it called? Like a pool where they do market research. like a market like uh yeah like uh yeah like market research yes yeah well he was a bad one of those whatever that was because he was like ha ha ha ha it's so funny i was like cool i'll upload it nobody like did nobody last i did true brand i just couldn't get it i just didn't get it

it's like really struggling if you missed it i sent it to a girl alex to ask if it was funny and she replied being like i don't get it and i was like right well i just quit my job and hate myself so thanks um I uploaded a reel because basically somebody DM me a few months ago and I was like do you know you don't need to read the alphabet in order I was like wait what my whole world

just fell in on itself we this and I googled it there's no reason to do A B, C, D E F G, H, J, K L-M-A-Z whatever I've got, I ballsed that but there's no reason there's no reason to sing it and there's certainly no reason to do it in order we could do it in any order that we wanted yeah

does that not blow your mind? well um well it should i don't know i just i just i just feel like it's kind of normal that we've put it in order like there's no reason we always think like oh a is the best a is the top and z the worst absolutely that's true there's no reason no yeah okay okay now i'm understanding it but it did take me a very long time i was just like am i missing something yeah it wasn't real content as it turns out so it's gone i've deleted it and i hate myself so that's nice What made me laugh was I went to click on to it and it was like, the link is broken. I was like, oh right, okay, it's gone.

I don't want to talk about it. Right, can we just pick this back up, please? Can we have something good? I love it because that's normally what I do. So I love it when we roll reverse. Yeah. My good is that my paperback book, the paperback of my book launches today, which is very cool. Yeah, it's a like sexy new cover.

and yeah it's quite exciting so that's it really it's very exciting congratulations i know thanks thanks it is cool it's so cool what you my good i talked about it last week but i did manage to pull off alex's surprise 30th birthday party oh my god so much fun it was so much fun he had no idea we were super late because of pride didn't count for that going into central london so we were like running through through pride which was actually gas all part of the fun and it was the most amazing night we went to Leo London and it was literally epic

like it was like the best night out like head and do aside best night out ever boy Alex shouldn't do that personally because he was at one he wasn't at the other but what are you going to do? It was unreal it was so good I love a night like that

and it was just the energy was so high and he had such a good time like he was just in his element like he had a ball He was sliving. My absolute favourite moment of the whole evening, though, was when I was watching this amazing guy performing, and he was like, burlesque.

And he was, it was like, it was so, like, just epic. And he was like, like, lap dancing, the chair, but there was no one's lap. I don't know what that's called. But he was just like, trusting on the chair. You get it. Anyway, and I was watching him, and I panned around the table,

and I just saw Dave. he was just like like exactly as you'd imagine Dave's response to that dance to be was what was happening and I loved it so he was confused it was a big night out for Dave

but he had such a good time I know I was I was looking at him I was talking to Georgie then I just looked at him and he was like he was doing a little like what is it the Saturday night you know When you're like, what's the mood? Almost in the twist.

Yeah, classic. Yeah, exactly. He was doing that. I was like, oh, do you. He was sliving. I feel like you can't really do that outside of the Saturday night dance, but why did you keep saying sliving? What's this?

What Paris Hilton does? She slives. What does that mean? Sliving. I've been sliving for a little while now. I think we've been sliving collect since the noughties. Sliving. Sliving.

Sliving. Sliving. But what's the Slliv for? Just sliving. I don't know. Like super living Like what? Sliving

Bear with Please call that Oh, it's even better It's a blend Of slaying and living Okay, that Okay, I like that I should Google stuff first

Because I did not know what that was I've just been saying it It could have been anything Oh my God, I can't wait for the day When I'm sliving It's not happened yet ever But one day it will

Oh my god yeah I e being successful and glamorous That's a definite As if I keep walking around I'm sliving I love that Oh well Manifest

Manifest I'm manifesting rain I'm not having that I'm guys Can everybody else just manifest some Please because that is unreasonable For a bit We have an interview and a half

And a half This is one for any Married at First sight fans Of which I'm sure there will be lots of you because it's fucking huge, the show. And we had Gemma Rose Barnes on. Even if you are not a married-at-first sight fan, this was an incredibly interesting interview

about the reality of reality TV. Like, it blew my mind. My Alex hadn't watched it, but he's listened to the interview and he was like, holy shit. So, oh, the ice cream van's going by. Sorry, just in case you can hear that. I know, I might have to go and get...

Yeah, I'm going to have to go and get a twister. It's an amazing interview. Em's got to go get her twister, but please enjoy Gemma Rose Barnes Hi Gemma Thank you so much for coming Thank you for asking me I think there's going to be like mass excitement

We've got I don't even know if you can call it reality We've got TV royalty here We've got our producer Yeah no but like you did the TV show Like the one on everybody's lips Our producer Daisy Who's not here today

actually has a podcast called Doing the Maths which she does with her girlfriend Daisy And they just talk about married at first sight All the time So she like lost her mind when we said you were coming. Oh, that's so cool. And we've got so many questions specifically about what you went through on the show

and what your life's been like since. But like my curiosity like dictates I have to ask this first. What made you sign up for this show? And what was it like knowing that you were going to walk down the aisle to marry somebody that you've never seen before? Okay, really good question actually. Okay. So I applied because I'd split up from my children's father.

I was on my own and I dated twice in like a two-year period and it hadn't worked out. I couldn't give the time to it and my children got hurt both times. So I thought, why not go somewhere where someone's been matched to me for me by these experts, by these psychiatrists? There was a lot of effort so it looked like on my side put into the matching process. Yeah. So I just thought my children won't get hurt. because they're not going to be around and that can't happen in day to day life

and you know getting older whatever that feels like to you but to me like I always imagined I'd spend my life with someone so I thought right well it just can't fail I believed that the people that had been on it before hadn't tried hard enough or hadn't explored why they were matched

and I just I just wanted to throw myself all in I even booked time off after to spend with him I just thought this is it we're going in this is forever yeah it's like science Like they're going to find your person. It was a well-respected Danish experiment back in the day, like 10 years ago. You weren't allowed to take part if you had children because the weddings were legal.

So I always thought if it adapted down the line to include single parents, then I would apply for it. My mum was livid from the moment I applied. And I said, why? And she was like, because you'll get on it. You'll get on it. You're crazy. But yeah, I was just, you know, I had so much hope. Like that buildup, I was just so excited.

I've never felt anything like that buildup to the wedding. And for me, it wasn't like, oh my God, I'm going to be on TV. It was like, I'm going to meet this man. And we're going to be given 24 hours a day together for 10 weeks. We're going to just like be so happy. Because that is like the, it's like ultimate promise. Like we're going to find your perfect match. I never think of it.

You don't think about it. I think maybe we've grown like quite. cynical as a nation to be like well everybody just wants to be on TV so like that's why these shows do so well but actually when you think about that show specifically it's like they're promising you they did promise me as well I even had a conversation with Paul who's one of the experts and he did a face time with me and obviously you're like wow I'm talking to Paul and he's beautiful and he's lovely I'll take it um yeah um and I just said you know my only concern, because he asked me what was your concern,

I said, my only concern is that he won't believe in marriage. And he was like, we'd never do that. Like, the public want to see genuine matches. And Matt did a speech at our wedding and said he didn't believe in marriage. So, you know, it's difficult to understand how that process can enable someone that really does believe in marriage and does want that. And that's why they're there to be matched with someone that just doesn't. It seems like a fundamental.

Yes. You would think. A prerequisite for signing up to a show that gets you married straight away. And in Matt's defence, he was told, do you want to be famous? Do you want Instagram followers? Do you want to come for the reason that he was there? Right, right, right. So obviously we're going to clash and we're strong characters.

But I imagine that's really disappointing then if you, immediately disappointing. I know, but I still thought, well, we could just see how it goes. He's like he must, maybe he says that, but he means something different because he's here. Yeah. Yeah. He's on a marriage show. Yeah. Yeah. He could have gone on Love Island or something else. I mean, probably not. But yeah. But yeah, I just thought that we would at least throw ourselves in. And I actually asked him when we got back from the wedding day and we got to the hotel the night of the wedding, it was just us too and a lovely producer. And I said, to you, is this marriage? Like, do you feel like, do you want to go down that route of throwing ourselves in? Or do you feel like, it's kind of like a pretend TV marriage? And he was like, no, no, we're married. Like, let's throw ourselves in. Right.

And that was the first and last time he said anything of that type. And it didn't continue that way. Oh, man. No, no. On a, sorry, I've just got so many questions. On a practical thing. Like, okay, dress-wise. Yeah.

Like, all of this, when I got married, I kind of love my wedding dress, but then I was like, I kind of want one that, like, I think Alex would like. So you kind of know what kind of vibe you're going for. How did you know what kind of vibe? Was it just your dream? No, so I've never actually imagined myself being in a wedding dress.

Mine was always let's skip to the wife, not bride. Like, it's never been my intention to be a bride. Like, I would carry Bradshaw wear the suit to the town hall. I've always, like, and if I do do it, that will be what I do. It would just be some dress. And it's not the dress for me, but it's not the wedding day. It was the being the wife. And especially as I get older, like, that became so much more significant.

Yeah. And my grandma, like, they went to a registry office. and they were so happy together my grandma and my granddad and like she just wore a brown suit she was with the love of her life we went to a wedding dress shop and I just picked them off the cell rack

I thought oh my tits look good so let's just bear that little bit but it was it was 500 quid from a shop near where I live and it just wasn't about that I got you do get fixated on the look as you know you're marrying a stranger

and you're like oh my god what about my hair my makeup but I have my Doc Martins on and yeah amazing It just, it just wasn't about that. It was just about being there to commit to somebody. When you first saw him, what did you think?

Thank God. Okay. Thank God. Like, I thought he's, I thought initially really attractive. I could get over the shit tattoos. I just thought, this is good. Like, this is a good match. I can see why we've been matched.

But obviously, as we know from our life experiences, we get older, when you get to know someone's personality, they become much, much less attractive. as time goes on. So that appeal was completely lost very quickly because when someone's an arsehole, they're not that good looking anymore. No, no, no.

That can go very quickly. Yes. But you were initially pleased, like, okay, I'm attracted to him. Thank God. Like, this isn't going to be a total disaster. Despite what you've seen on television, my friends and family and his friends

were all like, wow, like sparks are flying. You two are such a strong match. Like the energy in the room, it was electric. And the producers are saying to us, is the best weather they said that to everyone. This is the best wedding for connection that we've seen out of all of them. Oh wow. Obviously that wasn't portrayed in the edit but yeah that it was. So you've said since that you felt that you were edited badly. It's not so much that I said the things that I said and I've always said that people can go but you said

I've never said that I didn't say those things. Yeah. But that's actually but it doesn't mean no like you can say things and they can be twisted put out of context of that we have to appreciate that. And they They were put in actually micro-biting is illegal in this country. They're not allowed to use things in different orders. And they told us that the whole time we were filming. They kept reassuring us with that. And actually, they used everything in a different order. And they edited bits and put them here there.

And you can't sue them. You can't do anything. You've signed a contract signing away your right to the edit. But actually, I said what I said, but if they included what he said and the comebacks and actually the things that he said were probably not broadcastable. So it made, and obviously women that talk about sex, controversial I mean

in the pub where I live everyone's like high five and everyone's like it's just but we watch television with just such a cynical eye

and we're so serious we can't really comprehend that people are just having a good time or a joke did you get a lot of backlash for talking about sex

yes and no the majority absolutely loved it and they were like finally there's someone that's down to earth and like me on television you'll always get the

Karen's but you will always get the parents but But, you know, I was all right about that. I was just more upset that, obviously, I'm hearing, like, bits as it's being aired, because we were filming the reunion, like, as it was about to be aired, he's been told by producers, don't worry, she's going to come down really bad and you're not.

So he, in my eyes, was predicted. They said that to her. Yeah, like, don't worry, you're going to come off absolutely fine. And actually, the things that he did come the end were edited out because he called mental health and things weren't shown. to protect him but yeah it's concerning that

all the men seem to be protected every series in my opinion and it's right it is the shows are run by men and women that want to be men yeah because this is what shocks me in

what happened to you which is I think unprecedented and married at first sight in that he had an affair which is insane because it's not Love Island like you're on a marriage reality show it's just it's so nuts but how there's still any argument that he could be portrayed as the good guy or not the bad guy I think um it depends on people's view doesn't it if

the way the edit looked it looked as though it was going nowhere from the beginning but actually what you don't see is the conversations that were had behind camera right um but this is the thing people they either want to know what went on behind the cameras or they don't and that's fine If people go, well, it wasn't in the edit, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. That is, that's your choice. However, as someone that's been in it and was very poorly for a long time after, it's nice to be able to have an opportunity to say what really happened.

Yeah. And, you know, I was there for genuine reasons. And when I said to him, right, if you're not going to take this seriously and stay in the apartment and throw yourself in, like the other couples, we need to leave. And then for a relationship to start up after that conversation after I said, I don't actually want to try with you myself if I didn't want to try anymore. To start up a relationship that day

to make sure you stay in a TV show says it all for me. Yeah. I mean, I could have stayed, he did ask me to strategize and stay in the show and that was when I said no. He was on the wrong show. But then he was told, he was told to come for that.

Right, okay, so that was what was promised to him. Yeah, he was told, do whatever at any costs to be famous. So it's just a producer's playing. Of course, as it is. Because a burn, that's not fair to be like, oh, this is the best match ever. Yeah. If they know that your intentions for going on the show

are the complete opposite and you've got to figure that out between you without really having that conversation. We watched the scene where you confronted him about it in the garden and he was very defensive and wasn't very nice. I'm surprised he did come off well because it didn't look like a pleasant conversation.

I don't know if he did come off well on that. He doesn't come off well, in my opinion. Yeah, I mean, he can say whatever, you know, that he said in the press and however he wants to defend himself, but he did treat me like shit. He was disgusting. He was scary. And actually, before that scene, I had told the producers I wanted to leave because it was scary. His behaviour was scary.

His body language was scaring me. And to be told, be careful what you say in case you ruin his life. And it's all in your head, like, just stay here. but to be told by like the women that was in charge of all of this stuff, like just be careful of his life and where he will go after this, isn't that what women are dealing with in courts with various assaults and stuff like that constantly? And he did go on to threaten people in the show

and he did go on to attack somebody and it was all covered up by Channel 4. Wow. That's interesting because the producers, there seems to be a lot of scrutiny now because the worst happened at ITV, the worst happened at Love Island. So there is so much pressure now on producers

to really protect the contestants of Love Island. And there's been a lot of people saying it's been really dry since that happened. It's not the original TV because the contestants are like too mentally stable and they're too produced to protect them now because it can't be the mess and the raw and the honesty that it was before

because it's just too much for human beings to deal with. It's the aftermath also. But it feels like that hasn't. been pushed into, like, hearing you speak about this. It's like it's not the case in other reality shows, yeah. So we had a welfare team, but putting out fires is not the same as preventing fires.

No. So the welfare team were fantastic, but they're all having mental breakdowns. They're all very unwell after these series have been filmed because of what they've also been put through. Yeah, it's a lot. Like, it's a lot of people's... Even the pressure.

The guys that were doing all the camera work and their producers also, to hear a lot of saying to me, I don't know if I want to come back and be a part of this anymore. You know, but the work is limited within filming within London and the community is small. So, you know, you can't really, you kind of have to lose the moral issue, I suppose, on their half of wanting to make money. Did you get the impression that other couples were struggling

or other individuals were struggling within the show with the mental health element? So yes, with Thomas, him being drip-fed alcohol privately before filming to make sure that he was kicking off. that's not okay in my book absolutely not okay we definitely both had struggled with with the same sort of things

with like our upbringing or like our past and that was 100% why we were chosen I spoke to the psychiatrist before the show and said you know do you not think she was like you're suffering from trauma from your childhood because I had quite a negative childhood I was like do you not think it's kind of

a bad thing I put it in a box and it's kind of not my story She was like, no, no, no, it's fine. That should have been the point. They were like, you cannot do a TV show like this because you will be very poorly after, which is what happened. But a lot of, I would say,

a lot of the percentage of people that were in that show were in to be on TV. And that's fine. If that's your reason, a lot of them were there for the clout and for the following. I had a life that I loved. I just wanted a husband to come into it.

So I've gone straight back to my normal life. Yeah. I didn't. I've done. hardly any i've only just started doing podcast now but i've done no events no free like i do no ads and i don't criticize people that do it's just i want to get my message out there yeah coming out the show your mental health wasn't real we all watched me have a mental breakdown on instagram oh i'm sorry do you feel i mean how are you now do you feel good so now in a really

really good place good um i've got sobriety to thank for that 100% and um um um um um And, yeah, just time to healer, just got better, like getting better. Like, I wouldn't say I feel poorly anymore, but I was in a really bad way. Yeah. I was really unwell. As a result of the show, direct result of the show. Yes. And the sudden attention.

Yeah. But also, when your mental health has a decline and there's any attention, it's not good. No. Yeah. Yeah. It just wasn't, it wasn't positive. And I came out. And actually, like, the guys that would, like, reach out.

like oh you're really attractive or like the genuine guys like on Facebook that would be local to you that would be like oh do you fancy going on a date that stopped and then there's just all these thousands of just strangers whether that is positive attention or negative I never even looked into any of it because it was just for the wrong reasons it was because I'd been on television yeah did you know that was going to come yes I know I just thought my life could possibly be amplified I didn't think that it would affect me as deeply as it did and you know I can't criticise the fact that they had this welfare team who reached out to me all the time

but because every time they called me with tomorrow's episode's going to be this I was like right is this in there is this in there is this in there because he said things that should have been shown and every time it was no I'm really sorry and they would say sorry because they knew it should be but it wasn't because he was protected

so because he said he had bad mental health I think they were following a storyline up until a point and then yes there were things that were going to be included the reunion episode for instance was spicy um and you know he was removed at the end i don't know if you remember he said he left and he said in the press it's because his mum's unwell that was not true it's because he attacked zoe off camera security had disappeared we finished filming and because um she had repeated a joke that i said he attacked her he had to be pulled off of her and then he went to attack Whitney

and producers and it was royd rage you could see it it was scary and you know I wanted to speak about that a long time ago but Zoe wasn't ready to

so I completely respected that decision she's since spoken about it on a podcast and said what happened on her podcast she decided to use her platform

where she felt safe and I respect that but now I can talk about it he did attack Zoe he was removed for that reason he also said to Adrian on camera

when I tell where you fucking live and shit like that tell where you live when we get out of here i can come and find you like and it was all hidden it's scary that these people have been protected i wonder as well that they don't because i remember when again to compare love like because it's an easy comparison to compare it with love island when adam and i can't remember what he said in a recent series but it was to the point that that women's aid released a statement

because they were concerned about his behavior and it feels and i've subsequently listened to a we've listen to a podcast series called, is it called Unreal? Unreal. It's like a 10-part investigative podcast looking at the history of reality TV and quite often they talk about Real Housewives and they have the

issue of domestic abuse in early seasons of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and they talk about the production and where their responsibility is to air domestic violence because you do have it on one side that you don't want to normal, you don't want to show it

as if it's normal because that desensitizing. Yeah, and it allows people watching it at home to think, well, that's normal, so I'll emulate it or I'll accept that or whatever. But then on the other hand, do they completely hide it like it doesn't happen in business. Yeah, so they either have to stop it

at the expense of you, or they have to stop the whole show. And I suppose on balance, they'd choose, like, if it's Gemma or the whole series, they'll just throw you to it. And that's exactly what they do. I didn't really think this will make fantastic television. I just thought, yeah, it's, people can go as well, or you're not that

naive. And I think, when you're that desperate to change your life and that one aspect that's missing, you will be that naive. Yeah. And I guess hindsight, yeah, you can look at it with cynicism and you can look at it with like, oh, but at the time. All my dreams were like, they were there. That one person had been matched to me. So how could that possibly go on? Yeah. Since you've been out of the TV show, you are now, sober yes so um i'm working a 12-step program um just it was just time yeah do you think the show exacerbated i had a problem yeah i can't blame that on the show um i had alcohol was a trigger for cocaine for me so every time i drink i would just it would just became a normality that cocaine was

always there and after the show that was on the show as well no no okay no no no no because we're they say in recovery like geography will not change your addiction and that's true because as soon as I came home it was there waiting for me the addiction and yeah and it just after the show just became just too frequent and it was a coping mechanism which obviously now I've been in recovery I know that alcohol and cocaine mixed together it's actually its own chemical name called coethylene which is like you know when you have a drink and you want a cigarette it's the same boy do that yeah so um yeah I just I made the decision to step into sobriety. I'm coming up to my 90 days clean now. Congratulations. Thank you. That's amazing.

I am bloody proud of myself. Yeah. Good. Yeah. And in that time like my financial situation has just dramatically changed. I'm under really great management that really helped me and making the most of obviously I'm a creator and only fans of like really rinsing that for everything that I went through on the show. Good for you. Yeah. As you should. I believe. My fanny would be so popular. Not certainly not me. It's not what you thought when you went in to find the husband. No, but... Silver lining, yeah.

Yeah, good for you. But I love it. Like, I just... Now I'm seeing all the positives. Yeah. What made you decide to do OnlyFans? I was doing it free on Tinder before Married the first time. I'd always crossed my mind.

And actually, it's Morag from the previous series. She does it. And I was like, well, if she can do it. I can fucking do it. Yeah. Yeah. And too bloody right. She just inspired me to just get on there and just do it.

And yeah, I love it. Good. I do love it. Do you enjoy making the content? Yeah, I love it. Who doesn't enjoy? No, no, it's been growing. Listen as there was a gesture made, doesn't that?

Yeah, it's just, I don't want to say empowering because it's kind of like just, it is to me, but it won't be to other people. And I can actually respect how people, I just think we should just all respect each other's opinions. and views and like that we're not all the same but um do you get any backlash for doing only fans or do you care if you do i don't give a shit good for you um actually someone messaged me the other day because i i recently had um weight loss surgery uh i've had an intestines disease for the last five years and my weight has just it's just been a problem so i decided to go down the route of weight loss surgery to fix the intestines disease and lower my weight so i'm healthy again it's not about being skinny or anything like that

it was massively about just how it took over my life for five years and this woman messaged me and she said my 12 year old daughter looks up to you you shouldn't have had weight loss surgery and I don't normally bite but I did message back and I was like number one who the fuck likes their

very young daughter look at Instagram absolutely not okay on my book if you're letting them look at someone from married at first sight who talks about sex and number two why would you want her to look up to me because like all right if a teenager just like an older teenager decides

to make their own choice but who wants their 11 year old to look up to someone who talks about dick constantly it's just not normal you're calling me not normal yeah there's loads of them I don't want it yeah that's not so you do get

responsibility but with the only fans I don't know some people I mean I'm I stupidly googled myself when like about six months ago and I thought I bet there's forums about me. And there are forums about me. Oh no. And they did like talk about my only fans and the leaks

and stuff like that. And I thought, I don't actually give a shit because you're not making 10 grand a month. So suck a dick. Amazing. Yeah. So on the back of all of it, when you came out the shows, it's really great that you don't give a shit about what people are saying about your only fans and stuff. But did you care about what people had to say about you on the show? Because I suppose you're being very vulnerable. Yeah. I cared about the fact that the whole, you didn't see the story. Yeah. You just, that's what I cared about.

Yeah. Like, don't like me if you know the story. Yeah, that's frustrating. Yeah. And I think it was out of a frustration. But actually, no, the only time it really, really hurt me was when people mention my children. Yeah. Because I'm a fucking fantastic mother and I love my boys more than anything.

Can we have the best time? And also, how can you make a view of what someone's like as a mother by seeing them without their children on television? But yeah, when... Yeah, that makes no sense. Yeah, of course. And Gemma with her friends is not Gemma with the children. Like, it's just not the same person. You know, you're a social chameleon.

And when you're with your children or different groups of friends, you just tweak your personality isn't, you know, subject to your surroundings. But, yeah, when someone said my kids should be taken away from me, I was like, and it's really hard not to bite at those comments. Yeah, I bet. As you know, like having your doors. to like, it's just when people go for the jugular. Yeah, I actually had to make a decision.

I was to stop reading everything when she was, when I announced that I was pregnant. I was like, that's me. I'm done with, I don't want any feedback because I just, like if you're brave enough to come and say it to my face, in my DMs, whatever, I'll tolerate it. But if you're going to be talking about that behind my back and something that you don't,

because I don't show my baby on the internet. So I'm just like, if you can stretch that far, like I hope you pull a muscle and I'll see you later. Like, you're not my problem. Yeah, absolutely. But it's hard to know that, particularly for you if you've gone in, you put, when you're doing only fans, I imagine you're, well, you're like putting on a show. You're like, oh, you know, like, it's not, it's such a face. Yeah, you're acting.

It's your social chameleon, but this is, you're showing up at work. And it's my favourite job. Yeah. But when you're going on a show like that with, with hope in your heart. I know. And then you've got the disappointment. There is that level of vulnerability. I suppose I didn't really think of it like that.

But yeah, I, like, you're ready for the backlash the time you're making a con. Like, I chose, I'm choosing to make that content. I'm ready for the backlash, but to have your words twisted and shown in the wrong order or to have, you know, Matt's comments were cut out. And trust me, they were bad. But to, yeah, it was heavy stuff. Like, it was very, I did feel very vulnerable after because I was single. I'd come out and life just is never going to be the same, not fully.

I mean, it's nice to come to London No one really says anything to you But where I live I was a very well-respected hairdresser And that's where it stopped I was very well-respected within business Whether I still am I don't think that's at the forefront of people's mind anymore

I think it will always be Gemma of Married Fair Site Not Gemma the hairdresser And it definitely affects a lot of things Yeah Like domino effect You're still doing the hair I am yes And your clients are still like with you

Yes I've been really lucky I think I probably lost more clients from addiction than I did from the show because the effect that that had on business making yourself be poorly a lot not really turning up to work that's just that just doesn't happen now that I'm in sobriety

that's just not a problem and I'm really lucky that I'm being supported by my suppliers, salon services I'm their ambassador now and like who the fuck thought that someone with only fans would be supported by a massive company. It's certainly not me.

Yeah. But it's progressive. The modern world. Most women, people watch porn and they do only fans and like, that's okay. Yeah, it's much more mainstream than it was. Yeah, so it's not really holding you back from other opportunities. No. You have really good hair as well.

I was just thinking that. It is a bit dry because I met blonde for two weeks. I was going to ask you, my hair's very dry, like very dry. I will write down some stuff like falling out dry, breaking up, low irons. There's so much. Okay, oh thank God. Hair skin and nail tablets, number what? I would have bought you some.

I can buy some. No, I'm going to message my company for you because they'll send them to you for free. That's very nice for you, thank you. They're brilliant. I love having a hairdresser. I love having a hairdresser is probably the fountain of knowledge that I wish I had. Like, I wish I could do hair. Do you know what, it is a superpower?

It is. It is a superpower. To be able to do a good blow dry. Oh my God. This is the one skill I will take. It will always escape me. Yeah. I can't.

I hate, I just don't get it. To be fair, mine's normally in like a bun with like the puby bits just like sticking out like that's my first part of life right now. I look like, do you remember when you were a kid and there's like balls with the dancing thing? You put your head to it and he'd be like literally that's me. Like I've rubbed up, my head against a balloon for like an hour. So bad.

But you got a baby, yay. Yeah, yay. And a balloon head. Can I ask to anyone who, if you could speak to someone who was about to go on married a fair sight and had absolutely, like you, like you, just had absolutely no idea of what to expect and possibly someone that was going in with high hopes as well what would you tell them

what advice would you give them only one thing that pops in my head and don't do it remember you're on a TV show you are there to make television I didn't think about that once is it easy to forget if you're there for the right reasons yes right because there are a lot of cameras and producers

aren't there not necessarily cameras but the producers check in quite a lot Yeah, they do check in. They're checking in. Obviously, they're like coming for like a little catch-up and you start to think that they're your friends. They're not your friends. Yeah, just to remember that you're on a TV show.

And, you know, there will be that two out of ten couples that get lucky. And they are a genuine match because they have to throw them in somewhere. But that's the couple lottery. So you just make that choice that you're... That's a risk. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. But just given that you... you've recently got so over.

Are there times watching the show back where you were drinking that is difficult? We were drinking all the time because every time there was a dinner party there would be these huge glass decanters and we'd be like hyenas. They would just be filled and you wouldn't know how many bottles were in pair

but we'd have a glass for white and a glass for red and I can remember my first dinner party Thomas tap me on the shoulder and being like, pour one of both. And I was like, what? And he was like, pull one of each. And I was like, wine. He was like, you'll see in a minute.

So I grabbed them and I filled up one glass of white, one glass of red. And then you put them down and they are gone because everyone is just drinking that much. Really? You don't see the amount. But I can remember after a dinner party going out to the, where we'd filmed and it had all been cleared. And there was just the recycling bins. And there was about six, I don't know how many litres, but like big family bins. And they were full.

like six of them just full, like overflowing, of just bottles. And like I said before, some people would be given alcohol that were probably going to kick off a bit more. They were given alcohol before filming. Because again, on Love Island, that's not allowed. They used to. They did it with Fay Winter because I know Faye Sister. They would give her alcohol in private before filming also. So it was obviously a tactic on Love Island before.

That's it. It was before the eyes were on them. But it feels like the other shows where there aren't eyes, it's just like, To my understanding, there was a documentary that was going to be done by Channel 4 about Love Island, whether that's still happening or not, but that was being spoken about when I, and I just think that's disgusting if that happens, because it's just one contradicting the other for their downfall, when they're all doing the same bloody thing. And watching yourself back, is that okay? Do you find that triggering, or is that all right? See, I haven't watched anything since. I can't watch reality TV anymore. I know that. That is triggering. Even seeing the producers that I still follow on Instagram, seeing them filming in destinations, because it's all finished filming this last, the latest series.

I hope it's going to air soon. But even seeing those destinations there with their cameras, that was really triggering. I really struggled with that. Really struggled. And I didn't struggle with a lot. God, it sounds like you got like PTSD from it. I think I have got PTSD from it. Absolutely.

Do you regret any of it? I did. I mean, I guess, sorry, two questions. Okay, regret it's going on it. going on in the first place and do you regret anything of what you've said or did on the show? I regret the fact that I trusted them and I regret the fact that I applied for a show under false pretenses and I didn't open my eyes as to what I was applying for. Right.

Because I honestly didn't think about the TV side of things. I was like, they're just going to document our love. Because as a premise, it is adorable. Yes. I get the naivity. In regards to what I said, no, because I was myself. And also like, if they had incorporated. included the bits where he had his hand around my neck,

asked me if I liked it, Ruff, or saying, can we get a coat hanger for her coil? That would have changed your opinion of our relationship. Holy shit. Yes, but we both spoke like that. That's fucking wrong that he said that about the coil. I thought it was hilarious.

Oh, okay. It sounds violent, though. Like, I can see why you're scared. It sounds... A lot of his premise to his personality was violent. Yeah. Yeah, see, when you hear that, like, it's good that you took it in good humor

and it was meant in good humor. But as a standalone comment, And that was quite aggressive. But it just wasn't shown because of that reason. And also, like, the lot of the stuff at the reunion was he called me a whore, but I did call him a g-hut. So I had a question box come out at the reunion. And obviously, I wasn't part of a couple. So they said, Gemma, you're allowed to ask, I opened it.

Gemma, you're allowed to ask anyone on the table, anything? And I was like, don't do it, don't do it. And I was like, Matt, why are you such a name? Which, you know, for the next part, people will either go, well, you antagonised him or fair. But he did say, how's Bob? You're a massive whore. And the whole table kicked off.

Like, it was like a Mexican wave of just people like, fuck no, you can't say shit like that. Obviously, you shouldn't say things like, why, you are a cunt. But also, he did, like, in, like, the wrongness, he did the wrong thing. Like, he did the wrong thing. He, he, I know, I know. I know.

he went with somebody else I stand by what I said on the show which is if it's genuine why couldn't you just be like we're both leaving because our marriages haven't worked out why don't we just meet up after this

if it's not for television and that's what I said on the show and that was actually probably the most well-received thing I said on the whole show people did agree do you think maybe you weren't do you think you were a shock to people

because you weren't meek you know you did I think if it had been well received by him, then people would have liked it. Yeah. But because he made himself a victim of my jokes. Yeah. But remember, he was there for a TV show. So when he's off

camera and they're going, did it make you feel uncomfortable? He's going to say whatever they want him to say. That is what he did because up until a certain point, like when I did watch it, I was like, well, at that time, things were really good. So I think had you seen

the genuine, you might have, I personally think people might have gone, he led her on, to a certain point. Yeah. Because you didn't see, you didn't see the buildup to that. Yeah. And off camera, whether people care about that or not, for me to be concerned about the fact that there was no sexual chemistry between us,

like, after a few days, and him to be reassuring me off camera with the, well, your tip popped out last night and I did think about fucking you. For that to like, do you know what I mean? That was, it was well hidden because he said that off camera. But that was leading me on. Yeah. And then to go on camera, she expects a certain reaction from men. Well, he was giving me that reaction.

Yeah. But... Manipulative. Yeah, I mean, he's a manipulative guy. I'm not going to be it around the bush. He's super manipulative. So could we infer that you don't see him anymore? I haven't seen him since the reunion.

No. Just stabbing in the dark here. It's going to take a guess. Yeah, no, I haven't seen him since the reunion. No contact at all. No, I blocked him. So we had a conversation when the show was airing. And I thought, you know, when you're just like,

was it as bad as I thought? was he as bad as I thought but we were told you know you have to keep up this pretense that like up until people know what happened in the show on social media you need to make it look like you're together we're on contracts to that as well so you know I thought right I'm going to reach out to him

and I just said to him you know we both need to post about each other unfortunately until people know about you and Whitney and that's when he was like I'm going to come off fine and he was gaslighting me again he was like I'm going to come off fine and you're not like your life's ruined basically that's when I decided to block him again And I just thought, I can't do this with him. He's disgusting, he's disgusting human being.

Yeah. That's nice for you to have that, like, proof, though. Yeah. Because it does feel like you're being not just gas it by him, but if the production are edited and you out, I can imagine that it is easy for you to question your reality and wonder what did really happen. Yeah.

But I know what happened, and especially now I'm not poorly, like, I know what happened. I know how they all made me feel, not just him. And I know that, given my childhood, reverting back into this vulnerable state on that TV, show and that being that being utilized to make great television it was great television and if people like reality TV I'm sure that this will be one for the books but actually behind closed doors I was very unwell and my children suffered as a result yeah did he ever apologize to you no no narcissists don't

not want no no I mean he literally left you like he left the marriage yeah whether it was a blessing or legal like he left you and then started something up with Whitney but there was no remorse on his part yeah and I suppose and also it was just like the being so angry at everyone

like Zoe in the episode before I left I think it was the commitment ceremony she was like but it's not okay like we've all signed up and he was like well no one told me what this show was about that's what he said but that wasn't shown either she was like you're here for a fucking

marriage show. She was like, of course you knew what it was about. And he's like, no, I didn't know what I was here for, but he just played dumb when it suited him. Clues in the title, mate. He married, I know, he did say, I don't know if you remember, but he was like, Gemma just expected to come on this show and have a husband. I was like, yes, yes, I did. That's exactly what I expected. So, like, again, like that. Silly Gemma. Yeah. That episode, like, he, um, he actually stormed out of, we were like on a ping pong date, but that wasn't shown. I'm like, fuck it was terrible at it I thought I was going to be hitting

some balls on Married at first sight but it wasn't ping pong but yeah he did storm out and then when they were filming him they were like can you walk back in like can you go out and walk back in and he was like I'm not going to let you use this

fucking footage like he was always aggressive with the cat and I was always apologising on his behalf it was scary I can tell you now it was scary and I was not kept safe it's a funny one isn't it because like mental

health should be protected but also he can't just get his own edit because he's you know he cries mental health yeah i don't know maybe he does have bad mental health but then he shouldn't have been put on a tv show right that should have been neither of you should have been we shouldn't have been on that tv show and if they're going to protect him then they can't just throw you to the walls and that's exactly if they're going to protect him then they're going to have to protect you too i think because all the stuff came out about george as well i think they decided let's put out this fire before it makes the show look worse. Before they can't.

They would never have been able to do another series if they'd shown what Matt was really like. They wouldn't have. How are they with you now? Were you talking about all of this? I don't give a fuck. I'm the first person in reality TV history that's outed and edit as the edits been shown.

No one's ever done that before. So you're saying, I'm the first person that's ever done that. Wow. And because I was just like, take me to court then because I'm speaking the truth. Take me to court and they wouldn't. So, um...

So it's bad advice. Yeah, they wanted to get me on Zoom and I was like, fuck off, no, you're not going to manipulate me, like you did on that show when I said I was scared of him and you said, no, just think about how this could come off for him if you say the word aggressive. Yeah.

But no, I don't have any contact with them. I can't imagine I'll be invited to the Christmas specials. I think you might have to cut your losses there. Yeah. But yeah, like I think my thinking's changed a lot like this last probably a few months. like now I'm just like fuck it

like completely fuck it I did it it's happened but now I've got a platform where I can talk about important things that's positive yeah it is

good for you and you know I know I know only fans it's positive for me too and for my children you know

that's financial freedom like massive financial freedom yeah get your 10 grand a month I know crack on and do a good blow dry I mean like

what's not to love no jobs and blow dry you're wasting a very good title there if you haven't already. If I start my own podcast, that's what's going to be called. Yeah, oh my God, 100%. Yes, so good. Chops and blowdry. I love it. How did you guys feel like watching it and watching people's mental health deteriorate? I think it was very clear. I think it's uncomfortable. It's like

since Caroline Flack died, I haven't been able to watch Love Island. And you slightly feel that like I even watching you upset is hard it's just I think we just know too much now and that's the thing I can't enjoy any reality TV anymore

any current I can watch so I'm watching my old real housewives and you can kind of watch it because you just feel like it's done these people are okay it's over but when you're watching it live completely agree it now like even we were watching clips this morning as well

and again we know you're fine because you're coming we've texted you like we're going to see you in a minute but even watching the clips upset you still want to like make it better I don't know it's not comfortable it's watching because the way that you're produced it's to show your realness and your real side and you know that you're a mum and you know that you weren't in there with your heart open and you know all of this

and then we watch you cry and it's just it's not comfortable it's not pleasant at all and I think you're right I think we know too much now I think people generally do because the feedback on that episode in the garden, that dinner party. Yeah.

And that was the only episode that was real time because I left and I stopped that dinner party after an hour. So everything that you see is what happened. Some things are in different orders. Yeah. Some conversations have been cut out a little bit. But that's probably why it's the most harrowing episode just because it's the most real. Have you spoken or heard from people about that specifically, about how uncomfortable,

about just, like, have you got the impression that other people have felt uncomfortable watching that? From viewers. Yeah, from viewers. I was having about three messages a second when that episode came out. Really? It took me a good few months to have their heart after I was because I was so poorly to keep going back through to look for those messages I'd missed. But yeah, people were disgusted and horrified.

And they were supportive of me. I think if people want to believe that Matt was a victim in any part of that, then that's just because they were always going to think that. Maybe that's part of the way that they think. Their bias, yeah. Yeah, of course. But, yeah, fucking hell, that was, like, the shit is time. It was the one I was dreading seeing back.

Yeah, that wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't nice to watch. No, it wasn't. And it was just me having a mental breakdown. And he's still yelling. You know, he's a loud person. It is, it is whether or not the full pictures in there, whatever. Like, he is coming.

And the fact that you're crying and he's still going is the discomfort. And he says something to you like, oh, well, this is why we didn't work. Yeah, like it's my fault. Like it's your fault. Yeah, yeah, of course. Like, I was very emotional on that show from the beginning because I suppose because I knew I'd been let down. I knew this man wasn't going to be leading with me. I knew there wasn't going to be this marriage because he didn't want marriage.

Yeah, it was just like I was so vulnerable because I've committed to myself, my time, my business, my children, everything on being there. And I was just like, do I keep trying in the hope or do I leave? And actually, it was uncomfortable for people to watch because they were like, why didn't you just live? leave. And I can tell you why, because I told the producers that I walk away at the first red flag. If someone's like a little bit toxic, I run. So I told them that I want to work through anything like that with the help of psychiatrists. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I don't give people a chance. So they put me with Mr. Red Flags knowing I wasn't going to walk away. And that would make great television. You can't watch, you wouldn't watch any

reality TV now. No, I've, do you know what? Even like Jack White always travel with my fault that made me really upset. Really? Because I could just see the way that is set up and that they're filming and that the producers are obviously going, can you say that again? But like this. And I just, that's all I can hear in my head.

So I can't even watch. I can't, I don't support shows like Love Island or Married at First Sight anymore. I won't be watching any series. I won't know who's on there. And what would you say to anyone who's watching who is an avid Married at First Sight fan or, because I imagine this is a lot.

It's okay. Yeah? That's okay, yeah. It's okay if that's your thing. your guilty pleasure and you know where it's all a bit of escapers in reality TV but just try and don't be the person that goes on to the internet and messages these people if you think they're a twat think it in your head yeah say it's your partner and like crack on yeah don't go you just you just don't know how many times you get you can get a negative message that someone

is thinking dark thoughts yeah because I did I was I was suicidal a couple of times in that time period after the show, I was suicidal. Even my being in hospital was in the newspapers. Imagine laying a hospital bed with an infection and being in the papers. Like, it does, it's horrible. And these people, like, have we learnt nothing from Caroline Flack? It's just like, I know it's probably not ideal to say, but I came out of hospital with tablets and I took them all.

And I'm very lucky to be alive. And that was because I couldn't handle the depression anymore. I had psychosis as a result I was very unwell I'm sorry But equally If maybe the people watching it And it's okay that that's your guilty pleasure

It's there for you to enjoy Maybe just remember these people are real people Yeah and that this is TV Edited for your entertainment Exactly yeah So my next plan is to go to the House of Parliament With The Change.org And I really want it to be put in there

That it's edited for your entertainment That's all, just that simple Yeah Maybe that will reduce trolling Maybe that will have mental health Even calling it reality TV. It's not reality. It's not reality.

They need to stop calling it on reality TV because it does make it sound like it's just like, oh, it's going to pop in and see the reality. Yeah. And it's not. No. Well, good. That's, like, let us know when you're doing that and like if we can support it. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. So I typed it out as soon as I, as soon as the show was aired, I've got it already. It's just, I just waiting for that time where I felt like I could handle it. I know it's either going to flop and no one's going to care or it's going to be massive. Yeah. But I, um, that's, it's, made in charity. Chelsea says it's filmed for entertainment.

Scenes are set up for drama. We were set up. It has to say that, you're right? It needs to change. And even something simple like that could really prevent trolling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Good for you. Let's know when you do it and we'll show you. Yeah, for sure. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you so much for asking me. So great to chat to you. You're both so lovely.

So are you. Thank you. We will leave a link to your Instagram in the show notes. Thank you. So people can go check you out. come see my boobs Thank you so much Should I delete that

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