Should I Delete That? - What to do when you’re left at the altar?!

Episode Date: October 16, 2022

Imagine you had been engaged for two years, had your wedding dress for the same amount of time, paid £12k for the big day, invited guests from all over the UK and on the DAY of your wedding your partner doesn't show... Well, this happened to Kayley Stead. Rather than cancelling, she indulged in the ultimate act of self love and spent the big day celebrating herself with family and friends holding her up. The girls find out how she did it, get the dirt on her ex and celebrate Kayley even more...Follow Kayley on Instagram and TikTokFollow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] & edited by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Did you know all our glamping units have a resort quality Canadian-made and eco-friendly bed? Since day one, we have proudly partnered with Colonna-based mattress company Haven, ensuring you have the best sleep possible. So it's just one more reason to visit us in the Boreal Forest. You can also try out a Haven Mattress, risk-free, for 100 nights, at Havenmatress.ca. Why did I post that? Ah, I don't know what to do. Should I delete that?

Yeah, you should definitely delete that. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to should I delete that. It's Monday morning. Not for us, but it is for you. Oh, my God. I'm watching the office again at the moment, and I am just David Brennan. I feel like I just embarrass myself a lot with what I say. I'm awkward.

I'm just awkward. The worst thing, Daisy has to keep that in, because it was so. good because it's so true you are David Brent but also my mic wasn't recording so it was just you saying that all by yourself for morning this Monday morning not for us but it's for you oh god we've only been doing this for like what 10 months like I know amateur how much I'm two a week for 10 months what the fuck's wrong with us so much I can't I haven't even got time to get into that but I'm quite relieved because I just chowed down on an orio really quickly before we started recording and I didn't know if it would be down

fully in time before it's my turn to speak and I'm pleased to report it is so whereabouts is it is it still a sophageal level no we've gone she's on the way down probably in line with my nips about now which are getting increasingly lower to the ground can I just say are they we're losing them yeah because your boobs are growing yeah they're so big now but then also they just sort of they just sort of go south really like they just I feel like they've sort of like gone off the side of a hill you know what I mean many cups sizes do you think they've increased by you know i need i actually need to go and get fitted i was super influenced i need to go to a bra fitting because i used to be a 32e and there is not

a fucking chance in hell i've just had to pack up that this is my good i've had to pack up all my shit um have you well yeah and i'm really happy that i've done it i packed up i went to robert dyes and i bought who's that it's not the first who's Robert dyes who's that sorry I don't know why that took me by such surprise it's a shop who's Robert Darius Robert Dias

Red White font red Yeah yeah yeah What is it What's the shop Yes what kind of shop There are different kinds of shops What I saw when I went in there

Is what I got So I got I got storage bags You can get like laundry basket Clothes horses Ironed Stuff for your gardening like kind of all the practical stuff

that you probably just buy on Amazon you can go and buy in real life there like you can buy like a dormant from there or like I don't know like really neat like when I knew I needed storage bags like and I wanted the ones that you can go with a hoover and make them like shrink

I said there is one guy for this job and that is not Jeff Bezos it's Robert Dias either way a man is coming to the rescue of course it's a UK hardware retailer I think this could be why it's only in the south it's only in London and southeast England

and the owner is that Theo Pothetus The guy from Dragon's Den Yeah I'd say his name I do know that Paphetus Oh anyway Yeah Wow

Well I didn't expect you to take me Quite down that right I didn't think you'd give a shit that I went to Robert Dias to buy storage bags But here we are Wonders never cease Anyway I went to Robert Dias And I bought my storage bags

and I came back and I basically have packed up all of my stuff like I had too much stuff anyway I've packed I've split things into categories I've put stuff that like won't fit again

until I've had the baby and maybe won't fit again afterwards but I'll reassess we'll see how we go so that's like all my jeans like my little turns out I wear a lot of crop tops which apparently is inappropriately pregnant

ugh boo who knew so like my little cropped tops according to Rihanna it's not I know and I just wish I could be Rihanna but I'm just not So, like, yeah, like, all my little croppies, all my jeans, all my tight shit, basically, like, that just doesn't fit. It has all gone into storage. And then, like, all my bras as well, because, like, that's what we got on to this, because they'm, like, my back is no longer 32, and these cups are no way in any anymore.

So I need to go and get refitted. I'm living in sports bras at the moment. Okay. And then, yeah. There's a organization that my mom and I, my mom volunteers for all year round, but I'm going to be. I volunteer with at Christmas when I'm back at my mum's and they're called the branch and they're amazing. They're very local to her but I think like other towns and villages have sort of similar things and it's the sort of hub by which like the food bank works out of but also when my mum's

from is a actually I don't know if I can yeah I can where my mum's from as well is a town that is there's a women's shelter so they they do a lot. to support these women. And right now they have a lot of Ukrainian women that they're supporting. And so I was talking to the lady that runs it and they need a lot of winter clothes because obviously they came over here in the summer

and they're still here. So I packed up the rest of my stuff and it's all going there. So I basically have done the thing that I've been talking about doing for so long and I did it on Thursday and Friday and now it's all done and it just feels so good.

Like how, do you have stuff left? Because by the sound of it, packed everything up like you've got stuff left yeah i felt five of those six or five or seven of those vacuum bags it was pretty impressive um that's really good yeah i have some stuff left i don't have a lot like but then i bought some new stuff like i bought some dresses that i hope like just super stretchy that has got that i've got room the whole way through um and now what i have it's a capsule wardrobe and it should last me

until she's here or thereabouts like just I'll just be in the same like five or six outfits but you guys can just get good with that like I did a load of like like I've got like unicloved thermals and like M&S like tight tops

like that sort of thing and then like yeah and then dresses for when we're recording like tight dresses like I'm wearing the viral skins one right now which is jury still up yeah baby

but yeah I did it. We're not convinced. Nice. Do you know what? I really, really want to do that. And I so look forward to doing it. But when I get there, I feel totally, like, incapacitated.

Like, I cannot make a decision on anything. Like, suddenly I'm like, even, I'll agonize over a pair of socks. Like, I don't know what to do. Do I suppose? I just, I feel stuck with the indecision. I can't bear it. But I love the idea of doing it. I just can't do it.

That was me before. I think this has changed me fundamentally as a human being in very distressing ways that I'm not used to. Like, I seem to be quite tidy and organized now. It's really weird. Like, I don't, like, mess anymore. I love that. That's good. Mm. Oh, wow.

I know. Like, I see it, and I'm like, ugh. Like, I got home yesterday. Oh, wow. And I just saw a mess. And I was like, I can't. And I just have to, like, I can't sit down until it's all sorted and perfect. Really?

Yeah, which is very new. And, like, all the clothes and stuff. Like, I just, I had to have it done. Like, because I just, like, every day I was just getting too annoyed. I'm coming in here, and none of my fucking shit fits. And it makes me feel so bad about myself. and I just can't do this anymore. I have to do it.

So I just did it. And I was fucking ruthless. And I picked all this stuff and I was like, gone, gone. Never wearing that again. Who do I think I am? I'm so proud of you. I'm a new person.

Thank you so much. I know I'm really proud of me too. Alex genuinely couldn't believe it. He was like, who are you and what have you done with my wife? It's like she's dead, baby. She's gone. Rest in peace.

No, that's, I'm really peace for you. And oh my God, there is, like to have a wardrobe, I mean, I don't have this, but to have a wardrobe where you can just go and everything there fits you, you know you like it, it looks good on you,

you're excited to wear it. Like, that is the dream. Stunning. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not quite in the like good body confident bit of pregnancy where I think that everything looks good on me. I feel like when she's like really big,

not talking about the baby. But like I feel like when it's a bit bigger, the bump, I mean, when she's really big, when the bump is bigger, I think I'll feel better. Right now, I just feel a slightly awkward stage. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. A bit like in limbo, like, are you pregnant? Are you not? Yeah. Although I do keep forgetting. Like, I literally looked down yesterday and I was like, oh my God. What did I eat for lunch? And then I was like, oh no, wait.

No. I'd have not eaten a baby. Whoops. Yeah. But it must be weird to like watch your body change completely outside of your control. Completely. You literally have no control.

about it. No, and, like, it's totally fine and, like, obviously, no biggie. Can't work that out. And, yeah, like, it's totally fine. Like, and obviously, it's, like, 100% worth it. And it's also, like, a total mirror of a sense last night.

It's my friend. And he was saying, he was like, like, doesn't it blow your mind? And I was like, no, it really doesn't. He's like, no, no, no, I don't think, like, doesn't it blow your mind? I was like, no, yes. Like, it really, and he was like,

because it's blowing my mind. And I was like, no, whatever it's doing to your mind, it's like, like on acid over here because it's just like I've been minding my business and I've just made a child a baby with bones

and a brain and all these kidneys and heart and blood and it's got a personality and I'm just like sitting here eating Pringles and it's not active that's the thing

you're not actively doing anything that's the weird thing it happens with or without you pretty much yeah yeah just buck a lot fundamentally have to be there for it to happen but you know what i mean your behaviors and your actions like there's very little you can do really very strange it's so weird very weird i know i feel like yeah i don't because you send me into that spin i'm with you i'm spinning

yeah it's weird and she and i can feel her kicking now Alex felt her kick for that's probably should be my good actually Alex felt her kick for the first time like on the night's ago and that's that made it so real. Like, like, it was like, I've got the evidence because I've seen the scans and stuff, but like, I don't know, just having him, like, feel her. My sister's pregnant, the same, literally very, very similar timings to you.

Like, I think your due dates are just, like, days apart. And we felt hers kick the other day. It was so cool, so weird. And then also we could feel it like it's hard on one side and then it goes soft again and moves to the other side. Oh, don't. I was like, fucking hell. No, it's a girl as well. Everyone's having a girl. It's so weird.

Everyone's having a girl. Molly May's having a girl. It's bizarre. Yeah, you're having a girl. My sister's having a girl. Lottie's just had her. Lottie Drian's having a girl. Lottie's had her girl. Weird. So weird, no. Everybody's at it. Weird. Everybody's at it. All the girls.

Yeah, it's a matriarchy. I'm not mind about it. No, it's cool. It's really cool. Yeah, very cool. Yeah, that's a really surreal thing. So, yeah, Molly May, Molly May is having a girl, really happy for her. But I'm in a bit of a, I'm in a bit of a situation with me and Moles, because I'm following her and obviously comparing myself to her extensively, because that's, like, she's my pregnancy buddy, whether she knows it or not.

And, um, she bought a pair of low ugs today. And I thought, yeah, everyone's buying this, these low ugs. I can't do it. And I've, and I've, and I can't do it. I know, I know, I know, I know. I can't do it. But maybe I can. Ah.

Ah! Who am I? Just stick to your guns. Don't do it. I have no, I've got no, no authenticity and no integrity because I flake on all of this shit. I always say a no. I resisted crocs for like two decades. Now look at me.

Never been happier. I think I'm going to wear them out tonight with my skin's dress. I'm quite fickle too, so I'll probably be wearing. eggs in a few weeks. But as it stands right now, gross. I'm not there. I'm not there. That's probably my bad. I saw Molly May's story this morning and she had the hugs and I thought, they do look comfy. They do look very fucking comfy. However, buy yourself a pair of ugg slippers because you can be comfy at home. No, I don't like slippers. They're very sinister. Not in public. No, I don't like them. I think I don't know my feet getting that hot. Do you remember when I was like

I needed some slippers? I can't remember. what we're talking about on the podcast. I was just saying I haven't found the right pair of slippers and so many people sent me their examples and I had to be really polite with all of them but none of them worked and one was a pair they're called Tutsis they're so disgusting they're a

giant pair I think this person thought I wanted grip I do I do want grip because wooden floors I also want comfort and like softness and niceness and like warmth you know and these were like plastic like grippies but it's one where The toe goes into each individual little pocket thing. And I was like, oh, thank you.

Little pockets. Thanks. I hate slippers. I think you're really sinister. You just don't want to get hot feet. Why would you want hot feet? Why would you want sweaty feet? How foul?

I probably said this last time, but in German, they're translated, their German word for slippers is translated, translate, like, the German word for slippers translates, oh my God. The German word for slippers translates directly as house shoes. and I love that. That was not worth it. No. No, it wasn't.

But also, I just wear outside shoes inside, which is apparently quite controversial. You really do, I've noticed that, but that's so uncomfortable. No, I don't like to be barefoot if I'm that uncomfortable. I don't like to be fair foot, which is why you need slippers. No, but I need support,

particularly in my current condition, my stupid sciatica, I have to wear, like, proper shoes with proper support. You're not going to get that from a house. Maybe you could get, like, Birken stop slippers? No. I'm going to stay in my trainers and potentially my odds.

If I get influenced in the way I think I'm probably about to be. I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. We're at risk of losing listeners again. We always do this. We kind of get deep into a conversation and I forget where we are and what we're doing. And then I'm like, oh, we have to keep people engaged. No, I've still got my odds from way back when at my mum's house.

Oh, get them back out. But no, they're not cool now because they're, no, they're, ooh. Cut them. Cut them down to low eggs. This is nuts how fickle we are. Like those, I'm like, boo, but like literally like they're like four inches shorter. I'm like, whew! Pathetic.

I'm pathetic. It's pathetic. Grow up. Get a grip. Tell me something good, bad or awkward, please, Alex. Well, my good is that I just fucking love. Like, nothing makes me happier than opening my Instagram inbox and seeing podcast and jokes in there.

I shared a photo of basically I did a drawing of Betty that was shocking like truly truly appalling I've always had myself down for a drawer drawer is that what you call it a drawer an artist now an artist

I've always like thought I've been quite good at drawing so my sister had an iPod and a pencil so cool by the way want one but not quite sure for what but I gave it go I've got one and I don't use it nearly often enough I did a lockdown what I thought

Fuck all else to do, but now I'm busy. But the novelty's quite fun. Draw a picture, drew a picture of Betty, shocking, terrible. It shared it on my stories. And literally, I put it up, half an hour later, open my DMs, and it was like, fridge magnet, fridge magnet, fridge magnet. And I'm still, don't get the wrong end of the state because I'm still appalled and horrified by the idea of fridge magnets.

However, I love the in jokes. I love it when I see in jokes in my DMs. Because I'm like, people are actually listening. You're going to love it more when people send us photos of their fridges with our magnets on them of your horrible drawing of Betty. This wasn't an excuse. And that horrible drawing of Betty

would remind me of exactly what I was telling in the story last week about Sarah drawing Alex's friend's dead dog. That was of the same calibre, the same illness. Similar standard. Then your friend should have been happy with his dog picture because I...

When you get home, Betty's going to be gone. Oh my God. She's going to be like, I'm moving out. I'm not doing it. I can't live with you anymore. I see how you view me and I'm moving. I'm packing and she'll have one of those long sticks with a little red little red napkin that serves with a little bag at the end. And she'll be around your sisters. Yeah, she'll be hanging out with the twins. She'll be like, take me in. That woman's got no fucking respect for me. I think she's more likely to do that as a result of my breakdowns rather than how I draw her but yeah maybe this might be the final straw maybe but yeah I love I love it I just love an in joke because I mean we always say this but like it's so weird to think

that people are actually listening I mean I am literally podcasting from a drawer today I am in a draw all my podcast equipment is in the draw I'm in front of the chest of drawers with the drawer out and that's how I'm podcasting and then it's weird to think that people are actually listening so yeah anyway that's my good I feel sorry for them most of time who are listeners Yeah, same, to be fair, same. God, I've got so many goods. I can't even have I wasted my good on the storage bags. I'm really annoyed with myself.

I have another good. You know, the hags, the hags went and run a half marathon this weekend. That was really cool. So we had 40 hags, yeah, go and run a half marathon with Sweaty Betty. But the thing that reminded me is somebody sent me a message afterwards being like, oh, I listen to should I delete that, like to get through the half marathon. Oh, no way. It's like, oh, wow.

Why? I feel so awkward. Yeah, why? I could have given you better suggestion. questions. Also, exactly. Also, people kept saying when I met loads of the hags, they were like, oh, I know I have

to tell you that I love the podcast. I was like, oh my God, I sound like such a prick. Like obviously that's become an in joke now, but like anybody who's like standing in the vicinity and people are coming up to me going, oh, I know, I know we can't tell you, we can't talk to you until we've said that we love your podcast. I'm like, brilliant. Brilliant. That's great. That's good.

It's a really good look at. reputation that you want but also you're loving it right oh my god a hundred are you joking it's like how lucky it we it's the coolest thing in the whole it's so cool like literally the best the burst it's the fucking tit bad you got bad tell me something bad go on bring us down you haven't brought us down in a while which i feel like oh my god it's unusual do i normally bring us down sorry no we've been very high for a while okay we as a duo have been so happy with it's unusual my bad i'm going to bring us down now my bad is that um you know i really feel like i have lost confidence in instagram lost my confidence in my instagram i'm feeling really funny

about the whole thing like funny as in weird not ha ha i'm feeling like i don't know what to post i kind of do know what to post but then i really doubt it and like i work hard on making a post and i put it up and then I just like I feel like I just want to take it down immediately like even before it's been seen. I just feel like and I go through these phases but I'm just feeling so weird about like I just you know when you just lose confidence in what you should do and post and say on there and I just feel like I'm second guessing everything and it's really weird territory to be in because I'm like fuck this is my entire job and I'm like I feel like I'm terrified I don't really know why. that. Do you? I do, yeah, 100%. Like, I felt it a lot, I mean, like, all summer, really.

Yeah. Because you can really get in a spin about it. Like, and I still am, you know, like, I feel like I've got my, I don't rub it in. I feel like after a very long time without it, I finally got, like, my mojo back a bit. Yeah. But even... It seems like you have. I feel like I have, but even still, I have the, like, complete lack of confidence with my stories sometimes like even yesterday i did i was just i did a load of stories and they were really stupid about um i was trying to apply for a bank on santan dennis is actually my bad anyway but um and all these stupid job titles that were coming up and they were just so specific and so random and i was just doing these stories laughing about it and then as i was sitting there i was just like oh my god maybe like maybe these maybe these stories aren't good like maybe i

shouldn't say this because maybe it's insulting to people that are like histogram people or like ornamental blacksmiths and like I don't want to insult anybody that's like whatever and I just and then I was going upstairs to my Alex and I was like babe like well I've upset people who like fit artificial limbs for a job like do I sound whatever and he's like what's wrong with you it's funny and I can see objectively in my DMs people are laughing and it's like fun and people know my intention is not to whatever but I'm still quite in my head with stuff yeah so I feel like I really knock my own confidence back in the summer and I'm still trying to get back out of that if that makes sense so I completely get you yeah it's weird isn't it it is weird I just feel like

I'm scared of saying anything and everything and then like we keep living up to the name of this podcast because I put up a reel that I made I'd fully stand behind like I was blah blah blah um put it up and then comments started coming through and like just, I don't know, like, one comment was like, that was doubting something or sort of semi-attacking something because I was like, that's it, gone, it's just gone. I don't know, it just has to go. So I took the real down. And I was really, I was really disappointed. I'm not disappointed in you. I was just, I was sad for you that you had.

Because when I saw it had gone, I was like, oh, God, no, like, what's the thought? What's happened here? What's happened? I'm like, what is, why? What's happened? Are you okay? But I actually have some thoughts on this because I was thinking about that because my reel, I did a reel as well, same night as you, I think, about emailing like a man. And I basically just said like, I was like, I wrote one email that was like me writing it as a woman. And then I was like, but what if I replied like a man? And people have done this before.

And it was just because of what we talked about the podcast last week with Deborah Francis White. And so I did it kind of inspired by that. And for the most part, the comments were really positive. and people were like a completely agreeing like oh I get this I get this I get this and then there were some people who were like this is sexist which is a lot of shit and then a lot of women being like I'm not like I don't do this whatever and I think for us this is sorry my logic is and I was getting some criticism some backlash some disagreements and some trolling on that comment section and I think what's interesting for what for us is we came up on Instagram when where our platforms were quite protected before reels you'd make a post and it would be shared but it would still be very much yours if somebody shared it on their stories you would have to click onto the post then read it then comment right so there was a kind of a step back so I feel like when people disagreed trolled whatever you want to say in the comments before

It was a well-thought-out, not well-intentioned, but intentioned comment. Like it was a kind of, and we would take it very personally because they were probably quite few and far between or whatever. Whereas now, with the real style content, because it's so quick and TikTok has completely changed the game. Like, TikTok is so horrendous. Nobody's got any attachment to creators, right? Like we know that when we put stuff out to our followers, they're probably going to have a bit of respect for us because they know us as people.

But on TikTok, you don't know the creator from Adam. You are scrolling, stranger, stranger, stranger, stranger, strangers. You can say fucking anything because there's no respect or love or anything. And I think that's leaking into Instagram so much. So now we'll create a real and people that are not our target audience can leave comment after comment after comment. And when it hits an algorithm, whatever, you get so many comments. but we're still in that old-school way of thinking, thinking it's our followers that are saying this to us,

but very often it isn't. It's other people that have come from different spaces and are just sounding off. They don't know you, they don't know your context, they don't know your content, they don't know anything. So I'm trying to grow a much thicker skin with stuff now where the comments, really, I just sort of leave them. Like I reply to the nice ones and I just leave the shit

because it's like, I'm not even going to, I'm not even going to engage. with it? Does that make sense? Yeah. Totally, totally. And I think that's actually what happened the other night is that it was the real, it had been up for a while and I left it up and I think I had like a couple of like not so great comments, but I was just like whatever. And then it got shared by a really big account and then I was, I wasn't flooded, but like there were a lot of people commenting who didn't feel like they were from, who didn't feel like they were from my space and I was just like, I can't handle this. I just don't want to. And I just don't want to. And I agree with you. I want to grow a thick skin as well. But it's so funny, isn't it? Because it's

like sometimes I can challenge myself to like grow the thick skin. And then other times I'm like, I just can't do it. I'm really sorry. I just can't do it. And it's weird because like I'm the same person both of those times. But like I was just like, I don't know either than I was like, I'm just not in the right headspace for it right now. And it just feels like Instagram and that landscape has changed so much. Yeah. And I think other people must be feeling it as well. You know, I don't, I haven't spent as much time on there, like, watching other people's

stories and stuff. So I don't really, I haven't seen much, but I bet other people are feeling it as well. But it just, it feels a bit more hostile, don't know. Yeah, it does. Like, now I'm back in it again. The comments in my DMs have never been nicer and comments from my followers have never been better and I'm really enjoying being back in that space. but I think it is just like lack of connecting that lack of connectivity that like the real

style stuff encourages and yeah I think like also we have the added thing is just like if you take one misstep or say one wrong thing it will follow you for fucking ever and I can say wrong thing in like in you know I could have said three years ago that I didn't want kids for example, don't think I did, but I might have done, who the fuck knows? And I say so much. And who's to say no one on the screen grabbing up or whatever? And it takes one person to just be like, oh, you're a hypocrite or whatever. And it's just like, and that builds. And that's the other thing I think you and I have been talking about privately. There is such a thing at the moment that Instagram feels and social media feels like, like women

are being, like, ripped to fucking shreds right now. And it's happening to like women that we know like friends of ours like a couple of women it happened with holly will it obviously it's happening with then mark whatever you know it happens all the fucking time and it's just too much and you just have to sit there and wait and just hope to fucking god that the sniper doesn't turn on you because you know it and it can be fucking anything and i just it's so disappointing and that and like that we're still doing this to like relatively harmless women when there are some very, very harmful men in the world that we completely ignore and disregard. Like, Kanye West, like, kicking off. Some horrendous stuff he said in

the last week. And people are like, oh, well, that's just that. And then there's, you know, these sort of like low-level, smaller influences or creators or, you know, just women in the public eye that we are going for hellful leather. And it's like, what the fuck? Like, what is happening? Who are fundamentally good people? Like, yes, we all say stuff that we then contradict and we're all hypocrites in different ways and we can all be a bit I don't know grumpy at times or like bitchy at times or whatever but like fundamentally they are good people and you know it was it was actually one of my friends and she's she has since changed this point of view but we're talking about Holly and Philip and she was like yeah but I'm glad because

she was kind of like oh I don't know I feel like she's just so smug and like it's kind of like you know her shit don't stink kind of thing and I was like yeah but you're and I actually said like don't get me wrong don't get the wrong end of the stick I don't think I'm like holly willoughby level right I know that I'm not I'm not deluded but it's the same kind of concept of like oh I'm doing like people like my message around body confidence and blah blah blah and then that will turn as well and people being like oh look at her so smug like she's doing podcast and she's doing this and that and she's doing thing like she thinks her shit don't stink and it's the same thing i was like so it's exactly the same concept and that's really scary and you just that's like obviously not on the level no but it's

the inevitability of it it's like you know we know that this won't last because women don't get to last successful women not without successful but even in this space you just don't get that long because soon someone someone somewhere goes well there's something wrong with her what's wrong with her let's find something wrong with her. And they'll find something and find something that you did 10 years ago, 20 years ago, they'll find something that you did

and take it completely out of context. And it's like, it's so frightening to me. And like that was a massive part of my fear this summer. And I'm just really having to work. That's what we talked about last week about just being a good person. It's like all we can do is keep being good

and hope that that's, you know, because we're talking as if we've got skeletons in our closet. I don't. And that's the thing. No, no. We haven't done anything. I mean, I probably said loads of like diet-cultory shit.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I mean, I know. Yeah, so I don't mean like, yeah, we're not like hiding like some huge scandal is what I mean. But I have to say, like, that's what I really like about the podcast and podcasting is that this feels like a really nice positive space. Like I've only ever felt positivity from this. It feels like a different platform and it feels like people really get, I mean, there will be people that don't. but then the people that don't aren't going to be invested enough surely not because that's really sad invested enough to sit and listen to hours of us like talking shit and it feels like

the people here really get us and it just feels like nice i i just like it i don't know how else to explain it but it just it feels far less hostile the opposite of hostile just like super kind and friendly and like we get each other and we have a laugh and i do feel that again though on instagram like i think no i don't no no no i completely know what you mean but it's like I I distance myself from it all summer and then like the last few weeks I've really thrown myself back into it and I felt that warm embrace again but it isn't the fear doesn't go away and I think it's just because we've got this like surrounding context that just I can't think of a woman that people have consistently like and it's so hard for women to

come back from anything and it just feels so like I don't know it's it's really really horrible to watch your friends suffering with with stuff and it's just like and trolling I actually I don't even like that word it's harassment and it's just so out of hand and it's just so bonkers that we live in a world where there's this much vitriol that exists for people and it's like why are you looking why are you looking it's like what your friend was saying about like Holly Willoughby being smugged like the amount of times you you know you see the language or you hear people saying that oh I hope she's not going to show us this

oh she never shuts up about this or like whatever and it's like but why when people people say like oh she's shoving it down down my throat and I'm like close your fucking mouth then close your mouth that's not on me I'm going to keep existing and if you want to keep blindly standing there

with your mouth open and your eyes open and your ears open absorbing this I can't help you and it's clearly triggering you so either look away or face your triggers and work on work on that work on what it's like provoking in you that gives that gives you this reaction but yeah i mean i do feel like people are kind of softening a bit like there was a lot of pressure and there has been a lot of pressure on influences to kind of do everything and i really i actually do feel like

that's easing a bit i don't know about you yeah but yeah i completely get the fear and obviously you're scared out because you know like a like a celebrity or a singer or whatever like if they went out you've got half a million people that followed you and that follow you sorry followed sounds past tense before you got cancelled being all left she's gone now yeah no they they all these people follow you and like in normal context you know like a singer would go out and face a crowd of not even half a million but like would go out and face the crowd and then they go back home and then they just sit and they're by themselves again and that's that but you're being watched by that many people all the time of course it's scary like no it feels scary yeah and

And I think like the, the worst thing is, it's like just the whole trope that surrounds influencers or people who work online or any of it is all they're asking for it, they're thinly, they're vacuous, they're whatever. So it's just, we know that if shit goes wrong, which it probably will because this is the world that we work in. Yeah. The world that we work in and live in, we won't have support. We'll just be victim blamed for doing a stupid job because it's just powerful of the course

and you just have to accept it. It's got a bit deep, isn't it? Hasn't it? Sorry, I didn't mean to take us to this. No, no, we needed. We needed a big knocking down of it. It's good for us. Yeah.

It is good to talk about it though because I think I'll get out of it. And yeah, I mean, you sound like you're already on the way. And I can tell that you've been so much. And it's so nice to see that, like to see you just like enjoying being online and being not so fearful. I don't know if fearful was the right word. No, fearful is the right word. Like I've been, I was so scared. it's the same as you feel it's like you can't it's like when you deleted that thing when you

you said describing like about like the fear that you get before people have even commented and it's like that's actually the worst part of being online it's like what we can imagine people are capable of because we're seeing it it's like it shouldn't happen but it is happening like and we know how people could interpret things or how people could how cruel people can be and so you kind of like you you think these things through and you post something and then you react to all of your thoughts about what could happen and then you think oh fuck it's not worth it I can't do it so you kind of react to just the possibility and that in itself is scary and I'm still trying to fight against that of just being like

okay well some people won't but I'm just I'm just going to have to make my peace with that because I'm trying my best that and that's what I'm trying to do is be like do I stand by it do I stand by this, this reel or this thing, this post, whatever, these words, do I stand by them? And if I do, then I have to just be okay with the reaction that I'm going to get. But then that's easier said than done, you know. But to bring it all back to a positive, I am staying true to the name of this podcast. You are. I should have. We're living in such weird times. I said this to Alex today. I listened to Radio 4 in the mornings. I listen to the today program at 8 a.m. And it's pretty good. But recently, they've been talking obviously a lot about

like the gas prices rising and Putin and whatever and how expensive everything's going to be and obviously it was like the Tory Party conference and it's just been they've been talking a lot about bills and in my mind the people that we have to be angry about at this situation it's like we've got to we can be so angry with the government we can be fucking angry of Putin which feels just silly but like let's just be angry with him um yeah and then there are people there are men all over the world that run these big oil companies that are making fucking millions and billions of pounds out of this crisis like people are make people in this industry are making so much money and then the today program every day is doing this thing where they go

can you see a small business wasting energy in your area call us let us know because we all have a shared responsibility to cut cost this Christmas so if you you see your local bakers leaving the door open, call in, you know, let's confront them. Because they shouldn't be wasting. And it's like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, that's the BBC. And it's like, this is the place that we live in now, where we, everything has to be so divisive. And it's just consistently turning people against people.

And it's like, no, no, no, we collectively can be fucking furious with the companies that are making billions out of a crisis that will kill so. many people and is killing so many people and is causing so much stress and heartache and like horror for so many families but the shows the the thing that sells that keeps people coming back buying the papers listening to the newspapers whatever is being angry with other people and it's like they keep doing it turning it on us you know the the term climate change global warming and all of that, when they started talking about how we all have an individual, our climate footprint, that was a term that was coined, I think, by BP, because they wanted to shift the blame to be individual. They wanted individuals to start thinking about what they

could do. And that, so they kick that off. And then we're all focusing on each other. What are you doing, Al? Are you recycling? Did you, did you flush the loo after you had, have you had this? Have you used your host pipe this summer? So we all look at each of. other and really she got on a plane so she's a fucking this and this and this and this and we're all doing that while these people consistently make billions of dollars and it's so frustrating because that's what's happening everywhere now because all the content that we consume is divisive and we can't just live and let live we're fucking angry all the time and we don't know what to do about it and it's horrible so and it's being channeled in the wrong areas always and

women will consistently bear the brunt of that, consistently. The world's anger, like, there's a song called Only Women Bleed by Alice Cooper, and I think about it all the time, but it's basically, it's just about how, like, women bear the brunt of angry men, and it's, like, it's so true, like, the world is angry and women suffer, and, yeah, so I just feel very, like, no wonder we're struggling in this space, like, it's a crazy world, it's a crazy time. And I, yeah, sorry, I haven't really on one, but I saw a thing the other day about a troll

who'd been on one of these gossip forums who'd like turned herself around and she said, you know, it got just, it just, during COVID people, she said, you know, you just forget, everything just became so much less real, so much less human. And since then, we're just treating people. Which I understand.

Yeah, we're so much less humanity than we used to. I understand, like reality is, like, you're just distanced from reality. but yeah anyway I do I feel like I have to I don't know

I've suddenly like panic that people are going to be like oh because I do know that I'm lucky and I'm lucky to have this job

and to have the platform that I do but I just feel like I need to caveat with you know everything that I've said

with that because I do know that it's just you know it's not always hunky most people they don't want

to do this job like yeah I know I know all my friends are like absolutely not I wouldn't do it no way my sisters are like no thank you like I would not do this in a million years yeah take all the privileges but but that you know

it's it's a price to pay for stuff and yeah it's hard it's really hard and yeah we were talking before we started recording about how many of our friends have quit this industry and will quit this industry and we'll continue to quit because they just can't hack it because it's just too much yeah more and more people will quit for sure 100% we will see it happen more and more because it's yeah at some point it becomes at some point you have to weigh up like is it worth it i think it better not be you though like i love your mental health and i want to protect it but please don't quit no don't worry i'm not i'm not there i'm not there i mean she has sent me like three texts this week no more than that i've probably had like five messages this week being

like oh i'm quitting i'm like do you have to do this to me every day please for the good of my because I never know. I'm like, what's happened? Like, because I, and then you always, you put, ah, ar, AR, AR, AR, A-R-G-H. And I'm like, what kind of an ARR is this? Is this like, oh, I'm going to quit because I've seen a cat in the Cyprus

and I want to come and live with it? Or is it, ah, I'm going to quit because I've been cancelled because I did this. And I just don't know. And you never know. And I keep you on your toes, and that's great. Yeah, thanks so much. It's really great, it's really amazing.

When I die of like stress, a stress heart attack at like 45, we'll know who to thank. I'll be like, hey, it was me, it was me, it was me, it was me. Just put on my tombstone. Have you got an awkward for me? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So yesterday I took Bert of the groomers and I had to kick around while she was being groomed and that took a fair while because she was like a yes. and anyway I was walking along in a part of town well not a part of town but like a part of where I live well not even where I live anyway an area that I haven't been to that much so I was just like having a wander round and I saw this cafe and I was like god that's so cool it just looked really good it had like bookshelves in it and there were like printed like animations of books on the window

gorgeous and yeah and so I was like this is like some book because I can see people sitting at desks on computers and I was just like oh my god this is like some bookshop come cafe how got like stunning perfect this is exactly where I will right up your street kill exactly this is where I'll kill some time we'll do some work maybe find a book it's going to be amazing I walk in did this book shop come cafe it's not a book shop come cafe it's an office what is it it's an office oh you're joking I think it's a literary agency so we're all in and I was like can't smell the like delicious baked goods

or like strong aromatic scent of coffee beans what's going on and then everybody just looked up at me and was like oh my god this is mortifying and then I had to like just push the door open and I went oh sorry what am I sorry for who knows

and then I closed the door again and then I had to walk because it was huge so they were just windows so they all just watch me just walk by the windows and it was super lame so that was embarrassing that is embarrassing that is embarrassing

yeah tragic and I wanted to think it was a coffee shop though what made you think it was a coffee shop well I think the fact that it had like nice animations on the window I just thought the cool famously not really a coffee shop vibe but okay

cool you haven't been in South West London much because they love they love something fun on the window to entice you and then there was like, I don't know, it was, it was the bookshelves, but then also just the way people were sitting at their desks. Maybe I'm so unfamiliar with the concept of an office now being self-employed after a pandemic that I just forget that they exist. But I just thought,

what else could all these humans be doing sitting on their laptops? There must be, this must be just like a trendy, independent cafe that sells books and, like, Wi-Fi. So embarrassing. So embarrassing. Shame on you. Shame on me. Shame on me. So embarrassing. I literally, I was like, why am I this way? And I wanted to go back. I wanted to turn back on myself and go and find because I'd walk past a few cafes. But I couldn't. I was too embarrassed. So I had to ring Alex and ask him to pick me up. And I just waited in the calf bird to be done at the groom. Fucking loser. Oh, love it. Love it. Can you match me? my um probably not uh because that is really embarrassing my my awkward right okay so we were with okay you've got to keep up with me a little bit here right ready yeah so because it's a bit like friend of a friend but just just hear me out my sister jen yeah i know her husband has a really good

yep you know her her husband has a friend right yeah okay so my brother's are in brother-in-law's friend and he's out here in Cyprus. So we met up with him. He came with us to dinner one night. Okay? This man is completely bald, right? He doesn't have a hair in his head. Okay.

The next morning, I was talking with my other sisters, not Jen, Jen was not there. And because we're nosy bitches, we were like, I wonder what this guy looked like with hair. I don't know why. I just, we just wanted to know. So I texted Jen and said, hey, Jen, what can you send me a picture of,

let's call him Greg? let's can you send me a picture of Greg with hair and she was like okay I'll go back to your Facebook and find one and I was like cool thanks so she did she found one and she sent it back to us and we we all got to see what Greg looks like with hair looked like with her and nothing that crazy just looked like him with her anyway then who knew the next night he came to dinner with us again right and we were stood around making polite conversation, me, him and Jen. And Jen looks at him and says,

yesterday morning, Al texted me and said, please can you send me a picture of Greg with her? Jen. So I looked at Jen and Jen looked at me and looked at him and he was looking at me and he said, why did you want a picture of me with hair? And I was like, I don't know. I'm really sorry.

What a rat! What a fucking rat? What a little sneak? I was like, why would you? you do that afterwards she was like oh god sorry i thought it'd be really funny and then when i said it it realized it wasn't funny and i was like no it wasn't funny because he was just looking at me like why did you want to why did you want a picture on your phone of me with hair i was like that's just looks i just sounds very fucking weird i mean it is weird but you didn't need to know that you know

what a rat yeah okay so i have definitely been jen i do this all the time and i don't know why i do it and sometimes i say things and i'm like why have i done that why have i done that i've just like literally shot my friend in the face and i just didn't need to do it and it's really weird it's like an impulse thing. I'm like, how, this is hilarious? And I'm like, right. So I get it, but also, Jen, like, that was, that was mean. But also, wasn't it?

Wasn't it mean? Yeah. This man, I've met twice in my life, literally meeting him full the second time. Yeah, I'd be really self-conscious about the fact that he's bald. I know. And you know what you probably thinks, right, probably thinks all of you sisters, like evil little sisters sat around being like, I bet he was really fit when he had hair and now he's not because he's bald.

That's probably what he thinks. No. So what you should have said, what you should have said, To replicate the situation and to make him feel better, you should have said, oh, it's because I'm, like, really into bald men. And I feel like that one made it. I always think they look better when they're bald.

So I wanted to prove my theory. That's what you should have said. Are you fucking kidding me? That's what I'd have said. I think men look better without hair. That's what you should have said. And I was just checking that you do, too. Yeah, and I'm happy to confirm that you do.

What is happening to you? sorry I thought the spider on my like there still might have been but that's my bad did I give you another bad I can't remember did I give you another bad my bad

no Alex I was driving home I went for lunch with Ash the other day I was driving home I was driving in London and I had my window down because it was a beautiful sunny day and I was going along the river

and I was like oh yeah wind in my hair and a massive spider now I'm not scared of spiders I'm not at all so you have to know how big this is to make me me alarmed, it was chunky.

Like, at least... Like, how big? Like, you know, when you make your hands into an O, your finger into an O, bigger. Yeah, bigger. Yeah, bigger than that. Oh, my God. Okay. As I was driving, with my windows open, windblown to your hair, having a movie moment,

this fucking thing went along the side of the window, and I was like, oh my Christ. So I tried to keep chill, tried to batter out the window, like, bush, bye, battered it into the car. where did it go where did it go no fucking clue oh my god it lives it lives in the car now it does

I pulled over like literally on a busy road like a fucking nutter and pulled over put my houses on got out the car took my coat off and was just like shaking it

like rubbing myself down people would have been looking at like who is she is she okay and I couldn't find it anywhere I looked everywhere I couldn't find it so I literally just drove

back like white knuckles clinging onto the steering wheel for dear life and when i got back i've never got the car to start my life that's horrible that's probably why i forgot to shut the window i think it was the same day that's well i don't blame you in that case hopefully it escaped i think it still lives in there hasn't set up shopping oh my god it just occurred to me i've driven it like every day since and i've forgotten until right now and now i'm going to i was supposed to drive tonight i'm going to walk i'm going to a vet i'm going to walk to it i'm not driving do you want a car i'm going to get back i wish they'd stolen that car now i wish the car had been stolen that's one way to get rid of the spider in it yeah exactly for context if you weren't listening

to thursday episode Thursday's episode my best mate sarah's car got broken into which was a waste of everybody's time because my car a few streets away was just there with the windows open so they could have taken my car but instead they tried to steal hers and that was stupid because they could have taken mine because i don't even want it because there's a matter spider in it so there you go they could have got a car and a spider yeah exactly a car and a pet two for one what everybody wants Carnapet. Did you know all our glamping units have a resort, quality, Canadian-made, and eco-friendly bed? Since day one, we have proudly partnered with Colonna-based mattress company Haven,

ensuring you have the best sleep possible. So it's just one more reason to visit us in the Boreal Forest. You can also try out a Haven mattress risk-free for 100 nights at Havenmatress.ca. right we oh my god we are almost an hour into daisy i'm so sorry daisy we're sorry daisy our poor producer poor daisy um and also sorry for you guys but also i hope we're still here because we've got such a good guest today oh my god we've got such a we spoke to her an hour ago and we're like fully fucking in love with her we're obsessed with her she's so cool she's called kaley stead and basically on the morning of her wedding her

Her fiance, who she was about to wed, upped and left, literally, without any kind of warning, signs, no explanation, no nothing, he just left. And rather than just cancel the wedding, she went ahead with the wedding and we heard this, we don't want to give more away. You've got to listen to the interview with her because it's fascinating and so fucking cool. But when we heard this story, we were like, we have to speak to her. And I'm so happy that we did because she was so. sweet, so nice, but also just so cool. And so cool. I want to be more Kaylee.

I want to be more Kaylee all the time. She's handled this situation like a fucking champ and I just think it's such a tonic for anybody who has ever been left or dumped or heartbroken to listen to because she's handled it so stunningly and with her head held so high and I just think she's the biggest babe in the whole wide world and we know you're going to love it. So we are very excited. introduce Kaylee.

Okay, I'll lead. I'm so excited. Kaylee, thank you so much for being here. I honestly, we, my, oh, I can't even remember when I first saw

your, the TikTok video that went viral of your wedding. Insane. I don't know, what are you, are you calling at your wedding? Yeah, I'm calling it

my kind of like, yeah, wedding of me. I'm kind of, that's what I'm kind of calling it now. Yeah. Well, I saw it on TikTok. and we talked about it and it was just like oh my god like this is it's so cool and so brave and we're like we have to talk to you um and i can't believe you said yes thank you so much for coming thank you

honestly thank you for having me and when i saw the the message i was like is this real okay let's just go with it and that's kind of be my my thing at the minute it's just going with everything kind of coming my way and just being a sponge basically and taking it all in yeah i'd say i mean and it's But we were just saying that before you arrive, like what a whirlwind you've been on. Because obviously, and this is like such like a metaphor for how social media works, if people looked at that video, they see one video,

they think, oh shit, that's a thing. But then for you, it's like your whole life. And the last month must have just been coconuts. Surreal, absolutely bonkers. So it was, I just posted the video just because I was a bit like, oh, I like the video. and it was just something for me, to be fair. It wasn't for anybody else.

I just wanted to do it for me. And, as you can see, I'd never posted anything on TikTok before. So, like, I'm really new to it. So I'm like, I didn't have a clue what I was doing. And I was like, oh, there we go. And then I literally went to sleep with like 15 followers. And then I woke up and I was like a 21,000 followers.

And I was like, Jesus Christ. I was like, what's going on? I was like, bring my mom. And she was like, oh, my mom. Never mind. Can you explain briefly then what the video was about and we'll obviously go into everything but just to get like an overview for like people who haven't, you haven't yet heard your story? Of course. So I was with my partner at the time for coming up four years this year and we

didn't be getting engaged for two years and we were due to have our wedding on the 16th of September. And then on the morning of my wedding after kind of getting all my makeup done, I had completely confirmation at that point that he definitely wasn't coming because he was four hours away from where the venue was and we were due to get married in like an hour and a half and so yeah I was left at the altar and rather than kind of going home and crying which I think was completely understandable if I did I still wanted to enjoy the day with my friends and family who I had basically had people coming over from Ireland and Scotland who wasn't they weren't travelling an hour they were traveling like nine hours to come to a day to celebrate me and my partner at the time.

And I wanted to still enjoy the food, the music, the dancing. And that's where I did. So I had a day of me celebrating self-love and with my friends and family. And this is like what is so cool because I think like this is the really, really cool bit is that like I mean, this is a horrible situation for you to have been in like really, really horrendous. like you're getting married this is a day that you've planned for a long time you're getting married to someone that you love and that you've been and that you trusted right and you know all the money

and then for him to just literally up and leave on the day of the wedding and for you to then carry on like I would be I would have been an absolute wreck you wouldn't have been able to like I just wouldn't have been able to do it and I think it's so amazing but like the fact that you just like carried on and continued and had what look to be I mean I don't know how it was like, like behind the scenes, but what looked to be, like a really great day surrounded by your friends and your family and you really did like enjoy, as you said, like the food and the drink and the dancing and just being around everyone. Did it feel like that? Or it was obviously not as rosy as that? There was like ups and downs. There was a lot of ups and downs, but there was a lot

of like really poignant moments which I thoroughly enjoyed and I wish I could strangely go back and experience them again because I didn't appreciate them for what they were at the time if that makes sense like dancing with my dad and the fact that my dad actually danced with me

was a miracle because he's very kind of like in his own he's very kind of like he's not like an extravert like myself he kind of want to sit back and let's everybody else

do their thing but the fact he danced with me was something I'm kind of always going to treasure but there was a lot of moment where I kind of had to go off and kind of like there was a bit of a safe space

that I had where I would just go and cry and then the girls would kind of pick me back up again and I would get back out there and there was a point where I think it was like around 12 o'clock of the night and I think the tequila kind of like was at its peak basically

and then I just wanted to get my dress at that point and so my friend took me outside because all the bathrooms were all kind of thing because I was having a bit of like a bit of a panic attack she was a bit like so she undressed me like mid in front of everybody because she's like I don't care get it out of the dress and I got into my joggers and my shirt

and then once I was out of the dress I carried on dancing then and I still enjoyed more tequila, more vodka and yeah and I danced the night away. I'm so obsessed with you. That's so cool. I'm also completely obsessed with your friends because that's such a

special thing. It was your friends in the morning that first knew or one of your friends wasn't it in the morning that first knew that your ex wasn't going to come. Yeah, so Jodie, she'll see my, like, she's my ride and die, like, all of my, we call ourselves the cabin crew, so Jody's husband was one of the groomsmen, and it's like seven o'clock, she had a call from Chrissy, and he was, like, obviously, telling her at the time that he wasn't going to be there, and, like, I hear, I see her just get off of the table, I'm walking to a room, and I was like, what's going on? And I hear to go and, like, stop, stop lying, like, you're joking, stop joking now, and then that was it, and I didn't hear anything more from her, but she was, but she was, and she was, was trying to kind of figure away how to tell me as I was like kind of getting ready, drinking my memorses, getting my makeup done. And she was just like, she had this incredible, like, really

sad news to tell her best friend. And because he left with no communication. So none of the information came from him to myself, even though I tried calling him, tried texting him. There was no communication from him. It was just like a death, if that makes sense. He, like, he completely vanished. And she was the one who kind of had to break the news, which was probably incredibly hard for her. And to the day,

but I'm glad that she was the one giving me the news because she knows me best. And, like, when I saw her crying, like, she's not a cryer, but when I saw her crying, I knew it was kind of like, shit went down, basically. And had there been, like, any...

I don't know, was there anything that you picked up on beforehand? Had he displayed any hints of, like, anxiety or doubt around getting married or anything? So, there was, like, an anxiousness, but, like, about, like, but there was no doubt. So, like, he was stressed because of, like, I'm one of nine, see? So we've got quite big, yeah. That's a lot. Yes, I'm the youngest, and I've got, like, 17 nephews and nieces, and I've got aunties. He's just of nine and he's still four and he could fuck around with you.

I'm like that. You've the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life. I thought he was a coward before and now I'm like, oh, never mind. Yeah. So yeah, he was obviously stressed because he is not really kind of much of a talker in, like a big crowd. And he was stressed about the speech. But he was talking about taking me on the honeymoon. So his family in apartment in Turkey and that's why I couldn't go to the honeymoon because it was their family.

and he was talking about places he wanted to take me. We were talking about having children. We were talking about moving in together. So for me, that didn't show any doubt. The fact that he was talking after the wedding, like talking about a marriage. So, because it wasn't a day that I lost out on. It was like becoming a wife, if that makes sense.

So it's kind of like mourning two losses at one point. A hundred percent, because we talk about like, I don't know, like the word, I think like the word jilting or whatever. you know it's a really well sort of unusual thing but it's a word that everybody knows right and you kind of think about it and this is kind of what I was saying earlier

like you think about it in the context of like your day but it's like everything's in that moment it's not like fuck the day it's like you're breaking you're having a breakup but like in front of all the people that you love the most like it's horrible

your world gets turned upside down or like the worst way it could, in the worst day that it could be. The only redeeming thing is how beautiful you looked. Like, at least, like, you look so good because you're all, like, you're looking your best. I know, that was probably, and that's why I wore the dress, because a lot of people asking why I wore the dress. Well, it was either the dress or pyjamas, and I had that dress for two years.

It was under my bed, like, so that's how long we've been planning it for. It was under my bed. I was ready to wear, got it altered, got it perfect to fit me. And it was my armour. for the day. Like, I think when you wear a wedding dress, anybody who has, like, it gives you that kind of sense of, like, tall posture, if that makes sense, this, the sense of, like, confidence. And honestly, like, I just couldn't have pictured wearing anything else on that day, even though it wasn't my wedding, but that dress bought me some kind of, like, power, even

though, like, what had just happened. And it was just, like, surreal, like, I was in my most vulnerable, like, I'm, like, quite a confident person, but, like, I'm, like, I'm, like, I'm, comfort to the point where I don't show my vulnerabilities to my closest friends and family just because of like I think when you show your vulnerabilities to your closest that's when you're kind of go to admit to yourself, you're vulnerable and then kind of

omitting it to like about 90 people. It was surreal but the love that I had like showed me like how powerful it was to actually kind of let my guard down and and go with my instinct and I'm kind of glad that

I did that. How did you let everybody know did you go to the church I don't know were you going to go were you going to do a church ceremony or did you just say come to the party it was all at one venue so that's why we got the venue there because my mum's disabled

and she's a bit of a fusser and fafer and it stresses me out so rather than getting like three cars to different places and we just got one car to one place and I never saw the ceremony room because I didn't want to go in there because that was the place where like every girl pictures

like walking down the aisle and saying I do and so I'm glad that I've saved that for the day if I ever do get married again but I got my sister and Jodie so my two maids of honours to go in and tell the guests and bless them they did incredibly like it must have been so hard for them and so they were kind of my my messengers of my day

my middlemen and like I think everybody knew once I was like 20 minutes late and then all the bridesmaids and the groomsmen all walking in together and the fact that the groomsmen stayed I think I do want to point that out every single one of his groomsmen all of his best friends stayed for me

and I think that showed me that I was like wasn't in the wrong because I think you get a lot of kind of questions going to think did I do this have I done this? What have I done wrong? But the fact that they all stayed

I was like fuck that I haven't done anything wrong they're telling me I haven't done anything wrong so sure what I'm right to stay here and enjoy myself I think you can safely say if your fiance say leaves on the morning

of your wedding without so much as a text or a phone call you can safely say that it's not you that's done something wrong throughout the day was there any contact from him at all? None so literally I tried calling him everything so what

I found out lately done is I snapped a SIM card and got a new one and was calling like his parents and people off unknown numbers but never called me that's really weird Yeah, that was it. So I literally had no contract from him at all.

That's weird. It is. It's not the breaking up part for me that was their kind of like the surreal part. It was the fact that he didn't own his shit. Like everybody's within their rights to not do something. Because absolutely, like, you can make a choice not to be with somebody. Every day people break up with people. It's the fact that he didn't own his decision, didn't tell me face to face.

Or didn't even give me a text. Like, a text I would have probably even understood, but nothing from him. which kind of really solidified for me, the lack of respect. And I was like, because throughout the day, I was a bit like to my girls. I was like, if he does show up girls and may want to take him back, I'm not too sure, like, because I still had the love for him at that point. But then when I think one of my friends Nia told me, like, well, Kay, he hasn't talked to you. Like, why would you take him back if he wasn't willing to show you that respect?

And I was like, fuck yeah. I was like, what the fuck am I? Like, absolutely, no, he's put me in a position where I took him. took away my choice, took away my future and didn't give me even the smallest amount of respect to actually have a conversation with me and or even be like a decent human being. So at that point I was like, fuck him. Fuck him. I'm really pleased. I didn't know because obviously like you did a bit of, I saw your interview on this morning and stuff at the time and I was like, they didn't really ask about how you were feeling about him. So I didn't want to like tread on your toes in case. I don't

know you might have been like, oh, well, he's actually, it's back on. No, absolutely not, absolutely not, because, like, why? Like, I need somebody I can trust, and, like, trust is a big part of it. And, like, I'm very much a person. Like, if shit happens, I'm going ahead on first because I want to get done, I want to try and tackle it there and then. And if he's going to leave me in my most vulnerable position and run away rather than fight with me, then fuck that.

Absolutely not. Absolutely. So have you heard from him, you're nearly a month on now? Have you heard from him at all since? I mean, presumably, do you live together? So yeah, we lived with my parents. So we were saving basically all the money. He lived with your family. I know. So all of the money that I'd saved. So previous for the relationship, I'd been saving money to get my own house because it's always been like a dream of mine to have my own space because I've grown up on a council estate because of my mother's position. So, which is absolutely fine. But I've always dreamed of. having my own home. And my mum was like, rather than you renting and paying somebody else's mortgage, both of you move in with me, save a bit of money. And I can, like, I'm happy to kind of support you that way because that was the only way that she could support us. And then the fact that when he messaged me, so he has measured me since, but it's not about the wedding, not about

a sorry, it's not about asking how I am. It was asking for his uniform for work and how much needed that back and basically what happened, I packed up all his shit and I gave it back to his dad. But his dad told me that he hadn't had any contact from him. So I kept his work uniform because of its government property. So he's a police officer. He's let that news out. I didn't tell the information. He gave that information out so I'm happy to talk about it. So I kept his uniform because of its government property. I was like, I want to give it back so nothing comes back on me. And then in between that time, my brother was like, fuck, no, I'm going to take it from you because if he's not going to contact you about

the wedding, about how you are, then he's not going to contact you about the uniform. He can try and contact me. And my friends gave his auntie know that his, my brother's number. And he got his auntie, got his mum, he got his friends, he got everyone to call my brother and text my brother apart from himself. And like I finally at nine o'clock, he wrung my brother. My brother was like, do you know what? I can't remember where I place uniform, like, quote unquote. I was angry, but now I'm even angry because the fact you didn't even try and call me. Like, you've got everyone else to do your own bidding. It just, it was, he was baffled at that point. So then he had messaged me, asking me to contact my brother

from him to do the right thing. Then about the third text and he just said, I'm sorry. And then I text him back and said, look, go to my brother. I've told my brother to give it back to you. You speak to him and just grow to fuck up and thank you for asking how I am by the way and I just blocked him then after that because I didn't want to hear any other messages because if that wasn't his first point of contact then fuck him I'm not having it as a second or third thought if that makes sense it makes total sense good for you it gets worse the whole thing is really fucking bad enough but but like no no mention of what this like huge major event that just happened.

It's just like, uh, hey, we need. And also the fact that you've been, like, in all the, like, newspapers, you've been viral on social media, you've been on morning television and it's still, like, to not even acknowledge that. You said about how he released the information that he was a police officer. Did he, did he do an interview? So, no. So basically, I saw my sorry to the son because I blocked him and his family and my friends did

as well. There was no way of showing them how he enjoyed the day. and it was kind of like a bit of a fuck-you moment that's why I kind of sold it but I asked him to keep his name completely out of it but they found his own information through his own social media page which they're within their right to do so

and they got his age wrong so they said that he was 21 but he was actually 24 and then he called on the day that the article was released he actually called the son and he said you can't write about me I'm a police officer and then they were like like okay and then they called me to verify that and obviously I was like yes he was passing out um on the Wednesday after the wedding so I was meant to go to his passing out as his wife so like

that was a bit of like a weird moment on that day and he was like okay so he's a police officer and he's trying to say that we can't print about him because he is a police officer and then the journalist was a bit like well he's given us his information where within our rights to still give that information way because he's given us that that information himself and the state the son did an article on him basically saying that the rookie kind of rookie officer left Chiltered Bride of the altar. What? A weird

phone call? Like you can't write about me on the police officer. It's like, you're not a very good one. Like, no offence. The son don't give a shit. Like they write about royals. They write about premise. They don't care who they write about because of they're like independent. So they're not going to care about some

I don't know police officer. They don't get a bit of shit. And like the fact that he did that I was like I left you out of it for a reason and you brought yourself into it not me that's so much ego isn't it? Yeah like it is it is a little bit just because I was a bit like

I didn't expect him to do that and I think the fact that he did that I was a bit like you just turned into a person I didn't expect if that makes sense like I feel like the person I was with before the 16th and the person after

I'm not marrying up and it's and that's what kind of like the bit I'm struggling with at the minute is kind of going well who was he? Yeah. It's it's so confusing and I guess you can't really like you're not able to get closure on it because he's not offering it up any explanation as to why he did that. I don't think I'd want it now though either because I think it'd be like something he'd preconceived if that makes sense. I think it'd be something he would like consistently think about and think about or even write it down bullet point what he wants to say so he doesn't make himself.

sound even worse. I'd just be fake. It wouldn't come naturally from him. And I just, I wouldn't want that because I don't think I could trust what he said, would say, if that makes sense. You said that his friends, like, their groomsmen all stayed. Have they been, like, cool with you since? Have they been amazing? Absolutely, like, incredible. So they also held me up on the day and, like, so I was close to them, but I wasn't, like, extremely close where they would see me cry or anything like that and the fact that like they would let me cry on their shoulder and let me kind of like just sob was incredible and like after it they all were checking in on me asking how I was and his one of his best friends who where he's from like I messaged them all individually

I said look I'm sorry that I didn't reach out to you before I released out the article it all happened a bit fast like I'm sorry like if you don't think it was a good thing to do or whatever but it was just my, this is my journey and a way for me to kind of heal in my own way and every single one of them said, to be fair, Kail, it was absolutely perfect. You'd haven't done anything wrong. Like, it wasn't about him, which I didn't want to be.

And they've kind of just said, like, that they're sorry for what he's done and, to be fair, because he's got two sets of friends who are his groomsmen, one from where he is, where he lives in England, and one in Swansea. and the people and friends in Swansea that he's known for like four odd years they haven't heard from him since now

that I know of so they were completely left so like his friendship that he built with him for like four years and they've done lots of things together gone for a lot of shit together the fact that he like left them as well is that they're suffering a lot at the same time

oh bless him it's hard for all of his friends like the ones that he's obviously abandoned as well but also the ones that like he wants to maintain a relationship with because morally for them it's like they know that he's been an absolute douchebag but like he's their friend it's just like yeah and his parents as well probably the same thing exactly well his so his family messaged me afterwards but they were saying sorry for the fact that he left not how he left that they were

trying to justify how he left by saying that's the only way that he thought he could leave if you thought this was the best way to do it. Where for me, no offence, I don't care whether it's my son or my child or whatever or even if it's my best friend. I would tell my friend, yes, you can make a decision. You're within your right. But fucking go and tell the person yourself.

Yeah, it's not really defensible, is it really? Did his family stay? No. When I got to the venue, they were all gone and his two groomsmen had travelled like six hours on a train from where they all live in the same hometown city. and they don't drive.

So they travelled on a train and the fact that they were left behind so Callan went back home to where they live and their family went back home to where they live and didn't even offer to take them home and they left them there to kind of pick up the pieces and make the excuses and whatever

and to be fair they didn't defend any of his actions they were just saying I'm sorry and I was like, I'm sorry that they left they were left on their own with no way of kind of getting home or getting from the venue to the train station even though they're going home to where they live, the fact that they were left

that kind of like shock me as well if that makes sense. Yeah, it was just full panic stations from him clearly. Just like... Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm not thinking of anyone else. I don't think it was a well thought out idea. I think it was all just done on basically

maybe a bit of nervousness, a bit of instinct or whatever. I think something just maybe have switched in him because the way he left doesn't show that it was a well thought plan because if it was then he would have taken some of his stuff he would have taken his friends home and things like that so i think he just probably did it on like one emotion and went with it rather than actually talking to me and kind of going through the kind of the emotions but at the end of the day that's the human that he is he's willing to run and i'm willing to stay and fight and i just don't think that's a relationship that's worth

fighting for on my end anyway. 100% not. Definitely not. No, I think it was a blessing in disguise. Absolutely. Dodged a massive bullet. Yeah, he dodged a bullet. Yeah, because imagine they had kids with him.

Imagine I was married to him. Imagine going for a divorce. Like, so he has done me a blessing disguise. Like, so I am thankful in a way that that's happened because I'm not in a position where I've got like three kids where I have to keep in touch with him and things that that which would have been 10 times worse and anybody who goes through that, I couldn't even imagine the pain. But the fact that he didn't own his decision, I think that was the pinnacle of kind of his deceit. It's like ghosting, but like, on a huge level. Yeah, it's like top tier.

It's like, it's huge. It's like the Olympics of ghosting. Absolutely. I think if there's a dictionary, He just put his face next to him. Yeah. Oh, God. And I saw the footage from the wedding of you punching the cake. Oh my God, that was so good. So good. It was so therapeutic. Like, I honestly recommended it to anybody who's going for a bit of, like, a tough time.

Just get a cake and just punch the shit out of it. Because, like, the way that it, like, crumbles in your hand and the way that it flies, like, it was glorious. I was like, yes. Oh, I always have that impression. impulse when I see a wedding cake like I really want to punch it I really hope that I never will but it looks so punchable so I'm kind of

that that looked fun well it was this like four tier massive cake and the other flavours were like flavors that I like and the top flavour was strawberry flavour cake because I picked that because his family like strawberry flavour cake and I was like okay let's make sure we get a flavour that they like

and then when I saw the cake and the top tier I was like I literally just was supposed like fuck it. I did it in my head. I was just screaming and I just went boom like that and it just flew. It flew. And do you know what? Like it's probably still mushed into the carpet now to be fair. Like it was everywhere. Oh my God. Have you, have you since this story has like gone viral? And I'd like to talk to you. We'd like to talk to you as well about your TikTok going viral. But since your story has gone viral, have you connected with people like men or women who have also

being left at the altar, so speak. Oh, so many. Have you? So, so many. And I didn't realize, like, how much it happened. Like, majority of the cases are, like, a couple of days before or, like, the night before and things like that. And there'd been one or two

left at the actual altar. And, like, loads of them kind of said, I wish I'd done exactly the same as what you did, because they kind of cancelled their wedding. And if this happens to anybody, like, if anybody who is listening, they kind of have an event that like a wedding and they get left like a couple of days before

and you can't get all your money back just have the day I honestly would 100% recommend it rather than being alone go with your loved ones have some tequila because honestly tequila was my best friend and have some cake have the food and just fuck it like if you end crying in front of people cry in front of people but at least you've got people who love you around you and have a day of you and fuck the other person. I love that. Like, it's, and it's so true. Like, I mean, I was just thinking about the legalities of us.

Like, can you sue? Like, feel like wasting your money, probably not. But, um, like, that's so devastating. I didn't even think about the fact that you can't get your money back. Obviously, in suppliers, they can't do that. Well, there is such thing. I never heard until on the day, I hear there's worth an insurance. never knew there was worth an insurance in my life

but I don't think it would cover being left at the altar I think it's more to do with probably like natural disasters or cancellation from the actual venue itself but I think it's like it you've spent all their money

you've worked hard you bought a dress or you bought your suits your family's coming down already so rather than just kind of going home and crying which you're within your right to do but cry after I think that's the main thing I say you're going to cry got the rest of your life

exactly you have but you have and so just fuck it and enjoy the day like and if you end up laughing don't feel guilty for laughing don't feel guilty for crying if you want to scream scream but at least if you've got a support

network like the way that I had fucking do it 100% even if there's one or two people there do it with the one or two people who love you I think you must be so inspiring to anybody who is going through a breakup on any level because you're obviously

see like top tier this is this is this is huge this is like yeah this is like the mastermind of of breakups this is horrible but but to see you I guess there's like a thing of embarrassment or like or a feeling of like shame like you said like in the morning that you felt like you'd done something wrong and to go out there and be like I'm I'm not the one that should be embarrassed no right I haven't done the bad thing and it's I think that's the biggest power move I've ever heard because it makes him look like such a knob that you go out and you're just like I'm not embarrassed because I haven't done anything wrong so I'm just going to thrive and show everybody like what a loser like where was he sitting

probably on the side of some motorway with his burner phone yeah and you're all sitting there with all of his friends punching a wedding kick like I know where I'd rather be exactly exactly the fact that his friend stayed like it was just a massive kind of like fuck you moment yeah completely right like my first didn't think I was like oh my god I'm so embarrassed because like more people are gonna think like it was like everything but then my sister Katie bless her she was just like hey they've got nothing to fucking be embarrassed about like fuck him like he's the one doing as you just said all this shit he's the one that's run away you haven't you've chosen to stay and I was like absolutely I think talking things like that out

loud because I was, I think it's very important thing to do as well. Like, I think it's easy to kind of think in your head and have your own thoughts to think about. And I think it's natural kind of them to escalate into a point where you can't control them. I think talking them out loud and having all my girls around me and being able to kind of, I see them their grief as well at the same time. I was like, showed me that I could fucking do this and I was within my right to do it and I had nothing to be embarrassed about. And I was going to wear my gorgeous dress because it was fucking incredible and I'm glad that

so I don't know if you know but I'm actually donated my dress to a mother of free so she's a student nurse she hasn't got hardly any money bless her and she's going to drive down and she went and I'm going to give my dress for free I'm going to get a clean for her and I want to see the dress have a happy ending

and I'm really excited that that's happening that's really lovely that's so nice and it's so nice that it's going towards something like really good that's so lovely of you though. I just didn't feel right selling it. It felt a bit like wrong selling it because I felt like it wasn't for that purpose. It wasn't to make money from my dress. But like my dress deserves its happy ending. And I think it was like such an armour for me on a day that I felt really

vulnerable. And like even if you do get married and have your happy ending, like you're still in a vulnerable position because it's like you're sharing your love like a really intimate experience between like friends and family and so i hope it gives her that kind of sense of like encouragement and beauty and confidence and i i honestly think it will i'm obsessed with you i think you're the coolest person we've ever spoken to that's so nice thank you i want we were like i'll touched on earlier what's it like because we're both too scared to try it what's it like going viral on ticot fucking nuts it really is let's so i'm saying like Like, like, as I said, trying to tell my mum that, like, I had, like, I've got, like, seven million views in a video.

She was just, like, well, seven million views. And I was like, it's just people who are, and I was just, this is just too much. And I was just like, and when I told the girls and I told my brothers and, like, they were just like, what the fuck? It's just surreal. Like, I went to sleep, posted it, went to sleep, walk up with, like, nearly I had a million views overnight, like, over eight hours. I was just like, I was kind of going, is this me? I was like pinching myself going like I'm just going to go back to sleep and just wake up and it's not be true do you mean it was like kind of that moment did you want to delete it at any point you know when you wake up

all and I get this all the time hence the name of the podcast where you get the fear where you see like how big it's got and you're like fuck like this is huge I think I was going to delete it if I had like zero views so like if I had a hundred I was going to delete it then because it's a bit like okay goodbye I'll to keep that for myself but the fact that it like had like nearly a million views at that point I was like fuck I can't delete it now because I think people are duetted with it I never knew you could duet with things I was like and then when I saw the comments and I saw how much like like women especially like I think obviously connects on a human level

but I think women especially connected with it because I think we get twisted into these kind of like either like really like depressed or angry or psychopathic kind of women whenever we go through breakups never kind of really empowering kind of experience that we get from it and so the fact that I saw it had that impact I was like

God it made the day a 10 times more worth it and so I'm glad that it's had that kind of impact that's such a good point about the tropes that like women get cast when they have their hearts broken yeah it is like I think loads of women posts like I've seen loads of TikToks

about breakups like they do it to stop music or they do it to angry music or or they do it to fuck you music and like that's a part of their healing and you see a lot of people kind of going oh my god you're really crazy if they're doing that or you're you really must be really depressed or this and that and I'm like we're not one thing like we can still feel empowered by a breakup so and like whether we're sad or angry or depressed or whatever we are we're still strong in that moment because we're deciding to still live in that moment so that's why like I'm glad that I did what I did. That's good. I'm glad there was lots of positivity. That's really nice because it is like

ultimately a positive story. But you do open yourself, even if it's a positive story, you open yourself up to like people kind of questioning and and kind of doubt in the situation. Well, I was I was thinking that as well. I bet there was some negativity on there because a video cannot go viral on TikTok without a shit ton of negativity because it's a breeding, it's a breeding ground for like trolls and people to anonymously just like just spur on they're just they can be so nasty on there like I saw comments on that same night like he moved to Canada and I was like what what what like I had like my cousin bless her so she had a nan ringer up and go I've seen the callums move to Canada wow did he get where's he gone and she was like nan what do you mean

and she was like he's gone to Canada and then she run me she said kale there's Calum going to Canada and I was like no I've got his passport I'm giving it to his dad and they were like oh okay and like those people going oh I must have been like a bitch or whatever no offence even if I was a bitch and I was the most horrible person I still would deserve to be told by that person like regardless but like at the end of the day fuck him fuck anybody who's on his side because of at the end of the day he did a shit thing he's now going to live with that

and as psychotic as it sounds like I know now that if he gets a new girlfriend and they Google him because some girls do that they Google their partners all they will see is what he'd done so that's my bit of like not revenge but yeah

it's a bit of my revenge a little bit of come offence yeah 100% I'd say he must have like you know when you do you like and I imagine that I'm putting it on like one one one level but like I get FOMO if like anybody that I know has fun without me with someone else that I know and like not only must have he had like I mean presumably he thought he'd leave you'd fall to the ground and wailing you'd be in like incapacitated couldn't function the day

would be off you'd be miserable for the rest of your life and that would be that but he must have got such a shock when he like opens TikTok and it's like oh my God that's my day and all my friends and everybody's having the best time because I'm not there

yeah absolutely awkward oh yeah you see his grooms and walk in like you see like so the guy who walks in first of all that's my best friend's husband Chrissy and he's just like like this going is there

and then you see like his friend in his kelp and he's like pumping his fists in the air and you see them walking which is why I wanted to include it because like I just wanted to honour them and thank them in a way for staying and yeah it was just incredible and like I think absolute major formal more I would have major phone more if that had happened to me because it was an absolute sick party like there was like yeah I'm jealous I've got fomo there's a lot of shapes done on the dance floor probably shapes that should have

never been seen but it's fine it was it was brilliant can I can I ask um this is like probably like you don't have to answer this is probably too personal question but like if you then if you now go on to meet someone else do you would you like to get married again would you get married again would you do the day again so yeah i actually work because i think that's why i saved the ceremony room and for me like okay i've had like previous experience and previous relationship even than the previous relationship i was with with callum that like past experience it affected the way that maybe he treated a situation and it's something that I've never wanted to do like I don't want to sacrifice my partner in the future's day because they may have dreamed about having their family or getting

married and having a day and getting drunk and celebrated with their friends and why should I take that away from them and I think I would probably just make it a day I think I'd probably like do like the semi-room and and have that kind of be my kind of like happy ending I think. So that's what I've saved for my actual wedding day now. So I'm glad that I've saved the kind of more intimate part. And I know now that when I go to, if I ever have another wedding, I know what the speeches are going to be like. So I may kind of revise them or swap my maid of honour over because they let out some of my dirt. So I might have to get other people in. Of course. The speeches went ahead at your wedding. Yes, it did. Yeah. You're not wedding

money. That's amazing. So you're made of honour. Did your dad do a speech as well? No, my dad, bless him, I had to go down to help my mother get changed because my mother's dress was a bit like thing. So they were coming back and he's not a big talker. So I was never going to make a speech, but I made a speech in the end, like thanking everybody for being there. I swore a lot throughout it. And I just, for me, the day was like, because I've got like so many nieces like I wanted to show them like because they're like ranging from like eight months to like 21 some of them are like in their first ever relationships and going through their first ever heartbreaks and and things like that and I just wanted to show them like

this is what can happen so like don't don't try away from it do the fuck whatever you want like go with your gut instinct and that was what my speech was about and then the girls um like my sister because I told maids of honour my sister bless her Like when I hear to talk about the fact that she wants her daughter, like, who's eight months, Heidi bless her, to have half the strength that I have. And I think that kind of solidified, like, like I'm strong, if that makes sense. And I can do this. And I'm glad that I had my nieces and nephews around me on that day.

Yeah, you're a fucking superstar, like a rock star. You're so strong. I keep wanting to cry. And then I'm like, no, you wouldn't. What do? She'd get a shot of tequila. I cannot do that. I am pregnant, but I will, I will do it afterwards.

After. I have a couple of shots after. And then I saw at the end of this morning's interview that your honeymoon was contributed towards. Yes. Are you going? Like, so I can't remember the figures, but basically this morning maps and people have donated your money.

So, so I got given, I think, by Hayes, a grand. And I think this morning donated another grand on top. so um and to be fair because of like the wedding costs so much like the honeymoon we kind of sacrificed on so it was like that's why we were going to his family's apartment and i've always kind of dreamed of either go into like Maldives or things like that so what my sister said to do is just go on a holiday once in a lifetime trip it's not going to cover everything but you then can contribute on top of it get somebody with you and go having a fucking amazing time and I think that's what I'm going to do with it is like

have a once in a lifetime trip something I'm never going to be able to go and do again and just enjoy myself and I think that's what I'm going to do with the money is just kind of like treat myself you 100% deserve that have the best fucking time of your life I will you deserve nothing less like I honestly just think so many people would fucking crumb or men women anybody and you've like I don't know you but I'm so proud of you I just think like presumably like you've just gone back to work and you've just so I've taken some time off work just for the minute just because of like I'm either at the stage where I laugh cry or punch somebody and like I don't want to end up punching somebody in work I think that's there

not ideal it's not what you need exactly it's not ideal and like because I'm going through the motions all through the day like it's like it's a bit of a grieving process at the moment And, like, yes, like, so there are moments where, like, I just want to kind of, like, crumble. And I let myself crumble. Like, I give myself, like, I think I call my, give myself, like, half an hour to cry, to listen to soppy music. And then I'm like, okay, once my timer comes off, I'm like, okay, I've got to pick my shit up and wipe the mascara away. I allow myself to have those moments. But then I also allow myself to be happy and also be angry because I think it's justifiable.

But I think I'm taking this time off work just to kind of. find me again because I was about to become like Mrs Norton so and I'm kind of green in that and I'm trying to find now who this is and I kind of like I'm inspired by what I've been able to create on social media and I want to try and see if I can kind of continue that bit of like empowerment just for myself and for others as well well you've inspired me I mean forget your daughter and Katie forget your niece like I hope to grow up to have half the strength that you do me too me too you're amazing thank you so so much for talking to us and sharing your story it's it's epic and i know it's like you know it obviously there's a lot of bad stuff in there as

well but what you made of it was just amazing and it sends such a strong and powerful message to so many people so thank you so much honestly thank you like so much for giving me this like a different type of platform and it is incredible and I was speaking to my mum the other day and I was like something I've always tried to kind of do is like not define myself purely on the bad moment but like I try to define on how I overcome them if that makes sense like how I define myself is how I picked up my shit or how I like took all this stuff back give it all back I didn't I didn't break in anything I was all done dignified to be fair like the one thing my friend did do when we packed up a shit she emptied a jick so

and chuck it all at a top one piece of the jigsaw. She was like, if you're not going to be savage, I'm going to be savage. Pure evil, I love it. And I let her have a moment. But yeah, like, I just define myself based on my actions. And, like, I just want other people to kind of feel like whether you cry or even if you don't have the party. Like, it's completely understandable. Like, just as long as you own your shit and own the moment and just be proud of it.

We love it. We love you. You're amazing. Thank you so, so much, Kaylee. Thank you so much for listening. Should I delete that is part of the ACAST Creator Network. Did you know all our glamping units have a resort, quality, Canadian-made, and eco-friendly bed? Since day one, we have proudly partnered with Colonna-based mattress company Haven,

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