Should I Delete That? - Why criticism doesn't exist with Jacqueline Hurst

Episode Date: September 3, 2023

Jacq is BACK! With as many truth bombs as ever and more wisdom to impart on the listeners who sent in questions. She tells you how to avoid waiting for him to text you back, how to trust your gut and how to ignore the naysayers…You can follow Jacqueline on Instagram @jacqueline_hurst_Follow us on Instagram @shouldideletethatEmail us at [e-mail] by Daisy GrantMusic by Alex Andrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There was a part of me in that moment thinking, well, I should do that, I should make this, you know, business massive and I should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should. But why should I? And it's okay to just coast along and do what you like to do. Hello and welcome back to Should I Delete That. I'm Alex Light. And I'm in Clarkson. I'm pretty sure you said should I delete. that weirdly, but I liked it. I'm embarrassed to say that this long into doing the podcast, I still have to stop myself from saying, should delete this. I shouldn't admit that. My mum still says that all the time. She's like, are you going to get them as a guest on should I delete this?

I'm like, I don't know. You should go and find the hosts of that podcast and ask them. But whilst we're talking about the podcast, can I go straight into my good, please? Oh, go on then. Three million downloads. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

Are you all right? You guys all right. are you guys or actually are you guys right exactly they're the ones we need to check on Alex did a story where he like listed some countries that have a smaller population than three million and I was like what that's unbelievable Botswana Botswana Gabon the thing is is like imagine if we knew how many people how many listens we had because obviously only downloads attract yeah I don't want to think of how many would it be

I don't know it's insane not my problem. It's mad. I don't want to know that. That's too much information for me. Is that you're good too? Of course it is. Okay. I'm guessing that a bad and an awkward came from the wedding but I've been really looking forward to hearing first of how your birthday was and second of all how the wedding was and is anything bad and awkward you can tell us. Yes. So the wedding was the wedding was brilliant. We had a great time. It was so good. I'm still recovering. It's Friday and I still feel a little bit ill from it. I just, I get so, from big events like that

where you have to speak to people like all day and three, four days on the trot, I get so exhausted from that, do you? That's kind of where I thrive. Yeah. Maybe that's something to do with the introvert extrovert thing, which I'm still like confused about. What do you think you are?

I actually don't know. I don't know. Do you think you're a drainer or a radiator? I think I'm a drainer. I've never heard anybody answer that question with that answer before. so you think you might be introverted and the wedding took it out of you it just took it out of me I just I feel like I'm just still I feel better today actually like yesterday started to feel a bit better but it just it just takes out of me but it was absolutely brilliant and she had a great time

and that's my other good obviously she was she just she had a ball and she looked so beautiful and my awkward is from the wedding that it was obviously my birthday on the day which I feel like I've inadvertently made a really big deal out of and in the speech my dad's speech he made the whole wedding party saying happy birthday to me the entire wedding party now I get mortoed I get mortoed if I'm just like at a dinner with a few friends and they sing happy birthday like that's yeah we did that to you we did that to you last month when it wasn't your birthday but it was not my birthday yes it was rude so the whole wedding party of 120 people I was embarrassed.

I think it's lovely. And I think when we go out for dinner next time, I alone will sing you a solo in the restaurant, me and the waiters. Please say. Happy birthday. Marilyn style, you are Kennedy. Happy birthday.

That was really nice. So yeah, that was, that just felt like, yeah, it was just mortifying, modifying. But in a good way. Yeah, of course. You love it. Like, oh, I hate making it all about me. I, as I've inadvertently made it all about my birthday.

guys don't sing. Don't sing to me. It's my birthday, but don't sing to me. I know it's how Ellie did it, but it's not my birthday, but don't, whatever you do so. They gave me a little tiara, birthday tiara as well, in a sash that they made me put on in the speech. And then afterwards, like, Ellie said to me, you know, my dad said to me, like, you can take it off if you want. And I was like, no, actually, I'm quite enjoying it. I'm the birthday princess. Fuck the bride. I kept it on all night. As you should. Introvert my ass. I know, fuck that. I'm an attention-seeking queen!

Have you got anything awkward for me? I do. Probably, my weeks felt like 40 years long, but the one that springs to mind was yesterday when I was pushing all along in the buggy. We're trying to get her back into her routine because obviously we've been away, it's been a stress, and she's all over the place, to be honest,

we're up, we're down, like, we don't know which way is Tuesday. But we were pushing her in the buggy, and she looked up at me, and she was a really big, sad little eyes and their bottom chin was, like bottom lip was going and the chin was all wobbly. And I looked at her and I went, oh, that's a sad little face.

And as I said it, there was a man running past me and he turned around and he went, mine. I was like, oh, my God. No, not yours. Not yours, mate. That's a sad little face. He must have been like, fuck off. That's like the equivalent of smile more.

You should smile more. Yeah, literally. I was like, oh, welcome to being a woman. Crack a smile. Cheer up, love. It might never happen. That's what I should have. I should have doubled down.

Mine. Not all about you, sir. If someone said that to me, that's a sad little face. I'd absolutely kick off on the street. I would kick off. I say that lull. I'd say wouldn't. I'd be like, oh, goodbye.

I'm going now. You're horriddle of a handkerchief Making it even sadder Yeah I love that That's a brilliant awkward Bats Oh well my bad is

I guess comes from another good I ran 7.5 miles this week Well done Very proud of myself That sounds like a lot Al it's really far Yeah Look I think if you were driving that

You'd be like Oh this is too long Oh 100% At my speed yeah Yeah Probably I'll say Oh god actually that should be a bad From when I went

I went running with my brother in a couple of weeks ago in France and I was running and I turned around and he was just walking alongside me I was like oh I need his peeve up that was so tragic

Alex says it all the time but Alex has the good good manners and the good sense to just pretend to be jogging Finnno didn't even give a shit he was just like just strolling long strut

I was like oh you prick but that's what I'm my bad my bad is that so I did my run I'm a superstar so proud of myself I cannot fucking move it's been two days and I honestly I can't move really like when I get out of bed I'm like oh I have to like

pick up my legs to make them work is it one of those ones where it's very difficult to get on the toilet to sit down on the toilet it's like you've got to like oddly maneuver yourself down no oddly my glutes are okay the top bits are right it's getting back it's my hamstrings it's getting back up

because I was doing deadlift on Monday because I was trying to be, you know, I'm trying to be a tank. I'm trying to, you know, be a tank. Anyway, but my hammies are like, I hate you. It's like a dick. Yeah, but I'm okay. I think I'm going to pull through. Have you got anything bad? I hope you pull through. Here's hoping. Yeah, just giving page link in the show notes. It's, it took me a second. Pray for M. Hashtag Pray for M. Hashtag pray for M. I, my bad is, it's spider season. and I feel unsafe in my own home. Oh God, why have you reminded me it's spider season?

It's spider season. I love the denial of the season. Oh, you know what? Actually, Alex's like, there is no plea all summer long. You've been like, I can't wait for autumn. Can't wait for the winter. You put on Instagram a couple of days ago, I know everyone's going to hate me,

but look at this lovely autumnal scene. And now she's got the fucking audacity to sit here and complain about the spiders. I don't think so. I don't think so. They are your prize. They are your smugging a prize. They are exactly what I deserve.

They're exactly what I deserve. Spires. I do. I do. But at the same time, I just feel, I thought I saw a black widow in my bathroom and I was like, Dave! He was like, hmm, it's just a daddy long legs. They're just everywhere. They're everywhere. They're everywhere. That's what's more upsetting to me is that I haven't seen one yet. Either, Bua is... That means they're in your mouth. That's the, that's, yeah, what's worse than the spider being in a spider being in a the bath the spider that was in the bath no longer being in the bath in your belly where's it

gone i saw someone i saw a meme that was like i've called i'm calling my spider i'm calling the spider in the bathroom cotton eye joe because where did it come from where did you come from and where did you go i'd come out where'd go love that made me laugh oh god spider season bollocks i'm not mentally ready yeah having said that boo is really in her fly catching era which makes her look really stupid, but it's also quite useful. Oh, how cute is it? But Betty could never catch a fly, like ever in her life. Boa can. That's amazing. Yeah, but oh my God, I think I told you this. Katzhi's boyfriend can too. Oh yeah. When he just, yeah, gross. Yeah. Maybe I've seen him to come and stay until the spiders are done.

He is like a spider, to be honest. That's what spiders do. Dick. Or a lizard. Weird energy. Really fucking weird energy. Cute with dogs, weird with humans. That's That's my conclusion. It is cute with dogs. Well, well, well. Oh, we have a return guest. We do. We've got the best guests.

We've got the guest you guys all love the most. And the we guys love the most also. We have Jacqueline Hurst back. Jack is back. Jack is back. And we talked in this episode about shit boomerangs. And I have not stopped thinking about the analogy since we recorded the episode. This one, Jack sent me a text yesterday, so I think this is our best one yet.

and I think she might be right Best one yet We can't wait for you to listen Jack is back Enjoy Hello Hello Jack is back

For the fourth time Is it the fourth That's cool Is it? I think it's the fourth Yeah it's the fourth Yeah because First

First time we did it in the studio In White City Yeah Second time at your house Yeah Third time Third time White City

Oh in White City In, you know, that studio. Oh, yes, that one in Notting Hill. Yeah. Notting Hill. Oh, yeah, that missing Hill one. Yeah.

That's right. So this is the four, I'm honoured, four times. Your most repeated guest. That is very, I mean, I feel the love that. Well, honestly, it's been such a long time because we've done an update. So the last episode we did, we talked about like me really learning not to care what everyone who was mean about me on the internet had to say. It was so vulnerable. It was literally this, it was last summer.

Yeah. And I actually just wanted to update you. I think about it lying in bed last night because sometimes I still get these thoughts of like bad people, or not bad people, of people not liking me and all this stuff. And I was lying in bed last night. Every single bad book that came into my head,

I combated it. I was like, I'm so proud of myself. I'm going to see Jack tomorrow. I've made so much progress in this for the last time she was on. And because you and I actually have only spoken once. We've had one session since then because it was so effective that episode.

But that's the point, right? The point is to do exactly what you've done. And when you learn to do what you just did there, you become so free. It's like, when you learn, like, okay, this thought's going to come in my head because I'm alive, so I'm going to think, right? And then I'm conscious and aware enough to know that it's a negative thought and it makes me feel awful. And how can I combat that and think about it differently? Okay, I could think of it like this way and then I feel better, like, boom. Yeah.

And the more you do that, the more you do that, the more you do that, you just become freer and freer and freer. I'm like a really big believer that like being able to do that has given me so much peace and therefore peace is like everything that's really what we all want isn't it yeah exactly what you've just done I love that I like pick my thoughts like flowers now I was honestly lying in bed last night I was like it's so nice I was like oh they're going to think this or whatever and then I was like can't control it can't control it can't control it I kept saying that to myself and I started writing it down everywhere yeah I had these little bad thoughts I write the good thoughts down it's so good yeah it's so good honestly i really feel like i know i say this every time but i

really feel like i'm on such like a it's such a good space with it and you have ebb's and flows i think with well you have real life don't you yeah and then you have you know moments of like the good stuff and it's like oh this is really easy because like you know life isn't like throwing stuff at you and then you have stuff where in real life stuff does get thrown at us and it's in those moments which are the most beautiful moments the most fertile moments to say right what are am I doing in this space? Am I going to grow from the space or am I just going to stay miserable alone and be like a victim and unhappy? Like your decision. Yeah. You know. And life does throw stuff at us, doesn't it? Yeah, I was just saying before we started recording that I did have

like a breakdown on Friday and I was going to ring Jack and I was like, I actually didn't want to fix it. Like there's nothing to be done here. I just want to say I want to be a victim today and I'll deal with it tomorrow. And you know, sometimes that's also really important, right? Like it is I'm a real believer of feeling your feelings. I'm not a believer of like, let's positive. think our way out of this problem. Like, no, because A, it doesn't work. And B, if you don't process your feelings, then where are they going and what's happening and what you're going to do to, you know, suppress them later on in the day? So it's important sometimes to sit in that feeling. Like, I'm not anti that at all. What I'm anti is sitting in the feeling and then

staying in it for weeks and weeks and weeks. Like at that point, no. Yeah, at some point you've got to like pull yourself up by your bootstrap. Yeah, if you want to. What was a bootstrap? I would have to know that. You know when you find out like how these things came about. I'm going to Google that later. Pull yourself up by your bootstrap.

That's really interesting. I'm just thinking about yeah, feeling your feelings. Feeling your feelings. It is important for your feelings. Yeah. You know? Because I think I think that's where like me and you are different because I am like, I go straight to solutions.

Yeah. Like I don't like I go straight to that. And it's really interesting. I've seen there's a meme that's going around like do you want, are you the kind of person that A wants sympathy or B wants solutions? And it's so funny when I saw that, because I was like, that's never occurred to me. Is it not? It's never occurred to me that people wouldn't want solutions, like, because that's my go-to.

I'm like, fix, fix, and when I give my problem to someone else, what I want is for them to fix it. I don't want like, I'm so, I want like, here's what we're going to do and we're going to sort it out. This is the biggest thing that me and boy, Alex, not fight about, but that's the biggest. is communication that we have to have. Sorry, what's boy Alex? My husband Alex. Because it's girl Alex. Oh, girl Alex.

Sorry, trying to keep up here. So when I have it with boy Alex, like, if I come home, I'm like, I have to communicate that I don't want to, like, don't fix this. And don't tell me that it's all going to be okay. Because obviously it's all going to be okay. Just sit there and listen. Yeah. And look kind while you do it because I just need.

That's so funny. Because if Dave did that, I'd be like, why aren't you talking? Why aren't you telling me like what we're going to do next? Oh. Yeah. It's so funny, isn't it? How people like need. different things and that you just it doesn't occur to you yeah yeah i yeah i don't want to i don't

i don't want people to fix my own problems i just want to sit and moan about them first yeah i can't i need help i love that tangible help um we have audience questions for you oh i love the audience question yeah we're actually feeling quite good in ourselves apparently so we thought they'd put it to everyone else but that's really good can we just take it for that like seriously how cool is that you know we were saying before we started the podcast of like how you know i've seen you both like for many, many years, you know, as like coming in, checking in, checking out, blah, blah, blah. And it's like the growth that both of you, you know, where you're at today is like a really beautiful space and how nice it is.

It is. And how nice to be sitting here, both of you going, do you know what? Actually, I'm doing right. Like, that's great. I couldn't think of a single problem to bring to you. It's amazing. Not one that you could fix. It's amazing.

I'm so tired of I haven't slept in like a whole life. But like, you can't fix that. But like mentally, I couldn't think of a single problem. I think that's really fascinating. You know, and I think. we don't give ourselves enough space in that space to say, like, you know, that's good. It's positive. It's like sit in that for a minute, you know, like, yeah, I'm doing good.

I can, I can always find a problem if I dig deep enough. But I'm scared of saying, like, that I'm okay and that it's all all right because I'm scared of jinxing it. I don't know. And that scares me. I'm a real believer of like the energy and I'm super spiritual and I'm really very much about, like, you know, how I think creates how I feel and what I put out there is what comes back to me. So if I'm sitting here saying, you know, life is good and we're blessed and all these good things, I believe more of that comes.

I agree. Yeah. I don't believe, oh, there's the jinx out there and it's this terrible. And I don't actually believe that either. It's weird, isn't it? It's like a... But it's also like part of like the tall poppy syndrome where we're not supposed to say that everything's good. We're supposed to find something to complain about.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but then if you complain about things, more things happen for you to complain about. Well, that's like British, that's just how we work, isn't it? Like, let's just be in the trouble. Yeah. Yeah, no. We talked about this in the podcast with, um, yeah, with Alice living.

Like, we're just not very good at being happy for other people, I find. Who is it? Society. They're British people, society. British people. Women. We don't, we compare. British people.

Yeah. We're not, we're not the, we're not like cheerleaders. Which is a shame. We're changing, but. If we cheerlead on each other, that's not English, but you know what I mean. Yeah. Then more good comes to us, right? It's the people like sitting there going, oh my God, she's on this.

She's like, they are not having great life. And again, like, more of that comes back to them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so true. Right? Yeah.

We're not just hurting the other person that we're, like, being down on. We're hurting ourselves as well. Yeah, because what you put out comes back. So if you're doing that, what's coming back to you? Like, oh, no. It's a shit boomerang. Yeah. A shit boomerang.

Oh, I don't want to think about that. Title of the episode. Yeah, honestly, like, you threw out of shit, it will come back to you. It's true. Who wants shit flying? I'm a real believer of that. Like what you put out comes back on every level. Absolutely agree.

And the more connected you are to this, the more, like, the quicker it happens. Like, for me, like, this can sound really weird, but like, I really, you know, I can't do anything that's bad or naughty or be rude to people or scream at people. Like, it comes back to, like, let's say, you know, someone hooted me in the car and I screamed back at them. And I was like, you can fuck off. I swear to God I'd get out of the car and I'd trip up. Like for me, the karma comes so quickly. I'm really careful of it. Yeah, that's quite good.

I caught myself the other day. Somebody pulled out in front of me and rather than swearing at them, as was my first thing, except I gave them a thumbs down. Okay, we're doing better. We're doing better. Bad be bad for you. Bad.

He literally looked at me like, the fuck are you doing? I'm like, bad. Bad driving. Better. Anyway, I've digressed. Sorry. questions

I'm lost yes we have a lot we have a lot of questions here surprisingly we have a lot oh one just says

please help oh no it's a follow on it's a follow one please help that would be a problem like oh

it's like oh things are really bad I love it those are most the text I sent to Jacqueline help please help

I'm like sure what time and that's it's she's gone for like two months like okay then I fixed it sorry

so uh oh this is actually a common theme with them actually is okay so how do I stop needing male validation and how to just stop waiting for him to text back I love that love that this makes me happy we cannot get validated from outside of our setups right we would start there so validation always comes from within and as much as we live in a society and you'll know Alex because this is what you like specialise in that tells women you know you've got to be a size zero to be seen as in control and together

and blah blah blah which we all know is the biggest load of bullshit we're also subliminally as women given messages all the time that the best thing you can do is be married and then you'll have status in society and then you'll be okay and the thing is this is 2023 and that probably works in the 1940s and maybe 50s and 60s but today being married should not validate you in the same way that being a size zero shouldn't validate you right and you should look at it in the same in the same way. So how do we become not validated by that? First of all, become aware of the subliminal messaging of what we've got and telling us that we're only, you know, we're only going to be something important or special when we've tipped that, that box of a man and he will

make you whole. But you're not, not whole. Your whole is a person anyway. Like, you don't need your other half to be living a real big life, like your whole as a person. So how to stop getting validation from men is to start giving yourself the validation, knowing that you're valid and worthy and lovable and amazing without that. And actually, I really believe that when you do that work on your self-esteem and your self-worth and self-validation and you let go of getting it from a man, that's when you actually become even more attractive. On a practical level, though, people listening, it's like maybe they're new in a relationship and it's like, Like they're just putting a lot of weight in.

Because I know I used to do it 100%. And it's really easy for me now because I am married. And I have another partner that I can be like, oh, well, you just don't. And it's like, well, that's so easy to say. And it's lovely in theory. But like practical steps, how do you stop? Well, actually, I suppose do you need to stop the glow? Like, you know when someone gives you that compliment and you get that kind of like warm glow in your tummy?

Should you not be feeling that? I would like to say that you want to be someone where criticism and flattery goes down the same heart. Right? Right. Yeah. That's one of the best things Jacqueline's ever taught me. She said, I don't care. What did you say to me? You said, I don't care if they tell you that they love you or but you're a fucking bitch, you need to react

the same way. And I was like, woof. Because I want to do that to myself. I don't want someone else to, otherwise my emotions are up and down all day long. Oh my God, this one likes me. Okay, this one doesn't. Okay, this one does. Okay, this one does. Okay, this one doesn't. Okay, this one does it. Where is my emotions in that space? if I'm allowing them all to affect me, right?

So you want to be much more balanced in that space. And all of this work comes from within. And so practically, if someone's in a new relationship and they're like loving on their partner, like that's great. But also remember to love on you. And you've got your own life. And you don't need somebody to fill that whole. You've got to find ways to fill that whole.

Like my life is big. I have a big life. I love the work that I do. I love to read. I love to learn. I love riding horse riding. like there's so many things that I fill my life with that it's full and it's packed and it makes me feel good that I can fill my life with all these wonderful things so if a man comes into that why should it all stop and it all be on him but like how does that make sense it was the second half of that about texting back yes it was how do you stop how to stop waiting for him to text back this is in capitals I think she's stressed get a life and I mean that really nicely I mean that with love it sounds really harsh but go and get a life take yourself out for a walk see your girlfriends go and see

a movie go to the theatre do something you haven't done before take a trip on the thames for 10 quid this all this all sounds good i want to do all these things that you live in your life not waiting around for anyone else to text you back and then it will be okay yeah right you can't be wobbly like that you've got to have strong foundations and when you're building your life on a strong foundation through your mindset, right, and doing things that create self-esteem and doing things that give you self-worth, once you've got those things, then people can come and go as they please, I always say my door's wide open. You want to walk in? Great. You want to leave? Great. You're not going to affect that. And I had to get that, by the way, from, you know, terrible experiences in relationships,

you know, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, to be where I am today. This takes work to do. But you can do that work and you can look at yourself and do coaching and read the books and listen to the you know YouTube stuff that that makes you grow and understand yourself so that you become a really strong woman and that's important i'm stuck on the criticism and flattery going down the same whole thing right so can i ask like you for example yeah if we were to sit here and say we really really like you, Jacqueline, we really, really like you. Does that not feel good? No, I'm like, good for you. Wow. Which sounds rude. I don't mean it in a rude way. It's just like, well, that's great and that's what you think. Yeah. And that's cool. But you could also sit here and go, we absolutely

fucking hate you. We don't agree with anything you're saying. It's all a load of crap. And we think you are, you know, the worst coach in the world. And I would say good for you. Well, that's because you're allowed to think all of that. I don't have to agree with you. That's why, because my foundation strong i know what i bring to the table are there no feelings of like pleasantness or like em said that glow that feels automatic for me like i don't think i could it feels like a reflex

if someone says something nice to me like i don't think i could stop that feeling of like oh god someone likes me someone says something nice about me it's not that you're a robot and you don't want to have a feeling when people say nice things right but it's also that i can't hand you all my power

in that regard like i can't hand that power to you Because if I hand that power to you, what happens when you start hating me? Because you could, then what happens? Yeah, on a practical level, the way that Jacqueline taught this was to me was like, if I had to send something scary, like if you have to send an email or make a phone call that you're scared of it. It's like, you need to, I had to learn that I would put myself off doing it because I'd be like, what if they say this, what if they say this bad thing, what if they get angry with me? And whatever, and then sometimes, and then if it went well, I remember calling you back.

Because we had this conversation and got me, and I called Jacqueline back and I went, it went really well and she went I don't care like she was like yeah they were really nice she said I don't care like it doesn't matter that they were nice you have to go into it the same way whether they're going to be nice or they're not going to be nice and like that's been really good for me now because it's like whenever I have to do anything scary

or like send an email or whatever why am I so scared of emails send something scary or like ask for my my worth or whatever I need to just be like okay it doesn't matter if they like me on the back of this or they don't like me on the back of this I need to ask for what I want yeah yeah it's it's nice yeah that's so yeah i have to remind it doesn't come automatically to me though i still have to

like sit there at my computer and be like it doesn't matter what they think it doesn't matter what they think yeah say like 15 times then i send the email i mean that is such a nice way to live like how you're it's peaceful describing your mind to me it's really peaceful i had one troll recently it's like the first time ever i got one one my first one is like oh this is the first time i've had a troll yeah like let's see and i mean i can't even remember but i do remember but i do remember that the first line was something where she was like, I'm shocked that. And I thought, I'm sad that you don't understand

that I don't care what you think. You obviously haven't been following me. Because I don't care that you're shocked about. So I'm like, good for you. And that's very peaceful place to live. Criticism, like, I don't know if it was criticism or, like, outright hate, but... But I don't believe in criticism.

Criticism. I don't believe in it. Okay, so what is like, okay, so if someone is criticism, you do you but what's critiquing it's not it's not even but do you do you take okay do you take what I would

perceive to be criticism do you take that and I go that's really interesting that is their opinion and I'll read that and I'll say is there any of that I agree with is there any of that where I look at and go oh yeah maybe I could actually

stop swearing so much or maybe would that work for me yeah or would that work not really but it's not done in a way of like and they're a very validating it for me. They're not. That is their opinion.

That's why I don't believe in criticism. It's not a criticism. I don't believe in it. Like, I believe in the fact that you have a different opinion and you have a different opinion and I have a different opinion. And I might say, listen, I really think that pink goes much better with orange, you know, and you'll go, oh my gosh, she's criticizing that I'm wearing pink and orange. It's not. It's just my opinion. Okay, so, sorry.

You always said that to me about, like, again, if I'd go to Jacqueline and say, they criticise me or they've said something mean like what's actually happening here like what's actually happening is words are coming out their mouth and you're putting all your shit onto it, you're inferring it as criticism, you're taking it as negative when actually they're just saying words

and it's fully up to me how I want to interpret their words which I love. What do you think of people who feel compelled to share their opinion when it's not necessarily going to have a positive impact on you I guess that's sometimes what I

struggle with when people say to me, okay, I don't know how else to call it, if not a criticism, but I feel like they are critiquing my work and say, I don't think you do this right. I'm allowed to share my opinion. And I'm stumped on that part because I'm like, I guess I can't argue that, but I don't really know what my question is. But how do they, how do you stop being hurt by them? Or like, do you think that's, like, what do you think that's right that they can, they can share that opinion with you like that. Surprisingly, sorry, one of the best things my dad ever taught me, which is, I know.

One of the best things my dad ever taught me was that he said with this job, because obviously you know, it's a similar job, he said, you've had your opinion and everybody else is allowed theirs. And it's like, yeah. And they, you know, when people come to me in DMs and they say like, oh, I'm allowed my opinion, I'm like, yeah, you are. Yeah. And I'm allowed mine.

And what is quite interesting in our job. I think it's people come and they say you shouldn't have done this and this and this and that and I'm allowed my opinion and I'm like well so am I and what you're saying I shouldn't I shouldn't I shouldn't but my opinion is that I should so all that's happening here is that we disagree so I don't even open them don't reply and I just say

well I said bless you like wasted your time do you think opinions and critics are the same thing I don't believe in critical I don't believe in the work so on that level on that logic yes it's an opinion it's someone's opinion and they're allowed it like okay yeah and you know that's one thing that i think i've really learned from you through all of our chats is that the what that criticism i don't know how i say it sorry okay that opinion that i don't perceive as positive that that that doesn't have to

be true yeah and it's that never occurred to me and it's that thing of perceiving it as positive or not because it's like actually it's somebody's opinion which is their opinion and so it doesn't have to be or negative because ultimately you can't criticize me unless I think that you're criticizing me. I know I'm sorry going to raise her eyebrows as though here she goes with her thinking again. But unless I think, oh my God, she's criticizing me. You know, it's not really happening. Like, oh, that's her opinion. Feels a lot better.

Yeah. And it's more of a truth, you know. Yeah, I mean, we do overthink a lot and we just don't need to. I think we could think 70% less and not. 90. I'm going 90. And we'd still be very cognitive and functional. like we'd be fine

we could just like cut a lot of the shit this has been a new one that I've actually worked out on my own recently where I think all the time what if the bad thing happens and then I'm just like what if it doesn't and it's like it's so freeing that it's like do you know I was up in the middle of the night the other night and I was overthinking

over thinking right and I was thinking oh my god at this point even I'm like wait what I was like I was annoyed that I think so much I overthinks so much and then I was like I wonder if it makes me cleverer because my brain's always thinking And I was like, it actually doesn't make me clever. It makes me less clever because it takes up so much capacity. A brain capacity.

So that wasn't even, I was like trying to glean some positive. Anyway, off. That's why coaching is really important, you know. And I'm, it's like filing. Her? It's like filing. Yeah, and it's learning what to do with your thinking. You know, and I think the difference between coaching and not coaching is when you're not in

coaching, you know, you don't know how to have those thoughts just turn down or not even come in whereas when you go through coaching you're like oh yeah okay that can go there oh i haven't thought about that today oh did it and everything's just like drops and it's calm yeah i guess just having the power to know that you can dismiss the thoughts and and actually the more you do the work on your thinking the less that happens like you just don't go there and there's so much space there is a lot of space that's what i find on my walks now i just have a lot of space I'll be walking along pages I'm like oh my god

I haven't thought about anything for ages I can't answer that I can't relate What else are they asking Sorry yeah I knew I knew we'd end up digressing Good So but we like a digress

Yeah I think it's important And I also can't stop thinking about You're saying there about the door being open Like not literally the door being open What You've looked at the door You said before about in your life That you keep the door open

I was like right What's going on the door is shut No the door shut metaphorically the door is open yeah and I love that talking of the door being open a lot of people asking about how to deal with friendship breakups oh yeah how to I guess tackle them in the first place if you're the one doing the breaking up and how to handle it if you're on the receiving end of the of the breakup so how to tackle it in the first place is important because it's about growth right and it's about saying okay in because we all I don't know why

seem to think that we aren't going to grow and change and we're all growing and changing all the time right like when we first did our podcast today we've all grown and changed haven't we and you've had different opinions about things and we thought one thing and then we changed our mind on that thing and and so it's so normal to to grow through you know to a space where you change your friendships like it's okay to do that and I think as long as we do it kindly and with love it's you know ideally that's the way to do it is like just gently and kindly you move on and through those friendships so if you want to do that you know remind yourself it's okay because you're just growing and you're shedding layers of skin and when you shed layers of skin you shed people and when

you open up that space and you say this friendship thing doesn't work for me anymore and I need to release it usually you open up the space for someone to come into your life that's on that next stage with you and that's how we grow right so So never be, never feel bad about that. You're doing yourself a service and just do it kindly and gently. And when you're on the receiving ends of it, you know, I would always say like, it's probably worth the conversation to understand what happens and also to release it with grace. You know, that's really important.

Release it with grace because that wasn't meant for you either. How do you not take it personally? Like if somebody's listening to this and they're thinking, like, what have I done that this person doesn't want to be friends with me anymore? Like, how do you deal with those thoughts? that people are different i mean i've definitely grown through friendships through my life and um and went through a friendship breakup a couple of years ago with someone and it was confusing and surprising and she started dating a guy that you know i wasn't that keen on and they had had some you know issues and

things that were not healthy and she said to me you know what do you think about these issues and me being me i said to look i'm going to tell you honestly you know my opinion and my thoughts and you do what you want with it and after that conversation you know the friendship broke broke down and that's okay because if she feels like that or she you know her thoughts and her opinions and her feelings around all of that and her not wanting me to be a friend anymore that's okay that's still not really about me she's in a different space i'm in a different space she didn't want or didn't feel that she wanted to remain in that friendship and i don't know there could be a million reasons maybe the guy told her not to stay in the friendship

maybe she thought well it's much harder having jack in my life the not with this guy around like it could be a million things it doesn't mean i'm a bad person and i think that it's really easy to make it be about us like oh my god what have i done and they must hate me and i'm terrible and maybe it's not maybe you've just outgrown each other and things have changed and i'm a real believer of learning, you know, again, through deep, deeply traumatic events to learn to let go with grace, that when something isn't right for me or something shouldn't be in my life, to release it and say, okay, there's the door. You know, it's important. Do you think you've got grace? Oh, so much grace. Full of it. That's, in the way you're describing, that sounds so peaceful, because I guess

you have two options, you release it with grace or you fight it and you make yourself miserable in the process, I know I'd still choose a latter, but I love the sound of the former like that's so peaceful. I have to validate myself and say that I'm good enough and I'm okay and none of us are perfect and I've done the best I could and I wasn't going to lie to somebody, you know, because it's not who I am. So maybe she wanted me to lie. But then that wouldn't have been who I are. So why would I changed my authenticity to make this person feel better about their choices like it's not so you know and I've always been honest so you know it could be a million different things couldn't it have you come back together at all or is or was it a very clean break gone right yeah yeah but I also

believe very much that you know and again there's no hate no one's done anything wrong like we haven't you know and I'm very sure if you sat her down here which and you said so do you hate Jacqueline, she'd go, no, we just, you know, we just grew apart. And that's okay. Yeah. Right. Do you think for someone doing the breaking up, do you think, what's the best way do you think of doing it? Do you, are you completely honest with them? Tell them the reasons why and say, I want to, I want to take, I want to step away from this friendship now. I'm guessing you're going to say that is the best way to do it. I'm going to say, it's all relative. And I'm going to say each case is different case by case and you know it's always nice to talk to people if you can it's always

nice to talk to people if you can you know i've got a friend one of my best friends who i adore to pieces and she recently had an issue with her supposed best friend that had they'd been friends for years and my friend is very empathetic and she was always listening to this friend of hers and then when my friend you know the shit hit the fan for her and we all needed to like rally rounds as we do with our friends. She spoke to this friend of hers and she said like, you know, I really need to talk to you about some stuff I'm going through. And this girl said to her, basically said to her, well, I don't have the emotional capacity for you right now. And my friend was like on the floor broken. She was really, really upset. But I was saying how in a way, that's a good thing

because you're learning who your people are. And again, you don't have to hate this person. You just go, oh, right. Okay, I've been here for you the whole time. And for the one time, I need you, you can't be there for me. So maybe we're meant to shuffle on and move for our lives without each other. What do you do if you have this with a friend and you think it's not the end, but a friend is disappointing? Like how do you cope with that, whether it be actually a friend could be a partner, could be anyone? What do you do? And it's like, it doesn't feel terminal, but it doesn't feel nice. I think you talk about it. I'm a real believer of open communication, right? And I know that we're in 2023 and a lot of ghosting happens and people don't want to talk about things and they'd rather

just not for me i think that's like not a healthy way to to have relationships because we're meant to be relating with each other so i think it's an important thing to do my best best friends we've had you know crazy like conversations and disagreements about things and my girlfriends are like tough strong women right you think i'm tough you should meet them yeah but we can hash it out together and we can end a conversation saying you know what i don't agree with you you don't agree with me and let's just fucking move on yeah and that's just fucking move on yeah and that's that's really powerful because that then promotes an even stronger friendship so I think if you can do that with each other that's really great and you build a stronger stronger stronger

relationship and some people you're going to do that with and they're not going to have it and they want you to have it that way or no way and then that's it I don't want to be your friend and okay then you open the space for new friends on a better level do you think you can stay friends with someone even if they they do that and you think well I don't really want to either fall out or I don't know like do you think that basically there's space for keeping people in your life that you aren't that maybe your perception of them's changed or like I don't know because it sounds like okay and you're out like does it have to no no no it's not like it's not like yeah it's not and you're out definitely not they can just chill a hundred percent and you can just

manage your own reaction to them 100 percent yeah 100 percent it doesn't I'm not into the black and white thing no you know like right you're my friend or you're not my friend I'm talking to like every and I always say that like every case is different and every relationship is different. So one person, it might be like, do you know what, that is so bad, I'm shutting that right down. And others, it might be, you know what, I need to talk to her and tell her I'm not happy about this and see what we can get to. And if it's got a bit too heated, maybe we'll just give each other a little bit of a wide berth for a month or two and I'll drop back in in a month. Yeah, like angry dogs.

Yeah, like everything, grey area, grey area. Yeah, ladies, grey area. Love. There's a lot of questions about careers. one girl said any way to stay happy and fulfilled even if you are stagnant career-wise I'm just coasting

another girl said 29 and feel lost career-wise don't know my passion scared I'll get stuck in a nine to five that I don't enjoy and I feel just through but just through talking to my friends that so many of us feel like this like we have no idea what our passion is supposed to be

what a career is supposed to be and what I'm trying to say like do we just live with something that pays bills and gets us you know gets us going through life or do we try and look for something that we're going to be super passionate about even if maybe it doesn't exist so like i really think you know wayne dyer said and i think it's a great saying and he always says don't die with your music still inside you oh god that hit me wow that's so beautiful i was going to explain it but i don't think i do right need to no that's stunning and i think that was i think that's really

powerful because again like I don't know for me I'm super spiritual and I'm a real believer of like this it's all much bigger and everything's connected and there's no such thing as a coincidence and what you you know put out comes back and that the world is a magical miracle actually um and so I do believe that we all have a passion and it may seem really silly it may be like oh I really like I don't know sewing actually and I really like you know sewing and do some fashiony stuff at home in my spare time and that really is probably your passion but you're probably thinking oh but I can't make that work right so it's like where does that where in your life are there things that you're doing that you actually really enjoy but it's your brain that's going oh I can't make that work right because you have got a passion we all have and I also think you know real life does happen too you've got pay your bills right like let's be real but I would hate for anyone to feel stuck and stagnant because life is too short for stuck and stagnant way too short for that you know you don't want to be sort of looking back and going god i wish i had you know life is big

and you've got to grab it with both hands and none of us know how long we've got and don't be stuck and stagnant anywhere which doesn't mean leave your job tomorrow and don't be able to pay your bills but it means if you're sitting in a job where you feel that you're coasting start bloody doing some work to find other things that make you think yeah i really want to do that actually i really want to try that and and and live and grab and do and and live a bigger life nobody has to stay stark i guess on that it doesn't even have to it's what you were saying earlier about like choosing to live a big life yeah like even if your work because i i think that this isn't said enough some people don't like working and they don't want to go and have some huge career and that's okay like i don't feel like

say that enough it's all like we talked about a few weeks ago like this like boss bitch thing girl but like the girl boss era it's like it's great but some people just they just it's not their thing I mean 100 you know I have a school online called the life class and it has two classes one is to become a life coach and one is to do your own work right and it's like 350 quid or something it's a self-development course and it's a really nice course and it takes over and people really enjoy it and I remember like about six years ago I went to see this like consultancy firm a friend of I knew someone there and they were really good and they were like right you know if you want to scale your business this is what you need to do and they gave me like these graphs and you know

this PowerPoint presentation of how to like take my business to like 10 million and I looked at what I would have needed to do for that and I thought I wouldn't have a life and I would have teams of people that I'd have to talk to every day to like organize things and do things and And why would, why do I need to do this? What am I trying to prove and who am I trying to prove it to? And yeah, but also like, and for what, really? Like, do I want to be, like, the head of a tech company on this thing? And, you know, and I do believe it could have definitely gone there.

Like, I'm sure. But to me at that point, and still today, I believe I made the right decision because I have a life and it's peaceful and it's enjoyable and I'm not tied into anything. And I think, you know, it's exactly what you were saying. like there was a part of me in that moment thinking, well, I should do that. I should make this, you know, business massive and I should, should, should, should, should, should.

But why should I? And it's okay to just coast along and do what you like to do. And make your life big in other ways. Yeah. Go and do the sewing in the evenings or go climbing or swimming or hiking or like whatever that. Like I found that and actually I love working. Like it's something that I really enjoy.

But that's been a really good thing for me to learn about myself. It's like, oh, I actually like doing this. But then, you know, like speaking to other people and speaking to some of my friends, it's like, I think instinctively we go, we are really judgmental, I think, as women, we just are. Some people are.

I think we are, I think a lot of us are taught to be and a lot of us having to unlearn it. Yeah, definitely. And I feel like it's something that we're getting to an age now where I'm getting to an age where people are having babies. And my friends are choosing different things in their careers for their to take a step back and whatever. And it's like, it's really,

opening my eyes to see that like everybody's going to choose different things in this life and that that's okay and you got to be comfortable with your decision and not do it because you think you should yeah you know yeah and also like even i don't know even for myself something you always said as well it's like if we all put our shit on the table if everyone put their shit on the table you'd still pick up your own at the end of the day absolutely um i didn't use the word shit but yeah i think i might be paraphrasing that i think about it all the time i'm like if you all put your own problems on if we all put our problems on the table, right? All of us in this building, you would take your own problems back again and you go, whoa, okay, it's not that bad. Yeah. Right. But because we're not talking

about our problems at dinner parties and, you know, bars and restaurants with our mates, we're like, you know, you don't realize what other people are going through as well. Yeah. Yeah, it's like watching my friend at the moment, like we had a baby two days apart and she's not, she's on maternity leave and I obviously went back to work a bit sooner and I just, I sort of had to and I, but it was a decision as well. Like, you know, I made the decision and she's made a different decision and it's like it's been really cool for me to do this exactly the same time as somebody else who's just doing it really differently and we're both like I mean I think I look at her and I'm I don't know how you do it and I think she would probably build the same right but it's like it's just

learning to just be like okay horses for courses yeah we're doing it differently and we're still like completely like so similar so aligned still really great friends we're just doing it different and you've just got to do what works for you that's the point not what society tells you should do not to like tick a box have a question then this isn't for me but for people Sorry, for people listening, people listening, if they feel like there's something they really want to do, whether it's like they want to take

a year off maternity leave, they want to take a year to go travelling, they want to quit their job, and you've got people in your life that you feel like are going to judge you for that. How do you handle them? I always think that like, I'm always like, don't, you know, one of my favourite sayings when, you know, people like talk fear into my

plans is like, you keep your fear. Right? I love that. Like, here, honey, have that because that's nothing to do with me. I remember when I started my business and someone close to me said to me, who's going to walk through your door? What are you doing?

And I was like, whoa, that's got nothing. Like, what? It's nothing to do with me. Like, that's your stuff, okay. But that was their fear projected onto me because I never believed that. I believed, you know,

coaching was going to be a big thing and that it was going to be okay. So there will always be people around you that judge you, tell you that what you're doing is wrong and that you're never going to do it and have you thought about it? But that's not, it's their fear projected. And we're like, not today, thanks. And you can just say that. Yeah. Well, you can say thank you for caring for me and I appreciate your opinion and I hear your view and I don't agree, but I love you for sharing that with me. And what about if it sways you? That again, I'm going to use, and I'm not using

this genuinely, I know we always say this, but I'm genuinely not using my, my example here. I'm just something that I hear quite a lot of people's moms or dads but I guess parents yeah it's powerful yeah yeah so how do you if if someone's listening and they're like again I need to stress I'm not about to do something like radical but my mom's disagree with but if somebody is listening and it's like I want to go traveling for a year yeah but my parents are like don't do it yeah how do you stay sure of yourself when you're when you're like if or somebody whose opinion has weight to you yeah it's a really good question um um I'm a real believer of listening to my gut, and I've honed that as I've got older,

and I really believe that my gut knows best, and my gut knows better than anyone else for me. And if you, if it's in your gut that like, but I really do want to travel, you must follow that. You must, must, must follow it. And, you know, again, that would be like people's parents probably trying to keep their kids safe, trying to have some form of control, you know, with right end of you going off for a year, and so you shouldn't do it. but that's about them and so again

all of these decisions the more you listen to your gut and take care of yourself and your soul in that way life just gets bigger yeah my friend told me she'd moved to Keeney the other day I saw her at a wedding

and she's like she's like I got a job off for two weeks ago and I'm going next week and instinctively I nearly did that I nearly put all my fears I was like oh have you had your jabs and what are you going to do about this

and like have you seen the price of stuff and I was like why do it and I literally like hell but you do it because you care that's the thing right it's not like people aren't caring for you it's just that's not your it's not my business i like i shut myself up as the thought was like getting to my esophagus i was like shut up and this isn't this isn't you this is her yay and then you just have to like go again you're like yeah this is amazing and obviously it is amazing but it was my instinctively it's my fears

that came all the things that i would panic about if i had to move to keener next week which i don't so it's not my problem i get it i mean i would say that like for me most of my life people have told me I can't and I shouldn't and I mustn't and it's not a good idea like that's all I've ever heard I have very rarely heard someone go oh my god great idea go for it Jack like very rarely but I I'm right with that in fact most of my nose have been what have propelled me to get to where I've got to like for sure do you think I don't know I think I'd take a no and be like okay good good chat I won't do it literally But I guess that's like, that's, I'm guessing, I'm putting words in your mouth, but I'm guessing that that's something that came with time with you doing a lot of work on yourself to build your own sense of self so that, because I guess for people who, the noise of what they should do from society, from their parents, from their friends, whatever, is so loud that they can't hear themselves and what they want to do.

and I guess that that has to be built and be nurtured and cultivated. I think so, yeah. I mean, you know, there's two things to me, like I got very badly bullied at school, like really badly bullied, and I had a very interesting childhood. And when I got bullied at school, and I got bullied in such a, you know, it was tough, put it like that. And I remember being young and having those experiences and thinking to myself, if this is what the crowd does, I don't want anything.

to do with that. And in a way, that was a really good thing because it made me learn to never be part of that stuff because that stuff wasn't kind or nice. So that was that. And then also I had an experience where, as you know, you both know, and it's not uncommon knowledge. It's in the book about, you know, my addictions. And getting clean when I was 25 was such a gift because many times, you know, I shouldn't really still be here, right? Put it like that. And so when you experience life on levels like that, you have a very different perspective of like outside noise and you start to understand how precious life is and you start to understand that, you know, life is for living. Life is, I believe life every day is such a gift, you know, and it makes me

feel emotional because I'm coming up to 20 years clean in August and you know thank you and it's such a gift and it's like do I want to wake up in the morning and and live small I got another fucking chance in fact I got four chances I should never have had maybe 400 you know like lots and lots of chances of being awake and alive and it's like I'm not going to spend my day worrying about what Joanna on the fucking internet saying like fuck off bye off I go to the studio and do a you know like life is such a gift we don't we don't understand it I think to that level until we've been through those sorts of things which you know I would hope nobody listening would have to go to those depths but I what I would hope is that people that are listening can learn from my experience

and go okay yeah life is big and actually I should be living how I want to live and trying everything I can and turning out that white noise and living from my heart and my soul you know and returning back to what your soul is, you know, talking to you about. If you did this reflection, introspection and you like,

you realise that there are bits of yourself that you actually don't like. Sure. I feel like that's I mean, it's a good thing but it's quite a daunting thing to have to you know, we're talking earlier about like being judgmental or whatever like if you if you pick up and you start doing this work and you think

oh my god I actually don't like this but myself I am jealous or I am judgmental or I am I cannot be kind or whatever yeah which is great I mean yeah but like two part question first of all how do you really work to undo that and the second thing is how do you move on from it

because I think we do it to ourselves but we also do it to the people where we really hold on to this idea that we've had and I think we try and catch each other out a lot or like you used to I knew you when you did this and you're a hypocrite cuts. We catch each other out on it and I think we catch ourselves out on it a lot as well. So if you've done bad things, and I put bad in quotation marks, if you find this part of

yourself that you don't like or you've got a history or you find in your, you look back at your life and you think I've done bad things. How do you move on from those? So the first thing is to be aware of that and everyone's got things about themselves that they don't like, right? We're human, yeah, and none of us are perfect and none of us come in being perfect people. Like we have to learn how to be the people that we want to be. So I think it's important to know that everyone has that right like i when i went through recovery and did the 12 steps i did it like four or five times there was a big part of that of like understanding you know that your good qualities and your bad qualities and looking at those bad qualities to become a better person so first

of all acknowledge that we've all got that and second of all it's like well what do you want to do about it right you can't like you can't sit down and go yeah well i'm just jealous person like do the fucking work. That's my answer. And what I mean by that is get into coaching and unlearn that shit and do it fast because it's not, it's not cool. And once you learn about why you're that way through your thinking, you're like, oh, okay, well, I think this and I think that and we unravel through that process, that's how you then move on and let, let that stuff go, right? And that's why I say, do the fucking work. And I mean, do the fucking work, right? Like, you are worth it. And you. And you can live a half great life or you can live a fucking great life being you know the best you

can be um and so there's ways of of changing that behavior you don't have to sit with it no and then if you do change yeah and you you have moved on but you've still got this i guess shame or like yeah i could say it probably is a shame it's called self-forgiveness and it's another thing they teach you in recovery about learning you know you do this list of of um people that you need to go and say sorry to right and you have to you know go there knowing that they can also not say sorry uh say okay sorry they cannot forgive you you you must go and you know say sorry for your part in this thing and um it's like put down all these people that you have wronged you know and i remember looking at this list and someone saying to me well where are you on that list

and i was like what do you mean where am i and it's like well this is a like forgiveness are you going to forgive you and it was such a powerful thing I was like oh my god and it brought me to tears that I also needed to forgive myself for not being a perfect person and getting things wrong and messing up and you know doing all of these things and I think forgiving ourselves is really really really important when it comes to this kind of conversation and being gentle and that doesn't mean forgive yourself and carry on with the behaviour it means forgive yourself and do your work and if you do that and then the people in your life i actually this doesn't sound hypothetical but it really is um but then you know what if i guess going back to the

sense of self thing what about if the people around you don't want to let you move on from it that or they they still see you in the same way whereas like i had like 20 people to go and say sorry to and 19 of them said we forgive you stay clean which was great i had one person who did not want to forgive me who happened to be you know within my family and um sometimes people are stuck in that space and they don't want to forgive you because they want to hold of resentment and the problem with holding a resentment is that you know you're the one in the pain that's the problem and there are no again another wayne dyer saying of like there are no justified resentments and it's so clever because if you're

standing there justifying but you did this and you did that and I'm angry at you and you're the one that is going down let go with grace and you know none of us we all fuck up we all make mistakes and it would be really nice if people could be more human with each other in that way

you know and again it's like no where you've gone wrong but then do something about it don't know that you've gone wrong you know ask for forgiveness and then carry on with the behaviour. Yeah. That's different.

So, yeah. We've got deep here, haven't we today? But I think that's really good. I think it's really important. I think there's so much, like, we talk a lot about, like, self-acceptance and self-love and all of that stuff. And it's like, actually, a lot of people don't let themselves get there because they do feel, I don't know, they feel like they've got, like, badness in the, they, or I don't

know. It's hard. Actually, I talk sometimes to my followers about that stuff and it's like I actually think it's really important that you can accept what you didn't know. You said it to me about you can only do what you do. I always say that, you know, if you know better, you do better. And I believe that for all of us, right?

When people fuck up and make mistakes and people do all the time I do, you do, we all do, right? Because we're learning. We have to make that mistake to learn. But I always say like if I knew better, I would do better. And if they knew better, they would do better, right? And that's, yeah, that's a really nice way to think because people do mess up. So, you know, kindness is what we need more of, not slapping around with judgment and, you know, there's shame and aggrat.

Shame's like the worst one in aggression and my way is better than your way. Like, that's never going to get you where anywhere, like at all. You know, it's going, it's turning it down and being more gentle and being more loving. And when you're not loving yourself, be loving towards yourself that you're not loving towards yourself, right? I love this I love this so much Thank you so much Can you come back

and like less than a year next year? I'm always happy to come back I love being with you guys We need a number five I love the conversation Yeah Thank you Thank you for having me

Thanks to everyone who's listening And thank you for having me again Such pleasure to be here We'll put all your Instagram stuff I mean they'll know But your instant stuff And whatever will be in the show notes Thanks

Thank you thanks Should I delete that is part of the ACAS creator network.