Shutdown Fullcast - 100 Gears Of Kongitude
Episode Date: June 1, 2021State mottos, ranked, PLUS: Spencer is convinced there is a “weird way“ to take off a shirt Ryan wears a tank top! Which beloved Louis Sachar character is revealed to be Jason? Holly makes her...self sick during the show in an entirely new way How to sneak into Australia with an American passport Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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condition supply do you think like ditty kong knows that uncle donkey which is a
wonderful thing to say do you think he knows he like had a brief princess kidnapping
Mario attempted murdering period i think there was just a few years when he was not
invited to holidays yeah like those were those were those were those were the lost years
dk the lost years i don't think ditty knows this because those video games are all the
shit sure like if you're born in the 90s you're not playing some video game from the 80s
fuck that so he just has no idea that his his uncle was the original bowser yeah it's a family
secret okay no i think it's like you meet he meets old friends of his and they're like oh man
you're your uncle back in the day he made some bad choices did he let me tell you about these
choices let me talk about these oil filled barrels your me and your me and your
me and your uncle we used to tear down so many fucking barrels like what does that mean does that
mean you got really drunk no no man i mean he was drunk we'd get so fucked up that he
i don't think i don't think he can make that excuse i don't think he was drunk he knew exactly what
he was doing i guess also as regards the family specifically in donkey con country are these kids
supposed to be candy's kids are they funky con's kids well i have i have i have
Wikipedia.com open to the Diddy Kong entry which I suspect is longer than some major historical events and Diddy Kong I mean he's the best player in Donkey Kong country so this totally makes sense to me he's referred to initially as his net his best friend then his nephew because the best friend thing was a little weird yeah the nephew and then donkey's little nephew wannabe and then he went back to being his nephew
Hmm.
Yeah.
And then Dixie Kong was added as his girlfriend.
No, Dixie Kong is Ditty's sister.
This says girlfriend.
Ew, what?
Where are they from?
Where are they from?
Let's see, they're from Donkey Kong country.
So they are technically country.
Yeah, but where is that?
What state is that in?
if i'm guessing donkey con
new mexico i'm i'm i'm feeling arkansas
there aren't cavern
i don't think there are any laws in new mexico that could work
kong kong county
kong county arkansas oh my god we got to make donkey conkong county
that's what listen this is what we do
with every problematic and raciously named county in the south
you just change it to some wise
agreed upon video game name congratulations you now live in walaigi county
walaigi seems pretty racist yeah i think he's just he's one of those dudes who goes around
sharing the memes on instagram about being italian ex this discrimination against italians
we know waluigi we know it's like aren't you greek shut up
he's Macedonian he doesn't like to talk about it it's hard to explain okay people don't want to
hear Macedonian I don't want to give a lecture every time yeah well maybe if you didn't
still call it Rhodesia Waluigi we wouldn't have this problem I feel like Waluigi he will
not admit he's Italian he's gonna say I'm a Roman yeah I'm Tuscan I'm
salad it's like wow what what Waluigi had
lot of negative things to say about sardinia fuck waloo's old bean salad ass i believe though i believe
it when you say that walaigi would lie about his ethnicity seven times and gratuitously for no
reason i'm now learning that the he's probably danish the donkey kong of donkey kong country
is actually donkey kong the third oh this is some metal gear shit here we go wait what so
The original Donkey Kong that we know of from the very old original.
Right. They didn't. This is not him rehabilitated.
Right. That's Cranky Kong. That's his, that's what he's known now.
Sure seems like it.
He is Donkey Kong Jr.'s father where that's a separate game where Donkey Kong Jr. tries to save his dad from Mario.
No. Donkey Kong Jr. is older than Donkey Kong Jr. You will note no longer in the picture. Correct.
So Donkey Kong is Donkey Kong the third? Yeah, he should be Tripp Kong. This is this is more metal gear. Oh, he's Trey. Tray. Tray. No, he goes by Trey. This is donkey versus snake. Yes, correct. The lineages are getting. Liquid Kong. This is fucking 100 years of solitude shit here.
Snake.
Donkey Kong
R-I-P Donkey Kong 1
Fuck
Killed in bar fight
That's right
Shit
This is so disturbing
That they just left Donkey Kong one out there
Just like yeah
He was angry
And
Oh but at least he got to be in the game
Where's Junior?
He was angry
He was my daddy
And I loved him
Even if I didn't know him
Which also by the way
Talk about a dude
Who was born to be a
called Junior
But then all the
There are several Kongs that are not in the family at all that are just...
No relation.
Like Candy Kong is Donkey Kong's girlfriend.
I thought she was Funkey Kong's girlfriend.
No, Funky Kong is Donkey Kong's friend and entrepreneur.
This is fucking...
What does that mean?
Oh, no.
I don't know.
Funky Kong.
Does that mean weed dealer?
Yes.
Funky Kong is that kid from a troubled home that lived in your house and later ended up being adopted, right?
Yes, yes.
Okay.
this is my entrepreneur what the fuck get a job man the cong family's
he does have a job he operates funky's flights that's sorry i'm sorry i shouldn't judge
what happened to what this family used to do best which was climb on top of tall
buildings and throw barrels off of them we gotta get back to our roots
which is being being killed by secure japanese security forces which is after we
climb skyscrapers in Tokyo and the more the more I'm reading about the Kong family the
more I'm like this could have been a season of justified we're not sure who's nephew but
like maybe this is some quarrels oh my god quarrels we used to throw barrels together we used
to throw parents um I'm currently combating and a steel drum that is emitting snakes and
I just remember there's a snake story
I would like to discuss
Spencer, do you want to apprise
the fellas of my findings
because I have both hands full?
I should. I was saying
Dunk the Donkeyverse and
Metal Gear, have you had another thing in common?
Yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
And the real world.
Yes. I'm going to give the people a welcome first.
welcome to the shutdown fullcast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast
if you want another one too bad you'll have to find another one that doesn't regale you
with the intense convoluted family tree the lineion
of the Kong family
which I still maintain
Kong County
Kong County's in Arkansas
since geography is a theme tonight
Kong County Arkansas
Diddy Kong County
Donkey Kong County would be a way different game
Diddy Kong County though
That's pure Mississippi right there
Diddy Kong
Dixie Kong County
surprisingly upstate New York
Not surprisingly at all
Yeah no it's weird
But yeah
Holly found something that I think we do have to discuss because when the phrase plague of snakes comes up,
ladies and gentlemen, we will plan our flag on that story.
Southeastern Australia has been battling a mouse plague for a couple of months now, but not just a mouse plague.
No, no, no, no, because we don't talk to them.
They're really, really mean.
cannibal mice
and their
authorities are worried that
due to the cannibal mice
running out of food and just
overpopulating the area
to the point by the way where there are people quoted
in this story who say if I go outside
they'll just run all up and down my pants
they'll just run up and
down up and inside my trousers
break so
two initial questions
these are specifically mice not rats
mice it says mice which I
thought we're cute yeah that sounds adorable frankly i mean i gather it's horrible although i understand i
guess in a climb like australia's where all of the wildlife is famous and beloved for trying to kill
you this might be horrifying to their sensibilities oh yeah they can't wrap their minds around it
it's like lovecraft looking at a puppy dog like oh no an animal i can see um that my my second
question here is uh i forgot it all right
It was really pressing.
Oh, the cannibal, cannibal mice?
Doesn't that problem solve itself?
The plague of cannibal mice?
Yeah, are they just not very good cannibals?
I think they're not very good cannibals
because they're breeding faster than they can eat each other.
A problem in a sentence that I never really thought I would articulate until I just did.
The problem is the mice are far too horny.
The mice are hornyer than they are hungry.
How's that?
Okay, hang on.
I just pull it into Funkie's flights.
And Funky Kong is saying
If you guys see candy on your travels
Tell her I'll give her surfing lessons any time
First of all
That's the wrong form of any time
It should be two words not one
Second of all is Funky Kong
Hitting on Donkey Kong's girlfriend
In front of Donkey Kong
Oh no I think that's a death threat
I think like give you surfing lessons
Is code for drown you
Or hits you with a surfboard
Yes
Okay cool cool I'm glad we cleared this up
thanks y'all no just hit you in a surfboard and leave you right there on the beach okay okay
that's why they call me funky con because your death's gonna be funky punko bunk swing uh cannibal
mice in australia are work that people are worried that this will lead to my favorite thing
which is that uh the cannibal mice when you get an overflow of the cannibal mice who by the way are
so abundant that they have destroyed
44 radio towers
throughout southeastern
australia chewing through the wires
yeah this sounds like video game
quest shit yeah it is
like this is a far cry game
this is what you're doing every far cry game
yep yeah
destroy radio towers yeah
yeah
and then
far back i wonder if the cannibal mice are doing
like badass zip lines off them please
please say they're doing that i think they're just
boning up there
anyway according to the according to Australian concerns apparently they are worried that snakes are going to quote follow the rodents to this portion of Australia and we're going to trade the mouse plague for a snake plague you know snakes famously being you know bereft snakes are real followers I guess is I guess is they're concerned that snakes do not do not you know possess the necessary sell
self-esteem, maybe the personal wherewithal to determine their own destiny, and are just famously
doing whatever the mice are doing.
Peer pressure.
But how will, the snakes can't communicate via radio anymore, so how will they know?
I got social media now.
Yeah.
Like every, every website eventually turns into what type of snake is this, right?
Sure.
Which, by the way, I was told about a next door neighborhood near us where there was like a running, what type of snake is this thing going on?
And somebody just posted a picture of Jake the Snake Roberts and said, what is this?
And got like 50 comments that now they're the most popular person in the neighborhood.
Everyone's like, yeah, that's Jake, brother.
Man, do you guys ever think about just like going into a normal social media space and just setting yourself up as a king?
Oh, posting things that people saw three weeks ago?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because, like, they don't know.
No.
They don't know any better.
You could just go.
You could be a god on Next Door.
Yeah.
You could just go be the Jay Leno of Next Door.
Hey, do you guys hear about this?
Did you see this thing?
So you're saying, wait two weeks and then post this cannibalized story.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
If it's on Next Door, it'll be like, and they're coming here.
Right, right.
yeah to drive down property values yeah five question mark question mark who brought them here it was
probably frank yeah yeah posting the cannibal mice story to next door racistly yeah you said
posted the next door it's yeah it's kind of implied they don't even pay taxes the cannibal mice
actually actually don't make me like them
yeah oh wait were you doing neoliberal next door yeah yeah okay okay um mice cannibal mice explained
so so if the mice are going to cause if the mouse plague causes a snake plague what is
the snake plague cause bird plague i'm so glad you asked ryan eagle plague so we're going to look up
natural predators of snakes in austral okay yeah uh one man well man plague's already there
Already, I was actually going to say, I was actually going to say people named snakes, so.
Maybe a snake.
And Reg.
Don't forget Reg.
Reg is a, Red is a beast when it comes to snake steak.
That man could, that man could just put him down.
And there are.
There's an 8,000% increase in Regge in the region.
Yeah, you got to watch that, mate.
He's, he's an infestational all by himself.
there is one problem with a snake infestation in australia one because no no like one one that is bigger than you might even know okay
how many species of snake the venomous snake exists in southeastern australia how many 70 is that a
gotta be got to be at least two i think hey ryan what's your number uh 28 okay holly's over
but really not by that much
because there are a hundred.
Okay.
Exactly.
That sounds like somebody got lazy and just rounded off.
Yeah.
I'm not buying it.
Can I tell you that the exact phrasing is about 100?
And let me say,
that's too vague for my liking when it comes to the discussion of venomous snakes.
I'd like to know exactly how many.
So,
but I'm concerned why is that make this a worse or different problem?
Also, why is that one problem?
Yeah.
Abundant food?
Sure.
Drawing a...
Vibrate nightlife.
The snakes are going to get fat, lazy, and distracted.
Right.
It's a veritable theme park out there right now.
No worry about snakes at all.
And if the snakes are going to go eat mice, that means they're not going to be biting people.
Yeah.
Why would they waste their time biting people when they're all this good mouse eating?
Like when you go to the aquarium, you see the sharks swimming around lazy around the school of fish.
The shark's not attacking because it's well fed.
Now all the snakes of Australia are...
Australia are just propped up on the couch packed full of horny mice.
They're not going to bother people.
I think there's a Pogue song about this.
Yeah.
Are you saying the policy problem is that the snakes will be too happy?
Yeah.
And then they just want to hang out and talk about how awesome Mark Philipusus was.
Hey, listen, Andrew Bogot gets a bad rap.
He deserves a bad rap.
He does.
He does.
He's going to be like, hey, you know Joe Ingalls?
That guy doesn't get enough for stuff.
Andrew Boggett gets an accurate rap.
Yeah.
Yeah. Joe Ingalls is the one who doesn't get enough respect.
Which is ironic for someone who cannot rap at all.
I saw if you don't know Joe Engels, he is the ever-smiling Utah jazz basketball player
who looks like just the biggest male pattern baldness, dad dork.
And then you remember that he makes $10 million a year.
And he had once hit like three three-pointers over Paul George, which that's kind of its own joke.
But, like, damn, when Joe Ingalls is owning you,
this might be time to hang it up.
But he's awesome.
I'm sure the snakes will talk about him.
I guess I just think, like, the snake problem is a good thing.
Yeah, but you, you're from Florida.
And I'm doing great.
Am I wearing a tank top while we record?
Brother, I fucking am.
Are you, I don't think I've ever seen you in a tank top.
This is the first time I've worn one in probably 10 years.
Do you feel like a Touretto?
I don't.
God, I wish I did.
Okay.
Where all did you wear it?
Is it just for the recording?
Just backyard and then left it on for the recording.
Oh, yard work gear.
We love it.
Yeah, really just like trying to keep the outdoor vibes going on this podcast.
I think actually we should probably all commit to wearing.
Not that this will be a problem.
for anyone but we should all commit to wearing either tank tops or hoodies at all times when
recording this show i got hoodie hoodie hoodie outside covered on that all right all right glad to have
that covered spencer's got good tank top vibes i do i do have good just naturally good tank top vibes
i credit that to yes several years in florida but also an upbringing in tennessee under like the state
where you know the teetop was always in fashion in every single way i was thinking to
that if I really wanted to see this natural phenomenon in action,
I would have to fly to Australia, which...
Are we allowed to do that right now?
Yet?
You know what?
I have no...
Like, this is how devoid I am of planning.
I don't even know where I can go as an American.
I was really hoping that I would be the primary devaluer of my own passport.
Here's what I got for you.
This is from the Australian-Divore.
Australian Government Department of Health.
Australia's borders are closed.
The only people who can travel to Australia
are Australian citizens, permanent residence,
immediate family members,
and travelers who have been in New Zealand
for at least the 14 days before the date of departure.
What about mice?
It says people, so we could load a plane
full of American mice
and just crash it into Australia.
What about 100 mice in a trench coat?
but it's me passes that passes can the mice can the mice claim me as a dependent did did jason
just admit that he can shape shift into 100 mice what if i'm just like sammy and sideways stories
from wayside school what if i'm a comfort animal for a mouse i think you can go on the plane
but they won't let you into the country so i just get to ride the plane there and and then you'll
just stay at the airport yeah what if i'm
sneaky listen all of this I think all of this assumes I'm gonna go ahead and
Apple F sneaky nope does not appear on this page so they're not prepared for you
I see yeah you can sneak into Australia I think like all Australian rules and
regulations if you just challenge them on it more than once and ask do you really
care about this they'd be like nah mate I don't care like what about the whole
area that's just like desert are there
not using it yeah what what if I go what if I go to the big empty what if I just
what if I just go to the middle if you just go directly call it is that what they
call it the big empty I just I don't know if they call it to big empty that's what
they should call it so what are you are you hypothesizing that there's like a
flight coming from I don't know San Francisco to Australia and when they are over
the middle they say okay anybody who's not an Australian citizen or one of these
other categories jump out now here's a parachute yeah they should let you they should let you d b cooper it
that's not that's not what that was which which sure of d b coopering i mean the the the the parachuting part
not the demanding money part right you know they're probably yeah they're still a little
tetchy yeah hey listen i'm just doing the t b cooper which is i'm going to look boss in a suit while i demand
money and you know order a martini or two and i don't man i don't know how hanson he really was
there's no way of knowing how horny that sketch artist was at the time it was the 70s not only
there were two things i know were common people being unnecessarily horny at weird times and
hijackings right so db cooper frankly could have looked like anything yeah that db could have stood
for dad bought he could have been pretty slumpy out of there he could have been a hundred mice
he could have been a hundred mice
a hundred cannibal
Australian mice who needed a million dollars
so they could go buy
more mice to eat
the American mice
the ones we want to smuggle into the country
why are we smuggled I got lost
why are we smuggling mice
so that we can prove we can get literally
anything into this country that thinks
it's too good for us
yeah
that's it
and if not you look at the requirements
You look at the requirements to move into New Zealand, and it's like, who do you think you are?
You were just born there.
Is Donkey Kong an Aussie?
I don't think.
No.
Attitudinally, yes.
Probably one of them.
Sure.
Funky, probably.
Funky, absolutely.
Funky, is definitely an Aussie.
I think Funky's in Aussie.
I think Diddy, to me, is like a British 90s club kid.
Oh my God, is Diddy from Essex?
Yeah, Diddy is from Essex.
Diddy has been trying to be a DJ for like 25 years right and it's just it's just not happening and then in the meantime like he cuts hair that's what did he's he's not Kim don't do that he's Kim but he's Kim who wants to be a DJ look at him he's endlessly charismatic and tiny like Kim but he's missing a Chris or is Chris supposed to be Donkey Kong I think Chris is supposed to be Donkey Kong okay they have about the same IQ listen I just Australia used to be a penal colony Georgia you
used to be a penal colony we don't have to be enemies only georgians may fly to australia
direct flights somehow on the fucking concord we got that big old airport what for my favorite
discussion of anything australian by the way when somebody's like georgians should go there
and i'm like listen koalas are there koalas like if i have a feeling that if you come from a state
where people just and i'm not talking about us i'm just talking about your average american when you're
like do you come from a state where people might be kind of aggressive and dumb i think you should
just get into australia why loaded with koalas koalas naturally the like nasty and aggressive dumb
animal with the smoothest brain and the mammal kingdom koalas are mean so yeah koalas are mean in the
sense that they like koalas sleep something like 18 hours a day so so they're mean the other six hours
because they wish they were sleeping.
Or is it...
I mean, I'm not scared of a koala,
but I am scared of the koala's friend, the kangaroo.
Oh, you should be.
I mean, yes, but kangaroos are wily.
Chihuahuas are so absolutely dumb
because they only...
And they have the smoothest brain
because they only eat eucalyptus leaves.
That's barely enough to, like,
function a low-wadage brain,
much less one that you would need to,
I don't know, live in kind of like a...
tree kind of environment requiring spatial thinking yeah like koalas are just barely there there are all
these videos if you go on uh youtube of people having to move koalas out from the middle of the road
because the koalas are like this is a really smooth weird tree i'll just lay here damn coming
it's fine um can i grab the wheel and uh spin it very hard to the left here please what else
yeah yeah for the first real quick i'm watching a koala
on YouTube, they are staring at each other and squeaking.
I'm not here with the same.
All right.
This is a New York Times infographic from like four days ago.
The title of the infographic is, where to garden in the nude.
These are the best and worst large U.S. cities for naked gardening.
According to a study.
According to a study by lawn starter.com.
I don't know.
Why do you want to be outside doing work,
it isn't naked like a relaxation state this is a great question um i'm going to tell you i'm going to tell
you that yankees i blame again i blame wasps atlama is number four on this list of the best cities
to garden naked that actually makes sense due to the tree cover yeah it really does
Nashville is 92 one of the worst to garden naked because they know how fucking busy bodies
the the absolute the bottom of the list here
no pun intended yes it was
Lincoln Nebraska
number 100
and on Scott Frost Day
too
why I don't know I don't know
they don't show the metrics
no it's just it's just a list
of here's the top ten
it says it's according to a study
but that doesn't mean anything
what the fuck so this is the fucking
Yankees
saying in flyover country
you can't garden it I mean all they do is
farm in the whole state 99 is
99 is Boise so you have a point
I mean
some of these some of these your track like
mountain air blowing between your legs
as your garden out there in Boise
Detroit is the 95th worst city
to naked garden and that sounds right
Miami is the best city
to naked garden and that also sounds right
what no well because
why would you wearing clothes in Miami
you're trapping in all that humidity right sunburn yeah now i i first of all you know the kind
of person that's naked gardening in miami and that person is like tortoise leather that person's skin
is not afraid of the sun in the same way that jason is not afraid of a koala there there there are no
first timers here i finish the whole video they're high one of them grabbed the other by the leg
and that animal act has never had hands put on it before has not ever been in a fight
no that animal doesn't actually know they're in a fight like it's being dragged by the leg and it's just thinking like well here we go again just moving it was pathetic um what's uh what's what's the full top five frame top five in order number one Miami number two Austin number three Seattle number four Atlanta Seattle's very rainy so that's not going to be comfortable and number five Portland Oregon well I think when it's really rainy if you wear clothes they get wet
So, just leave them inside.
I do think some of this list is, I'm reading this list more as like, where is nudeism, where is being nude going to be sort of like brushed off or almost entirely ignored?
And where is it not?
Is it Atlanta that high because they're making a strip club joke?
Is that what they're doing?
I don't know.
That's why I wanted to ask y'all.
Like, the tree cover thing is a good answer.
I think it's probably the tree canopy, yeah.
I mean, we have a good, we have a good abundant.
like growing zone a lot of like backyards with fences right and an enthusiastic gardening community
and also people here kind of freaky i think that's why you want to know sure know why nashville's so
low on it not freaking at all the nashville accent like oh did you hear caroline carolite has to garden
in the man i saw kirkhurstreet scrotum was out while he was pulling wades
right are you trying to say are you trying to say lincoln nebraska doesn't get
get down here are the bottom five to so you can you can tell me as a group if they get down or
not memphis indiana come on now well on memphis indianapolis fort wayne indiana boise
ida is doing down here boise idaho and and lincoln nebraska i'm not taking my clothes off in
memphis for a second now that i'm not you know what in memphis though there's a difference
between gardening naked and just standing in your yard nude and that that's what i think that counts as
gardening. I'm appreciating my garden.
Because Memphis just has a bunch of guys
who are hanging out like, hey, I'm naked in my yard.
Come talk to me about it.
I'd rather not. Wayne, I'd rather not.
Actually, I probably, you know what it is?
No, I'm grilling naked.
That's. Yeah.
Yeah. Smoking something naked.
I would just say this. If you're only putting four on the board,
it makes sense that Lincoln, Nebraska is, you know,
not big on nude gardening.
Yeah.
that's yeah you're only putting four out there well you got to have your overalls on so
i just didn't like i i i obviously knew that atlanta and nashville are very different cities this is not
a thing that i would have said like this is a big difference between our our our places
it's the defining difference last one last the first time i saw somebody naked in atlanta like in
public and then I remember oh it was when I was five at a Braves game it was
chipper Jones that I'm kidding chipper Jones was not playing for the Braves that early
chip chippers yeah chipper also has never been by the way this is also when you say has anyone
ever gotten naked in that city Nashville Ryan admit it you haven't been naked once since
you've been in Nashville he's wearing a tank top yeah at least
I get I get I go yeah I'm saying we're making progress
I'm gonna shower in this tank top we're get this boy nude
yeah I would be I would be very disturbed if I saw somebody naked in Nashville
in a way that in New York I wouldn't have I were gonna move on to the drugs yeah
it's a city where all the celebrities wear like weird layers of layers of clothing right
like what do you have I got a shirt then I got a rhinestone jacket then I got a
and another hat and a beard on top of that and pants and some subpants and boots did you say subpants subpants i think he means underwear do you or do you mean chaps yeah we never even see chaps chaps are subpants now chaps are super pants oh they are super pants chaps are super pants but yeah like country music singers have been known for wearing too much clothing like even in the old days what did you wear you wore like a crazy suit that was considered to be like
yeah let's show the oakridge boys were satin capes yeah they were capes they wore layers on top of the
layer you know it had beards to hide everything what about gardening these are not people satin
cape yeah oh yeah that's my get giddy up hey speaking of rankings
Speaking of rankings
Spencer
Speaking of
Actually I wanted to talk about
Acorns.
God damn it!
No. No, you have to do it now.
Welcome.
When you're naked in the garden
What do you plantin?
Acorns, baby.
Plantin seeds.
Putting some oak nuts out there.
Putting some oak while you're swinging wood.
That's right.
Acorns.com.
Acorns for all of your personal investing needs.
You say, oh, I don't know anything.
I certainly couldn't be an investor myself.
Jason, is that correct?
That's bullshit, Spencer.
What you do is you go to acorns.com slash fullcast
and you become an investor without having to know a goddamn thing
because you get yourself $5 starter.
kit and you can throw
nickels and dimes atop your $5
at your leisure
and that money goes into the magic
investment portal and the next thing
you know the number has changed
past performance not a guarantee of future I don't think
I have to say that but you know
the number is likely to go up
quite frankly in my experience
especially if you're adding to it yourself
but yeah
like the the rapidly
swelling number of mice
in Australia investment
Line go up.
Yeah.
Mice go up to the top of the radio tower.
That's right.
Remember the two rules of investing.
Apes together strong.
Mice together strong.
Mice together horny.
Mice together.
Yeah.
Passionate.
Yeah.
Arder.
The real ardor of being a love-making mouse.
Oh, boy.
No.
It just happened.
acorns.com
slash fullcast
yep
I was also
I was also going to say
that
that I've been
looking at the calendar
and realizing that
yes I can actually
put real events
on the calendar
for once
like that's something
I haven't done
in a year
year and a half
maybe
is put things
on the calendar
like voluntary fun trips
and or
events that I'm going to have
and no lie
putting big new Saturday
on there put a song in my heart
y'all
what song
um
at first free bird but that's all rock lobster
it's rock lobster
rock lobster that's there
bad boys because
there will be a
thematically appropriate team
wait which bad boys the Gloria
Estefan version or
uh
cop's version what you
what you're going to do, the theme from cops.
Okay.
That's right.
Because big new Saturday,
Notre Dame.
It's happening, y'all.
It is happening.
For those of you who support college football's,
uh,
most law-abiding team.
Abiding or,
or like,
uh,
law,
uh,
fetishizing team?
Law, like,
because they broke us and rules.
they really have like from the start
george gepp man george george gepp never went to class
yeah why do you think everybody's always asking him to win one for him
that's right yeah he's down at the tables that's why
he got hustled at the pool table a couple of times
need to come through on this cover
george gip he was just like you and me
one of the most relatable stars that he never went to class
and gambled away his tuition money
and the only thing anyone knows about him is fake
made up by newt rockney
that's right
completely right and like all of us
was played by Ronald Reagan at one point
and like all of us was exhumed
yes
the comeback
but yeah
I'm legit excited for
home field apparel's big
new Saturday
that's why Indianapolis is so low on the list of
nude gardening because all the people of that
city are out wearing
their comfy homefield apparel
I'm wearing my darn joggers.
How can I garden nude?
I'm not pulling my dick out.
I got to wear this Zot shirt.
We are so close.
It covers my dick somehow.
Yeah, no, we are so close.
We are so close to doing a.
I tie it around my waist.
We're so close to doing a home field joggers give you a flattering print.
Oh, man, I never realized an anteater looks so much like a radio edit.
Connor writes these these ads verbatim and he makes us read him he's a sick
pervert anyway if you want him if you want him to keep doing that offer code
full cast gets you 20% off your first order and then Connor's gonna write more weird
shit for us to read I don't want to read I don't want to read this but he makes me
kept us from our families for months locked in this warehouse we're in the
warehouse right now stuffing beautifully made apparel into envelopes with
Not stuffing, folding.
Yes, with SOS.
Like tissue paper and shit.
Yeah.
Cramming.
Notes are written on the inside of every Zot shirt.
But you won't read them because you people went to a California state school.
Yeah.
Also, the shirts are really comfortable.
Why take them off?
Why read the inside?
That goes against your belly.
Yep.
Only the nude gardeners can save us.
Spencer, that's a really good instruction guide to how shirts wear.
to apply inside to belly apply to belly oh it's just like if you really want to if you really want to
know weird things about your friends uh you know presumably the same gender ask how they
take off a shirt because i've discovered wait how do you take off a shirt
t-shirt how do you take it off is there a weird way to do this yeah i kind of
just do like the whole thing like i grab the back of the neck you don't partially so you don't rip
you don't start at the top you don't rend your garment like your mourning you don't you take it off
all at one piece you don't Hulk through it spence i guess my question is as opposed to what well
wait wait you're starting at the top and not the bottom right i start at the top and just so you grab
you grab your shirt from the collar to pull it off yeah i think i grab it like okay that is weird
That's insane.
And I just eat the whole thing.
Yeah, I think this is a pretty good move.
Okay, I grab the bottom of my shirt and pull it up and over.
Correct.
My issue with this is sometimes it might end up inside out.
Whereas if you just grab by the neck, you don't even have to think about it.
Yeah, I rapture myself out of the shirt.
No, I'm trying to molt out of the shirt.
Yeah.
like a beautiful moth you're really you're really savoring it the whole way the whole way the shirt
yes that's right yes saying goodbye to it yes but yes but nobody looks normal taking off a shirt
even like once you notice it in movies everybody looks kind of stupid taking off a shirt you're
just like that's an inefficient and dumb way to take off a shirt there's no I think a lot of
people are really cool when they're taking off shirts like there there are people who've made a lot
of money like you know the rock taking off a shirt no one's going to say oh look at that dork
well that's because of what he looks like with the shirt off not the way he takes off the shirt
the way he takes off the shirt i'm not buying it buddy have wait are you i bet some but i bet a director
has given him notes on this and been like man you take off shirt fucking weird you need to do it
this way are people are going to be making fun of you and the rock's like sad
feels so sad about it yeah i'm just i'm never going to measure up
I'm such a dork.
I'm never going to take off my shirt and a jacked up way.
You know, that's why I always wore a vest in the ring,
so he didn't have to take a shirt off.
Like, the only cool way to take a shirt off is to rip it off your body, right?
That's the only super cool way to do it.
That is the coolest way, yes, that is the coolest way.
Yeah, I don't, I don't, I'm, no, no.
That's not the coolest way?
Well, yeah, obviously, that's the coolest way.
I'm out on the rest of this theory that nobody looks cool.
I mean, just because we don't look cool doing it.
Yeah.
If I were Jeff Bezos wealthy, that's how I'd take off my shirt every day.
Starr it.
If you were Jeff Bezos wealthy, you wouldn't wear clothes anymore.
You would remove yourself from every social situation that required you to wear clothes.
Or clothes that weren't things like Moos, speed suits.
Robs.
Robs, caftans, you know, sarongs.
Tearaway pants.
Lungis, yeah, tear-wip,
tear-wit. I just, I just
have like endless layers of tear-way pants.
All pants and tear-way pants if you wanted to know.
I would dress like, I would have
like $100 billion and I would
dress like Chris Pontchis and party boy.
Right? The party boy skid
jackass. I would dress exactly like
Chris Blanchus just with like the little
the bow tie that only goes
around the shirtless neck, right?
Like just a bow tie, a little
Chippendale's bow tie and a track
jacket and tear away pants.
and a thong that's what i would wear is this different music now the music could start at any time
and you would never be ready for it yeah jason he's he doesn't have a bow tie right that's what he's
oh i'm sorry yeah i would need to get some cash to get the chippendales bow tie
oh thank you speaking of rankings yeah this is a good segue because is that what i'm
sound like this is a good segue because um home field is located in beautiful indiana and the topic of
indiana came up the other day because i think indiana is one of the few states that can
legitimately claim truth and advertising when it comes to the state motto state motto's in general
very wildly in terms of accuracy but indiana's i think indianas is both modest accurate and it's an attainable
goal it's something that if would indiana set this i think you know they they there's a lot of self
knowledge at play here because indiana state motto it's not something majestic like you know
providence or hope or liberty forever no indiana's not promising any of those things
indiana's motto is can we bag that up for you kind of the crossroads of america
that's that's what does it say where where's where you kind of go to get to somewhere else
are in the middle of stuff we're in the middle you know what indiana we're around indiana it's on
the way yeah indiana people go through us it's really not on the way is the thing not for me
i think it was when people had to you know drive through indiana i mean it is for the for the up there
yeah for the up bears and back when like michigan was the western united states definitely like yeah
you would have had to go through indiana to get there indiana the former crossroads of america
the original idaho the abandoned crossroads of america the pay the paleo missouri indiana
indiana people used to go through us yeah it's it feels it feels it feels it feels it
feels like tin horn for all your shit indiana you'll run right through us we'll run right through you
one time i the first encounter i had with stinging flies was in indiana when somebody goes what is
your experience in indiana i'm like well one time my dad barked behind a hearties in indiana
while we were driving to chicago and stinging flies got in the car that's before going to
indiana for football games that or a football game that was my experience with indiana so crossroads
America totally works the the longest Pentecostal service I've ever sat through it was in
Indiana seven fucking hours I'm sorry what oh seven hours seven hours of holler church
oh boy that's septicostal I'm never going back to Indiana unless it's a home field
headquarters for my job there yep that is that for a seven hour shift I mean we couldn't
leave because my brother-in-law was playing the fucking fiddle that was his job for the day
where his hands waiting afterwards seven hours dude no that's the stigma out of catholic spencer
frankly that's shit i know you do you but that's too much church that's said dude that is that
is a month of church in my opinion seven hours is two months of catholic church dude you know you know
i mean i mean yeah me growing up that's like a week of church but yeah we were there so long i remember
this on the way back home the hawks game had started
tip off was eight damn yeah seven hours oh my god so yeah so yeah that's indiana yeah that's
indiana but but you know what give indiana credit two things i know one that that they call
themselves the crossroads of america and that's modest and accurate and also their state
beverage is water which also that's indiana keeping it real like maybe we'll be something
Maybe we'll be ecto cooler.
Maybe we'll be...
No, water.
This is real.
Slimer turned him down.
Slimer was like, oh, geez.
I sat through a seven-hour church service.
Fuck you, Indiana.
Yeah, Indiana is the only state with water
is its official beverage.
Almost all the other ones are milk,
except for a few that get creative.
Water is a way better choice than milk.
There's a lot of milk.
America just cranks out milk
South Carolina's
State beverage
One of them is milk
Yeah you know
You go to Myrtle Beach
You gotta get a ticot cup of milk
Oh the cows of South Carolina
Hey man
You know what I love
Just going to a Clemson tailgate
Pulling up with a big old jug of milk
Hey man who's got the hot milk
991 degrees
Yeah man the Carolina game cows
It's a thing
It looks like tea is
South Carolina's other state beverage
I don't know
You already said milk
You don't get a change
Nebraska
One of their two is Kool-Aid
Milk and Kool-Aid
Man Nebraska rules
I don't know why
I'm going to stand with Nebraska
Kool-A
No no no I'm going to stand with Nebraska here
That they're like
Hey one of our state beverages
It's just sugary shit
Nebraska
state beverages give me everything
eight-year-olds drink
just idiot juice
milk and Kool-Aid
our state beverage is flavor ice
that we forgot to put in the freezer
just drink it out of the tube
give it one big
slurp
Ohio with the tomato juice
it's kind of hangovery
I wish
I wish one state would
just have like red red drink
Red drink
Oh yeah
It should be
It should be like Alabama
Georgia would be a contender
For a red drink
Yeah
One state
One state with a sunny delight
Five alive
What is the point of even joking about
That was dumb of me
Nebraska has Kool-Aid
They've already won
That's funny
What is the state beverage of Nevada
Not all of them have state beverages
according to
with the wiki.
Nevada,
everyone is parched.
There is,
you know,
it's any liquid
you can keep down.
Nevada's going to be like Sanka.
Nevada should be
Long Island iced tea.
Oh,
I've found a funnier.
Here's a funnier milk.
Maryland.
Oh,
crabs and milk.
Put some old pay in my milk.
Did you know you can
milk a turtle?
Tennessee also milk.
Oh.
Out there on the hills.
The hill cow.
spencer if you slander mayfield dairy we're going to hang up this call right now and fight i'll only do it
listen i'll only do it to defer to purity but you know i think it's a respectable flits
louisiana milk louis diana is also milk spice
blackened milk
by milk louisiana that's like code for something right like tax evasion that's what it's
i've ever just tax evasion um i think rhode island you're so weird rhode island coffee milk
what coffee milk so weird is that different from milk in coffee
i believe it is you know i could look it up but like it's rhode island no it is different because
it's basically like um chocolate milk it's like chocolate milk but you yeah you use like a coffee syrup
instead of a chocolate syrup this is better than i thought it's just come up with a better name for it
oh the name is fucking stupid this the most unimaginative new england thing coffee milk have it with my
lobster roll uh anybody is it is any state's uh beverage squirt no
Damn it should be though
Really should be
Tennessee should be R.C. Cola
Give it to babies
They'll be fine
It'll make them strong
Indiana water
That's amazing
And they did this in 2007 as well
Like this wasn't some weird shit on the books
All right guys we've taken decades
To think about it to really study the issue
Our water
All right there's a three page resolution
Whereas water makes life possible
Whereas water is a single most vital resource in the world
They're on a role here
Our water quality is quite fragile
In their responsibility
Okay, this is an environmental thing
Look at you, Indiana
All right, so that's what it's about
It's protecting water for the future
Sure
Meanwhile, Pennsylvania is like
Vernes!
Ferders is life
Burders is so good
Screw water
Why is a Puerto Rico
Their official drink is a pinia collada
That is dope as hell
You're okay
I'm hesitant to explain what just happened
Did you have some coffee milk?
No
We have these over the ear head
phones that are so old we have these over the ear headphones that are very solid um also i
i'm still sick in case you can't hear server you can cut all this out or leave it in let the
people know i suffer for them uh i still don't have my voice all the way back but that has
nothing to do with what just happen which is these these headphones that we have are so like
well fitted to my ear that they occasionally make me dizzy and i
I was playing Super Mario Kart, and I got so queasy that I thought I was going to puke.
And I had to, like, take my headphones off and lie down for them.
I knew this podcast was bad for people.
I fucking know it.
I got motion sickness playing Mario Kart.
I'm ready for the ice flow.
You are the actual person that all video game warnings, right?
like warning may cause disorientation i've never played it like while on these headphones before
and oh anyway i'm back i don't feel good talking about milk from a bunch of different states
should do the trick it was yeah it's always a bad choice um another state motto though when i
started looking at them that uh i'm going to put in the other side and being like i i'm going to
accuse you of false advertising in the highest degree possible y'all happen to know what the state of
kansas's state motto is just off the top of your head no ad astra per aspera
uh huh wow uh-huh i mean you got to aim for something
just like i cannot think of it more like you know when you see somebody who's wearing a shirt that
says death before dishonor they usually look like the kind of person who you go no it's probably
going to be death for you buddy it's probably going to be several deaths
yeah like yeah yeah in case of a high stress situation you're probably taking the first option
you know and maybe dishonor then death immediately but you're getting both yeah that's that's
kansas because kansas to the stars through difficulties not not exactly the place where i would
go yeah kansas absolutely reaching for the stars through difficulties maybe
It feels like kind of stolen space fowler, too?
Mm-hmm.
Is Kansas particularly astronautical?
No.
Not that I'm aware of.
Is it because they can always see so much space?
That's fair.
You know, no trees, hills, anything.
Just, God, every time you look up,
ah, nothing but space.
I mean, if you reach through Kansas, where do you get?
Missouri?
Mm.
It doesn't seem like you were reaching for any particularly good reason.
Florida is great because it's in God we trust, which is plagiarized.
Florida just cribbed off somebody else's shit.
Yeah.
Way to go.
Florida definitely did that thing.
I'm like, cool.
If we write it on that, that makes it legally money.
Anything you write in God we trust on is legally money now.
And you've got to put the pyramid on there, too.
And the cool Superman S.
Why is this making me mad?
Just because I'm remembering stupid people I live next to it in Florida.
Oh, wait.
I can think of a way in which this is actually a very valuable motto for Florida.
If you read the implied second half of that sentence,
it's in God we trust, comma, not other Floridians.
And then it makes sense as a motto.
It also doesn't say which God.
Sure.
Yeah.
What's up, bra?
Yeah.
Hey, Ktholu.
I see you, baby.
Listen, we saw Stargate and we want in.
What?
The cool robes.
Richard D. Anderson.
That's right.
Yep.
Laser staff pyramids.
Come on.
It's fucking awesome.
It sounds dope as hell.
We'll go to.
checkers, then we'll go to the Stargate.
Gotta get my
spicy fries before I go through
the Stargate.
Put on that
three doors down CD.
Go to the
Stargate.
We'll stop at E-Bore
first. It's cool.
Just a couple of shots.
You got to show up lit to the Stargate, bro.
Oh, fuck. I hope.
I hope there's not a
shop called Starvap in Tampa because if because I'm going to open that I'm going to open that
and get so rich I hear I hear it's actually you know that's what's in the UFO in 2001 that's
that's what's there Stargate it's up there um I think Michigan's is maybe the most Michigan
man possible because it is Latin for if you seek a pleasant peninsula look around you first
of all it's the state motto using the term peninsula that's a that's a five dollar word what does that mean
what does that mean though it means if you want a nice place that's surrounded by water hey buddy we just
described it that's us the look around you so it it applies when you're in michigan no matter
which part of michigan you're in right including in a building including trapped in like a sensory
deprivation chamber well you won't see it with your eyes you'll see it with your heart but it doesn't
apply when you're outside of Michigan, though, because if you're in Toledo, right, you're not
surrounded by peninsula. Peninsularity. Well, this would just be, I think it's interesting
because it's strictly a conditional statement based on being in Michigan. Michigan's state
motto only applies to the state of Michigan by definition. This is the fancy version of the
apartment complex that has the, if you lived here, you'd be home by now sign out front.
yeah it's so well prescribed and limited a definition I actually think though this is very very pedantic right like well where are you standing buddy you're on a peninsula what is that I'm so glad you asked hello I'm the University of Michigan so like in my mind a state motto it's it's probably mostly tourism based right but like most of these states also have their own tourism slogans that they change every six months after spending a million dollars on it or whatever
But Michigan, their motto is not about bringing people into the state.
It's about keeping people there.
Because if you're born in Michigan, you're like, I want to leave.
But wait a second, you're in a pleasant peninsula.
Why would you want to leave a thing like that?
So Michigan has an anti-tourism slogan.
Sure.
Well, it's also telling you what you're about.
If you're like, hey, listen, what's the landmass that I hate most?
What form?
Peninsula's.
I want nothing to do with them.
Don't trust them.
They're outnumbered.
Yeah.
I'm too landlocked for this state, or...
Don't bring it up again.
This is also, like, Kansas took an existing Latin phrase
that could be applied to, you know, multiple settings or whatever.
Did Michigan just, like, make up their own Latin?
Like, was this a project for an AP assignment?
And they were like, by the way, this will also be the state motto.
Yeah, that's exactly what this is.
Somebody got AP credit for this.
Fucking Michigan.
Also, what if you're not seeking a pleasant peninsula?
Well, then you can, you're asking, get the fuck out of Michigan.
Yeah, I'm looking for an isthmus.
You can get the fuck out of here, buddy.
You take that shit to wherever those are.
Delaware, Maryland.
Take that shit to the archipelago where it belongs.
Hey, listen, pal.
You could go to Ohio if that's what you want.
But if you're looking for that, come to Michigan.
The Ohio isthmus.
What landform is Ohio?
blobby undefined nowhere near as pleasant or peninsular is michigan downright unpleasant
uh yeah i don't know how you describe that thing yep just land yeah that no that's it
oh we're just here eventually run run out to indiana in the interest of fairness can i
mention what Georgia's state motto is and how poorly it fits oh man it is a wisdom justice
moderation and I would say we are oh for three moderation oh for three
moderation we have a with moderation we have a few dry counties but no there's no there's none
of any of these put yourself in that position oh for three this can be changed very quick very mildly
few tweaks, David Justice
Hayteration.
New motto.
I wouldn't do that for the
bravos. I wouldn't.
I think we could fix this with
a question mark.
Question mark after moderation.
Wisdom, justice, moderation?
Just asking questions, and the
answer is, eh.
Yeah, just a question mark.
Like, yeah, maybe.
This is the kind of
thing that tells you you're about to go into a racist
courtroom. It is helpful
in that regard.
Like if you
saw this in a judge's chambers, you'd be like
oh, we are fucked. Oh my God.
Oh yeah, no, this is a hanging judge. We're
dead. It's going to drop the courthouse on us.
We're here for a parking
ticket. We're going to catch a manslaughter
charge. Just watch.
It's happening.
I like Montana's
because Montana's is basically
just a just like a sign
begging people to come there because it's Oroi Plata.
Gold and silver.
This all like Montana's is just like,
Woo!
Gold and silver!
Come on out!
Is it true?
Maybe!
We got lots of land.
We need people.
Get your ass on out here.
Oroe platter, y'all!
Fuck.
That's amazing.
I
Arkansas
Arkansas is
the people rule
Wow
Some people rule
Which one
People rule
They rule
I choose to believe it as a declarative statement
Not as a prescription
Right generally everyone
Yeah
Yeah man people
Are people fucking rule
Yeah
Arkansas is basically
I fucking love science
but for people, right?
People rule.
Dude, you know it rules people.
Who would say such a thing?
I think this one needs an exclamation point.
People rule!
That's, again, this is also going on the Wisdom Justice moderation of 0 for 3.
O for the whole thing.
Just missed again, Arkansas.
Unless you put the exclamation point,
and then we're just saying how much we how much faith we have in humanity which again you might be
o for here so uh north carolina is the original don't talk about it be about it because their motto is
to be rather than to seem which feels like a sub tweet for a state motto of what other state
around it i'm guessing south carolina yeah south carolina sure you need you need to quit seaman
yeah you're not being about it although i will say south carolina historically has been about it what is it
nothing good but they've 100% been about it uh south carolina's motto by the way
while i breathe i hope and ready and soul and resource which again oh for the whole thing
resource i mean ready and soul and resource kind of sounds like
like stay strapped that's
okay i guess it depends on what the resources yeah i'll whip your ass as the state motto
cookout milkshakes is the resource and we're ready yeah whereas north carolina it's actually
about it because that's where the cookout milkshakes come from right so they're not talking about
it they're being about it it's a root vegetable yeah you could actually i think there is one
I think there is one you can get with.
Virginia, y'all, we need to talk about this.
Oh, I thought it was y'all.
It should be.
That'd be better.
Virginia still has Sixth or Taranus as there's team on it.
Wow.
They don't really update shit very often there.
Yeah.
No, they haven't dropped that new Virginia DLC in quite a while.
Yeah.
Um, because they still haven't changed six-semp or Tyrannis, which I don't know, at this rate,
they might get around to changing it like, you know, next 50 years or so.
Wisconsin's I love because it's, it's literally a variation of their football chair.
It's forward.
So it's like literally on, literally on Wisconsin.
Huh.
That's, it's just forward?
Forward.
Forward.
which I love because it will it answers it answers whatever question you have so what
you know what forward I think I know how this happens they so in Wisconsin they had some sort of
committee gathered up to figure out the motto and they're looking around at the other states
and they're like hmm they're like two words three words you know you need me a four word
motto and some smart ass was like okay I got it I wrote it down I wrote it down you guys will
I love it. We have a forward motto.
Forward.
I think it just means run the ball.
Forward.
Yeah. None of this east and west crap.
Yeah.
No, no, this fancy footing in the back field, one cut, and go forward.
That's it.
We're the eye formation state.
You should follow your, follow your frickin blockers.
Follow your blockers.
Go in there.
Then, you know, then we'll go ice fishing.
Wisconsin.
It's not forward past Wisconsin.
Forward.
Again, this feels like a sub-tweet of some other state.
Probably Iowa.
Because it applies that some of the darn ball.
Right.
That some states backwards.
Right.
Wisconsin, we're all about being forward.
Unlike some of us.
Iowa's like, I heard that.
And then,
Nebraska
in addition
coming off
the triumph
of naming
Kool-Aid
is one of
their
state beverages
I drink
a gallon of
it a day
I'm fit as a
fiddle
keeps me
purple
it keeps me
gives my skin
a natural
ruddy pigment
like I've been
exposed to
high heat
or radiation
Nebraska's is
a quality
before the law
before the law
once law arrives
deals off
you're on your own
but
I'm assuming this means
in front of the law
but yeah
they should update that one as well
because no one really
I choose to
I choose to read it as we are all flat
before the law
like the state of Nebraska
we are flat
all equal
one great plane of human equality
I am a little disappointed you didn't include the best it's not a state motto admittedly
but it is the best territory slash protectorate motto and that's Guam's what is Guam's
where America's day begins oh what a fucking dunk so all of this so they're taking the
blame for all of this even though this is like the least their fault yes
think that's part of it but i think it's also sort of like hey we get to watch jeopardy before
the rest of you fuck off i mean it's nice the thought is nice i just don't want them blamed
for the everything that happens once once they hand the sun to us i wish some like mountain
zone mountain zone uh state would go with like where america's night ends and everybody's like
what that doesn't even what are talking about you forgot about hawaii asshole
America's unending evening.
This is very aggressive, Colorado.
Forever night, the Batman state.
The sun never sets on the Missouri Empire.
It does all the time.
I just wish, well, Missouri.
I just wish Colorado would just be the state
to finally adopt some truly ornery, thorny, western motto.
Like, no.
Colorado, no!
well what if we had a law no Colorado come with me if you want to live isn't that
from president shut up you're going to get sued Wyoming I ain't got time to bleed
that's it when I am president every state will have to pick a line from
predator and that will be your state motto
And here's the thing.
There's not a lot of dialogue in predator folks.
So,
oh,
so one state's going to be left with something like man dies.
Yes,
right,
right.
With predators,
predators,
pandables clicking.
That's our state motto in New Jersey.
Here,
yeah,
like Kentucky,
our new state motto is explosion.
But that was the old one anyway.
Florida,
you're one ugly son of a bitch.
No,
Florida is,
If it bleeds, we could kill it.
Predator script.
I think Louisiana should be the stuff
to make a goddamn sexual tyrannical, just like me.
Okay, that's, that works.
That should be Louisiana.
Who gets Dillon?
Minnesota.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
This is good.
You know, this could actually, this could actually work.
Oregon, you got time to duck?
New York, you got a real bad attitude.
Oh my God, Ohio, time to let old painless out of the bag.
I found South Carolina.
How many Marines does it take to eat a squirrel?
Alabama, payback time.
Nevada, you lose it here, you're in a world of hurt.
Georgia, you never were all that smart. Let's go.
Arizona, I'm scared, poncho.
See, it's great.
Hawaii, get to the chopper now.
How many movies is that set in?
Oh God, oh God, Massachusetts, there's something out there hunting us and it ain't no man.
We all gonna die.
Ah, the United States a predator.
Finally, our country comes together to heal.
What's gonna, what's gonna bring us back together?
Oh, oh God.
Finally, the state motto, the state motto for Georgia that really we deserve, which is,
what the hell are you?
This is an amazing conceit.
For some real weird western state, like Montana, I just scrolled past the line, you're ghosting on me, motherfucker!
There's a thing.
These will be put out license plates.
That's the best part.
But every license plate will just be a different character.
Yes, correct.
No, or no, no, no, a choose life one.
Just like Jesse Ventura with a mini gun.
Jesse Ventura would love it and he'd be like,
I see no cognitive dissonance here.
Oh, God.
I can't believe.
Now I want to hear anything, by the way,
anything from any Midwestern ever about the South
because no one in the South elected Jesse Ventura governor.
You joke about us electing professional wrestlers governor.
no you all did it and you liked it don't lie
