Shutdown Fullcast - 2021 D-I CONFERENCE REALIGNMENT DRAFT

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

 - We made a bunch of new conferences, and got rid of all the other schools, you are welcome.   - This is a lot of work, so we brought in two (2) NEW guest conference commissioners.  - Because we had company, the episode suffers a massive audio failure halfway through.  - A new musical instrument joins the show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Who's going to be the first team in each of your leagues to go on probation? Oof, Notre Dame. Well, Arizona State is already. Yeah, Arizona State's got a head start. It's all in our conference. This is already. Yeah. Yeah.

Liberty's going to be headed there. We got a fun division, man. Yeah. We really do have a fun division. Again, I wish we could have had SMU in both divisions because they would check that box as well. Sure. Yeah. I had them on the list.

It didn't happen. Spencer's conference. man it's fAU but it's for some shit lane did well here's the thing like it all depends on another school ratting each other out and i feel like your schools are just like oh that's a lot of work we don't it's so hot i could send that email or i could go get marred or i could stay inside we have a coach on tape doing cocaine from five years ago this doesn't matter yeah it's fine who gives us shit he's already gone it's florida it's florida He's probably like a health inspector by now. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. If you wanted another one, well, you're welcome.

We solved that problem for you. I just gave you one. I am Spencer Hall, and I am here with my co-host, Jason Kirk. Jason Kirk, sitting in beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia, broadcasting from the middle of a forest. How are we, Jason? Yeah, this is my non-maintained backyard, is the backdrop here. The trees do what they do. I am but their humble servant, if the trees wish to become enormous,

if the bushes wish to encroach the cuns, and the bamboo and all that. This is its domain. I'm just here to to give them carbon dioxide to breathe. That'd be an encroach, wouldn't it? Definitely. That would be the voice of Holly Anderson,

our perennial guest host. Perennial guest, no accountability. That's correct. That's correct. No liability. That's the law. She can say whatever she wants and it's not slander or liable

because she's a guest host. You know how we know that? How? We got a lawyer. We do have a lawyer. Ryan Nanny. Ryan Nanny joining us from Nashville, Tennessee. Just about to have a petty cab full of drunk bachelorets

driving through his living room at any moment. They have a petty boat now. There's a there's a boat. It's such a bad idea. They can drown on the river. Yeah. Do you have a river? Yeah, there's a river.

So do they drive right in the river? Oh, no, I don't own the river. A river. I don't own any rivers or bodies, creeks, marshes, swamps, swamps, Isthmus Delta We're going to work on this We're going to work on this.

Dusty words play Isthmus. I think that would kill Dusty Riddits. Would it revert back to just Isthmus with no Lisp at all? Isthmus.

I think it's I think it's, let's go plural of Christmas would be Christmases, so ismuses. If ismeth. I wanted to ask does the pedicab drive

right into the river, Ryan? Like a duck boat? No, I don't. think it's, I don't think it's like a duck boat or like the, what was the thing that LBJ had that was a, ampha car, I don't think it's an amphicar. Okay, because I was just, I wanted to hear, I just wanted to hear the voices of, of everyone on the way in like, oh Lord, we're going to the river. Oh God, we go drown. Missy, we go drown. All they done dampen my puffy muffin. Tell the children to love Jesus. What bachelorette party is this? I don't even know what these

are every single one of them if you saw by the way Nashville scanner these bacheloretts all have children yeah first thing that's that that would okay yeah happen there are many different types of families it happens in the best of families Nashville scanner counted the number of bachelorette parties before like 10 p.m and there was something like 89 of them 80 like they just counted distinct groups like 89 in a night it's like that that's that's a horde that's that's a mongol horde of bachelorets uh we have an activity today that uh an exercise if you will ryan uh we're going to let on then we'll introduce our guests who are going to help us out with this formidable task that we have charged ourselves with here today um so given the recent news of texas and oklahoma

applying for c c membership and everybody else in the college football world freaking out in various degrees i think we should just blow it all up i think we should start from scratch and just say let's build our own conferences with blackjack's uh with blackjack and hookers and to do that we're going to do it as a draft so i have split the three of you into teams uh you will each have a partner that you have selected before this and the way this is going to work is going to be very simple we're going to do a snake draft i have i have 10 rounds here i could see us getting i could see us tapping out at eight so i'm not going to commit us to anything like that or 32 um sure

And I'm going to, this is the draft order. I'm going to get out of the way. Jason, your team's going first. I did this randomly. Holly, you have the second pick. Spencer, you have the last pick. Yeah, sure, you did this randomly. There's a wrinkle that I'm not going to tell you about until we hit it.

Oh, shit. But other than that, there are no rules. You can select any Division I school that you like. Server has helpfully provided a list of all, my God, 253 of them. uh for you to peruse you can use any standards you like i don't need you to you know you don't need to pick the best television product you don't need to pick the best playoff contender conference whatever you want to pick is up to you so jason i'm going to ask you first to introduce your your co-manager and then we're just going to hit the ground running and i'm going to ask for your

first pick oh yeah we have teams because there was an eye in all our teams so we brought in teammates did you already explain that part my conference my co-commish excited to be joined by Alex McDaniel of For the Win and like a hundred other websites expert on every city in the mid-south Birmingham traffic Oxford food Memphis everything Memphis the yeah Memphis everything Memphis over everything we have if we are doing 10 rounds whatever whatever number of rounds we're doing our plan is to do two divisions. Each of us given charge of one particular division. And Alex is going to lead us off with the number one overall pick. Okay. Are we going to say what our divisions are? Let's see.

Do you want to reveal that now? Let's let's let's see because I think all will become clear quite soon. Okay. They probably will. Our first pick is the Arizona State Center. Wow. They've been considered right off the bat i love this pick obviously the most valuable university in america clearly most prestigious and successful athletic program in america the most mentioned on the simpsons school in america are they probably i don't know if that's true i know it's happened at least once i think the simpsons been around so long you told me literally anything and it'd be like oh yeah that was like season yeah that's really true hey server i'm going to do a draft pick is in noise but i'm going to to record it later so you can just layer it in

because I want to play it on the bass recorder. Yeah, I can't wait to do that. There's only 30 times. It's going to be fun. Okay, go get it and I'll play it live for every single pick. God. Go get the bass recorder. And that's producing.

This is Server's idea. Holly. Good leadership server. You are next. Please tell us who your co-manager is. I was thinking the server wanted to be part of this episode. And I like that he has begun to regret this after one pick. It's the true forecast experience.

It is. Hello. I have brought in, I will say, first of all, that this is my second attempt at forming a conference, as in the real world, sometimes forming your own college football conference, just does not take. My initial idea that I got about halfway into was to draft schools based on proximity to active volcanoes in the United States. and I got I put it a lot of work before I said man this looks familiar and then realized that Jason Kirk had done this in a state draft that we did a couple years ago

and that's why I was enamored of it so much so I had to resort to actual football and that means bringing in an actual football expert Michael Felder of stadium of Clever Girl Pizza of Hand in the Dirt Pod welcome Oh and he's left himself on you

The professional, even the professional is susceptible to the fullcast. Now you are truly a forecast guest. Yeah, I am. I'm not a professional. I just do this to be on television. And yeah, I'm excited. We've got some big plans. Big plans, big teams, big dreams.

There we go. All right. Felder with the, oh, excuse me, hang on, I have to play. Our pick is in noise because server wanted to hear this live. all right the majestic sound of a bass record that's a large instrument thank you someone on this program got it for me for christmas and it turns like a it looks like a piece of plumbing equipment that's i was going to say the same thing there's so much of it all the bass woodwinds

look like plumbing equipment can confirm all right so uh mike felder would you you like to announce our first pick? Yeah. Actually, you know what? I'm going to steer a little bit left from what we're talking about because I think we're going to be able to get this next team in the next round. So I'm going to go with Oklahoma. Smart. Oh, smart. Okay. Close put no, close but no cigar, exciting offense. Lincoln Riley is going to be there for a long time. We've got a great ability here to go out and win. We've got next year's probable first overall pick in Spencer Rattler. I mean, we're doing it, right? And Alex Grinch is going to get better. So I feel like we're winners here. Yep. Yep, strong, strong call. Love it. Um, Spencer, Serber. You're up next.

You guys ready to pick. Oh, yeah, we're ready to pick. I guess I've given away who Spencer's Oh, yeah. Talk about your team and then I'll make the noise. That's okay. I'm joined today by, I think, the most capable partner I could imagine for this particular type of franchise, this particular property that we're building because the rest of you, you're building conferences. Michael Ray Surber and I, we are building a brand, a brand. A brand. and people with scalability and room to grow. Michael, hit them up with our first pick,

please. I'm going to go with our number one pick on the board. I'm not going to make any adjustments based on your pick because I think this is the most talented team available. And that is Coastal Carolina. That's correct. Since we take Coastal Carolina. Wow.

Strong peck, strong pick. Let me put that in our spreadsheet. Wait, I didn't get to make the noise. I'm going to do it for the next one. Holly, do you do it twice now? Yeah, because it's it's round two and also they have the next pick by a serpent

Wait, this is where I reveal the wrinkle. Oh shit shit. It was so fast. Yo, here's the thing. Hang on wrinkle noise. My God, that's the wrinkles music. There are not a lot of holes in this thing. It's more like keys. That's yep. Yeah. Jason and I on. So here's here's my thing. Fuck conferences. I like independent. I like independent. I like when independents go out and make interesting schedules and play teams that you haven't seen them play before. I love like the early 90s when you had like Miami, Nebraska, just sort of playing each other, whatever, because they didn't have conference schedules binding them in the same way that they do now. So I am going to be in between each round, I am taking a team off the board from all of you and I am making them an independent.

And I am starting with the Miami Hurricanes. No, or are they an ACC member, no longer, they won't be a member of any of your conferences. They're independents and they will play whoever they want to fucking schedule. And that's what I will be doing throughout this draft just to mess with all of you. This is a devastating blow to our conference and I will explain why at the conclusion of this. Miami now has no authority, no legal oversight. That is, that is correct. That is a big change for everybody.

Now there's no more pressure that they can't, that they haven't won an ACC title. not a big deal yeah y'all can lose to Florida State anytime Spencer maybe even twice that's okay our pick

our pick is in thank you bass the dog really just not like this at all this is such a terrible idea will our general manager server please we have to make no adjustments on our board

because our plan is of course beyond your understanding galaxy we've galaxy brained this so hard go ahead server our second pick is going to be the Florida Gators wow okay

team is very warm what uh is there anything you want to reveal about the the selection process here or is it or is all to be revealed at a later a later date will become clear after a while right yeah I think so I think so

it feels pretty clear right now yeah you think they're just taking places that will be overtaken by global warming yeah actually that was that and in and they're going to get a little rowdy okay you'll see the grand plan you'll see the grand plan oh yeah Holly and Felder y'all are up next all right every time we're gonna do this every dog I think Betty is actually the commission yeah Ryan Betty is The Jets. Betty's playing the dog version of the Chili's baby back ribs song

and that's why Betty is responding to it. I think Betty is our soul. Betty is our Melkiper. Felder, did you hit the base on the barbecue?

He sure do. Finally we have a base. This is the elementar show has been missing since it's accepted. Yeah. With the second round pick in the

2021 somehow a full cast conference draft the holly slash feldier conglomerate selects the georgia bulldogs used to coming in second in a number of situations okay yeah we got we got another listen we got another close team they're close them in Oklahoma they've been it they played Oklahoma in the playoff they're right there a lot of a lot of like unfulfulfors a little no interesting then what then they lost I mean, at some point, somebody's going to have to pick Alabama, right?

There's no guarantee that that's true. I don't see any reason for that. Alabama's going to be the West Virginia of the shutdown forecast conference realignment. All right. Counterpoint, you know what? I've got a counterpoint to my own teammate there. How long has it been since Bamas won a title game?

It's been a minute. It's been like seven months. Yep. Step it up there. Alex, Jason, close us out with round two. I have the pick for our other division. I am now going to select Arizona State's permanent cross-division rival the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. I think I see what's going on here.

I see the vision. No, you don't. No, you don't. Okay. Thank you for calling. Thanks for calling me stupid right away. Appreciate that. Not going to say, didn't see that coming.

Oh, we have a pick. You might be able to get into Notre Dame, Ryan, but not Arizona State. Okay. between because they're serpentining but first the commish um i can't play songs on this thing or i would make a little commish song all right i have to pick somebody else to take out of play for all of you i'm trying not i'm trying not to overthink what you all have in mind um but at the same time i kind of want to do that so yeah let's take b yu b yu's off the board um gonna go ahead and stay in the they they're an experienced independent i want to keep them that way i don't want them to be befalue

by conference membership as so many would prefer also they just go out and nut punch that's right yes also they're stocked for three years if they don't get a game they've got three years of food independence is the freedom to nut punch I think is what we're saying what's more independent than having your own planet that's a damn good point Jason and Alex it's back to you okay are you going it's you it's you you're up no Okay. This is going to seem like extreme bias until you understand what's going. For our next pick, we're going with the University of Mississippi. The right choice. Excellent pick.

The right choice. What has anyone ever said, old miss? The right choice. It was the right call, dog. The right. There is exactly one situation. And it is this one. There is one. And it's this. I just, where am I, where am I paving a beloved community institution to open a Torrey birch. So right now, so right now you have Arizona State, Notre Dame, and Ole Miss. This is like the most confusing schools that a high school senior could apply to. Be like, what do you do? Why? Do you even want to go to college? What is your direction in life? He's conflicted. It's a very conflicted high school senior. Are you majoring in college? These schools all do have honor codes in one way or another.

I assume the Arizona State honor code is like you must honor if you're iced you must I think the Arizona State honor code is like bro what happens at Arizona State what happens at Arizona State shows up at the free clinic I mean listen David Hasselhoff's kid went there didn't she is that true there you go dude that's pretty sure what a life that does on the back of Knight Rider is ASU dad. You know what else this means? This also means that by extension,

Arizona State is the official university of Germany. Sure. Yeah. That might, oh, my God. Holly and Felder, you have the next bet. You know who else had Nazi sympathizing? It was Walt Disney. You taking Oregon?

Is that what I'm here? Ohio native. Didn't Disney give them the cartoon Sun Devil mascot? I don't remember. I can't remember. I remember that I think Oregon, that deal is official. And at Arizona State, I think it was like, fine, you can use it. But like, don't tell anybody.

Yeah, okay. All right. I'm going to turn it over to my co-commission to announce our third round pick. We're going with tough choice here. But we do need to get. And I know you said we're not looking at DMAs, but we're going to go up north a little bit. And we're going to Penn State. Interesting.

yet another school that is nearly one thing almost for for some reason you said we're going up north and i was like are they going to take boston college i don't know why i thought that what the face felt you're just like genuine confusion bordering on anger are y'all making the edging conference just this close i can tell you this that Boston college was not on our the list that I'm the extensive list that I not on the board not on the board no it's not up here in our plans um okay Spencer server what you got server let's give him another step in our grand master plan here with the with our Dale selection condition now with our with our Earnhardt senior selection we take the Wisconsin badgers hmm let me tell you all something

are devastating our draft board my freshman year we played at wisconsin i didn't travel but they said that at wisconsin they have like chain link fence that lines the main drag and when the team buses when their team our team bus went through they just were throwing beer bottles at the bus the whole time and it was they were like and i'm pretty sure wisconsin's in the central time zone i should know that it's right above where i live isn't it Good grief. Yeah, so 11 in the morning, they're just throwing beer bottles at the, you know, 930 in the morning, everyone's crazy drunk throwing beer bottles at the team bus.

And even after playing at Clemson, obviously going to Virginia Techorder, they were like, everyone was like, this was the most insane thing that we've ever seen. And in Wisconsin, it was just sort of like, yeah, it was a slow day. Yeah, we played y'all. We played sorry North Carolina. But it's not like even a good heels team. It's like, you know, going to give you a lot of anima. there's not like a historic like yeah here come the bad boys here comes unc and they're throwing

beer bottles at you please yeah um khakis suck uh next next independent plucked from the clutches of the would be conferences Auburn Auburn is off the board oh god because I want Auburn to I want Auburn to travel the nation playing schools that don't want to play them but somehow got roped into a home and home with them where they lose whatever the worst thing is that Auburn loses like half of these games yes they will lose half these games but it won't be the ones you need them to lose as their opponent they will always do the thing that makes your your day worse but it's going to be the it's going to be the games that they lose that it does get their coach fun oh 100 percent

but that's just part of capitalism baby like that's how we keep jobs created she is the Jets fans listen to this could we say each week the number one team has to play Auburn and then when Auburn is that number one team. Obviously something exciting happens then as well. Sure. They get a buy week. No, they just lose. They play the Bengals.

That's when they play the Cincinnati Bengals. Auburn loses on its bye week. It's going to happen one year. You say that, but like, that feels entirely consistent. Would you blink? What if that's like their siesta? Yeah, you wouldn't even blink. You'd be like, Auburn lost on its buy and everyone would go, yeah, yeah.

Yes. That happened. The most Castilian University. in these United States. Comparisons are deep. Everyone at Auburn eats dinner at 11 at night. They're tiny plates. Little plates.

I'm Pat-I-for-taffus. I'm Gus Melzahn. These are tapas. That's that if you told me like, yeah. And I'm a super spreader. If you told me. Of top and odd, you assholes. If you told me there was some, like,

tiny Spanish town where it's like, what are you all talking about the locals go out and they throw toilet paper in the trees they'd be like oh how festive so i um i have a question about brian harsen yeah um there was at least 11 years ago on big 12 internet texas message boards most specifically there was a rumor that brian harsen is a scientologist can you be a scientologist and a drag racer like does that then diagram work uh uh elron was was a big fan of spacecraft and racecars go fast. So I kind of feel like you can do a lot of things.

I'm just passing this along what's been on message boards for 11 years. And I hadn't seen it until a couple days ago when I saw Obama fans telling him, oh, you don't want the vaccine praying to Zinu, huh? How did the message boards feel about this? I really hope this is true because I really want Bamma fans. I was reading Austin, Tennessee message boards, a lot of big 12 message boards. But it's been around for 11 years. And I hadn't seen it until like four days ago.

and he might not be i don't know he might not i'm just asking questions obber's rival fans don't actually know what scientology is they just distrust it because they think it has to do with science yeah i don't like that sion so for complete unreal i only i only want no one sion and that's what my no account nephew randy drove me to church in the other day the tall low part's fine i like toology tology is the fine part not the sign not the sign i actually know a lot of about Scientology because I've watched that Leah Remney show on Netflix. So I'm an expert.

You can do anything. You can talk Auburn football. As long as you. Lea Remini being the chaplain to Auburn football would be a vast improvement. I guess. She got out though. She got out.

Scientology uses blackmail to keep you there. Auburn uses blackmail to get you out. Oh, yeah. Something's got to give. Hey, hey, but the mission, Mission Impossible movies are off the hook. That's, I was going to say, this is where I was going to use the Tom Cruise test. You say, well, can you do this and be a Scientologist?

Tom Cruise has actually done everything that he does in the Mission Impossible Movies. So if drag racing were in there, it would be totally kosher. Brian, this makes perfect sense because what is Auburn independent after all, but a rogue nation? There we go. Wow. Round four, Spencer, your team's back up. Oh. I think we're going to pull up.

anchor and sail on to our next pick baby come on come through with it pulling up anchor from wisconsin yeah are y'all just having just things that you can sail to by water as opposed to i don't know zephyr server hit him with the genius mthoon cookman wildcats that's right not see that coming okay just a just a just a fascinating conference y'all have created amazing um got that got that Daytona market on lock now Oh, God, I just picked it up and she started making noise. Okay, with our round four pick, Holly Amfelder, select the great state of Texas. The whole state?

And it's flat, no, just it's flagship university. Texas Tech. SMU. Yes. That'd be the Aggies. None of these. We, for the first time in forever, we want the longhorns. What do you want with a Texas?

What are you planning to do with the Texas? It's not so much what we want. It's not so much what we want with Texas as what we want Texas to experience. It is what I will is what I will. That's about as comfortable. Yes, yes. This is for, there is a theme with all of these teams that this pick is for their own good and all

shall be revealed. Okay. Okay. Okay. Jason and Alex is back to you. I am up next. and after the previous discussion about Boston College not being on anyone's board

now is when we learned they were come on down come on down whoa they are now Ole Misses permanent cross-division rival you know I think those two fan bases have more in common than you might think yeah I could party with them

I was going to say disfavorable opinions about a lot of black NBA players a lot of sports a lot of 1950s opinions I got thoughts Marshall Henderson isn't from Boston, but if you told me he was, I would accept it without question. Sure. Exactly.

Yeah, like Marky Mark Henderson is what we're building here. Marky Mark's going to play him in the biopic. Oh, God. I don't say this like that. Or counterpoint, Marshall Henderson's going to start arguing that he could have prevented 9-11. A remake of the blind side, but every Chooey member is played by a Walberg. Yeah. All of them.

You seen him? This kid's freaking huge. we've got to feed him got to take him back to our beloved alma mater old business we're saying it's Dunkin' Donuts magnate All right

I'm going to pluck another independent and then we're going to pause and reassess where we're at Yeah I want Indiana I want Indiana off the board I want them to be a beloved independent To go with my collection so So my independent list right now is Miami, BYU, Auburn, and Indiana. Television gold.

Definitely, definitely the teams people want to watch. Spencer. Yes, sir. What are the differences between an alligator and a crocodile? Oh, Jesus. Well, I believe it's in where the toots pops out on. Sorry, the what? The one.

That's like a gnarwhal. That's not what I heard him say either. No, like where one of their teeth appears like right. here you can see where I'm pointing but that's not really he's pointing at the front of his mouth like a narwhal yes to be clear you said where the toot pops out also that's what I heard he's right the two pops out typically it's going to be the butthole okay um the the shape of the head is different the crocodile is more tapered the alligator is blockier and on the hole crocodiles are slightly larger that's correct uh you missed a key difference though

Crocodiles aren't in home field apparel coming up this Saturday Alligator sure shit on Woo! Woo! Big new Saturday coming up, it's Florida time and we've seen the designs

and holy shit there's a lot of good Florida merchant here. Whether or not you like Florida, which it can be debated whether Spencer and I do frequently, whether or not you want to wear Florida things. After you see this drop, your feelings

will be different. And I know that because the Tennessee drop was so good. Yeah, y'all, I must return the favor after y'all were honest about your feelings for the Tennessee garb. And I have to say, these Florida shirts are sick. Big New Saturday continues to just be like, it feels like it keeps building and building in huge ways. I'm kind of scared what the end will look like. And the good news is your discount code, if you haven't used it yet, full cast, gets still gets you 20% off your first purchase at home field apparel whether you use it on

Florida or Tennessee or Vanderbilt or South, no, they don't have South Carolina. Sorry, I just had to do that. Oh, no, I don't have Georgia. Yeah, yeah, it's fun. That's not Homefield Apparel's fault. It's Georgia's yell at the school, not home field. Yeah, because I guarantee you, as much as I detest the University of Georgia football team. I really want a stroke dog tank. The shirts that they would do would be absolutely choice. SEC going nuts trying to get Texas. Homefield already did it. Did it, did it forever ago.

Wasn't a big deal. Just made it happen. Didn't have to petition and have a bunch of columns written about it. Air grievances. That's right. Homefield is the only conference you trust because they just go out and get it done. All these other conferences, full shit, full of absolute shit. But Homefield apparel?

Yep. Number one in your hearts and number one in your hoodies. If Homefield were to expand into crocodiledom, Ryan, you shouldn't count your gators before they hatched under the legs. Gator eggs before they hatch. Because Homefield could swoop in and secure the marks of the Canton Crocodiles, a minor league baseball team from 1997 through 2001 who moved to Washington, Missilvania, became the Washington Wild Things. Do they still exist in that form? The Washington Wild Things are still around, so I assume they still hold those marks.

Homefield, there's go. Homefield, you cowards, go get the old crocodile. See if you can do it before Saturday. It would be for no good reason. It would be a great personal favor to us. Thank you. The other thing Homefield could do to really make me eat my words here is they could put on a T-shirt,

the Florida media guide from a few years ago that had crocodiles on it instead of alligators. Would that be the must champ years? That'd be the must champ years. pretty sure that would be the must-champ. I would love to hear, well, Mustamp, explain everything he knows about animals in one continuous, like,

stream of conscious sentence. It's like, these kinds make burgers. These kinds, I slap. Well, that's all flying animals. Oh, okay. What is?

Okay. I slapped a fucking condor. It was biting my neck the other day. Flying squirrel, slap. Regular squirrel? No slap. No slap. Sugar glider.

Slap the crap out of a sugar glider. Air Burger. Well, Must champ, how did you come about this? Well, yeah, they call it a petting zoo

and some of us are stronger than we know. Donkey Burger. It's on to me. You're going to have to talk to my accountant about that bullshit. He'd do some coach stick where he'd be like,

they call it a petting zoo. Like it's a thing that you're still doing. I like to see a pet zoo. Get it done. Get it done. A pet. A pet. zoo. It's been done, Pat.

Well, we don't believe in the past. We don't believe in the future. It's all about this moment right now. It's the pet's zoo. Jason and Alex, your conference currently consists of two divisions you've already said. One division has Notre Dame and Boston College. And the other division has Arizona State and

Old Miss. Yes? That's right. Okay. Spencer and Cerber. You have put together the unusual collection of coastal Carolina, Florida, Wisconsin and Bethune Cookman. You're picking these by cuisine, aren't you?

Natural fits. All will be revealed. LSU's coming up next, I assume. Then Holly and Fowder maybe like the most normal conference so far in some ways, Oklahoma,

Georgia, Penn State, and Texas. Yeah, we're the Norm Corps eight yeah you what you have is like when you when you like uh when you go to like dick sporting goods or something and they have like sample jerseys up like these are the teams that they have them from so you could like if you lived in fanatics dot com i like sports that's your conference these are the teams of the people who based on a real fellow i sat behind at the tennessee spring game a few years ago when somebody says i really have five favorite NFL teams oh my god these are their college teams. Yeah. Yeah. Like this is, this is what's decorating like the wall of the Chili's 2.

This is a, listen, don't laugh while we build our Walmart conference. Because you know what Chili's 2 has? Real estate. You know what real estate is? Money. I thought you were going to say blue margaritas. Just a handsome side effect. Because they do have those as well. All right. And blue diarrhea. I was going to say that you have also built the conference. How with the margaritas do you drink the blue diarrhea? Do you know who you're asking? Felder and he is it takes. Yeah, you're right. You're right. That's a hippoc question, and I can't ask it.

That's a personal choice. Cole Beasley, he's going to drink as many blue margaritas and see damn well pleases. As is Nick Rolovich's playing. He's zapping the virus with you inoculate your way. I'll inoculate mine. What the fuck is Rolovich going to pour into his body instead? It's just a windshield wipe fluid.

You guys have all made, you guys have made the conference too that has the shortest shelf life. Texas will screw this up. They will poison the whole thing in a matter of like days. What? And we'll make enough money that we can retire.

Yeah. Yeah. They'll pay us to go away. This feels like a pyramid scheme that they're building. Okay. Let's move on to round five. Jason and Alex,

you have the next pick. Hi up. We're going to go with West Virginia. Ooh. Hmm. Look at that geographic footprint we've got going. Y'all are making a hunger. I know.

Y'all are making a hunger game? you're talking about TV gold Old Miss Boston College and West Virginia I'm starting to be concerned about a pepperoni roll shortage and the rest of us Market cornered I like it Holly and Fowler

who you got next keep it quick we're taking USC okay bang let's go yeah Dick Clay helped me coincidental but unfortunate Dick's Orton Goods going on theme continues yeah no it's good um yeah y'all are going to dominate um

unearned bowl berths basically like you're cleaning up on those we're here to clean up the we're here to clean up at the alamo bull tier yes also i've noticed you guys have a lot of like NFL draft bust potential here for quarterbacks like there's a tremendous also not the reason we pick these schools but very close a real common thread yeah you guys are you guys are circling it but you're not there yet okay okay well let's see if we can let them in our theme server is is christian hackenberg like the honorary commissioner of your conference i hope actually he's doing all our coinflakes dana christian heckerberg ate the quarter again the middle of them the president would like to pass a motion oh too bad about that uh spencer yeah uh server let's see if we can let him in a little bit see if they can see the grand design here i don't know are you pregnant is one of you pregnant yes with with emotion yes UCF you see up UCF baby UCF come on down are you doing other schools

you can't spell citrus bowl without no that's a good that's a real that's close but yeah reasonable choice what is I don't I don't know don't understand I don't get it at all I don't Are you all spelling something? Is this in a cross tick? What makes you think we can spell? This is... Answer the question. This is somehow less helpful.

Each answer is, each answer is less helpful. Wow, what a new experience for all of us who've worked with Spencer. Like, it'd be like if Kevin Spacey's character in seven was like, I'm just going to make up sins now and I'm going to punish people for that. But there's still going to be heads in the box. If you're like, wrath, got it. Yep.

Greed. Yep. Parking tickets. Parking tickets with the third. I thought you were going to say K-Pax. Not a movie guy. Who am I taking from you all next? He's not going to listen to this.

Server and I'll bring it up on Friday. Let's see. Let's see. Actually, wait until he objectifies another journalist on the air and then do it and then drop that. I'm going to Ryan could you attempt to take a team

off Spencer Serber's board what would that even look like like do you want me to try to get in that headspace and try to do that yeah do you guys be honest you guys have to be honest if you got one that you wanted okay do whatever you need to do

to get into that headspace we'll give you that time okay if I'm trying to pick like Spencer and server at this point uh okay I'll take SMU I'll take SABU off the board. Am I close?

Not even on my board here. Not even spinning distance. No, not close. Interesting. Hey, that helps everybody else out there. Okay, okay. SMU, welcome to the land of independence. It's going to be fun.

Hey, our mics just quit, so we're going to do the rest of this one via laptop. Yeah. Only improve the audio quality. I love our beautiful nightmare show. It only haunts me every week. The Fultcast Haynes are having a family reunion. I guess they're all here today.

It's as good as it's going to get. It's not Serber's fault if you're listening. It's because we have company over. Spencer and Serber, you have the next book as well. Ohoy. Sit him with it. We're going to actually, as you see in the NFL draft often, we're going to bring on a special guest to make our pick for us.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Christopher Cron. oh my god i can't believe he's here walking up to the tone of his hit sailing and all right christopher you have you have the mic these all schools mentioned in steely dan songs i'm gonna take usf usf this is the first one that almost makes some sort of sense okay possibly okay i i i don't like it i don't like it i don't like that Something about this is making me really uneasy. I agree. New ideas are scary to some people, Ryan.

Are y'all getting a conference that's going to win all of its games via Hurricane Forfeit? These are all, uh... How many hurricanes do they have in Wisconsin? Brandy, Hurricane Glasses. All these sounds are like backup vacation decisions. I'm afraid for them to reveal what their plan is. Felder, you're up.

We forgot to text each other. I'm going to pull for round six, we fell to do, yeah, for round six, we select Georgia Tech. Hmm. Restration conference continues. So Georgia and Georgia Tech are now conference mates. As our Oklahoma and Texas. Sure.

Come on. It's hate league. Sure. Come on. I am curious now because, well, maybe. I'm curious how Penn State works in this. Yeah, Penn State's getting arrival. Are you going to take Pitt? Are you going to take Pitt?

Are we going to take Pitt? Are we going to take Pitt? Are we going to take Pitt? No one has taken Pitt, which is conspicuous. Okay. Oh, we're here. Jason, Jason Alex. The only mock draft of which is this, wait, no one did Pitt. Pitt's falling down the board.

Jason Alex, please continue drafting for the conference. of midnight in the Garden of Good and Evelyn. So for my side, I am going to say that it is quite possible. I have not seen Alex's board, but it's quite possible SMU is the only school that might have been on both of our boards. Yes, it was. Okay, there we go. In that case, we were going to stay in the Metroplex, West Virginia's permanent rival.

You thought you were going to escape them soon. You thought you were fleeing to the ACC or whatever. Nope, Baylor is coming with you. Now, now, are you taking short hair chip or long hair backwards hat chip? Which one are we getting in this iteration? All are welcome. Well, if they're paired with West Virginia, we're going to go short hair because we went that contrast. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm not even going to try to steal another server sponsor one because it's fucking nonsense. I'm just not doing it. That's probably how you'll steal one. It's just by picking one at random. No, no, I don't, no.

I want to just take a team I want to take. That's Memphis. Memphis is now an independent. Memphis can play anybody they want to whenever they want to. Welcome Memphis. You have been released from your American bondage. And now you are, you can run free or you can play SMU. They're fine with this, by the way.

They would love that. Yes, that's the best part. They'll play anyone or no one. And now you're free to schedule, BYU, and then there's more dick punching. That's what I've made possible. You're welcome, America. Alex, I am betting it is on you now for the next pick for your conference. All right.

I'm going to throw a curveball here. Two lane. Woo. Huh. Let's go. Okay. Okay. So you're forming a conference called the BAC.

you took Wisconsin that really fucks that up for him we did that's why we took it we saw we saw the matrix also very high on our board too you on a whole other level yeah okay all right um holly and felder you have the next pick felder would you like to add some theatrical effects to this one yeah you know what woo pig suey baby wow yeah we're taking the hogs we're going to fayetteville it's we're making everyone else go there too state's obvious rival. Yes. How could I have missed it? This is actually Penn State's annual division game. Yeah. The game they play at the last week of November after while everybody else is playing their their nearby sweethearts. We have gone from the backyard brawl to

the backyard squall. This would be the perfect annual cross division rival for Penn State because every time they win it, it won't matter. Like nobody's going to be impressed. And every time they lose it, they're going to be fucking. They're going to be like James Franklin has. to be fired a week ago. And Jim Franklin has to shake hands with Jerry Jones once a year. Sure. Oh, yeah, that's on. Fuck, that's good.

I like the chaos energy. You have been infused with that pick. I also like that we have had three picks go, Memphis, Tulane, and Arkansas. We're really just dialed in. Demand is demand. The market. My influence on this podcast is clear. Yeah, you can tell Alex is a guest. You know what this looks like. The last three

picks look like the real estate market right now where they're like the most expensive home in America is Starkville. What is the, what is the academic story of the student who starts at Memphis, transfers to Tulane, and then transfers to Arkansas? Riverboat, Hambler. Masters at Tulane, doctorate at Arkansas. Okay.

I started at Ole Miss, transferred to Arkansas State, went back to Ole Miss. So let's not judge. So you are, you are almost. I'm aspiring. Yeah. Yeah. To be clear, this is a person who's living with this life. This is a person who's lived, Alex.

And we respect lived experience. Thank you. I appreciate it. Spencer, Serber. Throw us another confusing fucking pick. Where does the sextant point this mighty ship of state? We're riding an absolute wave to Boca Raton for FAU. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Okay, okay, so that's three in a row. Minor Florida schools.

Are they also that y'all think are in Florida? I appreciate you respecting Bethune Cookman enough to not call them a minor Florida I said in a row I said in a row I'll totally have five Floridaas and I feel like

you have nothing but spiritually Florida's are you combing America for Florida men what is what is the Florida school that they won't touch you've taken Miami

I took Miami Florida State they haven't taken Florida State which is interesting there's a reason they have FIU are you guys

are you guys going to get family I'm not a no hole you'll see sooner rather than later the grand design here yeah um okay do your worst we are that's the motto right there i appreciate that um i don't think no i'm not going to worry i'm not going to worry about what spencer you're in your

head doing i'm not going to be an independent it's in your hand yeah boo i'm going to pick an independent that i feel for me and my my desires and that's okay oh wait wait your desire yeah um fuck I really did want Arkansas that would have been nice now there's a new sentence noise from the mandolurian but I can only make one note

this is why I have this base recorder by the way to play along with the Mandalorian give me independent LSU I like the sound of that I worry what that means but independent LSU has a lot of possibility including like accidentally not scheduling enough games in a season.

I could definitely see them rolling up September. This is like putting a cruise ship to see that's just full of beds that don't have rails on them. Yeah. That's how science works. How do you know the rails are necessary by testing? I feel like we'd be lucky if the ship

if the deck had rails on it. Yeah. I believe in a tightly regulated LSU because I've seen what happens when they don't have rules. it's not good we're making it happen we're making dreams happen here spring gang guest coach bobby jindle doesn't have anything to do so it's fine what happened to that guy um spencer server do you want f i u do you want florida and m

i mean close close hit him with it uh well he actually said the one f i u is next. Oh, you've been zeroed in on. Are y'all playing risk? The code has been cracked. Florida's Australia. Florida's Australia. Yeah, that's all agree on that. Okay. Wisconsin is best ignored for as long as you can. Is your plan here to like bankrupt Wisconsin through travel costs? Is it to like freeze a bunch of Floridians because are you sending Wisconsin to drink these towns dry one at a time? Make Wisconsin sweaty. you're somehow getting farther away. Yeah, you're getting farther away from the point somehow the further we go,

which I'm proud of, frankly. So that means the key to it all was Coast of Carolina all along. You'll see. It'll all become Shanta clear. Okay, okay. Oh, if you could see the board right now, listener. Oh, the faces. You, the worst.

Is there some sort of tax fraud you're perpetuating here? what are breathing what time this is where the acorns ad read goes by the way this is where we do that one you know what probably isn't tax fraud speaking of whatever we were talking about just now it's time to talk about acorns dot com slash fullcast the investment app that you go to and then it puts when you push that code puts five dollars in your investment account and then it grows over time as you spend money if you hook it up right if you hook it up wrong it won't so follow the directions folks uh i currently have in mine enough to not retire at age 83 which is as high as it goes for me but if you get started before i did then you will be able to retire before i am that is uh i can say that as a guarantee because my you know my my retirement age would be like i don't know 172 or something and i can assure you you'll be retired before then one way or the other uh acorns dot com slash fullcast what was that

I just say you're I was laughing at the one way or the other yeah I like it because it makes him sound like he's uh it makes him sound like it makes him like HR and John Witt yeah sure make him sound like you're just on the bench you got pulled by the coach right like yeah we retired him in the 8th it's fine that's how life works isn't it man god that ultimate pitchers mound uh I might the story again the story of mine is not as exciting as Spencer so I will uh pass to my for any updates on the great embezzlement war. But acorns.com slash fullcast to kickstart your retirement one way or the other.

I did recently check we were up to $28, the $28 gap. Sorry for cussing, y'all. My dog is not a good investment partner. She has many fine qualities, but fiduciary duties are not one of them. She still went up on my elder or my younger son because, you know, took another couple of dollars this week. The gap has stretched between the two in their early account. that I have for each of them.

How's it happening? I don't know. Am I going to find out how? Probably not. I'm not that smart. That's why you have an app. Yeah, that's right. That's why I got an app.

That's why I just put money in and watch money line go up. That's why I use acorns. Okay. Holly and Fowler, you're next. We just had a pick and I already forgot it. All right, with the ninth pick of whatever, whatever we're calling it, I am almost positive that we intended to select. the Washington Huskies.

Is this our ninth pick or this is this is our eighth pick. You just, you almost Mike Tice yourself. Washington Huskies. Eighth pick. Washington. All right. Yeah, we got to get some West Coast flavor in there, baby.

You've got, you've got a pretty, you guys probably have the most geographically diverse. Yeah. Spencer and Serber certainly fucking don't. I know. that ironically i think we have the best football which is not at all what we set out to do yeah i think that's true um unless boston college gets really good really fast oh we

just like we all drew that up yeah listen i've seen boston college beat u sc it can happen uh former number two that's not because bc was good well listen the important thing is the head coach of that u sc team probably isn't gone anywhere since then so we won't worry about it um holy shit i just realize Sark and Kiffin are going to be in the same division again. Yeah. I mean, that's assuming they're both still there next year. Jason Knox, you're up. Tulane's permanent cross-division rival.

I believe you all think you're really dialed in on the scheme here. I think you think you know, but I'm excited to see what happens once you realize that Tulane Cross Division rival is Duke University. Okay. Going to New Orleans. These are football teams? Yeah. All right.

Now I don't understand. Well, we value their other programs very much. This is more of an academic choice, honestly. I thought I understood. So did I. And now I don't. I don't. Now, everything's starting to go sideways from me around Tulane.

Actually, around Baylor. No, Baylor. Baylor fit with West Virginia. Duke and Tulane is interesting. Which one is the religious school? Exactly. Okay, sure. No one knows.

All right. Time we need to take somebody off the board. Yeah. Let's... God, it's tough. So many, so many promises. You know what? No, Nebraska, I have freed you.

Oh, man, that ruins everything. What are we going to do now? We all wanted them so bad. Rosca, no longer will you be subjected to the cruel whims of the Big Ten. How many rounds would we have gone until Nebraska got hit? We had the next. I think the maximum would be, what, 250 divided by 80? we had them at 10th on our draft board so they would have gone i like 10th like now so they would

have gone it would have gone round after next for us um yeah Nebraska's independent now does that mean anything no no it doesn't but well no it means they're going to complain that they didn't get in the playoff and yeah it's fine jason they don't have to play oklahoma at least no they don't for the last pick in my division I'm going to go with And this really hurts Florida State. Yes. Wow. Yes.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. Why? For the good of the conference, I had to do it. Well, I, were you just picking schools with stained glass. One way or the other, yes. I didn't.

Bonged black or stained grass. Bongs count. That's why Arizona State's in there. Okay. Okay. Holly and Fowder, your penultimate pick place. Tennessee, next pick. No, I will not be discussing it.

No. We will. Can you play Rocky Top on the bass record? Finally, this conference has a school that isn't frustrated every year. Oh, Betty loves it. That does sound like Tennessee football. that he's home now ah

no I can't play any notes that are next to each other I call that tune Ericange I like that this is like we taught a pot of baleen whales how to sing Rocky Top but it fucking sucks

even the whales hate it there's nothing wrong I'm gonna master this fucking instrument and y'all are gonna be fine server server let's show them a little more of the interior of this here cabana you are all

all righty then uh we'll take the rattlers is that and that what they're called these days florida a and m yeah yeah yeah we're going to go ahead and add them to the conference okay there's at least a footprint here nothing i i am now i am now reviewing the list of schools to see if there are any florida schools that have not been selected i don't believe there are. I think not by not by today's definition surely sure. Sure. What about the jags? Florida's no still on the board. Florida is always expanding in ways we're not comfortable with. Uh-oh. No, I think congratulations. Somehow we have managed to take it. I still don't see it. Every Florida team off. And I want to thank you for taking the two that we really didn't want. Yeah. You actually

did yeah okay sounds like this worked out well for everyone this division of florida well there's no florida team for me to take away from them so why don't you take the next best thing which is ohio state called pre floridians proto florida yeah those are pre floridians all of them they're connected to orlando by umbilical cord it's it's it's a it's a rule that you cannot be you You are not necessarily Ohioan if you are Floridian, but if you are Ohio when you are already pre-Floridian. I'm going to do something meaner. Sounds like some weird disease.

It's like pre-diabetes. It is. I am pulling Michigan out of conference. They're an independent now. Stop! No! Stop doing that. That means they have, that means they have, you know,

no collective group to go to and cry with and claim that they're better than everyone else with. That means that they don't have some external set of rules that they can refer to and insist that that makes them good. Most importantly, they're out of the Rose Bowl. They're just, just out. You can't make the Rose Bowl as an independent. You can't if it's a playoff game and Michigan's in the playoff, Ryan. That'll happen. Jason, that's a great point. I feel every every Michigan fan listening should take that as Jason. And it's relevant every year until week nine. Yes. I think, um, Ryan, if Notre Dame is the most independent school. which they've put at risk maybe in the ACC for one year,

but I still think they have that mark. I think Michigan is the most conference school. Correct. Like they were the Big Ten, when it wasn't even the Big Ten, they were the flagship university of the Proto Big Ten. And to this day, everything they do is defined by like, well, we came in second in the Big Ten East, right? Like everything is still defined by a conference membership.

So this is a big change. And I've taken that from them. And now I have exploded the end of our draft board. I hate. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Not a soccer thing you're going to be. That's probably true. Spencer, Serger, for some reason we're letting you make another pick. Well, that's good because we're just going to, you know,

we're pretty relaxed and we're only going to get like even more chill with our final pick. That's going to be Charleston Southern. And we could do this all day. Like you guys did not decimate our board. No. You know what? Some of you all are chasing four and five stars. but we know who fits our system.

Yeah, a bunch of kids that can hardly read that can run fast. Hell yeah. Correct. But, you know, there's another element of this piece. Walk-ons with sun poisoning. Yeah. Potentially. Yeah.

Walk-ons who can shop lift the hell out of the CBS. That's okay. This league is just called Melt Wisconsin. Oh, there's a melt in it. Holly and Felder, you have your last pick now. All right. y'all have torched like three of our final picks in a row so like won't you throw them our wild card yeah wild card we got here for you i'm going to my home state not picking the school that i went to though we're going with app state wow wow yeah a sunbelt run oh yeah give it give it to us baby give us abstain put them on the more spiritually sunbelt yeah sure i thought you meant michigan i'm just extremely high quotient of both sun and belts and charles right we know michigan couldn't have in the sunbelt based on the school that was that game was competitive all right and to be fair that

was a so con game that's fair um jason and alex your last pick last pick all right so uh for my division i have just selected duke which oh no that's very confusing we thought we had a thought we had a beat on this division but uh florida state's permanent cross division rival of course liberty flames wow didn't think they'd be picked did you No. For Ohio State, for Bama for Clemson. Are you all picking the creepy religious schools

and giving each of them like an app a state opposite? A center school. Yeah. Yeah. This is good versus evil. Yeah. That is correct. As long as Alex's division is the good division, then yes.

All right. So I'll throw one more team into the independent pile here. I'm just going to, I'm just going to school. All the rest are independent. no they're all gone wow i didn't know that that's right that's the real wrinkle damn yeah just deleting universities uh right make pit independent so we can keep pit okay we'll keep put put in rain put pit in pit has made it in all right so wow let's start with let's start with jasonnoggs had the first pick picked arizona state way more of our picks than any actual

drafting team didn't didn't wasn't even trying to in the slightest i regret to say uh so still hurts your divisions are Arizona one division Arizona state old miss um West Virginia I guess Tulane yes and um Florida State your other division is Liberty Duke Baylor Boston College and Notre Dame. That's right. Talk us through what you're thinking. What is your vision for your conference?

Well, the idea was basically schools that need Jesus and schools that have Jesus, at least on the surface level, all right? On the surface level. You might say how does Duke fit into this? I was going to say, which one's liberty? Exactly. We'll get to that in a second. You might say, how does Duke fit into this?

Duke is Methodist. nobody nobody ever talks about this but duke's not they got the big ass chapel yeah it's like if you've ever been to campus you can't actually miss this yeah but no one goes so that nobody knows uh and and duke has a fairly renowned seminary um but duke is also the blue devils so the devils are in the jesus division how could that be well that is because as revelation teaches us at the end all of it is the jesus party everybody's invited party schools sun devils yes you're coming home you might not like it or not but look at what happens look at the order revelation 20 the devil goes to hell next chapter all is made new including the devil himself party schools

jesus schools reunited as one at the end by the way notre dame that tv contract once jesus gets a load of that there's going to be some tables flipped so don't be so sure you're in the jesus division notadame what did he say about rich man again yeah you're going you're uh you're going to be last in line if everybody's making it in oh shit well listen at least if all the other schools are gone we don't have to worry about dabbo anymore I will say I found God many times in Oxford missing

How's his mama You're your shoes Lord Tell your mama hi Who would have been next on your draft board If we gave you one more pick It would have been Alex's turn I probably would have gone with Maryland solely for the video of the girl's shotgun

solely for that reason i um i i had a long list and for each one i was trying to pair with alex's choice um so let me go with the presbyterians at tulsa are now maryland's rival good i love as as was foretold uh holly and felder you have uh i'm going to just listen we're a division free conference okay you have Oklahoma Georgia Penn state Texas USC Georgia Georgia Georgia Tech Arkansas, Washington, Tennessee, and App State. A fascinating conference, I will say. So after my initial plan of drafting a volcano-adjacent conference, this one was a Felder concoction in which we have created,

we've created a quarantine of sorts. We're isolating teams of a certain temperament where they can just play each other and they have nobody to blame but themselves when things don't go that bad. And the criteria we used were, how long has it been since you have won a title and how uptight are you about that fact? So having Nebraska, Michigan, Miami,

or having Nebraska and Michigan and Miami and Auburn taken from us early on was a real blow. I'm not going to lie. But I feel that you bounce back very well. I feel like we powered through there at the end of Nebraska or Michigan I thought would have made a terrific Mr. Irrelevant for our particular draft situation. Sure. So App State is your most recent champion then. Yeah. I, what's that? 2007 for App State? Yeah. They had three in a row

including the year when they beat Michigan, who is now independent. Oh, I know. Trust me. I heard all about it living in North Carolina. But no, we got teams that have, we got a bunch of almost guys. Guess what? You got almost guys get together, play almost guys guys. And almost you guys can be guys and be guys together. And I feel like, and you have a lot to talk about. Oh, man, we could oh my God. Yeah, I know we could. Oh, no, if we had only, mm-hmm. I like that you have essentially created a like food court of just Burger King. Oh, do you mean Chicago? 12 Burger Kings. Back in the day with the whaler? They're like a Pepsi factory.

I like App State walking around showing everybody rings. Like, yeah, this is what these look like. The Oblong Fish Flank Conference. Yeah, we just thought also that if we isolated these teams to one another, none of the rest of us would have to hear about it. Yeah, that's a good point. And as you all know, that is one of my main goals in being in this industry. Honestly, I think as conference commissioners,

you should just say that these teams don't even play each other. everybody finishes nine and three and trending up because that's what their fan bases are used to. So just say that and like don't even put the games on television. Really looking forward to getting more physical. Great recruiting class. Really excited with these young guys are going to be able to do. So really intriguing position coach changes that. Actually, no, no, no.

If we keep them in the league, we can maintain complete staff continuity year to year. That's right. Like if we put, you know, like just throwing out something here. If we put Jurassic Park electrified fences around all of these, around all of these universities. I like that you have also, this is basically Willie Wonka without Charlie. It's just like, hey, annoying kids, come into this factory and never leave. All the mic TVs inside. Absolutely.

You've got our Augustus boots. Yes. These three conferences looking at how they would secure their own television deals, Holly and Felder, you definitely have the like, you have the ABC contract. Yeah, you do. You're getting the prime time games. I think Alex and I are getting a lot of 230 kickoffs. A lot of Thursday

games for y'all. I don't know. I think Spencer and Serber are kicking off like Tuesday morning or something. They're just kicking off whenever it's hottest. Yeah. Let me pitch this. Let me pitch this to you. Monday afternoon football. No, if you get Tuesday morning,

sponsored by Tuesday morning the store. Yeah. I was going to make a Tuesday morning reference and I wasn't sure if anyone else would get it, but shout out to Tuesday morning. I think you can go in there. You go in there and you can find a serving platter Every game in the Spencer Server Conference kicks off At the same time on the 4th of July at noon

On USA Network Yeah Characters welcome In the octobox, yeah All right Spencer and server What the hell of y'all done? Go ahead. Coastal Carolina

Florida, Wisconsin Is this going to make us mad? It's going to make us mad. It's going to make us that. Bethune Cookman, UCF, USF, F-A-U, F-I-U, F-I-U, and Charleston Southern. Uh-huh. What? We do have, we do have, we do have, we do have divisions in this.

Server, we have one division that's five teams that are lake teams, right? Okay. Because we want it, and then we have five that are truly coastal. So we have, it's the coastal league and we have a coastal coastal coastal. I feel like I was getting close there with Wisconsin. You have like a fresh water salt water fight. And then we have the sea. Then we have the sea do side, which is the lake side, which is where Wisconsin sneaks

in because we wanted to pick the most available lakefront property, you know, without doing Northwestern because yeah, Northwestern, you have a lake, fuck off. No, Chicago has a lake. You don't have a lake. Yeah, you don't have a lake. So did the Auburn pick? Did that stub your toes at all? No, because we have.

Clemson, which is just Auburn East. Yeah, we were good there. Yeah, but we didn't, they don't. Oh, we did put Clemson. I thought we left No, no, they didn't pick Clemson. No, they were just next on our board. It was. Yeah. Oh, no, we fell favorably. We've completely eliminated Bama, Clemson, Ohio State, Oregon, A&M.

Well, by that metric alone, I've got to call this operational success. Yeah. It's success. Yeah. So we really just wanted to build. And we've isolated Tennessee and Nebraska fans with each other. Yeah. This can only feel well. Yeah, there were, There were two main criteria when Spencer and I discussed this ahead of time.

It was one, are you in the state of Florida? Two, can you tailgate on a boat at one of your games? And honestly, we just did fantastic. And y'all only took Miami and Florida State from us, which like I said, we didn't want anyway. I'm a little surprised Washington wasn't on your list. It was on there. It's on there. It was on there.

What was the Navy deliberation like? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, they weren't. they weren't they were they were they were very far down on the wow um i mean yeah we were you really like we took our top picks except for miami and florida state yeah navy want to clean the boats and be orderly and stuff we're not going to have that maybe they could supply the boats because think how fun it'll be once like uh usf fans are like

they got submarines see i think spencer is leaning more towards boat and jet ski rental than boat and jet ski owner that's fine that's fine what you know what like this conference assets primarily brand oriented everything's rented overhead's low we don't want to maintain both we'll just rent them from you the water world conference it's good because you're also future proofed it so does that make does that make server or spencer the mariner you both got the you both got like the facial hair for it we do we're both Poseidon one and Poseidon, too. One of you is master, one is commander.

He's the man. He's the mayor of you play the cello. He's the mariner. And you know damn well, I'm the fucking captain. That's right. Wow. Okay. I think the important takeaway, I'll run through the independence just for the sake of

argument. Miami, BYU, Auburn, Indiana, SMU, Memphis, LSU, Nebraska, Michigan, and Pitt. I accidentally like built kind of a like child's interpretation of the ACC so I'm sorry about that like all of the ACC

the little golden book yeah you know like when they ask an NFL quarterback like draw the Panthers logo and they like poop out some like really lopsided thing like that's I drew the ACC okay wait server okay server don't reveal this Felder do you want to tell them

this thing about the Panthers logo that blew my fucking mind yes do you guys know what the panthers logo I do you know you know it you know it yeah Alex you don't know this no the panthers logo is north and South Carolina that's why they're called the Carolina panther that's what that cat head thing is supposed to be it's like and it's why it's why it's got like

the swoop behind it and it's why it slashed in half at the torso diagonal and that's why angry when I heard about it and that's why it has south of the border tattooed like right here yeah oh yeah the intersection Where are the duckies in that logo? Yeah, that's why its chest has different sauces than its head. Mustard versus real good Eastern North Carolina vinegar sauce. Oh, I hate it.

Thank you. The entire cat has good sauces. This is like, I found out yesterday that the plane they use to take horses to the Kentucky Derby is called the Air Horse. That would set me greatly. I had no idea. I think all NFL logos should have to look like the state or state. that the that they uh the team represents mostly because like imagine the viking imagine the viking that looks like the state of minnesota i could see that it kind of looks like a yeah all it's got a profile you put the cap on the guy i just want to see the Atlanta falcon with the big old billy

oh i ate too much oh god too much mac and cheese too many bolt peanuts i made this waffle house a waffle home Titans work though. It's laying to laying down. It's just it's just like a fucked up sword yeah just a sword that somebody put on inside. Alex did your mom ever braid this podcasting is a visual medium did your mom ever braids your hair

when you're a little and it was like way too tight you're like my so it's like they stretch the face of Tennessee out of five it's a truck that's all the truck shape the train the rectangle eagle is on Titan right the rectangle eagle is going to be the real I don't know how you make

an eagle that looks like the state of Pennsylvania. It's not madame. What if it's already had its limbs removed? It's just lying in the street. I think the state of mission is in a garbage pool. Oh, no, wait. It's like it's all wrapped up because it's clinging to a telephone pole. I like it.

The state of Michigan could look like a lion, but it'd have to be like a lion with some sort of like top knot situation because of the U.P. Yeah. Yeah, because of the UP, right, coming off the top. Oh, yeah. What if it's, we'll flip it around. What if that's the tail just kind of coming up?

Yeah, you could do that. Okay. Is it like a lion leaping for like someone's dangling food and it's just, it's never going to get it. That would be appropriate. Oh, yeah, it's leaping over a moat at the zoo because it's ultimately a cage to be. Malve's got dark. Yeah. A dolphin kind of looks like the state of Florida.

The pirate and that's, yeah, something's wrong with that pirate. So he's got, he's got flourisy. He's got olfantiasis. No. No. It's like leaping. Yeah, it's like leaping. sleeping just kind of fresh down you're sleeping yeah okay i feel like the possibilities of this but

let's keep going that's never stopped us before texas could be a cowboy hat sure for both teams they just have the same logo yeah i mean what are the steelers gonna do it's a brick of steel see my favorite Everyone's at the square state because you would just slap a head on them, right? Like for the Bronco, it would be like, Bronco head on legless horse. Yes. Minecraft Bronco. Hand of horse. That's the side of their helmet already.

That's true. Box o horse. I love square. The helmet is already just a Bronco head. Imagine a horse that looked like the state of Indiana. You'd be wearing cargo shorts? Homefield would have a shirt for the. Hors in cargo shorts and like

all fitting polo going That's so many pockets Or like an animal than cards The thing is Jersey cargo shorts And can homefield make them Like made of cotton jersey Oh like jersey the fabric Like New Jersey car shorts

That's what I was thinking Yeah I think the governor of New Jersey he wears cargo shorts. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm pretty sure Mike and Vinny already wore those. Yeah, absolutely. That's it.