Shutdown Fullcast - 2023 40 FOR 40, Vol. 2

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

Featuring: Boca Raton Bowl! Gasparilla Bowl! Birmingham Bowl! Camellia Bowl! Armed Forces Bowl! Potato Bowl! 68 Ventures (?!) Bowl! Las Vegas Bowl! Hawaii Bowl (OR IS IT??)! Quick Lane Bowl! First Responder Bowl! Guaranteed Rate Bowl! Military Bowl! Mayo Bowl! Holiday Bowl! Texas Bowl! Visit preownedairboats dot com for all your holiday shopping needs Visit SHUT DOWN FULL BOOKS DOT COM  for exclusive literary revelations  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Oh my Bhavene Bhae Bhae Bhae Bhae Bhae

Bhae Bhae Bhae Bhae Bhae Bhae Bhae Bhae

Bhae Bhae WWW WALC to the shutdown fullcast you are listening to the internet's only college football podcast i am spencer hall i am joined as always by ryan annie jacin kirk holly anderson and michael surber on the ones and twos before i say anything else i need to give you this information this episode is brought to you

by coors light that's mountain cold refreshment made to chill made to chill why that voice That's the voice of Destiny Also, announcer guy Brought to you by fate You can't avoid it, fate You're just doing the ESPN thing Love that guy

They just keep him in a cage When that guy talks I feel like that gets weirder every year I agree I agree Like a little more pervy This is a compliment This is sort of like

Flanderizing himself Like you know When you have one trait And that becomes your whole personality Yes I feel like he's heading towards Like Igor via Claude Rains, he's like,

Chris Fowler, the plans. Whenever I hear that guy's voice, which is what I feel the Spencer was going for, I feel like I'm about to hear the old ESP and hold music. Yeah, sure. And then, yeah.

The one that was like, divorced dad taking his kids to Sonic for the second time that day. It's a big menu. Spattered by Kate Trudeau. May cause Gutrot. I know. Dude, that's the other place he's headed.

when he when he pitches it high it's the it's the boss lady from monsters ink like gregg olson you didn't fill out your paperwork which gregg olson wrong i'm sorry wrong network Greg mackleroy there's one with one g and one with two gs all greggs and i forget if they they were baseball players no greggs will be visited i'm talking about the tide end up miami is it the other day i said that greg olson is um oh god what's his name Jeremy Shockey's Wario is Greg Olson but I think I got it back

He got it backwards Jeremy Shockey's Wario That's absolutely backwards yeah Okay and yet which one of them Talked about his third leg in a rap song Let's not suggest Jeremy Shockey Wouldn't have done that I'm just saying if we're talking college years

They were both warrior Okay What if okay What if he is Jeremy Shockey's Waluigi Oh okay Jeremy Shockey is Wario sure yeah i think all miami players are wario or wallowice does jeremy shockey escaped a bar fight by stealing a boat yeah yeah except for ray lewis ray louis is bowser ked dorsi is toad kent dorsi i don't know

toad is very powerful toad taut is high energy all right ked dorsey is yoshi this is always the time i like to point out that jeremy shaki was an academic all-american in high school kent dorsey is daisy daisy can drive a car really well maybe can Dorsey can I don't know yeah he Gendorsi lived in Buffalo I hope he can drive car pretty I can listen can you blame Daisy for all your problems even though she's not to blame for all your problems I don't think that's the lesson

of those games um you know what I'm just saying it's possible I think she's an easy scapegoat that actually let's just do this let's just do this his name sounds like Ken Daisy so let's just say okay all right all right yeah baby baby don't see yeah

Gersy is metal Mario that's a terrible news I finally saw the Super Mario movie the new one It's real good even Chris Pratt couldn't really Wow no no I'm serious like it it whips I'm sorry Interesting I'm shocked Jason do you have any podcast business It's time for podcast business Podcast business what's that business we'll do a quick version

Cause it's a bowl episode got a lot to do podcast business Jason go That bum bum bum bum also sounds like the beginning of veggie tales. Hey, speaking of veggie tales. So the novel is, first of all, it's good. And that whole pre-order thing, fuck that shit. We're done with that shit. It was going to be free orders until February 12th. Yeah, we're not doing that. Yes. All the money that's still piling up in February. It will be donated to the Trevor Project. But I don't know, Jeff Bezos got creative. The book started showing up. So, I mean, I'm just going to play along. If you order, if you order an e-book at shutdownfulbooks.com, you'll get an email, you get it instantly.

If you order ebook through KDP, through Google, through Barnes & Noble, for what have you, you'll get that, I believe, December 23rd. Paperbacks, you order them from Amazon today. As of the day you're hearing this, December 20, you might get them before Christmas. I don't know. But yeah, we're just done with the whole pre-orders thing.

Signed, hardcover, still available at Shotdown Full Books. There's going to be limited edition, numbered and all that, who will get the lucky 42666, 6.66, tune in to find out. Actually, maybe let's just set that one aside for the live show. I will pay extra for that one. We will auction off. Yeah, let's have an auction. We will auction off the 42666.

But otherwise, otherwise you can get a random number, 666. One book has Spencer's telephone number written inside it. The highest bidder will receive Spencer's phone number, and you can call him and talk to him about whatever. block you and he can't hang up on you he's for charity what's the most dangerous one because then I will have your phone number that's true

and he will forget what to do with it you're in here with oh no then he's going to call you and be like do you know any pilots yeah we'll be like hey I saw a cool dog I will call you and tell you about a cool dog I saw wait you're not John boys damn it

I will straight up oh I'll fucking call John boys right now I'll call him right now and tell him about a cool dog I saw I am, no threat has been more believable than I will call John with some nonsense. Yeah, I've called John to be like, hey, I just found the most disgusting bathroom. And he's like, lay it on me, brother. I, I texted John the other day to let him know that I saw two dudes in the YMCA locker room, spending at least 15 minutes watching Shark Tank and commenting to win over. Like engrossed by Shark Tank.

These guys get it. This is how the world works. This is John's role in society. He is always the first person I call when I've discovered a new type of dude. Yep. I remember there was one business trip like a decade ago where Spencer and John hung out in the hotel room watching cops. That was in Las Vegas, no less. I guess that's the punchline I could have laid.

And then the highlight was like Bert and Ernie. It was for him. There was. Wasn't one of you like bathing while you were both watching the house? The highlight was. I went in. I said, John. I'm going to take a bath, but I'm going to leave the door crack so I can talk to you about cops while I watch cops on the TV in the bathroom.

You can have this man's phone number. Yeah. You buy the book. You can have my phone number. By the book, Spencer, will come to your house and watch cops with you. In your bathtub. Does it make you even sadder to note that this was one of the top 10 most fun nights I've had as an adult? It was definitely probably the highlight of your professional career.

It was so good. Vegas is fun. for reasons like that, not for the reasons that are advertised. Hey, John, they're in Kansas City. This one's a real good one. You might know these guys. In the NFL, there is no margin for error. One mistake can change the outcome of the game.

Science proves quality sleep can help boost reaction time, recovery time, and overall athletic performance. As the official sleep wellness partner of the NFL, sleep numbers mission is to provide players with data and insights to optimize their sleep for the ultimate competitive edge. Sleep is essential for recovery, and we all have unique needs. That's why Sleep Number SmartBeds are perfect for couples, with individualized settings for each side. Since 2018, Sleep Number and the NFL have teamed up to bring quality sleep to elite athletes. Eight out of 10 NFL players, including 80% of Kansas City Chiefs players trust Sleep Number for their best rest.

And now, during Sleep Number's biggest sale of the year, say 50% on the sleep number, limited edition smart bed plus special financing for a limited time only at a sleep number store or sleep number.com sleep number official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL C store for details all right what ball are we starting with today to continue 40 for 40 we are starting with the boca rotone bowl that's right the rat's mouth itself belching forth nothing but the highest quality garbage football south florida versus syracuse yep yep uh this is sponsored by roof claim and i have my favorite note i have ever found on a bowl game okay because this has had a number of in its short history a number of quality

sponsors um it has just been known as the o g no adornment no labels necessary anti-corporate Boca Raton Bowl, but it also, as a natural match to the hot climate, has been known as the Marmot Boca Raton Bowl. That's right, Marmot, the same people who produce iron-clad, bulletproof parkas that will take you to the top of the Himalaya, sponsoring a bowl game in Boca Raton, Florida. That was only one year. It was then the Cherubundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl. Then the tart was a little much, so they just dialed it down to the Cherubundi Boca Raton Bowl. But right now, it is sponsored by roof claim and when you do a little research on roof claim which is a roofing insurance company i believe my favorite thing and all red on the screen and i copied it in my notes to remind me

that it was all red text if you look them up on the better business bureau in all caps it says this business is not better business bureau accredited wow that's your sponsor that's right don't even try it complain all you want we don't recognize business cops um i don't think we should let florida teams go to florida bowls unless they're like an extremely like if the orange bowl is a playoff game or even if it's not a playoff game like yes fine you can go to that but like i think we should reserve florida teams don't get to go to the playoff right all right well yeah please there is that um i think i think i think florida bowl should just be like syracuse is perfect for this like hey it's fucking december in upstate new york in in western news

York, wherever Syracuse is, one of those places. God, this is like split zone over here. You should get to go to Boca Raton. No, I'm pretty sure all of us can pronounce the word, et cetera. Yeah, here, I'm going to, I'll play the most dangerous game. That's how you can tell us apart. Syracuse, which is in western New York. Thank you. And I disappear. I disappear. Okay. Yeah, like, for USF, this feels a little bit like when you have your big senior trip and you're like, all right, we're going to. the local bakery and you're like oh i thought last year they got to go to dc and you're like yeah and then the sex incident happened and that's why we can't go to my mom works there that's right that's right yes yeah same and same thing with the gas railroad bowl and UCF like no get all get these

florida teams out of there make them go to your quick lane bowl your pinstripe bowl make them go somewhere different and unusual don't let them stay in florida what if florida teams just go further south like we bring back the Havana bowl have a Jamaica Bowl Antarctic Bowl someone can go to yeah yeah all the way south yeah

mm-hmm mm-hmm yeah the Valparaiso bowl welcome to the Cape of Good Hope welcome to Paraguay I'm sorry bienvenido Paraguay the UCF USF

polls yes I agree with this by the way little achievement here to two notable achievements in different directions Syracuse making a bowl in a season where they fired their coach we love to see it labor over management every time the quality shines through additionally Alex Golish congratulations to USF on on what looks like step one in a successful turnaround okay yes congratulations to Syracuse is people's workers

collective and their their co-op leader Nunzio Campanile who is for the people eternal interim head coach if you're in the Northeast and you fire your coach, Nenzo, will appear if he is available. This is, by the way, also shut down full cast connections must claim, this is a Harry Lyle's special. Harry Liles will be rolling the sidelines for this.

So, friend of the program, Harry Liles, meaning, of course, after we've spent time making fun of it, you should absolutely watch this because remember, the Boko Rottombo is not Better Business Bureau accredited. That means it's really good. That means it's really good. You're going to see some illegal shit. How about union

home mortgage? Are they credited by the Better Business Bureau? You know what? It will shock you to know I did not continue this line of questioning on consistent basis, Ryan.

In-home mortgage, better, continue. I'll find this out. They have a 2.6 star rating on the Better Business Bureau. That's above par. That's above par. That's a above par on a scale of five.

Hmm. Yeah. This is a company based in Strongsville, Ohio. This business is not B, B, B, B, accredited either. Hell yes. Union Home Mortgage Corporation sponsor of

the Gasparilla Bowl. Tampa's own. Tampa's own. Named after Jose Gaspar, who definitely existed. Do we have the theme still? I'm going to see right now.

I'm trying to find it out. While Jason finds out, again, this is a pale imitation of what it used to be. This is the second bowl gusper. Yes. Well, it's different. know that there's drums yeah this is worse yeah i spent a lot of time trying to find the old one

last year someone i remember i found a piece of it someone found it on spotify and we like tripled their monthly listens yeah we made them rich we made them sense we made them sense after cents baby yeah this is this is formerly known as the magic jack the bad boy mowers bowl Most importantly, the bowl that used to be played in Tampa's sad baseball dome and is now just played in a regular football state. This was the Bitcoin Bowl. Yeah. Some of you young folks might not believe. Which means before that, it was the Magic Jack St. Peter's.

It's never not been named after a scam. So can I rewind? I have a question here. This is like the fake internet for old people bowl. It is. But the 2014 edition was sponsored by Bitcoin. And I want to read to you that Bitcoin was accepted for ticket and concession says. I'm going to redo the 2014, 40, 40 episode about the Bitcoin Bowl.

And the sponsorship itself was also paid for using Bitcoin. Okay. This is like if the Papajohns.com bowl paid out its winnings in. Actually, it probably did. That's why they ran out of pizza. And like coupons, yeah. But like pizza is valuable. So it would have.

So right now, Zettany Papadjohn's isn't pizza. Right now, a Bitcoin is $42,000, $170,000, $0.30. Y'all, we've been recording for 28 minutes and we have not talked about the ape heist. Because we did the ape ice.

Oh, okay. Yeah, be cool. But it was $318 in 2014, meaning if, if it is the gasparilla bowl like are they billionaires if they did they forget about it if it was still sitting in their wallet then they have been they're billionaires you know how every like couple of years like I know there's one big story to this effect but it'll be like this man has lost his hard drive where he had two billion dollars in cryptocurrency and now he's

scouring every landfill and like that's probably what happened to this bull committee right right what was it it was like 300 at the time yeah and and at the time i believe your standard bowl um your standard bowl what yeah and it's like 250 i was going to say like 300 000 it might be a bit more so what is it now like 35 000 yeah so they paid like 700 and let's say they paid like 786 bitcoin that would be i have if if if the fee was 40 000 400 000 let's just say that it would be 46 million dollars to be clear To be clear, that's as of this recording. By the time you listen to it, who knows how much money is talking?

It could be six. Yeah. Could be six, could be 600 million. Who knows? All I know is that some intern in St. Pete, all right? If you pocketed that thumb drive, you need to go find it. If they were like, I paid it with funny money, nobody cares. It's fine.

Why don't you just keep it, Connor? A loss of John Gruden, slapboxing in a hooters. Yeah. If you're holding on to that thumb drive, We might have a caper on our hands. Find the lost cold of Jose Gaspard. Hidden on this thumb drive. The gaspillar of mystic increases.

Finally, the pirate is real. The pirate is indeed real. Yarr! I have your apes. I only want the top tier apes. Yard! All ye best apes are mine. I did it for the community.

Hello, I'm arch lover Jose Gaspar, and I've stolen only the finest apes. You know what this is what's like what we're talking about before we started the show. Heisting just isn't as fun these days because all you have to do to click the, to steal these apes, if I have my grasp of this situation correctly, is hit control save. And that's just there's no, there's no, there's no panache to it. Control print. How are you going to be an ape pirate and not call yourself JPEG leg? never mind it's good

I take it back it's good again how could you go back in time and explain this to an actual pirate and go so they stole apes and you're like ah a feisty cargo you're on the flank and they're backing you down with the with the with the saber

and you're like no no no for real there's these Jimmy Fallon is one of them like oh fuck you get in the ocean you're even in these old briny days we hate Jimmy Fallon this is a surprisingly old game dates all the way back to the the year of our lord 2008 and it has featured i think the greatest selection of mvPs for the winning and losing team matt grothy blake bordels t yilton and my favorite

of all bobby puyol who was the yukon kicker named the losing team's MVP for kicking 152 yard field goal it was like they just needed to make yukon feel better about something and they were like you couldn't do that i couldn't congratulations to bobby Poo y'all. Yeah, he shit. Sam Hartman really jumps off this list as like, what do you, what are you doing there, pal? What do you do mix up with this crew? Is T.I. Hilton not jump off that list?

Is that why Sam Hartman left for Notre Dame? He was like, I can't go back. I mean, I mean, more in the sense of like Notre Dame quarterback appearing on this list. I don't mean, good football player. No, I mean, I think it was, I've seen the mountaintop. I can only go down from here. I might as well go to

Notre Dame. I'm going to spread the good news of Gaspar Yeah I'm going to The The lost thumb drive Of Jose Gaspar Blake Bortals

100% has all the Bitcoin 100% It was Bortles He doesn't have The password or the key Oh no way He doesn't have the key

No way He's good He's got it He's cracked it He's cracked it Yeah he's crack And Blake Blake Bortals

cracked this code We will be waiting for a billion years Cybermastermind Yeah This is also are the only the only bowl game I could find that has its own fishing tournament.

This has the inshore slam fishing tournament. What are these other tournaments, bowl games, doing then? I don't know. It's weird. Why doesn't the Armed Forces Bowl have... Texas Bowl because it has its own rodeo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

This is Georgia Tech and UCF and that's fine. That's cool. It's a good game. Like, I was a little Leary classic. Sure. yeah they'll they'll definitely both invoke the revered name of george o'learing someone they love and definitely miss at both schools speaking of 77 the next bowl on our list is sponsored by 76 that's right the gas station chain which is now the proud owner of the birmingham bowl that's not how bowl sponsorships work yes it is they own the birmingham bowl yep which rolls in with two interim coaches

it's always a special treat less interesting now that it is not at Legion Field another like what's bowl season all about it's about taking those big boys to a mid-priced hotel chain putting them in some nice big beds they can sleep in taking them out

bowling and to some fine chain restaurants and then letting them play under two interim coaches in a mid-sized American city this is everything that bowl season is about to me it's about trooper taylor representing duke university that's right this is being played at protective stadium that is the home of uab football you might say that is the real name yeah that is the real name after uh i believe protective insurance or that sounds like some shit you unlock in sim city it is protective stadium uh it's immune to disasters even if you turn all of them on this is no longer

being held at Legion Field, which is the exact opposite of a protective stadium. Disaster prone. That was defective stadium. Hard mode. I always thought a protective stadium as being protected as being protective from like the advances of Paul Bryant Jr. But no this is much better. Activate Legion Field is like, it's like coal powered stadium. No other buildings need need to like generate pollution like this.

Hold on. I got to I got to pull. I got to pull the starter on there. more like We haven't been with the show very long We're not really kidding The last time I was at Legion Field Which was this century I pulled out my chair in the press box And there was like a three inch rusted bolt

Just sitting in it We didn't know where it had fallen out of It was just there You know it's a good Yeah you know it's a good stadium Because it's the only stadium I've ever been in where somebody goes Hey is Birmingham on an active fault line?

No No it's not No It just acts like it. Yeah. It's just jealous and wants a place where it feels like that. God, this game is so early, too. Mm-hmm.

11 a.m. Yeah. Like, if you had gone back and told Duke, week one, as they're beating Clemson in, like, this huge victory, if you had been, like, afterwards, get the team together, be like, guys, this is awesome. Your end of the year reward will be to play Troy in Birmingham at 11 in the morning on the Saturday before Christmas. yeah and an 11 win Troy oh yeah Troy that I try that absolutely could kick your ass yeah yeah this is also um on the upside though hey free conica sausage because there's they're they're a sponsor the motto of this ball is southern hospitality serious football

walk in there and mispronounce conica and see how hospitable they are then i don't even know if i said it right that just that was where i landed on it. Concu. Okay. Concou sausage. Connecticut. Calico sausage.

I'll have some Connecticut sausage, please. Yeah. What's it tastes like? Nothing. Walmites. It takes forever to eat inexplicably. Here at Dan Orlovsky Farms. What's in this sausage?

Chicken breast. Every cell in my body recoiled from that. Chicken breasts and a little bit of celery. after somebody else finally ran out the back of the end zone this year, he tweeted, he was like, ha ha, it's not me anymore. And as one, the universe rose up and was like, no, it will always be you. It will always be doing. Welcome to the club, brother.

Indicated. No, no, you were not. When Dracula turns somebody else, he doesn't stop being Dracula. He's even more Dracula. It just reminds everybody of Dracula. You just made a bigger Dracula. All right. imagine Dan Orlovsky's standing

Dragula because that's what I'm doing. Dan Orlowski is at the top of a pyramid scheme whenever this happens, all of the LOLs funnel upward toward him. Yeah. Again, this is awesome. Sorry Pitt couldn't be in this bowl. But like Florida.

Pitt was so far from any bowl. They were. Like Florida, they've decided to take some time to recoup and relax. They've decided to give a spot to J.M.U. That's right. There we go. Graciously.

It is gracious hosts, as we ourselves know. That is the point of Pat Noguesy, not scoring points. Pitt was kind and was like, we'll give our spot up before Thanksgiving. That's how generous we are. I want you to know how. Plenty of time for planning. I can explain the entire history and the collective failures of mass effort in the state of Alabama with one thing. The eyes of the nation could just be on one Alabama baseball at the same time.

But fuck you, Birmingham Bull! The Camelia Bowl! decided no we're gonna go at the same fucking time fucking Montgomery man we're gonna go at the same time 11 a.m. the exact same time the camellia bowl just comes a bustling in and all of his finery their big old hoot skirts and their Michael Hennec fur and says no Duke versus Troy shall not be the only rooster

upon this poultry stage uh yeah but if you can pony up $7,500 for a private field suite at the Camellia Bowl, that comes that comes with a TV with cable access so you can watch the bowl. You can watch the sweet life of

Zach and Cody. Well, that's true. What else? Yeah, I have question. I want to know how good this cable access is. Do you get HBO? Or am I just getting USA? It says access. It doesn't mean it works. Oh, oh, you've got to bring your own login. Sorry about that. I mean, you got to hook yourself up to it. I mean, it's

you know, I'll run it right up to the house. But whatever you put in that pipe, I don't care. Five by nine foot TV visible corporate logo on top of the table. Ah, damn it, we should have bought this. No, I'm sorry. Is there a double tree package for like $600 like there was last time? I haven't seen one, no. No, I ain't got, I'm sorry.

I ain't got the Spice Channel. Nobody had Spice Channel for a minute, but. Well, God damn it, I'm not going to, definitely not going to Camelia Bowl now. I was going to the Camellia Bowl and jerk off with my friends. Why don't we get through the Gasparilla Bowl without things? thinking of having porn in one of the games. Is it that shitty? It's unavoidable there.

I would laugh so much if I hooked up my TV to that cable. And it was the same shitty internet setup that you are the same shitty cable set up that you get in like a New York hotel. Like that like 2001. We're like the operating system from 2000. Yeah. Yeah. There's a Nintendo 64 controller here. What's the shit?

Don't you want to play wave race? Everyone who checks into a New York hotel is craving wave race. No, dudes. Was there ever a porn era where everybody was like polygons, like at Mario 64? That's called playing Tomb Raider. Yeah, that is. Yeah, that's a lot of... So the unincorporated community of Jumbo, Alabama is halfway between Birmingham and Montgomery.

So if you're in Jumbo, you got to make a call. Are you going north? You're going south. Yeah. What are you going to do? I will tell you, if you want something to attract you to the Camellia Bowl, I have a couple of things that might get you there. It's the only stadium.

am I know that's built on a landfill. Also, I want this great missed opportunity. I'm not saying it's part of the bowl experience, but it should be. I know based on recent events in and around the Montgomery area, that this is the only place where you might get to beat someone's ass on a boat dock with a folding chair. How far is this from the boat dock? Those people should be the halftime show.

The folding chair suite. I mean, there's been a WWF match as I think it was. F at the time as a Super Bowl halftime thing. We can do this. We can pull this off. Yeah. The Rowdy River Boat special. No, by which I mean everyone who was involved in beating that man should

be invited to the game. To beat him again. Yeah. To challenge whoever they feel like a combat. But don't tell him. Just dim the lights at halftime one lone spotlight shines on him and they're like, welcome! I love dimming the lights in an outdoor

stadium at 2 p.m. Yeah. I'm sorry. Put a big ass. Put a blanket over the crate. Let's do it. Everyone put sunglasses on. Be cool. Be cool.

Don't tell Dave. He's going to get his ass whooped. He's a local dignitary now. What's he famous for? Never mind. A.W. would do it. I bet A. I mean, come on.

We've got like a couple of days notice. We can make this happen. If you tell Tony Con that you don't think he can afford it, he will do it. Tony Con, you can't afford to stage another riverboat crawl. Another riverboat brawl. I think you're too sleepy to pull this off. I think, yeah, I think you're too sleepy. Tony, God, you're too cheap to buy spice

access for everybody at the camellia bowl. Let's focus on how we can personally benefit from this. Luchosaurus craves spice channel. Tony con, I heard C.M. Punk says you don't have the balls to buy a spice channel, the chamelea bowl. Zmunk actually did say that in his living room. He really might have. So let's see.

I get to hit someone over the head with a folding. chair. I get the Spice channel on my 2001 internet set up right? My cable set up on my TV. That's the Jacksonville Christmas right there. I was told there's wave race. Doofall! I get wave race

64. Right? Along with along with some like, along with you know, only the most sensual of polygonal boobs and Tomb Raider. Also, the stabby ones. Arkansas State Northern Illinois. And then Arkansas State Northern Illinois.

Speaking of totally erotic. Brother, $7,500 is not enough. Butch Jones is in the house. Bush Jones? I can only get so erratic. Speaking of perfectly polygital physiques. That's a man born to be rendered on the N64. No, he's made out of Duplo's.

It's all like cylinders stacked together. Oh, he's a Minecraft coach. He is a Minecraft-ass coach. Yeah. Yeah. Too complex for the 64. That man is literally built brick by brick. Oh.

Speaking of fortresses. Oh, Jesus. That's fine. I don't know. There's nowhere to go. Armed forces bowl. Hey, I'm interrupting. I have a game for you.

Oh, yeah, let's go. Speaking of the Armed Forces Bowl, we are bringing back, make Spencer guess, a fake musical. Yes. Because I discovered a musical this week that I have somehow never heard of and could not believe existed, and I'm going to see

if Spencer believes it exists. The rules of this game are simple. We give the name and synopsis of a Broadway musical. One of these, we're upping the stakes this time. We've got four, instead of the usual three. Three of them are real. One of them is fake.

Spencer has to guess. Speaking of the armed forces, if you thought Hamilton was annoying, you have never, ever, ever been to Broadway because they have been on this, for a minute, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, focused on the White House from 1800 to 1900, centering around Thomas Jefferson's alleged affair with a black slave at the time alleged James Monroe's refusal to halt slavery in Washington, the aftermath of the American Civil War,

and Andrew Johnson's impeachment. That is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The second musical, Real or Fake, is called Home Sweet Homer. which is Eul Brenner trying to recapture his king and I glory by That's Right, updating the Odyssey to be a singing, dancing showpiece about Homer's journey back after the book. Honestly, I'd watch that one. I would watch that one. The third that you have to pick is just a musical base on James Joyce's Ulysses. Yes, that's it. And the fourth is Man in the Moon,

which concerns an evil scientist trying to blow up the moon and his sidekick an animatronic bomb trying to blow up the moon which one of these is fake hmm I am going to say that the the 1600 one sounds real because it sounds like it sucks it is real and it is a legendary Broadway flop now you can guess from three okay I'm gonna say that the fake one is the one that I would watch for real that's how I know yeah is the what home sweet Homer home sweet Homer I'm gonna say that home sweet Homer that sounded cool oh I have nailed you the fake one is James Joyce's Ulysses there is a musical based on James Joyce's short story the dead um but home

sweet Homer was absolutely real. Yule Brinner was anxious to duplicate his success in the King and I more than two decades earlier. The tour was plagued with problems from the start. This is the one I discovered this week.

Yule Brinner and his co-star and their spouses filed a $7.5 million lawsuit against Trader Vix in Manhattan, claiming that short ribs that they ate there during the tour were poisonous. had left them ill, weak, and infirm.

Skill issue. You poison my short ribs. In Britter sued mid-tour to terminate his contract, but backed down when threatened with a million-dollar counter suit, and the closing notice was posted as soon as the curtain fell on opening night. The thing that I really wanted to tell you about was Man in the Moon. here's a grab bag written by John Phillips

of the Mamas and the Pappas produced by Andy Warhol and directed by Paul Morrissey about an American astronaut who leads a mission of interplanetary dignitaries to prevent the destruction of the universe by a bomb that has been placed on the moon

by an evil scientist and primed to explode I really thought this one would get you what is the bomb's name hang on the scientist's name was Dr. Baum and the bomb

mom's name is Leroy. I mean, I would also watch that. Thank you, Wikipedia. Okay. You win this time. Is that the first time we won? Second time. Second time.

All right. All right. You can talk about the Armed Forces Bowl now if you want. Only this, that it is sponsored by everyone's favorite human vaporizing engineering concern, Lockheed Martin. And I was going to kind of do, I was going. going to do a which one of these is fake, but honestly, I can't find a Lockheed Martin technology that isn't like unreal.

They're all scary and they're all real. They're all scary. For instance, this is a real one, and I'm going to read it to you. It's no secret that our Skunk Works, writes reserved for the team often finds itself on the cutting edge of technology. Where do you think this is turning? I'm so glad you asked. As they work to develop a source of infinite energy, our engineers are looking to the

biggest natural fusion reactor for inspiration. sun. By containing the power of the sun in a small magnetic bottle, we are on the fast track to developing nuclear fusion reactors to serve the world's ever-growing needs. Where's that mascot? The sun in the bottle? This is going to be the sun and a say, hey everybody, it's the small magnetic bottle. Like, the phrase harness the power of the sun is either something Ed Begley Jr. says when he's about to like blow up your car. Apollo said it but you know yeah yeah

or it's something like a G. I.I. Joe villain says this is also something you might get in your swag bag at the Armed Forces Bolt right like coozy, uh, sunglasses and a small magnetic fusion reactor. A small personal fusion reactor. Small personal fusion reactor.

Available now from Lockheed Martin. That might explain Reagan's farts. Uh, these are all also listed on the same website. And they are my three other favorite technologies. One, the fire hawk designed to fly through fire

for aerial firefighting and utility missions. Mm-hmm. The Mars base camp, just like on your list of things available. I was like, oh, does this mean a base camp on Mars? Yeah. Yeah, that's what it means.

It's the base camp that they're going to take to Mars. And then the most terrifying one of all and it's strikingly vague with some horrifying clip art targets and countermeasures what are they? They're targets and we have countermeasures. Call us Lockheed Martin.

Okay. Lockheed Martin sells food on their website. I don't know why. Wait, like astronaut ice cream? No, like you can buy a snack box like the kind you'd get on an airplane, but you can buy it from Lockheed Martin with Lockheed

Martin branding on it. Like AutoZone selling sandwiches? Kind of. Like for $21, I can send you a Lockheed Martin branded Make Your Own Smoors Pack. I can't believe I've already sent Bill Barnwell our yearly mailed fight food.

Why does this list delivery as intercontinental in 12 minutes? Why are they offering me to tip my pilot? That's right. Do you want them to know you're coming? Check yes or no? Lockheed Martin. the original door dash uh armed the armed forces ball as long as those doors are covering up a civilian

wedding who uh featuring air it's featuring the troops air force versus uh the coach troops and dukes troops and dukes james madison this is where james madison finally gets a bowl game at one point in the year this looked like it might be the combo of the two best non-power teams. Yeah. So, if someone had told us a month ago that we would get this game, we would say, okay. Hell yeah. Now you're like, yeah, it's pretty good.

After you've come down from the Spice Channel infused commens. You're going to, you're going to have. Infused is really what's getting there. You're going to have like, you know, this sort of just like feeling of shame about what you've done in public. So, you know, just be, be like, you know, one of those boring upstanding citizens. and like pay attention to the military yeah yeah again free pocket fusion reactors for everybody yes yes shall we i want to go to one that used to be a whole lot better on the website at least

but still a fine bowl game that is the potato bowl still the only ball game with chives in it in the logo that's true um it's the famous not containing boise this year which is nice It's the famous Idaho potato bowl. There is now a famous toastery bowl. Yeah. They're clearly not equally famous, but. Does the famous toastery have a recipe blog? Is it time to go visit our friend Dr. Potato?

Do they still have this? I did not see the Dr. Potato blog. What do they still have this? The Idaho Potato Council? Yes. Oh, but the bowl site doesn't link to it. that's um the bull site is to have you looked at the front page of the bull site where they have the date of the bowl spelled out in french fries i have i have also seen and i haven't looked at it

something called the simplot french fry feed and fan fest can i tell you okay so i have holy shit you're right the espion events website is not linking to the famous idaho potato council are you insane Why do you, why do you, why do you, why do you abandon your heritage? ESPN. Mm-hmm. Oh, boy. Your, you choose fucking Albertsons as your tackle hunger problem. Piece of shit.

Can I give you, can I give you the Simplot, uh, attractions of that here? Okay. And might I say, everything about the American experience is pretty much encapsulated in these six items. The free French fries. I know that it's real easy to make. I know that it's real. Seriously, I'm looking everywhere. I know that it's real easy to make all these ESPN-owned websites the same,

and that makes the shops the same, and that makes all the merchant give them the same, and even the bowls are being milled down into a fine paste. But how the fuck do you leave out the Idaho Potato Council? Justice for Dr. Potato. Justice for Dr. Potato. We're going to read these. Listen, they're up over 1,700 recipes now.

We're going to read these. Are you guys ready for another quiz? I am. Can I give you the six things in this fan fest? Okay. Go ahead. Fine. Go ahead. You're going to get free French fries. You're going to get a truck with a giant fake potato on it. You're going to get free French fries without the Idaho Potato Commission.

You're getting a youth clinic powered by Happy Terriaki. And then the three other elements of any American event, music, military equipment, and cornhole. That's correct. Is that potato terriaki? And is it potato corn? whole. I'm so glad you said that is there brave and bold potato taco yaki available on the Idaho

Potato Commission website? Wow. You've got to be a wrecked there is. Wow. All right. Okay. Go ahead. All right. We're just going to go. We're going to lightning around this. I'm going to say a name and you're going to say real or fake. Okay. Roasted Idaho potato Christmas trees with loads of cheesy snow.

It's got to be real. That better be real. Real. Duck confit potato noki. Fake. Real. Amish potato cinnamon roll. absolutely real fake fake potato waggy

tartar real it's real potato quiche which is a pie that is just filled with potato like mashed

that's definitely real they're calling it keesh they're calling it keesh I guess that's real but I don't get it um mozzarella sticks only their potato bites fried to look like

mozzarella sticks oh I hope that's real I hope that's the name of I hope that's the full name of the recipe Yeah. Chocolate covered Idaho potato and bacon Sunday. Real. Absolutely real.

Idaho potato shrimp toast. We are getting international this year. That sounds fine. Real. Oh, y'all, they're getting exotic. Surf and turf, tater, tumbler, nigeri. Definitely. Oh, wow.

Okay. Yeah, real. I wish I made this up. Idaho potatoes shall my bites real what about for your lover potatoes carved into roses

like they do with the like they do it with like that's all I want absolutely real that's what we're throwing on Spencer's grave after he'd be honored next week

that's going to be a great tribute to me let's go to the good night sweet breakfast prince Let's go to the kid-friendly section. Spooky potato noki. Why is there so much noki? Yes, real. Why is it spooky in December?

It is dyed black. It's because we made it months ago. Potatoes keep in the fridge a long time. Shaking drumsticks, corn dogs that are actually potatoes rolled to look like corn dogs. Is there a dog inside of it? Nope, I got you. That's fake. they actually do this and make them look like chicken drumsticks.

How could that one be fake? That's the only fake one I've said so far. I'm pretty sure I've had those and not even in Idaho. Yeah. Oh, well, oh, I didn't scroll down too far enough. Here are potato dogs. Yes. Nope, it's like two space bars down the website.

I like that the potato council is like, all food is real. Leftover mashed potato muffins. All food is potato. All food is real. Real. Okay. Now we're back to the Gasparia Bowl. Life-sized sculpture of your father made entirely of potatoes that you eat one sitting.

Real. Realer than your dad. We're back to the Gasparilla Bowl or something called frightening fingerlings. Yeah, real. That could be anything. So, yeah. Yeah. Kids, talk to your person.

Yes. A delicious. I'm talking about the bowl if you want to, and I'm just going to insert recipe names as you go. Our starchiest of games between Georgia's. State and Utah State, Utah State representing. Idaho potato banana split? No. Sure.

You're crazy for this one. What is, can you click on that recipe? I sure can. I just want the ingredient list, if you don't mind. One Idaho potato, one tablespoon butter melted, one tablespoon sugar, one large ripe banana peeled, two small scoops, vanilla ice cream, two small scoops, chocolate ice cream, two small scoops, strawberry ice cream, whipped cream to taste, chocolate sauce to taste, six maraschino cherries.

Yes, it is just a baked potato forming a bowl to put a regular ass banana split in. I am dropping the recipe in the comments. You may click on it at your own risk. My tummy hurts. Just hearing that list. It's not actually a new idea. It's simply a banana split plopped inside of the potatoes. This is will it plop?

Yeah. Isn't the greenest thing of all to make all of your bowls and plates baked potatoes that you then eat after you've finished the thing it was holding. Yeah, if you use a potato fork. Happy birthday. Here's a slice of cake atop a baked potato. You will eat all of it, child.

I mean, yeah. You should eat your vegetables first. You need to eat some vegetables. That's why we brought you a potato. They really could just take a cheesecake factory and stick potatoes on everything. I like the directions for this because it's basically, it's exactly what you think it is.

Make a baked potato. And then put a fucking banana split off. Makes a potato, make a banana pudding, and then combine. You know what? This is actually what we need as a society, because as Bifo Brady's recedes recedes farther and farther into the past from their completely deranged menu choices, the Idaho Potato Commission is roaring towards that cliff. This is Dway.

And I'm just so honored that we are along for the ride. All food is potato. Chocolate Idaho potato skull cake. I mean, that is basically the plot of the Martian. All food is potato. I want to talk about a different kind of otherworldly experience. That's too bad.

We're going back to the state of Alabama, I think. We are going back to the state of Alabama. I clicked on top recipes, and there aren't any. That's because they're all the best. It says there aren't top recipes yet. That's right. They're all the greatest. When your hoardiness returns in the state of,

of Alabama. Man, they even updated the mascot. He's wearing shorts in the winter. Yeah. Like a true Idaho. Oh, man. They've still got to ask doctor. They've still got to ask Dr. Potato question database.

So now I go to the sexy city in Alabama. That's right. Alabama's, Alabama's sexy, sweaty undercarriage Mobile. Beembole. Welcome to a mobile.

Hey. My be it's uh it's sponsored by 68 ventures because the the next number is that's for you to figure out when you get there you show up and then it's 69 sure oh no that's what you're for you guys vanilla potato milk with youth on gold potatoes holly's going to do this for the next week i had these we're not even to the end of the ones that have been posted since last year no and you won't you'll never catch up oh my god there are y'all there are almost 1900 recipes on this site now god we don't deserve this bowl we do deserve we do deserve this bowl oh no this recipe is just called mr potato i'm not clicking that i feel like if the name of the bowl doesn't include the city if it's just sponsor then we should also call it by the previous sponsor that we actually remember so this is the 68 ventures go daddy bowl or i was going to say that does that does help orient me in space

Yeah, I was going to say you could do the 68 Ventures G-MAC bowl as well. Yeah, remember that this is the 68 Ventures, the sponsor, who really only say that they are real estate services transforming the Gulf Coast. Unrelated, I'm going to say this word loudly and in a playful fashion. Cocaine! Climate change. Transforming the Gulf Coast. Unrelated word. Cocaine!

Yeah. This is in Mobile. No one has ever had a bad time in Mobile. If you win this bowl game, you get to drive the battleship drunk. Those are the rules. I didn't make them up. Do you have to be drunk? Yes. Okay. That's how I got there. They're breathalize you. They're like, nope. He's not even close to tanked enough to drive the battleship. How about this is a pitch for watching this game? South Alabama is six and six and favored by more than two touchdowns. Yes. And Eastern Michigan is also 6 and 6.

You know what? This is awesome though because you know who is when people talk about these bowls mean something. You're like, ah, sometimes sometimes. You know who they mean something for? Eastern Michigan. That is right. That is exactly who is like, hell yes, we're going to a bowl game. Hell yes, we're going to put the big beefy boys up at a mid-sized mid-price hotel and let them nap.

While we go bowling at night. They're going to love it. Chris Creighton has gotten EMU to six bowl games. It's amazing. They have been to seven. So South Alabama is playing a bowl game in their home stadium. I believe so. Okay.

Cool. Like I know there are other instances of teams. This is not the first time this happened. It won't be the last time it's happened. Just always a little like, all right, sure. all my stuff's there invites some people over it'll be great also the senior bowl yeah that's that's hancock whitney stadium meanwhile uh equally uh tourist attracting the Las Vegas bowl is happening that is correct I'm sorry I did have one more note on the 68 Ventures

Bowl they list a a wives day out for the coaching for the wives of the coaches and the staff. That's an annual thing with that bowl, yeah. Yeah, at Winsle's Oyster House. I'm just going to say, if you want to watch some people getting rowdy, watch the wives blowing off steam at an oyster house for the bowl game because they're like, we've had it with this shit.

Yeah, I'll take another round. It'll be great. The Las Vegas Bowl, I think, features the bowl matchup that I don't think anybody would have possibly predicted at the start of the season. I don't think anybody would have understood the path by which Utah was going to play Northwestern in a bowl game. Like, these things did not align in any way, shape, or form. Yeah, like fringe playoff contender, Pac-12, like, not quite favorite, but definite contender.

Defending champion. Versus the guy who proved that coaching Northwestern football isn't actually hard. Correct. Yeah. An 11th Northwestern that we thought would then get worse. But in fact, simply got better by removing Pat Fitzgerald. The worst coach of all time, evident. Meanwhile, Utah lost all of its players and still went eight and four.

And also adding a little just further twist is also the big 12s, Utah. Plate restrictor Pat Fitzgerald. That's right. What would Northwestern have been? You think this hurts his lawsuit? Probably. They're like, hey. Like, he's going to have to show up and argue that they should have kept him.

Demonstrate value above replacement, Pat. What are your damages? I feel bad. Yeah. My stomach hurt. Check. The Western could go eight and five this year. Yeah.

It kind of makes you think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They also play this at the Raider Stadium now, so we don't get the joy of playing it. Wind-swept Sam Boyd Stadium, where if the wind was five miles an hour, anywhere in Vegas, it was 450 miles an hour

at San Juan's stadium. I liked that stadium for exactly that reason. It was like its own biome. It was. Yeah, if it was like 70 degrees in the rest of Vegas, they would be in scarves on the sideline. Like, it's 48 below here in San Boyd Stadium. A wormhole within a wormhole of climates.

Dube guy has showed up to fight through the legions of hell here at San Boyd Stadium. Some shit from annihilation has happened. We're playing a Las Vegas hole in it. A mirror bear is here. On the field. It's not that mean.

It's just loud in weird ways. Your gift bag is in your in your torso. Reach in. It's always been there. The Las Vegas Bowl, by the way, do you know the payout on this game? It's surprisingly fat.

It's a $2.9 million payout for this game. Yeah, they got to unload some stuff. They're trying real hard to make this game not seem like it's low rent anymore. And they're succeeding. The golden nugget has a water slide that goes through its own shark tank. What do you people want?

That's true. That's true. I'm being spoiled. Downtown Vegas is great. I wanted to include for the next bowl, the Hawaii Bowl. It's, this is my favorite thing. Speaking of weather patterns all their own and inexplicable 90 mile an hour gusts. Let's let's just do.

I guess it's more explicable in this case. Let's just do some, some legalities. here. Okay. Maybe the Hawaii Bowl owes you money. Okay. Maybe you would like to serve process against the Hawaii Bowl for, I don't know, building a fence three inches over on your property. Maybe you've just got beef with them and you want to fight. That's where I'm here to tell you, the Hawaii Bowl is not the Hawaii Bowl. The Hawaii Bowl is not affiliated with those other bowl games that may have infringed upon your rights or otherwise trespassed upon you. Isn't the Sheridan Hawaii Bowl?

There have been like 5,000 different Hawaii Bowls, and evidently all of them were some sort of money laundering scheme that this one has to disavow itself from. This one has to be like, this is why I quote, how are they doing this? The Hawaii Bowl is not affiliated with other bowl games previously staged in Hawaii. The Poi Bowl from 36 to 39, not me.

The pineapple bowl? Not me. Not me. The Aloha Bowl from 1982 to 2000? Nope. Don't know him. Don't know her. Don't know them.

Not me. The Oahu Bowl from 98 to 2000. Uh-uh. Negotory. Keep it moving. Maybe you think about the Hula Bowl all-star game from 1960 to 2008. Oh, but resumed in 2020. Fuck you.

What the fuck resumed in 2020? Back from the dead. Everything else is canceled, but fortunately we have the fucking Hula Bowl. I guess you can't get more outside than Hawaii. Just like me from my. grave when Ryan puts those little potato roses on it. I'm like, oh, back. Delicious. Nope, it came back. And maybe you'd be like, hey, Hula bowl owes me money. Uh, and I know. Nope, nope, don't know him. Keep it moving like getting it. It ain't, it

ain't my problem. By the way, the Aloha Bowl tried to move to San Francisco, but was decertified by the NCAA. Like they hit the mainland and they were like, uh, a pal back. Shoot. Happens to the Sram and the Oahu bowl tried to change its name to the Battle Bowl, but it lost its certification once they caught up to him. Why are Hawaii Bulls all acting like fugitives? Is the bowl like, have they packed the entire Bull concerns onto a semi-truck and they're just literally staying, just trying to get across state lines ahead of the Federales?

Hawaii Bowl needs to crash on your couch for a month, compadre. Are they land racing this thing? I love that like this sort of reveals that there is actually nothing to a bowl game. It's not like they're bringing fucking. and props and shit. Jason. Jason, Jason, a bowl is an idea. Right. Like freedom. It lives in here. Evidently not. Evidently a bowl is a guy that you can arrest or indemnify. I mean, the Fiesta Bowl kind of prove that. When it comes to the Hawaii Bowl, it's a guy you can't arrest. That's right. I don't know where he is. Donno John Juncker is working in sports again, right?

Good for him. Yeah. He did. I will say this, he did do his time. He blogging, now oh god we were born 10 years too early um of all the games so this hawai bowl which is definitely shit fix that no i i agree with your interpretation of it you were doing never going to be in a white snake video born too late to be a really corrupt bowl executive but this awai bowl which by the way has gone straight is definitely not just grown a grone a goate and dyed its hair and take an ozempic that's definitely not the same one. You can tell because it's sponsored by an API company. That's right.

When one website uses another website. That's how you know that it's definitely not just a spoofed copy of another Hawaii bowl. They decided to set a record for this bowl at least by inviting a team the furthest distance

away from any other team who's ever played here. Coastal Carolina, baby. Is that true? Is this the... Maybe in a bowl game. game, but not, I know there are, maybe in this bowl game. For this bowl game.

For this edition of the Hawaii Bowl. For this edition of the Hawaii Bowl. Which was not married to Donna. I don't care what she says. That was not me. You know how they could convince everyone? They need to make themselves an NFT. Yep.

Well, yeah, and they'll make a lot of money too. I will tell you, though, why would they invite Coastal Carolina, a team that we have, I believe previously, somewhat jokingly but maybe not accused of being some sort of tax dodge I'm just saying watch your ass

check bags they can be like oh look at these crooks check the cargo maybe they're getting a crew together yes put together a team I need San Jose State a team which comes closest to being a racketeering conspiracy in the making

is this year's Hawaii Bowl yeah 100% because it's Coastal Carolina versus San Jose State the crime lords of San Jose Jose combining with Conway South Carolina and with Hawaii brother I have seen the Hawaii Bowl and I believe in two months it will be seen at large in Macau China I feel like San Jose crimes are like getting weed banned again so that

you can get arrested for selling it you know my weed's not as valuable now that it's legal all right we got seven more of these to hit so let's go let's go quick do you have do you have a hundred dollars you can according to ESPN's website, buy 50 tickets to the Quicklane Bowl. 50? 50 to watch Bowling Green play Minnesota in Detroit. Scott Laughler versus PJ Fleck. Guess which team has more wins.

PJ Fleck, who had to like pay the third string quarterback cash money to play in this game because I believe the quote was, because he's the only quarterback left on the roster. And I believe the quote was he was ready to start his adult life. not yet come back there and be a large child he's got to play once again take that shit to split zone duo where you haven't heard the last couple weeks Alex is inexplicably railing against quarterbacks he thinks have been in college for too long not at Minnesota Minnesota is Minnesota's moving up and out as soon as possible get a job says split zone duo not us I think these fellows can stick around forever so so I look forward to the pale a quarterback so at halftime is you going to be like actually the the rate just went up like honestly just just get joe flacco there like what's going to happen oh you're oh we're taking this bowl victory away from who cares joe flacco fucking soon enough for us it was awesome cole kramer has denied

getting 30k to play in this game but i won refuse to believe him because it was 45 baby and three i love the idea that p jay Fleck is like Cole Kramer, I need you for one last job. We're fucking five and seven. I don't want to be five and eight. I told you I'm out. I told you I'm fucking out, BJ. I need you to come back and play in my extremely restrictive run first offense and get your ass kick by bowling green.

One last score. Yes, one last score in Detroit. This is an Elmore Leonard novel. Yeah. Make it sexy. A football score. We're taking down Scott Leffler. one more for the cult i mean team i mean team oceans five and seven i just want to i just want to go be a grown-up fuck that no i'm p j fleck i haven't been a grown-up my whole life i'm the fucking peter pan of the big tin west

i don't know let me kathy rigby was a god find your childlike joy in the quick lane bowl clap if you believe in gophers if you don't clap they'll die they're dying if you don't clap the loose bowling green on the day after Christmas oh boy yeah this is this is also this is also going to be announced by

my favorite announcer on ESPN strictly by name that's right play by play announcer Connor Onion Connor Onion I still I still think that's look no offense I still think he might be AI Connor

we have named him Connor onion he is a human friend he will be these are human words these are both common human words and he will be undetected uh you know what i need to go detroit is always great to visitors by the way the quick lane bowl every player i've ever talked to or anyone who's been around these teams have been like man quickland bold is a great job they do because it's run by the detroit lions that's everything except pizza they do a great job only one town in america is known to be more friendly to but VIPs and important visitors. That's right.

Dallas, Texas. Dallas, Texas. Home of the first responder, the fifth kind of troop that we've identified. There's a truck in my neighborhood that has like a thin blue line sticker where every white stripe on the flag

is a different color. And I'm like, how many fucking kinds of, maybe it is, I guess. No, it doesn't look rainbowy because like, you know, they're all like dark military colors and shit. But I don't know, maybe.

I'll ask, I guess. Did y'all see, did y'all see Manning cast last night? Mm-hmm. No. I want to be very clear that I'm staying as far away from discovering any actual manning political opinions as possible. That's a third rail that's bigger than either of their foreheads, and I want no part of it. But in Peyton's background last night, whatever is behind him, I'm going to drop this in the chat.

Whatever is behind him looks like he is flying an upside-down thin blue line flag. and I just got to congratulate this rare based manning moment yes you're like that that that that overlap so many that overlaps so many different memes that we just may be on tilt right like he may his political line yeah his political alignment may just be metal marios secret is actually completely believable if you're attending the quick lane bowl you may bring in umbrelas football helmets tablets what can you bring helmets in tablets uh note inappropriate subject matter should not be displayed go to the camellia bowl for that shit

what you may not bring strollers there are other things you can't bring but i just think it's particular you can bring a helmet so you put the bag is in the house correct i think it's delightful that people of detroit are like your baby will sit in the helmet that's so stupid stroller it's safer Yeah, Dan Campbell's like, I will hold the baby. I will hold all the babies. I live in the stadium all the time. Attach them to me. Attach them to my nipples.

They will be my crang. I will do their bidding. They will cling to my underbelly as I crawl through Ford Field on a force. Mother Sloth. Dan Campbell. Yeah, like a sloth. Like a big sloth with a Texas. And there goes Dan Campbell with 37 babies.

Their kids are loving. Kids are love. Oh, and there's one adults on there, too. Look at that. Dude, I would have a great time. No hedge hikers. So it's a dome stadium, right? So they could actually build like a butterfly house for him.

Yeah. And you're with a tree that he can, a hot rock that he could just lay on. Yeah. Man, of all the coaches, I would totally trust Dan Campbell to watch my kids. It's Dan Campbell on the hot flat rock sponsored by hungry howies. Yeah. Like your kid's going to come home like yelling at you and stuff, but not in like a, you know, No, like a motivational way, just like fired up.

Earn this day! Except it'll be in babies. It'll be a... Yeah. Yeah, that's what we like to hear. Yeah. Also, wrapped gifts are not allowed at the Quick Lane bowl. Fuck that.

I'm putting a bow on my baby and you can't stop me. Hey, Santa. Hey, Santa. Don't fucking show up. You hear me? Me and a football helmet is a wrapped gift baby. Put me in. Ready to go.

Ready to start. Third string. Huge. Just unwar. I'm a warranted attack on the Polar Express out of nowhere. Please welcome Minnesota Golden Gophers quarterback Spencer Hall. I'll pay you $350 to start this game for us. That's what this guy should do.

Cole Kramer should just leave the country, right? Because he's what? He's 22. Oh, yeah, this would be great. He's like 45K is fuck you money. He's like, yeah, I don't ever need to work again. I have $45,000. He should leave the country.

So P.J. Fleg has to go buy a new quarterback instantly. Uh, that was possible. Texas State Rice. Yeah, Texas State Rice. By the way, this is being played at Gerald J. Ford Stadium. Remember, SMU's home field is not named after the president, but after a banker named Gerald J. Ford. Uh, the guaranteed rate bowl, which is in Phoenix. That is right.

If I think of straight, if I think of legitimate mortgages with clear terms and no fraud, I definitely think of Phoenix, Arizona. Stable investors. Okay, but wait, who is UNLV's coach? That would be periodom. Where did he coach before? Missouri.

And who is UNLV playing in the guaranteed rate bowl? That'd be none other than Missouri's long-lost rival, Kansas. Oh, it's a border war, folks. You thought you could duck a forever, Missouri, but no longer. His plan, he's been

burrowing his way back to you all along. Burying. you you cowards I was like this this is like the the Fiesta Bowls he shed right the Fiesta Bulls man cave

the little sub the little sublet of the Fiesta Bowl I assume this is where they put all the crimes right so that the Fiesta Bowl like looks like it makes a profit or something and they're like what is a guaranteed rate bowl's like break even point and they're like they lost $300 million

this year I don't know where these expenses went to is there any phrase in business that feels more like that's not true than guaranteed rate like that's i i automatically assume the company's like when a winery has to it's like when a winery calls itself premium yeah you're like well that's not right yeah that can't be right at all our planes are safe fly another airline instantly yeah there's not to go pink in the can now here's a chicago based mortgage company called guaranteed rate sponsoring a bowl game in phoenix and you want me to believe this shit is

legit. No. Yeah, this was of course the former copper bowl, the original. This is the copper definitely not a sketching somewhere Brett Farrve looks up from a deposition.

Copper, go find some. It's everywhere. There's not a reliable enterprise on here since Domino's pizza in 1991. That's right. Even copper, it's like, hey, It's in your dad's house Find it in the walls A pizza

Yeah I think Kansas I think Kansas versus UNLV is a good game The spread is huge But this seems like one where the The non-power team shows up Fired up

Hey look this is a good boxing day game Right? Good good like This is this is exactly what I want out of boxing day Yes that's it This is as is British tradition Kansas v UNLV That's exactly

exactly what I want to watch at 9 p.m. Eastern. But you know what? It's been like three seconds since I honored the troops. So I think I need another one. I think I need, you know what? I'm going to read to you this quote from their website. And it asks a question that they view as inevitable and obvious. And I would never ask in a million goddamn years.

As friends Marie Rudolph and Sean Metcalf met at a neighborhood restaurant, they saw television commercials promoting, upcoming bowl games across the nation and wondered why the Washington area did not have a game of its own. You were the only two people who have ever wondered this. You made the game happen. It's Christmas in the greater Washington,

D.C. area, and we can't help but wonder. Did you guys see that Washington Post article that came out today about how, and this is their term, not mine, zombie streams are slowly drowning the city from beneath? No. It's great. Is that why?

Yeah. I'm going to have a thing. We just have this beautiful, lovely football stadium that everyone loves, and no one uses it in mid-December. Yes. And people think about how happy football in Washington makes them. People just want to see postseason football in this town, even though they get to see it all the time. Like, once a decade, maybe. My favorite part about this, this is the rare game that is sponsored by encouraging you to go do something else. This is my sponsor of the year

Football Sponsored by bowling A different sport Because like lots of balls are sponsored by a different thing But either the different thing doesn't necessarily conflict Or it's like if you're like It's the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl But you can watch football at that

This is like Go in don't touch grass Touch polished wood instead And drink old beer while wearing stranger's shoes I love by the way this is the game that has to continue that theme Ryan of the

fuck it stay inside an official bowl event is the military bowl pub crawl there's a military they're like hey listen we know this fucking sucks

I like here Spencer Express surprise at events we've been talking about on 40 for 40 for many years they're still amazing they are still amazing They are still amazing every year. So wait, is there a bowling competition at the military bowl presented by go bowling.com?

Can the bowling competition be at the end of the pub crawl? Can it be at the end of the game? Is that overtime? That should be. For the troops. For the troops. Yeah. They list, by the way, on the pub crawl, they list the deal associated.

So it's like bar address, $20 bud buckets. three to 16 ounce Bud cans for five a piece. Ooh, I've been wanting to try those. I've been wanting to try this bud I've been hearing about. I hear they get really good after nine of them. Wait, but how am I supposed to know if it's cold?

You won't, you fool? You'll have to try it the hard way and enjoy your lukewarm beer. Oh, thank you. Couldn't be me. $20. Also, there's one bar on here, Stan and Joe's that doesn't even have brand specific.

They're like, $20 buckets. Buckets of what? You tell us. It's a $20 bucket. It's a $20 bucket. You're puking it, put beer in it? I don't care. You're going to need it.

It's for carrying a bowling ball. It is listed at the end. So maybe that $20 bucket is a handy thing. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of buckets of deliciousness, the Mayo Bowl! Also, the military bowl is Virginia's Egg versus Tulane.

There you go. The Mayo Bowl. Way to go, Brent Pry. this is this is north carolina who opened the season in charlotte right where they played south carolina and we're all like oh man uncc's good surely they won't be playing in the mayo bulls suckers suckers no what it was you're like uncc looks good enough that they can get back to charlotte and technically that was true yeah mm-hmm yeah all the long way right in front of us

playing they're playing west virginia who god god bless the coaching carousel that has continued to not touch Neil Brown. West Virginia, which was also not supposed to be here, here isn't the postseason. That's true. Yep. But here they are. I bet they suplex UNC.

I bet they win by like 30. God, I want this so badly. This is the game that I've actually bummed. I can't go to. UNC, no motivation whatsoever. Mac Brown should opt out of this. He should just be like, I'm saving my strength for next season. I've got a dental appointment.

I've decided... I'm explored my NFL eligibility. I've decided to go pro. I'm just out of the... Hello, I'm future Atlanta Falcons coach McBrown. Why would you say that on this show? Because it'll make Godfrey crazy. Also, why would he want the Falcons job?

He's one shit. He switched this episode off after I made fun of the way he says, et cetera. Now, you know, that's the pronunciation. in this industry. Who's the full cast idiot now? What's up Serbs? I will be at this game. I will be attending the Mayo Bowl.

Yes. I haven't decided yet if I'll be wearing my homefield apparel.com West Virginia Mountaineers t-shirt or my homefield apparel.com Duke's Mayo Bowl shirt. Serber, have you really not decided? I really haven't decided

because I really want to go for, I really want to apply. here for West Virginia University. One of the sponsors that you can patronize for this server is Spot Hero. That is a service that helps you find a parking spot, presumably scarce in areas where Spot Hero might be needed. Not really seeing it as a Charlotte necessary kind of app. Oh, Charlotte Parking is trash.

Yeah, maybe. The stadium's got a bunch of parking decks, though. Yeah, but it's going to be really full for this game. It's going to be really full. You're right. Shit. UNC football is playing. Yeah.

How quit making fun of the Mayo Bowl. Not making fun of the Mayo Bowl. Making fun of the 30-point suplex that they're about to take for West Virginia. Fair enough. All right. Oh, oh, no. All right. No, we're not playing this through to the end.

We're not playing this through to gleefully defeating North Carolina without realizing that that ends with. Oh, man. Oh, man. Hmm. Just Neil Brown covered in mayonnaise. Uh, yeah, this was not. The alternative is Mac Brown covered in mayonnaise. That, he looks like that already.

He's rush on it. Oh, good. It's my bath time. In his puppy coat. If we take the puppy coat, we cover him in mayonnaise. Oh, he would snap at you if you took his buffy coat. I no longer believe in God. It's fused to his skin.

Yeah, that's actually, that's his carapace. You can't. I can't take it off them. That's my exoskeleton. It's not, and it's not molten time. No, and I'm just like, Neil Brown has not had a bad enough time this year, and now you're going to throw mayonnaise at it.

Is that not what West Virginia fans deserve, though? Yeah. Like, don't West, don't frustrated Mountaineer fans deserve to see their team kick the shit out of the UNC and watch the coach they really don't want to be there, have to pretend to enjoy a mayo shower. Then sprinkle some diced ramps on him,

some diced ramps and some ham salad on there. Ramps aren't even in season, you idiot it's just it's the thematic their nine win coach that they went rid of yeah by the way drake drake drake may is not playing in this game just to be clear drake may will not be appearing in the mayo bowl he's going to be preparing for the NFL draft this close to draft season you should not be near a panthers anything i know they i know they don't have a draft pick doesn't matter stay far away they've they lost all the magic since they took the assless jerry richardson statue out from in front of it i will

find that statue and put it in my backyard. Bryce Young's going to make you watch the Ringu video if you go to that stadium. I'm sorry, that's the victorious Carolina Panthers 9 Atlanta Falcons. What was the Panthers? Well, that before Mac Brown gets a hold of them boys.

The Panthers definitely do not have a ring goo. There were estimates of the Panthers game that there were 5,200 people in attendance. What? That's too many. Yeah, that's high.

half of what the previous mind you it was raining the entire game so it was yeah it was pissing rain the final score alone doesn't convey the horror do you think at the end that they were like well we saw the w so we're the truth those who stayed were champions we saw 50% of our wins this year all at once ironically enough because the titans wore their oiler stuff this year the previous low was the houston oilers final game in houston um the fans were so angry I think the attendance was like between 15 and 20,000. But this, this dwarfs in comparison to such a large gathering. And it was pissing rain all day Sunday, but 52, it's been pissing rain a lot of times.

Panthers went one and 15 before. They left 15 straight. So I, I mean, this is, this is pretty pathetic. This is going to be the best football game for, for weeks in this stadium. I'm just going to buy out, I'm just going to buy out an entire section. I'm going to sit nude and see if Fox puts me on, right? There's a lonely fan up there. And there's, and there's a molting surper.

And the mascot is bringing him some mayonnaise. And we're back to the guesperlible. Yeah, I don't know why I wrote this down, by the way. Quick question. What country consumes? Yes, what country consumes 5.5 pounds of mayo per capita annually? Which country? Belgium.

Korea. No. It's not America. You're not America. France? Nope. Russia. Russia consumes 5.5 pounds of mayo annually.

That makes sense. All on famous Idaho potato bowl recipes. Yes. Speaking of sitting and speaking of sitting and pissing rain and having a bad time, Russia. Next. I didn't know how that was going to be about the DirecTV holiday bowl

where Louisville will play USC. Are we going to do this song? We could just do the song and then move to the next bowl. I have a fact. I have a couple of facts, unfortunately. Okay. Which is this, that I know that this bowl game's already worth it because this morning, Louisville offensive lineman,

Eric Miller said, in a press availability, that he feels like he could take a manatee, but would have to work out, and I quote, the whole underwater thing. What do you mean, take you know consensually

the holiday after all the DirecTV sponsor is wild because like for I don't know how many years you couldn't get any of the Pac-12 network and now USC is here having killed the Pac-12 showing up on Direc TV at last we are friends now

and USC is 7 and 5 and a touchdown underdog against Louisville and has like everybody transferring out or declaring early yeah that's just part of the game now Ryan that's just that's what Lincoln Riley said that's just part of the game Lincoln Riley didn't say anything after Lincoln Riley was like fuck the press I'm not talking to y'all Lincoln Riley who has Kirk Farrant's openly talking shit about him

I don't know if I've ever heard Kirk Farrant say anything thing spicy but he's out here saying like well you know people are seeing defense is actually pretty good the coach at USC where uh they gave up a million points of two lane you know rodney lot played there whew man and now they want to figure out defense again anyway guess we are on to something here should come learn some lessons at iowa young man anyway i guess lincoln riley make like his name shake and fucking die kirk farence is like this one coach came into our conference with really great stats anyway he's gone now Lincoln Riley, Kirk Franchist called you Scott Frost.

You're going to take that? Jason, you called him Cliff Kingsbury who can't dance. I like that this makes... Open season. I like that this makes Oklahoma UCF as well. I know another guy who just like to sit. Well, yeah, Dylan Gabriel leaves both of them. That's true.

This is P.J. Fleck is paying $45 grand to a third string QP. And Lincoln Rally is like, oh, I guess that's just how the game goes. No, get your hustle on. Kirk Farrants is eating your lunch. Imagine if Kirk Farrantz didn't have a quarterback. Fuck it. Kirk Farrant's not paying for one. The same coach who's like, I don't know, we'll find it

offensive coordinator in January. What's the rush? Yes. I'm focused on our, I'll pay you $35 to coach our to play QB for her team. I can't deal with that shit. I'm focused on the citrus bowl. You know what? I'll just wait a month to Lincoln Riley quits and then they'll hire him for 50 grand.

quits? In air quotes. Spend more time with family. My family in Iowa. Well, you know, I would hire Scott Frost, but he fucking sucks. You know, if he had the, you know, if he was about it, he would say he was quitting to spend more time with Kirk Farrants' family. Yep. But you can't do that because they don't work in Iowa anymore.

No, they're all working for dad. I'm quitting to become adopted by Kirk Farns. Yeah. I believe in complimentary football. Like, nice, fuck. fucking punt. That's the kind of compliment I believe in. We're going to get multiple, multiple puns, maybe. I was the Kirk Farrant's just having a perfectly normal day.

Just sitting there, nobody telling him anything's wrong. Nobody's told Kurt Farns, anything's fucking wrong in person for like 20 years. Nobody. Nobody said, they've been like, Kirk, do a great job. Everything's awesome. He's like, that's right. Then he goes home and sleeps and people just tell him that again. But one day in the middle of all that, the end of it.

career. He's worth like $900 million because what the fuck does he spend money on in Iowa? What business do you have calling this the end of his career? Yeah, that's true. We might be in the middle of current parents' career. Don't we get your potato roses for me yet, son. It's a rare full cast reverse

jinx. He's only 68. That's right. Yeah, we got another 12 years of this, at least. Louisville, we're all counting on you, which means you're going to fuck it out. Yep. Let's be honest. 100%. this is Jack Plummer's

Triumph Return to the West Coast going to watch him throw I'm going to watch him throw 8-yard crawl route straight in the ground all game it's going to be beautiful it's fine it's USC's defense

so they might like get down there on the ground and tip the ball back up and that sort of thing that's true where USC's best defender is the turf this is listed this is a couple of things this is a Dr. Pepper tuition throw game,

the first one I believe on the schedule. So we can watch somebody immediately thank their quarterback coach God. It's the first thing. I'd like to thank Jesus and Dr. Pepper. We're going to hear that phrase. Also, listed on the San Diego attractions list, the star of India, which is listed in the Maritime Museum,

as the world's oldest active ship. I can tell you what boat I am not getting on. That would be the world's oldest. active ship. I don't know what the other one's on, but last on my list of ships I am going to board is the oldest active ship. Is the element giving you pause there

the notion of a very old ship or the notion of a ship that is active? Oldest active. That's the real combo there. This thing's from 1863. I mean, sinking is an activity. It is.

I feel good about this ship. It knows what it's doing at this point. I know this. it's a game manager it's mastered buoyancy we can't sink this thing this is like I am flying and the world's oldest active airplane

yes but for how long probably a long time past results guarantee future performance how long does it take you to get to the ground we'll find out Lockheed Martin's playing yeah this

yeah this boat is hella old list of oldest surviving ships uh there is a viking ship from the 700s still around it's it's not being sailed at this time though somebody's got that shit out on center hill lake oh man oh man there's a canoe from uh 10,000 years ago i'm not getting in it so glad you asked That's where you go, oh, what a fascinating artifact. You're like, how is it as a boat? Sucks. Your inability to swim is depriving you of so many activities.

I can swim. Freaking live a little. I just can't float. There's a difference. Hmm. Is this like, mm-hmm. Is this like I'm not afraid of flying?

I'm afraid of crashing. That's correct. Okay. It's 100% correct. This ship was retired in 1926. But you know what is? It was restored. Then I had one more job in it.

Then Admiral Fleck came forward and said, I'll give you $45,000 star of India to come out of retirement. Ro, God, damn it! Oh, God. God, this feels like going to see Shirley Temple do a dance now. Yeah. Do good shit lollipop. I'm so tired. Old dead for a decade.

Folks, you can reach Ryan on Twitter at Celebrity Hot Hub. Ryan, what's your Instagram? It's all the same. If I be on LinkedIn, that's where I really, that's why I really connect. Oh, oh. I got a really ominous email from LinkedIn the other day that says people are noticing you. Oh, yeah. No.

Yeah. Uh, we have our final bowl. The Tax Act, Texas bowl. Now, there's a state that loves. The Texas acknowledges taxes. Yeah. This tells me it's inauthent from the start. The only tax act, I believe it, is dodging them.

The taxation is theft bowl. I guess the taxation is theft bowl is also the Gasparilla Bowl. No, that's the Fenway Bowl. Okay. Yes, live from NRG Stadium in, Houston, Texas, I will say, underrated destination, very fond of Houston in general. This bowl game also, I will say, will be very entertaining

because Texas A&M has to find some kind of motivation to play Oklahoma State in what was once. They don't have to. They're not under any obligation to do anything. I am wrong. You are correct. They do have to show up if they want to get the payout, but that's it. Or they could, you know, stick their coaches for another $45 grand.

Like, I forget who it was Bud was talking about. Bud was like, you know, you do all this work figuring out like who's opting in for bowl games and trying to break down the statistical trends. And then you see one team on Instagram live at the casino at 4 a.m. the night before the bowl game. And all that, all that research is just thrown out the window. That's exactly what they should be doing. Right? Like, like, that's what they should be doing. They should just be hanging out of a casino.

know i should it should be like the team account live from boucher city it should just be or lake charles you should be out we're in bosure city yeah just just go ahead hang out in a parking lot at four in the morning the day before the game because it doesn't matter you could do whatever you want