Shutdown Fullcast - 2023 40 FOR 40, Vol. 3

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

- This one has: Fenway Bowl! Pinstripe Bowl! Pop-Tarts Bowl! Alamo Bowl! Gator Bowl! Sun Bowl! - Ryan is the enemy of the working class! - Liberty Bowl! Cotton Bowl! Peach Bowl! Music City Bowl! Orang...e Bowl! Arizona Bowl! - He’s out of touch with normal people, sitting in his Tennessee mansion! - ReliaQuest Bowl! Fiesta Bowl! Citrus Bowl! - Also at least five minutes of Rose Bowl and Sugar Bowl talk! - Boo Ryan whenever you see him! - Visit preownedairboats dot com to get all the stuff you actually wanted for the holidays - Visit SHUT DOWN FULL BOOKS DOT COM for exclusive literary revelations  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the only college football podcast. If they tell you they found another one, then that person is a liar. Probably one of them lying robots that says they can't lie and then they malfunction. Back up. It's about to explode. Hi, I'm Spencer Hall. I am joined as always by Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson.
Starting point is 00:00:43 And on the ones and two's Michael Server, we are barreling through all of the bowl seasons, venues, matchups, and Splendor. This is part three of 40 for 40. We have so much to get through. So we're going to, we're going to get right at it.
Starting point is 00:01:05 But before I say anything else, I would like to remind everyone that this episode is brought to you by Coors Light, Mountain Cold Refreshment, made to chill. Oh, and then right. Okay, never mind. I thought, I thought this was, we're going to get right to it and then a detour, but you did the business thing. That was very professional. We've really got this down. I'll never do it again. We know.
Starting point is 00:01:29 I think is, so this is the fewest episodes we've ever covered, quote, fingers covered bowl season in, right? Like, because we used to do it in like 42 and now we have it down to three. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Jason, it turns out when you publish 42 different tiny episodes of a podcast, it takes the look at... I still think is the way we should do it. It takes the look at every single algorithm measuring the intake, production, and consumption of podcasts and throws them out of a helicopter several thousand feet over the ground. Which is why I think we should keep doing it that way. I agree.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Holly is right. It's actually funny to, in case any listeners have wondered why a few years ago, we started doing these as an episode per week rather than dozens and dozens. It's because now we make money off it, unlike the first seven years of the show. I agree with Holly. I think it's much better to be like this animal, normally you feed it twice a day, except for this two-week stretch out of the year where it has to eat 16 times every day. I have a threat.
Starting point is 00:02:25 I have a fred. I have a flibber diet. I mean an idea. Okay. And you guys tell me what you think. You guys at home, telling me what you think. Like, this is, the 41st for 40 is something that EDSBS originated, not the full cast. It, we kind of, and by we, I mean, me, kind of foisted it on the full cast as a thing that might be fun, and now has to become an annual chore.
Starting point is 00:02:47 There is a universe in which we could do a regular talk about the schedule, talk about the bowl games episode, once a week during bowl season, and return all 42 individual bowl game, to like the channel six feet or something that's something we could do if we got that sick of it welcome to our production meeting i think we should do the most full cast thing which is talk about it never do it and then immediately forget it and just accidentally stumble into something next love it love it never gonna do it i also think we should um emphasize for the listener how much grueling work it is to go from uh 15 weeks of talking about the Saturday schedule, and then to talk about the upcoming schedule. We should, we should, we should, we should declare that we are going through. We, we are, we are, the, the fall hustle is time for a course light because we had from talking about the schedule to talking about the schedule and it's, it's, it's, it's breaking my ass. Let me tell you who bowl season's really rough on. That's podcasters, brother.
Starting point is 00:03:52 That's right. Oh, you wouldn't believe it. We don't get a day off. We also don't get a day on. We don't even know what days are. I can't see the sun. The first bowl game that we are going to discuss, this is still happening. It's one of the, I think there's a category of bowl games that just needs to be, still happening, still happening, the Fenway Bowl. That's right.
Starting point is 00:04:21 And I think we can put you instantly in the still happening category of bowl when your website is on MLB.com's domain. also you're at 11 a.m. You have you have two baseball term strikes against you in that regard. Yeah, this is a very Boston thing where they're like perfectly, perfectly good time for a sporting event. Oh, the weather's so fucking gray. Oh, the weather outside is weather. The weather outside is literally frightful at all.
Starting point is 00:04:49 You'll be done in time to go rolling. This is a place that's offering hot wasabi. So, West is it forget. So, like, there's a food tie- with the i don't think so oh no we just it's not really it's called wasabi but it has nothing to do with wasabi cloud management
Starting point is 00:05:07 but it's like yeah yeah yeah it's like hot cloud storage so hot cloud hot cloud summer in the city i was i was the fucking yankees the fucking yankees are hot cloud hey hey hey sully that's good he fought it
Starting point is 00:05:23 that's a pretty good joke we got we're gonna call fucking matt damon about that one. There's your, there's your movie. You think that's a thought. Come to Suthy. We'll show you five. So here I was hoping that the, uh, I think it's, I think it's Sothey. Yeah, it's, okay. Suffy. So they don't write to us. We're not going to remember. Yeah, we don't care. So like, yeah, yeah, if you're from North Carolina and you tell, you tell us this North Carolina town is pronounced a different way, we will say sorry, sorry, sorry, we'll try
Starting point is 00:05:53 better. If you're from fucking Massachusetts and you try to explain a goddamn thing to us, we will say it wronger. Understand that. I appreciate that. You know, so bowl games usually do one thing, which is sort of like, hey, this is like a fun reward for two teams that want a certain number of games, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes you get to have them serve a different purpose. This game last year was more or less the Scott Satterfield handover ceremony. And this year, it gets to be like, okay, SMU, you really want to be in the ACC? One of the things that involves is traveling to Boston to play in the cold.
Starting point is 00:06:29 And you're going to get a little preview of it this year. Congratulations. Play the local team Boston College. But boys, do you guys have a couple of very important cultural mores in common? Yeah, Boston College, I really respect this team because they, uh, they, I just did know what to do with that, honestly. I'm going to brand this game, Catholics versus white collar convicts. I think that's fair. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Yeah, the Catholics versus convicts things. That always bothered me because it's like, you know me convicts are Catholic? Yeah, a lot more than when that game was first played. Yeah, fortunately, we found a lot of them. They ran up the score. But this is, Boston College is one of my favorite teams because they're the most, please stop bothering a team.
Starting point is 00:07:19 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Say that again. It's all right, Boston College, 2023. One of my favorite teams, if you look at their total profile, I'll expand upon that, Ryan. God, right? Because they are the team. They are the team that like is always around one score of the other team. So they are into me the most 12 o'clock ACC team where you go, maybe something interesting is going to happen. Here it goes. Any minute now. Turn my headphones up. About to drop some fire. Here we go. And nothing ever happens. I think the most 12 o'clock ACC team gets to kick off at 11 a.m. Yeah. You earned an extra hour so you could go rowing. I got that daylight cravings for Boston College football. So you could go. antiquing. Yeah, that's what this is for.
Starting point is 00:08:02 They're not going to win this game, but they will come within like, you know, they'll come within like four points. Anything. Anything. Yeah, Boston College will stay within a one score. That's what they'll do. You think? Yeah. Yeah. One score. That's kind of how they're built, just to be super annoying. Most of their wins, one score games. Stayed within one score of Florida State. Everyone thought, oh, man, I don't know, maybe Florida State's wobbly. And they realized that, like, nope, nope, Florida, like this Boston college team is just like a sandspur or some sort of sticky shit you get on your shoe. They just, they just hang around, man. What, what a reward for winning the, the American Athletic Conference this is. S&U, two loss SMU, whose only two losses are to Oklahoma and TCU on the road. Like otherwise, pretty, pretty definitively, you know, there's a
Starting point is 00:08:53 couple of close games here and there, but pretty definitively rolled through the AAC schedule, including beating Tulane in the championship game. It's just like, nope. Well, in college, that's what you get. I mean, we couldn't have made Liberty play here. They won more games than SMU. And according to the playoff committee,
Starting point is 00:09:08 the more games you win, the better spot you get. Yeah, you're right. Don't check the rest of the rankings about that. That's the only fair thing. I can't believe I didn't have this ready for that. The other things about this game that you need to know, if you are consulting the website for things to do in Boston, they suggest, among other,
Starting point is 00:09:27 performing arts opportunities that you stay an extra day for a one-man retelling of the story of Die Hard. That's right. Who is the one man? The one man is... What's their name?
Starting point is 00:09:43 Richard Marsh, who is a former London Poetry Slam champion. Yeah. Every word in that got worse. Yes. As it went along. And you will respect
Starting point is 00:09:57 him for his title. If you want it, you have to come and take the belt off it. You have to show up at a London poetry slam and be like, Richard Marsh. I don't want to derail us here because that would never do. So poetry slams are like the 24-7 title? Yeah, you got to defend it any time. Sorry, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:10:13 I would never do this. It's kind of fucked up that John McLean has two kids, but only brought one teddy bear home for Christmas to see them. I get that, though, because maybe the other one's past teddy bear age. Oh, I thought the teddy bear was for the wife. Well, did the kids get nothing? Also, the wife doesn't want that big old teddy bear. What if Teddy Bear's for itself?
Starting point is 00:10:30 If John McLean knew what Holly wanted, then he wouldn't live in New York. What does he know? What is his teddy bear? Yeah. Like his comfort? Yeah, he's not having a good time flying. Don't forget. I'm the one traumatized by the building that exploded.
Starting point is 00:10:45 That's true. Yippie Kaye, this cowboy needs comfort. I would love, I would love to sit in on the Holly and John McLean, uh, marriage counseling sessions because there's just to divorce somebody who, be like, yeah, they saved me from being killed by a terrorist, but I still just fucking can't be married to him. It's like, okay, all right. I bought him a little time, but.
Starting point is 00:11:04 It's true, yeah. I don't know. That would sort of firm things up, but be like everything you did was just patently insane. I got to get you out of the house. Yeah. You didn't have shoes, dude. You didn't have shoes, and you were like running around some strange skyscrapers ventilation system.
Starting point is 00:11:20 And you killed a lot of people. Now, I don't want to say you didn't do it for a reason, but within you was murder, John. That can be. That can be what you get mad at. John McLean for. You can't divorce John McLean because he killed the terrorists. He did it really hard, Ryan. And you know what?
Starting point is 00:11:33 He didn't do it with anesthesia? He did it super hard. Sleep, Hans. Sleep. That would see? That's a much gentler movie. That would disturb me way less if I're... It's called Die Soft. Yeah. Also, you know what? I want you to think about this. Within the course of the movie Die Hard,
Starting point is 00:11:52 what are the chances he didn't kill somebody he wasn't supposed to? It's pretty low. There was probably a friendly fire. there, right? Let's just go back to imagining the heavy Bostonian accent retelling of DieHod. Die Hot. No, this is British. This is amazing.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Doi. Yeah. Oh, this is called a joyfully funny show that got rave reviews at Edinburgh Fringe. It pays affectionate tribute to the iconic 80s festive fan favorite essential viewing for Hans Gruber
Starting point is 00:12:23 super fans. Unlike the movie Die Hard where Hans Gruber is fucking killed. So we're getting the other perspective then maybe. Got to hear both sides. Yeah. It's a retelling Huntington Theater December 27th, December 27th. So you're listening, folks. Stop by.
Starting point is 00:12:42 And the name of the show is, the name of the show is Yippie Kaye. Okay. Good. Do you think the reason that the Fenway Bowl is immediate before the pinstripe bowl is like entirely ESPN's doing? like the schedule when they're setting it up each year this is one of the first things they look for how do we get their schedule robots yes their schedule robot it's like must match pair national television how do we get red socks fans who mistakenly think their team is on to stick around uh in hopes that the yankees are coming on because they know the stadiums that are being
Starting point is 00:13:17 broadcasted from for some reason good question um speaking of con jobs Bull, the Pinstripe Bowl. I'm going to say the Miami Hurricanes. Well, let's be honest. One essential feature of the Pinsstripe Bowl visit for players is the visit to the New York Stock Exchange availability pending on days when they can get there. But last year they made it. And if there are two schools where I know there are at least one or two active members of either roster or coaching staff involved in financial fraud, Miami and Rutgers, very high up on the suspects list. I always saw Rutgers as more of a medical device fraud But I understand where you're going with it So that's cool
Starting point is 00:14:01 Yeah By the way, if you have watched Season 1 of Reacher For some reason Are we a Reacher pod? Are we all in on Reacher collectively? Can we just set that out? I'm in on Reacher.
Starting point is 00:14:13 I haven't seen it, but I'll go to group Jason, you should definitely watch Reacher. You should definitely watch Reacher. Server, you should definitely watch Reacher if you haven't watched Reacher. it's a christ parable really so if jesus went around punching people with cinder blocks one thing i really like reacher is that they're like we don't have a lot of money to
Starting point is 00:14:35 shoot in places where there are people so they're like most of our scenes need to take place in like abandoned parking lots or crime scenes because then we can explain why there are no people there yeah they're not like richard never goes to us the mall or anything like There's none of that. Richard goes to like New York and it's jarring because you're like, one, that man is huge. What's he doing walking around people? It looks like the Hulk. Second of all, he has to do Reacher things in a New York context, which strangely it works
Starting point is 00:15:04 because other people are like, oh, yo, that's crazy. I'm just going to let that happen. You punch that guy over there. Is it unfair if I call Richard dumb justified? No, that's totally fair. Okay. That's 100% fair. Everything in Reacher is this.
Starting point is 00:15:18 What's that guy's name? His name's Jack Pistol Man. What does he do? he's the best pistol marksman in the world like that's everything that's the level of italy for going right like he's head of an investigative unit and the name of it is the special investigators that's yeah yeah to get this somewhat back on track i think the most endearing thing about reacher is that he's this giant highly trained man who other average folks see and are like oh i could fucking take him i could beat him and if that doesn't scream miami hurricanes i don't know what does yeah there's there's a lot of there's a lot of bravado in the miami program that is usually humbled by larger man with a cinder block in his hand or without because remember he doesn't need weapons his hands are the size of turkeys by the way jason that's canon in the books his hands are the size of turkeys okay good yeah the books i've heard are dumber than the show which is do you think that means turkey like de feathered and dressed of ready to cook or like live turkey I would hope live turkeys with all the fluff and feather
Starting point is 00:16:28 because that means that like he stopped at TSA and they're like yo bro, what's up with these? Sure. Yeah, you can't just walk around with these on the end of your arms. They look really that's fucked up. Do you remember what happened the last time Miami played in the Benstraight Bowl?
Starting point is 00:16:43 I do not. They got destroyed by Wisconsin, 35 to 3. Oh yeah, this is the one where every tight was open that's it every tight end yeah i recall this it was it was not it was they didn't even need to be that open because wisconsin only attempted 11 passes in this game jonathan taylor ran for 205 yards on 27 carries and yeah Miami maybe wasn't good sorry if you don't appreciate art that was that was five years ago surely things are much better now yep totally this this is the um this is the um
Starting point is 00:17:20 constantly not but it's the second year of this game being sponsored by bad boy movers the um dirtbag lawn mowing company um just spread the news uh i also want to note that on the call is the god rod gilmore who will get to weigh in on miami's end game proclivities oh goodness and i'm just gonna say he's right whatever whatever he says was no that was dumb that was too conservative no that was bad he's right then again if he sees Miami kneeling the ball with like three minutes to go he might love it now this fucking football they're trying to protect the lead a lead of what negative two points they're actually behind but I love this methodical dedicated approach to ball control this way they will not fall behind by five yeah can't lose by more if you don't give them the
Starting point is 00:18:12 ball back. The other thing that you should know about this is yeah, they are sponsored by bad boy mowers. One day, I promise you I will either commission or write a story of the bad boy mowers family feud
Starting point is 00:18:28 because there is a devote, there is a long and, yeah, a long and insane story about the family that founded and really sort of created the bad boy mowers brand but what you should also know is that
Starting point is 00:18:46 Ryan, let's let's let you guess. Okay. I'm talking the renegade diesel zero turn. Okay? Do those words mean anything to your woke ears? I mean, I have used all of these words in some context. Have you ever used all four together in the most powerful assemblage of those words possible? I probably couldn't even do it right now.
Starting point is 00:19:13 I think this woke tongue would just fall out. Could you ever imagine sitting at the helm of a 1,862-pound monster of a lawnmower? With these soft hands? Of course not. That's right. They're not the size of turkeys. They're not ready to handle the badness of a mower so bad. It actually has a little bit of a metal cutout on the back that says, bad boy.
Starting point is 00:19:40 You're not ready to come. cut a 61 inch swath through the wilderness at up to six inches of height or two inches for those of you who like a closer shape that's right you're not ready to do this all with a ground speed of 13 miles an hour 24 horsepower those numbers are so big that's almost as fast as a human can run it's a little disconcergy which i'm sure didn't enter into anybody's consideration yeah yeah 13 miles an hour on the absolute monstrous renegade diesel zero turn i didn't just set you up though to humiliate your soft hands and inability to really respect and appreciate a 1,862 pound mower no ryan what i love to
Starting point is 00:20:24 get trapped under that yeah what i've done is to ask you about a thing i know that your your conniving law school brain already knows about okay which is money that's right sure how to steal money from the working man that's what you understand okay so i want to see This is a very confusing promo. Deeply for you and me. So. Yes. Yes. I, I, the enemy of the working class, please go ahead. How much would you think that you would have to pay for this absolute sledgehammer of a lawn master?
Starting point is 00:21:01 How much do you think the the entire bad boy mowers, renegade diesel zero turn costs? give me nine grand oh oh oh you're trying to cheat the bad boy mowers people see there he goes with his lawyer he's already trying to undermine the working class all these people want to do is make a reasonable nuclear powered mower capable of decapitating actual people lying on the ground with ease a reasonable nine foot wide mower that travels 37 miles an hour yeah it's a 61 inches 60 inches
Starting point is 00:21:37 it's only five feet and one inch the one inch by the way that one's for god it's huge it's pretty yeah it's a massive it's a gymnast tall it is that's right
Starting point is 00:21:52 uh so again this is ryan trying to cheat the good people no i'm gonna need you i'm gonna give you one more guess and you're gonna need to pay real money for the things that you appreciate instead of trying to 13 5 13 5 yes 9 it blows buddy what
Starting point is 00:22:07 Yeah, you know, it's, it's, did we, did we price out cars? Like, what's the closest car here? Shows what Ryan knows about how much things cost the work. Out of touch, liberal Ryan, nanny. Let me see if I could, let me see if I could find a car and you guys can reverse engineer it. It's a banana, Ryan. Let me see if I can. It's the size of 18 bananas and laid in a row.
Starting point is 00:22:30 I have, you could obtain this for less than it would cost for a brand new Nissan Rogue, but not much. I don't like that. Let me go $27,000. You know what? Jason, that's way too much. Jason, Jason is so salt to the earth.
Starting point is 00:22:47 I just want to donate money. I just want to donate money to the bad boy company. Yeah. You know what? And that's good. Jason is closer than anyone has been so far. Jason is so close. The actual price of the renegade diesel zero turn bad boy mower with the 61 inch swath and a
Starting point is 00:23:07 ground speed of 13 miles per hour is $23,607. That is how much it costs for the hardworking people of bad boy mower to painstakingly assemble each one by hand and deliver it to the hardworking landscapers and homeowners and job creators of this nation, Ryan. You know how much orange paint costs? That's $5,000 right there. I'm not sorry. I'm paying under market price and I'm writing it all off as a tax dodge anywhere.
Starting point is 00:23:37 I can't believe you cheat, bad boy moors. I'm paying it with crypto and shit anyway. I'm paying my lawyer coin is what I'm using. That's right. By the way, if you just look up cars that cost $23,000. That's what I did. Yeah. You could get a 2019 Mercedes-Benz class A, $220,000 with only 52,000 miles on it.
Starting point is 00:24:05 But that's not zero turn. no no that's many turns that's like nine turns i don't even know it's like yeah 900 turns those germans over engineer let's see them make a bad boy what is german well that already happened they made bad guys is what they make bad guy mowers actually i think that's just i think that's just Volkswagen actually the thing i don't like about these cars they go too goddamn fast. 13 miles an hour is how fast you need to go. That's school zone safe.
Starting point is 00:24:40 Yes. Bad, good boy mowers, it turns out. I make, I make mowers in the image of Christ. That's why I make good boy mowers. I doubt Jesus ever move much faster than 13. What was Jesus in 40? He wasn't, he wasn't a big guy. He wasn't a big guy.
Starting point is 00:24:58 So he could probably move pretty quickly. I was going to say, he was in sandals, though. So mark him down like. Bare foot. Let's go. Let's cook. Okay, okay. Sorry, are you calling Jesus sneakily athletic?
Starting point is 00:25:09 Slot receiver. Yes, I think that's right. That is all I have to say. He had problems with drops, though. That's all I like. Rutgers is here. Yeah, Rutgers is here. I apologize for doubting Greg Shiana.
Starting point is 00:25:26 We'll never do it again. Yes, and this is the best. Keep in mind, this is the most stars in the best recruits, best recruiting class that Miami will take to the pinstripe bowl until next year's pinstripe bowl
Starting point is 00:25:37 at least we're in a bowl that's right nobody cares who cares nobody cares yeah it takes the customer service I don't give a shit I get to go to New York the Thursday after Christmas
Starting point is 00:25:52 great you're a Midwestern tourist nobody cares that's awesome why don't you go buy some shit on clearance at Macy's congratulations you're in a choir competition Miami nobody gets shit Hey, we got a great
Starting point is 00:26:04 fucking deal on tickets. That's you. You're Tom and Peg. Yeah, you're Miamiing backwards. You're supposed to brag about leaving New York, not going to. That's it. Or maybe because you had to leave New York. Either way, welcome to Miami.
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Starting point is 00:27:13 Sleep number, official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL. C store for details. Pop Tarts Bowl. Pop Tarts Bowl! Here we go. That's right. Finally, finally the real competitions have arrived. The bowl with a trophy.
Starting point is 00:27:29 What have Pop Tarts? It's got golden pop tarts on it. Yes, this is, by the way, the Pop-Tarts Bowl Trophy, which does feature two slots for Pop-Tarts. I don't know whether there's a heating element in there. I really think there should have been. Would there be a risk of fire? Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Is it a bowl trophy if there isn't a risk of fire? I don't think so. What if it would just melt? Wouldn't that be cool? One-time trophy? Then you have a pile of metal. T-1,000 trophy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:58 What could be more unique than a partially melted trophy? Vanquished T-1,000 trophy. Yeah. gives you the thumbs up as it melts be awesome get on it pop tarts i'm conflating my terminators but that's fine that's fine it's the same movie it's all right yeah uh this is uh this is also by the way that features two frosted pop tarts which is the proper move if we're talking about what pop tarts would go in the pop tart trophy i'm not i'm not going all the way to orlando florida and tussling with the likes of t rift roided up dave dorin or whatever he's on to make him
Starting point is 00:28:30 Complimentary. In touch with you. Complimentary. Allegedly. Complimentary. Whatever kind of. He looks badass. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:28:38 Whatever kind of of man mountain beef juice. Dave Doran is on. Yeah. Whatever he. Dave, you can only Spencer at 4. Dave Doran, the reacher of college football. He is. He's a big dude.
Starting point is 00:28:55 He probably would. Hey, Dave, don't you want to just wander the country with an A-T-M card and an expired passport solving crimes he'd be like can't wait it'd be great and when i find unc i'm going to beat the shit of them probably will probably it's happened several times already usually does but he has to play he has to play like a bit of his mirror image in kansas state here yes yes a little bit yeah this is a it's weird because kansas state uh quarterback is will howard is on the move through the portal he has portled and allegedly to ohio state So we're going to get
Starting point is 00:29:32 There needs to be a word for this status of team Not rebuilding, right? But like in roster flux Like kind of in between things in bowl season It's a relatively new condition What Florida State will be when they play Georgia? Yeah, right? Like what like half of all teams are
Starting point is 00:29:49 Where you know Got some coming, got some going Not really sure where we're at. This is NBA Summer League is what it is. It's like the Jersey says you know, Oklahoma City Thunder or whatever. It's not the guys you thought, you know, it's not the guys you're going to see starting once the season begins.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Right. Summer League. So once again, obviously, we should have bowl season before the season. Everyone agrees on this. Exhibition, yeah, 100%. Just to emphasize how exhibition these truly are. I like that in Jason's plan, we not only have to make Florida State fans mad that they miss the playoff,
Starting point is 00:30:28 but then make them wait until next season to play their bowl game. That's not the playoff as well. Well, yeah, we can sell it on. Well, look at this schedule boost you'll get next year. They can't keep you out this time if you beat an SEC team. Wait, you beat two of them. Never mind. Next year.
Starting point is 00:30:44 But next year you're going to Ireland. That's the other thing. All of you Big Ten people are like, come play in our stadium. Come play up north. We will. In July. That's what we'll do it. We'll come and see you in late July in Madison.
Starting point is 00:30:57 it'll be beautiful I absolutely love that I think like look I'm not going to listen to all the you will play us on the road like you play the Big Ten championship game in a domed stadium in Indianapolis
Starting point is 00:31:12 like that's your that's that's the last bit of your season and you play it inside you don't get to whine about how we don't won't play you in your in the frosty elements and like the defense the chili time The defense for this, Ryan, is that
Starting point is 00:31:29 they're like, it's convenient. It's convenient. You will respect our convenience. Soldier Field is convenient. Yeah. The fucking Brown Stadium is in the middle. That's it. We have ample parking.
Starting point is 00:31:47 You will respect our culture of ample parking. I love what they do when anyone points out that like, okay, so A, not only do y'all not play in the South, in, you know, in Florida in August. But also, you play the title game in Indianapolis indoors. They say, ah, that's because of the suits. Anyway, there's no Big Ten or SEC team in the Pop-Tarts Bowl, the bowl that we're talking about.
Starting point is 00:32:10 There are two entirely different conferences. Nope. We'll quest for the Pfeited. Why are you scared of a big ten, NC State? Dave Doran, come on. I hear your gums flapping. Ed, look, for all my blessed. Right here, Dave.
Starting point is 00:32:27 We'll hold them. Kansas State did play in the prettiest weather bowl game when they played an absolute snowpile against Iowa State. That was deeply enjoyable. Yeah, that's when if you had played that game on NCAA 14 and randomly selected snow, you'd be like, well, well done, randomizer. Well done programmers. That's a good code. I agree. I agree with it.
Starting point is 00:32:50 I agree. Yeah, true. What, uh, do we have, do we have favorite pop tarts? By chance. Oh, this is going to tear us apart. I didn't grow up eating Pop-Tarts, so I will abstain. Okay, Catholic. See you again.
Starting point is 00:33:03 Again, Ryan, out of touch with the common man. Let me guess. You had croissants every morning. A panel for me, mother. I'm going to go very, very basic here, frosted strawberry. Very normal, but there's a reason it's the most popular. Oh, yeah. All of Ryan's high flute and Tampa tastes.
Starting point is 00:33:26 the Paris of the South The Paris of the South That's right The city of Marlboro Lights Attending the Lisei to Gainesville for university I see The Hootaires In Tampa we call it the sore bone
Starting point is 00:33:45 I was gonna call it the whore bone Yeah Wow I mean they both have Eiffel Towers With a bang I will tell you my personal favorite Pop-Tart is Three quarters of the set down full cast stands with sex workers
Starting point is 00:34:03 Except for the out of touch elite Ryan Nanny I am a big fan of Frosted blueberry Frosted blueberry is my favorite Followed awesome Followed right behind By the occasional
Starting point is 00:34:21 I think it's change up It's not a mainstay The brown sugar cinnamon Outstanding. Incredible. Bront sugar, salmon, straw. Yeah. By the way, they did make a pizza in a Pop-Tart form called Presto Pizza. They were introduced by Kellogg's in 1971 and retired less than a year later.
Starting point is 00:34:39 We regret the error. If you'd have any of those, hang on to them, folks. Yeah. I'll eat one. These like strong. Yeah, well, kidnap Ryan from his mansion. I'll make him eat the pizza. It's a pop tarts from 1971.
Starting point is 00:34:58 We'll stream it. I'll be wearing a ball of clava. Yeah, this is also, I wanted to ask a question. This is an Orlando special. That's how you know you're getting into real bowl season. That's when you're getting into one of the 37 bowl games that takes place in Orlando or the Orlando Cinematic Universe. I wanted to ask, what is your favorite barely licensed and sketchy Orlando attraction? because I have a
Starting point is 00:35:23 I have a serious, serious champion. I think I, like, and this is not splendid China. It's not, it is this. It is the fairly licensed helicopter ride for 20 bucks. Oh, wow. Is that the name of, I hope that's the exact name.
Starting point is 00:35:39 How far does it go for 20 bucks? Well, it'll get you to the ground one way or another. It's a little bit of a roulette situation. Spin the wheel, literally. I mean, we're supposed to spend 10 minutes in the air, but brother, you know, it's a day-by-day situation. Heading down counts as being in the air.
Starting point is 00:35:59 Yeah, I can get her up and I can get her down. How that happens. Yeah, we'll never know. But yeah, I've said it before, but I think helicopter rides should cost more than whatever they charge in Orlando. How about what they charge in Galenburg? You know, how much?
Starting point is 00:36:17 I'm pretty sure you to get up for $14.99. Let's find America's cheapest helicopter ride on the shutdown forecast. Cheap helicopter. Cheapest helicopter ride. No, this is a Google did go ahead and auto-suggest the rest of this for me. So there are lots of people who look up this exact thing.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Thank you, heroes. Alamo Bull. First Reddit result, St. Paul is relatively cheap helicopter rides. You know, we've been working hard to rebrand the city and at last we did it. We're known for cheap unlicensed helicopter rides. Alamo Bowl, baby. I'm a
Starting point is 00:37:00 large fan of the Alamo Bowl. If you ever been there, it's a good vibe. San Antonio's a good time. You play in one of my favorite venues, the Alamo Dome, which is, again, one of my I love any unaffiliated stadium where it's like Stadium, what is it for? Who knows? Who knows what the Alamo
Starting point is 00:37:16 Dome? This is the one that looks like a toaster of them. It does. It looks like a very expensive 1980s toaster oven. And I maintain it will be an ideal
Starting point is 00:37:25 flagship location when we shake off these podcasting shackles and launch our Christian laser tag
Starting point is 00:37:32 empire this little light of mine. This really feels like a unlockable venue. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:38 Also, you could put the entire, I think they should put the alamo in it and the players should
Starting point is 00:37:42 have to play around it again in the style of laser tag. Yeah. This is where UTSA
Starting point is 00:37:49 plays football. But again, the rare instance of a program finding the stadium, not the other way around, that they didn't start playing there until 2011. It's got some nice pastels. It's got, you know, kind of a little southwest color scheme to it. The lighting's real weird. I love it. Like, like, seriously, top, top 20 venue in terms of what I want in a stadium, which is weird lighting, only semi-inhabited and otherwise very charming. It's a big game.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Alabama Bull is sometimes a pretty big game and it is this time we got two top 14 teams Oklahoma's in the top 14 that's normal they're joined by the Arizona Wildcats naturally yeah good football team normal that was for you Ryan thank you
Starting point is 00:38:40 yeah the perfectly normal case of the Arizona Wildcats who in a look in a move that nobody doubted and nobody questioned and that everybody knew it would work, hired Jedfish as head coach. We said it loud and long. We said he's the best choice.
Starting point is 00:38:58 We said Arizona football is fun again. You know what, Holly? I'm going to say it. It's Tuesday, December 26th. Arizona football is fun again. Wow. Thank you for your service, Grunk. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:39:17 He can't join. he can't join USAA he's technically not a soldier I think that's unfair classify the Patriots as troops they would love that they would love that they would love that I dropped this in the group chat earlier
Starting point is 00:39:33 but I did find an explainer for or rather a suggested explainer for that rainbow fin blue line flag that Jason saw and it was for those working this Christmas yeah and each of the stripes so from top bottom, we have strippers, gas station employees, Uber drivers, fire personnel, emergency medical
Starting point is 00:39:54 services, Walmart employees, and the weed man. That's right. That's right. Just missing Sonic CarHops. If Grunk had a credit union, would you participate in it? I'd invest very little at most. Okay. I'm all in. This is, okay. Are we all watching the bear? No, that is not on my list. Okay. Yeah, Brian. you probably shouldn't specifically but um because people people from your station wouldn't no because it's no because i think it's going to stress you out okay people from your cast wouldn't quite a there's a in the in the infamous christmas episode in the second season um there there are there are these ne'er do well cousins who are hitting up another cousin for money and of course they
Starting point is 00:40:42 start by asking hey man you have five hundred dollars and he's like yes i have i'm a 43 old man i have access to $500. They're trying to start a baseball card business in the year of our Lord present day. He's, I can't remember this verbatim, but he says, you know what? I'm going to give you the money, but in return, I want you to update me every week and tell me what you do with it. Because I feel like that would be entertaining for me. I would like this kind of deal.
Starting point is 00:41:11 Like, I would like to invest money. I would like a low investment, high communication deal. with the Grunt Credit Union where I'll give him I'll give him a couple hundred bucks but I want to know what he does with it Grant calls you every day and I want to know how I just want to know
Starting point is 00:41:28 how I have no expectations on rate of return or any return I just want to see where it goes Hey Holly I'm going to play bingo listen you play against a bunch of old people it's going to be so easy they can barely see I'm going to do great Did we just make a movie?
Starting point is 00:41:48 We did. We didn't make a movie. This is a business plan. Wait, no, I mean, that might be 80 for Brady. I didn't see it. So that's possible. That's what that was. I was also going to say, speaking of Patriots being troops, that line this year is both blue and thin.
Starting point is 00:42:06 So, damn. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, this is, there will be no further quarterback controversies at Arizona. Noah Fafita is the starter because Jaden DeLora has entered the transfer portal, not the only team in this bowl, who has a transfer
Starting point is 00:42:24 portal quarterback issue because you know, Dylan Gabriel also out at OU. So again, we have a summer league situation at least for Oklahoma here, less so for Arizona, which leads to the potential for
Starting point is 00:42:40 Oklahoma really phowing this in and Arizona picking up a bowl win over Oklahoma on the cheap. Normal. We're going to have like top 10 Arizona at the end of the thing. They'd be 10 and 3. Like I think they would probably deserve it at that
Starting point is 00:42:56 point. Normal. Yeah, normal game, normal situation. Normal stuff. Hey, you know what I just realized? The next bowl game involves, we should have had John Boyce on because it involves dabble swinging and the boys heading down to the swamp.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Very close, very close. Not technically, but very close. They're going to the Gator Bowl. It's not the swamp, but it's called Gator. It's swamp adjacent. There'll be some personal swamps. That's right. It's more a morass of the spirit, if you will. A bog of the soul, Jacksonville.
Starting point is 00:43:32 That's what that is what I meant. Yep. Clemson versus Kentucky. I need it. Do you? I need the worst. Listen, does this feel like a holy war to any? anyone else like for us in what way I think I understand but in it in terms of a
Starting point is 00:43:52 fighting for a way of life mm-hmm type situation like which sport they like the most I don't I don't know I just I feel like I'm gonna be spiritually unmoored if Kentucky loses to this Clemson team this so so this Clemson team I think is probably better than we assumed the they were or derided them for being well then why didn't they win games Ryan like does that matter if they didn't win games they they won eight games and that's not nothing like I understand it wasn't a very good season but their defense was very good and I think it's more I I guess where I'm coming down is more like I don't think Kentucky did a lot this year Kentucky never does a lot
Starting point is 00:44:39 even when they're 10 and 2 they you know what they did enough they beat Louisville that's right they'd be horridah! Hells down, bitch! We saw a game that we credited as Kentucky wanting, not wanting it more, but Kentucky hating Louisville, more than Louisville, hating Kentucky. And our mentions filled up with Big Blue Nation fans. That's absolutely right. Hell down. Elthow, bitch.
Starting point is 00:45:06 I'm doing it right now. So Clemson, number 22 in the playoff rankings, number 21 in the computer composite. So they are indeed slightly better than they appear. Um, these were, these are the South Carolina's last two opponents of the regular season. They beat Kentucky 1714 and then they lost to Clemson 16, seven. Man, South Carolina had a real stupid end of the year. Yeah, they're about to have a real stupid 20, 24 too.
Starting point is 00:45:34 It's awesome. I get it. I relate. Yeah. Shane Beamer, buddy, keep the helmet on. Don't even take it up for a second. I do think, I do think if Clemson loses to Kentucky. it will suck all of the, like, calm down energy out of the room that Clemson's end of the year turnaround produced.
Starting point is 00:45:54 Like, I think it will immediately flip back to Dabo, Dabo has lost the plot and doesn't know what he's doing here. Because, like, there is something about eight and five that just feels, like, so much grosser than nine and four, for whatever reason. Nine and four, you can talk yourself into, like, well, we played Florida State really close, and Duke, you know, we had turned the ball. like we were so close to a 10-win team 8 and 5 you're like oh we're barely bull eligible piece of shit I hate the same absolute garbage Meanwhile if Kentucky gets to 8 and 5
Starting point is 00:46:25 Fuck yes Yes 100% Every play is like every year is launch pad But quack for Kentucky baby What do we do? Landed the plane Landed the plane Ryan you're right that this is going to have some unfair relevance Like all most ball results
Starting point is 00:46:41 Like 98% of all ball results should just be written off as like random, this is going to have, if they lose, it's going to have some unfairly weighted relevance. Oh, it's going to, because it's going to go back to like, look how we performed against Tennessee the year before in that bowl game. Like, you can,
Starting point is 00:46:57 you can work yourself into messenger board mind froth if you really want to. Beautiful phrase. You know? That's really nice. That's poetic. Just a light frappy. Mind frapp. Like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Server, heat check me here. is losing to Kentucky big like capital P problems I keep forgetting servers or Clemson fan because he's so nice and normal fuck damn it like I really do forget this when I'm slandering Clemson on the call that you're sitting right there it's not
Starting point is 00:47:27 because I've forgotten you're here server it's because I've forgotten you like this fucking team uh yeah it would be there'd be a lot of people who would lose their shit if uh if Kentucky beat Clemson I wonder how much of the fan base has kind of embraced the basketball team right now.
Starting point is 00:47:49 It's very, very good. Wait, what? I know it's weird. It doesn't make a lot of sense. No, I know. I'm asking, Clemson basketball is good? Yeah, Clemson basketball is very good. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:59 That's upsetting. They lost a close game to Memphis, but otherwise they've been really fun to watch. And so I've certainly moved on to basketball season and been very excited about this team. I don't know. It's all manner. of alarming. I don't know what the rest of Clemson is like because my only feedback on that
Starting point is 00:48:17 is Uncle Skip, who also like me, doesn't really appear to be a Clemson fan until he tells you he is. Yeah, y'all are two people. You're too peopular to be. Yeah. It's not great, but like hiring
Starting point is 00:48:32 Luke to coach the O-line I think is enough to show, and just like the idea that he's making staff changes there's probably going to be more staff changes to come after the bowl game potentially I wouldn't be surprised especially if they lose
Starting point is 00:48:48 so it's all about the response because a lot of people as much as people were calmed down by Clemson winning these last four games they were also calmed down by like making some moves on the staff to get better and making some good hires
Starting point is 00:49:04 recognizing that things needed to be different yeah absolutely and now we're in a trend of Dabo making hires that aren't necessarily like his guys that were coached by him recruited by him like the the kind of gross cyclical nature of what kind of get weirdly awkward at work isn't it yeah right um i don't know i'm kind of kidding or not really but we all know like what clemson fans are like they yeah it's going to be a loud vocal really annoying portion of them that are going to say that dabbo does like best thing that could
Starting point is 00:49:40 happen to clemson is nick save and retiring and dabbo getting now like Alabama job like those people who think he's going to get that job anyway, right, right. Which we're all, now we've been through. Of course, Mark Stoops is getting the Alabama job. Yep, that's it. Yeah, Mark Stoops is getting a job. That's right. Kentucky, baby.
Starting point is 00:49:57 Every year. Every year Mark Stubes gets a Kentucky job. Every year he's redid. Yeah, that's right. That's the gift he gets waking up every morning, baby. What do you get? I'm going to get to eight and five. I'm going to eat at the biggest steakhouse in Lexington every night.
Starting point is 00:50:12 Right? Everyone's going to be like, hey, coach, you're doing a great job. Do you see? I don't know where this came from, but there was some report that it was like 12% of American beef is consumed by like this very narrow strata of white men between like 50 and 60. Yeah, it was like the concentration of wealth math, but a little more alarming. Yeah. Is 60 years old. It checks out.
Starting point is 00:50:37 Yep. Yeah. He gets to go. We'll get to that. He, of course, gets to go to the beef bowl at the. as an associated Rose Bowl then if he's allowed
Starting point is 00:50:45 if he's not suspended if he's not suspended justice for Jim should we move on to the Sun Bowl hell yes it's time for the Sun Bowl the weirdest bowl of all
Starting point is 00:50:55 yes I do not say that lightly I want to emphasize I have put a shitload of thought into this the Sun Bowl is T-H-E the weirdest bowl please go on based on the history
Starting point is 00:51:08 I mean think of all the weird weather we've encountered snow games win games where like flags are bending over backward because how hard it's blowing the famous time Georgia Tech beat USC team started the year number one and then like the ancient
Starting point is 00:51:22 games where teams are like finishing up with negative passing yardage on the day and shit like yeah the Sun Bowl has as much fucked up lore as I will say almost any other two bowls combined if I can just back that up two of the most unwatchable games I have
Starting point is 00:51:37 ever seen were both Sun Poles the odds of that happening are so minuscule in terms of the total number of games played. And yet El Paso in late December it manages to bring the thunder every single time. Sometimes literally. Sometimes literally in the form of
Starting point is 00:51:53 thunder snow. This is the only game I've ever seen where people had folding tables and chairs out to push snow off the field because it, yeah. Is this the one where they got the helicopter? This is no, that was the New Mexico Bowl. This is the one where, this is when Notre Dame was in the Sun Bowl and they
Starting point is 00:52:08 were clearing the field with cafeteria tables. like just using the sideways files but then the camera pans and there's just one Notre Dame staffer in the corner who's using a rake and I recognize that they were doing whatever they could with whatever they could and with whatever they had on hand but it was just a beautiful moment
Starting point is 00:52:25 yeah absolute remember this is the only place that has had multiple not just freak snowstorms but the fog bowl because not just because in 74 there was
Starting point is 00:52:41 a freak snowstorm that then immediately evaporated the rising steam from the field was nicknamed the fog bowl which basically you're just playing on one big hot cooling pastry at that point delicious
Starting point is 00:52:57 yeah totally different bowl game also this game is so old that like it should have prestige to it at 1935 the first game was two local high school teams this is the great uncle of them all yeah yeah like like based on so the rose ball is the biggest and the oldest the sugar bowl is one of the very biggest and it's one of the very oldest and the second biggest by that logic the sun ball should be you know one of the let's say one of the five biggest and the sunball should be in the new year six and it should be every bit as garbage as it is and cbs should get it for some reason no one understands this is also oh no i'm thinking of the copper bowl that's the one where the uh the zipline camera fell on the field that was an insight bowl if I remember correctly.
Starting point is 00:53:41 Yes, it was. Somebody got tangled up in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We also get, this is a rematch of a really delightful bowl from years past, years long past this point.
Starting point is 00:53:54 Oregon State, Notre Dame. Like, Oregon State, not only one of Notre Dame's best bowl opponents ever, because of how bad they whip their ass, also a Sun Bowl legend because of three to zero against Pitt.
Starting point is 00:54:07 El Paso Weber. yeah this is the matchup of the 2001 fiesta ball which featured my favorite celebration of all time which was after of course Notre Dame playing another team the Notre Dame media elites the elites accused Oregon State
Starting point is 00:54:25 of after Ryan Nanny after teenage Ryan Nanny doubted Oregon State what this this let's see the Sun Bowl date the Sun Bowl date the Sun
Starting point is 00:54:40 is going to be on the 29th Friday of the 29th. You were looking up the day for this sub bowl? Yeah. I was checking the weather. Oh, okay, gotcha. Yeah. I got to be anything.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Yeah, fair enough. Notre Dame Acute. That does give me hope. Oregon State of having criminal tendencies, let's put it that way. And Chad Johnston. Is this not what he was go-to? Yeah, this is the go-to.
Starting point is 00:55:04 If you beat us, your crime. That's right. a strategy that's worked out great for them might be a pattern that that transcends football right I want to look into that hmm got our ass whooped that must be illegal those guys are better at something
Starting point is 00:55:23 that can't be that's got to be crime our football team lost because of replacement theory that's one way to talk about the portal I guess yeah but oh wow but Chad Johnson's
Starting point is 00:55:37 scored and put his hands up and was frisked by T.J. Hushmanzada in the end zone in one of the best touchdown celebrations I have ever seen as Oregon State beat the shit out of Notre Dame. Just celebrating airport safety. That might be a top 10 moment from college football history that I wish we had posts from like I'm sure there's newspaper columns and shit. No, no, no. I want posts is what I want from that moment. Yeah, this is also, um, this is Get out of there. The lone CBS bowl game in terms of weird legacy media arrangements.
Starting point is 00:56:14 How long is the rights deal for that? Like, do they hang on to this one? I think it goes to like the 23rd century. Wait, wait. Do they still have Vern for it? They don't. Yeah. Vern's got to go move weight down to El Paso.
Starting point is 00:56:30 That's a little known fact. I want Vern to be there if Vern wants to be there. Yeah. Vern has become a smuggler in his old age, not for the money, but because he loves the thrill of the chase. Hey, Vern. Hey, Byrne.
Starting point is 00:56:42 Good for him. Good for him. This is the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl still for however many years in a row. Not the Frosted Flakes Sun Bowl. No, not the cereal. Don't call it. The animal. He is an animal.
Starting point is 00:56:53 Listen, Tony the Tiger has work life balance. By calling it the Frosted Flakes Sun Bowl, you suggest that he doesn't. He has separate interests and they're all deeply sexual. He has spoken to the prophets. Speaking of deeply sexual, I have sad news. Sam Hartman is skipping Sun Bowl prep to prepare for the NFL draft. In your world, does that make this Sun Bowl more or less sexual?
Starting point is 00:57:17 Yearning is, you know, the yearning for the handsomest quarterback. Sure. Yeah. Intense desire, but less fulfillment. That in the presence of Tony the Tiger pushed this into erotic territory. I mean, making it even even. More longing and yearning. Notre Dame's best lineman is out as well.
Starting point is 00:57:38 We're missing so much beauty in this game. Yeah, this could be like back-to-back surprise-ass weapons from Oregon State to somebody. And Oregon State's mad, I think, as well. Yeah. Oregon State is mad, but they're also, they're very portally as well. Yeah, a little portaled up. We have a definite summer league situation here. New head coach, new head coach, departure of DGA, Uiangolele at quarterback.
Starting point is 00:58:04 yeah yeah there's a lot going on here winter league yes but you know what if but this is the only place i know of where two head coaches can go get so drunk they fall off their bar stools and no one will notice in the hotel el paso which is really saying something considering the next bull on the list the liberty bowl that's right patent you're going to the liberty ball Iowa State v Memphis this is another this is another why go anywhere our stuff's already in your game congratulations Memphis you're going to Memphis I like that ESPN schedule like has to designate one team home in a way and I'm like I know there will be some way in which that's reflected in the game as well in a minor capacity but Memphis being at Iowa State for the
Starting point is 00:58:58 Liberty ball in Memphis Tennessee is really delightful I wonder if they're like really play it up like oh nice place you got here you know what so where do you guys go where do you guys go for food after the game bad campbell's like we're defending our territory this is your house nobody walks into your house and wins this is uh this is uh this is uh I'm trying to look at the halftime act that is uh yes the barcaise the barquees the actual barcase is some arrangement of the barcaes. A collection of barcaes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:59:39 It's either part some percentage of bar or K, they will be playing the halftime show of the 2023 Liberty Bowl. Wait, has there always been
Starting point is 00:59:53 a rodeo before the Liberty Bowl? Does that, is that an elaborate term for a parking lot fight? No. I'm looking at the events, and the night that we are recording this, the 2023 AutoZone Liberty Bowl professional rodeo will take place. This is, um, but like this is, this is distinguished from the, like, it's a rodeo, but this is distinguished from the Texas Bowl rodeo and that the players do not participate.
Starting point is 01:00:28 Oh, okay. So I have just, I don't, I don't think it has been, I don't know if it is. been there for the entire history of the Liberty Bowl, but they have done this before. Okay. Online appear the words 34th annual AutoZone Liberty Bowl rodeo.
Starting point is 01:00:41 There we go. Take that for a 34th modify Liberty Bowl or rodeo. That's the part I'm not so clear on. Yeah. Well, let's put it this way. Players are not supposed to participate at this, but if you look down and your starting quarterback is
Starting point is 01:00:53 in the shoot. Hi, coach! Here I'm on. No! Hope he makes it eight seconds. Yep, that's the Liberty Bowl Followed by Hey, we have a New Year 6th bowl
Starting point is 01:01:13 Ohio State Quite portled themselves Yes, yes Did we cover, by the way The social media uproar Over the improper designation of Dallas's climate by the official Ohio State account.
Starting point is 01:01:33 I miss this. What happened here? Oh, Ryan, I'm so glad we get to look at your face when we say this. Ohio State's official Twitter account announced as they landed in Dallas, ready for the showdown in the desert. With a little cowboy hat emoji? It's been deleted. It's been deleted. The best part was it had been edited because at first they wrote dessert. We're not dumb.
Starting point is 01:02:02 They should have put it back to that. Don't call us dumb. Yeah, just pretend you were actually talking about the boys are growing out for ice cream or whatever. Wait a second. SpongeBob, I demand you take it seriously. Here to football. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:02:24 Joining them in the desert will be the Missouri Tigers who hail from the deserts of Missouri So these are cultural deserts coming together in a third cultural desert The rainforests of Columbia Missouri
Starting point is 01:02:39 And the archipelago of Columbus Oh man I think the players are going to swap VHS porn on the sidelines Like its friendship comes They will We're not so different
Starting point is 01:02:52 You and I Looking at naughty dentist 17 Like they're exchanging old Ring of Honor tape Yeah That's a really good match it's a challenge point but it's just got a butt on it yeah i got this for my dad i want you to have it so they're exchanging they're exchanging wrestling porn is what we're great here
Starting point is 01:03:08 oh is that a vivid oh two you gotta see what brian dan daniel brian does in this one um this is so ohio state's a little portally uh calicoor it's gone uh at starter they are okay with that i got to be i got to be everyone's fine with that i don't think Kyle McCord did not leave with pangs of regret He's happy to be the fuck out of there Kyle McCord committed to Syracuse, right? Or he poured out the Syracuse, right? Okay, so it's not
Starting point is 01:03:38 like he's going to a better place. He's going to a place that'll, like, scream in his face less and all that. And, you know who's... Sweet dumb away from all that calls the other. Why'd you come up with us, you little sunflowers? Once you come up to
Starting point is 01:03:55 fucking Syracuse, you think you're so tough. he really wanted out of there. Just come up and survive the heat of the carrier dome. Because you come up, the humidity of our un-air-conditioned dome. For the first however many years, they were sponsored by carrier. Yeah. Did not have climate control in the dome. And that in September, it's actually pretty nasty in there.
Starting point is 01:04:14 Yeah. This is a team that is very portally, a little summer leaguey. The other team in this bowl game is not. Mizzou? You know who's all? You know who's like locked in? Mizzou. Do you know what this game feels like?
Starting point is 01:04:29 This game feels like one that means absolutely jacked shit to Ohio State and everything to Missou. Like, who are the codvo? The other team's like, we don't even get the climate right. We're just here. I don't know. Show up. We literally don't care where we are.
Starting point is 01:04:45 We don't glance at a maps. Here in the rainforest. Here in the fucking wherever we are. And you combine all that. Like, Mazoo cares a lot. Ohio State doesn't even know where they are. know how stays favored by one. Marvin Harrison, Jr. hasn't specifically said he's opting out of this game, right?
Starting point is 01:05:07 But everyone kind of assumes he will. As of this time. Last I saw he wasn't participating in practice today. Yeah, it seems like it's still up in the air. Okay. All right. Someone write a check. Come on.
Starting point is 01:05:18 This is an appearance fee. Looks like he practiced today. How much money do you have to write to Marvin Harrison Jr. to be like play in this cotton bowl instead of just not getting hurt. A Minnesota quarterback is worth what? 30 grand we decided. Okay, 30 million from Marvin Harrison.
Starting point is 01:05:35 We see it in our head can and it's 45. Yeah, yeah, $30 million. Yeah, let's do it. All right, that seems fair. Yeah, it would have to be an outrageous sum of money. Shut down full cast offers Marvin Harrison. Come stop by the... Ohio State Podcast offers Marvin Harrison.
Starting point is 01:05:54 Did you? By the way, the name of the pregame festivities that you can purchase a ticket for is the tall cotton tailgate. The hell is we can't take you absolutely. Ah, yeah. Okay, Dallas, famously friendly to all visitors. As long as you can handle it, you know,
Starting point is 01:06:23 the way we do. things out here in the desert in the desert cowboy i haven't in that i have been in i have been in dallas and portions of january you know weaving it through y'all if you've never been to dallas it's like upsized nashville flatter mega nashville no it's just like it's like nashville's like super sized meal yeah and by which i mean it's just an office part and man i driving around in january when the rain is like spitting tiny little little like police
Starting point is 01:06:58 spike strips of ice at you it can seem kind of deserty in that I feel like nothing can grow there and life can't thrive spiritually it's a desert mm not true yeah it's uh but hey they have good tacos in the gas stations
Starting point is 01:07:14 I will say that the cotton bowl store is doing something I think very dangerous oh boy if you go to cottonbowl store.com sure am you will see it says Cottonville Classic Official Merchandise. And then you will see right below that. It has a note. Wow! Order's not guaranteed to arrive before the game. You're thinking that's fine. Somebody didn't want to write a fact. That's useful information. But the game has been stylized
Starting point is 01:07:44 capital T, capital G. And I think when you have Ohio State playing, I'm not sure that you want to decide that, yes, this is the game. replaced it turns out missouri is our true hated opponent anyone that team over there also his name begins with m i is the game this is a game that is not owned by ESPN and therefore has the chance to do something weird with his merchmen know you can get a coosie you can get a backpack you can get a cotton bowl full-sized football man what trash it's all it's all very uninspiring there's a bucket hat you can buy for 35 dollars I'm fully preparing my
Starting point is 01:08:26 my move, counter move of this. If Mizzou wins, I'm going to be like just indicative of how strong the SEC is. And if Ohio State wins, I'm going to be like fucking Mizzou. Never wanted them. Sure. Don't belong here. Get them the fuck out. Like, I know you're joking, but I also think that's what you'll do. Not joking. No. I'm just letting you see the playbook, Ryan.
Starting point is 01:08:48 Never told a joke. It's 100 points. This 100% what I'm doing. All right. Here's another. opportunity for you to either curse the case. You're going to kick out Ole Miss. Yeah, let's do it. The Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl. When this game was announced, Dr. Bo Wallace basically tweeted out the oh God, oh God, gift reaction because the last time a like almost playoff adjacent oldness made the Peach Bowl, they got absolutely destroyed by TCU. In this year, they get to play number 10 Penn State, man i i don't given how transfer portal season has gone for oldness and how much old miss is
Starting point is 01:09:33 very clearly like yep we're putting a lot of chips in on 2024 pen state needs to win this game so like if they if james franklin loses this game my god it's just going to be it's going to be unpleasant combination of people descending on our city yeah it's it's going to be a a real a real bad off season if Penn State can't perform well in this game. The 247 headline for this is Old Miss lands in Atlanta and I'm like, you'll like, like the
Starting point is 01:10:03 Hun. Right? Like, ah! They're here. So what if you have... The state comes to Sherman. What if you have the scenario? Oxford, Mississippi. What if Michigan wins a national title, Ohio State wins a cotton bowl, and
Starting point is 01:10:21 Penn State loses to Ole Miss? Yeah. I see your vision. I don't see it. I see it. I'm manifested. Yeah, this is a man. This is a summoning circle. God, that was beautiful. I'm putting black salt around myself right now, all my teeth points. It's just, it's going to be so frustrating because in Penn State wins, Lane's lightheaded at the thought of this happening. If Penn State wins, Lane's going to do his dopey old, like, well, we just follow around. We really care. You know what? We're just here for the chicken, like, whatever. It's not that important. Yeah, and if they, listen, if they win, he might do that. He might be like, well, you know what?
Starting point is 01:11:02 It was, it's, it's cool that like we got to play pit or whatever, but. I mean, I love Ritchie White. Yeah, I think, yeah, I think John Franklin does a real good job. You know, you're out in a minute team. He'll call him Ben Franklin. I love the reason he doesn't. know which team it is because they don't have logos in their helmets. Yeah. It's confusing
Starting point is 01:11:27 though. You have to admit. Well, it was really exciting to come here and be to create a team that wasn't quite finished. Really like 18 and 4, 18 and 4 I thought were real, real strong. Yeah, you know. Yeah. I mean, running on first down every single play the entire game was probably not a winning
Starting point is 01:11:43 strategy for them. I recruit to Trace McSorley is a parking attendant, so you know, a lot of connection. I actually yeah, speaking of parking attendants, I actually slept in a valet stand so I was really surprised that I was able to out maneuver old Ben Franklin at the end there. Yeah, you know
Starting point is 01:11:59 like if this comes up, if this comes up, if this comes up hard turd game for Penn State, right? Lane 45 minutes out of, out of Magic City, like with wingsaw still coating his fingers, whipping the shit out of James Franklin
Starting point is 01:12:15 in a close end-game clock management situation. And the shit of it is, is that as of late, these two teams are the exact same vibes-wise where it's all like that's the meanest thing that we've said so far this is the year that this team finally shows that the plan has been laid all along and they can nope they've gotten absolutely destroyed by Alabama or Ohio State or whoever it is hey man listen I've only got two tough classes this semester you feel that and the difference is bar dancing involved a lot of reading the difference is it makes
Starting point is 01:12:51 Penn State fans so mad and old miss fans are like whatever this is cool let's come back for another New York college this fucking rules old miss fans are used to this after oh old miss fans are like I think old miss fans are aware like oh it can be way worse
Starting point is 01:13:07 than this shit we don't care that we lose two or three games a year that's awesome they have a couple more kinds of gin in Atlanta liquor stores that you can find in the state of Mississippi and that's all they need I quote I quote top tier old miss fan Bunky on my way to Atlanta
Starting point is 01:13:23 to see the worst 10-win team in the nation. Fuck yes, old Miss fans, fuck yes. All that matters is 10 wins. They're showing up, they're showing up pre-lost. They're like, no, it's already gone. According to the power ratings, worst 10-win team is Iowa.
Starting point is 01:13:40 These numbers are fucked up. That's wrong. That's wrong. You've seen Iowa play defense. Numbers can't understand that shit, how we win here at Iowa. Speaking of team, with records not really indicating the deep horrors contained within them the music
Starting point is 01:13:56 City Bowl in Nashville Tennessee don't know which one of these teams you're talking about Auburn versus Maryland so Ryan when you go to this game who are you keeping an eye on as far as nothing has ever been less tempting going to the Music City Bowl to see Auburn and Maryland this isn't a fetching matchup between I cannot I cannot imagine going to my wife and being like, hey, I need to leave the house in the middle of the day for like four hours. Why? To watch Auburn play Maryland in football. Are you cool with that? You're not. Okay. If she shot you in the toe with a very small caliber firearm, that would be totally defensible. Would you like to talk about this again? Yeah. And then you can both write country songs about
Starting point is 01:14:45 it. And then she just talks the gun again. Yeah, it's the little Derringer, right? Like a teeny little Let's start this conversation over. You want to do what? Yeah. No, I won't be attending the music setting. Maryland's 7 and 5 hit her with that. Yeah, yeah. I don't understand.
Starting point is 01:15:00 I might not get to see a 7 and 5 Maryland team for another two years. So they're back in this book. Yeah, that's 800 days. Life short, we said we were going to seize every moment. Yeah. It doesn't sound like something you'd say. Tell me to live like I was dying. What feels more like dying than Maryland and Auburn in a Music City Bowl?
Starting point is 01:15:25 The six in six Auburn team. They're on the break. I'm going to dance like nobody's watching because you shouldn't watch. Because there ain't going to be anybody in the stadium watching. You're going to love like I've never been hurt because I've never been loved. You've got to understand. I'm not going to have that many more chances to go to a music city bowl in the old Nissan Stadium. this is history baby okay i take it that god who's gonna go
Starting point is 01:15:52 this is mystery yeah it's before it's before they build the the new stadium which is definitely gonna look like the stadium art it's gonna look exactly like that they always do it's gonna be like alamo dome too yeah this is that sounds pretty dope can they call it have you seen it yes it looks like it looks like a hyatt yeah it looks like a whole foods yeah it's it looks like a whole foods and that it's going to be overpriced and there won't be enough people in it that's generally what you're going to get
Starting point is 01:16:24 the music city bowl is the only ball game I've seen that just comes right out and it's like yeah we deserve to exist which means it probably don't economic impact is right here it's like 400 million we've pumped 400 million dollars into the Nashville community you can just say anything
Starting point is 01:16:40 like especially when it comes to the Nashville you know what me moving to Nashville 80 million dollars that's right Nanny, single-handedly bringing $800 million. And that's why I don't know what your poor people lawnmower
Starting point is 01:16:54 costs. Because that's right. I'm too busy creating the jobs. This is the flip side of when Ryan brings his classism into your town. He also brings class itself. Class. That's right. That's right.
Starting point is 01:17:08 They also list the community as 1,162,197 people who have attended this Music City Bowl. I'm telling you those numbers are unimpeachable. I'm sure that is the exact number of people who have attended every single
Starting point is 01:17:27 Music City Bowl. By the way, they didn't capitalize Music City Bowl because nobody copied read this because they were too busy funneling money into the community. If you would like to own a deeply confusing piece of merchandise, you can go to Music City Bowlmerchandize.com, which also stylizes it
Starting point is 01:17:43 as the game capital letters. which is even funnier when it's just Auburn and Maryland. You can buy a Maryland... Maybe it's to be a comfort. There's only one of these. And after it's over, it can't hurt you. You could buy a game. A Maryland red t-shirt that says Transperfect Music City Bowl in like, you know,
Starting point is 01:18:02 a hat show printy type font and has a cowboy boot on it with the Maryland M. And it says, Go Terps, 2023. We should definitely get this for our good friend Alex Kersner, so he can show off his bona fides on the West Coast. Yes, by the way, you can really enjoy this game, I'm sure, because Maryland will not have Talia Taga Voloa, who is exploring his options via the portal, and you will experience the entire Auburn offense coming back.
Starting point is 01:18:34 So really, it's a warning in two directions, is what I'm giving you. This game is 15-13. I'm just going to call it. It feels like a 15-13. the 1513 magic 176 the amount of like
Starting point is 01:18:47 self-congratiatory bullshit that comes out of whoever wins this like is just going to be fucking unbearable we couldn't beat New Mexico State but we could beat Maryland
Starting point is 01:18:58 speaking of unbearable the orange bowl with Florida State and Georgia the grievances bowl not anymore all the grievances It's fucking declared or transferred or in the portal at this point.
Starting point is 01:19:16 Yeah, there was a brief window where it was like, FSU, go do, seize destiny. Now it's like, I don't know. We'd rather sue the ACC. We think that's more fun. Honestly, that's going to be a more emotionally rewarding to us in the long term. We love making up big numbers and pointing at them. We love dragging people into the office on a Friday afternoon before the Christmas three-day, three-day weekend and pointing out a number that says, half a billion dollars and say who are the assholes that signed us up for this you've left us
Starting point is 01:19:47 no choice you tricked us into signing a rumble siltsuit contract and now we must take you to tallahassee court just this entire just this entire zoom call full of hot does tallahassee court take place in sparrow public's public's public's deli yeah you got to get it done fast it says free cookie for kids and you're not allowed to ask for ID The theme song of Florida Quora. Just listen to it. All rise. All rise for justice banana pants.
Starting point is 01:20:25 Your Honor, I signed this document, but I don't like that I signed it. So I didn't mean it. I arrest my case. You agree that it was stupid to sign it, so why should I be held liable for that? Your Honor, you remember those CD clubs in the 1990s? that children could join and then they could break the contract because they were children?
Starting point is 01:20:47 Well, I rest my case. One of the clowns from our clown college signed it. That's hardly illegal representative. Clown law expert, Brian and he will join us to explain why the Nolz should get to join a conference that hasn't invited them. Like, who wants this shit show?
Starting point is 01:21:08 Who wants to invite this school so bad? what are his clown certification Jason the answer is the big 12 there is no mess that the big 12 be like you've had how many divorces that's fine so yeah so FSU is going to
Starting point is 01:21:26 try to try to genius its way out of its $500 million deal to join UCF's conference but when you put it like that it sounds like a bad idea oh just banana pants is called for a 15 minute vape break. That's all.
Starting point is 01:21:45 We're in a hurry today, I guess. Why do we even fight the British? It's a 15 minute vape break every 30 minutes. Yeah. I think the court is a break from the vaping. 15 minute break for lost stuff. You know what I just realized? You know what the great thing is?
Starting point is 01:22:00 Every year, no matter how we do this show, every time we get to a point in the 40 games where we just go absolutely insane, it's always right here it's always before we get to the orange correct they're in nice madness yeah
Starting point is 01:22:20 Georgia's gonna kill him let's just go ahead I guess I don't know like anything can happen in both seasons but this feels like the safest bet on the port yeah Georgia yeah Georgia mad Georgia real mad
Starting point is 01:22:33 Georgia Georgia real mad and Georgia mad and you know what if Florida State's not going to claim a national title Georgia should go right ahead I encourage everyone again even though you know like like this goes against my standard alignment it doesn't in terms of political stance
Starting point is 01:22:49 Georgia call it just go ahead every way we got into a lot of trouble every way don't no no differently we're gonna wait till all the points are counted to be clear yeah but you go ahead and you award yourself a championship if you want to
Starting point is 01:23:06 no one's gonna stop you Nope. What would Florida State say? If you'd be Florida State and they were busy in court, they won't even know about this. They're like, hey, we tried this first. That's right. Listen, I'm in chambers right now. Yes, it's a jet ski.
Starting point is 01:23:22 Also, I love that this implies Florida court is on Saturday afternoon. Perfect. Perfect. That's when it happens. That's right. Because I got to be at fucking work on Friday. Yeah. Do it then.
Starting point is 01:23:33 I'm bringing a 12 pack. You can't stop me. Arizona Bowl. Toledo versus Wyoming. yeah Toledo versus Wyoming the CW Bowl
Starting point is 01:23:44 yeah is this the only CW game Boo the most ACC game of all I think so every every week schedule
Starting point is 01:23:54 there can only be one CW so like even though bowl you know bowls a month still only one CW CBS equal equal footing
Starting point is 01:24:02 yes America's too most watch networks among 80 year old and 18-year-olds, I think. Yes.
Starting point is 01:24:14 Relyer Quest Bowl. LSU versus Wisconsin. The, yeah, always a cultural exchange a sort of point out, though they've played in the regular season recently. This time, they're bringing their collective brands to Tampa.
Starting point is 01:24:30 So that's like America's three party styles colliding, I guess. Florida, Louisiana. and Upper Midwest. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's, like, you're probably missing Las Vegas, but Las Vegas is just people from other places, so I guess that's true. Las Vegas is like the, not the generic one, but like the universal adapter.
Starting point is 01:24:54 Yeah, okay, sure. It's just dry Tampa. That's be serious. The O negative of party styles. Yeah. Yeah, so this is a combination of a series of different partying styles, which I would characterize as, One is booze, right?
Starting point is 01:25:14 Booze and pills. And then booze and weed. CLSU side, right? And then Tampa is all. Booze, pills, wheat. It's the combination. It's the multidisciplinary project, right,
Starting point is 01:25:33 of combining all of them at once, along with high speed boats. the Relyer Quest Bowl Okay Yeah Jane Daniels will not be playing Just in case of Garrett Nussmeyer time baby
Starting point is 01:25:47 It is it is If you want to Finally Yeah if you want LSU fans I'm gonna get you hyped And ready for this game With one amazing headline
Starting point is 01:25:57 LSU Tigers quarterback Garrett Nussmeyer Ready to be starting quarterback There is there is one other good storyline here And that is Would you So Would you rather be
Starting point is 01:26:09 Wisconsin's offense failing to get it done against the LSU defense in this form or LSU's defense failing to get it done against the Wisconsin offense in this form Not good choices Somebody's gonna have a bad Bad flight home Also LSU's offensive coordinator just was like
Starting point is 01:26:27 Nah, I'd rather go back to Notre Dame Smart It's time to catch up Jay is gone, I'm gone Yes, that's smart Between that and the like Obviously Brian Kelly agent sourced rumor that, you know, Brian Kelly
Starting point is 01:26:40 would be quite interested in the Michigan job. Same. I would as well. Like, what a super stable place. Spat Rouge is at all times. Brian Kelly is really interested in that fish skeleton you've got in the trash can. As an alley cat with a fedora,
Starting point is 01:26:59 he's very, very intrigued by it and would like to put it on a plate and perchance dip a fork into it as if he were eating at a fine dining restaurant. Hey, hon, who sent us this anonymous letter that said Brian Kelly would be interested in marrying your wife if she were to become divorced? Yeah. It just says not Brian Kelly in the from area. Babe, I'm sure you can do better than Brian Kelly.
Starting point is 01:27:27 If you're going to leave me, please. Not him. This says Brian Kelly will buy you a hamburger today. Yeah. This is, I love every ham-fisted Brian Kelly coaching rumor. They're all fantastic. Brian Kelly would like that.
Starting point is 01:27:46 The master of personality navigation, Brian King. Yeah, absolute genius. Listen, I will say this. If Brian Kelly somehow got the Michigan job and showed up at a basketball game to do his like intro warm up. With a new accent. If he went, no, if he kept the foghorn,
Starting point is 01:28:02 leghorn, that I would respect. Watching Michigan fans puke in their shoe, that Brian Kelly's showing up in person Well, I'll have to get used to the snow, yeah. This is not I still can't get over.
Starting point is 01:28:24 There are sorrows that just never leave you. You ever think about all the people in the LSU Athletic Department who have to go to work with Brian Kelly and Kim Mulkey in the same building? Yeah. Like feeding your family. depends on showing up to work with Brian Kelly and Kim Mulkey in the same building.
Starting point is 01:28:44 This is not a joke. There are a lot. That is not necessarily worse than previous iterations of the LSU Athletic Department. Speaking of unpleasantness, um, Liberty is in the Fiesta Bowl, Oregon because they won a lot of games, which as noted,
Starting point is 01:29:00 the playoff committee highly values. It seems that win the most games get to rank the highest. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That is on at the same time as the Citrus Bowl, where Iowa is playing as well as the Tennessee volunteers. Two of our very favorite teams.
Starting point is 01:29:16 Two of our very favorite teams, two teams that go about things very differently. This is an vastly superior game. Watching the look on Kirk Farns' face when Josh Heppel has the wide receivers lined up all the way across the field six inches from the inside lines. That's not even that's over there.
Starting point is 01:29:32 That's not part of the darn field. What are they doing over there? What are they out? Are they sitting out? How do they, how can they hear? over there? Are they going to block out there? I don't understand. Why don't you just keep walking
Starting point is 01:29:44 to the tunnel? Hit them with a little flight of the bumblebees. Yeah. Sell of a swing pass, they're setting up. Watch the sweep. Yeah. Like a front four mission. I like it. I like it a lot.
Starting point is 01:29:59 Those gunners are out wide. Yeah. It's Iowa. It's Iowa and a citrus bowl, y'all. I have no idea what's going to happen in this game. Absolutely. No clue.
Starting point is 01:30:12 For the cheese. It's for all the cheeses. This is my favorite ball game this year. This is it. This is the one. Because it is the most spiritually confusing? Yes. This is the most ball game of the year.
Starting point is 01:30:27 Yes. Iowa is here to do goddamn nothing. Tennessee's here to do a lot. And they'll meet in the middle somehow. It's also like, I know they're like, injuries have a lot to do with this it's very hard to look back at what tennessee did this year and construct any kind of coherent narrative or through line it just sort of feels like all sort of like yep one week this happened and then the next week this happened and and they're not necessarily
Starting point is 01:30:55 related in any way yeah chapters are shuffled or something yeah it's and it's not you know sometimes you just have years like that where for circumstances beyond your control there is no of like consistent it's not like last year was for tennessee where it's like oh the story is this and this is how it went but it's also it and and holly has talked about this before with us it's also the results of like the georgia game was way too late this year and it just like made everything feel weird everybody's body clocks are upset yeah yes it's very much that yeah the um the other thing that is fascinating about this by the way is this, that there is always a commercial promoting the school during the bowl game,
Starting point is 01:31:44 usually featuring somebody looking at a microscope with a white jacket on, maybe a nice shot of somebody holding a backpack across one shoulder. The future is sexed here. Yes, exactly. What happens here, sex the world. Oh, wait, that's the liberty commercial. I was going to get twice as much airtime to do whatever they like. because Tennessee isn't allowed to buy airtime for ads that usually run during.
Starting point is 01:32:11 Because of Jeremy Pruitt. That's correct. If you're craving, Tennessee builds rockets and science happens here. And someone's playing a cello on top of the stadium. Yeah, you're not going to get any of that because Jeremy Pruitt fucked up. So Iowa's commercial this year starts with you should Google top writing school and which one comes up, because it'll be Iowa. I've watched enough terrible football to have memorized Iowa school ad, is what I'm trying
Starting point is 01:32:43 to say. I think Tennessee should be not only allowed, but forced to air a commercial, but instead of... For Iowa. But instead, it should just be like, here's, like, what you should know about Tennessee that is not great going in. It's kind of too bad, because we actually had a kick-ass one for a few years, the Rocky Top one. Yeah. I liked a lot.
Starting point is 01:33:02 Also, in the ad they were airing during the regular season, they showed my department, which I've never seen in an ad before, and which I also found really funny because we could never get a fucking thing done on Saturdays because they took all of our parking spots on Saturdays and sold them to football fans. The Thompson commercials would be like, this is
Starting point is 01:33:19 Derek. This is true to the experience, so. This is Derek. He's an incoming freshman. He doesn't shower and he's very antisocial, and you could get randomly paired with him. You have a 1% chance of rooming with him. You can't take him off the list. Derek has to room with somebody.
Starting point is 01:33:35 Hey, man, I got a five-foot-nothing Baptist cheerleader is my freshman roommate, and I'm pretty sure I'm at least part of the reason she's now a weed farmer. Hey. So you can have an impact. That should be the commercial right there. Can you fix Derek? Are you a bad enough dude to fix Derek? Hello, hello parents.
Starting point is 01:33:52 Would you like for your child to do whippets within a week of arriving on campus? Come to the University of Florida. Well, they make a special little thing out of stuff that they got at the hardware store to crack said Whippets, absolutely, because it's an education in more ways than one. Yeah, the MacGyver of Drugs. That's right. Go Gators. By the way, one note on the Fiesta Bowl,
Starting point is 01:34:14 fuck Liberty. I hope they lose $1.40. Yeah. Oh, right. Just 40? It's a nice start. There are playoff games. I suppose so. We got two of them.
Starting point is 01:34:28 Two of them. And honestly, I think they're both great. Wow. Awesome. You know, despite the playoff committee and what they did to... Fucking hot take Jason here. Our beloved roles. So we have this thing that we almost got it last year. We get it this year where Bama and Michigan, we got the two grunt ball teams that would, you know, prefer to just slug it out and all that.
Starting point is 01:34:51 And then the two PewPew teams, Texas and Washington, are playing each other. So we're guaranteed a title game with differing philosophies. Yeah, that's true. So that part's nice. Yeah. I would, I am. Have we really thought about Michigan going to the Rose Bowl and like historically what that usually means? Previous rosters and previous coaching staffs have had a bad time there.
Starting point is 01:35:21 That's always one of my favorite Michigan traditions. That makes no sense. And they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to go to the Rose Bowl, guys. Why? What do you want that? Wait, off the top of your head, when's the last time Michigan played in the Rose Bowl? 2007. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:41 There's a lot of Rose Bowl since then. I'll have another question, because I feel like that was lucky. Yeah. It was 2007, and they are 8 and 12 all time in these, which means they usually lose, including the last time they were there. When is the last time Michigan won the Rose Bowl? Ooh, that I don't know. Would that be a history major? 98 against Washington State.
Starting point is 01:36:01 When Wazoo unfairly had time run out, which resulted in a split title, that's Quarfinger split title. Correct. Oh, what? That's right. Remember, anyone can claim a national title, and we're proud of you when you do it.
Starting point is 01:36:16 Is it possible, let's say Michigan beats Bama, and I don't know, let's say Texas beats Bama. Let's say Michigan beats Bama. Let's do that. Let's just say anything on the internet. I'm definitely aware of that after reading that athletic piece that you could see. anything on the internet. I think
Starting point is 01:36:33 the national title should be like a poker competition or a fantasy football league or something where the last two if they want, they can just be like, now let's just split it. Let's just say split title. That is I love it. I don't even know if Midwestern ICE extends that far.
Starting point is 01:36:50 It's deciding we like college football a lot and we like when college football comes down to just an unresolved argument. Yep. We're bringing that shit back. But we like it, but do do the people we watch like it in the same way? What if we say it's a split title,
Starting point is 01:37:06 but you still have to play the game, you'll have to argue over that game. Oh, we're going way old school. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're awarding the national title after the semi-finals. Dude, I'm going to go. We're going 50s style.
Starting point is 01:37:19 The City of Pasadena, the city of the future. I am very confused how we've managed to get Texas into a playoff, and none of the disrespect is pointed in their direction. All of the disrespect is pointed mostly on the other game entirely, but like... In both directions, yeah. Nobody's disrespecting Texas whatsoever. A Pac-12 team is in the playoff and we're all like, yeah, they deserve to be there. Yeah, they're good.
Starting point is 01:37:44 Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think this is because of the relative, like, one, I think that there is a big, easy thing to point to when you go to Texas and go, hey, why are they good? You're like, they have an amazing defensive line. Big man hit hard. Big man hit hard.
Starting point is 01:38:00 Big man smash things. Big, yeah, big man sometimes catch touchdown. Like, yeah, I think there, that's an easy thing for a football fan to lean on because you go, they're pretty smashy, pretty smashy, must respect. Also, pretty good quarterback. So I got two things I can hang my hat on there. Additionally, there was the whole Alabama thing, which I think passed, like, I think that made things a little bit easier to take them, default seriously, not just seriously, but just like, yeah, sure, of course, why not?
Starting point is 01:38:27 Yeah. This is also a team that, that whatever happens. in this game. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be wild because I'm pretty sure that if I was to make a matchup between these four teams that was ideal in terms of brains, brawn the combination thereof,
Starting point is 01:38:43 complementary weaknesses and unis. This is it. We do this sometimes in the national in the playoff because there are only three teams or only three games and you can only get so many variations. This is the national title game like in terms of like what I would want. Not in terms of like
Starting point is 01:39:01 oh okay the best team's going to come out of there no but in terms of like best matchup like this is the game most likely to be like oh I saw some cool shit that I have not seen before this is maybe the greatest alamo bowl of all time yeah yeah yeah this feels or this feels like an alamo bowl or a holiday bowl and those traditionally are like the best bowl games because governor's off some insane shit happens coach's son runs onto the field to get a live ball like that kind of stuff yeah you heard me dog So what does that make Michigan Alabama then?
Starting point is 01:39:37 You know that slapping contest like the slapping league where it's just two people trying to slap each other stupid and one of them eventually succeeding that's what this is. They're like Russian, the two Russian guys are slashing? Yeah, UFC does one now basically.
Starting point is 01:39:54 Yeah, Dana White has back. Oh, Dana White got involved in this? You're kidding. I know. Something that could potentially kill someone for money. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah That's what this is That's what this entire game is Yeah
Starting point is 01:40:10 Like tell me It's just not two teams Headbutting each other For like two and a half hours Yeah With a sunset With a gorgeous sunset It's gonna be like
Starting point is 01:40:19 The most beautiful setting In all of college football And two teams Determined to see Who can kick each other in the gruntle Until they cry Beneath the San Gabriel Mountains The sound of shit
Starting point is 01:40:31 Shins and toes impacting the grundle. Right of the tape. Toe meets grundle. These two bulldozes hate each other. And now they will settle it on the gridiron once and for all. Yeah. J.J. McCarthy, looking very confused. Jalen Milrow looking like Jalen Milrow, which is also very confused, but excited.
Starting point is 01:40:48 Very excited. Running tell, Mel. I told you, it's the disrespectful. There you are. Just crap it all over. You hear that? Both of you? There I go.
Starting point is 01:40:59 Providing free motivation forever. Everyone, that's all I do. Please stop praying for my grandpa. He's getting too strong. This is what upset me about that athletic piece where all the SEC head coaches went in and we're like, I think Bama's going to beat Michigan. First of all, a whole bunch of SEC coaches think that the SEC is better than the Big Ten breaking. Second of all, you, I'm going to feel real dumb about this when the score comes around, but you've given Michigan actual disrespect. this is actual disrespect
Starting point is 01:41:33 this is actually a disrespectful thing you've done here and now you've given them something real are you insane I'm not saying they're going to become powerful I'm saying they're going to have more annoying than they ever have before because they have actual disrespect to chew on
Starting point is 01:41:47 yeah they did it they did it you're welcome you're welcome it's it's also like Michigan is the more Alabama team of the two these year, this year, I think. And I think Alabama
Starting point is 01:42:06 is the more traditionally Michigan team. Which one of these teams says run the ball 30 times? 30 times in a row. Oh, right, right. 30 times in a row in a game this year. It's not Alabama. No.
Starting point is 01:42:22 No. No. It's Michigan. And what I thought was either their most inspired play calling or like the record was stuck and they just didn't know what to do like that was a good fucking song so yes it could say run it back well it's also just like
Starting point is 01:42:38 Michigan has all the Alabama defensey things that we're used to seeing from Alabama but Alabama has like the more interesting recent big win which Michigan just doesn't because nobody cared about the big nine championship game I don't know it's just a weird real reversal at this point Yeah, watch this be a 3834 thriller And Washington, Texas come out to a 10-7 Slugfest
Starting point is 01:43:08 Because we're very smart and we know things I don't make predictions Two teams will win, that's what I got Ryan Nanny, too good for predictions Typical elite Run on the fence Wait just be how things go All the way up there on your high horse
Starting point is 01:43:25 Is this Irish? I don't fucking know Okay.

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