Shutdown Fullcast - 2023 College Football Coaching Carousel: Right Bucket, Wrong Head

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Huge breaking news out of the SEC West following Saturday’s games! Also, they went and fired Jimbo What’s next for A&M, Mississippi State, San Diego State, the previously-evacuated Northwestern and Michigan State gigs, and other assorted progrums Visit sunny preownedairboats.com! Subscribe to Vacation Bible School and Channel 6 and Buried Treasure! Listen to We’re Not All Like This and DNF! Sign your name away in full faith to Shutdown Fullbooks! (This last one is about to be VERY important) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown fullcast. You are listening to the Internet's only college football podcast. I am Spencer Hall, joined as always by my compatriot. It's Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and on the one's end, two is Michael's server. Before anything else, we should let you know. This broadcast is brought to you by Coors Light. That's right. Mountain cold refreshment.

Made to chill. Are we still trying to get teens to buy fragrances? What, like, Axe Body Spray? Well, or cool water. Yeah, or cool water. I don't know. I know a normal amount of teens for someone who doesn't have one,

which is to say hardly any. Did we just stop pretending that teens, did we just start pretending that teens smell good? Oh, they don't know. Or smell fine somewhere along the way? That's not good. Are we still trying to make this happen, though? We should start again.

It feels like around 20 years ago that was like, you should smell like Paris Hilton. You should buy the Paris Hilton scent. Do they still do celebrity scents? I don't know. And maybe this is part of the death of magazine journalism. Because normally you get your magazine and it came with 18 samples. Let's see.

I'm Googling perfume news. They still sell CK1. Everyone should just wear that. So. Thank you for referencing Cool Water. That's the thing I haven't thought about a long time. Holy shit. There's a lot of new perfumes.

That much I know. Yeah. Just based on one Google. Spencer, have you ever worn cologne? You know, Britney Spears has a new scent. that's what brittany's doing with her life what is brittany's new cent called it's called jungle fantasy um the release of that and her memoir at the same time it's a big month for her huh so jungle fantasy that's you know that's no no no no just it's all wrong there's a lot

of beings that live in jungles a lot there's a lot there's a lot there smell like a sloth get your sloth fragrance on sloths don't move very fast they probably well that could that could generate a number of different smells actually yeah they probably don't

takes them a long time to get to the shower we used to call them so we called them rainforest for a long time apparently we're not doing that anymore aren't they different I thought they were different oh I thought I thought that rainforest was just like the more scientific term

well there can be there can be there can be cold weather rainforest they do exist and there can be warm ones. I think it's generally like jungles. They're generally like... Junkle horses rainforest. Oh, the term jungle is a descriptive term, not a scientific one.

Yeah. It's the Crohn's disease of ecosystems. Definitely. I've always said that. Listen, I'm just assuming server is going to use that part as the cold open. And if he does it, too bad for you, listener. You don't know what the hell's going on. Neither do I.

Let me tell you what. There are some celebrity fragrances I didn't realize were in the market. One is power by 50 cents. Yes, which you can purchase. It gets four and a half stars. That's pretty good, I guess. And it goes for as low as $8.37. A bargain.

Yeah, there's the name of this one is so fucking British. Intimately Beckham. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I don't need soccer grundle. What was that voice? What was that? I have no idea, but it was... English pervert.

Yes, English pervert. Somebody who is like, you could smell like David Beckham's tape. Antonio Banderas has eight colognes. What? The right number. I think that's fine. So many clones.

Based on the era in which he was, in which his star shone brightest, I think that's the right number. I'm so glad you brought up Antonio Banderas. Okay. Because I think we need to talk about the big news coming out of the SEC West Yes, I think it is time

As he is an alum Of Arkansas? No, no, he's not No? No, but why did he come up, Polly? Is everybody aware of what happened to Arkansas over the weekend? I am, I don't know if the other two are... Not the losing 48 to 10 to Auburn part That was what I thought you were talking about. It was a halftime thing.

Does something relate to the motion picture industry? Yes, yes. There is a minor to-do on Arkansas scale brewing in Arkansas fandom because video surfaced over the weekend that during halftime of the Arkansas game in an adjacent locker room housing to the main locker room housing I guess the walk-ons and the freshman with a score of 27 to 3 Auburn

the players were spending half-time watching the Robert Zemeckis creepy holiday animated film The Polar Express people are upset about this and I completely understand why this is one of the worst movies ever made one of the ugliest

if you wanted to take it it's like a scientific study was conducted for how to make Tom Hanks repellent and it's only worked once and it's in this movie this is one of the best children's books of all time made into one of the worst

movies of all time and Sports Illustrated was kind enough to do the research and figure out that in order for them to be watching the Polar Express, the TV in the locker room must have inadvertently, inadvertently been tuned to TBS. I personally have a letterbox list called It Was on TBS. And I just want to tell you that it could have been a lot

worse. Here are the list of movies on my It Was on TBS list. There are seven of them. One, Antonio Banderas, the 13th Warrior. That would have been better. That could have pumped them up. Two, the Italian job, the remake, 2003. Much better. Better. Three, Reese Witherspoon's cinema debut, Man in the Moon, 1991.

Worse. Four, Jet Lee, starring Kiss of the Dragon, 2001. Better, way better. Both overboards, the 1987 and 2018 editions. Better, worse. Okay. Yeah, I think. Totally agree.

And Lady Hawk. Better. All I can think about now is Lady Hog. Lady Hog. And Woodwatch. How we need to remake this for a couple who have been cursed to never be together because she's a feral pig by day. Yes. And then he only falls more in love because he's like, what's more beautiful than this feral home?

Look at them haunches. But he has to chase the pig. Like, that's the, that's the conceit. I am going to take Anna Ferris from the overburne. remake and put her in the role that Michelle Pfeiffer played in the original. What? He turned into a wolf? You just turned into like a, yeah, she turned

into a hawk and he turned into like a just something boring. Like I like the idea that during, that during the day he has to like chase this feral pig around me because they're trying to stick together and the feral pig gives no sheds. Yeah. Maybe the feral pig is playing around.

And also, what also, they're being hunted, they're being hunted by a church official. No, wait, there is a black wolf, but I forget if he's the wolf or not. I think he is. Okay. But multiple wolves?

Yeah. He's, that's the deal. There's a wolf. He doesn't start out as a wolf. That's an NW. Wolfpack, brother. Yeah. Okay. Sturber, thank you for translating.

Okay. Also, by the way, this is a movie in which Michelle Pfeiffer falls in love with Matthew Broderick. Is that true? Not, I mean, not in real life. I thought she was in love with Rucker Hauer I thought that's the whole thing

I mean which one's the wolf I've only seen this once and I and it's all I'm already enjoying So they're all boys are wolves and all girls Wait wait is she not in love with Matthew Broderick I don't think so Every Hauer's gonna tell you I own this on laser disc And it's been that long since I've seen it

How many people are animals in this movie? Just the two I think Okay I think I think it's just the two people And at different times of day Yeah that's their whole curse is that like They love each child other, but they can never, they can only be human together like at sunrise and sunset. One of them is like an animal between sunrise and sunset and sunset. Is this a cartoon or something? No, it's a live

action film from the 80s, bro. Alfred Molina is also in it. He plays Cesar, the wolf trapper to the bishop. Also, there were two hawks that played Lady Hawk. Yeah, one of them. The Pope's Exorcist, Bishop's Wolftrapper. One of them was named Gift, and the other one was named Spike 2. Yeah. So let's see But they didn't like that name for the movie So they changed Spike 2's name to Lady Hawk So one's awake all day Spine is an absolute beast during the day

And the other one is an absolute beast From sunset to sunrise This is like if Nick Sabin And Dana Holgerson tried to be friends Hey Nick, just getting in? Nope, just getting up I'm gonna turn it to a futon now What a tragedy

I'm in love with this beautiful dirty foothal Power is the one in love with Michelle Pfeiffer. Matthew Broderick's just the one who solves it. Yeah, he's just like there. He's the thief. He's the bishops, the bishop's exercise. No, he's like some thief. Yeah, he's like, he's the little like plucky thief who saves the day.

Yeah. But again, better than Polar Express. Auburn, can you imagine, yeah. Auburn, can you imagine if you would let this happen on your watch and a movie about human animal hybrids being hunted by the church had led to Arkansas's defeat of you? I mean, they could have been watching porn.

In an Auburn's case, Hugh would have walked in and gone, oh, that's a good one. I mean, turn that off. I do like that Sam Pittman had to, like, extensively comment on this, including this line. There were so many people angry about this. I don't understand. He said, I didn't even know there was a TV in there.

Somehow the TV got turned on. I don't think I'll be perfectly honest with you I don't think that him being in the red shirt locker room and halftime watching a movie had anything to do with us getting our butts kicked. I think he's right. Yeah. I think he's right.

Also, the motivational scene where they drift a train without rails. I think, you know, at that point, try anything. Also, Sam Pittman may be the only coach who starts off a sentence with I'll be perfectly honest with you and then does not proceed to lie through his fucking teeth. I wish he had gone on a roundabout. Like, you know, why can't we,

why can't Thanksgiving get it's time to shine? Why we got to be shown Polar Express? Plains, trains, and automobiles is right there. Come on, y'all. Listen, if anything would have set the mood for that particular day, it was home for the holidays. Yeah. Just Sam Pittman's sitting there in the third quarter.

He hasn't moved. Teams already out on the field losing, getting their butt kicked, and he's watching the family stone for the third time. Hey, that's a, listen, we don't really think of these coaches as, We always think of these coaches as like old men in time apart. Sam Pittman, I think, is technically a Gen Xer. Family Stone is right in his line. Home Alone, too, Lost in New York is a bowl season movie.

Don't turn it on yet. Because we have no, we have no way to be around long enough to see it. You didn't earn that this season, boys. Sorry. Well, if they watch it now, they're going to have nothing to do in early to mid to late December. You don't get to see Tim Curry. You just don't. Oh, brutal.

You go watch legend. coach people are genuinely upset about this and all I'm saying is that they're upset for the wrong reasons because a it could have been a way worse movie because TBS is there B okay it could have been an even better movie because speed could have been on because it was TBS man and D at everything else about Arkansas no I can't overstate how creepy and awful the Polar Express movie is sure I don't remember any of the Polar Express plot which I'm not sure how important that is but is there a version of it

where you just don't pay much attention to the dialogue and it kind of is speed? No, because you have to look at, you have to, I think speed depends a lot about, you know, you care if the bus explodes because you care about the characters on the bus, and every human character in the Polar Express has these dead shark eyes because they had not quite figured out CGI mapping yet. And I would be, I feel like we would be safer all in all if that train did plunge into an unseen abyss. So it's ugly, ugly speed. The sex scenes are terrible, too.

Yeah, it's, yeah. That's probably what they walked in on. Polar Express. I thought you said this was a movie about Rails. Yeah, see? Coach. And polls. It is.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like, I'm going to do it. Hold on. I got to Google it. Is there a... Don't do it. Don't do it.

Why would they not be Polar Express porn? Oh, my God. this is a tough ask though it also like well the whole plot does revolve around a jingle bell and how if you can't hear it you don't believe clap those cheeks if you believe in fairies takes place on a fucking train at me ryan nanny don't do it no i'm very i'm very sorry i truly am i don't want to be this way there is a an adult film called the poll her express Oh, that's better than anything we come up with. This is why they bring in the pros, folks.

How is Tom Hanks in that one? More lifelike, I assume. Tom Spanx. It's Shett. It's Shet. It is Chet Hase. It is a lot more sense. Worst part is just the Jamaican patch wall the whole time. It's very off putting or whatever.

Sam Pippin still has a job, though. Can't say that about everybody in his division. Can you know? Yeah, there we go. now we go logically to the second most important news of the day. Yep. Also in the news is a... Beep-de-peep-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-peaggy news.

I guess he's out of the news now. Aggie news should be done like the farm report. Like it should just be... It should have like the old-fashioned ticker. And it should have a guy in a short-sleeved shirt and a black tie and horn rims. It's like, today in college station. But it's like Alex Jones's farm report. No, they actually did it.

They went and did it. Yeah, they pulled the big fucking trip. trigger, yehaw! Something to say it. We're all afraid to say it. $77 million. $7.4. Don't forget that point four.

Jimbo won't. No. You better give me my money, you son of a bitch. Do we want to price this in trucks like we did for first downs that one game? Holy fuck. A big-ass nice truck. How many King Ranch is classic? Okay, so hold on.

I'll do the math on the King Ranch here. Talk amongst yourselves. So this, the initial lump sum is like $30 million, right? Oh, is that all? Which is bigger than Gus Malzahn's buyout, which already was the biggest in college football history, right? Now, going forward, they owe Jimbo seven, they owe Jimbo a Bobby Vanilla deal, $7 million a year for da-da-da-da-da. With, I don't believe, any offset.

There is no offset. There's no offset. Meaning he can go get paid $100,000 by. anybody nix aban or whoever just let the aggies keep funding he can go work for minimum wage doesn't matter the fact is not the thing that i keep coming back to and have since they hired him is not quite so much that they paid him this much because aggies are crazy and they have money it's that they wanted him that badly to avoid offsets yeah they wanted him that badly to give him a stringless deal i'm trying to think back to when this happened because i remember the other

the other deal I remember like this for obvious reasons is Will Must Jam's deal at Florida didn't have any offsets, which is why he went and I think he went and became the DC at Auburn after they fired him and didn't cut into his contract at all. And so I wonder if there was an element of like, well, Will Mustamp doesn't have a goddamn offset and he's an idiot. So we're definitely not going to, we're definitely not going to give one to Jimbo. That'd be insulting. You're right. That's it. I feel like the. entirety of this deal I've just had the

exact same thought which is like the stupidity of the deal is part of the joy that the Aggies got in the deal they just like being able to say Texas spent how much well we spent even more and we didn't even put a restrictor plate on it

we didn't put a safety on it we didn't put nothing on it we don't give a shit money's nothing money's nothing but the horns they'd worry about dropping this much money but we sure don't Like, the lack of thrift is part of the part of what they liked about hiring him. Yeah, there is, there will be no learning, right? Like I wrote about this, but like, I love that there were three or four earnest attempts to be like, oh, what, college, when are we going to stop the madness?

Never. There will be no learning. Rich people don't have to learn shit. That's why they're rich. When someone like, and I don't even know who it would be because like the government has actual problems, but like it would take something, it would take someone stepping in and making it literally impossible to cut this deal for this deal not to happen. Yeah, because this is like there are so many weird incentives set up to do this, not the least of which are big feelings, big feelings that were the little fish in this pond. We can't be the little fish and we got all this cash. no you can spend all that cash and still be like the second or third best team in the state also mind you

A&M did this when they were Texas's only SEC team that status is gone now now now they have literally nothing to hold over Texas in the branding war that is always taking place in the A&M mind other than we have a lot of money so the next deal might be worse that's that that's what i'm saying like this i i heard one argument you know they're saying okay well why don't you just go get utsa's head coach trailer okay um it seems normal right and that that's a normal thing for a normal school to do i don't know texas a and m well enough are they going to have a are they going to have a uh an lSU problem uh back when lSU was It was considering hiring Billy Napier, only they didn't, because another Texas school in the state would automatically be they're going to a lesser institution in their minds.

Maybe. Because I agree with you. They should go get trailer, go get Joey McGuire, but will they look at them? They might, but my, my clarification. Are they that kind of stupid? I know every school is several kinds of stupid. Is this in their portfolio? I mean, that's half the reason you hire Jimbo.

But they, when they hired, I'm so tired that his name escapes me, Jimbo's predecessor. Kevin Salmon. They hired from Houston, right? Correct. So like, they have done the will go, but maybe that's why they won't do it again. They're like, no, we tried that. Well, even, no matter who they do, even if they reach in their eyes down to pull a guy who is a great fit and who is, if they do that, they'll overpriced. pay him and then in their mind like seriously this is money brain they'll go oh well i mean you know we'll we'll make him that look we're paying him seven million dollars a year but he's got to

be good coaches you're paying him 10 million dollars that the scale is unique the phenomenon is not like Indiana is can't fire their head coach because they would have to pay him 20 million dollars. Pat Nardousie has something like a $30 million pie up. Like somebody sat down and said, we can't risk losing Pat Narduzzi. We have to tether ourselves to a $30 million boulder to make sure that it doesn't happen. You can't let the dues lose? The idea, I think the idea of a buyout maybe used to mean this is what we will use as a form of like deterrent right mutual deterrence yeah mutual deterrence on both sides because you thought and it made

sense in cases where you thought your coach might leave and you want some protection against that on your side and in exchange they get some protection from you firing them it has stopped meaning the former altogether yeah like if A&M goes and gets Davoswini like it's not going to be because, oh, well, that Clemson buyout was just not, you know, they just couldn't make, that's not going to be why that doesn't happen. And, and now, I don't know, like, A&M just did a stupid thing. A&M did a stupid thing that a lot of schools do, but they just did it bigger and stupider than everybody else. God, they might take pride in that. I mean, if I were them, I would try to take pride in that. Yeah, I, I, unironically. Also, I'm going to, I have no

takes about this except for this and it's this that Jimbo did a good job he did a good job when your work where okay at A&M he did a good job so 20 okay break that down I will break that down recruiting recruiting recruiting that's good recruiting I didn't say great I didn't say great one of one of those classes was incredible yeah and the rest were pretty good I think you can put them at pretty good. Okay. In terms of win totals, okay? Did they win any championships?

Absolutely not. There is a blank. There is a blank plaque where the eventual... I really want to know what happens to that thing now. I really do. Mm-hmm. Who would... You were going to pay $201 for it, Jason, right?

Outbidding the previous bid of Ryan. We could all bid together. We could pool our resources. Mind you, the plaque, the playoff trophy. The plaque that was handed to Jimbo when he arrived, the blank fill-in-the-date plaque that some Aggie handed to him, it is an NCAA Division I football championship plaque. That means it's an FCS championship.

There is no such thing as an NCAA championship of the FBS. So, therefore, FCS schools, he's all yours. South Dakota got something to say. Man, they can do so much better. They already are. go jacks that's the other one no i'll look let's take them there they can my god they might beat a and m right now i'm saying you've watched them play they're aggressive as hell they're fucking yeah yeah they should be getting AP votes they should be getting AP votes

SEC kick out A&M go get Furman yeah which by the way like if you've uh if you've watched them play they really are startling all right i want to go back You said Jimbo was good at his job. Recruiting, you said good. Wins. Yes. You'll see how he swerved everybody? I think wins were lacking at best.

Okay, so he has 650 winning, 650 winning percentage. Okay. You know, which puts... Solan-esque. Yes, which, by the way, a higher percentage than Paul Bear Bryant at the school. And how long was Paul Bear Bryant there? Never mind. That's devastating to my case.

And did... So the bag was dry. dropped for Paul Bear Bryant in recruiting famously. Not to the extent that it was dropped for Jimbo. Nevertheless, go ahead. That's not a bag. It's like a planet. They dropped a planet on Jimbo.

Thank you for this planet made of money. I will never spend all of it. Speaking of which, does this thing pay out if he's dead? Because they can hunt him from a helicopter. Oh, I bet it does. I bet this sucker does. There's absolutely no way that Jimbo's like, now you've got to give it to my kids.

It's double if I'm dead. If there were a non-Aransas school that I think might go, you know, it would definitely be this one. I would not be shocked if there was some sort of, you know, like provision in there where it was like, and you can't kill me because I know you're thinking about it. Damn it. You got me again. Out of everything. We got to hire this guy. You know, maybe that's what sealed the deal.

He's like, you can't kill me and they throw all their heads up and they're like, ah, this guy gets it. No, it's not even fun. Yeah. I was thinking that. I know you were. That's why we're friends. All right. So, so he's won at a Sumblin-esque clip.

He's one, a really good recruiting class. Listen, that's. That was purchased. We're very warped. This is an above average coach in terms of wins, nationally speaking. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Well, that's fine. Was he what? Yeah. No, like, don't, I'm not saying anything. That's why he got six years. I'm not saying anything crazy. I'm just saying, this is the man delivered. He's like, what?

I'm an eight and four coach here. That never really wavered too much. in either direction. And if you fire him after six years to that, that means you don't want an eight and four coach. Well, yeah. It's pretty obvious. I mean, I think this year, honestly, it's really fucked up,

but this is probably his best coaching, like the best coaching he's done since he's been there. First of all, he saddled with Bobby Petrino. Granted, never mind how Bobby Petrino got there. Secondly, he's had about a million quarterback injuries. He's had three one-score losses to top 20 or better teams. Oh, they're very close to this being an awesome season. There's a, like, without a block field goal, they beat Ole Miss.

Like, yeah, they're really, really close to being a top five team right now. Maybe you could have one player healthy would change that, would change that difference. Am I making excuses for Jimbo? No, it's the richest man in the world. Yeah, you don't have to make an excuse for him. I don't have to make excuses for him. He is sleeping, like, he is sleeping, like, belly down on a pile of gold bullion right now. Yeah, like to me the previous years.

Last year specifically. Yeah, yeah, meant last year, good fucking God, means he got no benefit of the doubt, no matter how, like, sorry, but you have to win those after last year. Yeah, and he didn't, and he's fired. And now the equation is, we have solved this equation, we have balanced it, right?

But they don't want just good. They don't want just a guy who's like, well, you know, we'll just have that. And I think a lot of this too had to do with the way the product looked. Like, it's just not entertaining to watch. In year six, I didn't even have anything fun. to sort of hang my hat on here. Grim.

Grim. So, like, good, when you have that kind of money involved, like, and you have this kind of program, which if you just said, okay, well, what did you do? Essentially, at best, he was a caretaker for the program. Like, that's it. Like, what are you going to do? I'm just doing Aggie stuff. We'll go eight and four.

We'll have some bunch of disappointing losses. And I'll look a lot like Kevin Sumlin, and I'll look a little worse than R.C. Slocum. But doesn't everybody? And that's when the course behind you is like, R. C. Slocum. He's like the Randolph Scott in Blazing Saddles, right? But yeah, ultimately they paid him to be a normal A&M coach with normal A&M results,

and that's not what they thought they were getting. Yeah, they seem to have believed that Jimbo's run at FSU was about more than a very special group of players led by James Winston, which leads me to conclude that half that $77 million belongs to James Winston. For better or worse, yeah. I mean, well, half of $77 million is better, I think. But, like, without that guy, Jimbo's just some former FSU coach. It's summer.

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Gene Chiswick. I think you got a couple two. Oh, Cam Newton some things. Not that he's not that he doesn't have enough problems. but Mel Tucker, your courtesy phone is ringing. Yeah, Kenneth Walker, is on the other end of the line. Yeah. I pose this question on Blue Sky, and I truly don't know the answer.

So this happened after A&M beat Mississippi State by like, I don't know, 34 points or something. Yep. Like, just stomped them. Probably their most complete game of the year. With, again, Jason's right. I think their third quarterback they were on to. Maybe they're fourths. Yeah.

No, Max Johnson didn't play. Oh, gosh, no, it was the other guy. Yes, because they brought out an imposter before the game. Impostore. Don't you remember this? Who was, did you read the quote on this, by the way? No. Because he was a, it was, the official explanation given by the coach was that Max Johnson,

the backup to Max Johnson had forgotten his practice. and Matt Johnson gave him his because he was a good teammate Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, sure So we're not even trying The quarterback was Jalen Henderson, by the way So A&M crushes Mississippi State Fires Jimbo in a move that they're like

Yeah, we did this like five days ago But it takes a while for the bank to process $77 million dollars And then Mississippi State The Aggie Bank poor No, just slow And then I'm like sick Ryan, he's mean

Mississippi State turns around and fires Zach Arnett on Monday. Is there another mid-season game you can think of where both coaches got fired in the wake of it? Did Sylvester Crum get fired at the same time as one of Mississippi State's opponents? The only thing I could think of is more Mississippi State. Let me go look. Who got fired when Kroom got fired? Because didn't he get at least two other coaches fired during? So Kroom resigned after the Egg Bowl.

so it was the season ending game for them. There's a really good chance. Ole Miss coaching change. That's always a, always semi-like. But didn't crew get more? I mean, we had a verb for it in early 80s, yes. It was getting croomed. I was wondering when the last coach chronologically to get croomed was.

So this was Houston Nutt's first season, so he did not get fired by Ole Miss. The end-season part is. really really tricky that's the that's the hard part yeah a result so appalling for both parties that they they fired everyone just said we're done here uh Mike so let's who was who was it Mike Shula Ron Zook um I'm looking here the um the closest I've seen comes from Jana Bartall and the until Saturday newsletter at the athletic dot com 2021 Miami beat Duke 47 to 10. And then the Mani-Di-Di-As thing happened.

Yeah. And Duke parts ways with the three-and-nine David Cutcliffe. That's like the closest. I mean, I don't recall anything closer than that. It wasn't in season. Right. But that's, yeah, that's. It was, it was immediately after Miami ending a disappointing season and Duke ending a disappointing season with a big loss. Yeah. This is, I don't know, people on Wikipedia, by the way. Oh, got it. God. Thank you, Georgia sports blog. There's some chefs because they've been cooking the name for the 2019 game, the new name for the 2019 game that I had not seen before, the piss, the miss, and the double dismiss. Yeah, that egg bowl, yes. Yeah, that egg bowl.

That's about as close as I can get, yeah. All right, that egg ball. So, cool. The Georgia Sports blog groups to this bunch. The Georgia Sports blog groups to this bunch. Manuncio from Murray State, Tulane twice, Watson Brown at UAB, and then a section they called Night of the Living Croomed, which includes Rich Brooks, Eddows run at Ole Miss, and Jacksonville State's Jack Crowe.

Jack Crow got that day after. They lost to the Citadel and they fired his ass on Sunday morning. So the Ole Miss P game. I'm so glad we're back to this. I'm not even being sarcastic. I'm just checking in on these guys. Matt Luke's still at Georgia. So no change there.

Mississippi State has since replaced their 2020 head coach. Da-da-da. Oh my God, there's so much shit here. It would, it's like a whole other post catching up on everything that happened here. Well, yeah, because the universe keeps expanding, right? So there's always going to be, there's also going to be more branches to update. There's also that, unless you subscribe to the big.

bounce theory at which at some point the universe begins contracting back down and then like everyone will reappear at the at the fateful egg bowl bringing us and he'll and he'll pretend to pee and nothing will happen they pretend pee will go back up oh shit yeah like a like us there's listen there's not much right now that makes me want to live that kind of makes me want to live this thanksgiving on uh espn you haven't you always wanted to be closer to matt luke no No, I can't say I have. No, thank you. Come cuddle, buddy.

Bring it in. You smell like wet ham. They have appointments for that. Matt Luke sent. Which is, this is, by the way. It smells like a ham sandwich that you left in your car. Like, but you take the sandwich out, but the car still is in there. Car ham.

Oh, never mind now I like it. I love, my favorite thing about this time of the season is. I talk myself into it. you get coaches start to play um play dictator uh start well the part where they start throwing assistance over the balcony the mob's like give us someone

and they're like take this guy you want the minister of the interior like they just keep James Franklin's just out there being like who else not me no who else you want guys I'm so glad that we finally get to see James Franklin run the offense the way James Franklin intended it's about time it's hard we've held back by this asshole JF unleashed

There is a certain segment of Twitter that is both Penn State and Bill's fans Yeah I was just thinking about this And I know Those people are like God damn it that's not the head we wanted in either case It's a perfectly good head

Peter Bucks is sitting there going Right bucket wrong head Right bucket wrong head long head. Put correct head into correct bucket. This is my Bill's bucket. Put Sean McDermott's head in it. We have fired coach at home.

That's a big fucking bucket for a Yeah. Going to need you that deluxe yetty bucket. That head falling in a bucket. It's going to go cutche. Clang! Clang, bang, bang with the buckets.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. What the head. Ken Dorsey, go. get the A&M job, baby. You know, what might happen, say there's a turnaround, right? Say the bills make the playoffs. That means offensive surge. They stopped dicking around and doing the dumbest things ever and all that shit.

God, where's the fuck of that? They're so fucking awesome. Did you guys stay up for last night? Incredible. It's very funny that the bills and Penn State are dumb in two completely different direction. The bills are, let's do everything dumb. And Penn State's like, let's not do, stay home.

Let's do nothing at all. They lost the game because, so it was the Broncos who suck, the field goal, miss. Oh, nope, nope, there is total chaos going on and the bills had too many guys on the field re-kick. It's good. It's incredible stuff. And there's like a million other things as well. What happened here was on third down within field goal range,

Which they got to, largely thanks to a pass interference on a badly under three ball. On a moonball, yeah. The Broncos set up to, there's like 26 seconds left. They set up to take a knee, but they didn't have a timeout. So everybody involved understands what's going to happen here. They're going to take a knee. And immediately the field goal team is going to come on. And they did it efficiently enough on the Broncos end that like they didn't miss this

kick because it was rushed. He just missed it. And there was, it's not like they had to do an untimed down. There's still four seconds left on the clock. But Buffalo, apparently, was the only group. The coaches were the only group that didn't understand how this was going to work and put too many men on the field. And, like, that's, I don't know if it's absolutely the most painful way to win a game because last week, Nick Saban got asked about the bluegrass miracle and that one sucked pretty bad as well. But to watch a kick miss, when it seems like you're going to win by one, and they get flagged for 12 men on the field, in a way that didn't benefit you.

Like, people brought up the Tennessee LSU game with Derek Dooley, where they had 13 men on the field, 14 men, whatever. At least. No. But that at least you could make the case that. That at least is an ethos. And you could at least make the case there that part of why Tennessee got that stop was because of the excessive number of men on the field.

The 12th dude had nothing. It's not like the 12th dude blocked this kick. Throw up his visual equilibrium. That's right. That's right. No. Something is wrong in the universe. Regardless, the point is this was Ken Dorsey who sent the extra field goal guy out there.

This is his fault. It's time for him to die. A bunch of top fives in like major statistical categories. I enjoyed, I enjoyed there's a discussion today going back and forth between every football analytics person who's like, on paper, this is a very offense. And every Bill's fan being like, but no! They're fucking awesome. And they're five and five. Josh Allen makes a lot of good, alarmed faces.

He's sort of like the Hulk version of Eli Manning. That's good. Yeah, that is good. Like creatine Manning. I'm so much larger and stronger, but equally panicked. He-Ly Manning. He-Ly-Ly. So say they get it turned around and say they become normal and make the playoffs and all that stuff, right?

And then the offense looks competent and no more dumb bullshit happens. Well, Super Bowl. Sure, yeah. Who are we going to attribute with this turnaround? Joe Brady. Wow, where did he come from? I was you, baby. Wow, he has SEC West experience.

Ignore what happened with the Panthers. Panthers didn't happen. That's not real. SEC West, national title experience. Best offense in possibly the history of college football? Yep. Get it done. Get it done, Ags.

90 million. Had you liked it? 200 million. Had you liked to come on? on home for the low price of $500 million a year. Whop! A quarter billion dollars. You can come to Aggie Land.

What a friend we have in Dog Church. What a wild first... What a wild first head coaching job that would be. Wow. Straight in the fire. The only head coaching job if you want it. Yeah. One year and you've got generational wealth.

That's what Joe Biden should run on for his second term. Every American will get one contract to be Texas A&M and coach, and that's how we'll fix social security. Yeah, they're not going to vote for him anyway. He should just go ahead to do this. Yeah, yeah, just guess what, X, you're saving the world. What, you're not rich enough to make everybody head coach for a month? I don't trust Joe Biden to pick up. I don't trust Joe Biden to pick a coach for me, and they're like, do we trust you?

You might as well try something different, buddy. because you know you're pretty good at picking very expensive and merely okay that's what that's what you were going with it's also said he was good you said he was good it's good i'm okay of saying good did a did a did a did a good job they don't want good they want aggressive i think good you think good's aggressive yeah he wasn't mediocre mediocre means in the middle mediocre would mean six and six it's like calling an airport sandwich good. The mediocre

when you get to pick your whole entire out of conference schedule is like 7 and 5, 8, and 4. There are people who fuck that up. That's, then that then...

Wasn't it him? The Abstate game may have been a mistake in our respect. When you just can't help but out talent most of your schedule. My favorite bit I've gotten

from this in the last month of just looking stuff in various stories. The greatest confluence of two stories for me was someone going, yeah, you know, it's great because Jimbo, you couldn't steal his signs because they were so slow getting the place.

It's so complex. That's why he does them all. That's why he has hard copies of all his signals. He's fucking choose your own adventure playbook that may have been the moment when I knew he was most fired, because you know, you're like, you suspect, you're like, I don't know, probably go to can him. And then there's a coach on the other end of the phone going, you know he's so

slow in getting the plays in that they can't actually steal his signs and I'm like oh his ass is done he's firing he's that's that's perfect infosec right there remember this was a 2013 fSU Auburn one of the big scandals right there's signs stealing going on with with with with with towels being raised to block the signals do you mean Craig who I think is on the A&M staff see see yeah peek it info sec all around and of course big innovation was towels that was it like get some big ass towels the towel is basically a big ass piece of paper it's a big white flag is everything is it's also that it's a solution to bring me more paper i can't imagine a greater change that going from like the godless snowy wastes of

buffalo where you've just managed to turn this team around and you step off the plane and there's like like an army band greeting you by playing a song and they're like hey couch. I'd be like, I'm getting right back on. Oh, it's not just an army, man. It's like, it's like fucking quantum leap. You're like, holy shit, it's 1947 here. What the fuck just happened? Oh, boy.

What I am really curious about is not necessarily who gets this job, but which ambitious coach pulls the Brady Hook with Tennessee was the best example of it recently. Which coach is like, yeah, I'm going to go for this. It is just like, doesn't have a shot. Like, is John Gruden calling up college station be like, buddy, the Grudester's never been more ready? Tanned, you know it. Tended and racist.

Never needed rest. A little bit horny, too. Well, you've come to the right place. Yeah. there is nowhere sexier than college station Texas. Bob and Petrino's like, that's right. That's right. Man, we got past using him and Saddle in the same sentence,

and we're going to steer into this kid now. Man, what was he doing all year? Laying low, man. Like, phew, man. What if they score like 40 points a game from here on? Well, they will. They have an FCS game. What if they beat LSU?

Are they going to put Petrino in time? With this defense, I don't think that would impress anybody. No, I'm pretty sure they're third in the SEC in scoring, by the way. Like, I think they have the third highest scoring offense. That's not an opinion. You know, we can look that up. I know. I like that Spencer embraces life in a way that, like, we did before we all had the

internet in our pockets, where you're just sort of like, is Dom DeLuiz dead? I don't know. Let's argue about it for half an hour. It feels right. Any interpretations. Fourth, their average 34.2 points again. The last time we brought this up, we argued specifically about Dom DeLuiz being alive or not. That sounds right.

Yeah. Okay. Well, someday we'll be. Right? Unless we already are. Not late, just to say. Yeah. But, like, PJ Fleck is going to be like, I can get the Texas Say it, I'm job.

Oh, yeah. No. I think he is the right guy. I think he's the only guy crazy enough for this job. We need to, it's fine. I don't think he'll leave his kids unless. He'd look good as a yell leader. Like, he would, he would fit into that costume splendidly.

Just put his stupid ass upper body garment, add some pants to it, make it a jumpsuit. this is an awesome fit that's a long commute for a guy who has a ton of little kids uh but if they you know if they buy you a plane who knows they will they they what are you gonna you think we can't we'll clone them we'll get you new kids we'll get you a set free chouse yeah What do you think we do out of the livestock department? Make a perfect cow. We'll make you a perfect kid. You make people. Yeah, we can clone people.

If you found out Texas Santa Ana for clone people but just didn't do it all that often, you wouldn't be surprised. You'd be like, oh, yeah. It's like, we got eight Johnny Mansell's back there. Aggie meat classes about making people. I guarantee you, you clone Johnny Mansell once. You're like, no, this was not the right choice. We are not doing this again.

This is too, too many. We do not need this much manzell. Well, that was an error. He's three years old and asking to vape. Don't ever do this again. He's not asking. He's just vaping. Yeah, it's just vaping.

He doesn't even, he doesn't even need to vape. He vapes. Like when he farts, it's vaping. Okay, yeah. It comes out of his pores. We can't get him to, we can't get him to do anything but say the word hookah over and over again. Huka lounge. Welcome to Jurassic Park.

He has a zim. deficiency naturally and if he goes without it for 24 hours he dies that's how we control it oh i think it's in like the wine man john john hammond has some major texanum tendencies spared no expense oh that it won't get out and bite me i built something expensive around it i think john hammond did a good job not a great job good job i've i've enjoyed uh his work for many, for many decades now. Mm-hmm. He did a great job. John Hamm had a lot of problems with talent development, too, Jimbo.

It's fine. John Hamm was like, hi, I am a walking caricature of capitalism gone awry, and I wear a cool hat. Go Aggies. We're going to go play Alabama now. It's called the Raptors. Hey, we beat Alabama. Beat Alabama once.

Yeah. Sure. Kind of almost did it another time. Yeah. Came kind of close. see a good job a good job you know what

I think he needed more time I think that's why I think I think they'll second guess themselves on this one I think they'll say coach how about would 10 million extra smooth this whole thing over I mean to be very clear one funny outcome here is

Jimbo goes and gets another head coaching job somewhere else and immediately succeeds immediately successful we're going to find out that the greatest destabilization program one one football team has ever mounted on another is jerry jones being the secret booster in the a and m corps who's making them do all of these things right they're like booster x is giving him a raise what he's got too much cash we can't fight him

well fellers the call just came in from booster x operation dump a shitload of money engaged And Jerry's on his, like, luxury blimp high over college station. Bombing it with me. Just sang glory hole in an interview again for no reason. Because he knows good and well what it means. He does. He does.

Oh, please. That man knows. He's like, Barry Switzer taught me what it meant. Great guy. Really great. Yeah. This is supposed to be, I wasn't this supposed to be a slow? this is like anytime anybody says

this will be a slow coaching carousel it was slow to get going compared to the last few years so we are at it's like one of those roller coasters like the Hulk one at Universal Studios that shoots you out of the gate yeah that's Michigan State Northwestern yeah and then there's that big

climber it's going dinga dinga dinga dingin for several weeks so right now as we record we're up to Michigan State Northwestern Texas A&M Boise State Mississippi State San Diego State All opening. Yeah.

Cool. RIP. Man, San Diego State has had a real stupid run here. Like, I can't do the Brady Hope Boys. It was not that long ago. I can't do it. Ryan literally can't do it. Yeah, I can't do it.

It will kill him. That might kill you. I think I'd pass out. Try it just a little bit. I'll, I will descend to a coughing fit, I promise. List some pasta dishes. Set a genie Alfredo. That's pretty good.

You sound like Patrick Starr. Boat, Bob! the tour of Italy only at all the garden it hurts so bad I can't do this heroic I'm sorry buddy I'm glad you're here like it was only maybe

eight months ago that San Diego State was like guys we're gonna get into the pack 12 fuck the Mountain West we are on we are moving up and out and now we have not only that we have left the Mountain West who want me anyway we're back in the Mountain West

Now, they didn't move conferences. They've had a terrible year. Brady Hoke is retiring. Retire. Yeah, retiring. Listener note, Ryan did quote fingers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just not a great course of events.

I feel like every time the San Diego State job opens up, it's like, okay, you could probably, you know, you could win some decent stuff there. You could go to a group, a New Year 6 game, you know, like the basketball team proved you can win pretty big there. but there's a hard ceiling, you know, and da-da-da-da, and then it's like... When they keep hiring people who's like, do you have any interest in fitting your program to the talent available in San Diego? Absolutely the fuck not.

I think the main thing is like, you get to live in San Diego. You get to be paid a lot of money to live in San Diego. People forget that San Diego, I mean, the weather's nice, but people forget that San Diego is like Jacksonville West. What's the problem? No, Jacksonville won that playoff game. Boom, go Jags! God damn it

Also that they weren't The Chargers weren't San Diego at the time That's true That's former Chargers coach Ryan Nanny You're shitting all over the Chargers It's not even their problem Not even San Diego anymore Three of us have to get to coach there

Yeah we should save we should save some of our hours No I did it 97 to 99 You say Spencer You were out of the country for half of 1999 That's true That's true I faxed in the Yeah exactly every week

Just faxed it in from East Asia That was me Sounds like you consulted Someone very wise and sent over Still did better than Cam Cameron But again, the good news amongst all this Is that Tom Allen and Pat Arduzzi Are not going to go jump and take any of these jobs

Because you did it, Pitt in Indiana You locked up your sweet boys And they're yours forever Let me tell you what, there would be a heady six weeks Where Tom Allen would convince everyone at college station It was going to work Right? Oh, listen, nobody Like nobody would go harder

nobody would go harder into the Aggie stuff that Tom Allen I love you so much dog I'm gonna kiss this dog on the mouth and if you kiss the dog kiss the dog he might have been able to do it

if not for the recent record that probably is no probably is for the best there'd listen there'd be an uproar and then after like eight hours I guarantee you there'd be like

an eight hour spasm of oh God what do we just do and an hour nine they'd be like he is Aggie dried and true have you seen the way he looks

at Rebellay I mean the other reason The other thing you can do, which is very popular these days, make a bad decision, get pilloried for it, and then turn that into, oh, the world is coming after us. That proves how right we are. That proves how cool and awesome we are. We're America's team now.

100%. They're saying we're stupid for hiring Tom Allen for $270 million. They hate us because they ain't us. But that's just because we level their head rent-free because we spent all the money on Tom Allen. because we have to. We have nowhere else to turn. Thank you for hosting us in your head.

Oh, boy. I think they ought to go get Tom Herman. He's ready. Where is he? He's one in the suit. Florida Atlantic. Foreign Sexit FAA. It's a tough job, Jason.

Don't tell the act he's a tough job. He's one big in the state of Texas before. You know, they ought to go get Barry Odom, eight and two. What a turnaround at UNLV. Their O.C. is quite evidently better than Bobby Petrino because Barry Odom hired Bobby Petrino. Bobby Petrino win instead to A&M.

And yet UNLV has a better offense and a better team. We'll just keep the pipeline going. See? This is meant to happen, right? Bobby Petrino was an advance scout for the Odom camp. That's how this actually worked. I mean, you're telling Petrino gets to spend like a week in Vegas and you don't expect anything crazy to happen?

Come on. Of course it was going to turn out this way. I love the Dan Lanning. Like, Dan Lanning already said he's not interested in. And honestly, I believe him. Not because of anything particular to him, like any coach, say anything and then go, but it's like, that would be a crazy move. Oregon to A&M? I'm not even sure that's a lateral move. I don't think it is. I mean, definitely not in terms of

quality of life. Like monetarily, sure. But it's not like Oregon's broke, first of all, and they're getting big 10 money. But I mean, you're already recruiting at a top 10 borderline top five level. How much higher can you go while doubling the number of teams in that strata street you have to play? Dan Lanning, I think, is aiming too high for the eggs. also man dan landing can just look at that big 10 schedule and be like half of this is half of this is a wrap yeah yeah this is in the bag already yeah the schedule is not getting that much harder i mean it's not like you got to play oh high state in michigan every year for oregon you already had to play washington

u sc utah you're like you already had to play good teams it's not a massive upgrade in schedule do you know whoever coaches whoever texas a&M hires will uh be blessed with playing in their first game in 24? The Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Yeah. Oh no.

At home. At home. Which leaves open the very, the entirely possible outcome that who, whatever the new savior is opens with a home loss to Notre Dame. Catholics versus Katari. Which campus is this on?

I guess we'll find out. They should move it. That's all I'm saying. If Carter, wants it that cutter gets it i think that's what we've seen that if they're like you're going to play over here so i i i attempted to to be the aggie search firm and i attempted to do the exact same kind of research that i believe the aggie search firm would do which is pull up list of current division one fps football coaches sort by win percentage and point that guy that would be jamie

chadwell which it's a fit it's not a bad idea it's really not Plus, bad for liberty, so I'm kind of with it. Is that tweet fake where his location said he was in Starkville, or is it real? But Elliot thinks it was Photoshopped, so that means it was Photoshopped. Like, if Starkville actually wants to just Starkville to fuck up, they should go get Willie Fritz. They should go get Mission. Okay, serious question. Would he take that job? I'm not sure he should.

I mean, yeah. Not, like, what is? fundamentally what is different now in in startville that makes this job doable and i know we said that about south carolina and it things looked better for a year but look now divisions are divisions are going away yeah like that's the best they can give you it's not going to get any easier though no doable's not really recruiting is not going to get me easier to startville but willie fritz look at where he's coached doable's not really a concern for him like i don't know what it is but doable is not he's got to stay put unless something awesome comes along he's he's got a great

thing going there where you know it's it's not the it's not quite the cut cliffy and you know win four games and you're a folk hero there but if willie fritz stays there's a statue of him in new orleans in that man's future yeah and also he's i i keep saying this and it keeps not mattering so maybe it doesn't matter Willie's just kind of a weird dude and he seems to have found people who like like I'm not sure that he's I'm not sure that he's up

for the glad handing that I guess the Starkville boosters would probably want I feel like if you're going to jump up do it for an awesome job and this is not an awesome job is it close to an awesome job not really okay sorry Mississippi is a hard job

you're gonna hire you're gonna hire someone he has a hard job george but that's the thing he already why would you want to start over this is harder than that all right here's the hard part at two lane already here's my question does any of this calculus change now in the transfer portal era when you can leave but you also know in the back of your head like I can maybe bring 15 20 dudes with me I'm not actually starting over yeah a little bit yeah it might change a little bit additionally might you know this also might be he just might be one of those guys who you know when he starts doom he turns it on they're like

what do you want to play on he's like god mode what also like every time like maybe that's his thing if you're talking about willie also how close are you to retirement yeah write it out write it out brother stay put you too lansley and pulled Don't leave Kansas for Texas A&M. I don't see like that. That's the kind of bag where I'm like, okay, fuck it. I'll spend, I'll do my three years there and then start over my coaching career elsewhere. The problem is the people, like people won't give a shit about Lance Leopold.

Like, Lance Leopold is an awesome coach. Yeah, you're right. You're right. And everything he's done won't matter because it'll all seem like small fucking potatoes. I can see it now. Like, yeah, A&M hires Leopold. everyone's like, holy shit, this dude wins everywhere he goes, no matter how impossible.

Wisconsin Whitewater! I don't want a man who's running a fucking water park. God damn it. I've run a white water, that place smelled like shit. Yeah. He's from Kansas. That's a basketball. Buffalo, the Bill suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's from their Kansas, not our Kansas.

Yeah, ain't even for the right Kansas. Same thing, though. Like, unless the positioning question is extraordinary, if you have already done the backbreaking work to drag one program out of the trench, why would you want to do it again? I think. Unless you're the kind of, if you're the kind of guy who, like, if you're the kind of guy who gets boarded in maintenance mode, maybe.

So what is, what is in between, here's my question, I guess, what is in between Mississippi State and Texas A&M? Even a job that's not open right. Is that like Oklahoma State? Arkansas, in both ways. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

So, like, if you're really, really fits, do you take the Arkansas job? That, that feels slightly, I mean, probably. They would both be smart to call him. Don't get me wrong. Sure. I'm just not sure it'd be good for him. This is my, this is my thing. When you take a job, if I say the Arkansas job, you have a certain, there's a certain wager professionally.

that you're going, what is your risk tolerance? Now, I think everyone on this podcast heard Willie Fritz to Arkansas and goes, eh, and that to me says no. What you need as a coach? Because he has something to lose. When you hear Arkansas and, I don't know, let's just think of some dude who has nothing to lose, and he's kind of crazy anyway. Like, that's really, like, the risk exposure when you take the Arkansas job

is very high in a lot of ways. I will put that. I'll say it's not necessarily a bad job, but you've got, it's difficult and you have a higher exposure to risk on so many different fronts. You can flame out surprisingly hard at the Arkansas job. Volatile. It's a volatile job. Whereas you can't really flame out that hard at Mississippi State, if that makes sense. Can't flame out if there ain't much fuel.

Right. Like, yeah, that's kind of, yeah. I think the thing with Tulane is like, I mean, you know, he's like already the best coach in, you know, of the millennium. them you can go down as a program legend and to me it's like okay what is the functional difference between making two million dollars and six million dollars what is the functional difference i'd like to find out i'm sure if if you find out please let me find out with you but like at some point winning games feels great and you should just keep doing that like being the best the best school at your level being you know being the best coach in your group there is value to

that and I don't know maybe it just likes fixing things great Mississippi State something to fix so whatever I'm just saying if it's me you have a good thing it took so like to Holly's point it took so long for Tulane to get here yeah he was hired in 2016

like this wasn't like a three year turnaround yeah yeah but I will say this if you want Mississippi State and you want a dude who I think fits the bill in so many different ways

and I mean profile I mean in terms of the style of ball go get John Somerall at Troy go get John Sumerall go get that go get country go get country as hell John Summroll

because that to me that works beautifully there what it's going to be good Christian football and by that I mean it's defensive based and they're they don't like to score a profane or lewd amount of points.

They're going, you know. Nothing tawdry. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, tawdry, blasphemous. 30 points only on my birthday. I guess scoring goodbye. That's what we're saying. But, you know, you're going to, you're going to block hard, you're going to tackle hard. And he's done a really good job.

Like, I'm making fun of that kind of coach. But they did a fantastic job at Troy and got them back to where Troy expects to be as Auburn's reality backup, as the thumb drive for Auburn football, which is what Troy is. Go get him. Go get him.

He'll love, man, he'll love that. He'd fit right in. Like, just an instant, like, click, done. They'd be like, why do we ever hire a man like Dan Mullen when we could have had a John Sumroll, a man who says program. That is the, the first.

fighting line which which is the final vowel in the word program sir uh-huh would you how many vowels aren't there now you know how you know you found a college football hall of famer he says there ain't one it just goes p r o g r r r m yeah it's silent coach there's an apostrophe in there it's a vowel of silence first and one of them neither he isn't a summerall he's a summeral it's just program program What's your name, Jim? Listen, yeah, exactly. They even took the H out, so he's John Sumerl.

Just the way it sounds coming out of my mouth. What position did he play? Linebacker. That's a godly position. That's a godly position. Only part your teeth to get the dip out of your mouth. If you talk like Leo DiCaprio and the Wolf of Wall Street, and the Wolf of Wall Street after he's taking the Kualooleut,

so I want you as my SEC football coach. Where are you from? Huntsville. Oh, God, hire him. Hire him. Wait, one more thing. No, you said Huntsville. Huntsville.

Thank you. Yes, Huntsville. So where are you from, Huntsville? Oh, God, hire him already. Wait, one more thing. When's your birthday? Well, I was born in 1982. Reagan, baby, hire him.

That's a Reagan baby. Coach, which day of the week were you born on? Why that'd that be Saturday? Wow. This is a man of God right here. Doing the real life, doing the real life Vince McMahon in right now. Or was it, or was it a Wednesday?

God damn, listen to him. I'm homesick just listening to this. Just go hire that man. That makes all the sense in the world. You're going to fuck around with a bunch of dudes who aren't named John Sumerl and who weren't linebackers at Kentucky. Are poorer for it.

Yeah. Poor. Poor. Poor. There was that tweet that was like, if you think you don't have a southern accent and say W-2. Yes. All right.

So now Ryan doesn't. Everybody say W-2. Ryan doesn't have one. I can't even imagine saying W-2-W-2. W-2. Oh. I'm going to try to say it's unaffective

I'm going to try to come out straight. That's the W-2 form. W-2. What the fuck is that? The one that I, the thing, that and the letter or the word for the two seeing things in your face is the one I can't

ever, like the thought of like moving my mouth enough to say eyes. No thank you. My eyes. Eyes. My eyeball. That's the one that always, like no matter how much I think I think I've, like, I think I've left it behind the one that all that gives me away is um. When, uh, because God, who has time, who has time to move their mouths like that?

Probably private school kids. Mine. Yeah. I think if, if I was trying to, uh, to sneak past someone who is, uh, who was on the hunt for Southerners and I was counting through the 70s, and it would be like 75, 76. Samny Sam. Boom. Damn it. My covers, boom. Did you hear that bee? a bee in that world. Yeah, where the fuck do the bees and

ms come from? I don't know. Like the Bronx, the Bronx accent equivalent is saying the G and sandwich, like Jesus says, you know. The other one is like, you say thank you. I say, per shite it. And then it's right. And then it's right. The next sentence, there's no southern accent.

Oh, whatever. We say that different. Now I want to find where the geographical line for that is. Perfect. I say appreciate it Like it's two syllables Like pre-shaid There's pre-cheye

Yeah Oh I do that I do I now do the most like Like old Southern dad thing When I do that is I don't just do the appreciate it I do the stop and pause Where you look very intently And you're like appreciate it

If at a moment Much obliged Yeah no like hi I acknowledge you I like that Yeah no it's creepy I hate that I do it But I do it

you have you have been a blessing to me yeah have you ever told someone to have a blessed day just like as like like back and forth so i would be the one who would have been most likely to have done that at a point in the past i don't think that i have done so unironically this is going to make it also jarring when chip kelly gets the texas a&M job hey everybody how you doing i think he is the he's like such a terrible fit that it'd be a fine fit because they would know like it's yeah yeah it's it's like he could he could make what a yankee i am jokes and they would land it's like how robocop doesn't seem human so it's fine it's like oh this is definitely a robot guys this is not

somebody pretending to be human honestly i'm i don't hate it i don't hate it because it'd be like he's a yankee but he's our yankee he's such a terrible fit that all right i'm in i like Let's do it. New Hampshire is pretty redneck. Like, he can probably cosplay well enough. And, like, he doesn't put up with bullshit. Like, when they say stupid, you know, stupid shit to him, he'll just make little jokes and shit.

I think it's a great thing. And they'll be like, Eagles fans hate him. That must make him a cowboy. We love him. Got that going for him. They've already had that, though. Mike Sherman. If you remember, Mike Sherman, Mike Sherman, like, I will say, like, Mike Sherman, there are two things

that you can't take away from Mike Herman with that job. Don't talk them out of this. They lost. They lost a lot of games under him. I think he was like 500 total. Like they had some really ghastly collapses. But the two things he did do. One, he always recruited offensive linemen.

Like his offensive linemen were absolutely awesome the entire time he was there. And two, he really liked that job. Like he loved it. Like he was 100% committed. When they fired him, that was a matter of tears. I just want to make clear, you're referencing the last coach to lose to Texas. when we're talking about who they should bring in. We're trying to get Chip this job.

Let's get Chip. Okay. I was saying culturally. You know how his chips is Buckees. You like those. You know what chips go into? A smoker. You know a smoker does?

Cook. You know what Chip's going to do? Cook. That's right. It's going to make it hot. His name's Chip, for God's sake. Chip. Cheop.

Cheop. Cheop. Cheop, Kelly. Chip. There's another word that probably exposed me, right? They'd be like, you just did it. Yeah. You want some chips.

Chips. You said, you said, expose me. I mean, that'd do it, you know. Soldier say it. Chips. Chips. Yours really comes out in your O's, too. Like, you've got a little bit of like that steel belt, oh.

The O, yeah, that's a middle Tennessee thing. Let's get Ryan Dave at Texas A&M job. yeah that's good kick them just tell him which old guys we hate and it's a clear war on them

you are like us you tell you lissy's escrant I think he's a piece of shit which figures from the University of Texas we are still mad at after all these years

and another thing never like Matthew McConaughey another thing about Daniel Boone Just Ryan Day sitting there, like they'd go, hey, Ryan Day, you, you snitched on your, on your conference cohorts, you know, when it came to sign stealing, you know, and all the people in the, all the people on techs would be like, mm, that's smart. It's called espionage. Tactical. Yeah, I've hired, I've hired a private investigator before.

I thought Diane was cheating on me. Turns out, she's just getting swollen as fuck at the gym, I, you know. I thought she's cheating on me with the trainer. Turns out, boy, she was pushing three plus. lights. Which, of course, that offended me even more. She found out she beat the shit out of me. That part was cool.

To be clear. And that's why we're divorced because, frankly, I felt intimidated. Because it was too, it was just too, too beautiful of a moment. We said, let's end on this one. Yeah. We can't improve on this. I'm so proud of you. We got to split up because you're too jacked.

We gave each other $77 million. It's how we do it down here. Coach, can you sign on... Can you sign my crew grand. So much money not to coach football. I like, Jesus, go do anything else. Go do, go, do you know how many exotic animals you can kill Jimbo over the next year? Huh.

Jimbo, Jimbo will be like killing dinosaurs. They're like, yeah, went on vacation, killed some dinosaurs. Jimbo Fisher is not going to wear a shirt for two years straight. just all situations shirtless I wouldn't I guess I guess this steakhouse makes you wear a shirt while buying it

now it's shirtless steakhouse I went and got the house I went and got the Magnum house the house from Magnum P.I I own it I got the dogs too they were old as hell I got a Higgins the A&M livestock department clone me one is he ever going to coach again I mean this hasn't been

reported on Oh yeah No though That man has no joy In his life He's absolutely That goes without saying I don't understand

Why any of these guys Coach again With that much money Spite and Deep personal insecurity Maybe is he like An ex-fell coach That type thing

No I think he's good No I think that's more The thing you do When like All other doors Are closed to you Or in the Bob Scoop

Sense when you're just like I just want to I just want to do coaching that's fun I don't want coaching that is too much attention because there's like there's like you know i don't know who would be excited to hire him in any point soon and i say that acknowledging he he did a good job this year he's going to be

great at northwestern he's going to fit in so well i think he's a great fit so we're trading we're trading jimbo up there for for chip kelly down here yes chips chips in ucel it's a big 10 school it's a trade i cannot i i think i would love to see him go back and just do a high school be like the highest paid high school coach Where's that

Where's that Where Gulf Shores You can go hang out with Brian Bangorter What's, Who's Gold Shores rival? They should hire The Gulf itself

Yeah Yeah The ocean I'm the coach of the ocean King Trite Gave me these boots Everybody here Want to talk shit about the ocean

So good Being all blue Yeah You think Zeus is all godly And stuff You go look up his story You go find out What's in his past

he thinks he's god i mean he's a god yeah he's a god he's a god but tell me when you know ask him where he was when he was doing his work uh gulf shores 579th best program in the country this year according to the massy ratings mind you 11 and oh excellent all right they play they played uh oh my god the school they played last is where i checked for arrival we just joked about the ocean being in the rival it is indeed rain high school yes the rain raiders I want to see Jimbo coach Arizona Cardinals because I want to see Kyler

Murray get that 458 page playbook and not do any of it fuck this shit Jimmy Butler throwing paper that's Kyler getting the game plan every week Starfield hell Starfield Coach listen I appreciate your effort

but Modern Warfare 3 dropped Modern Warfare 3 What happened? I didn't know there was a one and a two What's that? Trips left? Yeah Modern.

Don't really do modern. They've done modern for about 10 years, pal. Yeah, I got to meet with my squad. You got a squad. It's called the Arizona Cardinals. He's going to end up as Miami OC one day. Just feeling it. This is just a vision I've had.

win. Maybe it's like three or four years from now, but I just feel like Jimbo Fisher, Miami offensive coordinator, Miami Twitter spends all offseason be like, oh shit, Florida's say all blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they lose six games. Yeah.

Jimbo's going to hunt the skunk ape. That's what you're going to do. Finally caught it. Brought it in, boys. I guess, like, it's like, who would be excited about hiring him and who is not beneath him?

Virginia is a team I have seen thrown around. Okay, that's pretty decent. Yeah, Holly's reaction is the right one, I think. That's a bad idea. That's one where he might actually give a shit. You know? They really, there is a big portion of that fan base that is really sick of Neil Brown. Oh, I am not in that number.

You think you're sick of a coach right now. How sick are you going to be of a coach who doesn't need the money and isn't highly motivated and runs an offense that stopped progressing sometime around 2003. Welcome to South Carolina Steve Spurrier. I was going to say, like, things aren't going great, and I like Beamer a lot, and I think he is good for South Carolina, but if for what, like, Clemson wins that game this year, there will be a lot of people who are like Jimbo's available, and this guy.

Those people are fucking idiots. They are, and I present to you the South Carolina GameCops. No, I mean, the ultimate, the ultimate all caps bold underlined, for who? You cannot fire shame beamer at this time. I'm sorry. I agree. That's a seven-year job to begin with. If you fire shame beamer have a really good replacement.

Like Jimbo Fisher. He won a national title. He won a national title. Just him. You just want a higher offensive must champ. That's what you're really talking about, do it. You've already done this. You've already done this.

I kind of want this to happen, though. I've got to tell you. I don't hate them that much, Ryan. I don't. I don't have that much hate in my heart. It's not hate. I'm just like this. This feels like the most South Carolina decision that they could make.

It's Harry. Lou Holt, Steve Spurrier, Will Must Champ, Jimbo Fisher. There's a lineage there. Damn. No, they literally own a house together. They literally own a house together. Flair is how they hire head coaches. Yeah.

Didn't they have a lake house together? Yeah, a beach house together. Yeah South Carolina's legacy is like Look at this used boat I bought Remember this guy Yeah I waited to buy that Corvette

Until it was wildly outdated And all the belts were shot Yeah it smells But it's cool You mean it's a restored antique Oh no no no no no no no no It's old It's just old

Does it smell like cigarettes You're fucking right It smells like cigarettes Why is one door This Jimbo Fisher a different color Than all the other ones Just Christmas tree stuffed in the back of that bitch. She's ready to go.