Shutdown Fullcast - 2023 Draft Week Featuring 7 Different Drafts At Once

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

2023 Draft Week Featuring 7 Different Drafts At Once NOTES Had enough of mock drafts? Great, this web of drafts designed by Jason is frighteningly real The best Ole Miss story in years Which host drafts a steak biscuit Pokemon? The answer may surprise you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm pretty much a sucker for any AI bot talking about weed, if it's Biden. Like, there are like at least 10 good monologues of him being like, this that Terry Shivo, this that crippler. Jesus. This, this that hypnotic, this hypnotic zombie maker. Three hits off this and you cough and the lights go out in your neighborhood. Jack. Thank you.

Good. I think, like, I'm going to start using Jack when I'm, like, 60. I think that's when I can pull it off. It's calling people Jack. Okay. So you've got a few months to wait. I got a few months to go, yeah. Why not just try it?

I'm going to try it. I'll see how it feels. I feel good with boss. I call people boss a lot now. What's your, like, what's the emotional place that Jack is coming from for you? Is that, like, one size fits all? I'm upset with you. I want you to know.

I'm taking it seriously. I think it's a point of emphasis. I think it's when you're not missing around. It's not necessarily oppositional, but it's an assertion. And I think you definitely have to, I think you definitely have to class up to it. There's very few people who can just off the rip use Jack as a point of emphasis. Are you, are you pairing it like with a phrase? Is there a phrase you're going to usually go, like, that's a fact, Jack or better believe that, Jack?

No, no, it's a, it's a point of address. Okay. Hey, Jack, I'll have the ribs. No, no, no. You wouldn't do that because Jack is like, Jack's when you want to emphasize it. You can be like, hey, those ribs are good. And you can be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You know, listen, Jack, you think those ribs are good. You should try these other ones, right? Or hold on, let me refine the point here. And somebody could go, hey, man, I'm not going to Waffle House. You can be like, hey, listen, Jack. For 749. Right now is a confrontation. Yeah, it's an assertion, but it's not necessarily hostile.

How's that? You're not going all the way to Buddy. Oh, if I go to Buddy. Now listen here, buddy. Pal. Could you, could you, if you're watching a football game and the quarterback gets absolutely blasted, could you turn to a stranger and be like, oh, man, he got lit up, Jack? It feels like 65% correct.

It's not like 100% correct. This is your thing. I know. I know. I'm feeling it. We're feeling it out live here and I'm working with you. Yeah. No, I think point of assertion, assertion of authority or emphasis, right? Do you feel comfortable using it in a gender fluid situation? Like, will you only say this to people presenting as men? Or will you say it to anybody? Will you say it to a child? Saying it to a child would be hilarious. Yeah. That would be funny. Because I think Jack would be primarily masculine. However, I am of, because, you know, I believe that, you know, ladies' dads do. Yeah.

That we can all assert this if we want. I'm going to go ahead and use it as a universal form of address and see where it lands. I think it's no coincidence that you've arrived at this point right after your trip to Myrtle Beach, frankly. The two, listen, you meet a couple of ex-bounty hunters named Adam in the big show. no that's not a joke was anybody really ever an ex bounty hunter just waiting to jump back in the game right I'm going to quote Adam here

talking about the big show he's quite the deterrent there yeah you know you put all big show at the front door and I'm at the back door with the taser we get shit done it's good team they were delightful I also asked him how football could be woke and he goes I'm a veteran and apparently that was supposed to explain everything and I just abandoned the line of questioning instantly it's like this is going nowhere good

I wanted to keep going and I opened my mouth and I was dragged out of the tent by the scruff of my neck that's where I found that that's where I found out that one of the premier Let's unpack this Bocephus

Brian Shaw one of the biggest like literally biggest and figuratively biggest strong men in the world was a sort of conservative hobby horse for a minute

because he took a poster of Arnold Schwarzenegger down during COVID when Arnold was like wear a mask screw your freedom and he's like nobody tells me to screw my freedom he tore this poster of arnold down from his wall like shenato honor ripping up a photo in the post

fight the real enemy which is this cool austrian guy bounty hunting should be a major but not at a school unit like vassar should have a bounty hunting degree that's man have we not shit on UCF enough now we're taking their bounty hunting

program I think they do, like, digital bounty hunting. Yeah. Yeah. Also known as stalking. I got a double major in catfishing. When you see FN I majored in hacking with an X? Not like information security.

No, like we download. Like hacksoring? Yeah, right. MLM. MLM should be a major. MLM bounty hunting. MLM is just a business school. Yeah.

it's like the the business school is named after like herbal life you also if you if you at certain schools if you go to certain sororities you are majoring in MLN you just don't know it yet I should be able to major

in Tony Hawk at UCF like I should be able to like what did you major in pro skater I'm pretty sure we've done like half an episode on that at some point yeah because their entire campus resembles a skate three level. Yeah. You know, when you do the bridge jump with Jesus in Skate 3, you do it on the

campus of UCF, just sort of spread out over a hillside in California. I don't know I'm going to I'm going to I'm I'm I'm I'm

I'm I'm so I'm Welcome to the shutdown to the shutdown full cast. You are listening to the internet's only college football podcast. I'm Spencer Hall.

I am joined as. always by Ryan Nanny Jason Kirk Hi Holly Anderson and on the ones and twos Hello and like the voice of a golf dominating god Michael Serber

Hey did you guys know that Martha's Vineyard has an actual shark problem Go on So the water's getting warmer up there right and the

the sandbars around Martha's Vineyard are naturally very shallow and seals have begun to gather there in great number just to like sun themselves in the shallow water yeah and basically setting up like a shark dumpling conveyor belt sounds less like a shark problem and more like a shark opportunity yeah it's a I say problem because I was naturally as a podcaster putting myself in the shoes of the wealthy and elite that inhabit Martha's Vineyard, but you're right. This is nothing but a blessing. Right. That's the big thing in Shark Report this week, like they look up and they're like,

oh, man, the capes looking nice. Anyway, we can do the show here. There's just a better than even chance than some of the worst people you know are going to die in the belly of a giant cartilaginous fish, and I love celebrating. I think there's a non-zero chance. If you framed it, if you framed it the right way, which is to say misleading but vague, so that it felt like it was like a business newsletter and an investing newsletter that you could start Shark

Report, the newsletter, Holly. And it would just be stories about what's going on the Sharks this week. But I think you would get like LinkedIn TriHards who would be like, oh, I've got to read Shark Report. I just, oh my God, FinTech. There. It's right there.

Man. I think this Sharks Shark feeding program sounds like the first ever successful application of trickle-down economics. Thank you, Martha's Vineyard. We knew you'd pull it off eventually. Many of us talk about eating the rich, but only sharks are doing it. You know there's some rich asshole on Martha's Vineyard who's like, if we can just lure the homeless to these sandbars.

Yeah, it's Alan Dershowitz. Specifically by name, it's Alan Dershowitz. Yeah, yeah. He's having a very hard time. People are mean to him. Shark's about to be a lot meaner Hey Alan you want to see some poly tests As mid as the shark is like

Biting down through your thigh I'm being cancelled for my views Cancelled Buddy you're on the menu That's the opposite of cancel When you think about it The belly of the giant animatronic shark Was the first liberal college campus

That's true Moby Dick taught us that. I have another news item that I wanted to share at the top here that is SEC relevant and I think one of the most important stories that we will address this year. Year? Yeah, this year. I don't think we're going to get more important than this. So, Morgan Wallin is a country singer and I say this.

He's the bad kind of country singer. He's the kind who sings about not only. truck gene girl cutie but he also got caught on video dropping racial slurs with a heaviness all right caught makes it sound like he was sorry about it okay he was recorded yeah he was recorded singing them so in addition to all the truck gene girl cutie stuff um it's really innocuous considering uh what he has been recorded singing so basically if morgan wallin is making a noise outside of if he's making a noise with his mouth, don't listen to it, no matter what the context is. He is not, I had to look this up.

He is not the fancy like Applebee's guy. That's a different guy. Thank you. I was about to ask. Which is important in the context of this story, because when I thought it was the fancy like Applebee's guy, I was like, there's no way this is real, but go ahead. So this past weekend, Morgan Wallen canceled a concert at Vaught Hemingway Stadium in Oxford,

Mississippi. Target-rich environment for Morgan Wallen, regarding his fan base, had a full show in addition to two acts having already played, got everybody in the stadium, lots of people buying merch, lots of people buying booze, maybe

$220 worth of booze for two people. Just pulling that number out of thin air, definitely not correlative to anything we're going to discuss here intimate. And they canceled, and I actually wanted to know whether this was weird or not. Jason Fitz who is

in addition to being a ESPN talking head host radio guy played violin, played fiddle for Rascal Flats and I was like, did you guys ever cancel a show? Did you ever hear about anybody canceling a show

like that? He's like no, no. We certainly like we miss like one weekend of shows for circumstances we couldn't control in like 14 years of playing. Garth Brooks. Let's pull a couple. Yeah, Garth is a good example from the genre. Garth Brooks has also The story was that like

moments before the show began he and Morgan lost his voice that happened to Garth Brooks once Do you know what Garth Brooks did? Garth Brooks brought a guitar out on the stage and sat there the whole time and led the audience in sing-along Yeah

Yeah And then refunded everybody because he was like sorry about that Yeah came out and it just did the show anyway Dave girl broke his leg Got a cast put on And came back out and did the rest of the show in a chair. Big boy. When he was on tour, Tours ACL mid-show finished up and then managed to do the rest of the tour with a gigantic knee brace wrapping out of a throne that he had

on stage. Okay. This is not, yeah, there are things that are done when this happens. Like, this is not, of course, things happen. This is live entertainment, but there are things that people do to mitigate these circumstances. And Morgan Monde did a grand total of none of them. Yeah. Yeah. Not helping that there was a rumor after the show. that he had had his stomach pumped and was too drunk to perform. There's also that. If that's the case, hey, buddy, hope you get the help you need. Either way,

you can't let's look at the last second. He should have just said that. They would have been like, oh, I understand. I mean, he should, like, if that were the case, I would have said that, but I also go. No, I can't respect that as an Ole Miss thing. Who, how are you going to come into Oxford? I bet you could have pulled any

five idiots out of that audience who had had their stomach pumped in the last 24 hours who could have sung every song some just for fun some just as a concert this is my concert weekend thing why do you go to why listen we all went to these schools why do we go to these schools if not to learn to have our stomachs pumped and continue on as normal for me it's just spring cleaning of my gut uh you know that's just roster turnover that's it i'm accepting transfers now from talk i'm gray shirt and my lunch also I'm just going to put you categorically in the profession.

Country music artist is too drunk to perform. Really? Come on, man. But the stated reason and the reason that he has canceled or rescheduled, I think, like three other shows at this point, is that he is on vocal rest. Which, again, is also a real thing. Yes, however. Right. When you're on vocal rest, you're put on vocal rest by a doctor, it's not a lot.

something that just you don't snap a vocal chord for the most part like you snap an Achilles like this is something that a doctor diagnosis so spraining the ACL of his voice box as it is

thank you no Morgan Wallen uh Morgan Wallen disappointed a lot of people including one Mandy Walker Nallan who posted the falling the following is.

I don't know. I would say it's not necessary to put her full name, but she already did. She already did. No, she already did, and it's out there. That's fine.

I feel, you know, please do not harass this woman. She's made her statement, respect it. Her statement was this. It's just some Rando, right? Yes.

Yes. A rando who spent quite a lot of money, time and effort, getting to the show and trying to get it back, God damn it. You know what?

We can discuss whether we want her to get it back here in a moment. I'm just going to lay out the particulars here, okay? Morgan Wallet, since you're offering refunds, here is our itemized bill for you. Hotel, $560. Gas, two tanks, $80.

First of all. Hang on. Two tanks, $80? Mm-hmm. Were they driving a Saturn? You know what? I hope they were driving a hybrid. Like, good for that, if that were the case.

just all I see is at the very least I see a missed opportunity to thank Joe Biden for the low gas prices I want to know how many people would jump off the sympathy bandwagon here if she was like it was a hybrid and they're like call me I hope she can get any of it because Holly brought it up I will say my immediate thought after we get through all of this is that the most amazing thing Joe Biden can do as part of his re-election campaign is be like I'll refund all of you everybody who got fucked over by Morgan Wall and canceling the White House will send you money personally for all your dumb bullshit and all those people be like oh my god joe biden man of the people this is on joe biden's long list of extremely well-nitched pandering like he's gonna yes he's gonna win the vote of everyone in my category by being like everybody gets the new zelda game free i'm like god damn it government subsidies so i can beat up bot goblins how does this man read my mind so well video games i'm gonna call him dork brandon Dork Brandon wins again. Dork Brandon wins all 50 states.

I'm sitting there collecting, you know... Dungeons are also dank. Yeah. I'm just out here collecting 500 Khorak leave for Joe. That's what I'm doing. Meanwhile, Ron DeSantis is like, Link is woke. What are you talking about? I mean, he does dress up as a girl sometimes.

Yeah. I'm sure that offense. Yeah, Link looks better in boots And that's got a way on them So hotels and gas What else? Hotel, gas, tickets, four of them $1,600 bucks Which, let's just put that to the side

Because everything else in this list is It's never mentioned to these other two people Where they are definitely a four pool Yes Or they are two people who are like Please do not involve us in your book Please do not Hypothesize that the two tanks of gas

Were due to a motorcycle But that couldn't be the case unless these other two persons are in to crammed into a side car. Yeah, looking at her hair, I don't see it either, right? No, not with that blow out. Where are you talking about her hair? All I see is a screenshot of a Facebook post. Yeah, you have to send them the picture of them together.

We will send you the picture. Oh, Jason, you have to see the outfit. Okay, hang on. Because the outfit's going to be relevant here. Okay. My outfit, $120. Husband's outfit, $218. Damn, Rhinestones on that.

Not 200? not 225, 208. Price is right accuracy with this show. Well, she's itemizing here. Yeah, I know. But everything else feels a little like, ah, this is about what it costs. But the husband's outfit costs $218, exactly.

And it looks great. Yeah. I'm not kidding. Yeah, yeah. We'll get to that. I thought bro did a great job, right? Doesn't like to go out very often. It doesn't really get the opportunity to.

I thought he did well. That's in the chat for you, Jason, if you want to inspect this gentleman's togs. I think he did very, very well. Oxford Grill House, $235, I will say. That's putting it on for Oxford Grill House. Cracker barrel, $40. Los Perrieros?

You don't have to say it like they say it. Los Paralleros, $45. Rebel rags, because we wouldn't have had the opportunity to go, that had not been for this concert. You have to explain Rebel Rags. $629. This is the closed store that regularly appears in NCAA scandals, right? Yeah.

Frequently. Correct. Frequently. This is the funniest claim on this list. See, we're a college football podcast. That's why we're talking about this. Everything else is like, theoretically, the cost of going to the concert, like, somehow associated with the concert. We needed to eat on the road.

We needed to stay at a hotel. This one is so shamelessly like, well, we wouldn't have been. If it wouldn't have been for your damn concert, we wouldn't have been attempted by Rebel Blights and dropped $630 there. We wouldn't have been lured like all them recruits. What do all crimes require means, motive, and. And opportunity. Third thing, right. Yeah.

Yeah. You're right. I usually am. Damn you, Morgan Wallen. You knew we couldn't resist. I had to get the 200. dollar L.A.D. Old Miss helmet. So this is their

second biggest expense after only tickets. Yes. Yes. This is finesse. This is hustle. Yeah. So they had to do it. Also, I'm sure part of that $629 is a de facto payment to an NIL fund.

Yes. Running through Rebel Rags. Exactly. Right? Tax free just a pipeline directly from there. So thank you for your contribution to Old Miss Athletics. whether you knew you were making it or not. I think all of this. I think you've cracked the code.

All of this is contributions to Ole Miss NIL. I'm going to get to the second most bugling number here right now. I think that the concert, $220. Okay, is this two people or four people? Mind you, the concert is only two-thirds done. So let's say four people, because I think two people doesn't make any fucking sense. So let's say, but even so, four people, let's call it $10 for a twisted tea. yeah it's like

$220 a piece five a piece for the opening acts yeah one of these people is driving yeah are we sure the all of these because I look at Cracker Burrell $40 four people for $40 that's a two person that's a car car girl two person

already is at me yeah well I'm sticking with two people for all of it I think each of me is tore up to the tune of $110 even if even if I said it was $20 a drink let me go ahead and do the most exorbitant possible pricing with the most indulgent possible choices with no restrictions whatsoever on your consumption you walk up there and you see the morgan wallin truck girl jean

cutey orita right like that served in a gigantic the jean zirita most the kool-aid that served in a gigantic american flag bowl it's served in a denim capricson pouch it's served in an army helmet because we respect the troops and it's got a tomahawk steak in it as a stirr right let's say that you... It's got one of those stupid-ass haircuts. It's like a mullet, but shaved. Yeah.

You got a drink. The Joe Dirt. Yes. So you're sitting there stirring your drink with your tomahawk steak. Even if you did that, that's a tremendous amount of liquor.

Sure. I mean, and I say this, I say this with all respect. That's getting after it. You're like, y'all, y'all are working. That's like, by the way.

That makes me wonder what a lot of these, did a lot of, did you just have to take naps in the stadium? I think the other funny version of this is if they're like, we had 45 Cokes. We were so fired up. We were so excited.

Diet Cokes, mind you. That's so much fucking Diet Coke. Caffe-free Diet Coke. That's when you're trying to become like, that's when you're trying to become the like blastoys of boomers. If you're just, you know, like, oh, more Diet Coke. We each drank 20 bottled waters. Yeah.

I will become the final boss of public school teachers. That's a terrifying Pokemon. Yogurt and Diet Coke. Her name's just Diane. Oatmeal and Diet Coke is all I remember teachers ever consuming. Yeah. But also, by the way, nobody on this podcast, you know, we're not really getting after it like that. There's some people out there that can tag it and get after it, right? Show yourself.

There's some people out there who like, you know, five for me. Five drinks is just, you know, somebody's got to, yeah, somebody's got a drag. that median like way up there um and then the last item to our state schools and then and more than the usual ways uh last item Morgan Wallen merch 200 235 you goddamn son of a bitch you made me buy shirts with your dumb face on them I got to walk around your stupid ass haircut on my person this is this is the one thing on this list that I'm confident it like, oh, that's like three things. Please help me budget by Morgan Wallen candles.

Yes. Three weeks, one for each branch of government. The economy. Someone help me. Yes. This is very, well, this drop last night, there are like 500 images of drill in the responses, right? It is like, this one is like if the entire thing is nothing but candles.

Yeah. You didn't need any of these candles. Yeah. By the way, Morgan Wallen merch that you can purchase include shirts that say wishing on a neon star damn i miss you and you win some you lose some huh yeah you can find half that shit at buckies for 15 that's correct it won't have his dumb face on it but that's correct also live laugh love shit so you can get that pretty much the amount of beverages you can get for 220 dollars at buckies good god you'll be swimming i would like to go

ahead and by the way see what's the amount of clothes if you'll notice $600 worth of the clothes at Buckees you're getting a gilly suit you're getting an astronaut helmet it's a gilly scuba gear with Bucky's face Yeah yeah it's got the little gougly eyes

on it Man you get an equipment to play any sport you can imagine I got a Bucky's tucks It's called the tuxies The tuxes These these Buckees waiters Is that a rental hell no

They have a turkey sandwich in the pocket for some reason. What the fuck? There's cascadias in my releasing. Icing covered frosted cookies with dough inside the cookie frosting. What the fuck? I'm the mascot of the fucking Jacksonville Jaguars now because I thought his suit was there. It was $8.

Tony Khan, you genius. So grand total, Spencer. Yeah, by the way, I do want to point out at sequence, the Morgan Wall and merch came after spending $220 on liquor. So like, imagine. So this is, imagine it, so this is a chronological. Okay.

Yeah. Imagine, like, imagine, by the way, during two opening acts doing nothing but hammering them like you're at wing bar, right? Like, you're just, and then immediately going, I need merch. You just, just tear up. I need me a goddamn tank top. This is after they spent over $600 at Rebel Rags.

I don't have enough clothes. so not including the offense they bought for this they're like listen we got to spend less than a thousand dollars close in Oxford that's we got to have limits we got to have them for a grand total of $3,982

worst price is right showcase ever and I hope she gets it all Democrats aren't serious about the economy they'll stay on Monday when contacted by a pollster listen this lady and her gent

they are, you can't accuse them of not trying to push this cart forward single handedly. I hope they get every penny. Yeah. I do too. Joe Biden, we call upon you send this woman $4,000. Show up Morgan Wallen, defeat him, humiliate him,

steal his fans. Just imagine. You said there were six you said there were 60,000 people there? 60,000. Okay, so if they each get two grand if Joe Biden is just like yeah we're cutting all you two grand that's what 120 that's nothing to the federal commercial right just fucking do it just fucking do it and be an absolute way you don't have a better idea for how to spend this money we've seen the ads

be like yeah I don't know how Joe Biden won mississippi yeah I know how Morgan Wallin's old fan base the Morgan Wallin relief act that's what was Morgan Wallin a plant is this a work was this a work all Long, Morgan Wallen did this just to set up Dork Brandon to save the day. Wow. Wow. Think about it. Is Morgan Wallen going to be in the cabinet in the second term? Yep.

Yep. You know, that could go either way. I think odds are pretty good either way he's in. Undersecretary of jean shorts. It's about time. Listen, Jack. America runs on dirt weed and jean shorts. On jean shorts.

Yep. Americans want to smoke that dirt. Yep. Yeah. I'm thrilled. This is my favorite old mystorian years. I'm very, very, very happy that this happened. So, by the way, the outfit that the gentleman

you ended up getting for $218 is a rather smart Coca-Cola hat red with white lettering and piping. A nice, would you call that sort of a light-touch plaid shirt, a button down? It's sure, fine. It's not plaid, but that's fine. What would you call that? person who knows close words

it doesn't know just keep moving you're right uh striped yeah stripe it check is that just not check

um then a nice pair of flat front cackies pair of let's see those boxtoe boots there nice and you know a nice little belt dude is together okay he's got on the concert costas

as does she they have the matching not my president 3,000s they look great they look very together he will be now four thousand dollars later he will be your goddamn president i'm not one for socialism but when it works like this not my president until the check you know i didn't believe in reparations until

Morgan Wallin Reparations Act You know, I believe in the power of we now As in, we're getting a new pool Thanks, Morgan Wallin. Thank you, Rebel Rex. Thank you, Rebel Rats. Everyone in America gets some Rebel Rags. Could you just see the NCAA investigator

living in the crawl space there looking up and being like Damn, is she spending $629? That's got to be a violation of something. Here, write that one down. Where is the goddamn screen cap? You know the one I'm talking about. Ah, it is right here.

Okay. Morgan Wallen didn't ask for my money either. This is the same woman. Okay. Who, by the way, made this post global on her Facebook and respect where it is due. Last time I saw, it was still public. and she was still just out there hidden.

I should also know, this is not the same woman who has separately started a federal lawsuit against Oh, I forgot about that. No, no, no. This is, but this one is better because of, this is the one who brings church into it in a way that I, I thought I was prepared for anything. Yeah, yeah. But the reasoning here, Spencer, go ahead and read this for us. Morgan Wallen didn't ask for my money either.

I gave it to him willingly the same way I do and would for Jesus. it's called paying tides Hmm Okay Source So wait Shouldn't you only be invoicing Morgan Wallin For 90%

Of this then Like you should get to keep some Maybe she is Which means they actually Drink what would that be $240 something dollars $10,000 worth of twisted tea We actually had $44 worth of Cracker Barrel

but I didn't put that on you, Morgan Wallen. Because something, something, Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. 63 more dollars at Rebel Rags. But you don't have to know about that one. That's between me and the lowered. Yeah.

My dude stays winning, though. The husband won because the husband of all things got a new outfit. He got himself a gutful liquor at the concert or drinks, whatever drinks he wanted. He's a big boy. he got whatever he liked okay well she okay so we did not have to see morgan wallen we've also left out the coda here which is she has at the bottom of this screen cap my husband has gone with me to two concerts ever in the 17 years we've been together somehow i talked him into this one and this shit happens but to spencer's point that's a great hit rate on his part my dude got a new

outfit got to go out to three restaurants got to go to rebel rags yeah got to drink a bunch outside and got to go on a road trip which you know he loved You know he's fucking thrilled that we did it on two tanks. You thought we'd have to stop at the same time. I'm just picturing this woman like laying little recess pieces in front of him like E.T. To get him into each of these venues prior to the start of the concert. I want to be there at the moment. I want to be there at the moment.

It's canceled though because I bet he had no, I bet he no sold it. I bet there was no reaction because she's like, oh, there's no concert. And he's like, I'm drunk outside. This is good. Oh, no. Oh, no. Come back. Morgan, come back.

I can't go to another one. Guess what happened? You know this whole time? She's like, ha-ha, I got you to do the concert. I got you to do the concert. And then as soon as it hits, he's like, no, actually. Turns out you didn't. No.

You took me out of a vent. We were on a very expensive. Girl, you took me to Cracker Barrel is where you took me. Mandy, don't you let me catch you to tell them that that one don't count when you're trying to get him to the next concert because. Don't you say I don't do nice things for you. We spent $4,000 on a cracker barrel. date. Half a concert I go to get canceled. Shit.

Well, guess we'll do this again in 17 years. I'm a black cat. You don't want me there. Guess we'll just go to La Perel Aeros. This is awesome, man. He got nachos and everything. Nachos and biscuits and gravy. This dude's the hero of this whole story. This dude is the other survivor of the Piquad of Ishmael.

What'd you do? Got a lot of fresh air, hung out with some cool brothers. That's Randy. Randy was fucking shirtless the whole time. I'm having a big time. Randy's story starts with, call me drunk. Call me whatever you want to, bro.

But just call me. Randy here. Got a story about the Oceanic Deep to share with you. Randy here. This book's different from the other one in a lot of ways. It's pretty similar in one because this guy like eight chapters is nothing but whale facts

here like me break down whales for you let's go but it'd be nothing but the most unscientific shit about whales it'd be like

you know when you and your buddy are sleeping in the bunk and your toes hanging out of the blanket and it's cold and you're like that's real nice

it makes me want to cuddle my buddy that's the same shit that's in Moby Dick you just put in Randy's voice if y'all don't write this book in the next six weeks I will kill myself I hated that

fucking whale I hated it I told Cap need you to let that shit go and just move on no he wouldn't let's fuck that my bro was stressed and i told him he just need to focus on how blessed he was you know what bless that fucking whale why fight god when you can fish for some cod know what i'm saying he said is well i'm telling you here in this book because we use literary devices a cod is god you understand yeah the the whale facts chapter is just nothing about like you see that dick biggest dick he ever seen on there's just enormous they told me this book

called Moby Dick, so I figured I'll talk about it. False advertising if I didn't give it to you, straight facts. I'm Moby Dick. Yeah. I'm going to be a dick to that goddamn whale. Yeah. Captain sitting there talking to God doing all kinds of Shakespearean shit, and I'm just pointing at that wang and going, dang, dude, you see that?

Look at that fucking thing. Yeah, God damn. I'm going to kill that whale and take his dick. They're going to talk about me in English class. Rubber rags, what do you give me for this? just moby just moby dick rewritten is like a chill tail of the sea a little bit less about the old man in the sea a little bit more about the old man in the d

way alternate title make it the alternate title comes a time in a man's affairs when he needs to set sail go to a canceled morgan wallin concert get himself some nachos you know we're going to call this this activity this is morgan walleran this dude gets back to work marlin wallin this dude gets back to work on Monday and he's there like how was your weekend he's like awesome it's fine this awesome cool once you do nothing it was great we rode around a little bit we had a good old time concert got canceled that's cool I had like nine twisted teas

oh shit got me a new shirt he's just he just went back to the truck and drank a mango chalotta like what What a king. Why can I see this so clear? Oh, yeah. She's all bent and he's like, I can't help her. She's all bad.

He's all like, and he's not feeling so good. He's all like, there's no reason to rush. Traffic's going to be shit. We might as well have another. That photo is actually from like the next morning. Think of we run the place now.

Actually, I want that photo. I want that same photo like immediately on cancellation because he probably has the same expression while she's like, oh, God damn. Like he's kind of looking stuff. sideways at her and trying to form his facial expression accordingly. Hey, you know what?

I hope he's emotionally independent enough to be like, your perturbation is not my situation. You're going to have to solve that yourself. Should we start today's show? Yes. Yes, we should. Jason, would you like to guide us through draft week's draft of drafts of drafts? That was for the guy who said we don't get to the topic within 45s.

So, folks, you might have noticed it's NFL draft week. And similar to every mark. March, every internet property doing bracket stuff. Well, NFL draft week, every internet property does draft stuff. So, yeah, we're going to do that. We've done a number of these over the years. I don't know how many. I don't know when we started.

Don't seem to like them. Yeah. So one issue with them is like coming up with a topic because, wow, there's so many. So this time around decided to just work smarter, not harder, and just let you, the listener at home, tell us what to draft. And ended up going with a system in which we have a number. number of topics listed here. And we're going to draft as many as we possibly can.

Up to 10. See if we hit all 10. See how it goes. Seems like a tall order. Let's see. I have randomized the pick order. We'll do one round per topic and I'll randomize which topic we draft in which round. All right.

Shit, I've got to learn Pokemon. Let's see. I'm not going to. I have a plan. Randomizer. I love it. All right. Generate.

Oh, we'll start with topic number one. Topic number one. one, because this is a football program, and we are college football experts. Topic number one will actually be on topic. It is 23 NFL draft quarterbacks. Serber, I've given you the first pick. I didn't ask you whether you wanted to participate or not, but if you'd like to participate, you're on the clock.

Really only one choice here. I know a lot of people have been torn, but Stetson Bennett. Smart. Seems like he's a two-time chance. Why wouldn't you? Jerry Jones is incensed right now. God damn it. He's a winner.

Holly, you're up next. In the same spirit of this game, Jake Heiner. God damn it! Brutal. That was You're so, I guess like lightning just shot out of your eyes.

Jesus, dude. What a sniper. Well, you shouldn't know that was that. I figured he'd be legit. I figured he'd be happy with Richardson. With a Florida gator? He hasn't been so far.

Never mind. That's an excellent point. Wow, we're really moving here. Ryan, take Richardson just just because. A lot of big value on the board. Ryan, who you got? Java quarterbacks throw touchdowns. Almost nobody did this more than my guy, Clayton, Tune.

Wow. Hell yes. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, C-U-N-E. Touchdown tune. All right, so Spencer now gets to choose between the number one pick, the number two pick, or another top five pick, or Will Levis. Or other.

Who may also be the number two pick. Who may also. Or Hendon Hooker, whom he loves. I mean, the cults are in there so anything could happen, folks. I'm here for a good time, not a long time. I'm going to pick the only quarterback that I saw annihilate a dude on his own interception return. I'm picking Dorian Thompson Robinson from UCLA. L.A. because God isn't real, but hell is.

Okay, so now the top four quarterbacks are still on the board. Top five, Hinden Hooker has also not been selected. Wow, I'm surprised here. I thought I would have to wheel and deal my way toward the quarterback that I would take number one if I had the number one pick in the entire NFL draft, which is not Bryce Young, though I loved him as a college football player. Not C.J. Stroud. he was also an incredible college football player

I would take Anthony Richards is number one Hell yes I have come around to the fact that the NFL is now a league that is open-minded enough to let athletes be great Jalen Hurts baby

is literally one of the greatest athletes in the history of football and yeah and you know yeah inaccurate but not that inaccurate it could be a lot worse and plus you have to count for

the fact he played in fucking Florida's offense, which is still a bizarre thing to say, but he does get credit for overcoming that handicap to some extent. I mean, he's no Sesson Bennett. Yeah, I mean, we established that because Setson Bennett went first. So we have drafted five quarterbacks and Young and Stratton. They're still available for you, the listener at home. We're off to a hot start. In the NFL, there is no margin for error.

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Okay, so I'm going to hit the generator, the randomizer. We're going to topic number nine. which is ooh big one dog breeds this one was selected by or requested by a bunch of listeners so snake order I would be first and I only had one breed on my big board here I'm going to go with the noble Doberman quality versatile hardworking fun loving looks a whole lot meaner than it actually is a, like a short-haired dog. I like a big dog that's not huge. Like a dog of substance.

It's not like a fucking wall. But yeah, I'm going with the versatile, the versatile Doberman. Can I say I just really like the phrase dog of substance? Thank you. If I said that. Did I say that? Yeah.

Okay, good. Spencer, I bet you're taking a huge dog. I am taking a dog. I didn't just want the hugest dog. I wanted a dog which was a delightful cocktail of several different huge dogs, the Newfoundland, the St. Bernard, and the Great Pyrenees. I am getting the dog that was bred to literally look like a lion, weighing up to 150 pounds and about 32 inches at the shoulder. I will take the Leonberger. That is correct, the rare but exquisite Leonberger bred in Germany for companionship and to look like a giant.

giant cat that is the dog i am taking wow looking at i just googled this thing it uh it looks like a fucking mountain yes it is a mountain i will tell you they are very very very very very very affectionate and they enjoy sitting right in your lap no matter how much they weigh so glorious animal that's a it's a lot of dog for your money all right ryan talk dog breeds It's a cute pick by Spencer. I want to make a lawyer. Oh, boy. Hear that shit?

I'm going to take the big red dog, as in whatever Clifford is. Clifford is going to fucking tower over. I'm sorry, brother. I'm sorry, brother. Server already picked the only big red dog. I don't know. Clifford ain't ever sold me a 60,000 mile power train warranty. Clifford has been chased.

Clifford got. Clifford has been. chased by the police though that's also one in the same for public urination probably probably for falling asleep where he wasn't supposed to

so just writing this down Ryan takes a Clifford Clifford yeah a Clifford give me a cliford I have a backup pick that What kind of dog is Clifford A giant Vizla

Vizla is that how you say it? Yeah, Vichla. It's Hungarian, so I think you're right. Yeah. It's Vichla. Betty gets confused for this all the time. Yeah. Holly, who you got?

Well, press to choose between the dog that has not yet interrupted the shutdown forecast today and the dog of my beloved alma mater, I'm going to take

neither, and I'm going to pick I'm going to take a bloodhound. I had the privilege of driving a eight-week-old fostered bloodhound puppy to the airport yesterday. And it's like holding this. I get why people make coats out of them. You know, I question Corella DeVille's methods, but I believe that her heart was in the right place.

It is the softest thing. It was like holding a little baby bunny that could chew on you. Just 10 out of time. 10 excellent experience perfect animal no notes it's a damn good dog this is a mighty fine animal his name was Joe Rockhead by the way that's a good name yeah very formal name

yep server who you got sticking with my theme I'm going to go with Georgia Bulldogs will be the dog that I choose the whole team the whole program well in the alumni base They're fantastic sports information director Claude Felton.

Which one of you is, oh, Claude. I need papers to say this is a damn good dog. I need the papers to reflect that. All DGDs included. You got the gym dogs. You got Hershey Walker, unfortunately. Oh, God damn it. There's one in every litter.

I got Matt Stafford or something. Does UG. Does UGA have an equestrian team? Yes, they do. Do you know how I know this? Do you know how I know this? How? Because the media guide for the Georgia equestrian team lists head has headshots and biographies of the horses.

Are they? Alongside the writers. I just want this to happen just so we can say the horse dogs. That horse. Alongside the horse dogs, yes. I got the B-52s. Yeah. And Michael Stipe.

I think you also get the character I was thinking of taking. lockjaw the bulldog who can teleport and open dimensions got him he's mine into it so that's a good pick he's a two thousand pound teleporting bulldog yeah same it's a good house excellent um generate randomizer topic number three which is uh okay chain restaurant breakfast items. So many of you went straight to Waffle House and honestly I think we should do

a Waffle House episode at some point and I think Waffle House disasters might be the move. It is about time for another disaster episode. I have a Waffle House disasters that gets talked about on this week's upcoming in in the dirt. So I'll

plug that there. I have had to blacklist a Waffle House. I never thought I would say that. that but what did it blacklist you in return no i was i was a i was an absolute god damn delight i'd like i'd like to hear from from the management before i agree with you on that the arbor trader is logged on wow i didn't say shit to them uh but yeah so let's expand from not just what if you want to do about the house obviously is fine to let's expand to chain restaurant breakfast items this was uh recommended by tyler batiste uh fan of windies we've

discussed windies breakfast items this week and uh i do i do want i do want to recommend uh server you are up first i didn't know windies has breakfast is not an ad i don't know if wendy's has breakfast this is a relatively recent thing and i'm not sure that all locations have it the breakfast sandwiches on a bun are actually pretty good the it i'm going to say it is the best breakfast chicken biscuit oh sir bold lofty

well now you're just lying thank you lofty oh is bow jangles country logging on is that what's happening you've been bow jangled it is my pick

isn't it god damn it it is bow time Cajun flay chicken biscuit that's strong that is strong yeah

even if even if You know, the regular chicken just kind of tastes like cardboard. Yeah. That's true. They do put some stuff on it. You can go to hell. Why am I already at bow jangles?

Think you mean I can bow to hell. Put that on a shirt at Rebel Rags. $74. Worth it? $7,000. I need seven. It's got rhinestones on. It's embellished.

Holly, it's breakfast time. I think we've been over this on a fairly recent episode, but the Channel 6 news crew is fairly fond of the Crystal Sunriser situation, which is the little Crystal Burger Bun with a sausage patty replacing the nasty steamed burger patty of the daytime burger. And handy for us at a drive-thru because it is an item that only has three things on it. Therefore, it's pretty easy if you're at a mostly competent crystal to get them to either leave off the cheese for a big guy or leave off the egg for me

because it's very, very hard, as I've complained before, to get an eggless breakfast at a drive-thru in this country if you're out of the range of like California burritos. Yeah. So give me a crystal sunriser and send me on my way.

Taco Bell has a number of potato centric breakfast items, but yeah, you're right. Do they have eggs in them? I mean, some of them... Egg-like substance. Yeah.

Quote, unquote, eggs, yeah. The problem is, like, even with... Even if you can ostensibly get them without eggs, it's hard to get them to actually make them without eggs, in my experience. Because people don't understand... Our Americans' understanding of breakfast seems to be slap an egg on it. Like, I would just rather have the lunch thing.

No, thank you. Ryan, you're up next. I'm going to go real simple here. give me the McDonald's surfboard hash brown wow

that whips ass that's an great fucking good yep like the same all over these

surfboard based drive-thru food yes made with the same a template as the Burger King

chicken that's right same manufacturing machine right they just switch it out at 11th

the same press uh chunk respect to the chicken surf I would like to think that they that they have to clamp each one individually like they're making wax seals, you know what I mean?

Like there's a big lever and they have to press it out like they're making license plates. Yeah, it's a giant wooden machine and it has to be like hands screwed and like it's artisanal. That's good. You have to go to an apprenticeship for it.

When they send the potatoes to McDonald's, it's actually tall. They have to crunch it down. That's right. And if it doesn't come from the hash brown, region of France. It's not really McDonald's hash bread. It's just a big flat French fry. That's all that is.

Spencer, what you got? My alternate pick was the classic McDonald's sausage and egg, but fortunately my number one is still on the board. Respect to the sausage and egg, though, because it is, I think, an American classic. And does not vary in quality from one McDonald's

to another. It is like consistently an A across all McDonald's. But much to my surprise, mine is still in board because I thought server would go Bojangles, but he went alternate. He went Cajun Filet. I am taking what I believe to be the superior breakfast item at Bojangles on my mind because as mentioned on Serber's outstanding podcast hand in the dirt, the bojangles steak biscuit? Yes. Fucking flames. So good. It is so good. It is also, by the way, the deathiest

breakfast item because I am convinced it contains more saturated fat than nine meals you could put together in the same sack. It's like a pork top that came out of a cow. It is. It is so good. It's not okay. Bojangles steak biscuit nutrition. Your computer just explodes.

Who just lose Ryan? They're like, nope, forbidden. The biggest numbers I've seen since that lady went to rubble rags. Google just said, turn around now. This item has 61% of your daily sodium. Yeah. That's good. That's what you want.

And 85% of your daily saturated fat. But you know what? It's got 16 grams of protein, so we can lie and say, this is a balanced meal right here, boy. It's a far as smart start. Hey, if you eat three of those, you know, you're on your way to, like, you know, gram per body weight, right? Maximum, maximum power. And 240% plus of your daily saturated fat. You can get ahead on the week.

You don't have to have any more saturated fat. If you eat three of these, you basically turn into the Dead Sea. The strong dead fat. see you just turned to lot's wife man this is why bojangles hasn't expanded to utah because they're having enough trouble keeping water in the great salt lake basin yeah just absorb it all my skin will just be taught like a balloon about to burst yeah bojangles delicious that's how i start my day yeah that's how i three of those and anger so uh with the last pick in this round I had just like What a Burger as a general concept as my number two here because like

like Holly said, I don't always for breakfast want a quote unquote officially authorized breakfast centric item. Sometimes it's like I want a fucking chicken sandwich. I don't care if it doesn't come on a biscuit. If certain I can draft the Georgia Bulldogs, I feel like you can draft Waterburger in general. Yeah. Well, I have a second on my list in case number one was taken. So I just wanted to shout out Waterburger for saying, I don't give a fuck what time a day it is.

The menu's the menu. Number one, I'm just going to take an entire Waffle House All-Star. I'll stick to the Waffle House starting point. It's like, it's so much fucking shit. It's like $9. The price fluctuates. It doesn't matter. The price fluctuates even if you go to the same venue five days in a row.

You get five different prices. It's fine. You get whatever they feel like writing down that day. For our international readers, what does the All-Star consist of, allegedly? I mean, just imagine a wafel, a diner item, and it's there. just like think of something that Americans would eat for breakfast and yep it's in there it's our English breakfast oh my God it really is isn't it yeah also multiple delivery systems without the beans with you within the same all-star you can make a waffle sandwich if

you wanted to you could make an egg sandwich right like there are endless different variations on how one can actually consume everything within the all-star breakfast so shouts out to versatility for a small upcharge you can swap out the bacon for grilled chickens, and the grilled chicken at Waffle House is perhaps the most underrated among chain restaurant worlds. Seasoned, actually seasoned. It is. If you've eaten Chick-fil-A chicken, simply go to Waffle House and discover seasoning.

Let's see here, now that our bodies are nourished, the randomizer says topic. 240% of my sodium. topic number five which is all right this one this is a version of one that like a lot of people um requested perhaps because russamania was this month um the version that i settled on is pro wrestler to be managed by you um like you not someone you're facing although that happens you know the all good partnerships come to an end or not just your favorite but it's fine too but uh dude i have the first picking this round, did the stipulation.

I am taking a veteran of WWE. Been around for 20 years. He's wrestled over 2,000 matches, and I looked this up earlier today. He has lost 60% of them. But he has a world championship to his name is thought of as one of the best wrestlers in the world. It's known for, you put him in any match against anyone,

and everyone walks away happy. The other guy looks awesome, because this guy sells his ass off. He's going to be in the company as long as he wants to be. Dolph Ziegler is my guy because that is a steady fucking paycheck. He's going to be there forever.

Everyone loves beating him and he's totally happy with losing. And all I have to do is just like follow him to the ring for like 10 minutes once a month when he's on TV. And that's my career. Thank you.

A solid. A solid. my pick is going to be I'm going to manage Aska Oh! There, you got it back. Just because I want to help her cheat.

She's so entertaining and she spits venom at people and she screams and she doesn't often speak in English so I feel like I can take the Paul Hamas shit talking position for her, right? Also, I think I'm just going to be a great meddler. Great meddler. great faces in the frame in the background, right? Like every time Paul Heyman appears in the background, he looks like, you know, he's looming.

I want that. So I will 100% manage Oskah. I won't even take commission. I just want to help her cheat. What I picture here is there's a lot of you taking the mic and you starting to speak in English. She immediately takes the mic from you and she says whatever she wants in Japanese.

And it's a great bit. That's right. And then I translate it and someone asked me, do you speak Japanese? and I say no. Just a vibes thing. Yeah. And then she immediately spits venom at somebody.

Yeah. The green mist. I'm sorry, the green mist. Yes, the green mist from netherware. No one knows from whence it comes. Ryan, is time to talk about pro wrestling? Doink the clown. My logic here is that I have built myself longevity

because something like 18 different. people have wrestled as doink the clowns sometimes it's like the gimmick is that they're disguised sometimes they're just wrestling as doink so i like i'll work forever here it's going to be fucking great there's also this thing that wwee does where they pay people like the old timers they pay them legends contracts yeah yeah and it's like anytime they appear in a video game or they want them to come to do an autograph thing or whatever like they're all on retainer for that shit so There might be 18 guys who show up whenever they need doink, and you get to wrangle all of them.

Yeah, and we will have doyk army at some point. There will be 35 doinks coming out at some SummerSlam events. Legion of Doinx. Legion of Doings. Holly, who you got? Well, since Spencer swooped in and avenged himself on my Jayhiener pick by taking Oskah, I'm going to move elsewhere in the women's roster and take current raw women's champion Bianca Bel Air.

My love for her stems from the fact that she is a Knoxville native Goval's, a University of Tennessee alum, and she's at an interesting crossroads because she's athletically and, you know, career arc-wise. This was not, you know, wrestling was not her first career. she is 34 and in an incredibly like punishing sport and she's you know she's hit the pinnacle right here right and I think there's a lot of interesting opportunities for here to like you know I'm not going to say she can't like stay in the ring into her 40s if that's what she wants but she's going to you know it's time to start thinking about like diversifying her career path down the road you know does she uh does she want to move into

a position of power at the company and become more of a behind-the-scenes power broker? You know, does she want to go to Hollywood and do something else entirely? Like, the world's kind of open for her right now, and I just think that's awesome, and I want to help her achieve that. Go balls. Tremendous choice. Could very well be the, like, the face of the company within the next few years. So.

server who you got i'm gonna pick a wrestler that i really like but who i feel like has kind of been fucked over by creative and i'm hoping that by being like being aligned with this guy i can i can like influence the story to be not so fucking unbearable um and also i want to change his name back i think he's called butch now but i want him to just be pete done again and i want his story to be good and not the brawling brutes the vince mcm like he has been vince he's been vince so hard creatively um and i think he is so good i think he's so so good and i was so excited for him until they uh introduced him as butch you know how popular you would be if you were like a successful de vencer yeah like every wrestler would want you as they yeah that's what i'm trying to be like an

exorcist but for vence yeah exactly this slate is clear I can't do the accent but you know what I'm talking about I do so this our wrestlers list is similar to our quarterback's list where we have one first rounder

this time Bianca Aska's a first rounder as well but thank you and then quite an assortment talent to be sure not a lot of headliners other than Bianca and Oscar okay let's see

randomize topic number two this is another one that was requested by a lot of people and I was like it's a thing we've talked about um it's been mentioned in this episode in fact but um it's time to talk more than ever before about Pokemon uh cowgirl book cowgirl bookworm was the first to recommend this topic uh lots of variations were suggested Pokemon you'd like to hang out with Pokemon you'd like to eat maybe a little bit of both um but yeah I just left it at just Pokemon. Let's start with server for this one.

I think I've said before, I never liked Pokemon I just pretended to to be able to go to birthday parties of kids at school. And so my knowledge of the lore is limited at best. Survivor. Yeah. I

think I'm going to go with Charzard because you said something you could eat. And I think I would like to try and taste that little sunbitch. I think I would like some grilled Charzard just sounds good. Charzards are very big. So it's a lot of meat.

That's fine. I got a big extra freezer. Okay. And I don't hunt deer. So like it's empty. It's just frozen pizza and Charzard. I'm real hungry and I don't hunt deer. I'm like shit.

Charzard, you are fucking dead. I got a garage fridge waiting on your ass. also canonically charzards are like stubborn ornery assholes so this is quite a tangled you want to shoot one yeah i don't want to hang with him you should know i feel like in an episode of criminal minds this man owns a giant garage fridge but doesn't hunt is like a very good give a killer yeah yeah that's him yeah keep my enemies in there not that's the guy who killed charzard yeah charzard a huge pick off the board uh probably if this was like some sort of a public draft would probably be one or two or so um Pikachu would be in the mix there but Charzard the most popular in the 90s might still be the most popular that's why

server got invited to birthday parties yeah servers and are you who's your favorite uh Charzard he sounds delicious you can come you can come to the roll rink you're in my club yeah fucking cool dude holly Pokemon time so all right too am not Pokemon literate, unlike Serber, I did not. I don't even think we had, I think I might have missed the Pokemon parties. I think we are, I think this is an age distinction between us and Serber. Yeah. The only Pokemon I could think off off the top of my head was Charzard, so I'm going to do something a little bit different. I'm going to pick a Pokemon based on its name, and y'all are going to tell me what that Pokemon is that I have drafted. Site unseen, please give me Snorla.

Oh, you'll like snorleck. That's a good pick, yeah. So the first syllable in the name is all Snorlax does. Oh, hell yes. Sleepy Pokemon. Give it to me. It's just a big old sofa-sized. I'm Googling.

He's cute. Okay. Kind of a totoro. Bear-like. Kind of tootero-ish. We have the same body type. I appreciate this. All right.

I'm happy with my choice. Snorlax is all. the board. Does it have weapons or is it just sleepy? No, it just hangs out. Okay. That sounds, you know what? That sounds relaxing. It's just, I do me and I chill. That's all snor-ups is my choice. I have cast I do me and I chill. I cast satisfying nap. Oh, man. Don't listen, don't threat. A snorlax has great defense like in a battle. They just attack it and attack it and attack it and it's like, huh? Oh. Like an anchylosaurus, my favorite dinosaur. I've cast snoozebar

I will Ryan time to flex the expertise Well unfortunately like my colleagues I don't know shit about Pokemon I've never played Pokemon I've never watched any of the various properties I only know about

Pokemon because I exist on the internet and I have to know about it so I'm going to try something very left field here Spencer would you like to have back-to-back Pokemon picks wow you can have them

if you give me Bojangles steak biscuit wow no what a good partner that's a good no

server's standing with me here because you want me to be an improv partner but what you want is compliance I have laid claim to the finest breakfast item and I am going to

continue to hold on to my steak biscuit Are you trying to starve, Spencer? I don't understand that Spencer wasn't listening and doesn't know what Ryan was asking for. Hang on just a goddamn minute, though, Spencer. What if you decide to eat one of the Pokemon and put that on the Bojangles Biscuit? Just weigh the possibilities of what could potentially, like, not much could, but like what could top steak biscuit? You know what?

In the interest of charity, I will agree to this because I do have an answer that I think Ryan will find satisfying that I can put in that slot. All right, I am counting O'Dangle's steak biscuit as Ryan's Pokemon. Thank you. Yes. There you go. Now, Spencer, you get to pick back-to-back Pokemon. Okay, I have two choices. Okay, in order number two, I'm going to select a Machop

because I will eventually be able to evolve him into the Will Must Champ of Pokemon, the idiot Machamp. I will go ahead and select them. With the number one pick, I will pick the finest Pokemon by far, the one with the greatest potential and the greatest final evolution, I'm going to select squirtle. And by selecting squirtle, God.

That means I am going to grow myself a blastoy's. That is correct. You got quite a developmental franchise here between those. I do. I do. I'm drafting for the future, Jason. He may be a squirtle now, but later he's going to be a blastoys.

Yeah. That's good. That's a lot of power. A lot of power for the future. well you build from the line so that's how you start so yeah this is why it was funny that Pokemon was recommended for us because like most of us don't interact with it all that often um i i grew up playing the card game and all the other stuff so i know far too much about it i have a bee drill tattoo um nice i uh so uh evy is one of my favorites i know evy is a controversial

Pokemon, because an Evie is often an annoying little scoundrel that wins far too many battles in the show, despite weighing like one pound, wins by like the power of cute. But the cool thing about Evie is Evie doesn't evolve into just one. Evie can evolve into eight. There's a fire one, there's water one, so on and so forth. Some of them look kind of gross. Some of them are really cool. I'm going to go with the Goth one, which is Umbrian.

it's a pretty cool little animal if you look it up just a little goth fox thing with powers of darkness or whatever cool so that's who I'm sliding alongside Anthony Richardson it's good plan next up this is like a yellow card

uh Pokemon yeah yes this is a Pokemon that stole skull candy headphones from Hot Topic. I cast nasal chorus. You can find this Pokemon on Pokemon Go somewhere on Ocean Avenue. Next

topic. Number 10. This is one that we have definitely discussed many times. Mountain Dew flavors, real or imagined. Lots of people recommended this one. Bill Barnwell was first. They were real or imagined. I have the first pick this round

and gosh this is tough do I go Baja blast or do I go just regular Mountain Dew heavy I got it right the first time I think I got to go Baja blast I hadn't anticipated picking first in this round but I'm taking the

taking that big name off the board I can choose an imagine flavor so I'm going going to go ahead and do that. I don't care what the actual flavors of this hypothetical and proposed flavor are. I don't care what its after effects may be. But if you named a Mountain Dew brand, Mountain Dew Strong Panther, I'm going to buy it. Not even going to fucking look. I'm going to take 10. So Mountain Dew, if you hear me, I'm going to buy at least 10 of them. Mountain Dew Strong Panther. I don't care if it makes me break out into a sweat and get double vision on consumption. I don't care if it lowers.

or drastically raises my sperm count, Mountain Dew Strong Panther. I'm going to buy it. He's more sperm than man now. You're dangerously fertile. If I drink Mountain Dew Strong Panther and I spend the rest of the day being afraid of the trees,

I'm still going to drink Mountain Dew Strong Panther. Because you might infregnate them. Yeah. Pollinating! I love that there's no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no mind paid to like what color is it what alleged flavor is it sugar I need the strong panther

they fuck me up strong panther and oska has too much power from one team that's what when you manage oska that's what she spews at opponents is strong panther if it came in a neon if it came in like a matte black can

with Japanese writing and silver on it and just said strong panther warning possibly strong ever since finding out about Pepsi Strong I've been obsessed with like Pepsi Strong that they made this hyper-caffeinated hyper-carbonated Pepsi

that they had to use a special bottle to keep it from exploding on the shelf and just marketed it in Japan as Pepsi Strong the weapon X of Pipsy because the minute I see that I'm like I'm no bitch I'm gonna drink Pepsi Strong Whoa this shit looks scary

yeah Pepsi, yeah. Like the branding on the bottle just looks so confident. It does. It doesn't look weak. It looks strong. Wow. It's too clear of that shit.

Ryan, what you do would you like to do? I'm on the Wikipedia page titled List of Mountain Dew Flavors and Varieties. I have entered subsection discontinued. In search of a thing I didn't think would exist, but actually does. If you steal mine, I'm going to kill you. Holly, were you going to go? going to take Mountain Dew DeWitos? No.

Somehow no. I know what this is. Somehow no. This is how it's described. I too am making a historical pick, and I'm glad that my threat carried weight, but no, you may live. This is a product that was introduced in 2014. A Doritos flavored Mountain Dew taste tested on U.S. college campuses. Can you imagine for a moment a Mountain Dew too funky that college students were

like, no, don't sell us this. Please, this is too weird and bad. It's orange. After the past couple years of the Christmas flavors defeating eventually even Jason, I can't imagine it. I have to assume

this is a mountain dew that somehow leaves you with like sticky orange dust on your fingers after you drink it. Yeah. Yeah, this one is on. I'll take the Dorito-flavored Mountain Dew. The most, one of the most 2014 ideas, I think, that could have been conceived.

Back in a more innocent time. That's right. Listen, if you drink Mountain Dueto and you eat the green onion flavored checks at the same time, you become a god. Some kind of god. That's how you become Red Hulk. Yeah. Not regular Hulk. The weird red one.

That's how you become abomination. Holly looks like whatever is. your number one is still available. I, too, have found a discontinued historical Mountain Dew, and I maintain that I have found a worse one. Oh, boy. Mountain Dew, Johnson City, Gold.

I thought about taking this. Was test marketed in Johnson City, Tennessee, home of Mountain Dew in 2012. It is a, oh, you think you know what you're getting. It is a malt beverage Mountain Dew. Now, I know what

thinking. They had hard Mountain Dew in 2012? No, they didn't. They just made beer-flavored Mountain Dew. It is malt-flavored soft drink. Marketed as Johnson City Gold, amazingly not nationwide.

Soft malt gamer fuel. America was not ready for Mountain Dew beer breath tweens. It was test marketed in three places. Chicago, Denver, and Charlotte, North Carolina. Yeah, places where you're going to find the most amount of 10-year-old smoking.

It's basically like, hey, who's fucking been burned by J. Cutler? Let's give them Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold. Beautiful. What a world. What a country. And it's under discontinued, you say. Challenge accepted. Server, who you got?

I'm just going to take Serge. That's a new energy drink from Mountain Dew surge But speaking of teen smoking That's canon That's canon Yeah Mountain Dew surge is the plutonium uranium hybrid bomb

Of Mountain Dew You got a whole fucking weather system And you tell me after that Was Serge one of the first items you could get as a child That had rampant rumors About what it would do to your sperm count And shit like that

Probably Okay yeah probably because it was being marketed in high schools as holly yeah has said i don't ever remember hearing anything about sperm count but i don't suppose i'm the target audience for that particular situation hitting the randomizer oh and for the first time the randomizer suggests ones we've already done okay so we'll bump it up to this is a version of a thing a lot of people suggested things to draft during a podcast about drafting things question see how meta we've gone Is this us picking our favorite topic from today

or picking a topic that we wish we'd gotten to draft? Any topic. You can pick a topic or a thing from that topic or whatever. Just so many people said draft drafts and so forth or draft podcasts or draft podcast ideas about podcasts or what have you. Because, I mean, you know, there's 700 zillion episodes out there that are like, here's a podcast and we're drafting stuff of like every show. So, Serber, do you have a draft that should be podcasted?

Drafting Jordans, let's say that. Oh, wow. Do you mean the shoes specifically or anything that is called? No, any member of the family. Okay. Anthony, Jeffrey. The country? Yeah.

Yeah, country counts. Yeah. No, yeah, the shoes. Yeah, if you had a number one on the list, who you got? Concord and 11s Nice Yeah What's the worst pick you can

You can make in that draft Anything after a 12 Okay Anything after a 13 I'll give 13s When they got like Creative Yeah

They got it right the first time And then they got it Pretty right after And then they got it wrong Yeah Yeah I would I would struggle with

Whether or not to take a 4 over an 11 because I like the fours, but I think Concord 11s are the one. I love it. Holly, what draft are you drafting? Today's

Mountain Dew Round has inspired me and I would love at some point for us to do a discontinued Soda's draft. Let's air out those true feelings about Crystal Pepsi. We've got them. I think you have a not only that topic,

but you've also already cornered the number one spot on it. You already out to a lead there. Did anybody ever actually try a new Coke or is it just a meme? Yeah, like, it feels like one of those things where it couldn't have been that fucking bad. No, it just tasted like Pepsi.

That's actually... Okay, staying corrected. And Pepsi is fine. That's also the game. Pepsi's fine. Uh, Ryan. I'm trying to think about how uncomfortable I want to make this. I don't think I want to go all the way.

I'm going to see if you can top me. No, I don't want to do that. My answer's good. I don't want to do that. Here, I'm going to pull Vikings. My clock has run down and I'll pick after Spencer. Okay. I'm going to go ahead and select worst tourists by nationality,

a thing I will never discuss in public. Oh, my God. Finally, we're going to get emails. We're never going to do it, but it's lurking there. A hive of ours. Do we just call this a dark match and end the show right here? We'll just say, we'll just say, surely I was just going to talk about Americans the whole time. Yes.

All right. Or Italians. Well, I'll do mine. NFL draft male media members as sexual partners. how did you have no way of knowing i would right right who wouldn't fuck kiper the confidence enthusiasm yeah he's pretty