Shutdown Fullcast - 2023 Preseason College Football Schematic Special

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

SHOW NOTES The gang assembles in front of the Shutdown Fullboard with erudite guest Charles “Ugarles” Star to do what we all do best: Thoroughly researched X&O breakdowns Breakdowns of what? Mind your own business Speaking of minding your own business: An appreciative Zaprudering of strength and conditioning levels on display during the recent bout of Montgomery Pontoon Fugue A brief and uneventful visit to Ron Desantis’s WikiFeet page Big podcast business week! Introducing Shutdown Fullbooks, Buried Treasure, and We’re Not All Like This As always, visit sunny preownedairboats.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I just feel like we are surrounded in this world by bullshit. So how can you know what's real and what's not? Science versus, that's how. We answer questions like, does anti-aging skin care actually work? And what is your true personality type? And to answer these questions, we don't use opinions. We dive into the scientific studies,

talk to the experts, and put it in a podcast that I know you are going to love. Listen to science verses on Spotify. I don't know. Welcome to the shutdown full cast. You are listening. That was a good one. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Have you been like eating well? Eating well, sleeping well. Like vegetables? Clean living? Yep. Taking care of myself, man. Trying to gram a gram a protein per body, desired body weight. You know?

For body. I thought you had collard greens three days ago. Yeah. I did. I've been taken, I've been eating good. Take care of myself. How's a skin care routine? That non-existent.

Exasperatingly non-existent. Because let me tell you, this dude has no pores, and it's infuriating. I've never seen him wash his face. Nope. Yeah. I do wash my face. When? When I'm in the shower.

Okay. Yeah. In the quiet moments, we know what is watching. Yeah. My face takes some collateral water damage while I'm standing there. You know what? Yeah, that's true, Jason. That's mostly true.

It's not a wash of it. It's a power wash. You don't wear sunscreen. It is a power wash. You don't moisture eyes and your face looks like this. If it's good enough for the Tahoe, it's good enough for me. We both go through the car wash and come out, shine it. You just heard a cavalcade of voices.

I'm going to try to sort them all out here. For you here on the internet's college only college football podcast. Ryan Nanny, Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson, and Michael Serber joining us as always. but we do have a special guest today that we are going to get to without further delay because Sonny has a squirrel toy now. And Sonny, the dog has a squeaky toy

you may hear in the background. And that's important input as well. But not as important as our guest today, we do take requests from time to time and we received a request from a loyal listener and urgent missive reading urgent missive asking to discuss something

on the show. And because we thought it was pertinent to the preseason Where if we need to go ahead and bone up on things like X's and O's, we've decided to go ahead, grant that wish, and take advantage of some real expertise in the area of football strategy. Charles, aka. You garless? Yeah, it's not meant to be pronounced, really. Going in a podcast the direction was a mistake. Charles, the unpronounceable field before him.

It's essentially Princess Glyph, but it's just, it's, it's Charles with Ugg at the beginning. So it's kind of a U-G-G-R-L-E-S, but I don't care. U-G-A-R-L-E-S. Girls, get off that swing set. That's the best possible way of remembering it. Yeah. On Twitter, if you want to follow him there, I believe it is also U-G-A-R-L-E-S. at Blue Sky as well.

I'm getting a call from Oxford, Mississippi, by the way, that can't be good. Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane. I hope, I hope it's lame, and he just says dick pick. And you're like, that's not how this works, Lane. That's not how you do this. Yeah, but now you're thinking about it. What's your fax number?

Lane, when I said nudes, I meant people. Yeah. People's nudes. Not Charzard. That's disgusting. Charzards usually nude. Or never. Mutu have that thing hang.

Is Charzard wearing a Charzard suit, right? I think that's possible. He's wearing a Charzard strap on, but it's a smaller Charzard. We wanted to go ahead. We wanted to go ahead and bring Charles on to discuss a play. A play that we saw illustrate. as because it's August.

Yeah, because it's August. And we've got to get down to X and O's. We've got to bone up on things. Who would like to discuss the play first? Who shall we intro?

Can we drop this image in the chat real quick? Editorial meeting. Right now. I've seen it. I've seen it, I've seen it, but I can't find it. Hold on.

I've seen it, but I want to confirm that the difference of alignment is what I think it is. Now I have to Google Twitter, DeSantis. Thanks for this. No, I have it open up.

I'll search DeSantis football and nothing appearing. Thanks for I stopped at DeSantis' foot and I'm going outside now for a long time. Thanks for a lot. He's got to have the weirdest feet. Oh God, you're right. For being in those weird majorette boots.

Wickeyfeet. Ron DeSantis, WikiFeed. He does have a page. Let's take a look. Oh, God. Yeah, it's just a beach. It's just a beach photo. You get you get exclusives if you donate 20 on a revolving monthly.

Subscribe to my Patreon for more. DeSantis footpeaks. I imagine I'm not so much webbed as like just all stuck together like a doll. The only photo on the Ron DeSantis WikiFeat, folks, I did the service for you free, courtesy of shut down full-cast enterprises, is just the one of him walking in his weird shorts on the beach. Thank you, Celebrity Foot Correspondent, Jason Kurt. That's your title now. All right. So this play here, the Team DeSantis game plan.

We will tweet this out with the episode as well. but so this was a tweet this was a tweet this it's the context of which if i remember correctly is basically ron santis not polling well it's like it's time for reboot it's time to he fired his campaign manager today yes yeah well for the second time in a week fucked up bootleg i just noticed something i just noticed something okay when you enlarged this image which i didn't do before because i was looking at it on my phone it looks like it's been uh and i i'm sure this is part of the graphic. I don't think they actually took a picture of a board, but you can see previously erased versions of the play behind it, like it's been erased multiple times on a whiteboard.

Oh, I like the real. Which means it's either they're dramatically emphasizing that yes, this is the way forward, or somebody really thought about this, and this is what they put on there on purpose. Yeah, like this is evidence that, unfortunately, this fucked up play is not the first draft. No, it's intentional. There were, there were options, which is a football term. I think it's cool that we noticed that. I think it's unlikely that we have to credit them with deep, deep semiotics in this. So this offensive formation, it appears to be the quarterback in Pistol, and there's sort of a fucked up flex bone going on. And or there are two H-backs.

There are the right, the correct number of players aren't all. are on offense. We have that going for us. Correct. Yep. And then everything is going to help. Note the specificity. There's a huge quarterback player.

We have the correct number of players on offense. A correct number of players are suited up to play offense. The incorrect number of players are on the offense's side of the ball pre-snap. Right. So before you even look at what this play is intended to be, this is what, five yards? A defender is wildly offside, as offside as you can possibly be. Two defenders are wildly offside. Like one defender, one is at the line.

There's one defender who's wildly offside. Yes. There is a cornerback. And another defender who is moderately. Yes. Yeah, there's, there's a cornerback who is normal offside. And then there's another who is TechMobile.

Actually, you couldn't even go offside in TechMobile. And unless there is a safety so deep that he doesn't appear on this diagram. Yeah, no, he's back for a quick kick. Okay. Okay. There appear to be an insufficient number of defensive players and two of them are doing something totally wrong. for the wily or on to Santa's

There are three of them doing something totally wrong. I mean, look at this. We have one really offside. We have one kind of offside. We have one so far back, he's off screen. That's true. Yes. Or quick quick, wait. And the fourth is there in a

5-1 formation. Yes. Somehow. And the one is lined up directly, directly there's like a buddy system and they're going on a class trip yeah this is this is kindergarteners in brooklyn he might be writing there's a there's literally picking back on the defensive end they sketched in a leash between the linebacker and the defensive linemen uh thank you to Craig Mosher who commented that it's clear they'd run a one six instead of the five two

that we're seeing here that the missing defender um the missing defender brings up another question It's unable, it Rogers has unable to determine whether this defensive alignment counts as a cover two. And the only reason I'm curious is the Tampanian origins. Sure. Is Rhonda Santa sending secret signals, visual signals, to the city of his home state that contains the most sex clubs per capita? So you're suggesting it's possible one of these. mid-level X's is Ronde Barber down in the box, but is going to bail back out? Maybe.

Okay. That would be far from the weirdest thing that's happening here. It's hard to, I mean, the cover two doesn't traditionally have five linemen, but I suppose you could run a version of it. Like, anyway, we're stealing Charles. You know what I've realized it really? The defense looks like the DJ marshmallow. It's true.

Oh, shit. It's true. Again, an appeal to Tampa. Yeah. All right. Oh, I cannot see that now. He's so jaunty. Charles, as our nation's chief political football mind, please explain this to play.

Okay, so now the offense has, like you said, the quarterback is like flexing out right. He has a running back behind him. He has two people stacked to like the tight end who is playing actually inside the line. with another receiver stacked behind him. The tight end appears to be going out in coverage where he runs past the way offside corner and the wide receiver behind him is getting blocked in the back by that running back.

Just absolutely pancaked from behind because they actually have it drawn that he is blocking left. and that is the only person blocking is the only blocking assignment he's the only blocking assignment on the play because there's also another wide receiver lined up like a tight end parallel to the other tight end inside the line i don't think there are enough people are there enough people lined up on the line of swimming no receivers they're too short yes they're only five and there are six who are behind the line in literally random places. In like a preschool soccer formation. Yes. Yeah.

The two tight ends are going into coverage. The only wide receiver in a wide, not into coverage, into a route. The only wide receiver in a wide receiver position is going into a route. And the quarterback is running into nothing but blind space. The skill position. There's nobody blocking on the side. By the way, where he's going. The skill position players appear as though they showed up at a PTA meeting,

and the president was like, come on, move closer. And they were like, we'll come to the third row. But we're not sitting in the front row. We're not going that far. Someone said to the skill players, like, we need volunteers. Stick around if you'd like to volunteer, and you can just see them all scattering. I like that the quarterback is running directly toward the two-man stack, where the lone linebacker is holding hands with that edge there.

Running away from the potentially two or three people that are blocking, yeah. Yeah, he's got three blockers to the other side. He's bootlegging to the weak side with no blockers and no one to catch a pass. And speaking of blockers, directly in front of what appears to be at least a 300-pound running back. That running, but that one in the backfield is huge. Right, it's the first time the O's are drawn to scale. Is that not how it works? yeah also i have i have two

like the planets i have two defensive notes all of our alignment are head up every single one of them you know you could play gap sound defense and make sure that nobody's going to get through a hole that you have uncovered however if you're a real man if you're not a bitch line up head to head face every single one of them five sumo matches every single play slap slap slap slap slap slap we have no

shit we have no tech one we have no tech everyone is everyone is the black keys yeah everyone is the black keys they're all head up like zero technique right there it's so awesome you see that shit and you don't think i should throw what i should do is i should run toward the three on two blocking disadvantage that's right well to be fair he's running away from the defender who started in the back field at the snap. So maybe that is a smart choice. This is imagining that every offensive lineman is an eligible receiver who naturally is being covered by a nimble 310-pound man ready to follow him

downfield on whatever route he might unfurl from his immense playbook. Also, shouts out to the corners, you know what? Most people use the sideline as a defender. Uh-uh. We're going to defend the sideline. We're going to make sure the receiver can't possibly go out of bounds, even if they wanted to. They're looking like fucking bumpers at a bowling alley. They're keeping the receivers from going too far left, aren't they?

The whole play. Not going to out-plank us. We'll get to entire plays that appear to be moving left in a minute. Can I also, you know what? The more I look at it, the more of what the quarterback is doing makes sense because there's no room to his left. That's true. There's three or many people. He's hemmed in.

He's hemmed in like they just castled the king, and there's a row of pawns. Okay. You know you've behind him being a rook would make a lot more sense. You've really invented some football shit if you have too many blockers.

Jim Parbaugh is interesting. Oh, Jim Parba. I really, really hate that media days are over because what I want to do is cross out the source and take this to a coach and ask him to critique it all right so Charles here's my question put yourself in the quarterback's shoes you get the ball per the play design you immediately take seven steps to your right what do you think you're supposed to do next well as now that I'm in the shoes I know what I'm doing

next which is dropping a load directly in my shorts I am What was it, was it Clemson when they ran that fake field goal? Yes. And the entire, and the entire line hit him at once. Uh-huh. That's me. I am Garo Eupremian if he wasn't athletic. Okay.

Okay. So we're gaining a lot of yards. Yeah. And so, but if I was an actual quarterback, I guess on this play, I'm bootlegging right. I have two people going out into coverage on that side, and I am just fucking heaving it before I'm crushed. I am just heaving it and hoping for the best and hoping that they only put 10 men on the field

because if there actually is a man deep, I am definitely getting enough air under this that someone could come out of the stands and pick it off. The pass routes here on the right side are Baffair. because they are expressly designed to put the receivers as close together as possible. Oh, yeah. There is no, there is no, like, if you have two men in the same spot. That's double the odds.

I believe that we are not allowed to have two men in the same spot under many emerging. No, no, no, no, you can't. You just can't have a woman there. You have to have two. You have to have two men there in case a woman shows up to have a meeting, so you're not by yourself. What kind of gay paradise is Ron Sanchez created? That is the Mike Pence playbook. That's the Billy Graham game plan.

I love that when we send two guys on a go route, we have effectively guaranteed they're both double-covered. Yes. I love it. Plus, this mystery safety, plus we have two safeties doing nothing. But you know what? I think, look, iron sharpens iron. And if you have to outjump your own teammate for the ball.

You know, it's like practicing rebounding against Rodman. That's a great point. Like, you can't, listen, you have, you run scout team, et cetera, et cetera, but you can't really get reps against the opposing defense. You can get reps against another wideout on your roster. So why not, why not get that practice? How tall is Tim Scott? He doesn't seem tall, but that's television.

Now it's time to not looking up Tim Scott height. Tim Scott Wikifeet. Five, oh, no, this is. I'm going to do it here. You're ready? It's your turn. This is five, oh, no, that's American football. Okay.

Right, right. I think he's, I think he's six one is what it says, which means he's five ten. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Nothing in his official biography about him being over six feet, so he's five ten. Okay. The other Tim Scott played one game.

Let's go easy on five ten here. The other term Scott played one game for it. for the New York Giants in 2017. So props down. Giants went 3 and 13 that year. Anyway. Another point here, it doesn't say the team DeSantis playbook or even more accurately the team DeSantis play.

It says the game plan. A game plan. They run only this play. Yeah. Right. For like, like if this was composed by, you know, ball-knowers, who quite evidently there is a lack of ball-knowers on the DeSantis campaign, they would know that you have to prepare different plays for different situations.

But Charles, as you note, evidently, this is the play for every situation. No, it's just, you know, run it up the gut, man. No yards and a cloud of dust. If you got true superiority, you run it over and over again until you make them quit and make them stop it. All right. And in this case, what's going to stop is going to be the referees and your own teammates. Timmy Williams up the gut against the Broncos. What if we're reading this play wrong?

What if the quarterback is not actually getting the snap at all? But he's running out to be a receiver. And our O in the backfield. Fellas, is it gay to run the wildcat? So they're snapping it to the one guy blocking. They're snapping to the blocking back? Not him. Our O in the backfield who has no motion.

So every O in the backfield on the left, the one who's stacked lower. Not the 300-pound running back. The one being blocked. Correct. The one being blocked. Yeah. So they snap it to the guy. who immediately gets hit by the eye back.

What if he is in fact receiving the snap and his job is to throw it to the quarterback who is now a receiver because those two go-rout receivers have cleared out space and the running back is going to take this to the fucking house while the off-sides defense wonders what the fuck just happened. I hope the running back gets this play because, you know, if this campaign has been about anything, it's against being woke and you will be anything but a way. if you were the quarterback on this player you will be unwoke you will be faced out on the turf so Ryan you're envisioning a a hard diagonal snap correct like like parallel to the guard center guard tackle gap like that is a that is a snap in 7 o'clock yes that is a real frisbee

toss I don't know the golf term for that angle of snap but I think it's like a fay I'll take your word on it you've been to golf more recently. As soon as it captures that snap, he is drilled by his teammate, the ball goes flying. Yep. And then at that point, the running back who has leveled his teammate, he has the ball. Is he the one to throw, or does he follow this H-back who's meandering past a defender? The thing about the fumble, though, is that now anyone can pick it off. Sure.

You've really expanded your option. Including you, citizen. Yeah, well, that's the free market. That's the point. It's just up for who wants it more. Maybe what this play is... Here's an interesting thought. Yeah.

Yeah. What if team DeSantis is the defense? Oh. Whoa. First of all, they still fucking suck. They're man short. They're understaffed. Yeah.

They don't know where they're supposed to be. The missing man is the campaign manager. The offsides is them leaving Florida. Got people running right past them. And they're just really counting on the opponent to... trip themselves up with illegal bullshit such that none of their mistakes will matter. This is the stupidest plan I've ever seen

and it's got us flummoxed. So which is worse, the offense or the defense, excluding the fact that the defense only has 10 guys out there? I think it's... I mean, it's offsetting penalties. Yeah, I think it's the offense because the offense is not even setting up correctly in a structural way, whereas the defense,

you could just be like, hey, go on sides. Like, just do that. Like, this is not, it's not even, it's not even particularly easy in this formation to get enough guys on the line of scrimmage and make this illegal form. Like, that's the biggest challenge. So I think, like, the defense has more fixable problems here

than the offense does. Yeah, defense is winning me because, I don't know, man, you still got two safeties back. Still got two safeties back. Here's, here's the other thing. Formation penalties are easy, like, I feel like those get called easily. Sometimes you will get lucky,

and they're just not going to throw that off sides flag. And it's just like, oh, yeah, it's time to fucking go nuts. I don't know about this lucky. I mean, like this guy, this guy looks like he's lining up to run a pattern. Yes, correct. Like he's so far off sides that, you know, X is kind of a number, is a letter that you can just flip. Yeah.

You know, it's like, you know, it's a mirror image in every direction. Redirection. He could just be running. He could be setting up for the offense. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's He's closer to illegal formation than either of the tight end. That's true. That's true. Yeah, I love that. Even if both of these exes joined the offense, it would still not be able to finish. Yeah. I think I think the defense has fewer problems, but yeah, this is all. Well, that's, well, that's, That's the interesting part is that ultimately Charles is right. This is offsetting penalties and none of this matters, which is in some ways. That's the political campaign. Yeah. That's the game plan. He's hoping for offsetting penalties. Like literally the entire DeSantis game plan. Yeah. The entire DeSantis game plan is that Donald Trump is in prison in November. Sure. And then he's got to get Tim Scott on which feet. To be fair, that is also my game plan. Charles, I know you have a lot of big law duties to attend to on this day,

but can we break down one more play with you? Absolutely. Who would like to intro? Spencer has to do this one. I have to do this one, you son of a bitch. Yeah, because you're from Tennessee. I know Holly is too, but that's not the point. Just do it.

She's from the free state of Waggles. Thank you. You pronounced it. This one is worse on offense. Yeah. I do my homework. Better at math, worse at like everything else? Yeah, this is the cover of Clay Trous's American Playbook,

a guide to winning back the country. American Playbook. Stay away from me. Like feral dogs don't rule 90% of this motherfucker. Democrats are in charge. Farrell dogs are at charge. Meanwhile, Ohio is like passing reference. randoms that are like, only dudes named Todd can vote.

But the Democrats are in charge, people. Look out. This is one of my favorite tropes. Like, are, are, are the Libs ultra-powerful? Or are they super wimp? It's like what Jason has explained about Satan, basically. Satan is so cool. He's very weak, but very strong.

He's so cool. He's going to lose. He's awesome. Okay, so let's set up this. I'm a big fan of how voting rights have evolved in this country. You know, like it was for a while, it was like the South was considered presumptively racist, and then the North also got presumptively racist, and so based on that, the Supreme Court said, well, why do you hold it against the South? And that is the current state of our voting rights, is that the North is too racist to hold the South to any standards. To be fair, Alabama is pushing back on the old.

ways by ignoring a Supreme Court direction right now. So maybe we're going back to the old time. Spencer, I'm sorry, you were explaining this play. Solve that shit in the play. So, again, we're going to include these in one form or another to make sure that people understand. But I'm going to try to describe what is happening here because it's even less clear than what is happening in the DeSantis game plan.

On offense, at least. On offense. Yeah. first of all we have a jumbo formation because we've got this is an unbalanced or additional tackle formation on the line because it appears to be six linemen I don't know maybe one of them is a tight end but there's six I think one is supposed to be a tight end yeah is there okay look at that big one on the end it's probably you think so okay or is it a little skinny one on the right be tackle eligible that's possible a failed tackle

eligible for reasons that we will explain there are two in the back field and what an offset formation to, this is a balanced formation, so it would be hard to say like strong weak without knowing what the tight end is here. But I'm going to go ahead and guess it's to the weak side. So weak unbalanced to the right. And I'm sure because this is a conservative book that this is an under center formation, not a shotgun, right? Because that's commie football. So under center with a back snug to the right. There is a wide receiver set back, who I believe that would be an illegal formation already, who is running a go route, but kind of a curve. This is akin to what Mike Martz, actually.

So, you know, you're going to be like, this is my favorite thing is when something really fucking dumb happens politically. And somebody goes, actually, the galaxy brain thing that you didn't know is that this is actually a Mike Mart's route that they used in the 99 Rams playbook. But they actually did kind of curve their routes a little bit. There's like a curve, a linear go route that the receiver on the right side, the weak side of the formation is running. on the other side we've got a receiver lined up directly behind either the tackle eligible or the tight end hard to tell in this notation bellichick if you were padding this would absolutely crucify you for being this sloppy he would like you wouldn't make it out of like consultant status with him no paycheck um there's another curve a linear go route it also appears that the back in the backfield is running towards the receiver to um hit him i

I don't like he's running directly at the receiver on the other side and there is a wide receiver with no assignment just just fucking loitering just vibes bro and because the secret argument for a four-day work week yeah and because graphic design is this person's passion the quarterback is running to the left help pell-mell helter helter towards the wide receiver who's doing nothing towards the wide receiver who's doing nothing presumably because he hasn't seen him in a long time and just wants to to give them a big old smooch. Yep. Yep. A big gay smooch, right. Big, I've described. A big comment here is that these are not your traditional X's and O's.

Yes. You have X's lined up against the stars from the flag. Yep. Uh-huh. Yeah, which by the way, that's how I know. It is an American. All I think those are all buttholes. The offense is America.

The blue buttholes are running an incomprehensible nonsense. Whereas the, I mean, the defense here is lined up. fine. Like you can interpret this as a basic two high three, four. It's fine. The offense is the one that none of this works. Same, but same gap problems with the defense. Same like, no, no, that's not a problem. Worse gap problems. No, that's an attitude statement. Okay, I apologize. Yes. Yeah. I'm not a coward. It's a problem. That's an, I think you mean an opportunity in disguise. You're right. You're right. No, this is this is a feast for the defense, right? Because you've got like, Originally, it looks like you've got five lined up against five, right?

Because the tight end, I'm just going to say tight end instead of waffling on this. The tight end on the left releases to block at the second level. And the right end also releases to block at the second level. Yeah. So now it's just five on four. They're lined up straight up, which means that the outside, that the outside, you know, the left. And the left tackle just has a clear run into the backfield. They're sitting tackles to block fucking cornerbacks.

Yes. And the running back who could, the running back who could stay into CHIP for that, let's say linebacker, outside linebacker, who now is unblocked, instead runs away for no purpose whatsoever. Oh, God, you know what I just realized?

They're blocking the cornerbacks. So it's already super illegal. Like these guys are releasing off the line to just knock the cornerbacks down. Only if it's a pass play. Only if it's a past play. If it's a run play, which that is the,

that would be my only possible argument is that the tackle or the tight end on the left is releasing to block the cornerback because this quarterback, this is a designed like nakedish bootleg. Yeah, this is a draw. This is a, the world's first naked draw

bootleg. Unnecessarily sensual. How far downfield do we think that tight end and that right tackle are headed? because at a certain point, this will be an illegal throw. If they're throwing. Yes. Oh, they're definitely going too far.

Because there's no way both of these corners who are lined up with the wide receivers ostensibly to cover them, there's no way both of these corners are like crash in, double corner blitz. Like that shit's just not happening. So this is flagged, you know, at the snap. Yeah. For the illegal formation. Yeah.

If it gets past that point, it is flagged for a throw-down field, or it's a run in which the quarterback is all alone against two unblocked linebackers, two unblocked safeties, and whoever else breaks through. Metaphor. Not alone. And that's how we win back the country from the Democrats. There is the receiver who is, like, bump. There is that one guy standing there. The one guy who's just standing there, like, you know, just like one of the shields from missile command. Who also?

So that receiver, the receiver who's doing nothing is also the person who's making this illegal, I think. If he would just step two steps up. If he would take some personal responsibility, move his bootstraps. But he's on the left side of the formation. Again, that's just the left holding us back, gentlemen. They just get it together. Why is the quarterback? Here's the biggest difference.

In both of these plays, we see the quarterback immediately, the quarterback's not staying under center. Like, we got to go hard one direction. But Clay Travis would have you believe that the quarterback immediately goes as far left as possible. AOC is Clay Travis's quarterback. Oh, captain, my captain. All of these complaints about the formation and illegality and such, I think, are totally unfounded, because as we know, from American foreign policy, the rules only apply to the other side. Oh, yeah, to be clear. Like, I think both Clay and Ron DeSantis believe that the offense will be able to claim qualified immunity under these circumstances, and no flag will be thrown. Yeah, that wide receiver has a gun.

He's just there to make sure everybody behaves because in arms society is a polite society. Oh, okay. That's why. I kind of dig this defense. I got to be honest. You said it looked like, yeah, you said it looked like a standard two high, three, four. Jason, I will interject that with the right personnel, that's an early. early Frank Beamer,

Bud Foster 5-2-wide-9 formation? Yeah, I mean, those edges, you can go big guys or medium guys, whichever you like. I like that, listen, man, but the right personnel, I think this is, that's also, by the way, how I know this isn't true conservatism because it's concerned with the offense we all know, the liberal side of the football is offense.

That's the one where all of the brain geniuses trying to fix things, He's trying to mess with life and spread people out. Trying to distribute the ball. Trying to distribute the ball. Equality. So-called progressives progressing the football down the field. You know, I definitely feel like if you're drawing this play as offense,

you're really not giving a ton of respect to the defense. Because, right, you have your three, you have the tight end and two receivers on the left side and your assumption is that the defense is just staying in the base no one's no one's no one's no one's going to go cover them they're still going to be just five two two with the corners playing as tight as your tight ends want to be and they're not going to adjust to you at all which really gives you a lot of freedom and what is more American than that beautiful ma'am uh it should be noted ron dsantis is a baseball boy so yes you know there is some argument to me made that like what should rond de santis what should ron desantis possibly know

about football he's a baseballer at heart um he did infamously hire a supreme dipshit ohio state blogger to run like that covid data for him a couple of years ago but um i think even the darkest corners of Ohio State Internet would recognize that these plays suck. Clay Travis, unlike Clay Travis purports to be a football person. I've seen him on television with his, well, not on television, but on the internet, with his crates of wines, and nobody else there. I've seen him in Bunky Perkins' screenshots allegedly on television. Speaking of Ohio State bloggers, I'm beginning to understand how Eleven Warriors makes money every

year just by fading Clay Travis's football bets. So I... It's just, wow, he's like posting, you know, like, he's like, he's, a few hours ago. I just looked, this man posted this book cover. Yes. He's signed off on this. Right, right. And like, Ron DeSantis's campaign is besieged by, oh, God, what did we publish to the

point where you're like, if a, if a clumsy and stupid football play made it through, that is actually the least problem. thing that the DeSantis campaign can publish in a giveaway. They got 21 players on the field and none of them was a swastika. Right. Because an X, like an X is like so, you know how

tempting it is for a DeSantis Stafford to draw an X and not throw a bunch of seriffs? Right, right, right. But do we have two little hammer and sickles framing in this framing in this American playbook here? Oh.

Hard to say. Yeah, I'm seeing it on the, on each side, sort of, sort of socialist parentheses there. All right. Congratulations, comrade. But, but, yeah, Jason's right. This is, this is a book cover. Like, this is, this is the first thing you're supposed to see about, I don't know. I mean, maybe it's fair.

This is what you're supposed to judge it on. Yeah, that's right. That is how the same goes. That's how the same goes. Like, like, this is how you know. This publisher has a shitload of money. They surely presented Clay Travis a half dozen options, and he surely said that one. I just, look, I feel bad saying this, but like, guys, I think I'm not going to buy Clay Travis's books.

I'm beginning to think I'll just check it out at the library first. It is, you know, it is bad to screw the cover up like this, because the entire point of the conservative book experience is that it's shelf dressing. right like you can literally have the inside hollowed out to hide your gun and it serves the same reading purpose as a conservative book what self-respecting airport dad is going to buy this yeah why do you i never thought like why you without like taping a new play on the cover all right all right i will say going through the airport and just read i want to i want to i want to make one exception. If Clay has cleverly made this some sort of dry erase cover that comes with a marker, this is the best marketing scheme I've ever seen. We've fallen right into it.

Speaking of things we've fallen right into, I just realized, are we all not triggered? Oh, yeah. I mean, that's, yeah. Have we had all been triggered here? Yeah. This whole time, I've just been trying to cancel him. I, you know what? I've sent him several, uh, notices, but he won't pay, and he lives in my head. It smells terrible in there, but he lives there all the same. Dude, I never got why you want to buy one of these before you went on a plane. Like, why do you want to get all gassed up on, like, all this good, like, bigot fuel? Why do you want to do that when you have to sit down for four hours, you know?

It's so your body won't poop. You don't even know who's going to be next to you. That's true. I think it's, you know what it is? I think it's a good way of signaling. I don't want to talk on this flight. I got a If someone opened up

American playbook next to me I would not say a guy It's a do not serve sign for the attendant staff You know what? I am going to buy this book You know why? So I can do that on a flight

I look like this If somebody opens this shit next to me I'd be like oh you like football Hall name five routes Curve left Curve right Yeah Run directly into wide receiver

Spencer man I respect how dangerous that move is because you bring this book on a plane and either the person next to you doesn't talk to you at all oh no or you are banging on that window to jump out at 30,000 you are wrestling with a flight attendant on the emergency exit just give me that puffy slide man I will fall all the fellow claviator hey let me shake your hand brother we're going to be fast friends The final use of Clay Travis's book is as a makeshift parachute as you open it up for some resistance on the way down. You see at the inside cover, your last thought rushing through your head.

Why is this book signed Brian Van Gogh. Anybody who looks over this book and says, that's a good read. That's also the kind of guy who's going to be like, you and me were the Mark Wahlbergs of this flight. Any shit goes down. We're the offensive linemen. See, I do know football terms. He's going to be in real trouble in a new era, too, Mark Wahlberg is, because I don't think he can even reach the little peephole in the cockpit.

Oh, well, listen, you're supposed to put your mask on before you put Mark Wahlberg's on for him. That's right. Excuse me. Helping others over here. I'm just going to be like, man, Art Goldfinger had some great ideas. Just getting sucked out of the plane. Ah, yes! Yes!

my dream. Thank God. Although I would do this, I would get it. And the guy next to me would be like, hell yeah, brother. I see you're reading a fine piece of literature. And he would say some crazy fucking thing. And I would try to goad him by saying something even crazier.

And we get to the point where we're like, you know, yeah, other people should be food. Let's start the revolution now. This is also how I find the air marshal on the flight. If I crack open like, right? If I crack open that book and I hear a guy be like, yeah, man. but like that's a third marshal we found him

this is a great episode for everybody who always wonders why we don't talk about football I hope they're all enjoying this hour long X's and O's breakdown that's okay I'm going to tell everyone this is part two of the A

Alex Jones series on A lab I'd like to see his schematics. Let's see what Coach Jones can cook up on the whiteboard. Yeah,

I think I saw it on always sunny. He just puts 13 dudes up there and you're like, yep, yep, there we go.

14, 14 dudes. It's 14, yeah, it's 14 on offense, 88 on defense. Yes.

We found a way to have 12 on offense from the 12 tribes of Israel. It's 14 guys. They're playing the piano.

And the 12th man for the opposition. That's right, Satan. If I knew Satan was playing for the other team, I'd be like, that's so cool. God, so cool. Folks, you could leave us a voicemail at 704 SoulCast. That's S-O-L-C-A-S-T. Hail to Rod the Sun God, let it out. Satan would go on the word, right?

It sounded like you were inviting Satan on the show. I would love if Satan would come on this show. At least, at least leave a voice. He could probably draw up a better offense. I think we know that in this garbage. I think we know that Satan would be... Talk about... I mean, look, who is better at tempting off-sides?

Who's the best time? It's LSU, so yeah. Oh, yeah, Satan would definitely go to LSU because that's the best time, right? All the good vices. You'd have all of them. Satan's walking back on the game. My God, a child chucked a bottle out of me.

It sucks. That child That voice is fucked up Yeah No there were that many homosexual slurs In his language I've won

But at what cost They say God's the one Who'll come back In fear of his works Buddy that's me In Baton Rouge I'm out Is it time then

To switch gears Should we let Charles go I think we should let Charles go. Charles has a law meeting. Charles has a real job. Charles is a real person. Go do legal things.

Thank you for helping us provide the people with X and O's knowledge that they need. Thank you. Thank you for your urgent missive. This really helped shape our show today. Yes. Thanks, bud. Appreciate it. Have a good day, everyone.

See you. Bye. As I almost hit leave on my Zoom, like, yep, I'm out too. All right. Y'all got this. Yep. you can finish it up.

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We go now to an introductory note on the city of Montgomery, Alabama. There are many places in the southern United States that have their own degree of haunted. They have their own miasma of historical

terror, legacy, and an overall vibe of deep unease. A couple of these. One, Charlotte, North Carolina, famously creepy Charlotte, North Carolina. The first place everyone thinks of when they think of disturbing. Second would be New Orleans, I think more naturally famous for this because, I don't know, you all got a lot of swamp gas. It's weird.

It's old. Big tombs. Big tombs. Big tombs above ground, right? There's a lot of that. And I think Charleston is probably the other one that's famously haunted for- Savannah. And Savannah.

Both for really ghoulish reasons once you start. looking into them. Those are all notable candidates for most haunted city in the south. Montgomery is the last place in America where I would want to fuck around. Yeah, who would do that?

But usually, fucking around doesn't end quite so justly. Spectacularly? Cinematically? Cinematically in terms of being filmed from at least seven different major angles that I can find. Have you guys seen a Russian ark?

No. Russian Ark is a movie that is a tour through, a tour through Russian history that is famously all shot in one take. Mm-hmm. Like, it's shot on a stage, and this is kind of, what happened to Montgomery is kind of the opposite of that, which is, there are videos of this that I'm sure I still haven't seen. I watched the seven-minute-long version of this video, only to find out that it wasn't. the full length because there were so many cameras

recording from so many angles that you could almost if you wanted to and have the tools create an augmented reality reconstruction of what

happened there they should make a museum to it they should make a little museum on the waterfront to fucking around in Montgomery

you know duck your head deck your head and keep on driving y'all yeah whatever the opposite of a

listen Just leave Montgomery B. It's cranky. Prior to this, there was only one, really, there was two notable things about Montgomery and the like laudable and positive categories. Ryan, you say that there's a place with really good lemon cake? I don't remember the name of it,

and I don't remember, and as a consequence, I have no idea if it's still open, but when I live there in law school for like, I don't know, two and a half months, one of my roommates found a place, a chicken wing spot that had really good lemon cake, and you could buy bootleg DVDs there for cheap.

So it was like... That sounds perfect. For us, it was sort of like the social mecca of Montgomery. It had everything you needed. Fuck Target. I'd also like to note Montgomery has a very nice barbecue barn.

I forget the name of it. And I don't, I did enjoy the minor league baseball team there, the Montgomery Biscuits. The Montgomery Biscuits. Which feature an anthropomorphic biscuit as the mascot and, as opposed to a t-shirt, throw out Ziploc bags of chicken biscuits to the crowd as a promotional stunt, which was delightful. You can't buy Montgomery Biscuits merch online, and we encourage you to do so.

Yeah. Instead of, I don't know, hanging out in the water there and harassing the people who live there. So the one thing I want to put it, this is, this is, I don't, you have to have seen this. We'll just assume you have a pontoon boat, didn't want to move. It was full of people. It made the Washington Post. Yeah. This has been so widely discussed at this point that, yeah.

This, I don't think there's a condition in life that is less conducive to immediate combat readiness than getting off, not just a boat that you've been on all day long, but a pontoon boat. It is the lowest form of athleticism, even for water-going vessels. It is a flat pan surface that you sit on. Somebody named Cindy has probably packed you a bunch of front. Crossed cookies from Publix that they just had laying out on clearance. All the little fake loft house cookies. You ate eight of them for no fucking reason. You didn't like them.

You didn't even like them. They were chalky. They were chalky, Ryan. And you know what? Sydney got the wrong ham. The ham you don't like. Yeah. She got city ham.

The sandwiches are soggy. No one has eaten the sandwiches. They've thrown them to the fish. The sandwiches are somehow soggy and dry. It's baffling. There's fish following you and they're about to laugh at you. Yep. I have.

I've been sitting on this cookie, this cookie sheet of a boat all day. Yep. Yes, the boat that you were in is frying you. Yep, you've probably had somewhere between six. They are shaped like a broiler pan, aren't they? Yeah, they're the top sheet of a brawale pan. They're horrible. Even if you've been put, even if you've been SPF and like, hell, you have my grandpa's funeral on a pontoon boat.

What? You didn't know this? Hell yeah, brother. Server's updating as well right now. Ryan, you're a lawyer. Can you follow that for me? Yeah, you got it, but. And Jason go, Jason, and Michael go ahead and Mark Holly ahead in the Southern column.

She was already ahead. We bowed in your glory. She wasn't in second place. No, she's Max Verstaffining this thing. She's fucking lapped us. I have no interest in competing with anything involving a pontoon boat dead or alive. No. God damn.

If I tell you why it actually gets worse, so I'm not going to. Go on. Come on, I got to. No, it's, it's poignant. Okay, okay, it's poignant. Okay, okay. So, yeah. No, no, no.

In retirement, well, first of all, the last thing he said in his time on earth was turning to my cousin Anthony and saying that he would kill someone for George Killians, which was his fancy beer. And so we had decided that the thing that the young ones among us decided that the thing to do was going to be to go out to the intercoats. Bristol to the manatee habitat where in retirement he had taken up hanging out the manatee habitat and yelling at boaters who got too close to the manatees like just like volunteer park range like a fucking waterbound Lorax I love it so we were going to go out and like pour some beer down down to the manatees do you think that perhaps his spirit bonded with the spirit of the manatees I really hope so because the manatees could use some cussedness that's how it works in Moana I think yes that is correct Jason's Moana science is sound thank you

I majored in Moana sciences. They're going to make Manitine Moana. Make Florida Moana. Oh, we also dropped a little foghorn leghorn down to the reef. And at Mothman said we were being disrespectful. And then we got in a huge fight and she didn't speak to me the whole way home. Disrespectful to foggorn leghorn? It's hard.

Man, having an argument in a pontoon boat is ill-advised. Having a funeral argument in a pontoon boat. We've just seen recent evidence of that. Yeah, you're right. She was already mad because I had been referring to the urn seat belted into the middle of the backseat as grandpa the whole way down. all right and I thought was being polite yeah

but you've had I didn't mean to derail this but anyway I can't remember I told that story cranking pontoon boat full of Albanians what happens next

and you've had somewhere between six and 38 beers yes that's another thing we got to own up here okay like I don't

I don't care but not like heavy beers because you're on a boat you're not that stupid no but yeah they've had a lot of bud lights I bet course that's probably the one they chose

well they should have chose course light they should have because it's if they'd consumed Coors light they would have come off that boat triumphantly so they would have filtered it's so blue they would have retired from fighting from getting their rights

they would have come off and extended a Coorslight to the people that they were talking to and then they would have become friends we would have avoided all of this the heat of emotion cooled by the cold filtered colds light you know how much It sucks to sit in a pontoon boat.

Well, Coor's light is so cold. A pontoon boat is fine. You know where it's really cold in your watery grave. That's right. All right. So once you've been on the pontoon boat all day against all better ideas. Combat readiness, if this were fallout Montgomery. Ow, ow, out, out, out.

You got one hit point. One hit point. You have all sorts of status effects. With one hit point. You're poisoned, confused, asleep. You've got corn syrup, poisoning. You're undoubtedly hung over. Paralyzed.

Right? The sun has been beaten your ass. Can we make this salt life checklist on like a coozy or something? This is salt. This is salt death. Poisoned. Infused asleep. You got Funyan poisoning.

So Ryan started saying it first, but I said it louder. That is that is forecast law. That's correct. Toxic levels of Dorito in your bloodstream. Wait, is Funion's poison? an ingested or an inhaled poison. I think it's ambient. It's skin.

It's like fennel. You touch it. It's just like microplastics. Yeah. But you come off the boat and you immediately decide to beat the ass of the guy who's telling you to move a movie. Wait, wait, wait. Let's stop.

Let's stop. Yeah. There's a whole prequel here. When you have been on a pontoon boat that long, what's the first thing you want to do? Peace. Sleep. Get off the boat. You want to get off the boat.

that is where the friction begins because this pontoon boat doesn't just stop it stops in a place it's not supposed to it parks in somebody else's parking this is a commercial dock first all this is not this is not just this is not some chill marina this is this is a parking spot for what which even if even if even if this were like a public marina you know, asking somebody to move your boat so that because there's only one space for a bigger boat is a totally normal thing to have half of that. There's like a shitload of people of the boat. But, but these, these white people blinded by pontoon madness aside that the answer is not, the answer is not to move their boat so that the fucking river boat can park, can dock. The river boat

who belongs to the hotel that owns the dock. Right. It's instead... It's the Marriott? To take action into their own hands. Oh, my God. How much... In the game of fallout.

Who has... To aim it, aim it. Nearest head, 10% likelihood of contact. And you're just hitting X, right? Just yep, yep, yep. Hey, and I'm going to call something early here. I'm going to say that they had not actually been out there that long and that somebody got sick and had to be brought back

I got a poop Davey Davey turning around I got a poop There's no way that otherwise This man is going to have The kind of energy for what followed That's true

That's a good point That's a really good point Because otherwise his conditioning would be Let's say visually unlikely Yeah Here's the other thing we should bring up Jason you've played street fighter I assume

Oh hell yeah Hell yeah brother Let's get into it I thought that was funny You can What are some of the stages from classic streetfighter, streetfighter 2 that you can think of off the top of it? Well, there's one where you're fighting in front of it, F-16, normal thing. There's a bonus round where you're punching a car.

Let's stop there. Let's stop there. Where are you punching the car? You're on a dock. You're on a dock. Street Fighter, the canonical authority on fighting in the street, even Street Fighter understands that if you're going to fight on a dock, it's not going to be with another person. it's going to be with an inanimate object. Fighting on a dock is a bad idea,

even in the world of Street Fighter where it's like, hey, go beat up this greed monster now. Go fight this guy whose last name is Bison. Correct. So whereas Street Fighter is like, you should go fight in front of a giant statue of Buddha. Instead, like, the dock fight is a bad plan.

It would be smarter to fight among elephants than to fight on a dog. Yes, correct, correct. Go fight in fucking Las Vegas. before you fight on a table. Yes. Yes. But instead,

we get the combination of pontoon madness and the decision to fight on a dock. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So the operator of the pontoon boat,

having been asked by the operator of the giant fucking river boat whose dock it is. To get out of his home. Let's remember Tequila Derek. And let's go back

to Tequila Derek for just a moment in the maritime disaster. episode of was that last year the cops didn't want tequila derrick you'll recall to get

out of the water they did not want tequila derrick to stop swimming and drinking at the same time all they wanted him to do was put on a life jacket so they wouldn't have to fish his lifeless corpse out of the water at work or if they did

it would be easier they would have fish him you just pick him up by the back of the life checket. Right. Right. Like a child. You don't even need a pool net for that, right? You just need a little hoisting. We don't got to call the dive team if you die in a life jacket, brother. Those guys are assholes. And so and and transfer that to here, you know, we're not asking you to leave. We're not asking you to to stop having a good time. We just want to be able to use our own dock. Yes. Yes. And this man took offense. So, So these Caucasian gentlemen from the boat begin.

And ladies. There's a lady in there too. This is important. We should probably break this down. Yeah. It was definitely, it was absolutely an intergender tag team. Yes.

And they begin trying to kick this dude's ass. This dude who is black. This dude who is black. Who is who is not just some dude. Who is at work. He's an employer. he has some authority over he has some authority over boat can park here or not yes and is and is asking them please move and for that uh they begin to assault him there is something that i will

remember for the rest of my goddamn life from this i may forget every other detail we should each go around and name our favorite part but if i if i ever see somebody just like if i am ever in some sort of verbal altercation with somebody and i see them grab their hat and throw it in the air. Bobby Schmerna is as far as you can. Which is also a very street fighter thing to do. That's what M. Bison does when it's on fast.

That is exactly what Bison does. The cape is gone and you're getting psycho tornadoed. That's right. I'm hitting escape as soon as I can if I see that. Because I know I just messed up. All right. You know what else is really extraordinary about this moment to me is that the folding chair appears

oh boy we're jumping but yeah the folding chair appears and you're thinking ah we have reached the apex of this of this event of this fracas because a folding chair has come out no no we have not well the folding chair occurs like after as some commentators pointed

the shmurdering of the hat was sort of a signal that this gentleman needs backup and it begins arriving via every conceivable angle including, I think, the superstar of the entire event. The swimmer? The man who has been dubbed by Black Twitter, which, to be clear, has owned this beat since the very beginning. We're so far behind.

Single-handedly saving the platform. Yeah. Honest, yes. Demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt as if anyone ever had them, that they are the most valuable creators in all of social media, that they are the thing, blue sky is missing the thing, threads will never have,

and the biggest reason to keep coming back to. Twitter. This gentleman swimming toward the dock has been dubbed by by Twitter a variety of

things including Michael B. Phelps Aquaman. Aquame. Just an endless list of names for this gentleman. Scoobah Gooding Jr.

Scoob a Gooding Jr. But this is this kid is my favorite part of it because this is where you have not heated the sign of the hat being thrown in the air someone is swimming to kick your ass the bat signal went up and

you ignored there's no ladder on that dock this kid has to swim across and first of all this again municipal dock this is not good water this is nasty water this is not swimming water this kid is stroking through it to hoist himself up onto the dock and start swinging

on you get out you want to know how wrong you are you're this wrong someone someone got wet and swam to come over and kick your ass. Have you ever been mad enough to swim to kick someone's ass? Swimming alone is exhausting. If you're swimming for me, I'm like, damn, we must be bros. If you're swimming and fighting?

Uh-uh. Like, additionally, too, like the part that I love in the reaction to this was somebody rightfully pointing out and saying, well, you know, the guy got a folding chair out, which someone did at one point. And, you know, he hit someone on the head with it. a lady on the head with that, you know, and like, yeah, I mean, yeah, good, he's, he's going to jail, you know, I wish you'd know that beforehand. He knew that beforehand. You ever been in a fight? Hold on. Hold on. Sunny. Sonny. Stop it. Oh, wait. Can we do some

podcast business while we're waiting for Spencer? Yeah, fuck yeah. I'm, I'm very sorry for interrupting Spencer on a roll, but she was starting to tear things. No, that's fine. Uh, Jason, do you want to sing sing the song or do you want me to sing it? Bam, ba, bum, blah, boom, podcast business. Podcast business Podcast business All right Before we get back to the events in Montgomery

We're going to do a little bit of podcast business Jason do you want to go first or second We got a lot of shit You have the most urgent and pressing stuff I got too much shit All right I have two things real quick Number one Got a new college football newsletter

Doing with our pals at home field Called buried treasure By the time you listen to it It should be out and available You can go, I don't know, just Google Homefield Burry Treasure. You'll find it. You can sign up for it. Just finding weird and silly stories from college football history.

The first edition is about how the NFL, the champion of the NFL, mostly before the Super Bowl was the thing, would start the preseason for like 40 years playing a college football All-Star team in Chicago and just had to do that every year. And that was a thing that we just did. That was real. uh second thing with michael surber uh started a new podcast also sponsored by homefield uh called we're not all like this where i interview representative fans of college football fan bases wait wait wait what do you mean a new college football podcast sorry a new anthropology

podcast that's right a new anthropology podcast thank you thank you um where i interview fans of various uh college fan bases to try to understand why they are the way that they are. First episode is already up. It's about Auburn, and the next episode is going to be about Iowa, so we're really starting just... The follow-up, the second season, it just starts with Florida State, and it's called, Yes, We Are. We're going to do just nine episodes on Florida State at this point. But yeah, you can find that, I don't know, where podcasts are sold. They're not sold. That's not how this works. Jason, you've got stuff. I'm going to deliver you a URL, listener at home.

Shutdownfulbooks.com. What? You can go there to sign up for updates on the world's only book publisher. There's something coming. It means an incredible amount to me. It's not about college football. Those are the things that I'll tell you for the time being. Just sign up there and you will be caught up perhaps somewhat soon.

Jason, I hear that shut down full books guarantees that there will be words on every page without question. Not every page, but We will... No, that actually makes sense, okay. There will be books between pages between chapters, but the total number of words

will more than average out to account for those blank pages. The blank pages are for you to write on, Reader. Shut down full books. Yeah, color along at home. Mostly full books. Spencer and Holly, do you have any podcast business? Fuck yeah.

do absolutely gearing up with conference previews etc for the channel six newsletter we have published all but one that would be the mighty SEC preview which will be coming out in the next you know about week I think we're building to it the every SEC game preview that we do every year which means yes we're previewing every single SEC game which is why we're taking a week off before we publish the SEC preview because it takes a while it's also like the most fun thing we do it is that is correct so uh we'll be doing that and the season what's the first SEC game this year the first SEC game uh involving an SEC team will be Florida at Utah Florida Utah that sucks it does it does are you scared to face a big 10 or whatever team

listen by the hour that could change um we also have a we we did a little uh historical rift today that it should be in your inboxes already if you're a subscriber. If you subscribe today, you can go find it on our website. Taking the grand unifying theory of everything is college football and pushing it a little bit further going, what if college football, though, is pro wrestling, stacking up the current realignment movements against the modern history of pro wrestling. And if you were a fan during the WCWWE era,

you probably know where this is. all heading. Also, on a business note, we are currently 61 subscribers away. Sixty-one total subscribers away. That's paid and free combined. No mom. We don't have 15,000

people paying 100 bucks a year. That would be fantastic. Maybe someday. Maybe that's next year's goal. But we are 61 members away from having a cool 15,000 subscribers. We started this list from nothing. We took nothing with us when we left Vox. None of our original newsletter reports came with us.

We built this from zero, and we built this with you guys. And I would love to start the season. Whether you're coming in for free, for $10 a month, for $100 a year, I would love to start with a little shiny 15 at the start of that. You're near the middle of the Mac in attendance at this point. Yeah, folks, let's get us up to Toledo We're mean as the glass bowl And we would like those numbers to reflect that

Also, it looks like you are currently You're currently New Mexico And New Mexico states up next Also Spencer lied I did it's Hawaii Advil Yeah, I wanted to ease everyone's minds About that as well Thank you.

I'm glad we're all on top of it Hawaii Vanderbilt 730 p.m. Wait, wait, so if we go Are you saying that we might actually have a chance to meet Tibby Chang? I kind of want to go to that game Are you going to, you're not going to go to that game I love Timmy Chang.

Are you kidding me? And it's Vanderbilt, so I might actually get to talk to him. I could just walk down. Is that stadium done? Are they going to play a game there? No. No. And yes.

There was a, there was a goof tweet. What do Hawaii and Vanderbilt have in common? Is the stadium done? No. There was a goof tweet yesterday that suggested they were going to be playing at a local high school. That is not true. But the stadium is not done and will not be done for the first game. I don't know when it will be done right now.

I can play at the Titan Stadium so somebody could see a winning football team. no pass all directions sorry pass all right I think that's podcast business lots of business gang look at us that's business blah blah blah blah blah blah

all right so backwards to let satan take us back yeah yeah so yeah all right so spencer you were you were talking about the folding chair yeah I was talking about the folding chair and uh janey says online we're like

yeah you know i mean yeah but he's going to go to jail, go to jail. You think? You think? That's cutting analysis, bro. Somebody in the middle of a 30-person brawl who picks up a chair and hits somebody may not have thought, yeah, I'm going to jail. No, he thought about it.

When you do that and the chair is in your hand and you go, 60 days in county or glory forever, you're going to go ahead and do it. You know, a $250 fine in community service or never. buying a drink in this town again and immediately honored with like people have painted murals of this there was a shirt too someone was wearing a shirt printed out like two hours after the event like come on now all right so these white people who uh had ganged up on this black dock employee these white thugs then find themselves uh in a table's turn situation Just so many people flying at you.

It was like getting the band back together thing and the Fast and the Furious. Everyone's popping up from their different occupations and just running. I saw lots of endgame memes. Lots of endgame memes. Everyone's showing up for the party. I only have one disappointment

and the number of people flying off that riverboat to come get into the fight and it's this. I did not see anybody dressed up in full riverboat gambler gear. I saw nobody getting off dressed with a big one. It's August. It's August. Somebody like, I was engaged in a game of

Pharaoh, and then I saw there was a hullabaloo outside, so I decided to engage these rap scallions with this here folding chair. Chomping a cigar. Choir a to do down on the jetty. Chips flying out of his pocket. Like Sonic rings.

No one came off that thing dressed like Maverick, right? maverick yeah no one was dressed uh like um dumb and dumber when they show up in prom tuxes i was i was discussing cotton futures with my friend here and then all of a sudden i had to engage myself in martial combat i think one i want to be careful here yes i think one of the most racially telling things about this fight is that some of the white people involved thought that they could do the following, engage in violence, and then turn their backs and walk away and therefore be removed from the violence, no longer be attacked in return.

They thought that... Not used to experiencing consequences for their actions. They thought that the rules of engagement were, if I'm not facing you, you can't hit me, even though I just hit you. And that was a... That is people's protocol. And that was a grave miscalculation on several parties parts. yeah uh that that notion of you're in here with me really and the number of of white people who run in

and take sides and with like high school cafeteria logic yeah right like um i'm white i'm with them like the you don't care who started it or you don't you don't care about any of that shit right right right um holly wanted to talk about favorite parts my favorite part very briefly when the um the gentleman with the folding chair is being corralled by police because there are police involved in a lot of this video who for surprising stretches of it are mostly just watching

it's hot it is hot yeah it's hot and there's a lot of people boxing referees there is kind of a hockey ref element to it where it's like I'm going to let this go with some limits yeah so folding chair guy is down on the ground getting cuffed by the police

and so white roll into the water some white ladies decides this is the time while he's being cuffed some white lady comes up to the cop cuffing him and like starts trying to register a complaint and the cop is so clearly

like what the fuck are you thinking what the fuck are you thinking and I was just it's amazing to see that kind of like Uber Karen brain at work that is like no even in this moment my voice must be heard Also, my discomfort must be registered.

That is the most well-conditioned main character energy gland. Yes. What on earth is she saying? Is she walking up to the cop and going, hey, that- I lock my keys in the- That guy. Hey, I saw a fight. Yeah, that guy hit someone.

Officer of Frankis. That's again, that's again, like somebody being like, yeah, well, that guy hit someone with the chair is going to jail. He doesn't give a fuck. I heard several swears. Yeah. That man damaged furniture. there was property damage

just so you know that wasn't his chair that did not belong to him that belongs in the chair was my maimals yeah she's got sciatica now she's in dreadful pain and she's got to stand all day

there's a moment where a guy gets rock bottomed I believe by scuba gooding Jr. Who has the energy who has the might of conjugal off the boat swimming Fortitude.

He's hoisting himself onto the dog without a ladder. He's a teen. Like, it's a testament to how awesome it is to be a teen. Yeah. You just have that energy. Like, I'm jumping off that boat, and I'm just like, oh, man, I'm tired. I'm just going to float. And not just a rock bottom, not just a straightforward rock bottom,

but a solo, Secoa modified, like, whirling rock bottom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, with Panache. No, like, that kid wrestles. That's a complete, like. It does now. I have, yeah. And I'm, and I'm, I'm,

Triple H, sign up this young man. Hey, he is. And I know, I'm not trying to make light of, well, we're spending the whole day making light of it. But while I'm sure this must have all been very stressful in the moment, imagine the moment in that kid's brain when it clicks for you that you're about to get to do this in real life. Yeah. Like, what an absolute treat. Yes.

That is, yeah, yeah. Like a teenage boy brain is very much like what I wouldn't give to do a wrestling move for real. It's like you've, think you've, think about it. You're a Mario Kart. head right and you've just gotten your license and you're driving down the highway and all of sudden in front of you is one of those car carrying trailers with the back tilted down and you're like I can do it yeah the um I haven't mentioned this on here in like a decade but the last fight I ever got into I was I don't know how many years old 19 or 20 or whatever this big ass dude at work

came running at me charging at me um is that Publix yeah it was the back room at public so I fell back on my many years of training by watching wrestling And I just, like, move to the side, hooked his head, and dropped all of his momentum to DDT, big-ass Michael Volardi onto his forehead, his flat top forehead. And then I went back to work. I had won the fight with the greatest of ease because I watched wrestling. So, yes, I can attest to get to use wrestling in real life. We're stopping is a pleasure. I think if there is a silver lining for.

are pontoon dipsets. It's that the next time Carl is like, we should take the boat out this weekend. They're going to be like, you started a race riot last time. We're not going out on the boat. I don't think there's so much,

I don't think these people are so much upset that they've started a race riot as upset that they lost, but yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, probably. You, uh, also there was a shout out to a blue shirt. blue shirt is in the video and blue shirt has hands for days blue shirt is

blue shirt's an absolute menace like everyone else is kind of everyone else is bar fighting like they're throwing blue hands technique technique selection follow through good balance great posture like just an awareness a field awareness of everything happening around at all times absolutely fantastic sir amazing um PS fighting's bad boo don't don't don't violence now let's talk about football Yeah, well, yeah, now on to football. All right. I got 10 minutes before I got to go.

Let's do this. Let's do this. What time did we, have we missed any realignment in the past hour and a half? Probably. I don't think. The most recent bit is, the most recent bit is Cal Stanford to the ACC. Cal's, the, the, the ACC looking into Cal's Stanford. Which, as of this recording.

Was it Mark Ennis who was talking this morning? If it wasn't Mark, I apologize about, like, what is there left to consider? Right. I think you know where they are already. Have you not been looking at every Power 5 school since these shufflings began? It takes a lot for, like, college football to truly jump the shark. It takes a lot for something in college football to actually merit hyperbole. Like, it takes a lot to be a superlative in college football.

So many things have happened. So many dumb ideas, so many bad ideas. This is the dumbest realignment idea ever. I am saying that as a person who takes things literally. and would probably go find a spreadsheet with the list of all the realignment moves so then I could say, oh, no, this one was worse. No, this is the dumbest fucking idea

that has ever been considered in the history of college football. Like, not only are you, would you be stretching from Louisville to California? Atlantic. You would be adding cow. I don't know if they even have, like, grass in their stadium.

Well, they have weed. They got debt. That's for damn sure. They're not good at sports. Oh my God, Wake Forest is, this is a Wake Forest private equity scheme. So here's what I think could be, could actually be up for evaluation. I suspect some ACC presidents, commissioner, whoever, is like, look, if we're going to do this stupid idea, Florida State, you cannot turn around and fuck us immediately. If you go along with this so that we sign up to start going to the fucking Bay Area and then you be.

bail on us, we're going to be real fucking pissed. Have you ever tried to fly into either of these schools, by the way? There's a choice of like three airports, and they're all equidistant and terrible traffic from the schools. There's no good way to get to these schools in major metropolitan areas. It is the most miserable fucking journey. All right, well, let me,

Jason, this has not been reported, and I'm not saying it's true. I am. So, breaking news from Ryan News. If you heard instead the ACC was looking at Oregon State and Washington State. how would you feel about that fucking rocks i love we got to find a home for the coogs and the beaves by any means necessary i do love the idea uh if the acc were to say florida state just get the fuck out of here i don't give a shit you want to take clemson fine you're gone then the acc big big 12

and the pack four merge and we have a tidy 32 across the country sure it's like if the big 10 made sense basically it would be the same you know it'd be the map but actually filled in i'm all for it that's great let's do that i mean i think that's the best for everyone no like there are no adults in charge, so it's not going to happen, but that's obviously the best idea for everyone. Did you see what Arizona State's president said about the new setup, about West Virginia?

Yeah, those are athletic director, Ray Anderson. Oh, the athletic director, I'm sorry. Oh, the guy who hired Herm Edwards, who was formerly her Medwards agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's still there? He's too fucking classy for West Virginia. Mind you, he's from Iowa State.

Yeah. I didn't take it as too classy. I just, I interpreted that as like, I'm not going all that fucking way. Oh, but my unpaid athletes will. My fucking swim team will. My e-sports team certainly will. It's like you've been at the big tour for like four days

and you're immediately like, oh, this sucks. I'm not going to do all that. You guys have fun, though. I don't know what asshole would fly all the way across the country just for sports. Ray Anderson, three minutes into the cruise. We got to stay on the boat? Yeah.

I think I'm feeling sick. Yeah. so it goes on water yeah right I gotta call Herm and talk to him about this Herm's like really Herm's on the boat

just scarf and shrimp um it's a pretty good cruise hang he's a pretty nice guy so yeah I mean since we last recorded what five schools left the Pack 12 yeah yeah since we

since we last since we last recorded how things were falling up it was over the weekend that two more left for the big what are they changing the name they're not

they're not like at this point I guess 10 it's just in their head means like a perfect 10 just huge dorks it's gonna be sure yeah this is this is why we're just

going to get this is why we're not even that good at gymnastics yeah independent cow is what I I want. Independent Cal. They have UCLA now. They're fine.

Oh, God. Independent Cal. Michigan, I know. Hush. It's like independent Cal would be able to afford just nothing, just literally nothing. They just drive back and forth to Stanford. They can't even paint their helmets. They don't have the gas to drive back to Stanford.

It's like New Mexico State. You want to come here? Because. You know what? Hey, Cal got a broadcast deal with the demo TVs at Costco. That's the only place you can watch Cal Football. You can watch Cal Football at the little gas station screen. You got to get on a JetBlue Flight to watch Cal Football game.

It's crazy. Well, that's mean. I admit all the other things that suck about this. Cal and Stanford are both excellent places to watch games. I have such a good time every time I'm at both of these schools, and I really hate this. it's the thing the thing I think is very amusing in a fucked up way I think everybody assumes that the program that you move like the state of the program when they move is going to be the state of the program forever or they will get better because now there's all this money that they have access to and I think like there are maybe two examples in realignment that show that that's true and there are many many more that show that it's not I mean like I think the one it's like okay TCU went to you know they they went they were like a top four team like they already fucking were they were the fucking Rose Bowl right yeah like you know

Utah was an undefeated team had been better before they joined the fact 12 like yeah right right right right like it is not that long ago that Washington was a winless football team and even if you don't want to go that far back that Washington was like a middle of the road, Pac-12 team. Oregon State was really good last year and might be really good this year. Cal has had some awesome seasons. They're not recent, but they have had them. Stanford had like, what, three Heisman runners up in a row or some shit

or in four years or something? Like, it's to the extent that it is all football-based, and it is all football-based, if you see what literally any non-revenue athlete has to say about this. Football money-based. Yes. it's just like, I don't know. I find it fascinating because football, college football in particular, like, yes, Ohio State's

always going to be good. But like, there's so much movement that it's just sort of like, why does anybody have the confidence now to be like, yes, these will be the moves that we were happy we made in 10 years. And if you're basing everything on who this program has been for the past three to five years, There's so much fucking variance when you play 12 games a year. This isn't baseball where you get to fill the spreadsheet and we know down to the decimal exactly how good every team is.

One punt, you know, changes whether your coach gets fired or not. Like, you can't base this shit on, to be clear, that's sometimes quite hilarious. But like, the thing that keeps jumping out for me is there's this idea that we're, from certain kinds of sensitive big fans, and I don't mean fans of Big Ten teams, right? We love Michigan fans, Iowa fans, even Ohio State fans. It's not about fans of teams. It's about fans of conferences. It's the weirdest thing in the world. This idea that we're supposed to criticize the SEC and the Big Ten equally because

they both added teams. Look at the SEC's map right now. South Carolina to East Texas is tiny by current standards. It's like a third of the Big Ten. Everything touches everything. Like adding A&M, they're like 300 miles from LSU. Adding UCLA, they are 1,300 miles from Nebraska. It's not the same. It's not the same. So the big twist here, which is where, you know, like, kind of wrote about the state that I think you'll just end up with two big mega conferences

and ultimately they'll merge because corporations are lazy, right? And just are lazy. They'll just be like, make them one. One, it's good. It's big. You can sell it all. I love business. We love big.

everybody loves big consumers benefit from one big omni corp that doesn't give a fucking shit whether you live or die um but like right now the like two business models that are on the road Amazon bought blood the concept of blood that's crazy my blood

all blood the blood I have you get an aisle money in exchange we get an AI computer to go ahead and make your name image and likeness sell products without your knowledge then you just take the checks those two business models like the SECs at least

still pay some lip service to the notion that this would be a regional concern with important rivalries and the Big Ten is just going spreadsheet and that's probably why they'll win because I no longer have hope that people would go oh man well there's real value in this right like there's some sentimental

that creates value people will value this no they won't like that's not who you're dealing with you're dealing with large corporations will be like well that spreadsheet looks real hot. A lot of people on it. I want to push back on like the SEC still cares about

regionality. I think the SEC is just fucking snobby. And they're like, USC fucking sucks. We don't want, like, even if we could have had them, we don't fucking want them. I think, I don't think it's snobby. I think it's lazy. I do think it's. Six one, half dozen the other. Yeah, I think it's a little bit of it. Honestly, they're so

like, like, if you look at everything, the SEC does. They're lizards on hot rocks. We get all of these. It's too far to move and we're very sleepy. I'm going to get my God. I'm going to go my God for here for a second. Oh, oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm definitely getting out. Okay.

No, but I think if the SEC had an opportunity to buy the Pittsburgh Steelers, they would have done that shit. Ryan, let Spencer make good on this incredible threat here. The incredible threat of this. You see all of these journalists in our industry. In this industry. In this industry. In this industry. In this business.

Lean, you got to put your mic closer to your mouth and breathe a lot. In the business. You get a lot of them who, you know, bright profiles of commissioners and people who work in this industry and they say like, oh man, what geniuses. Now name names, then apologize to that person,

then say something way worse. Yes. But like the SEC, they do the thing that costs the least and that takes the least effort. They really do. Like their headquarters is in Birmingham and they rent it for like a dollar.

No, literally a dollar. Like literally a dollar. It took them so long to recognize that SEC Media Days, was a media property, that they just kept it in Birmingham because, again, they could have it out in Hoover at the mall for like a dollar. That's the best location. It's the best place.

You think it was the best location. That was hands down better than Atlanta or Nashville. It really was close. It was hilarious, but it was also fine. It just works. And it also works better. It's just better for it. Before they redid the Winfrey, it was better.

Now that they're trying to make the Winfrey a hotel and not like your granny's weird bedroom. yeah but like they'll always do the thing that's like like what's the like well we need somebody next door i guess go get oklahoma and texas we're not really going godfrey here i don't feel like you're living up to this no i i don't have i don't have i'm not embarrassed of anything you're saying but but point being don't don't think they're geniuses don't a lot of times they're just lazy and doing the easiest thing possible ask for godfrey and i got Pepsi look at this shit yeah and i mean i also don't ascribe any virtue whatsoever to the SEC.

Like, I know they're not doing this because they value regionality and rivalry. Like, literally value this. Yeah, right. They're only doing this because they think it makes them the most money. And it works out fine for me because their conference makes sense. So, like, yeah, it's, you know, I know the SEC is, um, is full of shit. Are they full of shit to the degree the big 10 is?

No, nothing is. Like, that's the. difference for me in conclusion sunbelt forever sun the fucking mac abides brother